1
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:09,139
AH, AH, AH, AH!
2
00:00:09,269 --> 00:00:11,271
I SAID YOU COULD HAVE
A COOKIE {\an8}AFTER DINNER.
3
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:13,317
IT ALL GOES
TO THE SAME PLACE, DADDY.
4
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,579
I KNOW IT DOES.
5
00:00:14,709 --> 00:00:17,234
BUT I WANT THE GOOD STUFF
TO GO IN FIRST.
6
00:00:17,364 --> 00:00:18,583
I'M WITH YA.
7
00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,804
I SAID THE GOOD STUFF.
8
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:25,851
THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF!
9
00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:27,026
I WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE,
DIDN'T I?
10
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,114
- HEY.
- HEY.
11
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,507
GUESS WHAT.
12
00:00:29,637 --> 00:00:32,553
I FINALLY GET TO DO
SOME REAL ACTING ON THE SOAP.
13
00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:35,469
DR. SARAH DESARIO
GETS TO BE AN ACTUAL DOCTOR!
14
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,384
I DON'T JUST GET A DRINK
THROWN IN MY FACE.
15
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,560
I GET TO SAY THINGS LIKE
"MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION"!
16
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,390
MOMMY SAID "FARCTION."
17
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,960
MOM, I'M GONNA NEED
TO VIDEOTAPE YOU AT WORK
18
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,570
FOR MY CAREER DAY PROJECT.
19
00:00:49,701 --> 00:00:50,919
WILL YOU SIGN
THIS PERMISSION SLIP
20
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,486
SO I CAN MISS SCHOOL
TOMORROW?
21
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,749
I DON'T KNOW IF TOMORROW'S
GONNA WORK, SWEETIE.
22
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,839
OH, BIG DAY.
GOT A LOT OF LINES TO LEARN.
23
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,537
WELL, THEN WHAT AM I
GONNA DO FOR CAREER DAY?
24
00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:01,539
HELLO?
25
00:01:01,669 --> 00:01:03,018
DAD, PLEASE, NOT NOW.
26
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:04,759
I'M TRYING TO THINK
OF SOMEONE WHO HAS A JOB.
27
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,761
EXCUSE ME? I HAVE A JOB.
I WORK RIGHT HERE.
28
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:08,198
I'LL TELL YOU,
I'VE WORKED HARDER
29
00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:10,287
BEING A STAY-AT-HOME DAD
THAN I EVER DID AS A TV DAD.
30
00:01:10,417 --> 00:01:12,941
- MM-HMM.
- AND I HAVE TO DO MY OWN HAIR.
31
00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:14,291
HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
32
00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:15,248
NOW, BEING
A STAY-AT-HOME PARENT
33
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,511
IS A VERY,
VERY IMPORTANT JOB.
34
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,687
GREAT!
I'LL STAY HOME WITH YOU, DAD.
35
00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,602
AND I GET TO DO
36
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,604
HANGING WITH MY POPS
AND NOT WEARING PANTS.
37
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,304
DADDY, PLEASE MAKE HIM
WEAR PANTS.
38
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:28,348
OKAY.
39
00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:30,089
I'M INSISTING ON IT.
40
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:31,569
THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, MISTER.
41
00:01:31,699 --> 00:01:32,787
MM-HMM.
MM.
42
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:59,901
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
OF THIS ROOM AS THE KITCHEN,
43
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:02,077
BUT I LIKE TO THINK OF IT
AS THE BASE OF OPERATIONS,
44
00:02:02,208 --> 00:02:04,297
THE BRIDGE OF THE {\an8}USS HOBBS.
45
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,691
JOE, YOU'RE GETTING
MY GOOD SIDE, RIGHT?
46
00:02:06,821 --> 00:02:09,259
DAD, MY CAREER DAY PROJECT
IS A DOCUMENTARY.
47
00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:10,912
JUST ACT NATURAL.
48
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:13,611
HELLO, FATHER.
49
00:02:13,741 --> 00:02:15,047
OH!
50
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:19,094
JOSEPH,
I DID NOT SEE YOU THERE.
51
00:02:19,225 --> 00:02:23,055
JOEY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO INFORM
THE OTHER ON-AIR TALENT.
52
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,187
JANIE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO ACT NATURAL.
53
00:02:24,317 --> 00:02:25,188
TELL HER, DAD.
54
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:29,627
DAD!
- YEAH, SORRY!
55
00:02:29,757 --> 00:02:31,063
OKAY, NOW.
56
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:32,456
EVERY MORNING
IN THE HOBBS HOUSE
57
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,501
BRINGS A NEW SET OF DEMANDS.
58
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,242
FOR EXAMPLE, BREAKFAST.
59
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,766
I KNOW THAT EMILY,
SHE LIKES TO HAVE EGG WHITES,
60
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:39,941
UH, WHEAT TOAST.
61
00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,116
UH, CAN'T, DAD.
REMEMBER?
62
00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:42,205
I HAVE AN EARLY
PRODUCTION MEETING
63
00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:44,294
FOR MY HIGH SCHOOL
NEWS PROGRAM.
64
00:02:44,424 --> 00:02:46,296
I AM TRYING TO DOUBLE
MY VIEWERSHIP,
65
00:02:46,426 --> 00:02:48,950
WHICH MEANS IT WOULD GO
FROM ME TO...
66
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,388
ANYONE ELSE.
67
00:02:51,518 --> 00:02:53,346
WHICH IS WHY
OUR BIG-TIME PRODUCER
68
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:56,349
GETS HER BREAKFAST TO GO.
69
00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:01,702
NOW REMEMBER THAT YOUR BAG
OF BREAKFAST
70
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,792
IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BAG
OF THE DAY.
71
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:07,491
HAVE A NICE DAY.
72
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,493
DAD...
73
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:13,061
Y- I'M AWARE OF THAT.L.
74
00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:15,412
I'M JUST TIMING
THE TRAFFIC.
75
00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:18,371
AND WE GO!
76
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:22,506
AND THAT'S THE KEY
TO QUICK CARPOOL DROP-OFF.
77
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,159
JUST SMILE AND WAVE,
78
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:25,770
AND FLY DOWN
THAT "BUSES ONLY" LANE
79
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,815
LIKE YOU'RE MEANT
TO BE THERE.
80
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:34,387
NOW DOING LAUNDRY
CAN BE FRAUGHT WITH DANGER.
81
00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,084
IF YOU DON'T INSPECT
THE POCKETS THOROUGHLY,
82
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,564
THERE'S A VER--
- PA-PA!
83
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:40,437
I FOUND A RED PEN.
- AH, YES.
84
00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:43,614
THE DREADED RED PEN,
THE ENEMY OF LAUNDRY.
85
00:03:43,744 --> 00:03:47,792
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, {\an8}
EL DIABLO ROJO.
86
00:03:47,922 --> 00:03:49,707
GOOD WORK.
87
00:03:49,837 --> 00:03:52,536
SORTING MAIL TAKES FOCUS
AND CONCENTRATION.
88
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,928
JUNK MAIL IS ALWAYS
TRYING TO SELL YOU STUFF
89
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,800
THAT YOU DON'T NEED.
90
00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:57,367
THEY PREY ON THE WEAK-MINDED.
91
00:03:57,497 --> 00:03:58,803
NOW--
92
00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:01,109
OOH.
I {\an8}SHOULD ACT FAST.
93
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,024
THIS OFFER FOR COLLECTIBLE
RARE BIRD PLATES
94
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,113
IS NOT GONNA LAST FOREVER.
95
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:06,463
PUT IT IN MY POCKET.
96
00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:10,858
AND IN OTHER NEWS,
97
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:14,471
JEFF NOUGAT-ASTRONAUT
WILL BE PRESIDING OVER--
98
00:04:14,601 --> 00:04:18,605
UH, TAYLOR,
IT'S JEFF TZOUGANATOS.
99
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,912
THAT'S TOO HARD TO SAY, EM.
100
00:04:21,042 --> 00:04:22,435
CAN WE CHANGE IT?
101
00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:26,265
NO, WE'RE A NEWS SOURCE.
102
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,007
AND IT'S HIS NAME.
103
00:04:29,137 --> 00:04:31,052
CAN'T I PLEASE
JUST DO THE WEATHER?
104
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,098
THAT'S MY REAL PASSION.
105
00:04:33,228 --> 00:04:35,709
PLUS,
THERE ARE NO NAMES THERE.
106
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,059
TAYLOR, I REALLY NEED YOU
TO JUST READ THE NEWS.
107
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:40,758
I'M SORRY, EM,
BUT I'VE GOTTA FOLLOW MY DREAMS.
108
00:04:40,888 --> 00:04:42,368
I'M OUT.
109
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:45,415
NO, BUT--BUT TAYLOR,
IT'S TWO MINUTES TO AIR!
110
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,810
WAYNE.
111
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:53,814
CAN YOU SAY "TZOUGANATOS"?
112
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,729
HEY. LUNCH.
113
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:57,035
ONE SEC, BEA.
114
00:04:57,165 --> 00:04:58,384
PLEASE!
115
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:01,387
NEXT MONDAY,
116
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,955
THERE WILL BE A WIDER SELECTION
OF LUNCH PRODUCTS
117
00:05:04,085 --> 00:05:05,652
ON THE CAFETERIA MENU.
118
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,307
HOPEFULLY, ONE OF THOSE PRODUCTS
WILL BE ACTUAL FOOD.
119
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:10,788
ROLL CAMERA.
120
00:05:10,918 --> 00:05:12,964
THE WIZARDS
AND WARRIORS CLUB
121
00:05:13,094 --> 00:05:15,227
WILL BE TAKING PLACE IN
THE BASEMENT TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
122
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:16,620
TAKE THE TRAP DOOR
THROUGH THE DUNGEON,
123
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,491
HANG A LEFT AT THE SKULL,
124
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:21,407
AND DON'T FORGET
YOUR CLOAK OF SHAME.
125
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,148
AND FINALLY,
THE PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS
126
00:05:23,278 --> 00:05:25,411
IS OFFERING TO RETAKE
YOUR SCHOOL I.D. PHOTO.
127
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:28,109
IN CASE IT LOOKS
LIKE THIS.
128
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:32,462
OR IN MY CASE,
LIKE THIS.
129
00:05:34,028 --> 00:05:35,508
AND WE'RE OUT.
130
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,249
OUT OF WHAT?
131
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,077
OH, I WAS
JUST BROADCASTING LIVE.
132
00:05:39,207 --> 00:05:40,600
YOU JUST DID THE NEWS.
133
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,994
YOU MEAN,
I WAS JUST ON THE AIR LIVE?
134
00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:44,604
YEAH!
AND YOU WERE HILARIOUS.
135
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:48,173
RIGHT, WAYNE?
136
00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:49,348
YOU SHOULD BE MY NEW ANCHOR.
137
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:51,176
PEOPLE WOULD LOVE YOU.
138
00:05:51,306 --> 00:05:52,438
I DON'T KNOW, EM.
139
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:53,961
I MEAN, IT WAS FUN,
140
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,268
BUT I'M NOT REALLY
A LIVE PERSON.
141
00:05:56,399 --> 00:06:00,054
I MEAN, I'M A-LIVE, BUT NOT
SO MUCH IN FRONT OF A CAMERA.
142
00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:02,883
I KINDA LIKE
BEING INVISIBLE.
143
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,973
IN FACT, I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY
BEING INVISI-BEA.
144
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,714
OH, MY GOSH,
145
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,717
YOU'RE BEA MARONEY
FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL NEWS.
146
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:13,154
YOU CRACKED ME UP,
AND I NEVER LAUGH AT ANYTHING,
147
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:17,681
'CAUSE, LET'S BE HONEST,
WHAT'S FUNNY ANYMORE?
148
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,727
GOOD JOB.
THAT WAS SO GOOD.
149
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:21,554
- THAT WAS SO GREAT.
- YOU WERE SO FUNNY.
150
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:25,297
YOU'RE SO COOL.
151
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:27,517
WELL?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
152
00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:29,519
MAYBE I COULD GET USED
TO "HIGH SCHOOL NEWS,"
153
00:06:29,649 --> 00:06:31,564
WITH YOUR HOST,
BEA MARONEY.
154
00:06:35,568 --> 00:06:37,962
SANTIAGO, I HAVE RULED OUT
A MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION,
155
00:06:38,092 --> 00:06:40,268
BUT I MUST PERFORM
AN EMERGENCY APPENDECTOMY.
156
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:42,749
I KNOW THIS
BECAUSE I'M A DOCTOR.
157
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,537
DR. SARAH DESARIO,
MEDICAL DOCTOR.
158
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,103
SINCE WE ARE LOCKED
IN THIS CLOSET,
159
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,931
I MUST SANITIZE THE AREA.
160
00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,411
WITH WHAT?
161
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,500
THIS TRAVEL-SIZE
HAND SANITIZER...
162
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:55,936
AND A LITTLE MOXIE.
163
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:01,420
LIE DOWN.
164
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,901
FOR A SCALPEL,
I WILL USE THE SHARP END
165
00:07:04,031 --> 00:07:06,512
OF THE ROTHSCHILD
TIGER EYE BROACH.
166
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,209
CUT!
167
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,472
LOOK, WE'RE RUNNING LONG,
168
00:07:09,602 --> 00:07:11,082
SO WE'RE GONNA CUT
THE WHOLE OPERATION.
169
00:07:11,212 --> 00:07:12,953
WHA--WHAT?
170
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:16,479
BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN
TO THE REAL DOCTOR ACTING THING.
171
00:07:16,609 --> 00:07:18,568
YEAH, WELL, WE JUST NEEDED
TO GET HIS SHIRT OFF.
172
00:07:18,698 --> 00:07:21,353
SO, UH, LET'S GO
TO LINE 37.
173
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,573
AND...ACTION!
174
00:07:23,703 --> 00:07:26,706
HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL
THE ROTHSCHILD TIGER EYE BROACH
175
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,578
BY HIDING IT INSIDE ME?
176
00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:30,362
BUT I DIDN'T DO ANY--
177
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:35,280
YOU ARE AN EVIL
LITTLE WOMAN.
178
00:07:43,636 --> 00:07:46,683
both: WHOA!
179
00:07:46,813 --> 00:07:48,380
DAD, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS.
180
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:50,991
FITZY DID A RIDE-ALONG
WITH HIS DAD FOR CAREER DAY.
181
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,690
THIS IS WHERE MY DAD JUMPS OUT
AND CHASES THE PERP ON FOOT,
182
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:57,258
ALL PARKOUR-STYLE.
183
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,086
I'VE RIDDEN ALONG
WITH THE COPS BEFORE.
184
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,829
REMEMBER OUR SPECIAL EPISODE,
"SEE DAD BOOK 'EM, DADDO"?
185
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,831
both: WHOA!
186
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:07,399
BUSTED!
187
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,749
IS, UH,
IS THAT MARTIAL ARTS?
188
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,098
YEAH, HIS DAD'S HANDS
ARE REGISTERED
189
00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:13,405
AS LETHAL WEAPONS.
190
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,190
THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
CHECK THIS OUT.
191
00:08:17,757 --> 00:08:18,671
ELLIOT'S MOM
IS A HEART SURGEON.
192
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,368
THIS IS WHERE
SHE RECONNECTS THE HEART
193
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:22,066
FROM THE HEART-LUNG
MACHINE.
194
00:08:22,196 --> 00:08:23,807
WHOA!
195
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,156
SHE'S MASSAGING THAT HEART
BACK INTO BEATING
196
00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:27,201
WITH HER OWN HANDS!
197
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:30,857
I GAVE A MONKEY
MOUTH TO MOUTH ONCE.
198
00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:34,861
IT LIVED.
199
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,607
- YOU READY TO GO?
- I'M FIRED UP.
200
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,435
AND BY THAT,
I MEAN ON THE VERGE
201
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:47,265
OF A PANIC ATTACK.
202
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:48,701
HEY, HERE'S A CRAZY IDEA.
203
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:50,094
WHY DON'T YOU BE ON CAMERA
204
00:08:50,224 --> 00:08:52,052
AND I'LL STAND OVER THERE
WITH THE HEADSET?
205
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:56,013
TRUST ME, NOBODY WANTS
TO SEE ME DO THE NEWS AGAIN.
206
00:08:56,143 --> 00:08:58,058
WHY NOT? I DO.
I'M SURE EVERYONE ELSE DOES.
207
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,452
RIGHT, WAYNE?
208
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,324
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
209
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,326
I'M HERE FOR YOU, OKAY?
210
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,024
AND WE'RE LIVE IN FIVE...
211
00:09:07,154 --> 00:09:08,199
FOUR...
212
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:10,244
BEA, MY HAND!
213
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:11,332
HELLO!
WELCOME TO "HIGH SCHOOL NEWS."
214
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:12,595
MY NAME IS MEA BALONEY.
215
00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:14,597
BEA MARONEY!
216
00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:15,902
PRESENT!
217
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:19,906
NO, JUST--JUST RELAX
AND SLOW DOWN.
218
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,430
UH...
219
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:25,564
BUS RIDERS, BE AWARE...
220
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:27,871
THAT, UH...
- NOT THAT SLOW!
221
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,569
BUS NUMBER FOUR
IS IN SPACE NUMBER SIX,
222
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,354
AND, UH, BUS NUMBER SIX
IS IN SPACE NUMBER FOUR...
223
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:35,922
AND FOUR IS IN...
224
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:39,143
IS IT RAINING IN HERE?
225
00:09:39,273 --> 00:09:41,493
SO, UH, DON'T
GET ON THE WRONG...
226
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:44,844
MAN, IT'S--
IT'S HOT IN HERE!
227
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,063
IS IT ME?
228
00:09:46,193 --> 00:09:47,064
IS IT HOT?
229
00:09:47,194 --> 00:09:48,631
YES!
IT'S HER.
230
00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:49,936
WAYNE, PULL BACK!
PULL BACK!
231
00:09:51,764 --> 00:09:55,681
NO, WAYNE, PUSH IN!
PUSH IN!
232
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,466
THAT'S THE NEWS,
AND I'M...
233
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,469
VERY SORRY.
234
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,949
HURRY UP, KEVIN,
COME ON.
235
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,169
JOE WILL BE BACK
FROM FITZY'S ANY MINUTE.
236
00:10:05,299 --> 00:10:06,953
I DON'T WANT HIM TO CATCH US
LOOKING AT HIS FOOTAGE.
237
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:08,476
DON'T WORRY, DAVID,
WATCHING JOE'S FOOTAGE
238
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:09,956
IS GONNA MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
239
00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,958
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE YOU'RE DAVID HOBBS.
240
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:14,395
THOSE OTHER PARENTS
CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO YOU.
241
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:16,659
I DON'T KNOW.
242
00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:19,226
ONE'S A COP,
ONE'S A HEART SURGEON.
243
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,837
YEAH, AND ONE
WORKS ON THE SPACE STATION.
244
00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:22,534
SO WHAT?
245
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:23,796
"LOOK AT ME!
246
00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,277
I'M FLOATING IN SPACE
FOR SIX MONTHS."
247
00:10:26,407 --> 00:10:28,279
WHOOP-DEE-DO!
248
00:10:28,409 --> 00:10:31,586
CAN THEY DO THIS?
249
00:10:31,717 --> 00:10:33,197
NOW MY SECRET
TO CLEANING THE SINK STRAINER
250
00:10:33,327 --> 00:10:35,199
IS TO TURN IT OVER
251
00:10:35,329 --> 00:10:38,028
AND SPRAY WATER
THROUGH THE BOTTOM.
252
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:41,814
OKAY, MAYBE
NOT THE BEST EXAMPLE.
253
00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:46,645
NOW, FOR THE MORE ADVANCED,
254
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,952
IF YOU SLIDE THE BAG
FULL OF AIR INTO THE CAN,
255
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,782
YOU GET A TIGHTER FIT
AND MAXIMUM BAG USAGE.
256
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,699
I THINK THE GOOD STUFF'S
COMING UP IN THE--
257
00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:59,223
THE NEXT SCENE.
258
00:10:59,353 --> 00:11:02,008
MAKE SURE THAT YOU
HAVE A SPOTTER FOR THE LADDER
259
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:05,011
WHEN THREADING
A LIGHT BULB.
260
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:08,754
AND THEN, MOST IMPORTANTLY,
TURN AWAY...
261
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,844
SO THAT WHEN THE LIGHT COMES ON,
YOU DON'T GO BLIND.
262
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:15,413
SEE?
I'M OKAY.
263
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,284
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
264
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:20,505
HOW DID MY LIFE
BECOME THIS, KEVIN?
265
00:11:20,635 --> 00:11:23,290
KEVIN?
266
00:11:26,859 --> 00:11:30,254
WELL, DAD, I SUPPOSE
BUILDING A TREE HOUS..
267
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,305
HONEY, YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING
OLD CLIPS OF YOUR SHOW
268
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:39,959
FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS.
269
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:41,134
IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?
270
00:11:44,224 --> 00:11:48,576
A YEAR AGO, I WAS AMERICA'S
NUMBER-ONE DAD.
271
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:51,841
I IMPACTED MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE'S LIVES.
272
00:11:51,971 --> 00:11:54,321
AND NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF I'M MAKING AN IMPACT
273
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:57,324
ON MY OWN KIDS!
274
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:01,938
HONEY, SIT DOWN.
275
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,288
I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING,
276
00:12:04,418 --> 00:12:06,856
AND I DON'T WANT IT
TO FRIGHTEN YOU, OKAY?
277
00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:10,685
BUT I DON'T THINK
I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
278
00:12:10,816 --> 00:12:12,687
- WHAT?
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
279
00:12:12,818 --> 00:12:15,386
IT'S SHOCKING.
280
00:12:15,516 --> 00:12:16,909
AFTER ALL THIS TIME
AS A STAY-AT-HOME DAD,
281
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,695
OUR KIDS ARE STILL
A MYSTERY TO ME.
282
00:12:20,826 --> 00:12:22,480
I JUST DON'T WANNA GO TO BED
EVERY NIGHT THINKING,
283
00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,612
"OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T
SCREW UP MY KIDS TODAY."
284
00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:26,223
SWEETIE, THE FACT THAT
YOU'RE ASKING THAT QUESTION
285
00:12:26,353 --> 00:12:27,833
IS WHAT MAKES YOU
SUCH A GOOD FATHER.
286
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,356
THE KIDS LOVE YOU.
287
00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:30,836
I DON'T SEE JOE
RACING TO SHOW HIS VIDEO
288
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,360
TO FITZY AND ELLIOT.
289
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:35,232
IF THIS WERE MY TV SHOW,
290
00:12:35,362 --> 00:12:38,278
I'D GET A CREW IN HERE
AND RESHOOT THIS SNOOZE-FEST.
291
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:40,803
AT LEAST THAT WOULD KEEP JOE
292
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:42,587
FROM BEING EMBARRASSED BY ME
AT CAREER DAY.
293
00:12:42,717 --> 00:12:44,850
OH.
294
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,896
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
295
00:12:47,026 --> 00:12:48,158
- OH, NO. OH, NO.
- THAT'S IT.
296
00:12:48,288 --> 00:12:49,768
NO, NO, HONEY? HONEY.
- OH, NO.
297
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:50,769
I NEED YOU TO LOOK AWAY.
298
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:51,683
THIS LIGHT BULB
IS ABOUT TO TURN ON.
299
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,816
SWEETIE, PLEASE TELL ME
300
00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:55,730
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
RESHOOT JOE'S VIDEO.
301
00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:58,995
AMY, WHAT KIND OF FATHER
WOULD I BE
302
00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,300
IF I DIDN'T TRY
TO TRICK PEOPLE
303
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,346
INTO THINKING
I WAS A BETTER FATHER?
304
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:06,219
I TOLD YOU TO LOOK AWAY.
305
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:09,353
IN A WORLD WHERE FRONT LAWNS
CAN DIE IN A DAY,
306
00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:12,704
AND LUNCHES CAN DISAPPEAR
WITHOUT A TRACE,
307
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:16,577
THERE'S ONE MAN
WHO BRINGS SANITY TO THE CHAOS.
308
00:13:20,146 --> 00:13:22,018
DADDY!
I NEED YOU!
309
00:13:23,976 --> 00:13:28,502
ONE MAN WHO SERVES VARIED
AND NUTRITIOUS MEALS WITH EASE.
310
00:13:31,331 --> 00:13:34,813
ONE MAN WHO CAN SAVE HIS CHILD
FROM EXPIRED DAIRY PRODUCTS
311
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:36,815
WITH HIS OWN TONGUE.
312
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:50,394
ONE MAN WHOSE HANDS
SHOULD BE REGISTERED
313
00:13:50,524 --> 00:13:52,396
AS LETHAL WEAPONS.
314
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:59,969
THAT MAN IS...DAVID HOBBS,
STAY-AT-HOME DAD.
315
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:06,801
{\an8}SNOT ON MY WATCH.
316
00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:08,760
WOW!
THAT WAS SUPER COOL, DAD.
317
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,109
"SNOT ON MY WATCH."
318
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,372
- GENIUS.
- THANK YOU.
319
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,200
SO YOU WANNA BURN IT
ONTO A DVD
320
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:15,898
AND SHOW IT
ON YOUR LAPTOP?
321
00:14:16,028 --> 00:14:18,378
WHAT?
I CAN'T USE THAT.
322
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:19,902
WHY NOT?
323
00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:21,599
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT
HOW IT REALLY IS.
324
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,035
WHA--YEAH, IT IS.
325
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,428
JOE, YOU--YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT GOES ON IN THIS HOUSE
326
00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:25,995
WHEN YOU'RE IN SCHOOL
ALL DAY.
327
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:28,345
DAD, I'VE ALREADY
MADE MY VIDEO.
328
00:14:28,475 --> 00:14:29,607
WELL, ALL RIGHT, JOE.
329
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:32,305
LISTEN, IF, YOU KNOW,
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
330
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:33,828
MY VIDEO'S RIGHT HERE.
331
00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:35,091
DAD, I LOVE YOU, BUT...
332
00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:39,182
{\an8}SNOT GONNA HAPPEN.
333
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,668
SO, DID YOU FIND ANYONE
TO ANCHOR THE SHOW?
334
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,714
YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER.
335
00:14:49,844 --> 00:14:52,021
REALLY?
I FEEL BAD.
336
00:14:52,151 --> 00:14:53,500
NO, DON'T FEEL BAD, BEA.
337
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:54,849
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY FRIEND,
338
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,025
AND IF YOU
DON'T WANNA DO IT,
339
00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:58,114
THEN I'M NOT
GONNA ASK YOU.
340
00:14:58,244 --> 00:15:00,507
BUT YOU MIGHT
WANT TO LOOK AWAY.
341
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:01,726
PERFORMING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE
342
00:15:01,856 --> 00:15:03,946
DOESN'T EXACTLY
BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME.
343
00:15:05,077 --> 00:15:07,558
ALL RIGHT, WAYNE.
344
00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:10,387
WE'RE LIVE IN THREE...
345
00:15:10,517 --> 00:15:13,216
TWO...
346
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:17,524
GOOD AFTERNOON,
FELLOW STUDENTS!
347
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,352
HERE IS THE NEWS!
348
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:24,140
SHE KNOWS
SHE HAS A MICROPHONE, RIGHT?
349
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:28,361
OUR SOCCER TEAM WON THEIR
VERY FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON!
350
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,191
GO, BADGERS!
351
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:36,369
IF SHE'S GOING DOWN,
I'M GOING DOWN WITH HER.
352
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,198
A REMINDER--WHEN YOU CHECK OUT
A BOOK FROM THE LIBRARY,
353
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:41,244
PLEASE MAKE SURE
TO RETURN IT!
354
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,073
ALONG WITH MY DIGNITY.
355
00:15:47,815 --> 00:15:51,341
HERE'S A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM CARPOOL MONITORS.
356
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:54,605
THE BUS LANE
IS NOT A DROP-OFF LANE.
357
00:15:54,735 --> 00:15:56,737
NO CARS ALLOWED.
358
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:02,569
WHY ARE MY EYES BURNING?
359
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:06,530
MAYBE FROM THE SOUND
OF MY VOICE?
360
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:14,407
IT DOESN'T NEED
TO BE PERFECT, STACEY.
361
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:17,062
N-NOBODY CARES.
362
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:20,500
ON THIS SHOW, I'M A...
I'M A HUMAN SPONGE.
363
00:16:22,676 --> 00:16:25,418
YOU HAVE A GREAT LUNCH, SWEETIE.
364
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:26,463
OH, BOY.
365
00:16:26,593 --> 00:16:28,030
AMY...
366
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,466
MY {\an8}ABUELA CAME TO VISIT,
367
00:16:29,596 --> 00:16:31,120
AND SHE INSISTS
ON MEETING YOU.
368
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,774
IT IS SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
369
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:47,658
SHE SAYS SHE LOVES YOU.
370
00:16:47,788 --> 00:16:49,921
YOU DO REALIZE
I SPEAK SPANISH.
371
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:52,184
THEN THIS IS UNFORTUNATE.
372
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:54,012
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE SAID, UH...
373
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,493
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT MY GRANDSON
LIKE A BACK-ALLEY CAT,
374
00:16:56,623 --> 00:16:57,624
YOU WICKED WITCH"?
375
00:16:57,755 --> 00:17:00,236
YOUR SPANISH IS EXCELLENT.
376
00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:02,107
THEN YOU ALSO KNOW
SHE ONLY WATCHES THE SHOW
377
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,717
HOPING THAT ONE DAY
YOU WILL DROWN
378
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,023
FROM A DRINK IN YOUR FACE.
379
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,245
{\an8}ABUELA.
380
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:12,813
WAIT A SECOND.
381
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,511
YOU WATCH THE SHOW
BECAUSE OF ME?
382
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,471
I'M THE ONE
YOU LOVE TO HATE! AAH!
383
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,038
I MATTER!
OH, COME HERE!
384
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,257
MWAH!
385
00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:23,172
SHE HATES ME!
386
00:17:23,302 --> 00:17:26,479
YOU HATE ME!
YOU REALLY, REALLY HATE ME!
387
00:17:31,571 --> 00:17:33,312
I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT, AMY.
388
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:35,314
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO CAREER DAY,
389
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:36,968
AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
390
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:40,014
OH, BUTTON UP.
YOU'RE GOING.
391
00:17:40,145 --> 00:17:43,888
I CAN'T COMPETE WITH A COP
AND A HEART SURGEON...
392
00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:47,631
AND THE PHILHARMONIC'S
THIRD CHAIR FLAUTIST.
393
00:17:47,761 --> 00:17:51,461
SANDY TANUKI'S DAD
PLAYS THE FLAUT.
394
00:17:51,591 --> 00:17:52,723
I'LL BE READY
IN TWO MINUTES.
395
00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:56,205
I JUST WANNA CHECK MY PROJECT
ONE LAST TIME.
396
00:17:56,335 --> 00:17:58,076
I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH
THIS VIDEO AGAIN?
397
00:17:58,207 --> 00:17:59,512
I THINK I'M GONNA NEED
SOME MORE PEANUT BUTTER.
398
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,645
SIT!
399
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:07,390
MY DAD PLAYED AMERICA'S
NUMBER-ONE DAD ON TV.
400
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,435
SO AN OLD MAN'S
DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD...
401
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,525
BUT NOW, HE'S PLAYING
HIS MOST IMPORTANT ROLE YET.
402
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,528
GETS PULLED OVER--
HE GETS PULLED OVER BY A COP.
403
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:16,703
HE'S NOT A DOCTOR...
404
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:19,576
- MY TUMMY HURTS.
- OH.
405
00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:21,143
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
LET'S...
406
00:18:21,273 --> 00:18:22,405
LET'S SEE.
407
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,841
MAYBE DR. MONKEY CHUNKS
CAN HELP.
408
00:18:23,971 --> 00:18:27,932
WHAT SHOULD WE DO, DOCTOR?
409
00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:30,282
HE SAID IF YOU SNUGGLE
WITH YOUR DAD,
410
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,502
YOUR TUMMY WILL BE FINE.
411
00:18:32,632 --> 00:18:34,112
COME HERE.
412
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,331
THERE YOU GO.
413
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:36,984
WAIT, LET'S GET
THE DOCTOR RIGHT.
414
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,334
OKAY.
415
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:39,857
- DAD, HURRY!
- WHAT IS IT?
416
00:18:39,987 --> 00:18:41,250
IT'S POPCORN.
I THINK IT'S ON FIRE!
417
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,426
HE'S NOT A FIREMAN...
418
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,603
- NO, NO! HURRY!
- HANG ON, TAKE IT EASY.
419
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,301
GET IT OUT, DAD.
420
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,524
THANK YOU.
421
00:18:54,654 --> 00:18:56,178
OKAY, YOU WANT POPCORN?
422
00:18:56,308 --> 00:18:58,310
HE'S NOT A FAMOUS DIRECTOR.
423
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,312
JANIE DOCUMENTARY,
TAKE ONE.
424
00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:03,837
AND...ACTION.
425
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:06,231
OH, FATHER!
426
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,451
I DID NOT SEE YOU THERE.
427
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,714
OH, YOUR HIGHNESS,
WHAT LAND ARE YOU FROM?
428
00:19:10,844 --> 00:19:12,890
MONK-CHUNKIA.
429
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,457
MONK-CHUNKIA?
430
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,068
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT.
WHAT'S IT LIKE?
431
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,549
HE'S NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS,
HE'S ALL OF THOSE THINGS
432
00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:20,941
AND MORE.
433
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,987
WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME
LIKE YOUR FRIEND BEA
434
00:19:23,117 --> 00:19:24,945
DOESN'T WANNA BE ON CAMERA.
435
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,164
BUT SHE'S SO FUNNY,
436
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,340
AND IT COULD BE
SO GOOD FOR HER...
437
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:31,125
AND MY SHOW.
438
00:19:31,256 --> 00:19:34,172
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
439
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,349
I THINK YOU DO.
440
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,222
HE WANTED THIS VIDEO
TO BE MORE LIKE HIS TV SHOW.
441
00:19:40,352 --> 00:19:42,049
LUCKY FOR ME AND MY SISTERS,
442
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:45,096
HE'S PLAYING THE ROLE
OUR DAD.
443
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:55,367
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DAD?
444
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,151
WELL, I...
445
00:19:57,282 --> 00:20:00,024
I THINK THAT VIDEO
WAS BETTER THAN MY VIDEO.
446
00:20:00,154 --> 00:20:02,374
- REALLY?
- YEAH, REALLY.
447
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,158
YOU GUYS READY TO GO?
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU IN THE CAR.
448
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:06,335
YEP. YEP.
449
00:20:06,465 --> 00:20:08,467
WE DON'T WANNA BE LATE.
450
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:11,470
WELL, I GUESS
I'M PRETTY GOOD AT MY JOB.
451
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:14,299
YOU TURNED OUT OKAY.
452
00:20:17,476 --> 00:20:20,479
I GUESS I'M A GOOD DAD.
453
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:27,269
HEY, WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?
454
00:20:27,399 --> 00:20:28,879
OH!
455
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:31,838
HOLD ON. I...
456
00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,972
I WAS JUST TIMING
THE TRAFFIC.
457
00:20:35,102 --> 00:20:37,409
AND NOW, WE GO.