[yelps]
DADDY, THAT WAS THE BELL TOWER FOR PRINCESS BELLA'S CASTLE.
HER CASTLE IS STARTING TO TAKE OVER MY CASTLE.
THE GIANT ALMOST BROKE HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS.
YOU SAID "HIGHNESS."
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, YOUR MOM'S COMING HOME SOON.
EVERYBODY, I NEED YOU TO CLEAN UP, OKAY?
- DAD. - YES?
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
THE PURSE EXCHANGE
IS GONNA TAKE BACK MY BROWN BAG
FOR TWO NEW BAGS!
OH, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME, EMILY.
OH, THERE IT IS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
LOOK--WHAT IS ALL THAT?
HOW DOES ONE FAMILY COLLECT SO MUCH CRA--JUNK?
COME ON, EVERYBODY GRAB SOMETHING
AND LET'S TAKE IT IN THE BACK ROOM, PLEASE.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
GUYS, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY MEMORABILIA ROOM
CELEBRATING ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S IT. WE'RE DOWNSIZING.
THERE'S PRINCESS BELLA'S CONVERTIBLE.
JANIE, NO!
DADDY, IT'S DARK IN HERE!
JANIE, JUST-- JUST FOLLOW OUR VOICES.
COME ON. all: JANIE!
- JANIE, OVER HERE. - COME ON.
[upbeat music]
♪
I SEE YOU'VE ALL MADE
YOUR KEEP, TOSS, AND MAYBE PILES.
VERY GOOD, SO LET'S REVIEW THE RULES AGAIN, SHALL WE?
IF YOU HAVEN'T LOOKED AT IT, TOUCHED IT,
OR USED IT IN A YEAR, IT GOES.
IF YOU USED IT AND YOU DIDN'T ENJOY IT, IT'S HISTORY.
AND IF IT'S IN YOUR MAYBE PILE,
THAT MEANS YOU DIDN'T LOVE IT ENOUGH
TO PUT IT IN YOUR KEEP PILE, SO SAYONARA.
COME ON, YOU GUYS. YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT.
WE'VE ACCUMULATED WAY TOO MUCH STUFF HERE.
JANIE, WHAT IS YOUR BROWN BEAR READING BOOK
DOING IN YOUR KEEP PILE?
IT'S THE FIRST BOOK I LEARNED TO READ.
- CAN YOU READ NOW? - YEAH.
WELL, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
OH, JOE, LOOK WHO THINKS HE'S KEEPING HIS MAGIC SET.
DAD, I KNOW I GOT THAT WHEN I WAS TEN,
BUT YOU JUST CAN'T LEARN MAGIC OVERNIGHT.
YEAH, YOU CAN, JOE. WATCH THIS.
AND ABRACADABRA!
I JUST MADE IT DISAPPEAR.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
EMILY, EMILY, EMILY.
- DAD! - GONE.
AMY, I MUST TELL YOU THAT I'M VERY IMPRESSED
WITH YOUR TOSS PILE. I REALLY AM.
THANK YOU, DAVID.
BY FOLLOWING YOUR SIMPLE STEPS
I WAS ABLE TO DE-CLUTTER MY LIFE
AND IT FEELS VERY LIBERATING.
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU, AMY,
BUT I THINK YOU FORGOT ABOUT THESE.
WHAT?
NO. NO!
NOT MY CELEBRITY MANGIA COOKING MAGAZINES!
YOU'VE HAD YOUR CHANCE, HONEY.
I'M SORRY.
LOOK, I DON'T THINK ANYBODY'S REALLY INTERESTED
IN HAVING A RICHARD DAWSON
FAMILY FEUD FAJITA RECIPE FROM 1995.
AND THE SURVEY SAYS: GONE!
HEY, COME ON, EVERYBODY, LET'S PACK IT ALL UP
AND TAKE IT DOWN TO THE DUMP.
WE CAN'T JUST THROW IT OUT.
AT LEAST LET US HAVE A GARAGE SALE.
OH, COME ON, EMILY, I HATE GARAGE SALES.
CAN WE AT LEAST DONATE IT TO CHARITY?
WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO WITH IT IS FINE.
AS LONG AS IT'S OUT OF THIS HOUSE.
NOW, COME ON, THERE'S SOME EMPTY BOXES IN THE GARAGE.
GO. GO. THANK YOU, JOE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - [chuckles]
OOH, NICE TRY, AMY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[frustrated grunt]
HEY, DAVID.
UM, SO I WAS THINKING, NOW THAT WE'RE FINALLY GETTING TO DO
YOUR MEMORABILIA ROOM, WHICH EVEN AS I SAY THE WORDS
MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT-- UM, I JUST WANTED TO RUN
A COUPLE OF ROUGH IDEAS BY YOU.
OKAY. GO AHEAD.
OKAY, SO I'M KINDA OF THINKING OF THIS
AS ONE BIG FUN-YOU-TAINMENT CENTER.
RIGHT, IT'S--IT'S FUN,
IT'S ABOUT YOU,
AND IT'S ENTERTAINMENT.
TELL ME MORE, PLEASE.
OKAY, OKAY, SO YOU WALK RIGHT IN
AND IMMEDIATELY YOU'RE GREETED BY...YOU.
- THAT'S ME? - YEAH.
IT'S ANIMATRONIC YOU.
WOW.
WOW, THAT IS ONE HANDSOME ROBOT.
I MEAN, AND THE HAIR, IT LOOKS SO REAL.
YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY YOUR HAIR.
YOUR HAIRDRESSER'S BEEN SELLING IT ON EBAY FOR YEARS.
CAN YOU BLAME COCO?
I MEAN, COME ON, LOOK AT THIS.
BALANCE, BODY, AND SHEEN?
NOW I SEE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE SEES.
JOE, WE'VE BEEN BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND FOR TWO MONTHS.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU PLAY DRUMS.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME, BABE.
I BANGED THE SKINS BACK IN THE DAY.
YOU KNOW, FOURTH GRADE.
COOL.
DRUM SOMETHING.
[poor drumming]
OH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING THERE.
CAN I TRY?
SURE, GO AHEAD.
BUT IT'S NOT AS EASY AS I MAKE IT LOOK.
[good drumming]
WOW, THAT'S FUNNY.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
YEAH. FUNNY.
YEAH.
[chord plays]
[lower chord plays]
[notes muted abruptly]
ONE WORD ABOUT THIS AND DAD FINDS OUT
WHERE YOU'RE STASHING PRINCESS BELLA'S OLD TIARAS, OKAY?
YOU WOULDN'T.
YOU WANNA ROLL THE DICE ON THAT, LITTLE ONE?
OKAY, DAVID.
READY? CLASSIC SEE DAD RUN SCENES
ON A CONTINUOUS LOOP IN SURROUND SOUND.
- BUSTED, DAD! - [laughs]
WELL, KYLE, I GUESS YOU CAN'T BAKE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
[laughs]
[both laugh]
OH, MAN, THAT--THAT IS VERY IMPRESSIVE, KEVIN.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
DAVID, THIS BOX IS FILLED WITH GIFTS THAT I GAVE YOU.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
UH, IT'S LABELED "DUMB GIFTS FROM MARCUS."
I APOLOGIZE, MARCUS.
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT.
JUST MAKE SURE IT GETS ON THE TRUCK, THOUGH, OKAY?
I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT MAN DOES NOT APPRECIATE A NOSE HAIR TRIMMER?
WAIT A MINUTE--A TRAVEL PILLOW?
A SINGING FISH?
SEE, THE JOKE IS THE FISH SINGS.
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT 'CAUSE YOU NEVER TOOK IT OUT THE BOX.
OOH, A MAGIC KIT.
OH, DON'T BOTHER.
I'VE HAD IT FOR TWO YEARS
AND I STILL CAN'T DO ANYTHING.
I EVEN LOST THE TRICK FLOWERS.
WHAT'S THIS BEHIND YOUR EAR?
AW, JOE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
OOH, IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND COMING OVER?
YEAH. THOUGHT I'D IMPRESS HER
BY WHIPPING UP SOME OF MY FAMOUS CHOCO-CHEESY-FLOATS.
[whipped cream sprays]
CLASSY.
GUYS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?
I THINK IT'S 86 DEGREES OUT, DAD.
OH, NO, HE'S TURNING INTO GRANDPA.
NO, NOT YET.
I'M STILL WEARING PANTS.
NO, LISTEN.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEAUTY OF THIS IS?
THE REASON I'M WEARING IT
IS SO I CAN TAKE IT OFF,
I CAN PUT IT ON A HANGAR,
AND HANG IT UP IN OUR CLUTTER-FREE CLOSET.
ISN'T THAT EXCITING?
- HEY, GUYS. - HEY.
MR. HOBBS.
JOE, I THOUGHT WE MIGHT WANT A SNACK,
SO AFTER I PLAYED 18 HOLES WITH MY DAD
AND DID A LITTLE ICE SCULPTING,
I BAKED US SOME TREATS.
THERE'S ONE FOR EVERYONE. - NICE.
- [chuckles] - LOVE YOUR CUPCAKES.
DON'T YOU WANT ONE, JOE?
UH, NO, THANKS. I'M GOOD WITH MY FLOAT.
[gags]
DAVID, I'M--I'M SO SORRY I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS,
BUT ALL YOUR MEMORABILIA
FROM SEASONS FOUR THROUGH SEVEN IS GONE.
[gasps]
WHAT?
I MUST HAVE PUT THE STUFF BY THE CHARITY BOXES
AND THEY TOOK IT BY ACCIDENT.
I'M SO SORRY.
LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY.
I AM HANGING ON BY A THREAD RIGHT NOW, KEVIN.
I NEED YOU TO CALL THEM.
TELL THEM TO HOLD ON TO THE BOXES.
WE ARE COMING DOWN THERE TO GET THEM.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
SAY YOU UNDERSTAND ME.
YES, I TRIED THAT
AND THEY SAID SOMEBODY CAME AND BOUGHT EVERYTHING.
I-IT'S ALL GONE.
A COLLECTOR WAS PROBABLY TIPPED OFF
THAT MY STUFF WAS BEING DONATED.
HOW? NOBODY KNEW.
I TWEETED IT! [gasps]
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I TWEETED HOW GOOD IT FELT
FOR THE HOBBS FAMILY TO BE DONATING STUFF TO CHARITY.
DAD, I'M SO SORRY.
[sighs]
FOUR YEARS.
FOUR YEARS OF THE SHOW.
GONE.
- MR. HOBBS? - YES.
I'VE BEEN TOLD I HAVE SOME PSYCHIC ABILITIES.
IF WE COULD ALL GATHER AROUND AND HOLD HANDS,
I MAY BE ABLE TO GET A VISION OF WHERE YOUR THINGS ARE.
OH, COME ON!
I THINK IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
IF YOU JUST SORT OF FOCUS ON THE EDGES,
YOU DON'T REALLY NOTICE THE GAPING HOLE
WHERE SEASONS FOUR THROUGH SEVEN SHOULD BE.
AM I RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER USED TO STAND AROUND TALKING TO HIMSELF.
UH, YES, BUT LIKE I TOLD THE KIDS,
I'M STILL WEARING PANTS.
OH, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME, HONEY.
SWEETIE, YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY.
IT'S JUST STUFF.
AND ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
NOW YOU HAVE TWO HEADS OF HAIR TO ADMIRE.
- THAT'S TRUE. - MM-HMM.
THAT IS TRUE.
- I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE. - OKAY.
THIS ONE HAIR JUST KEEPS POPPING OUT.
I'M GONNA CALL COCO FOR YOU.
YO, DAVID!
[laughs]
[music playing]
OH, MAN--YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS ISN'T FUNNY?
IT'S A FISH THAT SINGS.
THAT'S--THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "THE SINGING FISH."
[belly laughs]
BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T
TAKE IT OUT THE BOX.
[phone rings]
HELLO?
OH, HEY, AMANDA.
HOW YOU DOING?
YEAH, HOLD ON A SEC, I'LL GET--JOE.
JOE, IT'S AMANDA. YEAH, HE'S RIGHT HERE.
HE'S--HE'S NOT RIGHT HERE, AMANDA.
I WAS--I WAS MISTAKEN.
NO, HE--NO, IT WAS A LAMP.
I JUST--
YOU KNOW, HE'S GONNA HAVE TO CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
IS THAT OKAY? ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
DOESN'T SUSPECT A THING.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU AND HER?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST AMANDA'S SO MUCH
BETTER THAN ME AT EVERYTHING.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
JOE, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.
YOUR MOTHER IS BETTER THAN ME
AT ONE THING, RIGHT-- - SCRABBLE?
UH, TWO THINGS.
SO ANYWAY, THE POINT IS-- - AND BOWLING.
WELL, YEAH, MY FINGERS GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC IN THOSE LITTLE--
STOP GUESSING, JOE.
IT'S TENNIS.
AND WHAT HAPPENS IS WHEN YOUR MOM WINS,
SHE DOES THIS LITTLE VICTORY DANCE, RIGHT?
AND IT CRACKS ME UP.
SO WHEN YOU'RE WITH AMANDA, WIN OR LOSE--
LOSE.
YOU HAVE TO--YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT ENJOYABLE FOR YOU.
RIGHT, FIND SOMETHING FUN IN IT, OKAY?
OKAY, I THINK I CAN DO THAT.
- GOOD. - THANKS, DAD.
OKAY.
- DAD! - YEAH.
WE GOT THE GUY WHO BOUGHT
YOUR MEMORABILIA. - YEAH?
YEAH, WE WENT BACK TO THE CHARITY DROP OFF.
THEY WOULDN'T GIVE US HIS NAME,
BUT THEY DID TELL US HE CLAIMED
TO BE SEE DAD RUN'S NUMBER ONE FAN.
NOW, FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT IT WAS ME
AND I WAS READY TO CONFESS, BUT THEN A BELL WENT OFF.
IT TOOK HIM A MINUTE TO REALIZE IT WAS HIS PHONE.
AND IT WAS SEE DAD RUN'S NUMBER TWO FAN
TEXTING ME TO BRAG ABOUT GETTING HIS BIG SCORE.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME. WHO IS HE?
HIS NAME'S CALVIN RIGGINS
AND I KICKED HIM OUT OF THE FAN CLUB
FOR BREAKING THE CIRCLE OF TRUST.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE LIVES?
OH, I KNOW WHERE HE LIVES.
CAN YOU TAKE ME THERE?
OH, I CAN TAKE YOU THERE.
CAN WE GO NOW?
- OH, WE CAN GO NOW-- - OH, COME ON.
HMM. WHERE ARE WE GOING?
WE'RE GOING TO GET MY STUFF BACK.
PERFECT. I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE
MY LUXURY TRAVEL PILLOW
IN CASE I WANNA TAKE A CAT NAP.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS. OBSERVE.
IS THIS THE RIGHT BUILDING?
OH, THIS IS THE RIGHT BUILDING.
[knocks on door]
CALVIN RIGGINS?
[squeals]
DAVID HOBBS!
THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
I'M SO EXCITED I COULD PASS OUT,
BUT I DON'T WANNA MISS A SEC--
SEE? I TOLD YOU THE TRAVEL PILLOW WOULD COME IN HANDY.
IT'S AMAZING.
THIS GUY ACTUALLY RECREATED
THE SEE DAD RUN SET IN HIS APARTMENT.
LET'S JUST GRAB THE BOXES
AND GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE WAKES UP.
WE CAN'T DO THAT.
SHE'S RIGHT. I DON'T LIFT BOXES.
OH, MY HOBBS.
YOU'RE REALLY HERE.
YES, I'M--I'M REALLY HERE AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, CALVIN,
I-I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE.
WELL, THANK YOU.
IT'S AN EXACT REPLICA
OF THE LIVING ROOM SET.
REALLY?
IT'S NOT QUITE EXACT THOUGH
BECAUSE THIS COASTER... WAS OVER HERE.
YES, UNTIL EPISODE 112
WHEN KYLE THREW AN UNAUTHORIZED FONDUE PARTY
AND TRIED TO COVER UP THE BURN MARKS WITH THIS VERY COASTER.
HE'S RIGHT!
WELL, WHAT WAS DAVID'S FINAL LINE IN THAT EPISODE?
"THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE THINKING OF THROWING A FONDUE PARTY,
FON-DON'T."
[laugh track plays]
WHAT THE-- ARE PEOPLE WATCHING US?
NO, I RIGGED THE CHAIR WITH A LAUGH TRACK.
OKAY, THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.
"GETTING"?
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, CALVIN.
HERE'S THE THING.
IT WAS ALL A BIG MISTAKE.
THEY DIDN'T MEAN TO GIVE AWAY MY MEMORABILIA.
AND, UM, I'M GONNA NEED IT BACK.
YEAH.
WELL, SEEING AS THOUGH OWNING ALL THIS
WAS KINDA MY LIFELONG DREAM,
I'M GONNA NEED SOMETHING IN EXCHANGE.
I WANT BACK IN THE FAN CLUB, WITH FULL PARDON.
NO. NO WAY.
HE BROKE THE CIRCLE OF TRUST.
HE CLAIMED TO HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET HIM.
I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING ABOUT OUR TRIP
WE TOOK TO CABO TOGETHER.
UH, YOU FOLLOWED HIM TO CABO.
WELL, IF I COULD AFFORD A POOLSIDE CABANA NEXT TO HIM,
I WOULD HAVE SAID "HELLO."
AND HE WOULD HAVE SAID "DO I KNOW YOU?"
AND THAT WOULD HAVE CONSTITUTED A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.
- KEVIN, JUST STOP, STOP, STOP. - FINE.
FIN--STOP. OKAY, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?
[camera clicks]
ALL RIGHT, ANYTHING ELSE?
YES, MRS. RIGGINS. YES, IT WAS--
NO, NO, NO, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE
WHAT YOUR SON DID WITH HIS APARTMENT, YEAH.
MAKES ME FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.
AND IT--MA'AM, IT WAS A PLEASURE TALKING TO YOU
AND YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
OKAY. BYE.
[squeals]
OKAY, ANYTHING ELSE?
ONE OTHER THING.
BUSTED, DAD!
[belly laughs]
WELL, KYLE--LINE?
all: I GUESS YOU CAN'T--
GOT IT. I GOT IT.
I GUESS YOU CAN'T BAKE YOUR CAKE
AND EAT IT TOO.
RECLINE. RECLINE.
OH, I GOT IT.
[laugh track plays] [both laugh]
THERE YOU GO.
CALVIN, THANK YOU.
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THIS STUFF MEANS A LOT TO ME.
YOUR SHOW REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME TOO, DAVID.
OH, BEFORE YOU GO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO FORGET THIS.
HEY, IS THIS MY SEE DAD BE BAD TO THE BONE JACKET?
WOW.
EPISODE 130, SEASON SEVEN.
YOU JOIN A FATHER AND SON STREET GANG WITH KYLE.
NOW WHAT COULD GO WRONG THERE?
[both laugh]
OH, MAN.
YOU KNOW, I WAS IN A REAL DARK PLACE WHEN I SAW THAT EPISODE.
IT REMINDED ME THAT I COULD STILL LAUGH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING HOW SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A JACKET
CAN TAKE YOU BACK.
YOU KNOW WHAT, CALVIN?
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
YOU KEEP IT.
ARE YOU S--
Y--THIS IS THE SECOND GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
DON'T MOVE. LET ME GET MY CAMERA.
I DON'T WANNA MISS A SECOND.
[sighs]
"AND A...TEACHER
"LOOKING AT US.
THAT'S WHAT WE SEE."
EXCELLENT.
YOU GUYS READY?
KEVIN.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ON THE DAY DAVID FRANCIS HOBBS MADE HIS DEBUT INTO THE WORLD,
WE-- - SKIP AHEAD.
UH, OKAY. UM...
OH, ALL RIGHT.
DAVID REDEFINED THE THIRD GRADE.
HE KNEW-- - JUST GIMME--GIMME--
OKAY, NO--F-- YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE POEM.
BUT IT'S-- - IT'S OKAY.
OKAY.
AND AFTER YEARS OF ANTICIPATION,
I GIVE YOU "THE DAVID HOBBS FUN-YOU-TAINMENT EXPERIENCE"
THANK YOU, KEVIN.
DAD, YOU GOT YOUR STUFF BACK.
NO, I GOT OUR STUFF BACK.
BROWN BEAR!
MY BALLET SLIPPERS.
MY FIRST CELEBRITY MANGIA MAGAZINE.
MY MAGIC KIT?
[annoyed] GREAT.
SWEETIE, THIS IS AMAZING.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WELL, WHEN I SAW HOW MUCH
THAT LEATHER JACKET MEANT TO SOMEBODY,
I-I JUST REALIZED HOW MUCH ALL THIS STUFF MEANT TO YOU.
AND TO ME.
THANKS, DADDY.
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, DAVID HOBBS.
OKAY, FAMILY, BRING IT IN.
YOU SURE I'M READY TO TRY THIS OUT ON THE SIDEWALK?
DON'T WORRY, JOE. I GOT YOU.
COME ON.
NO. NO--WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
M--I THOUGHT YOU HATED ROLLER-SKATING.
OKAY, NOW SKATE RIGHT INTO MY ARMS.
NOT TODAY.
JUST MAKING IT WORK FOR ME, DAD.