ALL RIGHT, LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST,
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR OUR VERY OWN SPOKEN WORD BEAST,
JOE HOBBS.
[applause]
MR. MUMBRUE CALLS ME UP.
HE SAYS, "EXPRESS YOURSELF, IF YOU PLEASE."
SO I TAKE MY TIME TO FIND A RHYME
FOR A YUMMY HUNK OF CHEESE.
ANYBODY GOT SOME CHEESE?
[laughter]
WELL, THAT IS VERY GOUDA, JOE,
BUT I THINK YOU CAN DO CHEDDAR.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET SERIOUS.
JOE, REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT?
WITH SPOKEN WORD POETRY, YOU NEED A PERSONAL CONNECTION
TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
TALK ABOUT SOMETHING YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT.
SOMETHING THAT EMBARRASSED YOU.
MAYBE SOMETHING YOU REGRET?
WELL, LAST WEEK, I HID SOMETHING FROM MY LITTLE SISTER.
OKAY, AND THAT'S SOMETHING YOU REGRET.
WELL, I REGRET SHE HASN'T FOUND IT YET.
GOOD, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
WELL, I CAN TELL YOU THIS MUCH.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ME PROUD,
AND I'M ASHAMED IN FRONT OF THIS CROWD.
IT'S NOT EASY TO SAY HOW I FEEL,
BUT IF I'M GONNA STEP UP, I'VE GOTTA BE REAL.
[applause]
GREAT. YOU, SIR, ARE A NATURAL,
WHICH IS WHY YOU WILL BE REPRESENTING THIS CLASS
AT THE SPOKEN WORD NIGHT.
ME? THANKS, MR. MUMBRUE.
[applause]
[bell rings]
WOW, JOE. YOU'RE REALLY DEEP.
- YOU REALLY THINK SO? - I REALLY DO.
YOU REALLY DO?
SHE REALLY DOES.
DAD.
SEE YOU, JOE.
OKAY, SEE YOU, VIOLET...
WHICH RHYMES WITH PILOT,
NOT THAT I'VE EVER TRIED TO RHYME YOUR NAME,
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE CREEPY.
REMEMBER.
I'M DEEP-Y.
JUST WALK IT OFF, BUDDY.
HEY, MR. MUMBRUE.
DAVID HOBBS. - PLEASE, CALL ME MAURY.
I'M A BIG FAN, MR. HOBBS.
WHY, THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE IT.
I'M A FAN OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.
IT'S REALLY GREAT, AND-- AND HE'S REALLY INTO IT.
WELL, JOE MAKES TEACHING A PLEASURE, MR. HOBBS.
SO, MAURY, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I COULD EVER DO TO RECIPROCATE,
PLEASE DON'T HESITATE.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
BECAUSE I WROTE A SCREENPLAY,
AND I WOULD LOVE TO GET A PROFESSIONAL OPINION.
WOULD YOU MIND?
WOULD I MIND?
NO. NOT AT ALL.
IS IT ANY GOOD?
NO, NOT AT ALL.
[upbeat music]
♪
[groans]
OH. OH!
- DAVID, PLEASE STOP THAT. - OH, WHAT?
THE WORDS ARE LITERALLY HURTING MY FEELINGS, HONEY.
I MEAN, THIS IS--
THIS IS THE WORST SCRIPT EVER.
WHAT'S THE GENRE?
- BOREDOM. - MM.
- YOU READY FOR IT? - MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
THE TEACHER TRIP.
IT'S AN ACTIONLESS, ADVENTURE-FREE STORY
ABOUT A GROUP OF ENGLISH TEACHERS WHO TAKE A ROAD TRIP
AND TALK NONSTOP ABOUT SOME GUY NAMED LEO TOLSTOY.
OOH, YIKES.
IS THERE AT LEAST SOME ROMANCE OR A CAR CHASE?
WELL, THERE IS A TOPLESS SCENE,
BUT SPOILER ALERT, IT'S LEO TOLSTOY.
DAVID, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM?
I MEAN... - [sighs]
YOU HAVE TO HANDLE THIS THE RIGHT WAY,
OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST GONNA RUIN
JOE'S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FAVORITE TEACHER.
- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? - HMM.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO SOMETHING NICE.
OH, HONEY, WHY START NOW?
YOU'VE BEEN SO SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT RESORTING TO THAT.
- I KNOW. - YEP.
- WHAT WAS I THINKING? - MM.
WELL, AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO
WITH THIS WHOLE MUMBRUE SITUATION,
I'M NEVER DOING A NICE THING AGAIN.
AH, THERE'S THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH.
EMILY, WILL YOU PLEASE READ ME THIS BOOK?
OH, NOT NOW.
BUT ALL I CAN READ IS THE PICTURES.
O.M.G., OLIVIA JUST SENT ME THE FUNNIEST TEXT.
WILL YOU AT LEAST READ ME THAT?
HEY, MARCUS, I ASKED YOU TO HELP ME WITH THE GROCERIES,
NOT HELP YOURSELF TO THE GROCERIES.
MAN, YOU KNOW I CAN'T RESIST THE RIGHT PINK LADY.
MAN. - UH-HUH.
SPEAKING OF PINK LADIES...
LADIES, THERE ARE MORE BAGS IN THE CAR.
THANK YOU.
WHEN MOM STAYED HOME, SHE DID ALL THAT STUFF HERSELF.
YES, AND THAT'S WHY SHE WANTED
TO GO BACK TO WORK VERY BADLY.
HEY, HONEY, WILL YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOM FOR ME, PLEASE?
- ANYTHING FOR YOU, DADDY. - THANK YOU.
SHE'S SO SWEET, YOU KNOW.
I SHOULD GET HER TO DETAIL MY CAR, YOU KNOW?
THOSE LITTLE HANDS OF HERS, SHE CAN GET BETWEEN THE SEATS
AND GET ALL THOSE FRENCH FRIES THAT I DROP.
[chuckles]
HEY, DAVID, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, I KINDA WANNA BE A WRITER.
AND I HEARD THAT YOU AGREED TO READ JOE'S TEACHER'S SCREENPLAY,
SO I W-- - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
YOU DID WHAT, DAVID?
OH, YOU KNOW NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES
FROM READING SOMEBODY'S SCREENPLAY.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE TERRIBLE?
OH, THEY ALL ARE TERRIBLE!
BELIEVE ME, THE NEXT TIME
ANYBODY ASKS ME TO READ ANYTHING--
A SCRIPT, I DON'T CARE-- I'M GONNA THROW IT
RIGHT BACK IN THEIR FACE.
LOOK, DAVID.
DAVID, YOU GOTTA BOB AND WEAVE, MAN.
SOMEONE ASKS ME, I ALWAYS TELL 'EM,
"YOU GOT THE WRONG MARCUS BARNES."
BOB.
"I AM DR. MARCUS BARNES."
WEAVE.
- WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR? - PROCTOLOGIST.
REALLY?
WHY NOT A NEUROLOGIST? - NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T WANNA IMPRESS THE PEOPLE.
YOU SAY NEUROLOGIST-- "OH, WHAT TYPE OF SCHOO--"
NO, I WANNA STOP THE CONVERSATION RIGHT THERE.
NOBODY WANNA TALK ABOUT THEIR BUTT PROBLEMS.
THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO
IS JUST TELL THE GUY HIS SCRIPT IS HORRIBLE
AND CRUSH HIS DREAMS BEFORE HE THINKS HE HAS ANY SHOT
OF MAKING IT IN SHOW BUSINESS.
YOU GONNA TELL HIM THE TRUTH, HUH?
OF COURSE NOT.
I'M JUST GONNA AVOID THE GUY--BOB--
UNTIL JOE GRADUATES.
WEAVE. - WHOO!
I WAS LIKE JOE FRAZIER, WASN'T I?
YEAH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. [both laugh]
HEY, DAD, I SAW YOU READING MR. MUMBRUE'S SCRIPT.
DID YOU LIKE IT? WAS IT GREAT? DID YOU CALL HIM?
SO MANY QUESTIONS.
I'MA TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BOB AND LEAVE.
[mumbles with mouth full] - ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
HEY, HOW'S YOUR, UM, HOW'S YOUR PIECE
FOR MUMBRUE'S CLASS COMING?
NOT GREAT.
KINDA HAVING A HARD TIME COMING UP WITH DEEP FEELINGS.
MOSTLY I JUST WANT THE GIRLS TO THINK I'M AWESOME,
BUT THAT'S NOT DEEP AT ALL.
IT'S NOT?
HUH.
AND AWESOME IS REALLY HARD TO RHYME.
WHAT--WELL, NOT REALLY. HANG ON, JOE.
UM, LET'S SEE.
I'LL HAVE A-- I'LL HAVE A BUCKET OF JOE
WITH A SIDE OF COLESLAW-SOME.
YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA ASK MR. MUMBRUE FOR SOME HELP.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
COME ON, IT'S COLESLAW, AND IT'S AWESOME.
IT'S COLESLAW-SOME. YOU'LL BE BACK.
JOE, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AT SPOKEN WORD NIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA BE-- - TIGHT?
OUTTA SIGHT?
DYNAMITE?
I WAS GONNA SAY AWESOME.
RIGHT.
AWESOME LIKE... COLESLAW-SOME?
I NEED YOUR HELP WITH MY SPOKEN WORD.
YEAH. I HEARD.
AFTER SCHOOL.
MR. MUMBRUE, PLEASE REPORT TO THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE.
YOU LEFT YOUR UNWASHED MUG IN THE SINK.
UH, THANKS.
EXCUSE ME, CLASS, BUT I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER ONE
OF PRINCIPAL GILMORE'S MUG DEMERITS.
DAD, WAS THAT YOU ON THE P.A. SYSTEM?
CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, JOE. YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH.
FALSE ALARM, MY MUG WAS IN THE DRYING RACK, SO--
OH, HI! - OH.
MR. HOBBS, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
WELL, UH, I WAS, UM-- JOE FORGOT HIS LUNCH.
IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU. - OH.
I WAS HOPING YOU HAD COME BY
TO TALK ABOUT MY SCRIPT.
YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO READ IT YET, DID YA?
WELL, SEE, HERE'S THE THING.
IT--WRITING IS A-- IT'S VERY, VERY DIFFICULT.
OH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I PUT SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE INTO THIS.
I JUST HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.
WELL, IT WAS. IT WAS--IT WAS GREAT.
YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
OKAY, OKAY, SO YOU LIKED IT
WHEN THE ENGLISH TEACHERS' VAN BROKE DOWN,
AND THEY TAUGHT THAT... [chokes up]
THAT SOCIALLY AWKWARD MECHANIC HOW TO COMPARE LITERATURE?
OH, YEAH. I WAS RIVETED.
THANK YOU. THAT IS ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR.
MOM, DAVID HOBBS
LIKED MY SCRIPT!
YOU'RE TEXTING YOUR MOTHER?
OH, WELL, YEAH, THIS IS BIG NEWS FOR ME.
PLUS, MY MOM IS A HUGE FAN.
SHE SAYS YOU JUST GET CUTER EVERY DAY.
OH, WELL, HANG ON A SECOND THEN.
WHY DON'T YOU TEXT YOUR MOTHER,
"MOM, DAVID HOBBS LOVED MY SCRIPT?"
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S SEND A PICTURE TO YOUR MOM, THERE WE GO.
JANIE, I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE. DID YOU SEE IT?
ME?
NO.
BUT I'LL HELP YOU LOOK.
THANK YOU.
THIS IS FUN,
JUST YOU AND ME LOOKING FOR STUFF.
ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS IT'S OUT THERE ALONE, WITHOUT ME,
ITS BATTERY SLOWLY DRAINING.
[stuffed animal buzzing]
HMM, HMM.
IF I WERE A PHONE, WHERE WOULD I BE?
YEAH, I HANDLED THE MUMBRUE SITUATION LIKE A PRO, HONEY.
HE'S HAPPY, I'M HAPPY,
AND JOE'S RELATIONSHIP
WITH HIS FAVORITE TEACHER HAS NEVER BEEN STRONGER.
[door closes] - MR. MUMBRUE QUIT.
[piano notes]
WAIT, JOE, WHY DID HE QUIT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHEN CLASS WAS OVER, HE TOLD US TO NEVER GIVE UP ON OUR DREAMS,
THREW BACK HIS SCARF, AND WALKED OUT.
WHY WOULD HE JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT?
WELL, JOE, TO BE HONEST...
WHO KNOWS WHY A MAN DOES ANYTHING?
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THE SCARF WAS FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT.
IT'S OLD-SCHOOL, BUT IT WORKS.
DAVID, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WELL, I DON'T THINK JOE HAS PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER YET,
SO LET'S--LET'S JUST KEEP IT BETWEEN OURSELVES, OKAY?
- MM-HMM. - DAD.
I WAS JUST PUTTING TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.
DOES MR. MUMBRUE LEAVING HAVE ANYTHING TO DO
WITH YOU LIKING HIS SCRIPT?
JOE, I TOLD THE GUY THAT I LIKED HIS SCRIPT.
I DIDN'T TELL HIM TO QUIT HIS JOB.
HE'S MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE.
AW, MAN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT
MY WHOLE CLASS WITHOUT MR. MUMBRUE?
JOE, YOU GOT ME, PAL.
YOU GOT ME. I CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR...
NIGHT WORD SPEAKY THING.
ONE WORD, DAD: COLESLAW-SOME.
COME ON, JOE.
GIVE YOUR DAD A CHANCE.
HE CAN BE PRETTY INSPIRING.
COME ON.
WHAT, UH, WHAT ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S CONFUSION.
YOU'RE CONFUSED.
WHAT RHYMES WITH CONFUSED? - AMUSED?
YEAH, OKAY. WE'RE IN A GROOVE NOW.
YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, HONEY?
ABSOLUTELY, SWEETIE,
BUT I'M WILLING TO GO WITH IT.
OKAY, SO THERE'S, UH, LET'S SEE.
THERE'S A--THERE WAS A CONFUSED BOY NAMED JOE
WHOSE--WHOSE WRITING WAS SLOW.
HE--HE LIKED TO COLLECT ROCKS
THAT HE KEPT IN A BOX.
NOW THAT'S GOT A RING.
DAD'S TAKING YOU UNDER HIS WING.
AND NOW YOU HAVE WHAT YOU NEED
FOR YOUR NIGHT WORD SPEAKY THING.
HONEY, IT'S-- IT'S SPOKEN WORD NIGHT,
NOT A NIGHT WITH DR. SEUSS.
DAD, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,
BUT YOU JUST DON'T INSPIRE ME THE WAY MR. MUMBRUE DOES.
LOOKING FOR YOUR PHONE IS FUN, HUH?
IT'S LIKE AN EASTER EGG HUNT.
I'M NEVER GONNA FIND IT.
I'VE GOTTA CALL OLIVIA
AND TELL HER TO CALL THE HOUSE PHONE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WITHOUT MY CELL, I DON'T KNOW OLIVIA'S NUMBER.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW OUR HOME PHONE NUMBER.
I AM COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD!
WE COULD READ A BOOK IN MY FORT.
[sighs] WHY NOT?
I'LL GO GET ONE.
[stuffed animal buzzing]
MY PHONE!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I'M TALKING INTO THE BUSINESS END OF A MONKEY.
PLEASE CALL BACK ON THE HOME PHONE.
I DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER.
OH, HEY, MAURY, THANKS FOR COMING BY.
YOU'RE THANKING ME?
YOU SET UP THIS MEETING WITH A HIGH-POWERED HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER.
MY MOM IS SO EXCITED.
WELL, I'M--I'M-- I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.
NOW, AS I TOLD YOU, MAURY, I LIKE YOUR SCRIPT,
BUT I'M JUST A TV GUY.
WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS THE OPINION
OF--OF A MOVIE GUY, RIGHT?
BEFORE YOU COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AROUND,
WHICH IS WHY I INVITED STERLING SILVER OVER HERE.
SILVER KNOWS GOLD BETTER THAN ANYBODY,
BUT HE'S ALSO A VERY, VERY TOUGH CRITIC.
CLOONEY.
CL--CLOONEY, YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.
OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU 5% OF THE PROFIT.
NOTHING MORE.
OKAY. [speaks foreign language] WE HAVE A DEAL.
HEY, STAY HANDSOME, HUH?
YOU THE WRITER?
I CAN TELL BY THE HAT.
THE ONLY THING YOU'RE MISSING IS A LAPTOP
AND A TABLE AT STARBUCKETS.
BOOM!
UH, MAURY MUMBRUE.
MR. SILVER, WERE YOU JUST TALKING TO GEORGE CLOONEY?
[laughs]
A WISE MAN ONCE TOLD ME,
"NEVER BRAG ABOUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE."
THAT MAN WAS TOM CRUISE.
[cell phone rings]
UGH, CHANNING TATUM'S CALLING ME AGAIN.
SHE IS RELENTLESS.
IGNORE.
SO, STERLING, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MR. MUMBRUE'S SCRIPT?
HEY, ANYBODY HOME, DAVID?
DR. BARNES, HI.
I-I DIDN'T KNOW YOU AND DAVID ARE FRIENDS.
OH, WELL, WE WERE DOCTOR-PATIENT AT FIRST,
AND THEN WE HAD A LITTLE MEET-CUTE OVER HIS PROSTATE,
AND... [sighs] NOW WE'RE FRIENDS.
YES, UH-HUH.
I'M JUST HERE TO MAKE A HOUSE CALL.
HEY, HOW'S EVERYTHING?
- EVERYTHING'S GREAT. - GREAT, GREAT, GREAT.
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY "AHH." - AHH.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PROCTOLOGIST.
YES, BEND OVER AND SAY, "AHH."
HEY, I'M JUST GONNA STAND HERE AND SAY, "UH-UH."
SO, STERLING, WHAT DID--WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SCRIPT?
I'M GOING TO BE BLUNT WITH YOU, KID.
IT'S THE WORST SCRIPT I EVER READ.
OH, WOW.
YEAH. THAT'S GOTTA HURT.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE TEACHING TO FALL BACK ON.
OKAY, IT'S GOOD SEEING YOU, MAURY.
I'M JUST--I'M JU-- I'M SO CONFUSED
BECAUSE MR. HOBBS HERE SAID HE LIKED IT.
UH, MR. HOBBS DID NOT TELL ME THAT.
YES, WELL, WHAT I--WHAT I-- I DID SAY THAT I LIKED IT.
OH, THEN I LIKE IT TOO.
WELL, BUT I TOLD MAURY HERE THAT WHAT HE REALLY NEEDED
WAS YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION. - NOPE.
IF YOU LIKE IT, I LIKE IT.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU REALLY DO LIKE IT.
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
UH, I DON'T LIKE IT.
I LOVE IT!
IN FACT, I'M GOING TO BUY IT!
[gasps]
WELL, JUST TAKE IT EASY THERE, MR. SILVER, I--
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
I'M HAVING HEART PALPITATIONS.
DR. BARNES.
UM, UM, YEAH. YEAH.
I--UM--BEND-- BEND OVER.
I GOT YOU.
FOR--FOR MY HEART?
OH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID FART PALPITATIONS. OH.
THANK YOU, MR. SILVER.
THANK YOU, DAVID, FOR MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE.
MM-HMM.
MAURY.
I--
NOBODY--NOBODY BOUGHT YOUR SCRIPT, MAURY.
THAT'S NOT STERLING SILVER.
THAT'S--THAT'S MY ASSISTANT, KEVIN.
WHAT?
MR. MUMBRUE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
WELL, SEE, I-I STAGED THIS MEETING
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL YOU
THAT YOUR SCRIPT IS NO GOOD. - WHAT?
SO THEN YOU REALLY DON'T LIKE MY SCRIPT?
I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOUR SCRIPT.
BUT YOU'RE A FANTASTIC TEACHER, MAURY.
AND I--AND I THINK YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO THAT.
- SO THIS WHOLE THING WAS A CON? - UH--
WHICH MEANS YOU ARE THE WRITER, MARCUS BARNES.
WILL YOU READ MY SCRIPT?
HEY, I WOULD LOVE TO, MAN,
BUT I SUFFER FROM S.B.S.
SPORADIC BLINDNESS SYNDROME.
NEVER KNOW-- THERE IT IS.
IT'S COMING O-- I SEE A SP--IT'S COMING ON.
I'LL FIND MYSELF OUT, FELLAS.
DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.
WHERE WE AT? OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. HEY.
I'M SORRY.
SO AM I.
SO DOES THIS MEAN YOU'LL COME BACK AND BE MY TEACHER AGAIN?
JOE, I LOVE BEING YOUR TEACHER,
BUT THIS SETBACK HAS ONLY INSPIRED ME
TO BECOME A BETTER WRITER
AND TRY AND MAKE IT IN HOLLYWOOD.
PLUS, I MAY HAVE SAID
SOME UNSAVORY THINGS
TO PRINCIPAL GILMORE BEFORE I LEFT,
SO, YOU KNOW, I GOTTA MAKE THIS THING HAPPEN.
THANKS A LOT, DAD.
IF YOU'D HAVE BEEN HONEST IN THE FIRST PLACE,
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
REALLY?
YOU OFFERED TO BUY THE SCRIPT?
THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO REHEARSE MORE, DAVID.
EMILY, HAVE YOU SEEN DR. MONKEY CHUNKS?
I CAN'T FIND HER. [thumping]
THAT'S HER THUMPING AROUND IN THE DRYER.
SHE GOT A LITTLE WET, SO I PUT HER IN THERE.
UH, I DON'T THINK SHE SHOULD BE IN THERE.
WHY NOT?
- SHE GETS DIZZY. - NO, SHE'S FINE.
WE PUT HER IN THE DRYER ALL THE TIME.
TAKE HER OUT.
I HID YOUR PHONE IN HER BELLY, AND NOW IT'S GETTING RUINED.
I FOUND THE PHONE, JANIE,
AND THAT'S A SHOE IN THE DRYER.
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE MY PHONE?
I DON'T KNOW. I'M SORRY.
GUESS SHE WON'T MESS WITH ME ANYMORE.
MAYBE SHE WASN'T MESSING WITH YOU.
MAYBE SHE WAS JUST MISSING YOU.
SEE, MY GUESS IS SHE WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH HER BIG SISTER,
BUT YOU WERE TOO BUSY HANGING OUT WITH YOUR PHONE.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
- OH. - MM-HMM.
WELL, IF SHE JUST TEXTED ME,
WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE THING.
HEY, UH, JOE, I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO,
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THE KID BEFORE YOU
JUST DID CAT IN THE HAT.
CAN'T GO IN THERE. I'M NOT READY.
JOE, YOU CAN DO THIS.
ALL MR. MUMBRUE DID WAS-- WAS FLIP A SWITCH
AND--AND INSPIRE WHAT'S ALREADY WITHIN YOU.
YOU DON'T NEED HIM.
OR ME.
SO JUST COME ON, MAN.
JUST GO IN THERE, AND JUST SAY WHAT YOU'RE TRULY FEELING.
REALLY?
YES. ABSOLUTELY.
DAD.
DECEPTION.
THEY BOTH START WITH "D."
BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT LETTERS.
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
HE'S SO DEEP-Y.
I HAD A TEACHER WHO TAUGHT ME MORE THAN ANYONE HAD,
BUT NOW HE'S GONE BECAUSE OF MY DAD.
THE MAN TOLD ME TO TALK ABOUT HOW I WAS FEELING,
SO I'M USING NIGHT WORD SPEAKY THING TO BE REVEALING.
I'M ANGRY, FRUSTRATED,
BUT I'M FEELING LIBERATED,
BECAUSE THERE'S ONE THING THAT I HAD TO LEARN.
I'VE GOT MAD SKILLS, SON, WITH WORDS TO BURN.
COLESLAW-SOME OUT!
[cheers and applause]
YEAH!
WHOO!
COLESLAW-SOME.
I'M NOT PAYING FOR THE MIC.
GOOD NIGHT, EMILY.
GOING TO BED?
I WAS KINDA HOPING I COULD READ YOU A STORY.
REALLY?
[pats couch] SURE.
"THE MOTHER SWAN WANTED HER BABIES TO SWIM."
[phone vibrating] "THE BABIES WERE NERVOUS."
- AREN'T YOU GONNA ANSWER THAT? - NOPE.
BUT IT'S YOUR PHONE.
I'M TOO BUSY.
THEN KEEP READING.
I WANNA HEAR WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BABY SWANS.
"THEY WOULD CLIMB ON HER BACK, AND SHE'D GET INTO THE WATER
"AND SHAKE THEM OFF.
"THEY WOULD CLIMB BACK ON HER BACK,
AND SHE'D SHAKE THEM OFF AGAIN."