1 00:00:07,615 --> 00:00:08,529 HERE YOU GO! 2 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,489 [overlapping shouting, screaming] 3 00:00:11,619 --> 00:00:12,794 STOP IT! 4 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:16,450 STOP THIS MAYHEM! 5 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:17,886 MR. HOBBS! 6 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:20,019 WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THIS? 7 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:25,198 I'D BE HAPPY TO. 8 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,721 NOTHING SAYS "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL" 9 00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:29,072 LIKE A SMILEY FACE PANCAKE. 10 00:00:29,202 --> 00:00:31,204 DAD, I'M STARTING SEVENTH GRADE. 11 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:34,860 I MAY BE A LITTLE OLD FOR SMILEY PANCAKES. 12 00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,296 SON, YOU KNOW THAT EUPHORIC FEELING 13 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,341 YOU GET ON YOUR LAST DAY OF SCHOOL? 14 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,559 YEAH. 15 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,692 WELL, AS A PARENT, YOU GET THAT FEELING 16 00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:43,042 ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. 17 00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:45,827 THIS IS FOR ME. 18 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,960 [laughs] - GOOD MORNING. 19 00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,309 JOE, I TEXTED YOU A LIST OF DOS AND DON'TS 20 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,181 FOR YOUR FIRST DAY AT THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME. 21 00:00:51,311 --> 00:00:54,227 OH, THANKS. 22 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:57,926 "DON'T TELL ANYONE YOU'RE MY BROTHER. 23 00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:03,454 DO TELL PEOPLE I'M NOT YOUR SISTER." 24 00:01:03,584 --> 00:01:05,151 EMILY, HELP YOUR BROTHER OUT. 25 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:08,807 FINE. EXPECT AN EMAIL FROM AN "IDA NOYA." 26 00:01:08,937 --> 00:01:10,635 OOH, I'M OPEN TO MEETING NEW PEOPLE. 27 00:01:10,765 --> 00:01:12,680 MM, SHE SOUNDS EXOTIC. 28 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:13,768 HELLO! 29 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,030 IT'LL BE FROM ME. 30 00:01:15,161 --> 00:01:16,597 "I-DUN KNOW-YA." 31 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:20,210 SURE, YOU DO, I'M YOUR BROTHER. 32 00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:23,082 JUST READ IT, JOE! 33 00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:24,910 CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? 34 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:25,911 I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT FOR THE FIRST TIME, 35 00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:27,913 AS A KINDERGARTNER... 36 00:01:28,043 --> 00:01:29,175 [imitates drumroll] 37 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:30,307 JANIE HOBBS! 38 00:01:30,437 --> 00:01:32,178 [cheers and applause] 39 00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:35,747 GOOD MORNING, FELLOW SCHOOL GOERS. 40 00:01:35,877 --> 00:01:38,445 HOW ABOUT A FIRST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL PANCAKE? 41 00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:40,665 THANKS, DADDY, BUT I CAN GET MY OWN BREAKFAST. 42 00:01:40,795 --> 00:01:42,493 I'M A BIG GIRL NOW. 43 00:01:42,623 --> 00:01:43,885 GOSH, I CAN'T BELIEVE OUR LITTLE GIRL'S GOING 44 00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:45,191 OFF TO SCHOOL. 45 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,975 - ME NEITHER. - [sighs] 46 00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,194 IT'S ALL HAPPENING SO QUICKLY, I JUST-- 47 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,195 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. 48 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,849 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EITHER, HONEY. 49 00:01:50,979 --> 00:01:52,677 YOU'RE PLAYING GOLF WITH MARCUS. 50 00:01:52,807 --> 00:01:55,245 I'M PLAYING SO MUCH GOLF. JUST HOLD ME, PLEASE. 51 00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:58,552 I-I GOT 36 HOLES TODAY. [laughs] 52 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:01,555 [upbeat pop music] 53 00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:09,694 ♪ 54 00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:23,186 HERE WE ARE. 55 00:02:23,316 --> 00:02:24,926 [high-pitched] THIS IS SO EXCITING. 56 00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:26,754 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 57 00:02:26,885 --> 00:02:28,626 [normal voice] WANT ME TO SHOW YOU AROUND A LITTLE BIT? 58 00:02:28,756 --> 00:02:30,367 IT'S OKAY, MR. HOBBS. 59 00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:33,108 I GOT THIS. 60 00:02:33,239 --> 00:02:36,547 [flatly] OH. HELLO, CHARLOTTE. 61 00:02:36,677 --> 00:02:38,462 CHARLOTTE'S GONNA SHOW ME THE ROPES, DADDY. 62 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,550 OH, NO, SWEETHEART. 63 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:40,638 I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR THE ROPES. 64 00:02:40,768 --> 00:02:41,900 THEY'RE VERY DANGEROUS. 65 00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:44,946 UM, IT MEANS I'M GONNA SHOW HER AROUND. 66 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:47,035 I KNEW THAT. 67 00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:48,428 JUST MAKING A JOKE. 68 00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,822 [laughs] DADDY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY. 69 00:02:50,952 --> 00:02:53,825 I DON'T SEE IT. 70 00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:55,740 WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN KINDERGARTEN AGAIN 71 00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:57,350 THIS YEAR, ANYWAY? 72 00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,134 THEY TOLD MY PARENTS I NEEDED TO WORK 73 00:02:59,265 --> 00:03:03,878 ON MY "SOCIALIZATION SKILLS." 74 00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:07,839 NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. 75 00:03:07,969 --> 00:03:09,580 COME ON, CHARLOTTE, SHOW ME THE ROPES. 76 00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:11,756 OH, CHAR, HONEY, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THOSE ROPES? 77 00:03:11,886 --> 00:03:13,758 STAY AWAY: THEY'RE DANGEROUS. 78 00:03:13,888 --> 00:03:16,021 KNEW THEY WERE REAL. 79 00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,066 MADE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF. 80 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,329 [class bell rings] 81 00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:22,070 ALL RIGHT, ORANGE BLOSSOMS, 82 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,942 THE FIRST BELL MEANS "HEAD IN THE DOOR 83 00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:27,075 AND FIND YOUR SEAT ON THE FLOOR." 84 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:29,295 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 85 00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,951 COME ON, LET'S SIT TOGETHER. 86 00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:34,692 OH, NO-NO, NO-NO, JANIE. 87 00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:38,739 YOUR SEAT IS OVER THERE BETWEEN JACK AND JORDAN. 88 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,567 I WANNA SIT NEXT TO MY BEST FRIEND. 89 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:43,309 WELL, NOT ONLY ARE WE HERE TO LEARN, JANIE, 90 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,834 WE'RE ALSO HERE TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS. 91 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,488 IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 92 00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,838 I WANNA SIT HERE, DADDY. 93 00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:53,754 I'M AFRAID THE STUDENTS ARE ASSIGNED SEATS ALPHABETICALLY. 94 00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:55,843 JANIE: J. 95 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:58,106 CHARLOTTE: C. 96 00:03:58,237 --> 00:03:59,804 OH, YEAH, WELL, 97 00:03:59,934 --> 00:04:05,200 [stammers] LET'S SEE IF I CAN FIX THIS, OKAY? 98 00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:08,813 WHY DON'T WE, UM, WORK A LITTLE MAGIC 99 00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:12,251 WITH THIS MARKER HERE, AND... 100 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:13,644 WATCH THIS. 101 00:04:13,774 --> 00:04:16,690 WOW. 102 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:22,435 SEE, NOW, UM, "CANIE" CAN SIT WITH "CUH-HAR-LOTTE." 103 00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,437 OH, "CUH-LEVER." 104 00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:25,830 BUT NO. 105 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:26,874 [class bell rings] 106 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,354 OKAY, PARENTS. 107 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,444 THE SECOND BELL MEANS "TIME TO SAY YOUR LAST GOOD-BYES 108 00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:34,795 AND HEAD BACK OUTSIDE." 109 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:35,927 - DADDY! - YEAH? 110 00:04:36,057 --> 00:04:38,146 DON'T GO. 111 00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,887 YEAH, BUT DADDY HAS TO GO, SWEETHEART. 112 00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:42,150 BUT IF I CAN'T SIT NEXT TO "CUH-HAR-LOTTE," 113 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,675 I WANNA GO WITH YOU. 114 00:04:44,805 --> 00:04:48,113 [moans] 115 00:04:48,243 --> 00:04:50,550 YOU KNOW, MAYBE--MAYBE I CAN STAY FOR A LITTLE BIT, OKAY? 116 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:54,554 AND I'M SURE MRS. ROTHSCHILD IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. 117 00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:57,383 BE REASONABLE, WOMAN! 118 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,737 MY DAUGHTER NEEDS ME, LOOK AT HER. 119 00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,043 THE ONLY PARENT ALLOWED IN THERE WITH THE TEACHER 120 00:05:05,173 --> 00:05:06,305 IS THE ROOM MOM. 121 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:08,655 HOW DO YOU GET TO BE ROOM MOM? 122 00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:11,310 UH, IT'S A LONG AND INVOLVED PROCESS. 123 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:12,616 YEAH, FIRST YOU HAVE TO BE NOMINATED 124 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,574 THEN SECONDED, THEN VETTED, 125 00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,489 LOT OF PAPERWORK, BACKGROUND CHECKS, 126 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,056 AND FINALLY WE VOTE. 127 00:05:18,186 --> 00:05:20,014 - I'LL DO IT. - GOOD ENOUGH. 128 00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:20,972 ALL IN FAVOR OF THIS GUY? 129 00:05:21,102 --> 00:05:25,063 OKAY, GREAT. 130 00:05:27,413 --> 00:05:29,372 [nervously] WE'RE TOO SMALL. 131 00:05:29,502 --> 00:05:32,853 AT OUR LAST SCHOOL, WE WERE THE TALLEST KIDS. 132 00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:34,551 NO, WE WEREN'T! 133 00:05:34,681 --> 00:05:37,162 TALLEST IN THE SHORT GROUP. 134 00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:39,164 HOW WILL WE SURVIVE? 135 00:05:39,294 --> 00:05:42,646 [message alert plays] 136 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,125 OH, I JUST GOT A MESSAGE FROM MY SISTER. 137 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,257 THIS SHOULD HELP. 138 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,477 OR MAKE IT MUCH WORSE. 139 00:05:47,607 --> 00:05:50,784 EITHER WAY, WE STILL GET TO LOOK AT YOUR SISTER. 140 00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:57,356 OKAY, HERE ARE THE BASIC RULES FOR NEW-SCHOOL SURVIVAL. 141 00:05:57,487 --> 00:06:00,228 LEARN TO IDENTIFY THE FOLLOWING: 142 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,883 YOU GOT YOUR JOCKS, GEEKS, 143 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,930 ARTISTS, RAPPERS, 144 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:07,453 FINGER-GUNNERS, 145 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,194 FLIRTS, WANNABES, 146 00:06:09,324 --> 00:06:11,414 MAYBES, WORKER BEES, BANDIES, 147 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:12,806 DRAMATISTS, DAPPERS, 148 00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,939 HIGH-FIVERS, AND EURO-STYLERS. 149 00:06:15,069 --> 00:06:17,071 IF YOU ENCOUNTER ANY ONE OF THESE, 150 00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:20,335 ALWAYS ANSWER A QUESTION WITH A QUESTION. 151 00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:22,860 YOU BLEND AND YOU BEND. 152 00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:25,471 AND YOU NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT. 153 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,820 LOVE YA! 154 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,300 I WAS NEVER HERE. 155 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:32,478 ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. 156 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:35,481 [cool jazz music] 157 00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:41,618 ♪ 158 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:49,756 all: YEAH. 159 00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:51,584 [violent string orchestra music] 160 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:55,109 EYE CONTACT, I MADE EYE CONTACT! 161 00:07:00,201 --> 00:07:03,640 MAN, I CANNOT BELIEVE HE STOOD ME UP! 162 00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:05,903 YEAH, WELL, IMAGINE HOW I FEEL. 163 00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:08,732 SO YOU THINK HOW YOU FEEL IS WORSE THAN HOW I FEEL? 164 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,908 UH, YEAH. 165 00:07:11,038 --> 00:07:13,040 I THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THE DEPTH OF MY DISAPPOINTMENT 166 00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:14,912 IS GREATER THAN YOURS. 167 00:07:15,042 --> 00:07:18,698 LOOK, I WAS GONNA PLAY 36 HOLES OF GOLF WITH THE MAN! 168 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:23,050 AND WE WERE GONNA MAKE FONDUE TOGETHER. 169 00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:24,487 FONDUE? YOU'RE JUST MAKIN' THAT UP. 170 00:07:24,617 --> 00:07:26,053 - YOU DON'T KNOW THAT. - NOT FONDUE. 171 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,577 [overlapping argument] 172 00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:28,795 WHAT--HEY. 173 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,536 GUYS, I'M SORRY I'M LATE. 174 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:31,711 BUT GUESS WHAT? [door closes] 175 00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:33,844 YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE NEW ROOM MOM! 176 00:07:33,974 --> 00:07:36,499 HE GOT THE TEACHER TO LET ME SIT WITH CHARLOTTE! 177 00:07:36,629 --> 00:07:39,502 YEAH, THE OLD HOBBS CHARM GOES A LONG WAY. 178 00:07:39,632 --> 00:07:41,895 NOT AS FAR AS YOU THINK. 179 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:44,724 [doorbell chimes] 180 00:07:49,337 --> 00:07:51,252 [sighs] THESE ARE FOR YOU. 181 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:52,427 [grunts] 182 00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:54,734 CONTACT LISTS, SCHOOL RULES, 183 00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,954 FOOD ALLERGY SPREADSHEET, EVERYTHING YOU'LL NEED. 184 00:07:57,084 --> 00:07:58,172 NEED FOR WHAT? 185 00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,435 YOU'RE THE NEW ROOM PARENT, RIGHT? 186 00:08:00,566 --> 00:08:01,567 YEAH. 187 00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,787 I HAD THE JOB LAST YEAR. 188 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,006 THEY HAD A ROOM GRANDMOTHER? 189 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:10,141 I'M 32. 190 00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:14,493 THIS IS WHAT THE JOB DID TO ME. 191 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:17,627 GOOD LUCK! 192 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,637 I'M BEING HUNTED. 193 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:30,422 I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT BEING HUNTED. 194 00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:31,945 I MADE EYE CONTACT, EMILY. 195 00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,382 EYE CONTACT! 196 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:36,123 JOE, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. 197 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:37,821 YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS. 198 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,213 ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA GET BACK TO CLASS. 199 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:43,217 EYES DOWN. 200 00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:45,480 SHE'S RIGHT. 201 00:08:45,611 --> 00:08:47,178 PROBABLY JUST IMAGINING THINGS. 202 00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:50,094 [violent string orchestra music] 203 00:08:50,224 --> 00:08:54,359 YOU AND ME NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE FACE TIME OF OUR OWN. 204 00:08:54,489 --> 00:08:57,057 HEY, LOOK, THE JANITOR! 205 00:08:57,188 --> 00:09:00,539 YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE! 206 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,803 ACTUALLY, YOU CAN HIDE BUT YOU CAN'T RUN 207 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:07,024 'CAUSE THERE IS NO RUNNING IN THE HALLWAYS! 208 00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,682 YES, MRS. KOGEN, 209 00:09:12,812 --> 00:09:15,119 I'M AWARE THAT YOUR SON CHARLIE HAS A PEANUT ALLERGY. 210 00:09:15,249 --> 00:09:17,730 YES, I'M-- I'M WRITING IT DOWN NOW. 211 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,993 "PEANUT ALLERGY," RIGHT, I GOT IT. 212 00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:22,430 I'M GONNA SEND A GROUP EMAIL SO EVERYBODY'S HAPPY 213 00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,302 AND EVERYBODY...IS HAPPY, OKAY? 214 00:09:24,432 --> 00:09:26,652 HERE WE GO. 215 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,175 YOU'VE GOT SENT MAIL. 216 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:29,481 ALL RIGHT? 217 00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,135 THANK YOU--YOU-- ALL RIGHT, 218 00:09:31,265 --> 00:09:33,224 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, GOOD-BYE. 219 00:09:33,354 --> 00:09:36,836 PLEASE, EVERYBODY, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. 220 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:37,924 SO? 221 00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,578 [laughs] HOW WAS THE BIG DAY? 222 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:42,189 IT WAS GOOD, IT WAS VERY GOOD. 223 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,408 OH, NO, DAVID. 224 00:09:43,538 --> 00:09:45,410 YOU DID NOT ASK TO BE ROOM MOM, DID YOU? 225 00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:48,195 NO, HONEY, I WAS ELECTED. 226 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:51,024 OH, SWEETIE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR. 227 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,635 HAD KEVIN DO SOME RESEARCH ON WHAT IT TAKES 228 00:09:52,765 --> 00:09:53,984 TO BE AN EFFECTIVE ROOM MOM. 229 00:09:54,114 --> 00:09:56,290 AND WE CAME UP WITH THREE VERY IMPORTANT THINGS. 230 00:09:56,421 --> 00:10:00,207 TIME, SENSITIVITY, AND TACT. 231 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:04,037 AND HOW MANY OF THOSE INGREDIENTS DO YOU HAVE? 232 00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:06,257 TWO? 233 00:10:06,387 --> 00:10:08,215 ZERO, HONEY. 234 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,175 THE ANSWER IS ZERO. 235 00:10:11,305 --> 00:10:13,090 ALL RIGHT, DON'T PANIC, 236 00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:14,352 BUT YOU'RE RUNNING A BAKE SALE MEETING 237 00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:15,440 TOMORROW MORNING. 238 00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,224 NO! NO, NO-NO, NO! 239 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:18,878 I CAN'T DO THAT! 240 00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:19,749 I HAVE GOLFING WITH MARCUS TOMORROW! 241 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,098 WE'RE PLAYING 36 HOLES! 242 00:10:21,228 --> 00:10:22,708 I CAN'T DO A BAKE SALE! 243 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:23,796 CALM DOWN, AMY. 244 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,972 TAKE IT EASY. 245 00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:27,104 ALL RIGHT, OKAY. 246 00:10:27,234 --> 00:10:28,366 I KNOW HOW I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS. 247 00:10:28,496 --> 00:10:30,542 GONNA HANDLE IT JUST LIKE I HANDLED MY SHOW. 248 00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:33,023 I'M GONNA TELL EVERYBODY EXACTLY WHAT TO DO, 249 00:10:33,153 --> 00:10:35,678 THEN EXIT STAGE LEFT TO A STANDING OVATION. 250 00:10:35,808 --> 00:10:39,246 WATCH. 251 00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:41,292 DADDY, CAN CHARLOTTE STAY FOR DINNER? 252 00:10:41,422 --> 00:10:42,467 NO. 253 00:10:42,597 --> 00:10:44,599 GOOD, I DIDN'T WANT TO. 254 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,951 FINE, THEN YOU'RE STAYING. 255 00:10:52,346 --> 00:10:54,261 GUYS, I PROMISE YOU, THIS WILL TAKE FIVE MINUTES. 256 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:55,828 YES, WE CAN PLAY SOME GOLF. 257 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:58,396 FOLLOWED BY FONDUE AFTER, RIGHT? 258 00:10:58,526 --> 00:11:01,965 YES, AND...WHAT? 259 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,793 THOUGHT YOU WAS MAKING THAT UP. 260 00:11:03,923 --> 00:11:04,881 - NO, I WASN'T, I TOLD HIM. - FINE. 261 00:11:05,011 --> 00:11:06,099 HE WAS ASLEEP WHEN I TOLD HIM... 262 00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:07,187 - FINE. - BUT HE KNOWS. 263 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:10,625 - FINE. - HE KNOWS SUBLIMINALLY. 264 00:11:10,756 --> 00:11:15,065 OKAY, WHO'S READY FOR AN AWESOME BAKE SALE MEETING? 265 00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:17,458 RIGHT? [laughs] 266 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,765 NOW PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE-- 267 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:22,028 YOU KNOW HIM AS AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD-- 268 00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:25,336 BUT NOW HE'S YOUR BRAND-NEW KINDERGARTEN ROOM MOM, 269 00:11:25,466 --> 00:11:27,120 MR. DAVID HOBBS! 270 00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,035 [merry music plays over device] 271 00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:32,038 THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THANK YOU, KEVIN. 272 00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,431 WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 273 00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:35,433 I'LL MAKE THIS SHORTCAKE AND SWEET. 274 00:11:35,563 --> 00:11:36,608 [music stops] 275 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,828 [laughing] THANK YOU, OKAY. 276 00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:40,873 AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE SOME ASSIGNMENT SHEETS 277 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,092 FOR EVERYBODY. 278 00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:43,223 JUST PASS THOSE AROUND IF YOU WOULD. 279 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:44,355 AND YOU'LL SEE ON THESE SHEETS 280 00:11:44,485 --> 00:11:47,140 THAT YOU ALL NOW HAVE A BAKING BUDDY. 281 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,141 all: OH. 282 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:49,882 MEETING ADJOURNED. 283 00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:51,405 AND I'M TAKING THESE SWEET BUNS OUT THE DOOR. 284 00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:53,581 UH--UH, HOLD ON. 285 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,192 I CAN'T WORK WITH GWEN. 286 00:11:55,322 --> 00:11:56,976 THAT'S BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WORK WITH ANYBODY. 287 00:11:57,107 --> 00:11:58,673 HEIDI. 288 00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:01,067 HEY, I'VE HAD YOUR LEMON SCONES, LADY. 289 00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:04,723 AND, TRUST ME, THEY'RE MORE LIKE STONES. 290 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,943 SPEAKING OF STONES, 291 00:12:07,073 --> 00:12:09,728 I BROKE A TOOTH EATING ONE OF YOUR BROWNIES. YEAH. 292 00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,512 OH, GREAT, FINE. 293 00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:12,557 I WON'T MAKE BROWNIES. 294 00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:14,254 I WON'T MAKE ANYTHING. 295 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:18,171 - PROMISE? - PIPE DOWN, PHIL. 296 00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:20,391 YOU'RE SO SMUG JUST BECAUSE YOU DRIVE A HYBRID. 297 00:12:20,521 --> 00:12:24,134 [overlapping chatter] 298 00:12:24,264 --> 00:12:26,049 EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY! HEY! 299 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,268 JUST TAKE IT EASY, CALM DOWN. 300 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,183 INSIDE VOICES. 301 00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:31,663 WHAT ARE WE, SIX? 302 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,361 "WHAT ARE WE, SIX?" 303 00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:37,190 SHE'S MAKING FUN OF ME! 304 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,757 YOU'RE YUCKY! 305 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,064 - YOUR FAMILY HAS LICE. - [gasps] 306 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:44,415 THAT'S YUCKY TIMES INFINITY. 307 00:12:44,545 --> 00:12:46,721 OH, IT WAS DANDRUFF! MY HOUSE HAS HARD WATER! 308 00:12:46,852 --> 00:12:48,288 OH, OH, OH-- 309 00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:50,943 HEY, THERE'S A BOWL OF PEANUTS ON THE TABLE! 310 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:54,860 [overlapping chatter] 311 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,213 YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, ROOM MOM. 312 00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:03,129 [overlapping shouting] 313 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,008 WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM, MARCUS. 314 00:13:12,138 --> 00:13:14,837 HE'S ALREADY GONE, KEVIN, LET HIM GO. 315 00:13:21,408 --> 00:13:23,149 MR. HOBBS. 316 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:27,762 WORD'S OUT YOUR MEETING DIDN'T GO SO VERY WELL. 317 00:13:27,893 --> 00:13:29,373 YOU KNOW, VICE-PRINCIPAL BLACKBURN, 318 00:13:29,503 --> 00:13:31,549 I THOUGHT FOR SURE THAT THE BAKING BUDDY IDEA 319 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:33,246 WAS A WINNER. 320 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:37,381 WELL, YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, MR. HOBBS. 321 00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:40,471 GO ON. 322 00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:43,909 BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE IT DRINK? 323 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,217 WITH THE OTHER KINDERGARTEN PARENTS. 324 00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:49,523 IT'S A METAPHOR? 325 00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:53,919 THEY HATE EACH OTHER? 326 00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,095 AS MUCH AS I HATE TO ADMIT THIS, 327 00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,837 I-I THINK I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, 328 00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,839 SO I'M GONNA-- 329 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:04,277 I'M GONNA TURN IN MY ORANGE BLOSSOM LANYARD. 330 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,149 HO-HO, GOOD ONE. 331 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,542 YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST QUIT BEING A ROOM PARENT? 332 00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:09,848 YOU DON'T QUIT, HOBBS! 333 00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,371 WE HAVE A BAKE SALE TO PUT ON! 334 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:15,158 DIAL IT BACK, MIRIAM. 335 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,204 - 'COURSE THERE IS ONE WAY OUT. - YEAH? 336 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,511 YOU COULD FIND YOUR OWN REPLACEMENT. 337 00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:22,034 MY REPLACEMENT? ARE YOU KIDDING? 338 00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,254 THESE PEOPLE WON'T EVEN BAKE CUPCAKES! 339 00:14:24,384 --> 00:14:27,257 WELL, THEN I GUESS YOU BETTER PUT YOUR LANYARD BACK ON. 340 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:38,268 YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, ROOM MOM. 341 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:48,147 JUST PLAY IT COOL, ELLIOT. 342 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,628 [high-pitched] HE'S COMING THIS WAY. 343 00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:53,326 REMEMBER, EMILY SAID ANSWER QUESTIONS WITH QUESTIONS. 344 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:56,721 HEY...NEWBIES. 345 00:14:56,851 --> 00:14:59,115 WHERE'S YOUR FRIEND? 346 00:14:59,245 --> 00:15:03,032 UH, WHERE'S {\an8}YOUR FRIEND? 347 00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:07,732 OKAY. 348 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,516 YOU WIN THIS ROUND. 349 00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:15,131 BUT THIS ISN'T OVER. 350 00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:16,175 IT WORKED! 351 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:20,701 LET'S TELL JOE. 352 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:21,746 I HEARD. 353 00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:23,617 [snickers] 354 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:26,751 [grunting] 355 00:15:31,886 --> 00:15:35,455 WORD ON THE PLAYGROUND IS YOUR PIES ARE $25. 356 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:38,545 LITTLE PRICEY, AREN'T THEY? 357 00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:40,895 IT MIGHT SEEM THAT WAY, CHARLOTTE, BUT... 358 00:15:41,026 --> 00:15:44,682 YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY SIGN YET. 359 00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:47,076 WHAT DO YOU THINK NOW? 360 00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:48,164 I DON'T KNOW. 361 00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:49,426 I CAN'T READ. 362 00:15:49,556 --> 00:15:51,863 IT SAYS, "BUY A PIE, THROW A PIE." 363 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:56,694 OH, THIS HAS DISASTER WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 364 00:15:56,824 --> 00:15:58,652 [scoffs] THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY 365 00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:02,569 ANYONE'S GONNA SPEND 25 BUCKS-- 366 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,311 BEST $25 I EVER SPENT. 367 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,183 WHOO! HA-HA! 368 00:16:07,313 --> 00:16:09,141 OH, IT'S ON! 369 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:12,318 [sighs] YEAH. 370 00:16:15,669 --> 00:16:17,410 [overlapping chatter] 371 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:18,933 OKAY. 372 00:16:19,064 --> 00:16:23,460 [scattered screaming, shouting] 373 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:32,947 STOP IT! 374 00:16:33,078 --> 00:16:35,559 STOP THIS MAYHEM! 375 00:16:35,689 --> 00:16:36,647 MR. HOBBS! 376 00:16:36,777 --> 00:16:38,736 WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THIS? 377 00:16:38,866 --> 00:16:44,350 I'D BE HAPPY TO. 378 00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:46,222 MR. HOBBS. 379 00:16:46,352 --> 00:16:50,487 YOU ARE THE WORST ROOM PARENT... 380 00:16:50,617 --> 00:16:52,532 EVER! 381 00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:55,927 GUILTY. 382 00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,936 HELLO, JANITOR MOSEY. 383 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:08,244 [violent string orchestra music] 384 00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:09,723 WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE JANITOR? 385 00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,377 THANKS TO BUDGET CUTS, 386 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:12,900 THE JANITOR DOESN'T WORK ON THURSDAYS, 387 00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:18,036 SO I BORROWED HIS BROOM. 388 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:20,734 SO EMILY HOBBS IS YOUR SISTER, HUH? 389 00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,823 MY SISTER? HA, GOOD ONE. 390 00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:24,390 NO WAY I'M RELATED TO HER. 391 00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,262 LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE. 392 00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:28,786 I SWEAR, I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS MY SISTER. 393 00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:30,353 IT'S OKAY, JOE. 394 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,877 YOU THINK YOU'RE SO COOL PICKING ON A NEW KID? 395 00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:34,052 SCARING HIM INTO SNEAKING AROUND THE HALLS 396 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,575 AND HIDING IN HIS LOCKER? 397 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:36,576 WHAT, YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? 398 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,796 EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THAT. 399 00:17:38,926 --> 00:17:40,928 YOU GOT THIS ALL WRONG. 400 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,800 I-I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO HIM. 401 00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:44,106 YOU JUST WANTED TO TALK? 402 00:17:44,236 --> 00:17:45,455 [scoffs] YOU'RE PATHETIC! 403 00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:46,978 THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH, 404 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,285 PICKING ON AN INNOCENT, WEAK, DEFENSELESS-- 405 00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:50,590 NOT TO MENTION CLUELESS-- 406 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:51,678 EMILY, HE GETS IT. 407 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,072 WELL, NOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL 408 00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:55,465 WITH JOE HOBBS' BIG SISTER. 409 00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:58,424 AND WHEN I'M DONE TEARING YOU APART, GREGGY-BOY, 410 00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,992 YOU'RE GONNA WANNA HIDE YOURSELF IN A LOCKER! 411 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,472 SO IF YOU WANNA TALK... 412 00:18:02,602 --> 00:18:03,473 [locker door bangs] TALK TO ME INSTEAD! 413 00:18:03,603 --> 00:18:06,258 OR DO YOU NOT HAVE THE BISCUITS? 414 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,825 OKAY. 415 00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:11,307 UM, I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT YOU. 416 00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:14,527 I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU FOR TWO YEARS NOW. 417 00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,050 WHEN I HEARD YOU HAD A BROTHER IN THE SCHOOL, 418 00:18:16,181 --> 00:18:18,270 I FIGURED HE'D BE MY WAY IN. 419 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,880 REALLY? 420 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:21,839 YOU'VE HAD A CRUSH ON ME? 421 00:18:21,969 --> 00:18:23,145 NO, NOT ANYMORE. 422 00:18:23,275 --> 00:18:25,973 YOU ARE [falsetto] SERIOUSLY SCARY. 423 00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:27,149 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 424 00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:29,499 SOMEBODY BARFED IN THE CAFETERIA. 425 00:18:29,629 --> 00:18:34,634 I HAD TO BORROW THIS UNIFORM ON FISH TACO DAY! 426 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,158 WOW. 427 00:18:36,288 --> 00:18:38,769 THAT TOOK AN UNEXPECTED TURN. 428 00:18:38,899 --> 00:18:40,118 THANKS FOR HAVING MY BACK, EMILY. 429 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:42,599 [sighs] YOU'RE WELCOME. 430 00:18:42,729 --> 00:18:45,428 BUT, REMEMBER, IT'S IDA. 431 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,257 SORRY, STRANGE PERSON I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE. 432 00:18:51,912 --> 00:18:57,744 [overlapping murmurs] 433 00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,007 [guffaws] 434 00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:02,749 I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY TO GET A COUPLE OF THINGS 435 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:07,580 TO TAKE BACK TO THE SET, BUT-- WOW! 436 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,365 WHAT HAPPENED? 437 00:19:09,495 --> 00:19:12,411 WELL, UH, FOR STARTERS, I GOT FIRED. 438 00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:15,501 SEEMS YOUR HUSBAND HAS REALLY DONE IT. 439 00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:18,200 WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT, UH, REALLY CUT OUT 440 00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:19,375 FOR THIS SORT OF THING. 441 00:19:19,505 --> 00:19:21,594 NO, I MEAN HE'S REALLY DONE IT! 442 00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:23,814 BROKEN THE RECORD FOR THE MOST MONEY RAISED 443 00:19:23,944 --> 00:19:25,337 BY A KICK-OFF BAKE SALE. 444 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,686 [chuckles] - SERIOUSLY? 445 00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,775 YOUR PLAN WAS INGENIOUS! 446 00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,429 SERIOUSLY? 447 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,693 LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE NOT FIRED AFTER ALL. 448 00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:35,217 SERIOUSLY? 449 00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:37,262 BUT IT IS-- IT IS QUITE APPARENT 450 00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,222 THAT YOU DON'T REALLY WANT THIS POSITION. 451 00:19:40,352 --> 00:19:44,008 SO IN APPRECIATION OF YOUR, UH, SUCCESS, 452 00:19:44,138 --> 00:19:46,663 I'M PREPARED TO RELEASE YOU. 453 00:19:46,793 --> 00:19:47,968 OH! 454 00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:49,622 OH, YES! BLESS YOU. 455 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,058 THANK YOU! 456 00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:52,930 OH, NO, THANK YOU. 457 00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:56,020 COME ON, MIRIAM, LET'S GO COUNT OUR CASH AGAIN. 458 00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:58,283 DADDY, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN. 459 00:19:58,414 --> 00:19:59,806 EVEN CHARLOTTE SAID 460 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,592 YOU'RE THE BEST ROOM PARENT SHE'S EVER SEEN. 461 00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:03,941 SHE DID? 462 00:20:04,071 --> 00:20:07,074 DON'T GET CRAZY, I'VE ONLY SEEN TWO. 463 00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:11,601 I'M REALLY GLAD THAT YOU'RE A ROOM PARENT. 464 00:20:11,731 --> 00:20:13,820 NOW I HAVE MY TWO BEST FRIENDS IN CLASS WITH ME. 465 00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:18,042 OH. 466 00:20:18,172 --> 00:20:23,177 THANK YOU, SWEETHEART. 467 00:20:23,308 --> 00:20:27,834 WELL, I GUESS I CAN GIVE UP MY FREEDOM 468 00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:30,228 A LITTLE WHILE LONGER FOR THAT BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL. 469 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:31,838 MM. 470 00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,667 SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR THE CARNIVAL NEXT MONTH? 471 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:37,061 WHAT? 472 00:20:37,191 --> 00:20:38,889 CARNIVAL? 473 00:20:39,019 --> 00:20:42,414 SERIOUSLY?