THAT'S THE FUNNIEST PART.
I'M TOTALLY LOL-ING RIGHT NOW.
HILARE, RIGHT?
- SO HILARE. - WHAT'S SO HILARE?
IT'S ONE THOSE SUPER-CATCHY VIRAL VIDEOS.
BUT YOU WOULDN'T GET IT, DAD, BECAUSE--
all: "YOU DON'T GOT THE BREAD."
YEAH, DAD,
YOU DON'T GOT THE BREAD.
all: OH, NO, YOU DURDN'T!
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU THINK THAT I DON'T GET IT, BUT I GET IT.
I GET IT 'CAUSE YOU DON'T GOT THE BREAD.
WELL I GOT THE BREAD 'CAUSE I WENT SHOPPING.
LOOK AT THIS. PRINCIPLE TEMPLEMAN SENT
A LETTER TO ALL THE PARENTS IN JANIE'S CLASS.
APPARENTLY THERE'S BEEN SOME DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR,
BUT IT DOESN'T SAY WHO IT IS.
I KNOW WHO IT IS.
IT'S JANIE'S LITTLE KNOW-IT-ALL FRIEND, CHARLOTTE.
ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.
"DON'T PARK THERE MR. HOBBS.
THAT'S A HANDICAPPED SPOT."
WELL, WHOEVER IT IS, TEMPLEMAN WANTS ALL THE PARENTS
TO TALK TO THEIR KIDS ABOUT PROPER CLASSROOM CONDUCT.
WELL, I THINK WE'RE OKAY THERE, HONEY.
'CAUSE WE'VE TAUGHT OUR KIDS PROPER CONDUCT.
DIE, FITZY, YOU SHOE SCUM! YEAH, YEAH. HU-WAH!
WHOA. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
OH, I JUST CLOTHESLINED FITZY.
AND I'M ABOUT TO SHATTER HIS GLASSES
WITH A FLYING EYE-SOCKET ROCKET.
WOW.
NOT A GOOD DAY TO BE FITZY.
IT'S NEVER A GOOD DAY TO BE FITZY, MR. HOBBS.
WELL, LISTEN, I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE INTO THIS WRESTLING THING,
BUT YOU CAN GET SERIOUSLY HURT.
NOW YOU DON'T CLOTHESLINE A FRIEND LIKE THAT, OKAY?
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT PROPERLY.
I BET YOU'RE ALL WONDERING
HOW I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT WRESTLING.
HE WANTS ONE OF YOU TO ASK.
HOW DO YOU KNOW, MR. HOBBS?
GLAD YOU ASKED, FITZY.
BECAUSE MANY YEARS AGO, I DID A LITTLE MOVIE CALLED
THE MANE-IAC.
IT'S THE STORY OF AN ORPHANED WRESTLER
WHOSE PARENTS DIED WHEN THEIR HAIR SALON BURNED DOWN.
TO HONOR THEIR MEMORY, NEVER DID HE CUT HIS HAIR.
HENCE, "THE MANE-IAC".
HOLD THAT, KEVIN. NOW LISTEN.
OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU THE CLOTHESLINE.
FITZY, COME HERE.
HERE'S HOW A REAL PROFESSIONAL DOES THIS, RIGHT.
YOU TAKE YOUR FOREARM, JOE,
AND YOU PLANT IT
RIGHT INTO FITZY'S WINDPIPE, LIKE THAT, OKAY.
UH, HEY, DAVID.
YEAH, WHAT? I'M JUST SHOWING THESE BOYS
HOW A PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED WRESTLER
WOULD THROW A CLOTHESLINE.
ON POOR LITTLE FITZY?
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. CARLOS, COME HERE.
MOVE OVER.
GUYS, THIS IS BULK, MY FRIEND.
THE GUY WHO TRAINED ME TO BE THE MANE-IAC.
WOW, I LOVE WATCHING YOU ON TV, MR. BULK.
CAN YOU STILL MAKE YOUR PECS DANCE?
WOULD YOU LIKE THEM TO TANGO?
OR CHA-CHA?
NOW, LISTEN UP. BULK HERE IS GOING TO SHOW YOU
THAT THESE WRESTLING MOVES ARE JUST FOR US PROFESSIONALS.
OKAY, YOU READY?
YEAH, LET'S DO THIS.
ALL RIGHT, HERE. CHECK THIS OUT GUYS. HERE WE GO.
WHOA.
WHOA, DAD! THAT WAS AWESOME.
YOU THINK THAT WAS AWESOME, WATCH THIS, JOE.
WOW, MR. HOBBS, YOU'RE BARELY BREAKING A SWEAT.
YEAH, TRAINED MYSELF NOT TO SWEAT, FITZY.
IT AFFECTS THE HAIRLINE.
DAD, LOOK OUT.
OH!
GRR!
RARGH!
HELLO?
HEY, POOKIE BEAR.
SORRY, DAVID. GOTTA GO PICK UP THE WIFE.
NO, NO. YOU HANG UP FIRST.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, BULK. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
SEE, GUYS, THAT'S ONLY THAT
BECAUSE I'M A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL
THAT I CAN KICK BUTT AND DO THIS.
OH, LET ME GET 'EM STARTED FOR YOU, DAVID. ALL RIGHT.
YOU HEAR THAT, FELLAS?
AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DOOFUS OVER HERE
THINK'S HE'S A REAL WRESTLER.
GUYS, IT'S DR. MAYHEM.
all: BOO!
- YOU LITTLE! - AAH!
I WAS JUST SHOWING THESE YOUNG BOYS HERE
A COUPLE OF MOVES I LEARNED
ON A WRESTLING MOVIE I DID CALLED THE MANE-IAC.
YEAH, MY MOTHER MADE ME WATCH IT.
I THOUGHT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED "THE LAME-IAC."
I WASN'T TRYING TO BE FUNNY.
OH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO HERE.
YOU'RE TRYING TO PUT ON A SHOW FOR THE KIDS.
EXCELLENT.
HEY, WHERE'D YOU GO TO COLLEGE, DR. MAYHEM?
UC JERKELEY?
CUTE! YEAH.
SO YOU THINK DOING ONE STRAIGHT-TO-VIDEO MOVIE
MAKES YOU AN EXPERT?
SOMEONE LIKE YOU...
COULD BEAT SOMEONE LIKE ME?
WELL, I'LL THROW DOWN WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.
I GOT A BETTER IDEA, HOLLYWOOD.
WHAT DO YOU SAY ME AND YOU, ONE ON ONE, IN THE RING
ON SATURDAY NIGHT?
YOU KNOW, GIVE THE PEOPLE A REAL SHOW.
I DO LOVE AN AUDIENCE. OKAY, YOU'RE ON.
- YEAH. HA-HA. WHAT? - YEAH. WHAT?
YEAH, WHAT?
OH!
THANKS FOR COMING DOWN, MRS. HOBBS.
I THOUGHT MY LETTER WOULD HAVE CORRECTED
THE DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S STILL HAPPENING.
OH, I SEE.
IT'S CHARLOTTE.
YOU KNOW I'M FRIENDS WITH HER MOM,
SO YOU WANT ME TO SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S NOT CHARLOTTE.
JOSHUA.
RUMOR HAS IT HIS MOM ENJOYS
THE OCCASIONAL MORNING GRAPE JUICE,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
IT'S JANIE.
JANIE WHO?
OH, NO, I DURDN'T.
OH, NO, SHE DURDN'T.
OH, INDEED SHE DURD.
KEVIN, I AM AN ARTIST.
IF I'M NOT 100% PREPARED, I WILL NOT GET INTO THE RING.
I'M TEASING AS FAST AS I CAN, DAVID.
DAD, YOU FIGHTING MAYHEM THIS SATURDAY
BLEW UP AT SCHOOL TODAY.
OH.
EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT AT LUNCH.
EVEN DYLAN AT THE COOL TABLE.
YOU SAT AT THE COOL TABLE?
NO. WE SIT WITH THE SCIENCE CLUB.
BUT WE ARE SUPER GOOD AT READING LIPS.
AH, YEAH.
OH, AND CAN I HAVE FITZY AND CARLOS OVER
TO WATCH THE PRESS CONFERENCE TONIGHT?
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. YEAH, YEAH.
OH, AND ASK DYLAN TO COME OVER TOO.
YOU GUYS COULD USE A COOL FR--UH, ANOTHER FRIEND.
THANKS, DAD.
AND MAKE SURE YOU GET ALL UP IN DR. MAYHEM'S GRILL.
YEAH. YEAH. GET ALL UP IN HIS GRILL.
I GOT YOU COVERED, I GOT YOU COVERED.
MAN, I'VE WRITTEN ALL THE TRASH TALK YOU WILL NEED.
COOL.
YEAH, EVEN SOME "YOUR MAMA" JOKES.
OH, REALLY? NICE. LIKE "YOUR MAMA'S SO BIG,
WHEN SHE WALKS INTO A GROCERY STORE,
ALL THE FOOD GETS SCARED." ALL RIGHT?
AND THEN YOU IMITATE THE FOOD BEING SCARED, LIKE
MARCUS, YOU GOTTA LEAVE THE ACTING TO ME, OKAY.
CAN I SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE? - WHAT YOU GOT? WHAT YOU GOT?
OKAY. I GIVE YOU... FRIGHTENED RADISH.
READY? - GO AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT, SIMPLE.
OKAY, I GOT TO WRITE THAT DOWN.
WELL, I MET WITH PRINCIPAL TEMPLEMAN TODAY.
I WAS RIGHT, WASN'T I?
IT WAS THAT LITTLE STINKER CHARLOTTE.
IT WAS JANIE.
- JANIE WHO? - OUR JANIE!
SHE WAS DANCE BOMBING THE TEACHER LIKE THIS.
- WHAT? - YEAH.
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE OUR JANIE.
I BET YOU SHE PICKED IT UP FROM CHARLOTTE.
all: OH NO WE DURDN'T.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. JANIE GOT IT FROM ANOTHER KID.
OUR KID.
UNLESS...EMILY GOT IT FROM CHARLOTTE.
WELCOME, WRESTLING FANS.
THIS SATURDAY NIGHT, OUR IMPACT MAIN EVENT
WILL FEATURE A HIGH VOLTAGE SURPRISE.
WRESTLING'S REIGNING BAD BOY, DR. MAYHEM,
VERSUS TV'S DAVID HOBBS, A.K.A THE MANE-IAC.
JOE, YOUR DAD WRESTLING DR. MAYHEM
COULD BE THE COOLEST THING IN THE HISTORY OF COOL THINGS.
THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL, D-MAN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
DR. MAYHEM, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO THE CHALLENGER?
I THINK IT'S BEST IF I WRITE IT DOWN.
OOH, HE CAN WRITE.
WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S A POWERFUL PRESCRIPTION
FOR PAIN!
HEY, MARCUS, WHY DID DAVID AGREE TO DO THIS?
HE'S TRYING TO IMPRESS HIS KID.
BY GETTING HIMSELF KILLED?
MAN DOESN'T DOESN'T JUST ACT CRAZY, HE IS CRAZY.
MANE-IAC, DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN BEAT DR. MAYHEM?
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY, DEREK,
WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH HIM, THE GOOD DOCTOR'S
GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE HIMSELF A FACE CAST.
AND BROTHER, THAT'D BE AN IMPROVEMENT.
YOU CALLING ME UGLY NOW?
LET'S JUST SAY AN APPLE A DAY
WILL KEEP YOUR UGLY MUG AWAY.
all: BURN!
KEEP RUNNING YOUR MOUTH, HOLLYWOOD.
AND I'M GOING TO PUT YOU ON PERMANENT BED REST.
I'M TALKING VEGETATIVE STATE!
SO WHEN YOU SAID MAYHEM WAS CRAZY,
YOU MEAN LIKE HE MIGHT NOT LIKE
A GOOD-NATURED "YOUR MAMA" JOKE?
OH, NO, DO NOT MENTION HIS MAMA.
MAYHEM WILL RIP OFF HIS--
HELLO?
HEY, POOKIE BEAR.
HOLD THIS.
COME THIS SATURDAY NIGHT, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
THE MOTHER OF ALL BEATDOWNS.
WELL, SPEAKING OF MOTHERS...
AH, PLEASE DON'T.
YOUR MAMA'S SO BIG AND DUMB, SHE ONLY OPENED HER E-MAIL
BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT CONTAINED SPAM.
TALKING ABOUT MY MOTHER NOW?
YEAH, YOUR MAMA WOULD TRY TO GET HERE.
BUT SHE'S SO BIG, I COULDN'T GET HER THROUGH THE DOOR.
FRIGHTENED RADISH FACE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT--THAT MAYHEM WAS ACTUALLY TRYING
TO TEAR MY HEAD OFF WITH THAT CHAIR.
IT WASN'T SO MUCH HE WAS TRYING TO TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF,
IT WAS MORE LIKE HE WAS, AND I QUOTE,
"TRYING TO PUT YOU IN A VEGETATIVE STATE!"
ARE YOU OKAY?
I WAS JUST WATCHING THE PRESS CONFERENCE WITH THE BOYS
AND THE PART WITH THE CHAIR LOOKED KIND OF REAL.
- 'CAUSE IT WAS REAL. - REALLY?
DAD, YOU HAVE TO COME CHECK THIS OUT.
WE TAPED THE PRESS CONFERENCE IN SLO-MO.
THE CHAIR MISSES YOUR HEAD BY THIS MUCH.
IT WAS SO AWESOME.
DAVID, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS ALL FOR SHOW.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS.
WHAT? NO, I DON'T. SEE HOW EXCITED JOE IS?
I CAN'T LET HIM DOWN.
YEAH, BUT I'M SURE HE'D RATHER SEE HIS FATHER
WHO WASN'T "IN A VEGETATIVE STATE!"
ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS I'LL TELL HIM I'M BACKING OUT.
HEY, JOE, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
WOW, MR. HOBBS, NOW I KNOW WHERE JOE GETS HIS COOL FROM.
DYLAN.
- YEAH. - THIS IS DYLAN.
HEY, HONEY, JOE'S NEW FRIEND DYLAN IS HERE.
WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE'S GOING TO
FINALLY KICK MAYHEM'S BUTT. - YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT, GUYS. IT'S GONNA BE MY DAD.
all: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
SO, WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME, DAD?
- WELL, YEAH-- - I BET HE WANTS YOU
TO BE HIS CORNER MAN. THAT WOULD BE EPIC.
all: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
OH, OKAY, YEAH, NO, ALL RIGHT, OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, I GOT IT.
LISTEN, GUY--
WELL, THE TRUTH IS THIS. I--
JOE, YOU'RE OFFICIALLY MY CORNER MAN.
YEAH, COME ON!
all: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC! - OH, NO, HE DURDN'T.
OH, PAUSE IT RIGHT THERE. PAUSE IT.
OKAY, THAT'S THE MOVE THAT BULK TAUGHT ME.
THE ULTIMATE SLEEPER HOLD CALLED THE DREAM WEAVE.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO LEARN WRESTLING FROM YOUR MOVIE.
IT'S MY ONLY SHOT, MARCUS. I MEAN WITH THAT HOLD,
I WAS ABLE TO REGAIN MY CHAMPIONSHIP BELT
AND REBUILD MY PARENT'S SALON.
HERE, PRACTICE ON ME.
- OH, ALL RIGHT. OKAY. - YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S THE WEAVE PART.
- YEAH. - OKAY.
OKAY, YEP.
- NOW HERE COMES THE DREAM. - OKAY.
SHH. SHH.
IT'S WORK--KEVIN?
ARE YOU ASLEEP? KEVIN?
NO, I JUST WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
COME ON! DON'T DO THAT.
JUST, YOU KNOW, I--
NO, NO, NO. SHE'S BEEN IMITATING ME.
LET ME TALK TO HER.
YOU HAVE ENOUGH ON YOUR PLATE WITH YOUR OTHER CHILD.
OH, HONEY, JOE'S FINE.
I MEANT DAD.
JANIE.
MOM TOLD ME YOU'VE BEEN DOING MY DANCE BOMB THING AT SCHOOL.
I KNOW YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY,
BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT ANY MORE.
WHY? EVERYONE LIKES IT WHEN I DO IT.
AND YOU DO IT.
WELL, BUT I'M OLDER.
YOU CAN'T JUST ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU SEE ME DO.
LIKE WHEN YOU MAKE KISSY FACES
AND TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF ON YOUR PHONE?
I ONLY DO IT BECAUSE YOU'RE COOL.
AND I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
AWW. YOU WANT TO BE JUST LIKE ME?
SISTER SELFIE?
WHAT? SHE THINKS I'M COOL. I LOST FOCUS AFTER THAT.
YOU ARE SO YOUR FATHER'S DAUGHTER, EMILY.
JANIE, WHAT YOUR SISTER WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU
IS YOU NEED TO STOP IMITATING HER AND DISRUPTING CLASS.
BUT I'M GETTING LAUGHS, MOM. BIG LAUGHS.
YOU'RE NOT IN SCHOOL TO GET BIG LAUGHS.
YOU'RE THERE TO LEARN. SO, KNOCK IT OFF.
WHY?
BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER, AND I SAID SO.
OKAY. SORRY, MOM.
MAYBE I SHOULD CALL YOUR MOTHER
AND HAVE HER KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, MANE-IAC.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S IT.
I KNOW HOW TO BEAT MAYHEM.
SHH. YOU'RE GOING TO WAKE KEVIN.
I'M NOT ASLEEP BUT I AM DREAMING.
OKAY, COME ON. COME ON, SON.
GUYS, CHECK IT OUT.
AND NOW, WRESTLING FANS, IT'S TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT.
INTRODUCING THE CHALLENGER,
DAVID HOBBS AS THE MANE-IAC!
fans: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
SHAKE THE MANE!
ALL RIGHT, GET READY.
KEVIN, SCRUNCHIE.
DID BULK GET HERE YET?
'CAUSE IF HE DOESN'T SHOW UP WITH MY SECRET WEAPON,
I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.
I WOULD TRY MY SECRET WEAPON, GIVING UP.
DON'T WORRY. BULK WILL BE HERE.
OH, NO. SOMEONE'S ABOUT TO GET A BOO-BOO.
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
A DOCTOR OF MAYHEM!
GIVE HIM THE DEATH-ESCOPE!
PRINCIPAL TEMPLEMAN?
OH, HELLO, MRS. HOBBS. UH JANIE.
JUST BLOWING OFF A LITTLE STEAM FOR THE WEEKEND.
OH, AND NOTHING PERSONAL, SHOW NO MERCY!
HERE'S MY PATIENT.
OPEN UP AND SAY "OW."
COME ON!
DAD, I'M SO PROUD TO BE IN YOUR CORNER.
GO GET HIM.
RARRGGHH!
man: WE LOVE YOU, MANE-IAC!
THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT. I APPRECIATE IT.
- HU-AHH! - AAH!
WHOO!
HELP ME KEVIN. HELP ME KEVIN. HELP ME KEVIN.
all: OOH!
I SAID, HELP ME, KEVIN.
all: OOH!
DAD! DAD, GET UP.
HE'S GOING TO JUMP OFF THE TOP ROPE.
I'M TRYING. ARE MY LEGS MOVING?
ROLL, DAVID, ROLL.
- RARGH! - UNH!
ARE YOU OKAY, DAVID?
RARGH!
IS BULK HERE YET?
WELL, THEN, CAN ONE OF YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING, PLEASE?
OKAY, I'LL TELL SOME JOKES.
OKAY, PEOPLE. TIME FOR SOME COMEDY.
TWO WRESTLERS WALK INTO A BAR--
NO, THEY DON'T!
OKAY, NO JOKES. THAT'S COOL.
NOW WE ALL KNOW WHAT A PATIENT NEEDS BEFORE SURGERY, RIGHT?
TO BE SHAVED!
NO! NO!
AND I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT THIS FAKE MANE OVER HERE.
I WANT THE REAL THING.
SHAVE HIM!
I WANT TO SEE THAT HEAD SHINE.
AH-HA!
BENJAMIN ZACHARY FELDMAN,
PUT THOSE CLIPPERS DOWN THIS INSTANT.
- MOM? - BENJI...
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH A HAIR
ON THAT SWEET DAVID HOBB'S HEAD.
CLIPPERS DOWN NOW!
BUT WHY? HE STARTED IT.
BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER AND I SAID SO.
FINE.
DAD, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.
WHY COULDN'T YOU BE A REAL DOCTOR LIKE YOUR BROTHER?
BUT I AM A REAL DOCTOR.
A DOCTOR OF PAIN.
OH.
DREAM WEAVE, DAD! DREAM WEAVE!
NO, NO. REVERSE CARESS! REVERSE CARESS!
UNNNHHH.
AH! YEAH!
THE WINNER BY KNOCKOUT,
THE MANE-IAC.
DAD, IT TOOK A LOT OF GUTS FIGHTING THAT GUY.
NO, NO, SON. THAT WAS STUPID.
WELL, WHY'D YOU DO IT?
BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SON. I DIDN'T WANT TO LET YOU DOWN.
THE LESSON HERE IS YOU GOT TO KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.
SOMETIMES REAL BRAVERY MEANS JUST WALKING AWAY.
HE'S WAKING UP!
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!