1
00:00:08,319 --> 00:00:09,920
[laughing]
- THAT'S THE FUNNIEST PART.
2
00:00:10,087 --> 00:00:11,054
I'M TOTALLY
LOL-ING RIGHT NOW.
3
00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:12,823
HILARE, RIGHT?
4
00:00:12,989 --> 00:00:15,959
- SO HILARE.
- WHAT'S SO HILARE?
5
00:00:16,127 --> 00:00:18,195
IT'S ONE THOSE SUPER-CATCHY
VIRAL VIDEOS.
6
00:00:18,362 --> 00:00:20,564
BUT YOU WOULDN'T
GET IT, DAD, BECAUSE--
7
00:00:20,731 --> 00:00:22,599
all:
"YOU DON'T GOT THE BREAD."
8
00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:24,000
[laughter]
- YEAH, DAD,
9
00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:25,902
YOU DON'T GOT THE BREAD.
10
00:00:28,105 --> 00:00:30,407
all:
OH, NO, YOU DURDN'T!
11
00:00:30,574 --> 00:00:32,376
[laughter]
- YEAH, YEAH.
12
00:00:32,543 --> 00:00:34,245
YOU THINK THAT I DON'T GET IT,
BUT I GET IT.
13
00:00:34,411 --> 00:00:36,180
I GET IT 'CAUSE
YOU DON'T GOT THE BREAD.
14
00:00:36,347 --> 00:00:38,549
WELL I GOT THE BREAD
'CAUSE I WENT SHOPPING.
15
00:00:38,715 --> 00:00:40,984
LOOK AT THIS.
PRINCIPLE TEMPLEMAN SENT
16
00:00:41,152 --> 00:00:43,620
A LETTER TO ALL THE PARENTS
IN JANIE'S CLASS.
17
00:00:43,787 --> 00:00:45,356
APPARENTLY THERE'S BEEN
SOME DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR,
18
00:00:45,522 --> 00:00:46,690
BUT IT DOESN'T SAY WHO IT IS.
19
00:00:46,857 --> 00:00:48,725
I KNOW WHO IT IS.
20
00:00:48,892 --> 00:00:50,127
IT'S JANIE'S LITTLE
KNOW-IT-ALL FRIEND, CHARLOTTE.
21
00:00:50,294 --> 00:00:52,028
ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.
22
00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:53,364
[imitating]
"DON'T PARK THERE MR. HOBBS.
23
00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:55,432
THAT'S A HANDICAPPED SPOT."
24
00:00:55,599 --> 00:00:57,768
WELL, WHOEVER IT IS,
TEMPLEMAN WANTS ALL THE PARENTS
25
00:00:57,934 --> 00:01:00,437
TO TALK TO THEIR KIDS
ABOUT PROPER CLASSROOM CONDUCT.
26
00:01:00,604 --> 00:01:02,373
WELL, I THINK WE'RE OKAY THERE, HONEY.
27
00:01:02,539 --> 00:01:04,708
'CAUSE WE'VE TAUGHT OUR KIDS
PROPER CONDUCT.
28
00:01:04,875 --> 00:01:09,045
DIE, FITZY, YOU SHOE SCUM!
YEAH, YEAH. HU-WAH!
29
00:01:09,213 --> 00:01:10,981
WHOA. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
30
00:01:11,182 --> 00:01:12,783
OH, I JUST
CLOTHESLINED FITZY.
31
00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:14,551
AND I'M ABOUT
TO SHATTER HIS GLASSES
32
00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:16,187
WITH A FLYING
EYE-SOCKET ROCKET.
33
00:01:16,287 --> 00:01:17,454
WOW.
34
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:19,423
NOT A GOOD DAY TO BE FITZY.
35
00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:21,725
IT'S NEVER A GOOD DAY
TO BE FITZY, MR. HOBBS.
36
00:01:21,892 --> 00:01:24,195
WELL, LISTEN, I KNOW YOU GUYS
ARE INTO THIS WRESTLING THING,
37
00:01:24,295 --> 00:01:26,297
BUT YOU CAN GET
SERIOUSLY HURT.
38
00:01:26,463 --> 00:01:29,733
NOW YOU DON'T CLOTHESLINE
A FRIEND LIKE THAT, OKAY?
39
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:31,735
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW
TO DO IT PROPERLY.
40
00:01:31,902 --> 00:01:33,704
I BET YOU'RE ALL WONDERING
41
00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:35,206
HOW I KNOW SO MUCH
ABOUT WRESTLING.
42
00:01:35,372 --> 00:01:39,210
HE WANTS ONE OF YOU TO ASK.
43
00:01:39,376 --> 00:01:40,477
HOW DO YOU KNOW,
MR. HOBBS?
44
00:01:40,644 --> 00:01:42,546
GLAD YOU ASKED, FITZY.
45
00:01:42,713 --> 00:01:43,647
BECAUSE MANY YEARS AGO,
I DID A LITTLE MOVIE CALLED
46
00:01:43,814 --> 00:01:46,650
{\an8}THE MANE-IAC.
47
00:01:46,817 --> 00:01:49,119
IT'S THE STORY OF
AN ORPHANED WRESTLER
48
00:01:49,286 --> 00:01:51,822
WHOSE PARENTS DIED WHEN THEIR
HAIR SALON BURNED DOWN.
49
00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:55,259
TO HONOR THEIR MEMORY,
NEVER DID HE CUT HIS HAIR.
50
00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:58,629
HENCE, "THE MANE-IAC".
51
00:01:58,795 --> 00:02:00,564
HOLD THAT, KEVIN.
NOW LISTEN.
52
00:02:00,731 --> 00:02:01,732
OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU
THE CLOTHESLINE.
53
00:02:01,898 --> 00:02:03,734
FITZY, COME HERE.
54
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,068
HERE'S HOW A REAL PROFESSIONAL
DOES THIS, RIGHT.
55
00:02:05,236 --> 00:02:06,237
YOU TAKE YOUR FOREARM, JOE,
56
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,239
AND YOU PLANT IT
57
00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:09,940
RIGHT INTO FITZY'S WINDPIPE,
LIKE THAT, OKAY.
58
00:02:10,106 --> 00:02:11,908
UH, HEY, DAVID.
59
00:02:12,075 --> 00:02:13,744
YEAH, WHAT?
I'M JUST SHOWING THESE BOYS
60
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:15,045
HOW A PROFESSIONALLY
TRAINED WRESTLER
61
00:02:15,246 --> 00:02:16,280
WOULD THROW A CLOTHESLINE.
62
00:02:16,447 --> 00:02:18,249
ON POOR LITTLE FITZY?
63
00:02:18,349 --> 00:02:20,116
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
CARLOS, COME HERE.
64
00:02:20,284 --> 00:02:21,418
MOVE OVER.
65
00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:48,078
GUYS, THIS IS BULK,
MY FRIEND.
66
00:02:48,279 --> 00:02:49,746
THE GUY WHO TRAINED ME
TO BE THE MANE-IAC.
67
00:02:49,913 --> 00:02:52,182
WOW, I LOVE WATCHING YOU
ON TV, MR. BULK.
68
00:02:52,349 --> 00:02:53,684
CAN YOU STILL MAKE
YOUR PECS DANCE?
69
00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:55,852
WOULD YOU LIKE THEM
TO TANGO?
70
00:02:56,019 --> 00:02:58,822
OR CHA-CHA?
71
00:02:58,989 --> 00:03:01,024
NOW, LISTEN UP.
BULK HERE IS GOING TO SHOW YOU
72
00:03:01,191 --> 00:03:04,561
THAT THESE WRESTLING MOVES
ARE JUST FOR US PROFESSIONALS.
73
00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:05,629
OKAY, YOU READY?
74
00:03:05,796 --> 00:03:07,398
YEAH, LET'S DO THIS.
75
00:03:07,564 --> 00:03:09,500
ALL RIGHT, HERE.
CHECK THIS OUT GUYS. HERE WE GO.
76
00:03:09,666 --> 00:03:12,102
WHOA.
77
00:03:12,303 --> 00:03:13,837
WHOA, DAD!
THAT WAS AWESOME.
78
00:03:14,004 --> 00:03:15,306
YOU THINK THAT WAS AWESOME,
WATCH THIS, JOE.
79
00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:21,144
[grunts]
80
00:03:23,046 --> 00:03:25,181
WOW, MR. HOBBS, YOU'RE
BARELY BREAKING A SWEAT.
81
00:03:25,349 --> 00:03:27,083
YEAH, TRAINED MYSELF NOT
TO SWEAT, FITZY.
82
00:03:27,318 --> 00:03:28,419
IT AFFECTS THE HAIRLINE.
83
00:03:28,585 --> 00:03:29,820
[grunts]
84
00:03:29,986 --> 00:03:31,455
- DAD, LOOK OUT.
- [grunts]
85
00:03:31,622 --> 00:03:33,324
OH!
86
00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:36,393
GRR!
87
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:37,628
RARGH!
88
00:03:41,332 --> 00:03:42,999
[applause]
89
00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:47,170
[phone rings]
- [grunting]
90
00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:49,139
HELLO?
91
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:50,474
HEY, POOKIE BEAR.
92
00:03:54,210 --> 00:03:57,080
SORRY, DAVID.
GOTTA GO PICK UP THE WIFE.
93
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:59,650
NO, NO. YOU HANG UP FIRST.
94
00:03:59,816 --> 00:04:00,984
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, BULK.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
95
00:04:01,151 --> 00:04:02,486
SEE, GUYS, THAT'S ONLY THAT
96
00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:04,187
BECAUSE I'M
A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL
97
00:04:04,355 --> 00:04:07,023
THAT I CAN KICK BUTT
AND DO THIS.
98
00:04:07,190 --> 00:04:10,694
OH, LET ME GET 'EM STARTED
FOR YOU, DAVID. ALL RIGHT.
99
00:04:13,163 --> 00:04:15,198
YOU HEAR THAT, FELLAS?
100
00:04:15,366 --> 00:04:17,434
AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DOOFUS
OVER HERE
101
00:04:17,601 --> 00:04:19,903
THINK'S HE'S A REAL WRESTLER.
102
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:22,639
GUYS, IT'S DR. MAYHEM.
103
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:25,241
all: BOO!
104
00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:27,711
- YOU LITTLE!
- AAH!
105
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,081
I WAS JUST SHOWING THESE
YOUNG BOYS HERE
106
00:04:31,247 --> 00:04:32,849
A COUPLE OF MOVES I LEARNED
107
00:04:33,016 --> 00:04:35,586
ON A WRESTLING MOVIE I DID
CALLED {\an8}THE MANE-IAC.
108
00:04:35,752 --> 00:04:39,022
YEAH, MY MOTHER
MADE ME WATCH IT.
109
00:04:39,189 --> 00:04:42,859
I THOUGHT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN
CALLED "THE LAME-IAC."
110
00:04:43,026 --> 00:04:44,260
[laughter]
111
00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:46,597
I WASN'T TRYING
TO BE FUNNY.
112
00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:48,532
OH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO HERE.
113
00:04:48,699 --> 00:04:50,000
YOU'RE TRYING TO PUT ON A SHOW
FOR THE KIDS.
114
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:51,668
EXCELLENT.
115
00:04:51,835 --> 00:04:54,037
HEY, WHERE'D YOU GO TO COLLEGE,
DR. MAYHEM?
116
00:04:54,204 --> 00:04:55,572
UC JERKELEY?
117
00:04:55,739 --> 00:04:57,774
[laughter]
118
00:04:57,941 --> 00:05:01,445
[laughing] CUTE!
YEAH.
119
00:05:01,612 --> 00:05:04,948
SO YOU THINK DOING ONE
STRAIGHT-TO-VIDEO MOVIE
120
00:05:05,115 --> 00:05:06,550
MAKES YOU AN EXPERT?
121
00:05:06,717 --> 00:05:08,284
SOMEONE LIKE YOU...
122
00:05:08,452 --> 00:05:11,121
COULD BEAT SOMEONE LIKE ME?
123
00:05:11,287 --> 00:05:13,123
WELL, I'LL THROW DOWN
WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.
124
00:05:13,289 --> 00:05:15,492
I GOT A BETTER IDEA, HOLLYWOOD.
125
00:05:15,659 --> 00:05:19,763
WHAT DO YOU SAY ME AND YOU,
ONE ON ONE, IN THE RING
126
00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:21,432
ON SATURDAY NIGHT?
127
00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:25,936
YOU KNOW, GIVE THE PEOPLE
A REAL SHOW.
128
00:05:26,102 --> 00:05:27,738
I DO LOVE AN AUDIENCE.
OKAY, YOU'RE ON.
129
00:05:27,904 --> 00:05:29,906
- YEAH. HA-HA. WHAT?
- YEAH. WHAT?
130
00:05:30,073 --> 00:05:32,543
YEAH, WHAT?
[boys scream]
131
00:05:35,946 --> 00:05:37,080
OH!
[yells]
132
00:05:40,717 --> 00:05:42,453
THANKS FOR COMING DOWN,
MRS. HOBBS.
133
00:05:42,619 --> 00:05:43,720
I THOUGHT MY LETTER
WOULD HAVE CORRECTED
134
00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:45,522
THE DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOR.
135
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,223
UNFORTUNATELY,
IT'S STILL HAPPENING.
136
00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:48,659
OH, I SEE.
137
00:05:48,825 --> 00:05:50,461
IT'S CHARLOTTE.
138
00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:52,195
YOU KNOW I'M FRIENDS
WITH HER MOM,
139
00:05:52,362 --> 00:05:53,530
SO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY SOMETHING.
140
00:05:53,697 --> 00:05:54,731
IT'S NOT CHARLOTTE.
141
00:05:54,898 --> 00:05:57,000
JOSHUA.
142
00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:58,969
RUMOR HAS IT HIS MOM ENJOYS
143
00:05:59,135 --> 00:06:00,571
THE OCCASIONAL MORNING
GRAPE JUICE,
144
00:06:00,737 --> 00:06:02,372
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
145
00:06:02,539 --> 00:06:03,974
IT'S JANIE.
146
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,909
JANIE WHO?
147
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:13,884
[laughter]
148
00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:16,319
OH, NO, I DURDN'T.
149
00:06:18,889 --> 00:06:20,524
OH, NO, SHE DURDN'T.
150
00:06:20,691 --> 00:06:23,126
OH, INDEED SHE DURD.
151
00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:27,363
KEVIN, I AM AN ARTIST.
152
00:06:27,531 --> 00:06:31,167
IF I'M NOT 100% PREPARED,
I WILL NOT GET INTO THE RING.
153
00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:34,004
I'M TEASING AS FAST AS I CAN, DAVID.
154
00:06:34,170 --> 00:06:37,373
DAD, YOU FIGHTING MAYHEM
THIS SATURDAY
155
00:06:37,541 --> 00:06:38,909
BLEW UP AT SCHOOL TODAY.
156
00:06:39,075 --> 00:06:40,811
OH.
157
00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:42,178
EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT
AT LUNCH.
158
00:06:42,345 --> 00:06:44,280
EVEN DYLAN AT THE COOL TABLE.
159
00:06:44,515 --> 00:06:46,049
YOU SAT AT THE COOL TABLE?
160
00:06:46,216 --> 00:06:49,720
NO. WE SIT
WITH THE SCIENCE CLUB.
161
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,788
BUT WE ARE SUPER GOOD
AT READING LIPS.
162
00:06:51,955 --> 00:06:54,024
AH, YEAH.
163
00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:56,226
OH, AND CAN I HAVE
FITZY AND CARLOS OVER
164
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:57,994
TO WATCH THE PRESS CONFERENCE
TONIGHT?
165
00:06:58,161 --> 00:06:59,830
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
YEAH, YEAH.
166
00:06:59,996 --> 00:07:01,932
OH, AND ASK DYLAN
TO COME OVER TOO.
167
00:07:02,098 --> 00:07:02,999
YOU GUYS COULD USE A COOL
FR--UH, ANOTHER FRIEND.
168
00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:05,101
THANKS, DAD.
169
00:07:05,268 --> 00:07:07,003
AND MAKE SURE YOU GET
ALL UP IN DR. MAYHEM'S GRILL.
170
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:08,872
YEAH. YEAH.
GET ALL UP IN HIS GRILL.
171
00:07:09,039 --> 00:07:10,974
I GOT YOU COVERED,
I GOT YOU COVERED.
172
00:07:11,141 --> 00:07:11,942
MAN, I'VE WRITTEN ALL
THE TRASH TALK YOU WILL NEED.
173
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,777
COOL.
174
00:07:13,944 --> 00:07:15,779
YEAH, EVEN SOME
"YOUR MAMA" JOKES.
175
00:07:15,946 --> 00:07:17,614
OH, REALLY? NICE.
LIKE "YOUR MAMA'S SO BIG,
176
00:07:17,781 --> 00:07:19,449
WHEN SHE WALKS INTO
A GROCERY STORE,
177
00:07:19,616 --> 00:07:21,552
ALL THE FOOD GETS SCARED."
ALL RIGHT?
178
00:07:21,652 --> 00:07:23,587
AND THEN YOU IMITATE
THE FOOD BEING SCARED, LIKE
179
00:07:23,754 --> 00:07:26,122
[grunts]
180
00:07:26,289 --> 00:07:28,358
MARCUS, YOU GOTTA LEAVE
THE ACTING TO ME, OKAY.
181
00:07:28,559 --> 00:07:30,260
CAN I SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE?
- WHAT YOU GOT? WHAT YOU GOT?
182
00:07:30,426 --> 00:07:34,297
OKAY. I GIVE YOU...
FRIGHTENED RADISH.
183
00:07:34,464 --> 00:07:34,898
READY?
- GO AHEAD.
184
00:07:38,569 --> 00:07:40,136
ALL RIGHT, SIMPLE.
185
00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:42,105
OKAY, I GOT
TO WRITE THAT DOWN.
186
00:07:42,272 --> 00:07:43,373
WELL, I MET WITH
PRINCIPAL TEMPLEMAN TODAY.
187
00:07:43,574 --> 00:07:45,208
I WAS RIGHT, WASN'T I?
188
00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:46,309
IT WAS THAT LITTLE
STINKER CHARLOTTE.
189
00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:47,944
IT WAS JANIE.
190
00:07:48,111 --> 00:07:50,013
- JANIE WHO?
- OUR JANIE!
191
00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:52,148
SHE WAS DANCE BOMBING
THE TEACHER LIKE THIS.
192
00:07:52,315 --> 00:07:54,585
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
193
00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:56,486
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE
OUR JANIE.
194
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:57,754
I BET YOU SHE PICKED IT UP
FROM CHARLOTTE.
195
00:08:05,929 --> 00:08:09,900
all: OH NO WE DURDN'T.
[laughter]
196
00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:12,636
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT.
JANIE GOT IT FROM ANOTHER KID.
197
00:08:12,803 --> 00:08:14,470
OUR KID.
198
00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:17,173
UNLESS...EMILY GOT IT
FROM CHARLOTTE.
199
00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:21,612
WELCOME, WRESTLING FANS.
200
00:08:21,778 --> 00:08:23,513
THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,
OUR IMPACT MAIN EVENT
201
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,716
WILL FEATURE
A HIGH VOLTAGE SURPRISE.
202
00:08:25,882 --> 00:08:28,218
WRESTLING'S REIGNING BAD BOY,
DR. MAYHEM,
203
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:32,689
VERSUS TV'S DAVID HOBBS,
A.K.A THE MANE-IAC.
204
00:08:32,856 --> 00:08:35,091
JOE, YOUR DAD
WRESTLING DR. MAYHEM
205
00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:37,493
COULD BE THE COOLEST THING
IN THE HISTORY OF COOL THINGS.
206
00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:39,195
THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL,
D-MAN.
207
00:08:39,362 --> 00:08:41,898
THAT'S RIGHT.
[boys giggle]
208
00:08:42,065 --> 00:08:45,101
DR. MAYHEM, ANYTHING YOU WANT
TO SAY TO THE CHALLENGER?
209
00:08:45,268 --> 00:08:47,170
I THINK IT'S BEST
IF I WRITE IT DOWN.
210
00:08:47,337 --> 00:08:51,007
OOH, HE CAN WRITE.
211
00:08:51,174 --> 00:08:54,010
WHAT'S THIS?
212
00:08:54,177 --> 00:08:56,079
IT'S A POWERFUL PRESCRIPTION
213
00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:56,913
FOR PAIN!
214
00:09:05,521 --> 00:09:07,858
HEY, MARCUS, WHY DID DAVID
AGREE TO DO THIS?
215
00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:09,192
HE'S TRYING
TO IMPRESS HIS KID.
216
00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:11,194
BY GETTING HIMSELF KILLED?
217
00:09:11,361 --> 00:09:14,665
MAN DOESN'T DOESN'T JUST
ACT CRAZY, HE IS CRAZY.
218
00:09:14,831 --> 00:09:18,268
MANE-IAC, DO YOU REALLY
THINK YOU CAN BEAT DR. MAYHEM?
219
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:20,270
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY, DEREK,
220
00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,205
WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH HIM,
THE GOOD DOCTOR'S
221
00:09:22,372 --> 00:09:24,074
GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE HIMSELF
A FACE CAST.
222
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,911
AND BROTHER,
THAT'D BE AN IMPROVEMENT.
223
00:09:28,078 --> 00:09:30,046
YOU CALLING ME UGLY NOW?
224
00:09:30,213 --> 00:09:31,782
LET'S JUST SAY
AN APPLE A DAY
225
00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,284
WILL KEEP YOUR UGLY MUG AWAY.
226
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,452
all: BURN!
227
00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:41,157
KEEP RUNNING YOUR MOUTH, HOLLYWOOD.
228
00:09:41,324 --> 00:09:43,493
AND I'M GOING TO PUT YOU
ON PERMANENT BED REST.
229
00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:46,029
I'M TALKING
VEGETATIVE STATE!
230
00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:54,705
SO WHEN YOU SAID MAYHEM
WAS CRAZY,
231
00:09:54,838 --> 00:09:56,406
YOU MEAN LIKE
HE MIGHT NOT LIKE
232
00:09:56,572 --> 00:09:58,208
A GOOD-NATURED
"YOUR MAMA" JOKE?
233
00:09:58,374 --> 00:10:00,043
OH, NO, DO NOT
MENTION HIS MAMA.
234
00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:01,745
MAYHEM WILL RIP OFF HIS--
235
00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:03,246
[phone rings]
236
00:10:03,413 --> 00:10:04,414
HELLO?
237
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,750
HEY, POOKIE BEAR.
238
00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:08,952
HOLD THIS.
239
00:10:09,119 --> 00:10:11,722
COME THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
240
00:10:11,888 --> 00:10:14,590
THE MOTHER
OF ALL BEATDOWNS.
241
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:15,792
WELL,
SPEAKING OF MOTHERS...
242
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:17,928
AH, PLEASE DON'T.
243
00:10:18,094 --> 00:10:20,330
YOUR MAMA'S SO BIG AND DUMB,
SHE ONLY OPENED HER E-MAIL
244
00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:22,065
BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT
IT CONTAINED SPAM.
245
00:10:22,232 --> 00:10:23,767
[laughs]
246
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,668
TALKING ABOUT MY MOTHER NOW?
247
00:10:25,836 --> 00:10:27,804
YEAH, YOUR MAMA WOULD TRY
TO GET HERE.
248
00:10:27,971 --> 00:10:28,772
BUT SHE'S SO BIG, I COULDN'T
GET HER THROUGH THE DOOR.
249
00:10:32,075 --> 00:10:33,376
[loud crash]
250
00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:41,551
FRIGHTENED RADISH FACE.
251
00:10:47,457 --> 00:10:49,159
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT--THAT
MAYHEM WAS ACTUALLY TRYING
252
00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:51,327
TO TEAR MY HEAD OFF
WITH THAT CHAIR.
253
00:10:51,494 --> 00:10:53,163
IT WASN'T SO MUCH HE WAS
TRYING TO TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF,
254
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:55,431
IT WAS MORE LIKE HE WAS,
AND I QUOTE,
255
00:10:55,598 --> 00:10:58,168
"TRYING TO PUT YOU
IN A VEGETATIVE STATE!"
256
00:10:58,334 --> 00:11:00,303
ARE YOU OKAY?
257
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:02,405
I WAS JUST WATCHING THE PRESS
CONFERENCE WITH THE BOYS
258
00:11:02,572 --> 00:11:04,174
AND THE PART WITH THE CHAIR
LOOKED KIND OF REAL.
259
00:11:04,340 --> 00:11:07,878
- 'CAUSE IT WAS REAL.
- REALLY?
260
00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:10,446
DAD, YOU HAVE
TO COME CHECK THIS OUT.
261
00:11:10,613 --> 00:11:12,783
WE TAPED THE PRESS CONFERENCE
IN SLO-MO.
262
00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:14,785
THE CHAIR MISSES YOUR HEAD
BY THIS MUCH.
263
00:11:14,951 --> 00:11:16,887
IT WAS SO AWESOME.
264
00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:18,621
DAVID, I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THIS WAS ALL FOR SHOW.
265
00:11:18,789 --> 00:11:20,556
YOU'VE GOT TO
GET OUT OF THIS.
266
00:11:20,791 --> 00:11:21,792
WHAT? NO, I DON'T.
SEE HOW EXCITED JOE IS?
267
00:11:21,958 --> 00:11:23,827
I CAN'T LET HIM DOWN.
268
00:11:23,994 --> 00:11:25,628
YEAH, BUT I'M SURE HE'D
RATHER SEE HIS FATHER
269
00:11:25,796 --> 00:11:27,798
WHO WASN'T
"IN A VEGETATIVE STATE!"
270
00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:32,435
[sighs]
ALL RIGHT.
271
00:11:32,602 --> 00:11:33,904
I GUESS I'LL TELL HIM
I'M BACKING OUT.
272
00:11:36,807 --> 00:11:38,942
HEY, JOE, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
273
00:11:39,109 --> 00:11:42,478
WOW, MR. HOBBS, NOW I KNOW
WHERE JOE GETS HIS COOL FROM.
274
00:11:42,645 --> 00:11:44,080
DYLAN.
275
00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:45,982
- YEAH.
- THIS IS DYLAN.
276
00:11:46,149 --> 00:11:47,851
HEY, HONEY, JOE'S NEW FRIEND
DYLAN IS HERE.
277
00:11:48,018 --> 00:11:49,652
WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE
SOMEONE'S GOING TO
278
00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,621
FINALLY KICK MAYHEM'S BUTT.
- YEAH.
279
00:11:51,822 --> 00:11:54,090
THAT'S RIGHT, GUYS.
IT'S GONNA BE MY DAD.
280
00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:58,594
all: MANE-IAC!
MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
281
00:11:58,829 --> 00:12:00,363
SO, WHAT'D YOU WANT
TO TELL ME, DAD?
282
00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,365
- WELL, YEAH--
- I BET HE WANTS YOU
283
00:12:02,532 --> 00:12:04,167
TO BE HIS CORNER MAN.
THAT WOULD BE EPIC.
284
00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:07,037
all: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
MANE-IAC!
285
00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:08,905
OH, OKAY, YEAH, NO, ALL RIGHT,
OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, I GOT IT.
286
00:12:09,072 --> 00:12:10,841
LISTEN, GUY--
287
00:12:11,007 --> 00:12:14,644
WELL, THE TRUTH IS THIS.
I--
288
00:12:14,845 --> 00:12:16,446
JOE, YOU'RE OFFICIALLY
MY CORNER MAN.
289
00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:19,115
[boys cheers]
YEAH, COME ON!
290
00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:22,953
all: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
- OH, NO, HE DURDN'T.
291
00:12:28,158 --> 00:12:29,926
OH, PAUSE IT RIGHT THERE.
PAUSE IT.
292
00:12:30,093 --> 00:12:31,962
OKAY, THAT'S THE MOVE
THAT BULK TAUGHT ME.
293
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:34,397
THE ULTIMATE SLEEPER HOLD
CALLED THE DREAM WEAVE.
294
00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:40,336
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO
LEARN WRESTLING FROM YOUR MOVIE.
295
00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:43,273
IT'S MY ONLY SHOT, MARCUS.
I MEAN WITH THAT HOLD,
296
00:12:43,439 --> 00:12:45,241
I WAS ABLE TO REGAIN
MY CHAMPIONSHIP BELT
297
00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:47,143
AND REBUILD MY PARENT'S SALON.
298
00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:51,314
HERE, PRACTICE ON ME.
299
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,449
- OH, ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
- YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
300
00:12:53,616 --> 00:12:55,218
OKAY.
301
00:12:55,385 --> 00:12:56,686
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S
THE WEAVE PART.
302
00:12:56,887 --> 00:12:57,753
- YEAH.
- OKAY.
303
00:12:57,921 --> 00:12:59,555
OKAY, YEP.
304
00:12:59,722 --> 00:13:03,426
- NOW HERE COMES THE DREAM.
- OKAY.
305
00:13:03,593 --> 00:13:06,963
SHH. SHH.
306
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:08,564
IT'S WORK--KEVIN?
307
00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:10,600
ARE YOU ASLEEP?
KEVIN?
308
00:13:10,766 --> 00:13:13,003
NO, I JUST WANT
TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
309
00:13:13,169 --> 00:13:14,204
COME ON!
DON'T DO THAT.
310
00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:16,206
JUST, YOU KNOW, I--
311
00:13:16,372 --> 00:13:17,740
NO, NO, NO.
SHE'S BEEN IMITATING ME.
312
00:13:17,908 --> 00:13:19,809
LET ME TALK TO HER.
313
00:13:19,976 --> 00:13:21,511
YOU HAVE ENOUGH ON YOUR PLATE
WITH YOUR OTHER CHILD.
314
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:22,946
OH, HONEY, JOE'S FINE.
315
00:13:23,113 --> 00:13:24,915
I MEANT DAD.
316
00:13:25,015 --> 00:13:28,384
[chuckles]
317
00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:30,753
JANIE.
318
00:13:30,921 --> 00:13:33,523
MOM TOLD ME YOU'VE BEEN DOING
MY DANCE BOMB THING AT SCHOOL.
319
00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:34,925
I KNOW YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY,
320
00:13:35,058 --> 00:13:36,759
BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT ANY MORE.
321
00:13:36,927 --> 00:13:39,495
WHY? EVERYONE LIKES IT
WHEN I DO IT.
322
00:13:39,662 --> 00:13:40,696
AND YOU DO IT.
323
00:13:40,931 --> 00:13:42,665
WELL, BUT I'M OLDER.
324
00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:44,400
YOU CAN'T JUST ALWAYS DO
WHAT YOU SEE ME DO.
325
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:46,336
LIKE WHEN YOU
MAKE KISSY FACES
326
00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:48,939
AND TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF
ON YOUR PHONE?
327
00:13:52,175 --> 00:13:54,510
I ONLY DO IT
BECAUSE YOU'RE COOL.
328
00:13:54,677 --> 00:13:57,713
AND I WANT TO BE
JUST LIKE YOU.
329
00:13:57,948 --> 00:14:02,085
AWW.
YOU WANT TO BE JUST LIKE ME?
330
00:14:02,252 --> 00:14:03,419
SISTER SELFIE?
331
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:12,428
WHAT? SHE THINKS I'M COOL.
I LOST FOCUS AFTER THAT.
332
00:14:12,595 --> 00:14:14,330
[chuckles]
333
00:14:14,497 --> 00:14:18,268
YOU ARE SO YOUR FATHER'S
DAUGHTER, EMILY.
334
00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:20,436
JANIE, WHAT YOUR SISTER
WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU
335
00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:23,974
IS YOU NEED TO STOP IMITATING
HER AND DISRUPTING CLASS.
336
00:14:24,074 --> 00:14:28,111
BUT I'M GETTING LAUGHS, MOM.
BIG LAUGHS.
337
00:14:28,278 --> 00:14:29,980
YOU'RE NOT IN SCHOOL
TO GET BIG LAUGHS.
338
00:14:30,146 --> 00:14:31,481
YOU'RE THERE TO LEARN.
SO, KNOCK IT OFF.
339
00:14:31,647 --> 00:14:33,349
WHY?
340
00:14:33,516 --> 00:14:37,787
BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER,
AND I SAID SO.
341
00:14:37,988 --> 00:14:40,090
OKAY.
SORRY, MOM.
342
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:46,129
MAYBE I SHOULD CALL
YOUR MOTHER
343
00:14:46,296 --> 00:14:50,000
AND HAVE HER KNOCK SOME SENSE
INTO YOU, MANE-IAC.
344
00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:51,534
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S IT.
345
00:14:51,701 --> 00:14:53,303
I KNOW HOW TO BEAT MAYHEM.
346
00:14:53,469 --> 00:14:54,670
SHH. YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE KEVIN.
347
00:14:58,474 --> 00:15:02,145
I'M NOT ASLEEP
BUT I AM DREAMING.
348
00:15:02,312 --> 00:15:02,878
OKAY, COME ON. COME ON, SON.
349
00:15:04,914 --> 00:15:10,320
[audience cheering]
350
00:15:10,486 --> 00:15:13,389
GUYS, CHECK IT OUT.
351
00:15:16,426 --> 00:15:21,031
AND NOW, WRESTLING FANS,
IT'S TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT.
352
00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:23,166
INTRODUCING THE CHALLENGER,
353
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:27,603
DAVID HOBBS AS THE MANE-IAC!
354
00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:33,276
[audience cheering]
355
00:15:33,443 --> 00:15:37,047
fans: MANE-IAC! MANE-IAC!
MANE-IAC!
356
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:40,883
SHAKE THE MANE!
357
00:15:41,051 --> 00:15:42,952
ALL RIGHT, GET READY.
358
00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:44,387
KEVIN, SCRUNCHIE.
359
00:15:49,659 --> 00:15:53,196
[audience cheering]
360
00:15:53,363 --> 00:15:55,231
DID BULK GET HERE YET?
361
00:15:55,398 --> 00:15:56,432
'CAUSE IF HE DOESN'T SHOW UP
WITH MY SECRET WEAPON,
362
00:15:56,599 --> 00:15:58,334
I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.
363
00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:00,903
I WOULD TRY MY SECRET WEAPON,
GIVING UP.
364
00:16:01,137 --> 00:16:02,738
DON'T WORRY.
BULK WILL BE HERE.
365
00:16:02,905 --> 00:16:06,176
[siren]
366
00:16:06,342 --> 00:16:10,213
OH, NO. SOMEONE'S ABOUT
TO GET A BOO-BOO.
367
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:13,416
IS THERE A DOCTOR
IN THE HOUSE?
368
00:16:13,583 --> 00:16:17,853
A DOCTOR OF MAYHEM!
369
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:19,989
[audience booing]
370
00:16:23,559 --> 00:16:25,428
GIVE HIM THE DEATH-ESCOPE!
371
00:16:25,595 --> 00:16:27,363
PRINCIPAL TEMPLEMAN?
372
00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:32,402
OH, HELLO, MRS. HOBBS.
UH JANIE.
373
00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:34,804
JUST BLOWING OFF A LITTLE STEAM
FOR THE WEEKEND.
374
00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:39,475
OH, AND NOTHING PERSONAL,
SHOW NO MERCY!
375
00:16:39,642 --> 00:16:43,579
[audience booing]
376
00:16:43,746 --> 00:16:46,249
HERE'S MY PATIENT.
377
00:16:46,416 --> 00:16:50,653
OPEN UP AND SAY "OW."
378
00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:52,588
COME ON!
379
00:16:52,755 --> 00:16:55,258
DAD, I'M SO PROUD
TO BE IN YOUR CORNER.
380
00:16:55,425 --> 00:16:56,326
GO GET HIM.
[bell rings]
381
00:16:56,492 --> 00:16:58,928
[yells]
382
00:16:59,129 --> 00:17:03,499
[audience cheering,
shouting]
383
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:05,000
RARRGGHH!
384
00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:07,303
[audience cheering]
385
00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:09,605
man: WE LOVE YOU,
MANE-IAC!
386
00:17:09,772 --> 00:17:12,308
THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT.
I APPRECIATE IT.
387
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,909
- HU-AHH!
- AAH!
388
00:17:14,144 --> 00:17:16,546
[audience booing]
389
00:17:16,712 --> 00:17:19,014
[both grunting]
390
00:17:19,182 --> 00:17:21,451
WHOO!
391
00:17:21,617 --> 00:17:24,720
HELP ME KEVIN.
HELP ME KEVIN. HELP ME KEVIN.
392
00:17:28,591 --> 00:17:31,427
all: OOH!
393
00:17:31,594 --> 00:17:34,864
I SAID, HELP ME, KEVIN.
394
00:17:35,030 --> 00:17:38,534
[audience cheering]
- [grunts]
395
00:17:38,701 --> 00:17:40,069
all: OOH!
396
00:17:40,236 --> 00:17:42,705
[audience shouting]
397
00:17:46,842 --> 00:17:48,511
DAD!
DAD, GET UP.
398
00:17:48,678 --> 00:17:50,313
HE'S GOING
TO JUMP OFF THE TOP ROPE.
399
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,184
I'M TRYING.
ARE MY LEGS MOVING?
400
00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:55,618
ROLL, DAVID, ROLL.
401
00:17:59,622 --> 00:18:01,624
- RARGH!
- UNH!
402
00:18:04,494 --> 00:18:06,596
[wheezing]
ARE YOU OKAY, DAVID?
403
00:18:06,762 --> 00:18:08,464
RARGH!
404
00:18:08,631 --> 00:18:10,400
IS BULK HERE YET?
405
00:18:10,566 --> 00:18:12,502
[Mayhem laughs]
406
00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:15,238
WELL, THEN, CAN ONE OF
YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING, PLEASE?
407
00:18:15,405 --> 00:18:17,072
OKAY,
I'LL TELL SOME JOKES.
408
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,741
OKAY, PEOPLE.
TIME FOR SOME COMEDY.
409
00:18:18,908 --> 00:18:19,942
TWO WRESTLERS WALK INTO A BAR--
410
00:18:20,109 --> 00:18:23,246
NO, THEY DON'T!
411
00:18:23,413 --> 00:18:24,447
OKAY, NO JOKES.
THAT'S COOL.
412
00:18:24,614 --> 00:18:28,451
[audience cheering]
413
00:18:28,618 --> 00:18:30,085
[grunts]
414
00:18:30,253 --> 00:18:33,756
[audience cheering]
415
00:18:33,923 --> 00:18:38,994
NOW WE ALL KNOW WHAT A PATIENT
NEEDS BEFORE SURGERY, RIGHT?
416
00:18:39,229 --> 00:18:41,364
TO BE SHAVED!
417
00:18:41,531 --> 00:18:42,498
[audience booing]
- NO! NO!
418
00:18:42,665 --> 00:18:44,834
[shaver buzzing]
419
00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:55,077
AND I AIN'T TALKING
ABOUT THIS FAKE MANE OVER HERE.
420
00:18:56,979 --> 00:18:59,249
I WANT THE REAL THING.
421
00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,417
SHAVE HIM!
422
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:05,154
I WANT TO SEE
THAT HEAD SHINE.
423
00:19:05,321 --> 00:19:08,258
AH-HA!
424
00:19:08,391 --> 00:19:11,126
BENJAMIN ZACHARY FELDMAN,
425
00:19:11,294 --> 00:19:13,396
PUT THOSE CLIPPERS DOWN
THIS INSTANT.
426
00:19:16,332 --> 00:19:18,067
- MOM?
- BENJI...
427
00:19:18,268 --> 00:19:19,869
YOU WILL NOT TOUCH A HAIR
428
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,071
ON THAT SWEET
DAVID HOBB'S HEAD.
429
00:19:22,272 --> 00:19:23,673
CLIPPERS DOWN NOW!
430
00:19:23,839 --> 00:19:27,277
BUT WHY?
HE STARTED IT.
431
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:30,680
BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER
AND I SAID SO.
432
00:19:30,846 --> 00:19:33,082
FINE.
433
00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:36,952
DAD, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.
434
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,623
WHY COULDN'T YOU BE
A REAL DOCTOR LIKE YOUR BROTHER?
435
00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:42,925
BUT I AM A REAL DOCTOR.
436
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,360
A DOCTOR OF PAIN.
437
00:19:44,527 --> 00:19:45,561
OH.
438
00:19:45,728 --> 00:19:48,998
[audience cheering]
439
00:19:53,403 --> 00:19:56,372
DREAM WEAVE, DAD!
DREAM WEAVE!
440
00:19:56,539 --> 00:19:59,041
NO, NO. REVERSE CARESS!
REVERSE CARESS!
441
00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:02,678
[audience cheering]
442
00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:10,320
UNNNHHH.
443
00:20:10,486 --> 00:20:12,888
AH! YEAH!
444
00:20:13,055 --> 00:20:15,825
THE WINNER BY KNOCKOUT,
445
00:20:15,991 --> 00:20:19,395
THE MANE-IAC.
446
00:20:19,562 --> 00:20:21,831
DAD, IT TOOK A LOT OF GUTS
FIGHTING THAT GUY.
447
00:20:21,997 --> 00:20:24,233
NO, NO, SON.
THAT WAS STUPID.
448
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,402
WELL, WHY'D YOU DO IT?
449
00:20:26,569 --> 00:20:29,405
BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SON.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LET YOU DOWN.
450
00:20:29,572 --> 00:20:33,175
THE LESSON HERE IS YOU GOT
TO KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.
451
00:20:33,343 --> 00:20:36,278
SOMETIMES REAL BRAVERY
MEANS JUST WALKING AWAY.
452
00:20:36,446 --> 00:20:38,414
HE'S WAKING UP!
453
00:20:38,581 --> 00:20:40,516
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
RUN AWAY!