1
00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:11,054
COME ON, DAVID,
IT'S MY FIRST MOVIE.

2
00:00:11,097 --> 00:00:12,185
THE STUDIO WANTS YOU TO DO IT.

3
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:14,187
I WANT YOU TO DO IT.
YOU GOTTA DO IT!

4
00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:16,189
MARCUS. I CAN'T DO IT.

5
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,583
I PROMISED THE KIDS THAT
MY PLACE WAS HERE WITH THEM.

6
00:00:18,626 --> 00:00:20,106
OKAY, GUYS?

7
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,934
HONEY, DOING
A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER

8
00:00:21,977 --> 00:00:23,109
HAS BEEN YOUR DREAM.

9
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:24,545
EVERY TIME WE SEE ONE,
YOU ALWAYS SAY

10
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,808
IT WOULD BE
BETTER WITH YOU IN IT.

11
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,984
WE ALL KNOW THAT ANY MOVIE
WITH ME IN IT

12
00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:32,205
WOULD BE A BETTER MOVIE.
THAT'S JUST SCIENCE.

13
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:35,817
BUT, DADDY, YOU COULD BE
IN A MOVIE.

14
00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:40,083
JUST LIKE {\an8}<i>KUNG FU PANDA</i>
OR MORGAN FREEMAN.

15
00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:44,609
GUYS, DAD HAS MADE
HIS DECISION.

16
00:00:44,652 --> 00:00:46,393
HE'S STAYING WITH US.
RESPECT IT.

17
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,439
- THANK YOU, EMILY.
- CO-STARRING TEEN HEARTTHROB

18
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,875
NICK BANNER.

19
00:00:49,918 --> 00:00:51,703
NICK BANNER? DAD!
HE'S THE BEST ACTOR EVER!

20
00:00:51,746 --> 00:00:53,270
YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!
[gasps]

21
00:00:53,313 --> 00:00:54,662
IMAGINE IF I GOT A SELFIE WITH
HIM LOOKING AT ME ADORINGLY.

22
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,186
[giggles]

23
00:00:56,229 --> 00:00:57,926
HE'S NOT THAT GOOD
OF AN ACTOR.

24
00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,451
LOOK, YOU GUYS, I'M NOT
GONNA GO TO NEW YORK

25
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,540
AND FILM A MOVIE
FOR FIVE WEEKS WITHOUT YOU.

26
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,107
FIVE WEEKS?

27
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:07,936
I MEAN, FIVE WEEKS?

28
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,547
MAYBE WE CAN
GO WITH YOU.

29
00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:10,983
OH, WE CAN GO WITH YOU?

30
00:01:11,026 --> 00:01:14,291
I MEAN, WE CAN GO WITH YOU?

31
00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:19,165
COME ON, MAN. YOU CAN EVEN
TAKE THE KIDS TO THE SET!

32
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,471
YEAH, DAD! YOU WON'T
EVEN KNOW WE'RE THERE.

33
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,907
- COME ON!
- WE'LL HAVE SO MUCH FUN!

34
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:23,430
- YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!
- WHOA, WHOA.

35
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,258
FIRST OF ALL, ON A MOVIE SET,
YOU'VE GOT TO BE QUIET.

36
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,477
[whispering]
WE'D HAVE SO MUCH FUN!

37
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,175
[whispering]
YOU GOTTA DO THIS!

38
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:33,353
THERE'S ALSO A ROLE FOR AMY!

39
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,399
LOOK, THE STUDIO WANTS ME
TO REWRITE THE ENDING

40
00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:37,052
WHILE WE FILM.

41
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:39,794
SO I'M GONNA IMMERSE MYSELF
IN THE UNDERBELLY OF THE CITY.

42
00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:42,319
AND, YOU KNOW, MAYBE I COULD
SHOOT THE "MAKING OF"?

43
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,929
YOU KNOW,
BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE,

44
00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:45,757
DOCUMENT YOUR EVERY MOVE.

45
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,977
YOU MEAN, KIND OF LIKE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW?

46
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,936
OKAY, YEAH, I ADMIT IT.

47
00:01:50,979 --> 00:01:52,981
I USE THE FOOTAGE FOR MY BLOG
"GOBS OF HOBBS."

48
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,548
ALL RIGHT.

49
00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:56,855
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

50
00:01:56,898 --> 00:02:01,381
I CAN BE A GREAT DAD
AND A MOVIE STAR, OKAY?

51
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:03,644
- YES!
- SO WE ARE GOING TO NEW YORK.

52
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:05,472
[cheering]

53
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:08,475
[upbeat music]

54
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:15,352
♪

55
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:24,099
AND ACTION!

56
00:02:24,143 --> 00:02:25,840
YO, FRANK, LET'S ROCK...

57
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,886
AND ROLL.

58
00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:29,322
I DRIVE, ROOKIE.

59
00:02:33,848 --> 00:02:35,807
YAY, DADDY!

60
00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:38,505
- SHH!
- CUT!

61
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:39,593
WHO ARE YOU KIDS?

62
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:44,119
OKAY, LET'S GO AGAIN, PLEASE.

63
00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:46,600
SWEETIE, QUIET VOICES
ON THE SET, REMEMBER?

64
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:47,601
I'M ON IT.

65
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,429
AND ACTION.

66
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:51,649
[quietly]
SWEETIE, WHEN DADDY'S WORKING,

67
00:02:51,692 --> 00:02:55,000
WE HAVE TO BE SUPER QUIET.
[cell phone ringing]

68
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:58,090
SORRY!

69
00:02:58,133 --> 00:03:00,658
OKAY! ONE MORE TIME!

70
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:02,225
SO WE'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN?

71
00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:03,704
NO, NO, I CAN'T
GO AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?

72
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,010
I'VE LOST MY CHARACTER.

73
00:03:05,053 --> 00:03:09,014
CHAZ! CHAZ MCQUEEN?
WHERE ARE YOU?

74
00:03:09,057 --> 00:03:10,711
WE'RE NOT GOING AGAIN?

75
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:13,845
HEY, SORRY
ABOUT THE PHONE THING.

76
00:03:13,888 --> 00:03:16,804
BUT YOU THINK YOU COULD
INTRODUCE ME TO NICK NOW?

77
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,459
YOU KNOW...

78
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:22,636
I DON'T THINK
IT'S A GOOD TIME, SWEETHEART.

79
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,552
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

80
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,641
DAD, I'M HUNGRY.
CAN YOU MAKE ME A SANDWICH?

81
00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:29,861
YOU KNOW WHAT? RIGHT OVER
THERE IS CRAFT SERVICE.

82
00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:31,471
YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT.

83
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,386
- ANYTHING?
- ANYTHING.

84
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:36,868
[heavenly choir]
♪ AH

85
00:03:36,911 --> 00:03:39,392
I'M HOME.

86
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,137
HEY, DAVID,

87
00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:47,400
HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW RIG?

88
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,446
RIGHT? ALL HIGH DEF,
ANAMORPHIC LENSES,

89
00:03:49,489 --> 00:03:51,665
STREAMING WIRELESSLY
TO MY COMPUTER.

90
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,450
THAT'S IMPRESSIVE, KEVIN.
YOU GOT ANY GOOD FOOTAGE?

91
00:03:53,493 --> 00:03:56,191
NO, NOT YET. I CAN'T REACH
REALLY THE "ON" BUTTON.

92
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:57,410
IT'S JUST, I THINK IT'S--

93
00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:00,544
AROUND--YEP.

94
00:04:00,587 --> 00:04:02,720
[buzz]
OH! OOH!

95
00:04:02,763 --> 00:04:04,983
THANK YOU.

96
00:04:05,026 --> 00:04:09,292
AW, FRANKIE,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER.

97
00:04:09,335 --> 00:04:11,859
I'M SORRY I SAID YOU'RE
A LOW-LIFE TWO-BIT

98
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,688
HAS-BEEN COP.

99
00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:18,605
YOU MAY BE MY EX-HUSBAND,
BUT YOU'RE STILL MY HERO.

100
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:20,607
AND SHE KISSES HIM
ON THE BANDAGE.

101
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,654
EWWW!

102
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,395
CAN I MEET YOUR DOG?

103
00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:27,440
SURE. BUT REX IS
A TRAINED ANIMAL ACTOR.

104
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:28,528
HE DOESN'T RESPOND
TO EVERYONE.

105
00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:32,315
NICE TO MEET YOU.

106
00:04:32,358 --> 00:04:34,491
MOST BIG HOLLYWOOD ACTORS
WOULDN'T SHAKE.

107
00:04:36,231 --> 00:04:39,017
[giggles]
NOW, THAT'S MORE HOLLYWOOD.

108
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,847
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A GONER!

109
00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:45,023
I THOUGHT YOU {\an8}<i>WERE</i> A GONER.

110
00:04:45,066 --> 00:04:47,417
I THOUGHT {\an8}<i>YOU</i>
WERE A GONER.

111
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,680
- AMY?
- MY SCENE UP? OH, PERFECT.

112
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:50,724
I'M PEAKING.
IT'S NOW OR NEVER.

113
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,336
THEY MOVED YOU TO TOMORROW.

114
00:04:53,379 --> 00:04:54,815
TOMORROW'S GOOD.

115
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:04,347
OH, DAVID, GUESS WHAT?

116
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:05,783
YOU HEART NEW YORK?

117
00:05:05,826 --> 00:05:07,611
HA HA!
YOU BET.

118
00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:09,743
AND I THINK I HAVE MY ENDING.

119
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:10,788
- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT.

120
00:05:10,831 --> 00:05:13,356
YOU AND CHAZ
CHASE DE CAMPO

121
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,227
TO THE TOP
OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.

122
00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:16,533
- I'M LISTENING.
- OKAY.

123
00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:19,492
THERE,
YOU GET BITTEN BY A SPIDER.

124
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:23,453
THE NEXT DAY, YOU HAVE WEBBING
SHOOTING OUT OF YOUR WRISTS!

125
00:05:23,496 --> 00:05:25,890
WAIT FOR IT...

126
00:05:25,933 --> 00:05:29,328
AND YOU'RE ABLE TO SWING
FROM BUILDING TO BUILDING,

127
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,938
SAVING THE CITY.

128
00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,418
BOOM!

129
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:37,205
LET ME GUESS. {\an8}<i>
SPIDER COP?</i>

130
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:39,643
[imitates
web slinging noises]

131
00:05:39,686 --> 00:05:42,297
THANK YOU. WHAT IS THAT?
YOU JUST MADE IT SOUND STUPID.

132
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,212
I WORKED ON THIS
ALL DAY LONG...

133
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:47,781
ROLL OVER, REX.
ROLL OVER.

134
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,522
LIKE THIS!

135
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,537
- HOBBS. JASON HERVEY.
- OH, HEY.

136
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,234
I'M WITH THE STUDIO.

137
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,584
- WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
- BIG FAN OF YOURS.

138
00:06:07,627 --> 00:06:08,672
GOOD KIDS TOO, BY THE WAY. LISTEN,

139
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:10,108
I GOTTA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING,

140
00:06:10,151 --> 00:06:11,457
ONE THING.
YOU CAN'T FORGET IT.

141
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,328
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
[phone ringing]

142
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,592
OH, BIGGER NAME. SORRY.

143
00:06:15,635 --> 00:06:17,420
DON'T FORGET
WHAT I TOLD YOU, HOBBS.

144
00:06:17,463 --> 00:06:18,464
HI...

145
00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:21,728
BIGGER THAN ME?

146
00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:30,215
NO PICTURES ALLOWED
ON THE SET.

147
00:06:30,258 --> 00:06:31,651
OH, NICK'S MY GOOD FRIEND.
HE WON'T MIND.

148
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,261
YEAH, JUST CHECK OUT
MY INSTAGRAM PAGE.

149
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,872
EVERYTHING THERE IS TRUE.

150
00:06:34,915 --> 00:06:36,351
AND ACTION!

151
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:39,442
DAD!

152
00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:41,922
OKAY, IT WAS GOOD FOR ME.

153
00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,358
CUT.

154
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,930
"THE BUILDING'S SURROUNDED,
DE CAMPO.

155
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,758
YOU CAN COME QUIETLY--"

156
00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:52,977
DADDY?

157
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:55,806
I HAD BAD DREAMS.
CAN YOU READ ME A STORY?

158
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,460
YES, OF COURSE.
NO PROBLEM.

159
00:06:57,503 --> 00:06:58,765
GET OVER HERE. COME ON.

160
00:06:58,809 --> 00:07:00,593
YOUR DAD'S GONNA
TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING NOW.

161
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,248
DAVID, YOU HAVE TO BE
ON SET EARLY.

162
00:07:03,291 --> 00:07:04,641
LET ME TAKE CARE
OF THIS.

163
00:07:04,684 --> 00:07:05,642
OH, NO, HONEY.
YOU WERE ALREADY ASLEEP.

164
00:07:05,685 --> 00:07:07,513
I TOLD YOU
IF I WAS GONNA DO THIS,

165
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,211
I COULD STILL BE A FULL--
- OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.

166
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:13,563
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

167
00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:16,348
ONCE UPON A TIME,
THERE WAS A VERY HANDSOME PRINCE

168
00:07:16,391 --> 00:07:18,916
NAMED
DETECTIVE FRANK HARDWARE,

169
00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:20,570
WHO WAS PLACED
ON ADMINISTRATIVE LEAVE

170
00:07:20,613 --> 00:07:23,355
FOR PLAYING
BY HIS OWN RULES.

171
00:07:23,398 --> 00:07:25,705
[knocking at door]
OH, HOLD ON, SWEETIE.

172
00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:28,491
BUT IT WAS
JUST GETTING GOOD!

173
00:07:28,534 --> 00:07:30,231
- OH, HEY, NICK.
- CAN I COME IN?

174
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,668
YEAH, WELL, I'M KIND OF

175
00:07:31,711 --> 00:07:33,017
STUDYING MY LINES HERE,
YOU KNOW?

176
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,235
NO, I UNDERSTAND.

177
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:36,455
I'LL JUST, UM...
I'LL WAIT RIGHT HERE.

178
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,849
[crying]

179
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:42,722
I'M RUINING THIS MOVIE.
AH! I'M RUINING THIS MOVIE.

180
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,898
DAD, I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

181
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,510
YEAH, WELL, YOU ATE
YOUR WEIGHT IN CREAM PUFFS, JOE.

182
00:07:47,553 --> 00:07:49,076
OKAY?

183
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,208
LOOK, GUYS, WE GOT
A LOT TO DO TOMORROW.

184
00:07:50,251 --> 00:07:51,949
WE GOT A BUSY DAY.

185
00:07:51,992 --> 00:07:54,734
IT'S LATE. CAN WE ALL
JUST GO TO SLEEP, PLEASE?

186
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:58,695
"AND THEN FRANK AND CHAZ
RAN AND RAN AND RAN,

187
00:07:58,738 --> 00:08:02,655
UNTIL FINALLY TACKLING
THE BAD GUY."

188
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:06,833
AND THEN THEY TALK...
AND THEY TALK...

189
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,792
AND THEY TALK AND THEY--

190
00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:10,794
MAN, THIS MOVIE
REALLY DOES NEED A NEW ENDING.

191
00:08:13,013 --> 00:08:14,711
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING UP?

192
00:08:14,754 --> 00:08:15,973
AAH!

193
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:17,278
[shrieks]

194
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:20,586
[screaming]

195
00:08:23,197 --> 00:08:24,155
[camera clicking]

196
00:08:24,198 --> 00:08:25,852
WE GOT YOU, DE CAMPO.

197
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:28,376
THESE PICTURES ARE GONNA
PUT YOU AWAY FOR LIFE.

198
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,987
RIGHT, FRANK?

199
00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:31,336
[click]

200
00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:32,816
FRANK?

201
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:35,993
DAVID?

202
00:08:36,036 --> 00:08:37,516
CUT!

203
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,739
DAVID, OF ALL THE TIMES
I'VE WATCHED YOU SLEEP,

204
00:08:42,782 --> 00:08:44,610
I'VE NEVER HAD TO SHARE YOU
WITH A CROWD BEFORE.

205
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:45,524
THAT WAS WEIRD.
[chuckles]

206
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,613
YOU WATCH ME SLEEP?

207
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,659
COFFEE?

208
00:08:49,702 --> 00:08:51,791
DAVE, I HAVE
THE PERFECT ENDING.

209
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:54,881
LISTEN. FRANK AND CHAZ
CHASE DE CAMPO

210
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,970
INTO THE BOWELS
OF THE SUBWAY.

211
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,058
- OKAY. GO ON--
- OKAY, OKAY.

212
00:08:58,102 --> 00:08:59,451
WHERE HE'S OVERCOME

213
00:08:59,494 --> 00:09:02,106
BY A RADIOACTIVE LIQUID.
WAIT FOR IT!

214
00:09:02,149 --> 00:09:05,152
IT TURNS HIM
INTO A PIZZA-LOVING,

215
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:08,373
HARD-SHELLED REPTILE
WHO KNOW KUNG-FU.

216
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:10,680
HMM?
SAVES THE DAY.

217
00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:14,466
YEAH. YOU CAN CALL IT, UH...

218
00:09:14,509 --> 00:09:17,600
{\an8}<i>MIDDLE-AGED MUTANT
NINJA COPS.</i>

219
00:09:17,643 --> 00:09:20,472
YOU KNOW, YOUR--
YOUR MOCKING TONE IS, LIKE,

220
00:09:20,515 --> 00:09:22,387
KILLING MY CREATIVE SPIRIT.

221
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,346
YOU'RE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF,
MAN, ALL RIGHT?

222
00:09:28,523 --> 00:09:29,786
- ACTION!
- [gasps]

223
00:09:29,829 --> 00:09:32,049
AW, MY GOD, FRANKIE.

224
00:09:32,092 --> 00:09:34,138
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER!

225
00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:35,443
CUT!

226
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:37,271
AMY, GREAT WORK.
GREAT SCENE.

227
00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:39,709
BUT PENNY ASKED ME
TO MAKE A MINOR TWEAK

228
00:09:39,752 --> 00:09:42,929
TO YOUR SCENE TO HEIGHTEN
THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT.

229
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,235
OH! EMOTIONAL IMPACT.

230
00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:45,932
- SOMETHING NEW.
- OH, GOOD!

231
00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,847
OKAY.

232
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,283
AND ACTION!

233
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,765
AW, CONNIE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOU.

234
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,201
LOOK AT WHAT DE CAMPO
DID TO YOU!

235
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:57,814
- [muffled speech]
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER.

236
00:09:57,857 --> 00:09:59,511
[grunts]

237
00:09:59,554 --> 00:10:01,687
- YOU MAY BE MY EX-WIFE--
- [grunting]

238
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,210
BUT YOU'RE STILL MY HERO.

239
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:05,822
[grunts]

240
00:10:05,865 --> 00:10:07,127
I TOLD YOU I'D NEVER
LET YOU SEE ME CRY.

241
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:08,738
[grunts]

242
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:13,873
CUT!

243
00:10:16,136 --> 00:10:17,660
EXCUSE ME.

244
00:10:17,703 --> 00:10:19,662
I'M SURE YOU GET THIS
ALL THE TIME,

245
00:10:19,705 --> 00:10:22,316
BUT ALL MY FRIENDS
THINK YOU'RE SUPER CUTE,

246
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,319
AND I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD
GET A PICTURE WITH YOU.

247
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:28,932
UH...SURE.

248
00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:30,542
- HEY, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
- OH!

249
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,547
YO, DE CAMPO.
HERE WE ARE.

250
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,465
CUT!

251
00:10:40,508 --> 00:10:42,815
WHAT CAN I
HELP YOU WITH THIS TIME?

252
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,948
SORRY.
[giggles]

253
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:48,342
ACTION.

254
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:49,909
YO, DE CAMPO.
HERE WE ARE.

255
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,302
YOU PROBABLY HEARD
THAT WE PLAY

256
00:10:51,345 --> 00:10:53,565
BY OUR OWN
SET OF RULES.

257
00:10:53,608 --> 00:10:54,871
SO TELL US WHO YOU WORK FOR

258
00:10:54,914 --> 00:10:56,829
OR THIS DOG'S GONNA PLAY FETCH
WITH YOUR FACE.

259
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,788
I'M NOT TALKING!

260
00:10:58,831 --> 00:11:00,398
AND GET THAT BEAST
AWAY FROM ME!

261
00:11:00,441 --> 00:11:02,966
LET'S GO, REX! GET HIM!

262
00:11:05,751 --> 00:11:07,622
- YAY!
- CUT!

263
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:13,063
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
LISTEN UP!

264
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:16,631
THIS IS THE BIG STUNT.

265
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:18,242
THERE CAN BE
NO MISTAKES.

266
00:11:18,285 --> 00:11:20,070
WE CAN ONLY DO IT ONCE!

267
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:23,682
SO YOU'LL GO WHEN I SIGNAL.

268
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,510
I HAVE TO PEE,

269
00:11:25,553 --> 00:11:27,207
BUT I DON'T WANT
TO MISS THE STUNT.

270
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,340
DO I HAVE TIME?

271
00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:30,515
- ABSOLUTELY.
- PROBABLY NOT.

272
00:11:30,558 --> 00:11:32,735
- JUST GO.
- SHOULD I GO OR NOT?

273
00:11:32,778 --> 00:11:33,736
- WHATEVER.
- HOLD IT.

274
00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:34,737
JUST GO.

275
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,913
BUT WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

276
00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:38,653
GO! JUST GO!

277
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,873
[tires screeching]

278
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:50,404
WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME
AND HAVE MORE KIDS?

279
00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:58,108
- KEVIN?
- ARE YOU OKAY?

280
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:01,676
WELL, ONE MINUTE I WAS
INTERVIEWING THE STUNT DRIVER,

281
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,374
AND THE NEXT I WAS FLYING
THROUGH THE AIR.

282
00:12:03,417 --> 00:12:05,898
BUT LUCKILY, THERE WERE
SIX PIECES OF JAGGED METAL

283
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:07,160
TO BREAK MY FALL.

284
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:09,075
[laughing]

285
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,773
DAD, I'M SORRY.

286
00:12:10,816 --> 00:12:14,080
[sighs]
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.

287
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:18,519
SPEAKING OF ACCIDENTS,
STILL GOTTA GO HERE!

288
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,173
EM, HELP YOUR SISTER OUT.
YOUR FATHER AND I NEED TO TALK.

289
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,348
SURE.

290
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:22,959
I'LL GO CHECK
ON THE QUICHES.

291
00:12:23,002 --> 00:12:23,873
I MEAN, KEVIN.

292
00:12:26,005 --> 00:12:28,878
WELL, HONEY,
WE SAW THIS COMING.

293
00:12:28,921 --> 00:12:31,010
NAW, I MEAN,
YOU KNOW THE OLD ADAGE.

294
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,620
IT'S NOT A FAMILY VACATION

295
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,797
UNTIL SOMEBODY DRIVES A CAR
THROUGH A PLATE-GLASS WINDOW.

296
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,320
OH, SWEETIE.

297
00:12:36,363 --> 00:12:38,452
YOU'RE A GREAT ACTOR,

298
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:39,976
AN AMAZING FATHER,

299
00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:41,891
BUT A MOVIE SET
IS NO PLACE FOR KIDS.

300
00:12:41,934 --> 00:12:43,849
LOOK, TOMORROW
I'LL TAKE THEM HOME.

301
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,503
WHAT--IT CAN'T
GET ANY WORSE, RIGHT?

302
00:12:45,546 --> 00:12:47,766
DADDY! HELP ME!

303
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,594
- WHAT?
- I'LL HELP YOU PACK.

304
00:12:53,641 --> 00:12:55,774
WE START IN THE CAR, DAVID.

305
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,036
OKAY. THANK YOU.

306
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:03,521
- MY DOCUMENTARY'S A DISASTER.
- OH!

307
00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:05,610
KEVIN, HAVEN'T
YOU LEARNED ANYTHING

308
00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,960
ABOUT SNEAKING
INTO MOVIE CARS?

309
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,832
I DON'T CARE
WHAT HAPPENS ANYMORE, DAVID.

310
00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:11,703
I'VE SHOT HUNDREDS
OF HOURS OF FILM

311
00:13:11,746 --> 00:13:12,965
AND I HAVE NOTHING
TO SHOW FOR IT.

312
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,315
SO YOU KNOW,
START SPREADING THE NEWS,

313
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,795
'CAUSE IF I CAN'T
MAKE IT HERE,

314
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:20,146
I CAN'T
MAKE IT ANYWHERE.

315
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,845
I CAN'T DO THIS, DAVID.

316
00:13:22,888 --> 00:13:25,412
IT SEEMS LIKE ALL MY ENDINGS
HAVE BEEN DONE BEFORE.

317
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,893
WHAT, UH--

318
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:30,026
OKAY, LET ME GUESS.
YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING.

319
00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:32,028
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, DAVID!

320
00:13:32,071 --> 00:13:34,334
[wailing]

321
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:37,294
CHAZ IS GONE,
AND HE'S NEVER COMING BACK.

322
00:13:37,337 --> 00:13:39,122
MY NAME'S NOT EVEN NICK BANNER.
IT'S GLEN TISHMAN.

323
00:13:39,165 --> 00:13:40,514
I'M NO ACTOR.

324
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:41,689
AND I'M NO FILMMAKER.

325
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,691
I'M NOT A WRITER!

326
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:46,303
WELL, I'M A GREAT ACTOR.

327
00:13:46,346 --> 00:13:48,522
I'M A HORRIBLE FATHER.

328
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:51,961
[all sobbing]
NO, PLEASE, PLEASE,

329
00:13:52,004 --> 00:13:53,527
FOR THE LOVE--
DON'T DO THIS.

330
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:54,920
[phone ringing]

331
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:58,576
HELLO.
HEY, EMILY, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

332
00:13:58,619 --> 00:14:02,362
FINE. MOM JUST NEEDED MONEY,
SO WE WENT BACK TO THE BANK.

333
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,538
AND WE JUST WANTED
TO SAY GOOD-BYE AGAIN.

334
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,366
all: WE LOVE YOU.

335
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,935
OH. THANK YOU, SWEETHEART.
I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT.

336
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,241
ANYWAY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE

337
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,243
THESE TWO CLOWNS
IN LINE IN FRONT OF US.

338
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,636
[chuckles]
WHAT, TWO IDIOTS

339
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,248
WITH COFFEE CANS
FULL OF PENNIES?

340
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,032
NO. REAL CLOWNS.

341
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:22,687
ALL RIGHT,
EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND!

342
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:24,254
THIS IS A HOLD-UP!

343
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,864
OH, NO, DAD!
THEY'RE NOT CLOWNS.

344
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:26,647
THEY'RE ROBBING THE BANK!

345
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:27,735
WAIT, WHAT?

346
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,172
HELP US, DADDY!

347
00:14:29,215 --> 00:14:30,651
ALL RIGHT,
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

348
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:32,305
EVERYBODY, BUCKLE UP.

349
00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:34,612
AMY AND THE KIDS
ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROBBERY.

350
00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:37,180
WHAT? WELL, SHOULDN'T
WE CALL THE POLICE?

351
00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:39,225
WE ARE THE POLICE.

352
00:14:41,227 --> 00:14:42,620
[tires screeching]

353
00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:45,492
[siren wailing]

354
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:48,191
HEY, DAVID, I'M NOT SURE
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

355
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:50,323
I HAVE TO SAVE
MY FAMILY, MARCUS!

356
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:52,369
OKAY. I HAVE TICKETS
TO SEE {\an8}<i>KINKY BOOTS,</i>

357
00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:54,153
BUT I GUESS THIS
IS MORE IMPORTANT.

358
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,809
[tires screeching]

359
00:14:57,852 --> 00:15:00,768
DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID
AND NO ONE GETS HURT!

360
00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:03,728
OH, GREAT. NOW ALL I CAN THINK
ABOUT IS DOING SOMETHING STUPID

361
00:15:03,771 --> 00:15:05,425
WHERE EVERYBODY GETS HURT.

362
00:15:07,079 --> 00:15:10,082
YOU KNOW, FOR A CLOWN,
YOU'RE NOT VERY FUNNY!

363
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:14,782
[giggles]

364
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:17,089
OKAY, THAT'S FUNNY.

365
00:15:18,612 --> 00:15:21,311
[siren wailing]

366
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,486
YOU! TIE UP THE GUARD!

367
00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:23,835
WITH WHAT?

368
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,502
DAVE, COULD YOU
PLEASE SLOW DOWN?

369
00:15:38,545 --> 00:15:41,026
I'M GETTING--
I'M GETTING CAR SICK OVER HERE.

370
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,724
SUCK IT UP, GLEN.
MY FAMILY NEEDS ME!

371
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,684
[tires screeching]

372
00:15:46,727 --> 00:15:49,513
STAY HERE.

373
00:15:49,556 --> 00:15:51,210
GOOD--GOOD THINKIN'!

374
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,647
I'LL FEED THE METER.
ANYONE HAVE CHANGE?

375
00:15:57,477 --> 00:15:59,175
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO CLOWNS!

376
00:15:59,218 --> 00:16:02,569
FUN TIME'S OVER.
PLACE IS SURROUNDED.

377
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:03,788
HE MADE IT!

378
00:16:03,831 --> 00:16:07,357
YO, FRANK.
LET'S ROCK. AND ROLL.

379
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,098
WHO THE HECK
ARE YOU GUYS?

380
00:16:09,141 --> 00:16:11,839
WE'RE TWO
OF NEW YORK'S FINEST.

381
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,972
AND WE PLAY BY OUR OWN RULES.

382
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,800
SO WHY DON'T YOU
LET THESE PEOPLE GO, HUH?

383
00:16:15,843 --> 00:16:17,062
THAT'S NOT
GONNA HAPPEN.

384
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:22,154
- YES, IT IS.
- NO, IT'S NOT.

385
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,634
THAT'S NOT
A VERY GOOD PLAN.

386
00:16:23,677 --> 00:16:25,592
I KNOW IT'S NOT.

387
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,725
FYI, DAVID,
YOU ONLY HAVE 15 MINUTES

388
00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:29,074
BEFORE YOU GET
A PARKING TICKET,

389
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:30,032
AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

390
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:36,647
DAVID? HEY,
ISN'T THAT DAVID HOBBS?

391
00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:39,128
AND THAT MOVIE ACTOR,
NICK BANNER?

392
00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:40,955
- NO WAY.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?

393
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:45,177
MOM, THEY LOVE DAD.

394
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,571
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I LOVE DAVID HOBBS!

395
00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:50,661
OMG!

396
00:16:50,704 --> 00:16:52,706
- HUH!
- NICK BANNER?

397
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:56,884
OH, I'M SUCH A HUGE FAN.
I'M TALKING HUGE!

398
00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,234
FUHGET ABOUT IT!

399
00:16:58,277 --> 00:17:00,714
OH, MY FAMILY LOVES {\an8}<i>
SEE DAD RUN.</i>

400
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:03,413
MINE, TOO.

401
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,936
SO, WHY'D YOU QUIT?

402
00:17:04,979 --> 00:17:07,808
WELL, I QUIT TO, UH,
I QUIT TO BE A REAL--

403
00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,680
TO BE A REAL DAD.

404
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:11,943
GOOD FOR YOU.

405
00:17:11,986 --> 00:17:14,163
HEY, EXCUSE ME, BANK ROBBER.

406
00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:15,947
I KNOW YOU'VE GOT
A CRIME TO COMMIT,

407
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:19,864
BUT WOULD YOU MIND IF THE KIDS
AND I COULD GET A PICTURE?

408
00:17:22,214 --> 00:17:23,215
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

409
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:24,695
MAKE IT QUICK.

410
00:17:24,738 --> 00:17:26,000
OH, THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY NICE.

411
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,045
RIGHT NEXT TO YOU,
YOUNG LADY.

412
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,655
ALL RIGHT.

413
00:17:28,699 --> 00:17:29,961
READY.
[click]

414
00:17:30,004 --> 00:17:31,049
ALL RIGHT,
ONE FOR SAFETY!

415
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,485
- YEAH.
- OH, YEAH.

416
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:33,834
[click]

417
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:34,922
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.

418
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:35,967
ALL RIGHT, HEY, YOU GUYS,

419
00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:38,143
WOULD YOU LIKE
A PICTURE TOO?

420
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:40,406
DON'T BE SHY.
both: NAH, WE--OKAY!

421
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:43,366
COME ON! NICK BANNER.

422
00:17:43,409 --> 00:17:45,324
- JUST ONE.
- THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.

423
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,631
THE FLASH IS ON IF YOU DON'T--
- RIGHT.

424
00:17:47,674 --> 00:17:48,632
- HOW YOU DOING?
- HEY.

425
00:17:48,675 --> 00:17:50,242
[all chatting]
- ALL RIGHT.

426
00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,852
- OKAY, YOU READY?
- ONE, TWO--

427
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,377
EVERYBODY SAY...

428
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,291
BUSTED!
- HEY! WAIT! GIVE ME THAT--

429
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:57,684
HEY! HEY! HEY!

430
00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:59,077
TELL ME YOU
ARE GETTING THAT.

431
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:00,644
YEAH, EVERY FRAME!

432
00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:02,776
[patrons whimpering,
screaming]

433
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,538
HOO...WAH!

434
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:28,585
[laughing]

435
00:18:28,628 --> 00:18:30,848
YOU KNOW WHAT FITS MORE CLOWNS
THAN YOUR TINY CAR?

436
00:18:30,891 --> 00:18:33,024
JAIL.

437
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:36,462
FRANK, THIS CLOCK'S TICKING!
THIS PLACE IS GONNA BLOW!

438
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:38,203
EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE!

439
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,162
[patrons screaming]

440
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:47,821
SO HOW'D I DO, FRANK?

441
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:50,302
WE STILL PARTNERS?

442
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,434
YOU CAN BANK ON IT.

443
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,875
all: OOOH!

444
00:19:02,488 --> 00:19:05,665
- OH-HO-HO!
- CONGRATULATIONS, KEVIN!

445
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:07,406
YOUR FIRST SCREEN CREDIT!

446
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:11,236
THANK YOU. I AM NOW
THE GO-TO CLOWN GUY. YEAH.

447
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,324
THAT'S GREAT. ANY OFFERS?

448
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:13,934
YEAH, ACTUALLY,
I JUST GOT HIRED

449
00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:16,589
TO DIRECT A NEW PILOT
ABOUT CLOWNS

450
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:19,853
CALLED, {\an8}<i>RICKLES, TICKLES,
PICKLES, AND DESHAWN.</i>

451
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:20,898
YEAH.

452
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:25,990
EMILY, CAN WE SEE YOUR
SELFIE WITH NICK AGAIN?

453
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:28,949
FINE. LAST TIME.

454
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:30,951
[kids laughing,
chattering]

455
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,083
YOU GOT CLOWN BOMBED.

456
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,914
MARCUS, THE MOVIE
WAS AWESOME.

457
00:19:36,957 --> 00:19:38,481
AND THE ENDING
WAS AMAZING.

458
00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:40,309
WELL, THANK YOU.
THE STUDIO THINKS SO, TOO.

459
00:19:40,352 --> 00:19:42,485
THEY OFFERED US
TWO SEQUELS ALREADY.

460
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:45,270
{\an8}<i>PARTNERS TWO:
THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL.</i>

461
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,446
AND {\an8}<i>PARTNERS THREE:
I SAID IT WAS PERSONAL!</i>

462
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:48,708
BAM!

463
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,756
- REALLY?
- WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

464
00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:54,671
HE HASN'T SAID A THING!

465
00:19:57,543 --> 00:19:58,718
DAD...

466
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:00,198
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO TELL US?

467
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,852
OH, YEAH, GUYS, I'M SORRY.

468
00:20:01,895 --> 00:20:06,073
I, UM, I BURNT THE CHICKEN,
SO I MADE BURGERS.

469
00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:09,599
DAVID, THE MOVIE.
THE SEQUELS.

470
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,078
YEAH, I KNOW.

471
00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:14,081
I KNOW IT'S THE ROLE
OF A LIFETIME.

472
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,823
BUT I ALREADY HAVE
THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME.

473
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:21,611
BEING YOUR HUSBAND
AND BEING YOUR DAD.

474
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:25,005
ON OUR SHOW, THAT WOULD'VE
EARNED YOU A "AWWW."

475
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,053
all: AWWWWW.

476
00:20:29,096 --> 00:20:31,185
[laughter]

477
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,278
UH, DAD?

478
00:20:36,321 --> 00:20:37,888
NO, NO, NO.
DON'T RUIN THE MOMENT, JOE.

479
00:20:37,931 --> 00:20:39,193
OKAY.