1
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,835
KATIE, HONEY,
IT'S DAD.

2
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:14,318
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE--
OOH--

3
00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:18,627
THAT YOU'RE LEAVING
FOR COLLEGE NEXT WEEK.

4
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:20,281
SO MANY MEMORIES.

5
00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:22,283
COME ON,
LET ME SEE THAT SWEET FACE.

6
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,328
COME ON.

7
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:32,902
NOW I'M REMINDED
OF YOUR BIRTH.

8
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,252
MY LIFE IS OVER.

9
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:36,906
BABY, I KNOW YOU THOUGHT
YOU AND CHAD

10
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,082
WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

11
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:42,042
BUT I PROMISE YOU
THERE'S ONE GUY

12
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,174
THAT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

13
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:47,569
I LOVE YOU, DADDY.

14
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,962
OH, WAIT. YOU THOUGHT
I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME?

15
00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:54,750
THIS IS AWKWARD.

16
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,621
AND...WE'RE OUT!

17
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,625
GIVE IT UP
FOR THE ONE, THE ONLY,

18
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:04,151
AMERICA'S NUMBER-ONE DAD,
DAVID HOBBS!

19
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,678
THANK YOU,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

20
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,027
UH...

21
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:13,290
BOY, THIS SHOW
HAS BEEN MY LIFE

22
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,118
FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS,
AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

23
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:16,772
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER.

24
00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:20,950
THIS CAST AND CREW HAVE BEEN
LIKE MY FAMILY, EXCEPT BETTER,

25
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,691
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM
ON WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS.

26
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:27,043
- ONE MORE SEASON!
- YOU'RE THE BEST!

27
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,872
I WILL--I'LL MISS THEM MORE
THAN THEY WILL EVER KNOW.

28
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:32,222
WE LOVE YOU, DAVID!

29
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:33,223
GET OUT OF HERE.

30
00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:34,485
THIS IS THE GUY RIGHT HERE.

31
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,226
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS MY DEAR FRIEND

32
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:38,968
AND OUR HEAD WRITER,
MR. MARCUS BARNES.

33
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:42,450
MARCUS...

34
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,887
I JUST WANT TO TAKE
A MOMENT AND TELL YOU SOMETHING

35
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:48,499
THAT I'VE BEEN DYING TO TELL YOU
FOR A LONG TIME.

36
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:51,763
I QUIT!

37
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,635
TOO LATE.
YOU'RE FIRED!

38
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,859
WELL, FOLKS,
AS BITTERSWEET AS THIS IS,

39
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,687
I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME

40
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,733
WITH MY REAL FAMILY.

41
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:06,300
AND IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'D LOVE YOU TO MEET THEM.

42
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:07,692
COME ON OUT HERE,
REAL FAMILY.

43
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,652
MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE, AMY,
AND OUR KIDS.

44
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:17,267
GREAT NEWS, GUYS--
DADDY'S COMING HOME.

45
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,378
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER.

46
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,901
WELL, HONEY,
IT'S TIME TO MOVE FORWARD,

47
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:44,468
START ACT TWO.

48
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:47,254
SPEAKING OF, UH, ACT TWO,

49
00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:48,994
THERE'S SOMETHING
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

50
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,213
IS THIS ABOUT ME?

51
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:52,694
ISN'T IT ALWAYS?

52
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,130
HEY, BABY.

53
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:55,392
JANIE, HONEY,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP.

54
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:58,787
DR. MONKEY CHUNKS TOLD ME
SHE'S SAD.

55
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:02,312
OH. DID DADDY FORGET TO KISS
DR. MONKEY CHUNKS GOOD NIGHT?

56
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,922
- UH-HUH!
- AW.

57
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,707
THAT'S 'CAUSE
DR. MONKEY CHUNKS

58
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:08,013
SMELLS LIKE POO.

59
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,543
THAT'S ALL YOU GOT?

60
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,284
LAME.
- AH.

61
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:22,680
HEY, GUYS.

62
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,943
I WANTED TO PRACTICE MY PART
IN THE SCHOOL PLAY BEFORE BED.

63
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:26,989
OH.
HAIL CAESAR!

64
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,470
DAVID, THAT WAS HIS PART.

65
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,472
OOH!

66
00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:34,431
SORRY, JOE. I REALLY WANT
TO HEAR IT FROM YOU.

67
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,346
HAIL CAESAR!

68
00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,870
WHOA!
AND THERE IT IS.

69
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,698
THAT'S MY BOY!

70
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:44,746
IN ANCIENT ROME,
THEY NEVER WORE UNDERPANTS.

71
00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:46,182
YOU KNOW,
HE'S RIGHT, HONEY.

72
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,011
ALL ROMANS
WENT FULL COMMANDO--

73
00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:52,275
CLAUDIUS, JULIUS, TESTICULUS.

74
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,757
OKAY, GOOD NIGHT, JOE.

75
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,544
AH, SO, MR. DAVID,
I HAVE SOME EXCITING NEWS.

76
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,372
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT,
ARE YOU?

77
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,373
NO!

78
00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:06,550
WHOO!

79
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,465
I, UH...

80
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,555
GOT A CALL FROM THE PRODUCERS
OF {\an8}<i>ALL THE DAYS.</i>

81
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:14,645
THEY WANT MY CHARACTER, SARAH,
TO COME BACK.

82
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,821
COME BACK FROM WHAT,
HER COMA?

83
00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:19,128
YEAH, THEY FEEL IT'S TIME
TO END THAT STORYLINE.

84
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,437
DOESN'T HER LACK OF BRAIN
ACTIVITY END THAT STORYLINE?

85
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:24,742
THEY WANT MY CHARACTER
TO WAKE UP,

86
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:27,310
REJOIN THE SHOW.

87
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:30,270
OH. I DON'T KNOW, AMY.
THE TIMING'S NOT GREAT.

88
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,359
HOW DO YOU FIGURE?

89
00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:36,493
WELL, DOESN'T THAT MEAN
THAT YOU'D BE WORKING FULL-TIME,

90
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,103
AND I'D BE STAYING HOME
WITH THE KIDS?

91
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:41,542
YEAH!

92
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,195
I JUST THOUGHT
WE'D ALL BE TOGETHER--

93
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,675
HAVING BREAKFAST
IN THE MORNING,

94
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,286
YOU DROPPING THE KIDS OFF
AT SCHOOL,

95
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:50,159
ME PLAYING A ROUND OF GOLF AND
SMOKING CIGARS WITH THE GUYS,

96
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,466
SPENDING THE AFTERNOON
AT THE TRACK...

97
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:57,035
WITH YOU.

98
00:04:57,166 --> 00:05:00,256
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, IT DOES
SOUND PRETTY RIDICULOUS, HUH?

99
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:03,433
HA! LEAVING YOU HOME
WITH THE KIDS.

100
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,524
HOLD ON A SECOND.

101
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,309
YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN HANDLE MY KIDS ON MY OWN?

102
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,962
- I NEVER SAID THAT.
- BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT.

103
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,399
- NO, I DIDN'T.
- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEANT.

104
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,183
NEED I REMIND YOU
THAT JUST LAST YEAR

105
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,054
I WAS VOTED {\an8}<i>TV GUIDE'S
NUMBER-ONE DAD?</i>

106
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,448
BABY, I VOTED FOR YOU.

107
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:19,971
YOU'RE GOING
BACK TO WORK, OKAY?

108
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,452
I GOT THIS.
- REALLY?

109
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,150
AM I NOT THE MAN WHO BUILT
HIS SON'S SCIENCE PROJECT

110
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:28,240
{\an8}<i>AND</i> DELIVERED A LITTER
OF PUPPIES ALL IN ONE NIGHT?

111
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:29,764
THAT WAS ON THE SHOW.

112
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,769
- REALLY?
- MM-HMM.

113
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:37,380
BUT I LIKE WHERE YOU'RE GOING
WITH THIS, MISTER.

114
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,599
COME ON, YOU KNOW WHAT?
COME HERE.

115
00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:42,646
IT'S YOUR TURN.
YOU DESERVE THIS.

116
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,213
AND BESIDES, YOU HAD THEM
FOR THE "DIAPER" YEARS.

117
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,215
I MEAN,
HOW HARD CAN THIS BE?

118
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,826
YOU'RE SO PRETTY.

119
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,532
- CAN I TALK TO YOU, MOM?
- SURE, BABY, YEAH.

120
00:05:58,662 --> 00:05:59,794
WHAT'S UP?

121
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:01,622
OH, IT'S
ABOUT MATTHEW PEARSON.

122
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,232
OH, THAT'S MY CUE.
I'M OUT OF HERE.

123
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,451
OH, NO, NO, NO, HONEY.

124
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:05,756
YOU NEED TO BE
A PART OF THIS NOW.

125
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,018
BUT, MOM!

126
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:08,150
GO AHEAD, LOVE.

127
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,891
FINE.

128
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,502
UM, WELL, YOU KNOW
THAT I WAS HOPING--

129
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:13,503
- AND DID HE?
- NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

130
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,026
- EVEN AFTER--
- I KNOW, I KNOW.

131
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:16,288
BUT TELL ME YOU DIDN'T--
- NO! I DID EXACTLY WHAT WE--

132
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:17,202
- GOOD, GOOD. DID YOU TRY--
- TWICE!

133
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,726
- AND NOT EVEN A--
- NOPE.

134
00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:20,597
OH, WOW.

135
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,470
DAVID, YOU WANT TO JUMP IN HERE?
- ON WHAT?

136
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,647
YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE A CELL PHONE
THAT KEEPS CUTTING OUT.

137
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,692
SEE? I KNEW
HE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

138
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:30,738
CAN I BUY A VOWEL
OR SOMETHING?

139
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,304
NOW THAT I'M GOING
BACK TO WORK

140
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:33,741
AND YOU'RE IN CHARGE,

141
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,395
YOU NEED TO KNOW
HOW TO HANDLE THESE SITUATIONS.

142
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,571
W-W-WAIT. YOU'RE LEAVING,
AND HE'S STAYING?

143
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,834
HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT RAISING A DAUGHTER.

144
00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:42,924
I THINK {\an8}<i>ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
MIGHT DISAGREE WITH YOU ON THAT.</i>

145
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:45,100
FINE.

146
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,711
I'M TRYING TO GET A GUY
TO ASK ME TO THE DANCE.

147
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,365
ANY WORDS OF WISDOM?

148
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:52,977
DID YOU NOT SEE
OUR VERY SPECIAL PROM EPISODE?

149
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,675
NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS
AT A DANCE.

150
00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:56,154
YOU'RE NOT GOING.

151
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,201
UNBELIEVABLE!

152
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,855
YEAH, SEE THAT?

153
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:04,728
THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!

154
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,643
MORNING, FAMILY.
HOW'S EVERYBODY TODAY?

155
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:09,080
- HORRIFIED.
- ME TOO.

156
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,647
SO YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS.

157
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,519
- I THINK IT'S GREAT, DAD.
- ME TOO.

158
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:16,000
NOW WE GET
SOME "DUDES ONLY" TIME.

159
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,525
DUDE, WE ARE GONNA HAVE
ALL KINDS OF "DUDES ONLY" TIME,

160
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:21,702
STARTING RIGHT NOW--
CATCH.

161
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:28,404
DADDY,
WE DON'T THROW THINGS TO JOE.

162
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,014
DAVID, WE REALLY NEED TO GO
OVER A FEW THINGS

163
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,581
BEFORE I LEAVE.

164
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:34,236
ONE SEC, HONEY.
I JUST NEED MY COFFEE.

165
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,585
THERE WE GO.

166
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,152
MORNING.

167
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:38,283
HELLO, DAVID.

168
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:41,417
HELLO, DAVID'S REAL FAMILY.

169
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,464
- THANK YOU.
- NO PROBLEM, DAD.

170
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:48,511
UH, UH, DAVID.

171
00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:51,122
DAVID, WHAT WAS KEVIN
FROM THE SHOW DOING HERE?

172
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,907
BRINGING ME MY SCONE.

173
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:54,909
SCONE--OKAY.

174
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,693
UH, IT'S 6:45.

175
00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:58,695
AT 7:00,
THE KIDS NEED TO BE UPSTAIRS--

176
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,915
TEETH, HAIR, FACES,
BRUSHED, COMBED, WASHED.

177
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,873
YOU PREP THE BACKPACKS,
AND YOU MAKE THE LUNCH.

178
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:04,658
NOW, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

179
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,442
EMILY ONLY EATS
OUT OF RECYCLABLE CONTAINERS.

180
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,313
JOE'S FOOD CAN'T TOUCH.
DON'T ASK.

181
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,577
YOU'RE DRIVING CARPOOL.

182
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,580
LEAVE AT 7:30
BECAUSE JOE CANNOT BE LATE.

183
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:17,105
YOU WON'T LIKE JOE
WHEN HE'S LATE.

184
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,367
WHAT DO I DO WITH JANIE?

185
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,152
- YOU TAKE HER WITH YOU.
- ALL DAY?

186
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,807
OH, HONEY, I THINK I SEE
WHERE YOU'VE GONE WRONG HERE.

187
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,593
YOU GOLF?

188
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:30,553
AH. THIS IS THE FAMILY BOOK.

189
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,990
HOW MANY FAMILIES ARE
IN THIS THING?

190
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:34,644
DO NOT MOCK THE FAMILY BOOK.

191
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,080
THE FAMILY BOOK
IS YOUR BEST FRIEND.

192
00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:37,952
EVERYTHING YOU NEED
IS RIGHT HERE.

193
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,475
- HONEY, HONEY?
- HUH?

194
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,607
- I GOT THIS.
- MM-HMM.

195
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:43,392
- OKAY? COME ON.
- MOMMY, DON'T GO!

196
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,396
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US
WITH DADDY!

197
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,703
NOT FUNNY, EMILY.

198
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,880
TOO MUCH?

199
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,539
DAD!
IT'S 7:29!

200
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,236
I CAN'T BE LATE!
I CAN'T BE LATE!

201
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:02,629
I KNOW, JOE.
I KNOW.

202
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,282
HERE YOU GO.
GIRLS, WE GOT TO GO!

203
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:05,632
WE'RE GONNA LOSE
YOUR BROTHER.

204
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,459
YEAH, COME ON IN.

205
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,026
- HEY, MR. H.
- GOOD MORNING.

206
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:12,290
FIRST DAY OF FREEDOM, HUH?
MUST BE HARD BEING UP AT 7:30.

207
00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:14,858
7:30?

208
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,730
IS ANYBODY ELSE HOT?

209
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,601
MARY, CAN YOU GO GET
EMILY, PLEASE?

210
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:20,690
THANK YOU.
HEY, GOOD MORNING, MARCUS.

211
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:21,996
HEY. YEAH.
OH, YEAH, BABY, I GOT IT.

212
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:23,519
I'M ACROSS THE STREET
AT DAVID'S,

213
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,303
DROPPING MARY OFF AT CARPOOL.

214
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,523
IT'S ON THE LIST.

215
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,656
I GOT IT RIGHT THERE.

216
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:32,267
UH-OH.

217
00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:35,357
OH, GREAT.
YOU SENT IT AGAIN.

218
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:38,752
I LOVE YOU.
HELLO?

219
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,710
I MISS WORK!

220
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,930
COME ON, GIRLS!
IT'S 7:32!

221
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:46,020
WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

222
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,851
LET ME GET THE BOOK!

223
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:55,507
OH, YOU GOT IT COVERED.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

224
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,640
SO AMY'S GOING BACK TO WORK,

225
00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,121
AND YOU'RE GOING
TO RAISE THE KIDS?

226
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,732
YEAH.

227
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:05,474
HEY, HEY, GOOD LUCK
WITH THAT, MAN, SERIOUSLY.

228
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,824
WHY IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?

229
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,740
DAVID, BECAUSE
PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF YOU.

230
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:13,177
YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE.
- WHAT?

231
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:15,310
MARCUS, YOU SEEM TO FORGET
THAT I'M THE GUY

232
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,268
THAT THREW A BIRTHDAY PARTY
FOR 20 KIDS

233
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,096
WITH NOTHING BUT LEFTOVER
CHRISTMAS CANDY

234
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,490
AND STUFF
I FOUND IN A CAR.

235
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,753
THAT WAS ON THE SHOW, DAVID.

236
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:26,669
REALLY?

237
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:30,717
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,

238
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,719
MOM LETS ME DRESS THIS WAY
FOR SCHOOL.

239
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,939
SHALL WE GO TO THE BOOK?

240
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,028
DAD, MAYBE
YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,

241
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,770
BUT I AM A GROWN WOMAN.

242
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:42,990
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE 14!

243
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:46,558
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN YOUR--
- DADDY!

244
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,736
I WAS GONNA SAY
DRIVER'S LICENSE.

245
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,216
EMILY! HEY!
WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT ME?

246
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:53,261
EM--EMILY!

247
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,875
DADDY, DR. MONKEY CHUNKS
IS STILL WET.

248
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,181
I KNOW
SHE'S STILL WET, HONEY.

249
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:01,661
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW HARD IT IS

250
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:02,879
PUTTING THAT STUPID
LITTLE STRAW

251
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,621
INSIDE THAT STUPID
LITTLE JUICE BOX?

252
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:08,537
AT WORK,
I HAD A STRAW GUY.

253
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,105
- I NEED A SNACK.
- ME TOO.

254
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:12,497
ARE YOU KIDDING?

255
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,195
YOU WANT A SNACK?

256
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,850
JANIE, YOU'VE HAD SIX POUNDS
OF CHEEZY CHIPS TODAY.

257
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,460
NO MORE SNACKS.

258
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,462
I TOLD YOUR MOTHER I'D MAKE YOU
A NICE HEALTHY DINNER, OKAY?

259
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,986
OH, DAMN IT, THE CHICKEN.

260
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,298
"ALLOW SIX HOURS TO DEFROST"?

261
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,953
AW, COME ON!

262
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,432
I COULD GO TO A PETTING ZOO

263
00:11:34,563 --> 00:11:36,391
AND WRING A CHICKEN'S NECK
IN SIX HOURS.

264
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,219
DADDY, NO!

265
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:41,135
DADDY'S NOT GONNA KILLING
A CHICKEN, HONEY.

266
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:42,310
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS.

267
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,051
PUT IT ON HIGH.

268
00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:45,356
AND WE'LL COOK AND DEFROST
AT THE SAME TIME,

269
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:46,749
AND WE'RE RIGHT BACK
ON SCHEDULE, FOLKS.

270
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,838
JUST HAVE A SNACK.

271
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:51,101
JOE, I NEED YOU TO TAKE OFF THAT
TOGA AND WASH IT FOR ME, OKAY?

272
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:52,929
I'M LITTLE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WASH STUFF.

273
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,191
I'M BIG.
I DON'T KNOW EITHER.

274
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:57,151
CHECK THE BOOK.

275
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,369
EMILY.

276
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,241
YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO
IN THERE, MR. H.

277
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:01,982
WHY IS SHE SO MAD AT ME?

278
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,940
EMILY HAS BEEN WAITING
THE ENTIRE SEMESTER

279
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,595
TO TALK TO MATTHEW PEARSON,
A SOPHOMORE.

280
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,032
WITH HIS OWN CAR!

281
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,947
AND RIGHT WHEN THAT HAPPENS,

282
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,819
HER DADDY PULLS UP
IN CARPOOL LANE,

283
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,255
HONKING AND WAVING--

284
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:16,823
"EMILY, HURRY.
JANIE'S GOT TO GO PEE-PEE."

285
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,781
WHO SAYS "PEE-PEE"?

286
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,697
NOBODY SAYS "PEE-PEE"!

287
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:26,049
AND BYE-BYE,
MATTHEW PEARSON.

288
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:34,579
EMILY, IT'S DAD.

289
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,843
HEY, LISTEN, I KNOW YOU THOUGHT
THAT YOU AND CHAD--

290
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:40,760
I MEAN, UM, MATTHEW--

291
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,762
WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER,

292
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:46,200
BUT I PROMISE YOU
THERE'S ONE GUY

293
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:51,031
THAT'LL ALWAYS BE THERE
FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

294
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,427
SERIOUSLY?

295
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:58,603
QUOTING YOUR OWN SHOW?

296
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:04,305
YOU WERE HOME ONE DAY,
AND YOU RUINED MY LIFE.

297
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,089
SUCK IT!

298
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:10,528
HEY, I'M YOUR DAD...

299
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:13,488
AND A THREE-TIME EMMY NOMINEE.

300
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,620
I NEVER WON,
BUT I'M GOING TO GET OVER IT.

301
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:19,102
I DESERVE SOME RESPECT.

302
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,669
SO, WHEN YOU DECIDE
TO SHOW ME SOME RESPECT,

303
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,236
I'LL BE DOWNSTAIRS...

304
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,629
SUCKING IT.

305
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:30,897
OH, WHAT THE--
CHEEZY CHIPS?

306
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,637
COME ON, GUYS,
I TOLD YOU TO HAVE A SNACK,

307
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:35,379
NOT THROW
A SUPER BOWL PARTY.

308
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,991
DADDY, I JUST HAD
A YUCKY BURP.

309
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,645
OH!

310
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:43,039
JOE, LOOK AWAY.
DO NOT LOOK AT THE PUKE!

311
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,433
JOE, LOOK AWAY!
DON'T--DON'T--COME ON!

312
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:46,782
DADDY, LOOK!

313
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:53,528
AAH!

314
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,965
JANIE, WHY IS MONKEY CHUNKS
IN THE OVEN?

315
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:58,141
THE CHICKEN WAS LONELY.

316
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:03,668
I'LL SAVE YOU, DAVID,
AND DAVID'S REAL FAMILY.

317
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,890
ENOUGH!
YOU GOT IT! YOU GOT IT!

318
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:10,197
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
GO NUTS!

319
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,763
OH, GREAT.
COME ON, KEVIN, MORE!

320
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:13,417
YOU MISSED A COUPLE OF SPOTS!

321
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,245
OVER THERE!
GET THE MICROWAVE!

322
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:18,553
JOE, DADDY'S CRAZY.

323
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,511
GUYS, I'M HOME.

324
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:21,948
RUN, DADDY, RUN!

325
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,434
ROUGH DAY, DEAR?

326
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:33,176
LET'S JUST SAY THINGS DIDN'T
GO EXACTLY ACCORDING TO PLAN.

327
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:34,395
I NEED MY CHEEZY CHIPS.

328
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:36,919
WHAT? COME ON,
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED--SIT.

329
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,834
WELL, THE PRODUCERS
HAD A FEW...

330
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,489
NOTES.
- REALLY? LIKE WHAT.

331
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:42,838
COME ON, LET'S GO GET THE MAIL.
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

332
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,667
THEY FEEL SINCE I'VE BEEN
IN A COMA FOR TEN YEARS,

333
00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:47,756
I SHOULD LOOK
MORE WELL-RESTED, HUH?

334
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,149
SO LET'S GO TAKE A NAP, THEN.

335
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,802
AND THAT SINCE I'VE BEEN
GETTING MY NUTRIENTS

336
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,066
FROM A TUBE, I SHOULD BE
TEN POUNDS THINNER.

337
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:55,416
BASTARDS. THEY HAVE NO RIGHT
CALLING YOU FAT.

338
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:59,202
FAT?

339
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,683
WHO--WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT--ABOUT FAT?

340
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,032
AM I FAT?
DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?

341
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:05,426
ABSOLUTELY NOT, HONEY.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

342
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:09,343
OH!
OOH, YOU'RE SO SKINNY.

343
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,301
OH, THIS IS TURNING ME ON.
COME ON, LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.

344
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,303
THE KIDS ARE--
- I NEED MY BABIES.

345
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,218
ALL THESE PROBLEMS WILL
DISAPPEAR ONCE I SEE THE KIDS.

346
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,873
I THINK YOU OVERESTIMATE
THEIR POWERS.

347
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,572
HI, MOMMY.

348
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:27,709
WHO THREW UP?

349
00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:31,539
SKITTABLES, GOOEY BEARS,
CHEEZY CHIPS...

350
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,845
AND A BUTTON. DAVID.

351
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,370
MY GOD, YOU'RE LIKE {\an8}<i>CSI.</i>

352
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,328
AND I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BUTTON
IN MY LIFE.

353
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,897
KIDS, GO UPSTAIRS,
CLEAN UP,

354
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,986
AND LAY DOWN
IN OUR BED, OKAY?

355
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:47,555
YEAH.
MOMMY'S SIDE.

356
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:52,299
KEVIN, SHOO.

357
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,909
I, FOR ONE,

358
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,780
WOULD LIKE TO CONSIDER TODAY
MY LEARNING CURVE.

359
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,522
I-IT DOESN'T MATTER
ANYMORE, DAVID.

360
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,524
I'M QUITTING THE SHOW.
- WHAT?

361
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:03,963
I'M NOT BLAMING YOU.
THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT.

362
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,052
JUST--YOU WEREN'T READY
FOR THIS.

363
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:12,188
I GOT THIS.
I TOTALLY GOT THIS.

364
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,322
OKAY, GUYS YOU READY
TO DO THIS?

365
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:18,412
DADDY, DR. MONKEY CHUNKS
DOESN'T LIKE WHAT I'M WEARING.

366
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,109
WELL, I'M WAY
AHEAD OF YOU, CHUNKS.

367
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,155
KEVIN!
- WE NEED JANIE'S WARDROBE.

368
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:24,287
COPY THAT.

369
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,811
- THAT ONE.
- LET'S GET JANIE CHANGED.

370
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,030
READY FOR HAIR AND MAKEUP?

371
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:29,597
UGH.

372
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:33,079
OOH! FEATHERS!

373
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:35,603
BUT I'M ONLY DOING THIS
FOR MOM!

374
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,474
- AMY'S COFFEE?
- AMY'S COFFEE.

375
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,128
WHAT'S AMY'S 20?

376
00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:41,304
THIS ISN'T
A NON-FAT CAP, BRUCE!

377
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:44,220
FIX IT, BRUCE!
FIX IT!

378
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:45,917
THERE'S YOUR LUNCH.
GO GET YOUR BACKPACK, JOE.

379
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,354
TRANSPO,
YOU READY FOR CARPOOL?

380
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:48,572
TRANSPO'S READY.

381
00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:50,444
AMY'S ON THE MOVE.
WE NEED BREAKFAST!

382
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:51,706
AMY'S CLOSE IN FIVE.

383
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:52,968
AMY'S ON THE MOVE.

384
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:53,925
- FOUR...
- GET HER COFFEE, KEVIN.

385
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,362
- THREE...TWO...
- LOCK IT DOWN.

386
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,407
- AND ONE.
- LOCK IT DOWN.

387
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:02,369
- MORNING, HONEY!
- DAVID, WOW!

388
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,066
CAPPUCCINO?

389
00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,940
- THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?

390
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:10,899
UH-HUH.
WHERE ARE THE KIDS?

391
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,641
TA-DA!

392
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:16,122
TOO MUCH?

393
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:21,779
UM, I'LL GO BRUSH MY TEETH.

394
00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:27,002
MORNING, MOM.

395
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,177
WHAT WERE YOU DOING
IN THE PANTRY?

396
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:31,485
ORGANIZING CANNED GOODS.

397
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:34,836
DAVID, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE.

398
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,707
COME ON,
HONEY, FOR YOU, ANYTHING.

399
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:40,755
NO, I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE.

400
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,974
EVERYONE, THAT'S A WRAP!

401
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,541
OKAY, PEOPLE,
LET'S BREAK THIS DOWN.

402
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:45,934
WE GOT--

403
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:50,330
HELLO, DAVID'S REAL WIFE.

404
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:53,507
- CAN I GET A WORD?
- SURE.

405
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:54,682
THANKS.

406
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:59,774
SO HOW'D YOU FIGURE IT OUT?

407
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:03,778
YOUR LIGHTING CREW CAUGHT ME,
UH, COMING OUT OF THE SHOWER.

408
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:05,519
OH.

409
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:10,132
WELL, I'M NOT PAYING 'EM,
SO I GUESS IT'S A LITTLE BONUS.

410
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:12,787
HONEY, I JUST WANTED EVERYTHING
TO BE PERFECT FOR YOU, OKAY?

411
00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:17,487
THE KIDS AND I
DON'T NEED PERFECT, DAVID.

412
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:21,578
WE JUST NEED YOU.

413
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:26,148
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.

414
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,803
YOU DON'T QUIT,
AND I WON'T QUIT.

415
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:31,066
ARE YOU SURE?

416
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,851
YEAH.

417
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,592
AND I PROMISE YOU THIS.

418
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:39,553
RIGHT NOW WE HAVE THREE LIVING,
BREATHING CHILDREN.

419
00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:41,511
AND WHEN YOU COME HOME,

420
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,600
WE'LL HAVE SOMETHING
CLOSE TO THAT.

421
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:49,302
THANK YOU, DAVID.

422
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,347
WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE HOME.

423
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:56,135
- WELL, NOT ALL OF YOU.
- MM-HMM.

424
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:57,745
ONE WRONG HONK,
AND SUDDENLY

425
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,573
YOU'RE PUBLIC ENEMY
NUMBER ONE.

426
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,749
OH, HONEY...

427
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:04,621
THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE HONKING.

428
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,232
YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAD
TO SHARE YOU

429
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:09,670
WITH ANOTHER FAMILY
FOR TEN YEARS.

430
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,933
EMILY'S MISSES YOU
MOST OF ALL.

431
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:20,811
MOM SAID YOU WANTED
TO TALK TO ME.

432
00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:21,899
I DID.

433
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:24,554
SIT.

434
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:25,860
THERE'S GOOD.

435
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,386
UM...

436
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:33,868
EMILY, I'M SORRY...

437
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:36,653
THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE
FOR YOU.

438
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:40,266
I MEAN, I'VE BEEN HERE,
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE.

439
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,662
IF YOU GIVE ME
THE CHANCE, I-I...

440
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:48,883
I-I KNOW--I THINK I CAN BE
THE--THE DAD

441
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:51,973
THAT YOU DESERVE, OKAY?

442
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,456
OKAY.

443
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,762
UM...

444
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:00,460
SO ARE WE GOOD?

445
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,549
THIS IS REAL LIFE, DAD.

446
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,333
AND IN REAL LIFE,
HURT DAUGHTERS STAY ANGRY

447
00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:06,074
A LOT LONGER
THAN A COMMERCIAL BREAK.

448
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,904
SEE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

449
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:13,255
PART OF MY LEARNING CURVE.

450
00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:16,345
CAN I, UM--CAN I GET A HUG?

451
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:20,001
I KNOW I'M PATHETIC,
BUT HUMOR ME.

452
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:33,275
CAN WE GET IN ON THAT?

453
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,712
YES!

454
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,938
SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
DAVID'S REAL FAMILY,

455
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:45,505
BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY
GET GOING.

456
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,724
JOE'S GOT A MATH TEST,
JANIE'S GOT A PLAY DATE,

457
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,248
AND TODAY'S RECYCLING DAY.

458
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:54,340
- HOW DID YOU KNOW ALL THAT?
- I READ THE BOOK.

459
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,126
- HE'S GOOD.
- CAN I KEEP HIM?

460
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,781
OKAY.

461
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:02,261
YES!