1 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:14,101 WOW, JOE'S TEAM IS REALLY BAD. 2 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:16,059 WE'RE DOWN BY SEVEN RUNS. 3 00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,801 EIGHT! 4 00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,978 NINE. 5 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,153 NOTHING BETTER THAN WATCHING YOUR LITTLE BROTHER 6 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:24,502 PLAY BASEBALL. 7 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:27,201 GO PANTHERS! 8 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,637 YOUR BROTHER PLAYS FOR THE HAWKS. 9 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,813 WHATEVER. 10 00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:32,684 DIDN'T YOUR MOM TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE SOME IMPORTANT 11 00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:36,036 PSYCHOLOGY PROJECT THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON? 12 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:39,648 - GO HAWKS! - YEAH, I THOUGHT SO. 13 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:43,347 WHAT'S JOE DOING OUT THERE? - DIGGING FOR ROCKS. 14 00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:48,265 HERE IT COMES, JOE! PUT DOWN THE ROCK, JOE. 15 00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:50,006 THERE IT GOES, JOE! HERE THEY COME, JOE! 16 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,312 all: AAW! 17 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:54,967 YAY! MERCY RULE. LET'S GO HOME. 18 00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:57,231 - WHAT? - DAD, YOU'RE SNACK MOM. 19 00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:58,754 I THINK THIS IS WHEN YOU HAND OUT THE CUPCAKES. 20 00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,321 WHY? THEY LOST. 21 00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:02,062 all: SECOND PLACE IS ALMOST FIRST! 22 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,150 NO, IT'S NOT. 23 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,934 all: WE TRIED OUR BEST! 24 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,414 THAT WAS THEIR BEST? 25 00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:08,459 all: AT LEAST WE HAVE OUR HEALTH! 26 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,854 HEALTH? THEY PLAYED LIKE THEY'RE LIFE SUPPORT. 27 00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:14,857 I LITERALLY THINK A CUPCAKE WOULD KILL THEM. 28 00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:16,380 HANG ON. 29 00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,861 - HEY, DAD, IT'S CUPCAKE TIME! - YEAH, LISTEN JOE. 30 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,733 UM, YOU DON'T SEEM TOO UPSET THAT YOU LOST. 31 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,213 'CAUSE I'M NOT. 32 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,954 CHECK OUT WHAT I GOT FOR MY COLLECTION. 33 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,869 CHA-CHING! 34 00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,479 YEAH, THAT'S A REAL BEAUTY, PAL. 35 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:32,004 HEY, DOES YOUR COACH EVEN CARE ABOUT WINNING? 36 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:36,052 I DON'T KNOW, IT'S NEVER COME UP. 37 00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,489 HOLD ONTO YOUR ROCKS. I'M GONNA HAVE A WORD WITH HIM. 38 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,796 UH, OH. 39 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,455 HEY, GUYS, WORK RAN LATE. I'M SORRY I MISSED THE GAME. 40 00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,021 AREN'T YOU GOING TO ASK ME HOW IT WENT? 41 00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:52,938 OH...NO. 42 00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:54,940 YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE NEW COACH OF THE HAWKS! 43 00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:58,596 - UH-OH. - THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 44 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:23,317 SO I'M COACHING JOE'S TEAM. 45 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:24,883 WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING "UH-OH?" 46 00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:26,102 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "UH-OH?" 47 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:29,453 I MEAN, OH CRAP, THIS IS NOT GOOD. 48 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,063 I LOVE YOU. 49 00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:34,676 SO, HOW DID YOU GET THE COACHING JOB ANYWAY? 50 00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:36,112 I WALKED OVER TO THE GUY AND ASKED HIM IF I COULD 51 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,722 TAKE OVER HIS JOB, AND HE KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH 52 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,116 AND RAN TO HIS CAR. 53 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,292 I HAPPEN TO THINK I'D MAKE A GOOD COACH. 54 00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:46,078 AND I HAPPEN TO AGREE THAT YOU'D ABSOLUTELY THINK THAT. 55 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:50,039 BUT, SWEETIE, YOU'RE A TAD...COMPETITIVE. 56 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,867 COMPETITIVE? PLEASE, HONEY. 57 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,999 JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO HAND OUT CUPCAKES TO A TEAM 58 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:57,699 THAT LOST BY THE "HAVING YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU" RULE? 59 00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,135 WAIT, YOU DIDN'T HAND OUT THE CUPCAKES? 60 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,267 - I DID. - AW! 61 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:01,877 EVENTUALLY. 62 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,139 I'LL TELL YOU, FOR A BUNCH OF LOSERS, 63 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,924 THEY HAVE A VERY STRONG SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT. 64 00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,317 THEY'RE NOT LOSERS. 65 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:09,537 THEY CAME IN SECOND, AND SECOND IS ALMOST FIRST. 66 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,191 YEAH. 67 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:12,496 SEE THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH AMERICA, IN MY DAY-- 68 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,542 OH, PLEASE DON'T BE THE "IN MY DAY" GUY-- 69 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,457 YOU GOT A REWARD WHEN YOU WON. AND IT WASN'T A CUPCAKE. 70 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,633 - YOU'RE BEING HIM. - I AM NOT, HONEY, COME ON. 71 00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,983 I JUST WANT JOE TO WIN. I WANT THE TEAM TO WIN. 72 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,680 I WANT HIM TO BE A WINNER. 73 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,508 PLEASE PROMISE ME YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING CRAZY HERE, 74 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:26,162 OKAY? 75 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,164 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT JOE TO GET HURT, EMOTIONALLY OR OTHERWISE. 76 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,644 I PROMISE I WON'T DO ANYTHING CRAZY. 77 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,167 ALL RIGHT. 78 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,864 NEED I REMIND YOU OF MY MUCH-BELOVED BASEBALL EPISODE, 79 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:34,388 "MOST VALUABLE DAD." 80 00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,999 WHERE I COACH MY TV SON TO THE LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP? 81 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,566 NOBODY'S FEELINGS GOT HURT. 82 00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:39,958 NEED I REMIND YOU ABOUT THE REAL LIFE 83 00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:42,004 "CELEBRITY SOFTBALL GAME" WHEN YOU STARTED A BRAWL 84 00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:47,009 AND YOU TOOK OUT RYAN SEACREST AND A KARDASHIAN? 85 00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:48,750 IN MY DEFENSE, IT WAS THE BIG KARDASHIAN 86 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,101 AND SHE WAS THROWING INSIDE. 87 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,670 AND THE OTHER ONE WAS RYAN SEACREST. 88 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,499 DID YOU PICK A TOPIC FOR YOUR PSYCH MID-TERM PRESENTATION YET? 89 00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:01,110 YEP. "HOW TEENAGE PROCRASTINATION CAUSES PARENTS 90 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,025 TO LOSE THEIR MINDS." 91 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:04,722 YOU'RE A GENIUS. 92 00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,202 NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THEIR PARENTS LOSE THEIR MINDS 93 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,117 BETTER THAN YOU. 94 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,511 THANK YOU! HERE'S MY PLAN. 95 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,513 I PRETEND TO BLOW OFF MY PROJECT LONG ENOUGH, 96 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:15,255 DOCUMENT THE WHOLE THING, THEY'LL GROUND ME. 97 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:18,301 HELLO, A! 98 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,998 HEY, GIRLS. HOW'S YOUR PROJECT COMING? 99 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:23,132 WHAT PROJECT? 100 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,051 - HEY JOE, PRACTICE, ONE HOUR. - OKAY, COOL. 101 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,139 I'M GONNA GET INTO MY UNIFORM 102 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,707 AND GATHER MY GEOLOGICAL SAMPLE BAGS. 103 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:38,016 - WHERE DID WE GO WRONG? - WE? 104 00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:42,064 HELLO, COACH DAVID, I AM VERY FOR OUR FIRST REHEARSAL. 105 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:45,633 "PRACTICE," KEVIN. AND DUDE, THIS ISN'T {\an8}GLEE. 106 00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,377 IS THAT THE ROSTER? - UM-- 107 00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,509 - THE CAST LIST. - YEAH. 108 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,207 ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE. WEAVER, 345. 109 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,906 BEACH, 415. WEITZMAN, 630. 110 00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,125 WOW, THESE ARE IMPRESSIVE BATTING AVERAGES. 111 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:01,562 OH, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A BATTING AVERAGE IS, 112 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,607 BUT THOSE ARE THE TIMES THE KIDS ARE AVAILABLE FOR... 113 00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,566 PRACTICE. 114 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:07,916 6:30? 115 00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,135 YEAH, WEITZMAN HAS HEBREW SCHOOL TILL 6:30. 116 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:15,010 BUT IF HE SKIPS HIS KNISH BREAK, HE COULD BE GOOD TO GO BY 6:15. 117 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:18,274 - HEY DAD, HAVE YOU SEEN MY CUP? - WHERE'D YOU SEE IT LAST? 118 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,799 WELL, I WAS USING IT AS A SIFTER TO SORT ROCKS. 119 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:25,107 YOU'RE USING IT ON THE WRONG STONES, BROTHER. 120 00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,852 THAT WAS A GREAT PRACTICE, DAD. 121 00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:34,464 THIS BUMP ON MY HEAD MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A REAL BALL PLAYER. 122 00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,510 YEAH, AND YOU LOOKED LIKE A REAL BALL PLAYER. 123 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,600 RUNNING, DIGGING...SIFTING. 124 00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:45,301 OH, KEVIN, AGAIN-- SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION. 125 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:48,086 I ASSUMED YOU KNEW THAT "HEADS UP" MEANT "LOOK OUT." 126 00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:51,002 NOT "TRY TO CATCH THE BALL WITH YOUR FACE." 127 00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:53,440 IT IS NOT MY FIRST BLOW TO THE HEAD, DAVID. 128 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:58,227 NOR WILL IT BE MY LAST. OR MY FIRST. 129 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,317 HEY, PLAYERS, HOW WAS PRACTICE? 130 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,319 GREAT, MOM. WE THREW STUFF. WE HIT STUFF. 131 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,148 I EVEN SWEATED. SMELL MY PITS. 132 00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:08,106 THAT'S HOW I KNEW YOU WERE HOME. 133 00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:10,282 HIT THE SHOWERS. 134 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:14,112 WOW. I AM IMPRESSED, COACH. 135 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,463 WHY IS HE SWOLLEN? 136 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:20,205 JOE IS--UM, HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY? 137 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,338 HE'S HORRIBLE! 138 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,688 MY GOD, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. 139 00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,473 THAT BUMP ON HIS HEAD? IT'S NOT FROM TRYING TO CATCH. 140 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,432 IT'S FROM TRYING TO THROW. 141 00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:33,131 HE'S THE UN-NATURAL. 142 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:37,484 IT WAS A FIELD OF BROKEN DREAMS. 143 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:42,097 "HEADS UP." THAT'S HILARIOUS. WHO COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF? 144 00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,404 KEVIN, YOU'RE NOT DRIVING HOME, ARE YOU? 145 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:47,450 NO, NO. I'M DRIVING. 146 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:51,498 WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS, THIS TEAM KNOCKED 147 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:54,544 ALL THE COMPETITIVENESS RIGHT OUT OF ME. 148 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:55,937 I CAN'T EVEN HELP THIS TEAM. 149 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,635 I MEAN, HONEY, I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY ALLERGIES. 150 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:01,595 GRASS. POLLEN. GLUTEN. 151 00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:04,293 TWO KIDS WERE ALLERGIC TO EACH OTHER. 152 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,991 I COUNTED. WE'VE GOT SIX BATS AND SEVEN INHALERS. 153 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:08,689 READY FOR THIS? 154 00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:12,344 I TOLD ONE KID TO RUN HOME. AND HE DID. LITERALLY! 155 00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:15,435 UNBELIEVABLE. EMILY LEFT HER PSYCHOLOGY BINDER 156 00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:16,958 IN THE REFRIGERATOR. 157 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:21,397 THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY. DOESN'T THIS MAKE YOU ANGRY? 158 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,530 - GRRR. - OH, COME ON, DAVID. 159 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,183 THIS ISN'T FUNNY. 160 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:27,098 SHE'S PUTTING HER PROJECT OFF TILL THE LAST MINUTE AGAIN. 161 00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,840 IT'S WORTH HALF HER GRADE AND IT'S DUE ON FRIDAY. 162 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,755 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, HONEY? COME ON. 163 00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,670 THE KID HAS BEEN GETTING STRAIGHT A'S SINCE BIRTH. 164 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:34,802 HOW DO YOU THINK SHE GOT THOSE STRAIGHT A'S? 165 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:37,239 SHE NEEDS ME TO PUSH HER. 166 00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,849 - HERE'S A CRAZY PLAN. - WHAT? 167 00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,286 DON'T PUSH HER. 168 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,158 OKAY, SO YOU'RE SAYING WE SHOULD MAKE HER RESPONSIBLE 169 00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:44,638 FOR HER OWN WORK. 170 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:48,076 - YEAH, SURE. - I KNOW, RIGHT? HOLD ON. 171 00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,817 HEY, GUYS, HAVE YOU SEEN MY PSYCH BINDER? 172 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:53,255 - TRY THE FRIDGE. - CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, MARY? 173 00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:57,259 I LEFT IT IN THE FRIDGE. THAT'S HILARIOUS. 174 00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,870 OH, QUICK PSYCH QUESTION. 175 00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:04,614 AM I CRAZY OR DID CARLOS LOOK SUPER HOT TODAY? 176 00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,137 I'M SORRY, DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? 177 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:09,532 - NO. - NOTHING TO SAY HERE, HONEY. 178 00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,798 PSYCH PROJECT DUE IN TWO DAYS. 179 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,974 ALARMING LACK OF PARENTAL RESPONSE. 180 00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:20,500 SHOULD'VE BEEN GROUNDED BY NOW. WONDERING WHAT NEXT MOVE IS. 181 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:24,155 ALSO WONDERING ABOUT CARLOS. HE DID LOOK SUPER HOT TODAY. 182 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,248 WHEN CAN WE GET SOME ICE-CREAM? 183 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,641 IN A MINUTE, SWEETIE. 184 00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,469 FIRST WE'VE GOTTA GET SOME MOMMY THINGS. 185 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,993 WHAT MOMMY THINGS? 186 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,691 THINGS DADDY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GET FOR MOMMY, 187 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:40,650 BUT MOMMY SAYS IT'S THE LEAST THAT DADDY CAN DO. 188 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,878 BABY, I TOLD YOU NOT TO REACH FOR STUFF. 189 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,490 OH, HEY. - YO, SPORT, SHOP MUCH? 190 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,927 - YEAH, SORRY. - HEY, HEY I KNOW YOU. 191 00:08:57,058 --> 00:09:00,627 - PROBABLY FROM TV. - UH, NO, THAT'S NOT IT. 192 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,846 YOU'RE THE HAWKS' NEW COACH. 193 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,761 - DAVID HOBBS. - HEY, COACH VINCE. 194 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:07,372 YOU'RE PLAYING MY TEAM ON SATURDAY. 195 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,942 WHY ARE WE LAUGHING? 196 00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:13,857 NO REASON. NO REASON. HOW'S "THE JEWELER" DOING? 197 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:16,033 - THE JEWELER? - YEAH. YOUR BOY. 198 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:19,167 THAT'S WHAT WE CALL HIM BECAUSE HIS ONLY INTEREST IN BASEBALL 199 00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:23,258 IS THAT THE INFIELD IS CALLED A DIAMOND AND HE DIGS ROCKS. 200 00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:28,132 THE JEWELER. - THAT'S FUNNY. 201 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,091 NO, THAT'S NOT FUNNY, SWEETIE. IT'S NOT EVEN CLEVER. 202 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:32,049 HEY, VINCE, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 203 00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:34,269 HOW ABOUT YOU STOP CALLING MY KID "THE JEWELER?" 204 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:38,316 - HOW ABOUT YOU STOP BEING UGLY? - WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE? 205 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:42,059 - I'M FIVE. - I'M FIVE. 206 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,018 - WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? - I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. 207 00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:47,674 BUT YOU WILL ON SATURDAY. OH, SNAP! 208 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:50,328 WELL, YOUR TEAM IS GOING DOWN ON SATURDAY! CRACKLE! 209 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:53,941 AND POP! 210 00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:57,074 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE IT INTERESTING, TV BOY? 211 00:09:57,205 --> 00:10:00,861 WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND, PROBABLY-BALD-UNDER-THE-CAP BOY? 212 00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,733 THE LOSER DOES THE WINNER'S GROCERY SHOPPING FOR ONE MONTH. 213 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,779 - MAKE IT TWO MONTHS! - BRING IT! 214 00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:08,085 IT'S BRUNG. 215 00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:11,219 UH-OH. 216 00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,221 DOUBLE SCOOP OF ICE CREAM IF YOU DON'T TELL MOMMY. 217 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:16,398 - DEAL. - OKAY. 218 00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:21,359 ONE DAY BEFORE YOUR PROJECT'S DUE 219 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:22,883 AND YOU HAVEN'T STARTED IT YET. 220 00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,798 I'VE STARTED IT, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO END IT. 221 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:26,451 BY THIS POINT, MOM SHOULD'VE PUNISHED ME! 222 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:28,323 SOMETHING IS MESSING WITH HER HEAD. 223 00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,718 AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S MY DAD. 224 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,895 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DIAL THIS UP A NOTCH. 225 00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:36,374 LADIES... 226 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:37,506 I SEE YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR PSYCHOLOGY BINDER TO USE. 227 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:42,424 YES, AND IT'S COMING IN HANDY. 228 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:45,122 LET IT GO. 229 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,080 HER PROJECT'S DUE IN ONE DAY AND YOU'RE TELLING ME 230 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,517 TO LET IT GO? 231 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,172 SHE'S LITERALLY WATCHING PAINT DRY. 232 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,699 OH, HONEY TAKE THIS, PLEASE. TAKE THAT. 233 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:59,397 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 234 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,486 YEAH, HELLO, MRS. WEITZMAN. HANG ON A SEC PLEASE. 235 00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:04,141 THANKS FOR CALLING ME BACK. 236 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:10,321 MRS. WEITZMAN, THE REASON I'M CALLING YOU IS BECAUSE, UM, 237 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,280 I WAS THINKING OF ADDING A COUPLE OF EXTRA PRACTICES 238 00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:13,803 THIS WEEK AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WOULD CONSIDER 239 00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:17,633 LETTING JONAH MISS HEBREW SCHOOL. 240 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,287 YES, I DO THINK YOUR PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH, 241 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,768 MRS. WEITZMAN. 242 00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,118 LOOK, I WOULD NOT PUSH YOUR SON ANY HARDER 243 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,597 THAN I WOULD PUSH MINE. 244 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:26,686 RISE AND SHINE, JOE. 245 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:30,211 AAH! 246 00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:33,518 AS LONG AS YOU'RE DOWN THERE, GIVE ME 20. 247 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:36,913 THERE'S A 20 IN MY WALLET. JUST TAKE IT. 248 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,340 GREAT PRACTICE, KIDDO. GO HIT THE SHOWERS. 249 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,168 THANKS, DAD. 250 00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:15,169 I REALLY THINK WE'RE BECOMING A WELL-OILED MACHINE. 251 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,260 I GOT IT, JOE. GO, GO. 252 00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,044 ABSOLUTELY, MRS. WEITZMAN, 253 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:25,005 A SIX-HOUR PRACTICE DOES SEEM EXCESSIVE. 254 00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:28,835 YES, I DO THINK YOUR PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH, JU-- 255 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,141 OY. 256 00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:33,013 A SIX HOUR PRACTICE WITH A BUNCH OF TEN-YEAR-OLDS? 257 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,971 DAVID, YOU PROMISED ME YOU WEREN'T GONNA LET THIS HAPPEN. 258 00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:37,321 I KNOW I PROMISED, HONEY, BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT. 259 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,454 I RAN INTO THIS GUY NAMED VINCE, WHO'S COACHING THE OTHER TEAM 260 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,762 ON SATURDAY WHO, BY THE WAY, CALLS JOE "THE JEWELER." 261 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:45,242 AND I GOT MAD AND I MADE A BET. 262 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:48,506 AW, COME ON, JUST BECAUSE HE CALLED JOE A NAME? 263 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:52,815 DAVID, DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM YOUR MUCH-BELOVED EPISODE, 264 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:57,080 "MOST VALUABLE DAD?" 265 00:12:57,211 --> 00:13:00,910 KYLE, THIS GAME IS FOR ALL THE MARBLES... 266 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,651 LITERALLY. 267 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,828 IF WE LOSE, THE OTHER TEAM GETS THESE. 268 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:11,442 NOW KYLE, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HAPPENS OUT THERE TODAY, 269 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:14,619 AS LONG AS YOU TRY YOUR BEST, GIVE IT YOUR ALL, 270 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:18,101 AND PLAY WITH PRIDE, OKAY? 271 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,930 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU WIN OR LOSE, 272 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,063 YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY CHAMP. 273 00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:30,897 I REMEMBER IT WELL. I NAILED THAT SCENE. 274 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,855 BUT I ALSO REMEMBER THAT IN REAL LIFE, 275 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,422 ALL THE MARBLES MEANS I'VE GOTTA GO SHOPPING 276 00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:37,425 FOR SOME GUYS' GROCERIES, HONEY, AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. 277 00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,688 I'LL BE BACK LATER. 278 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,559 I'M GONNA GO HELP MARY WASH HER CAT. 279 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,519 OKAY. 280 00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,826 YOU DO REALIZE THAT MY PROJECT'S DUE TOMORROW, RIGHT? 281 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:51,656 WE DO. 282 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,658 AND THAT MARY DOESN'T HAVE A CAT? 283 00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:55,356 YEP. 284 00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:59,142 SO, MOM, YOU'RE OKAY WITH ME GOING OUT AT 10:00 AT NIGHT 285 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,840 WHEN MY PROJECT'S DUE TOMORROW MORNING, 286 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,364 TO HELP MARY WASH A CAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE? 287 00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:05,018 I'M COOL. 288 00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,107 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY MOTHER? 289 00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:10,327 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO PROCRASTINATE LIKE THIS? 290 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,981 - WAIT, SO THIS WHOLE TIME-- - YES! 291 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:13,026 - AND YOU NEVER-- - NO. 292 00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:14,027 - AND YOU WERE HOPING-- - YES. 293 00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:15,202 - BUT YOUR PAPER-- - UH-HUH. 294 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,420 - BUT YOUR FATHER-- - I KNEW IT! 295 00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:19,075 YOU ARE SO GROUNDED, YOUNG LADY. 296 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,295 - THANK YOU, MOMMY. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 297 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:24,428 JUST TO BE CLEAR, BECAUSE I DON'T SPEAK WHATEVER THAT WAS, 298 00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:28,215 UM, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT 299 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:31,566 BUT SHE'S GOING TO FINISH HER PAPER ANYWAY. 300 00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:34,438 YES. 301 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,398 YOU'RE WELCOME. 302 00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:40,140 ALL RIGHT, GUYS, WE'RE DOWN BY ONE, WE GOTTA HOLD 'EM HERE. 303 00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,969 YES! GOOD CATCH. THAT'S TWO, BOYS! 304 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:45,754 ALL RIGHT, TAKE TWO, BOYS! TAKE TWO! 305 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:50,193 TWO OUT, KEVIN. OUT. 306 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:55,503 NO, KEVIN. KEVIN, KEVIN. STAY. 307 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,461 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, BATTER. HIT IT TO THE JEWELER. 308 00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:59,681 TO THE JEWELER! 309 00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:01,639 - STILL NOT CLEVER. - OH, THAT REMINDS ME. 310 00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,729 I CAUGHT AN EPISODE OF YOUR LITTLE TV SHOW LAST NIGHT... 311 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:07,167 AND YOU OWE ME A HALF-HOUR OF MY LIFE BACK. 312 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,733 BOOM! 313 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:11,258 YES! OH, NO! NO! JOE! 314 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,433 HERE IT COMES, JOEY! HERE IT COMES, JOE! 315 00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:13,782 GET THE BALL, JOE. THROW THE BALL, JOE. 316 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,653 NOT THE ROCK, JOE. THROW THE BALL, NOT THE ROCK! 317 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,568 - YOU'RE OUT! - YES! 318 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,266 - HE THREW THE ROCK! - SAFE! 319 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:22,051 - NO! - YEAH! 320 00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:26,012 OKAY, HERE WE GO, HAWKS! LET'S GO, JOE! 321 00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:30,146 C'MON, JASPER! LET'S GO, CYCLONES! 322 00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,192 IT'S A CLOSE GAME, HUH? 323 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,542 YEAH, I'M PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH YOUR TEAM. 324 00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,761 WELL, MY HUSBAND'S THE NEW COACH. 325 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,460 - AH, FUNNY, MINE'S OUR COACH. - OH. 326 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,072 - OH, THAT IS FUNNY. - YEAH. 327 00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:47,424 GUYS, ONE TO TIE, TWO TO WIN. ONE TO TIE, TWO TO WIN. 328 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:50,427 WE'RE DOWN TO OUR LAST AT-BATS AND OUR LAST INHALER. 329 00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:54,475 SO I NEED EVERYBODY TO PLAY HARD AND BREATHE SHALLOW. 330 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:58,522 SO APPARENTLY YOUR HUSBAND HAS A NICKNAME FOR MY SON, 331 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,002 "THE JEWELER." 332 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,613 ACTUALLY I CAME UP WITH THAT. 333 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:03,919 - OH, REALLY? - YEAH. 334 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:04,833 - OH, THAT WAS YOU? - YEAH. 335 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,443 CLEVER. 336 00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:07,792 YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, HE IS KIND OF A NERD WITH HIS ROCKS. 337 00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:11,100 - OH, YEAH. - "OOH, QUARTZ." 338 00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:13,276 - WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE? - I'M FIVE. 339 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:16,976 - "I'M FIVE." - WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? 340 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,108 HEY, WE'RE ALL HAVING GOOD FUN HERE, HUH? 341 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:22,459 HEY, JEWELER! YOU'RE A 24-CARAT LOSER! 342 00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:27,160 OH, WOW! SO WE'RE HAVING FUN, HUH? 343 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:32,165 OKAY, WELL, HERE'S A FUN NICKNAME FOR YOUR SON. 344 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,863 - POOPIE PANTS? - "POOPIE PANTS." I LIKE IT. 345 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,343 BOOM! 346 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,258 YEAH! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, HUH? 347 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:42,305 WHOO, POOPIE PANTS! YEAH, POOPIE PANTS! 348 00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:45,134 OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, JASPER, I'M TALKING TO YOU! 349 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:48,659 THERE'S A REASON THEY GAVE YOUR JERSEY NUMBER TWO! 350 00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:55,188 YES, YES! 351 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:57,581 ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT A MAN ON FIRST. 352 00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:59,018 ♪ WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT 353 00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:00,280 ♪ WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR PANTS? ♪ 354 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,064 ♪ IS IT POOPIE, POOPIE PANTS? ♪ 355 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,982 - HE'S OUT! - IT'S OKAY. 356 00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,244 IT'S ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 357 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,159 IT'S OKAY, WE'RE DOWN TO OUR LAST OUT. 358 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:12,727 WHO'S UP? - UH, IT'S JOE. 359 00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:16,165 YOUR SON. 360 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,298 THANK YOU, KEVIN. 361 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:21,910 YOU CAN'T WRITE THIS STUFF. I'M TINGLING. 362 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,739 GIMME A "P"! GIMME AN "OOPIE!" 363 00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:26,219 WHAT'S THAT SPELL? 364 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,655 HONEY, HONEY IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 365 00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,613 TAKE THEM DOWN, DAVID. TAKE THEM DOWN. 366 00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:32,268 MY HUSBAND'S NOT DOING YOUR SHOPPING, MISTER! 367 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,053 AMY, I THINK YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND. 368 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,532 all: ♪ WHAT'S THAT IN 'YO PANTS? 369 00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,665 ♪ IS IT POOPIE, POOPIE PANTS? WHAT? ♪ 370 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,014 ♪ WHAT'S THAT IN YO PANTS? 371 00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,755 ♪ IS IT POOPIE, POOPIE PANTS? ♪ 372 00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:44,498 - SO ARE THE KIDS. - WHAT, WHAT, WHAT-WHAT-WHAT! 373 00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:45,586 all: ♪ WHAT'S THAT IN 'YO PANTS? 374 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,327 ♪ IS IT POOPIE, POOPIE PANTS? 375 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:50,373 GUYS, GUYS. ENOUGH WITH THE POOPIE, OKAY? 376 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:52,201 UM... 377 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:54,073 I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU ALL SOMETHING. 378 00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:59,252 IN THE FOUR DAYS THAT I'VE BEEN YOUR COACH, 379 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,819 I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD. REALLY. 380 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,953 AND LOOK, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HAPPENS OUT HERE. 381 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,216 AS LONG AS YOU PLAYED WITH PRIDE 382 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:10,393 AND HAD SOME CLASS AND DIGNITY, 383 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:13,657 IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU WIN OR LOSE. 384 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:17,313 IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY CHAMPS. 385 00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,881 all: AAW! 386 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:22,144 THAT'S A GIANT LOAD OF BULL POOPIE, DAD. 387 00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,061 YOU BECAME OUR COACH TO TURN US INTO WINNERS AND I WANT TO WIN. 388 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,542 - JOE, IT'S OKAY. - NO, IT'S NOT OKAY! 389 00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:31,936 GENTLEMEN, I TELL YOU THIS, I DID NOT STRUGGLE 390 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:36,941 TO DO A PUSH-UP--IN THE DARK, OF WHICH I AM SCARED-- 391 00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:40,162 TO WALK OFF THIS FIELD HOLDING A LOSER'S CUPCAKE. 392 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,557 I'M NOT A QUITTER, BUT A MAN HAS GOT TO KNOW HIS LIMITATIONS. 393 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:47,126 YOU WANT ME ON THAT BENCH. YOU NEED ME ON THAT BENCH. 394 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:49,476 I CAN'T BENCH YOU FOR NO REASON. 395 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:50,955 DAD, I UNDERSTAND. 396 00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,871 AND I WOULD NEVER PUT YOU IN THAT POSITION. 397 00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:58,615 OH, MY TIBIA! SHE'S A-BROKEN! 398 00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:03,054 IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? 399 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,621 ON THE SITTING OUT PART, YES. 400 00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:09,496 BUT I'M ABOUT 50-50 ON WHERE MY TIBIA IS. 401 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:13,369 OH, NO! MY SON'S GOOD TIBIA! KEVIN, WE NEED A PINCH HITTER. 402 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,328 - UH, PINCH HIT-- - UNDERSTUDY. 403 00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:19,984 - OH, WELL, IT IS 6:15. - WEITZMAN. 404 00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:27,992 WEITZMAN. 405 00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:31,213 OUR TEAM HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH. 406 00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,346 NOW GET IN THERE AND LET'S WIN THIS THING! 407 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,130 COME ON! 408 00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,438 all: MAZEL TOV! 409 00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,225 WITHOUT EVER SWINGING A BAT, 410 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,618 OR RUNNING THE BASES, 411 00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:47,098 YOUNG JOE HOBBS WENT ON TO LEAD HIS TEAM TO VICTORY 412 00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,013 THAT AFTERNOON. 413 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,059 AND SOMEHOW, THE CUPCAKES DID TASTE 414 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,018 JUST A LITTLE SWEETER THAT DAY. 415 00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:56,238 AS FOR DAVID HOBBS, WHILE HE NEVER WENT ON 416 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:59,415 TO COACH ANOTHER LITTLE LEAGUE GAME, 417 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:03,332 HE DID PROVE HIMSELF TO BE THE MOST VALUABLE DAD. 418 00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:11,819 DAVID HOBBS ALSO TOOK GREAT PLEASURE 419 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:16,302 IN MAKING ANOTHER MAN SHOP FOR HIS WIFE'S MOMMY THINGS. 420 00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,173 WOULD YOU SHUT THIS GUY UP? 421 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:20,219 YEAH, KEVIN, THAT'S ENOUGH. 422 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:23,700 WHATEVER YOU SAY, DAVID. 423 00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,746 YOU GOTTA ADMIT, HE'S GOOD. 424 00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,052 YEAH. 425 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,970 OH! 426 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:36,235 OH, IS THAT THE WAY WE'RE GOING TO PLAY IT, KARDASHIAN? 427 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:38,062 IT'S GO TIME. 428 00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:40,500 WHAT WAS THAT, SEACREST? YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?