1
00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:09,574
WAIT--NO, NO.
THAT WAY A LITTLE BIT.
2
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:12,273
R-RIGHT.
BACK THIS WAY--GOOD.
3
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:13,839
OKAY, THANK YOU.
PERFECT, PERFECT.
4
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:16,059
KEVIN, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, BIG JOHN.
5
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,105
HIS NAME IS BIG BOB.
6
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:19,889
YOU'VE BEEN CALLING HIM
BIG JOHN FOR TEN YEARS.
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:20,890
REALLY?
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,849
I GOT THE BIG PART RIGHT. OKAY.
9
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,634
FAMILY, WHERE ARE YOU?
COME ON OUT FROM WHEREVER
10
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,853
YOU ARE, I'VE GOT
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
11
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,030
- IS IT A PUPPY?
- WE GOT A PUPPY?
12
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,640
I LOVE PUPPIES.
13
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,033
PLEASE DON'T BE A PUPPY.
14
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:37,124
NO, NO.
IT' MY CHAIR FROM THE TV SHOW.
15
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:40,344
A PUPPY WOULD
HAVE BEEN BETTER.
16
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:41,519
AH, GUYS.
I HEARD THEY WERE TEARING DOWN
17
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,043
THE {\an8}SEE DAD RUN SET--
18
00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:44,914
I-I HAD TO GO AND
GET THIS THING.
19
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,004
WHOA, WAIT.
YOU WENT AND GOT IT?
20
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,660
WHY ARE WE LAUGHING?
21
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,488
I'M NOT SURE.
22
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,403
YEAH, NEITHER AM I.
23
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,709
I THINK THEY WERE LAUGHING AT
YOUR EXPENSE, DAVID,
24
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,059
AND THAT'S WHY
I DIDN'T JOIN IN.
25
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:01,148
COME ON, HONEY.
26
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,802
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, YOU'RE NOT
EXACTLY THE DO-IT-YOURSELF TYPE.
27
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,109
FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS, YOUR
CREW DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU.
28
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,719
YOU EVEN HAD A GUY
YOU BREATHED ON TO CHECK
29
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,286
THE FRESHNESS OF YOUR BREATH.
30
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,158
THAT WAS FOR KISSING SCENES,
AND NOW MY UNCLE FRANK
31
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,507
IS OUT OF A JOB--
YOU HAPPY NOW?
32
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,552
OKAY, OKAY.
33
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:15,945
GUYS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
34
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,600
I DON'T THINK YOU APPRECIATE
THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE MOMENT.
35
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:19,557
WHAT'S IN THIS LIVING ROOM
RIGHT NOW, EVERYBODY,
36
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:22,778
IS A PIECE OF AMERICAN
POP CULTURE.
37
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,346
MM-HMM, AND WHERE EXACTLY DO
YOU PLAN ON KEEPING THIS PIECE
38
00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:28,697
OF...POP CULTURE?
39
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:30,351
RIGHT HERE IN THE LIVING ROOM,
WHERE EVERYBODY CAN SEE IT.
40
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:31,352
- RIGHT HERE?
- YEAH.
41
00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,180
WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT?
42
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,529
COOL.
43
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,009
MAN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY
PUNCH LINES THAT I WROTE
44
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,837
THAT YOU DELIVERED
IN THIS CHAIR?
45
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,926
358 GOLDEN ZINGERS.
46
00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:43,494
THAT'S RIGHT, AND I WOULD SIT
BACK, CRACK A CLASSIC JOKE,
47
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,714
AND RECLINE.
48
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,890
SURE, I'D LIKE TO DRIVE THREE
HOURS TO SPEND THE WEEKEND
49
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:48,847
WITH MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
50
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:52,895
NOT!
51
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,506
KATIE, HIGH SCHOOL CALLED.
52
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,726
THEY WOULD LIKE THEIR
SNARKY ATTITUDE BACK.
53
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:06,996
SO I SAID, "I'M THE MAN OF
THE HOUSE, AND WHAT I SAY GOES."
54
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,432
SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND ME,
ISN'T SHE?
55
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,959
GUYS, LET'S NOT RUB THINGS
AT THE SAME TIME.
56
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:16,701
IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.
57
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:21,706
WELL, IT, UH, DOESN'T
REALLY GO WITH...ANYTHING.
58
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:25,536
BUT SINCE IT MEANS SO MUCH TO
YOU, I WILL TRY TO MAKE IT WORK.
59
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:28,191
OH, HONEY,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
60
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:30,193
OH, COME ON, GUYS!
LET'S CELEBRATE.
61
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,587
LINE.
62
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,502
WAIT FOR IT.
63
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,504
WELL, FAMILY,
THIS IS NOW
64
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:40,638
OFFICIALLY MY SECOND FAVORITE
SEAT IN THE HOUSE.
65
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:41,857
RAT!
66
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,909
NO!
67
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,502
REALLY?
$1,000 FOR ONE RAT?
68
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:19,938
THIS IS A BIG HOUSE.
69
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:22,811
THOSE BEADY LITTLE EYES
COULD BE ANYWHERE.
70
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,769
NEVER LOOK INTO A RAT'S EYE.
71
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,032
THEY'RE BLACK AND DEAD.
72
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:30,775
LIKE A DOLL'S EYE.
73
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,124
AND BY THE LOOK OF
THESE DROPPINGS,
74
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:36,216
THIS AIN'T NO
ORDINARY RAT, NO.
75
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,261
YOU GOT YOURSELF
A NORWEGIAN RED.
76
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:41,786
THAT'S A MEAN RAT,
AND SMART, TOO.
77
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:45,050
THIS CHAIR MAY BE CLEAR,
BUT WHERE THERE'S ONE,
78
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,139
THERE'S SURELY MORE TO FOLLOW.
79
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:50,317
YOU FOLLOW?
80
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:53,842
GUESS WE'RE GOING
TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT.
81
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,235
I DON'T FOLLOW.
82
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,454
REALLY? {\an8}
JAWS?
83
00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:01,632
THAT'S NOT WHAT
YOU'RE GOING FOR HERE?
84
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:04,418
OKAY, UH, LISTEN, I THANK
YOU FOR COMING OUT,
85
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:05,984
BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH MONEY,
SQUINT, REALLY.
86
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:07,986
- ALL RIGHT!
- JEEZ.
87
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:10,032
I'LL MAKE IT 500.
88
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:14,645
JUST BECAUSE ME AND BIG RED,
WE'VE GOT A SCORE TO SETTLE.
89
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:17,779
YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO BUT
I APPRECIATE YOUR TIME.
90
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,346
I REALLY DO.
91
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:22,827
♪ FAREWELL AND ADIEU
TO YOU FAIR SPANISH LADIES ♪
92
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:24,089
SO DID HE CATCH HIM?
93
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,788
NO, HE DIDN'T.
BUT GUESS WHO'S GONNA.
94
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:28,224
THIS GUY.
95
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:31,227
GOOD ONE, DAD.
96
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,838
DAVID, HONEY, I APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE GOING FOR HERE,
97
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:37,581
BUT IS THIS THE BEST TIME TO
BECOME A DO-IT-YOURSELF GUY?
98
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,714
WELL, I KNOW YOU GUYS
ARE ALL LAUGHING AT THIS,
99
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,150
AND IT'S FUNNY TO YOU, BUT
I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU THAT,
100
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,282
WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM,
101
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:44,501
YOU JUST DON'T THROW MONEY
AT IT.
102
00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:46,634
YOU FIX IT.
YOU DO IT YOURSELF.
103
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:47,678
HMM.
104
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,071
- DAD...
- YEAH?
105
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,160
EVEN THOUGH
I'M TOTALLY SKEEVED BY RATS,
106
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,684
THEY'RE STILL LIVING,
FEELING CREATURES.
107
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,904
AND AS A MEMBER OF H.A.T.,
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
108
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,297
YOU DO THIS HUMANELY.
109
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:59,299
H.A.T.?
110
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,475
HELPING ANIMALS TOGETHER.
111
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,871
ANIMAL RIGHTS GROUP
I JOINED AT SCHOOL?
112
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,612
OH, YES.
113
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,006
OKAY, I WILL TAKE CARE OF
THIS--THIS RAT HUMANELY.
114
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,616
OKAY?
- THANKS, DAD.
115
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:15,532
BOY, SO MANY GROUPS
AND CLUBS AND...
116
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:19,014
HEY DAD?
WHAT DID EMILY MEAN BY HUMANELY?
117
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:20,711
OH, SHE JUST DIDN'T
WANT IT TO SUFFER,
118
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:21,973
SO I'M JUST GOING TO SNAP
ITS LITTLE RAT NECK
119
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,540
AND BE DONE WITH IT.
120
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,326
OOH, WHEN YOU DO SNAP
ITS LITTLE RAT NECK,
121
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,892
CAN I SEE IT?
122
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:30,591
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, JANIE?
123
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,244
MY FRIEND CHARLOTTE'S
SEEN TWO DEAD THINGS,
124
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:35,378
AND I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY.
125
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:37,032
WELL, WE CAN'T HAVE
THAT NOW, CAN WE?
126
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:38,425
ONE DEAD RAT, COMING UP.
127
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,688
THANKS, DADDY.
128
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:50,654
OOH!
129
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,613
HEY!
130
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,007
THAT WAS PRETTY COOL.
131
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,835
OKAY, THE TRAPS ARE SET ON
THE YARD AND THE PATIO.
132
00:05:57,966 --> 00:06:00,098
EXCELLENT.
133
00:06:00,229 --> 00:06:02,536
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
134
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:07,018
LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE
THE EX-TERMINATOR.
135
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:10,935
YUP.
136
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,981
VERY GOOD, JOE.
137
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:15,287
WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS AND
CHECK FOR RAT DROPPINGS, OKAY?
138
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:16,593
DROPPINGS?
139
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:19,466
RAT POOP.
THEY LOOK LIKE CHOCOLATE RICE.
140
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:23,687
I LOVE CHOCOLATE.
AND RICE.
141
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,907
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOING
TO END WELL.
142
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,043
OKAY.
143
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,394
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR LITTLE
DO-IT-YOURSELF PROJECT
144
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:35,917
IS WELL UNDERWAY, HUH?
145
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:37,222
HOW MUCH DID ALL THIS
SET YOU BACK?
146
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,007
NOTHING.
50 BUCKS.
147
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:54,675
SORRY, IT WAS JUST THE CHAIR.
148
00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:56,416
KEVIN, I ALREADY PUT ONE
UNDER THE COUCH.
149
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:57,547
OH, WHERE?
150
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,509
FOUND IT!
151
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,471
LOOK AT THAT.
SEE THE SONAR DEVICE?
152
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,255
WHAT THIS DOES IS IT EMITS
A HIGH-FREQUENCY SOUND
153
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:11,996
THAT ONLY RATS CAN HEAR.
154
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,434
AND WHAT IT DOES IS IT DRIVES
THEM OUT OF THEIR HIDING PLACES.
155
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,914
NOW, LISTEN, LISTEN.
156
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,008
WE GOT ONE!
- WHOO!
157
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:27,055
ANYTHING DEAD?
158
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,186
JUST MY TOENAIL.
159
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:32,843
COME ON, GUYS.
160
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,280
CHARLOTTE'S MOM
RAN OVER A SKUNK.
161
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:39,937
NOW SHE'S SEEN
THREE DEAD THINGS.
162
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:41,286
AMATEURS.
163
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:49,164
ALL RIGHT.
UPSTAIRS IS CLEAR.
164
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,819
AND, JOE, SO IS YOUR NOSE.
165
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,735
SHH, HEY. KITCHEN.
166
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:13,928
SO, UM, HOW'S THE, UH,
HOW'S THE RAT THING GOING?
167
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:14,929
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH MY CHAIR?
168
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,147
- OH, THIS?
- YES.
169
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,759
UH, OH, I WAS JUST
TRYING TO, UH, HELP YOU.
170
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:21,588
- UH-HUH.
- LURE THE RAT IN THE CHAIR,
171
00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,546
BACK TO ITS HOME, OUTSIDE.
- OKAY.
172
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:24,765
YEAH, YEAH.
I'M GOING WITH THAT.
173
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:26,157
ALL RIGHT?
174
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,120
YES!
GOT HIM.
175
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,513
BOOM.
DEAD.
176
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:34,688
THANK YOU.
177
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,733
YOU GUYS DIDN'T THINK
I COULD DO IT.
178
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:37,952
WHAT TO SEE IT?
IT'S REALLY DISGUSTING.
179
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,780
OH, NO, NO.
NO THANKS, I'M GOOD.
180
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:41,259
I GOT TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING, HONEY, YOU KNOW,
181
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,001
AFTER BEING TREATED
LIKE TV ROYALTY FOR TEN YEARS,
182
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:47,614
AND DESERVEDLY SO,
IT'S ACTUALLY,
183
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:51,574
IT'S SO NICE TO DO SOMETHING
FOR MYSELF, YOU KNOW?
184
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:55,404
HANG ON, I'M JUST GOING TO CALL
KEVIN TO GET RID OF THIS.
185
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,623
HEY DAD, DID YOU
GET THE RAT YET?
186
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:58,842
HEY.
GOT IT ALL BY MYSELF, THANK YOU.
187
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,322
- OH, YOU ALREADY CAUGHT IT?
- UH-HUH.
188
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:02,063
WELL, WHEN I TOLD H.A.T. YOU
WERE GOING TO DO IT HUMANELY
189
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:03,804
AND NOT JUST KILL IT,
THEY GAVE ME THIS
190
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,545
CATCH-AND-RELEASE TRAP
SO YOU CAN SET HIM FREE.
191
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:12,682
OH, YOU MEANT, HUMANELY CATCH
AND RELEASE HIM, AND NOT,
192
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:16,207
HUMANELY SNAP
HIS LITTLE NECK.
193
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:17,600
DAD, THAT WOULD BE AWFUL.
194
00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:19,080
OH, THAT'D BE HORRIBLE.
195
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:23,127
- UNSPEAKABLE.
- YES, SO LET'S NOT.
196
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:26,000
DAD, SINCE YOU'RE A CELEBRITY,
H.A.T. ASKED IF I COULD
197
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,655
GET A PICTURE OF YOU WITH--
- ABSOLUTELY.
198
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,614
WASN'T FINISHED.
WITH THE RAT IN THE CAGE
199
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,312
TO HELP RAISE AWARENESS FOR
AN UPCOMING FUNDRAISER.
200
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:37,141
I MEAN, AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD
NEXT TO THAT LITTLE RAT
201
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:40,101
WOULD SAY, "RATS MATTER."
202
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:43,452
THEY CERTAINLY DO MATTER. WHOA.
203
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,803
- UH-OH.
- THIS GUY'S REALLY ACTIVE.
204
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,326
YOU KNOW WHAT, BABE, WHY DON'T
WE JUST WAIT UNTIL HE'S A LITTLE
205
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:49,719
CALMER TO TAKE
THAT PICTURE, OKAY?
206
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,025
WE DON'T WANT HIM RUNNING
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
207
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,461
JUST LET ME KNOW
WHEN HE'S READY.
208
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,811
YOU GOT IT. OKAY.
209
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:57,118
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT
210
00:09:57,248 --> 00:10:00,469
AND A BREATHING RAT,
YOU FOLLOW?
211
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,778
♪ FAREWELL AND ADIEU
TO YOU FAIR SPANISH LADIES ♪
212
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,480
THANK YOU FOR
INTERRUPTING MY DINNER.
213
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,700
SORRY, MARCUS.
I'M IN A REAL PINCH HERE.
214
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,353
AMY AND EMILY WILL
BE HOME ANY MINUTE.
215
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,660
NO, NO, NO, I MEAN THANK YOU
FOR INTERRUPTING MY DINNER.
216
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,749
MY WIFE'S BIG SISTER'S
IN TOWN.
217
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,229
WHEN I SAY BIG,
I DON'T MEAN OLDER.
218
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,100
I MEAN {\an8}BIG!
219
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:25,320
WHAT DID ANIMAL TRAINER
ANDY GIVE US?
220
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:26,451
OKAY, {\an8}VOILA!
221
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:27,670
YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES.
222
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,454
ALL RIGHT, UM,
THIS IS SEBASTIAN.
223
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,543
HE'S $300.
224
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,328
WHAT?
FOR A RAT?
225
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:34,634
HE HAS IMPRESSIVE CREDITS.
226
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:38,028
{\an8}CSI, JAG, ALL
THE JACKIE CHAN MOVIES.
227
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:41,162
DO YOU KNOW HE CAN DO
A FULL-BLOWN ROUNDHOUSE KICK?
228
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:43,555
MARCUS, I JUST NEED TO TAKE
A PICTURE WITH IT FOR EMILY.
229
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,122
I DON'T NEED IT TO KICK ASS.
230
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:47,864
OKAY, WELL YOU MIGHT
WANT TO GO WITH HANK.
231
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,345
HE'S NEW IN TOWN,
DOING MOSTLY THEATER.
232
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,652
UM, ONE THING ABOUT HIM,
HE'S HARD TO WORK WITH.
233
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,218
HE DOESN'T TAKE
DIRECTION VERY WELL.
234
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:55,742
HE'S $100.
235
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,832
$100.
236
00:10:58,962 --> 00:10:59,571
YOU KNOW, I'VE SPENT
SO MUCH MONEY
237
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,356
ON THIS WHOLE THING ALREADY.
238
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,879
UM, OKAY, HERE'S WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO.
239
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:03,967
I'M GOING TO BORROW HANK.
240
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,795
I'M GOING TO BORROW HIM, OKAY?
241
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,405
I'M GOING TO TAKE THE PICTURE,
AND WE'RE GOING TO RETURN HIM
242
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:09,146
BACK TO ANIMAL TRAINER
ANDY, OKAY?
243
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,322
HERE, PUT HIM IN THE CAGE.
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT, MM-HM.
244
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:14,195
THERE'S NO WAY ON EARTH THAT
THESE HANDS GONNA TOUCH A RAT.
245
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,414
MARCUS, DO IT.
PUT HIM IN THE CAGE.
246
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:17,241
MARCUS, PUT HIM--
YOU BIG BABY.
247
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:20,027
I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
248
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,985
KEVIN!
249
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,424
THIS IS SO GREAT.
250
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:27,643
H.A.T. IS GOING TO LOVE IT.
251
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,297
NOW I JUST NEED
A PICTURE OF YOU--
252
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:30,211
ABSOLUTELY.
253
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,213
WASN'T FINISHED.
254
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:35,520
ACTUALLY RELEASING THE RAT
INTO THE WILD.
255
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:39,002
YES.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
256
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,743
BUT CAN SOMEONE ELSE
GO WITH YOU TO TAKE IT?
257
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,876
I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH
TO DO FOR THE FUNDRAISER.
258
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,095
I'LL GO.
259
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:47,097
WELL, YES.
OF COURSE YOU WILL.
260
00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:50,710
DAD, YOU WANTED ME TO LEARN
TO DO THINGS FOR MYSELF.
261
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,146
SO, I'M READY.
I'M PUMPED.
262
00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:53,190
LET'S DO THIS.
263
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:56,367
OKAY, HE'S ASLEEP.
264
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,892
AND HE'S DROOLING.
IT'S...IT'S OKAY.
265
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,937
FINALLY.
WE'VE BEEN DRIVING AROUND
266
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,504
FOR AN HOUR.
267
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,114
YEAH, IT NEVER FAILS.
I LEARNED THAT LITTLE TRICK
268
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,900
ON A MUCH BELOVED EPISODE,
"DRIVING MISS BABY."
269
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,989
ALL RIGHT.
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO
270
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:11,165
IS PRETEND TO RELEASE THAT
LITTLE RAT INTO THE WILD
271
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,384
AND HE'LL NEVER KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
272
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:17,127
I WISH I COULD RELEASE MY WIFE
AND HER SISTER INTO THE WILD.
273
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:22,480
UNFORTUNATELY, THEIR NATURAL
HABITAT IS THE PIE BARN.
274
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:24,569
HANK, HERE'S THE SCENE.
275
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:28,095
YOU'VE BEEN CORNERED, CAPTURED,
AND NOW YOU'RE GIVEN
276
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:31,054
A SECOND CHANCE.
277
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:34,144
TAKE A FEW TENTATIVE STEPS
TO FREEDOM.
278
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:37,017
THEN WE TAKE A PICTURE
AND WE'RE DONE, OKAY?
279
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:40,107
AND...
280
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,022
ACTION.
281
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:46,504
COME ON, HANK. ACTION.
282
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:49,681
GO.
GO, GO, GO, GO. GO.
283
00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:52,206
AND...THERE'S
YOUR MARK RIGHT THERE.
284
00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,210
AND CUT.
285
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:58,690
GOOD, HANK.
BACK IN THE CAGE.
286
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,083
NO, NO.
BACK IN THE CAGE, HANK.
287
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,128
COME ON.
288
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,390
NO, NO.
NOT IN THE ROAD, HANK.
289
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,739
NOT THE ROAD.
- HEY, HEY, HEY.
290
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,480
- HE'S ON THE FREEWAY.
- I SAID CUT!
291
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,395
DON'T DO IT, NO-NO-NO--
292
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,750
KEVIN.
KEVIN, IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.
293
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:15,882
OKAY?
294
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:18,449
ANIMAL TRAINER
ANDY WAS RIGHT.
295
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,148
HANK DID NOT TAKE
DIRECTION WELL.
296
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:23,280
DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
HIS NAME, DAVID?
297
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,153
COME ON.
298
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,154
COME ON.
YOU TOO, MARCUS?
299
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:28,720
REALLY?
300
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,201
YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME.
QUIT IT.
301
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,594
HEY, GUYS.
DID I MISS IT?
302
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,378
UH, YEAH.
303
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:38,339
ONE SECOND, HE WAS HERE.
THE NEXT SECOND, HE WAS GONE.
304
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,123
GUYS, YOU SHOULD
HAVE WOKE ME UP.
305
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:43,518
- HEY, CAN I SEE THE PICTURE?
- YEAH.
306
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,302
OH, HE LOOKS SO HAPPY.
307
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,348
IT'S LIKE HIS WHOLE
LIFE'S IN FRONT OF HIM.
308
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:50,612
IN FRONT OF HIM?
TRAILING BEHIND HIM.
309
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:51,918
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
310
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,707
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
GOOD NIGHT.
311
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,100
HOW'D IT GO?
312
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,276
WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING
HE SLEPT THROUGH IT.
313
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:03,930
YOU GUYS DIDN'T THINK
I COULD KILL ONE RAT?
314
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,193
WELL, APPARENTLY
I CAN KILL TWO.
315
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:07,672
YOU KILLED IT?
316
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,979
WELL, TECHNICALLY, IT WAS
A TRUCK THAT TOOK HIM.
317
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,415
WELL, TOO BAD
THAT TRUCK DIDN'T TAKE
318
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:13,635
THE RAT'S FORMER HOME
WITH IT, BUT...
319
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:15,637
THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.
320
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:16,812
HEY, THAT'S MY CHAIR.
321
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,119
- HONEY.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
322
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:21,295
YOU PUT IT ON
A CELEBRITY AUCTION SITE?
323
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,340
HONEY, I HAVE TRIED
LIVING WITH THAT BEAST,
324
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:27,301
BUT EVERY TIME I LOOK AT
IT MAKES ME SO SAD.
325
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,826
WAIT A MINUTE, COSBY'S
SWEATER WENT FOR TWO GRAND?
326
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,916
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS
JUST PRESS THIS LITTLE BUTTON
327
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:37,615
AND, DING-DONG,
THE CHAIR IS GONE.
328
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,530
- HEY, DAD.
- YES?
329
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,663
- HOW'D THE RELEASE GO?
- OH, IT WAS...
330
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,795
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WE--WE OPENED THE CAGE,
331
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:47,147
AND THE LITTLE GUY
HIT THE ROAD.
332
00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:50,846
WELL, YOU'RE NEVER
GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
333
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,326
I EMAILED KEVIN'S
PICTURE TO H.A.T.,
334
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:53,631
AND THEY WANT TO HONOR YOU
AT OUR FUNDRAISER.
335
00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:55,764
OH, MY...
336
00:14:59,072 --> 00:15:01,683
OH, THAT'S NOT
NECESSARY, EMILY.
337
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,946
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU SO DESERVE THIS.
338
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:05,600
I-I REALLY DON'T.
339
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,950
MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T THINK
TWICE ABOUT KILLING A RAT.
340
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:11,736
SHE GOT THE TWICE
PART RIGHT.
341
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,695
AND I EVEN VOLUNTEERED
TO HAVE THE FUNDRAISER
342
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:15,915
RIGHT HERE AT OUR HOUSE--
IS THAT OKAY?
343
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,613
EH, OH, HEY.
344
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,659
HOW CAN I SAY NO?
345
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,096
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S, UH,
346
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,662
LET'S DO THIS.
RATS MATTER.
347
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,403
- YES, THEY DO.
- OKAY.
348
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:27,883
YEAH.
349
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,233
OOH.
350
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:31,713
OH, MY GOSH.
351
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,063
I SHOULD HAVE HIRED
THE EXTERMINATOR.
352
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:37,675
OH, COME ON.
DON'T WORRY, DAVID.
353
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:39,242
IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
354
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,679
IT WAS ASPHALT.
355
00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:49,122
- MM, DAD?
- YEAH?
356
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,906
I THINK
THE BURGER'S GONE BAD.
357
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,734
NO, JOE.
THAT'S A TOFU BURGER.
358
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,388
IT STARTED OUT BAD.
359
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:57,217
YOUR SISTER WANTED
VEGETARIAN FOOD HERE SO JUST
360
00:15:57,347 --> 00:16:01,525
CHOKE IT DOWN
WITH A SMILE, PLEASE.
361
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:04,006
SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS DIDN'T
HAVE TO COME HERE.
362
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,791
WE CAME TO PAY OUR RESPECTS
FOR HANK.
363
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,489
KEVIN, I TOLD YOU
NOT TO SAY HIS NAME.
364
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:11,231
IT'S TOO SOON.
365
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,581
CAN I HAVE EVERYBODY'S
ATTENTION, PLEASE?
366
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:19,108
WELCOME TO OUR
ANNUAL FUNDRAISER.
367
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,415
FIRST, I'D LIKE
TO THANK ANIMALS
368
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:22,938
FOR GIVING US A CAUSE.
369
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,815
AND EMILY HOBBS
FOR MAKING TODAY POSSIBLE.
370
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,167
EMILY?
371
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:41,609
IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE
TO INTRODUCE OUR HONOREE.
372
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:44,133
AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD
AND AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL.
373
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,656
ESPECIALLY ME.
- THANK YOU, EMILY.
374
00:16:45,787 --> 00:16:49,356
WASN'T FINISHED.
375
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:51,445
YOU ARE A SHINING EXAMPLE
FOR OUR CAUSE, DAD.
376
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,795
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE
PROUD TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER.
377
00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,927
SO, HATS OFF TO YOU,
DAVID HOBBS.
378
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,060
all: HATS OFF TO YOU.
379
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,149
THE HATS OFF TO YOU.
380
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,500
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
381
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:04,632
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
382
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:05,720
DAD, SAY SOMETHING.
383
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:06,938
UH, NO.
I DON'T THINK SO.
384
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:07,678
YOU ALWAYS LIKE
TO SAY SOMETHING.
385
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,376
NOT TODAY, HONEY.
386
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,073
SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH.
all: SPEECH, SPEECH...
387
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,597
THIS IS NOT
GOING TO END WELL.
388
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,338
OKAY.
UH, YES.
389
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:16,557
WELL, THANK YOU.
390
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:19,255
UM, WHEN EMILY,
391
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,910
UH, ASKED ME
TO DO THIS,
392
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,435
I-I REALIZED THAT
I COULD SAVE A RAT'S LIFE
393
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:28,699
AND HELP H.A.T.'S CAUSE
AT THE SAME TIME.
394
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,832
YOU KNOW, THIS WAY I COULD
KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.
395
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:37,404
SEE, THAT IS WHY
ACTORS NEED WRITERS.
396
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,406
I GUESS THAT LITTLE GUY
TOLD ME THAT,
397
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,191
ON THE HIGHWAY OF LIFE,
398
00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:45,673
WE ALL NEED
TO LEAVE OUR MARK.
399
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,588
HE CERTAINLY LEFT HIS.
400
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:52,245
SO, FOLKS, MAKE YOUR MARK BY
CATCHING RATS HUMANELY, LIKE ME.
401
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,813
BY USING A SONAR DEVICE,
YOU CAN DRIVE RATS
402
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:58,033
OUT OF THEIR
HIDING PLACES SAFELY
403
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,645
INTO CATCH-AND-RELEASE TRAPS.
404
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,393
[woman shrieks
405
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:14,484
I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN
TO REMOVE A TRAP.
406
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:23,014
OR FOUR.
407
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:26,148
DEAD RATS EVERYWHERE!
408
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:29,108
YOUR FRIENDS
ARE COMING, HANK.
409
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:35,679
ONE, TWO, THREE.
410
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:41,120
THREE AND A HALF DEAD THINGS.
IN YOUR FACE, CHARLOTTE.
411
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,514
FOLKS, DID I MENTION THAT ALL
THE, UH, ALL THE, YOU KNOW,
412
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:49,432
THE APPETIZERS ARE VEGETARIAN?
413
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,131
ALSO, I'LL BE PUTTING
THE CHAIR FROM MY TV SHOW
414
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,698
ON A CELEBRITY AUCTION SITE
AND ALL THE--ALL THE PROCEEDS
415
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:55,612
WILL BE GOING TO H.A.T.
416
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:58,441
OH! AH HA HA!
417
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:01,705
YES, YES, YES, YES!
YOU AND...
418
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:04,534
OH, COME ON, PEOPLE.
419
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,841
ONE OF COSBY'S SWEATERS
SOLD FOR TWO GRAND.
420
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:10,018
SO AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE CHAIR
SHOULD BRING IN AT LEAST FIVE.
421
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,628
RIGHT?
422
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:28,776
OKAY, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA WHOA.
423
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,691
A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT,
TO THE RIGHT, OKAY.
424
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:32,475
AND, STOP.
425
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:35,304
SURPRISE!
- OH!
426
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,350
YES!
OH, MY CHAIR.
427
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,873
IT'S BACK.
428
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,744
I FELT SO GUILTY BECAUSE
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE IT,
429
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:41,615
SO I BOUGHT IT BACK.
430
00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:43,617
OH.
431
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,924
SO, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT
AND WATCH THE GAME WITH MARCUS
432
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,536
AND SMOKE A CIGAR.
433
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,581
SMOKE?
434
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,061
IN THE HOUSE?
435
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,629
JUST THIS ONCE, OKAY?
436
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:56,934
I'M GOING TO TAKE
THE KIDS TO A MOVIE.
437
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:57,935
- OH, AMY.
- I LOVE YOU.
438
00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:00,808
OH! OH! BLESS YOU.
439
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,897
OKAY, GO AWAY.
440
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,336
OH, LOOK AT THIS.
441
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,773
THIS CRAZY LITTLE WOMAN
EVEN CUT IT FOR ME.
442
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,646
OH, SHE'S ALL RIGHT.
443
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,561
AHH.
444
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,086
OH.
445
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,528
MARCUS!
YES, PERFECT.
446
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,661
THE CHAIR IS BACK,
THE GAME'S ABOUT TO START
447
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:28,836
AND WE CAN SMOKE
IN THE HOUSE.
448
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:30,925
IN THE HOUSE?
449
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:35,930
WHOA.
450
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,975
THE CHAIR'S ON FIRE
BEHIND ME, ISN'T IT?