1
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,096
ALL RIGHT,
WE'RE JUST GETTING HOME.

2
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,794
DAD JUST HAD
HIS WISDOM TEETH TAKEN OUT,

3
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:13,839
AND HE'S STILL LOOPY
FROM THE ANESTHESIA.

4
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,972
IN THE CAR, HE WAS FASCINATED
WITH THE POWER DOOR LOCKS.

5
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,192
SEE WHAT HE DOES NOW.

6
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,194
YEAH, I KNOW THIS PLACE.

7
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,457
OKAY, LET'S GET YOU
ON THE COUCH.

8
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,590
OH, WAIT, HANG ON A SECOND.

9
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:26,939
ALL RIGHTY, NOW, SIT.

10
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,202
WAIT, OH, OH,
HANG ON A SECOND.

11
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:29,464
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, HONEY.

12
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,642
HONEY,
IT'S STILL A WEEK AWAY.

13
00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,122
DID YOU GET THESE
FROM THE FAZIOS' GARDEN?

14
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,299
YOU CAN'T JUST RIP THESE
FROM THE GROUND!

15
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,953
THAT LITTLE MAN
WITH THE POINTY RED HAT

16
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:44,044
DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND IT.

17
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,741
DAD WAS TALKING
TO A GARDEN GNOME.

18
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:47,656
AWESOME!

19
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:50,093
HEY, WE WILL CELEBRATE
WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER.

20
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,400
- OH! I FEEL GREAT.
- OKAY? YEAH?

21
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,532
NO, I FEEL REALLY--
I FEEL BETTER THAN GREAT, HONEY.

22
00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:55,968
I'M...

23
00:00:56,099 --> 00:01:01,191
I-I FEEL
LIKE A YELLOW BALLOON.

24
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:05,674
BOY, LOSING HIS WISDOM TEETH
MADE HIM DUMB AS A ROCK.

25
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:09,112
I'M GONNA GO AND REPLANT THESE
IN THE FAZIOS' GARDEN.

26
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:11,114
SO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM,
EM, PLEASE.

27
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,377
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I CAN'T LOOK AWAY!

28
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,728
I-I LOVE MY KIDS, I DO,
I LOVE YOU.

29
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,513
AND I LOVE MOMMY TOO. I--

30
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,560
I LOVE MOMMY
MORE THAN I LOVE MY FIRST WIFE.

31
00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:25,607
SAY WHAT, NOW?

32
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,913
YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE?

33
00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:32,135
WHO TOLD YOU?

34
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,224
- DOES MOM KNOW?
- OF COURSE MOM KNOWS.

35
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:35,747
COME ON!

36
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:39,664
SHE KNOWS, BUT I'M NOT GONNA SAY
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.

37
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:43,015
HER NAME WAS NICOLE LLOYD.

38
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,843
SHE'S FROM L.A.

39
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,150
IT WAS 2,500 YEARS AGO.

40
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,500
WE WERE ONLY MARRIED
FOR TEN HOURS.

41
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,198
IS THIS HER?

42
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:55,158
WOW, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

43
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,246
SHE'S ON FACEBOOK.

44
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,292
SHE STILL LIVES HERE,
IN THE VALLEY.

45
00:01:58,422 --> 00:02:01,599
HOW DO YOU HAVE
A MARRIAGE THAT LASTS TEN HOURS?

46
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:07,344
JOE, THE KEY IS
COMMUNICATION AND PATIENCE.

47
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,564
DAD, I'M GONNA GET THESE TWO
SOMETHING TO EAT.

48
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,043
DON'T GET MARRIED AGAIN
WHILE WE'RE GONE.

49
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:13,002
OKAY.

50
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,699
MM, FACEBOOK.

51
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:20,575
HI, NICOLE.

52
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:24,709
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO THIS IS.

53
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,472
- JOE, YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK PAGE?
- YEAH.

54
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,605
I FIGURED IF YOU COULD FIND
DAD'S FIRST WIFE,

55
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,781
WHO KNOWS WHO I COULD RECONNECT
WITH FROM MY PAST?

56
00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:56,393
YOU'RE TEN.
YOU DON'T HAVE A PAST.

57
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:57,916
YEAH, WELL, LOOK
WHO I JUST FRIEND REQUESTED.

58
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,397
JOE HOGAN,
MY BEST BUD FROM FIRST GRADE.

59
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,443
OH, I REMEMBER HIM.

60
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:06,447
HE WAS THE {\an8}<i>OTHER</i> ROCK COLLECTOR.

61
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:07,970
YEAH, WE USED
TO HANG OUT ALL THE TIME

62
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,406
UNTIL HE MOVED AWAY.

63
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,451
WE CALLED OURSELVES
THE "JOE HO'S."

64
00:03:10,581 --> 00:03:13,802
NEVER REALLY CAUGHT ON, THOUGH.

65
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:16,239
DIDN'T YOU GUYS HAVE,
LIKE, YOUR OWN SECRET LANGUAGE?

66
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,980
IT WAS CALLED "LORKING."

67
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:21,331
EMI-LORK IS
A STUPI-LORK.

68
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:25,074
OOH, IF ONLY
I COULD CRACK THE CODE.

69
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:27,859
OH, HEY, GUYS.

70
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,818
HEY, WHOSE CAR IS
IN THE DRIVEWAY?

71
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,256
A BIG-LORKIN SURPRISE-LORK.

72
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,954
JOE, I ASKED YOU NOT
TO LORK IN FRONT OF ME.

73
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:41,351
I DON'T GET IT,
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

74
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:43,832
HEY, AMY, WHOSE CAR--
OH, HI.

75
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,355
- DAVID...
- OH!

76
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:46,835
LOOK WHO'S HERE.

77
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,967
IT'S NICOLE, YOUR FIRST WIFE.

78
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,839
OH, DAVID!
IT'S BEEN, LIKE, FOREVER!

79
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,538
- NICOLE.
- YEAH!

80
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,105
WOW.

81
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,629
AH! TOLD YOU "WOW" WOULD BE
IN SOME PART OF HIS OPENING.

82
00:03:58,760 --> 00:03:59,630
DIDN'T I?

83
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,806
SO, DAVID,

84
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,199
WHAT YA THINKIN'?
- OH.

85
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,288
I HAVE A-A WHOLE LOT RACING

86
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,247
THROUGH MY HEAD, RIGHT NOW,

87
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,465
BUT I KEEP COMING BACK
TO "WOW."

88
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:13,557
AND...AND A CLOSE SECOND
IS "WHY?"

89
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,516
WELL, YOU INVITED ME
ON FACEBOOK.

90
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:18,606
AND COMING ON THE OUTSIDE IS,
"I KNOW HOW TO USE FACEBOOK?"

91
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:21,304
ALL THESE YEARS
YOU TOLD ME ABOUT NICOLE,

92
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:24,176
YOU NEVER MENTIONED
THE "TALL, SEXY BLONDE" THING.

93
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,439
DID YOU?
- I DIDN'T? REALLY?

94
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,136
THAT'S KIND OF WEIRD.
- UH-UH, UH-UH.

95
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,139
WHO REMEMBERS JAMAICA
25 YEARS AGO?

96
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,185
- OH.
- IT WAS A CRAZY WEEKEND.

97
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:35,623
JUST, YOU KNOW--
JUST DRAWING A BLANK HERE.

98
00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:36,885
OH, YOU...

99
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,713
YOU KNOW THAT WE WERE
NEVER REALLY MARRIED.

100
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:39,888
MARCUS AND I HAD

101
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,498
THAT WEDDING PACKAGE DEAL THING

102
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,326
TO JAMAICA WHERE...
- MM-HMM.

103
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,589
IT INCLUDED THE HOTEL AND THE
AIR AND A FREE BEACH CEREMONY.

104
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:46,677
AND YOU FAKE-MARRIED NICOLE.

105
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,463
DAVID, YOU TOLD ME
THE WHOLE STORY.

106
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:50,464
BUT I NEVER SAW THE VIDEO.
- NO.

107
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,901
WHOO!

108
00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:55,077
THERE'S A VIDEO?

109
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,818
I DUG IT OUT
WHEN I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

110
00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:59,429
I HAD SAVED IT
'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT IT FALLING

111
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,212
INTO THE WRONG HANDS,
YOU KNOW.

112
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:01,301
OH, YEAH.

113
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,651
TOO LATE.

114
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:08,699
YOU KNOW, NICOLE,
SINCE I'VE MET YOU,

115
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,310
SIX HOURS AGO,

116
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,833
I'M HAVING THE TIME
OF MY LIFE.

117
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,356
LET'S MAKE IT LAST...

118
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,227
ANOTHER SIX HOURS!

119
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,883
YEAH! WHOO-HOO!

120
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:21,016
WHOO-HOO!
WE'RE MARRIED!

121
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:24,236
YEAH!
BRING ON THE FREE FOOD!

122
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:27,109
YEAH!
- YES! YES! YES!

123
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,329
YES! LET'S GET NAKED!

124
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,460
I WANNA GET NAKED!

125
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,680
I DON'T CARE!
GETTING NAKED!

126
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:35,900
WHOO!
I'M NAKED!

127
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,641
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

128
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,125
AAH! I'M ON FIRE!

129
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:46,171
WAAH!
AND I'M NAKED!

130
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:48,913
YEAH!
I NEED THE OCEAN NOW.

131
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,219
NEED THE OCEAN.

132
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,176
I'M ON FIRE!
- WHOO!

133
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,788
AAH!

134
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,833
AAH!
- WHOO!

135
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,619
IF WE RUN THIS BACKWARDS,
COULD I UN-SEE THAT?

136
00:05:58,749 --> 00:06:00,534
THIS IS
NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN.

137
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:04,581
THIS ISN'T APPROPRIATE
FOR ANYBODY!

138
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:05,930
WOW.

139
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:07,584
FOR A FAKE WEDDING,
THAT WAS A...

140
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,238
PRETTY SPECTACULAR SETTING.

141
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,282
- I KNOW, YEAH.
- HMM?

142
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,110
- BEST SUNSETS IN THE WORLD.
- HMM.

143
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:14,330
YOUR HUSBAND HERE KNOWS
HOW TO THROW A WEDDING.

144
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,506
DOESN'T HE?
both: OH, YEAH.

145
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:18,421
HEY, WHERE WAS YOURS?
WAIT, DON'T TELL ME.

146
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,162
FOUR SEASONS, MAUI?

147
00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:21,859
CLOSE.

148
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,731
COURTHOUSE,
WEST COVINA.

149
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,385
OH!

150
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:26,603
AND WE WERE SO BUSY
WITH WORK,

151
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,475
WE KIND OF RUSHED IT
AND GOT 'ER DONE.

152
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,867
YEAH,
BUT YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL,

153
00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:31,173
AND YOU STILL DO.

154
00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:33,784
17 YEARS MARRIED
AND STILL COUNTING.

155
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,874
OH, IT'S SO GREAT
THAT YOU TWO ARE STILL TOGETHER.

156
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,572
"THAT WHICH DOES
NOT KILL YOU," NICOLE.

157
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:43,403
OH, HEY, LISTEN,
I BETTER GET GOING.

158
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:44,534
- ALL RIGHT.
- SO SOON?

159
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,668
YEAH, AMY, IT WAS GREAT
TO MEET YOU.

160
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,496
GREAT TO MEET YOU,
AND I GOT TO SAY, SWEETHEART,

161
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,541
THIS WAS FUN.

162
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,282
YES, IT WAS.

163
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,502
AND, DAVID, IT WAS FUN
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

164
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:56,198
- YES.
- OH, COME HERE, YOU!

165
00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,461
OH!

166
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:01,986
YES, GOOD TIMES.

167
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:06,208
YEAH, BYE.

168
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:10,517
WOW,
SHE DID NOT AGE WELL.

169
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,525
SO YOU TAKE
THE RABBIT EAR, RIGHT?

170
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:21,049
AND YOU PUT IT
THROUGH THE HOLE.

171
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,442
- DADDY?
- YES.

172
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:25,445
DOES THE OTHER JANIE KNOW
HOW TO TIE HER SHOES?

173
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:28,317
- WHAT OTHER JANIE?
- WELL, YOU HAD ANOTHER WIFE.

174
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,060
I THOUGHT
YOU HAD ANOTHER JANIE.

175
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,584
OH, NO, BABY.

176
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,064
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
COME HERE.

177
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,109
LISTEN TO ME.

178
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,938
I ONLY HAVE ONE WIFE.

179
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,071
AND HER NAME IS MOMMY,
OKAY?

180
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:46,553
AND I ONLY HAVE ONE JANIE,
AND HER NAME IS JANIE.

181
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:49,077
AND I'M YOUR FAVORITE,
RIGHT?

182
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:52,080
WELL,
I HAVE THREE FAVORITES.

183
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:57,346
BUT I'M
YOUR FAVORITE FAVORITE, RIGHT?

184
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,348
YEAH, OKAY,
YOU GOT ME THERE.

185
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,092
MOMMY,
CAN YOU TIE MY SHOE?

186
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:07,008
MM-HMM.

187
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,098
SO WE EVER GONNA GET
TO SEE {\an8}<i>YOUR</i> WEDDING VIDEO, MOM?

188
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:13,057
WELL, EM, UNLESS
THE COURTHOUSE IN WEST COVINA

189
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:17,497
HAS SECURITY FOOTAGE,
I KIND OF DOUBT IT.

190
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,977
YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT MY DREAM WEDDING IS?

191
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,544
I'M MARRYING
CHANNING TATUM.

192
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:24,155
BUT DURING OUR VOWS,
ZAC EFRON OBJECTS,

193
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:27,942
AND THEY RIP OFF THEIR SHIRTS
AND HAVE AN ABS CONTEST...

194
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,901
BATTLING FOR MY LOVE.

195
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:33,425
AT MINE, MY PRINCE RIDES IN
ON A ZEBRA.

196
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:36,124
OH, AND HE'S SUPER RICH.

197
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,737
DIDN'T YOU EVER WANT
A REAL WEDDING, MOM?

198
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,913
UH, YEAH, YEAH.

199
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,480
YOUR FATHER AND I DID PLAN
ON HAVING A WEDDING

200
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,308
WHEN WORK SLOWED DOWN.

201
00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,964
THE MALIBU CLIFFS HOTEL.

202
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,793
AND I HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL DRESS
DESIGNED, SWEETIE.

203
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,708
AND OUR FIRST DANCE
WAS GONNA BE

204
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,188
AS THE SUN SET
OVER THE OCEAN.

205
00:08:57,319 --> 00:09:00,714
UH, DIDN'T THEY DO A WEDDING
LIKE THAT ON DAD'S SHOW?

206
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:03,847
YEP,
YOUR DAD TOLD MARCUS,

207
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:06,197
AND HE USED IT
FOR THE FINALE.

208
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:09,592
DRESS AND ALL,
SO THERE WENT THAT.

209
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:12,421
LOOK, JOE HOGAN FINALLY
ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST.

210
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,292
OH,
I MISS THE JOE HO'S.

211
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,468
YOU TWO
WERE SO A-LORK-ABLE.

212
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,601
CHECK OUT HIS PROFILE.

213
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,691
HE'S GOT
SIX SKATEBOARDING TROPHIES,

214
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:23,911
A BLACK BELT,
AND HE'S IN A BAND.

215
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:27,741
- IS THAT HIM WITH TAYLOR SWIFT?
- YEAH.

216
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,481
HEY, MAYBE IF WE START
HANGING OUT TOGETHER AGAIN

217
00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,353
SOME OF HIS COOL
WILL RUB OFF ON ME.

218
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:34,356
HE'S A FIFTH GRADER,
NOT A GENIE.

219
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:43,626
THAT NICOLE WAS NOT A BIG FAN
OF WEARING CLOTHES,

220
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:45,367
WHICH I GREATLY ADMIRE
ABOUT HER.

221
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,762
I'M COMING IN.

222
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,502
PLEASE TURN THE VIDEO OFF.

223
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:56,030
I REALLY CAN'T HANDLE
SEEING ANYTHING ELSE ON FIRE.

224
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,161
MR. BARNES.

225
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,249
HEY, EMILY,
HOW YOU DOING THERE?

226
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:02,036
HEY.
GLAD TO SEE YOU.

227
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,691
UM, MARY SAID SHE NEEDED
HER SCIENCE BOOK BACK,

228
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:06,823
SO IF YOU COULD, UH,
GET THIS TO HER.

229
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:09,043
OKAY, JUST GIVE ME THE BOOK,
AND I'LL DELIVER IT TO HER.

230
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,914
GOT THE BOOK,
MAKE SURE SHE GETS IT.

231
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:11,915
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE

232
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,135
TO MAKE EYE CONTACT EVENTUALLY.

233
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,094
EMILY, YOUR DAD IS RIGHT.
I THINK--

234
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,182
- TOO SOON!
- OKAY.

235
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,706
I'M JUST GONNA GO ON
OUT OF HERE.

236
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,143
- NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, EMILY.

237
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:24,058
EMILY, LOOK,
YOU'RE OKAY

238
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:25,712
WITH ALL THIS NICOLE STUFF,
RIGHT?

239
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:26,974
- I'M FINE, DAD.
- OKAY.

240
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,803
BUT IT'S NOT ME YOU HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT.

241
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,892
OH, OH, I'VE ALREADY SPOKEN
TO JANIE.

242
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,067
IS JOE OKAY?

243
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:36,200
NO, NO, NO,
IT'S NOT JOE.

244
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:37,941
WELL, I ONLY HAVE THREE KIDS.
WHO ELSE IS LEFT?

245
00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,203
I'M HOME!

246
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,291
HI.

247
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,772
OH, HEY...

248
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:43,817
MOM!

249
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:46,863
HI, HONEY.

250
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,604
SO ANYONE WANT
TO KNOW HOW MY DAY WAS?

251
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:50,127
YEAH, IN A SECOND, HONEY.

252
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:51,215
I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
SOMETHING WITH EMILY.

253
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:52,608
UM...

254
00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:54,218
GUESS WHO'S GETTING MARRIED
ON {\an8}<i>ALL THE DAYS?</i>

255
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:55,698
ME!

256
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:57,918
DR. SARAH DESARIO.

257
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,702
TO COLONEL JAMES CUNNINGHAM,

258
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,835
THE 90-YEAR-OLD OIL BARON

259
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:04,489
WHOSE BREATH
IS A LETHAL COMBO

260
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,796
OF DAY-OLD EGG FOO YOUNG
AND DEATH.

261
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:08,668
CONGRATULATIONS.

262
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:10,495
YEAH.
SO LET'S SEE HERE.

263
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:13,324
UH, YOU HAVE A WILD WEDDING
ON AN EXOTIC ISLAND,

264
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:16,588
THEN YOU HAVE MY DREAM WEDDING
ON YOUR SHOW,

265
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,634
AND NOW,
I'M HAVING A WEDDING

266
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:21,376
ON THE ANNIVERSARY
OF {\an8}<i>OUR</i> WEDDING,

267
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:23,247
WHICH--LET'S JUST CALL IT
WHAT IT WAS.

268
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:26,120
SUCKY.
HMM?

269
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,774
WORST WEDDING-LUCK EVER.

270
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,471
RIGHT HERE.

271
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,168
OH, I GOT IT.

272
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:35,172
EMILY, I'M GONNA THROW MOM
A GREAT REDO WEDDING

273
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,260
FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY.

274
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:38,088
- NICE.
- OKAY.

275
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,133
LET'S GET BACK
TO WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.

276
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:43,093
NOW, IS IT JOE...

277
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,095
AND YOU'RE COVERING FOR HIM?

278
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:46,140
I READ YOU LIKE A BOOK.

279
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,098
I KNEW IT WAS HIM.
WHERE IS HE?

280
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,230
JOE!

281
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:54,757
DADDY, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE THIS
FOR A WEDDING CAKE?

282
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:57,238
IT'S THE BIGGEST CAKE
I'VE EVER SEEN.

283
00:11:57,368 --> 00:12:00,589
WELL, HONEY, A WOMAN POPS
OUT OF THAT CAKE,

284
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,548
AND, TRUST ME, THAT WOULD
NOT HELP DAD ONE BIT.

285
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,942
A WOMAN
WHO LIVES IN THE CAKE?

286
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:09,076
THAT'S WHAT I WANNA DO
WHEN I GROW UP.

287
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:11,252
DON'T SAY THAT, BABY.

288
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:14,342
DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!

289
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:19,042
- HE'S HERE.
- JOE, RELAX.

290
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,871
IT'S NOT LIKE
IT'S A FIRST DATE.

291
00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:28,748
WEL-LORK-COME
TO MY HOME-LORK, JOE-LORK.

292
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,358
YOU'RE STILL LORKING?

293
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:34,101
NO, NO.

294
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,146
I KINDA REMEMBER YOUR HOUSE
BEING BIGGER THAN THIS.

295
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,279
THIS WHOLE PLACE COULD FIT
IN MY POOL HOUSE.

296
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:39,454
WOW.

297
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:41,586
SO HOW'S YOUR FAMILY?

298
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,414
GOOD.
MY MOM REMARRIED.

299
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:44,894
MAYBE YOU'VE, UH, HEARD
OF MY STEPDAD--

300
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,200
HARRISON FORD.

301
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,985
YOUR STEPDAD'S
INDIANA JONES?

302
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:53,598
DON'T GO SPREADING
THAT AROUND.

303
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,600
SO DO YOU
STILL COLLECT ROCKS?

304
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:57,341
GAVE IT UP.
GOT 'EM ALL.

305
00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:04,392
SO IS THERE A BED
IN THE CAKE

306
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:09,092
WHERE THE LADY LIVES?

307
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:11,921
YES.

308
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:15,838
DOES SHE EAT HER WALLS
FOR BREAKFAST?

309
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,453
MAYBE.

310
00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:26,675
DOES SHE HAVE A WELCOME SIGN
THAT SAYS, "HOME SWEET HOME"?

311
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,461
'CAUSE IT WOULD BE TRUE.

312
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:31,811
THAT WAS
ACTUALLY PRETTY CLEVER.

313
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:32,812
MM-HMM.

314
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:36,163
GOOD NEWS, DAVID.
I GOT THE DRESS.

315
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,252
CAROL FROM WARDROBE FOUND IT
IN STORAGE.

316
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:40,167
OH, BEAUTIFUL. SHOULD WE
SEND HER A THANK-YOU CARD?

317
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:41,559
OH, ACTUALLY,
SHE SAID

318
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,300
YOU COULD JUST SEND HER BACK
THE BLACK LEATHER JACKET

319
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,520
YOU TOOK
FROM {\an8}<i>DADDY'S BAD TO THE BONE.</i>

320
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,348
OH, NO WAY.
SHE SAID I COULD KEEP IT.

321
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:49,829
- YEAH, SHE SAID YOU'D SAY THAT.
- OKAY.

322
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,874
NOW I GOT THE DRESS.

323
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,397
THAT'S A START.

324
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:57,010
CAN THE CAKE LADY INVITE
HER GIRLFRIENDS OVER TO PLAY?

325
00:13:57,140 --> 00:14:01,101
YES, BABY GIRL,
BUT THAT GETS QUITE EXPENSIVE.

326
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,626
CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU CAN FLY A PLANE.

327
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:08,064
IT'S NOT A PLANE, JOE.
IT'S A JUMBO JET.

328
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,851
JOE, CAN I TALK
TO YOU A SEC?

329
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:16,420
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

330
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,596
JOE, OPEN YOUR EYES.

331
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,642
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY,

332
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,470
HIS STEPDAD
IS INDIANA JONES?

333
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,167
WHOSE STEPDAD
IS INDIANA JONES?

334
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,647
JOE HOGAN'S.

335
00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:27,475
YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO, JOE.

336
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,433
HE'S PLAYING YOU.

337
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,566
OH, I GET IT, EMILY.

338
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,002
YOU'RE JUST TRYING
TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

339
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,048
BECAUSE HE'S
SO MUCH COOLER THAN ME.

340
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:39,400
JOE, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
I TRIED TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

341
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,751
UH...NEVER?

342
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,887
DAD, I DON'T GET IT.
- WHAT?

343
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:48,583
WE USED
TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.

344
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,193
WHY WOULD HE LIE
TO ME?

345
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:52,674
WELL, UM, JOE,
I DON'T KNOW.

346
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,067
MAYBE, YOU KNOW,
HE'S PROBABLY GOING

347
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:55,329
THROUGH A TOUGH TIME
RIGHT NOW

348
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,331
WITH HIS PARENTS SPLITTING UP
AND ALL, RIGHT?

349
00:14:57,461 --> 00:15:01,726
SOMETIMES PEOPLE,
TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL GOOD,

350
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,032
THEY HAVE TO PRETEND

351
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,642
THAT THEIR LIVES ARE BETTER
THAN THEY ARE.

352
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,427
SO HE JUST
MAKES STUFF UP?

353
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:07,994
EXACTLY.

354
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,170
EVEN GREAT ACTORS,
SUCH AS MYSELF,

355
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,607
CAN'T TURN FANTASY
INTO REALITY.

356
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:13,869
I MEAN,
I COULD ON THE SHOW,

357
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,871
BUT THEN I HAD MARCUS
AND A WHOLE CREW OF GUYS

358
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,742
TURNING DREAMS INTO LIFE,
RIGHT?

359
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,396
AND BELIEVE ME,
IF I HAD THE TIME,

360
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,355
I WOULD HAVE
THE CREW COME OUT HERE,

361
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,923
AND THEY WOULD BUILD MOM
A FANTASTIC SURPRISE WEDDING

362
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,881
FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY TOMORROW.

363
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,187
- I THINK I GET IT, DAD.
- OKAY.

364
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:28,928
- DAD.
- YEAH.

365
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,930
MOM'S GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW

366
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:34,150
ON AN ALREADY-BUILT
WEDDING CHAPEL SET.

367
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,717
WELL, THANK YOU,
NANCY NAYSAYER.

368
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:38,328
THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME
THAT WE CAN'T DO IT THEN.

369
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,982
I GIVE UP.

370
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:41,288
GO AHEAD, GIVE UP!

371
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:44,465
I'M JUST GONNA STAY HERE
UNTIL I...

372
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:47,772
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

373
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:50,253
YES, MOM, YES, YES.

374
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:53,169
YEAH, I'M WEARING SUNSCREEN.
I'M FINE, YES.

375
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,519
BYE, MOM.

376
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,521
THAT WAS TAYLOR SWIFT.

377
00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:00,437
WE'RE DATING.

378
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:03,527
THAT'S COOL.
WANNA PLAY A VIDEO GAME?

379
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,835
SURE.

380
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,621
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE,
WE HAVE TO DO THIS ONE AGAIN.

381
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:13,581
UH, AMY, TRY TO ACT
LIKE YOU LOVE THE MAN.

382
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:17,846
AMY, AMY.

383
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:22,416
WHEN WE KISS--
AND WE WILL--

384
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:25,723
DON'T BE AFRAID
TO GET ALL UP IN THIS, HUH?

385
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,686
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
LET'S SHOOT ONE.

386
00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:34,471
CLEAR THE SET, PLEASE.

387
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:35,864
ALL RIGHT, STAND BY.

388
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,997
AND...ACTION.

389
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,085
WE ARE GATHERED HERE

390
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:41,043
TO UNITE
COLONEL JAMES RICHARD CUNNINGHAM

391
00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:43,219
WITH DR. SARAH DESARIO

392
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,308
IN HOLY MATRIMONY.

393
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,962
DOES ANYONE
HAVE ANY REASON

394
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,659
WHY THESE TWO
SHOULD NOT BE WED?

395
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:51,706
SPEAK NOW,
OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.

396
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:55,884
I OBJECT!

397
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,540
DAVID,
MY REAL-LIFE HUSBAND.

398
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:04,197
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE
IN FORT PATINA FALLS?

399
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:06,938
DR. SARAH DESARIO,

400
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:10,377
WILL YOU MARRY ME
ALL OVER AGAIN?

401
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:15,991
SAY "YES," MOMMY!

402
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,211
OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU
ALL OVER AGAIN.

403
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,001
MY WEDDING DRESS?

404
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,481
OH!

405
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,091
AND...

406
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,788
CUE BACKDROP.

407
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:33,965
OH.
DAVID.

408
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,706
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, HONEY.

409
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:37,012
OH, SWEETIE.

410
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:40,233
DOESN'T ANYONE
HAVE THE DECENCY

411
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:43,018
TO TELL ME ABOUT THE CHANGES
IN THE SCRIPT?

412
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,760
I'M AGHAST!
I'M APPALLED!

413
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,545
I COULD HAVE
A HEART ATTACK!

414
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:52,723
I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK!

415
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:54,290
HONEY, I'M--I'M SORRY.

416
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,336
YOU REALLY DO HAVE
THE WORST WEDDING-LUCK EVER.

417
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:57,772
PLEASE,
OLD PARROT-TONGUE THINKS

418
00:17:57,902 --> 00:17:59,078
HE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK
EVERY SINGLE WEEK, OKAY?

419
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,080
TRUST ME, IT'S GAS.

420
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,213
WE'RE DOIN' THIS.
- OKAY.

421
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,238
YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING WITH ME.

422
00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:32,198
BECAME AN ORDAINED MINISTER
TO MAKE SOME EXTRA CASH.

423
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:37,377
DEARLY BELOVED...

424
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,074
A LONG TIME AGO,

425
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:42,817
IN A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY...

426
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,123
{\an8}<i>STAR WARS?</i>

427
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:46,908
OH, I WAS ORDAINED ONLINE.

428
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:50,651
BY THE TEMPLE
OF THE JEDI ORDER.

429
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,087
"AS THE JEDI TEACH US,

430
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,872
TAKE MARRIAGE LIGHTLY NOT."
- OKAY, I GOT IT.

431
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,004
I GOT IT,
LET ME TAKE IT FROM HERE.

432
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,005
OKAY, THANK YOU.

433
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,225
GOOD WORK SERIOUSLY,
GOOD WORK.

434
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,314
UM...

435
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:04,621
AMY...

436
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:08,147
17 YEARS AGO...

437
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:11,193
IN A COURTROOM
FAR, FAR AWAY...

438
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:15,937
YOU GAVE ME THE HAPPIEST DAY
OF MY LIFE.

439
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,593
AND NOW I HOPE
THAT I CAN...

440
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,551
GIVE YOU YOURS.

441
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,597
YOU ARE, DAVID.

442
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,120
OH.

443
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:29,472
I LOVE YOU. MMM.

444
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:37,263
THANKS AGAIN FOR GIVING ME
MY WEDDING, DAVID.

445
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:38,742
YOU SHOULD FACEBOOK
YOUR EX-WIFE MORE OFTEN.

446
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,745
HEY, THIS IS
OUR WEDDING NIGHT.

447
00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:44,095
IT'S NOT OVER YET.

448
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:49,318
- DAVID...
- NO, NOT THAT, SILLY.

449
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,885
NOW LISTEN,

450
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,539
YOU ONCE TOLD ME
THAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED

451
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:55,106
TO DANCE
TO ONE PARTICULAR WEDDING SONG.

452
00:19:55,237 --> 00:20:00,286
- MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
- FOLLOW ME.

453
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:05,073
♪ I'LL REACH OUT
MY HAND TO YOU ♪

454
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,641
♪ I'LL HAVE FAITH

455
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:10,948
♪ IN ALL YOU DO

456
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:15,301
♪ JUST CALL MY NAME

457
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,652
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE

458
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:28,009
♪ I'LL BE THERE
WITH LOVE THAT'S STRONG ♪

459
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,620
♪ I'LL BE YOUR STRENGTH

460
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:34,885
♪ I'LL KEEP HOLDING ON

461
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:38,411
♪ JUST CALL MY NAME

462
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:41,936
♪ I'LL BE THERE