1 00:00:01,203 --> 00:00:02,883 [chimes twinkle melodically] 2 00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:04,883 Up periscope. 3 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,803 Down periscope. 4 00:00:11,963 --> 00:00:12,883 -[talkback button clicks] -Hi, Steven. 5 00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:14,283 This is Clem Fandango. 6 00:00:14,443 --> 00:00:15,923 What, the work experience boy? 7 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,083 Yeah, can you hear me, Steven? 8 00:00:17,243 --> 00:00:18,803 Yeah, I can hear you, Clem Fandango. 9 00:00:18,963 --> 00:00:19,683 Where's that other prick? 10 00:00:19,843 --> 00:00:21,403 Danny? 11 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,203 He's DJing at a music festival this weekend. 12 00:00:23,363 --> 00:00:24,963 Yeah, just to be clear, 13 00:00:25,123 --> 00:00:27,923 so these'll be heard on every submarine in the Royal Navy? 14 00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:29,243 Yeah, they're just automating 15 00:00:29,403 --> 00:00:30,163 and digitising everything, you know. 16 00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:32,123 The commander presses a button, 17 00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,523 and the recording of your voice will be heard immediately. 18 00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:34,763 Yeah, I'm not interested in all that. 19 00:00:34,923 --> 00:00:35,883 Can we just crack on? 20 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:40,843 Fire the nuclear weapons! 21 00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:48,283 -[talkback button clicks] -Steven, that was good, 22 00:00:48,443 --> 00:00:49,603 but do you think you could give it another try? 23 00:00:49,763 --> 00:00:51,883 This time, say it in a less alarming way. 24 00:00:52,043 --> 00:00:53,923 Less alarming? 25 00:00:54,083 --> 00:00:55,923 I've just given the order to fire the nuclear weapons. 26 00:00:56,083 --> 00:00:57,403 I've just unleashed Armageddon! 27 00:00:57,563 --> 00:00:58,403 Yes, but the feeling here 28 00:00:58,563 --> 00:00:59,403 is that you could do it in a way 29 00:00:59,563 --> 00:01:01,083 which is a little less dramatic. 30 00:01:01,243 --> 00:01:02,403 It's just a little bit over the top at the moment. 31 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,163 Have fun with it. 32 00:01:06,883 --> 00:01:10,363 Fire the nuclear weapons! 33 00:01:10,523 --> 00:01:11,883 That was a little bit too far the other way, 34 00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:13,603 a bit too, um, jolly. 35 00:01:13,763 --> 00:01:15,043 You know, why don't you just try it a few more times? 36 00:01:17,283 --> 00:01:19,803 Fire the nuclear weapons! 37 00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:22,643 Fire the nuclear weapons! 38 00:01:22,803 --> 00:01:24,603 Fire the nuclear weapons? 39 00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:27,843 Fire the nuclear weapons! 40 00:01:29,603 --> 00:01:33,963 Fire the nuclear weapons! [exclaims dramatically] 41 00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:38,443 Do you wanna move on to the next one, Steven? 42 00:01:38,603 --> 00:01:39,963 We can come back to that later. 43 00:01:41,323 --> 00:01:42,763 Abandon the vessel immediately. 44 00:01:45,443 --> 00:01:49,203 ["Take My Hand" by Matt Berry] 45 00:02:00,523 --> 00:02:04,083 [melancholic music continues] 46 00:02:11,763 --> 00:02:13,243 So, they put the lot of them out in the field 47 00:02:13,403 --> 00:02:15,083 and they started eating grass. 48 00:02:15,243 --> 00:02:16,363 Sorry, Ed, I don't understand. 49 00:02:16,523 --> 00:02:18,163 You don't eat grass, you smoke it. 50 00:02:18,323 --> 00:02:20,083 Not if you're a cow. 51 00:02:20,243 --> 00:02:21,963 Oh, sorry. 52 00:02:22,123 --> 00:02:24,403 I thought you were talking about the Rolling Stones. 53 00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:25,163 No. 54 00:02:28,443 --> 00:02:29,683 Day off, Toast? 55 00:02:29,843 --> 00:02:31,923 Yes, I'm meeting Portia de Coogan. 56 00:02:32,083 --> 00:02:33,403 -The nurse? -Yep. 57 00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:34,803 Strange career choice 58 00:02:34,963 --> 00:02:36,363 for the daughter of Lord Fotheringham. 59 00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:37,923 -Who's he? -He's very close to Cameron. 60 00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:38,883 Looks in line for a top job 61 00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:40,723 at the next Cabinet reshuffle. 62 00:02:40,883 --> 00:02:42,003 He's come a long way since being 63 00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:42,883 a producer at Radio 1 in the '70s. 64 00:02:43,043 --> 00:02:45,363 Portia's definitely my type. 65 00:02:45,523 --> 00:02:46,883 We have exactly the same sense of humour. 66 00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,163 I told her a joke last week. 67 00:02:48,323 --> 00:02:50,003 She found it extremely amusing! 68 00:02:50,163 --> 00:02:51,483 Did she laugh heartily? 69 00:02:51,643 --> 00:02:53,163 No. 70 00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:55,243 She doesn't show any external signs of enjoyment. 71 00:02:55,403 --> 00:02:57,083 But I know she finds me very funny 72 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:58,123 and great company. 73 00:02:59,443 --> 00:03:01,563 ♪ She was a girl of the forest ♪ 74 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,363 ♪ A virgin, they say ♪ 75 00:03:03,523 --> 00:03:05,443 Whoa, Ed, that's really loud! 76 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:06,723 How do you think Iain Duncan Smith's 77 00:03:06,883 --> 00:03:08,163 doing at Work and Pensions? 78 00:03:09,803 --> 00:03:11,443 Sorry, Toast. 79 00:03:11,603 --> 00:03:13,003 I shouldn't talk politics at the breakfast table. 80 00:03:13,163 --> 00:03:15,283 You know, I met Thatcher once at Lionel Blair's house. 81 00:03:15,443 --> 00:03:18,603 Surprised to see her drink Heineken from a can. 82 00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,163 You know, when I started courting my wife, 83 00:03:20,323 --> 00:03:21,763 she used to dress up as Mrs Thatcher. 84 00:03:21,923 --> 00:03:23,283 [Toast exhales] 85 00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,203 -[soft guitar music] -The blue twinset. 86 00:03:25,363 --> 00:03:27,283 Slowly undoing her buttons to reveal 87 00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,123 no-nonsense M&S underwear. 88 00:03:30,283 --> 00:03:31,923 Hm. 89 00:03:32,083 --> 00:03:33,723 Yours truly relishing the role of the blimpish Denis, 90 00:03:33,883 --> 00:03:34,923 [Toast judders] 91 00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:37,123 obeying her every command. 92 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,363 Ever interested in anything like that, Toast? 93 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,443 -Powerful women? -Mm. 94 00:03:41,603 --> 00:03:42,843 Maybe in uniform? 95 00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,643 [Toast groans] 96 00:03:44,803 --> 00:03:47,283 [sultry music] 97 00:03:53,323 --> 00:03:53,963 -[fingers snap] -[Toast groans] 98 00:03:54,123 --> 00:03:55,483 You all right, Toast? 99 00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:57,323 Sorry, Ed, I must have drifted off there. 100 00:03:57,483 --> 00:04:00,803 [bright music] 101 00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:03,363 Toast, I'm a little uncomfortable here. 102 00:04:03,523 --> 00:04:05,443 I don't think I should be wearing my nurse's uniform. 103 00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,163 -But you're a nurse. -Yes, but... 104 00:04:07,323 --> 00:04:08,403 And you've just come off the night shift. 105 00:04:08,563 --> 00:04:09,403 I should have gone home and changed. 106 00:04:09,563 --> 00:04:10,923 No! 107 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,243 That would have been a massive waste of time. 108 00:04:12,403 --> 00:04:13,243 Look, we'll have a couple of drinks here, 109 00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:14,243 then maybe go and see a film. 110 00:04:14,403 --> 00:04:15,363 How about a comedy? 111 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,603 I love to laugh. 112 00:04:16,763 --> 00:04:19,123 Toast, I've been meaning to talk to you. 113 00:04:19,283 --> 00:04:20,683 -You're talking to me now. -Yes. 114 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:23,963 It's about the sense of humour issue. 115 00:04:24,123 --> 00:04:25,803 I have a terrific sense of humour. 116 00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:27,683 It's just very dry. 117 00:04:27,843 --> 00:04:30,483 Often mistaken for having no sense of humour at all, 118 00:04:30,643 --> 00:04:31,763 much like Mandelson 119 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,323 or Nigel Mansell. 120 00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:34,883 -Who? -Same as my father before me. 121 00:04:35,043 --> 00:04:36,403 And my aunts. 122 00:04:36,563 --> 00:04:38,323 You know, my family were known as the dry Toasts. 123 00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:39,323 Really? 124 00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:41,123 Ellen, my soon to be ex-wife, 125 00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:44,083 thought I literally couldn't see the funny side of anything. 126 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,003 She's quite wrong. 127 00:04:45,163 --> 00:04:47,123 It's just very, very dry. 128 00:04:48,603 --> 00:04:50,043 I think it's about time you met my father. 129 00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:51,603 -[Toast groans] -He has the most 130 00:04:51,763 --> 00:04:53,483 wonderful sense of humour, 131 00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:55,843 and it's very important that you laugh at his jokes. 132 00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:57,243 But you may not be able to tell 133 00:04:57,403 --> 00:04:59,603 what is a joke and what isn't. 134 00:04:59,763 --> 00:05:01,283 Well, maybe if you tell me what his jokes were beforehand, 135 00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:02,643 then I'd know when to laugh. 136 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,643 Well, Father doesn't write actual jokes 137 00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,363 for his conversations. 138 00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,403 He tends to be more spontaneous. 139 00:05:08,563 --> 00:05:10,483 He just may make, for example, 140 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,923 well, an off-the-cuff remark about Boris Johnson, 141 00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:13,963 and you'll have to laugh at it. 142 00:05:14,123 --> 00:05:14,963 Okay. 143 00:05:15,123 --> 00:05:16,403 So, he mentions Boris Johnson 144 00:05:16,563 --> 00:05:17,443 -and I'll laugh. -No. 145 00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:18,683 But he may mention Boris Johnson 146 00:05:18,843 --> 00:05:20,443 not in the context of a joke. 147 00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:22,043 Well, how's that possible? 148 00:05:22,203 --> 00:05:23,643 Listen. 149 00:05:23,803 --> 00:05:25,723 I have a friend of a friend. 150 00:05:25,883 --> 00:05:28,323 -Mm-hm? -He's a stand-up comedian 151 00:05:28,483 --> 00:05:30,163 -called Russell House. -[Toast groans irritably] 152 00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:31,523 In order for us to keep seeing each other, 153 00:05:31,683 --> 00:05:33,243 you need to be a little funnier. 154 00:05:33,403 --> 00:05:35,963 I asked Russell to email me some funny lines 155 00:05:36,123 --> 00:05:38,563 and amusing quips that you could try out. 156 00:05:40,443 --> 00:05:41,923 "I'm going up to Edinburgh next month. 157 00:05:42,083 --> 00:05:43,603 I've been so busy. 158 00:05:43,763 --> 00:05:46,123 But I think there's some good stuff here." 159 00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:47,563 Yeah, I could try something like that. 160 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,643 Anything with a Scots reference is usually quite funny. 161 00:05:49,803 --> 00:05:51,963 No, no, that's just the first line of the email to me. 162 00:05:52,123 --> 00:05:52,963 That's not a joke. 163 00:05:54,643 --> 00:05:56,363 Did you think that was a joke? 164 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,043 No. 165 00:05:59,763 --> 00:06:02,363 [phone beeps] 166 00:06:02,523 --> 00:06:03,363 Toast. 167 00:06:03,523 --> 00:06:04,123 [Jane] Dubbing request just in. 168 00:06:04,283 --> 00:06:04,843 Bloody hell, Jane! 169 00:06:05,003 --> 00:06:06,283 It's my day off! 170 00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:08,523 They just need you to do some more voice-overs 171 00:06:08,683 --> 00:06:10,803 for the nuclear submarine. 172 00:06:10,963 --> 00:06:12,123 I thought I'd finished all that 173 00:06:12,283 --> 00:06:14,603 "up periscope, down periscope" jazz. 174 00:06:14,763 --> 00:06:17,323 They just need a few additions. 175 00:06:17,483 --> 00:06:20,163 They are paying you handsomely for this, Toast. 176 00:06:20,323 --> 00:06:22,123 It's the Ministry of Defence. 177 00:06:22,283 --> 00:06:24,523 Cobra, to be precise. 178 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:26,883 One doesn't say no to Cobra. 179 00:06:27,043 --> 00:06:28,403 Well, how long will I be there? 180 00:06:28,563 --> 00:06:29,723 Oh, they're complete perfectionists, the Royal Navy. 181 00:06:29,883 --> 00:06:31,483 I'd say about 182 00:06:31,643 --> 00:06:32,803 three and a half hours. 183 00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:35,083 -Mm. -[receiver rattles] 184 00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:36,163 Oh, God. 185 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:39,123 Yes, please. 186 00:06:39,283 --> 00:06:40,083 Bloody hell. 187 00:06:42,363 --> 00:06:43,763 Stay where you are, Portia de Coogan. 188 00:06:43,923 --> 00:06:45,123 I'll be right back. 189 00:06:45,283 --> 00:06:46,003 Well, how long will you be? 190 00:06:46,163 --> 00:06:47,163 Three and a half hours. 191 00:06:48,563 --> 00:06:51,003 [bright music] 192 00:06:53,003 --> 00:06:54,923 Okay, Steven, thanks for coming in at such a short notice. 193 00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:55,923 Really appreciate it. 194 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,123 You ready to go? 195 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:58,043 In your own time. 196 00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:01,323 Disem [coughs] bark. 197 00:07:01,483 --> 00:07:02,563 Sorry, I'll do that again. 198 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,043 No, that's fine. 199 00:07:04,203 --> 00:07:05,243 -What? -That's fine, Steven, 200 00:07:05,403 --> 00:07:06,843 you got it in one. 201 00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:08,203 I coughed halfway through it. 202 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,163 Didn't notice anything. I... 203 00:07:12,803 --> 00:07:13,603 That's perfect, Steven. 204 00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:14,363 We've got all the voice-overs. 205 00:07:14,523 --> 00:07:15,523 Now you're free to go. 206 00:07:15,683 --> 00:07:17,403 What, so that's it? 207 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,363 Well, they told me I'd be here for three and a half hours. 208 00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:22,163 I broke into a romantic date for this. 209 00:07:22,323 --> 00:07:24,403 I could be in the cinema laughing my arse off! 210 00:07:24,563 --> 00:07:26,723 Well, you're free now, Steven. 211 00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:27,443 That's all we need. 212 00:07:27,603 --> 00:07:28,723 Yeah? 213 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:29,843 Well, fuck you three! 214 00:07:31,323 --> 00:07:34,803 [bright melodic music] 215 00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:36,523 Steven! 216 00:07:36,683 --> 00:07:39,083 Blair, what the hell are you doing here? 217 00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:40,523 Is that a new hand? 218 00:07:40,683 --> 00:07:42,243 Oh, yes, usual one's getting fixed. 219 00:07:43,683 --> 00:07:44,923 Toby told me you were doing 220 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:46,523 more voice-overs for the submarine. 221 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:47,803 Called the studio. 222 00:07:47,963 --> 00:07:48,963 They said you'd be here. 223 00:07:49,123 --> 00:07:49,723 What's that got to do with you? 224 00:07:49,883 --> 00:07:51,283 And who the hell is Toby? 225 00:07:51,443 --> 00:07:52,523 Do you mean the vice commander of the sub, 226 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:53,803 second in charge? 227 00:07:53,963 --> 00:07:55,363 The Navy is his whole life. 228 00:07:55,523 --> 00:07:56,603 He's the complete opposite of the kind of 229 00:07:56,763 --> 00:07:59,043 pinko long-hairs you run with. 230 00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:00,563 He's immensely proud of this submarine. 231 00:08:00,723 --> 00:08:02,363 She's been completely refurbished. 232 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,443 Almost everything is run by computers. 233 00:08:05,603 --> 00:08:06,923 The only thing they physically have to do 234 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:09,163 is put out the rubbish when they dock in port. 235 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,843 So, who's the new commander? 236 00:08:11,003 --> 00:08:12,603 -What? -Who's the new commander? 237 00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:13,923 [someone wolf whistles] 238 00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:15,203 I'm Commander Susan Scott-Gorham. 239 00:08:15,363 --> 00:08:17,483 Is one of you gentlemen Steven Toast? 240 00:08:17,643 --> 00:08:19,723 I am the Steven Toast that you require. 241 00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:21,883 -This is my brother Blair. -[Blair growls] 242 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,403 Well, I wanted to let you know 243 00:08:23,563 --> 00:08:26,003 how much we appreciate your voice-over work on this. 244 00:08:26,163 --> 00:08:27,603 Well, it's very good of you to come. 245 00:08:27,763 --> 00:08:29,723 We're all very proud of our newly refurbished submarine, 246 00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:30,923 the Penetrator. 247 00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:31,883 Penetrator? 248 00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,123 Mm, that's a great name. 249 00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:36,363 Surprised it hasn't been taken already. 250 00:08:36,523 --> 00:08:38,963 In Equity, there was another actor called Steven Toast, 251 00:08:39,123 --> 00:08:41,363 so he had to change his name to Chris Bread. 252 00:08:41,523 --> 00:08:43,443 -Crisp Bread? -No, Chris Bread. 253 00:08:43,603 --> 00:08:45,243 Should have been you who changed your name. 254 00:08:45,403 --> 00:08:46,883 The disgrace! 255 00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:48,563 A Toast in the acting game. 256 00:08:48,723 --> 00:08:50,363 You must come to the relaunch. 257 00:08:50,523 --> 00:08:51,923 It's tomorrow afternoon. 258 00:08:52,083 --> 00:08:53,763 Steven is in a play here in London. 259 00:08:53,923 --> 00:08:54,963 I'm afraid he won't be able to. 260 00:08:55,123 --> 00:08:56,603 I'd love to. 261 00:08:56,763 --> 00:08:58,323 The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will be in attendance. 262 00:08:58,483 --> 00:08:59,763 Do you know them? 263 00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:01,403 I'm afraid I don't know any of the minor royals. 264 00:09:01,563 --> 00:09:03,363 The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge 265 00:09:03,523 --> 00:09:05,683 are Prince William and Kate Middleton. 266 00:09:05,843 --> 00:09:07,163 Oh, yes, by, by minor royals, 267 00:09:07,323 --> 00:09:09,163 I meant royals that aren't the Queen. 268 00:09:10,323 --> 00:09:12,043 Well, I hope you both can come. 269 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:14,003 Good day, gentlemen. 270 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:17,763 Can you believe someone like that 271 00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:19,763 is commanding a royal submarine? 272 00:09:19,923 --> 00:09:21,163 You know, a strumpet like that 273 00:09:21,323 --> 00:09:23,363 can just waltz in, get the top job. 274 00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,563 It's your lot at the Guardian. 275 00:09:25,723 --> 00:09:28,003 Political correctness gone off the bloody scale! 276 00:09:28,163 --> 00:09:29,883 She seems perfectly capable to me. 277 00:09:30,043 --> 00:09:32,643 A girl in charge of our nuclear sub? 278 00:09:32,803 --> 00:09:34,523 Might as well hand it over to the Monty Python team! 279 00:09:34,683 --> 00:09:35,923 Who? 280 00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:37,443 Oh, I haven't got time to sit here 281 00:09:37,603 --> 00:09:38,723 talking nonsense with you in this bugger house! 282 00:09:38,883 --> 00:09:39,683 I'm off! 283 00:09:44,523 --> 00:09:47,643 [gentle rhythmic music] 284 00:09:51,203 --> 00:09:52,683 [Toast inhales deeply] 285 00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:56,283 [Toast groans lustfully] 286 00:09:56,443 --> 00:09:57,043 Oh, God. 287 00:09:58,963 --> 00:10:00,283 Ah. 288 00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:01,523 You'd forgotten your hat. 289 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:10,003 [bright music] 290 00:10:12,763 --> 00:10:13,443 Shit. 291 00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:22,083 Ah, there she is. 292 00:10:22,243 --> 00:10:24,923 [belt rustling] 293 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:25,923 [single knock on door] 294 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,403 -Oh, God. -Cocoa time. 295 00:10:27,563 --> 00:10:28,483 Yeah, just put it there, Ed. 296 00:10:28,643 --> 00:10:29,363 Ah. 297 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,243 Letter came for you. 298 00:10:33,403 --> 00:10:33,803 I put it downstairs on the table. 299 00:10:33,963 --> 00:10:35,403 Yes, I got it. 300 00:10:35,563 --> 00:10:36,843 Nice royalty cheque from that TV miniseries 301 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:37,843 I did a few years ago. 302 00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:39,323 Which? 303 00:10:39,483 --> 00:10:40,283 The prequel to Brideshead Revisited. 304 00:10:40,443 --> 00:10:42,083 Oh, yes, what was that called? 305 00:10:42,243 --> 00:10:42,883 Brideshead. 306 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,363 Of course. 307 00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:45,843 So, how are you getting on with Portia? 308 00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:47,163 She wants me to meet her father. 309 00:10:47,323 --> 00:10:48,243 Apparently the old bugger's 310 00:10:48,403 --> 00:10:50,643 got some fondness for jokes, 311 00:10:50,803 --> 00:10:52,883 and Portia's very keen that I'm amusing in his company. 312 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,363 So, you need some jokes, do you? 313 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,643 Well, not jokes as such. 314 00:10:55,803 --> 00:10:57,003 Well, maybe little things to say 315 00:10:57,163 --> 00:10:58,163 so that people think you're fun. 316 00:10:58,323 --> 00:10:59,923 Well, such as? 317 00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:01,563 Well, you know, simple phrases taxi drivers use. 318 00:11:01,723 --> 00:11:04,083 Like, "I believe you, thousands wouldn't." 319 00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:05,763 Um, "What can I do you for?" 320 00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:07,283 as opposed to "What can I do for you?" 321 00:11:07,443 --> 00:11:08,803 -No. -Don't give up the day job. 322 00:11:08,963 --> 00:11:09,643 That's very useful when you... 323 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:10,843 No, Ed. 324 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,243 They're not jokes as such. 325 00:11:12,403 --> 00:11:13,803 They're just little things to say. 326 00:11:13,963 --> 00:11:15,883 Yes, probably fine in the hands of taxi drivers 327 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,563 or Cockneys or even Geordies. 328 00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,003 But if I was to say anything like that, 329 00:11:19,163 --> 00:11:20,643 people would think I was fucking crackers. 330 00:11:20,803 --> 00:11:21,883 Or maybe you could try something like, 331 00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,283 when somebody says to you, 332 00:11:23,443 --> 00:11:24,563 "Didn't I see you on telly last night?" 333 00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:26,243 You say, "I hope it wasn't Crimewatch." 334 00:11:29,603 --> 00:11:31,243 I don't get it. 335 00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:32,883 When someone says, "Didn't I see you on telly last night?" 336 00:11:33,043 --> 00:11:34,243 And then you say, "I hope it wasn't Crimewatch UK," 337 00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,003 -and they say... -No, just Crimewatch. 338 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,723 The UK ruins it 'cause the rhythm... 339 00:11:37,883 --> 00:11:38,683 Yeah, don't waste your time, Ed. 340 00:11:38,843 --> 00:11:39,763 It's not gonna work. 341 00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:46,003 Sleep well, Toast. 342 00:11:54,803 --> 00:11:58,043 [soft psychedelic music] 343 00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:08,283 ♪ Help me step out of my life ♪ 344 00:12:08,443 --> 00:12:12,803 ♪ Leave behind my troubles fear and strife ♪ 345 00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:17,403 ♪ Would you take me far away with you ♪ 346 00:12:17,563 --> 00:12:21,483 ♪ In your uniform so smart and new ♪ 347 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:27,123 [soft psychedelic instrumental music] 348 00:12:36,763 --> 00:12:40,843 ♪ We could sail the seven seas ♪ 349 00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:45,483 ♪ Hand in hand we could march victoriously ♪ 350 00:12:45,643 --> 00:12:50,163 ♪ I would always feel so safe with you ♪ 351 00:12:50,323 --> 00:12:54,203 ♪ In your uniform so smart and new ♪ 352 00:13:00,163 --> 00:13:04,203 [soft psychedelic instrumental music] 353 00:13:07,643 --> 00:13:10,203 [seagulls crying] 354 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,923 Have you actually seen the royal couple? 355 00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:15,283 -William and Kate? -Mm. 356 00:13:15,443 --> 00:13:16,683 Yes, I was just chatting to them. 357 00:13:16,843 --> 00:13:17,963 It transpires that none of us 358 00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:19,323 has ever had to change a duvet cover. 359 00:13:19,483 --> 00:13:21,083 Ah! Ha! 360 00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:23,483 Well, of course, Toby is related to the happy couple. 361 00:13:23,643 --> 00:13:26,163 On the, er, right side, I should add. 362 00:13:26,323 --> 00:13:27,923 My father is the Queen's fifth cousin. 363 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,283 Wonderful. 364 00:13:29,443 --> 00:13:30,883 [Toast] Drink, Toby? 365 00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:32,523 No, I'm sorry to be frightfully boring, but, er, 366 00:13:32,683 --> 00:13:33,643 still on duty. 367 00:13:33,803 --> 00:13:34,643 Better not. 368 00:13:34,803 --> 00:13:36,043 Yeah, yeah, course, course. 369 00:13:36,203 --> 00:13:37,443 Anyone seen the commander around? 370 00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:40,243 Actually I haven't seen her today, no. 371 00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:42,883 Excuse me a few moments. 372 00:13:43,043 --> 00:13:44,323 I have some things to take care of. 373 00:13:44,483 --> 00:13:45,883 Yes, yes, of course. [chuckles awkwardly] 374 00:13:46,043 --> 00:13:48,443 Why the hell did you mention that bloody woman? 375 00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:50,443 Must be killing him that a tart like her 376 00:13:50,603 --> 00:13:53,403 should be in charge of this magnificent vessel. 377 00:13:53,563 --> 00:13:55,683 Of course, if he was an Afro-Caribbean lesbian 378 00:13:55,843 --> 00:13:57,443 running the Notting Hill Carnival, 379 00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,283 he'd be in charge of the entire bloody Navy by now. 380 00:13:59,443 --> 00:14:01,763 Do you know, I've never been on a submarine before? 381 00:14:01,923 --> 00:14:03,163 I might go for a bit of a wander. 382 00:14:03,323 --> 00:14:04,803 Might bump into the commander. 383 00:14:04,963 --> 00:14:07,203 Don't stray into any unauthorised areas. 384 00:14:08,963 --> 00:14:12,083 [metal stairs clanking] 385 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,043 Hm. 386 00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:27,283 [inhales deeply] Ooh. 387 00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:28,563 -Toast! -[Toast startles] 388 00:14:28,723 --> 00:14:30,283 I'm surprised to see you here. 389 00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:31,803 I did the voice-over for the submarine, remember. 390 00:14:31,963 --> 00:14:33,323 Oh, yes. 391 00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:36,123 Well, this is my father, Lord Fotheringham. 392 00:14:36,283 --> 00:14:39,043 Father, this is Steven Toast! 393 00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:41,643 [Fotheringham growls softly] 394 00:14:41,803 --> 00:14:42,683 Sorry? 395 00:14:42,843 --> 00:14:43,883 Mm, low grumble... 396 00:14:44,043 --> 00:14:44,723 What's that? 397 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:46,123 It's just a low grumble. 398 00:14:46,283 --> 00:14:47,563 Ah. 399 00:14:47,723 --> 00:14:49,323 Er, it's nice to meet you at last. 400 00:14:49,483 --> 00:14:52,043 Erm, Portia tells me you have a terrific sense of humour. 401 00:14:52,203 --> 00:14:53,763 Much like myself. 402 00:14:53,923 --> 00:14:58,083 What are you doing in an unauthorised area? [growls] 403 00:14:59,723 --> 00:15:03,803 Hm, well, I might ask you the same question. 404 00:15:04,963 --> 00:15:05,883 I'm the Minister of Defence. 405 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,443 Really? 406 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,283 There was a reshuffle this morning. 407 00:15:10,883 --> 00:15:13,323 Is Duncan Smith still at Work and Pensions? 408 00:15:13,483 --> 00:15:16,963 [Fotheringham] Hm [growls] low grumble. 409 00:15:17,123 --> 00:15:19,843 How about Boris Johnson for the top job? 410 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,243 [Fotheringham growls] 411 00:15:22,403 --> 00:15:24,003 I said, Boris Johnson. 412 00:15:24,163 --> 00:15:26,523 [growls] I have to leave now. 413 00:15:26,683 --> 00:15:27,883 Yes. 414 00:15:28,043 --> 00:15:29,163 Father is giving a speech. 415 00:15:29,323 --> 00:15:30,243 Are you coming? 416 00:15:30,403 --> 00:15:31,483 Is that the commander's hat? 417 00:15:31,643 --> 00:15:32,523 Er, yes. 418 00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:33,603 She must have dropped it. 419 00:15:33,763 --> 00:15:35,363 She's around here somewhere. 420 00:15:35,523 --> 00:15:37,163 [growls] Grumble grumble. 421 00:15:38,883 --> 00:15:40,963 What the hell are you up to, Toast? 422 00:15:46,563 --> 00:15:47,603 [Toast inhales deeply] 423 00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:49,123 -Steven? -[Toast startles] 424 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,963 Oh, you haven't seen the commander, have you? 425 00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:54,123 I wonder, could I have a quick word? 426 00:15:54,283 --> 00:15:55,323 Something I want to talk to you about. 427 00:15:55,483 --> 00:15:56,403 Won't take a second. 428 00:15:56,563 --> 00:15:57,123 This way. 429 00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:01,403 Care for a brandy? 430 00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:02,443 A brandy? 431 00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:03,123 Er, yes, please. 432 00:16:05,043 --> 00:16:06,523 You're not having one yourself? 433 00:16:06,683 --> 00:16:08,523 -Still on duty. -Oh, of course. 434 00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:10,003 Bottoms up! 435 00:16:10,163 --> 00:16:11,883 So, Blair tells me you're in show business. 436 00:16:12,043 --> 00:16:13,403 Well, yes, I'm an actor. 437 00:16:13,563 --> 00:16:14,923 Well, the Navy must seem frightfully stuffy 438 00:16:15,083 --> 00:16:17,323 for someone who's used to hanging around with people like 439 00:16:17,483 --> 00:16:18,443 Benedict Cumberbatch. 440 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,283 -Who? -Listen, 441 00:16:20,443 --> 00:16:21,963 there aren't too many people in the Navy 442 00:16:22,123 --> 00:16:23,683 I'd be able to discuss this with, 443 00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:27,163 but someone in your field may be a tad more, 444 00:16:27,323 --> 00:16:28,403 understanding. 445 00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,443 -Fire away. -Well, 446 00:16:30,603 --> 00:16:32,283 one night, about a month ago, 447 00:16:32,443 --> 00:16:35,763 I was driving from Portsmouth to Cowes, along a back road, 448 00:16:35,923 --> 00:16:37,443 when I saw a strange light in the sky. 449 00:16:38,683 --> 00:16:39,283 -[soft mysterious music] -Right. 450 00:16:39,443 --> 00:16:41,083 And I began to realise 451 00:16:41,243 --> 00:16:42,603 that it was some sort of craft. 452 00:16:44,643 --> 00:16:46,523 and then a door in the side of the craft suddenly opened 453 00:16:46,683 --> 00:16:50,763 and strange, alien-like creatures began to emerge. 454 00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:54,043 Well, at that point I suddenly passed out, 455 00:16:54,203 --> 00:16:56,003 and the next thing I remember was waking up 456 00:16:56,163 --> 00:16:57,563 with the distinct impression 457 00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,683 that the aliens had inserted some sort of anal probe... 458 00:16:59,843 --> 00:17:02,283 [Toast exclaims] 459 00:17:02,443 --> 00:17:04,403 I was also left with the conviction 460 00:17:04,563 --> 00:17:07,323 that they expected me to carry out some sort of task. 461 00:17:07,483 --> 00:17:09,003 They wanted me to launch a nuclear attack 462 00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:10,563 against the United States of America. 463 00:17:14,243 --> 00:17:15,803 Could I have another brandy? 464 00:17:15,963 --> 00:17:16,723 Do. 465 00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:20,403 Forgive me for talking about this, Toast. 466 00:17:20,563 --> 00:17:22,803 I've only revealed it to you because you're an actor. 467 00:17:22,963 --> 00:17:25,443 Imagine trying to explain this to the Minister of Defence. 468 00:17:25,603 --> 00:17:26,563 Especially the new one. 469 00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:27,363 Fotheringham? 470 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,123 Yes. 471 00:17:29,283 --> 00:17:30,643 Although I don't think he'll be around for too long. 472 00:17:30,803 --> 00:17:32,603 Very strong rumours about that he's going to be arrested 473 00:17:32,763 --> 00:17:34,923 for misdemeanours at the BBC. 474 00:17:35,083 --> 00:17:37,363 -Really? -The aliens chose me 475 00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,763 because I have access to nuclear weapons on this submarine. 476 00:17:39,923 --> 00:17:41,723 So, you plan to go through with this attack? 477 00:17:41,883 --> 00:17:43,283 Oh, yes. 478 00:17:43,443 --> 00:17:45,083 The commander has the special codes 479 00:17:45,243 --> 00:17:46,723 that need to be activated to launch an attack, 480 00:17:46,883 --> 00:17:49,323 so I've tied her up and stuck her in the hold. 481 00:17:49,483 --> 00:17:51,563 All I need to do is persuade her to hand them over. 482 00:17:51,723 --> 00:17:53,043 Maybe you could help me with that as well. 483 00:17:53,203 --> 00:17:54,563 Look, if I'm honest, 484 00:17:54,723 --> 00:17:55,403 -I think you are... -[gun cocks] 485 00:17:55,563 --> 00:17:56,363 Hm. 486 00:17:57,523 --> 00:17:58,203 You will help, 487 00:17:59,363 --> 00:18:00,163 won't you, Steven? 488 00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:02,763 Yes! 489 00:18:02,923 --> 00:18:05,563 [Commander grunts] 490 00:18:07,683 --> 00:18:08,923 -All right, Commander, -[Commander gasping] 491 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:10,843 I'm sorry to have to break rank like this, 492 00:18:11,003 --> 00:18:12,843 but I need to have those codes. 493 00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:15,043 Sorry, just before you do that, 494 00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:15,963 could I just...? 495 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,723 Ahhh! 496 00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:21,643 Are you in on this too? 497 00:18:21,803 --> 00:18:23,083 We're all in on this. 498 00:18:23,243 --> 00:18:25,163 Me, Vice Commander Hopkinson-Finch, 499 00:18:25,323 --> 00:18:26,403 and the aliens from the planet 500 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,683 A-ah-ah-ah-ah! 501 00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:29,683 Have they been in contact with you as well? 502 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:31,403 What? 503 00:18:31,563 --> 00:18:32,803 Look, just give him the codes. 504 00:18:32,963 --> 00:18:34,443 I've got to be at the theatre at 7.30. 505 00:18:34,603 --> 00:18:37,363 I need a direct order from the Prime Minister! 506 00:18:37,523 --> 00:18:39,243 Oh, the aliens have been in touch with the Prime Minister. 507 00:18:39,403 --> 00:18:40,643 I'm expecting a phone call any minute. 508 00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:43,003 Just give me the codes. 509 00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,483 Look, you give me the codes 510 00:18:44,643 --> 00:18:45,803 and I'll write them down. 511 00:18:47,123 --> 00:18:48,323 Oh. 512 00:18:48,483 --> 00:18:49,483 Okay, er. 513 00:18:49,643 --> 00:18:50,803 Six, 514 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:51,763 14. 515 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:52,523 Um... 516 00:18:52,683 --> 00:18:53,883 Ooh! 517 00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:55,403 I don't have a pen. 518 00:18:55,563 --> 00:18:57,283 Oh, um... 519 00:18:57,443 --> 00:18:58,123 Hit him! 520 00:18:58,283 --> 00:19:00,963 [punch whacks] 521 00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:03,203 -[upbeat music] -Help! 522 00:19:03,363 --> 00:19:04,723 -[punch whacks] -[Toby groans] 523 00:19:04,883 --> 00:19:05,723 Help! 524 00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:07,643 Ladies and gentlemen, 525 00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:10,563 welcome to the official relaunch of the Penetrator. 526 00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:13,003 [crowd applaud politely] 527 00:19:13,163 --> 00:19:14,723 It gives me great pleasure 528 00:19:14,883 --> 00:19:19,443 on my very first day as Defence Minister 529 00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:24,123 to launch this magnificently refurbished vessel. 530 00:19:24,283 --> 00:19:26,523 -[upbeat music] -[both grunting] 531 00:19:26,683 --> 00:19:27,283 Help! 532 00:19:29,523 --> 00:19:30,803 I don't suppose you fancy 533 00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:32,163 going for a drink some time, do you? 534 00:19:32,323 --> 00:19:33,683 What? 535 00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:34,923 [Toast grunts] 536 00:19:35,083 --> 00:19:36,283 [klaxon blares] 537 00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:37,563 [PA system screeches] 538 00:19:37,723 --> 00:19:39,243 [Toast's Recording] Up periscope. 539 00:19:39,403 --> 00:19:41,643 Down periscope. 540 00:19:41,803 --> 00:19:43,323 Launch the nuclear weapons. 541 00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:46,043 Abandon the vessel. 542 00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:46,923 Sorry. 543 00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,683 -[klaxon blares] -Help! 544 00:19:48,843 --> 00:19:50,923 [Toast's Recording] The rubbish has been unloaded. 545 00:19:51,083 --> 00:19:54,003 Afternoon tea is being served. 546 00:19:54,163 --> 00:19:55,523 Please keep your belongings 547 00:19:55,683 --> 00:19:57,123 -with you at all times. -[all grunting] 548 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,083 [klaxon blaring] 549 00:19:58,243 --> 00:19:59,723 Remember to wash your hands 550 00:19:59,883 --> 00:20:02,083 after handling the torpedoes. 551 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,043 Disem [coughs] bark. 552 00:20:06,603 --> 00:20:07,643 Okay. 553 00:20:07,803 --> 00:20:10,043 [upbeat music] 554 00:20:10,203 --> 00:20:11,923 I assured the Prime Minister 555 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,403 that I would not be all at sea. 556 00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:15,403 [Portia laughs] 557 00:20:15,563 --> 00:20:17,003 [crowd chuckle pompously] 558 00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:20,123 [upbeat action music] 559 00:20:21,483 --> 00:20:22,363 [Commander yells] 560 00:20:22,523 --> 00:20:23,723 But I've come an awfully long way 561 00:20:23,883 --> 00:20:27,643 since those pioneering days at BBC Radio 1. 562 00:20:27,803 --> 00:20:30,003 [upbeat action music] 563 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:32,003 -At that time, -[hatch squeaks] 564 00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:35,563 I was mainly concerned with airwaves, 565 00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:38,683 not the kind of waves that we're surrounded by today. 566 00:20:38,843 --> 00:20:41,603 -Ha! -[Blair chuckling] 567 00:20:41,763 --> 00:20:44,323 [both grunting] 568 00:20:45,683 --> 00:20:46,323 [all grunting] 569 00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:47,763 Yes. 570 00:20:47,923 --> 00:20:49,643 -[all grunt and yell] -40 years. 571 00:20:49,803 --> 00:20:52,083 How society has changed. 572 00:20:52,243 --> 00:20:54,603 But one thing remains unchanged. 573 00:20:54,763 --> 00:20:56,163 The commitment of the Government 574 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,803 to the men and women of the Royal Navy, 575 00:20:58,963 --> 00:21:01,963 who do such a valuable job 576 00:21:02,123 --> 00:21:04,443 as Britain faces the challenges 577 00:21:04,603 --> 00:21:07,843 of an uncertain and dangerous world. 578 00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:09,043 Lord Fotheringham? 579 00:21:09,203 --> 00:21:10,483 Yes? 580 00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,203 We need you to come to the station with us. 581 00:21:12,363 --> 00:21:14,843 There have been some complaints from female staff at the BBC 582 00:21:15,003 --> 00:21:16,923 dating back to the 1970s. 583 00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:18,963 [scoffing] The 1970s? 584 00:21:19,123 --> 00:21:20,443 But that's ages ago. 585 00:21:21,963 --> 00:21:23,683 What are you standing around for? 586 00:21:23,843 --> 00:21:25,603 There's a crazed alien nut job in there, 587 00:21:25,763 --> 00:21:27,243 waving a piece at the commander! 588 00:21:27,403 --> 00:21:28,883 Officers! 589 00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:30,403 I've managed to overpower the vice commander 590 00:21:30,563 --> 00:21:31,923 and he's under lock and key in the hold. 591 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,003 Sorry? 592 00:21:33,163 --> 00:21:34,043 What's this about? 593 00:21:34,203 --> 00:21:35,843 [Commander] The vice commander. 594 00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:37,003 He was threatening to take over the vessel 595 00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:38,563 and launch a nuclear strike. 596 00:21:38,723 --> 00:21:41,203 Don't know anything about that, I'm afraid. 597 00:21:41,363 --> 00:21:42,043 Oi! 598 00:21:42,203 --> 00:21:45,323 [upbeat action music] 599 00:21:45,483 --> 00:21:47,283 You don't have to chase him too, Toast! 600 00:21:48,843 --> 00:21:50,123 I'm not chasing him. 601 00:21:50,283 --> 00:21:52,603 I have to be at the theatre at 7.30. 602 00:21:57,003 --> 00:21:58,683 ["Rule Britannia" melody] 603 00:21:58,843 --> 00:22:00,283 Good God, Toast! 604 00:22:01,443 --> 00:22:02,243 Your brother- 605 00:22:02,403 --> 00:22:03,243 Hm. 606 00:22:03,403 --> 00:22:05,483 Wants to meet me for a drink. 607 00:22:05,643 --> 00:22:08,003 You know, he really was quite impressive back there. 608 00:22:08,163 --> 00:22:09,243 Well, perhaps he's considering 609 00:22:09,403 --> 00:22:11,283 a career in the services, 610 00:22:11,443 --> 00:22:12,843 even if it is only the Navy. 611 00:22:14,163 --> 00:22:15,803 Well, his acting, 612 00:22:15,963 --> 00:22:17,083 when he pretended to play along 613 00:22:17,243 --> 00:22:18,843 with the vice commander's wishes, 614 00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:21,043 was highly effective. 615 00:22:21,203 --> 00:22:23,803 He's clearly a very capable performer. 616 00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:25,283 As long as he stays away from comedy. 617 00:22:25,443 --> 00:22:27,123 He has absolutely no sense of humour. 618 00:22:27,283 --> 00:22:29,003 Well, funny you should say that. 619 00:22:29,163 --> 00:22:31,123 Did you know our family were known as the dry Toasts? 620 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,643 -Yes, I do know that. -Right. 621 00:22:32,803 --> 00:22:35,203 Well, I suppose the services' loss 622 00:22:35,363 --> 00:22:36,683 is the theater's gain. 623 00:22:36,843 --> 00:22:39,643 -[cheerful music] -[crowd yelling] 624 00:22:39,803 --> 00:22:41,763 [Protesters] Disgrace! Disgrace! Disgrace! 625 00:22:41,923 --> 00:22:43,283 Disgrace! Disgrace! 626 00:22:43,443 --> 00:22:45,323 Disgrace! Disgrace! Disgrace! 627 00:22:45,483 --> 00:22:48,683 [crowd booing] 628 00:22:48,843 --> 00:22:52,443 ["Take my Hand" by Matt Berry] 629 00:23:02,323 --> 00:23:06,523 [melancholic melodic music continues]