[Happy] Previously...
- You're not real. - I'm Hailey's imaginary friend.
[Smoothie] I have never seen a room of faces in such dire need of correction.
I need to know who killed my Mikey.
You have an enemy in your house who killed your sons.
Mikey is not with them.
[sighs] Hey, Amanda.
She's my daughter.
Look at the dumpster fire your life has become
and ask yourself how I could rely on you. Get out.
- Get off the tracks. - You were there when she was kidnapped.
- If you want me to go, fine! - Music to my ears. Bye.
Goodbye, partner.
Happy? Oh, shit. I killed my kid's imaginary friend.
This is one of my best men.
- Blue! - [Mikey] Blue?
Shit's getting weirder and weirder.
My name is Happy.
I'm an imaginary friend and no one believes in me. [sobs]
[all] We believe in you.
Ah, sorry, I just... [sighs] I never thought I'd end up somewhere like this.
No offense.
None of us did, little fellow.
The thing to remember is, this wasn't your fault.
Right. Well, that's nice. You're all very nice, but it is my fault.
She believed in me and I failed. I... Look at me. I'm fading away. I...
My color, my coat. [sighs]
I used to be as blue as a blueberry snow cone and now...
You're still very blue.
Oh, there are millions of I.F.s out there just like you, Happy.
Waiting for the moment our young friends stop believing completely.
And we blink out of existence.
I knew this day would come. I just... [sighs]
I didn't think it would be so soon.
We have to learn to let go whenever they let go.
That's what it means to be an I.F.
Now or later, we're destined for nothingness.
There's so much more for Hailey and I to do
and so many games. I... [sniffles]
Oh, her first date.
Ha!
[Bulldog Raspberry] Something you'd like to share?
Why, yes. It's not monsters under the bed.
It's penises... Great big, nasty penises!
Also, fuck Judy Blume.
Two weeks with those books,
now my friend's knocked up and her water's breaking in Algebra 1!
[sobs]
Was it Freckle Juice?
- [Bulldog] Hello, friend. - Just one marshmallow?
They're free, you know.
I only deserve one and only 'cause it's not hot chocolate without it.
You know, you showed real vulnerability in there.
- I'm proud of you. - Smoke?
After all the cocaine I had this week, I don't think so.
Well, don't look so glum.
The world is losing its imagination, Happy.
There were times I felt we were all that's left, a dying breed.
But then I found a new friend.
A... A new friend?
Yep. With enough belief for 100 of us.
You're not like one of those guys in the bow-ties
that rings the doorbell, are you?
[chuckles]
Not at all.
I can't promise you sweeter pastures in the hereafter,
but I will say, if you need some warm straw to sleep on, so to speak,
you're welcome to stay with us till you get back on your hooves.
Oh, I couldn't intrude.
Nonsense. No trouble at all.
That is unless you got somewhere better to go.
Goddamn it. If the bullet don't get you, the fall will.
But in your case, not so much. Just scrambled your eggs real good, right?
I still can't believe I didn't hit any vital organs.
Maybe there is something in there.
Now, listen to me. Get your hands off that and listen now.
When I shot you, you were trying to give me a password, right?
- Blue. - So, yeah. I didn't want the password.
I couldn't give two shits. Circumstances have changes, so I want it, right?
- Blue. - So, I need you to dig down deep inside
and just come on up with that password, pal.
I know you got it in you, so, just give it to me.
You son of a... I've broken the bones of a handicapped man.
- You're going to give me the password... - [farts]
[gags]
Jesus Christ!
- [Jingle Bells plays] - [toy Santa] Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!
Ah, jeez, look at that shit.
[toy Santa] Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!
[Mikey] Blue?
[toy Santa] Merry Christmas!
[Sax] Put your leg in the pant hole or I'll cut it off and stuff it in.
Pardon me. May the church be of service?
Oh, Father. Thank God you're here. I... Ah!
This poor soul is... He's an immigrant.
Barely speaks English and he's...
- He's looking for sanctuary. - Blue.
Yeah, poor little kitten, he fell out a window.
Kind of cracked his melon,
you know, so, mentally... [whistles] he's not all there.
- Bless you, my child. - Yeah.
And I mean, you know what the state of affairs is these days for illegals.
- Excuse me. - Huh?
- I have my green card. - I don't care
what strings the Vatican pulled. I'm glad you're here, but the kid,
there's some not nice people looking for him.
I'm not talking about Immigration either, so, I mean, you know,
his only hope is to find sanctuary here.
We are all God's children under this roof--
You're goddamn right. I say that all the time. If I had a dime every time...
Uh, but anyway, so what you could do for me is maybe babysit him for a while,
while I run an Old Testament-type errand, if you know what I mean?
Yeah, look, I know how this looks. It may seem a bit extreme, a little San Quentin.
Old Sparky... "Mama, I'm coming to you!"
All that sad stuff, but it's not. He likes it.
It's very kind of safe and secure, like a newborn babe being swaddled.
Trust me, you don't do it and this kid, before you know it,
he'll be running naked outside
into the street through your doors, and I think you and I can agree
the church doesn't need a scandal like that on its hands?
- I suppose it's for his own safety. - His own safety.
Move your fuckin' leg.
- Blue. - All right, then, Mikey.
I will see you later. Take care, buddy. I'll be back for you soon.
Blue.
All right.
[prays under his breath]
- How's that working out for you? - Prayer?
Well, talking to things that ain't there, you know...
- Does he ever talk back? - Every day.
No matter how dark it gets, he finds a way to show his light.
Right. I used to have one of those.
How long will you be?
Yeah... Long enough to extract my pound of flesh.
Blue.
♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la ♪
La.
[choir] ♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn King! ♪
♪ Peace on earth and mercy mild ♪
♪ God and sinners reconciled! ♪
There's Gerry.
- Where? - There. The beard. He's a Wise Man.
[laughs]
Isn't he supposed to be Oriental?
He's been rehearsing every day. All he wants is attention from his father.
Me, too. Play nice. Wouldn't want to have to blow a hole in an innocent soccer mom.
Here he comes.
You've been a very bad boy this Christmas season, you know that?
♪ We three kings of Orient are ♪
♪ Bearing gifts, we traveled so far ♪
Yeah, I know all about you and shit- stained Santa bagging and tagging kids.
You know that behavior
- will land you on the naughty list, right? - Shh!
Shh!
But what you obviously don't know, because you would have tried
to leverage it against me... one of those kids is mine.
Yeah, I'm going to let that one land.
- Or maybe you're just lying. - Maybe I'm just lying.
But then I'd have to be playing you and if you look at my face... I'm not playing.
Nicholas, I've seen decomposing cats
- that had better lives than you. - Shh! Very good. Very good, aren't they?
♪ ...Orient are bearing gifts ♪
You have Hailey.
So, you're going to make a call and you're going to deliver her to me tonight.
- Am I? - Shh!
Shh!
You are. Here's how it's going to go down.
Midnight, tonight, your house...
...your lovely missus and rat boy up there on stage
will both be home when I show up.
That way I know we both got family on the line.
And that way I know it's all going to go down nice and clean and simple.
Like ten cents for a cup of lemonade.
- Is that right? - It is right.
So, what's my ten cents?
How's that?
Well, the girl is the cup of lemonade, so what's my ten cents?
[applause]
[cheering]
Everything you say in here is confidential.
- The only one listening is God. - Blue.
As the Book of John tells us,
we are not to live in shame over what we once were
but to celebrate the grace of God that, by the death of Jesus,
regenerates us and cleanses us from our...
[demonic voice] Peccatorum.
That's right, our sins.
You know Latin.
[demonic laugh]
[priest] Are you prepared to confess your sins?
[demonic voice] Siciliam sanguis.
Tell me everything, my son.
[exhales]
[Smoothie] Best news I heard all day.
So, it seems that somebody's father used to be a policeman.
Not a very good policeman.
Not a very smart one, but a big, stinky, sweaty pig.
Does that ring a bell for anybody?
No? Great. This going to be fun.
Everybody, put your hands out on the desk. Hands out flat.
- There we go. Hands out. - Ow.
Oh, Hailey? Hailey?
Whoever it is should say. You'll get us in trouble.
No one likes a snitch.
Don't ever step on my scene.
So, if Hailey steps forward right now, she gets to go home.
This is a limited-time offer. Hm?
Do you understand?
Me. I'm Hailey.
Oh! Look at you.
You must get teased. You look like Little Orphan Annie on mood suppressants.
But you're not an orphan, are you?
- No. - Right. Takes one to know one.
So, all you have to do is answer a simple question
and you're free to go. Sound good?
Hailey, what... is your father's name?
Nick! My dad's name is Nick. Leave her alone.
I saw it in your eyes right from the start.
Hailey, I'm afraid I have some awful news.
Your father is dead.
That's right.
Nick Sax has gone off to the big Assholes Anonymous meeting in the sky. [sniffles]
All your dreams of tickle fights and shoulder rides, poof.
There's no white knight coming to save you,
no happily ever after.
This is the real world, the scrap yard of childish things.
[swallows] Mm.
Hailey.
Hey, now. I know what you're thinking.
Hailey's gone and forgotten about you.
What did I tell everyone in the group tonight?
Our lives are connected by 1,000 invisible threads
and along these sympathetic fibers,
our actions run as causes and return to us as results.
[Buttons] That means nothing in life is by chance. Nothing is coincidence.
Fate is real. Let that thought give you some measure of comfort
in the coming hours and days.
I don't understand any of what you just said, but it did sound nice.
Have faith. I don't want to speak too soon,
but, once you meet my friend, you may have found your future.
Hailey is the only real friend I've ever known.
I tried making another one, but it didn't work out so good.
[muffled cries]
Did you hear that?
Oh, no, I didn't.
- But know what I do hear? - [bleep of car alarm]
He's home! He's home!
For the love of God, woman, shut up!
[man sings Jingle Bells drunkenly in background]
Blue.
[Assunta chants in Italian]
Blue.
[Assunta chants in Italian]
[sniffs]
[exhales and sniffs]
[panting]
- Jerry, this is Happy. - Happy?
♪ The happy horse, horse So full of fun ♪
You don't need to sing the song.
Oh, uh, sorry. [clears throat]
Well, I'm very pleased to meet you. I've heard so many--
- You like to play games, Happy? - Games?
I... I know literally a bajillion games.
What games do you have in mind?
[sinister giggle]
[sobs]
- Where is he? - I didn't see!
I didn't see. I didn't see.
Oh! [breathes heavily]
God conceals from men the happiness of death.
[whimpers]
What the hell does that mean?
I bet if he were a 12-year-old boy you wouldn't have lost him!
[breathes heavily]
[door opens and closes]
What a nut job.
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
I thought roulette had a spinning wheel with a ball.
[Bulldog] This is the Russian kind.
Pick it up. Point it at your head. Pull the trigger.
Uh, guns are dumb.
♪ They make people numb And you don't need a-- ♪
- Pick it up! - [grunts]
But why, Raspberry? I thought we were friends.
But you have no friends, Happy.
I thought we'd established that. You've lost Hailey, haven't you?
- [Shorty] Pick it up! - What's left to lose? Pick it up!
[Captain Pancake sobs] Please!
- [Bulldog] Come on, Happy. - [Buttons] Do it!
Pull the trigger.
[Buttons] Do it!
[clicks]
Lame.
Give the gun to Captain Pancake.
No, please! I don't want to die!
Give Pancake the gun!
Oh, look, Gerry. His hands are too "wittle" to hold a revolver. [chuckles]
[grunts tensely]
Ah!
[groans]
No!
[pants]
[shudders and grunts] No!
[toys whimper]
Ma, I'm back.
Got your new pills.
Says "avoid taking with milk."
Shh!
She's sleeping.
[inhales] I knew your father very well.
He was a top man, a reliable man. Mm.
I used to think there was some of him in you,
but this girl that stands before me would be such a bitter disappointment to him.
Nick Sax... has a kid.
You knew this and you kept it from me.
Until a few hours ago, I had no idea
kids were a part of your ever-expanding portfolio.
[inhales] If you... found toenail clippings
that you even thought may have come from Sax,
you should have let me know.
From here on out, you'll be the first person I think of for child trafficking.
[breathes heavily]
You're done.
We had a deal. I deliver Sax and I never have to see you again.
Look on the bright side.
You get to spend Christmas with your mother.
Enjoy.
After all... she may not have that long.
Ah! You bleached whore!
- I put a curse on you! [hisses] - Some thanks.
- I thought this thing was going to attack. - Hey, Isa! This Strega of yours
is tracking cat hair all over the house. My fur has fur. [chuckles]
That sauce smells interesting.
Hey, blondie, go see if it needs something.
Hey, bitch, I'm not going to be trying the sauce.
What? You don't want Mommy's menstrual marinara?
Real talk?
It's not bad.
[muttering]
I can't take any more of this!
You're running your fat, Botoxed cannoli holes like it's any other day.
We're talking about my son, my angel.
Bambino prezioso, mio figlio.
Can't you understand? This is not some show. This is reality!
Sweetheart, you got a 100-year-old witch menstruating into a red sauce
to bring your bambino back from the dead.
We ain't even in the same zip code as reality.
Says the pot to the kettle. Like those things are real.
I've got to go with the ladies on this. This is starting to scream buzzkill.
- Maybe we should move on to... - [loud knocking]
He comes. He comes!
Oh, Jesus!
[Landon] Holy shit!
Blue?
[screams]
Told you the sauce wasn't bad.
Oh, my boy.
[sniffs]
- [Sax grunts] - [shutter closing]
[dog barks in distance]
You son of a bitch.
Ah, things got a little upside-down last time.
Oh, upside-down?
I think we can both agree that things were said and done that we both regret.
- Oh, yeah, I got regrets. - Yeah. Hey! Case in point, my bad.
Damn it, Sax!
There's such a thing as a code.
No, no, no, don't start with the honor-among-scumbags shit.
Oh, yeah, I'm a scumbag. We're all scumbags.
But honor... honor, Sax, you said it. Do you even know what it means?
I think so.
- No. No, you don't. - Okay.
It's something you stand by and live for, other than your own stinking skin.
My own stinking skin... that you'd hand over to Blue?
Hand over to Blue. You killed us. You killed your friends.
- Technically your friends. - No, you cut off my finger.
- I just apologized, Le Dick. - There it is. I'm just a joke to you.
Le Dick, Le Dick, har de har-har. You know...
I ain't got much, I admit that.
But it's more than you got, which is nothing and no one.
So, wait... now it's personal. You just had to give me my stuff,
- none of this would have happened! - Oh, that's right.
Gimme, gimme, gimme. That's Nick Sax in a fucking ball sack.
Le Dic.
Here's the truth. I got a...
There's a kid out there, a girl...
She needs my help. I can help her. Do you understand?
This is not about me. I can save her.
Maybe this is the moment I can stand for something other than just my own skin.
I don't just bring chaos and destruction and violence to whatever I touch.
And all I need in order to do that...
...is just an itsy, bitsy smidge of C-4.
Oh. Good.
So, you honestly are pretending you're some kind of a hero? Seriously?
Because...
...you don't save things, Sax. You kill things.
I could do it with dynamite if it's easier on the bottom line.
Come on. Work with me here! Hey. Hey, I can pay you. I can pay you.
- Hey. What? What's that? - My own money.
You made me play.
Come on.
Lock up on your way out.
Merry Christmas.
What happened to you?
[chuckles] Picked you up at one of the meetings? Raspberry?
He said he was my friend.
That's what he does, preys on us at our most vulnerable,
promises a new life, something to fill the emptiness.
Warm straw to sleep on.
Get off on torture, him and the boy. When they're done, they pin you up here
until they settle on killing you, or your friend stops needing you.
And... and you just blink away.
- [grunts] - No, it's no use, I'm a goner.
- [frustrated grunts] - Like sands through an hour glass...
Listen, kid, if you make it out of here,
tell Jamie Sue Goose the Toad died thinking of her.
Okay.
Now, kiss me.
I see lily pads.
[growls]
Ah! [pants]
- [pants] Oh! - Yeah. [growls]
Ow!
[Bulldog laughs]
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ah!
[Happy sobs]
[Raspberries laugh]
[low chattering and whispering]
I'm sorry about your dad.
You were right. Nobody's coming to rescue us.
We can't count on anyone but us.
[girls whisper]
- [door slams] - I've got a plan.
It leads outside and it's not locked. We split up. Once we're outside,
- there's no way they can catch us all. - What a great idea!
Then we can all end up like your dad.
I know you're scared. I am, too.
But if we stay here, nothing good happens.
- The door is locked. - Well, I guess that settles it.
[Kenji] Coming through.
- Follow me. - Come on. Let's go, quick.
- Quick, quick, quick. - [kids chatter nervously]
- [Hailey] Shh! - [low chattering]
[kid] What? What is this?
Hailey, what do we do?
[Smoothie] Who told you you could leave your seats?
Oh, first it was grandma duty and now this.
Listen, I'm not allowed to kill you.
You're gifts, okay? You've been promised.
But that doesn't mean I can't hurt you.
It will be like going to the dentist, only so much worse.
[klaxon blares]
- Run! Quick! - [kids chatter nervously]
- [Hailey] Split up! - [nervous shouts]
[chuckles]
[horn toots and tires screech]
[horn continues tooting]
[Sax grunts and horn toots]
Did I wake you?
Nicholas.
I see your better half is in residence. Where's your kid?
- Oh, he's here. - Yeah, he is, isn't he?
You wouldn't hesitate to put your kid in the line of fire to get what you want.
Oh, Sax, the high and mighty.
[Sax] Yeah.
It doesn't suit you. Why don't we get down to business?
Where's Hailey?
Where's Mikey?
- [knocking] - In the trunk.
Gentleman, open the trunk.
Ah, no, no, no. Now, Blue. I'm shocked.
- Stop it. - So I'm not so shocked.
I thought we would have company,
so I bought Mikey a whole new set of duds, just for the occasion,
including a bomb vest. Anyone want to guess what this is?
Anybody? It's my own design. You didn't know I was this handy, did you? No.
I let go of my finger and, well, there goes the neighborhood,
including your precious password and your wife and kid. Now...
...somebody's going to bring my daughter to me right the fuck now.
Because my hand is getting awful crampy.
Mikey's not in the trunk, Nick.
Well, I'm not sure what could possibly make you say that.
Oh, fuck.
I warned you.
Oh, come on.
[banging in car trunk]
[grunts]
Okay. You, you and you, kill him.
I'm going to go welcome my nephew back. No, no, no.
Not in front of the Home Owners' Association. In the garage.
Well, that could have gone a little better, right?
[yells]
[Happy groans]
[Happy gasps]
There, there, Happy. This is only gonna hurt a teensy bit.
Oh!
Wow, that Taser will sure clear the sinuses out.
You had a pretty decent run.
- More like a hobble. - Shut up.
Now, look, I know you got job to do.
No, no, no, you take a minute, buddy.
I mean, you only die once.
- Are you fucking kidding me? - This is Nick Sax!
Well, thank you.
Just...
Sometimes life just comes at you.
- Like a guy with a crowbar. - [yelling]
- Or a truck with its high beams on. - [klaxon]
You turn your head, the light's in your face and you say...
- ...how the hell did I miss that? - Shut up.
Where are the tarps?
Spend all day cleaning up your boss's garage, repainting it?
Grab some tarps, for crying out loud.
[sighs] Where was I? It's just that I've been taking stock of things a lot lately.
It's moments like these when...
...you finally get it.
- Right when you're about to get it. - You got it.
Irony! Yeah, that's what they call it. The irony of life.
It's just... People try to tell you about it, but do you listen? No.
Then it's too late. It's...
Bam! Like an ax right between the eyes.
I've broken every oath, every promise, every code.
I've failed...
...people I've never even met.
Hell, the only thing that still believes in me is my kid's imaginary friend.
[laughs] Hey.
All I can tell you, I need to take a piss and all I can think is, I would love
to see that little blue hemorrhoid yapping right in front of me.
Nick? Nick? I'm here! Nick!
Oh, how sweet. He's talking to things that ain't there.
[grunts]
Ah!
[groans and yaps]
Fate is real.
Now, you...
Daddy!
[hums]
[gasps] Jesus!
Mom, what are you doing up? You all right?
Okay, let's get you back to bed.
Your father... I need to say this or I won't get it out.
Are you taking your meds, Ma?
One day, some men showed up.
Said they wanted to see the baby, to... to see you.
[breathes heavily]
They stood over the crib.
I asked if they had babies.
And one of them put his hand on you, right on your little bald head.
"No. I haven't been blessed."
And then he said if Daddy didn't play along...
...I would know what it was like...
[sobs softly] ...not to be blessed.
When your dad found out, he was furious. He...
[sighs] He wanted to take us away to somewhere they wouldn't find us.
We argued in the driveway
and then he drove off to turn in his badge and his gun.
That's the last time I saw him alive.
- Ma? - Mm.
Oh, God, I'm thirsty. Mm.
[grunts softly and breathes heavily]
Meredith... [sighs]
It's time you stop protecting me.
Mom, I've made some bad calls in my time,
but choosing to protect you isn't one of 'em.
Maybe so.
But now it's time for me to protect you. Okay?
Okay.
Those men that came to threaten you in your crib...
...one was that man tonight.
Blue?
The man tonight?
Mom?
- Oh, my God. - [crashing]
Ma? Ma! Ma?
Ma? Come on. Ma!
All right, boys, off with the safeties.
Shut up.
Hey, uh, Sax, Sax. You mind if I...? You know?
- Commemorate the moment? - You're a living legend.
- Well, not for long. - Come on, you know--
- Go ahead, knock yourself out. - Great. Give me the gun. Give me the gun.
All right, here we go.
Three, two--
[Gerry] Daddy! [yells]
[screams]
- Happy! - Nick!
[grunting]
[grunts]
- Ah! - [grunting]
[chainsaw buzzes]
Ah!
- Oh, Hap, what happened to you? - I'm cold, Nick.
What'd you do to him, you monster?
[breathes heavily]
Now, you listen to me, you little blue jackass.
The Sax family crest is two lions holding a banner,
reading "Death Before Intimacy."
What I'm about to say is difficult and I'll only say it once.
I believe in you.
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
What I'm saying is, if you're alive, that means Hailey's alive.
So you get your imaginary shit together...
...'cause you and me, we've got a job to finish.
[music: Blank Generation by Richard Hell and The Voidoids]