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[Happy] Previously on Happy...
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"Easter Under Siege."
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We're a hit, baby!
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I run the third largest network.
I have everything a man could wish for.
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What about the things
a man shouldn't wish for?
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-You're firing me?
-You don't give me any choice!
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There is something inside me.
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[electronic music]
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I'm done being everyone's bitch,
Dr. Reddy.
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[grunts]
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-You know you're a dead man, Blue-rat?
-[grunts]
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[Hailey] You, me, under the bleachers.
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-[slaps]
-Ah!
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[Dagney] Help me!
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You almost got hurt back there.
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[Sax] Looking for these?
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You knew I needed money
for Hailey's school. You used me, Mer.
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-Yeah. I did.
-Yeah.
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This very simple B and E of yours,
it turned out not to be quite so simple.
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Sonny Shine?
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A few guards showed up.
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-[Mer] And?
-[Sax] I'm standing here with the tapes.
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The proof is on these tapes.
The people on these tapes protect him.
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He goes down, they go down.
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[Happy] Holy guacamole! It's Dayglo Doug!
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Who the fuck's Dayglo Doug?
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[no sound]
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[cheesy electronic music]
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[announcer] Here we go! Abracadabra!
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Bunny! Ah! Oh!
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I'm Julius Caesar!
You can't do this to me!
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Ah! Ah! Oh!
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[announcer] Say something sweet
and eat something sour.
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Magic and laughs
on the Dayglo Doug Power Hour!
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-Ha-ha!
-[crowd cheers and applauds]
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Hey, there!
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Uh, no, no, no, no applause.
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No applause. I am not worthy. Thank you.
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[cheering fades]
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We love you!
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-[kid 1] Yeah!
-[kid 2] We love you, Doug!
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And it's that love that has made
the Dayglo Doug Power Hour
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the top-rated cable-access kids' show
in the Greater Toledo area.
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[cheering and applause]
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And only a handful of shows
can make that claim.
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[applause and cheering stops]
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But... [inhales]
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the time has come for old Doug
to hang up his hat.
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This will be the last day I host
the Dayglo Doug Power Hour.
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[kids] Aw! Oh, no!
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Before I get too emotional...
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I want to introduce you to the new host
of the Power Hour
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and your new best friend...
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Sonny Shine!
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-[kids cheer]
-[cheesy electronic music plays]
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Yeah! [laughs]
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[cheering]
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[whoops and laughs]
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[music ends and kids cheer]
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Dayglo Doug, everybody! Ha-ha!
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His best trick?
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Vanishing from his own show!
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[Sonny cackles]
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But seriously, Doug, now you'll have
plenty of time to devote to your passions.
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You may not know it,
but our buddy Doug is quite the aficionado
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in a little something you may have
studied in school, World War II.
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Look it up!
But I've been thinking, Double D,
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will you even have time to join us
as a guest star?
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Sure, that'd be super.
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But then I think about episode 186.
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Episode 186?
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Band-Aid episode?
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Correct-o! Where you taught us all
how tearing off the Band-Aid quickly
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was really the only healthy way
to move forward.
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-Isn't that right, kids? [laughs]
-[kids] Yeah!
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[distorted laughter]
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And now let's cue the music.
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Because we'd all like to remember you
just the way you are.
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["Tomorrow Belongs To Me" plays]
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♪ Oh, Fatherland, Fatherland
Show us a sign ♪
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♪ Your children are waiting to see ♪
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♪ The morning will come ♪
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♪ When the world is [screams] mine! ♪
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♪ Tomorrow belongs to me ♪
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Doug! Doug, one question
for the aficionado before you go.
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About how tall would you say
Winston Churchill was?
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Churchill? About that tall--
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-[cackles]
-[cheering]
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Imagine it, Dayglo Doug was there
when Sonny started.
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What's the word
when you're part of history?
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Fossil.
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Yeah, Sax, I get it. He's old.
What's your point?
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Oh, I don't know. Let's see,
he's senile, wears leotards.
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No, sounds like a slam-dunk witness
to build the foundation of your case on.
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Top-flight police work, Mer,
digging up this gem.
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It's not my case. It's ours. Remember?
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We're here.
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Cut my beard off after 9/11.
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And you're here to see?
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Doug Thorn.
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Mr. Thorn doesn't take visitors.
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He'll make an exception.
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Did you get that
out of a Cracker Jack box?
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It was my dad's.
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[Happy] You really stepped in number two
with that one, Nick.
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[Sax] I'll step on you.
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[Mer] What's the matter?
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Old people.
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-What?
-They don't like me. I don't like them.
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And that whole building is filled
with them. You smell that?
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That's them.
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Hey, psst! Hey, pal. Pal, hey, hey.
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-You mind?
-For residents only.
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I got a blood-sugar thing.
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If you're hungry, there's
a vending machine in the rest room.
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The restroom? Fuck this place.
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-[gasps] Jeez!
-[through electrolarynx] Are you my son?
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Dr. Kevorkian's that way.
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[Doug] Thank you. Uh, for my next trick,
I would like you to look at this hat.
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What do you see inside? Nothing, right?
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Is that really Dayglo Doug?
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He looks different.
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[old man] Get to the Polish jokes!
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-There's your star witness.
-I will punch you in the throat.
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So, man comes home from work
with a duck under his arm.
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His wife answers the door.
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"This is the pig I've been fucking,"
the man says.
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The wife says, "That's a duck, not a pig."
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The man says, "I'm not talking to you."
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[guffaws]
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[exaggerated laugh]
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I don't get it.
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I was going to close this set
by cutting a woman in half.
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Unfortunately...
my assistant passed away this morning.
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So I would like
to dedicate today's show... to Gladys.
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-She died as she lived.
-Showing off her box for a nickel?
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[laughter]
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[exaggerated laugh]
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Mr. Thorn... may we have a few words?
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[Sax grunts]
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[Hubble] Big as a baby's arm
with an apple in its fist.
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I think the word you're looking for is,
jumbo.
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[Sonny] I'm immune to flattery...
and disease.
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Now spill it, cops!
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-Who violated my inner sanctum?
-There's a loaded question.
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Can we talk... openly?
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Dario doesn't understand
a lick of English.
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[Italian accent] Hold still-a!
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TBH... we, uh, don't have a lot to go on.
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And by that, we mean, nada surf.
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Seeing as how you wiped
the whole place clean before we got here.
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Well, this crime scene's
got more blood traces
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-than Chicago on Saint Valentine's Day.
-But no bodies.
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The only witness was your wife.
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She fingered the pool boy.
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Don't remind me.
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Who she says was here
with a little blue unicorn... with wings.
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Bebe's last coherent thought
was during the Carter administration!
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[sighs] You're missing the point.
This is not an official investigation.
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There will be no official reports
of any stiffs on my grounds.
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There will be no official statements taken
from my smoking-hot wife or anyone else.
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But I do expect
a very firm, hard, unofficial look
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into who the hell effed up my effigy!
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That's why you two are unofficially here.
Is that clear?
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-As Mother Teresa's urine test.
-Ain't what I heard.
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-Magnifico.
-No, no! Più vene!
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I want it to look like the roots
of a banyan tree!
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Sonny Shine?
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No, sirree. Sorry. Can't help you.
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I am not going to say one word about him.
El Zippo.
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We're investigating some serious crimes,
Mr. Thorn.
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A child-kidnapping ring,
murder, extortion.
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Yeah, that sounds like Sonny.
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You two don't look like cops.
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We're undercover.
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Deep cover.
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I said it's deep, that's all.
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I can tell you want to talk to me, Doug.
What are you afraid of?
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[exhales] Me? Everything.
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Heights, spider plants,
three-legged jeans.
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-[chuckles] He's still got it.
-Oh, he's still he's got it, all right.
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00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,504
I just hope you can't catch it.
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Listen, I can offer you police protection,
new identity.
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[scoffs] New identity. That's a laugher.
All I ever wanted was my old one back.
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The rat bastard stole everything from me.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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[inhales deeply]
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[Mer] Sure isn't like the old days, is it?
[sighs]
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Not like when the Dayglo Doug Power Hour
was the number one kids' local access show
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00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,993
in the Greater Toledo area.
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00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:03,788
You were big, Doug.
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00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,667
I was! I was big, wasn't I?
194
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:10,044
Johnny "Wad" Holmes big.
195
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,382
Milton Berle big.
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00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:17,051
-[spotlight bulb flashes]
-[kids cheering]
197
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:20,137
-[distant door buzzer]
-♪ Give me a home ♪
198
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,933
♪ Where the buffalo roam ♪
199
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:28,396
♪ And the deer and the antelope... ♪
200
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:33,692
-♪ And seldom is heard ♪
-[Orcus] Shh.
201
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,238
♪ A discouraging word... ♪
202
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:42,785
[Orcus] You know, I was there to hear the
great Caruso make his professional debut.
203
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:47,456
Now I've got to listen to this shit.
204
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:50,876
[Blue] Do you not know the meaning
of solitary confinement?
205
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,131
It's meant to be just me in here!
206
00:11:55,214 --> 00:12:00,219
Mm. Perhaps you're confused,
which seems to happen so very easily.
207
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:05,391
So, to elucidate,
you are trapped in this prison.
208
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,811
I am trapped in you.
209
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:11,772
Trapped?
210
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,484
Well, then, just get out.
211
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,822
[breathes heavily] I bequeath you freedom.
212
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,949
Mm. If only.
213
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:28,539
But even the demigods are constrained
by certain earthly limitations.
214
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:30,749
Bloodlines and all that, you know.
215
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:35,171
I did try and hop
into your charming sister,
216
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,923
a much more fun body to play around in.
217
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,634
Even came with its own television show!
218
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:46,098
But we both know how
that little harlequin art came to an end.
219
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,351
[laughs maniacally] This is madness!
220
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,897
I got to get out of here!
221
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,733
[Orcus] It's not such a bad place for us,
this.
222
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,527
At least until I get my strength back.
223
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,238
Pottery shop, fun.
224
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:07,870
And all these impressionable,
homicidal minds to sway.
225
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:14,752
And as I get my strength back,
you'll have more and more blackouts
226
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,964
until life is one long,
continuous blackout.
227
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,050
Now, won't that be nice?
228
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,720
No more waking up
like a Kennedy wondering...
229
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,932
"Who did I sodomize?
230
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,100
Whom did I kill?"
231
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:32,144
What will happen then?
232
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,813
By then, I'll have built an army.
233
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,943
No, I meant what will happen to me?
234
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,819
Oh.
235
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,114
[distant distorted evil cackle]
236
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,784
[distant door buzzer]
237
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,245
[bike bell rings]
238
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,833
Uh, it's a great surprise. Don't get me
wrong. I like this new rebel Amanda.
239
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:59,338
This let's-get-crazy-and-ditch-work,
good-girl-gone-bad Amanda.
240
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:04,301
You're joking, but, honestly, I know me.
241
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,596
And these days,
I haven't felt like her at all.
242
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,514
Mm.
243
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,058
It's strange even talking about it.
244
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,101
Not at all!
245
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,895
Talking it out,
that's the best way to deal with stress.
246
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,690
That and a little hot yoga.
247
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:20,609
I don't think hot yoga's going to fix it.
248
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,613
I got fired, Simon.
249
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,740
Seriously?
250
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:28,993
That's great!
251
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:30,870
Um...
252
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,248
I was right out of college in Seattle,
when the first big dot-com boom hit.
253
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:37,918
I found myself one of the first employees
in a little books-in-the-mail startup.
254
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,753
Amazon? Wow.
255
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,381
No. It was encyclopedias-in-the-mail.com.
256
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,802
Free returns killed us,
so, six months later, I'm broke.
257
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,430
I'm unemployed,
living in my mother's basement.
258
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:50,890
I was feeling sorry for myself.
259
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,977
But it forced me to do a lot
of soul-searching, Amanda, okay,
260
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:59,023
to figure out what I really want in life,
what's really important.
261
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:02,276
I realized for me, it's giving back,
making a difference.
262
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,280
Boom. Ties Without Borders was born.
263
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,408
Hm? Do you feel me?
264
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,372
Every setback is an opportunity?
265
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:20,586
To learn something about yourself.
To bring something new into this world.
266
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,841
Joseph Campbell said it best:
"Follow your bliss."
267
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:27,593
He should know.
268
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,137
He invented freaking Star Wars.
269
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:33,349
I like that.
270
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,644
"Follow your bliss."
271
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,901
-[Amanda grunts] Yes! Yes!
-[wall bangs]
272
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,945
Yes! Damn it! Yes!
273
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,363
[moans and squeals]
274
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:51,325
[both grunt and groan]
275
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:52,701
[rattle of coins]
276
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,870
[Sax] Do you see that?
277
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,581
Live long enough, there's your reward.
278
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:01,752
Breaking a hip tripping over your oxygen
tank just trying to get to your bedpan.
279
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:04,213
Why don't more people know about this?
280
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,548
How come they never showed it
on The Golden Girls?
281
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,843
Lesbian fairytale.
282
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:14,431
They are talking to him right now.
283
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,476
Of course, he wasn't Sonny back then.
284
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:20,104
Yeah, he was...
he was still Louis Sheinberg.
285
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:23,357
He used to come to the show,
sit in the audience.
286
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,610
He was a super fan,
if you know what I mean.
287
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,073
I mean, it comes with the territory
in my business.
288
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,368
Don't get me wrong.
I love my little Douglets,
289
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:38,580
but after a certain point,
it gets, you know, a little bit...
290
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,667
Super-fantastic?
291
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,627
Creepy. Skin-crawly.
292
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,796
-Depressing?
-Somewhat.
293
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:46,714
Go on.
294
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,178
-[kids cheer]
[Doug] Year after year, he'd show up.
295
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,515
Most kids grew out of it, not him.
296
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,102
We made friends... sort of.
297
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:03,063
He said he wanted to be
an entertainer, like me.
298
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,150
-But it wasn't until...
-Until what?
299
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,528
You're going to think
I'm some kind of a nutjob.
300
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,741
We're the ones who are crazy, not you.
Go ahead. Dish.
301
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,660
Those things...
302
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,078
[slow squelching]
303
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,496
The Wishees.
304
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:23,292
[sighs] I still remember the first time
he showed up with them.
305
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:24,960
The costumes.
306
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:31,258
The big, round fish eyes,
the "fuck me" mouths. [breathes heavily]
307
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:34,636
Let's face it, Louis was just a shmuck
308
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,389
until those candy-colored abominations
came along.
309
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:40,434
After that, everything changed for him.
310
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,395
Suddenly, he just took...
311
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,355
whatever he wanted to...
312
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,733
starting with my show.
313
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,194
Oh, oh! Oh, question.
314
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:54,448
-Um, when these, whatever you call 'em...
-Wishees, Nick.
315
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:55,991
-Sax.
-...which I am to understand
316
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,911
are basically, uh, shitheads
in fuzzy outfits
317
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:01,163
that dance around the stage
with Mr. Sheinberg...
318
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,457
When they, as you say, "showed up"...
319
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:09,922
are we saying, like, say, for example,
from Cleveland?
320
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,217
Cleveland? Cleveland, Ohio?
321
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,301
Yes.
322
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:17,387
-By way of the Crab Nebula, maybe.
-Aha!
323
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:20,224
And they weren't just guys in outfits.
324
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:23,477
[inhales and sighs]
The big guy doesn't seem very bright,
325
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,230
so I'm going to try to make this
as simple as I can.
326
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:31,652
Back in the Etruscan Age,
this gigantic meteor crashes into Earth--
327
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,695
All right, that's it! I'm done.
328
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,823
-Enjoy your interrogation.
-Where the fuck you going?
329
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:36,740
I'm simply famished.
330
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:39,827
So I'm going to find where they stash
those pudding cups, or die trying.
331
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,746
You, Trigger, I suggest you come along.
332
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,208
-[Doug] Your friend's a little--
-I know.
333
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,419
Keep talking.
334
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,303
[children chatter and laugh in background]
335
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,644
[gasps]
336
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,771
-You!
-You know what they say.
337
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,232
Nothing makes you believe in hell
like Catholic school.
338
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,277
[gasps] No! Wait!
339
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,570
Wait. Hailey.
340
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,321
I'm sorry.
341
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,283
I am so, so sorry
for everything that happened.
342
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,451
-Get away from me.
-Don't run off, please.
343
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,578
I'm not moving. See?
344
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:26,123
I'll stay perfectly still.
I wouldn't think of hurting you.
345
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:30,085
It's... It's the opposite,
I've been protecting you, haven't I?
346
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:36,383
I'm just a boy, standing in front
of a girl, asking her to listen.
347
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:40,345
I don't blame you for being scared.
This can be very confusing.
348
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,058
Should we sit? Mm? Would that be better?
349
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,853
[distant cries of jungle birds]
350
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,563
I see you've got your lucky keychain.
351
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,692
Maybe you've been thinking about things,
questions you have for me.
352
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,778
You're supposed to be dead.
353
00:19:57,487 --> 00:20:00,449
Dead? Someone told you that?
354
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,243
My parents.
355
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,120
Ah. Parents.
356
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,290
[chuckles] They do like making up stories,
don't they?
357
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:13,503
Seems that no one wants to tell you
the truth these days.
358
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,008
What happened to your eye?
359
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,892
You're not the only one who knows
what it's like to be bullied.
360
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:33,732
What if I told you that I was forced
to do what I did?
361
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,527
There are very awful people
in this world, Hailey.
362
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:41,198
And they can make people
do very awful things.
363
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,370
Doesn't make it right, but it's...
it's the truth.
364
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:51,458
I was happy when you children
were saved by the police.
365
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,712
Those very awful people, not so much...
366
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:58,548
as you can see.
367
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,680
I'm sorry.
I... I can put my glasses back on.
368
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,765
So, now we're supposed to be friends?
369
00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:08,976
I don't need friends.
370
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,104
I do.
371
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:17,150
But... if that's the way you feel.
372
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,612
I'm just happy
that you're finally hearing the truth.
373
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,657
You've been lied to
since the day you were born.
374
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:25,742
-It's about time someone finally--
-What's that mean?
375
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:32,791
No, don't.
I'm not one to open up old wounds.
376
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,336
But you do know the whole story?
377
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:40,173
Your father lied to your mother
and then ran out on her.
378
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,843
And then your mother lied to your father
about you
379
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:44,428
and then to you about your father.
380
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:48,557
I'm not a shrink, but that is
a rough place for any kid to start.
381
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,267
I'm going.
382
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,438
Wait!
383
00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:58,025
One last thing.
384
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:01,403
When you get home and see your mother,
tell her we met.
385
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:04,114
Tell her what I said. Be honest with her.
386
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:05,991
See what she says.
387
00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:09,578
And if you don't to be friends,
you will never see me again.
388
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:14,082
But if you do...
just say the word and I'll be right there.
389
00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:28,096
[gentle piano music plays]
390
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:32,768
[announcer] While others run in fear from
those who've declared war on Easter...
391
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,562
one man will unite us all...
392
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:41,234
in bringing sexy back to Easter.
393
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:51,536
This year, if we don't celebrate Easter,
they win!
394
00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:03,215
Just a taste, a little...
como se dice, flavor, if you will.
395
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,677
This ain't your grandma's Easter,
am I right?
396
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:12,182
Well... Kap?
397
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:14,726
What do you think?
398
00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:19,564
[Sonny] Go, Kap, go! Num-num!
399
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,817
Num-num-num-num! [laughs and whoops]
400
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,322
I think it's fucking brilliant.
401
00:23:28,406 --> 00:23:29,324
Yeah.
402
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:41,128
Oh, there she is! [laughs]
403
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:42,963
Who's hungry? [laughs]
404
00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:46,550
[Happy] If you told me one day
I'd get to see Dayglo Doug,
405
00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:47,926
up close and in person,
406
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:51,930
tell the story of how he met Sonny Shine
for the first time, I would have said:
407
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:55,600
"Holy guacamole! Somebody pinch me
'cause this is a dream come true!"
408
00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:57,769
But it's not.
409
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:01,398
Yeah, well, if it's any consolation,
that look on your face
410
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:04,651
of soul-crushing disappointment
has been the highlight of this whole trip.
411
00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:05,735
[door hinges creak]
412
00:24:07,237 --> 00:24:11,449
[Nazi announcer]
Ein Volk und ein Reich! Sieg Heil!
413
00:24:12,033 --> 00:24:14,411
Dickless freaking Doug.
414
00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:17,747
Some witness.
That's what I get for trusting Mer.
415
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,836
[old man] You should be the black one!
416
00:24:22,919 --> 00:24:24,713
I was black last time!
417
00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:29,509
I'm not a schwarzer. You be the schwarzer.
418
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:31,178
Is that going to be us some day, Nick?
419
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:35,974
Frittering away our last days in a place
like this, arguing over some silly game.
420
00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:39,227
Don't you worry about that, pal. I'll
drink bleach before I let that happen.
421
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:42,522
Besides, what are you worried about?
You ain't even hit the magical P word yet.
422
00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:45,233
Puberty.
423
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,153
Latin... for pubes.
424
00:24:48,695 --> 00:24:51,072
A six-year period where you part
your hair down the middle
425
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:53,742
and your body gets all awkward, pimply,
426
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:56,620
at the same time, wants
to get naked with other people.
427
00:24:56,703 --> 00:24:58,622
But what if I don't want to grow up?
428
00:24:58,705 --> 00:25:01,082
Well, you're going to have to file
that one under tough shit.
429
00:25:02,876 --> 00:25:05,754
-[Nazi on recording] Nordsudaten...
-Um...
430
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:07,756
...ein Volk und ein Reich!
431
00:25:11,718 --> 00:25:14,095
Have you noticed the staff here is funny?
432
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:18,850
Usually, the people they hire
in joints like this are, um... different.
433
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:22,187
-Different how?
-Dominican.
434
00:25:22,270 --> 00:25:23,855
[sniffs]
435
00:25:24,814 --> 00:25:27,651
-Do you smell popcorn?
-[sniffs] Oh, hell, yeah.
436
00:25:33,573 --> 00:25:36,243
[dramatic military music plays]
437
00:25:42,165 --> 00:25:43,792
Holy schizer.
438
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:49,839
Hey, Mer.
439
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:54,386
Mer, guess what. Turns out this place
is a home for assholes.
440
00:25:54,469 --> 00:25:56,179
-Excuse me?
-Go ahead, tell her.
441
00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:58,765
Yeah, you know, some of the people here
are a bit colorful.
442
00:25:58,848 --> 00:26:02,269
Yeah. Red, white and black.
We saw the tape, der fuckwad.
443
00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:04,646
Look, you know Sonny's MO! I was set up!
444
00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:06,064
If the armband fits...
445
00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:10,944
I am a history buff, a collector
of rare and exotic memorabilia.
446
00:26:11,027 --> 00:26:13,613
I don't belong here with these fascists!
447
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:16,366
Okay. Can someone please explain to me
what the hell is going on?
448
00:26:16,616 --> 00:26:18,827
Nazis, Mer.
The place is stinking with them.
449
00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:22,080
Look, it wasn't enough
that he stole my show,
450
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:24,749
then he has to twist the knife!
451
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:27,794
You know, Sonny used to say
the shortest book ever written was
452
00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:32,299
the German Book of Humor.
That's why he stuck me here!
453
00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:35,343
Don't you think I'd leave if I could?
454
00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:39,472
I've been bombing in front
of this Stasi scum for a decade!
455
00:26:39,556 --> 00:26:42,851
I mean, you got to get me
out of this place!
456
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:45,603
I can't take another bad review!
457
00:26:45,687 --> 00:26:48,273
-We're going. Come on.
-No. We're not actually taking this guy.
458
00:26:48,356 --> 00:26:50,191
You said you would protect me if I talked.
459
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:53,028
This adult diaper-wearing war criminal
is not getting in my cab!
460
00:26:53,111 --> 00:26:56,614
-Hey! I resemble that last remark.
-Hey--
461
00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:58,783
I'm not doing this with you right now.
462
00:26:59,492 --> 00:27:03,330
-What is it about this guy?
-[orderly clears throat and whistles]
463
00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,750
Visiting time, sadly, is over.
464
00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:09,044
So we're going to have
to ask you to leave.
465
00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:12,797
It's time for your pills.
466
00:27:13,548 --> 00:27:16,676
We have got some more questions to
ask him off-site. I'm sure you understand.
467
00:27:17,510 --> 00:27:18,803
I don't think so.
468
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:19,929
[Sax sighs]
469
00:27:22,849 --> 00:27:24,684
You eye-fucking me, Nietzsche?
470
00:27:26,269 --> 00:27:27,645
[Happy] Uh, Nick?
471
00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:30,106
Ah.
472
00:27:34,027 --> 00:27:35,987
[with electrolarynx]
Is there a problem, young man?
473
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:39,074
-Nothing we can't handle, Herr Zimmer.
-Oh, boy.
474
00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:42,035
You. Where do you think
you're slinking off to?
475
00:27:42,118 --> 00:27:44,245
You have a show in 20 minutes.
476
00:27:46,373 --> 00:27:49,667
[Nazi on recording]
Nordsudaten, ein Deutschland,
477
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:54,964
ein Volk und ein Reich,
und unter der Deutsche Nation,
478
00:27:55,048 --> 00:27:58,176
unter der Deutsche Volk! Sieg Heil!
479
00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:02,097
Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
480
00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:06,476
Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
481
00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:12,065
Well, actually, the show starts now.
482
00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:14,609
Blitzkrieg!
483
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:16,069
[indistinct yelling]
484
00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:17,070
[grunts]
485
00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:19,572
Argh!
486
00:28:20,115 --> 00:28:22,909
All right, NYPD, nobody move! Shit!
487
00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:25,120
-[grunts]
-[gunshot]
488
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,122
Fuck!
489
00:28:27,622 --> 00:28:28,581
Doug!
490
00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:29,666
Argh!
491
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:33,795
[old men yell]
492
00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:34,838
[old man yells]
493
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,841
-Ew!
-[orderly groans]
494
00:28:38,174 --> 00:28:39,592
[Sax wheezes]
495
00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:40,593
[grunts]
496
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:42,846
Nick!
497
00:28:43,346 --> 00:28:45,014
-[yelling]
-[orderly] Come here!
498
00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:47,308
[fingers scratch floor]
499
00:28:48,017 --> 00:28:49,394
[grunts and groans]
500
00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:51,646
That is my witness!
501
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,107
-[grunting]
-[bones crack]
502
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:56,776
Lookit, Mer!
The bones, they're so brittle!
503
00:28:57,152 --> 00:28:59,529
-[grunts and groans]
-[neck snaps]
504
00:29:00,321 --> 00:29:01,698
[old man growls]
505
00:29:01,781 --> 00:29:02,907
[empty cartridge]
506
00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:07,203
[groans]
507
00:29:08,621 --> 00:29:09,497
Ew!
508
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:12,041
[grunts]
509
00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:13,042
[yelling]
510
00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:14,127
[roars]
511
00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:17,380
-Sax! Stop killing people!
-Ah, come on, Mer!
512
00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:19,507
-They're Nazis! Ha!
-[man chokes]
513
00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:26,389
-[thump]
-[man groans]
514
00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:29,184
Ouch... witz.
515
00:29:35,231 --> 00:29:38,026
[gasps and chokes]
516
00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:46,493
[pants]
517
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:54,125
[groans]
518
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:57,670
[gasps and pants]
519
00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:00,507
Papa never loved me.
520
00:30:01,925 --> 00:30:03,176
[groans]
521
00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:08,848
Auf wiedersehen, motherfucker.
522
00:30:10,433 --> 00:30:12,644
[both panting]
523
00:30:12,727 --> 00:30:15,271
Greatest generation, my ass.
524
00:30:17,148 --> 00:30:18,566
[loud thud]
525
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:24,072
[door buzzer]
526
00:30:24,155 --> 00:30:26,741
[door slams and footsteps]
527
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:29,160
[door buzzer]
528
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:34,249
Oh, my God! Look at what they did to you!
529
00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:36,459
Get off of me! Get off of me!
530
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:40,088
I said, get off of me!
531
00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:42,924
[pants and groans softly]
532
00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:46,594
Is it true?
533
00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:49,097
What?
534
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:51,975
You killed all them Russians
in the toilet.
535
00:30:52,058 --> 00:30:54,018
[breathes heavily]
536
00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:55,103
What if it is?
537
00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:56,563
[chuckles]
538
00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:01,276
[sighs]
539
00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:03,570
It's like...
540
00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:06,656
-It's like you're two different people.
-Mm.
541
00:31:07,365 --> 00:31:08,741
One's warm and loving.
542
00:31:10,159 --> 00:31:12,996
The other's just... cold and cruel.
543
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:14,581
No! No!
544
00:31:15,456 --> 00:31:17,041
Don't say that!
545
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,960
I'm not two different people!
546
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,461
It's just me!
547
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:21,838
And I am...
548
00:31:21,921 --> 00:31:23,047
I'm Blue!
549
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:24,591
[Blue sighs]
550
00:31:24,674 --> 00:31:26,676
I'm... Blue...
551
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:27,635
Orcus.
552
00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:30,847
This is...
553
00:31:32,599 --> 00:31:34,392
[groans]
554
00:31:34,475 --> 00:31:36,519
[distant announcements over PA system]
555
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:39,397
I'm sorry.
556
00:31:41,441 --> 00:31:42,609
[breathes heavily]
557
00:31:42,692 --> 00:31:43,985
I'm sorry.
558
00:31:44,068 --> 00:31:45,695
[breathes heavily]
559
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:49,908
You've been so kind to me and, uh...
560
00:31:52,368 --> 00:31:53,536
I've spurned you.
561
00:31:54,662 --> 00:31:57,832
You haven't, though. I mean, spurned.
562
00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:01,920
-No, I spurned you.
-You really haven't.
563
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,215
I've treated you unkindly and...
564
00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:11,346
[sighs] I'm just... I'm scared, Pink.
565
00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:14,933
I need you to tell me that...
566
00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:16,809
[sighs]
567
00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:19,479
it's me, right?
568
00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:22,148
I'm Blue Scaramucci?
569
00:32:22,649 --> 00:32:24,776
Tell me I'm Blue Scaramucci.
570
00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:28,571
Yeah, it's you.
571
00:32:29,739 --> 00:32:30,823
[inhales and exhales]
572
00:32:30,907 --> 00:32:32,575
That's right. You're Blue.
573
00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:36,621
[emotional] You're Blue Scaramucci.
574
00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:39,791
[exhales]
575
00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:44,128
[growls softly]
576
00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:45,171
[whimpers softly]
577
00:32:45,254 --> 00:32:49,258
-[Orcus] Oh, you nasty little tart, go on.
-[Pink gags]
578
00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:51,928
-Oh, tell me. Tell me.
-[gags]
579
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:53,930
-[grunts]
-[groans]
580
00:32:54,597 --> 00:32:56,307
Who am I?
581
00:32:56,808 --> 00:32:57,642
[gags]
582
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:00,103
[Sonny Shine's theme tune music plays]
583
00:33:00,353 --> 00:33:03,147
♪ Sonny! ♪
584
00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:06,734
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, Sonny Shine! ♪
585
00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:08,027
♪ Ooh... ♪
586
00:33:08,111 --> 00:33:09,153
High-five!
587
00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:11,990
Sock it to me!
588
00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:13,908
[whoops and laughs]
589
00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,952
[low chattering and laughter]
590
00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:17,245
Dad, look here!
591
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:21,165
[kid] Dad! Look!
592
00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:25,253
It's Sonny Shine's original shiny mic!
593
00:33:25,753 --> 00:33:28,131
I don't know how "original" it is.
594
00:33:28,214 --> 00:33:30,008
It says on the thing.
595
00:33:30,091 --> 00:33:34,220
[man] I mean, when I was growing up,
it was the Dayglo Doug Power Hour.
596
00:33:34,637 --> 00:33:37,306
All this stuff is from that show.
597
00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:40,018
I'm sure you could still find
the old clips online.
598
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:44,063
-Who likes selfies?
-Oh, my God!
599
00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:46,274
Let's do this! Let's do this! Come on!
600
00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:48,401
Gather around, everyone! Give it to me.
601
00:33:48,484 --> 00:33:51,070
Okay, here we are. Everybody say:
602
00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:56,242
Sonny Shine's Easter Live Bonanza
Eggstravaganza with Tony Danza!
603
00:33:56,325 --> 00:33:58,327
[cheering]
604
00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:00,455
All right, all right,
you all better get going.
605
00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:04,083
The Wishee exhibit closes in 20 minutes
for fumigation. [mouths]
606
00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:07,378
Remember, when you post those:
#SonnyEaster!
607
00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:10,965
Make Easter great again!
608
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:13,801
And a mega day to you, too!
609
00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:29,358
[Dr. Reddy] So the procedure
is for root canal on Saturday
610
00:34:29,442 --> 00:34:30,777
and the payment's been made?
611
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,154
Hailey?
612
00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:36,699
Hi, Dr. Reddy. I need to tell
my mother something. It's important.
613
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:39,869
Hailey, your mother
doesn't work here anymore.
614
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:43,581
But... since when?
615
00:34:44,457 --> 00:34:48,503
[Dr. Reddy] A few days ago.
Sorry, I thought she would've told you.
616
00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:51,923
Lollipop?
617
00:34:53,132 --> 00:34:55,343
[breathes heavily]
618
00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:03,518
It's fantastic!
619
00:35:03,601 --> 00:35:04,894
I knew you'd love it.
620
00:35:04,977 --> 00:35:09,232
Oh! It's like a 3D version
of the inside of my brain.
621
00:35:09,315 --> 00:35:12,318
-I know, right?
-You really are on the level.
622
00:35:12,610 --> 00:35:15,530
You said they weren't guys in suits.
[grunts softly]
623
00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:19,242
I'm afraid to ask,
but what exactly did you mean by that?
624
00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:21,994
Afraid to ask or afraid of the answer?
625
00:35:23,746 --> 00:35:25,873
You ever talk to one of them face to face?
626
00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:29,252
Oh, uh, no, see, about that,
they don't speak.
627
00:35:29,585 --> 00:35:32,171
-What do you mean?
-Well, I mean, they don't speak.
628
00:35:33,756 --> 00:35:35,758
Like Helen Keller? Or like a mime?
629
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:39,637
No, no, no, no.
They communicate through telepathy.
630
00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:40,638
Of course.
631
00:35:40,721 --> 00:35:42,390
Well, only Sonny can hear them.
632
00:35:42,473 --> 00:35:45,226
They speak,
it goes straight into his brain.
633
00:35:46,435 --> 00:35:48,062
Don't think it would work so well for you.
634
00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:50,148
[grunts] I'm going to be in the kitchen.
635
00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:52,483
If you got tinfoil,
I can make Doug a new hat.
636
00:35:55,486 --> 00:35:58,531
Who'd believe a guy with a smile like that
could be so evil?
637
00:36:00,616 --> 00:36:05,037
[sighs] What, that Mr. Prissypants
is a bad guy? Welcome to the party.
638
00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:07,915
I can't believe it.
Me and Hailey used to...
639
00:36:08,624 --> 00:36:09,667
[sighs]
640
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:11,586
But I guess that's all over now.
641
00:36:11,669 --> 00:36:15,590
It's like you said, Nick. People change.
Everything changes.
642
00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:17,884
That's right. That goes for me, too.
643
00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:21,179
Try and knock me off the... Try...
644
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:23,055
Try and knock me off the wagon.
645
00:36:23,556 --> 00:36:26,517
Will of iron, pal.
She ain't going to be happy
646
00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:30,438
until I've broken every promise to Amanda
and the kid, and for what? Huh?
647
00:36:31,105 --> 00:36:35,693
Go on a wild goose chase
with some incontinent Kraut-dog
648
00:36:35,776 --> 00:36:38,112
who thinks Sasquatch killed Biggie.
649
00:36:38,613 --> 00:36:40,239
What are we going to do, Nick?
650
00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:44,118
Well, for now,
I'm going to get this jelly open.
651
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:47,246
I mean, about Sonny and the Wishees.
Doug says...
652
00:36:48,789 --> 00:36:50,208
Let me tell you something.
653
00:36:50,708 --> 00:36:53,377
Being a grown-up means
you got to learn that...
654
00:36:54,253 --> 00:36:56,464
heroism comes in a lot of different forms,
655
00:36:56,547 --> 00:36:58,841
one of them being... not being a hero.
656
00:36:59,842 --> 00:37:01,344
Capiche? [grunts]
657
00:37:01,427 --> 00:37:03,429
Nick. You don't really believe that.
658
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:08,976
Here's what I believe in.
659
00:37:09,727 --> 00:37:13,731
Being there for that kid, trying
to give her some kind of normal life
660
00:37:13,814 --> 00:37:15,524
after everything she has been through.
661
00:37:16,484 --> 00:37:20,613
You know, we got too many freaks
in leotards in our lives for my taste.
662
00:37:20,696 --> 00:37:22,198
[inhales and exhales]
663
00:37:22,281 --> 00:37:23,199
Fuck 'em all.
664
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:25,743
I killed it.
665
00:37:25,826 --> 00:37:28,204
-[gunshot]
-[screeches]
666
00:37:28,287 --> 00:37:31,540
I know I did.
Nothing bleeds that much and walks away.
667
00:37:31,624 --> 00:37:35,670
But when I went back, it was gone.
Something moved the body.
668
00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:38,005
I had a feeling
the place would be wiped clean
669
00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:40,466
before Forensics got there.
What they don't know...
670
00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:45,346
is I took some of whatever
it was that came out of that thing.
671
00:37:46,138 --> 00:37:47,473
[Doug] You have its blood?
672
00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:48,516
Where is it?
673
00:37:48,599 --> 00:37:53,145
Well, I had it in here, under a lamp,
then it started moving,
674
00:37:53,229 --> 00:37:54,397
like it was trying to get out.
675
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,899
[anxious breathing]
No, you're supposed to keep it cold.
676
00:37:57,233 --> 00:38:00,695
I figured that. I put it in a jelly jar.
I stuck it in the fridge.
677
00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:06,450
[munches]
678
00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:10,246
Oh, man, I needed that.
Did I tell you I got a blood-sugar thing?
679
00:38:10,746 --> 00:38:12,957
[stomach gurgles]
680
00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:21,674
[grunts and groans]
681
00:38:22,925 --> 00:38:23,968
[grunts]
682
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:31,892
[grunts]
683
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,811
-[sighs deeply]
-[splash of diarrhea]
684
00:38:33,894 --> 00:38:35,354
Sweet boneless Jesus!
685
00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:40,359
-[farting and splash of diarrhea]
-Oh!
686
00:38:41,235 --> 00:38:43,612
This is Captain Turdwell!
We are experiencing
687
00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:46,449
uncontrollable explosive thrust
in both engines!
688
00:38:47,241 --> 00:38:48,993
Prepare for water landing!
689
00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:50,995
[Happy] How about a courtesy flush?
690
00:38:51,620 --> 00:38:54,206
[farting and splash of diarrhea]
691
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,752
Woo! Ha!
692
00:38:57,835 --> 00:38:59,920
[screeching and squelching]
693
00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:08,346
[groans]
694
00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:10,598
[grunts]
695
00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:13,517
[gibbers and grunts]
696
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:17,063
-Hm?
-[Wishee chitters and screeches]
697
00:39:23,569 --> 00:39:25,571
Sax!
698
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:29,367
[yells]
699
00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:31,452
What the hell is this?
700
00:39:33,454 --> 00:39:35,331
[grunts] Ah!
701
00:39:35,748 --> 00:39:36,791
[yells]
702
00:39:37,792 --> 00:39:41,045
[grunts and pants]
703
00:39:43,255 --> 00:39:45,049
[toilet flushes]
704
00:39:48,302 --> 00:39:49,178
Argh!
705
00:39:49,845 --> 00:39:50,805
[Wishee screeches]
706
00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:53,057
[grunts]
707
00:39:54,934 --> 00:39:56,060
-[grunts]
-[Wishee hisses]
708
00:39:56,143 --> 00:39:57,478
[hard thud]
709
00:39:57,561 --> 00:39:58,646
Mer!
710
00:39:58,729 --> 00:40:02,691
-[Wishee screeches]
-[Sax yells]
711
00:40:14,578 --> 00:40:20,000
You must be Rin Tin Tikki Tavi...
walking in here.
712
00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:24,630
If I can forgive you sending
six of your chums in to kill me,
713
00:40:24,713 --> 00:40:27,591
then surely... surely...
714
00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:32,430
you can forgive me for merely
drowning them all in the toilet.
715
00:40:33,639 --> 00:40:40,104
Besides, I'm here to make you an offer
that you simply cannot refuse.
716
00:40:41,897 --> 00:40:46,152
There are those who would give
their right hand to work with me.
717
00:40:46,777 --> 00:40:50,114
Just because you talk like Liam Neeson...
718
00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:51,323
[tuts]
719
00:40:51,407 --> 00:40:54,076
...this does not make you Liam Neeson.
720
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:55,661
[Orcus laughs]
721
00:40:56,162 --> 00:41:01,125
In ages past, it was customary
to sacrifice black sheep in my name.
722
00:41:01,417 --> 00:41:07,256
And then to make a lovely big pot of stew,
not unlike this one.
723
00:41:13,262 --> 00:41:16,891
[speaks Russian]
Faith is a difficult thing.
724
00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:18,726
Mm.
725
00:41:19,602 --> 00:41:25,149
[Russian] No matter how much you're told.
726
00:41:26,025 --> 00:41:31,071
[Russian] Seeing is still believing.
727
00:41:32,406 --> 00:41:35,868
Maybe you young pioneers
are more familiar with the Bible
728
00:41:35,951 --> 00:41:38,204
than you are with the Roman texts.
729
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:41,165
Yeah?
730
00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:43,000
For example...
731
00:41:44,919 --> 00:41:49,423
He who fails to find me injures himself.
732
00:41:50,299 --> 00:41:51,800
[rumbling]
733
00:41:51,884 --> 00:41:52,927
What the fuck?
734
00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:58,098
[Orcus] And if your hand
should cause you to sin...
735
00:42:00,267 --> 00:42:03,437
cut it off and throw it away.
736
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:04,939
[breathes heavily]
737
00:42:05,022 --> 00:42:07,942
[yells]
738
00:42:08,609 --> 00:42:10,027
[yells hysterically]
739
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,238
[Orcus] And what is that other verse?
740
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:15,616
Oh, yes, la-da-da-da-da, beware the dogs.
741
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:18,285
Beware the evil workers.
742
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:24,625
Beware the false circumcision.
743
00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:27,670
No! Oh! No!
744
00:42:27,753 --> 00:42:29,755
[yells in pain]
745
00:42:31,507 --> 00:42:33,634
[yells in Russian] Kill him!
746
00:42:35,803 --> 00:42:37,596
[Russian] Cowardly cocks!
747
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,724
Now, here's the Bible
almost repeating itself,
748
00:42:40,808 --> 00:42:44,270
but not quite,
and the difference is crucial.
749
00:42:44,353 --> 00:42:47,856
If your eye causes you to sin...
750
00:42:49,066 --> 00:42:51,151
Eat shit, demon!
751
00:42:51,235 --> 00:42:52,653
...tear it out.
752
00:42:52,736 --> 00:42:54,154
Throw it away.
753
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:56,532
[screams in pain]
754
00:42:59,785 --> 00:43:03,163
I am so taken by you guys.
755
00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:07,251
I really, really am. I walked in here
and immediately I'm saying to myself:
756
00:43:07,334 --> 00:43:11,463
"Oh, yes, yes,
here are some proper nasty boys."
757
00:43:11,547 --> 00:43:16,051
-[groans]
-[distorted] My name is Orcus.
758
00:43:17,928 --> 00:43:20,264
Orcus.
759
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:25,894
[Hubble] Anything?
760
00:43:25,978 --> 00:43:30,399
Uh, as far as the residents go,
they were practically dead to begin with.
761
00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:35,446
[Hubble] Well... [sighs] we're nowhere
on who took the tape collection.
762
00:43:39,491 --> 00:43:41,702
But I think we might have a bead...
763
00:43:42,953 --> 00:43:44,580
on who took Dayglo Doug.
764
00:43:45,497 --> 00:43:46,915
A terrorist.
765
00:43:47,416 --> 00:43:48,250
[sighs]
766
00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:50,127
Shine's gonna want to see this.
767
00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:56,592
[keypad bleeping]
768
00:43:59,219 --> 00:44:00,095
[bleep]
769
00:44:05,225 --> 00:44:06,644
[distorted gurgles]
770
00:44:15,235 --> 00:44:17,988
[low groan]
771
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:22,368
[low gurgle]
772
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,670
[low gurgle]
773
00:44:41,303 --> 00:44:42,596
Mm!
774
00:44:49,103 --> 00:44:52,106
-Mom?
-Oh, hi, sweetheart.
775
00:44:53,190 --> 00:44:54,775
You're home a little late.
776
00:44:56,318 --> 00:44:58,153
Yeah, work was kind of a madhouse.
777
00:45:01,615 --> 00:45:03,826
It's the busiest time of year
down at the clinic.
778
00:45:03,909 --> 00:45:06,745
A few months after Valentine's, and all.
How was your day?
779
00:45:08,163 --> 00:45:09,206
How was school?
780
00:45:14,169 --> 00:45:15,462
Make any new friends?
781
00:45:19,174 --> 00:45:20,175
Maybe one.