[Happy] Previously on Happy...
"Easter Under Siege."
We're a hit, baby!
I run the third largest network. I have everything a man could wish for.
What about the things a man shouldn't wish for?
-You're firing me? -You don't give me any choice!
There is something inside me.
[electronic music]
I'm done being everyone's bitch, Dr. Reddy.
[grunts]
-You know you're a dead man, Blue-rat? -[grunts]
[Hailey] You, me, under the bleachers.
-[slaps] -Ah!
[Dagney] Help me!
You almost got hurt back there.
[Sax] Looking for these?
You knew I needed money for Hailey's school. You used me, Mer.
-Yeah. I did. -Yeah.
This very simple B and E of yours, it turned out not to be quite so simple.
Sonny Shine?
A few guards showed up.
-[Mer] And? -[Sax] I'm standing here with the tapes.
The proof is on these tapes. The people on these tapes protect him.
He goes down, they go down.
[Happy] Holy guacamole! It's Dayglo Doug!
Who the fuck's Dayglo Doug?
[no sound]
[cheesy electronic music]
[announcer] Here we go! Abracadabra!
Bunny! Ah! Oh!
I'm Julius Caesar! You can't do this to me!
Ah! Ah! Oh!
[announcer] Say something sweet and eat something sour.
Magic and laughs on the Dayglo Doug Power Hour!
-Ha-ha! -[crowd cheers and applauds]
Hey, there!
Uh, no, no, no, no applause.
No applause. I am not worthy. Thank you.
[cheering fades]
We love you!
-[kid 1] Yeah! -[kid 2] We love you, Doug!
And it's that love that has made the Dayglo Doug Power Hour
the top-rated cable-access kids' show in the Greater Toledo area.
[cheering and applause]
And only a handful of shows can make that claim.
[applause and cheering stops]
But... [inhales]
the time has come for old Doug to hang up his hat.
This will be the last day I host the Dayglo Doug Power Hour.
[kids] Aw! Oh, no!
Before I get too emotional...
I want to introduce you to the new host of the Power Hour
and your new best friend...
Sonny Shine!
-[kids cheer] -[cheesy electronic music plays]
Yeah! [laughs]
[cheering]
[whoops and laughs]
[music ends and kids cheer]
Dayglo Doug, everybody! Ha-ha!
His best trick?
Vanishing from his own show!
[Sonny cackles]
But seriously, Doug, now you'll have plenty of time to devote to your passions.
You may not know it, but our buddy Doug is quite the aficionado
in a little something you may have studied in school, World War II.
Look it up! But I've been thinking, Double D,
will you even have time to join us as a guest star?
Sure, that'd be super.
But then I think about episode 186.
Episode 186?
Band-Aid episode?
Correct-o! Where you taught us all how tearing off the Band-Aid quickly
was really the only healthy way to move forward.
-Isn't that right, kids? [laughs] -[kids] Yeah!
[distorted laughter]
And now let's cue the music.
Because we'd all like to remember you just the way you are.
["Tomorrow Belongs To Me" plays]
♪ Oh, Fatherland, Fatherland Show us a sign ♪
♪ Your children are waiting to see ♪
♪ The morning will come ♪
♪ When the world is [screams] mine! ♪
♪ Tomorrow belongs to me ♪
Doug! Doug, one question for the aficionado before you go.
About how tall would you say Winston Churchill was?
Churchill? About that tall--
-[cackles] -[cheering]
Imagine it, Dayglo Doug was there when Sonny started.
What's the word when you're part of history?
Fossil.
Yeah, Sax, I get it. He's old. What's your point?
Oh, I don't know. Let's see, he's senile, wears leotards.
No, sounds like a slam-dunk witness to build the foundation of your case on.
Top-flight police work, Mer, digging up this gem.
It's not my case. It's ours. Remember?
We're here.
Cut my beard off after 9/11.
And you're here to see?
Doug Thorn.
Mr. Thorn doesn't take visitors.
He'll make an exception.
Did you get that out of a Cracker Jack box?
It was my dad's.
[Happy] You really stepped in number two with that one, Nick.
[Sax] I'll step on you.
[Mer] What's the matter?
Old people.
-What? -They don't like me. I don't like them.
And that whole building is filled with them. You smell that?
That's them.
Hey, psst! Hey, pal. Pal, hey, hey.
-You mind? -For residents only.
I got a blood-sugar thing.
If you're hungry, there's a vending machine in the rest room.
The restroom? Fuck this place.
-[gasps] Jeez! -[through electrolarynx] Are you my son?
Dr. Kevorkian's that way.
[Doug] Thank you. Uh, for my next trick, I would like you to look at this hat.
What do you see inside? Nothing, right?
Is that really Dayglo Doug?
He looks different.
[old man] Get to the Polish jokes!
-There's your star witness. -I will punch you in the throat.
So, man comes home from work with a duck under his arm.
His wife answers the door.
"This is the pig I've been fucking," the man says.
The wife says, "That's a duck, not a pig."
The man says, "I'm not talking to you."
[guffaws]
[exaggerated laugh]
I don't get it.
I was going to close this set by cutting a woman in half.
Unfortunately... my assistant passed away this morning.
So I would like to dedicate today's show... to Gladys.
-She died as she lived. -Showing off her box for a nickel?
[laughter]
[exaggerated laugh]
Mr. Thorn... may we have a few words?
[Sax grunts]
[Hubble] Big as a baby's arm with an apple in its fist.
I think the word you're looking for is, jumbo.
[Sonny] I'm immune to flattery... and disease.
Now spill it, cops!
-Who violated my inner sanctum? -There's a loaded question.
Can we talk... openly?
Dario doesn't understand a lick of English.
[Italian accent] Hold still-a!
TBH... we, uh, don't have a lot to go on.
And by that, we mean, nada surf.
Seeing as how you wiped the whole place clean before we got here.
Well, this crime scene's got more blood traces
-than Chicago on Saint Valentine's Day. -But no bodies.
The only witness was your wife.
She fingered the pool boy.
Don't remind me.
Who she says was here with a little blue unicorn... with wings.
Bebe's last coherent thought was during the Carter administration!
[sighs] You're missing the point. This is not an official investigation.
There will be no official reports of any stiffs on my grounds.
There will be no official statements taken from my smoking-hot wife or anyone else.
But I do expect a very firm, hard, unofficial look
into who the hell effed up my effigy!
That's why you two are unofficially here. Is that clear?
-As Mother Teresa's urine test. -Ain't what I heard.
-Magnifico. -No, no! Più vene!
I want it to look like the roots of a banyan tree!
Sonny Shine?
No, sirree. Sorry. Can't help you.
I am not going to say one word about him. El Zippo.
We're investigating some serious crimes, Mr. Thorn.
A child-kidnapping ring, murder, extortion.
Yeah, that sounds like Sonny.
You two don't look like cops.
We're undercover.
Deep cover.
I said it's deep, that's all.
I can tell you want to talk to me, Doug. What are you afraid of?
[exhales] Me? Everything.
Heights, spider plants, three-legged jeans.
-[chuckles] He's still got it. -Oh, he's still he's got it, all right.
I just hope you can't catch it.
Listen, I can offer you police protection, new identity.
[scoffs] New identity. That's a laugher. All I ever wanted was my old one back.
The rat bastard stole everything from me.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
[inhales deeply]
[Mer] Sure isn't like the old days, is it? [sighs]
Not like when the Dayglo Doug Power Hour was the number one kids' local access show
in the Greater Toledo area.
You were big, Doug.
I was! I was big, wasn't I?
Johnny "Wad" Holmes big.
Milton Berle big.
-[spotlight bulb flashes] -[kids cheering]
-[distant door buzzer] -♪ Give me a home ♪
♪ Where the buffalo roam ♪
♪ And the deer and the antelope... ♪
-♪ And seldom is heard ♪ -[Orcus] Shh.
♪ A discouraging word... ♪
[Orcus] You know, I was there to hear the great Caruso make his professional debut.
Now I've got to listen to this shit.
[Blue] Do you not know the meaning of solitary confinement?
It's meant to be just me in here!
Mm. Perhaps you're confused, which seems to happen so very easily.
So, to elucidate, you are trapped in this prison.
I am trapped in you.
Trapped?
Well, then, just get out.
[breathes heavily] I bequeath you freedom.
Mm. If only.
But even the demigods are constrained by certain earthly limitations.
Bloodlines and all that, you know.
I did try and hop into your charming sister,
a much more fun body to play around in.
Even came with its own television show!
But we both know how that little harlequin art came to an end.
[laughs maniacally] This is madness!
I got to get out of here!
[Orcus] It's not such a bad place for us, this.
At least until I get my strength back.
Pottery shop, fun.
And all these impressionable, homicidal minds to sway.
And as I get my strength back, you'll have more and more blackouts
until life is one long, continuous blackout.
Now, won't that be nice?
No more waking up like a Kennedy wondering...
"Who did I sodomize?
Whom did I kill?"
What will happen then?
By then, I'll have built an army.
No, I meant what will happen to me?
Oh.
[distant distorted evil cackle]
[distant door buzzer]
[bike bell rings]
Uh, it's a great surprise. Don't get me wrong. I like this new rebel Amanda.
This let's-get-crazy-and-ditch-work, good-girl-gone-bad Amanda.
You're joking, but, honestly, I know me.
And these days, I haven't felt like her at all.
Mm.
It's strange even talking about it.
Not at all!
Talking it out, that's the best way to deal with stress.
That and a little hot yoga.
I don't think hot yoga's going to fix it.
I got fired, Simon.
Seriously?
That's great!
Um...
I was right out of college in Seattle, when the first big dot-com boom hit.
I found myself one of the first employees in a little books-in-the-mail startup.
Amazon? Wow.
No. It was encyclopedias-in-the-mail.com.
Free returns killed us, so, six months later, I'm broke.
I'm unemployed, living in my mother's basement.
I was feeling sorry for myself.
But it forced me to do a lot of soul-searching, Amanda, okay,
to figure out what I really want in life, what's really important.
I realized for me, it's giving back, making a difference.
Boom. Ties Without Borders was born.
Hm? Do you feel me?
Every setback is an opportunity?
To learn something about yourself. To bring something new into this world.
Joseph Campbell said it best: "Follow your bliss."
He should know.
He invented freaking Star Wars.
I like that.
"Follow your bliss."
-[Amanda grunts] Yes! Yes! -[wall bangs]
Yes! Damn it! Yes!
[moans and squeals]
[both grunt and groan]
[rattle of coins]
[Sax] Do you see that?
Live long enough, there's your reward.
Breaking a hip tripping over your oxygen tank just trying to get to your bedpan.
Why don't more people know about this?
How come they never showed it on The Golden Girls?
Lesbian fairytale.
They are talking to him right now.
Of course, he wasn't Sonny back then.
Yeah, he was... he was still Louis Sheinberg.
He used to come to the show, sit in the audience.
He was a super fan, if you know what I mean.
I mean, it comes with the territory in my business.
Don't get me wrong. I love my little Douglets,
but after a certain point, it gets, you know, a little bit...
Super-fantastic?
Creepy. Skin-crawly.
-Depressing? -Somewhat.
Go on.
-[kids cheer] [Doug] Year after year, he'd show up.
Most kids grew out of it, not him.
We made friends... sort of.
He said he wanted to be an entertainer, like me.
-But it wasn't until... -Until what?
You're going to think I'm some kind of a nutjob.
We're the ones who are crazy, not you. Go ahead. Dish.
Those things...
[slow squelching]
The Wishees.
[sighs] I still remember the first time he showed up with them.
The costumes.
The big, round fish eyes, the "fuck me" mouths. [breathes heavily]
Let's face it, Louis was just a shmuck
until those candy-colored abominations came along.
After that, everything changed for him.
Suddenly, he just took...
whatever he wanted to...
starting with my show.
Oh, oh! Oh, question.
-Um, when these, whatever you call 'em... -Wishees, Nick.
-Sax. -...which I am to understand
are basically, uh, shitheads in fuzzy outfits
that dance around the stage with Mr. Sheinberg...
When they, as you say, "showed up"...
are we saying, like, say, for example, from Cleveland?
Cleveland? Cleveland, Ohio?
Yes.
-By way of the Crab Nebula, maybe. -Aha!
And they weren't just guys in outfits.
[inhales and sighs] The big guy doesn't seem very bright,
so I'm going to try to make this as simple as I can.
Back in the Etruscan Age, this gigantic meteor crashes into Earth--
All right, that's it! I'm done.
-Enjoy your interrogation. -Where the fuck you going?
I'm simply famished.
So I'm going to find where they stash those pudding cups, or die trying.
You, Trigger, I suggest you come along.
-[Doug] Your friend's a little-- -I know.
Keep talking.
[children chatter and laugh in background]
[gasps]
-You! -You know what they say.
Nothing makes you believe in hell like Catholic school.
[gasps] No! Wait!
Wait. Hailey.
I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry for everything that happened.
-Get away from me. -Don't run off, please.
I'm not moving. See?
I'll stay perfectly still. I wouldn't think of hurting you.
It's... It's the opposite, I've been protecting you, haven't I?
I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to listen.
I don't blame you for being scared. This can be very confusing.
Should we sit? Mm? Would that be better?
[distant cries of jungle birds]
I see you've got your lucky keychain.
Maybe you've been thinking about things, questions you have for me.
You're supposed to be dead.
Dead? Someone told you that?
My parents.
Ah. Parents.
[chuckles] They do like making up stories, don't they?
Seems that no one wants to tell you the truth these days.
What happened to your eye?
You're not the only one who knows what it's like to be bullied.
What if I told you that I was forced to do what I did?
There are very awful people in this world, Hailey.
And they can make people do very awful things.
Doesn't make it right, but it's... it's the truth.
I was happy when you children were saved by the police.
Those very awful people, not so much...
as you can see.
I'm sorry. I... I can put my glasses back on.
So, now we're supposed to be friends?
I don't need friends.
I do.
But... if that's the way you feel.
I'm just happy that you're finally hearing the truth.
You've been lied to since the day you were born.
-It's about time someone finally-- -What's that mean?
No, don't. I'm not one to open up old wounds.
But you do know the whole story?
Your father lied to your mother and then ran out on her.
And then your mother lied to your father about you
and then to you about your father.
I'm not a shrink, but that is a rough place for any kid to start.
I'm going.
Wait!
One last thing.
When you get home and see your mother, tell her we met.
Tell her what I said. Be honest with her.
See what she says.
And if you don't to be friends, you will never see me again.
But if you do... just say the word and I'll be right there.
[gentle piano music plays]
[announcer] While others run in fear from those who've declared war on Easter...
one man will unite us all...
in bringing sexy back to Easter.
This year, if we don't celebrate Easter, they win!
Just a taste, a little... como se dice, flavor, if you will.
This ain't your grandma's Easter, am I right?
Well... Kap?
What do you think?
[Sonny] Go, Kap, go! Num-num!
Num-num-num-num! [laughs and whoops]
I think it's fucking brilliant.
Yeah.
Oh, there she is! [laughs]
Who's hungry? [laughs]
[Happy] If you told me one day I'd get to see Dayglo Doug,
up close and in person,
tell the story of how he met Sonny Shine for the first time, I would have said:
"Holy guacamole! Somebody pinch me 'cause this is a dream come true!"
But it's not.
Yeah, well, if it's any consolation, that look on your face
of soul-crushing disappointment has been the highlight of this whole trip.
[door hinges creak]
[Nazi announcer] Ein Volk und ein Reich! Sieg Heil!
Dickless freaking Doug.
Some witness. That's what I get for trusting Mer.
[old man] You should be the black one!
I was black last time!
I'm not a schwarzer. You be the schwarzer.
Is that going to be us some day, Nick?
Frittering away our last days in a place like this, arguing over some silly game.
Don't you worry about that, pal. I'll drink bleach before I let that happen.
Besides, what are you worried about? You ain't even hit the magical P word yet.
Puberty.
Latin... for pubes.
A six-year period where you part your hair down the middle
and your body gets all awkward, pimply,
at the same time, wants to get naked with other people.
But what if I don't want to grow up?
Well, you're going to have to file that one under tough shit.
-[Nazi on recording] Nordsudaten... -Um...
...ein Volk und ein Reich!
Have you noticed the staff here is funny?
Usually, the people they hire in joints like this are, um... different.
-Different how? -Dominican.
[sniffs]
-Do you smell popcorn? -[sniffs] Oh, hell, yeah.
[dramatic military music plays]
Holy schizer.
Hey, Mer.
Mer, guess what. Turns out this place is a home for assholes.
-Excuse me? -Go ahead, tell her.
Yeah, you know, some of the people here are a bit colorful.
Yeah. Red, white and black. We saw the tape, der fuckwad.
Look, you know Sonny's MO! I was set up!
If the armband fits...
I am a history buff, a collector of rare and exotic memorabilia.
I don't belong here with these fascists!
Okay. Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?
Nazis, Mer. The place is stinking with them.
Look, it wasn't enough that he stole my show,
then he has to twist the knife!
You know, Sonny used to say the shortest book ever written was
the German Book of Humor. That's why he stuck me here!
Don't you think I'd leave if I could?
I've been bombing in front of this Stasi scum for a decade!
I mean, you got to get me out of this place!
I can't take another bad review!
-We're going. Come on. -No. We're not actually taking this guy.
You said you would protect me if I talked.
This adult diaper-wearing war criminal is not getting in my cab!
-Hey! I resemble that last remark. -Hey--
I'm not doing this with you right now.
-What is it about this guy? -[orderly clears throat and whistles]
Visiting time, sadly, is over.
So we're going to have to ask you to leave.
It's time for your pills.
We have got some more questions to ask him off-site. I'm sure you understand.
I don't think so.
[Sax sighs]
You eye-fucking me, Nietzsche?
[Happy] Uh, Nick?
Ah.
[with electrolarynx] Is there a problem, young man?
-Nothing we can't handle, Herr Zimmer. -Oh, boy.
You. Where do you think you're slinking off to?
You have a show in 20 minutes.
[Nazi on recording] Nordsudaten, ein Deutschland,
ein Volk und ein Reich, und unter der Deutsche Nation,
unter der Deutsche Volk! Sieg Heil!
Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
Well, actually, the show starts now.
Blitzkrieg!
[indistinct yelling]
[grunts]
Argh!
All right, NYPD, nobody move! Shit!
-[grunts] -[gunshot]
Fuck!
Doug!
Argh!
[old men yell]
[old man yells]
-Ew! -[orderly groans]
[Sax wheezes]
[grunts]
Nick!
-[yelling] -[orderly] Come here!
[fingers scratch floor]
[grunts and groans]
That is my witness!
-[grunting] -[bones crack]
Lookit, Mer! The bones, they're so brittle!
-[grunts and groans] -[neck snaps]
[old man growls]
[empty cartridge]
[groans]
Ew!
[grunts]
[yelling]
[roars]
-Sax! Stop killing people! -Ah, come on, Mer!
-They're Nazis! Ha! -[man chokes]
-[thump] -[man groans]
Ouch... witz.
[gasps and chokes]
[pants]
[groans]
[gasps and pants]
Papa never loved me.
[groans]
Auf wiedersehen, motherfucker.
[both panting]
Greatest generation, my ass.
[loud thud]
[door buzzer]
[door slams and footsteps]
[door buzzer]
Oh, my God! Look at what they did to you!
Get off of me! Get off of me!
I said, get off of me!
[pants and groans softly]
Is it true?
What?
You killed all them Russians in the toilet.
[breathes heavily]
What if it is?
[chuckles]
[sighs]
It's like...
-It's like you're two different people. -Mm.
One's warm and loving.
The other's just... cold and cruel.
No! No!
Don't say that!
I'm not two different people!
It's just me!
And I am...
I'm Blue!
[Blue sighs]
I'm... Blue...
Orcus.
This is...
[groans]
[distant announcements over PA system]
I'm sorry.
[breathes heavily]
I'm sorry.
[breathes heavily]
You've been so kind to me and, uh...
I've spurned you.
You haven't, though. I mean, spurned.
-No, I spurned you. -You really haven't.
I've treated you unkindly and...
[sighs] I'm just... I'm scared, Pink.
I need you to tell me that...
[sighs]
it's me, right?
I'm Blue Scaramucci?
Tell me I'm Blue Scaramucci.
Yeah, it's you.
[inhales and exhales]
That's right. You're Blue.
[emotional] You're Blue Scaramucci.
[exhales]
[growls softly]
[whimpers softly]
-[Orcus] Oh, you nasty little tart, go on. -[Pink gags]
-Oh, tell me. Tell me. -[gags]
-[grunts] -[groans]
Who am I?
[gags]
[Sonny Shine's theme tune music plays]
♪ Sonny! ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, Sonny Shine! ♪
♪ Ooh... ♪
High-five!
Sock it to me!
[whoops and laughs]
[low chattering and laughter]
Dad, look here!
[kid] Dad! Look!
It's Sonny Shine's original shiny mic!
I don't know how "original" it is.
It says on the thing.
[man] I mean, when I was growing up, it was the Dayglo Doug Power Hour.
All this stuff is from that show.
I'm sure you could still find the old clips online.
-Who likes selfies? -Oh, my God!
Let's do this! Let's do this! Come on!
Gather around, everyone! Give it to me.
Okay, here we are. Everybody say:
Sonny Shine's Easter Live Bonanza Eggstravaganza with Tony Danza!
[cheering]
All right, all right, you all better get going.
The Wishee exhibit closes in 20 minutes for fumigation. [mouths]
Remember, when you post those: #SonnyEaster!
Make Easter great again!
And a mega day to you, too!
[Dr. Reddy] So the procedure is for root canal on Saturday
and the payment's been made?
Hailey?
Hi, Dr. Reddy. I need to tell my mother something. It's important.
Hailey, your mother doesn't work here anymore.
But... since when?
[Dr. Reddy] A few days ago. Sorry, I thought she would've told you.
Lollipop?
[breathes heavily]
It's fantastic!
I knew you'd love it.
Oh! It's like a 3D version of the inside of my brain.
-I know, right? -You really are on the level.
You said they weren't guys in suits. [grunts softly]
I'm afraid to ask, but what exactly did you mean by that?
Afraid to ask or afraid of the answer?
You ever talk to one of them face to face?
Oh, uh, no, see, about that, they don't speak.
-What do you mean? -Well, I mean, they don't speak.
Like Helen Keller? Or like a mime?
No, no, no, no. They communicate through telepathy.
Of course.
Well, only Sonny can hear them.
They speak, it goes straight into his brain.
Don't think it would work so well for you.
[grunts] I'm going to be in the kitchen.
If you got tinfoil, I can make Doug a new hat.
Who'd believe a guy with a smile like that could be so evil?
[sighs] What, that Mr. Prissypants is a bad guy? Welcome to the party.
I can't believe it. Me and Hailey used to...
[sighs]
But I guess that's all over now.
It's like you said, Nick. People change. Everything changes.
That's right. That goes for me, too.
Try and knock me off the... Try...
Try and knock me off the wagon.
Will of iron, pal. She ain't going to be happy
until I've broken every promise to Amanda and the kid, and for what? Huh?
Go on a wild goose chase with some incontinent Kraut-dog
who thinks Sasquatch killed Biggie.
What are we going to do, Nick?
Well, for now, I'm going to get this jelly open.
I mean, about Sonny and the Wishees. Doug says...
Let me tell you something.
Being a grown-up means you got to learn that...
heroism comes in a lot of different forms,
one of them being... not being a hero.
Capiche? [grunts]
Nick. You don't really believe that.
Here's what I believe in.
Being there for that kid, trying to give her some kind of normal life
after everything she has been through.
You know, we got too many freaks in leotards in our lives for my taste.
[inhales and exhales]
Fuck 'em all.
I killed it.
-[gunshot] -[screeches]
I know I did. Nothing bleeds that much and walks away.
But when I went back, it was gone. Something moved the body.
I had a feeling the place would be wiped clean
before Forensics got there. What they don't know...
is I took some of whatever it was that came out of that thing.
[Doug] You have its blood?
Where is it?
Well, I had it in here, under a lamp, then it started moving,
like it was trying to get out.
[anxious breathing] No, you're supposed to keep it cold.
I figured that. I put it in a jelly jar. I stuck it in the fridge.
[munches]
Oh, man, I needed that. Did I tell you I got a blood-sugar thing?
[stomach gurgles]
[grunts and groans]
[grunts]
-[sighs deeply] -[splash of diarrhea]
Sweet boneless Jesus!
-[farting and splash of diarrhea] -Oh!
This is Captain Turdwell! We are experiencing
uncontrollable explosive thrust in both engines!
Prepare for water landing!
[Happy] How about a courtesy flush?
[farting and splash of diarrhea]
Woo! Ha!
[screeching and squelching]
[groans]
[grunts]
[gibbers and grunts]
-Hm? -[Wishee chitters and screeches]
Sax!
[yells]
What the hell is this?
[grunts] Ah!
[yells]
[grunts and pants]
[toilet flushes]
Argh!
[Wishee screeches]
[grunts]
-[grunts] -[Wishee hisses]
[hard thud]
Mer!
-[Wishee screeches] -[Sax yells]
You must be Rin Tin Tikki Tavi... walking in here.
If I can forgive you sending six of your chums in to kill me,
then surely... surely...
you can forgive me for merely drowning them all in the toilet.
Besides, I'm here to make you an offer that you simply cannot refuse.
There are those who would give their right hand to work with me.
Just because you talk like Liam Neeson...
[tuts]
...this does not make you Liam Neeson.
[Orcus laughs]
In ages past, it was customary to sacrifice black sheep in my name.
And then to make a lovely big pot of stew, not unlike this one.
[speaks Russian] Faith is a difficult thing.
Mm.
[Russian] No matter how much you're told.
[Russian] Seeing is still believing.
Maybe you young pioneers are more familiar with the Bible
than you are with the Roman texts.
Yeah?
For example...
He who fails to find me injures himself.
[rumbling]
What the fuck?
[Orcus] And if your hand should cause you to sin...
cut it off and throw it away.
[breathes heavily]
[yells]
[yells hysterically]
[Orcus] And what is that other verse?
Oh, yes, la-da-da-da-da, beware the dogs.
Beware the evil workers.
Beware the false circumcision.
No! Oh! No!
[yells in pain]
[yells in Russian] Kill him!
[Russian] Cowardly cocks!
Now, here's the Bible almost repeating itself,
but not quite, and the difference is crucial.
If your eye causes you to sin...
Eat shit, demon!
...tear it out.
Throw it away.
[screams in pain]
I am so taken by you guys.
I really, really am. I walked in here and immediately I'm saying to myself:
"Oh, yes, yes, here are some proper nasty boys."
-[groans] -[distorted] My name is Orcus.
Orcus.
[Hubble] Anything?
Uh, as far as the residents go, they were practically dead to begin with.
[Hubble] Well... [sighs] we're nowhere on who took the tape collection.
But I think we might have a bead...
on who took Dayglo Doug.
A terrorist.
[sighs]
Shine's gonna want to see this.
[keypad bleeping]
[bleep]
[distorted gurgles]
[low groan]
[low gurgle]
Mm!
-Mom? -Oh, hi, sweetheart.
You're home a little late.
Yeah, work was kind of a madhouse.
It's the busiest time of year down at the clinic.
A few months after Valentine's, and all. How was your day?
How was school?
Make any new friends?
Maybe one.