[Happy] Previously, on Happy...
Look, Mer, it does have an asshole.
He who fails to find me, injures himself.
What the fuck?
[screams]
This is a great honor.
We didn't call you here to wish you good luck.
Your special's off.
I'm going to save Easter.
Not on our network.
We're going to kill Sonny Shine.
How does that sound?
Go on.
[Mer] Blue's escaped from prison. He's going to kill Sonny on live TV.
This has been about Sonny's Easter show the entire time.
Your mom's a little bit sick right now... not in her body, in her head.
Hailey Louise Hansen, you get over here right now and get these off me.
I sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you thank me?
[Sax] Going back to Sonny Shine?
Go get high with the man who kidnapped your own daughter?
Sonny Shine kidnapped me? I hate you both.
Hailey!
You need to trust me.
Sometimes bad people need to die.
You're going to kill the one who stole your childhood.
Sonny Shine.
You'll get your revenge, Hailey.
I promise.
[Mer] Since when is Amanda knocked up? I just saw her a couple days ago.
The baby inside Amanda Hansen isn't mine. It's theirs.
[screams]
[Muzak plays and cash tills bleep]
[inhales] How about I just assist myself?
[gulps greedily]
He's just been shat out of an inter-dimensional alien asshole.
You understand.
[grunts angrily]
[yells and grunts]
I'm looking for a patient. Amanda...
Sax... Hansen.
Look, we can do this the, uh, hard way or...
Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
-He's off his meds. -Great cough syrup!
Sax! Tighten your shit up.
Meh.
Hey! I know this place is run by the mob,
but it's still a working civilian hospital.
So, where do we start?
Right there.
[gasps]
You missed a spot.
[exhales]
Okay, so, where do we start?
[breathes heavily]
Ninth floor.
It's where they take the bad guys. Remember?
No.
[indistinct announcements over PA system]
[whistles]
[screams]
What's going on?
Why are they here?
Do try to relax, dear.
[breathes heavily]
Doctor... A touch more oxygen, don't you think?
[equipment bleeps]
[oxygen hisses]
It was unplanned, you know.
Bit of a holiday surprise.
You know, when I heard you were in the family way,
my first reaction was, "Oh, my God, now?
With our Easter pageant in full swing?"
Then there's never a perfect time, is there?
And you...
just think of it, my mucilaginous chums!
-[Wishees grunt] -A whole army of you.
Oh! The madness!
Oh! The chaos!
[doctor] Heart rate's going through the roof. We're going to lose her!
That's tragic.
Charge the defib.
I know you wanted a natural childbirth, Mr. Scaramucci,
but I've never seen anything like this before.
My dear doctor, no one has ever seen anything like this before.
They're evolving, you know, in ways that even I do not understand.
[defibrillator charges]
[chuckles] Can't wait to find out what comes out, can you?
[breathes heavily] Fuck this.
[Happy] Amanda!
Where are you?
What the hell?
[doctor] I got to give her something. Her heart won't take more of this!
[Orcus] Her heart won't need to take much more.
One life whispers into the darkness.
Another screams into the light.
-[screams] -[Orcus] This is it!
[squelching]
[whimpers]
[exhales deeply]
[Wishees groan]
[pants]
[Orcus] Oh.
Absolutely stunning.
[ghostly gibbering]
It's an Easter miracle.
So disgustingly adorbs.
[ghostly gibbering]
[breathes heavily]
You've fulfilled your purpose, my dear.
It's time to rest.
[breathes heavily]
[clattering]
[canister hisses]
[ghostly shriek]
No! No!
[man over PA system] Evacuate! Evacuate! This is not a drill!
Find the nearest exit in an orderly fashion.
Do you know what you've done, you cunt?
See you next Tuesday.
[Wishees screech]
Fuck! Fuck!
-Fuck! -Boss!
[breathes heavily]
[Wishees shriek and hiss]
[whispers] Happy?
Amanda?
[distant screams]
[pants]
[panicked chatter]
Well, hello.
Sax, he's not who you think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't like to be called Blue no more?
You're now, um... Orphus, god of assholes.
Look, pal, I don't give a rat's ass what you call yourself these days.
You're in my way.
[Orcus] Nick Sax.
I have heard such...
[inhales] ...things.
If half of them are true, you and I are going to get along splendidly.
I doubt that, Frenchie.
[Orcus laughs wildly]
Mer, I...
Suicide by Sax!
Now, this is some lovely... sport!
He can make people kill themselves. I don't know how.
[screaming]
[gunshot]
[grunts and groans]
[groans]
[gunshot]
Oh, for crying out loud! That was not on me!
Nick! Ugly lady!
[woman screams]
What the hell are you?
I'm an Imaginary Friend.
No... No.
You're just like me.
But instead of death, you...
[music: "All Out of Love" by Air Supply]
[grunting and moaning]
[moaning]
Come here!
[Sax mutters angrily]
-Sax! -I don't know where her lips have been.
[Sax grunts]
Ew! Oh!
[both grunt]
[grunting and moaning]
Huh? [grunts]
[Mer grunts]
[moaning and grunting]
[Wishee shrieks]
-[music stops] -[confused muttering]
[gasping and embarrassed yells]
-[man] I'm sorry. -Nick!
[pants]
[Sax] Amanda?
Yeah.
I'm back.
Where's our fucking daughter?
[indistinct chatter]
All checked in.
[Hailey] Okay.
I want you to know that I'm very proud of you.
I know.
Do you remember the plan?
-Tell me. -A car picks me up at seven.
-It'll take me straight there. -Once you're in...
Once I'm in, I know what to do.
I'll be inside waiting for you.
What's this?
Something special before the big night.
Enjoy.
See you at the show.
[classical music plays]
[Sax] Listen to me. We're going to find her. We just got to regroup.
Get our heads straight. We'll think back on everything that... that led us to this.
We'll come up with a... plan.
Amanda?
I remember everything.
Everything I said...
Everything I did. [breathes heavily]
Everything.
I couldn't stop myself.
Can you imagine what that's like?
I must've felt that way my entire life.
Maybe why I left.
You know, I just couldn't take another day feeling the way that you're... feeling,
but the difference between you and me is that this...
This was out of your control. This was not you, Amanda. You know that, right?
How do I explain that to Hailey?
The things I said...
the lies...
the waffles.
It wasn't me.
How does she believe that?
Maybe she won't...
at first, but... but you'll chip away at it.
You're the only mom she's got.
She'll forgive you.
I don't see how that's ever going to be possible.
Well, you forgave me.
Right?
-[upbeat dance music] -[whoops] No!
This is the future!
I am... I am the future!
I can't be around children?
I can't be around children? Me?
I'm going to be the greatest, most beloved children's entertainer of all time!
That's what I'm going to be!
[yells] I'm going to be the most beloved children's entertainer...
[sobs]
...of all time!
They don't understand.
I'll show them all something...
they have never seen before.
[yells] I'll show them!
[youth 1] What you gonna show us, cock boy?
Read between the lines, scrub.
[youth 2] The fuck that cockswain just do?
Where you going? I asked you a question.
Let's fuck this cock monkey up.
[shrill laughter]
[grunts and groans]
-[Sonny coughs] -What was that?
[Sonny] I don't...
You don't...
You don't... know what...
joy is.
You don't know...
You don't know what love is.
You don't. You forgot what it's like to be little kids...
[giggles]
And you're nothing.
[laughs uproariously and coughs]
You know what? You're right.
Let's play tic-tac-toe.
[exhales] I'll go first.
[Sonny screams]
[Wishees shriek]
[bones snap and grunting]
[panicked grunting and groaning]
-[screams] -[bones snap and squelching]
[Sonny screams]
[whimpers] What? What?
[Sonny] What...?
Okay. [grunts]
[ghostly purr]
[Sonny] What...
are...
you?
[ghostly voice] A Wishee...
[ghostly purr]
Are you talking to me?
[glam rock music plays]
[distorted chanting] Sonny Shine!
Sonny Shine!
It's over.
My Eggtacular is canceled.
And now, my muses...
they've canceled you, too.
No one ever understood me.
Not even the children, to be candid.
Oh, I tingled their little sweet tooths and gave them some...
some naughty fun to scare their parents with.
But them...
them...
[sniffles] My Wishees!
[sobs and sniffs]
Oh!
They're the only ones that ever got me.
You know...
I could talk to them.
Not out loud, of course, but...
something beyond words.
What?
Uh...
Oh.
[Sonny] Huh.
Telepathy.
A strange sensation, that chattering in your thoughts.
I should have been here...
with them.
It's too late.
[Orcus] We've all lost a great deal today.
But...
there's too much at stake for everybody.
The show's too important.
We'll find a way.
Find?
Find a way?
Hello-oh?
We are finished!
Finito!
The fat lady has sung her last fucking sonata!
The show is over!
I'm over!
[sniffs] Don't you get it?
[breathes heavily]
Where the hell are you going?
I have my savings, my investments. I...
If I own half of Palm Springs, I can live ten lifetimes like Ricky Martin.
You're not going anywhere.
Men...
Men like us...
we do not scatter...
into the ashes of history.
We are the originators of history.
This?
This is not an end!
This is a beginning.
Who decides that you're over?
Who decides that you've gone far enough?
These small, simple men.
They know nothing of greatness.
How could they possibly appreciate a true vision such as yours?
All they can do is fear it.
Your detractors...
what are they?
Sightless worms squirming in the syrup of a decomposing culture.
You are the brightest star in the sky, Sonny!
And a blind maggot does not stop the sun from shining.
Will you know let them snuff you out on the eve of your greatest triumph?
We don't need permission.
We don't need anyone.
Now, you pull up your golden britches.
And you show the world what you are damn well made of.
The show will go on...!
[prisoners chant] Orcus! Orcus! Orcus! Orcus!
You get me.
You understand.
[sniffs] You understand.
[inhales deeply]
The show... will... go on!
It will! [muffled groan]
[nervous laugh]
["Easter Parade" plays]
[excited chattering]
[girl] Happy Easter!
Can you take our picture?
-[camera clicks and buzzes] -[woman chuckles]
[girl] Thanks!
[woman] Here, we'll take one for you!
Smile!
[camera clicks and buzzes]
[girl] Don't shake it!
[loud pop]
Hey, Rita.
Hi, McCarthy. What's the name?
Bianchi. She's still in pretrial detention.
Should be Block C.
Oh, shit. Bianchi, you said?
Yeah?
Well, that ain't good.
What?
Uh...
I hate to be the "bear" of bad news.
Bearer?
-What? -It's the bearer.
Bearer of bad--
Never mind. Uh, what is it?
Well, uh, about Bianchi.
She was... I don't know how to say this.
-You weren't related, were you? -Go on.
You are not going to believe... I'm not even sure how such a thing could happen.
Uh... But she was.
Oh, hell, I'm just going to say it.
[prison door buzzer]
[Orcus] Hello, my lovely.
My autumn bloom.
Oh, what? Are you not talking to me now, then?
Really?
But you were so loquacious the last time we met.
But by the way, that was most unkind.
The business with the... knitting needles.
[guffaws]
[laughing mutter]
[laughs uproariously]
Most unkind...
trapping me in this too, too solid flesh.
And what's a life sentence to you, eh?
Barely a slap on the wrist.
Still, nobody to blame but myself, I suppose.
[frustrated grunt]
Fine!
I'll leave you to your knitting.
Oh!
One thing before I leave.
Um, I did want to send a message to your sisters.
I think they will have a message for you...
soon.
So, hello! There she is.
Hello!
No, but don't you see, young lady? I'm free now.
[hums jauntily]
My strength is coming back.
Spring is in the air.
And tonight, the most special of nights, I'm going to crush into powder
the hopes and dreams of millions of innocent souls...
again!
And there's nothing any of you can do to stop me.
But that's not the message.
The message, young lady...
is you.
[scarf constricts]
[groans]
[fast clicking]
[grunts and screams]
[shrieks in pain]
Decapitated?
As in...?
Well, all right, then.
Wait, hold up, McCarthy. It says there's something here for you.
For me?
Her belongings.
Seriously?
Left them in your care.
Wait, wait! There's something more.
What's this?
That's... [sighs] her.
Happy, I got to tell you, I have been down some dark alleys of Addiction Town,
but I ain't never seen nothing like that, what with the whipped cream.
She must be going through two, three cases at a time.
[inhales deeply] Who are you?
Passing up stuff like this, that's what I'm talking about.
Whipped cream is a gateway treat, Nick.
-It leads to more decadent confections. -[cork pops]
And do you really think another bottle of ass-whup is a good idea?
No, I don't, Hap.
[gulps greedily]
The strangest thing happened back there at the hospital.
-I was just... -I don't know if it was the drugs
or that shit they gave me.
I think I saw... Happy.
-Holy moly, macaroni! I knew it! -Happy?
Hailey's imaginary friend.
-Oh, Amanda, I'm here! -Uh...
-Right here! Can you see me? -Uh...
Yeah, I think if you were to tell anybody that, they'd think you were... [whistles]
I only know him from Hailey's drawings
and from the way she used to talk about him.
And the horn.
-The sweet smile. -[Sax grunts softly]
♪ The Happy Horse, Horse ♪
I remember the first time she sang that song.
She was four and three quarters...
and she asked me where her dad was.
I told her the truth, that I had no idea.
She created Happy the next day.
'Cause of you, I suppose.
Tell her, Nick. Go on.
Tell her you see me, too!
Amanda...
Yep?
Come on, Nick! Tell her!
I hope that he's with her now, telling her that everything's going to be all right,
telling her that we're coming for her 'cause we are.
Hope so, too.
[phone rings]
-Hello? -Mrs. Hansen?
-Yes. -This is Sister Lee from Saint Melanie's.
Sister Lee.
I wanted you to know that Hailey showed up here.
Hailey's at school.
She's scared but she's safe. You should come and pick her up.
[door hinges squeak]
Hey, can I cash that in?
Um...
Where are you going?
[fairground pipe-organ plays]
[ghostly whispering]
[thud]
Try not to worry, Amanda. We'll find her.
Was it true what you said?
That Hailey invented me because Nick wasn't there?
Maybe I was always meant to find him. Maybe that was my purpose!
[woman sings in distance] ♪ Here comes Peter Cottontail ♪
♪ Hoppin' down the bunny trail ♪
♪ Hippity, hoppity, Easter's on its way ♪
♪ Bringing every girl and boy ♪
♪ Baskets full of Easter joy ♪
[tearful singing] ♪ Making your Easter bright and gay ♪
-♪ He's got jellybeans for Tommy ♪ -[machinery clanks]
[tearfully] ♪ Colored eggs for sister Sue ♪
-[machinery clanks] -[singer screams]
[silence]
I thought she'd never stop.
[breathes heavily]
I know.
What's a boy to do?
I got ideas.
[Smoothie chuckles]
[whispers] But none of them really hit the spot, now, do they?
You can't kill me.
Then you won't find her.
You can't torture me.
What would be the point?
Fun.
[Smoothie chuckles]
Maybe for both of us.
But it wouldn't get you any closer to your little whippersnapper, now, would it?
We both know this doesn't end until one of us is dead.
Absolutely.
[whispers] But there are much worse things than dead.
-[Amanda] Nick? -Yes, sweetie.
-Amanda, no! -Who the fuck is this?
This...
is the guy I was telling you about.
I'm blushing.
Whatever he told you, all true!
I have a question, Nick.
Why is this motherfucker not tied up to a chair with his balls in a vice?
Yeah, about that...
-What the fuck is it with you two? -Going to listen to what he has to say.
Really? Okay, sure. I'm all ears.
[grunts]
-[Amanda] Ah! -[groans]
Well? I'm listening!
[groans]
I'm listening! [grunts angrily]
[Amanda grunts and pants]
It's cathartic.
-[groans] -[Sax] Honey.
I know you want to kill him. So do I, but he knows where Hailey is.
And you got to believe me... he ain't telling no matter what we do.
[pants]
Come on.
Come on, now. Attagirl.
[spits]
[exhales]
I'm sure you enjoyed that.
[Amanda] I did.
[Amanda breathes heavily]
Good. Now, can we get on with it?
-Oh! -Come on.
She's still alive.
Killing her would be too easy. He has a plan.
I think he's had it for a long time.
Make yourselves comfortable.
We've got some time to kill.
[Amanda] I think I broke my hand.
[breathes heavily]
[grunts]
[Bianca] Assunta Bianchi sent you here.
Why?
Fuck her.
[grunts]
[Mer grunts softly]
I don't know why she sent me here.
So, let's start with you bitches telling me who the hell you are.
[breathes heavily]
[exhales]
[muffled grunts]
-[Bianca] Keith McCarthy. -[Mer grunts and pants]
A cop's daughter. I wonder...
what did he teach you?
How to clean and load a .45.
If you don't take his name out of your mouth,
I'll show you something else he taught me.
He didn't teach you to be just.
We've seen your record.
You lied and cheated every chance you could.
You were a disgrace to everything your father stood for.
Maybe I didn't know what being a cop meant until I lost my badge.
Is that what you want to hear?
[Bianca] Assunta told you about Orcus?
Yeah.
And I guess I believe her. Now the fuck what?
You've seen evil.
You ever stop to wonder where it comes from?
Do you think the horror and brutality of this world is random?
People generally suck, is how I'd put it.
[softly] Hmm.
The world is polluted by old gods.
Sick, lingering old gods,
hanging on to shreds of belief...
like a pox festering in dark corners...
shrinking from the sterile light of day...
looking for fresh unvaccinated cells...
preying on weak souls...
-Like yours. -[panicked breathing]
[Mer screams]
[groans and whimpers]
We are bound to cleanse them from this world.
And now you are bound to us.
[Mer whimpers and groans]
Welcome to the Blue Feather, Merry McCarthy.
You're one of us now.
[upbeat pop music and cheering]
[laughs]
[woman] Sonny!
[laughs] So serious!
What's on your mind?
Easter.
The joy of candy, colors, creativity in costuming!
A season unlike any other!
But don't be fooled by these glorious pastels....
because we are under attack!
There are those that would crack our eggs,
that would bukkake our baskets, poison our puddings.
But tonight, I say... "J'accuisse" !
We will not be intimidated by a little bee in our bonnet!
No, we will fight back and stand strong!
Easter strong.
Trademark pending.
Wasn't that magnificent? Are you moved? I was moved.
-I know something certainly moved. -Back off, rent boy.
I'm so sorry, Sunshine.
Any comment about last night's big announcement?
I was talking to Tara.
Wait, you're not Tara.
I want to know about the big announcement that you your show is being canceled.
Everyone's saying that your career is deader than Sharon Tate's.
[Jenna] I'm totally digging your contouring today.
BT-dubs...
Canceled?
-Canceled. -Canceled?
[laughs]
Jesus was canceled!
And that didn't stop him, did it?
But what about the Bunny, Sonny?
[whistles]
I have no idea what you're talk... Oh.
That bunny!
I do think my little Sun Drops have had quite enough of the nightmares
about a little, crazy animal that the French put in stew.
But if he comes to my show...
on my stage...
on this special day...
[chuckles]
[softly] I'll be waiting.
The show must go on!
-[cheering] -[laughs]
[distant car horns]
[Sax clears throat]
[Smoothie] What are some fun car games to pass the time, hmm?
[horns blare]
Oh, I know. Let's play "would you rather."
That's a low blow. Everyone loves "would you rather."
You can't take the tunnel this time of night, Nick.
God help me, I need a drink.
Would you rather have gone your whole life without ever knowing about Hailey
but guaranteeing that she's safe?
Or... is all of this worth it just to play daddy for a few months?
Would you rather have my fist down your throat or up your ass?
Whoa! Amanda's really good at this.
And I took you for just another TV mom in distress.
I like her, Sax.
You punched way above your weight class with this... [hisses]
...bitch.
Enjoy it while you can, motherfucker. It ain't going to last.
-Nothing good ever does. -Should've taken the Queensboro.
[Happy] Let's ventilate this son of a female dog.
I found you, Nick. We can find Hailey.
It's Hailey. Sorry I can't answer the phone right--
Oh, I have another game. Hmm?
I spy with my little eye... the inside of your brain.
Seductive, isn't it?
The what's-nexts.
The what-ifs.
Imagination does half my work for me.
-Don't listen to him. -Oh, he's right. Don't listen to me.
What do I know?
Except exactly where Hailey is.
Got your seatbelt on?
[tires squeal and engine revs]
You think you're such an expert on pain?
When we're done with whatever the fuck this is, I'm gonna teach you things you--
[Smoothie] Don't be boring!
When I am done with whatever this is that I am doing...
you will be too busy shopping for razor blades
and drawing a warm bubble-bath to even think about me.
[horns blare]
[knock on door]
Hello, poppet.
-May I come in? -What do you want?
You know who I am?
You were at the diner.
And you're not afraid of me?
I know who runs the show, and it's not you.
Hmm!
Well said.
For what it's worth, I was looking forward to meeting you.
But, no, I understand your hesitancy.
Trust is difficult to come by these days.
Best not to dole it out willy-nilly...
[Orcus inhales and exhales deeply]
Oh, God, no.
Oh, no, this doesn't suit you at all.
Does it? [sighs]
Some ghastly facade of childhood.
Life is so much more complicated than whatever mask we put on it.
We both know that...
Don't we?
Oh! Bugger me.
That's better.
Well, first I have to admit that...
I didn't think you were capable of the task at hand.
But true courage, Hailey...
true courage...
it can't be forged...
in either sense of the word.
It lives in you...
or it doesn't.
And when I look at you, I see a young woman...
[inhales] ...who's capable of... [exhales]
so much more than she ever thought possible.
That's all I've got to say, really.
You know, Hailey...
you can never get back what was stolen from you.
It's long gone.
But you can make the world more just.
No, not just, more...
more correct.
And I believe you will.
Enjoy your supper.
[door closes]
[Sax] I ain't going to sugarcoat this. We're in the shit right now.
I got no idea what he has in mind for us, but I know this...
he wants it too bad.
He's gonna make a mistake.
And when he does...
You trust me, Amanda?
[Amanda] I do.
If you wouldn't mind doing the honors?
You want me to inject him?
[Smoothie] Yes.
What is it?
What if I told you that it was poison?
Kill him and you get your precious little apple back.
-Would you do it? -You're goddamn right she would.
Don't worry about alcohol wipes.
His body produces it naturally.
We were terrible for each other.
The worst.
In the buttocks, please.
[both] Seriously?
["There Goes My Gun" by the Pixies plays]
I got your back.
Me too, buddy.