[Happy] Happily on previous...
[screams]
[screaming and panicked yelling]
I want to know about the big announcement that your show is being canceled.
This is not an end!
The show will go on!
-[grunts] -[David] Bingo!
I really wish things were the way they used to be.
[Amanda] Yeah. I'm back.
[screaming and yelling]
Where's our fucking daughter?
-[soundtrack scrubs] -Ah!
-[Sax] Penis! -♪ Put on a happy, happy, happy... ♪
-[soundtrack scrubs] -[Doug] Sonny...
-Ah! -[creature screeches]
What do I know? Except exactly where Hailey is?
-[grunts] -[soundtrack scrubs]
[Amanda] Daddy destruction.
[squealing]
[Orcus] You can never get back what was stolen from you,
but you can make the world more correct.
[soundtrack scrubs]
Later, sucker.
[slow-motion yell]
[Amanda] You want me to inject him?
[Smoothie] In the buttocks, please.
[soundtrack scrubs]
[moaning]
We both know this doesn't end until one of us is dead.
Absolutely.
But there are much worse things than dead.
[music: "I'll Have a Blue Christmas" plays]
Buy you another?
The glory hole is somewhere else, pal. I don't swallow.
Oh.
I'm sorry. You're clearly not the Nick Sax that I've heard of, then.
-Blue Scaramucci-- -I know who you are.
I just don't want what you're selling.
Wise not to trust anyone.
Oh, they set you up good, Sax.
Cops going cannibal on cops.
Ain't that a sorry state of internal affairs?
One for my friend.
Double, please.
Tell my new friend I don't have any friends.
Just pour his into mine.
Oh.
You know what? Give me a little glass of, um, maraschino cherries.
New York's finest. Christ, look what they did to you.
You're like a... lonely pube...
on the rim of a urinal.
Cast off...
forgotten...
clinging for dear life.
You know, you put those words to music, you could have yourself a hit there.
Now, as pertaining to my prior employment,
they didn't do anything to me that I hadn't already earned
20 times over the amount.
Now they're going to plant blow?
Good on them.
Okay. Theodore Pavlov, the Dog Whisperer. Yeah, so?
Besides the double-digit body count, what'd he do? Steal your tricycle?
This is one sour cherry.
Mm. Yeah, he's a slippery motherfucker. We tried to put him away for years.
There's your mistake.
Man like this, one does not put him away.
One puts him in the ground.
And who better than Nick Sax to do so?
You played by their rules long enough.
Now, look.
Look what it's got you.
Work for me.
Embrace your manifest destiny...
as judge, jury...
and executioner.
And maybe even have a little fun while you're at it.
[Amanda] Nick... Nick.
Nick.
[Happy] Wake up! Nick!
[Sax] Oh, okay.
I'm just a little...
[grunts]
Real talk.
Hm.
[inhales deeply] This is some good shit, Smoothie.
I wouldn't if I were you. I need him alive...
not you.
-Let's go. -[Sax grunts]
[Sonny Shine theme song plays]
[security equipment buzzes]
[background chattering]
[bleeping]
[equipment buzzes]
This way to your seat, Miss Hansen.
[bleeping and security equipment buzzes]
[kids chatter and laugh]
[girl] Oh, my God!
[chattering and laughter]
Come here.
[Amanda grunts]
Hey! Cool it with the rough stuff!
Hey! No!
[door slams]
[lock clicks]
[pants heavily]
[sighs]
[gasps]
What... kind...
What kind of evil...?
Feels great! Teeny bit tight is all.
I guess the costume was made for a little guy.
Hm. Don't worry about that.
-You've studied the script? -Yes, sir.
Me, good. You, evil, blah, blah, blah, blah.
-And then you kick my ass. -Then I kick your ass, correct.
Right. About that part, we ain't really ever gone over that.
Improv.
I make my entrance. You follow my lead.
I defeat you! I save Easter!
Where is the disconnect?
Uh, the other part, the part where I got to, you know...
We've been over this a bazillion times.
I know, but shouldn't there be some kind of way we can fake it?
The blood and guts, and all.
You know, like some kind of Hollywood magic?
No.
You corn-fed...
cornhole.
It has to be real.
That's what people want now, reality.
But I ain't even skinned a possum before, Mr. Shine.
You said you would do anything to succeed.
Right?
[stutters] And then...
the other part, where it says: "The evil dies tonight."
Guess that means I ain't comin' back.
That's the best part.
Yeah. Evil Bunny.
Evil Bunny makes a death-defying escape, only to fight another day
as Sonny Shine's very big, very bad, ultra-arch villy.
A recurring role?
-Oh! -[bleeping]
Ah! Give me a second.
Okay, get out.
Remember...
this is our secret,
our own J.J. Abrams super plot twist.
J.J. Abrams.
[bleeping]
[sighs]
Sonny, I'd like you to meet a very special little girl.
[distorted sonar sounds]
[Smoothie] Best seats in the house.
Oh. Oh.
Look!
For a special occasion.
-[cork pops] -Oh. Oh.
Oops. [chuckles]
Maybe I'm getting a little too excited.
-Oh, you thirsty? -Yes.
Yes, thirsty.
Here we go. Thirsty, thirsty, thirsty...
No, no. Oh. Oh!
-No, you don't. No. -Gimme.
Because the alcohol,
it will dilute the drug running through your system,
and we can't have that.
-[Sax grunts softly] -No.
[Smoothie gasps softly] Oops. Oh, boy.
Big bottle. Yes.
[Smoothie sighs]
Look at you.
[Smoothie] Every fiber of that adorable little face
screaming for murder.
[Orcus] Sonny...
this is your new soloist, Hailey Hansen.
New soloist?
What happened to Tatiana?
She was deported back to Uzbekistan, but didn't you hear me?
Hailey Hansen, survivor of the terrible mass kidnappings last Christmas.
[Sonny] I see.
Will you excuse us for a moment?
Isn't she the kid... [whispers] of you-know-who?
Hm.
You could look at it that way.
Or... [whispers] she's a celebrity victim.
Put her on a pedestal.
Give her a magical moment.
People love a good resurrection story.
-Does she know the words to the music? -Oh, every octave.
Fine. You win.
-[chuckles] -Yes, let's...
Let's see.
Of all the little double-X chromosomes in all the land...
why do you think you deserve to be on stage with me?
If she's going to freeze up now, she's going to piss ice cubes on that stage.
Okay, Hailey.
Now, you tell Sonny Shine why you're saving
the real fireworks for the show tonight.
The big event.
Mr. Shine, I've dreamed of this moment since I was little.
Honestly, this has been the worst year of my entire life.
Christmas was ruined forever.
But you know who got me through it all?
You.
I made one wish and it came true.
I'm with you,
my hero, Sonny Shine.
Any kid would kill to be where I am.
I want you...
to say all of that...
tonight...
on camera...
to the world.
Okay?
Absolutely, Mr. Shine.
Paint my pickle.
Hailey Hansen...
[spits]
Welcome aboard!
[indistinct chatter in distance]
-[upbeat rock music] -[cheering]
[announcer] Coming to living rooms and home theaters of 100 million Sun Drops
around the world, broadcast in 147 different countries,
in 25 languages, including six dialects of Arabic,
the moment you've been waiting for all year,
it's Sonny Shine's Easter Eggtacular!
Yeah!
[kids chant] Sonny, Sonny, Sonny...
-[dramatic fanfare plays] -[cheering]
Are we making Easter great again?
-[kids] Yeah! -[Sonny] Get ready!
[laughs and gibbers]
Sun Drops!
I love you all.
[man] I love you, Sonny!
And why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you?
[cheering]
You know, I had planned a big bump-and-grind number
for the opening of tonight's show.
Something strange and darkly sexy...
with my wonderful Wishees, of course.
But then I thought...
this moment's not about me.
This moment is about you!
[cheering]
Your voice, not mine!
Is there some...
special someone out there...
who will give me their voice?
-[cheering] -Woo-hoo-hoo!
Yes!
My, my, my. Yes!
Is it you?
No, it's not you.
Up there in the cheapies... no.
[kids yell]
Absolutely... not you.
-[kid 1] Me, Sonny! Me! -[kid 2] Pick me!
Oh.
You.
[kids] Pick me!
[Sonny] You!
Would you like to give me your voice...
Hailey Hansen?
[silence]
[breathes softly]
[Sonny] Yes!
-Come on up! Come on up! -[cheering]
You probably read about her on your phones.
[equipment clicks]
Hailey was the little girl that was kidnapped last Christmas.
She survived unspeakable terrors.
Hailey!
And maybe... part of her died a little.
Can you blame her?
Maybe you're starting to get it, but let me help you.
Inside that Easter basket is a 9mm handgun.
She smuggled it into the show tonight.
[softly] No.
No.
[Sonny] But now she's back...
resurrected.
-[cheering] -[mournful music plays]
[sobs softly]
♪ Limb by limb and tooth by tooth ♪
♪ Tearing up inside of me ♪
♪ Every day ♪
♪ Every hour ♪
♪ Wish that I ♪
♪ Was bulletproof... ♪
[cheering]
[screams]
Hailey!
I got to find Nick, Amanda.
Nick'll know what to do. He always does.
-[grunts] -[parts click]
♪ Wax me, mold me ♪
I think you know what she's going to do with that gun.
No.
She's going to use it for what guns are used for.
Like father, like daughter.
♪ You have turned me into this Just wish that... ♪
Don't you see, Sax?
This is how I destroy you.
This is how I undo you.
♪ Was bulletproof... ♪
[exhales deeply] Please.... No.
I mean, why not have a child? What's the worst thing that could happen?
Winds up like me?
-[Sax] Please! -All the begging and the pleading...
-No. -...it's like music to my ears.
♪ So pay me money and take a shot ♪
♪ Leadfill the hole in me ♪
♪ I could burst a million bubbles ♪
♪ All surrogate ♪
♪ And bulletproof ♪
[confused chattering]
[Evil Bunny] I warned you!
There would be no Easter fun this year.
[kids scream]
No gaiety.
No revelry.
No pastel pagan Bacchanalia! But you didn't listen.
[screaming]
"Easter strong," you said.
Well, we'll see.
We'll see!
-Sonny, you moron. What the hell? -[Sax grunts]
-Nick! -[grunts] Ah, Happy.
I found you.
Yeah. [breathes heavily]
Just like the first time.
-What can I do, Nick? -Sure could use a drink.
No, no, no, no, no... Not that.
[grunts]
Nick, I've been thinking. You can touch me. No one else can.
-[Happy squeaks] -[Sax grunts]
But why?
-Uh... -I think...
I think it's because you believe in me.
-Fascinating. -Uh-huh.
Now, believe in this.
[gasps and chuckles]
[whispers] Thank you, sweet Jesus.
Bottoms up, buddy.
[ring pull clicks]
-[beer fizzes] -[Sax glugs]
[burps]
[inhales deeply]
[grunts angrily]
[kids scream]
[Sonny] Not so fast, you cotton-tailed terrorist!
[screaming]
[Sonny] Over here, rodent!
-[kids scream] -[chuckles]
[screaming]
Your hippity-hoppity reign of destruction ends tonight.
[upbeat rock music plays]
[Sonny] Mega!
[Sonny laughs wildly]
[Evil Bunny grunts and groans]
[pants]
[cheering]
-[Sonny grunts] -[cheering]
-[grunting] -[cheering]
-[Sax grunts softly] -[Smoothie chuckles] Oh, no. No, no.
You're not going anywhere, Daddy.
I filled that syringe with a dosage that would paralyze a silverback gorilla
and then doubled it.
Should have tripled it.
[grunts and groans]
That was close. [grunts]
[Sax yells]
[screaming and panicked chattering]
[audience chant] Sonny! Sonny...
-[cheering] -[Sonny whoops and laughs]
[grunting]
[grunting and groaning]
[Sax grunts and gasps for breath]
[groans and grunts]
[grunting and groaning]
[Sax mumbles]
[groans]
I... Aw!
[grunting and groaning]
[grunts]
-[kids chant] Sonny! Sonny... -No one gets out of here!
[distant screaming]
Come on! Come on! Come on! Let's get out of here now!
[grunts]
[groans and yells]
[bones snap and grunting]
-[loud thuds] -[groans]
[Sonny grunts]
[mumbles and grunts]
[grunts]
Don't panic, everyone. I got this.
-No, no! Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut! -[yells]
[kids cheer]
Woo! [laughs]
[kids chant] Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
[breathes heavily]
Hailey!
[Sax] Hailey, don't do... [groans]
Stop.
Hailey.
[pants]
[pants] This is what Smoothie wants.
This is what he's wanted from the beginning.
[breathes heavily]
I'm not doing this for him, Dad.
I'm doing it for me.
[pants and grunts]
[grunts]
Nick!
[pants]
[Orcus gasps]
[gunshot]
[screaming]
[music: "When Sunny Gets Blue" plays]
[gunshot]
[pants]
[panicked chattering fades]
["When Sunny Gets Blue" plays softly]
My little Sun Drops.
Oh! [chuckles]
[coughs and groans]
[exhales]
Beep!
[coughs and sniffles]
You're not...
You're not the fu...
You're not the future.
Oh.
You're not...
You're not the future.
[camera clicks]
I am the...
I... I'm the...
I'm the fu...
I'm the future.
I'm...
[crash]
-[kids gasp] -[Imaginary Friends pop]
[kids sob]
[approaching sirens blare]
[woman, distantly] Stop, please! They're over there!
Huh!
[Sax groans]
[gasps and sobs softly]
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad... Dad, I'm... I'm sorry.
Shh!
No, no, no.
It's not your fault. I did this.
I'm sorry I said I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be.
I didn't mean it! I didn't! [sobs]
I know. It's okay.
You never needed a fake dad, anyway.
You're not a fake dad.
[sobs softly] You're real.
And I don't want you to go.
[Hailey sobs]
[Sax grunts and pants]
[breathes heavily]
[sobs softly]
[chattering and yelling in background]
[chattering on police radio]
Sonny's show was the highest-rated Easter Sunday broadcast ever.
By the time he ate the bullet, he was doing Super Bowl numbers.
He was right. The show was a hit.
It's ironic. Poor guy never lived to see the overnights.
-I always knew it would work. -What about Brooks?
Replaceable.
No, I mean, shouldn't we say something?
Tell someone? I mean, his family.
Why ruin a great feel-good story?
We should get something going with the guy, the one who killed Santa Claus.
Now we're talking. He's like a real-life John McClane.
-Exclusive with Fareed Zakaria. -Screw that. Why not his own show?
Wait. Wait. Let's don't get ahead of ourselves. Didn't he die?
-[life support bleeps] -[urgent chatter]
[flatline bleep]
Somebody check that.
[flatline bleep]
Nick! Wake up, Nick!
-[doctor] Call it. -[nurse] Time of death, 9:53 p.m.
[doctor] All right. That's a wrap. [sighs] You want to grab margaritas at Chili's?
[nurse sighs] No. The Voice is on tonight.
No! You can't just...
This is somebody's father! Somebody's son!
Somebody's best friend!
Wake him up, Doc! Use the zappers! Come on!
Wait.
Do you feel that?
-That breeze? -No. Uh-uh! No, no, no, no.
Don't start that shit, Doc, that you can feel the spirit leaving them,
as they slough off the motherfucking mortal coil.
I'm not having that shit. I will the fuck walk right out of here,
and you will not see my black ass ever again.
Try me.
[Bulldog Raspberry] Aw, there are millions of IFs out there just like you, Happy.
Waiting for the moment our young friends stop believing completely.
And we blink out of existence.
When your friend stops believing, you disappear.
I die if she dies.
Well, I guess this is it, then.
I've lived. I've loved.
I've done things no Imaginary Friend has ever done. Now it's time for me to go.
The great pineapple pasture in the sky,
where IFs frolic forever under clown-colored clouds.
Goodbye, sweet world.
Goodbye, Hailey, wherever you are.
Goodbye, partner.
I'm...
not dead.
Why the heck ain't I dead?
[music: "Flower Duet" from Lakmé ]
[women sigh and giggle]
[women moan and sigh]
[woman] Welcome, Nick.
-Size doesn't matter here. -[groaning]
My breasts are filled with the finest of bourbons.
Suckle them for eternity.
-[Orcus] Hello, Nick. -[music stops]
Motherfucker. If you're going to cock-block me for all eternity,
we're going to have a problem.
No, no, Nick. I just come here sometimes, you know, pop into the party,
which is absolutely fucking bestial.
[laughs]
No, but I wanted to tell you, Nick, doesn't have to be this way.
You can turn back.
I don't think you got the memo, asshole.
I flatlined. Bellied up. Bagged and tagged.
[breathes heavily] Man, is it hot in here.
-I can still bring you back. -What the fuck would I want that for?
I've been dreaming of this moment my entire life.
What about your little girl?
Let's face facts.
I think there's one thing we've all learned here...
that she's better off without me.
Hm. Difficult point to argue.
Oh, then there is the small matter of revenge.
[women giggle in distance]
Revenge?
I don't have a vengeful bone in my body.
[Orcus] Oh, Nick, don't be tedious.
Of course you do. Everybody loves revenge.
I mean, can you really shuffle off to the great beyond,
knowing that the man who bested you is still out there somewhere, can you?
You know who I'm talking about.
Tick-tock, time to rock.
I'm going to show you why they call me Smoothie.
Yes.
[women call out]
But it was the finest bourbon.
[woman 1] Bye, Nick.
-[woman 2] Oh, bye! -[woman 3] Bye, Nick!
[laughs]
Why is it so hot in here?
Death drums his fingers and waits for us all, even me.
I think he can wait a little longer, don't you?
Well, maybe just a little bit longer.
Splendid! [laughs]
-Oh, one small thing. -Yeah.
If I bring you back, you belong to me for all of time. Okay?
What?
I've woken up worse.
[background chatter]
[woman] Okay, Hansen, your ride's here.
Is it Grandma?
No, honey. It's your aunt.
I have an aunt?
[door closes]
Nice jacket.
It's supposed to make me look more normal. I'm sure you can relate.
It's not working.
I don't understand.
Well, your mom and dad listed me as your next of kin.
So, looks like I got a roommate for a while.
Why would she put me with you?
Maybe she thought you could use a good female role model.
What happened to your hand?
Story for another day.
Feet off the dash.
[engine cranks and turns over]
[growls and barks]
[music: "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister plays]
Where is everyone?
[bartender] Do you live under a mushroom, or something?
Not you.
I don't understand.
[bartender] Oh, sorry. I guess you missed the IF mass genocide on Sunday.
[dog growls]
That Bob's Big Boy-looking perv all the kids love
got murdered on national television.
No big deal, I'm sure you can DVR it.
Oh, that.
I was there.
Dude, I'm sorry.
Oh, forget it.
[bartender] Usual? On the house, man.
No... thanks.
Hey, you haven't seen Peep around, have you?
Peep? Yeah, she's here.
I let her use the back room.
Hey, wait. You probably don't want to go back there.
Suit yourself, buddy.
[groaning and panting]
[Bo Peep] Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Three bags full!
-Bo? -Huh?
-Huh? Aw, crap. -[grunts and pants]
Hey, Happy.
What's good, man?
[chattering teeth]
I was...
distraught.
You'll be all right there for a while.
Merry lost her father too, you know?
I just want you to know that none of this is your fault.
We all just did what we had to do.
That's all.
I'm coming for you.
You stay strong, Hailey.
I promise, no matter what it takes, I will come for you.
No, Mom.
I'll come for you.
[traffic rumbles and horns toot]
-[barks] -[man] Hey! Hey! Hey!
[Happy] Duh, duh, duh, duh. Yeah, yeah.
[car horn toots]
Don't look at that! Look at this!
[grunts angrily]
[roars]
[pants]
I always thought I knew what my purpose was.
But that's all gone now.
I don't even know what I am anymore.
What the heck am I?
-[male voice] That's a very good question. -[gasps]
That's a very good question.
You seem to be like a kind of a mashup of random images
from a child's brain that's, uh, attained some kind of autonomy.
Isn't that wild?
God?
-Let's call me, uh, an Imaginary Friend. -[thunder crackles]
Only my friend happens to be, you know, a whole civilization.
At this point, thankfully, an ever-dwindling,
uh, uh, portion of a civilization.
[chuckles] That's a funny name for it, isn't it? Civilization.
Jeez, insects are more civilized.
You? An Imaginary Friend?
That's silly.
Everyone believes in you.
[God] They do? Really? [chuckles]
To tell you the truth, I got days when I feel just like you.
Like, what the hell am I even doing up here?
I mean, yes, you're right. People... people talk about me,
but they don't really believe.
I mean, they pretend to.
-[thunder rumbles] -But look at 'em.
Jeez.
But, you know, that's exactly my point.
Every day, I hear these sanctimonious assholes saying,
"God told me this, and God spoke to me that."
Um, no. No, I did... did not.
I don't know what voice you're hearing, but, uh, it's not mine.
Not mine.
But what about prayers?
Prayers? Uh, that's... that's for them.
That's not for me. Not for us.
Uh, hey, if I played favorites based on who stroked my ego more,
you know, what kind of... what kind of jagoff would I be?
No, prayers, mm, are like those buttons at the crosswalk.
-[horns toot] -You press 'em to make you feel better.
But you're not going to change the traffic by hitting a button.
If I were you, here's what I'd do.
I'd focus on doing what I do best, being a friend.
Forget the imaginary part.
The nice lady is rotting away in the stony lonesome for manslaughter.
The little girl is about to turn into some kind of witch assassin...
on the trail of an evil secret society.
It's very dangerous, man.
And you know, Sax, the idiot, you know, he's a half zombie
in the service of some kind of schizophrenic demigod.
But Nick's dead.
Um, yeah, well, you might want to... want to check on that.
Good talk. Good talk.
I got to ghost, man. You know, this ain't my only gig.
Huh, maybe my time here is coming to an end.
Huh!
[thunder crackles]
Anyway, ball up.
Ball up, little... little horsey.
Drop those tiny blue testicles, 'cause this shit's about to get, uh, dark.
Hey, uh, this came for you today. It's from Europe.
Thank you. I've been waiting for this.
[exhales softly]
["Blue Monday" by New Order plays]
[Sax grunts]
[bone cracks]
[groans softly]
Ow.
[Sax grunts]
[both grunt]
I am so happy right now.
-Me too! -I thought you were...
Dead? I know, right?
Bullet to the chest from your daughter, autopsy, incinerator.
-Mere trifles. -And then you wouldn't have been able to--
-Kill you myself. -Exactly.
You know, for people like us, it's never easy to find a worthy adversary.
A truly meaningful death.
I know exactly what you mean.
But enough with the chit-chat.
[grunts] I want you to know that I've enjoyed our tango.
[sighs]
Goodbye, Smoothie.
See ya!
[neck snaps]
So, what do you want to be for Halloween this year?
Hm.
I know.
How about Psycho Santa Claus?
No? Hey, honey. You okay?