1
00:00:04,828 --> 00:00:06,567
I'm here! I'm here, I'm here.
2
00:00:07,784 --> 00:00:09,018
You can start the meeting now.
3
00:00:09,053 --> 00:00:09,986
The meeting is over. You're late.
4
00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:12,288
You missed roll call and the tutorial
5
00:00:12,323 --> 00:00:13,623
on using the new copiers.
6
00:00:13,658 --> 00:00:15,431
Six years, and no matter how hard I try,
7
00:00:15,467 --> 00:00:17,324
I still can't get you to understand
the importance of being punctual.
8
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,042
Maybe you should just give up
and accept me for who I am?
9
00:00:19,078 --> 00:00:20,529
No, I will break you.
10
00:00:20,564 --> 00:00:21,582
- Right now.
- Oh.
11
00:00:21,618 --> 00:00:22,922
While you were out being tardy,
12
00:00:22,958 --> 00:00:25,341
I was hard at work
devising a special punishment.
13
00:00:25,377 --> 00:00:28,208
I've crafted an intricate
personal high five
14
00:00:28,244 --> 00:00:29,889
with everyone in this office except you.
15
00:00:29,925 --> 00:00:31,257
What? But you hate high fives.
16
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,592
Yes, every minute of it was hell.
17
00:00:33,777 --> 00:00:36,126
But it'll be worse for you.
Squad, dismissed.
18
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,963
Good-bye, Diaz.
19
00:00:39,316 --> 00:00:40,615
Salute into a fanny waggle?
20
00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:43,351
- Good-bye, Boyle.
- Oh, the snake charmer!
21
00:00:43,386 --> 00:00:44,575
Good-bye, Jeffords.
22
00:00:45,868 --> 00:00:47,722
- That's a butt bump.
- Good-bye, Santiago.
23
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,941
Double fist bump reverse explosion
24
00:00:49,976 --> 00:00:51,776
into a Pete Townshend strum.
25
00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,847
All right, that was terrible, but
it's over now, and I made it through.
26
00:00:55,882 --> 00:00:56,915
Good-bye, Leonard from Xerox.
27
00:00:56,950 --> 00:00:59,417
What? No, no, no.
28
00:00:59,452 --> 00:01:00,552
The copy guy?
29
00:01:14,069 --> 00:01:18,069
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:20,612 --> 00:01:22,019
So nice of you to stop by, Kevin.
31
00:01:22,055 --> 00:01:23,474
Enjoy your day. I hope it's productive.
32
00:01:23,509 --> 00:01:25,779
Thank you, Raymond.
I hope your day is productive as well.
33
00:01:26,812 --> 00:01:28,645
PDA in the office? My, my.
34
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,081
- Couldn't help myself.
- Hmm.
35
00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:33,137
Oh, may I please use the precinct
facilities before I head to work?
36
00:01:33,173 --> 00:01:34,606
Yes. Thank you for
asking for permission.
37
00:01:34,642 --> 00:01:35,656
Thank you for granting it.
38
00:01:40,492 --> 00:01:42,458
- Whoomp.
- There it is!
39
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,885
Got to say, I could have used
a little more oomph on the whoomp.
40
00:01:44,921 --> 00:01:46,046
That's the oomphiest whoomp you'll get.
41
00:01:46,082 --> 00:01:47,488
So what's going on? Why'd you
want to meet in private?
42
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:48,564
I need your help with a case.
43
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:49,833
Three antique coins were stolen
44
00:01:49,869 --> 00:01:51,098
from my classics department at Columbia.
45
00:01:51,134 --> 00:01:52,987
So why not ask Captain Holt
for help on the case?
46
00:01:53,023 --> 00:01:54,535
Wait, are you guys getting a divorce?
47
00:01:55,097 --> 00:01:56,121
I can handle it.
48
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,690
This doesn't bring up
any weird issues for me.
49
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:58,838
No, it's nothing like that.
50
00:01:58,874 --> 00:02:00,041
Raymond's a brilliant detective.
51
00:02:00,227 --> 00:02:01,564
It's just when a case involves me,
52
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,531
he can get a little overemotional.
53
00:02:03,567 --> 00:02:06,214
- You remember the safe house.
- Oh, yeah, he went crazy.
54
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,850
But I also remember you and me
becoming best friends
55
00:02:07,885 --> 00:02:09,560
and watching every Nic Cage
movie ever made.
56
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:12,088
- Can you still quote them all?
- No, I purged myself of that nonsense.
57
00:02:12,123 --> 00:02:13,212
- Oh, I bet it's still in there.
- It's not.
58
00:02:13,248 --> 00:02:14,156
- We'll see.
- We won't.
59
00:02:14,191 --> 00:02:15,259
- There's a chance it's in there.
- Chance of zero.
60
00:02:15,295 --> 00:02:16,689
I'd put money that maybe it's there.
61
00:02:16,725 --> 00:02:18,415
- You're losing your money.
- Okay.
62
00:02:18,711 --> 00:02:20,048
- So will you help me?
- I don't know.
63
00:02:20,084 --> 00:02:21,418
I want to, but keeping
a secret from Holt?
64
00:02:21,454 --> 00:02:22,477
- That's a lot of pressure.
- Hmm.
65
00:02:22,513 --> 00:02:23,625
Am I remembering correctly?
66
00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:25,917
Don't you... eat pressure for breakfast?
67
00:02:26,072 --> 00:02:28,753
Nic Cage in "The Rock."
68
00:02:28,788 --> 00:02:30,855
We are best friends. I am so in!
69
00:02:30,890 --> 00:02:32,812
Oh, no, that's Raymond.
70
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:33,808
That's how he opens a door.
71
00:02:33,844 --> 00:02:34,854
Kevin, are you still in here?
72
00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:36,584
Uh, yes, Raymond, I'm in the stall.
73
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:37,932
Some tickets were just released
74
00:02:37,968 --> 00:02:40,191
for Mahler's Fourth Symphony
this weekend.
75
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,726
Great. That sounds great. Let's do it.
76
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,850
Fantastic. Now, which section
do you prefer?
77
00:02:43,886 --> 00:02:44,992
The first tier,
78
00:02:45,788 --> 00:02:48,165
the second tier, the third tier...
79
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,146
The first tier.
80
00:02:49,182 --> 00:02:50,814
Now, which section of the first tier?
81
00:02:51,493 --> 00:02:55,650
Right, left, right center, center...
82
00:02:55,686 --> 00:02:56,696
Just any section is fine.
83
00:02:56,781 --> 00:02:58,126
Any section, wow.
84
00:02:58,162 --> 00:02:59,716
Someone had pepper
on their eggs this morning.
85
00:02:59,751 --> 00:03:01,685
I'll buy the tickets.
86
00:03:01,820 --> 00:03:03,254
Any section.
87
00:03:04,606 --> 00:03:06,046
Guys, horrible news.
88
00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:08,012
The fridge broke this morning.
Everything's warm.
89
00:03:08,048 --> 00:03:09,347
Doesn't seem like that big a deal.
90
00:03:09,383 --> 00:03:10,917
- Your yogurt's spoiled.
- Who did this?
91
00:03:10,953 --> 00:03:12,828
Okay, everyone calm down.
92
00:03:12,864 --> 00:03:14,675
I will put a request in
for a new fridge.
93
00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:15,749
Good luck getting that approved.
94
00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:17,055
Commissioner Kelly's already
slashed our budget
95
00:03:17,091 --> 00:03:18,144
within an inch of its life.
96
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,163
Yeah, the toilet paper's
only one ply now.
97
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,944
- My butt hurts all the time.
- The AC is broken.
98
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:23,180
My butt hurts all the time.
99
00:03:23,216 --> 00:03:24,616
Scully's butt hurts all the time.
100
00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:25,664
All right, guys, we get it.
101
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,429
It's just that lunch
is the one part of the day
102
00:03:27,465 --> 00:03:28,898
Commissioner Kelly hadn't ruined.
103
00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:30,845
People are pissed.
Morale's really taken a hit.
104
00:03:30,881 --> 00:03:32,339
Okay, I got this.
105
00:03:33,099 --> 00:03:34,990
Hey, squad. Lunch is on me today.
106
00:03:35,026 --> 00:03:36,501
Taking everyone out for pizza.
107
00:03:38,188 --> 00:03:39,754
And that's how you improve morale.
108
00:03:39,789 --> 00:03:42,057
Okay. You're not the only
sergeant around here.
109
00:03:42,092 --> 00:03:43,100
Let me help.
110
00:03:43,559 --> 00:03:45,793
This side of the room, lunch is on me,
111
00:03:45,828 --> 00:03:47,967
and we're getting something
better than pizza.
112
00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:49,264
Sushi!
113
00:03:51,101 --> 00:03:52,500
Are you trying to outdo me?
114
00:03:52,535 --> 00:03:53,641
No, no, no.
115
00:03:54,313 --> 00:03:56,209
Just trying to raise morale.
116
00:03:56,923 --> 00:03:58,390
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
117
00:03:58,425 --> 00:04:00,961
Morale, morale, morale. Okay.
118
00:04:01,493 --> 00:04:03,727
Wow, so this is your classroom.
119
00:04:03,762 --> 00:04:04,894
What's today's lecture about?
120
00:04:04,929 --> 00:04:06,563
I know you don't care about that.
121
00:04:06,598 --> 00:04:07,698
Just ask me what you want to ask me.
122
00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:09,029
Can I play with your laser pointer?
123
00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:11,333
You know, the laser pointer
is a bit of a misnomer.
124
00:04:11,756 --> 00:04:14,256
It is simply a laser.
The pointer is you.
125
00:04:15,156 --> 00:04:16,690
- That was awesome.
- Take it for a spin.
126
00:04:16,725 --> 00:04:18,925
Don't mind if I do.
Good afternoon, class.
127
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,795
Allow me to make my first... point.
128
00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:24,030
- Very impressive.
- Thank you very much, Kevin.
129
00:04:24,065 --> 00:04:25,999
But I do have five additional
points to make.
130
00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:28,869
Chair, chair, wall, chair,
131
00:04:29,004 --> 00:04:31,280
Captain Holt. Captain Holt? No.
132
00:04:31,968 --> 00:04:35,123
Yes, that was a delicious lunch, Gary!
133
00:04:35,158 --> 00:04:37,292
And I agree, our group does seem happier
134
00:04:37,327 --> 00:04:38,598
than it was before.
135
00:04:38,634 --> 00:04:39,879
Oh, the pizza was that good?
136
00:04:39,915 --> 00:04:42,833
Pizza? Right, that's what
I said we were getting
137
00:04:42,869 --> 00:04:45,368
before we decided to uh-snazz it up.
138
00:04:45,404 --> 00:04:46,969
Oh, you guys snazzed?
139
00:04:47,004 --> 00:04:49,772
Yeah, we snazzed all the way
to La Petite Creperie.
140
00:04:49,807 --> 00:04:51,440
I thought we couldn't say "snazz."
141
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,959
Oh, no, I was thinking of [bleep].
142
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,227
We can't say [bleep]. Carry on.
143
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,929
Tell 'em how good it was, Rosa.
144
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,952
Tell 'em how high our morale is.
145
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,966
- High.
- Oh, stop gushing, girl.
146
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,506
I think it's so interesting
147
00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:04,570
you guys didn't stick
to your original plan,
148
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:06,356
because neither did we.
149
00:05:06,392 --> 00:05:07,781
What? Why?
150
00:05:07,817 --> 00:05:09,655
Oh, you don't think we knew
you were gonna snazz?
151
00:05:09,691 --> 00:05:12,677
We saw your snazz coming a mile away.
152
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,479
That's why I took my team out
153
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,948
for some big, juicy steaks, and...
154
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,683
♪ Mashed potatoes ♪
155
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,786
♪ And some spinach
and some key lime pie ♪
156
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,223
- Thank you, Heather.
- Mm-hmm.
157
00:05:23,259 --> 00:05:24,657
Well, that doesn't sound
better than crepes.
158
00:05:24,693 --> 00:05:25,790
It is. Terry wins.
159
00:05:25,975 --> 00:05:27,776
We know. We were at both lunches.
160
00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:30,044
How? They were simultaneous
and two miles apart.
161
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,880
It was free food. Life finds a way.
162
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,114
Okay, but you can't win
163
00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:34,549
because it wasn't a competition.
164
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,583
So let's make it a competition.
165
00:05:35,618 --> 00:05:36,968
Same groups tomorrow?
166
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,771
Okay, but let's agree at the end of this
167
00:05:38,807 --> 00:05:40,339
- that we'll still be friends.
- No deal.
168
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:41,874
Good! 'Cause I didn't mean it anyway.
169
00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:43,673
Hello, sir. How'd you find us out?
170
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:44,875
Mahler's Fourth Symphony.
171
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,559
He'd never sit in just any section.
172
00:05:46,595 --> 00:05:47,962
I might. I'm flexible.
173
00:05:47,997 --> 00:05:50,533
Oh, really? You'd sit center left?
174
00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:52,457
In timpani alley?
175
00:05:52,493 --> 00:05:54,246
I'll purchase those tickets right away.
176
00:05:59,858 --> 00:06:01,258
No, don't! Fine.
177
00:06:01,343 --> 00:06:02,676
Jake is helping me with a burglary
178
00:06:02,711 --> 00:06:03,821
here at the university,
179
00:06:03,857 --> 00:06:05,713
and I asked him not to tell you.
180
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:07,931
- Is this about St. Augustine?
- Yes.
181
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:09,199
- What's going on?
- He's embarrassed of me.
182
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:10,453
Last Christmas,
183
00:06:10,489 --> 00:06:12,178
the classics department
threw a holiday party.
184
00:06:12,214 --> 00:06:16,023
I had one drink too many
and utterly humiliated myself.
185
00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,908
And that was the point
St. Augustine was making
186
00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:19,109
in "Consolation of Philosophy."
187
00:06:19,526 --> 00:06:21,187
Yeah, sounds super humiliating,
188
00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:22,189
saying something smart.
189
00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,797
Smart? I confused
St. Augustine with Boethius.
190
00:06:24,832 --> 00:06:26,132
I might as well have stepped on a rake
191
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:27,633
and bonked myself on the forehead.
192
00:06:27,668 --> 00:06:28,701
The problem wasn't what you said.
193
00:06:29,062 --> 00:06:30,796
It was that Dean Allister
pointed out your mistake,
194
00:06:30,832 --> 00:06:32,096
and you lost your damned mind.
195
00:06:32,132 --> 00:06:34,839
I misremembered it because
I'm reading both simultaneously.
196
00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:36,643
One book is too few for me.
197
00:06:36,678 --> 00:06:37,644
Where is everyone going?
198
00:06:39,029 --> 00:06:40,663
It was quite the kerfuffle.
199
00:06:40,698 --> 00:06:42,965
The problem is, is that I get
flustered and defensive
200
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,259
because I know how they all see me:
201
00:06:45,703 --> 00:06:48,871
as Kevin's working-class bimbo.
202
00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:50,406
I can't imagine that's what they think.
203
00:06:50,442 --> 00:06:51,546
- It is.
- Really?
204
00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:52,915
Obviously I know that they're wrong,
205
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,662
but they put you in your own head,
206
00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:55,772
and you're not yourself around them.
207
00:06:55,808 --> 00:06:57,407
I'm sorry, I was just
trying to protect you.
208
00:06:57,443 --> 00:06:59,613
Yes, of course, thank you
for saving me from myself.
209
00:06:59,649 --> 00:07:00,682
Now, if you'll excuse me,
210
00:07:00,717 --> 00:07:03,209
I'll just go sit by the pool
and read some fiction...
211
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,940
like the bimbo that I am.
212
00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:10,275
There's a pool here?
213
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:13,856
Sir, wait.
214
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,524
Oh! Wasn't expecting
to catch up to you so fast.
215
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,027
I don't know what to say now.
I thought I was gonna have
216
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,197
more running time
to formulate it. Oh, I know!
217
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:21,899
I'm sorry that we kept the
case a secret from you.
218
00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,201
Oh, I understand why you did.
219
00:07:23,236 --> 00:07:24,869
The truth is, ever since I met Kevin,
220
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:26,704
I've felt insecure in his world.
221
00:07:26,739 --> 00:07:29,874
I can't compete with these
highly educated academics.
222
00:07:29,909 --> 00:07:31,041
I worry every day
223
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:34,010
that I'll make one
St. Augustine slip too many,
224
00:07:34,045 --> 00:07:36,254
and he'll realize...
225
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:38,634
- I'm beneath him.
- This is insane.
226
00:07:38,670 --> 00:07:40,202
You're the smartest person I know.
227
00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:42,403
I'll explain it to you.
Among Kevin's peers,
228
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,254
- I'm a Jake.
- No, no, no, no, no.
229
00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,756
I refuse to live in a world
where you're the Jake,
230
00:07:45,791 --> 00:07:48,152
because if you're the Jake,
what does that make me?
231
00:07:48,188 --> 00:07:49,554
- The Charles?
- The Hitchcock.
232
00:07:49,590 --> 00:07:51,751
The Hitchcock? Oh, my God.
233
00:07:51,787 --> 00:07:54,263
You dropped down so many more
levels than I was expecting.
234
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:56,166
Okay, you know what? Screw this.
235
00:07:56,201 --> 00:07:57,243
You are so smart,
236
00:07:57,279 --> 00:07:58,578
and we're gonna prove it
to those professors.
237
00:07:58,614 --> 00:07:59,780
You're gonna work this case,
238
00:07:59,816 --> 00:08:01,350
and you're gonna find those coins.
239
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,674
Well, I suppose
it would be nice to show them
240
00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:07,076
I'm more than just a hot,
dumb piece of ass.
241
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:08,578
Yes! That's the spirit.
242
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,946
Now get that hot ass moving,
243
00:08:09,981 --> 00:08:11,180
'cause we've got a crime to solve.
244
00:08:11,215 --> 00:08:12,815
Peralta, please, have some decorum.
245
00:08:12,850 --> 00:08:14,283
What? I was just using your words.
246
00:08:14,318 --> 00:08:16,018
Look, you teach people
the way you want to be treated.
247
00:08:16,053 --> 00:08:17,175
That's what Dr. Phil says.
248
00:08:17,722 --> 00:08:20,280
Okay, lunchtime starts in ten minutes.
249
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:22,290
Whichever team wins gets recorded
250
00:08:22,326 --> 00:08:23,860
on the Whiteboard of Victory.
251
00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:25,294
The winner will be decided
by our judges,
252
00:08:25,329 --> 00:08:26,730
Hitchcock and Scully.
253
00:08:26,766 --> 00:08:28,363
Oh, my God, are we
high status, Hitchcock?
254
00:08:28,399 --> 00:08:30,165
- I think so.
- What a world.
255
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,267
Ah, well, good luck.
256
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,906
I'm sure you know
all the best places to eat
257
00:08:32,942 --> 00:08:34,815
since you've reached
Elite status on Yelp.
258
00:08:34,887 --> 00:08:36,160
Oh, wait, that was me.
259
00:08:36,196 --> 00:08:37,228
Oh, because Yelp reviewers
260
00:08:37,264 --> 00:08:38,835
are sane people with great taste?
261
00:08:38,871 --> 00:08:41,582
Oh, sorry, couldn't hear you
over GourmetGlen12 saying
262
00:08:41,618 --> 00:08:43,585
that my review of the duck skin
at the Hearth and Feather
263
00:08:43,621 --> 00:08:45,022
was helpful.
264
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:48,093
Come on, Team Jeffords. It's chow time.
265
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:51,320
We have a cool thing to say too.
266
00:08:51,355 --> 00:08:53,941
Team Santiago, let's lunch-a-bunch!
267
00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:56,118
- No, I don't say that.
- Come on, Rosa, please?
268
00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,309
Let's lunch-a-bunch.
269
00:08:57,344 --> 00:08:58,510
Aha, Rosa said it!
270
00:08:58,545 --> 00:09:00,012
Did you hear that? Did you hear it?
271
00:09:00,047 --> 00:09:02,946
- Ah, Dean Allister?
- Policeman Raymond.
272
00:09:03,446 --> 00:09:05,447
Good to see you.
273
00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:07,517
Read any interesting magazines lately?
274
00:09:07,553 --> 00:09:09,086
This again? I was waiting for Kevin,
275
00:09:09,122 --> 00:09:11,289
I had finished my book,
and I happened to glance
276
00:09:11,325 --> 00:09:14,159
at an issue of "The Economist"
that someone left lying about.
277
00:09:14,195 --> 00:09:16,196
All I remember is you becoming unhinged.
278
00:09:16,232 --> 00:09:18,165
The only reason I picked
it up was to swat a fly.
279
00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:19,368
I mean, I'm not crazy.
280
00:09:19,404 --> 00:09:21,504
Why are there always flowers here?
281
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:24,375
So is policeman Raymond
joining the case?
282
00:09:24,411 --> 00:09:25,877
Actually, he's leading it.
283
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:27,713
Captain Holt is the finest investigator
284
00:09:27,749 --> 00:09:29,052
I've ever worked with.
285
00:09:29,088 --> 00:09:30,914
Sir, tell him our plan of action.
286
00:09:37,245 --> 00:09:38,917
- Clues.
- Okay, you're freezing up.
287
00:09:38,952 --> 00:09:40,419
I'm just gonna take the wheel for now.
288
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:41,820
There were no signs of forced entry,
289
00:09:41,855 --> 00:09:43,555
the only people with access
to the archives
290
00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:44,856
were the professors in the department,
291
00:09:44,891 --> 00:09:47,289
and they all have alibis, which means...
292
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,810
I don't know what you want me to say.
293
00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,335
Okay, that's my fault
for throwing it to you again.
294
00:09:51,371 --> 00:09:53,031
Which means we need to examine
the crime scene.
295
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:54,327
It is there that we will find
296
00:09:54,363 --> 00:09:57,267
what Captain Holt has
so eloquently described as...
297
00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:00,113
Clues?
298
00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:01,473
Sir, you just said it.
299
00:10:02,233 --> 00:10:03,941
Cupcakes up, everyone.
300
00:10:03,976 --> 00:10:05,758
Heather, you already ate yours?
301
00:10:05,794 --> 00:10:07,461
The point is to eat it in their faces.
302
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:12,583
- Honk, honk, bitches.
- What the hell?
303
00:10:12,618 --> 00:10:14,904
We rented a party limo, drove
to Coney Island for hot dogs,
304
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:16,552
and then did karaoke the entire time.
305
00:10:16,588 --> 00:10:18,771
I sang "It Wasn't Me"
by Shaggy. Crushed it.
306
00:10:18,807 --> 00:10:20,191
But that's not even about lunch!
307
00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:21,580
- It's...
- An experience.
308
00:10:21,616 --> 00:10:22,981
- Team Amy wins.
- What?
309
00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:24,918
How did you get there?
You were just with us.
310
00:10:24,954 --> 00:10:26,987
- Scully was with them.
- Free food.
311
00:10:27,023 --> 00:10:29,024
Great cupcake, Sarge.
312
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,949
- But Amy still wins.
- Eat snazz, losers!
313
00:10:34,406 --> 00:10:35,806
Okay, so there were no witnesses,
314
00:10:35,841 --> 00:10:36,825
no cameras, and no prints.
315
00:10:36,861 --> 00:10:38,494
In other words, we have nothing.
316
00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,644
That's what you get when you
put a bimbo on the case.
317
00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:42,813
Okay, well, let's not give up
all hope just yet.
318
00:10:42,848 --> 00:10:43,963
We do know some things.
319
00:10:43,999 --> 00:10:45,799
For example,
the perp entered using a key,
320
00:10:45,835 --> 00:10:47,302
which means they probably work here.
321
00:10:47,338 --> 00:10:48,904
And they knew enough to skip past
322
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,589
all these expensive-looking artifacts.
323
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:52,258
They walked straight up to this shelf
324
00:10:52,294 --> 00:10:53,893
and grabbed the coin case from up there.
325
00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:55,084
It's too high. You can't reach it.
326
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,020
Exactly. So now we know that the thief
327
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,271
was taller than me. That's a good lead.
328
00:10:58,307 --> 00:11:00,040
Also, we know they were
a little bit of a freak,
329
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,899
since I am above average height
according to the 1940 census.
330
00:11:02,935 --> 00:11:04,368
I didn't realize you had
a thing about your height.
331
00:11:04,404 --> 00:11:06,802
I don't! Because I'm above average.
332
00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:08,156
Why would I have a thing about my height
333
00:11:08,192 --> 00:11:09,580
when I'm above average?
It doesn't make any sense.
334
00:11:10,972 --> 00:11:12,975
Anyways, we're looking
for an insanely tall perp,
335
00:11:13,010 --> 00:11:14,200
a real Shaq type.
336
00:11:14,236 --> 00:11:16,813
Maybe the thief stood
on something, like...
337
00:11:16,848 --> 00:11:19,082
one of these drawers.
338
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:21,001
Turn off the light.
339
00:11:21,632 --> 00:11:23,895
Maybe something will show up under UV.
340
00:11:25,710 --> 00:11:27,577
- Bingpot!
- A footprint.
341
00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:29,355
You did it, you brilliant bimbo.
342
00:11:29,391 --> 00:11:31,559
Oh, there you are.
Why are you in the dark?
343
00:11:31,595 --> 00:11:33,077
Were you not able to find
the light switch?
344
00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:35,698
Ha-ha, very funny,
but I'll actually have you know
345
00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:37,658
Captain Holt just found
a very promising lead.
346
00:11:37,694 --> 00:11:39,115
Oh, how fun, a lead.
347
00:11:39,151 --> 00:11:40,618
Meanwhile, we actually found the thief.
348
00:11:40,654 --> 00:11:41,737
- You did?
- What?
349
00:11:41,773 --> 00:11:43,424
Well, technically our janitor found him.
350
00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:44,565
Come on in, Randy.
351
00:11:44,601 --> 00:11:45,767
Tell them how you did their jobs.
352
00:11:45,803 --> 00:11:47,942
Well, um, I was emptying the trash
353
00:11:47,978 --> 00:11:49,416
in Professor Port's office.
354
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:52,279
I saw something shiny sticking
out from underneath a notepad.
355
00:11:52,492 --> 00:11:54,192
It was one of the missing coins.
356
00:11:54,228 --> 00:11:55,760
Great police work.
357
00:11:55,796 --> 00:11:57,863
Perhaps you might want
to hire Randy, or...
358
00:11:57,899 --> 00:12:00,234
Randy, you could hire them.
359
00:12:00,270 --> 00:12:02,737
It seems like you all have
basically the same skill set.
360
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:05,951
We're actually all staffed up
in maintenance.
361
00:12:05,987 --> 00:12:08,214
We don't want your job, Randy.
362
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,802
I know Dean Allister humiliated us,
363
00:12:11,838 --> 00:12:13,304
but we can still have our revenge.
364
00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:16,267
I watched a ton of horny '80s
comedies when I was a kid,
365
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,448
and they're filled with ways
of getting back at mean deans.
366
00:12:18,484 --> 00:12:20,751
So we are gonna throw the wildest party
367
00:12:20,787 --> 00:12:22,821
- this campus has ever seen.
- No.
368
00:12:22,857 --> 00:12:24,223
Okay, then we'll have a bikini car wash.
369
00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:25,826
No, no, save your schemes.
370
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,029
I know exactly how to get back
at the dean.
371
00:12:28,065 --> 00:12:29,965
- By arresting him.
- For what?
372
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:31,334
It seems pretty obvious
that Port did it.
373
00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:32,907
No, no, that makes no sense.
374
00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:34,104
Why would someone
steal something valuable
375
00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:35,292
and then leave it in their desk?
376
00:12:35,328 --> 00:12:36,663
I feel like this is a veiled shot at me
377
00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:37,821
for leaving the crown in my desk
378
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:38,790
during the third Halloween Heist.
379
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:39,808
- It is.
- Oh.
380
00:12:39,844 --> 00:12:40,977
Allister planted the coin
381
00:12:41,013 --> 00:12:42,759
in Professor Port's desk.
382
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,141
- They're rivals.
- Mm.
383
00:12:44,177 --> 00:12:46,544
Did you see the book Allister
was holding back there?
384
00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:49,476
A biography of Macedonian
general Parmenion.
385
00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:50,709
He was taunting us.
386
00:12:50,745 --> 00:12:52,040
Again, I'm the Hitchcock here.
387
00:12:52,076 --> 00:12:53,526
You're gonna have to
connect the dots for me.
388
00:12:53,562 --> 00:12:56,092
Parmenion was a close advisor
to Alexander the Great.
389
00:12:56,128 --> 00:12:58,128
Alexander suspected that Parmenion
390
00:12:58,164 --> 00:13:00,498
was trying to supplant him,
so he executed him.
391
00:13:00,534 --> 00:13:02,268
He was getting rid of his rival.
392
00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:05,148
Sir, you cracked it!
You and your big hard brain.
393
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,190
- Hard?
- Yes!
394
00:13:06,226 --> 00:13:07,925
You have the biggest,
hardest brain on Earth,
395
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,116
and I want you to say it.
396
00:13:09,152 --> 00:13:11,482
Say "I am Raymond Holt,
and my brain is rock hard."
397
00:13:11,518 --> 00:13:12,740
A brain shouldn't be hard.
398
00:13:12,776 --> 00:13:14,242
If anything, I'll say,
"I am Raymond Holt,
399
00:13:14,278 --> 00:13:15,911
and my brain is soft and wet."
400
00:13:15,947 --> 00:13:17,713
No, don't say that.
It's gross and I hate it.
401
00:13:17,749 --> 00:13:19,005
All right, let's go do some cop stuff.
402
00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:20,597
_
403
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:23,200
Wait, why does Terry's team
have four wins?
404
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:26,036
He only won steaks, bowling,
and the mobile escape room.
405
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:27,804
You're forgetting about our breakfast
406
00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:29,039
at the Empire State Building.
407
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,742
It was so cold up there.
408
00:13:30,778 --> 00:13:33,179
It sounds a lot better than
our indoor skydiving lunch.
409
00:13:33,215 --> 00:13:35,516
Speaking of which, are we gonna
get reimbursed for that?
410
00:13:35,552 --> 00:13:38,081
How dare you complain
about the Funtastic FlyZone.
411
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:40,017
That was funtastic fun for everyone.
412
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:41,520
So what are you guys planning for today?
413
00:13:41,556 --> 00:13:42,823
Oh, nothing much.
414
00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:43,925
We're just gonna keep it "caszh."
415
00:13:43,961 --> 00:13:45,994
Us too. Super "caszh."
416
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:48,431
Super duper "caszh."
417
00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:50,366
We all know you're both planning
418
00:13:50,402 --> 00:13:52,837
something insanely complicated
and annoying.
419
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,275
Your teammates
are turning against you, Terry.
420
00:13:55,359 --> 00:13:57,126
- I'm on your team.
- Who cares?
421
00:13:57,162 --> 00:13:59,657
We're gonna win.
Team Lunch-a-Bunch forever.
422
00:14:00,655 --> 00:14:02,521
Sir, why are we still doing this?
423
00:14:02,556 --> 00:14:03,823
We've been following him for days,
424
00:14:03,858 --> 00:14:05,424
and he hasn't done anything suspicious.
425
00:14:05,459 --> 00:14:06,623
Let's just confront him.
426
00:14:06,659 --> 00:14:09,178
He only hid one of the stolen
coins in Port's desk.
427
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:10,496
He'll probably try to sell the others.
428
00:14:10,531 --> 00:14:11,616
I want to catch him in the act.
429
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,058
Shh. Here he comes.
430
00:14:18,372 --> 00:14:19,839
These college kids.
431
00:14:19,874 --> 00:14:20,974
I used to wear long-sleeve T-shirts
432
00:14:21,009 --> 00:14:22,226
under my short-sleeve T-shirts.
433
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,329
Wait a minute, I still could.
434
00:14:23,365 --> 00:14:24,562
Hang on. He's stopping.
435
00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:25,791
Oh, no, he forgot his phone.
436
00:14:25,827 --> 00:14:27,372
He's gonna turn around and see us.
Come on.
437
00:14:27,932 --> 00:14:30,199
- Sorry, sorry.
- Oh, hey, guys, what's up?
438
00:14:30,235 --> 00:14:31,659
You want to join
our a cappella jam circle?
439
00:14:31,695 --> 00:14:32,667
Oh, no.
440
00:14:32,703 --> 00:14:33,536
Are you guys Harry Potter fans?
441
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:34,787
I do not like where this is going.
442
00:14:34,822 --> 00:14:36,031
Three, four.
443
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:39,035
♪ Won't you come visit Hogwarts? ♪
444
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:43,961
♪ I'll be alone, dancing in Gryffindor ♪
445
00:14:43,997 --> 00:14:48,073
♪ Harry is the best at the spells ♪
446
00:14:48,109 --> 00:14:51,277
♪ And as for potions,
Hermione does well ♪
447
00:14:51,313 --> 00:14:52,445
This is actually pretty funny.
448
00:14:52,481 --> 00:14:54,293
You got to know Harry Potter.
449
00:14:54,687 --> 00:14:56,791
Wait a minute. Where'd Allister go?
450
00:14:57,857 --> 00:14:59,544
He was standing right here.
451
00:14:59,579 --> 00:15:01,035
It's like he vanished without a trace.
452
00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:03,372
Wrong, Peralta.
He vanished with a trace.
453
00:15:03,408 --> 00:15:05,575
Check it out. His footprint. Gotcha.
454
00:15:05,734 --> 00:15:07,334
I am Raymond Holt
and my brain is rock hard.
455
00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:08,402
- I'm not going to say that.
- Smart.
456
00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:10,960
Saving it for a bigger moment in front
of a bunch of people. Can't wait!
457
00:15:11,132 --> 00:15:13,434
Okay, squad, hope you ate lunch already,
458
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,671
because it's lunchtime!
459
00:15:15,857 --> 00:15:17,890
- What's with the getups?
- Oh, nothing much.
460
00:15:17,926 --> 00:15:19,226
We just turned the parking garage
461
00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:20,762
into an elaborate paintball arena.
462
00:15:20,798 --> 00:15:23,398
It's zombie-themed. We hired 60 actors.
463
00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:24,634
That sounds pretty expensive.
464
00:15:24,713 --> 00:15:26,346
Nah, New York actors are desperate.
465
00:15:26,382 --> 00:15:27,849
For ten bucks, you can
shoot 'em right in the face.
466
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,786
Wow, that's amazing.
467
00:15:30,026 --> 00:15:32,859
I don't know how anybody
could ever beat that...
468
00:15:32,895 --> 00:15:36,197
except maybe an in-office
teppanyaki grill.
469
00:15:36,232 --> 00:15:37,431
Moshi moshi, losers!
470
00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:39,497
We got shrimp. We got lobster.
471
00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:41,400
Heather, I know you're
allergic to shellfish.
472
00:15:41,436 --> 00:15:42,856
You're just gonna have to not eat.
473
00:15:43,253 --> 00:15:46,188
Where's Heather? Where is everybody?
474
00:15:46,224 --> 00:15:47,882
They're on the roof by Gina's statue.
475
00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:50,747
- What the hell, guys?
- Oh, God, they found us.
476
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,750
- Don't let them take me.
- Why are you hiding from us?
477
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:55,248
This lunch competition
has gotten out of hand.
478
00:15:55,284 --> 00:15:56,683
No one is having fun.
479
00:15:56,718 --> 00:15:58,149
I keep having panic dreams
480
00:15:58,185 --> 00:16:00,154
about Sergeant Santiago
shooting down my lunch ideas.
481
00:16:00,189 --> 00:16:03,190
Historic walking tours
don't win lunch, Gary.
482
00:16:03,225 --> 00:16:05,526
No one cares about winning lunch.
483
00:16:05,561 --> 00:16:07,460
Please, just leave us alone.
484
00:16:08,829 --> 00:16:10,196
Gary, wait. Look...
485
00:16:10,231 --> 00:16:11,931
- Oh!
- Ow!
486
00:16:11,966 --> 00:16:14,600
- Why did you do that?
- Oh, my God, it was an accident.
487
00:16:14,635 --> 00:16:15,935
This thing doesn't have a safety.
488
00:16:15,970 --> 00:16:16,930
Ow!
489
00:16:16,966 --> 00:16:20,000
Ow, stop! Help!
490
00:16:20,036 --> 00:16:22,570
And a big round of applause
for Janitor Randy
491
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,740
for recovering our precious coin.
492
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,844
Don't applaud for that man.
493
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:27,846
What's going on?
494
00:16:27,882 --> 00:16:28,948
What's going on is,
495
00:16:28,984 --> 00:16:30,717
Captain Holt just solved this case.
496
00:16:30,753 --> 00:16:32,586
What's there left to solve?
We found the coin
497
00:16:32,622 --> 00:16:34,356
in Professor Port's desk.
He's the thief.
498
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:35,624
Oh, you'd like everyone to believe that,
499
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:36,760
wouldn't you, Dean Allister?
500
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:39,596
Or should I say, General Parmenion?
501
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,475
Raymond, are you causing a kerfuffle?
502
00:16:41,511 --> 00:16:43,678
Yes. Sometimes a moment
calls for a kerfuffle.
503
00:16:43,714 --> 00:16:45,514
No. No moment calls for a kerfuffle.
504
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:47,451
You know my feelings on this.
505
00:16:47,487 --> 00:16:49,020
Dean Allister framed Professor Port
506
00:16:49,056 --> 00:16:50,255
to get rid of a rival,
507
00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:52,970
just as Alexander got rid of Parmenion.
508
00:16:53,006 --> 00:16:55,274
Preposterous. Do you even
have a shred of evidence
509
00:16:55,309 --> 00:16:56,381
to back up that claim?
510
00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:57,517
Oh, we've got more than a shred.
511
00:16:57,553 --> 00:16:58,601
Look at these photos.
512
00:16:58,637 --> 00:17:00,889
Here, a footprint
from the scene of the crime
513
00:17:00,925 --> 00:17:02,379
left by the thief.
514
00:17:02,415 --> 00:17:05,950
And here, another print
made yesterday by you.
515
00:17:05,986 --> 00:17:08,153
- You've been caught, Allister!
- Is it happening?
516
00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:09,654
- Caught by me.
- It is happening.
517
00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,560
- Me and my rock hard brain.
- It happened!
518
00:17:12,624 --> 00:17:14,537
Oh, Raymond. Look around.
519
00:17:14,808 --> 00:17:18,110
These shoes I'm wearing
with their "unique footprint"...
520
00:17:18,146 --> 00:17:19,358
we all have them.
521
00:17:19,394 --> 00:17:21,423
They were the departmental gift
this Christmas.
522
00:17:21,459 --> 00:17:22,761
They're actually very funny.
523
00:17:22,797 --> 00:17:24,630
They have Achilles printed on the heel.
524
00:17:24,666 --> 00:17:26,767
I don't know if I would
call that "very" funny.
525
00:17:26,803 --> 00:17:27,869
I'm surprised you didn't know
about them.
526
00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:29,607
Kevin must have gotten a pair.
527
00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:31,510
Oh, I remember what happened.
528
00:17:31,546 --> 00:17:32,778
You had to leave the Christmas party
529
00:17:32,814 --> 00:17:34,315
before they were handed out.
530
00:17:34,351 --> 00:17:36,961
Why was that again?
Oh, yes. The kerfuffle.
531
00:17:36,997 --> 00:17:38,830
But what about the
autobiography of Persimminons
532
00:17:38,866 --> 00:17:40,073
you were taunting us with?
533
00:17:40,109 --> 00:17:41,775
I suppose I can see how holding any book
534
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,345
would seem like a taunt to you.
535
00:17:43,381 --> 00:17:44,862
- I own a book.
- But I don't think Raymond
536
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,025
is remembering the story correctly.
537
00:17:46,061 --> 00:17:48,205
Alexander didn't see
Parmenion as a rival.
538
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,208
He killed him over a dispute
about his son.
539
00:17:50,244 --> 00:17:52,722
Oh, no, it's Boethius all over again.
540
00:17:52,758 --> 00:17:54,317
At least you got one thing right.
541
00:17:54,353 --> 00:17:57,388
You do have a rock hard brain.
Because that's bad.
542
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,929
Everyone knows that a brain
should be soft and wet.
543
00:17:59,965 --> 00:18:01,898
I wanted to say that,
but Jake told me not to.
544
00:18:01,934 --> 00:18:04,424
Yeah, because it's gross.
545
00:18:06,812 --> 00:18:07,937
There you are.
546
00:18:09,692 --> 00:18:11,492
- You okay, sir?
- I'm fine.
547
00:18:11,527 --> 00:18:13,160
I have decided to stop fighting it
548
00:18:13,195 --> 00:18:14,695
and lean in to the fact
that I'm an idiot.
549
00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:16,196
Look at me, playing a video game.
550
00:18:16,231 --> 00:18:17,698
- Oh, which one?
- "Times" crossword app.
551
00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:18,933
Not a video game.
552
00:18:18,968 --> 00:18:21,071
It plays a little song
when you solve it,
553
00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:22,540
as if you've just learned to potty.
554
00:18:24,306 --> 00:18:26,073
Yes, yes, play me my dunce's tune.
555
00:18:26,108 --> 00:18:29,710
Okay, so those guys look down
on you. So what?
556
00:18:29,745 --> 00:18:31,511
I mean, Amy's parents look down on me.
557
00:18:31,547 --> 00:18:33,372
They talk about me right in
front of my face in Spanish
558
00:18:33,408 --> 00:18:34,658
because they don't think
I'm smart enough
559
00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:35,752
to learn another language,
560
00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:37,317
but I've been taking classes,
561
00:18:37,352 --> 00:18:38,886
and now I can understand
562
00:18:38,921 --> 00:18:40,720
all the hurtful things
they've been saying.
563
00:18:40,755 --> 00:18:42,251
And how did that help?
564
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,738
Well, now I know they think I'm short
565
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,174
and I was able to do some research
566
00:18:45,209 --> 00:18:46,508
and find that 1940s census
567
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,077
that proves I'm above average in height.
568
00:18:48,112 --> 00:18:49,411
- For 1940.
- Yeah, I'm taller
569
00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:51,080
than the greatest generation.
It doesn't matter.
570
00:18:51,115 --> 00:18:53,449
The point is, you can use this.
571
00:18:53,484 --> 00:18:55,473
There are benefits
to being underestimated.
572
00:18:56,687 --> 00:18:59,070
My goodness. You're right.
573
00:18:59,307 --> 00:19:01,536
There are benefits
to being underestimated.
574
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,796
You can get away with anything.
575
00:19:04,045 --> 00:19:07,013
Sir? Are you going to kill the dean?
576
00:19:07,048 --> 00:19:09,882
No. What if the thief
was someone we dismissed
577
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:11,450
because they didn't have
a classics background?
578
00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:13,319
Someone who wasn't a professor?
579
00:19:13,354 --> 00:19:14,486
But what about the footprints?
580
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,293
The shoes were only given to faculty.
581
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,455
There was one pair that was
unaccounted for: Kevin's.
582
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,158
They were left at the party...
583
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,626
to be cleaned up.
584
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,195
By Janitor Randy!
585
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,247
My story solved it. I'm tall.
586
00:19:25,942 --> 00:19:28,366
Hey, everyone, we would
like to say we're sorry
587
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,468
for letting this competition
get the best of us,
588
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,914
and to make it up to you,
589
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:33,304
we figured out what to do for lunch.
590
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,539
Please, whatever your new idea is,
591
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,074
I just don't want to get shot again.
592
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:38,243
Ugh, Gary, it was
a paintball. Suck it up.
593
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,878
Isn't this supposed to be an apology?
594
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:42,413
Yes. You're right. I'm sorry.
595
00:19:42,883 --> 00:19:45,016
I mean, I shot my husband with
a real bullet two years ago,
596
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,018
- and it comes up way less than this.
- Way less than this.
597
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,475
- Guys!
- Right.
598
00:19:48,511 --> 00:19:51,055
What we're trying to say is
that we lost sight
599
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,858
of what this was all
really about: building morale.
600
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,026
So we bought two-ply toilet
paper for the whole squad.
601
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:57,494
- I call shotgun!
- Shotgun!
602
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,264
Also, I sold the teppanyaki grill
603
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:03,500
and used the money to turn
the briefing room into...
604
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,102
the lunch zone.
605
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:06,767
Oh, no. What's the lunch zone?
606
00:20:06,803 --> 00:20:09,339
Is it someplace we have to put
on a harness and not eat lunch?
607
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,180
There are no harnesses.
608
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,179
There are phone chargers
and noise-canceling headphones.
609
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,581
So you can eat your lunch
and stare at your phone
610
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:20,217
and you won't have to see
or hear anyone you work with.
611
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:23,020
- It's perfect.
- It's... it's absolutely perfect.
612
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,221
We're so glad you like it.
613
00:20:25,581 --> 00:20:27,457
And just to be sure,
I'm not gonna get shot.
614
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,577
Oh, my God, Gary.
Yes! You won't get shot!
615
00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:31,628
Yeah, I stole those coins.
616
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,196
Can't believe you bought
that whole story.
617
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:35,031
They underestimated you, Randy,
618
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:36,933
just as they underestimated
Raymond Holt.
619
00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:38,435
Well, you guys haven't been
that great to me either.
620
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:40,141
Well, you got to teach people
621
00:20:40,177 --> 00:20:42,339
how you want to be treated,
Randy. Dr. Phil, RIP.
622
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:43,839
The point is, Captain Holt
623
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:45,084
solved the case when no one else could.
624
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,505
He's actually been stealing
from these archives for years.
625
00:20:47,541 --> 00:20:49,005
You've been asleep
at the wheel, Allister.
626
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:50,260
- You're an embarrassment.
- Really?
627
00:20:50,296 --> 00:20:51,462
Well, at least I've never confused
628
00:20:51,498 --> 00:20:53,532
St. Augustine with Boethius.
629
00:20:53,568 --> 00:20:56,118
Oh, who gives a rat's ass
about Boethius, Wesley?
630
00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:57,398
What are you doing, Kevin?
631
00:20:57,434 --> 00:20:59,335
- I am creating a kerfuffle.
- Oh, damn.
632
00:20:59,371 --> 00:21:01,623
Sure, my husband is a hot piece of ass,
633
00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:03,392
but he is so much more than just that.
634
00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:06,062
Raymond Holt is as smart
as anyone in this department,
635
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:07,931
but he chooses to use his intelligence
636
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:10,272
to make our city a better place.
637
00:21:11,435 --> 00:21:14,200
One day, I hope to live up to
the standard you set.
638
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:17,673
You make me want to have a wetter brain.
639
00:21:17,708 --> 00:21:19,271
Oh, Kevin.
640
00:21:21,933 --> 00:21:23,632
Y'all are hella specific.
641
00:21:24,839 --> 00:21:28,839
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