1 00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:03,023 For you. 2 00:00:03,024 --> 00:00:04,057 And you. 3 00:00:04,092 --> 00:00:05,559 And you. 4 00:00:05,594 --> 00:00:06,694 What are these? 5 00:00:06,728 --> 00:00:08,328 These, madam, 6 00:00:08,363 --> 00:00:11,399 are STDs. 7 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,633 What are you talking about, buddy? 8 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:16,169 STDs. Save the dates. For Vivian and my wedding. 9 00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,005 Ah, yes. 10 00:00:18,039 --> 00:00:19,305 Hey, just out of curiosity, 11 00:00:19,306 --> 00:00:21,040 how many people have you given STDs to? 12 00:00:21,074 --> 00:00:22,909 Lots. Like 100. 13 00:00:24,512 --> 00:00:25,745 What's going on? 14 00:00:25,746 --> 00:00:29,181 Uh... oh, okay. I get it. "STD" has another meaning. 15 00:00:29,216 --> 00:00:30,683 You're gross. 16 00:00:30,718 --> 00:00:32,385 No one else is gonna think that. 17 00:00:32,386 --> 00:00:34,153 Everyone is going to think that. 18 00:00:34,154 --> 00:00:35,788 But it's sweet that your mind didn't go there. 19 00:00:35,789 --> 00:00:37,589 Thank you. It is kinda sweet. 20 00:00:37,590 --> 00:00:39,991 Will your first dance be to you give me fever? 21 00:00:40,026 --> 00:00:41,660 Will you be serving crabs at the reception? 22 00:00:41,661 --> 00:00:42,994 Do you have herpes? 23 00:00:43,029 --> 00:00:45,564 Guys, this is my wedding. This is important to me. 24 00:00:45,565 --> 00:00:46,998 No more jokes. 25 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:48,400 You're right, and we're sorry. 26 00:00:48,401 --> 00:00:50,668 We love you, buddy. Warts and all. 27 00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:52,336 Sorry, I made a rash decision. 28 00:00:52,337 --> 00:00:55,406 I was itching to say it. Okay, I'm done. 29 00:00:55,407 --> 00:00:58,910 I have an STD. 30 00:00:58,944 --> 00:01:00,578 So just RSVP, or... 31 00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:01,879 Yeah, the number's right on there... 32 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:02,879 Great. Thank you. 33 00:01:02,881 --> 00:01:06,601 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.Addic7ed.Com/ 34 00:01:22,934 --> 00:01:24,200 Whoo! 35 00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:25,868 Happy Tactical Village Day. 36 00:01:25,902 --> 00:01:27,170 Happy Tactical Village Day. 37 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,572 Happy Tactical Village Day. 38 00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:30,873 Peralta, I'm surprised to see you 39 00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:33,576 so excited about departmentally mandated training exercises. 40 00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:35,644 It's the most fun day of the year. 41 00:01:35,645 --> 00:01:36,946 Something you wouldn't understand, 42 00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:39,014 because you're not programmed to feel joy. 43 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,916 Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade. 44 00:01:41,951 --> 00:01:43,651 You know, when you play along with the robot jokes 45 00:01:43,652 --> 00:01:45,354 it kind of ruins my enjoyment of them. 46 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,155 Yes, I know. 47 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,424 Anyways, Tactical Village Day is awesome. 48 00:01:49,425 --> 00:01:51,693 We get to field test a bunch of cool, new weapons, 49 00:01:51,727 --> 00:01:53,362 and there's always a new training situation. 50 00:01:53,396 --> 00:01:54,996 Last year's was prison break. 51 00:01:54,997 --> 00:01:57,531 It got super violent. 52 00:02:01,436 --> 00:02:03,371 It's like being in an action movie. 53 00:02:03,372 --> 00:02:05,139 It's also a good opportunity for us 54 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:07,308 to let off steam and bond as a unit. 55 00:02:07,309 --> 00:02:08,609 Everybody gets into it. 56 00:02:26,227 --> 00:02:29,361 Needless to say, the nine-nine has never had a perfect run. 57 00:02:29,362 --> 00:02:30,562 True, but Jake has been 58 00:02:30,563 --> 00:02:32,964 the finalist for coolest kill two years in a row. 59 00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:34,799 That's every precinct sending around 60 00:02:34,834 --> 00:02:36,335 their footage and all the cops voting. 61 00:02:36,336 --> 00:02:38,003 It's not that big of a deal. 62 00:02:38,004 --> 00:02:41,440 All you win is a children's karate trophy, so... 63 00:02:41,474 --> 00:02:43,008 You desperately want it, don't you? 64 00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:45,443 So badly. I will stop at nothing to get that trophy. 65 00:02:45,444 --> 00:02:48,746 I'll shoot you all in the face if I have to! 66 00:02:48,747 --> 00:02:50,381 Go team. 67 00:02:50,382 --> 00:02:52,583 Gina, the D.A. needs copies 68 00:02:52,584 --> 00:02:54,752 of our interrogation transcripts from the Adams case. 69 00:02:54,786 --> 00:02:56,720 Gina? 70 00:02:56,721 --> 00:02:58,089 Gina. 71 00:03:03,761 --> 00:03:05,429 Gina. 72 00:03:05,463 --> 00:03:07,897 Sorry. I was playing Kwazy Cupcakes. 73 00:03:07,898 --> 00:03:09,699 Crazy cupcakes? 74 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,868 "Kwazy" with a "w." A backwards "w." 75 00:03:11,869 --> 00:03:13,036 No such thing as a backwards "w." 76 00:03:13,071 --> 00:03:17,139 Yeah, there is. See? 77 00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:18,907 Okay, how you play... You just line up three cupcakes 78 00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:22,244 with the same color frosting... Ka-bam. 79 00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,446 And this little game of yours, 80 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,200 it's more interesting to you than your work? 81 00:03:25,215 --> 00:03:29,051 Yeah. Kwazy Cupcakes is a lot more interesting than this. 82 00:03:29,052 --> 00:03:30,719 Stop saying "kwazy." 83 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,621 And stop playing this inane garbage. It's embarrassing. 84 00:03:33,655 --> 00:03:35,590 Say it to my face. 85 00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:36,724 I did. You were looking at your phone. 86 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,926 Oh, cool. My B. 87 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,130 Great news, I think I figured out my persona 88 00:03:41,131 --> 00:03:42,564 for this year' tactical villa.. 89 00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:45,233 Introducing Rex Buckingham 90 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,302 British secret agent, ballistics expert, 91 00:03:48,336 --> 00:03:50,304 and ladies' man. 92 00:03:50,338 --> 00:03:52,339 Yeah, 'cause what woman doesn't love a guy 93 00:03:52,340 --> 00:03:53,707 who's super into make-believe? 94 00:03:53,741 --> 00:03:55,942 This whole training simulation is make-believe. 95 00:03:55,943 --> 00:03:58,545 We shoot paint at fake bad guys. It's called acting. 96 00:03:58,546 --> 00:04:00,614 Tell me how I'm any different than George Clooney. 97 00:04:00,648 --> 00:04:01,681 He has a sexy voice. 98 00:04:01,716 --> 00:04:03,149 I have a sexy voice. 99 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:06,785 Champagne. Mountain range. Hugs. 100 00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:08,621 "Mountain range"? 101 00:04:08,655 --> 00:04:10,055 I couldn't think of anything sexy to say. 102 00:04:10,056 --> 00:04:12,858 What? Mountain range, it's the sexiest geological feature. 103 00:04:12,859 --> 00:04:15,861 No, wait, sorry. Deep sea trench. 104 00:04:15,895 --> 00:04:18,498 I think I'm gonna go talk to Rosa. 105 00:04:18,499 --> 00:04:20,298 You try to think of some sexier words. 106 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:22,800 Jesuit. Horticulture. 107 00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:25,903 Lam-buh. 108 00:04:25,904 --> 00:04:28,173 What is going on with you two? 109 00:04:28,207 --> 00:04:29,941 Come on, Boyle, not this again. 110 00:04:29,975 --> 00:04:31,476 You gotta admit there's a spark. 111 00:04:31,511 --> 00:04:33,044 How many times do I have to say it? She's like a sister. 112 00:04:33,078 --> 00:04:35,079 That's what Luke said about Leia. 113 00:04:35,114 --> 00:04:37,981 Hey, Luke didn't know! No one knew! 114 00:04:39,851 --> 00:04:42,386 Okay, Stella. All right. Oh, no, no problem. 115 00:04:42,387 --> 00:04:44,188 Okay, all right, bye. 116 00:04:44,189 --> 00:04:45,656 Damn! 117 00:04:45,657 --> 00:04:47,724 Our babysitter's busy the night of Boyle's wedding. 118 00:04:47,759 --> 00:04:50,161 She's gonna be in her High School talent show. 119 00:04:50,195 --> 00:04:51,661 Which she's gonna lose, unless her talent is leaving 120 00:04:51,662 --> 00:04:53,829 potato chip crumbs all over Terry's couch. 121 00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:55,231 Wait, Boyle set a date already? 122 00:04:55,232 --> 00:04:57,800 Yeah, he gave out save the dates yesterday. 123 00:04:57,801 --> 00:04:59,269 He didn't give you one? 124 00:04:59,303 --> 00:05:02,938 I think he's been avoiding me. 125 00:05:02,939 --> 00:05:05,542 Hey. 126 00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:07,709 Uh-oh, I hate pizza! 127 00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:08,810 He didn't invite me to his wedding, 128 00:05:08,811 --> 00:05:10,979 and he's scared like a little bitch. 129 00:05:11,013 --> 00:05:13,482 Well, maybe Vivian was uncomfortable with you coming. 130 00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:15,817 Look, Boyle was in love with you until a few weeks ago. 131 00:05:15,851 --> 00:05:18,487 Oh, don't be angry. 132 00:05:18,521 --> 00:05:21,790 I'm not angry. I think it's funny. 133 00:05:28,163 --> 00:05:32,533 One hot pile of boring coming in. 134 00:05:32,568 --> 00:05:35,035 Thank you, Gina. Dismissed. 135 00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:36,170 You're dismissed. 136 00:05:36,171 --> 00:05:37,438 What you doing in here? 137 00:05:37,472 --> 00:05:39,673 Nothing. 138 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,575 Okay, cool, can I just see your phone for a second? 139 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,743 I may have been playing... 140 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,345 Crazy cupcakes. 141 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,380 Okay, Captain, I think we're past the point 142 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,782 of you being too proud to say the "w." Fine. 143 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:54,221 I might have been playing... 144 00:05:54,255 --> 00:05:55,721 Kwazy Cupcakes. 145 00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:56,855 It's so addictive, right? 146 00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:58,724 I play so much that when I close my eyes at night, 147 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:01,126 I just see cupcakes now, 148 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:04,496 instead of my normal dizzying array of flashing lights. 149 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,766 Yes, well, I have a tremendous amount of self-control. 150 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,201 I don't think I'll have any problem 151 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,469 resisting this silly game. 152 00:06:11,503 --> 00:06:13,338 As a matter of fact, 153 00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:15,473 I've deleted the application. 154 00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:17,808 There. Hmm. 155 00:06:17,809 --> 00:06:19,677 Does this mean I've lost my progress? 156 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:23,814 Well, doesn't matter, because I'm done. 157 00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:26,984 The nine-nine is in the village. 158 00:06:26,985 --> 00:06:28,485 Nine-nine! 159 00:06:28,486 --> 00:06:29,686 Hey, Ronnie. 160 00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:30,954 They upgraded you from bystander to perp. 161 00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:32,222 That's great, man. 162 00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:33,423 Thank you. 163 00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:35,825 I'm gonna blow your brains out. 164 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:37,927 Amy Santiago. 165 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:38,995 Teddy! 166 00:06:39,029 --> 00:06:41,030 Hey. Oh, my God. 167 00:06:41,031 --> 00:06:42,866 It's been so long. What are you doing here? 168 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,635 I'm with the eight-two now. We're paired with you today. 169 00:06:45,669 --> 00:06:48,404 Yeah. Quick. 10-54L. 170 00:06:48,438 --> 00:06:51,206 Ambulance case. Severed limb. 171 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:54,410 What is going on here? 172 00:06:54,411 --> 00:06:56,178 Teddy and I met at code camp. 173 00:06:56,179 --> 00:06:59,481 It was a voluntary refresher course on police codes. 174 00:06:59,515 --> 00:07:01,583 Some long nights of intense memorizing. 175 00:07:01,584 --> 00:07:03,318 It was pretty dope. 176 00:07:03,352 --> 00:07:04,486 Sounds dope. 177 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,721 Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. 178 00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:07,689 Well, I'm gonna go sign in, but we should catch up later. 179 00:07:07,723 --> 00:07:10,024 Yeah. Great seeing you. 180 00:07:10,058 --> 00:07:11,693 You too. 181 00:07:11,727 --> 00:07:13,495 Who's that guy? 182 00:07:13,529 --> 00:07:17,631 Uh, that was Teddy. We went on, like, five dates last year. 183 00:07:17,666 --> 00:07:19,199 I liked him, but he was stationed out in Queens, 184 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,835 so I never got to see him, and it sort of fizzled. 185 00:07:21,869 --> 00:07:23,937 Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about. 186 00:07:23,971 --> 00:07:25,278 Like "he's a good listener." 187 00:07:25,307 --> 00:07:27,841 I'm sorry, what do you look for in a guy? 188 00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:28,909 I don't know, real stuff. 189 00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:32,044 Shape of his ass. 190 00:07:32,045 --> 00:07:34,447 All right. 191 00:07:34,481 --> 00:07:36,416 So weird that Amy dated that guy. 192 00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:38,384 What do you care so much? 193 00:07:38,385 --> 00:07:39,485 Okay, first of all, 194 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,521 your insinuating voice is way too high. 195 00:07:41,555 --> 00:07:43,756 It's creepy. And second, I don't care. 196 00:07:43,791 --> 00:07:45,925 I'm just curious why she would like him. 197 00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:47,159 Whatever you say. 198 00:07:47,194 --> 00:07:48,627 Oh, yeah, no, I hear it now. 199 00:07:48,628 --> 00:07:51,062 Yeah, I sound like Meryl Streep from Mamma Mia. 200 00:07:53,903 --> 00:07:57,472 Oh, this is so cool. You can shoot around corners. 201 00:07:57,473 --> 00:08:00,174 I love guns. I'm gonna make such a good dad. 202 00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:01,375 Not even gonna touch that. 203 00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:04,144 The Amy Santiago story. 204 00:08:04,145 --> 00:08:06,346 Santiago. Got one for ya. 205 00:08:06,347 --> 00:08:07,815 10-51. 206 00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:10,350 Roving gang, specify direction of travel and number in group. 207 00:08:10,351 --> 00:08:12,152 At least make me work for it. 208 00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:15,055 Hey, I got one. How 'bout 10-69? 209 00:08:15,056 --> 00:08:16,356 That's easy. Message received. 210 00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:19,192 And simultaneously given. Am I right? Up top. 211 00:08:19,226 --> 00:08:20,693 69. 212 00:08:20,694 --> 00:08:22,294 Got it. Yeah. 213 00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:24,649 So they got the new handguns in. You want to check 'em out? 214 00:08:24,665 --> 00:08:25,665 Totally. Of course. 215 00:08:25,666 --> 00:08:28,000 Oh, I see what happened. 216 00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:29,669 I thought he was talking to me. 217 00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:32,438 And he clearly was. Chop chop, Ted. Let's roll. 218 00:08:32,473 --> 00:08:33,573 Hold down the fort. 219 00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:35,341 Uh... 220 00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:38,042 That's a P.U.W. 221 00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:39,744 Or a portable ultrasonic weapon. 222 00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:42,514 It emits a focused beam of sound which can disorient 223 00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:44,483 and even incapacitate a perp. 224 00:08:44,484 --> 00:08:46,117 So it shoots sound? Mm-hmm. 225 00:08:46,118 --> 00:08:47,953 Is this the trigger? 226 00:08:47,954 --> 00:08:50,154 Yes, but you want to be careful with that. 227 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,356 Ahh... ah... 228 00:08:52,390 --> 00:08:53,757 Thought it would be louder. 229 00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:55,258 It's highly directional. 230 00:08:55,259 --> 00:08:57,361 If it were pointed at you, you'd be in incredible pain right now. 231 00:08:57,395 --> 00:08:58,762 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 232 00:08:58,797 --> 00:09:00,598 Oh! Oh! Oh... 233 00:09:00,632 --> 00:09:02,332 Why is this happening? 234 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:05,435 I can taste my thoughts! 235 00:09:05,436 --> 00:09:06,804 Enough, Diaz. 236 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,438 Oh, my God... 237 00:09:09,439 --> 00:09:12,141 That's pretty cool. 238 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,348 Captain Holt? 239 00:09:17,381 --> 00:09:19,115 Have you seen Captain Holt? 240 00:09:19,116 --> 00:09:22,619 Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot? 241 00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:25,988 No. Okay. 242 00:09:30,693 --> 00:09:33,562 Your pants are up. I'm coming in. 243 00:09:33,596 --> 00:09:35,664 Captain... 244 00:09:35,698 --> 00:09:38,299 Think you might have a little bit of a problem here, boo. 245 00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:40,535 I have this under control. 246 00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:43,203 You should leave. This is the men's room. 247 00:09:43,204 --> 00:09:47,074 This is no longer a men's room. It is now a liar's den. 248 00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:50,745 I am Captain of this precinct, and you are my assistant. 249 00:09:50,779 --> 00:09:52,547 I have given you a direct order to leave. 250 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,782 I do not have a problem! 251 00:09:54,816 --> 00:09:56,182 If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes, 252 00:09:56,183 --> 00:09:59,218 I will play Kwazy Cupcakes! 253 00:09:59,253 --> 00:10:02,488 "Kwazy" is a difficult word to say in anger, 254 00:10:02,489 --> 00:10:05,563 I think I've made my feelings clear. 255 00:10:08,328 --> 00:10:09,462 Nice. 256 00:10:09,463 --> 00:10:11,297 Have you noticed they moved the trigger? 257 00:10:11,331 --> 00:10:12,698 Real exciting finger feel. 258 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,833 "Finger feel"? Really? 259 00:10:16,002 --> 00:10:18,136 Nice! Two to the chest. 260 00:10:18,171 --> 00:10:19,337 Textbook shooting. 261 00:10:19,338 --> 00:10:21,339 Yeah, and his overalls fell down. 262 00:10:21,374 --> 00:10:22,875 I can't believe you would kill a farmer, 263 00:10:22,876 --> 00:10:25,010 the backbone of our nation's economy. 264 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,445 May I? 265 00:10:26,479 --> 00:10:27,679 When it comes to shooting patterns, 266 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,682 I like to go PB&J. Penis, brain, jaw. 267 00:10:31,784 --> 00:10:34,151 Nice shooting, man, 268 00:10:34,186 --> 00:10:35,720 but do you think the penis is an effective target? 269 00:10:35,721 --> 00:10:38,656 A man can run half a mile with no genitals. 270 00:10:38,691 --> 00:10:42,517 That's a weird thing to know a lot about. 271 00:10:42,527 --> 00:10:43,594 Hey, hey. 272 00:10:43,595 --> 00:10:46,096 Okay, so I know you're pissed at Boyle. 273 00:10:46,097 --> 00:10:47,698 I told you, shooting him 274 00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:49,432 with that sonic cannon was an accident. 275 00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:51,367 It's not just that. 276 00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:54,838 Aah! 277 00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:57,007 Oh! Ahh! Oh! 278 00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,109 Whoops. Sorry. Net gun. 279 00:10:59,143 --> 00:11:01,010 My cafe con leche! 280 00:11:01,011 --> 00:11:02,144 Aah! 281 00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:04,346 Sorry. Misfire. 282 00:11:06,349 --> 00:11:08,584 Right in my breasts! 283 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,052 So many accidents. 284 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:12,588 Look, I get it if Vivian doesn't want me to come. 285 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,923 But Boyle should've said something. 286 00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,825 We're supposed to be friends. 287 00:11:15,826 --> 00:11:16,825 We're finally getting along. 288 00:11:16,859 --> 00:11:20,054 Talk to him. That's what friends do. 289 00:11:20,062 --> 00:11:21,997 Nope, I'm gonna wait till I'm on my deathbed, 290 00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,766 get in the last word, and then die immediately. 291 00:11:23,799 --> 00:11:25,367 That's your plan for dealing with this? 292 00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:26,735 That's my plan for dealing with everything. 293 00:11:26,736 --> 00:11:28,970 I have 77 arguments I'm gonna win that way. 294 00:11:28,971 --> 00:11:30,805 Seems like a bad plan. 295 00:11:30,806 --> 00:11:34,775 Now I have 78. 296 00:11:38,013 --> 00:11:41,249 Rex Buckingham at your service. 297 00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,650 That was majestic. 298 00:11:42,684 --> 00:11:44,852 Custom kneepads to help me win coolest kill. 299 00:11:44,886 --> 00:11:46,420 What, don't tell me old Buckingham 300 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,292 is the only chap here with a signature move. 301 00:11:49,323 --> 00:11:52,759 Uh, no. I'm working on a thing where when I'm out of ammo 302 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,728 I release my mag and dropkick it straight into someone's throat. 303 00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:58,064 Oh! My buttholes! 304 00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,332 Ooh... 305 00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:01,635 Okay, I know you have two bullet wounds in your butt, 306 00:12:01,636 --> 00:12:04,140 but you've gotta stop calling them your "buttholes." 307 00:12:04,171 --> 00:12:07,173 You know how people hold their guns sideways to look cool? 308 00:12:07,174 --> 00:12:11,243 It got me thinking. What if you held your gun upside-down? 309 00:12:11,244 --> 00:12:12,344 You can use that. 310 00:12:12,379 --> 00:12:14,012 That will never happen, my American friend. 311 00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:16,282 Eight-two's done. Heads up. 312 00:12:16,316 --> 00:12:18,884 Hey. How'd it go? 313 00:12:18,918 --> 00:12:20,218 It went well. 314 00:12:20,252 --> 00:12:21,686 We had a perfect run. 315 00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:22,887 And not to brag, but I think we just set 316 00:12:22,888 --> 00:12:24,422 an NYPD course record for time. 317 00:12:24,456 --> 00:12:26,123 Definitely a brag. 318 00:12:26,158 --> 00:12:28,426 A course record? That is so cool. 319 00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,627 Oh, thanks. I'm psyched. 320 00:12:29,662 --> 00:12:30,662 Hey, good luck in there. 321 00:12:30,663 --> 00:12:34,632 Thanks. All right. 322 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:38,235 All right, huddle up. This is how it's going down. 323 00:12:38,269 --> 00:12:39,603 What happened to your accent, Rex? 324 00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:40,804 Forget that crap. We're taking this seriously. 325 00:12:40,838 --> 00:12:42,239 All right, on three. 326 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,846 Let's break that course record and be the best precinct here. 327 00:12:43,874 --> 00:12:45,682 Ready? One, two, three! 328 00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:48,679 Let's break that course record and... 329 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,640 Yeah, I agree, it was too many words. Let's do it! 330 00:12:52,978 --> 00:12:54,945 Okay, I've got the details for this simulation. 331 00:12:54,946 --> 00:12:56,481 A group of armed men entered an embassy 332 00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:57,815 and have taken hostages. 333 00:12:57,816 --> 00:13:00,384 Which embassy? Doesn't matter. 334 00:13:00,418 --> 00:13:02,319 Fine. Canada, then. 335 00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:04,622 So take out the perps, clear the civilians, rescue the hostages? 336 00:13:04,623 --> 00:13:05,623 Affirmative. 337 00:13:05,624 --> 00:13:06,790 This is an active shooter situation. 338 00:13:06,791 --> 00:13:08,258 You're cleared for maximum engagement. 339 00:13:08,259 --> 00:13:09,960 "Maximum engagement"? 340 00:13:09,961 --> 00:13:12,695 What is this, The ride? 341 00:13:12,696 --> 00:13:13,696 Diaz and Boyle, perimeter security. 342 00:13:13,697 --> 00:13:14,697 Me and Boyle? 343 00:13:14,698 --> 00:13:16,165 Yeah. Just the two of you. 344 00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:17,934 Peralta and Santiago, you're the assault team. 345 00:13:17,935 --> 00:13:20,870 I'll be in the command center. 346 00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:22,238 Scully, I want you to do nothing. 347 00:13:22,272 --> 00:13:24,106 Just stand next to me and say, "yes, sarge." 348 00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:25,141 Okay, sarge. 349 00:13:25,142 --> 00:13:26,142 Come on, man. 350 00:13:26,143 --> 00:13:27,644 All right, focus up. 351 00:13:27,645 --> 00:13:29,978 We got 18 minutes, 41 seconds to break this record. 352 00:13:29,979 --> 00:13:31,680 No screwing around. 353 00:13:31,681 --> 00:13:33,649 Whoa, you're really not gonna do a character? 354 00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:36,451 What about Rex "Bookinghame"? 355 00:13:36,452 --> 00:13:37,686 Okay, never, ever do an accent again. 356 00:13:37,687 --> 00:13:38,787 And I am playing a character: 357 00:13:38,788 --> 00:13:40,923 A no-nonsense Detective whose only goal 358 00:13:40,924 --> 00:13:42,457 is to set this course record. 359 00:13:42,458 --> 00:13:43,725 His name is Vic Kovac. 360 00:13:43,726 --> 00:13:44,725 He's an ex-navy seal 361 00:13:44,726 --> 00:13:46,260 who is double-crossed and left for dead. 362 00:13:46,261 --> 00:13:47,327 I don't have time for his back-story. Sarge. 363 00:13:47,328 --> 00:13:49,430 Okay, guys, and go! 364 00:13:54,870 --> 00:13:55,970 Captain. 365 00:13:56,004 --> 00:14:00,307 Captain. 366 00:14:02,577 --> 00:14:04,678 Captain. Sorry. 367 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:08,347 I'm just about to enter sprinkle city. 368 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,917 They break the game into these idiotic worlds 369 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,318 to give you some false sense of progress. 370 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,822 So just stop playing. 371 00:14:15,823 --> 00:14:18,824 But I'm just about to enter sprinkle city. 372 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:22,094 Gina, I've got a problem. 373 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,495 This game is starting to affect my work. 374 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,698 Numbers three and four, switch places. 375 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,369 Cupcake match. 376 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,438 I don't understand why I can't stop. 377 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,407 I've never had a problem controlling myself. 378 00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,309 Do you know I love milk? 379 00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:40,078 Mm, no. 380 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:41,545 Well, I do, but it hurts my stomach. 381 00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:43,648 So I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years. 382 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,917 19 milkless years I've gone, 383 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:50,453 but for some reason I can't quit Kwazy Cupcakes? 384 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,989 I know what to do. 385 00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:53,156 Hitchcock. 386 00:14:53,157 --> 00:14:55,391 You ever play Kwazy Cupcakes? 387 00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:57,193 I love that game! 388 00:14:57,194 --> 00:14:58,829 I just got up to sprinkle city. 389 00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:01,331 Oh, my gosh. Interesting. 390 00:15:01,332 --> 00:15:05,300 What level are you on, Captain Holt? 391 00:15:05,301 --> 00:15:06,301 Sprinkle city. 392 00:15:06,302 --> 00:15:10,940 We have so much in common. 393 00:15:10,974 --> 00:15:14,644 Look at that, I'm cured. 394 00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:23,885 Turn around! 395 00:15:23,886 --> 00:15:25,453 Clear! 396 00:15:30,126 --> 00:15:31,126 Clear. 397 00:15:35,031 --> 00:15:36,664 Clear. 398 00:15:40,101 --> 00:15:41,769 Nice. 399 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:44,038 Okay, only three perps left. 400 00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:46,506 We might actually do this. 401 00:15:46,507 --> 00:15:48,676 I like Vic Kovac so much more than Jake Peralta. 402 00:15:48,677 --> 00:15:49,943 Oh, yeah, Kovac. 403 00:15:49,978 --> 00:15:52,412 Let's, uh, find the man who stabbed my sister 404 00:15:52,413 --> 00:15:54,280 and get revenge for ruining my life and everything. 405 00:15:54,314 --> 00:15:56,282 You were double-crossed and left for dead. 406 00:15:56,316 --> 00:15:58,951 I can't believe you remembered that. 407 00:15:58,986 --> 00:16:00,720 I also can't believe I didn't go with the sister stabbing. 408 00:16:00,721 --> 00:16:02,021 Emotionally, that is much richer. 409 00:16:02,022 --> 00:16:03,255 Peralta, 410 00:16:03,290 --> 00:16:05,457 we got intel there's a hostage in room 409. 411 00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:06,458 Copy that. 412 00:16:08,828 --> 00:16:10,628 I love how it always smells like fresh paint here. 413 00:16:10,629 --> 00:16:12,597 Reminds me of how often I moved as a child. 414 00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:15,934 No talking. You'll give away our position. 415 00:16:15,935 --> 00:16:16,935 Look out! 416 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:19,637 Come on! 417 00:16:19,672 --> 00:16:21,173 That was close. 418 00:16:21,207 --> 00:16:23,508 There's paint in your hair. 419 00:16:23,509 --> 00:16:25,275 Okay, here it goes. 420 00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,276 I'm pissed at you. 421 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,945 Oh, boy. 422 00:16:27,979 --> 00:16:29,279 I thought I wanted to do this on my deathbed, but apparently 423 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,682 I could die randomly in some hallway somewhere, so... 424 00:16:31,717 --> 00:16:35,452 You didn't invite me to your wedding and it hurt my feelings. 425 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,787 I thought we were friends. 426 00:16:36,822 --> 00:16:38,889 I'm sorry. It's just... 427 00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:40,290 Vivian thought it might be weird to invite you 428 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,059 because I used to be, you know, 429 00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:45,428 all-consumed by my passionate love for you or whatever. 430 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:48,598 It's okay. I understand. 431 00:16:48,599 --> 00:16:49,999 Hey, thanks for shooting that guy. 432 00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:52,135 Hey, my pleasure. 433 00:16:52,169 --> 00:16:54,003 Your pleasure? 434 00:16:54,038 --> 00:16:55,872 This was a human being you just killed. 435 00:16:55,873 --> 00:16:59,341 Bill "perp" had a family. 436 00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:00,609 Oh! Whoa! 437 00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:02,177 Hostages are in there. 438 00:17:02,212 --> 00:17:03,478 Intel says there's a couple 439 00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:04,579 of heavily-armed perps with them. 440 00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,514 You want to wait for backup? 441 00:17:06,515 --> 00:17:09,517 No time. We only have a minute 12 to beat the record. 442 00:17:09,518 --> 00:17:10,953 I'm going in. 443 00:17:10,987 --> 00:17:13,621 Don't worry. I have a plan on how to beat them. 444 00:17:13,622 --> 00:17:14,622 Give up. 445 00:17:14,623 --> 00:17:15,790 What? 446 00:17:15,824 --> 00:17:18,626 Trust me. Or don't. I'm doing it anyway. 447 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:20,762 NYPD! Don't shoot! 448 00:17:20,796 --> 00:17:22,496 I'm here to surrender. 449 00:17:22,530 --> 00:17:25,032 Let the hostages go and take me instead. 450 00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:26,067 Not happening. 451 00:17:26,068 --> 00:17:27,334 Drop the weapons! 452 00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:29,636 All right, all right, my fingers are off the triggers. 453 00:17:29,637 --> 00:17:31,671 I'm just gonna slowly put them down in front of me. 454 00:17:31,705 --> 00:17:32,705 Slowly put 'em... 455 00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:35,175 Oh! Damn it! 456 00:17:35,209 --> 00:17:36,977 Terry, time! 457 00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:39,780 18 minutes, 28 seconds. You broke the record! 458 00:17:39,814 --> 00:17:41,314 Yes! Nice! 459 00:17:41,348 --> 00:17:42,715 Well done. 460 00:17:42,716 --> 00:17:44,151 All in a day's work, elderly lady. 461 00:17:44,185 --> 00:17:47,619 All in a day's work. 462 00:17:47,654 --> 00:17:49,321 Ah, there he is! 463 00:17:49,355 --> 00:17:50,722 Yeah! 464 00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:53,025 The record is ours. 465 00:17:53,026 --> 00:17:54,459 That's so amazing, Jake. 466 00:17:54,494 --> 00:17:57,429 Check it out. I got us prizes. 467 00:17:57,463 --> 00:17:59,531 Sweet. "Victim." 468 00:17:59,532 --> 00:18:00,599 I can't believe your final kill 469 00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:01,666 came with Scully's move. 470 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,367 You went upsy-downsies? 471 00:18:03,368 --> 00:18:05,270 That's what I call it, because you hold the gun upside-down. 472 00:18:05,304 --> 00:18:07,105 Yes, Scully, I went upsy-downsies. 473 00:18:07,106 --> 00:18:09,073 And none of you will ever speak of it again. 474 00:18:09,108 --> 00:18:10,975 But I want to speak of it. You looked really dumb. 475 00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:13,344 Man, I feel so good. 476 00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:14,712 Almost makes me want to start 477 00:18:14,713 --> 00:18:16,147 taking things seriously all the time, 478 00:18:16,148 --> 00:18:18,515 but them I'm like, "boobs, fart, boobs, whatever." 479 00:18:18,549 --> 00:18:20,583 Alright, let's go. Drinks are on me. 480 00:18:20,618 --> 00:18:24,087 Nice! Here we go, nine-nine! 481 00:18:24,122 --> 00:18:26,089 Actually, Teddy asked me to get dinner, 482 00:18:26,090 --> 00:18:27,970 so maybe I can meet up with you guys afterwards? 483 00:18:27,992 --> 00:18:30,794 Oh. Neat. Yeah. Of course. 484 00:18:30,829 --> 00:18:31,829 Cool. 485 00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:33,963 Boobs. Fart. Boobs, whatever. 486 00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,239 So I just talked to Vivian. 487 00:18:39,273 --> 00:18:40,906 I told her I really want you to come to the wedding, 488 00:18:40,907 --> 00:18:41,906 and she said okay. 489 00:18:41,908 --> 00:18:43,643 Thanks. I'm excited to go. 490 00:18:43,677 --> 00:18:46,979 Also, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease." 491 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:48,314 That is correct. 492 00:18:48,315 --> 00:18:50,383 It is, however, very expensive to reprint those cards, 493 00:18:50,384 --> 00:18:52,185 so we're leaning into it. 494 00:18:52,186 --> 00:18:55,320 Rosie Diaz, will you accept my STD? 495 00:18:55,321 --> 00:18:57,556 I look forward to having it forever. 496 00:18:57,557 --> 00:18:59,191 Mm. 497 00:18:59,192 --> 00:19:00,959 Well, congratulations, everyone, on a perfect run. 498 00:19:00,993 --> 00:19:03,995 And a new course record. 499 00:19:05,532 --> 00:19:07,465 And congratulations to you, Captain, 500 00:19:07,466 --> 00:19:09,500 on beating your Kwazy Cupcakes addiction! 501 00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:10,801 Captain Holt! 502 00:19:10,835 --> 00:19:13,971 Okay, I had to tell them. It's my nature. 503 00:19:14,005 --> 00:19:16,407 You helped me today, so I'll give you 504 00:19:16,408 --> 00:19:17,841 a pass on embarrassing me publicly. 505 00:19:17,876 --> 00:19:19,777 Thank you. 506 00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:21,912 I feel that the reason I was so vulnerable to this game 507 00:19:21,913 --> 00:19:24,147 was because technology has evolved to the... 508 00:19:24,182 --> 00:19:25,415 Yeah, I don't know. 509 00:19:25,416 --> 00:19:28,017 I think it's just bright and stupid and fun. 510 00:19:28,052 --> 00:19:29,219 So fun. 511 00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:31,854 So fun. So fun. 512 00:19:34,225 --> 00:19:37,294 What's going on, Vic Kovac? 513 00:19:37,295 --> 00:19:39,195 What do you think Amy sees in Teddy? 514 00:19:39,229 --> 00:19:41,530 So you do like her. I'm just curious. 515 00:19:41,565 --> 00:19:43,365 I mean, I guess he's okay-looking. 516 00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,633 And he's a good cop. 517 00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:45,601 They're both kind of dorky about police stuff. 518 00:19:45,635 --> 00:19:46,968 Also, he set the course record, 519 00:19:46,969 --> 00:19:49,438 but that's nothing. I broke it, like, 20 minutes later. 520 00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:52,308 You want to know why she went out with him and not you? 521 00:19:52,342 --> 00:19:53,442 Yeah. 522 00:19:53,476 --> 00:19:57,144 Because he actually asked her out. 523 00:19:58,814 --> 00:20:00,548 Hey, Vivian. 524 00:20:00,583 --> 00:20:02,450 Rosa. 525 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,752 I'm here to celebrate with the team. 526 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,222 Look, I'm not really good at this stuff, but... 527 00:20:07,223 --> 00:20:09,257 Thank you for inviting me to your wedding. 528 00:20:09,258 --> 00:20:10,592 I'm really happy I could come, 529 00:20:10,593 --> 00:20:12,226 and I promise it won't be weird at all. 530 00:20:12,227 --> 00:20:13,594 Yeah, I'm really happy you could come too. 531 00:20:13,595 --> 00:20:14,561 'Cause I didn't think it was gonna happen. 532 00:20:14,596 --> 00:20:16,530 What do you mean? 533 00:20:16,564 --> 00:20:17,564 Well, Chuck told me you were 534 00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:18,898 gonna be out of town that weekend, 535 00:20:18,899 --> 00:20:21,067 and then, you know, he just told me that your plans changed, 536 00:20:21,068 --> 00:20:23,002 so, uh... so yeah, so that's great news. 537 00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:24,238 Why would it be weird? 538 00:20:24,272 --> 00:20:27,806 Um, it'd be weird 'cause I'm weird. 539 00:20:27,841 --> 00:20:28,841 Oh. 540 00:20:28,842 --> 00:20:32,411 Whooo... 541 00:20:32,412 --> 00:20:33,646 I'm leaving. 542 00:20:36,015 --> 00:20:37,750 Night, everyone. 543 00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:40,720 Hey, Amy. Check it out. 544 00:20:40,754 --> 00:20:42,121 No way, you won coolest kill? 545 00:20:42,155 --> 00:20:43,388 Not even close. 546 00:20:43,389 --> 00:20:44,756 It turns out anyone can just buy themselves 547 00:20:44,757 --> 00:20:45,995 a children's karate trophy. 548 00:20:46,024 --> 00:20:47,705 Smart. Yeah. 549 00:20:47,727 --> 00:20:50,666 Hey, before you go, I wanted to ask you something. 550 00:20:50,696 --> 00:20:52,796 Of course. 551 00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:54,331 I was just wondering... 552 00:20:54,332 --> 00:20:55,366 Are you wearing lipstick? 553 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,801 Yeah, I'm going out with Teddy again. 554 00:20:57,802 --> 00:20:59,270 Does it look weird? 555 00:20:59,271 --> 00:21:01,104 I called my 13-year-old niece for makeup tips, 556 00:21:01,105 --> 00:21:02,773 but I don't know if I trust her. 557 00:21:02,774 --> 00:21:04,241 She is so sexual. 558 00:21:04,276 --> 00:21:05,842 You look great. 559 00:21:05,843 --> 00:21:08,010 Thank you. 560 00:21:08,011 --> 00:21:09,612 So what's up? 561 00:21:09,647 --> 00:21:12,415 Oh. It's not important. 562 00:21:12,449 --> 00:21:13,849 I just had a question about a work thing. 563 00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:15,318 But have a great date, and we'll talk tomorrow. 564 00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:17,019 Okay. 565 00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:20,690 Bye. Bye. 566 00:21:22,326 --> 00:21:25,960 I'll help you with your work stuff, Jakey. 567 00:21:25,961 --> 00:21:27,244 Perfect. 568 00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:33,244 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.Addic7ed.Com/