1
00:00:00,515 --> 00:00:03,196
Hey, you guys see the dude
I brought in today...
2
00:00:03,197 --> 00:00:05,594
The drug dealer?
81 years old.
3
00:00:05,595 --> 00:00:08,235
I think it's the oldest collar
of my entire career.
4
00:00:08,236 --> 00:00:11,494
I once arrested a 96-year-old
for flashing.
5
00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:13,459
I was terrified he'd die
in my backseat...
6
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:14,854
Or flash me.
7
00:00:14,855 --> 00:00:18,191
My oldest collar was 78,
but the PCP
8
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,525
made her fight
like she was 20.
9
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,060
What about two
50-year-old twins?
10
00:00:21,061 --> 00:00:22,395
Does that count
as a 100-year-old?
11
00:00:22,396 --> 00:00:23,398
- No good.
- No.
12
00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:26,312
You talking oldest bags?
68.
13
00:00:26,313 --> 00:00:28,366
That's not that old.
Yeah, but I was only 20.
14
00:00:28,367 --> 00:00:30,048
20? Were you even
a cop then?
15
00:00:30,049 --> 00:00:33,155
No, man, it was before
I got into the academy.
16
00:00:33,156 --> 00:00:37,665
Charles isn't talking
about his oldest arrest.
17
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:38,699
Ew!
18
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:39,734
No... yes, I am.
19
00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,536
Yeah, oldest arrest...
68, like I said.
20
00:00:41,537 --> 00:00:43,538
God, you had sex
with a 68-year-old
21
00:00:43,539 --> 00:00:44,906
when you were in your 20s?
22
00:00:44,907 --> 00:00:46,208
You know how it is.
23
00:00:46,209 --> 00:00:48,245
When you have a chance
to bed an older woman, you...
24
00:00:48,246 --> 00:00:51,246
No, that is not an older woman.
That's an old woman!
25
00:00:51,247 --> 00:00:52,647
That's someone's grandma!
26
00:00:52,648 --> 00:00:54,216
She was, actually.
That's how I met her.
27
00:00:54,217 --> 00:00:56,187
Went to college
with her grandson Marvin.
28
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:58,090
Don't... don't knock it
till you try it.
29
00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:00,326
She had a replacement hip
with some serious torque.
30
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,696
It was like having sex
with a transformer.
31
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:04,898
No.
That is no one's fantasy.
32
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,902
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
33
00:01:24,870 --> 00:01:26,871
Peralta...
34
00:01:26,872 --> 00:01:28,706
Where are we
on the Lincoln place murder?
35
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,374
Well, like I told Captain Holt
earlier this week,
36
00:01:31,375 --> 00:01:33,709
we are at the one-yard line.
It's a football reference.
37
00:01:33,743 --> 00:01:36,344
Yes, Jake.
I played linebacker at Syracuse.
38
00:01:36,378 --> 00:01:39,146
Really? In High School,
I played center field
39
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:40,680
in the musical damn Yankees.
40
00:01:40,714 --> 00:01:42,181
Yeah, you don't want
to brag about that.
41
00:01:42,182 --> 00:01:44,216
Peralta, you want
to loop everyone in?
42
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,519
- Ehh...
- That was not a request.
43
00:01:46,554 --> 00:01:48,556
Fine.
44
00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:51,159
Get ready for some stuff
on a screen.
45
00:01:51,193 --> 00:01:53,528
Meet Fred Gorman...
46
00:01:53,529 --> 00:01:56,863
Prominent citizen,
lawyer, corpse.
47
00:01:56,864 --> 00:01:59,198
Now meet his wife,
Ann Hoert.
48
00:01:59,199 --> 00:02:01,000
She did not take
his last name,
49
00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:03,036
but I believe she did
take his life.
50
00:02:03,071 --> 00:02:04,670
- Nice.
- Thank you, Charles.
51
00:02:04,671 --> 00:02:07,506
Now, Hoert had means,
motives, and opportunity.
52
00:02:07,507 --> 00:02:09,208
I just need to find
the murder weapon.
53
00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:11,343
For some reason, the D.A. won't
move forward with the arrest
54
00:02:11,344 --> 00:02:12,710
until we find the knife
she used.
55
00:02:12,744 --> 00:02:14,845
Is that reason that they want
to win the case?
56
00:02:14,846 --> 00:02:15,879
Yes.
57
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,514
Well, find it.
58
00:02:17,515 --> 00:02:18,848
The family's close
to the mayor,
59
00:02:18,849 --> 00:02:20,551
and I'm catching heat
from the higher-ups.
60
00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:21,818
I'm gonna ask you again.
61
00:02:21,819 --> 00:02:24,053
Do you need any resources
or personnel?
62
00:02:24,088 --> 00:02:25,721
No, sir, I've got it.
63
00:02:25,756 --> 00:02:27,122
Okay.
64
00:02:27,123 --> 00:02:28,857
Dismissed!
65
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,225
Sergeant Jeffords,
my office.
66
00:02:30,226 --> 00:02:31,459
Uh-oh.
67
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,060
He probably wants
to talk to you
68
00:02:33,061 --> 00:02:35,061
about how your shirts aren't
tight enough probably.
69
00:02:37,231 --> 00:02:39,265
Okay, how can we help?
What do you need?
70
00:02:39,299 --> 00:02:40,533
I need nothing.
71
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:43,235
I'm about to solve this case,
meet the mayor,
72
00:02:43,236 --> 00:02:44,903
and sell my life rights
to Channing Tatum
73
00:02:44,904 --> 00:02:46,304
so he can play
my less attractive brother
74
00:02:46,305 --> 00:02:47,538
in the ensuing film.
75
00:02:47,573 --> 00:02:50,207
- Come on, Peralta,
- Holt said to use the whole team.
76
00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:51,441
We all want this solved.
77
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:55,044
I appreciate the offer,
but I work best alone...
78
00:02:55,045 --> 00:02:56,846
Except when it comes
to sex.
79
00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,215
Actually,
sometimes including sex.
80
00:02:59,216 --> 00:03:00,716
Will you just let us help?
81
00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:01,950
Okay, fine.
82
00:03:01,951 --> 00:03:04,651
I will let one
of you help me... Charles.
83
00:03:04,686 --> 00:03:06,186
Yeah!
84
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,987
And I am choosing Charles
because he's the least likely
85
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,355
to steal my thunder.
86
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,324
I would never steal
his thunder.
87
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,159
I-I'd be afraid to borrow it.
88
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:18,028
Terry, I'd like you
to accompany me to a gun range.
89
00:03:18,029 --> 00:03:20,197
You mean drive you there
and wait outside...
90
00:03:20,198 --> 00:03:21,764
Far away from the guns.
91
00:03:21,765 --> 00:03:24,233
I spent eight years
in the public affairs office,
92
00:03:24,234 --> 00:03:25,867
so my tactical skills
are a little rusty.
93
00:03:25,868 --> 00:03:27,302
I need some pointers.
94
00:03:27,303 --> 00:03:30,137
Sir, I haven't fired a weapon
since the incident.
95
00:03:30,138 --> 00:03:32,972
The mannequin incident...
I'm familiar.
96
00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:42,780
Actually, there was an incident
after that.
97
00:03:42,781 --> 00:03:43,914
Another incident?
98
00:03:47,584 --> 00:03:51,086
You got to cool it, man.
99
00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:52,754
I'm gonna get some candy.
100
00:03:52,755 --> 00:03:55,355
Sir, I may not be the man
for the job.
101
00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:57,490
You used to be the precinct's
champion marksman.
102
00:03:57,525 --> 00:03:59,158
I only want to take pointers
from the best.
103
00:03:59,193 --> 00:04:01,060
So I'll keep it low-key.
104
00:04:01,061 --> 00:04:03,028
We'll go after work
to a private range.
105
00:04:03,029 --> 00:04:04,629
No cops, no pressure.
106
00:04:04,630 --> 00:04:06,931
Blam! Blam, blam!
107
00:04:06,932 --> 00:04:08,499
Gun range.
108
00:04:08,533 --> 00:04:10,968
I told Gina she could join us.
I want to get certified.
109
00:04:10,969 --> 00:04:13,002
There has been a ton of crime
in my neighborhood,
110
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,671
and the cops in my precinct
are very bad.
111
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:17,272
You live in our precinct.
112
00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:20,008
Yeah, I know.
113
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,143
I know we've
gone over this before,
114
00:04:22,177 --> 00:04:23,910
but I have to ask you again.
115
00:04:23,911 --> 00:04:26,045
Is there anywhere
you can think of in that hallway
116
00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:27,479
where a knife
could be hidden?
117
00:04:27,513 --> 00:04:30,715
Well, since I've already
told you, like, three times, no,
118
00:04:30,716 --> 00:04:32,349
why don't I just record it?
119
00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:33,850
Then I don't have
to say it again.
120
00:04:33,884 --> 00:04:37,319
The hallway,
like all other hallways,
121
00:04:37,353 --> 00:04:40,154
does not have
a secret knife-hiding place.
122
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,056
All right,
you want to hear it again?
123
00:04:42,057 --> 00:04:43,724
Idea for a novel...
124
00:04:43,725 --> 00:04:46,058
A mild-mannered doorman
gets bitten on the penis
125
00:04:46,093 --> 00:04:47,693
by a radioactive spider
126
00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:50,261
and becomes the world's
greatest lover.
127
00:04:50,296 --> 00:04:51,796
No, don't stop it.
I want to hear what happens.
128
00:04:51,797 --> 00:04:53,097
This is terrific.
129
00:04:53,098 --> 00:04:54,698
He saves the first lady,
if you must know.
130
00:04:54,699 --> 00:04:57,099
Sounds compelling.
131
00:05:00,203 --> 00:05:01,202
Oh, boy.
132
00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:02,837
Well, hello.
133
00:05:02,871 --> 00:05:05,438
I heard you guys
were making the rounds again.
134
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,039
All right.
135
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,142
- This one's all you, tiger.
- Come on!
136
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,688
Police!
137
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,348
Hey, ma'am.
138
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:16,949
Thank God!
Here, hold this.
139
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,885
The lasagna's burning.
Okay.
140
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,153
Get the dog, but don't
let it touch the baby!
141
00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:26,826
Oh. Okay.
Peralta.
142
00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:29,560
Yo, I looked at the photos
of your victim on your desk.
143
00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:31,328
Is that Rosa?
Tell her I said hi.
144
00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:32,663
The puncture wounds
are similar
145
00:05:32,664 --> 00:05:34,131
to a case
I had a while back.
146
00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,533
They aren't from a knife.
147
00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:36,767
I think it's something spiral,
like a corkscrew.
148
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:37,801
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
149
00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:39,536
Don't shush me.
I'm helping you.
150
00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:40,904
No, no,
I'm holding a baby.
151
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:42,605
That was actually very helpful,
thank you.
152
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,842
Uh-oh.
You better get back here. Now.
153
00:05:52,515 --> 00:05:56,356
Oh!
Hello, Peralta.
154
00:05:57,921 --> 00:05:59,359
No, no, no!
155
00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:00,922
I don't know why
you're so upset, man.
156
00:06:00,923 --> 00:06:03,424
I'm the one who had to come
to this backwater stink hole.
157
00:06:03,425 --> 00:06:04,572
What's up, little man?
158
00:06:04,593 --> 00:06:06,761
What's up?
Feeling sexy? Huh?
159
00:06:06,762 --> 00:06:08,096
Yeah, I feel sexy.
160
00:06:08,097 --> 00:06:09,464
Yeah, you look sexy, man.
You know I do.
161
00:06:09,465 --> 00:06:11,500
Watch out for that door.
162
00:06:12,836 --> 00:06:14,769
Yo, how much you bench,
seriously?
163
00:06:14,803 --> 00:06:16,938
Captain, please, please,
pretty please
164
00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:18,545
do not let him take over
my case.
165
00:06:18,573 --> 00:06:20,908
Major crimes is stepping in.
Nothing I can do.
166
00:06:20,909 --> 00:06:22,042
You're off the case.
167
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:23,410
I can't believe
you're just rolling over
168
00:06:23,411 --> 00:06:25,412
and giving my murder away
to The Vulture.
169
00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:26,947
We call him The Vulture
because he swoops in
170
00:06:26,948 --> 00:06:28,516
and solves cases
that are almost solved
171
00:06:28,517 --> 00:06:30,017
and takes the credit
for himself.
172
00:06:30,052 --> 00:06:32,600
Yes, Boyle, I put that together
from context.
173
00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:35,270
First of all,
major crimes has jurisdiction
174
00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:36,524
over any and all cases
they want to take.
175
00:06:36,525 --> 00:06:37,992
But more importantly,
176
00:06:37,993 --> 00:06:40,161
you're the one who insisted
on working alone.
177
00:06:40,162 --> 00:06:42,330
I told you for weeks
to use the squad,
178
00:06:42,331 --> 00:06:43,498
and you refused.
179
00:06:43,532 --> 00:06:44,966
I used them.
180
00:06:44,967 --> 00:06:47,035
I mean, Rosa's the one
who figured out the corkscrew.
181
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:49,504
And Charles caught a dog.
182
00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:52,007
Oh, congratulations,
Detective Boyle.
183
00:06:52,041 --> 00:06:53,475
You should've
involved him sooner.
184
00:06:53,476 --> 00:06:55,343
Turn over your files
to Detective Pembroke.
185
00:06:55,378 --> 00:06:56,845
Sir, call him The Vulture.
186
00:06:56,846 --> 00:06:58,213
Giving him a name
makes him human.
187
00:06:58,247 --> 00:07:01,182
Turn over the files.
188
00:07:01,216 --> 00:07:02,283
Fine.
189
00:07:02,284 --> 00:07:03,518
But in protest,
190
00:07:03,519 --> 00:07:06,588
I'm walking over there
extremely slowly.
191
00:07:12,828 --> 00:07:14,329
Thank you.
192
00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:18,400
God! This is so boring!
193
00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:20,102
For both of us.
194
00:07:20,103 --> 00:07:21,703
You know,
before I solve this case,
195
00:07:21,704 --> 00:07:24,406
I'd like to thank you for doing
all the super-easy work,
196
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,541
you know, the real
Nancy Drew-level stuff.
197
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,948
Oh, yeah? Did Nancy Drew solve
a lot of murders?
198
00:07:28,978 --> 00:07:30,946
Yeah, she did...
Murder on Ice,
199
00:07:30,947 --> 00:07:32,147
Recipe for Murder.
200
00:07:32,148 --> 00:07:33,715
Nancy was
a wonderful Detective.
201
00:07:33,716 --> 00:07:34,883
I wanted to be her
when I grew up.
202
00:07:34,917 --> 00:07:37,185
Thanks, Charles.
That's helpful.
203
00:07:37,186 --> 00:07:40,521
Hey! Should we take odds on
how fast I'll solve this case?
204
00:07:40,556 --> 00:07:42,957
- Nope.
- I mean, what was it with Diaz's last
205
00:07:42,958 --> 00:07:44,259
"impossible" extortion case?
206
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:46,394
What was it, six hours?
207
00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:48,396
That's because
it was 98% solved.
208
00:07:48,431 --> 00:07:51,099
The last 2%
is the hardest to get.
209
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,934
That's why they leave it
in the milk.
210
00:07:52,969 --> 00:07:54,236
What?
211
00:07:54,237 --> 00:07:55,403
Oh! Wow!
212
00:07:55,438 --> 00:07:57,205
Looking good, Santiago.
213
00:07:57,206 --> 00:07:58,840
You foxy ma.
214
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,309
Go rot in hell.
215
00:08:00,310 --> 00:08:01,877
This is your fault.
216
00:08:03,346 --> 00:08:05,413
Thanks, champ.
Good effort.
217
00:08:05,414 --> 00:08:07,082
I got it from here.
218
00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:08,750
And, hey,
you feel free to call me
219
00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,418
anytime you need me
to come down here
220
00:08:10,419 --> 00:08:12,742
and help powder
that big white ass of yours.
221
00:08:14,357 --> 00:08:17,657
Well, that's the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
222
00:08:19,145 --> 00:08:21,247
I hate The Vulture so much!
223
00:08:21,248 --> 00:08:24,517
Me too.
But he's kind of hot.
224
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:25,918
What?
225
00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:27,453
You can hate people
and still think they're hot.
226
00:08:27,454 --> 00:08:28,988
Case in point,
Manuel Noriega.
227
00:08:29,022 --> 00:08:31,557
You know what?
I'm with you on this.
228
00:08:31,558 --> 00:08:32,722
Tonya Harding.
229
00:08:32,723 --> 00:08:34,993
- Yeah, she's thick.
- Right?
230
00:08:34,994 --> 00:08:36,962
- Always classy, Jake.
- Mm-hmm.
231
00:08:36,996 --> 00:08:38,997
Sorry you got vultured.
232
00:08:38,998 --> 00:08:40,198
Happens to the best of us.
233
00:08:40,199 --> 00:08:41,500
On my count.
234
00:08:41,534 --> 00:08:43,356
One, two...
235
00:08:43,369 --> 00:08:45,470
Three!
I got it from here!
236
00:08:45,471 --> 00:08:46,705
Yeah!
237
00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:48,573
Get up! Get up!
Turn around!
238
00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:51,209
You have the right
to remain silent.
239
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:52,511
Anything you say...
240
00:08:52,512 --> 00:08:54,713
Can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
241
00:08:54,714 --> 00:08:55,914
Thanks, guys,
I got it from here.
242
00:08:55,915 --> 00:08:57,416
Let's go.
Beat it!
243
00:08:57,417 --> 00:08:59,484
Skim white chocolate macchiato
for Charles.
244
00:08:59,485 --> 00:09:00,919
I got it from here.
245
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,121
I used a gift card
for that!
246
00:09:03,122 --> 00:09:05,857
God, I just... I want to get
back at him so bad!
247
00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:08,160
I wish I could throw
his cell phone in the toilet
248
00:09:08,161 --> 00:09:10,662
or slash his tires...
I don't know.
249
00:09:10,697 --> 00:09:12,197
Or slash
his gorgeous throat.
250
00:09:12,232 --> 00:09:14,366
I cannot figure you out.
251
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,901
Okay, I'm buying
everyone drinks
252
00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:18,036
as long as we're here
thinking of a revenge plan.
253
00:09:18,037 --> 00:09:20,104
Best idea gets 50 bucks.
254
00:09:20,105 --> 00:09:21,406
Throw 'em on out.
255
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,840
What if you called him
from a hospital
256
00:09:22,841 --> 00:09:24,709
and said his whole family
is dead?
257
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:26,377
Like, they died
of cancer.
258
00:09:26,378 --> 00:09:28,446
Charles, that is so dark.
259
00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:29,780
I'm putting it down.
260
00:09:29,781 --> 00:09:32,150
So my stance feels good,
261
00:09:32,151 --> 00:09:34,585
- but I'm still not hitting center.
- All right.
262
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,654
Back your left foot up
a hair.
263
00:09:36,655 --> 00:09:37,988
Like this?
264
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:39,056
Mm, mm, mm!
265
00:09:39,057 --> 00:09:40,791
No! Gina!
We've been over this.
266
00:09:40,792 --> 00:09:42,426
Well, show me!
267
00:09:42,427 --> 00:09:46,497
Like, wrap your thick,
muscular arms around me and...
268
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:47,598
All right, look,
269
00:09:47,599 --> 00:09:50,267
hands here, stand up straight,
chin forward.
270
00:09:50,268 --> 00:09:51,569
Hold on, my nose itches.
271
00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,003
Gina!
272
00:09:53,004 --> 00:09:55,439
When I lock my shooting arm,
the other hand feels unstable.
273
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,141
Now, what stance
am I supposed to be doing...
274
00:09:57,142 --> 00:09:58,509
Weaver or isosceles?
275
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,244
You guys did stances?
Like, I'll be like...
276
00:10:00,245 --> 00:10:01,379
Yeah, everybody
does stances, Gina.
277
00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:03,380
Listen, uh...
Hey, all right, all right!
278
00:10:03,381 --> 00:10:05,949
Look, hey, both you,
just watch.
279
00:10:08,253 --> 00:10:10,287
That's eight!
He did it!
280
00:10:10,288 --> 00:10:13,490
That was only seven.
281
00:10:13,491 --> 00:10:15,993
Why are you counting
my shots?
282
00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:17,794
Are you trying
to have me recertified?
283
00:10:17,795 --> 00:10:19,429
Yes.
284
00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:21,064
If you make eight
of ten shots,
285
00:10:21,065 --> 00:10:23,066
I can sign off on
you carrying a gun again.
286
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:24,601
Gina's here
as an official witness,
287
00:10:24,602 --> 00:10:25,802
and I thought
it'd be easier for you
288
00:10:25,803 --> 00:10:26,937
in a no-pressure
environment.
289
00:10:26,938 --> 00:10:29,106
I can't believe
you tricked me!
290
00:10:29,107 --> 00:10:31,241
You're too good a cop
to be shackled to a desk.
291
00:10:31,242 --> 00:10:35,111
You only have one hit
until you get recertified.
292
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:38,315
So deep breath, huh?
293
00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:41,418
Take the final shot.
294
00:10:41,419 --> 00:10:44,521
Don't overthink it.
295
00:10:44,522 --> 00:10:47,258
Just relax and breathe.
296
00:10:47,259 --> 00:10:49,693
Bring air into your lungs...
297
00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:51,862
Like you've done
your whole life.
298
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,398
Oh, my God.
299
00:10:55,399 --> 00:10:58,134
Guys!
How do you breathe?
300
00:10:58,169 --> 00:10:59,769
I forgot how to breathe!
301
00:10:59,804 --> 00:11:03,239
Is it two in, one out?
302
00:11:03,274 --> 00:11:05,676
What if we wrap his motorcycle
in plastic wrap
303
00:11:05,677 --> 00:11:07,744
and melt it
with a hair dryer?
304
00:11:07,745 --> 00:11:10,414
Little trick I learned
in gift basket making class.
305
00:11:10,448 --> 00:11:12,582
All right.
Here's what we're up to.
306
00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:15,819
Steal his kidney,
burn down his house,
307
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:18,054
replace his aloe tissues
with regular tissues.
308
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:19,389
Thank you, Charles.
You're welcome.
309
00:11:19,390 --> 00:11:21,424
Leave a dead cat
in his cedar closet.
310
00:11:21,425 --> 00:11:24,094
He would have
to own a cedar closet.
311
00:11:24,128 --> 00:11:26,096
He seems like he would.
312
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:28,432
Sneak into his apartment and
burn popcorn in the microwave.
313
00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,801
Thank you, Charles.
314
00:11:30,802 --> 00:11:32,603
Uh, Scully asked
for mashed potatoes,
315
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:33,771
so I wrote that down.
316
00:11:33,839 --> 00:11:36,040
Well, I hate to say it,
but I think, by default,
317
00:11:36,041 --> 00:11:38,308
Charles' motorcycle idea
is the winner.
318
00:11:38,309 --> 00:11:40,711
Yeah!
Winning by default.
319
00:11:40,745 --> 00:11:42,012
Let's get into it.
320
00:11:42,013 --> 00:11:43,680
Anybody know
where The Vulture lives?
321
00:11:43,681 --> 00:11:46,049
On third, right near here.
How do you know that?
322
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:47,917
Chug 'em, boys.
We're rolling!
323
00:11:48,952 --> 00:11:50,286
Yes!
324
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,487
Take that, Vulture!
325
00:11:51,522 --> 00:11:53,022
- Yeah.
- Nice.
326
00:11:53,023 --> 00:11:54,690
All right,
give me your hair dryer.
327
00:11:54,724 --> 00:11:56,325
What?
What are you talking about?
328
00:11:56,326 --> 00:11:57,794
Don't you carry one
in your purse?
329
00:11:57,795 --> 00:12:00,329
Have you ever met
a human woman?
330
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,398
There's a drugstore
four blocks away... I'm on it.
331
00:12:02,399 --> 00:12:03,866
Oh, no.
332
00:12:03,934 --> 00:12:06,069
Scully traveling
four blocks?
333
00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:08,104
That could take weeks.
334
00:12:09,106 --> 00:12:10,540
Hoo!
335
00:12:10,541 --> 00:12:11,841
Take the shot, sergeant.
336
00:12:11,842 --> 00:12:13,276
I just need a second.
337
00:12:13,277 --> 00:12:15,511
You've had 18 minutes
of seconds.
338
00:12:18,815 --> 00:12:20,783
Gina's authentic
stolen police badges.
339
00:12:20,784 --> 00:12:22,152
How can I help?
340
00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:23,987
- Hey, it's Peralta.
- Oh, hey, Jake.
341
00:12:23,988 --> 00:12:25,989
Hey, do you carry
a hair dryer in your purse?
342
00:12:26,023 --> 00:12:27,824
Of course.
I'm not an animal.
343
00:12:27,858 --> 00:12:29,959
Great.
344
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,361
I need you to bring it
to The Vulture's apartment.
345
00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:32,729
There's someone named
"The Vulture"?
346
00:12:32,763 --> 00:12:34,831
Tell Rosa.
She'd be into that.
347
00:12:34,832 --> 00:12:36,199
Come on!
348
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,435
Peralta, why are you asking Gina
about Detective Pembroke?
349
00:12:38,469 --> 00:12:40,170
Oh, Captain, hello.
350
00:12:40,171 --> 00:12:43,840
Uh, we are preparing him
a gift basket of sorts.
351
00:12:43,841 --> 00:12:45,609
Look,
I understand that you're upset.
352
00:12:45,643 --> 00:12:47,611
But if you want to keep this
from happening again,
353
00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:49,746
I suggest that you pull
your team together
354
00:12:49,747 --> 00:12:53,483
and solve these cases before
major crimes can step in.
355
00:12:53,484 --> 00:12:54,951
Am I clear?
356
00:12:54,986 --> 00:12:58,088
Yes, sir.
That is definitely clear.
357
00:12:58,089 --> 00:13:00,658
Thank you, sir.
358
00:13:01,793 --> 00:13:02,893
You should be frowning.
359
00:13:02,928 --> 00:13:05,429
Why is Jake smi...
Why are you smiling?
360
00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:08,332
Because the Captain just gave us
the perfect revenge plan.
361
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:11,301
We team up
and solve this case right now!
362
00:13:11,302 --> 00:13:12,869
That is not what he meant.
363
00:13:12,904 --> 00:13:14,438
Think about it, Amy.
364
00:13:14,439 --> 00:13:15,772
We go back to the scene
of the crime,
365
00:13:15,773 --> 00:13:17,941
find the murder weapon,
and out-vulture The Vulture!
366
00:13:17,976 --> 00:13:20,177
No one gets in trouble
if we crack the case.
367
00:13:20,178 --> 00:13:22,176
Okay, screw it.
I'm in.
368
00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:24,014
Yes! That's right!
All right.
369
00:13:24,015 --> 00:13:25,972
We're angry.
We're getting revenge.
370
00:13:25,984 --> 00:13:27,318
We're a little bit tipsy.
371
00:13:27,319 --> 00:13:29,058
We should not be driving.
We're taking the bus.
372
00:13:29,087 --> 00:13:31,366
I love the bus!
373
00:13:34,871 --> 00:13:37,540
So the waitress heard
the couple arguing at dinner.
374
00:13:37,541 --> 00:13:39,041
Apparently he was having
an affair,
375
00:13:39,042 --> 00:13:41,010
and it was not
the first time.
376
00:13:41,011 --> 00:13:43,446
Two years ago, she caught him
with a dog walker
377
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,482
who was walking his dog,
if you know what I mean.
378
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:47,617
- I do.
- Right?
379
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,951
- Yes, I got it.
- Sex times.
380
00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:51,187
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyways, we know it's the wife.
381
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,656
You're real talkative
now that you want our help.
382
00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:56,292
All right,
it is possible
383
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,561
that I should've brought
you guys in sooner.
384
00:13:58,562 --> 00:14:00,229
But I just get so excited,
385
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,164
wrapped up in wanting
to solve stuff, you know?
386
00:14:02,165 --> 00:14:04,266
I get it.
You want to be the best.
387
00:14:04,267 --> 00:14:06,202
We all do.
388
00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:10,239
You just don't have to be
such a butthead about it.
389
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,423
What?
390
00:14:11,424 --> 00:14:13,042
I just can't believe
you would call me a butthead.
391
00:14:13,043 --> 00:14:14,611
- Shut up.
- That's so harsh.
392
00:14:17,949 --> 00:14:22,051
Hitchcock farts nonstop.
393
00:14:22,052 --> 00:14:24,120
Still waiting, sergeant.
394
00:14:24,121 --> 00:14:26,856
It's just the target looks
exactly like a friend of mine.
395
00:14:26,857 --> 00:14:28,190
It's just freaking me out.
396
00:14:28,224 --> 00:14:30,025
You have a friend...
397
00:14:30,060 --> 00:14:31,861
- Who's just a silhouette?
- Yes.
398
00:14:31,895 --> 00:14:33,897
Let's all just count
to a million.
399
00:14:33,898 --> 00:14:35,365
One, two, three, four,
five, six...
400
00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:38,635
So then Iceman says,
"You can be my wingman any day."
401
00:14:38,636 --> 00:14:41,238
And then Maverick says...
I've seen the film, sergeant.
402
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:42,939
I haven't.
What happens next?
403
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:45,275
Goose comes back, right?
He's not really dead.
404
00:14:46,744 --> 00:14:48,445
Goose is gone.
405
00:14:48,479 --> 00:14:49,846
- No!
- I know!
406
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,615
All right,
here's how it went down.
407
00:14:51,649 --> 00:14:54,017
9:45, a man screams.
408
00:14:54,052 --> 00:14:56,687
90 seconds later,
wife goes down to the doorman,
409
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,489
says a guy murdered her husband
and then ran off.
410
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:01,124
We know she's lying.
411
00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:02,592
We've just got to
find the corkscrew
412
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:04,094
to make our case airtight.
413
00:15:04,128 --> 00:15:06,630
I say we role-play,
see if something sparks.
414
00:15:06,664 --> 00:15:08,465
Darling, thank you
for a lovely dinner.
415
00:15:08,466 --> 00:15:10,968
Perhaps we should have
one more drink before bed.
416
00:15:10,969 --> 00:15:13,370
Don't you
"darling" me, you philanderer.
417
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,839
No, you're the husband.
The husband had the affair.
418
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,407
I'm always the victim.
I don't want to be the victim.
419
00:15:17,442 --> 00:15:18,976
Okay, Charles is the door.
420
00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:20,944
No. I'll be the victim.
Don't make me a door again.
421
00:15:20,978 --> 00:15:23,646
Great. Okay, so...
Wife goes into the drawer.
422
00:15:23,647 --> 00:15:27,216
Gets the corkscrew.
Stab, stab, stab.
423
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:28,785
What did she do
with the corkscrew?
424
00:15:28,786 --> 00:15:30,119
She dumps it
in the hallway trash chute
425
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,320
on the way to the doorman.
426
00:15:31,355 --> 00:15:32,955
No, we checked the trash,
like, ten times.
427
00:15:32,956 --> 00:15:34,624
We would've seen
a bloody corkscrew.
428
00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:36,392
All right, Hitchcock,
you're up.
429
00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:40,930
The body.
430
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:43,233
The corkscrew's
still in the body.
431
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:44,968
No, you're terrible at this.
Go sit down.
432
00:15:45,002 --> 00:15:46,269
You're up, Diaz.
433
00:15:46,303 --> 00:15:48,237
Stab!
434
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:49,939
Then I...
435
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,341
Toss the corkscrew
out the window,
436
00:15:51,342 --> 00:15:52,642
and it lands
on a passing car.
437
00:15:52,677 --> 00:15:54,945
Security cam showed
no one driving by at that time
438
00:15:54,946 --> 00:15:56,246
and nothing on the street.
439
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,282
Okay, I want in.
But I only want to stab you.
440
00:15:59,283 --> 00:16:01,584
Fine.
Charles, door.
441
00:16:01,619 --> 00:16:03,186
Right.
442
00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:07,190
Okay, uh, sweetheart.
443
00:16:07,224 --> 00:16:08,291
Time to die.
444
00:16:08,292 --> 00:16:10,126
That seems a little harsh.
445
00:16:10,161 --> 00:16:12,962
What if it was
a magnetic corkscrew?
446
00:16:14,231 --> 00:16:16,599
If the corkscrew was
on a magnet...
447
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:18,567
It's stuck halfway down
the inside of the trash chute.
448
00:16:18,568 --> 00:16:19,902
I figured it out first!
449
00:16:19,903 --> 00:16:21,070
Wow!
450
00:16:21,071 --> 00:16:22,538
What's happening?
451
00:16:22,539 --> 00:16:24,407
You have a ten-pound flashlight
in your purse,
452
00:16:24,408 --> 00:16:26,876
but not a hair dryer?
453
00:16:26,877 --> 00:16:28,712
I can't see
far enough down.
454
00:16:28,713 --> 00:16:30,180
Someone's gonna have to go
down in there.
455
00:16:30,181 --> 00:16:32,648
Someone
with narrow shoulders.
456
00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:34,183
No! I have
broad shoulders.
457
00:16:34,184 --> 00:16:37,853
I have narrow hips,
but broad shoulders.
458
00:16:37,888 --> 00:16:39,856
God!
459
00:16:39,890 --> 00:16:41,157
See anything?
460
00:16:41,158 --> 00:16:42,859
A little lower.
461
00:16:42,894 --> 00:16:45,228
Freeze!
Hands in the air!
462
00:16:45,229 --> 00:16:46,496
Ahh!
463
00:16:46,497 --> 00:16:48,231
We're cops.
Broad shoulders!
464
00:16:48,265 --> 00:16:51,267
Stuck! Told you...
Broad shoulders.
465
00:16:51,268 --> 00:16:54,003
Apparently, our Detective squad
has gotten drunk,
466
00:16:54,004 --> 00:16:55,471
compromised the crime scene,
467
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:58,007
and an officer has gotten stuck
in a trash chute.
468
00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:00,309
I need you to lead
this squad, Terry.
469
00:17:00,344 --> 00:17:01,577
And I mean really lead it.
470
00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:06,716
I hope you take the shot.
471
00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:08,818
What kind of
precinct are you running here?
472
00:17:08,852 --> 00:17:10,119
Would you like to sit down,
Detective?
473
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,121
You seem upset.
Hell yeah, I'm upset.
474
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,591
Your team disrupted
a crime scene
475
00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:18,228
over which they have zero...
Zero jurisdiction.
476
00:17:18,262 --> 00:17:19,496
They were publicly drunk.
477
00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:21,097
Apparently
one of them pressed
478
00:17:21,098 --> 00:17:23,366
all the buttons
on the elevator.
479
00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:25,068
Only, maybe he just bumped up
against the panel
480
00:17:25,069 --> 00:17:26,202
with that big white ass
of his.
481
00:17:26,236 --> 00:17:28,571
What now?
Holt is gonna kill you.
482
00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:29,906
I don't think he will...
483
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,341
Because...
484
00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:32,942
Voila!
485
00:17:32,977 --> 00:17:34,778
You actually found the corkscrew
in the trash chute?
486
00:17:34,812 --> 00:17:37,480
Stuck to the side,
just like you said.
487
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,550
Boyle, we're pulling you out!
488
00:17:45,423 --> 00:17:47,925
This is the proudest moment
of my career.
489
00:17:47,926 --> 00:17:49,226
Ah!
490
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:52,563
Oh, my God, you guys,
we out-vultured The Vulture!
491
00:17:54,432 --> 00:17:55,433
What the hell was that?
492
00:17:55,467 --> 00:17:56,867
What? It's a vulture.
493
00:17:56,902 --> 00:17:58,936
Now, if you'll excuse me,
494
00:17:58,937 --> 00:18:01,306
I'm gonna take this corkscrew
over to the D.A.
495
00:18:01,307 --> 00:18:03,942
So we get the collar,
not major crimes.
496
00:18:03,943 --> 00:18:06,511
Peralta!
Now.
497
00:18:08,914 --> 00:18:10,582
Okay.
498
00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:12,250
- Before you get mad...
- Shut it!
499
00:18:12,251 --> 00:18:13,318
Holt was right.
500
00:18:13,352 --> 00:18:14,585
I've been so worried
about my own kids,
501
00:18:14,586 --> 00:18:16,621
I forgot about
my stupid grown-up kids.
502
00:18:16,655 --> 00:18:18,122
That's insulting.
503
00:18:18,157 --> 00:18:19,657
I should've been
on you guys more.
504
00:18:19,658 --> 00:18:22,360
And starting now,
I will be.
505
00:18:22,361 --> 00:18:24,729
But if you ever
do this again,
506
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,466
I swear I will crush your head
in one hand.
507
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,134
- You don't mean that.
- Try me.
508
00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:30,769
Okay.
509
00:18:32,171 --> 00:18:33,939
Where you going?
510
00:18:33,973 --> 00:18:35,307
The boss is taking heat
511
00:18:35,308 --> 00:18:37,075
for something
that's not even his fault.
512
00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:38,777
I can't let that happen.
513
00:18:38,778 --> 00:18:41,279
Wait.
Damn it.
514
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,915
Look, it's not
your fault either.
515
00:18:43,916 --> 00:18:48,086
And it's not
The Vulture's fault.
516
00:18:48,087 --> 00:18:49,354
It's Amy's.
517
00:18:49,355 --> 00:18:50,722
I know. I know.
It's mine.
518
00:18:50,723 --> 00:18:52,324
It's mine, okay?
519
00:18:52,325 --> 00:18:54,926
God, I do not love
how this worked out.
520
00:18:56,696 --> 00:18:58,497
Detective Pembroke.
521
00:18:58,531 --> 00:18:59,831
Now what?
522
00:18:59,832 --> 00:19:01,633
I'd like to cordially invite you
to calm down,
523
00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:03,235
especially considering
that this case
524
00:19:03,236 --> 00:19:04,804
has already been solved...
525
00:19:04,805 --> 00:19:06,172
By you!
526
00:19:07,574 --> 00:19:09,094
Looks like you found
the murder weapon.
527
00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:11,544
It's a good thing you realized
it was magnetically stuck
528
00:19:11,545 --> 00:19:12,912
to the inside
of the trash chute.
529
00:19:12,913 --> 00:19:14,880
Congratulations.
530
00:19:16,683 --> 00:19:18,250
Cracked the case
all by yourself.
531
00:19:18,251 --> 00:19:19,585
We done here?
532
00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:25,091
Yeah.
Yeah, we're done here.
533
00:19:26,260 --> 00:19:27,961
Hey, keep up
the bad work, champ.
534
00:19:27,962 --> 00:19:30,964
Here it comes.
535
00:19:30,965 --> 00:19:33,181
Why does he keep
touching my butt?
536
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,339
- Stay foxy.
- Die lonely.
537
00:19:37,373 --> 00:19:40,075
Well, case closed.
Good work, everyone.
538
00:19:40,076 --> 00:19:42,410
Let's, uh, call it a night
without any further discussion.
539
00:19:42,411 --> 00:19:43,845
No!
540
00:19:43,846 --> 00:19:45,380
All of you broke
into a crime scene
541
00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:47,015
under the influence
of alcohol,
542
00:19:47,016 --> 00:19:49,851
overstepped your jurisdiction,
and disobeyed my direct orders.
543
00:19:49,885 --> 00:19:52,120
Everyone involved tonight
is gonna get written up.
544
00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:53,721
Okay, fine.
545
00:19:53,722 --> 00:19:55,790
Here's everyone who was there.
546
00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:58,225
Jake Peralta,
J. Peralta,
547
00:19:58,226 --> 00:19:59,894
Dr. Jacob Peralta,
548
00:19:59,895 --> 00:20:01,962
who has a PhD
in slow-jam studies
549
00:20:01,963 --> 00:20:03,998
from Funktown State University,
550
00:20:03,999 --> 00:20:07,368
also involved was the right
honorable J... okay, enough.
551
00:20:07,369 --> 00:20:09,570
My point is it was
a Peralta special, sir.
552
00:20:09,571 --> 00:20:10,772
No one else was there.
553
00:20:10,806 --> 00:20:13,475
Well, Detective,
I'm happy to see
554
00:20:13,476 --> 00:20:16,111
you're learning how to be
part of a team.
555
00:20:16,145 --> 00:20:19,680
Everybody go home.
Sleep it off.
556
00:20:20,749 --> 00:20:23,885
Sir?
Thank you.
557
00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:26,487
Ultimately, it was
our raw sexual chemistry
558
00:20:26,488 --> 00:20:29,523
that helped him overcome
his crippling fear.
559
00:20:29,524 --> 00:20:31,859
You should just stay
in the office all day every day
560
00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:34,295
and be my bestie.
561
00:20:34,296 --> 00:20:37,298
You could join
my dance troupe, Floorgasm.
562
00:20:37,299 --> 00:20:39,767
We're looking for a man
of precisely your...
563
00:20:41,103 --> 00:20:43,137
It's gonna be a long road,
564
00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:45,239
but I'm ready to get myself
back in the game.
565
00:20:45,274 --> 00:20:46,340
I know you will.
566
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,609
I mean, eventually...
567
00:20:48,610 --> 00:20:50,811
Not tonight.
568
00:20:50,812 --> 00:20:52,579
I need to go hug
my baby girls.
569
00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:54,882
Excuse me.
570
00:20:56,651 --> 00:20:58,452
Jake, I have to say,
the way you handled things
571
00:20:58,453 --> 00:21:00,454
with The Vulture yesterday
was very mature.
572
00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:02,123
Well, sometimes in life,
573
00:21:02,124 --> 00:21:04,158
you just have to take
the high road.
574
00:21:04,159 --> 00:21:05,759
Oop! Time's up!
575
00:21:05,794 --> 00:21:07,661
- Can't wait to see it.
- Ah, here we go.
576
00:21:07,696 --> 00:21:09,630
- That's good suction.
- Oh!
577
00:21:09,631 --> 00:21:11,131
Ooh!
578
00:21:11,132 --> 00:21:12,265
Check it out!
579
00:21:12,266 --> 00:21:14,934
- Perfect, right?
- Yeah!
580
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:17,604
"Dear Vulture,
581
00:21:17,638 --> 00:21:21,674
"enjoy my big white ass.
582
00:21:21,709 --> 00:21:22,942
Jake."
583
00:21:22,943 --> 00:21:24,577
Here you are.
584
00:21:24,578 --> 00:21:26,246
Always take the high road,
Charles.
585
00:21:26,247 --> 00:21:27,814
Always take the high road.
586
00:21:27,815 --> 00:21:33,761
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/