1 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,915 Attention, squad. 2 00:00:05,946 --> 00:00:07,517 Put your hands together 3 00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:10,570 for the long-anticipated reunion of... 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,046 The DDC! 5 00:00:13,142 --> 00:00:14,163 - DD... - C! 6 00:00:14,249 --> 00:00:15,166 - DD... - C! 7 00:00:15,252 --> 00:00:16,313 Put a J with a G... 8 00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:17,408 You get DD... 9 00:00:17,494 --> 00:00:19,150 - C! - C! 10 00:00:19,244 --> 00:00:20,337 Uh, the gas face. 11 00:00:20,423 --> 00:00:21,697 What the hell is the DDC? 12 00:00:21,783 --> 00:00:22,963 I don't know, but I love it! 13 00:00:23,049 --> 00:00:24,299 The DDC is the Dope... 14 00:00:24,385 --> 00:00:25,420 - Denim... - Crew. 15 00:00:25,506 --> 00:00:26,770 Our 20-year high school reunion 16 00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:28,729 is tonight, and the party is '90s-themed, 17 00:00:28,783 --> 00:00:30,331 so we're dressing the way we did back then, 18 00:00:30,416 --> 00:00:32,376 AKA hella fresh. 19 00:00:32,462 --> 00:00:34,466 Can't wait to see everyone we graduated with 20 00:00:34,615 --> 00:00:36,402 and lie to them about what I've been up to 21 00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:37,830 for my own amusement. 22 00:00:37,916 --> 00:00:41,173 It's gonna be Fib City, population: Gina Clooney. 23 00:00:41,259 --> 00:00:42,495 But Jake, how can you be excited 24 00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:43,689 to return to your high school, 25 00:00:43,774 --> 00:00:45,697 the scene of... Tattlegate? 26 00:00:45,783 --> 00:00:47,175 What's Tattlegate? Why haven't I heard 27 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:49,020 - anything about it? - It was junior year 28 00:00:49,151 --> 00:00:50,633 and Jake was riding high... 29 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,174 Charles, no one wants to hear this story... 30 00:00:53,384 --> 00:00:54,420 from you. 31 00:00:54,505 --> 00:00:55,517 It was junior year, 32 00:00:55,603 --> 00:00:57,423 and Jake was riding high. 33 00:00:57,508 --> 00:00:59,512 Sophomore year was rough, but now I was back 34 00:00:59,597 --> 00:01:02,123 with a hot new look: an earring and long hair. 35 00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,777 Which was my look, and he just copied it. 36 00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:05,779 And it worked! I was finally cool, 37 00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:07,389 and becoming friends with the most popular kid 38 00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:09,522 in school: Brandon Bliss. 39 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:11,393 - Dope name; sounds hot. - He was hot, Rosa. 40 00:01:11,478 --> 00:01:13,166 For the record, he could barely read. 41 00:01:13,252 --> 00:01:14,588 He didn't have to read, Gina. 42 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,487 He lost his virginity when he was 12 years old. 43 00:01:16,572 --> 00:01:17,752 Which is horrifying. 44 00:01:17,838 --> 00:01:19,049 But it wasn't back then! Back then, 45 00:01:19,134 --> 00:01:21,611 it was... everything. 46 00:01:21,766 --> 00:01:23,509 He asked me to ditch class one day with him 47 00:01:23,595 --> 00:01:25,009 and his buddies, steal a school van, 48 00:01:25,095 --> 00:01:26,370 and go get drunk at his parents' cabin, 49 00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:28,166 but the day before we were supposed to go, 50 00:01:28,252 --> 00:01:30,586 someone ratted Brandon out, and he got suspended! 51 00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:32,197 He thought I was the one who told, 52 00:01:32,283 --> 00:01:33,353 and from that day forward, 53 00:01:33,439 --> 00:01:35,634 everyone called me "The Tattler." 54 00:01:35,755 --> 00:01:37,368 Tattler. It's a sexy nickname. 55 00:01:37,461 --> 00:01:38,783 It was not a sexy nickname! 56 00:01:38,869 --> 00:01:40,088 It was a scarlet letter, 57 00:01:40,174 --> 00:01:41,877 and it ruined my senior year, 58 00:01:42,176 --> 00:01:44,789 but luckily, I'm over all that now. 59 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:45,813 Not me. I'm gonna go 60 00:01:45,899 --> 00:01:46,994 to this reunion tonight 61 00:01:47,088 --> 00:01:48,260 and kick Brandon Bliss in the butthole. 62 00:01:48,345 --> 00:01:50,330 Horrifying, but that won't be necessary, Charles, 63 00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:52,791 for my awesome life will do the butthole-kicking this eve. 64 00:01:52,877 --> 00:01:54,775 I've got a sweet job, and a super-smart, 65 00:01:54,861 --> 00:01:56,456 incredible wife. Tonight's gonna be awesome. 66 00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:57,721 - Right, Gina? - Damn straight! 67 00:01:57,806 --> 00:01:58,986 - DD... - C! 68 00:01:59,072 --> 00:02:00,134 - DD... - C! 69 00:02:00,222 --> 00:02:01,259 - DD... - C! 70 00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:04,166 *BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Season 06 Episode 03 71 00:02:04,389 --> 00:02:07,330 *BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Episode Title: "The Tattler" 72 00:02:18,791 --> 00:02:20,908 Sync corrections by srjanapala 73 00:02:22,024 --> 00:02:23,947 Wow, this place hasn't changed 74 00:02:24,049 --> 00:02:25,900 one bit in 20 years. 75 00:02:25,994 --> 00:02:27,784 It's a real indictment of the public school system. 76 00:02:27,869 --> 00:02:29,673 Jake! Tina! 77 00:02:29,759 --> 00:02:31,486 No way! Mikey J! 78 00:02:31,612 --> 00:02:33,228 Amy, this is Mike Joseph, 79 00:02:33,314 --> 00:02:36,759 AKA the lead funk bassist from my legendary ska band, 80 00:02:36,845 --> 00:02:39,845 Skalvester Skallone. We had one song. 81 00:02:39,931 --> 00:02:41,065 ♪ Oh 82 00:02:41,151 --> 00:02:44,112 - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ 83 00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:46,198 - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ 84 00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:47,595 - Whoa! - Hey, man. 85 00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:49,258 We were so bad. I can't believe 86 00:02:49,344 --> 00:02:50,837 we thought we were gonna make it. 87 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,111 So what have you been up to, man? 88 00:02:52,196 --> 00:02:54,375 Well, I'm still trying to get the music thing started. 89 00:02:54,497 --> 00:02:56,352 Oh, cool, cool, cool. Never give up. 90 00:02:56,438 --> 00:02:58,704 Anyway, how are you, Gina? What have you been up to? 91 00:02:58,790 --> 00:03:00,376 Nothing crazy. Yeah, just writing 92 00:03:00,462 --> 00:03:02,292 - those "Thor" movies. - Seriously? 93 00:03:02,378 --> 00:03:03,970 Oh, my God. Tell me everything. 94 00:03:04,056 --> 00:03:06,321 Legally, I can't get into it too much, 95 00:03:06,407 --> 00:03:07,701 but just know that the next one 96 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,225 will have a lot more full frontal. 97 00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:11,907 Well, if you need some ska for your soundtrack... 98 00:03:11,993 --> 00:03:13,063 Oh! 99 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,362 This is them. This is Marvel. 100 00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:15,557 They probably want to talk about. 101 00:03:15,642 --> 00:03:18,649 "Thor 4: More Thor." I gotta take this. 102 00:03:18,735 --> 00:03:19,962 Okay? All right. 103 00:03:20,048 --> 00:03:21,452 So how you doing, Jake? 104 00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:24,181 I know the end of high school was a little... rough. 105 00:03:24,303 --> 00:03:25,829 Oh, uh... 106 00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:28,212 Jake's killing it now. He's a detective. 107 00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:30,998 Irie, mon! Irie, irie! 108 00:03:31,198 --> 00:03:32,288 Very nice. 109 00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:34,243 God, you must have some crazy stories. 110 00:03:34,329 --> 00:03:35,485 Oh, I don't know. I mean, 111 00:03:35,571 --> 00:03:36,720 is successfully negotiating 112 00:03:36,813 --> 00:03:38,345 a high-tension hostage situation 113 00:03:38,431 --> 00:03:40,368 - in a bank crazy? - Yes! 114 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,985 Oh, well, then, I guess I do have 115 00:03:42,071 --> 00:03:44,149 some crazy stories, mon! 116 00:03:44,922 --> 00:03:46,196 Gosh, it's so cool 117 00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:48,321 how we all still dress the same. 118 00:03:50,047 --> 00:03:51,938 Is it so much to ask? You know what I'm saying? 119 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,431 Why is everyone gathered around the radio? 120 00:03:53,516 --> 00:03:55,790 Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system? 121 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:57,313 What? No. 122 00:03:57,398 --> 00:03:58,706 We're listening to a contest. 123 00:03:58,791 --> 00:04:00,321 This is 93.7, 124 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,926 The Jamhouse, with... 125 00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:04,212 - JC and the Horndog! - JC and the Horndog! 126 00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:05,837 FM radio... 127 00:04:05,923 --> 00:04:08,446 Yeah, the hosts are beyond disgusting, 128 00:04:08,532 --> 00:04:11,066 but they do a fun game where they play a mystery sound 129 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,134 and callers guess what it is for a cash prize. 130 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,243 Shh, they're about to play the new sound! 131 00:04:17,198 --> 00:04:18,205 It's a crinkle. I solved it. 132 00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,915 Yes, but you have to know what object 133 00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:20,938 is making the crinkle. 134 00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:22,674 - But that's impossible. - It could be anything. 135 00:04:22,759 --> 00:04:24,056 Yes, sir. That's the game. 136 00:04:24,142 --> 00:04:26,294 - It's a bag of potato chips. - Don't be an idiot! 137 00:04:26,379 --> 00:04:27,368 It's a bag of corn chips. 138 00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:29,087 Well, this is a total waste of time. 139 00:04:29,173 --> 00:04:30,820 Sure, but you can still have fun, 140 00:04:30,906 --> 00:04:32,502 - even if you're wasting time. - That's absurd. 141 00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,461 Productivity is what makes things fun. 142 00:04:34,547 --> 00:04:35,962 That's why humans go to work. 143 00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,327 It is? 144 00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:39,602 Hey. So you know 145 00:04:39,688 --> 00:04:41,299 how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, 146 00:04:41,384 --> 00:04:42,727 then we tried to make it work, but the distance 147 00:04:42,813 --> 00:04:43,947 was too much and we broke up again? 148 00:04:44,032 --> 00:04:45,212 No. The last thing you told me 149 00:04:45,298 --> 00:04:46,322 about yourself was that you were bi. 150 00:04:46,407 --> 00:04:47,578 Well, a lot has happened since then. 151 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,025 Anyway, I'm dating two other people. 152 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,688 So much juice at one time. 153 00:04:50,774 --> 00:04:51,649 I'm drowning. 154 00:04:51,735 --> 00:04:53,650 Oh, gross. Charles, this is why I don't tell you anything. 155 00:04:53,735 --> 00:04:54,704 - I take it back. - Okay. 156 00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,670 Well, it's early stages, but they both tagged me 157 00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:57,760 in a bunch of photos online, 158 00:04:57,845 --> 00:04:59,049 and they found out about each other. 159 00:04:59,134 --> 00:05:00,384 - Yikes. - Yeah, I know. 160 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:02,040 I shouldn't 'gram so much, but my brunch friends say 161 00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:03,619 it's the only way to promote my handmade jewelry line. 162 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,493 Brunch? What? Homemade... who... Why? 163 00:05:05,579 --> 00:05:06,798 Charles, focus. 164 00:05:06,884 --> 00:05:07,947 Anyway, they're both annoyed, 165 00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:09,103 and now I have to choose one of them, 166 00:05:09,188 --> 00:05:10,656 and I cannot make up my mind. 167 00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:12,476 It's insane. I never have trouble 168 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,718 making decisions. 169 00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:15,479 Ugh. Choose the daughter. 170 00:05:15,588 --> 00:05:17,398 I always know exactly what to do, 171 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,344 but for the first time in my life, I am stumped. 172 00:05:19,429 --> 00:05:21,132 Rosa, you've come to the right man. 173 00:05:21,217 --> 00:05:23,132 Boyles are genetically indecisive beings. 174 00:05:23,218 --> 00:05:24,922 So I chose the worst possible person to help me? 175 00:05:25,007 --> 00:05:26,125 No. We've developed 176 00:05:26,211 --> 00:05:27,891 a foolproof system to help us make choices. 177 00:05:27,996 --> 00:05:29,880 It used to take me so long to decide what to wear 178 00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:31,531 that I'd never change my clothes. 179 00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:33,142 Now look what I have on. 180 00:05:33,413 --> 00:05:35,274 Is this different than what you were wearing yesterday? 181 00:05:35,359 --> 00:05:36,547 Barely. 182 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,715 Wow, your life sounds amazing. 183 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,325 I'm really happy it worked out for you, 184 00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:42,588 you know, especially with the whole Tattler thing. 185 00:05:43,341 --> 00:05:45,122 What? The Tattler? Wow. 186 00:05:45,239 --> 00:05:46,731 I haven't heard that in a long time. 187 00:05:46,825 --> 00:05:47,825 Who even was the Tattler? 188 00:05:47,911 --> 00:05:49,068 You. That's why I'm bringing it up. 189 00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:50,412 Oh, right, I remember now that I was 190 00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:51,841 misidentified as the Tattler. 191 00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:53,514 That's so funny. But I wasn't the Tattler, 192 00:05:53,599 --> 00:05:54,717 so I'm pretty sure you got this wrong. 193 00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:56,583 No, no, no, I think I go... hey, Eric. 194 00:05:56,669 --> 00:05:58,677 Didn't people call Jake the Tattler? 195 00:05:58,848 --> 00:06:00,504 Oh, yeah! 196 00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:03,260 Oh, good, more people are getting involved. 197 00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,942 After my initial design, they said it couldn't be done. 198 00:06:06,028 --> 00:06:07,613 They said it was too tall, too flashy... 199 00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:09,310 Building codes, bureaucracy. 200 00:06:09,395 --> 00:06:12,255 Cut to the Freedom Tower as you see it today. 201 00:06:12,341 --> 00:06:13,396 Wow. 202 00:06:13,482 --> 00:06:15,372 Thank you. Yeah, I agree. 203 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,153 Look, nobody cares about that stuff. 204 00:06:17,239 --> 00:06:18,369 We're all adults now. 205 00:06:18,455 --> 00:06:20,685 You're a cop. I work at a coffin factory. 206 00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:22,759 I'm not sitting around, thinking about how you tattled. 207 00:06:22,844 --> 00:06:24,599 Yes, we all have jobs and work on coffins. 208 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,676 I didn't tattle, but whatevs. We don't have to keep talking about it. 209 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,981 - Great. - Great. - Great. - Great. - Great. 210 00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:30,766 But you were the Tattler, right? 211 00:06:30,852 --> 00:06:32,072 Brandon Bliss was my friend! 212 00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:33,403 Why would I tattle on my friend? 213 00:06:33,489 --> 00:06:35,684 The nickname was inaccurate, is all I'm saying. 214 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,947 Anyways, as you can tell, 215 00:06:37,032 --> 00:06:38,396 I am totally over it. 216 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,146 Ah, man, it's the Tattler. 217 00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:41,794 I didn't tattle! 218 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,682 So... 219 00:06:43,798 --> 00:06:45,757 I think I might not be over it. 220 00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:50,008 Ugh, this is so unfair. 221 00:06:50,094 --> 00:06:51,773 Everyone remembers me as the Tattler, 222 00:06:51,851 --> 00:06:53,078 but somehow, no one remembers 223 00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:54,640 that Darren "Doo Doo" Donaldson 224 00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:56,156 crapped himself during PE. 225 00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:57,203 Look at him out there, 226 00:06:57,289 --> 00:06:58,601 dancing on the dance floor 227 00:06:58,687 --> 00:07:00,179 like he's lived a doo doo-free life. 228 00:07:00,297 --> 00:07:01,796 Jake, this isn't so bad. 229 00:07:01,882 --> 00:07:04,054 History is full of great tattlers. 230 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,000 Martin Luther King tattled on racists. 231 00:07:06,086 --> 00:07:07,274 That's a pretty undercutting way 232 00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:08,446 of describing his accomplishments. 233 00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:10,351 I was trying to help. It felt bad. 234 00:07:10,437 --> 00:07:11,734 It's not even the nickname that bothers me. 235 00:07:11,797 --> 00:07:13,055 It's that I'm being wrongfully accused. 236 00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:14,906 I didn't tattle. I mean, if it was the truth, 237 00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:16,922 go ahead and call me the Tattler all day long. 238 00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:19,082 - Hey, Tattler. - Not cool, Jason! 239 00:07:19,547 --> 00:07:20,765 Let's just go home. 240 00:07:20,851 --> 00:07:22,578 No! We're not going anywhere. 241 00:07:22,664 --> 00:07:24,664 You were wrongfully accused. We're cops. 242 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,273 Let's just find the real Tattler 243 00:07:26,359 --> 00:07:27,531 and prove your innocence. 244 00:07:27,617 --> 00:07:28,440 Yes! I love it! 245 00:07:28,525 --> 00:07:29,687 Why learn to grow 246 00:07:29,773 --> 00:07:31,242 when you can fix the past? 247 00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:33,125 This is exactly why I don't need therapy. 248 00:07:33,211 --> 00:07:34,962 Not sure that's the lesson I want you to take away from this. 249 00:07:35,047 --> 00:07:36,704 Too late! We're gonna prove I wasn't the Tattler. 250 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,582 Therapy is a scam. Let's do this. 251 00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:40,626 No. 252 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,629 The sound was more of a "khh." 253 00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:44,324 Ooh, how goes the crinkle hunt? 254 00:07:44,410 --> 00:07:46,160 I see you're not just wasting time. 255 00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:47,850 You're also wasting tin. 256 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,637 It was only one piece. 257 00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:52,899 Okay, it was a ton of tin. 258 00:07:52,985 --> 00:07:54,856 Pretty sure it's a guy eating a sandwich. 259 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:55,728 I'll prove it to you. 260 00:07:55,813 --> 00:07:57,739 I'm not buying you any more sandwiches, Scully. 261 00:07:57,825 --> 00:07:58,832 I'm doing this for us! 262 00:07:58,918 --> 00:08:00,293 Guys, we can't fight. 263 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:01,950 That's what the Horndog wants. 264 00:08:02,036 --> 00:08:03,271 We're getting close. We just need 265 00:08:03,356 --> 00:08:04,474 to keep testing more things. 266 00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,653 Oh, that's a good idea. 267 00:08:06,739 --> 00:08:08,825 Have you tried a piece of paper? 268 00:08:09,653 --> 00:08:10,762 Is that your crinkle? 269 00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:12,582 Ooh, maybe... oh. 270 00:08:12,846 --> 00:08:15,191 Maybe it's these bags of coffee beans. 271 00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:17,356 All right, sir. I think you've made your point. 272 00:08:17,442 --> 00:08:19,005 My point? Oh, I'm just trying to have fun 273 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:20,184 by wasting time. 274 00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:23,481 Oh, maybe it's this crinkly-crunkly yogurt. 275 00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,492 Terry heard a crinkle. 276 00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:28,887 Holt heard a crinkle, too. 277 00:08:28,973 --> 00:08:30,668 So suddenly, it's not a waste of time? 278 00:08:30,754 --> 00:08:32,598 Not a waste of time if we win! 279 00:08:33,024 --> 00:08:34,593 What are you waiting for, Jeffords? 280 00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:36,333 Call the Horndog! 281 00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,207 So then I said to Steve, 282 00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,551 "What if we drop the '-lications, ' 283 00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:41,770 just call them 'apps'?" 284 00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:43,515 That's incredible. 285 00:08:43,887 --> 00:08:45,793 Do you miss him? Oh, every day, Laura. 286 00:08:45,879 --> 00:08:47,121 Every day. You should talk 287 00:08:47,207 --> 00:08:48,762 to Quentin Chase. He's a big-time. 288 00:08:48,848 --> 00:08:49,935 Silicon Valley investor now, 289 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,067 and he was just telling me all about it. 290 00:08:51,152 --> 00:08:52,231 Quentin, come here. 291 00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:53,731 You have got to talk to Gina. 292 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,265 She basically invented apps. 293 00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:57,005 They were going to be called "lications." 294 00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:58,574 You really bungled that. 295 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,060 - What you been working on? - Currently, 296 00:09:00,145 --> 00:09:01,418 I have been working 297 00:09:01,504 --> 00:09:03,856 on an app called Toddler. 298 00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:06,199 It's like Tinder, but for toddlers. 299 00:09:06,285 --> 00:09:07,379 Tinder for toddlers. 300 00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,137 I like it. How are you gonna spell that? 301 00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:10,262 How many D's? 302 00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:11,473 Five. 303 00:09:12,645 --> 00:09:14,817 All right, we should start by talking to Brandon Bliss 304 00:09:14,903 --> 00:09:16,739 and find out who told him you were the Tattler. 305 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,223 Unfortunately, Bliss is not here. 306 00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:20,957 Probably in the VIP section at a Fatboy Slim concert. 307 00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:22,731 Would that be cool for a 37-year-old? 308 00:09:22,817 --> 00:09:24,357 The funk soul brother is timeless, Ames. 309 00:09:24,442 --> 00:09:26,465 All right, I don't know who told Brandon, 310 00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:28,091 but I heard it was someone on the football team. 311 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,997 Okay, well, we need more information than that, 312 00:09:30,082 --> 00:09:32,027 so take me back to the day. Spare no details. 313 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,293 Okay, I saw Brandon 314 00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:34,888 after second period, and everything seemed tight. 315 00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,973 ♪ Hey now, you're an all-star ♪ 316 00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:38,645 ♪ Get your game on go play ♪ 317 00:09:38,731 --> 00:09:40,887 But then, when I saw him after third period... 318 00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:42,629 something had clearly changed. 319 00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:43,923 ♪ Get paid 320 00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:46,285 ♪ All that glitters is gold ♪ 321 00:09:46,371 --> 00:09:47,535 After that, there was 322 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,551 little color left in the world for young Jake. 323 00:09:49,645 --> 00:09:53,309 My earring, less gold, my JNCO jeans less purple. 324 00:09:53,395 --> 00:09:54,747 Are you sure you were becoming cool? 325 00:09:54,832 --> 00:09:55,761 Yeah. Why? 326 00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:56,973 I know how to solve this. 327 00:09:57,059 --> 00:09:58,591 We just have to find out which football player 328 00:09:58,676 --> 00:10:00,176 had third period with Brandon Bliss. 329 00:10:00,285 --> 00:10:01,496 We need his class schedule. 330 00:10:01,582 --> 00:10:02,765 Yeah, but where are we gonna find that? 331 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:04,832 In the coolest room in the school. 332 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,629 Good lord! 333 00:10:08,715 --> 00:10:10,020 You coulda just picked the lock. 334 00:10:10,106 --> 00:10:11,254 I know. I'm sorry. 335 00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:13,465 I'm just so amped up about Admin. 336 00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:16,340 Okay, this is the Boyle decision-making manual. 337 00:10:16,426 --> 00:10:17,949 One of these sections will help you 338 00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,246 with choosing your partner. 339 00:10:19,332 --> 00:10:20,349 Here we go. What do you prefer, 340 00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,098 eyes or butt, brains or body? 341 00:10:22,184 --> 00:10:23,199 - Brains. - Uh... 342 00:10:23,285 --> 00:10:24,684 Sorry, no, that's for deciding lunch. 343 00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:25,965 - Horrifying. - Oh, I found 344 00:10:26,051 --> 00:10:27,004 the romance section. 345 00:10:27,113 --> 00:10:29,090 Now, first, I will need the names 346 00:10:29,176 --> 00:10:30,630 of the two people you're choosing between. 347 00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:32,536 I will not be telling you any information about them. 348 00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:34,004 No problem. We can work with that. 349 00:10:34,098 --> 00:10:35,731 I will just call them by their initials. 350 00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:36,692 - No. - I will call them. 351 00:10:36,778 --> 00:10:37,770 "Couscous" and "Quinoa." Whatever. 352 00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:39,336 - Okay. - Now, for this to work right, you need 353 00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,101 to answer these questions without thinking. 354 00:10:41,523 --> 00:10:42,607 - Who makes you laugh more? - Quinoa. 355 00:10:42,692 --> 00:10:43,747 - Who has softer lips? - Couscous. 356 00:10:43,832 --> 00:10:44,911 A new Cirque du Soleil's in town. 357 00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:46,138 You have the two best seats in the house. 358 00:10:46,223 --> 00:10:47,607 - Who are you bringing? - Is this a reward 359 00:10:47,692 --> 00:10:48,606 - or a punishment? - You decide. 360 00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:49,802 - Quinoa. - Great. Next question: 361 00:10:49,887 --> 00:10:50,918 You die and become a ghost. 362 00:10:51,003 --> 00:10:52,051 The rules of the afterlife 363 00:10:52,137 --> 00:10:53,202 are that of the movie "Casper." 364 00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:54,262 Whose house would you rather haunt? 365 00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:55,864 How many more of these questions are there? 366 00:10:55,949 --> 00:10:57,169 309. 367 00:10:57,255 --> 00:10:59,332 - Okay, I've got something. - Oh. 368 00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:01,035 That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine. 369 00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,021 I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. 370 00:11:03,106 --> 00:11:04,621 Zero absences. 371 00:11:05,152 --> 00:11:06,684 Oh, mama... 372 00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:07,902 Printing this for later. 373 00:11:07,988 --> 00:11:09,375 Keep it in your pants, Santiago. 374 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,481 Oh, that's exactly where it's going. 375 00:11:12,596 --> 00:11:15,121 Okay, here's Brandon's info. 376 00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:16,589 Third period, first semester... 377 00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:17,949 Any of these people on the football team? 378 00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:20,516 Scott Alford, Taylor Black... Wow, Tom Brady? 379 00:11:20,601 --> 00:11:22,344 Different Tom Brady. He was in theater. 380 00:11:22,429 --> 00:11:23,574 Although he was the MVP 381 00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:24,825 of that year's production of "Fiddler." 382 00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,238 - Hm. - Wait a minute. 383 00:11:26,324 --> 00:11:27,613 Danny Matthews. That's the guy. 384 00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:28,785 He was on the football team. 385 00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:30,048 That's the bastard who set me up. 386 00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,644 Yeah, and look at this. 387 00:11:31,978 --> 00:11:34,087 You did so much community service. 388 00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,234 Me like-y. 389 00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:40,447 Guys, you know how I thought it would be so much fun 390 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,283 to lie to everyone tonight? 391 00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:42,663 Yeah. Did it finally catch up with you? 392 00:11:42,748 --> 00:11:44,069 No, the opposite. Someone wants to buy 393 00:11:44,154 --> 00:11:45,418 a company I made up on the spot. 394 00:11:45,535 --> 00:11:47,552 The elevator pitch had him drooling. 395 00:11:47,642 --> 00:11:49,388 As a mother, I'm always struggling 396 00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:50,787 to find quality playdates. 397 00:11:50,873 --> 00:11:53,779 Most two-year-olds are boring, lame duds. 398 00:11:53,865 --> 00:11:55,693 All of my daughter's friends suck. 399 00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:58,169 Well, with Todddddler's proprietary algorithm, 400 00:11:58,255 --> 00:12:00,948 you will be matched with top tots, 401 00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:02,123 and those boring duds... 402 00:12:02,208 --> 00:12:03,489 They'll stay where they belong: 403 00:12:03,575 --> 00:12:06,065 the hell away from you and your family. 404 00:12:07,112 --> 00:12:09,370 I'm not really sure how to close this. 405 00:12:09,476 --> 00:12:11,284 Maybe you guys could pretend to be heirs 406 00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:14,581 to a canned-goods fortune who want to buy my company! 407 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,121 Gina, we don't have time for your thing right now. 408 00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:18,081 Oh, smart. Big-time him. 409 00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:19,595 That's the perfect idea. 410 00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:20,997 I won't forget you when I'm rich. 411 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,598 Thanks so much, Jake and Jake's wife. 412 00:12:22,718 --> 00:12:24,262 She knows your name. Oh, look! 413 00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:25,834 It's Danny Matthews! But he'll never talk 414 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:26,809 with all these people around. 415 00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:28,645 Not a problem. Just be in the science lab 416 00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:30,300 in ten minutes. I'll get him alone. 417 00:12:30,386 --> 00:12:31,325 What are you gonna do? 418 00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:32,372 Let's just say I'm not above 419 00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,028 using my feminine wiles. 420 00:12:34,222 --> 00:12:35,621 Danny Matthews, I'm with the school. 421 00:12:35,706 --> 00:12:36,810 You need to follow me right now. 422 00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:39,153 - Is everything... - I said now, mister. 423 00:12:40,732 --> 00:12:42,092 I'm one caller away. 424 00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:43,534 I can't believe we figured it out. 425 00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:45,620 And I can't believe it took you this long. 426 00:12:45,768 --> 00:12:47,713 Yogurt is literally your one thing. 427 00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:49,534 - Okay, okay. - Well, I'm just saying. 428 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,450 If the sound were eating damp rice, 429 00:12:51,568 --> 00:12:53,122 I would've gotten it immediately. 430 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,475 Guys, they're taking another guess. 431 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,091 All right, Brenda from Yonkers. 432 00:12:56,177 --> 00:12:57,964 It's time for you to name that sound. 433 00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:59,168 Hi. Quick shout-out 434 00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:01,037 to the nurses at United Pediatric. 435 00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:03,005 This money'll do those kids a lot of good. 436 00:13:03,091 --> 00:13:04,880 Cry me a river. Brenda from Yonkers. 437 00:13:04,966 --> 00:13:06,949 We've all had budget cuts. Just take your guess. 438 00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:08,146 Is it Styrofoam? 439 00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:09,271 Wrong! 440 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,853 Oh, I can't believe she guessed Styrofoam. 441 00:13:11,939 --> 00:13:13,232 What a dumb nurse. 442 00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,458 Next caller, you're on with the Horndog. 443 00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:16,460 It's me! 444 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,724 The sound is a yogurt 445 00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:20,208 being opened. 446 00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:23,060 That is... 447 00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:24,169 Wrong! 448 00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:25,740 What? No! 449 00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:27,693 You b-b-b-blew it! 450 00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:29,544 Damn you, Horndog. 451 00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:31,712 Okay, I have tabulated your responses, 452 00:13:31,798 --> 00:13:33,541 and the results are definitive. 453 00:13:33,626 --> 00:13:35,529 - Amazing. - It's a dead tie. 454 00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:36,905 This is dumb. I'm just gonna end it 455 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,105 - with both of them. - Rosa, stop. 456 00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:39,490 There is one more method. 457 00:13:39,576 --> 00:13:41,115 Ancient Boyles believed 458 00:13:41,201 --> 00:13:43,841 that suspending yourself by your feet forces your blood 459 00:13:43,927 --> 00:13:45,701 to the decision center of your brain. 460 00:13:45,943 --> 00:13:49,568 We call this method the "Upside-Down Coward." 461 00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:51,558 You want me to hang from the ceiling like a bat? 462 00:13:51,644 --> 00:13:53,326 The bat is nature's most decisive animal. 463 00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:54,981 The creature that flails around frantically? 464 00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:56,201 Those are all micro-decisions. 465 00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,127 Now, let's get you strapped up. 466 00:13:58,696 --> 00:14:00,612 - How do you feel? - Nauseous. 467 00:14:00,698 --> 00:14:02,659 Good. It's working. 468 00:14:02,861 --> 00:14:04,049 - Q? - Yeah. 469 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,160 Get off the phone. 470 00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:07,862 Now, I'm not sure how serious you were about funding, 471 00:14:08,008 --> 00:14:11,283 but I should tell you there's 103 other bidders. 472 00:14:11,369 --> 00:14:13,624 Oof, I am not a fan of getting into bidding wars. 473 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:16,229 Then don't make an offer, 'cause I want babies on my app, 474 00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:17,979 but not in my boardroom. 475 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,325 Oh, damn, Gina. 476 00:14:19,411 --> 00:14:20,823 Did you just "oh, damn" yourself? 477 00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:21,912 Someone had to. 478 00:14:21,998 --> 00:14:23,127 Okay. 479 00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:25,393 Let's talk numbers. 480 00:14:25,479 --> 00:14:27,541 Mr. Peralta, I believe you know Danny Matthews. 481 00:14:27,637 --> 00:14:29,252 Jake. Hey, what's going on, man? 482 00:14:29,338 --> 00:14:30,533 The answer to that question 483 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,393 goes back to a brisk day in 1997, 484 00:14:33,526 --> 00:14:35,873 a day you told a lie. 485 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:39,008 But the lying stops right now! 486 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,557 Oh, no! 487 00:14:40,643 --> 00:14:42,256 You broke some poor kid's science project! 488 00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:43,307 We have to fix it. 489 00:14:43,393 --> 00:14:44,519 Kind of in the middle of something. 490 00:14:44,604 --> 00:14:46,064 Oh, you know what? Krebs cycle. 491 00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:47,066 I got this. 492 00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:48,895 Great. So, Danny, 493 00:14:48,981 --> 00:14:50,028 true or false? 494 00:14:50,114 --> 00:14:51,335 You were on the football team. 495 00:14:51,488 --> 00:14:53,143 - True? - And true or false: 496 00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,234 you had third period with Brandon Bliss. 497 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,584 Mm, I honestly don't remember... 498 00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:57,761 It was true! We checked the records, 499 00:14:57,846 --> 00:14:59,241 and I have one more question. 500 00:14:59,327 --> 00:15:01,167 Ooh, Jake, can you get me that oxygen on the floor? 501 00:15:01,252 --> 00:15:02,276 - Little red guy. - What? 502 00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:04,494 Sorry. You know what? Yeah, I'll get it. 503 00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:06,459 Why did you tell Brandon Bliss 504 00:15:06,545 --> 00:15:07,471 that I was the Tattler? 505 00:15:07,557 --> 00:15:09,448 Because you were. I saw you talking to principal. 506 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,658 I remember it, clear as day. 507 00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:11,894 Look, you couldn't have seen me, 508 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,682 because I wasn't there. I didn't tattle. 509 00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:15,557 Man, it was you, okay? 510 00:15:15,643 --> 00:15:17,603 You had your long hair and your little earring, 511 00:15:17,723 --> 00:15:20,354 and the denim jacket you are literally wearing right now. 512 00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,580 Oh, no. 513 00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:24,244 It wasn't me, 514 00:15:25,130 --> 00:15:26,799 but it was the DDC. 515 00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:28,448 Gina. 516 00:15:28,534 --> 00:15:30,987 Jake, guess who just sold her app idea. 517 00:15:31,073 --> 00:15:32,088 Don't trust her. 518 00:15:32,174 --> 00:15:33,603 Everything she's told you is a lie. 519 00:15:33,689 --> 00:15:35,315 She made up the company and everything else. 520 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,517 - She's a liar. - Jake, 521 00:15:36,608 --> 00:15:37,885 whatever strategy this is 522 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,830 is not necessary. I already closed the deal. 523 00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:42,104 I know you were the Tattler. 524 00:15:45,685 --> 00:15:47,669 Amy, I'm ready to go. 525 00:15:47,755 --> 00:15:48,825 Yep, totally. 526 00:15:48,911 --> 00:15:50,278 I'm almost done with this project, 527 00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:51,794 but I don't need to finish it, 528 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,294 because what matters 529 00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,334 is that you are going through something, 530 00:15:55,475 --> 00:15:58,021 and as your wife, and love of your life... 531 00:15:58,107 --> 00:15:59,802 Are you vamping so you can finish that? 532 00:15:59,888 --> 00:16:00,952 I only have two molecules left. 533 00:16:01,037 --> 00:16:03,162 - Come on, man. - Jake, we need to talk. 534 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,123 Yeah, you guys do need to talk. 535 00:16:05,209 --> 00:16:07,909 That sounds excellent. Friendship, so much history... 536 00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:09,555 I'm just gonna get this out of your way. 537 00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:11,334 Oh, man. 538 00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:12,959 What the hell, Gina? 539 00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:15,017 You ruined my entire senior year. 540 00:16:15,103 --> 00:16:16,029 How could you do that to me? 541 00:16:16,115 --> 00:16:17,466 Jake, I was only trying to help. 542 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,819 You were hanging out with those guys 543 00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:20,826 and getting close, and they weren't good people. 544 00:16:20,942 --> 00:16:23,007 Do you know why Brandon wasn't at the reunion tonight? 545 00:16:23,092 --> 00:16:24,311 I don't know. Probably 'cause he was shooting 546 00:16:24,396 --> 00:16:25,546 a beer commercial where the whole plot 547 00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:26,796 was that everyone wanted to sleep with him. 548 00:16:26,881 --> 00:16:28,740 No, 'cause he's on parole. 549 00:16:28,881 --> 00:16:30,885 He's not allowed to leave the state of Delaware. 550 00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:32,677 Oh, okay, so that's obviously a bummer, 551 00:16:32,756 --> 00:16:34,194 but I wasn't gonna end up like him. 552 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,263 You were starting to. You wanted 553 00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,821 to steal a van with him, 554 00:16:36,907 --> 00:16:37,849 and I told you not to, 555 00:16:37,935 --> 00:16:38,967 and you weren't listening to me. 556 00:16:39,052 --> 00:16:40,928 I mean, what would've happened if you got caught? 557 00:16:41,013 --> 00:16:42,013 I don't know. 558 00:16:42,099 --> 00:16:43,959 You would never have become a cop. 559 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,896 Yeah, I'm the reason you're a cop. 560 00:16:45,982 --> 00:16:47,507 I'm your origin story, dude. 561 00:16:47,593 --> 00:16:48,982 You can't be mad at me. 562 00:16:49,102 --> 00:16:50,327 I feel like I'm still pretty mad. 563 00:16:50,412 --> 00:16:52,466 Peter Parker wasn't mad at his spider. 564 00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:54,536 Yeah, but they weren't best friends before the bite, 565 00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,538 and it still doesn't explain how you let everyone think 566 00:16:56,623 --> 00:16:58,271 I was the Tattler for 20 years. 567 00:16:58,357 --> 00:17:00,216 Well, I didn't want to lose our friendship. 568 00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:01,523 I was being weak. 569 00:17:01,636 --> 00:17:02,841 I'm sorry. 570 00:17:04,529 --> 00:17:05,583 Okay. 571 00:17:05,669 --> 00:17:07,069 And if it makes you feel any better, 572 00:17:07,285 --> 00:17:09,464 that app thing completely blew up in my face. 573 00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:11,422 I mean, my night sucked. 574 00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,089 Okay, I can see from your expression 575 00:17:13,175 --> 00:17:14,699 that your night was worse, 576 00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:17,074 and I should've left it at "sorry." 577 00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:18,785 So did you hear? 578 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:19,995 Someone guessed the sound. 579 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,136 It was a bag of chips. 580 00:17:21,222 --> 00:17:22,628 Wow. So the lesson here 581 00:17:22,714 --> 00:17:24,114 is to listen to Hitchcock and Scully more? 582 00:17:24,199 --> 00:17:25,512 - No, that can't be possible. - Yeah, I don't think 583 00:17:25,597 --> 00:17:27,078 - we earned that today. - Agreed. 584 00:17:27,164 --> 00:17:29,042 Sorry for dragging you into that dumb game. 585 00:17:29,128 --> 00:17:30,980 You were right. It was a waste of time. 586 00:17:31,066 --> 00:17:32,214 No, it wasn't. 587 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,401 Even though it was pointless, I did enjoy myself. 588 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,613 I can't wait to go home and tell Kevin 589 00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:39,300 you can have fun without being productive. 590 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,949 Hey, guys, they're about to play the new mystery sound. 591 00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:43,605 I can tell Kevin tomorrow. 592 00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:44,913 I'll bet Sharon's already asleep. 593 00:17:44,998 --> 00:17:46,456 And I've got no one in my life. 594 00:17:46,694 --> 00:17:48,745 Scully, play that damn noise. 595 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,461 Quentin, can I talk to you for a minute? 596 00:17:51,547 --> 00:17:53,105 Are you here to give me a long speech 597 00:17:53,191 --> 00:17:54,636 about how you still deserve my money? 598 00:17:54,722 --> 00:17:55,745 No. 599 00:17:55,831 --> 00:17:56,847 I am. 600 00:17:56,933 --> 00:17:58,222 Very cool entrance. 601 00:17:58,308 --> 00:17:59,572 Thank you. Listen. 602 00:17:59,658 --> 00:18:01,589 Gina Linetti is not a perfect person. 603 00:18:01,675 --> 00:18:03,355 Mm, I'm hoping this gets more supportive 604 00:18:03,441 --> 00:18:05,441 as it goes along. But what she lacks in perfection, 605 00:18:05,527 --> 00:18:06,386 she makes up for 606 00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:08,620 with an utter and total belief that she is perfect. 607 00:18:08,706 --> 00:18:09,848 Ooh, you said "but," and then you said 608 00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:11,644 something worse. She is fiercely loyal. 609 00:18:12,237 --> 00:18:14,261 She will do the right thing for you 610 00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:16,339 even when you can't see it for yourself, 611 00:18:17,191 --> 00:18:19,613 and she's saved my ass countless times. 612 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,019 And it's been 12. I counted. 613 00:18:21,105 --> 00:18:22,652 She came up with an idea on the spot 614 00:18:22,761 --> 00:18:23,801 that you were interested in. 615 00:18:23,886 --> 00:18:26,253 Imagine what she could do with time and resources. 616 00:18:26,503 --> 00:18:28,003 Do the world a favor. 617 00:18:28,089 --> 00:18:30,605 Invest in Gina Linetti. 618 00:18:34,593 --> 00:18:35,652 Hard pass. 619 00:18:35,738 --> 00:18:37,524 - What? - What? - But my great speech. 620 00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:38,933 Yeah, the speech was great, 621 00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:41,730 but I've also been lying the whole night. 622 00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,011 I'm not a tech mogul. 623 00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:44,386 I came here to mess with people. 624 00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,258 - How dare you? - Speaking of which, 625 00:18:46,344 --> 00:18:48,496 did either one of you drive? 'Cause I could use a ride. 626 00:18:48,581 --> 00:18:50,464 - No, Quentin. - Oh, Quentin. 627 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,737 Okay. 628 00:18:52,876 --> 00:18:54,347 Now open your eyes, 629 00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,456 and the person you are meant to be with 630 00:18:56,562 --> 00:18:58,566 should appear before you. 631 00:19:01,144 --> 00:19:02,628 Sorry. I was just watching. 632 00:19:02,738 --> 00:19:04,620 Get out of here, Hitchcock! 633 00:19:04,863 --> 00:19:05,928 Ugh. 634 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,089 This isn't working. 635 00:19:07,175 --> 00:19:08,393 I'm no closer to making a decision. 636 00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:09,494 I'm jumping down. 637 00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:11,394 Well, you can't just jump down. 638 00:19:11,964 --> 00:19:13,837 - My goodness! - It's over. 639 00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:15,154 I'm gonna put 'em both in a group text 640 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,136 - and say "peace out." - Uh, no! 641 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:17,443 There's still more options. 642 00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:18,837 We haven't even done roleplay yet. 643 00:19:18,922 --> 00:19:19,922 What? 644 00:19:20,111 --> 00:19:21,201 Ugh. 645 00:19:21,357 --> 00:19:22,754 I took too long getting back to Quinoa 646 00:19:22,839 --> 00:19:24,016 and they got mad and ended it. 647 00:19:24,102 --> 00:19:25,584 And that's how it's done. 648 00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:27,145 - What are you talking about? - The process worked. 649 00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,824 Boyles don't make decisions. 650 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,105 We delay our decisions 651 00:19:30,191 --> 00:19:31,878 until the universe makes them for us. 652 00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,152 That way, we never make a wrong choice. 653 00:19:34,238 --> 00:19:36,511 That is very sad, but also, I guess it worked. 654 00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:37,829 - Mm-hmm. - I do feel pretty good. 655 00:19:37,914 --> 00:19:39,396 Couscous is dope. She's funny. 656 00:19:39,481 --> 00:19:40,847 Couscous is a she! I knew it! 657 00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:42,615 - Did you? - No, and I still don't know. 658 00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:44,373 There's equal chance you called them "she" 659 00:19:44,459 --> 00:19:46,151 - to throw me off. - You get me, Boyle. 660 00:19:48,128 --> 00:19:51,691 So I think I figured out an awesome and dramatic way 661 00:19:51,777 --> 00:19:53,802 to reveal that I was the Tattler. 662 00:19:53,887 --> 00:19:55,775 It'll be a dance. There'll be costumes. 663 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,067 Gina, it's fine. I don't care anymore. 664 00:19:58,152 --> 00:19:59,923 - It's all in the past. - Oh, thank God. 665 00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,298 That is such a relief, 666 00:20:01,384 --> 00:20:03,767 'cause I didn't want people thinking I was a tattler. 667 00:20:03,853 --> 00:20:05,454 Where's Amy? 668 00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:06,788 She is in the library, writing 669 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,380 a book report on "Jane Eyre," 670 00:20:08,466 --> 00:20:10,751 and she told me "not to wait up." 671 00:20:10,837 --> 00:20:12,150 - Oy. - Yeah. 672 00:20:13,217 --> 00:20:15,126 Thanks for trying to help with Quentin. 673 00:20:15,212 --> 00:20:16,743 It's funny. Even though it wasn't real, 674 00:20:16,829 --> 00:20:19,251 it was so fun, imagining running my own company. 675 00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:20,448 So why don't your pursue it? 676 00:20:20,533 --> 00:20:22,923 I can't raise my kid and create an app 677 00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:24,775 and work at the Nine-Nine. It's too much. 678 00:20:24,861 --> 00:20:26,790 Well, then prepare for me to murder your parents 679 00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:28,157 right in front of your face. 680 00:20:28,243 --> 00:20:29,282 - Rude. - No. 681 00:20:29,368 --> 00:20:30,611 It's Batman's origin story, 682 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,568 like the radioactive spider thing you did with me. 683 00:20:32,653 --> 00:20:34,176 I don't read comic books. 684 00:20:35,379 --> 00:20:36,948 You helped me become who I am, 685 00:20:37,104 --> 00:20:38,853 so now I'm gonna return the favor. 686 00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:41,540 Gina... 687 00:20:42,288 --> 00:20:44,408 I think your talents might be wasted at the Nine-Nine. 688 00:20:44,704 --> 00:20:46,993 I love you, but it might be time for you to move on. 689 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,648 Um, are you firing me? 690 00:20:48,734 --> 00:20:50,501 What? No. I don't think I could even do that. 691 00:20:50,587 --> 00:20:51,978 Good, because I quit. 692 00:20:52,064 --> 00:20:53,345 You know, tonight I realized 693 00:20:53,431 --> 00:20:54,650 that my talents 694 00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,439 are being wasted at the Nine-Nine. 695 00:20:56,558 --> 00:20:58,388 Okay, that's kind of exactly what I just said. 696 00:20:58,473 --> 00:21:00,798 Jake, let me finish. This is serious. 697 00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:03,290 It's time for me to move on. 698 00:21:03,454 --> 00:21:05,371 For real, though, it is. 699 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:06,681 Really? 700 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,087 Okay. 701 00:21:12,829 --> 00:21:14,025 Proud of you. 702 00:21:14,288 --> 00:21:15,322 Thank you. 703 00:21:15,464 --> 00:21:16,868 I'm proud of me, too. 704 00:21:17,953 --> 00:21:18,954 Guys! 705 00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:20,820 Vice principal caught me in the library. 706 00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:21,937 Let's roll! 707 00:21:22,693 --> 00:21:24,610 Not a doctor. Shh. 708 00:21:24,891 --> 00:21:26,154 Fremulon.