1
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:02,901
- Good morning, Boyle.
2
00:00:02,977 --> 00:00:05,746
It's Halloween... I'm surprised
you didn't put on a costume.
3
00:00:05,747 --> 00:00:07,707
- I was going to, sir,
but then I decided,
4
00:00:08,618 --> 00:00:09,948
"screw that jazz."
5
00:00:09,958 --> 00:00:12,127
Well, I'm the only one
who ever dresses up,
6
00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:13,893
no one ever gets my costume,
7
00:00:13,894 --> 00:00:15,818
and they make fun of me...
So I'm done.
8
00:00:16,519 --> 00:00:19,318
These people don't deserve
my dress-up gifts.
9
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:19,549
[elevator dings]
10
00:00:19,585 --> 00:00:21,814
- Charles, seriously?
11
00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:22,805
No costume?
12
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:23,845
- What the hell, Charles?
13
00:00:23,855 --> 00:00:25,254
Where's your Halloween spirit?
14
00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:27,654
- But you guys always
make fun of me.
15
00:00:27,655 --> 00:00:31,054
- I have never once
insulted you in my life,
16
00:00:31,055 --> 00:00:33,585
especially vis-à-vis
your appearance.
17
00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:35,264
- Yeah, man, we always
love your costumes.
18
00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:37,604
- Remember last year,
when you came as that
19
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,864
person and/or thing?
20
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,264
- Yes, I do remember!
21
00:00:41,265 --> 00:00:44,534
Sir, permission to sprint
to my car and get
22
00:00:44,535 --> 00:00:45,595
my emergency costume?
23
00:00:45,605 --> 00:00:46,735
- Does it matter if I say no?
24
00:00:46,745 --> 00:00:48,545
- No!
25
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,705
A-bam, bam, boom.
26
00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,624
What the... what...
27
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,094
- Why are you dressed up?
You look like an idiot.
28
00:01:00,095 --> 00:01:01,515
- But... but...
29
00:01:01,525 --> 00:01:02,754
- Yeah, what are you
supposed to be,
30
00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:04,285
a sassy car mechanic?
31
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:07,664
- No, come on... he's clearly
the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot,
32
00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:08,764
Harry Pop-Tart.
33
00:01:08,765 --> 00:01:10,664
- I am not!
You know who I am!
34
00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:12,564
- Squad, that's enough...
You're making Boyle
35
00:01:12,565 --> 00:01:13,565
feel bad on purpose.
36
00:01:13,566 --> 00:01:15,075
He's Elvis.
- Yes!
37
00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:16,604
- Elvis Stojko,
the Canadian figure skater.
38
00:01:16,605 --> 00:01:17,675
- No!
39
00:01:37,595 --> 00:01:39,864
- Attention, squad:
today is the most
40
00:01:39,865 --> 00:01:41,894
important day in the
history of this precinct.
41
00:01:41,895 --> 00:01:45,795
For today is Halloween...
42
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,604
I thought we were going to
say it together.
43
00:01:47,605 --> 00:01:48,904
- I never agreed to that.
- All right.
44
00:01:48,905 --> 00:01:50,104
- As you may know,
for the past two years,
45
00:01:50,105 --> 00:01:53,674
Captain Holt and I have engaged
in an epic battle of wits.
46
00:01:53,675 --> 00:01:56,074
The goal: to determine
who must call the other
47
00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,105
an amazing detective/genius.
48
00:01:58,115 --> 00:02:00,914
- The first year,
by sheer, dumb luck,
49
00:02:00,915 --> 00:02:02,814
Jake eked out a feeble victory.
50
00:02:02,815 --> 00:02:04,345
- And last year, I let
the captain win,
51
00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:05,954
because he's old and sad.
52
00:02:05,955 --> 00:02:07,924
- Sad because the competition
was so dismal.
53
00:02:07,925 --> 00:02:09,154
- Is this meeting
about something?
54
00:02:09,155 --> 00:02:10,754
- It's about everything.
55
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:11,885
- This year's the tie-breaker,
56
00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:13,830
a final heist to decide
once and for all
57
00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:15,885
the true king of the nine-nine.
58
00:02:15,895 --> 00:02:18,755
- Halloween Heist III:
The Heistening. Tagline?
59
00:02:18,765 --> 00:02:20,725
- This year we both attempt
to steal the same object
60
00:02:20,735 --> 00:02:22,704
instead of Jake attempting
to steal one from me.
61
00:02:22,705 --> 00:02:25,104
- I gave you one direction
on the tagline... snappy.
62
00:02:25,105 --> 00:02:28,004
But yes, we will be attempting
to steal the same item...
63
00:02:28,005 --> 00:02:29,665
This.
64
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,615
- The crown will be locked
in this briefcase,
65
00:02:35,185 --> 00:02:37,004
which in turn will be locked
in the interrogation room.
66
00:02:37,005 --> 00:02:38,824
- ♪ And so unto the briefcase
goes the crown ♪
67
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,384
Didn't sing it with me.
68
00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:41,665
We will need help,
69
00:02:41,675 --> 00:02:42,954
so to be fair,
we're holding a draft.
70
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,815
The captain and I have
given up our overtime,
71
00:02:44,825 --> 00:02:47,124
so everyone who participates
will get the night off... captain?
72
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,385
- With the first pick
of the draft, I choose...
73
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:50,925
Terry.
74
00:02:50,935 --> 00:02:53,734
- Okay, brawns over brains.
75
00:02:53,735 --> 00:02:54,934
- All right, I take Charles.
76
00:02:54,935 --> 00:02:56,395
- I get it. Close friend.
77
00:02:56,405 --> 00:02:57,744
- I pick Gina.
- Gina?
78
00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:58,935
- I take Rosa.
79
00:02:58,945 --> 00:02:59,945
- What?
80
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:02,414
Okay, all right.
Well, Captain...
81
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,044
That leaves me with you.
82
00:03:04,045 --> 00:03:05,884
Let's do this.
- Hang on, Santiago.
83
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,184
I'm not sure I can trust you.
84
00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:11,854
You're Peralta's paramour;
maybe you should be on his team.
85
00:03:11,855 --> 00:03:13,724
- No, no, no...
Amy would do anything
86
00:03:13,725 --> 00:03:15,994
to win your approval,
including pretending
87
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:18,024
to be in a relationship with me
for the past few weeks
88
00:03:18,025 --> 00:03:19,885
only to betray me now.
89
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,830
- Jake, you are majorly
overthinking this.
90
00:03:21,831 --> 00:03:24,155
- Maybe, but it's a risk
I'm not willing to take.
91
00:03:24,165 --> 00:03:27,734
You're not on my team, Amy.
- Yeah, Amy's out.
92
00:03:27,735 --> 00:03:29,934
By midnight,
whoever has the crown
93
00:03:29,935 --> 00:03:33,035
will be the king
of the nine-nine.
94
00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:35,174
- Uh, Hitchcock and I
still haven't been chosen.
95
00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:36,335
- I'm good.
- Me too.
96
00:03:38,745 --> 00:03:43,205
- So, I see you've been assigned
to guard the briefcase too.
97
00:03:43,215 --> 00:03:47,684
- Yup, I'm not supposed to let
it or you out of my sight,
98
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:49,245
if that even is you.
99
00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,915
- Ow, that's my face!
100
00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:54,255
- Oh, sorry... I thought it was a
cheap, rubber mask.
101
00:03:54,265 --> 00:03:56,834
- Well, I have exciting news.
102
00:03:56,835 --> 00:03:58,934
I found the perfect guy
to set you up with.
103
00:03:58,935 --> 00:04:03,204
- After zero consideration,
I'm happy to say, "hard pass."
104
00:04:03,205 --> 00:04:05,474
- Come on, our parents
are married.
105
00:04:05,475 --> 00:04:06,974
Genevieve and I are dating.
106
00:04:06,975 --> 00:04:08,874
I want you to have someone too.
107
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,735
- [sighs]
- You shouldn't have to
108
00:04:10,745 --> 00:04:12,114
slow-dance alone
after family dinner.
109
00:04:12,115 --> 00:04:14,084
- How did my life come to this?
110
00:04:14,085 --> 00:04:16,284
Charles, it's very sweet
that you want to
111
00:04:16,285 --> 00:04:18,084
set me up with someone,
112
00:04:18,085 --> 00:04:20,884
but I do not trust your taste
in guys at all.
113
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,845
- I have spectacular taste
in men.
114
00:04:22,855 --> 00:04:24,285
You would love Nadia.
115
00:04:24,295 --> 00:04:25,795
- His name is Nadia?
116
00:04:26,495 --> 00:04:28,234
- Oh, all of a sudden
Nadia's not a cool name?
117
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,825
You are impossible.
118
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:33,165
- Here, got it?
- Got it.
119
00:04:37,475 --> 00:04:39,204
- Hey, Jake.
Can we talk?
120
00:04:39,205 --> 00:04:40,905
- Yeah.
121
00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:42,975
- You really hurt my feelings
by leaving me off your team.
122
00:04:42,976 --> 00:04:45,505
- Oh, I had no idea
you felt that way.
123
00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:48,114
- Well, it doesn't feel great
to be left out.
124
00:04:48,115 --> 00:04:50,275
- Right, totally, I get it.
I'm sorry...
125
00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:51,754
Captain Holt!
126
00:04:51,755 --> 00:04:53,854
- What? Why are you yelling
at my boobs?
127
00:04:53,855 --> 00:04:55,254
- Because that's where
the camera is.
128
00:04:55,255 --> 00:04:56,985
Nice try, Ray-Ray!
129
00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:58,224
- There's no camera, Jake.
130
00:04:58,225 --> 00:04:59,515
I was being serious.
131
00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:02,255
- Okay fine... if you're
telling the truth,
132
00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,934
then I sincerely apologize.
133
00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:07,835
But since you're not,
I will defeat you!
134
00:05:10,235 --> 00:05:13,135
[witch cackling]
Ahhh! Gah! Scary witch!
135
00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:14,145
Scary, so scary!
136
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:15,694
- Amy, don't feel bad.
137
00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:17,244
You can get in on
my bet with Scully.
138
00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:19,014
At midnight tonight,
we will steal
139
00:05:19,015 --> 00:05:20,884
his foot fungus cream.
140
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:23,154
- Thanks, that's very kind
of you to include me,
141
00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:24,284
but I'll have to pass.
142
00:05:24,285 --> 00:05:25,954
- The mind games have
already begun.
143
00:05:25,955 --> 00:05:28,224
- No, I'm not part of this.
- Oh, of course not.
144
00:05:28,225 --> 00:05:30,794
Neither am I.
Wink.
145
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:31,795
- Ugh.
146
00:05:31,796 --> 00:05:34,194
- I'm not going to meet
my next boyfriend
147
00:05:34,195 --> 00:05:35,795
through a Charles set-up.
148
00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:38,334
I'm going to meet him in an
illegal dance competition
149
00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:40,375
in an abandoned subway tunnel.
150
00:05:41,805 --> 00:05:43,174
- It's go time, Boyle.
151
00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:45,304
Holt and Terry have closed
the blinds... release the roaches.
152
00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:48,304
- Alternately, he could win
an illegal street race
153
00:05:48,305 --> 00:05:50,335
in which my love is the prize.
154
00:05:50,345 --> 00:05:52,814
- Oh, my God! Gina, look!
Roaches!
155
00:05:52,815 --> 00:05:54,184
- [screams]
- Look!
156
00:05:54,185 --> 00:05:57,814
- Ew, Charles, kill them with
whatever cologne you're wearing!
157
00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,175
- No, I can't!
They're moving too fast!
158
00:05:59,185 --> 00:06:01,815
I can't kill them!
It's pandemonium!
159
00:06:01,825 --> 00:06:04,594
- If I die, turn my Tweets
into a book!
160
00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:07,364
- Commence operation,
"Oh crap, wrong vent."
161
00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:11,134
- [gasp]
- Oh crap, wrong vent.
162
00:06:11,135 --> 00:06:12,334
This was a mistake.
163
00:06:12,335 --> 00:06:14,334
- Nice try, losers.
You blew it.
164
00:06:14,335 --> 00:06:15,335
- Yeah, we totally blew it.
165
00:06:15,336 --> 00:06:17,934
And all because Boyle
marked the wrong vent.
166
00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:21,204
- It's not my fault... I thought
it was the right vent.
167
00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:23,935
- Unbelievable, mister.
- You are, mister.
168
00:06:23,945 --> 00:06:26,344
- I'm having trouble even
believing you at all right now.
169
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:29,045
That is the last time
I let Charles mark a vent.
170
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,884
- I'm normally great
at marking vents.
171
00:06:30,885 --> 00:06:32,224
- Lock picked.
172
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,054
- Never, ever, never, ever,
ever, never, ever, ever,
173
00:06:36,055 --> 00:06:39,355
never, ever, will I ever,
never, ever, ever, ever,
174
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,095
ever, never, never, never...
I forgive you, and good-bye.
175
00:06:45,235 --> 00:06:47,234
- Wow, you should have
seen us, Rosa.
176
00:06:47,235 --> 00:06:48,434
Charles and I were amazing.
177
00:06:48,435 --> 00:06:50,195
- I somersaulted
through a window,
178
00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:51,904
cut the crown out of
a briefcase,
179
00:06:51,905 --> 00:06:54,035
and replaced everything
in under a minute.
180
00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,344
- Yeah, I guess you
helped a little.
181
00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:58,314
But our fake argument
was super convincing.
182
00:06:58,315 --> 00:07:00,254
And all of a sudden,
we had to make it longer,
183
00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:02,144
and we did.
184
00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:04,375
Anyways, now all we gotta do
is guard this drawer
185
00:07:04,385 --> 00:07:06,894
until midnight,
and the best part about it is
186
00:07:06,895 --> 00:07:10,145
Captain Holt has
absolutely no idea.
187
00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:12,915
He is such a fool.
188
00:07:12,925 --> 00:07:15,885
- Yes, I'm the fool.
189
00:07:15,895 --> 00:07:17,894
You fool.
190
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,225
- So we wanted Jake
to take the crown?
191
00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:21,474
- Sergeant, are you familiar
with the Hungarian fencing term,
192
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,265
Hosszú Gorcs?
193
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:24,474
- You must realize
my answer is no.
194
00:07:24,475 --> 00:07:26,274
- It's a strategy of
letting your opponent
195
00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:29,244
win points early to give them
a sense of overconfidence,
196
00:07:29,245 --> 00:07:33,144
thus exposing a much easier
target for you later.
197
00:07:33,145 --> 00:07:34,905
- You think he's
overconfident enough?
198
00:07:36,985 --> 00:07:38,984
- I'm the smartest man alive.
199
00:07:38,985 --> 00:07:40,315
I'm never gonna die.
200
00:07:43,395 --> 00:07:45,094
[knocks on door]
- Sir, do you have a minute?
201
00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:46,194
- Of course.
202
00:07:46,195 --> 00:07:47,635
Jeffords,
we'll rendezvous later.
203
00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:56,465
- Sir, I want to
talk about Jake.
204
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,604
Okay...
- Amy! Help!
205
00:07:58,605 --> 00:08:01,135
Our foot fungus heist
has gone sideways!
206
00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:02,474
- Hitchcock, not now.
207
00:08:02,475 --> 00:08:04,074
- Scully doesn't know
I'm in here.
208
00:08:04,075 --> 00:08:05,574
I stole his foot cream,
but then I lost it.
209
00:08:05,575 --> 00:08:08,305
Amy, you're the only hope
I have of finding it.
210
00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:09,505
You're a detective.
211
00:08:09,515 --> 00:08:12,315
- You're a detective!
Get out of here!
212
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,484
Go! [sighs]
213
00:08:15,485 --> 00:08:17,385
Sir, Jake really pissed me off,
214
00:08:17,395 --> 00:08:19,324
and I want to help you
take him down.
215
00:08:19,325 --> 00:08:21,355
- Well, that's an
intriguing proposition.
216
00:08:21,365 --> 00:08:23,294
You certainly could be useful...
217
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,525
- Thank you.
218
00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:26,364
- To Jake!
219
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:30,165
I got you, Peralta!
You're not fooling anyone!
220
00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:32,504
- Why does everyone think
that's where a camera would be?
221
00:08:32,505 --> 00:08:36,365
- Because the cleavage cloaks
the camera with its curves.
222
00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,705
That will be all, spy.
223
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,645
Sorry I said cleavage.
- Mm-hmm.
224
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:46,454
- Charles, that is so nasty you
put cockroaches in your pants.
225
00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:48,154
- When you say it
like that, yeah.
226
00:08:48,155 --> 00:08:49,294
But Jake made it sound so cool.
227
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,364
- How?
[knocks on door]
228
00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:52,585
- Oh, I wasn't expecting anyone.
229
00:08:55,195 --> 00:08:58,125
Come in, Nadia.
- Hey, Charles.
230
00:08:58,135 --> 00:08:59,804
- What up, bro?
231
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,474
Gina, this was the boy
I was telling you about.
232
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:02,725
- You're Nadia?
233
00:09:02,735 --> 00:09:05,595
- Well, my real name's Leo;
Nadia's just my tag.
234
00:09:05,605 --> 00:09:08,204
I don't love it, but when Banksy
gives you a nickname,
235
00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,405
it just sticks.
236
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,714
- Okay, I see what's
going on here.
237
00:09:10,715 --> 00:09:13,284
This isn't a setup...
This is a setup.
238
00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:17,220
And all of this is supposed to
distract me from the heist.
239
00:09:17,221 --> 00:09:19,545
- The heist?
- [mocking tone] The heist?
240
00:09:19,555 --> 00:09:21,554
You shut your hot lips.
241
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:23,154
Charles, I don't buy it.
242
00:09:23,155 --> 00:09:25,285
This is an obvious trap, okay?
243
00:09:25,295 --> 00:09:27,464
Who are you, really, hmm?
244
00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:30,694
You some male prostitute
that Charles busted
245
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,225
out on some
lonely pier somewhere?
246
00:09:33,235 --> 00:09:35,164
Well, guess what, sweetie?
247
00:09:35,165 --> 00:09:38,365
This is one trick you ain't
gonna be turning tonight.
248
00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:39,644
- I'm not a prostitute.
249
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,645
- Okay.
250
00:09:40,645 --> 00:09:41,645
[laughs]
251
00:09:41,646 --> 00:09:43,375
Right.
Bye-bye, whore.
252
00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:46,435
- It's go time, Sergeant.
253
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,645
- Hey, Rosa.
254
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:54,354
I'm not saying these are
from your motorcycle,
255
00:09:54,355 --> 00:09:56,724
but I found these
stripped handlebars outside.
256
00:09:56,725 --> 00:09:59,594
- You better not have messed
with my bike for this heist.
257
00:09:59,595 --> 00:10:01,524
Let me remind you
I'm carrying a weapon.
258
00:10:01,525 --> 00:10:02,765
- We all have the same weapons.
259
00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:06,195
Damn, Rosa!
Where'd you get that?
260
00:10:08,805 --> 00:10:11,504
The scorpion has left the nest.
261
00:10:11,505 --> 00:10:19,505
♪ ♪
262
00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:23,475
- And...
263
00:10:23,485 --> 00:10:24,485
Ding.
264
00:10:24,485 --> 00:10:25,485
[elevator dings]
265
00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,215
- See Daddy?
Come on.
266
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:30,254
- Time for the twin twist.
267
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,455
- Hey, Jake.
- Hey, you guys.
268
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,394
- We wanted to surprise Terry;
have you seen him?
269
00:10:34,395 --> 00:10:35,764
- Oh, he just went downstairs
for a bit,
270
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:36,794
but he should be back soon.
271
00:10:36,795 --> 00:10:38,594
- Oh. Cagney? Lacey?
272
00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:40,764
Do you guys want to take
a picture with Uncle Jake?
273
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,295
- Yeah!
- [laughs]
274
00:10:42,305 --> 00:10:43,840
You don't mind, do you?
275
00:10:43,841 --> 00:10:46,765
- Um...
no, of course not.
276
00:10:46,775 --> 00:10:48,274
That would be so fun.
277
00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:49,864
- What if we do it
in the briefing room,
278
00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:51,435
like you're assigning them
a case?
279
00:10:51,445 --> 00:10:53,584
- No, I mean,
you know what would be fun...
280
00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:55,244
Even more that that...
281
00:10:55,245 --> 00:10:58,345
Is if we took a picture
right here,
282
00:10:58,355 --> 00:10:59,754
and I could have
my hand on this cabinet.
283
00:10:59,755 --> 00:11:00,825
- Okay.
284
00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:04,585
- Nailed it.
- Here we go.
285
00:11:05,725 --> 00:11:07,655
Oh, God, it was in
video mode... sorry.
286
00:11:07,665 --> 00:11:10,534
- Take your time;
I could do this all day.
287
00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:12,400
Matter of fact,
what if we did one
288
00:11:12,401 --> 00:11:14,664
where I had both hands
on the cabinet...
289
00:11:14,665 --> 00:11:17,765
One on top, and then one
on the front?
290
00:11:17,775 --> 00:11:19,544
- Looks good, yeah.
291
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:23,714
All right, smile...
Three, two, one...
292
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:26,614
Cheese! Very good.
293
00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:28,754
Great, you guys.
Let's go find Daddy.
294
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:32,275
[witch cackling]
- What's going on?
295
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:37,894
Aha!
What are you doing?
296
00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:41,694
Nothing... just enjoying a taste
of my favorite beverage,
297
00:11:41,695 --> 00:11:43,365
the soda pop.
298
00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,704
- Really? I have never seen you
enjoy soda pop before.
299
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,305
- Hmm.
- Have some now.
300
00:11:57,775 --> 00:12:00,844
- Ahh.
301
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,575
It's delicious.
- I don't buy it.
302
00:12:02,585 --> 00:12:04,484
You're making the same face
you made when you found
303
00:12:04,485 --> 00:12:05,684
a chocolate chip
in your trail mix.
304
00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:07,585
Something's up.
I'm patting you down.
305
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,494
Damn it, nothing but
a surprisingly toned set of abs.
306
00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:13,724
- Why would I
have the crown, Jake?
307
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,485
Isn't it still
in the interrogation room?
308
00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:17,825
- Yes. Yes.
Of course.
309
00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:19,934
Of course it's still in there.
310
00:12:19,935 --> 00:12:22,574
Welp, I guess I'll
see you at midnight.
311
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,434
After you.
- No, after you.
312
00:12:25,435 --> 00:12:27,335
- I insist.
313
00:12:30,915 --> 00:12:32,644
[witch cackling]
314
00:12:32,645 --> 00:12:33,775
Ugh.
315
00:12:33,785 --> 00:12:34,914
- You drank a soda?
316
00:12:34,915 --> 00:12:36,814
Not sure that's
the worst thing in the world.
317
00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:38,514
- It was the worst thing
in the world...
318
00:12:38,515 --> 00:12:40,784
Worse than a
fruit-forward Riesling.
319
00:12:40,785 --> 00:12:42,715
No, I'm not exaggerating.
320
00:12:42,725 --> 00:12:46,764
Anyhow, I cleverly ditched
the crown in a trash can...
321
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,934
Wait a minute... so as to not
arouse suspicion
322
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,355
and then retrieve it.
323
00:12:50,365 --> 00:12:52,514
- Got it.
324
00:12:52,515 --> 00:12:54,664
Hey... while I'm in there,
should I get you a soda?
325
00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:56,495
- I know you're joking,
but on the off chance
326
00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:57,774
you aren't...
327
00:12:57,775 --> 00:12:59,575
No.
328
00:13:03,645 --> 00:13:05,514
- Hi, there.
- Oh, is it?
329
00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:06,814
- The handlebar thing was fake.
330
00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:08,384
They were trying to distract me.
331
00:13:08,385 --> 00:13:09,654
I think they made
a play for the crown.
332
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,936
- I know, but I had my hand
on the cabinet the whole time,
333
00:13:13,985 --> 00:13:14,345
so I'm pretty confident
there's no way
334
00:13:14,355 --> 00:13:14,725
they could have gotten it.
335
00:13:14,725 --> 00:13:15,655
They got it.
336
00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:17,754
- Look at the back.
Screws are loose.
337
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:21,555
- Damn it.
That son of a bitch is good.
338
00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,934
- Sir, we got a problem.
339
00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:26,734
The crown wasn't in
the trash can.
340
00:13:26,735 --> 00:13:28,504
Jake must have taken it back.
341
00:13:28,505 --> 00:13:29,734
- Damn it.
342
00:13:29,735 --> 00:13:31,735
That son of a bitch is good.
343
00:13:35,505 --> 00:13:36,805
- We have to get
that crown back.
344
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,784
I already changed my email
to "kingjakerulez" with a z.
345
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,535
Everyone's going to think
I'm an idiot.
346
00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:42,705
- Hello, Peralta.
- Captain.
347
00:13:42,715 --> 00:13:44,345
- Midnight nears.
- Yes, it does.
348
00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:47,554
Tick tock.
- Tick tock indeed.
349
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:49,994
- But tick tock for who?
350
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,294
- You know it's "for whom."
351
00:13:51,295 --> 00:13:52,364
Don't try to provoke me.
352
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,785
- I didn't know that.
353
00:13:54,795 --> 00:13:56,564
Both: I'm going to get
that crown back.
354
00:13:56,565 --> 00:13:57,565
- Wait... what?
- Huh?
355
00:13:57,566 --> 00:13:59,864
Will you excuse me
for just one moment?
356
00:13:59,865 --> 00:14:01,995
- Yes, I too need to be excused.
357
00:14:02,005 --> 00:14:03,804
- [whispering]
He doesn't have the crown!
358
00:14:03,805 --> 00:14:04,775
- What? Who has it, then?
359
00:14:04,776 --> 00:14:06,674
- I don't know who has it.
- What do we do?
360
00:14:06,675 --> 00:14:08,614
- Pull the security tape.
I'll distract them.
361
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,674
Hey, look at this.
362
00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:14,844
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
363
00:14:14,845 --> 00:14:16,575
Damn it, how did that not work?
364
00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:20,054
- Hmm, Captain Holt said
you guys stole the crown
365
00:14:20,055 --> 00:14:21,684
when Jake came through
the ceiling.
366
00:14:21,685 --> 00:14:23,085
- Yeah, I can't believe
you fell for that.
367
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,794
You really think I'd mark
the wrong vent?
368
00:14:24,795 --> 00:14:26,824
I've never marked
a wrong vent in my life.
369
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,385
- You're very intense
about vents.
370
00:14:28,395 --> 00:14:29,665
- Yeah.
371
00:14:30,535 --> 00:14:31,335
- Wait... so Nadia wasn't
just a distraction?
372
00:14:31,336 --> 00:14:33,634
- No, 100% real.
373
00:14:33,635 --> 00:14:36,734
Handsome, cool, hair as thick
as a collie's.
374
00:14:36,735 --> 00:14:38,895
I found you the perfect guy,
and you drove him off.
375
00:14:38,905 --> 00:14:40,704
- Ugh. I'm sorry.
376
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,604
I should have trusted you.
377
00:14:42,605 --> 00:14:44,635
Please call him
and tell him I messed up.
378
00:14:44,645 --> 00:14:46,744
- Fine, but only if you
agree that your first date
379
00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:48,744
will be a double date
with me and Genevieve
380
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:50,005
on a week-long trip
to Turk's...
381
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,814
- Forget it, no.
Forget it.
382
00:14:51,815 --> 00:14:52,875
- No! Okay, I'll call him.
383
00:14:52,885 --> 00:14:54,615
Please, I want this so badly.
384
00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:57,624
- Fine, you may call him for me.
385
00:14:57,625 --> 00:14:59,794
- Thank you.
386
00:14:59,795 --> 00:15:02,130
- Okay, here I am taking
pictures with Terry's kids.
387
00:15:02,131 --> 00:15:04,625
Man, I look so strong
standing next to them.
388
00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:05,705
Should I have kids?
- Sure.
389
00:15:05,695 --> 00:15:06,625
Okay.
390
00:15:06,635 --> 00:15:09,070
It's Holt.
Whoa, how did he do that?
391
00:15:09,071 --> 00:15:10,765
- Guy has an insane set of abs.
392
00:15:10,775 --> 00:15:12,904
Oh, look, he's got the crown.
393
00:15:12,905 --> 00:15:14,104
And he's headed to
the break room.
394
00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:15,665
- He dumped it in the trash.
395
00:15:15,675 --> 00:15:16,765
Did he go back and get it?
396
00:15:16,775 --> 00:15:20,135
- Nope, janitor came in
and took it.
397
00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:21,375
But which janitor?
398
00:15:21,385 --> 00:15:22,915
Looks like I'm going to
have to squint.
399
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,024
His name is Al...
Al the janitor.
400
00:15:29,025 --> 00:15:31,394
All right, it's 11:00 P.M. now;
That means Al's long gone.
401
00:15:31,395 --> 00:15:32,924
How are we going to
get his home address?
402
00:15:32,925 --> 00:15:34,824
- Who's the one person you know
who's anal enough
403
00:15:34,825 --> 00:15:37,795
to send out holiday cards
to every single employee?
404
00:15:38,935 --> 00:15:41,864
- Amy!
- What do you want, Jake?
405
00:15:41,865 --> 00:15:44,434
- What? Why would you assume
that I want anything?
406
00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:46,965
What I want is to apologize
to my girlfriend,
407
00:15:46,975 --> 00:15:48,074
who I hurt.
408
00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:49,144
- It's "whom."
409
00:15:49,145 --> 00:15:50,744
- Why does the word "who"
even exist
410
00:15:50,745 --> 00:15:51,914
if you're not allowed to say it?
411
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,684
Anyways, now that
I've apologized
412
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:57,420
and you've accepted, can you
give me janitor Al's address?
413
00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,675
- This is related
to your heist, isn't it?
414
00:15:59,685 --> 00:16:02,415
- No, no.
It's about a crime.
415
00:16:02,425 --> 00:16:05,124
I think janitor Al is
going to kill the president.
416
00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,724
- Oh, Santiago.
There's my protégé.
417
00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:09,785
- Let me guess...
You want the janitor's address.
418
00:16:09,795 --> 00:16:12,825
- Janitor? Address? Al?
419
00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:14,704
- I never said his name.
420
00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:17,034
Well, isn't this rich.
421
00:16:17,035 --> 00:16:19,435
After being excluded
by both of you,
422
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:20,844
here I am with the power
to decide
423
00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:23,714
who wins and who loses
your little heist.
424
00:16:23,715 --> 00:16:25,114
- I wouldn't have it
any other way.
425
00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:27,114
You are my wisest detective.
426
00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:30,454
- Pathetic.
She can't be manipulated, sir.
427
00:16:30,455 --> 00:16:32,114
Amy, we are in love.
428
00:16:32,115 --> 00:16:33,145
I know we've never
said it before,
429
00:16:33,155 --> 00:16:35,224
but I think this is
the perfect time, don't you?
430
00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:36,895
- Love? Ha.
431
00:16:37,995 --> 00:16:39,994
What's love compared to the
respect of a workplace superior?
432
00:16:39,995 --> 00:16:42,064
- Amy Santiago, will you m...
433
00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:43,834
- Enough!
- Okay.
434
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:45,864
- Pretending to be nice to me
is worse than being mean.
435
00:16:45,865 --> 00:16:48,825
You know what?
You want the address?
436
00:16:48,835 --> 00:16:52,995
Here, you can both have it.
437
00:16:53,005 --> 00:16:54,865
[cell phones ringing]
438
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,045
Hope you're happy,
you selfish monsters.
439
00:16:58,215 --> 00:17:00,144
- I feel terrible.
- We should apologize.
440
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,544
- Yes, I agree.
441
00:17:01,545 --> 00:17:03,875
You definitely should now;
I'll do mine later.
442
00:17:03,885 --> 00:17:05,484
- Fat chance.
443
00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:07,084
- Charles, I need your butt.
Meet me downstairs.
444
00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:08,845
- Alpha Team, this is
the Golden Sparrow.
445
00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:10,245
Rendezvous at Drop Zone Yankee.
446
00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:12,215
- When did you come up
with those code names?
447
00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:16,155
Okay, he lives on
the sixteenth floor.
448
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,065
- I think we beat Holt here.
449
00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:19,804
- Or did you?
- I'll get the elevator.
450
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:22,135
- Crap! Looks like
we're taking the stairs.
451
00:17:23,905 --> 00:17:27,044
All right, it's sixteen floors...
Pace yourselves.
452
00:17:27,045 --> 00:17:28,915
Forget it.
Run as fast as you can!
453
00:17:31,915 --> 00:17:35,114
[panting]
454
00:17:35,115 --> 00:17:38,284
[knocks]
Ha ha!
455
00:17:38,285 --> 00:17:40,925
I win. I knocked first.
456
00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:43,194
You're not Al.
457
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,795
- You're looking for Al?
458
00:17:45,755 --> 00:17:46,915
- Of course we're looking
for Al, you imbecile!
459
00:17:46,925 --> 00:17:49,155
Sorry.
460
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:51,064
- He's having a cigarette
on the roof.
461
00:17:51,065 --> 00:17:52,305
- The roof?
462
00:17:54,805 --> 00:17:57,834
[panting]
463
00:17:57,835 --> 00:17:59,995
Yes.
I did it.
464
00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:02,165
I am the greatest
athlete in the world.
465
00:18:02,175 --> 00:18:04,074
[vomits]
466
00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:05,935
- Al? Al?
467
00:18:05,945 --> 00:18:08,175
Where's Al?
468
00:18:08,185 --> 00:18:10,114
- Oh, there he is.
There he is!
469
00:18:10,115 --> 00:18:12,145
I did it. I did it.
470
00:18:12,155 --> 00:18:13,854
[vomits]
471
00:18:13,855 --> 00:18:15,324
- Good God.
472
00:18:15,325 --> 00:18:17,554
Are you Al the janitor?
473
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,924
- Nope.
I'm your worst nightmare.
474
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,985
Amy Santiago.
475
00:18:22,995 --> 00:18:25,625
- Oh, no.
476
00:18:28,105 --> 00:18:32,104
- I don't understand
what is happening.
477
00:18:32,105 --> 00:18:34,204
- Allow me to explain.
478
00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:37,635
Amy and I were ahead of you
the whole time.
479
00:18:37,645 --> 00:18:39,784
- No, you weren't part of this.
480
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,044
Get back over to
the loser side, loser.
481
00:18:42,045 --> 00:18:43,045
- All right.
Worth a shot.
482
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,214
- So how'd you pull it off?
483
00:18:44,215 --> 00:18:46,395
- Well, it all started
when I went to tell Jake
484
00:18:46,405 --> 00:18:48,584
how badly he hurt my feelings,
485
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,285
and he yelled at my breasts.
486
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,764
- Oh, boy, I am not going to
come off well in this story.
487
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:53,785
- Nope.
488
00:18:55,725 --> 00:18:56,185
Remember when you
set off the witch?
489
00:18:56,195 --> 00:18:56,665
[witch cackling]
490
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,364
You made Captain Holt
flinch, which was weird,
491
00:18:58,365 --> 00:18:59,864
since his door was closed,
492
00:18:59,865 --> 00:19:02,195
but not weird, since he
actually heard it over a bug
493
00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:03,695
he planted at your desk.
494
00:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,774
It was in an old muffin that you
never threw in the trash.
495
00:19:05,775 --> 00:19:07,804
- That's why people
throw away garbage.
496
00:19:07,805 --> 00:19:08,805
- How are we together?
497
00:19:08,806 --> 00:19:10,135
- Eh.
498
00:19:11,075 --> 00:19:12,205
- Anyway, I tapped into
the bug's frequencies,
499
00:19:12,215 --> 00:19:14,084
so I had ears on Jake.
500
00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:15,354
I needed to know
what Holt was up to.
501
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,345
That's where Hitchcock came in.
502
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:19,354
- I masterminded
the entire plan.
503
00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:21,824
- You did one small thing,
and I had to explain it to you,
504
00:19:21,825 --> 00:19:23,224
like, 45 times.
505
00:19:23,225 --> 00:19:25,094
He left a tiny crack
in the blind,
506
00:19:25,095 --> 00:19:26,364
so I could read
the Captain's lips.
507
00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,380
"Sharon and your kids
will distract Jake.
508
00:19:28,381 --> 00:19:30,385
"They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
509
00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:33,225
My waffle xylophone
on the cheese man."
510
00:19:33,235 --> 00:19:34,235
- What?
511
00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:35,670
- My lip-reading
is not flawless.
512
00:19:35,671 --> 00:19:36,865
Now that I knew your plan,
513
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,205
it was simple to disrupt.
514
00:19:39,175 --> 00:19:40,735
While Scully gracefully
moved the witch,
515
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:41,665
I got into character.
516
00:19:41,675 --> 00:19:42,710
Holt triggered the witch,
517
00:19:42,711 --> 00:19:44,105
which brought Jake
into the room.
518
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:45,884
- And I threw the crown
in the trash can.
519
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,805
- Exactly as I planned.
520
00:19:47,815 --> 00:19:51,124
Then I sent you all here,
placed an out-of-order sign
521
00:19:51,125 --> 00:19:53,915
on the perfectly
functional elevator,
522
00:19:53,925 --> 00:19:55,754
made you all walk up
31 flights of stairs
523
00:19:55,755 --> 00:19:57,215
and vomit twice.
524
00:19:57,225 --> 00:19:58,324
- Actually, it was four times,
525
00:19:58,325 --> 00:20:00,724
if you count all
the stairwell stuff.
526
00:20:00,725 --> 00:20:02,385
- You thought I was
just Holt's lackey.
527
00:20:02,395 --> 00:20:04,855
And you thought I was
just Jake's girlfriend.
528
00:20:04,865 --> 00:20:06,834
Well, I'm my own person,
529
00:20:06,835 --> 00:20:08,934
capable of making
my own decisions,
530
00:20:08,935 --> 00:20:11,204
and I decided to
humiliate you both.
531
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:15,344
- Well, you did,
and it was awesome.
532
00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:18,414
One last question:
where's the crown?
533
00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:20,184
- Oh, it's at Shaw's Bar,
534
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:22,884
the official site
of my coronation.
535
00:20:22,885 --> 00:20:25,154
- All hail the crown of destiny.
536
00:20:25,155 --> 00:20:28,184
[cheers]
537
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:32,954
And all hail she who wears it,
Amy Santiago, the...
538
00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,724
- Queen.
539
00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:36,425
- Queen of the nine-nine.
540
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:37,894
[cheers]
541
00:20:37,895 --> 00:20:39,294
- I believe there's
something else
542
00:20:39,295 --> 00:20:40,425
you both need to say.
543
00:20:40,435 --> 00:20:41,435
- Gladly.
544
00:20:41,436 --> 00:20:42,704
Both:
Amy Santiago
545
00:20:42,705 --> 00:20:45,834
is an amazing detective/genius.
546
00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:47,195
Drinks are on us.
547
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,204
- Nope.
- Drinks are on me.
548
00:20:49,205 --> 00:20:50,765
- Yeah!
549
00:20:52,445 --> 00:20:55,344
- Hey.
550
00:20:55,345 --> 00:20:56,945
- I'm glad you showed up.
551
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,254
Sorry I was acting
so weird earlier.
552
00:20:59,255 --> 00:21:02,290
- Hey, I don't blame you.
Sagittarius, right?
553
00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,454
With Saturn where it is,
you're right to be wary
554
00:21:04,455 --> 00:21:05,885
of new relationships.
555
00:21:05,895 --> 00:21:09,794
- How is it possible
that a spirit such as yourself
556
00:21:09,795 --> 00:21:11,194
even knows Charles?
557
00:21:11,195 --> 00:21:12,994
- I did an art show
at Genevieve's gallery.
558
00:21:12,995 --> 00:21:15,795
- Oh, right... so you're not
really friends,
559
00:21:15,805 --> 00:21:18,504
you know his girlfriend
through the art world.
560
00:21:18,505 --> 00:21:20,774
- Yeah, plus,
she's my twin sister.
561
00:21:20,775 --> 00:21:21,944
- What?
562
00:21:21,945 --> 00:21:23,944
- Hi, Leo.
A kiss for my bro.
563
00:21:23,945 --> 00:21:25,480
And a kiss for my beau.
564
00:21:25,481 --> 00:21:26,505
- No.
565
00:21:26,515 --> 00:21:27,754
- A kiss for my beau.
566
00:21:27,755 --> 00:21:29,405
And a kiss for my sis.
567
00:21:29,415 --> 00:21:30,745
- No!