1 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:02,901 - Good morning, Boyle. 2 00:00:02,977 --> 00:00:05,746 It's Halloween... I'm surprised you didn't put on a costume. 3 00:00:05,747 --> 00:00:07,707 - I was going to, sir, but then I decided, 4 00:00:08,618 --> 00:00:09,948 "screw that jazz." 5 00:00:09,958 --> 00:00:12,127 Well, I'm the only one who ever dresses up, 6 00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:13,893 no one ever gets my costume, 7 00:00:13,894 --> 00:00:15,818 and they make fun of me... So I'm done. 8 00:00:16,519 --> 00:00:19,318 These people don't deserve my dress-up gifts. 9 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:19,549 [elevator dings] 10 00:00:19,585 --> 00:00:21,814 - Charles, seriously? 11 00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:22,805 No costume? 12 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:23,845 - What the hell, Charles? 13 00:00:23,855 --> 00:00:25,254 Where's your Halloween spirit? 14 00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:27,654 - But you guys always make fun of me. 15 00:00:27,655 --> 00:00:31,054 - I have never once insulted you in my life, 16 00:00:31,055 --> 00:00:33,585 especially vis-à-vis your appearance. 17 00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:35,264 - Yeah, man, we always love your costumes. 18 00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:37,604 - Remember last year, when you came as that 19 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,864 person and/or thing? 20 00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,264 - Yes, I do remember! 21 00:00:41,265 --> 00:00:44,534 Sir, permission to sprint to my car and get 22 00:00:44,535 --> 00:00:45,595 my emergency costume? 23 00:00:45,605 --> 00:00:46,735 - Does it matter if I say no? 24 00:00:46,745 --> 00:00:48,545 - No! 25 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,705 A-bam, bam, boom. 26 00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,624 What the... what... 27 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,094 - Why are you dressed up? You look like an idiot. 28 00:01:00,095 --> 00:01:01,515 - But... but... 29 00:01:01,525 --> 00:01:02,754 - Yeah, what are you supposed to be, 30 00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:04,285 a sassy car mechanic? 31 00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:07,664 - No, come on... he's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, 32 00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:08,764 Harry Pop-Tart. 33 00:01:08,765 --> 00:01:10,664 - I am not! You know who I am! 34 00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:12,564 - Squad, that's enough... You're making Boyle 35 00:01:12,565 --> 00:01:13,565 feel bad on purpose. 36 00:01:13,566 --> 00:01:15,075 He's Elvis. - Yes! 37 00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:16,604 - Elvis Stojko, the Canadian figure skater. 38 00:01:16,605 --> 00:01:17,675 - No! 39 00:01:37,595 --> 00:01:39,864 - Attention, squad: today is the most 40 00:01:39,865 --> 00:01:41,894 important day in the history of this precinct. 41 00:01:41,895 --> 00:01:45,795 For today is Halloween... 42 00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,604 I thought we were going to say it together. 43 00:01:47,605 --> 00:01:48,904 - I never agreed to that. - All right. 44 00:01:48,905 --> 00:01:50,104 - As you may know, for the past two years, 45 00:01:50,105 --> 00:01:53,674 Captain Holt and I have engaged in an epic battle of wits. 46 00:01:53,675 --> 00:01:56,074 The goal: to determine who must call the other 47 00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,105 an amazing detective/genius. 48 00:01:58,115 --> 00:02:00,914 - The first year, by sheer, dumb luck, 49 00:02:00,915 --> 00:02:02,814 Jake eked out a feeble victory. 50 00:02:02,815 --> 00:02:04,345 - And last year, I let the captain win, 51 00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:05,954 because he's old and sad. 52 00:02:05,955 --> 00:02:07,924 - Sad because the competition was so dismal. 53 00:02:07,925 --> 00:02:09,154 - Is this meeting about something? 54 00:02:09,155 --> 00:02:10,754 - It's about everything. 55 00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:11,885 - This year's the tie-breaker, 56 00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:13,830 a final heist to decide once and for all 57 00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:15,885 the true king of the nine-nine. 58 00:02:15,895 --> 00:02:18,755 - Halloween Heist III: The Heistening. Tagline? 59 00:02:18,765 --> 00:02:20,725 - This year we both attempt to steal the same object 60 00:02:20,735 --> 00:02:22,704 instead of Jake attempting to steal one from me. 61 00:02:22,705 --> 00:02:25,104 - I gave you one direction on the tagline... snappy. 62 00:02:25,105 --> 00:02:28,004 But yes, we will be attempting to steal the same item... 63 00:02:28,005 --> 00:02:29,665 This. 64 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,615 - The crown will be locked in this briefcase, 65 00:02:35,185 --> 00:02:37,004 which in turn will be locked in the interrogation room. 66 00:02:37,005 --> 00:02:38,824 - ♪ And so unto the briefcase goes the crown ♪ 67 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,384 Didn't sing it with me. 68 00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:41,665 We will need help, 69 00:02:41,675 --> 00:02:42,954 so to be fair, we're holding a draft. 70 00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,815 The captain and I have given up our overtime, 71 00:02:44,825 --> 00:02:47,124 so everyone who participates will get the night off... captain? 72 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,385 - With the first pick of the draft, I choose... 73 00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:50,925 Terry. 74 00:02:50,935 --> 00:02:53,734 - Okay, brawns over brains. 75 00:02:53,735 --> 00:02:54,934 - All right, I take Charles. 76 00:02:54,935 --> 00:02:56,395 - I get it. Close friend. 77 00:02:56,405 --> 00:02:57,744 - I pick Gina. - Gina? 78 00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:58,935 - I take Rosa. 79 00:02:58,945 --> 00:02:59,945 - What? 80 00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:02,414 Okay, all right. Well, Captain... 81 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,044 That leaves me with you. 82 00:03:04,045 --> 00:03:05,884 Let's do this. - Hang on, Santiago. 83 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,184 I'm not sure I can trust you. 84 00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:11,854 You're Peralta's paramour; maybe you should be on his team. 85 00:03:11,855 --> 00:03:13,724 - No, no, no... Amy would do anything 86 00:03:13,725 --> 00:03:15,994 to win your approval, including pretending 87 00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:18,024 to be in a relationship with me for the past few weeks 88 00:03:18,025 --> 00:03:19,885 only to betray me now. 89 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,830 - Jake, you are majorly overthinking this. 90 00:03:21,831 --> 00:03:24,155 - Maybe, but it's a risk I'm not willing to take. 91 00:03:24,165 --> 00:03:27,734 You're not on my team, Amy. - Yeah, Amy's out. 92 00:03:27,735 --> 00:03:29,934 By midnight, whoever has the crown 93 00:03:29,935 --> 00:03:33,035 will be the king of the nine-nine. 94 00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:35,174 - Uh, Hitchcock and I still haven't been chosen. 95 00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:36,335 - I'm good. - Me too. 96 00:03:38,745 --> 00:03:43,205 - So, I see you've been assigned to guard the briefcase too. 97 00:03:43,215 --> 00:03:47,684 - Yup, I'm not supposed to let it or you out of my sight, 98 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:49,245 if that even is you. 99 00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,915 - Ow, that's my face! 100 00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:54,255 - Oh, sorry... I thought it was a cheap, rubber mask. 101 00:03:54,265 --> 00:03:56,834 - Well, I have exciting news. 102 00:03:56,835 --> 00:03:58,934 I found the perfect guy to set you up with. 103 00:03:58,935 --> 00:04:03,204 - After zero consideration, I'm happy to say, "hard pass." 104 00:04:03,205 --> 00:04:05,474 - Come on, our parents are married. 105 00:04:05,475 --> 00:04:06,974 Genevieve and I are dating. 106 00:04:06,975 --> 00:04:08,874 I want you to have someone too. 107 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,735 - [sighs] - You shouldn't have to 108 00:04:10,745 --> 00:04:12,114 slow-dance alone after family dinner. 109 00:04:12,115 --> 00:04:14,084 - How did my life come to this? 110 00:04:14,085 --> 00:04:16,284 Charles, it's very sweet that you want to 111 00:04:16,285 --> 00:04:18,084 set me up with someone, 112 00:04:18,085 --> 00:04:20,884 but I do not trust your taste in guys at all. 113 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,845 - I have spectacular taste in men. 114 00:04:22,855 --> 00:04:24,285 You would love Nadia. 115 00:04:24,295 --> 00:04:25,795 - His name is Nadia? 116 00:04:26,495 --> 00:04:28,234 - Oh, all of a sudden Nadia's not a cool name? 117 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,825 You are impossible. 118 00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:33,165 - Here, got it? - Got it. 119 00:04:37,475 --> 00:04:39,204 - Hey, Jake. Can we talk? 120 00:04:39,205 --> 00:04:40,905 - Yeah. 121 00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:42,975 - You really hurt my feelings by leaving me off your team. 122 00:04:42,976 --> 00:04:45,505 - Oh, I had no idea you felt that way. 123 00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:48,114 - Well, it doesn't feel great to be left out. 124 00:04:48,115 --> 00:04:50,275 - Right, totally, I get it. I'm sorry... 125 00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:51,754 Captain Holt! 126 00:04:51,755 --> 00:04:53,854 - What? Why are you yelling at my boobs? 127 00:04:53,855 --> 00:04:55,254 - Because that's where the camera is. 128 00:04:55,255 --> 00:04:56,985 Nice try, Ray-Ray! 129 00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:58,224 - There's no camera, Jake. 130 00:04:58,225 --> 00:04:59,515 I was being serious. 131 00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:02,255 - Okay fine... if you're telling the truth, 132 00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,934 then I sincerely apologize. 133 00:05:03,935 --> 00:05:07,835 But since you're not, I will defeat you! 134 00:05:10,235 --> 00:05:13,135 [witch cackling] Ahhh! Gah! Scary witch! 135 00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:14,145 Scary, so scary! 136 00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:15,694 - Amy, don't feel bad. 137 00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:17,244 You can get in on my bet with Scully. 138 00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:19,014 At midnight tonight, we will steal 139 00:05:19,015 --> 00:05:20,884 his foot fungus cream. 140 00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:23,154 - Thanks, that's very kind of you to include me, 141 00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:24,284 but I'll have to pass. 142 00:05:24,285 --> 00:05:25,954 - The mind games have already begun. 143 00:05:25,955 --> 00:05:28,224 - No, I'm not part of this. - Oh, of course not. 144 00:05:28,225 --> 00:05:30,794 Neither am I. Wink. 145 00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:31,795 - Ugh. 146 00:05:31,796 --> 00:05:34,194 - I'm not going to meet my next boyfriend 147 00:05:34,195 --> 00:05:35,795 through a Charles set-up. 148 00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:38,334 I'm going to meet him in an illegal dance competition 149 00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:40,375 in an abandoned subway tunnel. 150 00:05:41,805 --> 00:05:43,174 - It's go time, Boyle. 151 00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:45,304 Holt and Terry have closed the blinds... release the roaches. 152 00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:48,304 - Alternately, he could win an illegal street race 153 00:05:48,305 --> 00:05:50,335 in which my love is the prize. 154 00:05:50,345 --> 00:05:52,814 - Oh, my God! Gina, look! Roaches! 155 00:05:52,815 --> 00:05:54,184 - [screams] - Look! 156 00:05:54,185 --> 00:05:57,814 - Ew, Charles, kill them with whatever cologne you're wearing! 157 00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,175 - No, I can't! They're moving too fast! 158 00:05:59,185 --> 00:06:01,815 I can't kill them! It's pandemonium! 159 00:06:01,825 --> 00:06:04,594 - If I die, turn my Tweets into a book! 160 00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:07,364 - Commence operation, "Oh crap, wrong vent." 161 00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:11,134 - [gasp] - Oh crap, wrong vent. 162 00:06:11,135 --> 00:06:12,334 This was a mistake. 163 00:06:12,335 --> 00:06:14,334 - Nice try, losers. You blew it. 164 00:06:14,335 --> 00:06:15,335 - Yeah, we totally blew it. 165 00:06:15,336 --> 00:06:17,934 And all because Boyle marked the wrong vent. 166 00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:21,204 - It's not my fault... I thought it was the right vent. 167 00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:23,935 - Unbelievable, mister. - You are, mister. 168 00:06:23,945 --> 00:06:26,344 - I'm having trouble even believing you at all right now. 169 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:29,045 That is the last time I let Charles mark a vent. 170 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,884 - I'm normally great at marking vents. 171 00:06:30,885 --> 00:06:32,224 - Lock picked. 172 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,054 - Never, ever, never, ever, ever, never, ever, ever, 173 00:06:36,055 --> 00:06:39,355 never, ever, will I ever, never, ever, ever, ever, 174 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,095 ever, never, never, never... I forgive you, and good-bye. 175 00:06:45,235 --> 00:06:47,234 - Wow, you should have seen us, Rosa. 176 00:06:47,235 --> 00:06:48,434 Charles and I were amazing. 177 00:06:48,435 --> 00:06:50,195 - I somersaulted through a window, 178 00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:51,904 cut the crown out of a briefcase, 179 00:06:51,905 --> 00:06:54,035 and replaced everything in under a minute. 180 00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,344 - Yeah, I guess you helped a little. 181 00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:58,314 But our fake argument was super convincing. 182 00:06:58,315 --> 00:07:00,254 And all of a sudden, we had to make it longer, 183 00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:02,144 and we did. 184 00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:04,375 Anyways, now all we gotta do is guard this drawer 185 00:07:04,385 --> 00:07:06,894 until midnight, and the best part about it is 186 00:07:06,895 --> 00:07:10,145 Captain Holt has absolutely no idea. 187 00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:12,915 He is such a fool. 188 00:07:12,925 --> 00:07:15,885 - Yes, I'm the fool. 189 00:07:15,895 --> 00:07:17,894 You fool. 190 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,225 - So we wanted Jake to take the crown? 191 00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:21,474 - Sergeant, are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term, 192 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,265 Hosszú Gorcs? 193 00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:24,474 - You must realize my answer is no. 194 00:07:24,475 --> 00:07:26,274 - It's a strategy of letting your opponent 195 00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:29,244 win points early to give them a sense of overconfidence, 196 00:07:29,245 --> 00:07:33,144 thus exposing a much easier target for you later. 197 00:07:33,145 --> 00:07:34,905 - You think he's overconfident enough? 198 00:07:36,985 --> 00:07:38,984 - I'm the smartest man alive. 199 00:07:38,985 --> 00:07:40,315 I'm never gonna die. 200 00:07:43,395 --> 00:07:45,094 [knocks on door] - Sir, do you have a minute? 201 00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:46,194 - Of course. 202 00:07:46,195 --> 00:07:47,635 Jeffords, we'll rendezvous later. 203 00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:56,465 - Sir, I want to talk about Jake. 204 00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,604 Okay... - Amy! Help! 205 00:07:58,605 --> 00:08:01,135 Our foot fungus heist has gone sideways! 206 00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:02,474 - Hitchcock, not now. 207 00:08:02,475 --> 00:08:04,074 - Scully doesn't know I'm in here. 208 00:08:04,075 --> 00:08:05,574 I stole his foot cream, but then I lost it. 209 00:08:05,575 --> 00:08:08,305 Amy, you're the only hope I have of finding it. 210 00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:09,505 You're a detective. 211 00:08:09,515 --> 00:08:12,315 - You're a detective! Get out of here! 212 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,484 Go! [sighs] 213 00:08:15,485 --> 00:08:17,385 Sir, Jake really pissed me off, 214 00:08:17,395 --> 00:08:19,324 and I want to help you take him down. 215 00:08:19,325 --> 00:08:21,355 - Well, that's an intriguing proposition. 216 00:08:21,365 --> 00:08:23,294 You certainly could be useful... 217 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,525 - Thank you. 218 00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:26,364 - To Jake! 219 00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:30,165 I got you, Peralta! You're not fooling anyone! 220 00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:32,504 - Why does everyone think that's where a camera would be? 221 00:08:32,505 --> 00:08:36,365 - Because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves. 222 00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,705 That will be all, spy. 223 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,645 Sorry I said cleavage. - Mm-hmm. 224 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:46,454 - Charles, that is so nasty you put cockroaches in your pants. 225 00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:48,154 - When you say it like that, yeah. 226 00:08:48,155 --> 00:08:49,294 But Jake made it sound so cool. 227 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,364 - How? [knocks on door] 228 00:08:50,365 --> 00:08:52,585 - Oh, I wasn't expecting anyone. 229 00:08:55,195 --> 00:08:58,125 Come in, Nadia. - Hey, Charles. 230 00:08:58,135 --> 00:08:59,804 - What up, bro? 231 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,474 Gina, this was the boy I was telling you about. 232 00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:02,725 - You're Nadia? 233 00:09:02,735 --> 00:09:05,595 - Well, my real name's Leo; Nadia's just my tag. 234 00:09:05,605 --> 00:09:08,204 I don't love it, but when Banksy gives you a nickname, 235 00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,405 it just sticks. 236 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,714 - Okay, I see what's going on here. 237 00:09:10,715 --> 00:09:13,284 This isn't a setup... This is a setup. 238 00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:17,220 And all of this is supposed to distract me from the heist. 239 00:09:17,221 --> 00:09:19,545 - The heist? - [mocking tone] The heist? 240 00:09:19,555 --> 00:09:21,554 You shut your hot lips. 241 00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:23,154 Charles, I don't buy it. 242 00:09:23,155 --> 00:09:25,285 This is an obvious trap, okay? 243 00:09:25,295 --> 00:09:27,464 Who are you, really, hmm? 244 00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:30,694 You some male prostitute that Charles busted 245 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,225 out on some lonely pier somewhere? 246 00:09:33,235 --> 00:09:35,164 Well, guess what, sweetie? 247 00:09:35,165 --> 00:09:38,365 This is one trick you ain't gonna be turning tonight. 248 00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:39,644 - I'm not a prostitute. 249 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,645 - Okay. 250 00:09:40,645 --> 00:09:41,645 [laughs] 251 00:09:41,646 --> 00:09:43,375 Right. Bye-bye, whore. 252 00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:46,435 - It's go time, Sergeant. 253 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,645 - Hey, Rosa. 254 00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:54,354 I'm not saying these are from your motorcycle, 255 00:09:54,355 --> 00:09:56,724 but I found these stripped handlebars outside. 256 00:09:56,725 --> 00:09:59,594 - You better not have messed with my bike for this heist. 257 00:09:59,595 --> 00:10:01,524 Let me remind you I'm carrying a weapon. 258 00:10:01,525 --> 00:10:02,765 - We all have the same weapons. 259 00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:06,195 Damn, Rosa! Where'd you get that? 260 00:10:08,805 --> 00:10:11,504 The scorpion has left the nest. 261 00:10:11,505 --> 00:10:19,505 ♪ ♪ 262 00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:23,475 - And... 263 00:10:23,485 --> 00:10:24,485 Ding. 264 00:10:24,485 --> 00:10:25,485 [elevator dings] 265 00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,215 - See Daddy? Come on. 266 00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:30,254 - Time for the twin twist. 267 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,455 - Hey, Jake. - Hey, you guys. 268 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,394 - We wanted to surprise Terry; have you seen him? 269 00:10:34,395 --> 00:10:35,764 - Oh, he just went downstairs for a bit, 270 00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:36,794 but he should be back soon. 271 00:10:36,795 --> 00:10:38,594 - Oh. Cagney? Lacey? 272 00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:40,764 Do you guys want to take a picture with Uncle Jake? 273 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,295 - Yeah! - [laughs] 274 00:10:42,305 --> 00:10:43,840 You don't mind, do you? 275 00:10:43,841 --> 00:10:46,765 - Um... no, of course not. 276 00:10:46,775 --> 00:10:48,274 That would be so fun. 277 00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:49,864 - What if we do it in the briefing room, 278 00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:51,435 like you're assigning them a case? 279 00:10:51,445 --> 00:10:53,584 - No, I mean, you know what would be fun... 280 00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:55,244 Even more that that... 281 00:10:55,245 --> 00:10:58,345 Is if we took a picture right here, 282 00:10:58,355 --> 00:10:59,754 and I could have my hand on this cabinet. 283 00:10:59,755 --> 00:11:00,825 - Okay. 284 00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:04,585 - Nailed it. - Here we go. 285 00:11:05,725 --> 00:11:07,655 Oh, God, it was in video mode... sorry. 286 00:11:07,665 --> 00:11:10,534 - Take your time; I could do this all day. 287 00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:12,400 Matter of fact, what if we did one 288 00:11:12,401 --> 00:11:14,664 where I had both hands on the cabinet... 289 00:11:14,665 --> 00:11:17,765 One on top, and then one on the front? 290 00:11:17,775 --> 00:11:19,544 - Looks good, yeah. 291 00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:23,714 All right, smile... Three, two, one... 292 00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:26,614 Cheese! Very good. 293 00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:28,754 Great, you guys. Let's go find Daddy. 294 00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:32,275 [witch cackling] - What's going on? 295 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:37,894 Aha! What are you doing? 296 00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:41,694 Nothing... just enjoying a taste of my favorite beverage, 297 00:11:41,695 --> 00:11:43,365 the soda pop. 298 00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,704 - Really? I have never seen you enjoy soda pop before. 299 00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,305 - Hmm. - Have some now. 300 00:11:57,775 --> 00:12:00,844 - Ahh. 301 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,575 It's delicious. - I don't buy it. 302 00:12:02,585 --> 00:12:04,484 You're making the same face you made when you found 303 00:12:04,485 --> 00:12:05,684 a chocolate chip in your trail mix. 304 00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:07,585 Something's up. I'm patting you down. 305 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,494 Damn it, nothing but a surprisingly toned set of abs. 306 00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:13,724 - Why would I have the crown, Jake? 307 00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,485 Isn't it still in the interrogation room? 308 00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:17,825 - Yes. Yes. Of course. 309 00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:19,934 Of course it's still in there. 310 00:12:19,935 --> 00:12:22,574 Welp, I guess I'll see you at midnight. 311 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,434 After you. - No, after you. 312 00:12:25,435 --> 00:12:27,335 - I insist. 313 00:12:30,915 --> 00:12:32,644 [witch cackling] 314 00:12:32,645 --> 00:12:33,775 Ugh. 315 00:12:33,785 --> 00:12:34,914 - You drank a soda? 316 00:12:34,915 --> 00:12:36,814 Not sure that's the worst thing in the world. 317 00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:38,514 - It was the worst thing in the world... 318 00:12:38,515 --> 00:12:40,784 Worse than a fruit-forward Riesling. 319 00:12:40,785 --> 00:12:42,715 No, I'm not exaggerating. 320 00:12:42,725 --> 00:12:46,764 Anyhow, I cleverly ditched the crown in a trash can... 321 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,934 Wait a minute... so as to not arouse suspicion 322 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,355 and then retrieve it. 323 00:12:50,365 --> 00:12:52,514 - Got it. 324 00:12:52,515 --> 00:12:54,664 Hey... while I'm in there, should I get you a soda? 325 00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:56,495 - I know you're joking, but on the off chance 326 00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:57,774 you aren't... 327 00:12:57,775 --> 00:12:59,575 No. 328 00:13:03,645 --> 00:13:05,514 - Hi, there. - Oh, is it? 329 00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:06,814 - The handlebar thing was fake. 330 00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:08,384 They were trying to distract me. 331 00:13:08,385 --> 00:13:09,654 I think they made a play for the crown. 332 00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,936 - I know, but I had my hand on the cabinet the whole time, 333 00:13:13,985 --> 00:13:14,345 so I'm pretty confident there's no way 334 00:13:14,355 --> 00:13:14,725 they could have gotten it. 335 00:13:14,725 --> 00:13:15,655 They got it. 336 00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:17,754 - Look at the back. Screws are loose. 337 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:21,555 - Damn it. That son of a bitch is good. 338 00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,934 - Sir, we got a problem. 339 00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:26,734 The crown wasn't in the trash can. 340 00:13:26,735 --> 00:13:28,504 Jake must have taken it back. 341 00:13:28,505 --> 00:13:29,734 - Damn it. 342 00:13:29,735 --> 00:13:31,735 That son of a bitch is good. 343 00:13:35,505 --> 00:13:36,805 - We have to get that crown back. 344 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,784 I already changed my email to "kingjakerulez" with a z. 345 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,535 Everyone's going to think I'm an idiot. 346 00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:42,705 - Hello, Peralta. - Captain. 347 00:13:42,715 --> 00:13:44,345 - Midnight nears. - Yes, it does. 348 00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:47,554 Tick tock. - Tick tock indeed. 349 00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:49,994 - But tick tock for who? 350 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,294 - You know it's "for whom." 351 00:13:51,295 --> 00:13:52,364 Don't try to provoke me. 352 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,785 - I didn't know that. 353 00:13:54,795 --> 00:13:56,564 Both: I'm going to get that crown back. 354 00:13:56,565 --> 00:13:57,565 - Wait... what? - Huh? 355 00:13:57,566 --> 00:13:59,864 Will you excuse me for just one moment? 356 00:13:59,865 --> 00:14:01,995 - Yes, I too need to be excused. 357 00:14:02,005 --> 00:14:03,804 - [whispering] He doesn't have the crown! 358 00:14:03,805 --> 00:14:04,775 - What? Who has it, then? 359 00:14:04,776 --> 00:14:06,674 - I don't know who has it. - What do we do? 360 00:14:06,675 --> 00:14:08,614 - Pull the security tape. I'll distract them. 361 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,674 Hey, look at this. 362 00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:14,844 Ahhhhhhhhhh. 363 00:14:14,845 --> 00:14:16,575 Damn it, how did that not work? 364 00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:20,054 - Hmm, Captain Holt said you guys stole the crown 365 00:14:20,055 --> 00:14:21,684 when Jake came through the ceiling. 366 00:14:21,685 --> 00:14:23,085 - Yeah, I can't believe you fell for that. 367 00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,794 You really think I'd mark the wrong vent? 368 00:14:24,795 --> 00:14:26,824 I've never marked a wrong vent in my life. 369 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,385 - You're very intense about vents. 370 00:14:28,395 --> 00:14:29,665 - Yeah. 371 00:14:30,535 --> 00:14:31,335 - Wait... so Nadia wasn't just a distraction? 372 00:14:31,336 --> 00:14:33,634 - No, 100% real. 373 00:14:33,635 --> 00:14:36,734 Handsome, cool, hair as thick as a collie's. 374 00:14:36,735 --> 00:14:38,895 I found you the perfect guy, and you drove him off. 375 00:14:38,905 --> 00:14:40,704 - Ugh. I'm sorry. 376 00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,604 I should have trusted you. 377 00:14:42,605 --> 00:14:44,635 Please call him and tell him I messed up. 378 00:14:44,645 --> 00:14:46,744 - Fine, but only if you agree that your first date 379 00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:48,744 will be a double date with me and Genevieve 380 00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:50,005 on a week-long trip to Turk's... 381 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,814 - Forget it, no. Forget it. 382 00:14:51,815 --> 00:14:52,875 - No! Okay, I'll call him. 383 00:14:52,885 --> 00:14:54,615 Please, I want this so badly. 384 00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:57,624 - Fine, you may call him for me. 385 00:14:57,625 --> 00:14:59,794 - Thank you. 386 00:14:59,795 --> 00:15:02,130 - Okay, here I am taking pictures with Terry's kids. 387 00:15:02,131 --> 00:15:04,625 Man, I look so strong standing next to them. 388 00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:05,705 Should I have kids? - Sure. 389 00:15:05,695 --> 00:15:06,625 Okay. 390 00:15:06,635 --> 00:15:09,070 It's Holt. Whoa, how did he do that? 391 00:15:09,071 --> 00:15:10,765 - Guy has an insane set of abs. 392 00:15:10,775 --> 00:15:12,904 Oh, look, he's got the crown. 393 00:15:12,905 --> 00:15:14,104 And he's headed to the break room. 394 00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:15,665 - He dumped it in the trash. 395 00:15:15,675 --> 00:15:16,765 Did he go back and get it? 396 00:15:16,775 --> 00:15:20,135 - Nope, janitor came in and took it. 397 00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:21,375 But which janitor? 398 00:15:21,385 --> 00:15:22,915 Looks like I'm going to have to squint. 399 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,024 His name is Al... Al the janitor. 400 00:15:29,025 --> 00:15:31,394 All right, it's 11:00 P.M. now; That means Al's long gone. 401 00:15:31,395 --> 00:15:32,924 How are we going to get his home address? 402 00:15:32,925 --> 00:15:34,824 - Who's the one person you know who's anal enough 403 00:15:34,825 --> 00:15:37,795 to send out holiday cards to every single employee? 404 00:15:38,935 --> 00:15:41,864 - Amy! - What do you want, Jake? 405 00:15:41,865 --> 00:15:44,434 - What? Why would you assume that I want anything? 406 00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:46,965 What I want is to apologize to my girlfriend, 407 00:15:46,975 --> 00:15:48,074 who I hurt. 408 00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:49,144 - It's "whom." 409 00:15:49,145 --> 00:15:50,744 - Why does the word "who" even exist 410 00:15:50,745 --> 00:15:51,914 if you're not allowed to say it? 411 00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,684 Anyways, now that I've apologized 412 00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:57,420 and you've accepted, can you give me janitor Al's address? 413 00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,675 - This is related to your heist, isn't it? 414 00:15:59,685 --> 00:16:02,415 - No, no. It's about a crime. 415 00:16:02,425 --> 00:16:05,124 I think janitor Al is going to kill the president. 416 00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,724 - Oh, Santiago. There's my protégé. 417 00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:09,785 - Let me guess... You want the janitor's address. 418 00:16:09,795 --> 00:16:12,825 - Janitor? Address? Al? 419 00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:14,704 - I never said his name. 420 00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:17,034 Well, isn't this rich. 421 00:16:17,035 --> 00:16:19,435 After being excluded by both of you, 422 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:20,844 here I am with the power to decide 423 00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:23,714 who wins and who loses your little heist. 424 00:16:23,715 --> 00:16:25,114 - I wouldn't have it any other way. 425 00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:27,114 You are my wisest detective. 426 00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:30,454 - Pathetic. She can't be manipulated, sir. 427 00:16:30,455 --> 00:16:32,114 Amy, we are in love. 428 00:16:32,115 --> 00:16:33,145 I know we've never said it before, 429 00:16:33,155 --> 00:16:35,224 but I think this is the perfect time, don't you? 430 00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:36,895 - Love? Ha. 431 00:16:37,995 --> 00:16:39,994 What's love compared to the respect of a workplace superior? 432 00:16:39,995 --> 00:16:42,064 - Amy Santiago, will you m... 433 00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:43,834 - Enough! - Okay. 434 00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:45,864 - Pretending to be nice to me is worse than being mean. 435 00:16:45,865 --> 00:16:48,825 You know what? You want the address? 436 00:16:48,835 --> 00:16:52,995 Here, you can both have it. 437 00:16:53,005 --> 00:16:54,865 [cell phones ringing] 438 00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,045 Hope you're happy, you selfish monsters. 439 00:16:58,215 --> 00:17:00,144 - I feel terrible. - We should apologize. 440 00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,544 - Yes, I agree. 441 00:17:01,545 --> 00:17:03,875 You definitely should now; I'll do mine later. 442 00:17:03,885 --> 00:17:05,484 - Fat chance. 443 00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:07,084 - Charles, I need your butt. Meet me downstairs. 444 00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:08,845 - Alpha Team, this is the Golden Sparrow. 445 00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:10,245 Rendezvous at Drop Zone Yankee. 446 00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:12,215 - When did you come up with those code names? 447 00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:16,155 Okay, he lives on the sixteenth floor. 448 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,065 - I think we beat Holt here. 449 00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:19,804 - Or did you? - I'll get the elevator. 450 00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:22,135 - Crap! Looks like we're taking the stairs. 451 00:17:23,905 --> 00:17:27,044 All right, it's sixteen floors... Pace yourselves. 452 00:17:27,045 --> 00:17:28,915 Forget it. Run as fast as you can! 453 00:17:31,915 --> 00:17:35,114 [panting] 454 00:17:35,115 --> 00:17:38,284 [knocks] Ha ha! 455 00:17:38,285 --> 00:17:40,925 I win. I knocked first. 456 00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:43,194 You're not Al. 457 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,795 - You're looking for Al? 458 00:17:45,755 --> 00:17:46,915 - Of course we're looking for Al, you imbecile! 459 00:17:46,925 --> 00:17:49,155 Sorry. 460 00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:51,064 - He's having a cigarette on the roof. 461 00:17:51,065 --> 00:17:52,305 - The roof? 462 00:17:54,805 --> 00:17:57,834 [panting] 463 00:17:57,835 --> 00:17:59,995 Yes. I did it. 464 00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:02,165 I am the greatest athlete in the world. 465 00:18:02,175 --> 00:18:04,074 [vomits] 466 00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:05,935 - Al? Al? 467 00:18:05,945 --> 00:18:08,175 Where's Al? 468 00:18:08,185 --> 00:18:10,114 - Oh, there he is. There he is! 469 00:18:10,115 --> 00:18:12,145 I did it. I did it. 470 00:18:12,155 --> 00:18:13,854 [vomits] 471 00:18:13,855 --> 00:18:15,324 - Good God. 472 00:18:15,325 --> 00:18:17,554 Are you Al the janitor? 473 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,924 - Nope. I'm your worst nightmare. 474 00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,985 Amy Santiago. 475 00:18:22,995 --> 00:18:25,625 - Oh, no. 476 00:18:28,105 --> 00:18:32,104 - I don't understand what is happening. 477 00:18:32,105 --> 00:18:34,204 - Allow me to explain. 478 00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:37,635 Amy and I were ahead of you the whole time. 479 00:18:37,645 --> 00:18:39,784 - No, you weren't part of this. 480 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,044 Get back over to the loser side, loser. 481 00:18:42,045 --> 00:18:43,045 - All right. Worth a shot. 482 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,214 - So how'd you pull it off? 483 00:18:44,215 --> 00:18:46,395 - Well, it all started when I went to tell Jake 484 00:18:46,405 --> 00:18:48,584 how badly he hurt my feelings, 485 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,285 and he yelled at my breasts. 486 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,764 - Oh, boy, I am not going to come off well in this story. 487 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:53,785 - Nope. 488 00:18:55,725 --> 00:18:56,185 Remember when you set off the witch? 489 00:18:56,195 --> 00:18:56,665 [witch cackling] 490 00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,364 You made Captain Holt flinch, which was weird, 491 00:18:58,365 --> 00:18:59,864 since his door was closed, 492 00:18:59,865 --> 00:19:02,195 but not weird, since he actually heard it over a bug 493 00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:03,695 he planted at your desk. 494 00:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,774 It was in an old muffin that you never threw in the trash. 495 00:19:05,775 --> 00:19:07,804 - That's why people throw away garbage. 496 00:19:07,805 --> 00:19:08,805 - How are we together? 497 00:19:08,806 --> 00:19:10,135 - Eh. 498 00:19:11,075 --> 00:19:12,205 - Anyway, I tapped into the bug's frequencies, 499 00:19:12,215 --> 00:19:14,084 so I had ears on Jake. 500 00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:15,354 I needed to know what Holt was up to. 501 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,345 That's where Hitchcock came in. 502 00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:19,354 - I masterminded the entire plan. 503 00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:21,824 - You did one small thing, and I had to explain it to you, 504 00:19:21,825 --> 00:19:23,224 like, 45 times. 505 00:19:23,225 --> 00:19:25,094 He left a tiny crack in the blind, 506 00:19:25,095 --> 00:19:26,364 so I could read the Captain's lips. 507 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,380 "Sharon and your kids will distract Jake. 508 00:19:28,381 --> 00:19:30,385 "They'll be here at 9:30 sharp. 509 00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:33,225 My waffle xylophone on the cheese man." 510 00:19:33,235 --> 00:19:34,235 - What? 511 00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:35,670 - My lip-reading is not flawless. 512 00:19:35,671 --> 00:19:36,865 Now that I knew your plan, 513 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,205 it was simple to disrupt. 514 00:19:39,175 --> 00:19:40,735 While Scully gracefully moved the witch, 515 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:41,665 I got into character. 516 00:19:41,675 --> 00:19:42,710 Holt triggered the witch, 517 00:19:42,711 --> 00:19:44,105 which brought Jake into the room. 518 00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:45,884 - And I threw the crown in the trash can. 519 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,805 - Exactly as I planned. 520 00:19:47,815 --> 00:19:51,124 Then I sent you all here, placed an out-of-order sign 521 00:19:51,125 --> 00:19:53,915 on the perfectly functional elevator, 522 00:19:53,925 --> 00:19:55,754 made you all walk up 31 flights of stairs 523 00:19:55,755 --> 00:19:57,215 and vomit twice. 524 00:19:57,225 --> 00:19:58,324 - Actually, it was four times, 525 00:19:58,325 --> 00:20:00,724 if you count all the stairwell stuff. 526 00:20:00,725 --> 00:20:02,385 - You thought I was just Holt's lackey. 527 00:20:02,395 --> 00:20:04,855 And you thought I was just Jake's girlfriend. 528 00:20:04,865 --> 00:20:06,834 Well, I'm my own person, 529 00:20:06,835 --> 00:20:08,934 capable of making my own decisions, 530 00:20:08,935 --> 00:20:11,204 and I decided to humiliate you both. 531 00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:15,344 - Well, you did, and it was awesome. 532 00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:18,414 One last question: where's the crown? 533 00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:20,184 - Oh, it's at Shaw's Bar, 534 00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:22,884 the official site of my coronation. 535 00:20:22,885 --> 00:20:25,154 - All hail the crown of destiny. 536 00:20:25,155 --> 00:20:28,184 [cheers] 537 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:32,954 And all hail she who wears it, Amy Santiago, the... 538 00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,724 - Queen. 539 00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:36,425 - Queen of the nine-nine. 540 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:37,894 [cheers] 541 00:20:37,895 --> 00:20:39,294 - I believe there's something else 542 00:20:39,295 --> 00:20:40,425 you both need to say. 543 00:20:40,435 --> 00:20:41,435 - Gladly. 544 00:20:41,436 --> 00:20:42,704 Both: Amy Santiago 545 00:20:42,705 --> 00:20:45,834 is an amazing detective/genius. 546 00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:47,195 Drinks are on us. 547 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,204 - Nope. - Drinks are on me. 548 00:20:49,205 --> 00:20:50,765 - Yeah! 549 00:20:52,445 --> 00:20:55,344 - Hey. 550 00:20:55,345 --> 00:20:56,945 - I'm glad you showed up. 551 00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,254 Sorry I was acting so weird earlier. 552 00:20:59,255 --> 00:21:02,290 - Hey, I don't blame you. Sagittarius, right? 553 00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,454 With Saturn where it is, you're right to be wary 554 00:21:04,455 --> 00:21:05,885 of new relationships. 555 00:21:05,895 --> 00:21:09,794 - How is it possible that a spirit such as yourself 556 00:21:09,795 --> 00:21:11,194 even knows Charles? 557 00:21:11,195 --> 00:21:12,994 - I did an art show at Genevieve's gallery. 558 00:21:12,995 --> 00:21:15,795 - Oh, right... so you're not really friends, 559 00:21:15,805 --> 00:21:18,504 you know his girlfriend through the art world. 560 00:21:18,505 --> 00:21:20,774 - Yeah, plus, she's my twin sister. 561 00:21:20,775 --> 00:21:21,944 - What? 562 00:21:21,945 --> 00:21:23,944 - Hi, Leo. A kiss for my bro. 563 00:21:23,945 --> 00:21:25,480 And a kiss for my beau. 564 00:21:25,481 --> 00:21:26,505 - No. 565 00:21:26,515 --> 00:21:27,754 - A kiss for my beau. 566 00:21:27,755 --> 00:21:29,405 And a kiss for my sis. 567 00:21:29,415 --> 00:21:30,745 - No!