1
00:00:02,061 --> 00:00:03,428
Okay, great.
2
00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:05,897
I'll see you tomorrow.
Thanks, doctor.
3
00:00:05,898 --> 00:00:08,967
Have a good one.
4
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,268
Hey there, sarge.
5
00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:11,469
Not to pry but I couldn't
help but overhear...
6
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,313
You're going to the doctor?
Everything okay?
7
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,235
I'm getting
a vasectomy.
8
00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:21,822
My ears are burning.
Did someone say "vasectomy?"
9
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:24,115
I got snipped.
No big deal.
10
00:00:24,116 --> 00:00:25,283
Just numbs you out
from trunk to skunk
11
00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:26,284
for a year.
12
00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:27,285
It's not supposed to.
13
00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:28,578
"Trunk to skunk"?
14
00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:30,588
Hold it up.
15
00:00:30,589 --> 00:00:32,223
You're gonna let
some quack doctor
16
00:00:32,224 --> 00:00:33,691
just knife around down there?
17
00:00:33,692 --> 00:00:36,661
You are blessed
with a great power.
18
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,264
And you should never
snip its wings.
19
00:00:39,265 --> 00:00:41,258
You should let it soar.
20
00:00:41,324 --> 00:00:44,369
Thanks guys, that's enough.
I don't need anymore input.
21
00:00:44,370 --> 00:00:46,346
Neither does your wife,
I guess.
22
00:00:46,412 --> 00:00:47,672
Look, you guys,
23
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,340
if the sergeant wants
to chop off his penis,
24
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,675
that is his choice.
25
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,110
That's not what
a vasectomy is.
26
00:00:52,111 --> 00:00:53,344
If you guys
don't get back to work,
27
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,280
I'm gonna start
firing detectives.
28
00:00:55,281 --> 00:00:57,215
And blanks!
29
00:00:57,216 --> 00:00:58,817
Sorry.
I just never think of jokes.
30
00:00:58,883 --> 00:01:01,452
Anybody else?
This is your last chance.
31
00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,322
Oh, God.
No need to be so testes.
32
00:01:04,323 --> 00:01:06,691
Guess you won't be
manning the "tip line."
33
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,093
Sergeant, is this gonna go
on your "sperm-anent record"?
34
00:01:10,269 --> 00:01:11,496
"Scrotal recall"!
35
00:01:11,497 --> 00:01:15,304
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
36
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,384
Hey sarge,
great news.
37
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:36,621
I just got assigned
such a dope stabbing.
38
00:01:36,622 --> 00:01:38,189
Sorry, the stabbing part
is bad.
39
00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:40,658
The guy survived
40
00:01:40,659 --> 00:01:42,611
and he owns
a chocolate milk restaurant.
41
00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:44,629
Seriously?
I know, right?
42
00:01:44,630 --> 00:01:45,630
Finally, a dumb
Brooklyn hipster trend
43
00:01:45,631 --> 00:01:47,498
my mouth
and I can get behind.
44
00:01:47,499 --> 00:01:48,499
Wanna hop
on the case with me?
45
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:49,834
We're a killer team.
46
00:01:49,835 --> 00:01:50,969
Jeffords and Peralta.
47
00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:52,070
Jake and Terry.
48
00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:53,246
Chocolate and milk.
49
00:01:53,312 --> 00:01:55,440
I mean,
I'm the chocolate
50
00:01:55,441 --> 00:01:57,175
and you're the milk 'cause
you're so full of protein!
51
00:01:57,176 --> 00:01:59,711
Don't be mad!
Just do the case!
52
00:01:59,712 --> 00:02:02,013
Okay, but I have
my vasectomy today.
53
00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:03,481
So I need to be back
in a few hours
54
00:02:03,482 --> 00:02:05,116
to catch my ride
to the doctor's.
55
00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:06,417
My neighbor's driving me
56
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,653
because my wife's out of town
with the girls.
57
00:02:08,654 --> 00:02:10,021
Why don't I drive you?
58
00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:11,556
I don't know.
59
00:02:11,557 --> 00:02:13,517
I guess I didn't really think
of you as that kind of friend.
60
00:02:13,525 --> 00:02:15,159
Sarge, I'm every kind
of friend.
61
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,029
I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler,
I'm Rachel, I'm...
62
00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:19,130
Who's the dinosaur guy?
63
00:02:19,131 --> 00:02:21,066
Ross, bro!
Ross!
64
00:02:21,132 --> 00:02:23,434
Sorry, I forgot you were
such a ross-head.
65
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,103
So look, we'll work
this thing together
66
00:02:25,104 --> 00:02:27,639
and afterwards,
I will be your friend chariot
67
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,783
to the penis-removal
of the century.
68
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:33,645
The new NYPD commissioner
is planning
69
00:02:33,646 --> 00:02:35,580
a complete reorganization
of the force.
70
00:02:35,581 --> 00:02:37,248
But first, he'll be sending
a deputy chief
71
00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:39,918
to every precinct to conduct
a top to bottom evaluation.
72
00:02:39,984 --> 00:02:42,587
What? When?
Are we gonna be graded?
73
00:02:42,588 --> 00:02:44,222
Or is this just some
pass/fail garbage?
74
00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,757
Scale of one-to-five.
75
00:02:45,758 --> 00:02:47,325
That's how many
letter grades there are.
76
00:02:47,326 --> 00:02:49,193
Feels like they're just
being weird using numbers
77
00:02:49,194 --> 00:02:50,295
instead of letters.
78
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,562
Yeah, they're being
weird right now.
79
00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:52,997
Boyle.
Diaz.
80
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,633
I want the evidence room
organized beyond reproach.
81
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,235
Santiago, when I greet
the deputy chief,
82
00:02:57,236 --> 00:03:00,838
I want you there by my side
to make a good impression.
83
00:03:00,839 --> 00:03:02,907
No offense,
but you are something
84
00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:03,975
of a teacher's pet.
85
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:07,112
None taken!
People love their pets.
86
00:03:07,178 --> 00:03:09,406
Good news is
our evaluation will be done
87
00:03:09,472 --> 00:03:11,316
by deputy chief Brandt.
88
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:14,244
We have a good rapport.
He was once my captain.
89
00:03:14,253 --> 00:03:17,289
So he's kind of like
our grand-captain.
90
00:03:17,355 --> 00:03:20,083
That is amazingly funny.
91
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,429
Well, I was closing up
around 11:00.
92
00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:25,496
I heard the door open.
93
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:28,266
I just figured it was
some "milkers."
94
00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:29,801
That's what we call
our regulars.
95
00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:30,927
Do ya?
96
00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:33,304
Anyway, next thing I know,
the guy stabs me in the back
97
00:03:33,305 --> 00:03:34,372
like... like right here!
98
00:03:34,373 --> 00:03:36,374
Like some kind
of psycho wuss!
99
00:03:36,375 --> 00:03:38,602
Can you think of anyone
who might wanna harm you?
100
00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:40,311
Yeah.
101
00:03:40,312 --> 00:03:41,312
I mean, you don't get
into this line of business
102
00:03:41,313 --> 00:03:42,513
to make friends.
103
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,948
Really? I would think
making chocolate milk
104
00:03:43,949 --> 00:03:45,283
is a great way
to make friends.
105
00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:47,452
I don't have proof,
but the guy who did this
106
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,854
to me is my business partner,
Gregory Phillips.
107
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,289
He's still pissed at me
because I banned him
108
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:52,523
from my 'straunt.
109
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,158
He was supposed to be
my silent partner,
110
00:03:54,159 --> 00:03:55,593
but he wasn't silent.
111
00:03:55,594 --> 00:03:57,128
He was trying
to control everything.
112
00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:58,455
Here, try this.
113
00:03:58,521 --> 00:04:00,098
All right, here we go.
Finally!
114
00:04:00,099 --> 00:04:01,098
All right.
115
00:04:02,668 --> 00:04:05,670
Oh! Ugh!
It's so bitter!
116
00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:07,338
What's wrong with
this chocolate milk?
117
00:04:07,339 --> 00:04:08,965
Dark milk isn't
chocolate milk.
118
00:04:09,942 --> 00:04:11,801
This is teat-to-mouth
raw cow's milk.
119
00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:13,277
The bitterness
of the chocolate
120
00:04:13,278 --> 00:04:15,847
brings out the sourness
in the milk.
121
00:04:15,913 --> 00:04:18,808
That's the worst part
of both of those things!
122
00:04:18,874 --> 00:04:21,353
Uh, time for my appointment,
Jake.
123
00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:22,487
Yup, got it.
124
00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:24,355
All right, we'll look into this
and get back to you.
125
00:04:24,356 --> 00:04:25,456
Okay, sarge.
126
00:04:25,457 --> 00:04:26,858
Hate to be "that kind
of a friend,"
127
00:04:26,859 --> 00:04:30,328
but let's go
chop off that penis.
128
00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:32,906
Where were you?
This is chaos.
129
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,700
Gina's been filing evidence
by "perp hotness."
130
00:04:35,766 --> 00:04:37,468
I'm so sorry,
I just got some bad news.
131
00:04:37,469 --> 00:04:39,437
My sister was gonna go with me
to an engagement party
132
00:04:39,438 --> 00:04:40,872
but she had to cancel.
133
00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:43,241
So go alone.
Maybe you'll meet some new bag.
134
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,143
It's my ex-wife Eleanor's
engagement party.
135
00:04:45,144 --> 00:04:46,644
I can't go alone.
136
00:04:46,645 --> 00:04:48,413
I'm worried it might seem
a little pathetic.
137
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,048
Yeah, if only you could've
gone with your sister.
138
00:04:51,049 --> 00:04:52,717
Dude, why are you going
139
00:04:52,718 --> 00:04:55,119
to your ex-wife's
engagement party at all?
140
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,022
She and her fiance, Hercules,
are also my landlords.
141
00:04:58,023 --> 00:04:59,624
I mean, it's not like
I can avoid them.
142
00:04:59,625 --> 00:05:01,926
I live in their basement.
143
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,895
Hey!
144
00:05:03,961 --> 00:05:06,030
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
No.
145
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,398
You could go with me.
Can't.
146
00:05:07,399 --> 00:05:09,609
I have a date tomorrow night.
Okay.
147
00:05:09,675 --> 00:05:12,470
I will figure something out.
148
00:05:12,471 --> 00:05:13,538
I know!
149
00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,339
Maybe if I pay my neighbor,
Joann,
150
00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:16,950
she'll ditch her wife
for the night!
151
00:05:18,977 --> 00:05:20,545
Captain, I don't know
if this is too much
152
00:05:20,546 --> 00:05:23,456
but I got deputy chief Brandt
this little basket of pears.
153
00:05:23,522 --> 00:05:27,351
They look ripe and crispy.
154
00:05:27,352 --> 00:05:30,353
Hello, Raymond.
155
00:05:34,526 --> 00:05:36,261
Captain Wuntch.
Good to see you.
156
00:05:36,327 --> 00:05:37,971
But if you're here,
157
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,307
who's guarding Hades?
158
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,467
It's deputy chief Wuntch now.
159
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:45,069
Unsurprisingly,
I've been promoted above you.
160
00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,771
And now I'm here
to evaluate you.
161
00:05:46,837 --> 00:05:48,139
What happened to Brandt?
162
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,540
He retired and moved
to Charleston
163
00:05:49,541 --> 00:05:51,175
to be closer
to his grandchildren.
164
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,945
So much for dying at your desk
with a little dignity.
165
00:05:53,946 --> 00:05:54,904
Interesting.
166
00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:57,315
I will attempt to
cooperate with you.
167
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,993
Under these
new circumstances.
168
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,119
Don't sweet-talk me, Holt.
169
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:06,499
I gave it my best shot.
Let's begin.
170
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,660
Hey, hey!
171
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,695
How'd it go?
172
00:06:10,696 --> 00:06:11,863
Is his voice
all high-pitched now?
173
00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:13,364
What?
No, of course not.
174
00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:14,365
Of course not.
175
00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:15,258
Jake!
176
00:06:15,324 --> 00:06:17,594
The doctors made me
into a superhero!
177
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:20,771
I am so strong!
178
00:06:20,772 --> 00:06:23,875
And they made me black!
179
00:06:23,876 --> 00:06:25,243
He's on a lot of medication.
180
00:06:25,244 --> 00:06:26,577
We weren't able
to do the procedure.
181
00:06:26,578 --> 00:06:27,945
Your friend is so large...
182
00:06:27,946 --> 00:06:30,648
That you needed a bigger saw
to get through his dingus?
183
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:33,417
No, his body is
so physically massive
184
00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:36,087
that we didn't have
enough anesthesia on hand.
185
00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:37,405
He needs a much
larger dose.
186
00:06:37,471 --> 00:06:39,757
Psst... psst...
Jake.
187
00:06:39,758 --> 00:06:42,627
Sometimes I can't tell
my twin baby girls apart,
188
00:06:42,628 --> 00:06:44,495
so I call them both
"boo-boo."
189
00:06:45,831 --> 00:06:48,416
Wow.
So he has no filter whatsoever?
190
00:06:48,482 --> 00:06:49,400
None.
191
00:06:49,401 --> 00:06:51,135
I'm gonna take ya home now,
sarge.
192
00:06:51,136 --> 00:06:53,471
Hey, what do you think
of captain Holt?
193
00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,090
He needs to smoke some weed.
194
00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:55,973
Yes!
195
00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:58,042
Thank you, Dr. Penis-off!
196
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,245
Okay, in ya go.
You're okay.
197
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:03,714
Whoo! Cool!
198
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:08,019
Dude, your head
is so small!
199
00:07:08,085 --> 00:07:09,253
Like a...
200
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,523
No, no,
it's so small!
201
00:07:12,524 --> 00:07:13,524
All right.
202
00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:16,444
Where do you keep
your brains?
203
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:19,948
Good.
204
00:07:20,014 --> 00:07:22,533
All right, got your PJS on,
read you a story,
205
00:07:22,534 --> 00:07:24,001
checked under the bed
for monsters.
206
00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:25,169
Check again!
207
00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,789
And now it's sleepy-time,
so here we go...
208
00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:30,834
Wait, wait, wait...
209
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,377
You gotta promise me
you won't let them
210
00:07:33,378 --> 00:07:35,713
give me the operation.
211
00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:39,676
I wanna have more kids.
I don't want the vasectomy.
212
00:07:39,685 --> 00:07:41,819
Promise me, tiny head!
Promise me!
213
00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,180
All right, I promise!
I promise.
214
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,890
Good!
215
00:07:45,891 --> 00:07:49,144
Because I'm not done
with my testicles yet.
216
00:07:49,161 --> 00:07:50,395
Okay.
217
00:07:50,461 --> 00:07:52,997
I'm gonna let them sing!
218
00:07:57,804 --> 00:07:59,871
Uh-oh,
walk of shame!
219
00:07:59,872 --> 00:08:01,740
Same clothes as yesterday.
220
00:08:01,741 --> 00:08:03,032
I slept at the sarge's.
221
00:08:03,098 --> 00:08:04,376
It was horrible.
222
00:08:04,377 --> 00:08:08,146
Come... here...
Phone!
223
00:08:08,147 --> 00:08:10,315
All right, let's get going
and interview that suspect.
224
00:08:10,316 --> 00:08:12,951
I have my make-up vasectomy
this afternoon so...
225
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,986
I'm sorry,
your what-what vasectomy?
226
00:08:14,987 --> 00:08:16,321
Last night, you told me
you didn't want that.
227
00:08:16,322 --> 00:08:17,522
Then you fell
on top of me
228
00:08:17,523 --> 00:08:19,126
and changed the shape
of my skeleton forever.
229
00:08:19,127 --> 00:08:22,095
No, I definitely want one.
230
00:08:22,096 --> 00:08:25,264
That was the drugs talking.
I was high as a kite.
231
00:08:28,457 --> 00:08:32,806
Did I do this and call you "tiny head?"
Yes.
232
00:08:32,807 --> 00:08:34,564
Some things are
coming back to me now.
233
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:36,009
Oh, that's great.
234
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:37,878
Tiny head.
235
00:08:37,879 --> 00:08:40,247
Jake, I am so scared
that man is about to make
236
00:08:40,248 --> 00:08:43,283
a huge mistake,
His vas deferens.
237
00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:46,253
I know, he made me promise
to not let him get that surgery.
238
00:08:46,254 --> 00:08:49,323
And it wasn't just the drugs.
He doesn't want this.
239
00:08:49,324 --> 00:08:52,749
As his friend,
it's my job to stop him.
240
00:08:56,064 --> 00:08:59,700
Sorry, Terry turned my spine
into a loose stack of pebbles.
241
00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:03,203
And since my arrival,
violent crime has gone down
242
00:09:03,204 --> 00:09:06,873
by 17.3%,
as you can see here.
243
00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:09,176
Two-toned graphs?
244
00:09:09,177 --> 00:09:11,411
You think you can distract me
from the precinct's problems
245
00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:13,311
with a flashy presentation?
246
00:09:13,377 --> 00:09:15,480
Same old Ray Holt.
247
00:09:15,546 --> 00:09:17,517
All sizzle, no steak.
248
00:09:17,518 --> 00:09:19,567
I'm off to do
some spot-checks.
249
00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:23,557
Oh, my God.
She's totally gonna flunk us.
250
00:09:23,558 --> 00:09:24,958
I haven't gotten an "F"
251
00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:26,827
since I failed recess
in second grade.
252
00:09:26,828 --> 00:09:28,595
"Teachers need a break too,
Amy."
253
00:09:28,596 --> 00:09:31,865
We were doomed the minute
she slithered into the precinct.
254
00:09:31,866 --> 00:09:34,457
It's funny.
When we first met,
255
00:09:34,469 --> 00:09:36,235
we had some good times.
256
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,790
Looks like we both want
that stapler.
257
00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,559
Seems that way
based on what happened.
258
00:09:46,497 --> 00:09:48,398
So when did it all
go south?
259
00:09:48,399 --> 00:09:51,468
1989. I was up
for a big promotion,
260
00:09:51,469 --> 00:09:53,336
which would've fast-tracked
my career.
261
00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:54,905
Wuntch offered to write
a letter on my behalf
262
00:09:54,906 --> 00:09:57,874
but instead, she torpedoed me
because of something
263
00:09:57,875 --> 00:10:00,576
that happened the night before
she was to turn it in.
264
00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:02,678
Madeline.
265
00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:06,483
Would you care for a drink?
266
00:10:06,484 --> 00:10:07,651
I'd love one.
267
00:10:07,652 --> 00:10:09,719
I'm sure you can tell
I'm quite drunk.
268
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,589
I've had a couple
to build up the nerve.
269
00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:15,759
I think we both know
what I'm about to say.
270
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,375
Raymond...
271
00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:19,762
I don't think
we need to say anything.
272
00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:24,924
I'm gay.
273
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:27,470
That's what I was
going to tell you.
274
00:10:27,471 --> 00:10:29,095
Well, then.
275
00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:31,274
She sabotaged my career
276
00:10:31,275 --> 00:10:34,267
because I refused
to bed her.
277
00:10:35,978 --> 00:10:38,414
He thinks I stabbed him?
That's crazy.
278
00:10:38,415 --> 00:10:40,850
He said you were furious
at him because he banned you
279
00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:42,886
from the restaurant
and called your business plans
280
00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:43,887
"terrible."
281
00:10:43,888 --> 00:10:45,321
The text reads:
282
00:10:45,322 --> 00:10:48,791
"Your ideas are dumb-dumb
batter in a stupid pancake,
283
00:10:48,792 --> 00:10:52,128
you steaming pile
of human fences."
284
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,931
I assume that was
auto-corrected from "feces."
285
00:10:54,932 --> 00:10:58,134
Look, partners fight.
He's difficult to work with,
286
00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,084
but I would never try
and kill him.
287
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:02,605
Where were you on monday
around 10:00 pm?
288
00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:04,174
Me and my business school
buddies get together
289
00:11:04,175 --> 00:11:06,309
every monday and have
a couple beers.
290
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,278
Also, there's a... uh...
Pilates studio
291
00:11:08,279 --> 00:11:09,646
with a huge window
across the street
292
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:13,149
so it's a pretty sweet view.
293
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,784
I guess that's not as bad
as stabbing someone?
294
00:11:14,785 --> 00:11:16,586
I left around 10:00,
295
00:11:16,587 --> 00:11:18,621
I took the subway home,
got off at York street,
296
00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:20,223
around my house,
puked on a statue,
297
00:11:20,224 --> 00:11:21,272
went to bed.
298
00:11:21,338 --> 00:11:22,992
Classy.
All right, well,
299
00:11:22,993 --> 00:11:24,460
we've taken up
enough of your time
300
00:11:24,461 --> 00:11:26,496
enjoy the rest of your day
and go back to your life
301
00:11:26,497 --> 00:11:28,279
as "a pile
of human fences."
302
00:11:28,345 --> 00:11:30,166
Okay, let's see if
any of DRK MLK's neighbors
303
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,634
saw the pilates perv
or anyone else
304
00:11:31,635 --> 00:11:33,436
fleeing the scene
of the crime.
305
00:11:33,437 --> 00:11:34,804
Copy that.
306
00:11:34,805 --> 00:11:36,239
We'll do some cop stuff,
have a heart-to-heart
307
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,307
about your vasectomy,
cancel your vasectomy,
308
00:11:37,308 --> 00:11:38,441
grab some drinks,
laugh about the time
309
00:11:38,442 --> 00:11:40,476
you almost got
a vasectomy.
310
00:11:40,477 --> 00:11:42,545
Stop worrying about
my vasectomy, man.
311
00:11:42,546 --> 00:11:44,447
Maybe you should focus
on your own body.
312
00:11:44,448 --> 00:11:45,848
When's the last time
you had a carrot?
313
00:11:45,849 --> 00:11:48,551
Well, it's my least favorite
type of cake, so rarely.
314
00:11:48,552 --> 00:11:50,787
If I absolutely have to,
I'll just eat the frosting.
315
00:11:50,788 --> 00:11:52,855
Hey!
Cut it out, cake boy.
316
00:11:52,856 --> 00:11:54,357
You're making health
insurance more expensive
317
00:11:54,358 --> 00:11:55,792
for everyone else!
318
00:11:55,793 --> 00:11:56,793
Yeah?
Well, you know what else
319
00:11:56,794 --> 00:11:58,127
drives up premiums?
320
00:11:58,128 --> 00:12:00,129
Unwanted genital removal!
321
00:12:01,712 --> 00:12:03,800
Thank you for coming.
322
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:04,934
I wasn't sure
if you'd get my message.
323
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,602
Charles, it was kind
of hard to miss.
324
00:12:07,471 --> 00:12:09,904
Oh, God!
325
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,441
Hey, I didn't know
what to do.
326
00:12:11,442 --> 00:12:12,475
You said we weren't
allowed to talk at work
327
00:12:12,476 --> 00:12:14,033
now that we're
knocking boots.
328
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:15,278
Ew, gross.
329
00:12:15,279 --> 00:12:17,447
Listen,
my ex-wife's throwing
330
00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:18,681
an engagement party
this weekend
331
00:12:18,682 --> 00:12:20,783
and I was wondering
if you wanted to go...
332
00:12:20,784 --> 00:12:22,185
As friends.
333
00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:25,855
No, Charles, just because
we have secret, shameful sex
334
00:12:25,856 --> 00:12:27,797
does not mean
we are friends.
335
00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:29,892
Forget friends.
Let's go as "bone bros."
336
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:31,394
Ugh!
337
00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:33,763
I didn't strike you when
you said "knocking boots,"
338
00:12:33,764 --> 00:12:38,668
but "bone bros"?
I cannot abide.
339
00:12:38,669 --> 00:12:40,560
Have you seen this man
around DRK MLK.
340
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,538
Oh, I don't go there.
341
00:12:42,539 --> 00:12:44,188
They don't allow babies
in there.
342
00:12:44,254 --> 00:12:45,875
What is wrong with them?
343
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:48,144
All I drank when I was a baby
was chocolate milk.
344
00:12:48,145 --> 00:12:49,736
Well, thank you
for your time.
345
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,614
And thank you,
adorable little baby,
346
00:12:51,615 --> 00:12:52,949
who's probably
giving my partner
347
00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:54,817
some mixed feelings
right about now.
348
00:12:54,818 --> 00:12:56,853
"Don't get the operation,
sarge!
349
00:12:56,854 --> 00:12:59,255
Instead, make a tiny muscular
friend for me to play with!"
350
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,456
That's enough.
351
00:13:00,457 --> 00:13:01,457
I'm with you.
That's enough, baby.
352
00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:03,833
Mind your own business.
353
00:13:03,899 --> 00:13:06,396
I haven't heard of DRK MLK
354
00:13:06,397 --> 00:13:08,197
and I've never seen
this man before.
355
00:13:08,198 --> 00:13:10,533
This is your lead?
Why are we here?
356
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:12,335
Well, according
to the Internet,
357
00:13:12,336 --> 00:13:14,404
Dr. Mindel is the best
couples counselor
358
00:13:14,405 --> 00:13:15,672
in the Park slope area,
359
00:13:15,673 --> 00:13:16,806
who accepts same day
walk-ins.
360
00:13:16,807 --> 00:13:18,274
Couples counseling?
361
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,742
Sorry for wasting your time.
362
00:13:19,743 --> 00:13:21,559
Wait, please don't leave.
363
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:24,647
This cost me so much money.
364
00:13:24,648 --> 00:13:26,314
I am so sorry.
365
00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:28,484
He's walking out.
366
00:13:28,485 --> 00:13:29,901
Just like your father did.
367
00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:31,954
Wait a minute,
I didn't tell you about that.
368
00:13:31,955 --> 00:13:33,289
Didn't have to.
369
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,426
You are good!
370
00:13:36,427 --> 00:13:40,244
Sarge, wait up!
Come on, don't be mad!
371
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,864
Look, I'm only trying
to protect you
372
00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:43,599
from your very stupid self.
373
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,335
That is
enough, Jake!
374
00:13:45,336 --> 00:13:46,869
Look, I'm sorry,
okay?
375
00:13:46,870 --> 00:13:48,304
And the things you said
when you were whacked-out
376
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:49,439
were real.
377
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,974
You made me promise.
And as your friend...
378
00:13:51,975 --> 00:13:53,176
I told you, Jake.
379
00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:54,744
We're not that kind
of friends.
380
00:13:54,745 --> 00:13:56,646
Not what kind of friends?
381
00:13:56,647 --> 00:13:57,680
"Friend" friends.
382
00:13:57,681 --> 00:13:59,263
You and I
are work friends.
383
00:13:59,329 --> 00:14:01,432
Now, if you will
excuse me,
384
00:14:01,498 --> 00:14:03,810
I'm going
to the doctor's office.
385
00:14:05,556 --> 00:14:07,590
Not good enough.
386
00:14:07,591 --> 00:14:08,958
Prepare to be physically
overpowered
387
00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:10,960
by a "friend" friend.
388
00:14:10,961 --> 00:14:12,109
Argh!
389
00:14:12,175 --> 00:14:14,464
Cancel the appointment!
I've got you!
390
00:14:14,465 --> 00:14:15,965
You can't move.
391
00:14:15,966 --> 00:14:18,115
Concede defeat, sir.
392
00:14:18,181 --> 00:14:20,235
You have been conquered.
393
00:14:21,018 --> 00:14:22,668
Spot-checks are done.
394
00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:24,870
Needless to say,
I thoroughly underwhelmed.
395
00:14:24,871 --> 00:14:26,071
Huh.
From your expression,
396
00:14:26,072 --> 00:14:29,508
I would've guessed
constipated or chilly.
397
00:14:29,509 --> 00:14:31,610
Excuse me, captain,
I don't want to say
398
00:14:31,611 --> 00:14:35,380
that I saved the day,
but I will because I did.
399
00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,249
So...
400
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:41,185
The letter of recommendation
she wrote for you 25 years ago.
401
00:14:42,646 --> 00:14:43,779
Where'd you get this?
402
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:45,181
I just went down
to one police plaza
403
00:14:45,182 --> 00:14:47,883
and applied some
of my signature Amy charm.
404
00:14:47,884 --> 00:14:49,151
And then
when you wouldn't stop,
405
00:14:49,152 --> 00:14:50,352
they just gave it to you?
406
00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:52,154
More or less.
407
00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:54,390
The point is,
the letter's very positive.
408
00:14:54,391 --> 00:14:56,625
You thought she wrote
mean stuff about you
409
00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:59,428
because of the...
Night before.
410
00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:01,964
But she didn't.
It was all a misunderstanding.
411
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:03,632
Wait a minute...
412
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:06,602
You thought I cost you that
promotion because you're gay?
413
00:15:06,603 --> 00:15:09,408
That's what you've been mad
about all these years?
414
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,744
It's... one reason.
415
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,980
I don't care that
you rejected my advances.
416
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,915
Your sexual identity
is the one thing
417
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,950
I actually respect
about you.
418
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,785
Then what are you
mad about?
419
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,955
I'm mad because you tried
to get me thrown off the force.
420
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,257
Yeah, because you shot me.
421
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:27,193
I shot you because you were
in the wrong position.
422
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,628
You weren't
following orders.
423
00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:30,429
What about the time you
destroyed my personnel file
424
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,430
while I was undercover?
425
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,632
What if there
had been a mole?
426
00:15:32,633 --> 00:15:34,000
You were trying
to make me disappear.
427
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,002
You embarrassed me
in front of Derek Jeter!
428
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:41,657
You embarrassed yourself
in front of Derek Jeter.
429
00:15:46,269 --> 00:15:47,496
Hey, Rosa!
430
00:15:47,562 --> 00:15:51,334
Better file me under "E"
for "edgy."
431
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,419
- What?
- Cornrows!
432
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:54,720
Why?
433
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,189
My ex-wife and her fiance
go to Jamaica all the time.
434
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,992
"Jamaican me marry you."
435
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,227
So good!
436
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,561
So...
437
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,897
I still don't have a date.
438
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,183
Unless this sweet maize-head
has changed your mind.
439
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:08,834
I think we both know
it hasn't.
440
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:09,835
We do.
441
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:10,978
Fair enough.
442
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,307
Why do you look so terrible?
443
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:16,976
I tried to stop sarge
from getting his tubes tied.
444
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,412
But he somehow managed to
sneak off to the hospital.
445
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,280
Zip that lip!
He's doing it?
446
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,516
He wouldn't listen to me.
He said I was a "work friend."
447
00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:26,919
Ah, that chills me.
And it reminds me of a story.
448
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,621
I had this sweater,
and it was a work sweater
449
00:16:28,622 --> 00:16:30,790
because it only seemed
work apropes,
450
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:33,726
but then one time,
I wore it out to dinner
451
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:36,162
and I was like,
"oh, dang!
452
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,172
This sweater is cute
everywhere."
453
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,509
I get it.
I'm the sweater.
454
00:16:41,575 --> 00:16:42,535
No.
455
00:16:42,536 --> 00:16:43,536
And I have to show the sarge
I can be a good friend
456
00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:45,004
to him outside
of work too.
457
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,005
No!
458
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,006
Thank you, Gina.
459
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,341
I'm gonna stop him.
460
00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:49,408
Jake, I have no idea
what you're talking about,
461
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:50,743
but good luck!
462
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:53,270
Well, good-bye, Raymond.
463
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,897
Anything you'd like
to say to me
464
00:16:54,915 --> 00:16:56,357
before I complete
my evaluation?
465
00:16:56,423 --> 00:16:58,551
Something in the form
of groveling?
466
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,821
Never.
Fail me if you must.
467
00:17:05,348 --> 00:17:07,560
You're just gonna let her
fail us?
468
00:17:07,561 --> 00:17:09,362
I'm sorry about your
precious grade, Santiago,
469
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:11,330
but this isn't
about you.
470
00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:12,932
Don't "this isn't
about you" me!
471
00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:15,868
I'm "this isn't
about you"-ing you!
472
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,204
That grade is the only thing
standing between me
473
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,206
and a future where you're
not my captain anymore.
474
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,758
Wuntch failed the nine-oh
and their captain was fired.
475
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:25,945
I attempted to cajole her
but she rebuffed me.
476
00:17:25,946 --> 00:17:29,048
I'm not a man
of unlimited cajoling.
477
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:32,952
Well, you better become one
because I need you in command.
478
00:17:32,953 --> 00:17:35,755
This precinct needs you
in command.
479
00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:38,590
Cajole up,
captain.
480
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,233
Sarge, hey!
481
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,870
What the hell
are you doing here, tiny head?
482
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:55,207
You better not be trying to talk
me out of my surgery again.
483
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,742
Look, I'm not trying to
talk you out of anything.
484
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,444
I'm just here to give you
a ride home
485
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,279
and to prove to you
once and for all
486
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,448
that I'm more than
just a work friend.
487
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,750
Thank you,
microscope head.
488
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,985
Hey, a little bit of
good news!
489
00:18:05,986 --> 00:18:07,153
I figured out the case!
490
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,487
Remember Gregory
said he got off
491
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,122
at the York street station
the night of the stabbing?
492
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,223
Well, I took the subway here
493
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,858
and it's closed for
construction.
494
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:13,859
Hmm...
495
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,961
So what you're saying is...
496
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,963
I stabbed him.
497
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,231
I did it.
498
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,108
You know what?
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
499
00:18:21,174 --> 00:18:23,435
See you on the other side.
500
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,741
Jake,
you were right!
501
00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:31,210
I don't want the surger,
tiny head!
502
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,244
NYPD!
503
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,646
Put down the scalpel
and step away
504
00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,380
from my work friend's
weiner-tubes!
505
00:18:36,656 --> 00:18:39,085
Looking good, Boyle!
506
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:40,735
Ugh, that's not
a good sign.
507
00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,864
Hey, mon.
508
00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:45,433
Rosa...
You changed your mind!
509
00:18:45,434 --> 00:18:47,035
I blew off my date,
and instead,
510
00:18:47,036 --> 00:18:48,403
I'm going to spend
a hellish evening
511
00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,205
in a Jamaican torture
chamber with you.
512
00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:51,606
Really?
Yeah.
513
00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:53,441
Here's what's about
to happen.
514
00:18:53,442 --> 00:18:54,776
We're gonna go
to this terrible party,
515
00:18:54,777 --> 00:18:56,110
I'm gonna laugh
at all your jokes,
516
00:18:56,111 --> 00:18:57,545
gonna talk about your
medal of valor,
517
00:18:57,546 --> 00:18:59,247
and I'm gonna make you look
like a Jamaican God of rhythm.
518
00:18:59,248 --> 00:19:00,715
Sebastian from
the little mermaid.
519
00:19:00,716 --> 00:19:03,551
Also, tomorrow,
I'm gonna help you find
520
00:19:03,552 --> 00:19:04,568
a new apartment.
521
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:06,788
You can't live in your
ex-wife's basement anymore.
522
00:19:06,789 --> 00:19:09,240
Wow!
Respect, mon.
523
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,926
I'm gonna read you
my toast in the car.
524
00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:13,027
You're giving a toast?
525
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,028
More like
we're giving a toast.
526
00:19:17,132 --> 00:19:18,132
There we go.
527
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:19,917
Jake, I have to tell you
something.
528
00:19:19,935 --> 00:19:21,302
Oh, boy.
529
00:19:21,303 --> 00:19:24,505
I am a little conflicted
about having a vasectomy.
530
00:19:24,571 --> 00:19:25,673
Really?
531
00:19:25,674 --> 00:19:27,575
Is that why you threw
an EKG machine at the doctor?
532
00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:30,211
I'm sorry I thought of you
as a work friend.
533
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,556
You're here, man.
You're a friend friend.
534
00:19:33,622 --> 00:19:38,720
You made Terry get real
with himself and his genitals.
535
00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:44,592
Your tiny head has
a big heart inside it.
536
00:19:44,593 --> 00:19:46,060
I know that's
scientifically wrong,
537
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,570
but thanks, sarge.
538
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:51,966
I'm gonna talk to my wife
when she comes home.
539
00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:55,119
You're a huggy good friend.
540
00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:57,137
No! Not again.
541
00:19:58,874 --> 00:20:00,875
Santiago,
we received our grade.
542
00:20:00,876 --> 00:20:05,213
Oh, my God.
Is this good-bye?
543
00:20:05,214 --> 00:20:07,081
There's still so much
I have to say to you.
544
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:10,418
2.7.
Mediocre.
545
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:12,854
But enough for
you to stick around.
546
00:20:12,855 --> 00:20:15,056
How did you get her
to change her mind?
547
00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:17,141
I had to compromise
everything I stand for.
548
00:20:17,207 --> 00:20:19,427
You are now,
and always have been,
549
00:20:19,428 --> 00:20:21,429
the superior
police officer.
550
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:24,465
And?
551
00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:27,568
The Derek Jeter thing
was my fault.
552
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:29,370
I'm sorry you had
to go through that.
553
00:20:29,371 --> 00:20:30,505
No, you were right.
554
00:20:30,506 --> 00:20:31,673
This is the best job
I've ever had
555
00:20:31,674 --> 00:20:33,374
and it would be foolish
to give it up
556
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,710
over a petty feud.
557
00:20:35,711 --> 00:20:38,479
Here, this is
for you.
558
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,615
It's a grade for your
performance these past few days.
559
00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:43,209
A letter grade, so as
to not be "weird" about it.
560
00:20:43,719 --> 00:20:47,155
Oh, my God.
You really shouldn't have.
561
00:20:47,156 --> 00:20:49,390
An "a."
562
00:20:49,391 --> 00:20:50,925
Thank you.
563
00:20:50,991 --> 00:20:53,344
Just curious,
does your system have pluses
564
00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:56,597
in it, or is, like,
"a" the highest?
565
00:20:58,901 --> 00:21:00,802
How'd the interrogation go?
566
00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:03,104
Gregory confessed
to the stabbing.
567
00:21:03,105 --> 00:21:05,039
Nice work.
568
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,574
I just talked to my wife.
569
00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:09,444
We're waiting on the operation,
everything's cool.
570
00:21:09,445 --> 00:21:11,379
Did you tell her
we slept together twice?
571
00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:15,917
Thanks for taking care of me.
I got you a present.
572
00:21:15,918 --> 00:21:18,019
Do you know what
a present is, Terry?
573
00:21:18,020 --> 00:21:20,121
I care about my friends.
574
00:21:20,122 --> 00:21:23,524
Now eat your carrots, or I'll
rip your tiny head off.
575
00:21:23,525 --> 00:21:24,959
No! No! No!
576
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:25,960
Come here.
577
00:21:27,629 --> 00:21:29,515
I hate being friends
with you!
578
00:21:29,516 --> 00:21:33,483
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/