1
00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:04,232
SCULLY: (SCREAMS)
No, no, no!
2
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,795
You can't take her from me!
You bastard!
3
00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,967
Don't do this, Scully. You have
to be strong for her right now.
4
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,101
What's going on?
5
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:12,502
Unit's being replaced.
6
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:13,841
PERALTA: Come on!
WOMAN: No!
7
00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:15,039
That machine's been
here forever.
8
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,675
It's basically part of the force.
Take Scully instead.
9
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,311
Yes, please, take me to the
land of vending machines.
10
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,582
Can we at least have five minutes
to say a proper goodbye?
11
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,618
Whatever.
12
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,781
Let me just start by saying
13
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,624
that this machine is the
best restaurant in Brooklyn.
14
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,061
And it always had
a table for me.
15
00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:33,258
I knew just where to punch
it to get free food.
16
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,732
Now, I have to go back
to punching Hitchcock.
17
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:38,100
Look, she still has the bags of baby
carrots I requested they put in.
18
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:39,695
They're black now,
but they're there.
19
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:43,368
Goodbye, beautiful machine.
Thank you for your service.
20
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,033
Okay.
21
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,005
Squad, salute.
22
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,604
(BAGPIPE PLAYING)
23
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:54,212
You can take her away now.
24
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:58,757
Well, I think we handled
that with dignity.
25
00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,359
Free candy!
26
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,588
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
27
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:18,000
Ripped By mstoll
28
00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:26,512
PERALTA:
Okay, Nine-Nine.
29
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,645
Say hello to Michael Augustine,
30
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:31,116
Brooklyn's most prolific
identify thief.
31
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:33,056
Last week, he walked into
a government building
32
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,286
and stole a computer
containing over
33
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,123
100,000 social security numbers.
34
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:39,222
My C.I. Says that tonight, Augustine
will be handing off the laptop
35
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:43,099
to a buyer from China, A.K.A.
"The Land of Dragons".
36
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,194
Make sure that phrase is not
in your official report.
37
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,739
Okay, sorry.
"The Country of Dragons".
38
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:50,275
I want you and Santiago
to tail Augustine
39
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,243
until he makes the drop,
then arrest him and the buyer.
40
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:55,247
Sounds good. Although I could
probably just take Boyle.
41
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,976
I know Amy has
a ton of work. So...
42
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:58,511
No, I don't.
43
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,815
Really? I could have sworn
I overheard you telling Rosa,
44
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,583
"Girlfriend, please,
I got hella open cases!"
45
00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:04,918
That's something
you think I said?
46
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,221
Word for word.
No diggity, no doubt.
47
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,282
HOLT: That's enough.
48
00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:10,352
Peralta and Santiago
will tail Augustine.
49
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:13,593
Boyle and Diaz will join them
in a surveillance van.
50
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,065
Unless you have a problem
with that.
51
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,000
Sounds great.
In the immortal words
52
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:20,335
of Amy Santiago,
"Girlfriend, please!"
53
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:25,071
Hey, did I do something
to you? Are you mad?
54
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,512
Is this because I brushed all
the crumbs off your desk?
55
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,445
What? No, I don't
care about that.
56
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,341
Do you know where they are?
In the trash.
57
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:34,348
All right. If it's not that, then why are
you trying to keep me off this case?
58
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,910
Oh. That.
59
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:41,149
All right, look. The reason that I
didn't want to work with you is...
60
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,354
Should I do this in an accent
so that I can undercut
61
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,487
some of the awkwardness
I'm feeling?
62
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:45,553
No.
Good call.
63
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,100
Remember when you told me that
you didn't want to date cops?
64
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,030
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) That really
bummed me out, man.
65
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,163
Jamaican?
66
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,901
Yeah, it was a bad choice.
I'm much better at German.
67
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:59,638
(SIGHS) All right, fine. I was kind
of thinking about asking you out.
68
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,248
Oh. Okay.
69
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:04,010
But I know that that's
not what you want.
70
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:05,141
And I totally get it.
71
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,914
I think it just took me a while
to totally, totally get it.
72
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,946
And now, I totally get it.
73
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:12,151
Jake, this is weird.
74
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:13,783
The whole point of me
not dating cops
75
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,384
is so it wouldn't be
weird at work.
76
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:17,725
Okay, so, let's just
make it not weird. Right?
77
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,195
This is a case. We work
cases together all the time
78
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,460
and we're really good at it.
79
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,002
So, you know,
we're professionals.
80
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,196
That's all I want.
For us to be professional.
81
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:27,432
We're in agreement.
82
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,670
(GERMAN ACCENT) It will
be good and professional!
83
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:33,939
Come in and shut the door.
84
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,040
I have some news, which you
must promise to keep secret.
85
00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:39,346
Madeline Wuntch is making
me head of public relations
86
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:40,716
for the NYPD.
87
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,687
I'm being forced out
of the Nine-Nine.
88
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,416
I don't wish to make
a big deal of it,
89
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:47,118
so please limit your
reactions to one second. Go.
90
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,127
(BOTH SHOUTING)
That's plenty.
91
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,526
You can't leave us.
92
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:51,894
I'm not going anywhere.
93
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,229
Madeline is not some
invincible succubus.
94
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,700
She's a regular succubus,
and she can be defeated.
95
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,964
We just need to find the letter.
96
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:00,027
What letter?
97
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,573
Before our current police
commissioner was hired,
98
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,803
a mutual friend told me
Madeline wrote a letter
99
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:07,004
to the mayor telling him
it was a mistake.
100
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:12,080
She apparently called her now-boss a,
quote, "Simpering buffoon", un-quote.
101
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:15,845
Amateur. Always say your insults
to someone's face. No paper trail.
102
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,857
A copy of that letter exists
in the mayor's archives.
103
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,621
I can't go snooping around
without alerting Madeline.
104
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:24,219
So, it won't be easy.
And we don't have much time.
105
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:29,498
But I need you to find that letter.
Are you with me?
106
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,161
Oh, hell, yeah!
107
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,034
I'm turning my phone
into airplane mode.
108
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,574
Oh, my God. She doesn't
even do that on airplanes.
109
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:39,804
Rosa, I know you don't like anyone
wishing you a happy birthday,
110
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,972
so, crappy day to you.
111
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,478
Still too much.
112
00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:45,608
I assume you're not doing
anything to celebrate tonight?
113
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:48,245
Anyone over the age of six celebrating
a birthday should go to hell.
114
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,186
So, since you're free,
115
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,687
I need your help moving this old Ms.
Pacman machine I just bought.
116
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,557
Why are you so obsessed
with that game?
117
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,062
Because it's the sexiest
video game ever.
118
00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:02,391
She's insatiable, Rosa.
Insatiable. Insatiable.
119
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,129
Stop saying "insatiable".
120
00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:05,727
Anyway, I bought this
old machine from a bar
121
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,204
and I was hoping
you'd help me move it.
122
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:11,271
You want me to go to a bar?
Mmm-hmm.
123
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:14,370
You are obviously trying to get
me to go to a surprise party.
124
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,641
Did Marcus put you up to this?
125
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,411
What? No!
That's crazy talking.
126
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,749
We just need to be there at exactly
9:45 p.m., and not a minute earlier.
127
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:24,016
Also, there's a particular door
I want us to enter through.
128
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,594
SANTIAGO:
Why is he getting out here?
129
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,858
I thought your C.I. Said the
drop was happening in a park.
130
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,832
Maybe he's having dinner
with his side-piece first.
131
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,734
Augustine has the laptop with him. We
should just arrest him right here.
132
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:39,431
No, the buyer's
the bigger collar.
133
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,268
We've got to follow him in
and wait for the handoff.
134
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:45,243
Okay. If you're going in, I've heard this
place has an amazing bone marrow custard.
135
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,176
(LAUGHS) Not that
I've ever had a bad one.
136
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:48,713
No, all right. Let's go. Ugh.
137
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,408
No, wait.
We look like cops.
138
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,678
We're never going to blend
in dressed like this.
139
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:56,244
Um, okay. There.
How's... How's that?
140
00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:57,680
Uh, I don't know.
141
00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:00,191
All I see is clothes hanging
off of a genderless blob.
142
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,193
You look fine.
Here. Wear this.
143
00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:03,853
Jake, you need a jacket
or something.
144
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,989
Well, Scully left his
sports coat back there.
145
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:09,034
Oh, but it will never fit
Jake's athletic body. Unless.
146
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,468
No. I don't want to do that.
You have to.
147
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,437
I'm not going to do it.
You're doing it.
148
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:14,700
What? What do you have to do?
149
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,901
Don Johnson it.
Don Johnson it!
150
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:25,642
I look like an idiot.
151
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,811
I didn't even have time
to lotion my forearms.
152
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:30,315
It's so weird
wearing Rosa's jacket.
153
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,051
There's a piece of barbed
wire in the pocket.
154
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,093
Cool. All right, do you
have a visual on...
155
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,821
(CLEARS THROAT)
The hostess stand.
156
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,159
Hi. Table for two, please.
157
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,257
I'm so sorry. There's nothing available.
We're totally booked up.
158
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,295
Oh, no.
That's horrible.
159
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:46,736
Tonight's a really
important night for us.
160
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:49,034
Johnny and I just got engaged.
161
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,702
And this is where
our first date was.
162
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,838
Oh, yeah. It would mean
so much to Dora and me.
163
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,506
I would have made a reservation,
164
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,846
but I didn't know if she
was going to say yes.
165
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:02,217
Aw, I love how nervous you
were, you little goose.
166
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:04,516
You are just so sweet together.
167
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:07,718
You know, I'm sure I can find
room for two young lovers.
168
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,387
Mmm.
Yeah. We are lovers.
169
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:11,828
Together.
170
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,798
In bed.
Okay.
171
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,731
Thank you so much for waiting.
Your table is almost ready.
172
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:18,793
Thanks.
Great.
173
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:21,905
Sorry about springing the engagement
and romantic stuff on you.
174
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,772
No, no, no. That was great. I
mean, it's what got us in here.
175
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,272
The cheek kiss was
a bit much. Very wet.
176
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,439
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
Dora's sloppy.
177
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,380
Okay, and if you'll
just follow me.
178
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,182
Well, the honeymoon's
over, Dora.
179
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,777
We're back to being
Jake and Amy,
180
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,720
two normal cops working a job.
181
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,382
All right. There you go.
PERALTA: Thanks.
182
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:42,084
(GASPS) You're the couple
that just got engaged.
183
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,652
That's us.
Johnny and Dora.
184
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,224
A couple for sure.
Mmm-hmm.
185
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:53,362
Okay. According to my sources
in the assistant community,
186
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:57,034
the letter is right here
in the fourth floor archives,
187
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,202
cabinet J-13.
188
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:01,075
Nice job.
What's the plan?
189
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,273
You sneak in and get the letter.
190
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,077
I'll distract the file clerk.
191
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,710
Apparently, he's very
into bird watching
192
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:09,220
so talking to a woman
should blow his mind.
193
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,188
And talking to this woman?
194
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:13,191
(WHISPERS)
It could kill him.
195
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,517
Here. Can you look
at this map of the park
196
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,620
and tell me where them
hot birds hang out?
197
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:21,599
Well, you're going to want to,
uh, avoid the, uh, Great Lawn.
198
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,658
Because, uh, it's
basically just grackles.
199
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:25,704
Ugh, grackles?
Yeah.
200
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,262
GINA: I hate grackles.
They're the worst.
201
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:32,437
Well, a lot of people think grackles
are a, uh, just a common bird up here.
202
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,106
But you know what? On the West
Coast, they don't get grackles.
203
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:40,383
Can you give some more info for a
novice birdwatcher such as myself?
204
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,251
You have got to know the difference
between your water birds.
205
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,783
I mean, so many people
don't know the difference
206
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,520
between an anhinga and a
snakebird and a swamp hog.
207
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:51,222
A lot of people don't know
they're all the same bird.
208
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,730
(BOTH LAUGHING)
209
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,926
Are those the ones that sound like
Rihanna kinda when they sing?
210
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:57,833
I'm not familiar
with who that is.
211
00:08:57,904 --> 00:08:59,235
They're like, "Eh, eh."
212
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:02,138
That sounds like that might
be a crested woodpecker.
213
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,675
Or is it more like...
(WHISTLING)
214
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:05,904
That's a, uh,
crested tit-mouse, maybe?
215
00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:08,071
Oh, my God.
That's it, Wayne!
216
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:10,411
You are a damn treasure trove.
217
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:13,307
We got the letter.
218
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,877
Well done.
Now, get me Madeline
219
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,752
and a bucket of water.
220
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:20,053
It's time to melt a witch.
221
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:21,717
DIAZ: Who else is going?
222
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:24,422
Rosa, listen to me.
There is no party.
223
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,322
Just get off my donut already.
224
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,627
Don't lie to me, Boyle,
225
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,430
or you will be eating your bone
marrow custard through a straw.
226
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,334
That's actually how you're
supposed to eat bone marrow...
227
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,464
Charles! Ow! All right,
there's a party.
228
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:35,734
I can't give you details.
229
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:38,504
All I can say is I know you and
I know you'll have a good time.
230
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,739
If you knew me, you'd know
I hate surprise parties.
231
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:43,509
So, clearly,
you don't know me at all.
232
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,551
What? We're friends.
233
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,143
I was building up to calling
you Ro-Ro one of these days.
234
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:49,209
That will never happen.
235
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,487
In fact, you just lost
Rosa privileges.
236
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,457
From now on, you can
call me Diaz or Hey-you.
237
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:54,515
Come on, Rosa.
238
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,150
Come on, Hey-you.
239
00:09:57,396 --> 00:09:59,921
Wow, champagne and oysters.
240
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,591
You really shouldn't have, guys.
241
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,534
Well, it's a special night.
So, when did you guys meet?
242
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,593
Last year.
Five years ago.
243
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:09,071
We first met five years ago.
244
00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:10,733
But we don't count it because...
245
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,404
I was dating a speedboat
model at the time.
246
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:17,575
And I was dating a super-handsome
comptroller of a major U.S. City.
247
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,414
Anyways, about a year ago, we
bumped into each other at a bar,
248
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,852
and we haven't been able to keep
our hands off each other since.
249
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,789
Mmm-hmm. So, how did you
know she was the one?
250
00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,289
(SIGHS) I'd love to answer that.
Um, you know.
251
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:33,192
Just whenever I look at her face
252
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:36,564
and the attached physique.
253
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,728
And you?
254
00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:39,129
Uh.
255
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:42,863
He makes me laugh.
256
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,344
And, you know, there's
really no one else's opinion
257
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:49,438
who I care about
more than hers, so.
258
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,680
Okay, so, enough chit-chat.
Let's see the ring.
259
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,988
I don't have it on me.
260
00:10:57,289 --> 00:10:59,553
She has gigantic fingers.
261
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:05,388
What I mean to say is that the ring I
got would never have fit on her fingers
262
00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:08,956
because they are that of
a giant, behemoth person.
263
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,434
(BOTH LAUGHING)
264
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,235
Madeline, thank you for coming.
265
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,776
Raymond, always a pleasure
to call on a vanquished foe.
266
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,402
I feel like Jackie
Joyner-Kersee,
267
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,504
congratulating one of the
other, slower runners.
268
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:25,379
Buckle up. It's going
to be a hell of a ride.
269
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:28,352
Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take
some weight off your cloven hooves.
270
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:30,918
Calling me the devil?
How original, Raymond.
271
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,458
Actually, I was calling
you a goat, you goat.
272
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,426
Oh!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
273
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:38,029
I'd like to talk
about my promotion.
274
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:41,362
Very well. But first, how do I
know you're not wearing a wire?
275
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,492
I need to pat you down.
276
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:44,593
If you must.
277
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,835
What is going on?
278
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,410
Shh.
I'm watching something.
279
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,745
Can you get the car
from the valet, babe?
280
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:01,946
I'm going to go in the back
and say hi to the chef.
281
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,782
Good luck on your wedding, guys.
282
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,918
Oh, have fun on your honeymoon.
283
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:11,258
We will.
We're going to Waco, Texas.
284
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,522
Huh. Okay, bye.
285
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,561
Bye.
286
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:16,999
Waco, Texas?
287
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,366
I don't know.
It was just on Dateline.
288
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:20,302
All right. Augustine took
the laptop case with him.
289
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:22,101
He's going to make
the drop. Let's go.
290
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:24,966
Look. There's the buyer.
291
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:28,303
Or maybe he's just actually
saying hi to the chef.
292
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,904
Why isn't he making the handoff?
293
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,142
PERALTA:
Oh, crap. He saw us.
294
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,377
Uh...
295
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:38,250
Excuse me.
Oh. Hey.
296
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,384
We were just looking
for a place to, uh...
297
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:42,688
Boink.
298
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,423
Yep. Boink.
299
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,022
That's my preferred term
for it, as well. Mmm-hmm.
300
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:50,296
I get it.
Newly engaged kids. Enjoy.
301
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:51,663
Thanks.
302
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:57,308
Good. Good, good, good, good. We
kept our cover intact. Nice work.
303
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,638
Quick professional
thinking out there.
304
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,939
Very quick.
Very professional.
305
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,445
Detective.
Detective.
306
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,682
Let's get back on the case.
Let's.
307
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,924
So, how was the restaurant?
Such a normal time!
308
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:15,323
Why are you being weird?
309
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,418
Amy and I kissed.
310
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,023
What?
311
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,588
To keep our cover from being blown.
We didn't have a choice.
312
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,525
Tell me everything!
313
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,296
Charles, it was just a kiss.
314
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,395
Okay? It was for work.
It was nothing.
315
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,066
Yeah, who cares about a kiss? Call
me if you grab each other's asses.
316
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,035
He's pulling over.
It's going down.
317
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,104
BOYLE: You guys are so naive.
It's never nothing.
318
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,478
In high school, I played
Daddy Warbucks in Annie.
319
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,950
Becca Murse played Annie and we
were supposed to hug onstage.
320
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:43,511
At first, that seemed like nothing,
too, but by opening night,
321
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,352
we were full-on making out.
322
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:46,857
As Daddy Warbucks and Annie?
323
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,394
Mmm-hmm. The audience
was not onboard.
324
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:50,894
The playwright sued the school.
325
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,227
Guys, guys, it's not a handoff.
He's leaving the package.
326
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,332
Okay, you and Rosa
follow Augustine.
327
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,235
Right. And you and Amy
follow your hearts.
328
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,001
No. We're going to
stay with the package.
329
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:03,302
And each other. Forever.
330
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:04,706
Come on, man!
331
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,811
So, here's how I see
this going down.
332
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,905
You plead for your job back, I refuse,
you start weeping like a war widow.
333
00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:11,040
Does that sound about right?
334
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:15,854
Don't count your gross fish-babies
before they've hatched, Madeline.
335
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,453
How did you get this?
336
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,326
GINA OVER P.A: Gina and
Terry got it, you grackle.
337
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,160
It doesn't matter how I got it.
338
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:30,527
Sorry, sir, didn't realize that
was how you wanted to play it.
339
00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:33,271
I see you've got an audience
for this little stunt.
340
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:36,103
Yes, well, who wouldn't want to
see a man fight a crocodile?
341
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:40,606
Now, Madeline, before one of us
starts weeping like a war widow,
342
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,575
would you like to give me
my precinct back?
343
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,341
It's not that simple. I can't
just reverse your promotion.
344
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,586
You have until tomorrow.
345
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:49,952
You grackle.
346
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,587
DIAZ: We can't pull him over
this close to the drop-site.
347
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:55,024
It will alert the buyer. I say
we follow him for a mile.
348
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,324
Copy that. How's your mom enjoying
the new phone you got her
349
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:58,829
for her birthday on March 16?
350
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,662
Dude, stop saying random facts
to try to prove you know me.
351
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,135
That's not what I'm doing. I am simply
making small talk with my friend, Rosa,
352
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:06,296
who went skydiving once.
353
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,101
Enough. I'm going
to the dumb party,
354
00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:09,936
but only because I don't
want to hurt Marcus.
355
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:11,203
I'm still super mad at you.
356
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:14,438
Mmm. Like how you're still super mad at
Gilmore Girls for how the finale went down?
357
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:17,509
I just want to see Lorelai happy.
And shut up!
358
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:21,552
See? I know you so well,
I knew what was coming. Ow!
359
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,184
Hey. Seriously.
We're cool, right?
360
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,855
Yeah. Totally. We're fine. Good.
361
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,990
Gosh, you know, I'm actually
a little bit hungry.
362
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,364
I never ended up eating at
that dumb fancy restaurant.
363
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,202
Know what I'm getting
on my way home?
364
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,204
Yeah, you're going to go to the
Polish place and get pierogies,
365
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,864
potato pancakes,
and a cup of hot chocolate.
366
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,409
That's exactly what I'm
going to get. Yeah.
367
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:48,472
I will be having pizza. Two slices
of meat supreme from Tony's,
368
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:50,139
served display temperature.
369
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,015
Meat Supreme
is a million red flags.
370
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:53,517
And eating it cold
is just insane.
371
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:56,076
No, no, no, no. It's not cold.
It's display temperature.
372
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,679
Jake.
There's a difference, Amy.
373
00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,690
No. Jake,
he's looking at us.
374
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:01,783
Well, this is happening.
Huh?
375
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,028
NYPD! Freeze!
We are police colleagues!
376
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:13,333
You're under arrest!
This is a work event!
377
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:20,440
Hey. Can you sign this arrest
report for Augustine and the buyer?
378
00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:22,480
Sure.
Great.
379
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,342
Man, I forgot how long
your signature takes.
380
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,545
I'm just going to watch Braveheart
on my phone real quick.
381
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:29,979
(CHUCKLES)
382
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:33,251
Uh, given the circumstances, I could
see how that might have seemed
383
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,555
like flirty teasing
or something.
384
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,960
But I was legit being critical.
You have a problem.
385
00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:41,965
No, even that sounded
like banter now.
386
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,293
All right, there's only
one way out of this for me.
387
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,530
I've just got to
get super cruel.
388
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,504
Prepare to have your physical
flaws pointed out, Amy.
389
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,871
I'm talking about your tall
butt and your weird elbows.
390
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,975
Jake, it's okay.
391
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,443
(SIGHS) Thank you.
392
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,642
This whole night
was really weird.
393
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,705
I know. I just...
(SIGHS)
394
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,547
I want everything to go back how it was.
You know?
395
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,109
It's awkward.
Yeah.
396
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,850
You're right. We shouldn't date cops.
Because we're a great team.
397
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,654
We work great together.
I don't want to mess that up.
398
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,456
Yeah, I don't want
everything to change.
399
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,621
Yeah. Me, neither.
400
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,460
Okay. Then, that's that.
401
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:15,459
Detective Peralta.
402
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,529
Detective Santiago.
403
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,271
See you around the precinct.
404
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:21,431
Yep.
405
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:22,866
Tall butt.
406
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:28,378
Okay, before we go in, remember you
have to pretend to be surprised.
407
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:29,641
How's this?
408
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:33,276
Oh, my God, it's so much
worse than I imagined!
409
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:35,343
The energy was great,
but the message was flawed.
410
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,048
All right,
let's get this over with.
411
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:39,980
Surprise.
412
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,951
What's going on?
413
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:45,196
I rented this entire bar
so you and I could celebrate
414
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,425
with no people anywhere near us.
415
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,057
I probably should have
hired a bartender, though.
416
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,761
I have no idea
how to make drinks.
417
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:51,961
This is incredible.
418
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:53,835
It was all Charles' idea.
419
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,371
Told you I knew you, Ro-Ro.
420
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,306
Thank you.
421
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:01,869
But never call me
Ro-Ro again.
422
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,676
Oh, but I will.
I've earned this.
423
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,647
Happy B-day, Ro-Ro!
424
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:08,579
Whoo!
425
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,925
Welcome, Madeline. Have
you thought things over?
426
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:17,223
I have. But first, how do I
know you're not wearing a wire?
427
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,603
So, I've thought it over,
428
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,200
and perhaps you should go ahead
429
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,972
and show that letter
to the commissioner.
430
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,546
(CHUCKLES)
And let him fire you?
431
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:36,740
I'll deny I wrote it.
432
00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,783
It will take months
to authenticate.
433
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:42,282
Which will give me plenty of time to
make some personnel changes around here.
434
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,622
There's an opening for a detective
down in Brighton Beach.
435
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,556
I think
I'll transfer Diaz there.
436
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,220
Detective Boyle,
I'll send to Long Island City.
437
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,053
Santiago would be
a great fit for Pelham Bay.
438
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,729
And Peralta,
your little pet project?
439
00:18:57,669 --> 00:19:00,638
I'm going to ship him off
to Staten Island.
440
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:05,103
Hope he likes breaking up
tanning salon fist-fights.
441
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:09,406
Looks like you've got
a decision to make, Raymond.
442
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,476
What are you going to do?
443
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:13,848
Squad. If I could have
your attention, please.
444
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,150
I am being transferred to
the Public Relations office.
445
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,816
I am leaving the Nine-Nine
effective immediately.
446
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,026
What the hell?
I don't understand.
447
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,722
What the hell?
Why are you doing this?
448
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:25,785
What the hell?
449
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:29,364
I want to say it has been a pleasure
to work alongside all of you
450
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,527
for the past twenty-one
and a half months.
451
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:33,503
I'm sorry for getting
so emotional.
452
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,005
Pretty consistent tone,
actually.
453
00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:36,631
These have been the...
454
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:41,437
These have been the best years
of my career.
455
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:42,707
Oh, no. This is new.
456
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:48,886
And I know that every one of you
gave me everything you had.
457
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,624
And I will never forget it.
458
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,182
Go back to being robot, Captain.
459
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:56,853
(CHUCKLES)
460
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,193
(ROBOTIC VOICE)
Meep-morp. Zeep.
461
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:02,498
(CLEARS THROAT)
Dismissed.
462
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:10,166
Sir!
463
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,868
I'm coming with you.
Thank you, Gina.
464
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,540
I'm also coming.
Not necessary.
465
00:20:20,352 --> 00:20:21,979
Hey.
Hey.
466
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,351
I thought I might
find you in here.
467
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,720
I just needed to process
the Captain's news.
468
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:26,985
I feel so bad for him.
469
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,021
So, how are you holding up?
470
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,729
I don't know.
I'm still in shock.
471
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,157
You?
472
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,399
I'm basically handling it the way
I dealt with my dad leaving.
473
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:38,436
Just repressing
the hell out of it.
474
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,871
So, a lot of change
around here, huh?
475
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:55,810
(KNOCKS)
476
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:57,980
BOYLE: Hey, Jake,
the new captain's here!
477
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,657
Who do you think
it's going to be?
478
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:06,857
I have no idea.
479
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,490
I bet it's me.
480
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:10,330
I just hope I'm ready.
481
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:11,828
Wow.
482
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:13,165
Come on, guys.
483
00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:15,263
I know you're sad,
but let's do our best
484
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,137
to make a good first
impression here.
485
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,473
Smart. Good call.
Jake, you be up front.
486
00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:22,446
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
487
00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:24,038
(SIGHS) Okay.
488
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,049
Here we go.
489
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:37,500
Ripped By mstoll