1
00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:13,911
Lookie here.
2
00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:16,623
My day is made.
3
00:01:16,706 --> 00:01:20,668
I didn't even finish breakfast
and I get to kill me a stinkin' Injun.
4
00:01:22,087 --> 00:01:23,088
Injun?
5
00:01:24,172 --> 00:01:25,590
Nah.
6
00:01:25,673 --> 00:01:29,302
I just dress like this so's I don't get
scalped out on the prairie.
7
00:01:29,386 --> 00:01:32,430
Oh, well, that's a convincing outfit.
8
00:01:32,514 --> 00:01:35,892
Yeah, you can't be too safe out there...
9
00:01:35,975 --> 00:01:38,520
with all of them savages runnin' around.
10
00:01:38,603 --> 00:01:40,397
So, what can I do you for?
11
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,691
Need some flour.
Five sacks.
12
00:01:43,775 --> 00:01:47,028
And a carrot with peanut butter on it.
13
00:01:47,111 --> 00:01:48,613
Now, what's that gonna run me?
14
00:01:48,696 --> 00:01:51,616
Well, sack of flour's 45 cents.
15
00:01:51,699 --> 00:01:53,951
So, five sacks...
16
00:01:55,703 --> 00:01:56,996
is 40...
17
00:01:57,079 --> 00:01:58,790
Wanna get back to me on that?
18
00:01:59,624 --> 00:02:00,833
Yeah, look...
19
00:02:00,917 --> 00:02:02,544
Now, the flour's in the basement.
20
00:02:02,627 --> 00:02:04,837
You can fetch it yourself.
21
00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:05,963
Much obliged.
22
00:02:24,607 --> 00:02:26,943
Well, lookie what we got here.
23
00:02:27,527 --> 00:02:31,281
Sweet piece of red prairie meat
out all by her lonesome.
24
00:02:32,199 --> 00:02:35,993
-What do you make of that, Nelly?
-Oh, I think she's waiting on you, Will.
25
00:02:40,122 --> 00:02:41,583
Go on, get on it.
It's on now.
26
00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:42,959
Yeah.
Go get her, Will.
27
00:02:43,042 --> 00:02:44,043
Oh, oh, oh.
28
00:02:44,126 --> 00:02:45,378
Here we go.
29
00:02:46,421 --> 00:02:51,718
Now, you must be wondering why five badass
hombres with perfect jawlines...
30
00:02:54,596 --> 00:02:57,932
all sport the same stylish eye patch.
31
00:02:58,015 --> 00:02:59,976
Not my business.
32
00:03:00,059 --> 00:03:04,522
We all carved our eyeballs
out our skull
33
00:03:04,606 --> 00:03:08,067
to show how devoted
we are to this gang.
34
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:09,402
We the Left-Eye Boys!
35
00:03:11,529 --> 00:03:13,030
Yeah!
36
00:03:14,532 --> 00:03:15,700
Hey!
37
00:03:15,783 --> 00:03:18,578
You got real pretty eyes, miss.
38
00:03:18,661 --> 00:03:20,788
You reckon we can,
I don't know, borrow one?
39
00:03:20,872 --> 00:03:22,874
Can we borrow one?
40
00:03:27,962 --> 00:03:30,715
Now, is that a proper question
to ask a lady?
41
00:03:30,798 --> 00:03:33,843
Who are you, slick?
The boyfriend?
42
00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:37,138
Soon to be the husband.
43
00:03:39,181 --> 00:03:42,477
Oh, wait a minute!
That's a white boy under that getup.
44
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,355
That's a white boy? Oh, shit.
45
00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:48,650
You partial to pale faces, Poca-hot-tits?
46
00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:49,734
Huh?
47
00:03:49,817 --> 00:03:52,279
'Cause I can show you
what a real white man's like.
48
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:55,740
-Yeah, show her, Will. Yeah, go on.
-Yeah, shuffle up, Will.
49
00:03:55,823 --> 00:03:57,242
-Dance now, boy.
-Shuffle on over.
50
00:03:57,325 --> 00:03:59,994
-There you go.
-That's some white boy shit right there.
51
00:04:00,077 --> 00:04:01,829
Now, I do want to carve my eyes out.
52
00:04:01,913 --> 00:04:03,456
-What'd you say?
-Hey, fellers...
53
00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:06,501
I'd hit the trail before you get hurt.
54
00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:09,379
Before we get hurt?
55
00:04:09,462 --> 00:04:12,048
Before we get hurt.
56
00:04:12,131 --> 00:04:16,093
I think you've been smokin' too much
of that peace pipe, kemo-slobby.
57
00:04:16,177 --> 00:04:19,639
Now, from what I see, there's one of you,
58
00:04:19,722 --> 00:04:22,058
and there's five of us.
59
00:04:27,897 --> 00:04:28,898
Four of you.
60
00:04:29,691 --> 00:04:30,733
What just happened?
61
00:04:30,817 --> 00:04:32,109
You wanna see it again?
62
00:04:32,193 --> 00:04:34,946
Uh... yes.
63
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,335
-I don't like this shit.
-Shut up.
64
00:04:49,126 --> 00:04:52,547
Well, that's some, uh...
real fancy footwork.
65
00:04:53,255 --> 00:04:57,385
But I think this hullabaloo has escalated
to the firearms stage.
66
00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:08,730
Boys, let's ventilate this.
67
00:05:30,752 --> 00:05:33,505
What the shit that just happened?
68
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:45,307
What the hell?
What in the hell?
69
00:05:49,437 --> 00:05:51,898
"Hit the trail."
It was so simple.
70
00:05:53,065 --> 00:05:56,444
You must stop doing this, White Knife.
One day, there will be too many.
71
00:05:56,528 --> 00:05:58,655
But not today, Smoking Fox.
72
00:05:58,738 --> 00:06:01,658
Please, my love...
we must go.
73
00:06:02,241 --> 00:06:04,452
What the hell
happened out here?
74
00:06:04,536 --> 00:06:06,746
Injuns.
They went that way.
75
00:06:06,829 --> 00:06:08,456
You ain't no white man.
76
00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:11,751
You're that orphan, White Knife.
77
00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:15,463
Raised like an animal with those Apaches.
78
00:06:15,547 --> 00:06:17,632
You think you can fool ol' Clem?
79
00:06:17,715 --> 00:06:18,841
Sorry, Ringo.
80
00:06:18,925 --> 00:06:22,887
Well, now I'm gonna shoot you
and your Injun whore.
81
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:24,138
Gotta cut breakfast short.
82
00:06:29,268 --> 00:06:31,604
You suck, mister!
83
00:06:32,396 --> 00:06:34,398
You suck!
84
00:06:36,943 --> 00:06:39,278
What are you?
85
00:07:02,009 --> 00:07:03,470
Yes, White Knife.
86
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:04,804
Go, White Knife.
87
00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:11,227
Yay!
88
00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:12,937
You lucky, Smoking Fox.
89
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:16,107
White Knife all man.
Bravest of all braves.
90
00:07:17,442 --> 00:07:19,527
Not brave. Foolish.
91
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,988
I want to be wife, not widow.
92
00:07:26,868 --> 00:07:28,119
Afternoon, ladies.
93
00:07:34,459 --> 00:07:35,877
This is Apache land.
94
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,671
I'm not here to take your land, Chief.
95
00:07:38,755 --> 00:07:41,674
I'm just looking for a particular boy.
96
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,552
I'm Frank Stockburn.
97
00:07:45,803 --> 00:07:47,346
This boy's mother was my wife.
98
00:07:48,848 --> 00:07:50,307
And the boy, Tommy...
99
00:07:51,392 --> 00:07:52,894
he's my son.
100
00:08:07,449 --> 00:08:10,202
It is wise to be slow to trust,
White Knife.
101
00:08:10,286 --> 00:08:13,623
But every new journey begins
with a single step.
102
00:08:14,707 --> 00:08:16,458
Speak with your father.
103
00:08:17,459 --> 00:08:19,629
But you are my father,
Screaming Eagle.
104
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,006
Ever since my mother...
105
00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:26,052
Ever since you found me...
106
00:08:26,135 --> 00:08:28,387
you taught me to hunt,
to fight...
107
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:31,599
when to speak and when to be silent.
108
00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:33,893
-To be a man.
-A good man.
109
00:08:33,976 --> 00:08:35,603
And this Frank Stockburn,
110
00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:39,148
he is filled with lies,
just like every other white man.
111
00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:42,944
Sometimes, the white man speaks the truth.
112
00:08:43,027 --> 00:08:45,738
Like, one in 20, 25 times.
113
00:08:47,114 --> 00:08:49,534
I believe this is one of those times.
114
00:08:51,285 --> 00:08:53,037
He knew your mother, White Knife.
115
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,999
Maybe he can give you some peace.
Talk to him.
116
00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:59,669
Maybe after I close my eyes to dream.
117
00:09:21,858 --> 00:09:24,611
Mommy!
118
00:09:50,803 --> 00:09:52,179
Oh, no.
119
00:09:57,685 --> 00:10:03,232
One look at me, and you knew your old man
had done a lot of bad things, didn't ya?
120
00:10:03,315 --> 00:10:06,778
I cheated men, I killed men...
121
00:10:07,945 --> 00:10:11,198
So I deserve whatever's comin' to me.
122
00:10:13,034 --> 00:10:16,871
The only one that ever saw any good in me
was your mother.
123
00:10:20,582 --> 00:10:21,626
Oh!
124
00:10:21,709 --> 00:10:23,210
Why have you come here?
125
00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:27,423
Not a man for chitchat, huh?
126
00:10:28,465 --> 00:10:30,592
Well, me neither.
127
00:10:31,719 --> 00:10:34,096
Kid, I'm dying...
128
00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:36,683
of consumption.
129
00:10:40,728 --> 00:10:42,479
Don't worry...
130
00:10:42,563 --> 00:10:47,694
I'm not looking
for no big father-son hoo-ah.
131
00:10:48,277 --> 00:10:49,278
"I love you, son."
132
00:10:49,361 --> 00:10:51,072
"I love you too, Daddy."
133
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:57,995
No.
134
00:10:59,872 --> 00:11:03,876
I've come for a more tangible reason.
135
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:13,427
Tommy, I've been stealing from folks
since I was nine years old...
136
00:11:14,303 --> 00:11:19,641
and that's the way I've amassed
a good little fortune.
137
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:23,354
I wanna do something
decent with it.
138
00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:27,274
I want to give it to you, son.
139
00:11:31,988 --> 00:11:33,530
I don't want your money.
140
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:37,201
But maybe you could give...
141
00:11:37,284 --> 00:11:41,663
$50,000 to these nice Injuns
who raised you.
142
00:11:41,748 --> 00:11:42,957
We'll take it.
143
00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:45,209
Go back to bed.
144
00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:46,836
Sorry.
145
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:48,712
Seriously, though,
we'll take it.
146
00:11:48,796 --> 00:11:52,258
Look, it's buried in the meadow
just up the trail,
147
00:11:52,341 --> 00:11:54,426
next to a big ol' pine tree.
148
00:11:54,510 --> 00:11:56,888
What do you say
we go dig it up in the morning
149
00:11:56,971 --> 00:11:59,974
and start playing Santa Claus?
150
00:12:01,142 --> 00:12:03,727
I don't remember much about my mother...
151
00:12:04,728 --> 00:12:07,273
but I do remember her telling me...
152
00:12:09,316 --> 00:12:10,692
you were dead.
153
00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:18,492
Maybe it was because...
154
00:12:18,575 --> 00:12:21,913
she didn't want
you to come looking for me.
155
00:12:21,996 --> 00:12:24,081
She was a smart lady.
156
00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:29,211
Only stupid thing she ever did
was fall for me.
157
00:12:30,004 --> 00:12:31,839
Meeting Betty Dunson...
158
00:12:32,506 --> 00:12:35,717
was the luckiest thing
that ever happened to me.
159
00:12:38,846 --> 00:12:42,141
From the first day I laid eyes on her...
160
00:12:42,809 --> 00:12:45,061
she was bawlin' out this...
161
00:12:45,144 --> 00:12:50,066
half-drunk, big ol' burly blacksmith...
162
00:12:50,149 --> 00:12:52,693
down at Silver Canyon.
163
00:12:53,527 --> 00:12:55,863
She's been the only one, Tommy.
164
00:13:03,037 --> 00:13:04,580
Mom had a temper?
165
00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:10,627
Temper?
When she got her dander up, look out.
166
00:13:10,711 --> 00:13:12,546
We was in a saloon once.
167
00:13:12,629 --> 00:13:14,798
This fellow sitting next to her
168
00:13:14,882 --> 00:13:19,887
starts talking about the perfect way
to make a cherry pie...
169
00:13:20,972 --> 00:13:24,766
So your mom says to me,
"Frank, come here a minute.
170
00:13:24,851 --> 00:13:28,604
Tell me again,
just where did you get them flowers?"
171
00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:32,733
I said, "I know that you think
I stole them from the graveyard."
172
00:13:34,568 --> 00:13:36,570
Good morning, boys.
173
00:13:37,488 --> 00:13:39,073
Morning, Never Wears Bra.
174
00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:41,993
I had dream about you last night,
White Knife.
175
00:13:42,076 --> 00:13:43,911
Oh, that's nice.
176
00:13:43,995 --> 00:13:45,246
Not nice dream.
177
00:13:45,787 --> 00:13:48,457
In dream, you naughty.
178
00:13:48,540 --> 00:13:50,667
You naughty, White Knife.
179
00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:53,004
Mmm, somebody's got an admirer.
180
00:13:53,087 --> 00:13:55,131
Yes, yes.
181
00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:58,217
But like you,
there's only one woman for me.
182
00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,391
I guess we Stockburns are...
183
00:14:05,474 --> 00:14:07,226
partial to the sweet ones.
184
00:14:07,309 --> 00:14:08,685
Yes, sir.
185
00:14:08,769 --> 00:14:10,562
Like your mother.
186
00:14:12,899 --> 00:14:15,359
How did she die, Tommy?
187
00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:17,736
You tell me?
188
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:24,785
Well, there were these big kids at school
fixin' to beat me up.
189
00:14:26,412 --> 00:14:30,832
Instead of facing them myself,
I had her walk me there.
190
00:14:31,708 --> 00:14:33,920
This feller comes out of nowhere...
191
00:14:34,795 --> 00:14:37,631
walks right up to her and shoots her dead.
192
00:14:39,383 --> 00:14:42,678
So that's how she died,
protecting her gutless son
193
00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:46,848
instead of being home,
safe where she belonged.
194
00:14:52,521 --> 00:14:55,149
Who's that?
Is that Bony Express?
195
00:14:55,816 --> 00:14:58,110
Bony Express
don't come around here.
196
00:15:00,154 --> 00:15:01,697
Giddyap!
197
00:15:14,961 --> 00:15:16,128
He's here somewhere, boys.
198
00:15:16,212 --> 00:15:17,421
Let's burn him out!
199
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:20,049
Oh...
200
00:15:20,132 --> 00:15:22,051
Next one goes through your forehead.
201
00:15:22,927 --> 00:15:25,887
Hey, hey!
No need to burn nothing, boys!
202
00:15:25,972 --> 00:15:27,974
Howdy, boss.
203
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,183
Cicero...
204
00:15:30,642 --> 00:15:34,188
you're not gonna let a man
enjoy his retirement, are ya?
205
00:15:34,271 --> 00:15:38,817
No, Frank, I salute your decision
to turn from your sinful ways.
206
00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:40,652
But the money...
207
00:15:40,736 --> 00:15:42,446
that belongs to all of us.
208
00:15:42,529 --> 00:15:43,864
Touch that steel, boy,
209
00:15:43,948 --> 00:15:47,118
I got plenty of bullets left over
after I put one in...
210
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,080
your father.
211
00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:56,043
Oh, you finally found your long lost son.
212
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:59,463
Well, I sure hate to break up
this nice family reunion.
213
00:15:59,546 --> 00:16:02,841
So, why don't you give us
the money you stole
214
00:16:02,924 --> 00:16:05,719
before I put lead in your head.
215
00:16:11,808 --> 00:16:13,019
The money's buried.
216
00:16:13,602 --> 00:16:15,312
Way to run your mouth, son.
217
00:16:15,396 --> 00:16:16,813
It's buried?
218
00:16:16,897 --> 00:16:18,649
Yeah, I buried it.
219
00:16:18,732 --> 00:16:22,236
Deep in the ground...
next to a windmill.
220
00:16:22,319 --> 00:16:24,613
A windmill in the West...
221
00:16:24,696 --> 00:16:26,823
doesn't narrow it down much, Frank.
222
00:16:26,907 --> 00:16:29,285
Well, this is a special windmill.
223
00:16:30,369 --> 00:16:32,079
It's a singing windmill.
224
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,457
A singing windmill!
225
00:16:38,044 --> 00:16:40,754
It's about a ten-day ride from here.
226
00:16:40,837 --> 00:16:43,882
I'll lead you to it presently
on one condition.
227
00:16:44,508 --> 00:16:46,302
You don't hurt my boy...
228
00:16:46,385 --> 00:16:49,805
or any of these kindly Injuns here.
229
00:16:51,473 --> 00:16:52,933
Let's ride, Frank.
230
00:17:04,986 --> 00:17:08,490
Frank, if that $50,000
isn't under that windmill,
231
00:17:08,574 --> 00:17:10,284
I'm gonna bury you up to your neck
232
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:12,953
and let the desert critters eat you alive.
233
00:17:13,037 --> 00:17:15,414
It's there, Cicero, it's there.
234
00:17:15,497 --> 00:17:19,210
I'm glad I got to meet Betty Dunson's son.
235
00:17:20,086 --> 00:17:22,379
You just stay here, Tommy.
236
00:17:22,463 --> 00:17:24,798
Enjoy your life
with your beautiful bride...
237
00:17:25,841 --> 00:17:29,928
amongst these majestic pine trees.
238
00:17:31,722 --> 00:17:33,265
Let's go!
239
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:56,663
Well, that was uncool.
240
00:18:06,882 --> 00:18:09,135
White Knife, you must rest.
241
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,677
How can I rest?
242
00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:14,431
When they get to the singing windmill
and find no money, they will kill him.
243
00:18:14,515 --> 00:18:18,810
My son, there are too many trees
and too little time.
244
00:18:19,978 --> 00:18:23,482
Then I must get this $50,000 another way.
245
00:18:23,565 --> 00:18:27,486
How? By stealing?
There is no honor in that.
246
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:32,908
Unless I steal from those
who have no honor.
247
00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:36,203
Ooh... I like that.
248
00:18:36,287 --> 00:18:38,205
But it is too dangerous.
249
00:18:38,289 --> 00:18:40,749
I will send ten of our
strongest braves with you.
250
00:18:40,832 --> 00:18:42,168
No.
251
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:45,296
The braves would be treated too cruelly
in the white man's world.
252
00:18:45,379 --> 00:18:47,589
A lot of them can pass for pale face.
253
00:18:47,673 --> 00:18:50,884
Raging Bear can actually do
a great impression of a white guy.
254
00:18:51,552 --> 00:18:54,930
Hey, guys, let's play with our chest hair
and eat potato chips.
255
00:18:57,724 --> 00:19:00,436
Wasn't that great?
Where does he come up with this stuff?
256
00:19:00,519 --> 00:19:04,273
That's very good, Bear,
but I must walk this path alone.
257
00:19:05,566 --> 00:19:09,195
My love...
I will get this money...
258
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,572
bring it to the singing windmill,
259
00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:13,740
and be back in time for our wedding.
260
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,701
I won't let you go.
261
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:17,953
Those men are killers.
262
00:19:18,454 --> 00:19:22,333
I was a coward once
and my mother paid the price.
263
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:26,670
That will not happen to my father.
264
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,481
Whoa!
265
00:19:45,564 --> 00:19:47,733
Good morning.
266
00:19:47,816 --> 00:19:49,651
Where in the hell did you come from?
267
00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:51,820
I'm in a bit of a bind, boys.
268
00:19:51,903 --> 00:19:54,698
I rode all the way out here
to pan for gold
269
00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:56,825
and my horse up and died on me.
270
00:19:56,908 --> 00:19:58,410
How'd he die?
271
00:19:58,494 --> 00:20:00,120
Suicide.
272
00:20:00,204 --> 00:20:01,997
Drowned himself.
273
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,459
Put his head in the stream
and just kept it there.
274
00:20:05,542 --> 00:20:07,127
Saddest thing you ever seen.
275
00:20:07,878 --> 00:20:09,129
It happens.
276
00:20:09,213 --> 00:20:12,173
Powers that be don't like to admit it,
but it happens.
277
00:20:12,966 --> 00:20:14,426
He looks like an honest white guy.
278
00:20:15,219 --> 00:20:16,262
Hop on.
279
00:20:17,095 --> 00:20:18,179
Much obliged.
280
00:20:19,265 --> 00:20:21,600
Just drop me off
at the nearest town.
281
00:20:28,023 --> 00:20:29,233
Ladies and gentlemen,
gather around.
282
00:20:29,316 --> 00:20:32,403
Hear the wondrous effects
of Dr. Chubb's Vita Oil,
283
00:20:32,486 --> 00:20:34,863
the miracle cure for 1001 ailments.
284
00:20:34,946 --> 00:20:36,782
Put the pep back in your--
285
00:20:37,408 --> 00:20:38,575
Who's this asshole?
286
00:20:52,839 --> 00:20:56,302
Well, now, look at this fella,
drinking from the horse trough.
287
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:57,386
Excuse me.
288
00:20:58,845 --> 00:20:59,888
You there!
289
00:21:01,307 --> 00:21:04,017
What you're doing is disgusting.
290
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:06,437
That water is for our filthy horses.
291
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,816
Water flows from the sky spirit
for all its children.
292
00:21:10,899 --> 00:21:12,108
Isn't that right, cousin?
293
00:21:12,192 --> 00:21:16,154
We don't cotton to that peyote-smoking
nonsense around these parts.
294
00:21:16,237 --> 00:21:18,198
Do you hear me, "cousin"?
295
00:21:19,616 --> 00:21:22,536
Okay, William, come on back.
296
00:21:22,619 --> 00:21:24,079
Hey, amigo.
297
00:21:24,996 --> 00:21:26,707
You planning on staying in town?
298
00:21:27,624 --> 00:21:30,168
Might need a place
to lay my head for a bit.
299
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:41,388
Sorry about that ugly man
that insulted you.
300
00:21:41,472 --> 00:21:45,601
He runs the bank, so he thinks
he's entitled to be mean to everyone.
301
00:21:45,684 --> 00:21:47,561
There's a bank in this town?
302
00:21:47,644 --> 00:21:49,355
Why? You wanna rob it?
303
00:21:49,438 --> 00:21:52,649
I look like a bank robber to you, ma'am?
304
00:21:52,733 --> 00:21:57,654
Funny, there's something about you that
reminds me of a certain bank robber.
305
00:21:58,279 --> 00:22:00,198
His name was Frank Stockburn.
306
00:22:01,575 --> 00:22:03,660
You know Frank Stockburn?
307
00:22:03,744 --> 00:22:05,829
"Know"? Like, in the biblical sense?
308
00:22:05,912 --> 00:22:09,333
No, ma'am.
You've met him before is what I'm asking.
309
00:22:09,416 --> 00:22:11,793
Yes, I met him.
310
00:22:11,877 --> 00:22:13,337
Then, 20 minutes later,
311
00:22:13,420 --> 00:22:16,882
I knew him in the biblical sense
on that bed, right there.
312
00:22:16,965 --> 00:22:17,966
Oh.
313
00:22:18,049 --> 00:22:22,929
And, I knew him, in the biblical sense,
twice on this railing.
314
00:22:23,013 --> 00:22:24,014
Uh-huh.
315
00:22:24,097 --> 00:22:28,435
And then, while doing a handstand
on that dresser you're leaning against.
316
00:22:30,771 --> 00:22:34,232
Did he happen to mention
a singing windmill?
317
00:22:34,315 --> 00:22:37,152
He did mention a singing windmill.
318
00:22:37,235 --> 00:22:40,113
He said it sounded like a choir of angels.
319
00:22:40,196 --> 00:22:41,907
Where'd he say it was?
320
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:46,995
He said that it was in a place
where he made his biggest score.
321
00:22:47,078 --> 00:22:49,122
Whatever that was.
322
00:22:49,205 --> 00:22:50,457
And then he laughed.
323
00:22:50,541 --> 00:22:52,751
He liked to laugh...
324
00:22:52,834 --> 00:22:54,836
and have handstand sex.
325
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,797
Yeah, we gotta get past that.
326
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,131
I miss him.
327
00:22:58,214 --> 00:23:00,175
But he did leave me something
to remember him by.
328
00:23:00,258 --> 00:23:01,635
What's this?
329
00:23:01,718 --> 00:23:05,138
A niño, Ramon.
330
00:23:06,306 --> 00:23:08,349
I have a brother?
331
00:23:08,434 --> 00:23:12,395
Oh, Burro, we had many adventures
together, you and me.
332
00:23:12,479 --> 00:23:13,980
We're not getting any younger.
333
00:23:15,441 --> 00:23:18,151
At least we have our memories.
334
00:23:19,986 --> 00:23:23,949
Remember the two girls,
the sisters, in Deadwood?
335
00:23:24,032 --> 00:23:25,325
You liked the fat one.
336
00:23:27,077 --> 00:23:28,662
You know it's true.
337
00:23:28,745 --> 00:23:30,246
Ramon Lopez?
338
00:23:31,289 --> 00:23:32,583
Sí.
339
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:38,379
I just came from conversating
with your mother, Esmerelda.
340
00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:43,384
We stumbled upon the fact that
your dad and my dad...
341
00:23:45,011 --> 00:23:46,722
are the same fella.
342
00:23:47,388 --> 00:23:48,890
Oh, that's neat.
343
00:23:49,516 --> 00:23:50,642
Yeah.
344
00:23:50,726 --> 00:23:52,936
Same father.
345
00:23:53,019 --> 00:23:55,105
Half-brothers.
346
00:23:55,188 --> 00:23:57,148
What do you think about that, Burro?
347
00:23:59,485 --> 00:24:00,861
So, how is Dad?
348
00:24:00,944 --> 00:24:04,030
Well, he went and got himself kidnapped,
349
00:24:04,114 --> 00:24:07,951
and I need to come up with $50,000
to save his life.
350
00:24:08,827 --> 00:24:10,411
That's a lot of pesos.
351
00:24:10,496 --> 00:24:11,622
Sure is.
352
00:24:12,539 --> 00:24:15,917
That's why I'm fixin'
to rob the bank here in town.
353
00:24:17,085 --> 00:24:18,253
Hang on.
354
00:24:19,420 --> 00:24:21,923
My father is in trouble.
355
00:24:22,007 --> 00:24:24,926
My brother, he needs my help.
356
00:24:26,553 --> 00:24:28,639
I'll rob the bank with you.
357
00:24:28,722 --> 00:24:30,641
I must do this alone.
358
00:24:33,476 --> 00:24:35,270
What's happening right now?
359
00:24:37,063 --> 00:24:39,274
Ever since I'm pequeño,
360
00:24:39,357 --> 00:24:44,112
I dream about spending
one magical day with mi padre,
361
00:24:44,195 --> 00:24:48,074
sharing meals,
introducing him to the burro.
362
00:24:50,201 --> 00:24:53,955
I will not let go of you
until you say I can help you.
363
00:25:00,336 --> 00:25:03,674
Will you stop brushing me
if I say yes?
364
00:25:03,757 --> 00:25:04,841
Yes.
365
00:25:06,802 --> 00:25:08,261
Then you can help.
366
00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:23,819
That means he likes you.
367
00:25:41,878 --> 00:25:44,756
That's a good amount of money
you want us to lend you.
368
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,884
Now, normally, we would require
two forms of identification, madam,
369
00:25:47,968 --> 00:25:50,929
but that won't be necessary in your case.
370
00:25:51,012 --> 00:25:53,932
I feel kinda guilty about this, Burro,
371
00:25:54,015 --> 00:25:55,851
taking money from nice people.
372
00:25:55,934 --> 00:25:58,269
I mean, it's not like
you're some greasy Mexican.
373
00:26:00,188 --> 00:26:01,648
I feel less guilty now.
374
00:26:03,566 --> 00:26:05,443
What are you doing?
375
00:26:05,526 --> 00:26:07,445
This is a bank!
376
00:26:07,528 --> 00:26:09,280
Get that donkey out of here!
377
00:26:09,364 --> 00:26:11,074
It is a burro, señor.
378
00:26:11,157 --> 00:26:13,952
I don't care, "señor."
Get it out!
379
00:26:14,035 --> 00:26:15,787
All right.
Vámonos.
380
00:26:18,123 --> 00:26:19,666
The burro don't want to vámonos.
381
00:26:19,750 --> 00:26:23,629
Well, I don't really care
what the burro wants.
382
00:26:26,547 --> 00:26:29,592
Get out of my bank, you beast!
383
00:26:29,676 --> 00:26:32,137
I know what you're thinking,
but not yet.
384
00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:33,513
Hold it.
385
00:26:33,596 --> 00:26:35,515
Move!
386
00:26:46,985 --> 00:26:49,529
How is this jackass stuck?
387
00:26:49,612 --> 00:26:52,407
If it got in here,
it can certainly get out!
388
00:26:52,490 --> 00:26:55,201
It doesn't make sense,
it's not logical.
389
00:26:56,494 --> 00:26:58,204
They got it locked up good,
do they?
390
00:26:58,288 --> 00:27:01,624
Oh! You are leaving!
391
00:27:05,253 --> 00:27:08,173
Gall dang,
he felled on his pooper!
392
00:27:21,770 --> 00:27:24,105
-That makes no sense!
-I apologize.
393
00:27:24,189 --> 00:27:26,524
-I don't know how many times I could--
-Hey, friend.
394
00:27:26,607 --> 00:27:28,443
Need any help gettin' her out?
395
00:27:29,110 --> 00:27:31,154
She's not
really stuck, amigo.
396
00:27:31,237 --> 00:27:32,823
She's just a diversion.
397
00:27:32,906 --> 00:27:35,033
She's a virgin?
398
00:27:35,116 --> 00:27:37,202
I'm a virgin, too...
399
00:27:37,285 --> 00:27:39,245
unless you count canty-loupes.
400
00:27:39,996 --> 00:27:42,332
I believe that,
but she's a diversion
401
00:27:42,415 --> 00:27:44,000
to keep the banker busy
402
00:27:44,084 --> 00:27:46,753
so that my brother has time
to rob the bank.
403
00:27:46,837 --> 00:27:48,922
You're robbin' the bank?
404
00:27:49,005 --> 00:27:50,716
-Gall dang!
-Shh, shh.
405
00:27:50,799 --> 00:27:53,301
Gall dang.
Gall dang. Gall dang.
406
00:28:02,728 --> 00:28:04,104
Oh, no. Oh, no.
407
00:28:06,564 --> 00:28:08,942
No! Virgil! Virgil, the key!
408
00:28:11,778 --> 00:28:13,279
I'm Lil Pete.
409
00:28:13,363 --> 00:28:14,990
So, is your father, like, Big Pete?
410
00:28:15,073 --> 00:28:17,075
I didn't know my pa.
411
00:28:17,158 --> 00:28:20,495
But he was a bank robber like y'all!
His name was Frank.
412
00:28:21,287 --> 00:28:23,414
-Stockburn?
-How'd you know?
413
00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,167
Are you a wizard?
414
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,506
Hey, Johnny Law.
415
00:28:31,589 --> 00:28:35,343
We'll be waiting for you
up at Jawbone Falls.
416
00:28:35,426 --> 00:28:36,928
Frank Stockburn.
417
00:28:37,595 --> 00:28:38,596
What?
418
00:28:38,679 --> 00:28:39,806
Robbery!
419
00:28:39,890 --> 00:28:42,142
We're being burgled!
420
00:28:42,934 --> 00:28:45,645
You! Horse-water-drinker!
421
00:28:45,729 --> 00:28:47,063
You are caught, sir!
422
00:28:57,908 --> 00:28:59,075
Oh!
423
00:28:59,159 --> 00:29:00,827
What are you?
424
00:29:01,494 --> 00:29:04,622
Hey, Tommy, guess what?
We got ourselves a little brother.
425
00:29:04,705 --> 00:29:07,834
Yeah! All our moms got porked
by the same outlaw.
426
00:29:07,918 --> 00:29:09,795
-Ain't that a pip?
-Yeah, that's something.
427
00:29:09,878 --> 00:29:12,672
Hey! Those bandidos just robbed the bank!
428
00:29:15,591 --> 00:29:17,969
Taste my bullets,
you dirty foreigners!
429
00:29:18,053 --> 00:29:19,512
Now!
430
00:29:23,975 --> 00:29:25,310
-Nice one, Burro.
-Wow!
431
00:29:25,393 --> 00:29:26,686
-There they are!
-We better make tracks.
432
00:29:26,770 --> 00:29:28,271
Can I come with?
I got a wagon.
433
00:29:28,354 --> 00:29:30,231
All right, that ain't a bad idea,
let's go.
434
00:29:30,315 --> 00:29:31,817
Vámonos. Come on!
435
00:29:32,859 --> 00:29:34,569
So, if you guys are
my brothers,
436
00:29:34,652 --> 00:29:36,404
you must got three nipples, too.
437
00:29:36,487 --> 00:29:37,697
I only got two.
438
00:29:37,781 --> 00:29:39,324
Yeah, just got the two.
439
00:29:39,407 --> 00:29:41,617
Oh, must be
from my mama's side.
440
00:29:41,701 --> 00:29:43,578
Forget I tolded you that, okay?
441
00:29:43,661 --> 00:29:44,745
Will do.
442
00:29:46,622 --> 00:29:48,041
Are you ready, Clem?
443
00:29:49,250 --> 00:29:51,627
Yep, yep. I'm... I'm ready.
444
00:29:57,801 --> 00:29:59,010
Spoon.
445
00:30:00,761 --> 00:30:02,055
Damn sharp.
446
00:30:07,518 --> 00:30:13,149
Look, fellas, I wanna hunt
this white Injun down same as you.
447
00:30:13,233 --> 00:30:14,985
But, uh... I...
448
00:30:16,236 --> 00:30:18,321
I have some problems with my eyes.
449
00:30:18,404 --> 00:30:22,408
You wanna join the Left-Eye Gang,
that right eye has gotta come out.
450
00:30:22,492 --> 00:30:24,494
It'll only hurt for a second.
451
00:30:24,577 --> 00:30:27,163
Yeah, like a hundred seconds.
452
00:30:27,247 --> 00:30:30,125
-Then you're one of us.
-For life.
453
00:30:31,084 --> 00:30:33,169
Okay, that makes sense.
454
00:30:35,171 --> 00:30:38,967
Is it okay if I scoop this left eye out?
455
00:30:39,050 --> 00:30:40,801
This is... I'm basically blind here.
456
00:30:40,886 --> 00:30:43,054
This right one sees like an eagle.
457
00:30:43,138 --> 00:30:46,057
Yeah, it just seems
like a waste that I'd...
458
00:30:46,141 --> 00:30:49,477
I understand your predicament,
but rules is rules.
459
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,063
Yeah, guess it... makes sense.
460
00:30:57,527 --> 00:30:58,987
Oh, God!
461
00:30:59,070 --> 00:31:01,447
Hell, no!
462
00:31:01,531 --> 00:31:04,242
That ain't right!
463
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,661
Damn!
464
00:31:06,744 --> 00:31:08,079
It's half way.
465
00:31:08,163 --> 00:31:09,956
-It's dangling by a vein!
-Whoo! Oh, man!
466
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,333
It's crazy,
I can still see out of it!
467
00:31:12,417 --> 00:31:13,834
-Goddamn, it hurts!
-I think I'm gonna puke.
468
00:31:13,919 --> 00:31:17,213
It's just going round and round like
a tassel on a stripper's titty!
469
00:31:17,297 --> 00:31:18,882
Okay, gotta get it, gotta get it!
470
00:31:18,965 --> 00:31:20,508
I'm getting dizzy!
471
00:31:20,591 --> 00:31:22,260
Got it, got it, got it!
472
00:31:22,343 --> 00:31:23,344
Yeah!
473
00:31:23,428 --> 00:31:25,138
Ah!
474
00:31:25,221 --> 00:31:28,099
Oh, Lord! Holy shit.
475
00:31:29,184 --> 00:31:32,979
You done it, partner.
Welcome to the Left-Eye Gang.
476
00:31:33,063 --> 00:31:34,105
Whoo!
477
00:31:34,189 --> 00:31:35,440
I did it!
478
00:31:35,523 --> 00:31:38,609
I'm glad that's done.
479
00:31:38,693 --> 00:31:41,571
Let's just go get that
Injun-loving son of a bitch, huh?
480
00:31:41,654 --> 00:31:42,697
Yeah.
481
00:31:42,780 --> 00:31:44,865
-Yeah! Let's get him.
-Yeah.
482
00:31:44,950 --> 00:31:47,160
Like, so...
483
00:31:47,243 --> 00:31:49,329
Oh, I touched the hole.
I touched the hole!
484
00:31:51,831 --> 00:31:54,209
Got me a patch!
485
00:31:57,295 --> 00:32:00,090
Dear Mama,
you may be wondering
486
00:32:00,173 --> 00:32:04,344
why I have not returned
from my trip to the ice cream store.
487
00:32:04,427 --> 00:32:08,806
It's because I met my brothers,
Ramon and Tommy.
488
00:32:08,889 --> 00:32:11,059
And we're trying to steal money.
489
00:32:11,142 --> 00:32:14,687
We need the money
to give to the bad men
490
00:32:14,770 --> 00:32:19,609
who took Pa away
to the land of the singing windmill.
491
00:32:19,692 --> 00:32:24,572
Tommy says it's not okay
to take money from decent folks.
492
00:32:24,655 --> 00:32:25,656
I got the money!
493
00:32:25,740 --> 00:32:28,493
Luckily, there's a lot of bad people
here in the West.
494
00:32:28,576 --> 00:32:30,161
Yee-haw!
495
00:32:30,245 --> 00:32:31,454
Let's ride!
496
00:32:34,457 --> 00:32:36,960
Eat it! You know you like it.
497
00:32:37,043 --> 00:32:38,753
You know you like it.
498
00:32:39,379 --> 00:32:40,630
Good God!
499
00:32:40,713 --> 00:32:43,216
Good burro!
500
00:32:43,299 --> 00:32:44,550
That's right.
501
00:32:44,634 --> 00:32:45,635
Enjoy it!
502
00:32:46,636 --> 00:32:49,139
-That's just wrong.
-Yeah, yeah.
503
00:32:49,222 --> 00:32:50,223
Is it?
504
00:33:05,071 --> 00:33:08,408
This is so much better
than the cantaloupe.
505
00:33:12,620 --> 00:33:14,497
Good burro!
506
00:33:14,580 --> 00:33:17,333
Slowly, but surely,
507
00:33:17,417 --> 00:33:22,172
we're chippin' away
at the $50,000 we need to save Pa.
508
00:33:22,255 --> 00:33:24,674
That's a lot of money,
isn't it, Mama?
509
00:33:26,342 --> 00:33:27,385
Mama?
510
00:33:29,137 --> 00:33:33,516
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I'm writing you a letter.
511
00:33:34,642 --> 00:33:38,854
Anyways, I can't wait
to actually meet my pa.
512
00:33:38,938 --> 00:33:41,482
I want him to teach me
how you make babies.
513
00:33:41,566 --> 00:33:45,028
And how the lady poops 'em out.
514
00:33:45,111 --> 00:33:47,572
Be home quick as I can.
515
00:33:47,655 --> 00:33:50,866
Your loving son, Lil Pete.
516
00:34:15,183 --> 00:34:16,434
Tommy?
517
00:34:16,517 --> 00:34:18,311
Yeah, Lil Pete?
518
00:34:19,229 --> 00:34:21,147
Where's the singing windmill?
519
00:34:21,231 --> 00:34:23,774
It's where dad made
his biggest score.
520
00:34:25,193 --> 00:34:27,945
Maybe we'll get another clue
up at Jawbone Falls.
521
00:34:28,028 --> 00:34:31,449
That's where he used to hide out
when he was an outlaw.
522
00:34:31,532 --> 00:34:34,660
Oh, cool beans.
523
00:34:38,331 --> 00:34:39,582
Tommy?
524
00:34:39,665 --> 00:34:41,584
Yeah, Lil Pete?
525
00:34:42,543 --> 00:34:44,545
If we get caught stealing...
526
00:34:45,213 --> 00:34:46,922
would we be in trouble?
527
00:34:50,050 --> 00:34:51,511
I reckon we'll hang.
528
00:34:54,805 --> 00:34:57,433
Well... that's no bother.
529
00:34:58,518 --> 00:35:00,436
I got a real strong neck.
530
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:04,482
Mama makes me pull the plow with my head
if I don't finish my schoolwork.
531
00:35:05,566 --> 00:35:07,235
Which occurs regularilly.
532
00:35:09,237 --> 00:35:11,864
Strong neck might come in handy.
533
00:35:11,947 --> 00:35:14,825
Okay, let's get our rest.
534
00:35:16,369 --> 00:35:18,288
Good night, Tommy.
535
00:35:19,455 --> 00:35:21,040
Good night, Lil Pete.
536
00:35:21,124 --> 00:35:23,543
Good night, Ramon.
537
00:35:23,626 --> 00:35:25,044
Good night, brothers.
538
00:35:26,045 --> 00:35:27,213
Good night, Burro.
539
00:35:31,467 --> 00:35:33,178
That's a dry one.
540
00:35:33,261 --> 00:35:35,221
We will have good dry weather tomorrow.
541
00:35:48,943 --> 00:35:50,486
Shoo, fly!
542
00:35:50,570 --> 00:35:51,696
Shoo!
543
00:35:54,199 --> 00:35:57,327
Oh, come on, fly, vámonos!
We need our sleep.
544
00:36:01,121 --> 00:36:03,333
Let me take care of this.
545
00:36:03,416 --> 00:36:05,168
How can you see a fly in the dark?
546
00:36:05,251 --> 00:36:08,504
A true hunter sees
with all his senses.
547
00:36:13,884 --> 00:36:16,011
That was some mystical shit, man.
548
00:36:19,474 --> 00:36:20,558
Uh-oh.
549
00:36:20,641 --> 00:36:23,018
I think you just nicked his biscuits off.
550
00:36:23,102 --> 00:36:25,271
That's what I was aiming for.
551
00:36:26,272 --> 00:36:28,023
He didn't deserve to die.
552
00:36:28,816 --> 00:36:31,611
He deserved to know
he was not welcome here.
553
00:36:31,694 --> 00:36:34,572
Raised by Indians, huh?
554
00:36:34,655 --> 00:36:36,741
That had some impact on you.
555
00:36:39,910 --> 00:36:41,787
Well, let me get this one.
556
00:36:49,962 --> 00:36:51,881
Sounded like a horse fly.
557
00:36:51,964 --> 00:36:54,759
That wasn't a horse fly,
that was my horse!
558
00:36:54,842 --> 00:36:56,302
Peanut?
559
00:36:56,386 --> 00:36:58,178
Oh, Peanut!
560
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,475
Oh, the burro's gonna be pissed.
561
00:37:03,684 --> 00:37:05,228
You're doing bueno, Burro!
562
00:37:05,311 --> 00:37:08,188
Don't be intimidated by the horse,
you're just as good as him.
563
00:37:08,273 --> 00:37:10,190
I'm so hungry.
564
00:37:10,275 --> 00:37:12,402
There's breakfast all around.
565
00:37:12,485 --> 00:37:17,282
Nuts, berries, bark,
different kinds of mud.
566
00:37:17,365 --> 00:37:19,534
I wish there were taco trees.
567
00:37:19,617 --> 00:37:21,076
What's a taco?
568
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,578
They're the best.
569
00:37:22,662 --> 00:37:26,291
Meat and cheese and tomatoes
in a crispy shell.
570
00:37:26,374 --> 00:37:27,792
You'd love it, man.
571
00:37:27,875 --> 00:37:30,295
Ooh, I want one.
I want 50.
572
00:37:30,378 --> 00:37:33,047
Hate to put an end
to this fascinating conversation,
573
00:37:33,130 --> 00:37:34,131
but we're here.
574
00:37:34,214 --> 00:37:36,801
Jawbone Falls.
575
00:37:38,969 --> 00:37:41,514
And there's a mansion next to it!
576
00:37:49,272 --> 00:37:50,731
Should we just go in?
577
00:37:51,816 --> 00:37:53,651
I reckon.
578
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,203
Hello?
579
00:38:06,664 --> 00:38:07,707
Hola.
580
00:38:11,085 --> 00:38:14,339
Well, this is cozy.
581
00:38:21,095 --> 00:38:22,179
Hello?
582
00:38:31,689 --> 00:38:33,358
Hold on!
583
00:38:33,441 --> 00:38:35,192
Tommy!
584
00:38:43,033 --> 00:38:45,953
Stop! Leave my brother alone!
585
00:38:46,036 --> 00:38:48,122
No, no, no!
586
00:38:48,205 --> 00:38:50,416
Simon says, "Stop!"
587
00:38:50,500 --> 00:38:53,043
Don't hurt my brother!
588
00:38:54,169 --> 00:38:55,254
-Stop!
-Huh?
589
00:39:01,344 --> 00:39:02,678
Good thinking, Tommy.
590
00:39:02,762 --> 00:39:03,763
All right.
591
00:39:03,846 --> 00:39:06,056
Not for me, but good one, Tommy.
592
00:39:08,183 --> 00:39:10,811
Settle, settle, watch it...
593
00:39:10,895 --> 00:39:12,855
It's all right, it's all right...
594
00:39:14,815 --> 00:39:15,983
We don't mean no harm.
595
00:39:16,066 --> 00:39:19,194
-We're just looking for our dad.
-Sí.
596
00:39:19,278 --> 00:39:20,780
Is this your place?
597
00:39:22,281 --> 00:39:23,574
Whose place is it?
598
00:39:28,078 --> 00:39:29,246
Your mother?
599
00:39:29,329 --> 00:39:31,791
Oh, is she here right now?
600
00:39:34,835 --> 00:39:36,170
Oh, she's dead.
601
00:39:37,797 --> 00:39:40,007
I'm so sorry,
I'm sure she was a good woman.
602
00:39:41,467 --> 00:39:42,718
She died three years ago?
603
00:39:43,928 --> 00:39:44,970
Three months ago?
604
00:39:46,931 --> 00:39:49,600
Oh, your mama has three nipples?
605
00:39:49,684 --> 00:39:50,810
Huh?
606
00:39:53,688 --> 00:39:56,441
Yeah, there's three of us.
607
00:39:56,524 --> 00:39:58,776
-Three of us, sí.
-Okay. Okay.
608
00:39:58,859 --> 00:40:00,653
Claro, tres. Sí. Sí.
609
00:40:02,655 --> 00:40:03,656
Whoo-hoo!
610
00:40:03,739 --> 00:40:06,409
You and your mom were making
moonshine up here, huh?
611
00:40:06,492 --> 00:40:08,160
Much obliged.
612
00:40:08,869 --> 00:40:09,870
Gracias.
613
00:40:11,038 --> 00:40:14,417
Making moonshine for Frank Stockburn?
614
00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:16,043
You know Frank Stockburn?
615
00:40:19,046 --> 00:40:20,297
He slept here?
616
00:40:21,966 --> 00:40:23,133
With your mama?
617
00:40:29,389 --> 00:40:30,390
Okay.
618
00:40:36,439 --> 00:40:39,775
Your mama was an owl.
619
00:40:39,859 --> 00:40:43,112
No, our dad made his mom
make owl noises.
620
00:40:43,195 --> 00:40:44,489
Huh?
621
00:40:44,572 --> 00:40:48,826
Yeah, that's right, friend.
We're your brothers.
622
00:40:50,119 --> 00:40:51,912
Gall dang!
623
00:40:59,587 --> 00:41:00,588
Okay.
624
00:41:00,671 --> 00:41:02,965
-Down the hatch, boys!
-Salud. Salud.
625
00:41:05,384 --> 00:41:07,011
What's your name, anyways?
626
00:41:14,810 --> 00:41:19,314
H... R... M...
627
00:41:20,357 --> 00:41:23,235
Squiggly line, asterisk.
628
00:41:25,696 --> 00:41:27,239
How 'bout we just call you Herm?
629
00:41:28,908 --> 00:41:30,951
Herm, so you know,
630
00:41:31,035 --> 00:41:34,580
our dad was kidnapped
by some bad muchachos.
631
00:41:34,664 --> 00:41:36,081
Yeah,
632
00:41:36,165 --> 00:41:38,543
we need money to get him back.
633
00:41:38,626 --> 00:41:40,586
So we're going to steal the money.
634
00:41:43,047 --> 00:41:46,175
No, we're only stealing the money
from folks what are bad.
635
00:41:46,258 --> 00:41:47,677
Hmm...
636
00:41:49,053 --> 00:41:53,808
So do you know of any place where we could
steal a lot of money from some bad folks?
637
00:41:53,891 --> 00:41:55,518
Mmm...
638
00:41:57,227 --> 00:41:58,395
He's got something.
639
00:42:02,107 --> 00:42:04,819
The Gold Nugget Saloon, huh?
640
00:42:05,945 --> 00:42:07,279
I reckon you're coming with us?
641
00:42:11,867 --> 00:42:14,203
Smoking Fox
so worried about White Knife.
642
00:42:14,286 --> 00:42:16,246
We must get her to eat something.
643
00:42:16,330 --> 00:42:19,542
Oh, we having a little picnic here, huh?
644
00:42:19,625 --> 00:42:21,669
You have no right to be here!
This Apache land!
645
00:42:21,752 --> 00:42:24,338
And what you gonna do about it,
beaver breath?
646
00:42:24,421 --> 00:42:26,131
How he know my name?
647
00:42:26,215 --> 00:42:28,676
That's really her name!
648
00:42:31,596 --> 00:42:34,306
Yeah, I think you also could have
gone with "Face Like Witch."
649
00:42:34,389 --> 00:42:36,058
Or "Eats Like Pig."
650
00:42:36,141 --> 00:42:37,852
Or "Hit In Face With Diarrhea Stick."
651
00:42:39,645 --> 00:42:42,690
That's it? Nobody else?
Babyface? Stumbles?
652
00:42:42,773 --> 00:42:45,818
Hey, boss! Look what I got here!
653
00:42:45,901 --> 00:42:48,946
He ain't gonna be
happy about this.
654
00:42:49,029 --> 00:42:52,199
Well, well, well.
655
00:42:58,664 --> 00:43:01,541
Yep, used to be a prosperous town.
656
00:43:01,626 --> 00:43:06,255
Then the gold mine dried up
and the train stopped stopping.
657
00:43:06,338 --> 00:43:09,842
The saloon's the only place left that
still does a good business.
658
00:43:09,925 --> 00:43:14,221
Open day and night since they built it.
Ain't even a lock on the front door.
659
00:43:14,304 --> 00:43:15,555
It never closes.
660
00:43:17,432 --> 00:43:19,894
They got a big ol' golden nugget
hanging above the fireplace.
661
00:43:19,977 --> 00:43:21,979
Folks come from all over
just to take a look.
662
00:43:22,062 --> 00:43:25,065
They say it's worth about $20,000, easy.
663
00:43:26,525 --> 00:43:27,610
All right.
664
00:43:31,906 --> 00:43:35,701
I'm surprised no one's ever tried
to stolen that nugget.
665
00:43:35,785 --> 00:43:37,577
Oh, folks have tried.
666
00:43:37,662 --> 00:43:40,873
If you go in there, you see their thumbs
hanging above the bar.
667
00:43:40,956 --> 00:43:43,042
Smiley Harris, the owner,
bit them clean off.
668
00:43:43,125 --> 00:43:44,877
So nobody messes with Smiley.
669
00:43:49,548 --> 00:43:51,133
That sort of tickled.
670
00:43:51,216 --> 00:43:53,928
What we got going over here, friend?
671
00:43:54,011 --> 00:43:56,263
Just open your robe, please.
672
00:43:58,473 --> 00:43:59,975
Ooh...
673
00:44:00,059 --> 00:44:02,770
I have never seen that big of a rash...
674
00:44:02,853 --> 00:44:04,563
or infection
675
00:44:04,647 --> 00:44:07,858
or whatever this green bubble is.
676
00:44:07,942 --> 00:44:09,443
Hmm.
677
00:44:09,526 --> 00:44:10,610
All right.
678
00:44:13,155 --> 00:44:14,156
Yeah.
679
00:44:18,285 --> 00:44:21,621
Now, son, I would simply recommend
that you stop doing
680
00:44:21,706 --> 00:44:23,958
whatever it is you've been doing,
681
00:44:24,041 --> 00:44:26,210
with whoever...
682
00:44:26,293 --> 00:44:28,796
or whatever you've been doing it with.
683
00:44:37,346 --> 00:44:39,223
Yep, now they call him Smiley,
684
00:44:39,306 --> 00:44:43,352
'cause even when committing
the most unspeakable atrocities,
685
00:44:43,435 --> 00:44:46,480
a cheerful grin never leaves his face.
686
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,692
All right, just lift your tail
for me, please.
687
00:44:52,236 --> 00:44:54,363
Now, he's why that nugget
has never been stolen.
688
00:44:55,489 --> 00:44:57,407
And never will be stolen.
689
00:45:02,412 --> 00:45:04,289
This'll prevent infection.
690
00:45:08,836 --> 00:45:10,587
It tastes good, too.
691
00:45:10,670 --> 00:45:15,926
This Smiley fella, sounds more like
a hooligan than a barkeep.
692
00:45:16,010 --> 00:45:17,261
You're not far off.
693
00:45:17,344 --> 00:45:19,013
Rumor has it that back in the old days
694
00:45:19,096 --> 00:45:21,140
he used to run
with the Frank Stockburn Gang.
695
00:45:22,808 --> 00:45:24,184
Lip balm?
696
00:45:24,268 --> 00:45:26,395
I reckon I'm good.
697
00:45:34,987 --> 00:45:38,282
♪ For breakfast
My baby bakes my biscuits ♪
698
00:45:38,365 --> 00:45:41,410
♪ At lunchtime
She puts honey in my tea ♪
699
00:45:41,493 --> 00:45:42,828
Come on, champ!
700
00:45:42,912 --> 00:45:46,665
♪ For supper
She butters up my corn cob ♪
701
00:45:46,748 --> 00:45:49,501
♪ And for dessert
She gives that pudding to me ♪
702
00:45:50,710 --> 00:45:53,755
♪ My baby knows my eggs are over easy ♪
703
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,759
♪ She lets me cut her coffee
with my cream ♪
704
00:45:58,510 --> 00:46:02,306
♪ I've got a hankering
for some cherry pie ♪
705
00:46:02,389 --> 00:46:06,101
♪ My baby always licks the ladle clean ♪
706
00:46:09,646 --> 00:46:12,691
That Smiley fellow,
he don't joke around.
707
00:46:12,774 --> 00:46:14,318
Oh... I joke around...
708
00:46:15,027 --> 00:46:16,736
but never when it comes to my business.
709
00:46:16,821 --> 00:46:19,198
Welcome to the Gold Nugget, gentlemen.
710
00:46:19,281 --> 00:46:22,534
Mr. Harris,
it's quite a nice spread you got here.
711
00:46:22,617 --> 00:46:24,578
So what brings you gentlemen to town?
712
00:46:24,661 --> 00:46:29,124
Actually, we wanted to ask you
about something, Mr. Harris.
713
00:46:29,208 --> 00:46:30,625
Excuse me.
714
00:46:31,460 --> 00:46:35,255
I am conversing with these gentlemen, sir.
I shall be with you in a moment.
715
00:46:35,339 --> 00:46:38,342
I need to talk to you about
Frank Stockburn.
716
00:46:42,804 --> 00:46:45,182
I haven't heard that name in many a year.
717
00:46:45,265 --> 00:46:46,350
You know him.
718
00:46:46,433 --> 00:46:49,269
Mr. Stockburn and I
were business partners.
719
00:46:49,353 --> 00:46:51,480
I got a photograph.
720
00:46:51,563 --> 00:46:55,775
You see, that there's him...
and that's you.
721
00:46:55,860 --> 00:46:57,569
You rode in his gang.
722
00:46:57,652 --> 00:47:01,323
To be precise...
it was our gang.
723
00:47:01,406 --> 00:47:04,076
He went on to a criminal career
of some renown,
724
00:47:04,159 --> 00:47:07,579
while I achieved great success
in the legitimate business world.
725
00:47:07,662 --> 00:47:09,039
Please help me.
726
00:47:09,123 --> 00:47:11,083
Sir, you are becoming a nuisance.
727
00:47:11,166 --> 00:47:13,627
I just need to tell him what I've done.
728
00:47:40,154 --> 00:47:42,948
I think he's had enough, boss.
729
00:47:45,492 --> 00:47:47,494
Yes.
730
00:47:47,577 --> 00:47:50,247
My apologies, gentlemen.
731
00:47:50,330 --> 00:47:52,457
Not my favorite subject.
732
00:47:52,541 --> 00:47:54,668
A round on the house.
733
00:47:56,086 --> 00:47:59,548
And, Chico, if you ever
grab my arm like that again,
734
00:47:59,631 --> 00:48:01,466
I'll put six bullets in your head.
735
00:48:03,885 --> 00:48:05,137
That's quite a beating.
736
00:48:05,220 --> 00:48:07,764
Hope you and your drink are okay.
737
00:48:08,682 --> 00:48:11,601
Why do you want to meet
this Frank Stockburn so badly, huh?
738
00:48:11,685 --> 00:48:13,770
Frank Stockburn's my father.
739
00:48:15,897 --> 00:48:19,484
If Frank Stockburn is your father,
raise your hand.
740
00:48:21,946 --> 00:48:23,530
Gall dang!
741
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:36,543
Chico's right.
Getting late, starting to thin out.
742
00:48:38,670 --> 00:48:40,380
Can I tell you guys something?
743
00:48:40,464 --> 00:48:42,841
Because I don't wanna have
no secrets between us.
744
00:48:42,924 --> 00:48:44,051
Of course.
745
00:48:44,134 --> 00:48:46,095
-Yeah, we're brothers.
-Yeah.
746
00:48:46,178 --> 00:48:50,474
Now, I know Dad is a white man,
but my mother...
747
00:48:50,557 --> 00:48:52,267
was actually black.
748
00:48:52,351 --> 00:48:56,063
So that, technically,
makes me half-black.
749
00:48:56,146 --> 00:48:57,939
Is that right?
750
00:48:58,023 --> 00:48:59,566
Well, I didn't wanna hide that from you
751
00:48:59,649 --> 00:49:02,444
in case you guys slipped up
and made some racial slurs
752
00:49:02,527 --> 00:49:05,822
-not knowing I wasn't 100% white.
-Hmm.
753
00:49:05,905 --> 00:49:08,283
I mean, I knew she must've
been really muscular,
754
00:49:08,367 --> 00:49:10,660
but I had no idea she was black.
755
00:49:10,744 --> 00:49:11,786
Yeah, I mean, I guess,
756
00:49:11,870 --> 00:49:13,830
now that you mention it,
I see it a little bit.
757
00:49:15,165 --> 00:49:17,709
My mother's Swedish.
758
00:49:17,792 --> 00:49:20,629
I don't think so.
I reckon she's Mexican.
759
00:49:22,131 --> 00:49:24,091
Lying bitch!
760
00:49:25,175 --> 00:49:27,927
So do you new brothers
have any special skills
761
00:49:28,012 --> 00:49:30,055
that could help us out here tonight?
762
00:49:30,139 --> 00:49:31,140
Like what?
763
00:49:31,223 --> 00:49:33,600
Like, you know,
Tommy's good with knives.
764
00:49:33,683 --> 00:49:36,061
Lil Pete's got a bonus nipple.
765
00:49:36,145 --> 00:49:37,729
I got a burro.
766
00:49:39,481 --> 00:49:41,650
Herm is good at strangling.
767
00:49:41,733 --> 00:49:45,404
-Huh?
-I can hold my breath for six minutes.
768
00:49:45,487 --> 00:49:48,157
Well, I can play the piano with my dick.
769
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,368
Well, we're unstoppable then.
770
00:49:51,451 --> 00:49:55,997
Anyways, any of you handsome brothers
ready to go steal a big hunk of gold?
771
00:49:56,081 --> 00:49:58,042
-I'm ready.
-I'm hungry.
772
00:49:58,125 --> 00:49:59,626
-I'm drunk.
-And I'm Lil Pete.
773
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,047
Let's get that nugget then.
774
00:50:44,504 --> 00:50:46,090
Oh...
775
00:50:46,173 --> 00:50:49,676
You've got some pair of huevos
coming into my place, son.
776
00:50:49,759 --> 00:50:52,554
I sure am sorry
about what happened, Mr. Harris.
777
00:50:52,637 --> 00:50:55,140
In fact, I'd like to buy you a drink...
778
00:50:55,224 --> 00:50:57,892
of the good stuff,
if that's okay?
779
00:50:58,602 --> 00:51:02,689
Barkeep, you got any scotch,
real scotch, from scotch-land?
780
00:51:05,817 --> 00:51:09,363
We keep the imported stuff in the back.
I'll go and fetch it for you.
781
00:51:09,446 --> 00:51:10,780
That's wonderful.
782
00:51:27,172 --> 00:51:28,840
Now, I didn't hear that,
did you?
783
00:51:28,923 --> 00:51:30,300
I did.
784
00:51:53,240 --> 00:51:54,908
I don't know,
maybe I'm turned round.
785
00:51:54,991 --> 00:51:57,911
I thought that, like,
tonight was gonna be Fajita Friday
786
00:51:57,994 --> 00:51:59,954
or line dancing or something.
787
00:52:00,038 --> 00:52:03,417
It just seems quiet, but y'all be good.
Stay warm.
788
00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:06,044
-Hey, he's got the thumbs!
-They came with the pants!
789
00:52:10,632 --> 00:52:12,717
Right on the rocks,
right on the rocks.
790
00:52:12,801 --> 00:52:15,345
Oh, you're gaining on me!
You're gaining on me!
791
00:52:15,429 --> 00:52:18,223
You don't even understand
what we're gonna do to--
792
00:52:22,686 --> 00:52:24,979
Teach them not to mess
with the Stockburn brothers!
793
00:52:35,699 --> 00:52:38,952
Smiley...
794
00:52:48,503 --> 00:52:51,256
I'm watching you!
795
00:52:51,340 --> 00:52:52,841
Who's that?
796
00:52:56,428 --> 00:52:57,887
Ladies.
797
00:53:01,350 --> 00:53:05,604
What's behind door number three?
798
00:53:11,610 --> 00:53:15,655
Okay, ladies, take your clothes off
and start punching me in the face.
799
00:53:15,739 --> 00:53:16,781
Sorry, carry on.
800
00:53:16,865 --> 00:53:18,742
Hallelujah!
801
00:53:21,245 --> 00:53:26,291
Smiley,
why don't you visit your grandma...
802
00:53:26,375 --> 00:53:28,042
In hell!
803
00:53:48,229 --> 00:53:50,106
Smiley.
804
00:53:50,189 --> 00:53:54,486
You cannot
escape me, Smiley!
805
00:53:59,574 --> 00:54:02,744
Give me my thumbs back.
806
00:54:09,626 --> 00:54:11,753
It's too big, Lil Pete!
807
00:54:11,836 --> 00:54:13,004
What's too big?
808
00:54:13,838 --> 00:54:16,132
Uh... plan B's too big?
809
00:54:16,215 --> 00:54:17,717
What the hell is plan B?
810
00:54:17,801 --> 00:54:19,428
Let me show you.
811
00:54:20,178 --> 00:54:21,262
Plan B!
812
00:54:42,784 --> 00:54:45,579
Yeah, works better if you have knives.
813
00:54:45,662 --> 00:54:48,582
Yeah, that makes sense.
814
00:54:48,665 --> 00:54:49,916
Come on.
815
00:54:52,043 --> 00:54:53,628
You can take 'em!
Come on!
816
00:54:53,712 --> 00:54:56,172
I got the nugget! I got the nugget!
What do we do?
817
00:54:56,255 --> 00:54:57,924
-He's shooting like a madman!
-Come on!
818
00:54:58,007 --> 00:55:00,051
Big bullets! Big bullets!
Come on! Come on!
819
00:55:04,013 --> 00:55:06,307
Next man who moves will die!
820
00:55:10,311 --> 00:55:12,313
Who are you people?
821
00:55:19,363 --> 00:55:21,656
We are the Stockburn brothers.
822
00:55:21,740 --> 00:55:23,617
Frank's kids?
823
00:55:27,203 --> 00:55:31,958
Well... this is interesting.
824
00:55:32,041 --> 00:55:35,462
You know, the last time
I saw your father was in Utah.
825
00:55:35,545 --> 00:55:37,839
Just rang up our biggest score.
826
00:55:39,007 --> 00:55:40,675
But when we was dividing it up,
827
00:55:40,759 --> 00:55:43,678
we started having trouble
with the arithmetic.
828
00:55:43,762 --> 00:55:47,932
And somehow I ended up
abandoned beside a windmill,
829
00:55:48,016 --> 00:55:52,646
knife stuck in my guts,
left to die like a dog.
830
00:55:52,729 --> 00:55:55,064
Frank had taken it all.
831
00:55:55,148 --> 00:55:58,234
But now, I get to take something.
832
00:55:58,317 --> 00:56:02,531
The lives of his five ridiculous sons.
833
00:56:06,325 --> 00:56:07,744
Don't forget about número seis!
834
00:56:12,248 --> 00:56:14,333
Holy moly!
835
00:56:14,418 --> 00:56:15,960
No! Hell, no!
836
00:56:32,226 --> 00:56:35,855
He's giving himself
six bullets to the head!
837
00:56:35,939 --> 00:56:38,107
And he's still smiling!
838
00:56:49,410 --> 00:56:51,370
I was just trying to knock him out.
839
00:56:52,413 --> 00:56:55,041
Well, you succeeded.
840
00:56:55,124 --> 00:56:56,960
I don't think he's waking up
from that one.
841
00:56:57,043 --> 00:56:58,920
You done a number on him, Ramon.
842
00:56:59,003 --> 00:57:00,464
You did!
You did a number there.
843
00:57:00,547 --> 00:57:02,799
-Yeah, you did!
-Hey! Hey!
844
00:57:16,896 --> 00:57:19,858
Plan B was officially insane!
845
00:57:23,820 --> 00:57:27,156
Here you are, Danny.
It's an old Apache remedy.
846
00:57:29,117 --> 00:57:32,245
Clears your head after too much firewater.
847
00:57:32,328 --> 00:57:36,165
You know everything, Tommy.
Where'd you learn all this stuff?
848
00:57:36,249 --> 00:57:38,167
My father taught me.
849
00:57:38,251 --> 00:57:41,505
Dad? I thought you just met him last week.
850
00:57:41,588 --> 00:57:44,799
Not our father. Screaming Eagle.
851
00:57:44,883 --> 00:57:46,718
He raised me since I was a kid.
852
00:57:46,801 --> 00:57:50,889
He's the kindest...
wisest man I've ever known.
853
00:57:50,972 --> 00:57:52,056
Wow...
854
00:57:53,141 --> 00:57:55,184
must've been nice to have a dad.
855
00:57:55,268 --> 00:57:58,563
Oh, yeah, someone to wrastle with
856
00:57:58,647 --> 00:58:00,899
and teach you how
to cut up your panny-cakes.
857
00:58:00,982 --> 00:58:05,570
Someone to give you advice
when you screwed up real, real bad.
858
00:58:06,821 --> 00:58:08,364
Well, we do got a dad.
859
00:58:09,783 --> 00:58:11,910
And we're gonna see him real soon.
860
00:58:14,328 --> 00:58:16,623
Yeah... I can't wait.
861
00:58:18,207 --> 00:58:19,501
Yeah.
862
00:58:19,584 --> 00:58:23,296
♪ When I meet Dad
I must insist ♪
863
00:58:23,379 --> 00:58:26,758
♪ On making up
for all the time we missed ♪
864
00:58:26,841 --> 00:58:29,010
♪ We'll talk and drink ♪
865
00:58:29,093 --> 00:58:31,012
♪ And he'll bounce me on his knee ♪
866
00:58:31,095 --> 00:58:36,142
♪ Then we'll search hand in hand
for the taco tree ♪
867
00:58:37,393 --> 00:58:41,105
♪ When I meet Dad
I'm gonna ask him why ♪
868
00:58:41,189 --> 00:58:45,610
♪ Did he pork my mother
then say goodbye ♪
869
00:58:45,694 --> 00:58:49,363
♪ We're gonna be just like
birds of a feather ♪
870
00:58:49,447 --> 00:58:53,076
♪ Playing piano with our dicks together ♪
871
00:58:55,411 --> 00:58:56,996
♪ When I meet Dad ♪
872
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:58,832
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
873
00:58:58,915 --> 00:59:00,917
♪ He'll take away my sad ♪
874
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:04,503
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
875
00:59:06,548 --> 00:59:07,966
♪ When I see Pa ♪
876
00:59:08,049 --> 00:59:10,259
♪ I'm gonna scream, "Gall dang!" ♪
877
00:59:10,343 --> 00:59:14,430
♪ You're the handsomest man
and you're really, really good ♪
878
00:59:14,513 --> 00:59:18,476
♪ I love you, Pa
And I'm glad you're my pa ♪
879
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:21,646
♪ Why do I have three nipples? ♪
880
00:59:24,107 --> 00:59:26,359
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
881
00:59:26,442 --> 00:59:28,152
♪ When we meet Dad ♪
882
00:59:28,236 --> 00:59:30,196
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
883
00:59:30,279 --> 00:59:33,157
♪ Why does he have three nipples? ♪
884
00:59:42,166 --> 00:59:43,417
Hit it, Herm!
885
00:59:51,635 --> 00:59:53,094
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
886
00:59:53,177 --> 00:59:55,054
♪ It's fun to have brothers ♪
887
00:59:55,138 --> 00:59:57,056
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
888
00:59:57,140 --> 01:00:00,143
♪ All from different mothers ♪
889
01:00:01,978 --> 01:00:06,941
♪ Well, I had a dad
And now I have two ♪
890
01:00:07,025 --> 01:00:11,613
♪ But one thing I never had
was a mother like you ♪
891
01:00:11,696 --> 01:00:16,868
♪ She lost her life 'cause of me
and I miss her every day ♪
892
01:00:16,951 --> 01:00:21,080
♪ Why, oh, why did that evil man ♪
893
01:00:21,164 --> 01:00:25,043
♪ Take my mama away? ♪
894
01:00:30,089 --> 01:00:32,050
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
895
01:00:32,133 --> 01:00:34,010
♪ I think I'm gonna cry ♪
896
01:00:34,093 --> 01:00:36,012
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
897
01:00:36,095 --> 01:00:39,724
♪ Quick, Herm, do the headless guy ♪
898
01:01:08,252 --> 01:01:09,378
What the...
899
01:01:11,589 --> 01:01:13,049
Okay, boys.
900
01:01:14,133 --> 01:01:15,802
I'm gonna check this out.
901
01:01:18,847 --> 01:01:22,141
The ball is in your hand,
twist the leg, then you let it go!
902
01:01:22,225 --> 01:01:23,977
Now, let me see.
Ready, men?
903
01:01:25,186 --> 01:01:27,480
No, no, no!
904
01:01:27,563 --> 01:01:30,191
You're not listening to me, Hung Shin!
905
01:01:30,274 --> 01:01:33,027
You have to be very precise.
906
01:01:33,111 --> 01:01:35,571
Precise...
907
01:01:35,654 --> 01:01:37,073
I say!
908
01:01:37,156 --> 01:01:38,324
You there!
909
01:01:38,407 --> 01:01:41,494
I have a proposition.
910
01:01:41,577 --> 01:01:44,956
How would you men like to participate
911
01:01:45,039 --> 01:01:48,126
in the birth of something extraordinary?
912
01:01:48,209 --> 01:01:52,296
Well, we ain't got time for that,
but you can have your brown thing back.
913
01:01:53,672 --> 01:01:55,759
What's so damnably important
914
01:01:55,842 --> 01:01:58,219
that you need to miss
your rendezvous with history?
915
01:01:58,302 --> 01:02:01,180
We gotta save our daddy,
Frank Stockburn.
916
01:02:01,264 --> 01:02:02,724
Frank Stockburn, the outlaw?
917
01:02:02,807 --> 01:02:05,143
-You know our dad?
-Without a doubt.
918
01:02:05,226 --> 01:02:07,812
One of the best poker players
I've ever played against.
919
01:02:07,896 --> 01:02:12,901
I played him in Ezekiel Grant's
annual Valentine's Day game down in Yuma.
920
01:02:12,984 --> 01:02:17,864
Thousands of dollars on the table,
but Stockburn doesn't bat an eyelash.
921
01:02:17,947 --> 01:02:21,785
He happen to mention anything
about what his biggest score was?
922
01:02:21,868 --> 01:02:25,204
Over in Utah?
A guy named Smiley Harris?
923
01:02:26,205 --> 01:02:27,706
I'll make you a deal.
924
01:02:27,791 --> 01:02:31,795
Help me out a bit
and I'll tell you all I know.
925
01:02:31,878 --> 01:02:34,547
Deal. Tommy Dunson.
926
01:02:34,630 --> 01:02:38,259
Abner Doubleday.
Let's play ball.
927
01:02:44,473 --> 01:02:49,437
Welcome, my friends, to the first ever
playing of a new sport.
928
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:53,399
A sport of my own devising.
929
01:02:53,482 --> 01:02:59,697
On this field, two ten-person teams
will engage in a battle of--
930
01:02:59,781 --> 01:03:01,240
Yes, Qi?
931
01:03:01,324 --> 01:03:04,077
Only 18 people here.
932
01:03:05,203 --> 01:03:11,584
Two nine-person teams will engage in
a battle of strength, speed, and strategy.
933
01:03:11,667 --> 01:03:16,380
One team will go out onto
the field to play defense
934
01:03:16,464 --> 01:03:21,094
while the other team
will take turns hitting this ball...
935
01:03:22,595 --> 01:03:24,013
with a stickie.
936
01:03:24,097 --> 01:03:26,182
What are you gonna call this game?
937
01:03:26,265 --> 01:03:27,516
What else?
938
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,269
Stickie McSchnickens.
939
01:03:32,521 --> 01:03:37,443
Now your goal, ball thrower,
is to get the ball past me two times
940
01:03:37,526 --> 01:03:39,112
without my hitting it.
941
01:03:39,195 --> 01:03:42,281
Fire when ready.
942
01:03:45,659 --> 01:03:49,205
I didn't know you were going
to toss it quite so hard, ball thrower.
943
01:03:49,288 --> 01:03:50,289
All right.
944
01:03:55,837 --> 01:03:59,048
Okay, that's two past ya.
So you're done, right?
945
01:03:59,132 --> 01:04:01,217
No, no, I said three times.
946
01:04:01,300 --> 01:04:03,052
No, you said two.
947
01:04:03,136 --> 01:04:05,930
I said three!
Three strikes and I'm out.
948
01:04:06,014 --> 01:04:08,850
I know what I said, shortstop.
949
01:04:10,226 --> 01:04:13,104
That's your new name.
Short Stop, that's right.
950
01:04:13,187 --> 01:04:14,939
Now and forever.
Forever and ever!
951
01:04:15,023 --> 01:04:17,025
Short Stop.
Short Stop, Short Stop.
952
01:04:17,108 --> 01:04:18,151
Short Stop.
953
01:04:20,236 --> 01:04:21,612
Yes, all right.
954
01:04:23,364 --> 01:04:25,033
Strike three!
You're out!
955
01:04:25,116 --> 01:04:29,245
No, no, the ball was... too low.
956
01:04:29,328 --> 01:04:34,375
In order for it to count as a strike,
it has to pass through the...
957
01:04:34,458 --> 01:04:35,709
strike zone.
958
01:04:35,793 --> 01:04:37,461
-Strike zone?
-That's right.
959
01:04:37,545 --> 01:04:41,966
And if you don't get the ball past me,
between my knees and my titties,
960
01:04:42,050 --> 01:04:43,217
it's not a strike.
961
01:04:43,301 --> 01:04:44,802
It's a non-strike.
962
01:04:44,886 --> 01:04:46,512
And if you throw me four non-strikes,
963
01:04:46,595 --> 01:04:49,640
I get an express ticket to first base
without my even hitting it.
964
01:04:50,141 --> 01:04:51,434
Oh.
965
01:04:51,517 --> 01:04:52,936
All right, are we ready?
966
01:04:57,565 --> 01:05:00,693
That also gets me to first base...
as well.
967
01:05:11,996 --> 01:05:13,247
Where you going?
Nobody hit it.
968
01:05:13,331 --> 01:05:16,542
I stole the base.
You weren't looking, so I stole it.
969
01:05:16,625 --> 01:05:19,753
You said you could only advance
after you hit the ball!
970
01:05:19,837 --> 01:05:22,048
Not when you're stealing.
971
01:05:22,131 --> 01:05:23,757
That's bullshit.
972
01:05:23,841 --> 01:05:25,093
Okay, Short Stop.
973
01:05:42,944 --> 01:05:44,028
He's moving!
974
01:05:46,614 --> 01:05:47,698
Safe!
975
01:05:54,747 --> 01:05:55,748
Gall dang, I don't know.
976
01:05:55,831 --> 01:05:58,834
-That was a tie.
-Yes, and tie goes to the runner!
977
01:05:58,917 --> 01:06:00,503
Why's that?
978
01:06:00,586 --> 01:06:04,923
Because those are the rules
of Stickie McSchnickens, that's why.
979
01:06:08,011 --> 01:06:09,678
All right, it's all mine,
I've got it!
980
01:06:09,762 --> 01:06:12,974
No! No, you can't run.
You cannot run.
981
01:06:13,057 --> 01:06:16,978
Infield fly rule... in full effect.
982
01:06:19,730 --> 01:06:20,773
You're out.
983
01:06:22,650 --> 01:06:24,235
-Here we go, Herm.
-Okay, Herm!
984
01:06:24,318 --> 01:06:25,361
Yeah.
985
01:06:30,574 --> 01:06:31,659
Oh!
986
01:06:31,742 --> 01:06:33,536
Oh, I'm not getting that.
987
01:06:33,619 --> 01:06:34,745
Yeah, bueno!
988
01:06:34,828 --> 01:06:38,832
You can just run all the way home.
A home runner.
989
01:06:40,251 --> 01:06:41,960
I need a cold drink.
990
01:06:42,045 --> 01:06:45,756
Let's take a five-minute stretch
and then start the second half.
991
01:06:45,839 --> 01:06:47,550
Mr. Doubleday, we're done.
992
01:06:47,633 --> 01:06:49,677
But we've only played nine innings.
993
01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:53,514
Nine innings is enough.
Tell us about Dad's biggest score.
994
01:06:53,597 --> 01:06:55,183
Fine.
995
01:06:55,266 --> 01:07:01,647
Your father and his gang knocked off
an entire cavalry regiment, 120 men,
996
01:07:01,730 --> 01:07:04,192
five trunks filled with Yankee money.
997
01:07:05,526 --> 01:07:06,652
Where'd that happen?
998
01:07:06,735 --> 01:07:09,655
Up at Sweet Hog Rock...
999
01:07:09,738 --> 01:07:11,615
100 miles due north.
1000
01:07:11,699 --> 01:07:13,451
You'll know it when you see it.
1001
01:07:13,534 --> 01:07:15,286
Well, fellas,
1002
01:07:15,369 --> 01:07:19,373
looks like we're going to Sweet Hog Rock
to find ourselves a singing windmill.
1003
01:07:19,457 --> 01:07:21,167
But we still need another 10,000 bucks.
1004
01:07:21,250 --> 01:07:23,586
I reckon we'll make a quick stop, then.
1005
01:07:23,669 --> 01:07:25,421
Before you go...
1006
01:07:25,504 --> 01:07:28,466
do you wanna line up and shake hands
and say "good game" to each other?
1007
01:07:29,092 --> 01:07:30,093
No.
1008
01:07:31,552 --> 01:07:33,596
Them boys were nice fellers.
1009
01:07:33,679 --> 01:07:36,974
Paid in cash.
Kept the profanity to a minimum.
1010
01:07:37,058 --> 01:07:40,978
And the Mexican brother knocked
this hard-ass' head off with a shovel?
1011
01:07:41,062 --> 01:07:44,815
Dang thing flew nearly 40 feet!
And still a-smilin'.
1012
01:07:44,898 --> 01:07:45,899
Oh! Man!
1013
01:07:45,983 --> 01:07:48,402
And hasn't stopped yet.
1014
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:57,161
Oh, hell, no!
My man gluing on heads and shit!
1015
01:07:57,245 --> 01:07:59,747
Wish he'd glue the head back on my pecker.
1016
01:07:59,830 --> 01:08:01,290
What happened to your pecker?
1017
01:08:01,374 --> 01:08:04,627
I was part of another gang
before I joined up with y'all.
1018
01:08:04,710 --> 01:08:05,794
Texas Stubbies.
1019
01:08:05,878 --> 01:08:09,132
Okay,
never mind all that. Okay?
1020
01:08:09,215 --> 01:08:13,844
Now, Doc, you know which way
them there Ridiculous 6 rode off to?
1021
01:08:13,927 --> 01:08:16,514
We're traveling
with a friend of theirs who, uh...
1022
01:08:16,597 --> 01:08:18,682
will be real excited to see them.
1023
01:08:18,766 --> 01:08:21,144
Well, they headed up north
to the Turquoise Trail.
1024
01:08:22,270 --> 01:08:23,854
I can show you on the map over here.
1025
01:08:25,939 --> 01:08:28,692
Looking forward to seeing
your man beg for his life?
1026
01:08:29,902 --> 01:08:32,113
'Cause that's what's gonna happen,
Smoking Fox.
1027
01:08:32,196 --> 01:08:34,740
Chicken pox!
1028
01:08:34,823 --> 01:08:37,743
We're gaining on his
Injun-loving ass every day.
1029
01:08:37,826 --> 01:08:39,370
He messed with the Left-Eye Gang!
1030
01:08:39,453 --> 01:08:40,621
He's gonna be like,
1031
01:08:40,704 --> 01:08:47,295
"Wait, how did you find me, and where...
How did you get my girl?"
1032
01:08:47,378 --> 01:08:51,507
And then old Dumb Knife's gonna realize
that he's in way over his head.
1033
01:08:54,552 --> 01:08:58,472
See, when George Washington
invented America...
1034
01:09:16,157 --> 01:09:17,825
Excuse me, Sheriff.
1035
01:09:17,908 --> 01:09:19,702
Is there a church in this town?
1036
01:09:19,785 --> 01:09:22,955
This is Rattler's Gulch, you halfwit.
1037
01:09:23,038 --> 01:09:26,792
The meanest, crookedest,
most hellacious town in the West.
1038
01:09:26,875 --> 01:09:30,463
We don't need no preacher telling us
what we can and cannot do.
1039
01:09:30,546 --> 01:09:33,299
So it's all right
if I do this to your wife?
1040
01:09:54,362 --> 01:09:58,115
I can't wait to see all you nice people
when I'm dangling!
1041
01:09:58,199 --> 01:09:59,658
You sick bastard.
1042
01:09:59,742 --> 01:10:01,285
Get this over with.
1043
01:10:01,369 --> 01:10:05,163
You're in for a real treat today.
This is gonna be so much fun.
1044
01:10:14,006 --> 01:10:16,259
I'm just messing with y'all.
I'm fine!
1045
01:10:18,302 --> 01:10:20,178
I call this one Fish Out of Water.
1046
01:10:30,105 --> 01:10:33,692
♪ He flies through the air
with the greatest of ease ♪
1047
01:10:33,776 --> 01:10:37,571
♪ That daring young man
on the flying trapeze ♪
1048
01:10:37,655 --> 01:10:39,240
Yeah!
1049
01:10:46,163 --> 01:10:47,205
Yeah!
1050
01:10:47,831 --> 01:10:50,501
Herm, put the hookers back.
1051
01:10:52,253 --> 01:10:53,629
Come on!
1052
01:10:57,132 --> 01:11:00,928
Yeah, you can't catch me!
1053
01:11:03,889 --> 01:11:06,892
He ain't dying, Billy!
He's making a fool of you!
1054
01:11:06,975 --> 01:11:08,519
Whoo-hoo!
1055
01:11:08,602 --> 01:11:09,603
All right, that's it!
1056
01:11:09,687 --> 01:11:11,480
We'll shoot the son of a bitch!
1057
01:11:11,564 --> 01:11:13,190
On my command!
1058
01:11:13,274 --> 01:11:15,359
Ready...
1059
01:11:15,443 --> 01:11:16,735
Aim...
1060
01:11:17,320 --> 01:11:19,112
Fire!
1061
01:11:25,578 --> 01:11:28,831
Wind took him, Tommy.
Came damn close.
1062
01:11:28,914 --> 01:11:31,124
I'm okay!
1063
01:11:31,208 --> 01:11:33,419
Come on, Billy!
Get him!
1064
01:11:33,502 --> 01:11:35,045
We did it!
1065
01:11:37,923 --> 01:11:41,176
I told ya
I got a strong neck!
1066
01:11:43,095 --> 01:11:44,513
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
1067
01:11:44,597 --> 01:11:46,349
♪ Won't be so sad ♪
1068
01:11:46,432 --> 01:11:48,266
♪ Yippie-yo-yo-yea ♪
1069
01:11:48,351 --> 01:11:50,561
♪ We're gonna save Dad ♪
1070
01:11:54,607 --> 01:11:57,485
We still gotta get to Sweet Hog Rock
before they do.
1071
01:11:57,568 --> 01:12:00,070
Gotta find that singing windmill,
so it ain't over yet.
1072
01:12:00,153 --> 01:12:01,364
We got the money!
1073
01:12:01,447 --> 01:12:04,533
-The Ridiculous 6 got all the money!
-Yeah!
1074
01:12:04,617 --> 01:12:05,701
Yeah!
1075
01:12:07,995 --> 01:12:11,039
Tommy! Tommy! What's Dad like?
Is he funny?
1076
01:12:11,123 --> 01:12:12,708
Yeah, is he a good listener?
1077
01:12:12,791 --> 01:12:14,209
Is he strong?
1078
01:12:18,714 --> 01:12:22,092
All great questions.
I'll tell you this.
1079
01:12:22,175 --> 01:12:24,094
I think you guys are gonna love him.
1080
01:12:25,137 --> 01:12:28,181
But I'm sure he's gonna love you guys.
1081
01:12:30,476 --> 01:12:33,228
So sorry to interrupt
such a tender moment.
1082
01:12:33,311 --> 01:12:36,399
Looks like we stumbled
on bath day, boys!
1083
01:12:38,150 --> 01:12:40,778
I heard you picked up some brothers
along the way, tough guy.
1084
01:12:40,861 --> 01:12:42,863
But I don't see no resemblance.
1085
01:12:42,946 --> 01:12:46,534
I do, they all look like my butthole.
1086
01:12:49,787 --> 01:12:51,705
So guess what time it is, boys?
1087
01:12:51,789 --> 01:12:53,081
Payback time!
1088
01:12:53,165 --> 01:12:56,544
Any last words,
No Knife?
1089
01:13:03,551 --> 01:13:05,010
I told ya I could hold my breath good.
1090
01:13:05,093 --> 01:13:06,303
Yeah, Danny boy!
1091
01:13:06,387 --> 01:13:09,097
What are you doing, man?
We gotta go!
1092
01:13:11,725 --> 01:13:14,144
-Oh, jackpot, boys!
-No!
1093
01:13:15,353 --> 01:13:17,147
-That's ours!
-Hyah!
1094
01:13:21,318 --> 01:13:22,445
Rusty!
1095
01:13:22,528 --> 01:13:24,863
Rusty, no, come back!
1096
01:13:24,947 --> 01:13:25,989
No.
1097
01:13:37,876 --> 01:13:41,922
How are we gonna save him?
We're startin' all over.
1098
01:13:42,005 --> 01:13:44,341
Is there any more good places
we can rob?
1099
01:13:44,425 --> 01:13:48,136
You know like a burro-grooming place
or a shoe store for burros?
1100
01:13:48,804 --> 01:13:51,557
Half the lawmen in the West
are already looking for us.
1101
01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:54,309
So what?
Look, we can't stop.
1102
01:13:54,392 --> 01:13:55,644
They're going to kill him!
1103
01:13:55,728 --> 01:13:58,105
Ain't no difference.
He's dying anyways.
1104
01:14:02,150 --> 01:14:03,819
Dad's sick.
1105
01:14:04,987 --> 01:14:06,614
I'm sorry I didn't tell y'all.
1106
01:14:07,490 --> 01:14:09,950
There's a good chance
he's dead already.
1107
01:14:12,786 --> 01:14:16,665
But there's a chance he's not.
You got to meet him, Tommy.
1108
01:14:16,749 --> 01:14:18,667
The rest of us...
1109
01:14:18,751 --> 01:14:21,253
Even if it was just for five minutes,
it'd be worth it.
1110
01:14:21,336 --> 01:14:27,134
If I don't talk to Dad, I'll die with this
dirty secret burnin' a hole in my guts.
1111
01:14:27,217 --> 01:14:31,889
Danito, whatever it is you did,
you have to forgive yourself, man.
1112
01:14:31,972 --> 01:14:34,307
You wouldn't say that if you know
what I done.
1113
01:14:34,391 --> 01:14:36,852
-Everybody's got secrets, Danny.
-Yeah.
1114
01:14:36,935 --> 01:14:39,312
You guys are the first people
I told I was black.
1115
01:14:39,396 --> 01:14:41,857
You know how good that made me feel?
1116
01:14:41,940 --> 01:14:44,026
We're your brothers.
1117
01:14:44,109 --> 01:14:46,111
You can tell us anything.
1118
01:14:47,863 --> 01:14:48,989
I, uh...
1119
01:14:52,325 --> 01:14:55,078
I used to work
for the President of the United States.
1120
01:14:56,872 --> 01:14:58,874
I was his personal bodyguard.
1121
01:14:59,875 --> 01:15:01,126
One of the best.
1122
01:15:02,044 --> 01:15:03,921
Till one night...
1123
01:15:08,967 --> 01:15:12,220
Mr. President, say, I'm gonna go
hit the little boys' room.
1124
01:15:12,304 --> 01:15:14,557
Are you shitting me?
1125
01:15:14,640 --> 01:15:16,892
Come on!
You'll be fine, superstar.
1126
01:15:16,975 --> 01:15:20,228
Can I get ya something on the way back?
Agua? Brewski?
1127
01:15:20,312 --> 01:15:21,438
No!
1128
01:15:21,522 --> 01:15:24,733
Mrs. Lincoln, how about one of them
big pretzels or a little pillow?
1129
01:15:24,817 --> 01:15:26,735
I hear this play's kind of a long one.
1130
01:15:27,861 --> 01:15:30,363
All right, fair enough.
I'll be back in two.
1131
01:15:37,495 --> 01:15:39,331
Where's the president's box?
1132
01:15:39,414 --> 01:15:42,042
-John Wilkes Booth, the actor?
-Yeah.
1133
01:15:42,125 --> 01:15:44,878
No way, man! Big fan!
1134
01:15:44,962 --> 01:15:46,797
-You wanna say hi to the president?
-Yeah.
1135
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:49,507
He'd get a real kick out of that.
Last door on the left.
1136
01:15:49,592 --> 01:15:51,594
-Thank you.
-Really cool.
1137
01:15:51,677 --> 01:15:54,096
Wow! Love that guy!
1138
01:15:59,602 --> 01:16:03,606
Abe!
1139
01:16:07,985 --> 01:16:12,489
How can you go on living your life
knowing you harmed so many people?
1140
01:16:12,573 --> 01:16:14,407
That's what I wanna ask Dad.
1141
01:16:14,491 --> 01:16:17,870
Hey, you ain't the one
who pulled that trigger.
1142
01:16:17,953 --> 01:16:20,914
But if Dad's gotta be
the one who tells you that...
1143
01:16:23,083 --> 01:16:24,835
then let's go get that money.
1144
01:16:24,918 --> 01:16:27,420
I just wish I knew how.
1145
01:16:31,049 --> 01:16:32,300
Herm's got an idea.
1146
01:16:33,677 --> 01:16:35,095
He just can't express it.
1147
01:16:36,722 --> 01:16:38,807
I just wish somebody here
could speak Herm.
1148
01:16:45,480 --> 01:16:47,775
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
1149
01:16:47,858 --> 01:16:52,404
That's when Ezekiel Grant has his annual
high-stakes poker game.
1150
01:16:52,487 --> 01:16:56,241
There'll be oodles of money there.
Oodles, I say.
1151
01:16:56,324 --> 01:16:57,785
Ooh.
1152
01:16:57,868 --> 01:17:00,871
-I don't know. That sounds risky.
-What's risky?
1153
01:17:00,954 --> 01:17:05,167
He's suggesting we...
knock off Ezekiel Grant's poker game.
1154
01:17:05,250 --> 01:17:06,501
It's in Yuma tomorrow night.
1155
01:17:06,584 --> 01:17:08,837
Yuma's less than a day's walk from here.
1156
01:17:08,921 --> 01:17:12,675
That poker game, there's practically
gonna be an army protectin' it.
1157
01:17:12,758 --> 01:17:16,929
If Tommy says we can beat 'em,
I'll believe him.
1158
01:17:17,012 --> 01:17:19,973
We all will.
1159
01:17:22,225 --> 01:17:23,560
We can beat 'em...
1160
01:17:24,895 --> 01:17:25,979
for Dad.
1161
01:17:26,063 --> 01:17:27,690
For Dad!
1162
01:17:42,705 --> 01:17:46,667
I hope you like the gift I'm giving you
for Valentine's Day, Ezekiel.
1163
01:17:46,750 --> 01:17:51,088
I'll give you a hint.
One-hour massage, no charge.
1164
01:17:51,171 --> 01:17:53,465
Oh, Susannah.
1165
01:17:53,548 --> 01:17:55,425
You know what gift I'd really love?
1166
01:17:55,508 --> 01:17:58,178
If you would just shut up!
1167
01:17:58,804 --> 01:18:01,598
Nothing ruins a good poker game more...
1168
01:18:01,682 --> 01:18:05,477
than a lady jabbering on and on...
1169
01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:07,771
How romantic.
1170
01:18:10,691 --> 01:18:11,692
-Hello!
-Hello!
1171
01:18:11,775 --> 01:18:14,152
Well, General Custer!
1172
01:18:14,236 --> 01:18:15,570
Yes, at your service.
1173
01:18:15,653 --> 01:18:17,197
Mr. Mark Twain.
1174
01:18:17,280 --> 01:18:19,324
-Word up!
-Gentlemen, do come in.
1175
01:18:19,407 --> 01:18:23,996
Yo, Zeke, big boy, I was just going off
to the General here about my new book.
1176
01:18:24,079 --> 01:18:26,289
-It's a sequel to Tom Sawyer.
-Ooh.
1177
01:18:26,373 --> 01:18:29,251
It's about Sawyer's home slice,
Huckleberry Finn.
1178
01:18:29,334 --> 01:18:33,171
White boy goes raftin' with a brother.
People gonna lose their shit!
1179
01:18:34,339 --> 01:18:38,593
And, General Custer, I see you've let
your dashing blond hair grow out.
1180
01:18:38,676 --> 01:18:41,847
Well, yes, the barber down at
the regiment is just awful,
1181
01:18:41,930 --> 01:18:45,600
so I had two choices,
either let it grow or get scalped.
1182
01:18:45,683 --> 01:18:48,395
And I ain't gonna let that happen.
1183
01:18:48,478 --> 01:18:51,356
Now, will our old friend
from Tombstone be joining us?
1184
01:18:51,439 --> 01:18:52,482
Late as usual.
1185
01:18:52,565 --> 01:18:57,946
But we have a new player,
a wealthy Mexican coffee bean rancher.
1186
01:18:58,030 --> 01:18:59,114
Am I tardy-o?
1187
01:18:59,197 --> 01:19:02,159
Oh. Sneaky little Mexican.
1188
01:19:03,493 --> 01:19:05,620
May I present Don Don Diego.
1189
01:19:08,498 --> 01:19:11,209
We run a gentleman's game here, Mr. Diego.
1190
01:19:11,293 --> 01:19:14,838
Your, uh, two bodyguards
are completely unnecessary.
1191
01:19:14,922 --> 01:19:16,757
Bodyguards?
1192
01:19:17,758 --> 01:19:19,384
You're mistaken, General.
1193
01:19:19,467 --> 01:19:21,386
This is, um...
1194
01:19:21,469 --> 01:19:25,515
Chimichanga... my loyal manservant.
1195
01:19:27,309 --> 01:19:28,351
God bless you.
1196
01:19:28,936 --> 01:19:29,937
And, um...
1197
01:19:31,980 --> 01:19:33,648
Blanco Beardio.
1198
01:19:34,817 --> 01:19:37,778
He'll be providing the entertainment
for this afternoon's festivities.
1199
01:19:37,861 --> 01:19:39,362
Well, drop me a beat.
1200
01:19:45,368 --> 01:19:46,369
Okay.
1201
01:19:48,080 --> 01:19:49,122
All right.
1202
01:19:51,166 --> 01:19:52,709
Here we go now.
1203
01:19:59,341 --> 01:20:02,677
Gentlemen, the buy-in is $15,000.
1204
01:20:02,760 --> 01:20:04,179
Fifteen large?
1205
01:20:04,262 --> 01:20:06,014
Are you sure General Custard
can swing that?
1206
01:20:06,098 --> 01:20:10,560
It's Custer, not "Custard."
There is no "D." I'm not a dessert.
1207
01:20:10,643 --> 01:20:13,480
Boom, I just dropped some satire
on your ass, General!
1208
01:20:15,107 --> 01:20:16,149
You got me!
1209
01:20:17,692 --> 01:20:20,278
Hey! Now, when Ramon gives
the signal that the time is right,
1210
01:20:20,362 --> 01:20:21,779
that's when we move in.
1211
01:20:21,864 --> 01:20:23,323
You remember the signal, right?
1212
01:20:29,246 --> 01:20:31,623
-Gentlemen.
-You know where to go, Marshal.
1213
01:20:32,207 --> 01:20:33,666
Oh, hell, no!
1214
01:20:33,750 --> 01:20:35,585
That's Wyatt Earp!
1215
01:20:35,668 --> 01:20:38,005
The fastest gun in the West?
1216
01:20:40,632 --> 01:20:42,009
All right, all right, all right!
1217
01:20:42,092 --> 01:20:45,470
-Oh, Wyatt Earp, as I live and breathe!
-Wyatt Earp.
1218
01:20:45,553 --> 01:20:47,264
You're here!
Wyatt Earp.
1219
01:20:47,347 --> 01:20:48,765
Sorry I'm late, everybody.
1220
01:20:48,849 --> 01:20:53,061
But apparently, there's some new gang
out there robbing everybody blind.
1221
01:20:53,145 --> 01:20:54,855
Oh, they call themselves
the Ridiculous 6.
1222
01:20:54,938 --> 01:20:58,483
I swear, a man can't ride
five miles in this territory
1223
01:20:58,566 --> 01:21:02,029
without running into outlaws,
rattlesnakes, Injuns and--
1224
01:21:02,112 --> 01:21:04,990
Hey! Why don't you let me
worry about the Injuns?
1225
01:21:05,073 --> 01:21:07,325
Will do, General.
1226
01:21:09,870 --> 01:21:11,079
What's shakin', Twain?
1227
01:21:11,163 --> 01:21:13,748
Hey, I'm good on anything.
Just like gravy, baby.
1228
01:21:13,831 --> 01:21:15,625
-Good to see you, my man.
-You too, man.
1229
01:21:15,708 --> 01:21:18,378
Hey! I finally read Prince and the Pauper.
1230
01:21:18,461 --> 01:21:19,712
Oh, is that right?
1231
01:21:19,796 --> 01:21:21,048
Didn't get it.
1232
01:21:22,049 --> 01:21:23,133
For reals?
1233
01:21:24,259 --> 01:21:27,137
Satire! Boom! I got ya!
1234
01:21:27,220 --> 01:21:30,140
-I'm just pulling your leg.
-Oh, man.
1235
01:21:30,223 --> 01:21:31,683
I can't read.
1236
01:21:34,727 --> 01:21:36,897
Good one with the... satire.
1237
01:21:36,980 --> 01:21:38,731
Funny.
1238
01:21:41,026 --> 01:21:42,069
Who's this idiot?
1239
01:21:44,321 --> 01:21:46,614
Um... I am Don...
1240
01:21:46,698 --> 01:21:48,325
Don Don Diego.
1241
01:21:49,659 --> 01:21:51,661
Well, Don, I'm Wyatt...
1242
01:21:51,744 --> 01:21:52,955
Wyatt Wyatt Earp.
1243
01:21:57,960 --> 01:21:59,627
Got him.
1244
01:21:59,711 --> 01:22:04,424
Now let's play
some cards!
1245
01:22:10,973 --> 01:22:12,807
♪ Say, say Tom Sawyer ♪
1246
01:22:12,890 --> 01:22:13,934
♪ Tom Sawyer ♪
1247
01:22:14,017 --> 01:22:15,018
♪ Say Tom Sawyer ♪
1248
01:22:15,102 --> 01:22:16,561
♪ Tom Sawyer ♪
1249
01:22:16,644 --> 01:22:18,730
♪ Say the blacks and the whites
are getting along ♪
1250
01:22:18,813 --> 01:22:20,732
♪ The blacks and the whites
are getting along ♪
1251
01:22:20,815 --> 01:22:22,025
♪ I can't read ♪
1252
01:22:22,109 --> 01:22:23,193
♪ I can't read ♪
1253
01:22:24,527 --> 01:22:26,446
Please calm yourself!
1254
01:22:27,572 --> 01:22:30,867
Let's get inside before this Wyatt Earp
ruins our plan.
1255
01:22:30,951 --> 01:22:33,370
But there's no way for you to sneak
past them guys, Tommy.
1256
01:22:33,453 --> 01:22:36,706
There's no rocks, no trees,
no nothing to hide behind.
1257
01:22:36,789 --> 01:22:41,253
No need to hide, brother,
when you are friends with the wind.
1258
01:22:41,336 --> 01:22:44,047
I'm telling you, down there,
they don't call it "Mexico."
1259
01:22:44,131 --> 01:22:49,261
It's "Mehico." The "X" is an "H."
I'm presuming Texas is "Tehas."
1260
01:22:51,013 --> 01:22:53,140
Now, what's this?
1261
01:22:53,223 --> 01:22:55,767
Just a tumbleweed,
you jumpy bastard.
1262
01:23:12,075 --> 01:23:14,911
That is some mystical shit.
1263
01:23:18,706 --> 01:23:22,752
I wish to move the dresser
in my bedroom closer to the window,
1264
01:23:22,835 --> 01:23:26,089
but I haven't the strength
to do it myself.
1265
01:23:26,173 --> 01:23:29,926
I'd love to help, ma'am, but I really
should keep playing the piano.
1266
01:23:31,511 --> 01:23:34,764
No one will even know you're gone.
1267
01:23:40,020 --> 01:23:42,855
-Gentlemen, cough up your buy-ins.
-All right!
1268
01:23:42,939 --> 01:23:44,232
Make it rain like Twain.
1269
01:23:44,316 --> 01:23:46,026
Take that and that.
Yeah!
1270
01:23:46,109 --> 01:23:49,321
Sure is some good hooch there, Zeke.
Where'd you find that?
1271
01:23:49,404 --> 01:23:53,866
Oh, I got that from a case
about, uh, 20 years ago.
1272
01:23:53,950 --> 01:23:57,412
In fact, uh, you know that shack
up by Jawbone Falls?
1273
01:23:57,495 --> 01:24:00,040
-Yeah.
-There was a lady living there.
1274
01:24:00,123 --> 01:24:02,709
It was one of Frank Stockburn's
many paramours.
1275
01:24:02,792 --> 01:24:07,464
Now this was one of the ugliest ladies
I've ever seen in my life.
1276
01:24:07,547 --> 01:24:09,507
Sounds like a real bucket of turds.
1277
01:24:09,591 --> 01:24:13,678
But she was a very talented
distiller of alcohol.
1278
01:24:13,761 --> 01:24:16,181
So, while she--
1279
01:24:16,264 --> 01:24:19,642
While she's loading up my coach,
her young boy comes out,
1280
01:24:19,726 --> 01:24:25,273
this big shambling oaf,
mute, filthy as a hog,
1281
01:24:25,357 --> 01:24:28,776
and he starts doing
this horrible little tap dance
1282
01:24:28,860 --> 01:24:31,821
whilst singing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
1283
01:24:31,904 --> 01:24:35,200
Well, not singing it, really,
but grunting it, like a caveman!
1284
01:24:35,283 --> 01:24:38,328
♪ Oh, say can you see ♪
1285
01:24:40,205 --> 01:24:41,873
You know,
he wants me to throw him some pennies,
1286
01:24:41,956 --> 01:24:43,916
so I fished a coin out of my pocket
1287
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:46,002
and I guess I don't know my own strength.
1288
01:24:46,086 --> 01:24:49,714
I tossed it, hit him in the mouth,
and knocked his tooth out!
1289
01:24:52,049 --> 01:24:53,468
What an asshole!
1290
01:24:55,052 --> 01:24:56,053
Mama.
1291
01:24:56,679 --> 01:25:00,892
In any event, I still have
one bottle left from that case.
1292
01:25:00,975 --> 01:25:05,605
I'll go fetch it and we can drink a toast
to that awful woman and her hideous son.
1293
01:25:07,023 --> 01:25:10,235
Oh, she was ugly!
You wouldn't even sleep with her.
1294
01:25:14,406 --> 01:25:17,284
Say, Don Don Diego...
1295
01:25:17,367 --> 01:25:18,660
where's your buy-in?
1296
01:25:18,743 --> 01:25:20,537
I thought it was 15 grand a man.
1297
01:25:20,620 --> 01:25:21,788
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1298
01:25:21,871 --> 01:25:23,080
Uh...
1299
01:25:32,132 --> 01:25:33,800
Let's see. Ah!
1300
01:25:47,647 --> 01:25:48,648
It's you!
1301
01:25:48,731 --> 01:25:49,857
Uh-huh.
1302
01:25:59,867 --> 01:26:01,035
What?
1303
01:26:01,744 --> 01:26:03,663
What "what"?
1304
01:26:03,746 --> 01:26:05,623
What are you so surprised about?
1305
01:26:05,707 --> 01:26:10,462
Just so surprised at all the...
the fun that we're having here,
1306
01:26:10,545 --> 01:26:12,839
with the card and the money
and the booze and...
1307
01:26:15,007 --> 01:26:18,094
You know, I make that same face when
I put my cologne on in the morning,
1308
01:26:18,178 --> 01:26:20,263
especially when I'm home alone.
1309
01:26:20,347 --> 01:26:21,598
You know what I think?
1310
01:26:21,681 --> 01:26:25,393
I think Don Don Diego isn't really
a coffee bean rancher at all.
1311
01:26:25,477 --> 01:26:29,146
And his true purpose here is to rob us.
1312
01:26:31,441 --> 01:26:34,151
Don't make me kill you, Mr. Earp.
1313
01:26:34,236 --> 01:26:35,903
Hands up high.
1314
01:26:35,987 --> 01:26:38,948
Oh, snap!
You got the drop on Wyatt Earp?
1315
01:26:39,031 --> 01:26:42,577
It's mi hermano.
He's one bad hombre.
1316
01:26:45,830 --> 01:26:47,249
No disrespect, fellas.
1317
01:26:47,332 --> 01:26:50,710
We're gonna have to tie you up,
and we'll have to borrow your horses.
1318
01:26:51,919 --> 01:26:53,546
Ooh, what'd I miss?
1319
01:26:55,172 --> 01:26:58,218
Sweet Hog Rock,
here we come!
1320
01:27:01,638 --> 01:27:03,806
Giddy up, Burro.
1321
01:27:03,890 --> 01:27:05,099
Come on, Ramon!
1322
01:27:18,946 --> 01:27:20,573
Right behind you, Tommy!
1323
01:27:21,574 --> 01:27:24,076
Hurry up, Burro!
Move your ass!
1324
01:27:30,124 --> 01:27:31,959
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
1325
01:27:34,879 --> 01:27:36,923
Yeah, I think we found it.
1326
01:27:37,006 --> 01:27:41,135
That is one sweet hog right there.
1327
01:27:41,218 --> 01:27:44,931
That is a sweet, majestic hog.
1328
01:27:45,014 --> 01:27:47,350
Yeah, that's a sweet one for sure.
1329
01:27:48,310 --> 01:27:49,436
It's all right.
1330
01:27:51,103 --> 01:27:55,107
I'm confused.
I don't see a hog or a pig anywhere.
1331
01:27:55,191 --> 01:27:58,778
All I see is the big old rock
that looks like a weenie pee-pee.
1332
01:28:03,074 --> 01:28:05,827
-Oh, you guys call a pee-pee a "hog."
-Yeah.
1333
01:28:05,910 --> 01:28:08,705
-That's weird. I like it, though.
-Yeah. Okay.
1334
01:28:08,788 --> 01:28:11,499
Problem is, I don't see
no singing windmill anywhere.
1335
01:28:11,583 --> 01:28:13,460
Wait...
1336
01:28:13,543 --> 01:28:14,627
I hear it.
1337
01:28:15,878 --> 01:28:17,547
Yeah, it's coming from over there.
1338
01:28:17,630 --> 01:28:20,717
Ah! Daddy! Daddy!
1339
01:28:21,384 --> 01:28:23,553
Daddy!
Huh?
1340
01:28:23,636 --> 01:28:24,721
Whoa...
1341
01:28:25,847 --> 01:28:28,850
We're saved! We're saved!
1342
01:28:30,477 --> 01:28:33,980
Oh, it's just these assholes.
1343
01:28:34,063 --> 01:28:35,773
What the hell happened to you guys?
1344
01:28:35,857 --> 01:28:42,238
We was headed west to Frisco
after we absconded with your loot.
1345
01:28:44,324 --> 01:28:46,868
But we ran into these real bad characters.
1346
01:28:46,951 --> 01:28:50,580
It was Cicero something
and his crazy-ass gang.
1347
01:28:51,831 --> 01:28:54,376
Cicero was here?
Then he left?
1348
01:28:54,459 --> 01:28:58,129
He left us in the dirt for fun.
1349
01:28:58,212 --> 01:28:59,756
Ow! Ow, ow!
1350
01:29:00,465 --> 01:29:01,508
Who does that?
1351
01:29:01,591 --> 01:29:03,926
Sicko!
1352
01:29:05,637 --> 01:29:08,848
If this is where the singing windmill is,
then why would they just up and leave?
1353
01:29:08,931 --> 01:29:12,352
Maybe that Stickie McSchnickens guy
was just pulling our leg.
1354
01:29:12,435 --> 01:29:15,647
They went north...
about two hours ago.
1355
01:29:15,730 --> 01:29:16,939
Oh, yeah! Tommy can track 'em.
1356
01:29:17,023 --> 01:29:18,941
Let's saddle up.
We're burning daylight.
1357
01:29:19,025 --> 01:29:20,067
Wait!
1358
01:29:20,151 --> 01:29:22,612
You can't just leave us here,
you gotta get us out!
1359
01:29:22,695 --> 01:29:24,155
You don't need to-- Hey, hey, hey!
1360
01:29:24,238 --> 01:29:25,407
We still got the money!
1361
01:29:25,490 --> 01:29:28,410
Yeah, I hid it in my pants.
We'll give it back to ya!
1362
01:29:28,493 --> 01:29:29,952
We don't need no more.
Let's go!
1363
01:29:32,038 --> 01:29:34,582
Hey! Can you at least
help me pick these ants
1364
01:29:34,666 --> 01:29:37,293
out of my beard before you head out?
1365
01:29:37,377 --> 01:29:38,628
Please?
1366
01:29:38,711 --> 01:29:41,213
Tell you what,
we'll dig you up on one condition.
1367
01:29:41,297 --> 01:29:43,633
You say it, we'll do it!
1368
01:29:43,716 --> 01:29:46,052
That you give up your lives of crime
1369
01:29:46,135 --> 01:29:49,431
and take this second chance to start
doing good by people.
1370
01:29:49,514 --> 01:29:51,891
-I'd rather die!
-Hell, no! I ain't doing that!
1371
01:29:51,974 --> 01:29:54,351
No way! Dumb Indian half!
1372
01:29:55,311 --> 01:29:56,646
That was a joke!
That was a joke!
1373
01:29:56,729 --> 01:29:59,023
I'll be a good boy!
I'll be a good boy, Daddy!
1374
01:30:07,449 --> 01:30:09,451
Now what?
East or west?
1375
01:30:09,534 --> 01:30:10,618
Whoa.
1376
01:30:23,172 --> 01:30:25,132
Late in the day.
1377
01:30:25,216 --> 01:30:27,802
Lot of traffic been going through here.
1378
01:30:27,885 --> 01:30:29,471
It's going to take a minute.
1379
01:30:29,554 --> 01:30:32,599
Well, we must be getting mighty close.
1380
01:30:32,682 --> 01:30:35,768
They'd better be treating Dad well,
or they're gonna have to answer to us.
1381
01:30:35,852 --> 01:30:37,604
There he is.
1382
01:30:37,687 --> 01:30:38,980
There's the man himself.
1383
01:30:39,063 --> 01:30:40,940
-Look at that handsome hombre.
-Yeah.
1384
01:30:41,023 --> 01:30:43,150
That's where we get our good looks.
1385
01:30:43,234 --> 01:30:45,402
Let me see ol' Pop.
1386
01:30:57,999 --> 01:31:00,042
Does he still
look like that, Tommy?
1387
01:31:01,127 --> 01:31:02,211
Tommy?
1388
01:31:03,170 --> 01:31:04,672
Yeah, he does.
1389
01:31:05,840 --> 01:31:08,467
Let's set up camp tonight.
Right out there.
1390
01:31:08,551 --> 01:31:09,886
But we can't waste any time.
1391
01:31:09,969 --> 01:31:13,139
Chico... I can't figure it out right now.
1392
01:31:13,222 --> 01:31:14,390
I gotta...
1393
01:31:14,473 --> 01:31:16,475
Just give me till sunrise.
Let me think.
1394
01:31:46,380 --> 01:31:47,715
Dear brothers,
1395
01:31:47,799 --> 01:31:52,094
by the time you read this,
I will have caught up with Dad.
1396
01:31:52,178 --> 01:31:55,973
And I'm sure you're sore at me
for sneaking out on you.
1397
01:31:56,057 --> 01:32:01,813
But this fellow, Cicero, who took Pa,
also took my mother's life,
1398
01:32:01,896 --> 01:32:04,941
and I mean to make him pay for that.
1399
01:32:05,024 --> 01:32:06,984
Things might get messy.
1400
01:32:07,068 --> 01:32:10,279
I can live
with all the bad stuff we've done,
1401
01:32:10,362 --> 01:32:15,827
the hold-ups, the burglaries,
the accidental decapitation,
1402
01:32:15,910 --> 01:32:20,289
but I couldn't live with myself
if something happened to one of you.
1403
01:32:20,372 --> 01:32:25,544
So stay put and I'll be back with Dad
as soon as I can.
1404
01:32:25,628 --> 01:32:27,504
And if I don't come back,
1405
01:32:27,589 --> 01:32:31,718
know that I love you boys
with all my heart.
1406
01:32:31,801 --> 01:32:34,303
Your brother, Tommy.
1407
01:32:48,943 --> 01:32:50,277
Whoa.
1408
01:32:59,370 --> 01:33:01,413
Down at Silver Canyon...
1409
01:33:01,497 --> 01:33:03,958
Meeting Betty Dunson...
1410
01:33:04,041 --> 01:33:07,253
was the luckiest thing
that ever happened to me.
1411
01:33:09,421 --> 01:33:11,465
Mom was his biggest score.
1412
01:33:13,134 --> 01:33:14,135
Hyah.
1413
01:33:22,226 --> 01:33:23,227
Here we are.
1414
01:33:23,310 --> 01:33:25,604
We'd better not have come
all this way for nothing.
1415
01:33:25,688 --> 01:33:28,607
-I want the money, Frank.
-I know what you want.
1416
01:33:29,566 --> 01:33:31,360
There's your money.
1417
01:33:31,443 --> 01:33:32,611
Count it.
1418
01:33:32,695 --> 01:33:34,446
Tommy!
1419
01:33:34,530 --> 01:33:35,823
Oh, look who showed up.
1420
01:33:35,907 --> 01:33:39,326
I didn't know if somebody
dug up what you buried, Pa,
1421
01:33:39,410 --> 01:33:41,996
so I wanted to make sure
you were covered either way.
1422
01:33:42,079 --> 01:33:43,915
Thank you, son.
1423
01:33:43,998 --> 01:33:45,708
Well, ain't that a good boy.
1424
01:33:45,792 --> 01:33:47,418
That's my boy.
1425
01:33:47,501 --> 01:33:49,921
Well, it's been a pleasure, Frank.
1426
01:33:50,004 --> 01:33:51,756
But, uh...
1427
01:33:51,839 --> 01:33:53,090
we'll be on our way.
1428
01:33:53,174 --> 01:33:54,926
Not so fast.
1429
01:33:55,009 --> 01:33:58,054
You and me got some unfinished business.
1430
01:33:58,137 --> 01:34:00,347
No, our business is done.
1431
01:34:00,431 --> 01:34:04,185
Pa... you remember how I told you Ma died?
1432
01:34:04,268 --> 01:34:05,269
Yeah.
1433
01:34:05,352 --> 01:34:09,106
Well, the son of a bitch who shot her...
1434
01:34:09,190 --> 01:34:11,317
had a tattoo on his hand...
1435
01:34:13,485 --> 01:34:15,529
just like Cicero here.
1436
01:34:16,447 --> 01:34:18,700
What, you mean...
1437
01:34:18,783 --> 01:34:20,492
my little horseshoe?
1438
01:34:20,576 --> 01:34:22,787
That's always brought me luck.
1439
01:34:23,370 --> 01:34:25,832
Especially when I was shooting somebody.
1440
01:34:25,915 --> 01:34:29,126
Well, killer, your luck just ran out.
1441
01:34:30,294 --> 01:34:32,839
Your hand touch that knife, boy,
1442
01:34:32,922 --> 01:34:35,299
it'll be the last thing you ever touch.
1443
01:34:35,382 --> 01:34:37,719
Oh, I ain't using these knives.
1444
01:34:38,594 --> 01:34:40,471
No.
1445
01:34:40,554 --> 01:34:42,765
Not for my mama.
1446
01:34:42,849 --> 01:34:47,019
I saved a special one just for you.
1447
01:35:01,367 --> 01:35:03,535
Now you die, Injun-lover.
1448
01:35:06,663 --> 01:35:08,624
He dies, you die.
1449
01:35:11,335 --> 01:35:15,339
Fourteen of us, six of you.
Doesn't seem quite fair, does it?
1450
01:35:15,422 --> 01:35:17,759
Make that twelve of us.
1451
01:35:22,429 --> 01:35:23,430
Twelve of us!
1452
01:35:27,935 --> 01:35:30,312
I ain't sign up for this shit.
1453
01:36:02,970 --> 01:36:04,180
You seeing this?
1454
01:36:04,263 --> 01:36:05,890
-It's not working.
-What are you doing?
1455
01:36:05,973 --> 01:36:07,850
Don't look like a tumbleweed at all, Herm.
1456
01:36:07,934 --> 01:36:09,268
Herm, come back!
Come back, Herm.
1457
01:36:10,727 --> 01:36:13,522
All right, all right.
Now, everybody just calm down.
1458
01:36:13,605 --> 01:36:17,734
A man's entitled...
to kill his mother's killer.
1459
01:36:17,819 --> 01:36:23,490
Plus... that's one less guy
you've got to split the money with!
1460
01:36:23,574 --> 01:36:26,327
Good thinking, Frank.
Let's ride!
1461
01:36:26,410 --> 01:36:28,662
Yeah!
Yeah, get on out of here!
1462
01:36:31,373 --> 01:36:35,461
Good job, son.
I'm really proud of you.
1463
01:36:35,544 --> 01:36:39,548
And getting your friends to come
all the way out here with you, brilliant.
1464
01:36:39,631 --> 01:36:44,595
Well, sir...
they ain't just my friends, they, uh...
1465
01:36:44,678 --> 01:36:45,721
They're my brothers.
1466
01:36:52,644 --> 01:36:53,896
Five?
1467
01:36:53,980 --> 01:36:56,065
You had fun, didn't you, sir?
1468
01:36:58,650 --> 01:37:01,653
Well, I'm gonna introduce myself.
1469
01:37:01,737 --> 01:37:03,906
I think they'd like that.
1470
01:37:09,036 --> 01:37:12,664
Frank Stockburn, your dad.
1471
01:37:14,666 --> 01:37:17,794
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
1472
01:37:17,879 --> 01:37:19,671
-Father.
-Son.
1473
01:37:21,966 --> 01:37:24,010
This is my burro.
1474
01:37:24,093 --> 01:37:26,095
Proud to know you, Burro.
1475
01:37:28,014 --> 01:37:29,306
He's proud.
1476
01:37:29,390 --> 01:37:32,726
You must be, uh,
Saint Louis, right?
1477
01:37:32,809 --> 01:37:34,061
Chico.
1478
01:37:34,145 --> 01:37:37,314
Boy, you got your mom's muscles.
1479
01:37:38,565 --> 01:37:39,984
You a prizefighter?
1480
01:37:41,360 --> 01:37:44,321
No, actually, I'm a...
piano player.
1481
01:37:44,405 --> 01:37:46,032
Oh, well, I'll be!
1482
01:37:46,115 --> 01:37:49,952
You know, I've been known
to tickle the ivories myself.
1483
01:37:50,036 --> 01:37:52,038
Now and then, you know.
1484
01:37:52,121 --> 01:37:54,373
We should play together sometime.
1485
01:37:56,292 --> 01:37:58,127
I'd like that, Dad.
1486
01:37:58,210 --> 01:38:00,046
I'd like that a lot.
1487
01:38:00,129 --> 01:38:01,713
Yeah, son, we'll do that.
1488
01:38:12,349 --> 01:38:14,768
You must be Delilah's boy.
1489
01:38:16,812 --> 01:38:20,399
Boy, she made some fine,
fine whiskey.
1490
01:38:20,482 --> 01:38:21,692
Ooh, yeah.
1491
01:38:23,444 --> 01:38:27,531
She must've been really hitting it hard
when she was pregnant with you.
1492
01:38:37,291 --> 01:38:39,085
Atta boy, atta boy.
1493
01:38:39,793 --> 01:38:41,963
Da-da.
1494
01:38:42,046 --> 01:38:44,090
And, uh... you are?
1495
01:38:44,173 --> 01:38:48,010
I'm Lil Pete. I'm your son!
I love you so much, Dad!
1496
01:38:48,094 --> 01:38:49,928
-I have three nipples.
-Yeah, well...
1497
01:38:50,012 --> 01:38:51,930
It's always good to have a spare.
1498
01:38:53,807 --> 01:38:56,227
-Gall dang, you have one, too?
-Yeah.
1499
01:38:56,310 --> 01:38:58,062
Do you like to play with the extra one?
1500
01:38:58,145 --> 01:38:59,605
Oh, you betcha.
1501
01:38:59,688 --> 01:39:02,274
Oh, Pa, I have a question for you.
1502
01:39:02,358 --> 01:39:03,775
Yeah.
1503
01:39:03,859 --> 01:39:06,778
Where do babies come from?
1504
01:39:06,862 --> 01:39:10,491
Well, son, the mom just poops 'em out.
1505
01:39:10,574 --> 01:39:14,036
I knewed it!
I knewed it, Dad!
1506
01:39:15,537 --> 01:39:17,831
Well, look at this handsome devil.
1507
01:39:17,914 --> 01:39:20,376
Sir, I'm Danny.
1508
01:39:20,459 --> 01:39:22,503
It's awful nice to finally meet ya.
1509
01:39:22,586 --> 01:39:25,131
Could you help me with a problem?
1510
01:39:25,214 --> 01:39:27,174
I did a real stupid thing
1511
01:39:27,258 --> 01:39:31,845
that inadvertently led to the death
of a United States President,
1512
01:39:31,928 --> 01:39:35,974
and I'm feeling pretty lousy about it.
1513
01:39:37,643 --> 01:39:39,978
Well, son...
1514
01:39:40,062 --> 01:39:41,522
look in my eyes.
1515
01:39:43,815 --> 01:39:45,692
Shit happens.
1516
01:39:46,985 --> 01:39:48,737
Yeah.
1517
01:39:48,820 --> 01:39:51,073
Yeah, right.
1518
01:39:51,157 --> 01:39:53,450
Thanks. Thank you, sir.
1519
01:39:53,534 --> 01:39:54,910
You're welcome.
1520
01:39:54,993 --> 01:39:58,122
So, where to now, huh?
1521
01:39:58,205 --> 01:40:01,750
Well, sir, Smoking Fox and me
are getting married in a few days,
1522
01:40:01,833 --> 01:40:05,087
and Screaming Eagle's
walking her down the aisle,
1523
01:40:05,171 --> 01:40:08,340
and I was hoping...
1524
01:40:08,424 --> 01:40:10,801
you could be there, next to me.
1525
01:40:10,884 --> 01:40:13,595
Oh, you mean your best man?
1526
01:40:13,679 --> 01:40:15,097
Yes, sir.
1527
01:40:15,181 --> 01:40:16,973
Oh, Tommy...
1528
01:40:17,058 --> 01:40:19,685
You know, that's...
that's quite an honor.
1529
01:40:19,768 --> 01:40:22,313
-It would be my honor, sir.
-Yeah. Well, uh...
1530
01:40:25,482 --> 01:40:28,485
But unfortunately, I...
1531
01:40:28,569 --> 01:40:31,947
I got some business up north
that I gotta attend to.
1532
01:40:32,030 --> 01:40:35,076
I gotta collect some gambling debts and...
1533
01:40:35,159 --> 01:40:38,870
You know,
just to pay the doctors and such.
1534
01:40:38,954 --> 01:40:42,416
Say, Dad. You don't ever gotta worry
about money ever again.
1535
01:40:42,499 --> 01:40:45,211
We had to conjure up 50 grand twice!
1536
01:40:45,294 --> 01:40:47,254
So we ended up with 100!
1537
01:40:48,380 --> 01:40:49,590
-A hundred?
-Yes, sir.
1538
01:40:49,673 --> 01:40:51,883
There's another 50 grand?
1539
01:40:51,967 --> 01:40:53,719
Yes, sir.
1540
01:40:53,802 --> 01:40:56,638
Right here,
in the burro's saddlebag.
1541
01:40:57,181 --> 01:41:01,852
So that business can wait up north,
can't it... best man?
1542
01:41:02,894 --> 01:41:07,733
Well, now that you mention it,
maybe I should change my plans.
1543
01:41:07,816 --> 01:41:10,486
-Bueno. Bueno.
-Yeah.
1544
01:41:16,074 --> 01:41:18,160
Hey! What are they doing back?
1545
01:41:24,333 --> 01:41:25,834
What is this?
1546
01:41:26,752 --> 01:41:29,505
I guess it's time you kids
1547
01:41:29,588 --> 01:41:34,218
learned the truth
about your dear old dad, huh?
1548
01:41:34,301 --> 01:41:37,763
I'm just too famous.
1549
01:41:37,846 --> 01:41:40,974
I can't walk into any town
west of the Rockies
1550
01:41:41,057 --> 01:41:43,810
without someone calling the law.
1551
01:41:43,894 --> 01:41:48,274
So, I came up with a way
we could make 50 grand
1552
01:41:48,357 --> 01:41:50,442
without lifting a finger.
1553
01:41:50,526 --> 01:41:54,405
And you rascals brought us double!
1554
01:41:54,488 --> 01:41:56,823
Are these my kids or what?
1555
01:41:58,116 --> 01:41:59,368
Son of a bitch!
1556
01:42:00,744 --> 01:42:03,330
If our two gangs joined forces,
1557
01:42:03,414 --> 01:42:07,334
there's not a lawman in the West
that would stand up against us.
1558
01:42:07,418 --> 01:42:10,171
What makes you think we'd turn
to a life of crime?
1559
01:42:10,254 --> 01:42:12,173
'Cause it's in your blood.
1560
01:42:12,256 --> 01:42:14,216
Answer me something.
1561
01:42:14,300 --> 01:42:19,846
Were you ever great at anything
in your life besides stealing?
1562
01:42:21,682 --> 01:42:23,225
No. No.
1563
01:42:23,309 --> 01:42:27,145
You apples didn't fall far from this tree.
1564
01:42:27,229 --> 01:42:29,565
Don't deny who you are.
1565
01:42:29,648 --> 01:42:32,318
If you knew who we really were,
1566
01:42:32,401 --> 01:42:35,028
you'd be very scared right now.
1567
01:42:37,614 --> 01:42:40,242
Don't overplay your hand, son.
1568
01:42:41,827 --> 01:42:44,079
I'm still holding an ace.
1569
01:42:53,464 --> 01:42:55,632
I found her. I--
1570
01:42:55,716 --> 01:42:57,175
I told you I'd find her.
1571
01:43:01,472 --> 01:43:05,976
This little beauty stumbled into our camp
a few days ago.
1572
01:43:08,645 --> 01:43:11,147
She actually tried to rescue me.
1573
01:43:11,232 --> 01:43:16,111
I'm guessing this means you don't want
me to be your best man no more, huh?
1574
01:43:19,030 --> 01:43:22,075
Well, I'm gonna make this
real simple for you.
1575
01:43:23,369 --> 01:43:29,541
Hand over the other 50 grand...
in that stupid ass' saddlebag,
1576
01:43:29,625 --> 01:43:34,963
or I put a bullet
in her pretty Apache head.
1577
01:43:37,883 --> 01:43:39,134
That ain't gonna happen.
1578
01:43:39,843 --> 01:43:41,177
Oh, it ain't?
1579
01:43:41,262 --> 01:43:42,554
No, sir.
1580
01:43:43,514 --> 01:43:44,765
Why's that?
1581
01:43:44,848 --> 01:43:47,726
Mmm... kind of a secret.
1582
01:43:47,809 --> 01:43:51,897
Well, you can tell your old man,
can't ya?
1583
01:43:54,858 --> 01:43:56,818
You know that bag...
1584
01:43:56,902 --> 01:43:59,321
-your boy's holding?
-Uh-huh.
1585
01:43:59,988 --> 01:44:01,782
It was meant for Cicero.
1586
01:44:01,865 --> 01:44:04,868
So there's something special in there.
1587
01:44:04,951 --> 01:44:07,413
-Plan B.
-Plan B?
1588
01:44:07,496 --> 01:44:08,664
Plan B.
1589
01:44:08,747 --> 01:44:10,499
Give me that bag.
1590
01:44:18,256 --> 01:44:19,758
Oh, shit!
1591
01:44:34,481 --> 01:44:35,482
Where is she?
1592
01:44:46,410 --> 01:44:48,412
Smoking Fox.
1593
01:45:00,048 --> 01:45:01,800
Nighty-night, son.
1594
01:45:09,725 --> 01:45:13,019
Danny, are you all right?
1595
01:45:14,813 --> 01:45:17,733
You done good, Daniel.
You saved me.
1596
01:45:19,485 --> 01:45:21,903
It's my duty, Mr. President.
1597
01:45:25,574 --> 01:45:27,033
Mrs. Lincoln.
1598
01:45:28,494 --> 01:45:30,662
Come on! Come on!
Come here.
1599
01:45:35,667 --> 01:45:36,710
Get in.
1600
01:45:57,856 --> 01:45:58,982
I got one!
1601
01:45:59,065 --> 01:46:00,651
Clem, you almost shot me!
1602
01:46:00,734 --> 01:46:02,193
Come on,
get the horses!
1603
01:46:02,277 --> 01:46:05,071
My ass! My ass!
1604
01:46:08,199 --> 01:46:09,701
Hey!
1605
01:46:09,785 --> 01:46:13,246
Is this here still valid,
or is it too burnt up?
1606
01:46:13,329 --> 01:46:14,873
Let me take a look here.
1607
01:46:14,956 --> 01:46:17,042
Uh, that looks good to me.
I mean, this looks good.
1608
01:46:17,125 --> 01:46:18,126
What in the hell?
1609
01:46:18,209 --> 01:46:20,671
You didn't scoop yours out,
did you?
1610
01:46:23,882 --> 01:46:25,175
What was the question again?
1611
01:46:25,258 --> 01:46:27,260
What?
1612
01:46:27,343 --> 01:46:29,387
Did any of you really do it?
1613
01:46:34,518 --> 01:46:36,978
Well, then whose eyes are in that jar?
1614
01:46:37,062 --> 01:46:38,271
Uh...
1615
01:46:38,354 --> 01:46:41,775
Well, Babyface found some rocks,
and, uh, painted them.
1616
01:46:41,858 --> 01:46:43,652
Surprise?
1617
01:46:57,290 --> 01:47:00,586
Hey, Tom,
you wanna play a game
1618
01:47:00,669 --> 01:47:05,173
to make up for all the father-son time
we missed?
1619
01:47:05,256 --> 01:47:06,842
Peek-a-boo.
1620
01:47:13,640 --> 01:47:15,476
Hey, come over here!
1621
01:47:15,559 --> 01:47:17,352
No, come over there!
1622
01:47:23,149 --> 01:47:25,861
You could have had everything, son.
1623
01:47:25,944 --> 01:47:28,614
But you had to do the right thing.
1624
01:47:31,449 --> 01:47:35,453
Let me leave you
with a bit of fatherly advice.
1625
01:47:36,747 --> 01:47:41,960
Never bring a knife to a gunfight.
1626
01:47:42,043 --> 01:47:45,046
One day,
there will be too many, my love.
1627
01:47:45,130 --> 01:47:46,339
But not today.
1628
01:48:01,396 --> 01:48:04,024
That was some mystical shit.
1629
01:48:09,404 --> 01:48:10,906
Tommy.
1630
01:48:10,989 --> 01:48:14,367
You knew Cicero killed my mother.
1631
01:48:14,450 --> 01:48:16,286
No!
1632
01:48:16,369 --> 01:48:17,704
No, I didn't know that.
1633
01:48:17,788 --> 01:48:19,414
No more lies!
1634
01:48:20,248 --> 01:48:22,626
Yeah, I knew. I knew.
1635
01:48:22,709 --> 01:48:24,628
Your mother insisted on telling.
1636
01:48:24,711 --> 01:48:28,131
She was going to rat the whole gang out,
and I tried to convince her--
1637
01:48:29,758 --> 01:48:33,011
Tommy, look, I'm your father,
for God's sake.
1638
01:48:33,094 --> 01:48:35,221
You don't kill your father, Tommy.
1639
01:48:41,394 --> 01:48:44,230
His name is White Knife.
1640
01:48:50,696 --> 01:48:52,739
I ain't gonna kill you.
1641
01:48:54,950 --> 01:48:58,704
'Cause my true father taught me otherwise.
1642
01:49:12,217 --> 01:49:14,260
You can't leave me like this!
1643
01:49:17,097 --> 01:49:18,223
Tommy!
1644
01:49:19,975 --> 01:49:22,018
You can't leave me here alone!
1645
01:49:55,426 --> 01:49:59,430
Dear Mama, so much has changed
since my last letter.
1646
01:49:59,514 --> 01:50:01,432
I scarcely know where to begin.
1647
01:50:01,516 --> 01:50:06,730
First off, it turns out our daddy
is a bad, bad man,
1648
01:50:06,813 --> 01:50:09,024
and he got thrown in jail.
1649
01:50:13,486 --> 01:50:18,449
But it's okay, 'cause Screaming Eagle,
the Indian chief who raised Tommy,
1650
01:50:18,533 --> 01:50:20,869
said he'd be all our dads, too.
1651
01:50:28,835 --> 01:50:31,546
I really like it here in this village.
1652
01:50:31,629 --> 01:50:35,216
Our new brothers and sisters
love to have fun
1653
01:50:35,300 --> 01:50:38,511
and have been so nice to all of us.
1654
01:50:38,594 --> 01:50:41,682
These white guys cannot dance.
1655
01:50:42,849 --> 01:50:44,851
Danny don't drink
whiskey no more.
1656
01:50:44,935 --> 01:50:46,436
-No.
-Yee-haw!
1657
01:50:47,187 --> 01:50:50,816
And Ramon and Herm
are trying to learn Indian ways.
1658
01:51:05,163 --> 01:51:07,708
Oh, and big news...
1659
01:51:07,791 --> 01:51:09,960
I finally have a girlfriend,
1660
01:51:10,043 --> 01:51:13,254
and she's much prettier
than a canty-loupe.
1661
01:51:13,338 --> 01:51:15,882
Come on, you two!
You're missing all the fun.
1662
01:51:15,966 --> 01:51:20,095
Anyways, Mama, thanks for raising me.
1663
01:51:20,178 --> 01:51:23,431
Your loving son, Lil Pete,
1664
01:51:23,514 --> 01:51:27,560
proud member of the Ridiculous 6.
1665
01:58:52,087 --> 01:58:53,088
Before you go...
1666
01:58:53,173 --> 01:58:56,217
Two, four, six, eight.
1667
01:58:56,301 --> 01:58:58,511
Who do we appreciate?
1668
01:58:58,594 --> 01:59:01,347
The Stockburns! The Stockburns!
1669
01:59:01,431 --> 01:59:04,016
Yeah! The Stockburns!