1 00:00:15,726 --> 00:00:17,706 One... 2 00:00:18,195 --> 00:00:20,175 Two... 3 00:00:20,297 --> 00:00:22,337 Four... 4 00:00:22,514 --> 00:00:24,252 Five... 5 00:00:24,253 --> 00:00:25,446 Six... 6 00:00:25,447 --> 00:00:26,635 Seven... 7 00:00:26,636 --> 00:00:27,447 Eight... 8 00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:28,224 Nine... 9 00:00:28,225 --> 00:00:30,085 Ten! 10 00:00:30,086 --> 00:00:33,979 Okay, I'll turn on the TV. You make us a pizza. 11 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:37,046 - But the kids are hiding. - So? 12 00:00:37,047 --> 00:00:41,017 As their babysitters, we're supposed to seek. 13 00:00:41,018 --> 00:00:44,558 Yeah, we're not doing that. 14 00:00:44,997 --> 00:00:46,822 Sam! I got a big problem! 15 00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:49,084 - Cat, I got a big problem. - What? 16 00:00:49,085 --> 00:00:51,994 Dice has a big problem and I don't wanna hear about it. 17 00:00:51,995 --> 00:00:55,727 Oh Sam, you're so funny and insensitive. 18 00:00:55,728 --> 00:00:58,641 Come on, you guys, this is major! 19 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,982 Mm, okay... 20 00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:03,762 - How old are you? - Twelve. 21 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,431 Uh-oh. 22 00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:07,744 I got this. 23 00:01:07,745 --> 00:01:09,940 You see, dice, at your age, 24 00:01:09,941 --> 00:01:15,841 it's normal for boys to start noticing new and wonderful changes to their armpits. 25 00:01:16,821 --> 00:01:17,954 Sam. 26 00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:19,356 Dice, what's the problem? 27 00:01:19,357 --> 00:01:21,925 Goomer's mom is coming to visit! 28 00:01:21,926 --> 00:01:25,675 Oh no! Cat, quick! We better grab our heads and scream! 29 00:01:25,676 --> 00:01:26,912 Ah! 30 00:01:26,913 --> 00:01:28,713 Ah! 31 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,169 Okay. You guys wanna make jokes and not help me? 32 00:01:32,170 --> 00:01:35,001 I'll just leave then. 33 00:01:35,002 --> 00:01:37,941 Alright, I'm back, please help me! 34 00:01:37,942 --> 00:01:42,022 Aw, come here ya little wiener bun. 35 00:01:42,947 --> 00:01:45,917 Hey. Why's it such a big deal that goomer's mom is coming? 36 00:01:45,918 --> 00:01:47,844 Because his mom hates fighting, 37 00:01:47,845 --> 00:01:51,088 and goomer's never told her that he's a professional MMA fighter! 38 00:01:51,089 --> 00:01:53,557 So? Why does he care what his "mommy" thinks? 39 00:01:53,558 --> 00:01:56,948 You don't understand. Goomer's not gonna stand up to his mother. 40 00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:59,063 And if she finds out he's a fighter, 41 00:01:59,064 --> 00:02:02,009 she'll probably make him move back home to Louisiana. 42 00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:03,318 Louisiana? 43 00:02:03,319 --> 00:02:07,199 I went to camp with a girl named Louise. 44 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,440 She pooped in the lake. 45 00:02:10,555 --> 00:02:13,625 She tried to blame it on a fish. 46 00:02:13,626 --> 00:02:16,026 But I knew. 47 00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:21,709 - Aw... - Oh, kid, why ya getting so upset? 48 00:02:21,710 --> 00:02:25,395 Because I'm goomer's manager. And if he moves away... 49 00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:27,241 Ya know... 50 00:02:27,242 --> 00:02:29,434 I could lose a lot of money. 51 00:02:29,435 --> 00:02:31,065 Hmm. 52 00:02:31,066 --> 00:02:33,969 Ya sure it's just about the money? 53 00:02:33,970 --> 00:02:38,632 Maybe you're scared of goomer moving away because he's your best friend? 54 00:02:38,633 --> 00:02:40,471 I don't... 55 00:02:40,472 --> 00:02:42,287 I just... 56 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:44,908 She pooped in a lake? 57 00:02:44,909 --> 00:02:47,777 Hey, listen, don't sweat this. We'll help ya figure out something. 58 00:02:47,778 --> 00:02:49,313 - Really? - Sure we will. 59 00:02:49,314 --> 00:02:51,919 Hey! My sister and I are still hiding. 60 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,654 And we're still counting. 61 00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:54,912 Eight... 62 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,125 Nine... 63 00:02:56,126 --> 00:02:57,421 Ten! 64 00:02:57,422 --> 00:03:02,282 - I'll turn on the TV. - I'll make a pizza. 65 00:03:04,012 --> 00:03:06,028 ♪ I'm never that far. 66 00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:08,495 ♪ No matter where you are. 67 00:03:08,496 --> 00:03:12,305 ♪ Believe it, we can make it come true. 68 00:03:12,306 --> 00:03:15,153 ♪ And I, I, I, I... 69 00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:17,919 ♪ I'll never say, never. 70 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:22,056 ♪ As long as we keep it together. 71 00:03:22,057 --> 00:03:23,581 ♪ Oh! 72 00:03:23,582 --> 00:03:27,367 ♪ It's the life that we choose, and we still break the rules. 73 00:03:27,368 --> 00:03:30,329 ♪ But it's all gonna be just fine. 74 00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:31,360 ♪ Just fine. 75 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:35,921 ♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine. 76 00:03:35,978 --> 00:03:38,078 ♪ Oh. 77 00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:42,051 Ow. 78 00:03:42,511 --> 00:03:44,611 Ow. Ow. 79 00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:48,792 Come on, goomer, ya gotta try. 80 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,842 Kay-Kay. 81 00:03:50,843 --> 00:03:52,703 Ooh! 82 00:03:52,728 --> 00:03:54,131 Ow. 83 00:03:54,132 --> 00:03:56,094 Come on goomer, let's go, get up! 84 00:03:56,095 --> 00:03:59,875 Nah, I'll just rest down here. 85 00:04:00,038 --> 00:04:03,038 Ah, ya pile a'dope. 86 00:04:03,803 --> 00:04:05,242 There he is. 87 00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:07,511 Hey, what you doing on the floor? 88 00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:11,015 I'm worried about my mom coming. 89 00:04:11,016 --> 00:04:13,183 Well, don't be. We're gonna help you. 90 00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:15,242 - You are? - Yeah, man. 91 00:04:15,243 --> 00:04:18,155 Now your mom has no idea that you're a fighter? 92 00:04:18,156 --> 00:04:21,725 Nuh-uh. I told her that I have a different job. 93 00:04:21,726 --> 00:04:22,993 Oh, well great! 94 00:04:22,994 --> 00:04:26,259 We'll just help you pretend you have whatever job it is you told her you have. 95 00:04:26,260 --> 00:04:27,774 What job did you tell her you have? 96 00:04:27,775 --> 00:04:30,726 I said I was a high school history teacher. 97 00:04:30,727 --> 00:04:33,470 - Ah. - Oh my god, goomer. 98 00:04:33,471 --> 00:04:36,373 - Well, good luck people. - No no no, Sam, don't go. 99 00:04:36,374 --> 00:04:37,541 Come on! 100 00:04:37,542 --> 00:04:40,911 How the spank are we gonna make anyone believe he's a high school teacher? 101 00:04:40,912 --> 00:04:43,280 We can do it. When does your mom get here? 102 00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:46,249 Tomorrow. I told her to meet me at bots. 103 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,350 Why at a restaurant? 104 00:04:47,351 --> 00:04:50,921 Because she's always happiest when she's holding a sandwich. 105 00:04:50,922 --> 00:04:54,792 Ooh, well we could be there and pretend to be his students! 106 00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:56,879 Listen... 107 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,840 Sometimes you get too enthusiastic. 108 00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:03,219 - What time at bots tomorrow? - Four. 109 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,467 We'll be there. 110 00:05:04,468 --> 00:05:06,704 - Ah, I can't. - Why not? 111 00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:11,445 Because my weird aunt ferjeen fell off a horse and fractured both of her arms! 112 00:05:11,446 --> 00:05:13,811 And I gotta feed her at four. 113 00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:15,813 Ah, it's all right. We got this for ya. 114 00:05:15,814 --> 00:05:19,583 Yep. Just trust Valentine and puckle. 115 00:05:19,584 --> 00:05:21,351 It's Puckett. 116 00:05:21,352 --> 00:05:23,120 You told me it was puckle. 117 00:05:23,121 --> 00:05:27,321 I said Puckett. I always say Puckett. 118 00:05:27,558 --> 00:05:29,960 I thought it was pickle. 119 00:05:29,961 --> 00:05:31,654 Who would name me Sam pickle?! 120 00:05:31,655 --> 00:05:35,495 - Mister and Mrs. Pickle. - Bye! 121 00:05:40,271 --> 00:05:43,031 I'm scooting by! 122 00:05:44,109 --> 00:05:46,509 Hello. How are your foods? 123 00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:48,278 My foods are good. 124 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:49,546 Not mine. 125 00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:53,416 My hamburger keeps using inappropriate language. 126 00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,085 I don't understand. 127 00:05:55,086 --> 00:05:57,087 Oh, she was just joking. 128 00:05:57,088 --> 00:06:00,257 Choking! Choking! Choking! 129 00:06:00,258 --> 00:06:04,458 - Ah! No! - Choking! Choking! Choking! 130 00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:09,301 Enjoy your meal. 131 00:06:11,106 --> 00:06:12,736 Why didn't you do anything? 132 00:06:12,737 --> 00:06:15,737 I was getting video! 133 00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:22,345 Oh, hey, here's goomer. 134 00:06:22,346 --> 00:06:25,015 Hey y'all. How do I look? 135 00:06:25,016 --> 00:06:26,365 - Good. - Stiff. 136 00:06:26,366 --> 00:06:28,252 Thanks. 137 00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:30,620 Oh, man. My mom'll be here any minute. 138 00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:33,857 Don't worry about it. Just go sit over there and wait for her to get here. 139 00:06:33,858 --> 00:06:35,830 And once you've talked to her for a few minutes, 140 00:06:35,831 --> 00:06:37,750 we'll come over and pretend to be your students. 141 00:06:37,751 --> 00:06:39,696 Oh, 'Kay-Kay. 142 00:06:39,697 --> 00:06:43,221 Uh, whoa whoa! Uh, what do we call your mom? 143 00:06:43,222 --> 00:06:44,935 Oh yeah what's her last name? 144 00:06:44,936 --> 00:06:47,876 Same as mine. Merr. 145 00:06:48,739 --> 00:06:51,120 So just call her "Ms. Merr". 146 00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:54,011 Wait. Your last name is merr? 147 00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:55,048 Yeah. 148 00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:59,582 My daddy was French, so my first name is gieux. 149 00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:02,052 And my last name is merr. 150 00:07:02,053 --> 00:07:03,253 See? 151 00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:05,594 Gieux merr. 152 00:07:07,391 --> 00:07:08,596 Gieux? 153 00:07:08,597 --> 00:07:10,360 Merr. 154 00:07:10,361 --> 00:07:15,581 Like what those three wise guys brought baby Jesus. 155 00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:20,683 Momma! 156 00:07:20,705 --> 00:07:22,005 Momma! 157 00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:24,065 - Mom, over here! - Oh, gieux! 158 00:07:24,066 --> 00:07:25,205 Oh momma. 159 00:07:25,206 --> 00:07:26,810 Oh momma. 160 00:07:26,811 --> 00:07:30,560 That is not how I pictured her. 161 00:07:30,561 --> 00:07:33,218 Yeah, I thought she'd be taller. 162 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,784 So tell me... 163 00:07:34,785 --> 00:07:37,087 How was school today? 164 00:07:37,088 --> 00:07:38,400 What school? 165 00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:40,090 The school where you teach. 166 00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:41,391 The school where I... 167 00:07:41,392 --> 00:07:44,027 Oh. Oh, that school. 168 00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:47,892 Yeah, I sure am a teacher at a high school. 169 00:07:47,893 --> 00:07:49,121 - Hey. - Hi. 170 00:07:49,122 --> 00:07:51,222 Oh, hi. 171 00:07:51,257 --> 00:07:52,958 Gieux... are these students of yours? 172 00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:55,299 Uh, y-yes. 173 00:07:55,673 --> 00:07:59,633 Uh. That's Sam, and this is cat. 174 00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,946 They're girls... 175 00:08:02,947 --> 00:08:05,582 And who's this pretty lady you're sitting with? 176 00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:10,563 Did you meet her on scrumptious ladies dot com? 177 00:08:10,986 --> 00:08:13,806 That's just sick. 178 00:08:14,729 --> 00:08:17,761 This isn't your mother, is it? 179 00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:20,045 Well, yes I am. 180 00:08:20,046 --> 00:08:22,146 You want us to sit? 181 00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:24,307 On what? 182 00:08:27,438 --> 00:08:29,302 Oh, mister merr... 183 00:08:29,303 --> 00:08:32,423 Always with the jokes. 184 00:08:34,979 --> 00:08:37,739 Shove over, lady. 185 00:08:43,321 --> 00:08:45,087 So uh... 186 00:08:45,088 --> 00:08:46,188 Just a hunch... 187 00:08:46,189 --> 00:08:48,411 Did you adopt goomer? 188 00:08:48,412 --> 00:08:50,161 I sure did. 189 00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:53,730 I always wanted an extra-large baby. 190 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:56,733 So I went to the big and tall adoption agency. 191 00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:59,569 Aw, and that's when you found your little goomer? 192 00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:00,904 No no. 193 00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:06,249 My first choice was another baby boy, but they wouldn't let me have him. 194 00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:08,483 Uh, so goomer was your second choice. 195 00:09:08,484 --> 00:09:09,975 Uh-uh. 196 00:09:09,976 --> 00:09:15,118 No, after I didn't get the baby I wanted, I just decided to get a dog. 197 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,045 - Ah. - Oh. 198 00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:18,724 - Huh. - But then the dog ran away! 199 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,461 So I went back to the adoption agency... 200 00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:25,962 And that's when I found my little gieux. 201 00:09:27,365 --> 00:09:30,568 I bet I was a cute baby, huh? 202 00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:32,669 I wish. 203 00:09:33,938 --> 00:09:38,075 Well, anyway, your son is such a great high school history teacher. 204 00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:40,510 Yes, we learn so much. 205 00:09:40,511 --> 00:09:41,533 Oh! 206 00:09:41,534 --> 00:09:45,314 Aw, that just butters my heart. 207 00:09:45,613 --> 00:09:47,548 What are you all studying in school right now? 208 00:09:47,549 --> 00:09:49,228 Uh... 209 00:09:49,229 --> 00:09:53,290 Uh, ahem, why don't I let one of my students tell you? 210 00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:55,825 - Cat? - Pass. 211 00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:58,567 Sam, it's to you. 212 00:09:58,568 --> 00:10:00,303 Uh... 213 00:10:00,304 --> 00:10:04,048 He is teaching us about the American... 214 00:10:04,049 --> 00:10:05,568 War! 215 00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:07,237 And the declaration of... 216 00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:09,913 Abraham Lincoln and then, of course the great... 217 00:10:09,914 --> 00:10:12,309 Depression, at Pearl harbor... 218 00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:15,070 Where Noah rolled... 219 00:10:15,071 --> 00:10:18,011 Up his flaming ark. 220 00:10:18,715 --> 00:10:20,961 God bless America. 221 00:10:20,962 --> 00:10:22,627 Well... 222 00:10:22,628 --> 00:10:26,348 I'm just so proud of my son. 223 00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:28,892 Hey, can I ask you girls a favor? 224 00:10:28,893 --> 00:10:30,174 - Sure. - Maybe. 225 00:10:30,175 --> 00:10:33,730 It's just... I've never seen gieux teach a class before. 226 00:10:33,731 --> 00:10:38,664 Could you send me a video of him in your classroom, doing his thing? 227 00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:39,484 Uh... 228 00:10:39,485 --> 00:10:40,575 Wait! Since you're in town, 229 00:10:40,576 --> 00:10:46,476 why don't you just come watch him teach a class in person?! 230 00:10:48,179 --> 00:10:49,579 Oh! 231 00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:53,462 Now my mom's gonna find out I'm not really a high school history teacher, 232 00:10:53,463 --> 00:10:59,363 and she's gonna make me move back to Louisiana and work at the crawdad factory. 233 00:10:59,757 --> 00:11:03,126 - What are we gonna do? - I have an idea. 234 00:11:03,127 --> 00:11:06,430 Oh, lemme guess... does it involve mermaids? 235 00:11:06,431 --> 00:11:09,371 And a magical boat? 236 00:11:09,692 --> 00:11:12,752 Fine, just forget it. 237 00:11:22,927 --> 00:11:26,429 Aw man, now goomer's crying. 238 00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,798 Come on, gooms. Don't cry. 239 00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:30,400 That's your favorite ice cream. 240 00:11:30,401 --> 00:11:32,602 I can't help it. 241 00:11:32,603 --> 00:11:36,503 Like I said a few minutes ago... 242 00:11:36,673 --> 00:11:41,355 My mom is gonna find out I'm not really a high school history teacher, 243 00:11:41,356 --> 00:11:44,822 and then she's gonna make me move back to Louisiana! 244 00:11:44,823 --> 00:11:48,663 And work at the crawdad factory. 245 00:11:50,661 --> 00:11:53,523 I feel like I've ruined goomer's life. 246 00:11:53,524 --> 00:11:57,660 No. You've just ruined the rest of his life. 247 00:11:57,661 --> 00:12:00,659 Come on Sam, you're smart and sneaky! Think of something! 248 00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:02,698 I did. See? 249 00:12:02,699 --> 00:12:05,568 Peanut butter on a hot dog. 250 00:12:05,569 --> 00:12:08,989 I call it p.B. And ween. 251 00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:10,673 How's it taste? 252 00:12:10,674 --> 00:12:12,954 Like butt. 253 00:12:14,345 --> 00:12:16,811 Come on. We gotta think of some way to fix this. 254 00:12:16,812 --> 00:12:18,781 Some things never get fixed. 255 00:12:18,782 --> 00:12:21,449 Like my brother's itches. 256 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:24,480 Everything can be fixed! You guys watch TV. 257 00:12:24,481 --> 00:12:27,323 All problems can be solved in a half-hour. 258 00:12:27,324 --> 00:12:29,159 But this is real life. 259 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,748 Yeah. Not every bad situation gets fixed by some 260 00:12:31,749 --> 00:12:33,996 wacky character coming up with a "genius plan". 261 00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:34,797 I got it. 262 00:12:34,798 --> 00:12:36,666 - What? - What you got? 263 00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:38,034 Whatcha got? 264 00:12:38,035 --> 00:12:41,052 Okay! All we have to do is find a real teacher, 265 00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:43,219 who will let us use his classroom for a little while. 266 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:47,810 And then goomer can pretend to be a teacher just long enough to fool his mom! 267 00:12:47,811 --> 00:12:48,811 That won't work! 268 00:12:48,812 --> 00:12:52,014 No real teacher is gonna let us take over his classroom. 269 00:12:52,015 --> 00:12:55,075 No real sane teacher. 270 00:13:04,279 --> 00:13:09,559 You'll see where I'm going with this in a second. 271 00:13:12,722 --> 00:13:15,761 It's time to begin an exercise called... 272 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:18,575 "Backwards... acting". 273 00:13:18,576 --> 00:13:20,710 - Now you see, anyone... - Sikowitz! 274 00:13:20,711 --> 00:13:23,613 Cat, you're very late! Class is almost over. 275 00:13:23,614 --> 00:13:25,605 This is more important than class. 276 00:13:25,606 --> 00:13:30,620 More important than teaching young people "backwards acting?" 277 00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:33,356 Why are you dressed like a clown? 278 00:13:33,357 --> 00:13:34,790 Who is that girl? 279 00:13:34,791 --> 00:13:36,771 She's my friend and roommate, Sam. 280 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,705 Well, she's not allowed to be in... 281 00:13:38,706 --> 00:13:41,346 Ah, farm-sauce. 282 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,919 - Class dismissed. - Bye. 283 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,438 Now what's all the hissy-fuss? 284 00:13:48,439 --> 00:13:51,160 You don't have a class in here after lunch, do you? 285 00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:52,442 Why? 286 00:13:52,443 --> 00:13:55,010 We need to use this classroom. 287 00:13:55,011 --> 00:13:57,714 You strike me as pushy. 288 00:13:57,715 --> 00:13:59,349 She can be pushy. 289 00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:02,447 I can also be punchy and kicky. 290 00:14:02,448 --> 00:14:05,087 Can we please use your classroom after lunch? 291 00:14:05,088 --> 00:14:06,789 For what? 292 00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:08,246 - Charity. - What charity? 293 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:10,513 - Uh... - The salvation goomers! 294 00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:12,662 Yes, them. 295 00:14:12,663 --> 00:14:15,331 What does this charity do? 296 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:17,500 They help teachers grow hair. 297 00:14:17,501 --> 00:14:20,621 My classroom is yours. 298 00:14:25,509 --> 00:14:28,578 Okay! This is your classroom. 299 00:14:28,579 --> 00:14:31,681 - My classroom? - Yeah. 300 00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:34,906 And you better be a good teacher, or else you're gonna be back in Louisiana 301 00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:38,187 working in a crawdad factory. 302 00:14:38,188 --> 00:14:40,956 Where's dice?! You said he was gonna be here. 303 00:14:40,957 --> 00:14:42,091 He's coming. 304 00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:44,172 When? What's taking so long? 305 00:14:44,173 --> 00:14:45,128 He's only twelve. 306 00:14:45,129 --> 00:14:48,100 Cat had to dress him up so he'll look like a regular high school student. 307 00:14:48,101 --> 00:14:50,201 Uh-huh. 308 00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:54,437 Now, here are the cards that cat and I wrote up for you to use. 309 00:14:54,438 --> 00:14:57,674 They have enough facts about history to get you through one class. 310 00:14:57,675 --> 00:15:02,055 Hey. Who's ready to meet teenage dice?! 311 00:15:05,728 --> 00:15:07,784 What'd you do to him? 312 00:15:07,785 --> 00:15:11,921 I put him in teenage clothes, teenage glasses, and a teenage headband. 313 00:15:11,922 --> 00:15:14,256 He looks like a fuzzy hippie. 314 00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:16,352 Well, dice loves it, don't ya? 315 00:15:16,353 --> 00:15:20,930 No, and why'd you give me so much pit hair? 316 00:15:20,931 --> 00:15:23,706 Why'd you give him any pit hair? 317 00:15:23,707 --> 00:15:27,847 Because teenage boys grow this stuff! 318 00:15:30,272 --> 00:15:32,870 Ooh look! The shruggers are here. 319 00:15:32,871 --> 00:15:36,752 Okay, everybody go sit in the back and just pretend like it's a normal history class. 320 00:15:36,753 --> 00:15:40,909 Yeah, uh don't raise your hands or say anything. Just react. 321 00:15:40,910 --> 00:15:46,810 - Am I allowed to raise my hand? - No. Keep that shrub outta sight. 322 00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:52,287 Uh... 323 00:15:52,288 --> 00:15:55,422 Oh. Guess what, children... 324 00:15:55,423 --> 00:15:59,969 Today, we have a very special guest here to watch me teach you all. 325 00:15:59,970 --> 00:16:02,538 Please welcome, my momma... 326 00:16:02,539 --> 00:16:04,759 Ms. Merr. 327 00:16:08,144 --> 00:16:10,964 Okay, settle down. 328 00:16:16,387 --> 00:16:22,287 Hey brothah, why don't you lay some groovy, far out history on us? 329 00:16:23,827 --> 00:16:27,229 Well, how am I supposed to talk?! 330 00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:30,266 Hmm. Perhaps we're out of time. 331 00:16:30,267 --> 00:16:32,914 - No, we're not. - Read the cards! 332 00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:33,911 Sam. 333 00:16:33,912 --> 00:16:36,839 Oh yeah. The... the cards... 334 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,560 Are all his classes like this? 335 00:16:40,577 --> 00:16:42,834 Oh, you just gonna shrug? 336 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,243 Now on these cards... 337 00:16:45,244 --> 00:16:48,312 Are some history things that I'm gonna teach y'all... 338 00:16:48,313 --> 00:16:50,713 Today. So... 339 00:16:51,624 --> 00:16:53,573 There... there's nothing... 340 00:16:53,574 --> 00:16:55,758 They're all blank! 341 00:16:55,759 --> 00:16:57,059 Turn 'em over. 342 00:16:57,060 --> 00:16:58,160 What? 343 00:16:58,161 --> 00:17:01,521 Like turn them over, man. 344 00:17:02,032 --> 00:17:03,832 Oh. 345 00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:08,233 Uh, let me see here, uh... 346 00:17:08,234 --> 00:17:10,634 Uh, first... 347 00:17:10,853 --> 00:17:13,669 Oh no! These are written in a foreign language. 348 00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:15,478 Ahem! They're upside down. 349 00:17:15,479 --> 00:17:18,915 - I can't read a word. - They're upside down, man. 350 00:17:18,916 --> 00:17:20,049 What'd ya say? 351 00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:24,190 What crawdad factory would hire you?! 352 00:17:24,287 --> 00:17:27,324 All right! I went on to charityosity dot com! 353 00:17:27,325 --> 00:17:31,524 And there is no mention of a charity called the salvation goomers. 354 00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:33,325 Ah! 355 00:17:33,616 --> 00:17:37,180 What kind of a clown class is this? 356 00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,634 Gieux? 357 00:17:38,635 --> 00:17:40,937 I'm sorry momma. 358 00:17:40,938 --> 00:17:43,272 I'm... I'm not a teacher. 359 00:17:43,273 --> 00:17:45,361 - Humma?! - I'm a... 360 00:17:45,362 --> 00:17:46,524 - Goomer. - Don't! 361 00:17:46,525 --> 00:17:48,788 I'm a fighter. 362 00:17:48,789 --> 00:17:52,762 I'm a mixed martial arts fighter. And I'm good at it. 363 00:17:52,763 --> 00:17:54,112 What?! 364 00:17:54,113 --> 00:17:56,153 Uh-oh. 365 00:17:56,307 --> 00:17:58,334 What? Hey! 366 00:17:58,335 --> 00:17:59,689 Wow! 367 00:17:59,690 --> 00:18:04,045 A fake high school history teacher who also works as a fighter?! 368 00:18:04,046 --> 00:18:07,706 Who's impressed?! All of us?! 369 00:18:08,465 --> 00:18:11,000 A fighter?! You?! 370 00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:13,035 Yes, ma'am. 371 00:18:13,036 --> 00:18:15,371 I am your mother. 372 00:18:15,372 --> 00:18:17,289 And you lied to me like a... 373 00:18:17,290 --> 00:18:19,570 Cheap rug! 374 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:22,710 That burns my beezy. 375 00:18:23,313 --> 00:18:25,330 When I adopted you... 376 00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:29,111 I should have kept the receipt. 377 00:18:35,759 --> 00:18:39,239 I burned my momma's beezy. 378 00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:44,534 I'm taking off this headband. 379 00:18:44,535 --> 00:18:47,115 Um, if I may? 380 00:18:50,707 --> 00:18:53,587 Too much too soon. 381 00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:57,975 - Don't give me your lip! - Mama please. 382 00:18:57,976 --> 00:19:00,215 I don't wanna work in a crawdad factory! 383 00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:02,488 Poor goomer. 384 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:07,189 I guess his mom is really gonna make him move back to Lithuania. 385 00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,358 Louisiana. 386 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,227 Same thing. 387 00:19:11,228 --> 00:19:14,630 You might not be a little boy but I'm still your mother, and you do what I tell you. 388 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:15,902 But mom! 389 00:19:15,903 --> 00:19:18,167 Hey! Can I please say something? 390 00:19:18,168 --> 00:19:20,369 Yeah! Let's hear what Sam has to say. 391 00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:21,904 - Thank you. - Yeah. 392 00:19:21,905 --> 00:19:27,109 Now... does anyone know a place around here to get Mexican food? 393 00:19:27,110 --> 00:19:30,290 This is not taco time! 394 00:19:30,313 --> 00:19:33,577 - Where are we?! Where's your apartment?! - Right around that corner. 395 00:19:33,578 --> 00:19:36,381 Good, because that's where you're going to pack your bags so I can take 396 00:19:36,382 --> 00:19:39,151 you home to Louisiana where you're gonna work in the crawdad factory. 397 00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:40,059 But momma! 398 00:19:40,060 --> 00:19:44,293 Mrs. Merr, he's a really talented fighter! He could be an MMA champion! 399 00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:48,230 No son of mine is gonna waste his life kicking and punching! 400 00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:50,434 It's more than just kicking and punching! 401 00:19:50,435 --> 00:19:52,835 Yeah, there's choking and arm-bars and blood... 402 00:19:52,836 --> 00:19:54,763 Choking and arm-bars and blood?! 403 00:19:54,764 --> 00:19:56,804 Oh my! 404 00:19:59,679 --> 00:20:01,443 Hey... who are these guys? 405 00:20:01,444 --> 00:20:03,244 Hi. 406 00:20:04,309 --> 00:20:07,789 You're in the wrong alley. 407 00:20:08,639 --> 00:20:14,258 No. I'm pretty sure this is a shortcut to my apartment. 408 00:20:14,259 --> 00:20:19,294 Man I'm done with the toothpick, that's why I threw it at you. 409 00:20:19,295 --> 00:20:21,635 Uh, goom... 410 00:20:22,615 --> 00:20:24,387 Gimme the purse and your watch. 411 00:20:24,388 --> 00:20:25,981 - What?! - Sam, do something! 412 00:20:25,982 --> 00:20:28,347 Uh wait, this could be a good thing. 413 00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:30,368 I said gimme the purse. 414 00:20:30,369 --> 00:20:32,679 Oh no! Gieux! 415 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,540 Hey! 416 00:20:37,796 --> 00:20:40,496 Get 'em, goomer! 417 00:20:45,475 --> 00:20:46,967 Policia! 418 00:20:46,968 --> 00:20:48,632 Assistance! 419 00:20:48,633 --> 00:20:50,913 Du po po! 420 00:20:54,718 --> 00:20:56,518 Oh! 421 00:21:00,018 --> 00:21:02,538 Oh, oh, oh... 422 00:21:02,993 --> 00:21:04,493 Hey hey! 423 00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:05,895 What's going on?! 424 00:21:05,896 --> 00:21:09,207 These men tried to steal Ms. Merr's purse. 425 00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:12,941 But then, then my son, he fought all three of them. 426 00:21:12,942 --> 00:21:17,391 And he ripped right through 'em like a tornado through a trailer park. 427 00:21:17,392 --> 00:21:20,035 Yeah. I bet you're pretty proud of goomer, right? 428 00:21:20,036 --> 00:21:23,919 - Hmm? - Uh, yeah yeah, I'm real proud. 429 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,406 So... 430 00:21:25,407 --> 00:21:27,488 Officer...? 431 00:21:27,489 --> 00:21:28,826 Bell. 432 00:21:28,827 --> 00:21:30,058 Bell. 433 00:21:30,059 --> 00:21:34,019 Hmm, that has a nice ring to it. 434 00:21:34,297 --> 00:21:35,897 Well, thanks. 435 00:21:35,898 --> 00:21:40,068 And speaking of rings, I don't see one on your wedding finger. 436 00:21:40,069 --> 00:21:42,770 No, ma'am. My wife she passed away a few years back. 437 00:21:42,771 --> 00:21:45,419 Oh. Let's go talk about that. 438 00:21:45,420 --> 00:21:47,775 Maybe I can cheer you up. 439 00:21:47,776 --> 00:21:49,696 Okay. 440 00:21:52,666 --> 00:21:58,553 But, wait! Momma! Does this mean I can stay in L.A. and still be a fighter?! 441 00:21:58,554 --> 00:22:00,714 Whatever! 442 00:22:01,958 --> 00:22:03,818 Yay. 443 00:22:03,926 --> 00:22:06,446 Not a hugger. 444 00:22:08,924 --> 00:22:10,784 Yay! 445 00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:15,098 Mmm, mmm, mmm... 446 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,872 Turn the corn! 447 00:22:19,873 --> 00:22:21,633 All right! 448 00:22:21,634 --> 00:22:23,305 Mmm-mmm. 449 00:22:23,306 --> 00:22:25,579 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 450 00:22:25,580 --> 00:22:26,745 Mm! 451 00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,913 Now I have to pee. 452 00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,674 I'm not helping.