1 00:00:48,303 --> 00:00:49,721 (KIDS CHATTERING) 2 00:00:49,805 --> 00:00:52,349 LISA: It's okay, you're gonna love it! 3 00:00:53,976 --> 00:00:56,311 Happy first day of school. 4 00:00:57,437 --> 00:00:59,106 Bye, sweetie. 5 00:00:59,273 --> 00:01:01,024 -Hi! -Hi. 6 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,527 Hey, I'm Sam. 7 00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:05,070 Hi, I'm Julie. 8 00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,864 (ALL GIGGLING) 9 00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:08,866 -Bye! -JULIE: Bye, Mom! 10 00:01:08,949 --> 00:01:10,659 (ALL GIGGLING) 11 00:01:11,285 --> 00:01:12,369 I'm Hunter. 12 00:01:12,536 --> 00:01:15,205 Sam's mine, right there. The one with the glasses. 13 00:01:15,372 --> 00:01:17,624 I'm Lisa. That's my Julie. 14 00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:20,502 I'm Mitchell. (SNIFFLES) 15 00:01:21,628 --> 00:01:23,130 Kayla's hero. 16 00:01:23,797 --> 00:01:25,799 -Oh. Are you okay? -Yeah, yeah. 17 00:01:25,966 --> 00:01:27,134 You crying? 18 00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:29,428 (VOICE BREAKING) No, man. It's a big day, that's all. 19 00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:30,637 You know, can I have a tissue, please? 20 00:01:30,804 --> 00:01:31,805 -Yeah, yeah. -Thank you. 21 00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:33,182 -It's a big day for all of us. -Yeah. 22 00:01:33,348 --> 00:01:34,641 Thanks. (EXHALES) 23 00:01:34,725 --> 00:01:36,435 (SIGHS AND CHUCKLES) 24 00:01:37,686 --> 00:01:39,688 HUNTER: I think our daughters are friends. 25 00:01:40,314 --> 00:01:42,858 And I think that means we're friends. 26 00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:45,777 (ALL CHUCKLE) 27 00:01:45,861 --> 00:01:47,738 Should we go get a drink? 28 00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:50,449 -You okay? Yeah. -Yeah. 29 00:01:50,616 --> 00:01:52,409 Do you guys wanna go get a drink? 30 00:01:53,202 --> 00:01:55,537 Ah, they made it. (SNIFFLES) 31 00:01:55,621 --> 00:01:56,830 You guys wanna go grab a drink real quick? 32 00:01:56,997 --> 00:01:58,498 Is he asking us if we wanna go grab a drink? 33 00:01:58,665 --> 00:02:00,042 I'm really hoping it's coffee. 34 00:02:04,713 --> 00:02:06,340 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 35 00:02:06,423 --> 00:02:08,091 -(SQUEAKING) -(LAUGHS) 36 00:02:09,050 --> 00:02:10,302 -(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) -(LAUGHS) 37 00:02:10,385 --> 00:02:11,887 Shut the fuck up! 38 00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:13,889 (ALL SQUEALING) 39 00:02:13,972 --> 00:02:15,849 ALL: Happy Halloween! 40 00:02:15,933 --> 00:02:16,934 Assalam! 41 00:02:17,017 --> 00:02:19,102 I can see Russia from my house! 42 00:02:19,186 --> 00:02:20,562 (KIDS SHOUTING EXCITEDLY) 43 00:02:24,399 --> 00:02:26,568 -(SQUEALING) -(CROWD CHEERING) 44 00:02:26,652 --> 00:02:30,239 That's right! Right here! Whoo! 45 00:02:30,948 --> 00:02:33,158 Hey, hey... 46 00:02:33,325 --> 00:02:34,993 (EXCITED SQUEALING) 47 00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:37,079 Put your seatbelts on! 48 00:02:37,162 --> 00:02:39,248 (EXCITED SQUEALING) 49 00:02:41,792 --> 00:02:43,418 Surprise! 50 00:02:48,507 --> 00:02:49,508 Careful! 51 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:56,765 (SONG PLAYING ON CELL PHONE) 52 00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:21,707 You're probably gonna miss these mornings that we spend together, right? 53 00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:23,125 Stop. 54 00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:26,128 You're gonna make me cry, and I don't wanna cry because it's prom night. 55 00:03:26,295 --> 00:03:28,755 It's supposed to be like the most magical night of your life, 56 00:03:28,922 --> 00:03:30,841 and, you know, I'm just so anxious about it. 57 00:03:31,758 --> 00:03:35,304 Well, call me if you feel anxious. 58 00:03:35,470 --> 00:03:37,764 Or maybe FaceTime me, if it wasn't too loud. 59 00:03:37,931 --> 00:03:41,518 If it was too loud, you could just... We could wave or whatever. 60 00:03:41,685 --> 00:03:42,728 (CHUCKLES) That'd be funny. 61 00:03:42,895 --> 00:03:43,979 And then, I can... 62 00:03:44,146 --> 00:03:45,355 You know what I was thinking? 63 00:03:45,522 --> 00:03:48,066 You should send me photos throughout the night. 64 00:03:48,233 --> 00:03:52,946 Not like all night long, but if you could do it every 30 minutes or so 65 00:03:53,113 --> 00:03:55,407 then I can put together one of those iBooks. 66 00:03:55,574 --> 00:03:56,700 -That would be so fun. -Yeah. 67 00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,702 That would be a really... I don't think you would regret that. 68 00:03:59,786 --> 00:04:01,205 Hmm. 69 00:04:01,288 --> 00:04:02,456 -Mom? -Mmm-hmm. 70 00:04:03,624 --> 00:04:06,668 Are you gonna be okay when I go to college? 71 00:04:06,835 --> 00:04:08,545 -Who, me? -Yeah. 72 00:04:08,712 --> 00:04:10,088 Me? 73 00:04:10,172 --> 00:04:12,090 (LAUGHING) 74 00:04:12,174 --> 00:04:13,175 What? 75 00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:16,762 Please. Don't even get me... (LAUGHS) 76 00:04:16,844 --> 00:04:17,971 Don't even... 77 00:04:19,431 --> 00:04:21,183 -Please! -(LAUGHS) 78 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,313 Okay, bye, Mom! 79 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:27,397 LISA: Okay, bye! 80 00:04:27,481 --> 00:04:29,149 -I love you! -Okay, I love you. 81 00:04:36,823 --> 00:04:38,116 MARCIE: Oh, good, you did the laundry. 82 00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:41,161 Yeah, and got a totally sleepy, happy baby. 83 00:04:41,328 --> 00:04:43,330 Full-blown renaissance man. 84 00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:44,957 -Oh! -Believe it. 85 00:04:45,123 --> 00:04:46,708 It's a good thing she's asleep, too. 86 00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:47,876 I was going through the laundry. 87 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,670 -Uh-huh. -Found these new thongs. 88 00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:51,004 You know what I'm gonna do with these? 89 00:04:52,464 --> 00:04:54,633 "Paging Dr. Muff Diver. Dr. Muff Diver, 90 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,094 "you're needed in the OR immediately, emergency surgery." 91 00:04:57,261 --> 00:04:58,887 Later on tonight, I'm tearing these off with my teeth 92 00:04:59,054 --> 00:05:01,056 like an old-school cartoon billy goat. 93 00:05:01,223 --> 00:05:03,433 -(GRUNTING) -Honey. Mitchell. 94 00:05:06,144 --> 00:05:07,271 Those are your daughter's. 95 00:05:07,354 --> 00:05:09,106 (EXCLAIMING) 96 00:05:09,189 --> 00:05:10,899 No way. Kayla wears cleats and Bears jerseys, 97 00:05:10,983 --> 00:05:12,150 not some dirty stripper underwear. 98 00:05:12,317 --> 00:05:13,318 You thought they were mine. 99 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,112 What am I, giving her allowance in singles? 100 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:16,738 Go tell her she can't wear these. 101 00:05:16,905 --> 00:05:18,031 Tell her they'll make her sterile, 102 00:05:18,198 --> 00:05:19,825 like with the laptop and my brother's balls. 103 00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:21,827 We're not sure that's what happened with your brother. 104 00:05:21,994 --> 00:05:23,537 Honey, you're being ridiculous. 105 00:05:23,704 --> 00:05:24,913 Kayla's becoming a woman. 106 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,457 This isn't the time to tighten your grip. It's the time to loosen it. 107 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,751 This? This means we tighten the grip. 108 00:05:29,918 --> 00:05:31,962 This isn't built for comfort, it's built for speed. 109 00:05:32,129 --> 00:05:33,171 We need to slow her the fuck down. 110 00:05:34,089 --> 00:05:36,341 The appliances go in after the backsplash. 111 00:05:36,508 --> 00:05:38,635 We've done it the same way every time. 112 00:05:40,387 --> 00:05:41,471 (SIGHS) 113 00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:43,015 Uh-huh. All right, put him on the phone. 114 00:05:44,725 --> 00:05:45,726 (KNOCKING) 115 00:05:45,809 --> 00:05:47,436 KAYLA: I'm in the bathroom. 116 00:05:47,936 --> 00:05:49,229 (EXHALES) 117 00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:56,737 (SIGHS) 118 00:06:01,575 --> 00:06:03,243 (VIBRATING) 119 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,335 Thanks, I was looking for that. 120 00:06:13,587 --> 00:06:14,838 You mind telling me what this is? 121 00:06:14,922 --> 00:06:16,673 -Uh, fuzz. -Yeah. 122 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:17,841 Yeah, fuzz. 123 00:06:18,008 --> 00:06:20,135 It's what I thought it was and then on further investigation, 124 00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:22,513 it is clearly an unraveled filter of a cigarette. 125 00:06:22,638 --> 00:06:24,431 Kayla, are you a smoker? 126 00:06:24,598 --> 00:06:25,933 What? No. 127 00:06:26,391 --> 00:06:28,101 I'm not a smoker, Dad. 128 00:06:28,268 --> 00:06:32,022 Hey, haven't you seen the billions of ads that tell you not to do this stuff? 129 00:06:32,231 --> 00:06:34,441 Dad! You can't teach someone not to try things. Okay? 130 00:06:34,608 --> 00:06:36,902 That's what trying things is for. To teach you things. 131 00:06:37,069 --> 00:06:38,070 It's a contradiction. 132 00:06:38,695 --> 00:06:42,241 It's like telling me not to go for a triple on a base hit to the gap 133 00:06:42,407 --> 00:06:43,784 when I've made a good turn around first 134 00:06:43,951 --> 00:06:45,744 and I know that the right fielder has a weak arm. 135 00:06:48,163 --> 00:06:49,164 Damn it, you're smart. 136 00:06:49,915 --> 00:06:52,584 Okay. Yeah. All right. Time to get ready for school, Dad. 137 00:06:52,751 --> 00:06:53,835 Okay, all right. 138 00:06:54,878 --> 00:06:56,380 Julie! Sam! 139 00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:57,589 Hey, girl! 140 00:06:57,673 --> 00:06:58,757 -(TIRES SCREECHING) -Whoa! 141 00:06:58,841 --> 00:07:00,092 (LAUGHING) 142 00:07:00,843 --> 00:07:01,844 I almost died. 143 00:07:01,927 --> 00:07:04,263 -Prom night! -(ALL LAUGHING) 144 00:07:04,346 --> 00:07:06,557 I'm so, so excited! 145 00:07:06,723 --> 00:07:07,766 KAYLA: Me, too. 146 00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:09,893 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 147 00:07:11,562 --> 00:07:13,146 Mmm. I love you. 148 00:07:13,522 --> 00:07:14,982 I love you, too. 149 00:07:15,232 --> 00:07:16,233 All right. 150 00:07:16,316 --> 00:07:17,568 -We're so gross. -I know. 151 00:07:17,734 --> 00:07:19,069 -People are looking at us. -I don't care. 152 00:07:19,236 --> 00:07:21,071 We better get "Cutest Couple" in the yearbook. 153 00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:33,625 I'm having sex. 154 00:07:34,543 --> 00:07:37,838 That's great! I'm having soup. (SLURPS) 155 00:07:37,921 --> 00:07:39,339 No. Tonight. 156 00:07:39,506 --> 00:07:40,507 With Austin. 157 00:07:40,716 --> 00:07:42,301 -Wait, you're finally gonna do it? -Yeah. 158 00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:46,138 I mean, you know, we've been dating for six months and we love each other 159 00:07:46,305 --> 00:07:49,391 and I just awkwardly got my pediatrician to put me on birth control. 160 00:07:49,892 --> 00:07:51,476 But she gave me a sticker. (CHUCKLES) 161 00:07:51,685 --> 00:07:53,228 Two because I was good, so... 162 00:07:53,604 --> 00:07:58,025 I know it's kind of corny or whatever but it just seems like prom night, 163 00:07:58,192 --> 00:07:59,735 it's kind of perfect, you know? 164 00:07:59,902 --> 00:08:02,696 We're gonna have, like, dim lighting 165 00:08:02,863 --> 00:08:04,489 and rose petals on the bed 166 00:08:04,656 --> 00:08:06,450 and the scent from that candle that gets me horny 167 00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,160 every time I pass it in Walgreens. 168 00:08:08,327 --> 00:08:09,620 All candles get me horny. 169 00:08:09,786 --> 00:08:11,205 JULIE: I'm gonna look into Austin's eyes 170 00:08:11,955 --> 00:08:13,916 and then he's gonna look into mine 171 00:08:14,082 --> 00:08:17,502 and then we're gonna touch each other's faces, you know? 172 00:08:17,753 --> 00:08:19,171 For, like, a long time. 173 00:08:19,338 --> 00:08:21,006 Like, a long time. 174 00:08:21,173 --> 00:08:24,510 Just to, like, connect. And then we're gonna... 175 00:08:25,344 --> 00:08:26,762 Kapow. 176 00:08:28,889 --> 00:08:30,015 All right, fuck it, I'm in. 177 00:08:30,516 --> 00:08:31,517 -What? -KAYLA: I'm in. 178 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,601 I'm having sex tonight, too. 179 00:08:32,684 --> 00:08:34,477 Uh... (CHUCKLES) Just like that? 180 00:08:34,561 --> 00:08:35,562 Yeah. I mean, why not? 181 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:36,688 Because it's your first time 182 00:08:36,813 --> 00:08:39,650 and your first time should be special and perfect. 183 00:08:39,816 --> 00:08:41,068 Yours can be special and perfect. 184 00:08:41,235 --> 00:08:44,905 Mine is gonna be tonight, and with that dude. 185 00:08:45,072 --> 00:08:46,573 They're just brownies, they're not, like... 186 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:49,368 Connor Aldrich? Your lab partner? 187 00:08:49,535 --> 00:08:51,119 -Yeah. What? -You haven't even hooked up with him. 188 00:08:51,286 --> 00:08:53,622 You haven't even seen his thing yet. What if he has a weird one? 189 00:08:53,789 --> 00:08:54,873 They're all weird. 190 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,459 Penises are not for looking at, they're for use. 191 00:08:57,626 --> 00:08:59,169 They're like plungers. Listen, 192 00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:00,796 my student athlete days are over. 193 00:09:00,963 --> 00:09:03,006 Tonight is the beginning of my adult life 194 00:09:03,173 --> 00:09:05,676 and for the first time I can do whatever I want. 195 00:09:05,843 --> 00:09:09,096 So I wanna go to prom, get drunk, get potted up on weed 196 00:09:09,263 --> 00:09:10,722 and lose my goddamn virginity. 197 00:09:10,889 --> 00:09:12,558 We're gonna have the same first-time sex anniversary. 198 00:09:12,724 --> 00:09:14,309 We can go to dinner every year and commemorate it. 199 00:09:14,476 --> 00:09:16,311 -Olive Garden. -Yes! Olive Garden. 200 00:09:16,478 --> 00:09:17,980 Breadsticks for life, bitch! 201 00:09:18,146 --> 00:09:21,483 Oh, my God! It is gonna be such a relief 202 00:09:21,650 --> 00:09:23,902 to get this over and done with before college. 203 00:09:25,279 --> 00:09:26,572 Um... 204 00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:28,031 -No, I mean, like... -No, it's cool. 205 00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:30,033 I just don't think I'm there yet. 206 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,620 You know, maybe something might happen tonight with me and Chad, 207 00:09:33,787 --> 00:09:37,875 but I don't think sex is gonna be that thing. 208 00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:41,628 (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING) 209 00:09:46,008 --> 00:09:47,176 Sam? 210 00:09:50,387 --> 00:09:52,556 (CHUCKLES) But you never know what could happen. 211 00:09:52,723 --> 00:09:55,767 I mean, maybe my inner sexual Smaug will emerge from its keep 212 00:09:55,934 --> 00:09:57,644 and spread its mighty wings. 213 00:09:59,605 --> 00:10:01,315 I never know what you're talking about. 214 00:10:01,481 --> 00:10:03,108 -Yeah, me neither. -(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 215 00:10:12,618 --> 00:10:13,619 Oh... 216 00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:26,757 (LAUGHS) 217 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,717 LISA: Julie, is that you? 218 00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:37,726 So realistic. 219 00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,645 (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) 220 00:10:41,688 --> 00:10:43,148 Ugh. 221 00:10:46,151 --> 00:10:47,903 BRENDA: Come on, Sam, we're waiting. 222 00:10:48,070 --> 00:10:49,780 Be right there! 223 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,241 -All right. -There she is. 224 00:10:52,324 --> 00:10:54,117 Took me 20 minutes to figure out how to do video on this thing 225 00:10:54,284 --> 00:10:55,619 but I finally got it. 226 00:10:55,702 --> 00:10:57,246 -(CAMERA CLICKS) -Nope. 227 00:10:57,329 --> 00:10:58,539 I took a picture of myself. 228 00:10:58,705 --> 00:11:00,832 Siri, video, please. 229 00:11:00,916 --> 00:11:04,711 Wow! That Chad is going to rip through his little tuxedo pants. 230 00:11:04,878 --> 00:11:05,879 -Mom! -What? 231 00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:07,297 -That's gross. -Why? 232 00:11:07,464 --> 00:11:10,551 Because you're practically imagining your daughter in sexual congress. 233 00:11:10,717 --> 00:11:11,718 You sicko. 234 00:11:14,137 --> 00:11:17,766 I was just trying to connect with you. You never talk to us anymore. 235 00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:19,268 Hey, I got this. 236 00:11:19,434 --> 00:11:20,435 Okay. 237 00:11:24,189 --> 00:11:26,024 (SIGHS) Prom night, huh? 238 00:11:26,733 --> 00:11:28,819 I got sad and reflective on my prom night, too. 239 00:11:28,902 --> 00:11:29,903 -You were? -Yeah. 240 00:11:29,987 --> 00:11:31,405 I was scared I wasn't gonna stay friends 241 00:11:31,572 --> 00:11:33,031 with the guys I had been around most of my life. 242 00:11:33,115 --> 00:11:34,116 But I was able to... 243 00:11:34,199 --> 00:11:36,660 Hey, baby, I love you so much. You just really freaked her out. 244 00:11:37,244 --> 00:11:41,665 Sweetie, if you're worried about that at all, just know you shouldn't be. 245 00:11:41,832 --> 00:11:44,126 You never stay friends with people from high school. 246 00:11:44,293 --> 00:11:46,336 I mean, the oldest friend I have is Jan from work 247 00:11:46,503 --> 00:11:47,504 and I've known her for three months. 248 00:11:47,588 --> 00:11:48,589 Who's Jan? 249 00:11:48,672 --> 00:11:51,049 You know Jan, babe. She draws those silly cartoons. 250 00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,426 Oh, racist Jan. 251 00:11:52,509 --> 00:11:53,510 Yeah, that's the one. 252 00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:54,761 Who you are today 253 00:11:54,928 --> 00:11:58,432 is not who you're going to be. And that's okay. 254 00:11:58,599 --> 00:12:00,809 -FRANK: That's good therapy. -And who you become will be 255 00:12:00,976 --> 00:12:03,478 so different that your friends won't understand you anymore 256 00:12:03,645 --> 00:12:05,147 and then you will wake up and realize 257 00:12:05,314 --> 00:12:08,692 these friendships are over. This feels like a very painful divorce, 258 00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:10,235 just like the one I had with your father, 259 00:12:10,402 --> 00:12:12,529 but then you'll find a Frank. 260 00:12:12,613 --> 00:12:15,616 Uh, I appreciate that, but that's not my deal. 261 00:12:15,782 --> 00:12:18,285 I'm still cool with a lot of my boys because on prom night, 262 00:12:18,452 --> 00:12:24,416 me, Dennis, Matt, and Cory all convinced our friend Steve to join the Army. 263 00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:26,460 He fought in the Persian Gulf War. 264 00:12:26,627 --> 00:12:28,170 He died right away. 265 00:12:28,337 --> 00:12:29,338 (SIGHS) 266 00:12:29,421 --> 00:12:31,215 But once you go through something like that, 267 00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:33,425 you're bonded for life. 268 00:12:33,592 --> 00:12:37,054 The bedrock of deep meaningful friendships is shared experience. 269 00:12:38,972 --> 00:12:41,475 I thought they were gonna put him in the Reserves. 270 00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:47,689 That is some horseshit. 271 00:12:52,653 --> 00:12:54,029 Hmm. 272 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,698 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 273 00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,538 Wow. 274 00:13:02,704 --> 00:13:04,790 You look so beautiful! 275 00:13:04,873 --> 00:13:07,167 (GASPS) Turn around. 276 00:13:09,002 --> 00:13:10,963 -Wow. -(BOTH LAUGH) 277 00:13:11,046 --> 00:13:12,422 Oh, my goodness. 278 00:13:13,423 --> 00:13:14,424 Wow. 279 00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:17,177 So what's the big plan for after prom? 280 00:13:17,845 --> 00:13:19,179 Uh, we're just going to Austin's. 281 00:13:19,346 --> 00:13:20,597 You really like him, huh? 282 00:13:21,431 --> 00:13:24,685 Yeah. Yeah, I mean... Yeah, he's cool. It's not like serious or anything. 283 00:13:24,852 --> 00:13:26,812 His mom told me he got into UCLA. 284 00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:27,980 That's nice. 285 00:13:28,063 --> 00:13:29,773 Yeah, I mean, it's good. 286 00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:33,861 You remember that time when, like, I thought about going to UCLA? 287 00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:34,945 Yes. 288 00:13:35,028 --> 00:13:38,031 That would've been crazy. That would've been the worst mistake ever. 289 00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,826 I don't think it would've been that huge of a mistake. 290 00:13:40,909 --> 00:13:43,579 Uh, yes, it would have. (LAUGHS) 291 00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:47,749 University of Chicago is perfect. It's 45 minutes away. 292 00:13:47,916 --> 00:13:51,378 So that way you're gone but you're not gone, gone. 293 00:13:52,212 --> 00:13:53,213 But I'm gone. 294 00:13:53,797 --> 00:13:55,716 Right. But not, like, gone. 295 00:13:55,883 --> 00:13:57,467 Right, but, like, I'm going to college 296 00:13:57,634 --> 00:14:01,305 and, like, I'm not gonna live at home. So I'm, like, I'm gone. 297 00:14:01,763 --> 00:14:02,973 Mmm-hmm. 298 00:14:03,849 --> 00:14:05,726 Why are my boobs so big? 299 00:14:06,018 --> 00:14:07,060 MITCHELL: Ready, Kayla? 300 00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:08,145 KAYLA: Yep. 301 00:14:08,854 --> 00:14:09,938 (MUSIC PLAYING ON CELL PHONE) 302 00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:12,858 And now, standing at 5' 7'', 303 00:14:13,025 --> 00:14:15,402 5' 9'' if you count the heels, 304 00:14:15,569 --> 00:14:19,156 straight out of Great Lakes High School, the prettiest girl in all of prom, 305 00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:21,658 Kayla Mannes. 306 00:14:21,742 --> 00:14:23,076 (WHOOPING) 307 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,703 (LAUGHING) 308 00:14:24,786 --> 00:14:25,913 Oh. 309 00:14:25,996 --> 00:14:27,331 Just high-fives from now on. 310 00:14:27,873 --> 00:14:28,916 Okay. 311 00:14:29,082 --> 00:14:30,417 Oh, honey, I never thought I'd see you in a dress! 312 00:14:30,584 --> 00:14:32,211 MITCHELL: Technically it's not a full dress. 313 00:14:32,377 --> 00:14:34,254 Some material is missing from the middle there. 314 00:14:34,421 --> 00:14:35,422 MARCIE: Okay. 315 00:14:35,506 --> 00:14:36,507 You look great. 316 00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:38,634 All right, yeah, I think it's time to go. 317 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,928 Yes. Yeah. Honey, we gotta go. 318 00:14:41,011 --> 00:14:42,012 (SNIFFLES) 319 00:14:42,095 --> 00:14:43,096 Honey? 320 00:14:43,305 --> 00:14:44,890 Dad, are you okay? 321 00:14:45,307 --> 00:14:47,267 It's like when he watched Frozen. 322 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,561 Come on. 323 00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:51,063 (SNIFFLES) 324 00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,773 LISA: Hi, how are you? 325 00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:54,691 -Hi! -Hi! How are you? 326 00:14:54,858 --> 00:14:55,943 Hi, Marcie. 327 00:14:56,026 --> 00:14:57,861 -(MOUTHING WORDS) -Oh. Uh-huh. 328 00:14:58,403 --> 00:14:59,404 -Hey! -Hey, Mitchell. 329 00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:00,739 -Haven't seen you in a while. -Yeah. 330 00:15:00,906 --> 00:15:02,950 You know, I was worried when I never heard back from you about hot yoga. 331 00:15:03,450 --> 00:15:04,493 Called you a bunch of times. 332 00:15:04,576 --> 00:15:06,787 I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon. 333 00:15:06,954 --> 00:15:08,413 Oh, yeah, I don't really do the hot-yoga thing. 334 00:15:09,414 --> 00:15:10,874 We should catch up, though, right? 335 00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,334 -Yeah. -Like a lunch, I don't know. 336 00:15:12,543 --> 00:15:14,211 Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Give me a call. 337 00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:15,629 -I've been calling you. -Mmm-hmm. 338 00:15:16,296 --> 00:15:17,297 It doesn't work. 339 00:15:17,422 --> 00:15:18,715 It's not effective. 340 00:15:22,427 --> 00:15:24,096 (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) 341 00:15:24,179 --> 00:15:25,430 (LAPTOP CHIMES) 342 00:15:26,557 --> 00:15:27,724 (VIBRATES) 343 00:15:28,517 --> 00:15:29,726 (LAPTOP CHIMES) 344 00:15:32,563 --> 00:15:34,523 (CHIMING) 345 00:15:34,606 --> 00:15:37,025 -(ALL LAUGHING) -I don't even know! Wait, you guys. 346 00:15:37,192 --> 00:15:39,528 Wait, this is, like, the best lighting with the Valencia filter... 347 00:15:39,695 --> 00:15:41,363 Oh, God. All right. Here we go. 348 00:15:42,573 --> 00:15:43,574 Yeah, okay. That's enough. 349 00:15:43,657 --> 00:15:44,700 -One more. -We're good. 350 00:15:44,783 --> 00:15:46,785 Oh, my God, we need to get this party started. 351 00:15:46,952 --> 00:15:48,120 -Ooh, okay, Julie. -Hmm. 352 00:15:48,287 --> 00:15:49,288 I got you something. 353 00:15:50,706 --> 00:15:51,707 It's coconut oil. 354 00:15:52,499 --> 00:15:53,500 For lube. 355 00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:56,879 I hear it works just as well and it makes blowjobs taste like Almond Joy. 356 00:15:56,962 --> 00:15:59,131 (GASPS) Thank God it doesn't taste like Mounds. 357 00:15:59,298 --> 00:16:01,216 I'd rather eat 10 dicks than one Mound. 358 00:16:01,383 --> 00:16:03,969 Thank you. That's so sweet! 359 00:16:05,095 --> 00:16:06,388 Oh, my God, I'm so excited. 360 00:16:06,555 --> 00:16:08,724 Me, too. You have to text me, like, right away. 361 00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:10,475 Oh, my God, we're gonna be doing it at the same time. 362 00:16:10,559 --> 00:16:12,477 (GASPS) Oh, my God. We have to talk about it tomorrow. 363 00:16:12,644 --> 00:16:13,770 Yeah. You're gonna know every detail. 364 00:16:13,854 --> 00:16:15,939 -There's gonna be so much to talk... -Guys? Hey, guys! 365 00:16:17,399 --> 00:16:19,318 I want in on this sex pact. 366 00:16:19,484 --> 00:16:22,487 Are you sure? You don't have to do this just because we are. 367 00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:23,906 No, that's not why. 368 00:16:24,072 --> 00:16:26,116 I want to have sex. 369 00:16:26,283 --> 00:16:29,161 Yeah. That's something all three of us have in common. 370 00:16:29,244 --> 00:16:35,000 -Mmm-hmm. -Chad is gonna tap that ass with his penis 371 00:16:35,459 --> 00:16:38,003 and I doubt we'll have anal the first time, but... 372 00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:40,297 All right! 373 00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:41,423 This is gonna make tonight even more perfect. 374 00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:42,591 -Yeah. -It's gonna be the three of us! 375 00:16:42,758 --> 00:16:44,510 -SAM: Yes! -(ALL LAUGH) 376 00:16:44,593 --> 00:16:46,595 HUNTER: Prom night, motherfuckers! 377 00:16:46,762 --> 00:16:49,056 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 378 00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:50,766 Whoo! 379 00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:52,726 Rudy, it's coming up. Turn left, bro. 380 00:16:52,809 --> 00:16:55,938 (EXCLAIMS) Jesus, Rudy! What the fuck? 381 00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:59,358 Oh, my God. It's my fucking dad. 382 00:17:02,986 --> 00:17:05,405 -(MILD MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS) -(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 383 00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:09,117 HUNTER: Yeah! Prom night, bitches! 384 00:17:10,201 --> 00:17:11,911 Whoo-hoo! 385 00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:14,706 -Oh, God, it's him. -Arms up. Yo! 386 00:17:15,457 --> 00:17:19,878 (SINGING) We gonna light it up like it's prom night 387 00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:21,839 Taio Cruz. 388 00:17:21,921 --> 00:17:23,297 Like it's prom night 389 00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:24,675 You got this, girl. 390 00:17:24,842 --> 00:17:27,719 Don't mess this up because that limo is totally awesome. 391 00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:30,639 Sam! Sam! 392 00:17:31,098 --> 00:17:32,975 Taio Cruz. Whoo. 393 00:17:34,977 --> 00:17:36,228 (SQUELCHES) 394 00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:37,312 Sorry. 395 00:17:37,437 --> 00:17:39,022 -Sorry. Oh! -(SIGHS) 396 00:17:39,106 --> 00:17:40,691 Whoo. (CLEARS THROAT) 397 00:17:42,150 --> 00:17:43,193 (SIGHS) 398 00:17:48,574 --> 00:17:49,950 You're so grown up! (CHUCKLES) 399 00:17:50,117 --> 00:17:51,660 Dad, what are you doing here? 400 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:56,248 You think I'm gonna miss the most important night of your young life? 401 00:17:56,331 --> 00:17:57,332 That's graduation. 402 00:17:57,416 --> 00:17:59,626 No. Graduation's for losers. 403 00:17:59,793 --> 00:18:01,003 I didn't even go to my graduation. 404 00:18:01,086 --> 00:18:03,255 But prom night, that's a big one. 405 00:18:03,714 --> 00:18:05,382 Prom was the best night of my life. 406 00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:07,050 I think about it every day 407 00:18:07,217 --> 00:18:08,844 and I want you to have the same experience. 408 00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:10,387 Tonight you have fun, 409 00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:13,724 you don't worry about any rules that your mom or Frank laid down. 410 00:18:14,016 --> 00:18:15,434 No one gives a fuck about Frank. 411 00:18:15,601 --> 00:18:18,187 All I know is this. You look amazing and I would love to grab a quick pic. 412 00:18:18,353 --> 00:18:22,274 No. Go stand with the other parents and try to be normal. 413 00:18:22,441 --> 00:18:24,276 Sam, I'm not a normal parent. 414 00:18:24,443 --> 00:18:25,819 I don't even... 415 00:18:26,195 --> 00:18:27,237 Holy shit, you invited Hunter? 416 00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:28,363 No, of course not. 417 00:18:28,530 --> 00:18:30,407 I haven't talked to him since he and Brenda got divorced. 418 00:18:30,574 --> 00:18:32,242 -You know he calls me all the time? -What? 419 00:18:32,409 --> 00:18:33,952 He wants to play darts. I don't play darts! 420 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:35,579 -Darts? -You kidding me? 421 00:18:35,746 --> 00:18:37,456 Anyway, I can't hang out with him. I'll be guilty by association. 422 00:18:37,623 --> 00:18:40,626 No. No, I will never forgive that babysitter fucker. 423 00:18:41,168 --> 00:18:42,252 -Hey, Hunter! -Hey, man. Good to see you. 424 00:18:42,419 --> 00:18:43,670 What up? 425 00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:46,465 -Ah... -Ah! 426 00:18:46,548 --> 00:18:48,175 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 427 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:49,718 Did you have another daughter? 428 00:18:49,885 --> 00:18:51,595 I did. I did. 429 00:18:51,762 --> 00:18:53,764 -Thank you. It's been wonderful. -(LAUGHING) Yeah. 430 00:18:53,931 --> 00:18:56,558 I'm thinking about doing that again. You know, the whole second round? 431 00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:59,436 I think a lot of dads kind of get it right the second time around. 432 00:19:00,395 --> 00:19:02,898 Or, you know, you could just raise the one that you have. 433 00:19:03,065 --> 00:19:05,901 Well, I did. Too late for that. Raised, job done. 434 00:19:06,068 --> 00:19:07,986 -Hi, honey. -Actually, I heard 435 00:19:08,153 --> 00:19:11,365 if you spend a significant amount of time with your children 436 00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:15,702 that you develop some kind of, like, telekinetic bond with them. 437 00:19:15,869 --> 00:19:17,621 -Is that true? -I've heard. Mmm-hmm. 438 00:19:17,788 --> 00:19:21,208 I hope it's not true because if it is, Sam has been looking at a lot of Asian porn. 439 00:19:21,291 --> 00:19:22,376 (LISA LAUGHS HESITANTLY) 440 00:19:23,335 --> 00:19:24,336 -(LAUGHS) -My wife's Asian. 441 00:19:25,295 --> 00:19:26,839 -Indian. -That's Asian. 442 00:19:27,005 --> 00:19:28,632 This is more like, uh... 443 00:19:28,799 --> 00:19:31,927 -It looks like the typical Asian. -Yep, good seeing you, man. 444 00:19:32,094 --> 00:19:33,470 Okay, good to see you, brother. You know what I mean. 445 00:19:34,805 --> 00:19:36,557 Who's this guy? Who are you? 446 00:19:36,723 --> 00:19:37,724 Dad, this is my date. 447 00:19:37,808 --> 00:19:38,809 CONNOR: Hi. 448 00:19:38,892 --> 00:19:40,727 Uh, it's great to meet you, sir. I'm... I'm Connor. 449 00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:43,021 Connor and I were in the same science class. We're lab partners. 450 00:19:43,188 --> 00:19:46,316 Yeah. We're working on our chemistry. (LAUGHS) 451 00:19:46,775 --> 00:19:47,860 Uh... 452 00:19:48,819 --> 00:19:51,280 I'm gonna get a napkin, if that's cool. 453 00:19:51,446 --> 00:19:52,781 Okay. 454 00:19:54,199 --> 00:19:56,493 Okay, so, uh... (SIGHS) 455 00:19:56,577 --> 00:19:59,872 With this, it's one shot to the groin, stab, and drag. 456 00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:03,667 I refuse to believe she couldn't do better than that loser. 457 00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:05,711 Oh, I think Chad seems nice. 458 00:20:05,878 --> 00:20:08,505 HUNTER: Chad? No, Chad's amazing. Look at that fedora. 459 00:20:08,672 --> 00:20:10,841 I'm not talking about Chad, I'm talking about fucking Frank. 460 00:20:11,008 --> 00:20:12,009 What a dick. 461 00:20:12,176 --> 00:20:14,928 LISA: Frank does not seem like a dick to me. 462 00:20:15,095 --> 00:20:16,513 He seems like a nice guy. And you know what? 463 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,516 Don't blame Brenda. It's really hard being alone. 464 00:20:19,683 --> 00:20:21,310 HUNTER: Let's just agree to disagree on Frank. 465 00:20:21,476 --> 00:20:23,312 Here they come. Okay, just be cool. 466 00:20:23,478 --> 00:20:25,230 He's gonna talk about his tow truck company instantly. 467 00:20:25,397 --> 00:20:28,025 I guarantee you he's gonna throw that shit in my face. 468 00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:29,526 Be cool, be cool, be cool. 469 00:20:29,610 --> 00:20:31,945 -(CLEARS THROAT) Brenda. -Hunter. 470 00:20:33,113 --> 00:20:34,114 Frank. 471 00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:35,199 Lisa. 472 00:20:35,616 --> 00:20:36,617 What'd I do? 473 00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:39,786 I'm sorry, I don't know why I just said your name like that. This is so nice. 474 00:20:39,953 --> 00:20:41,288 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 475 00:20:43,665 --> 00:20:45,375 -(EXHALES) -Okay. 476 00:20:45,751 --> 00:20:46,835 No, no, no. Leese, Leese, Leese. 477 00:20:47,002 --> 00:20:48,670 LISA: I gotta go get Julie's wrap. 478 00:20:48,754 --> 00:20:50,464 HUNTER: Mmm. (SIGHS) 479 00:20:50,547 --> 00:20:53,091 Were you gonna let our daughter take a fucking Lyft to prom? 480 00:20:53,258 --> 00:20:54,259 What is this, Afghanistan? 481 00:20:54,426 --> 00:20:55,677 How'd you pay for that limo, Hunter? 482 00:20:55,761 --> 00:20:56,970 'Cause I know your credit's in the shitter. 483 00:20:57,137 --> 00:20:58,430 It is. 484 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,474 Because I bought your mom a wheelchair. 485 00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:01,808 She's gonna pay you back. 486 00:21:01,975 --> 00:21:03,101 With what money, Brenda? 487 00:21:03,268 --> 00:21:05,187 Can she pay me back with crackers that she steals from restaurants? 488 00:21:05,354 --> 00:21:07,397 I don't wanna talk about your mom, I don't wanna talk about her wheelchair. 489 00:21:07,564 --> 00:21:10,484 All I care about is that my daughter has the greatest night of her life. 490 00:21:10,651 --> 00:21:12,694 If it was her greatest night, you would not be here. 491 00:21:13,362 --> 00:21:15,697 -Oh, what a sick burn. -All right, all right, all right. 492 00:21:15,864 --> 00:21:17,658 -Good. -Wait, yo, yo, yo, we're all adults here. 493 00:21:17,824 --> 00:21:20,035 Let's not make it uncomfortable. 494 00:21:20,202 --> 00:21:22,496 If you're gonna be around more, let's have a beer sometime. 495 00:21:22,663 --> 00:21:25,290 Okay, first of all, I don't wanna go to have a beer with you. 496 00:21:25,457 --> 00:21:27,376 I don't wanna hang out with you. I don't like you, I don't like your wife. 497 00:21:27,543 --> 00:21:30,045 I don't like your guys' deal. I think it sucks and it's played out. 498 00:21:30,212 --> 00:21:32,548 Hey, if you ever change your mind, here's my card. 499 00:21:32,714 --> 00:21:33,715 Ah, here we go. 500 00:21:34,132 --> 00:21:36,218 "Tow with Frank." Where'd you come up with that name? 501 00:21:36,385 --> 00:21:38,136 -It's very straightforward. -All right, I'll tell you this. 502 00:21:38,303 --> 00:21:39,805 The design of that card is pretty cool. 503 00:21:39,972 --> 00:21:41,515 And my favorite part is right fucking there. 504 00:21:41,849 --> 00:21:42,850 Oh. 505 00:22:13,046 --> 00:22:15,716 BRENDA: Wow, that is just... No, that's us, Frank. 506 00:22:15,883 --> 00:22:18,093 -You've taken about 15 goddamn selfies. -I got it. I got it. 507 00:22:18,385 --> 00:22:19,970 -Yeah! -All right. 508 00:22:21,221 --> 00:22:22,222 Bye, Mom. 509 00:22:22,306 --> 00:22:23,807 -Have fun, honey. Okay. -KAYLA: I will. 510 00:22:24,057 --> 00:22:25,058 Bye, Dad. 511 00:22:25,142 --> 00:22:27,853 Remember, stab, turn, drag. 512 00:22:28,020 --> 00:22:29,021 I don't have the knife, Dad. 513 00:22:29,188 --> 00:22:30,189 Yes, you do. Check your clutch. 514 00:22:30,606 --> 00:22:31,732 Ugh. 515 00:22:32,441 --> 00:22:34,151 Hey, uh, it's been a pleasure, sir. 516 00:22:34,443 --> 00:22:36,528 I really, um... I'm honored. 517 00:22:37,613 --> 00:22:38,614 -(SLAPS HAND) -Oh! 518 00:22:39,114 --> 00:22:41,617 Intense, professional grip. Cheers! 519 00:22:41,825 --> 00:22:43,368 Take it easy, big guy. Hey, uh... 520 00:22:45,370 --> 00:22:47,039 You guys have a good night, too, you know. 521 00:22:47,206 --> 00:22:48,207 MARCIE: Thank you. 522 00:22:48,665 --> 00:22:50,209 See that smirk? What was up with that smirk? 523 00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:52,211 You are intense. 524 00:22:52,294 --> 00:22:53,295 -HUNTER: Sam. -Oh. 525 00:22:53,378 --> 00:22:54,796 -Hey! Mr. Lockwood. -Hey! 526 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:55,881 -Pleasure to meet you. -Chad, yes. 527 00:22:55,964 --> 00:22:58,300 -Come on, man. Bring it in. -Yes. Good. Yeah. 528 00:22:58,800 --> 00:22:59,801 My hat? 529 00:22:59,885 --> 00:23:02,012 -I wanna talk to Sam real quick. -Yeah, okay. 530 00:23:02,429 --> 00:23:03,972 Let me get a picture real quick. 531 00:23:04,056 --> 00:23:05,057 -Chad. -Oh. 532 00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:06,475 -Real quick photo. Just, just so fast. -Okay. 533 00:23:06,642 --> 00:23:08,477 Don't even fuck with the filter. Just plain. 534 00:23:08,644 --> 00:23:10,229 Here we go. There we go. 535 00:23:10,395 --> 00:23:12,147 And then you wanna get a quick one of me and Chad real quick? 536 00:23:12,314 --> 00:23:13,690 -That sounds cool. Yep. -Okay. 537 00:23:13,857 --> 00:23:16,276 Sammy, here you go, baby. Real quick. Just a couple fun ones. 538 00:23:16,443 --> 00:23:17,444 CHAD: Like this? 539 00:23:17,528 --> 00:23:19,154 -Bros. -(CAMERA CLICKS) 540 00:23:19,571 --> 00:23:20,739 HUNTER: Duck lips. 541 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,866 -And then just kind of a... -(CAMERA CLICKING) 542 00:23:23,575 --> 00:23:25,911 Julie. Can I talk to you a second? 543 00:23:26,078 --> 00:23:27,871 JULIE: We gotta go. I love you. 544 00:23:27,955 --> 00:23:28,956 I'd really like to talk to you. 545 00:23:29,039 --> 00:23:30,499 But I really gotta go. 546 00:23:30,666 --> 00:23:32,167 Okay, fine. Just don't forget your wrap. 547 00:23:33,210 --> 00:23:34,336 It's okay. I don't think I need it. 548 00:23:34,503 --> 00:23:35,504 Are you sure? 549 00:23:36,046 --> 00:23:38,298 Because we live in Chicago, and it's chilly. 550 00:23:38,590 --> 00:23:39,967 I don't know about other places, 551 00:23:40,133 --> 00:23:43,387 but it gets cold in Illinois. 552 00:23:44,888 --> 00:23:47,057 It's not that cold tonight, so I don't think I need it, okay? 553 00:23:47,140 --> 00:23:48,141 Okay, Julie, wait. 554 00:23:48,225 --> 00:23:50,519 So you'll call me when you get to Austin's after prom? Right? 555 00:23:50,686 --> 00:23:51,687 Right. 556 00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:53,313 Okay. 557 00:23:53,647 --> 00:23:55,107 -Okay. -I love you. 558 00:23:55,274 --> 00:23:56,900 Okay. I love you. 559 00:23:58,443 --> 00:23:59,444 Okay! 560 00:23:59,528 --> 00:24:00,779 (EXHALES) 561 00:24:00,863 --> 00:24:02,739 -(CAR ENGINE STARTS) -Okay. 562 00:24:02,823 --> 00:24:04,408 (GIRLS SQUEALING) 563 00:24:08,579 --> 00:24:10,163 -(GIRLS CHEERING) -CHAD: This is so cool! 564 00:24:10,789 --> 00:24:12,040 -(CORK POPS) -Oh! 565 00:24:12,124 --> 00:24:14,084 -Blow it out! -(ALL WHOOPING) 566 00:24:14,167 --> 00:24:16,837 CONNOR: Chad, I, um, I saw you do Pippin last year. 567 00:24:17,004 --> 00:24:18,171 That was really good. 568 00:24:18,797 --> 00:24:21,800 Yeah, you're a really good singer, man. What are you doing this year? 569 00:24:21,967 --> 00:24:25,596 CHAD: We're actually doing Arnold, which is an all-male version of Annie. 570 00:24:26,430 --> 00:24:28,140 RUDY: Caught you drinking! (LAUGHING) 571 00:24:28,307 --> 00:24:30,392 Just kidding, y'all. I may look like a parent 572 00:24:30,559 --> 00:24:32,519 but I assure you, I am no narc. 573 00:24:33,061 --> 00:24:34,605 Thank you, sir. 574 00:24:37,024 --> 00:24:38,567 Not done yet. Name's Rudy. 575 00:24:38,817 --> 00:24:40,110 I did not go to my prom. No. 576 00:24:40,277 --> 00:24:43,655 My leg was crushed by a cement truck so I could not dance but... 577 00:24:43,989 --> 00:24:45,908 So I've made it my mission in life, 578 00:24:46,491 --> 00:24:49,411 my whole career, to make sure that little kids like you 579 00:24:49,578 --> 00:24:51,413 have a wonderful night to remember forever. 580 00:24:51,580 --> 00:24:55,292 So just sit back, relax, and enjoy your prom night. 581 00:24:55,375 --> 00:24:57,586 -(ALL LAUGHING) -Okay. 582 00:24:57,753 --> 00:24:59,379 RUDY: Oh, fuck, that was the turn! Fuck! 583 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,090 -(WATER RUNNING) -(DISHES CLATTERING) 584 00:25:02,174 --> 00:25:03,175 MITCHELL: Hey, Leese? 585 00:25:03,634 --> 00:25:05,177 You got any S.O.S. pads? 586 00:25:05,344 --> 00:25:08,597 I'm soaking those pans, but you burnt the shit out of that mac and cheese. 587 00:25:10,182 --> 00:25:11,475 Sponge just isn't gonna cut it. 588 00:25:11,725 --> 00:25:13,435 Thanks for helping clean up. 589 00:25:13,602 --> 00:25:15,229 Don't mention this one. 590 00:25:15,395 --> 00:25:18,440 I mean, Marcie brought the baby home early and... 591 00:25:18,649 --> 00:25:22,778 I gotta keep busy. I gotta keep my mind off of Kayla and "Connor." 592 00:25:23,779 --> 00:25:25,906 That's not the right way to use those. 593 00:25:26,073 --> 00:25:29,243 'Cause his name is actually Connor. So... 594 00:25:30,994 --> 00:25:32,412 It's okay. 595 00:25:32,579 --> 00:25:34,915 -UCLA? -Uh-huh. 596 00:25:34,998 --> 00:25:36,124 I didn't mean to snoop, but I'm... 597 00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:37,209 No, no. It's okay. 598 00:25:37,292 --> 00:25:38,418 I mean, I don't think it's a real thing. 599 00:25:38,585 --> 00:25:40,754 She's not actually gonna go. 600 00:25:40,921 --> 00:25:43,590 I think she just applied for fun. She didn't... 601 00:25:43,757 --> 00:25:44,925 Why, have you heard differently? 602 00:25:45,092 --> 00:25:46,718 I would assume it's to go, 603 00:25:46,802 --> 00:25:49,638 but she very well could have applied ironically. 604 00:25:49,805 --> 00:25:51,014 I mean, you know millennials, right? 605 00:25:51,098 --> 00:25:52,599 -Hmm. -Wherever she goes... 606 00:25:52,975 --> 00:25:54,560 You're gonna have a bunch of time on your hands. 607 00:25:54,726 --> 00:25:56,854 You can figure out what you wanna do for the back nine of your life. 608 00:25:56,937 --> 00:25:58,605 -(LAPTOP CHIMING) -Uh-huh. Yeah. 609 00:25:59,898 --> 00:26:02,317 I think Julie left her laptop open. 610 00:26:03,277 --> 00:26:04,611 Julie's doing a lot of texting. 611 00:26:04,778 --> 00:26:06,321 -Mmm-hmm. -Is everything okay? 612 00:26:07,072 --> 00:26:08,490 Maybe we should check to see? 613 00:26:08,657 --> 00:26:10,033 -Peace of mind. -Yeah. 614 00:26:10,117 --> 00:26:11,743 (CHIMING CONTINUES) 615 00:26:14,538 --> 00:26:16,081 MITCHELL: What the hell is that? 616 00:26:16,248 --> 00:26:17,916 LISA: I have no idea. 617 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,835 -(TOILET FLUSHES) -(CHIMING CONTINUES) 618 00:26:21,128 --> 00:26:22,296 What are you still doing here? 619 00:26:22,462 --> 00:26:26,592 Hey, your, uh, mac and cheese is messed up. 620 00:26:26,675 --> 00:26:28,677 (CHIMING CONTINUES) 621 00:26:29,761 --> 00:26:31,763 Are you guys snooping on your kids? 622 00:26:31,930 --> 00:26:33,140 That is not cool. 623 00:26:33,307 --> 00:26:35,475 No, it's not snooping if the information shows up. 624 00:26:35,642 --> 00:26:36,768 That's exactly what snooping is. 625 00:26:36,935 --> 00:26:38,770 No, it's like the Patriot Act. 626 00:26:38,937 --> 00:26:39,938 Well, it's not like the Patriot Act. 627 00:26:40,105 --> 00:26:41,148 It's like snooping. 628 00:26:41,231 --> 00:26:43,650 Okay. We don't know what they're talking about, so... 629 00:26:43,817 --> 00:26:44,985 -What? -Okay. 630 00:26:45,152 --> 00:26:47,279 Oh, is it like puzzles? Ooh, I love puzzles. 631 00:26:47,446 --> 00:26:48,530 I just saw Inferno. 632 00:26:48,697 --> 00:26:49,740 MITCHELL: Yeah, great. What are they saying? 633 00:26:49,907 --> 00:26:52,534 Okay, so there's something about an eggplant handshake. 634 00:26:52,618 --> 00:26:53,619 Eggplant agreement. 635 00:26:53,702 --> 00:26:55,579 Yeah. They got an agreement to make eggplant Parmesan. 636 00:26:55,746 --> 00:26:57,456 No, eggplants are dicks in teenage emoji language. 637 00:26:57,623 --> 00:26:58,874 -What? -LISA: You know what, that's true. 638 00:26:59,041 --> 00:27:01,668 Julie told me that the emojis have... They all have secret meanings. 639 00:27:01,835 --> 00:27:03,295 -Mmm-hmm. -So, like, trees are weed 640 00:27:03,462 --> 00:27:06,507 and snowflakes are cocaine and 641 00:27:07,090 --> 00:27:08,300 that thing is "yas queen." 642 00:27:08,467 --> 00:27:09,510 Yas queen! 643 00:27:09,593 --> 00:27:11,094 -What the hell is that? -You've never heard of "yas queen"? 644 00:27:11,261 --> 00:27:12,304 -MITCHELL: No. -All right, grandpa. 645 00:27:12,471 --> 00:27:17,100 Hold on. Julie is making some kind of a dick-related agreement here. 646 00:27:17,267 --> 00:27:19,228 Kayla is in on the agreement. 647 00:27:19,394 --> 00:27:20,687 No fucking way. 648 00:27:20,854 --> 00:27:22,773 Okay, clown face. What the fuck does that mean? 649 00:27:23,190 --> 00:27:25,734 That means she's down to clown. 650 00:27:27,611 --> 00:27:28,612 LISA: Okay. MITCHELL: Three eggplants? 651 00:27:28,779 --> 00:27:30,531 And look at the drool coming out of that smiley face. 652 00:27:30,614 --> 00:27:31,615 You wish that was drool. 653 00:27:31,698 --> 00:27:32,824 -That's cum, my man. -Stand down! 654 00:27:33,033 --> 00:27:34,451 It is. Look, it's cum. He's, like... (EXCLAIMS) 655 00:27:34,618 --> 00:27:37,454 This is sex if I've ever seen it illustrated in emoji form. 656 00:27:37,621 --> 00:27:40,332 No, no, no. Maybe not. They're best friends. They're just saying, 657 00:27:40,499 --> 00:27:42,125 like, "You're okay with me. 658 00:27:42,292 --> 00:27:44,253 -"You're okay to me. You're okay to me." -You say that to your friends? 659 00:27:44,419 --> 00:27:46,797 Whenever I see my friends, I go, "Hey! You're okay with me." 660 00:27:46,964 --> 00:27:48,257 I don't use these! 661 00:27:48,423 --> 00:27:50,092 Hold on. Agreement hands, agreement hands, 662 00:27:50,259 --> 00:27:52,219 agreement hands. This is a... It's a sex agreement. 663 00:27:52,386 --> 00:27:54,471 -They're making a sex pact. -(STAMMERS) 664 00:27:54,638 --> 00:27:56,306 They're gonna lose their virginity on prom night. 665 00:27:56,473 --> 00:27:57,891 That cannot be a sex pact. 666 00:27:58,058 --> 00:27:59,601 That? That is friendship. 667 00:27:59,768 --> 00:28:03,730 And that is the bond of friendship that can never be broken. 668 00:28:03,897 --> 00:28:05,107 -I mean, maybe. -Yeah. 669 00:28:05,274 --> 00:28:06,775 Oh! Just look, they wrote "Sex Pact 2018." 670 00:28:06,942 --> 00:28:09,528 (BANGS TABLE) I fucking knew it! I love puzzles. 671 00:28:09,695 --> 00:28:11,530 I told you guys. Have you seen Inferno? 672 00:28:11,697 --> 00:28:13,198 -Call your kid. -Leese, have you seen Inferno? 673 00:28:13,365 --> 00:28:14,575 Have you guys seen Inferno? 674 00:28:14,741 --> 00:28:16,577 I figured it out in two seconds. Did you see Inferno? 675 00:28:16,743 --> 00:28:18,495 The guy jumps off the thing in the beginning. He's got a virus. 676 00:28:18,662 --> 00:28:20,122 Have you seen Inferno with Tom Hanks? 677 00:28:20,289 --> 00:28:21,290 Okay. 678 00:28:21,456 --> 00:28:22,833 -Okay, she's not answering her phone. -Yeah, Kayla isn't either. 679 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,543 Okay, what the heck is happening? 680 00:28:24,710 --> 00:28:26,044 She's always been honest with me. 681 00:28:26,211 --> 00:28:27,921 She's always told me the truth, 682 00:28:28,005 --> 00:28:30,549 and now I'm just swimming in a pool of lies. 683 00:28:30,716 --> 00:28:32,384 Okay. Here's what's gonna happen. 684 00:28:32,551 --> 00:28:35,012 She's gonna have sex with that Austin kid 685 00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:38,056 and then she's gonna think that she has all these feelings, 686 00:28:38,223 --> 00:28:40,225 which she does not actually have, 687 00:28:40,392 --> 00:28:42,728 and then she's gonna drive across country 688 00:28:42,895 --> 00:28:45,522 and follow him and ruin her fucking life! 689 00:28:45,689 --> 00:28:48,400 Okay, I think that's a pretty big leap to make when you read a couple... 690 00:28:48,567 --> 00:28:51,653 MITCHELL: I have invested every single piece of my being 691 00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:53,655 into preparing Kayla for success, and now this? 692 00:28:54,156 --> 00:28:58,243 She is about to have sex with some dipshit with a "man bun." 693 00:28:58,410 --> 00:29:00,787 You're not using those in the right way. 694 00:29:00,954 --> 00:29:03,165 Hey, can we all come back to "Planet Earth"? 695 00:29:03,332 --> 00:29:04,708 'Cause this is not a big deal. 696 00:29:04,875 --> 00:29:07,419 They're teenage girls. They have sex. 697 00:29:07,586 --> 00:29:10,422 Do you freak out when you see a bee fucking a flower? 698 00:29:13,759 --> 00:29:14,760 I'm gonna stop her. 699 00:29:14,968 --> 00:29:15,969 I'm in. 700 00:29:16,053 --> 00:29:17,846 Let's cockblock those motherfuckers. 701 00:29:17,930 --> 00:29:19,806 Whoa... (STAMMERS) 702 00:29:19,890 --> 00:29:20,891 No, sir. Uh-uh. 703 00:29:20,974 --> 00:29:23,519 No, no, no, no. I promised Sam the greatest night of her life 704 00:29:23,685 --> 00:29:25,229 and if you guys fuck up your daughters' night, 705 00:29:25,395 --> 00:29:27,856 it's gonna fuck up my daughter's night, and that shit is "not cool." 706 00:29:28,023 --> 00:29:29,358 I don't give a fuck what's cool with you. 707 00:29:29,525 --> 00:29:30,984 Let's go, Mitchell. I'll drive. 708 00:29:31,151 --> 00:29:32,653 Hey! Hey, hey, wait! No, no, no. 709 00:29:32,819 --> 00:29:34,196 You wanna go? 710 00:29:34,363 --> 00:29:35,822 -You got to go through me. -(LISA GRUNTS) 711 00:29:36,031 --> 00:29:38,283 Oh, Jesus. Okay, you called my bluff. Wait. 712 00:29:38,784 --> 00:29:39,826 Wait! Hey! 713 00:29:39,910 --> 00:29:42,037 MITCHELL: Get off! Get off of me! Get off! HUNTER: Hey! Hey! 714 00:29:42,204 --> 00:29:43,497 Not cool! 715 00:29:43,664 --> 00:29:44,873 This is "not cool"! 716 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,459 Hey! What's the plan? This is stupid. 717 00:29:51,129 --> 00:29:52,172 Fuck off. 718 00:29:52,714 --> 00:29:53,715 I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. 719 00:29:53,799 --> 00:29:54,925 What the fuck are you doing? 720 00:29:55,092 --> 00:29:57,719 I just need to talk to my daughter for five minutes. 721 00:29:57,886 --> 00:29:58,887 Get out of the car! 722 00:29:58,971 --> 00:29:59,972 You get out. 723 00:30:00,055 --> 00:30:01,056 -You get out! -You get out! 724 00:30:01,139 --> 00:30:02,140 Stop saying what I'm saying! 725 00:30:02,224 --> 00:30:04,226 -Stop saying what I'm saying. -Stop saying what I'm saying! 726 00:30:04,393 --> 00:30:05,602 -Stop! Okay. Listen, listen. -Hey! 727 00:30:05,769 --> 00:30:07,229 Okay, everyone calm down, calm down. 728 00:30:08,105 --> 00:30:09,314 MITCHELL: The window! No, the window! 729 00:30:10,357 --> 00:30:11,483 Hey! What the fuck! No! 730 00:30:12,568 --> 00:30:14,152 (GROANING) 731 00:30:15,445 --> 00:30:16,738 Damn, these are new shorts! 732 00:30:16,822 --> 00:30:17,823 Truce, truce! 733 00:30:17,906 --> 00:30:19,908 Truce, truce, truce. 734 00:30:21,243 --> 00:30:22,786 -(HORN HONKS) -I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! 735 00:30:22,870 --> 00:30:24,454 -(YELPS) -Oh, my fucking God! 736 00:30:24,538 --> 00:30:25,539 Uh... 737 00:30:26,540 --> 00:30:27,541 I'm sorry, man. 738 00:30:27,624 --> 00:30:30,294 It's not gonna work. You're not Schwarzenegger! 739 00:30:32,421 --> 00:30:33,922 How is that possible? 740 00:30:34,089 --> 00:30:35,883 How is that possible? Oh, shit! 741 00:30:36,425 --> 00:30:37,551 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 742 00:30:37,718 --> 00:30:38,802 My balls! My balls! 743 00:30:39,303 --> 00:30:40,304 Your ass is so... 744 00:30:40,387 --> 00:30:42,890 (BOTH GRUNTING) 745 00:30:42,973 --> 00:30:44,433 HUNTER: Hey! Hey! Not cool! 746 00:30:44,516 --> 00:30:46,393 Ah! You're bullying me! 747 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,396 This is bullying! What you're doing is wrong! 748 00:30:50,689 --> 00:30:53,066 You know your daughter's in this stupid sex pact, too. 749 00:30:53,233 --> 00:30:54,735 Yeah, and she's not gonna do anything about it, okay? 750 00:30:54,902 --> 00:30:56,945 Like you would know what your daughter's gonna do. 751 00:30:57,404 --> 00:30:59,406 Okay, first of all, ouch! 752 00:30:59,573 --> 00:31:02,826 Second of all, I know nothing is gonna happen with Sam because... 753 00:31:03,243 --> 00:31:04,536 Because she's gay. (SIGHS) 754 00:31:05,329 --> 00:31:07,331 Really? Did she come out to you? 755 00:31:07,497 --> 00:31:09,958 No, of course not. She barely speaks to me. 756 00:31:10,125 --> 00:31:11,877 -Then how do you know? -Because, bro, 757 00:31:12,044 --> 00:31:14,671 I'm her dad. And there's just some things you know. 758 00:31:14,838 --> 00:31:17,299 Chad is nothing. He's like a beard. 759 00:31:17,466 --> 00:31:20,552 Or whatever a lesbian beard is. A merkin? 760 00:31:20,719 --> 00:31:21,762 I don't know. The point is, 761 00:31:21,845 --> 00:31:23,931 I guarantee you they don't even kiss, okay? 762 00:31:24,306 --> 00:31:25,307 I'm not worried about that. 763 00:31:25,474 --> 00:31:27,518 I'm worried about you two dicks fucking up her night. 764 00:31:27,684 --> 00:31:29,645 Okay, well, what you don't understand is that 765 00:31:29,811 --> 00:31:32,231 sex can be very confusing for young girls, 766 00:31:32,397 --> 00:31:35,150 and make them say things and do things that they might regret. 767 00:31:35,484 --> 00:31:36,735 Like dropping out of college 768 00:31:36,902 --> 00:31:39,112 to follow around the Dave Matthews Band 769 00:31:39,279 --> 00:31:42,199 with a guy they think they love who then winds up getting them pregnant 770 00:31:42,366 --> 00:31:43,784 and then leaving them 771 00:31:43,951 --> 00:31:48,580 for the girl who makes grilled cheese sandwiches with hash aioli on them. 772 00:31:49,873 --> 00:31:53,835 Yeah, that is a extremely specific scenario 773 00:31:54,002 --> 00:31:55,629 and that won't happen to Julie. 774 00:31:55,796 --> 00:31:58,549 Dave's not even touring right now. He's taking time off for fatherhood. 775 00:31:58,715 --> 00:32:00,300 It was me, you idiot. 776 00:32:00,843 --> 00:32:02,302 Me. That happened to me. 777 00:32:02,928 --> 00:32:03,929 Yeah. 778 00:32:04,137 --> 00:32:06,849 (UPBEAT SONG PLAYING) 779 00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:17,860 -(CAMERA CLICKING) -You weren't ready! Okay, one more. 780 00:32:17,943 --> 00:32:18,944 Smile. 781 00:32:19,736 --> 00:32:20,737 I closed my eye. 782 00:32:21,363 --> 00:32:22,865 Oh, my God! 783 00:32:23,031 --> 00:32:25,492 (GASPS) You guys! This is our song! 784 00:32:25,659 --> 00:32:27,244 Do you remember when we got snowed in at Sam's 785 00:32:27,411 --> 00:32:29,496 -and we played this like over and over? -Yes! 786 00:32:29,663 --> 00:32:31,623 -We have to dance! -This is our jam! 787 00:32:31,707 --> 00:32:33,542 (UPBEAT SONG PLAYING) 788 00:32:45,846 --> 00:32:46,847 -Hey! -Hey! 789 00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:48,182 Hey! I want a drink. 790 00:32:48,265 --> 00:32:49,266 Okay, yeah, let's go get one. 791 00:32:49,349 --> 00:32:51,310 No, no, no, no. Like, a drink. 792 00:32:51,476 --> 00:32:53,061 -Oh, you want a drink-drink. -Yeah. 793 00:32:53,228 --> 00:32:55,105 Okay, let me call my guy. 794 00:32:55,272 --> 00:32:56,273 Hello, Mr. Drink Drink. 795 00:32:56,982 --> 00:32:57,983 Let's go get fucked up! 796 00:32:58,150 --> 00:32:59,151 Okay. 797 00:32:59,568 --> 00:33:01,445 Kayla, Kayla! Ah. 798 00:33:01,528 --> 00:33:02,779 (SONG CONTINUES) 799 00:33:06,950 --> 00:33:09,077 (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING) 800 00:33:09,161 --> 00:33:10,996 (INAUDIBLE) 801 00:33:12,748 --> 00:33:14,166 Hey, Chad! 802 00:33:14,333 --> 00:33:16,001 I'm gonna go get, uh, some dessert. 803 00:33:16,168 --> 00:33:17,502 Get me two! 804 00:33:17,586 --> 00:33:18,879 (LAUGHS) 805 00:33:19,504 --> 00:33:22,007 (SONG CONTINUES) 806 00:33:27,721 --> 00:33:30,432 Hey, Angelica, it's a nice cape. 807 00:33:30,599 --> 00:33:31,850 Uh, hey, Sam, 808 00:33:32,017 --> 00:33:33,143 thank you. 809 00:33:36,522 --> 00:33:41,026 Um, yeah, it's a Galadriel cape that I made a couple months ago for LordCon. 810 00:33:41,193 --> 00:33:42,236 Figured I could wear it again. 811 00:33:42,402 --> 00:33:45,197 Not too much overlap on the guest list. 812 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,615 (LAUGHS) 813 00:33:47,407 --> 00:33:48,575 Yeah. Totally. 814 00:33:48,659 --> 00:33:50,077 (LAUGHS) 815 00:33:50,827 --> 00:33:52,287 Who'd you come here with? 816 00:33:52,371 --> 00:33:54,289 Um... Just my friends. 817 00:33:54,915 --> 00:33:56,959 Lauren and I broke up. 818 00:33:58,043 --> 00:33:59,169 Oh! 819 00:33:59,253 --> 00:34:01,255 No hard feelings though. 820 00:34:01,338 --> 00:34:04,383 Um, she's still a little confused. 821 00:34:05,801 --> 00:34:07,803 How do you think one becomes 822 00:34:08,512 --> 00:34:11,265 not confused? 823 00:34:12,182 --> 00:34:15,143 It's probably different for everyone. 824 00:34:15,309 --> 00:34:18,521 But for me, when I kissed Brad Markowski, I started to suspect it, 825 00:34:18,689 --> 00:34:22,818 and then last year when I touched Dash Lowenstein's dick, I was like, 826 00:34:22,985 --> 00:34:25,570 "Fuck no." It was like holding a dead snake. 827 00:34:25,945 --> 00:34:26,947 Hmm. 828 00:34:29,115 --> 00:34:31,742 But I guess you never know until you try. 829 00:34:32,577 --> 00:34:35,038 (SONG CONTINUES) 830 00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:41,753 Uh, before I do drink this, though, 831 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,171 I just wanna let you know 832 00:34:43,338 --> 00:34:45,715 that I am fully planning on having sex tonight. 833 00:34:47,217 --> 00:34:48,719 With... With you. 834 00:34:49,177 --> 00:34:51,762 Yeah, I mean, wherever the wind blows us. 835 00:34:52,139 --> 00:34:53,849 Well, the wind's gonna blow us there. 836 00:34:54,224 --> 00:34:55,601 Wherever the night takes us. 837 00:34:55,767 --> 00:34:58,061 It's gonna take your penis into my vagina. 838 00:34:58,228 --> 00:35:01,023 Okay. Uh... You know, if the universe wills it. 839 00:35:01,190 --> 00:35:03,567 And the universe will will it. 840 00:35:05,194 --> 00:35:07,821 -Thanks for letting me know. I guess. -(LAUGHING) 841 00:35:09,364 --> 00:35:10,657 -(COUGHS) -Uh, yeah. 842 00:35:10,782 --> 00:35:12,117 -Oh, my God! -I warned you. 843 00:35:12,284 --> 00:35:13,827 -This is what gin tastes like? -No, no. 844 00:35:13,994 --> 00:35:16,330 -I've heard that gin sucks and this sucks. -No, it's... 845 00:35:16,997 --> 00:35:19,374 -I made it. Um... -Oh. 846 00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:21,668 This is so dumb. Okay? 847 00:35:21,835 --> 00:35:24,296 Yeah, our kids are gonna hate us because you're gonna humiliate them. 848 00:35:24,463 --> 00:35:27,132 I'm not gonna humiliate Julie. We're best friends. 849 00:35:27,299 --> 00:35:28,300 I'm the cool mom. 850 00:35:28,383 --> 00:35:30,052 Hunter, don't make me sit on your balls again. 851 00:35:30,219 --> 00:35:32,387 Stop, stop, stop it, stop, stop! 852 00:35:32,554 --> 00:35:35,182 This is how they're gonna be remembered in high school, 853 00:35:35,349 --> 00:35:37,935 as the weirdos whose parents dragged them out of prom 854 00:35:38,101 --> 00:35:39,645 because they were afraid of their sexuality. 855 00:35:40,020 --> 00:35:42,940 It's not something that should be feared, it should be celebrated. 856 00:35:44,358 --> 00:35:47,027 And... And we have to empower these young women. 857 00:35:47,194 --> 00:35:49,655 I mean, what year is it, guys? It's 2018. 858 00:35:49,738 --> 00:35:50,989 (CAR HONKS) 859 00:35:51,365 --> 00:35:53,075 -Jesus Christ! -MITCHELL: Oh, gross. 860 00:35:53,242 --> 00:35:54,284 HUNTER: Okay, you know what? 861 00:35:54,368 --> 00:35:55,744 That's an unfortunate coincidence. 862 00:35:55,911 --> 00:35:57,162 Get a fucking room! 863 00:35:57,246 --> 00:35:59,248 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 864 00:36:02,751 --> 00:36:03,835 -(SHOUTS) -(YELPS) 865 00:36:03,919 --> 00:36:05,879 (BOTH LAUGHING) 866 00:36:05,963 --> 00:36:07,422 Let's take a picture! 867 00:36:07,589 --> 00:36:09,299 Kayla! Let's take a picture right now. 868 00:36:09,466 --> 00:36:11,176 Okay, cool! 869 00:36:11,343 --> 00:36:12,344 Cheese! 870 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:14,972 Oh, my God, my mom called me, like, 15 times. 871 00:36:15,138 --> 00:36:16,807 -She's crazy! -Nope. 872 00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:18,016 -No. That's a no. -That's kind of funny. 873 00:36:18,100 --> 00:36:20,394 -Boom! Airplane mode. -No. 874 00:36:20,561 --> 00:36:22,855 Yeah. We're flying the friendly skies now. 875 00:36:23,021 --> 00:36:24,273 Yeah, until she freaks out. 876 00:36:24,439 --> 00:36:25,732 Look, can we please get out of here? 877 00:36:25,899 --> 00:36:27,484 No! We can't go right now. 878 00:36:27,651 --> 00:36:29,528 They haven't even played me and Austin's song yet. 879 00:36:29,695 --> 00:36:30,737 How are we gonna get in the mood? 880 00:36:30,821 --> 00:36:32,239 I don't know, light your Walgreens candle. 881 00:36:32,322 --> 00:36:33,323 That's later. 882 00:36:33,407 --> 00:36:36,076 Don't you want... Look, look. Jake Donahue is just warming up. 883 00:36:37,369 --> 00:36:39,454 Don't you wanna see him breakdance and probably hurt himself? 884 00:36:39,621 --> 00:36:41,081 -No. I don't. -JULIE: It's gonna be so good. 885 00:36:41,248 --> 00:36:43,667 Do you remember at the Sadie Hawkins Dance 886 00:36:43,834 --> 00:36:46,795 when he tried to do the worm and he fell and broke his two front teeth? 887 00:36:46,962 --> 00:36:48,130 -Yeah, he had to go to the hospital. -I have pictures. 888 00:36:48,297 --> 00:36:50,591 It was great. And this is gonna be better! 889 00:36:50,674 --> 00:36:51,675 -No, no, no. -So we're staying. 890 00:36:51,758 --> 00:36:53,969 No! Julie, Julie. I promise 891 00:36:54,136 --> 00:36:56,138 that you're gonna dance to your song with your boyfriend tonight. 892 00:36:56,305 --> 00:36:57,973 This place is dying, okay? 893 00:36:58,140 --> 00:36:59,474 We gotta get out of here. 894 00:36:59,641 --> 00:37:00,642 Okay, fine. 895 00:37:00,976 --> 00:37:02,895 Okay, cool, let's go. 896 00:37:03,812 --> 00:37:05,022 We're going to the lake house! 897 00:37:05,189 --> 00:37:07,316 JULIE: I'm not sure that this was worth $85. 898 00:37:07,482 --> 00:37:08,984 Where's Chad? 899 00:37:09,067 --> 00:37:10,068 What? 900 00:37:10,152 --> 00:37:11,820 Oh, he's probably out on the dance floor. 901 00:37:11,987 --> 00:37:13,655 I'm gonna go find him and meet you guys outside. 902 00:37:13,822 --> 00:37:14,823 All right. 903 00:37:15,866 --> 00:37:17,701 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 904 00:37:30,923 --> 00:37:31,924 The fuck? 905 00:37:35,969 --> 00:37:37,596 Smirking little piece of shit. 906 00:37:37,846 --> 00:37:39,556 -Top knot. Top knot. -Let's get him. 907 00:37:39,723 --> 00:37:41,475 Yeah, you guys go do that. 908 00:37:41,642 --> 00:37:43,602 I'm gonna get some punch. 909 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,355 All right, asshole, what'd you do with my daughter? 910 00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:49,358 Two of you guys have the same shitty haircut? Hey! 911 00:37:49,525 --> 00:37:51,443 Look at me. My hair's too long. 912 00:37:52,319 --> 00:37:55,322 Hey! You can't go around assaulting children. 913 00:37:55,489 --> 00:37:56,823 You have to blend in 914 00:37:57,324 --> 00:37:59,117 if you want some information, okay? 915 00:37:59,284 --> 00:38:02,996 So just... Just be cool. God! 916 00:38:03,163 --> 00:38:04,373 Okay. 917 00:38:05,374 --> 00:38:06,542 LISA: Julie? 918 00:38:07,543 --> 00:38:08,710 Julie? 919 00:38:10,128 --> 00:38:11,463 (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 920 00:38:11,547 --> 00:38:12,965 (EXHALES) 921 00:38:15,175 --> 00:38:16,969 Prom night, huh? 922 00:38:17,594 --> 00:38:18,679 What? 923 00:38:19,930 --> 00:38:22,015 Just special night. 924 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:29,690 Gotta try. 925 00:38:36,071 --> 00:38:37,197 -Chad? -Yeah? 926 00:38:39,741 --> 00:38:41,159 (MUSIC FADES) 927 00:38:44,580 --> 00:38:46,582 (INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION) 928 00:38:51,503 --> 00:38:53,505 (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 929 00:38:56,341 --> 00:38:58,051 (WHISPERS) This is my moment. 930 00:39:00,387 --> 00:39:02,389 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 931 00:39:06,643 --> 00:39:08,854 -(GRUNTS) -(SCREAMING) 932 00:39:15,194 --> 00:39:16,737 You ruined my moment! 933 00:39:16,904 --> 00:39:18,030 Fuck your moment. 934 00:39:19,406 --> 00:39:20,407 LISA: What happened back there? 935 00:39:20,490 --> 00:39:23,744 What happened is that my daughter was kissing Chad even though she hated it... 936 00:39:23,911 --> 00:39:26,663 And I've been dragged in this situation by you two fucking idiots! 937 00:39:26,830 --> 00:39:27,873 -Just ignore him. -Great idea. 938 00:39:27,956 --> 00:39:28,957 We're gonna go to Austin's house. 939 00:39:29,041 --> 00:39:30,834 Julie said that's where the after-party is and we'll get 'em there. 940 00:39:31,001 --> 00:39:32,002 And that sounds like a plan. 941 00:39:32,169 --> 00:39:33,795 Hey, how dare you ignore me. 942 00:39:33,962 --> 00:39:36,381 We are in this situation because you two raised a couple of bigots 943 00:39:36,548 --> 00:39:39,551 who have shamed my daughter into losing her virginity to the wrong sex. 944 00:39:39,718 --> 00:39:41,011 Shame! 945 00:39:41,178 --> 00:39:44,139 My daughter is not a bigot. 946 00:39:44,223 --> 00:39:46,850 -(SCOFFING) -We go to all of the marches. 947 00:39:47,017 --> 00:39:50,187 We went to the Tax Day March and nobody goes to that shit. 948 00:39:50,354 --> 00:39:51,855 -Nobody! -Ignore him. 949 00:39:52,022 --> 00:39:53,357 -LISA: It's hard. -Yeah, it is hard. 950 00:39:53,524 --> 00:39:54,525 'Cause I don't quit. 951 00:39:54,733 --> 00:39:55,984 And now I have to go rescue Sam 952 00:39:56,151 --> 00:39:58,153 because she is scared and confused 953 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,573 and I know what it's like to be ostracized by society for your sexual preferences. 954 00:40:01,740 --> 00:40:05,160 Sleeping with women that aren't your wife isn't a sexual preference. 955 00:40:05,327 --> 00:40:07,496 No, it is! I prefer them. 956 00:40:07,579 --> 00:40:09,331 -(MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY) -MITCHELL: How parents can let their kids 957 00:40:09,414 --> 00:40:10,624 play music this loud? 958 00:40:11,166 --> 00:40:12,960 We all share this planet. 959 00:40:13,126 --> 00:40:14,795 This is how loud I listen to my music, dawg. 960 00:40:14,962 --> 00:40:16,922 LISA: Probably won't even be able to hear us. 961 00:40:17,589 --> 00:40:19,550 -(RINGING DOORBELL) -It's so dark in there. 962 00:40:19,675 --> 00:40:23,053 They could be in the backyard playing two-on-two hoops. I don't know. 963 00:40:24,179 --> 00:40:25,347 Oh. I found a big window. 964 00:40:26,515 --> 00:40:27,558 No, no, don't, don't, don't. 965 00:40:27,641 --> 00:40:30,310 Trust me. Do not look in that window. 966 00:40:30,477 --> 00:40:31,854 -MITCHELL: What? -Look at me. Do not look in this window. 967 00:40:32,020 --> 00:40:33,021 Do not look in this fucking window! 968 00:40:36,358 --> 00:40:37,901 -Julie's red dress! -Shit! 969 00:40:39,152 --> 00:40:41,822 Shit! Oh, God. 970 00:40:43,949 --> 00:40:45,701 I know this must be tough for you. 971 00:40:45,868 --> 00:40:46,994 I mean, if... 972 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,246 Hell, if that was Kayla in there, I'd... 973 00:40:50,372 --> 00:40:51,999 -I'd kill myself. -Nope. 974 00:40:52,165 --> 00:40:54,167 That's the wrong thing to fucking say right now. 975 00:40:54,501 --> 00:40:56,253 Stop them. Stop it! 976 00:40:56,420 --> 00:40:57,421 I can't... Wait. 977 00:40:58,463 --> 00:41:00,424 Hey! It's not Julie. 978 00:41:00,507 --> 00:41:01,508 It's not Julie. 979 00:41:01,592 --> 00:41:03,677 -What? -(LAUGHING) 980 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,971 LISA: Shit! It's Austin's parents. 981 00:41:06,138 --> 00:41:07,264 Good for them. 982 00:41:07,431 --> 00:41:08,473 Really going at it. 983 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,351 Always wanted to do this. I've always wanted to watch people have sex. 984 00:41:11,518 --> 00:41:13,228 Oh, my God, he's yanking her hair. 985 00:41:13,312 --> 00:41:14,813 Ow. That looks like it hurts. 986 00:41:14,980 --> 00:41:16,940 Yeah, we shouldn't be looking, man. Come on. 987 00:41:17,107 --> 00:41:19,151 MITCHELL: She runs the risk of, like, dislocating her hip. 988 00:41:19,318 --> 00:41:20,944 Hey, Mitchell. You're being a fucking perv, dude. 989 00:41:21,111 --> 00:41:22,696 Don't look. 990 00:41:22,779 --> 00:41:23,822 (CATHY MOANS) 991 00:41:24,865 --> 00:41:26,950 (MOANING) 992 00:41:27,034 --> 00:41:28,702 (YELPING) 993 00:41:28,785 --> 00:41:30,120 What happened? 994 00:41:30,829 --> 00:41:32,289 We locked eyes and then he finished. 995 00:41:32,456 --> 00:41:34,750 That means his load is on your soul for eternity. 996 00:41:34,833 --> 00:41:35,834 MITCHELL: Holy shit! 997 00:41:35,918 --> 00:41:36,919 LISA: Oh, shit, he's coming. 998 00:41:38,212 --> 00:41:39,880 I'll pretend I'm a plant. 999 00:41:43,509 --> 00:41:44,760 RON: Mitchell? What are you doing? 1000 00:41:44,885 --> 00:41:46,512 -Lisa? -Hey, Ron! 1001 00:41:46,970 --> 00:41:48,472 What are you guys doing out here? 1002 00:41:48,639 --> 00:41:49,640 CATHY: Hi! 1003 00:41:49,723 --> 00:41:51,808 -LISA: Hey! -What a nice surprise! 1004 00:41:51,975 --> 00:41:54,478 We thought the kids were here. We didn't realize you guys were here. 1005 00:41:54,853 --> 00:41:58,273 Oh, Cath and I were just having a little prom night role-play. 1006 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,776 -You know, to keep the sex life alive. -Prom night! 1007 00:42:00,943 --> 00:42:03,278 Where are the kids? Um, do you know where the kids are? 1008 00:42:03,445 --> 00:42:06,114 The kids are at Kyler Montero's lake house. 1009 00:42:06,198 --> 00:42:07,199 How do you know that? 1010 00:42:07,282 --> 00:42:08,992 -Because Austin told us. -Yeah. 1011 00:42:09,368 --> 00:42:12,246 He's texted me, like, 19 times tonight. 1012 00:42:12,329 --> 00:42:14,331 -Ugh. Oh, my God. -Yeah, we tell each other everything. 1013 00:42:14,498 --> 00:42:15,582 CATHY: It's unbelievable. 1014 00:42:15,749 --> 00:42:16,792 He knows about prom night. 1015 00:42:16,875 --> 00:42:18,335 -CATHY: Well, you know. -I'm sorry, you... 1016 00:42:18,502 --> 00:42:20,963 You tell your son about your sex games with your wife? 1017 00:42:21,129 --> 00:42:22,130 Uh-huh. Yeah. 1018 00:42:23,006 --> 00:42:25,300 -Can't do that. There's a line. -Yeah, it's weird. 1019 00:42:25,384 --> 00:42:26,385 It's... It's weird. 1020 00:42:26,510 --> 00:42:28,387 We have a very open family here. 1021 00:42:28,554 --> 00:42:30,013 -Yes, we do. -We don't hide anything. 1022 00:42:30,180 --> 00:42:31,431 You know what, what is Kyler's address? 1023 00:42:31,515 --> 00:42:36,144 (STAMMERS) Okay, listen, I feel like I can't betray Austin's confidence in me 1024 00:42:36,311 --> 00:42:39,815 and frankly if Julie wanted to tell you where the house was, 1025 00:42:39,898 --> 00:42:40,983 she would've told you. 1026 00:42:41,066 --> 00:42:43,360 -Uh-uh. -I got... Hold on, hold on. Buh, buh, buh. 1027 00:42:43,777 --> 00:42:44,862 Give us the address. 1028 00:42:45,153 --> 00:42:46,989 Or my giant friend's gonna tear your husband's dick off. 1029 00:42:47,072 --> 00:42:48,156 Yeah. 1030 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:49,241 (LAUGHS) No, I'm not. 1031 00:42:49,324 --> 00:42:50,325 -No, I'm not. -Excuse me? 1032 00:42:50,450 --> 00:42:53,203 No, no, no. That's... That's good. 1033 00:42:53,370 --> 00:42:55,163 And, uh, sorry to interrupt your evening. 1034 00:42:55,330 --> 00:42:57,457 I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your love-making. 1035 00:42:57,916 --> 00:42:59,084 HUNTER: Ah, fuck! MITCHELL: Come on, man. 1036 00:42:59,167 --> 00:43:00,168 LISA: What was that about? MITCHELL: What? 1037 00:43:00,252 --> 00:43:02,045 Hey, man, thank you for killing my daughter's hymen. 1038 00:43:02,212 --> 00:43:04,089 I don't think so. Kyler Montero's lake house? 1039 00:43:04,256 --> 00:43:05,257 Marcie did the bathroom. 1040 00:43:05,424 --> 00:43:07,885 She's gonna know the address. So let's just go. 1041 00:43:08,051 --> 00:43:09,678 -All right, dope. -Dope. 1042 00:43:09,761 --> 00:43:11,763 (ALL WHOOPING) 1043 00:43:11,847 --> 00:43:13,307 -Oh, my eyes! -Yeah! 1044 00:43:14,224 --> 00:43:15,517 RUDY: Okay, come on in now. 1045 00:43:15,684 --> 00:43:17,853 It's all fun and games until there's a decapitation. 1046 00:43:18,020 --> 00:43:20,314 I don't need any more dead girls on my conscience. 1047 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:21,690 I'm sorry, Rudy! 1048 00:43:21,857 --> 00:43:25,110 We just had to check that off the old prom bucket list. 1049 00:43:25,611 --> 00:43:27,529 Oh, my God! Sam! 1050 00:43:27,696 --> 00:43:28,906 -Come here. Yeah! -Move, Chad! 1051 00:43:29,072 --> 00:43:31,074 -Chad, you want a drink? -No. 1052 00:43:31,241 --> 00:43:32,951 What you got there? 1053 00:43:33,118 --> 00:43:36,663 This is a very, very special reduced hash oil of my own invention. 1054 00:43:36,830 --> 00:43:38,999 It has rosemary essence for blood flow, 1055 00:43:39,166 --> 00:43:42,252 a curcumin extract from turmeric to reduce inflammation. 1056 00:43:42,419 --> 00:43:44,421 And it gets you super baked. 1057 00:43:44,504 --> 00:43:48,509 (CHUCKLES) All right! Let's do it. Do I just suck? 1058 00:43:48,675 --> 00:43:50,844 Yeah, you press the button and you take, like, a little puff. 1059 00:43:51,011 --> 00:43:54,973 Or a really, really big one. Okay. (LAUGHS) 1060 00:43:55,140 --> 00:43:57,392 And then you just hold it for, like, a beat. 1061 00:43:57,559 --> 00:44:00,145 You guys know that Tanner Dunn's parents rented out a whole floor 1062 00:44:00,312 --> 00:44:02,397 of the Park West Hotel for an after-party? 1063 00:44:02,564 --> 00:44:03,732 -What? -(SCOFFS) 1064 00:44:03,815 --> 00:44:05,901 Um... Yeah... He, uh... 1065 00:44:06,068 --> 00:44:08,070 I guess they're super loaded and they're still proud of him, 1066 00:44:08,237 --> 00:44:10,197 even though it took him, like, six years to graduate. 1067 00:44:10,364 --> 00:44:13,825 I remember him. He got to miss school when his kid was born. 1068 00:44:13,992 --> 00:44:14,993 Yeah, that guy. 1069 00:44:15,577 --> 00:44:16,828 You should definitely let it go now. 1070 00:44:18,872 --> 00:44:20,040 (EXHALING) 1071 00:44:20,123 --> 00:44:21,333 Holy shit. 1072 00:44:21,500 --> 00:44:25,462 Oh, yeah. I can run a six-minute mile. My lung capacity is legit. 1073 00:44:25,629 --> 00:44:27,464 -No! -One more selfie. 1074 00:44:27,631 --> 00:44:29,007 And this time let's pose like Kanye. 1075 00:44:29,174 --> 00:44:30,300 No! Boo! 1076 00:44:30,467 --> 00:44:32,386 -Yes. -You take too many pictures. 1077 00:44:32,469 --> 00:44:34,513 -(CAMERA CLICKS) -They don't look like him. 1078 00:44:35,097 --> 00:44:37,558 HUNTER: It's just a bunch of paint samples and swatches. 1079 00:44:37,724 --> 00:44:39,142 (WHISPERS) Hunter! Quiet! 1080 00:44:39,309 --> 00:44:40,352 Why do I have to be quiet? 1081 00:44:40,519 --> 00:44:42,437 Shit would not fly if Marcie found out. 1082 00:44:42,604 --> 00:44:43,730 Who wears the pants in this house, dawg? 1083 00:44:43,897 --> 00:44:44,898 -I do. -ALL: Oh! 1084 00:44:46,024 --> 00:44:48,819 (SLURPING) 1085 00:44:48,902 --> 00:44:50,237 Mmm. 1086 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,949 This is soy creamer, are you sure? It's pretty freaking rich. 1087 00:44:54,116 --> 00:44:55,158 This is so messed up. 1088 00:44:55,325 --> 00:44:57,995 Who are you to get involved in our daughter's sex life? 1089 00:44:58,161 --> 00:45:00,247 -Honey, I was just trying... -No, don't "honey" me. 1090 00:45:00,414 --> 00:45:02,791 Did your dad try to stop you when you lost your virginity? 1091 00:45:02,958 --> 00:45:04,001 That's totally different. 1092 00:45:04,084 --> 00:45:05,669 It is not different. It's a double standard. 1093 00:45:05,836 --> 00:45:08,881 Oh, when a guy loses his virginity, it's no big deal, it's celebrated, 1094 00:45:09,047 --> 00:45:11,633 but if a girl does, it's some sort of big loss of innocence? 1095 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:13,260 -Yes! -MARCIE: But come on, you guys, 1096 00:45:13,427 --> 00:45:14,636 it's the same damn thing. 1097 00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:18,599 (GROANS) Marcie! Stop talking. 1098 00:45:18,765 --> 00:45:21,560 -Just give us the address. -Just give us the address. 1099 00:45:21,894 --> 00:45:24,688 Honestly, Lisa, I can't believe you're on their side. 1100 00:45:24,855 --> 00:45:28,150 "Side"? This is not some philosophical debate. 1101 00:45:28,317 --> 00:45:31,570 We're trying to stop our daughters from some kind of sex pact 1102 00:45:31,737 --> 00:45:34,531 that they've planned and not thought through all the way. 1103 00:45:34,698 --> 00:45:35,782 That is such bullshit. 1104 00:45:36,325 --> 00:45:37,576 How do you expect society 1105 00:45:37,743 --> 00:45:40,287 to treat women as if they're equal when their own parents won't? 1106 00:45:40,454 --> 00:45:42,289 I don't know about that. 1107 00:45:42,456 --> 00:45:45,709 I'll deal with society tomorrow. Right now I'm thinking about my daughter. 1108 00:45:45,876 --> 00:45:48,337 Well, that's convenient. Yeah. You know what? 1109 00:45:48,503 --> 00:45:49,755 Go ahead and be part of the group 1110 00:45:49,922 --> 00:45:53,383 that perceives women as little damsels in distress that need saving. 1111 00:45:53,550 --> 00:45:55,177 Who cares about us not getting paid as much 1112 00:45:55,344 --> 00:45:57,513 or not having control of our own bodies? 1113 00:45:57,679 --> 00:46:01,183 Can you please not talk to me like I'm someone who bombs abortion clinics? 1114 00:46:01,350 --> 00:46:03,352 I think we're a little off-topic. We need the address. 1115 00:46:03,519 --> 00:46:04,561 I just can't believe 1116 00:46:04,770 --> 00:46:07,940 that you think Julie shouldn't be free to explore her sexuality 1117 00:46:08,106 --> 00:46:09,733 in the same way that boys are. 1118 00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:13,237 Girls and boys are very different. 1119 00:46:13,403 --> 00:46:15,614 Guys will take whatever's in front of them. 1120 00:46:16,573 --> 00:46:18,075 We have these feelings and then 1121 00:46:18,242 --> 00:46:22,371 your parents won't let you see the man. 1122 00:46:22,538 --> 00:46:24,623 And then he just writes a lot of letters 1123 00:46:24,790 --> 00:46:28,001 but you don't get them because your mom doesn't give them to you 1124 00:46:28,168 --> 00:46:30,629 and then it starts raining really hard 1125 00:46:30,796 --> 00:46:32,840 because he built a house for you. 1126 00:46:34,633 --> 00:46:36,635 And then, it's... 1127 00:46:37,094 --> 00:46:38,387 Mitchell, did you get the address? 1128 00:46:38,470 --> 00:46:39,471 -Yup! -MARCIE: What? 1129 00:46:39,555 --> 00:46:40,556 I'm really sorry. I'll call you tomorrow. 1130 00:46:40,722 --> 00:46:42,432 -I'm just really stressed out. -It was so good to see you. 1131 00:46:42,599 --> 00:46:44,184 Was that The Notebook? 1132 00:46:44,351 --> 00:46:46,979 Fucking fuck off, Hunter! God damn it! Mitchell! 1133 00:46:47,145 --> 00:46:48,772 MITCHELL: I love you, I'm doing this for our daughter, I'll be home late! 1134 00:46:48,939 --> 00:46:50,023 Shit! 1135 00:46:50,107 --> 00:46:51,942 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1136 00:46:52,818 --> 00:46:54,945 To the loss of our innocence. 1137 00:46:55,028 --> 00:46:56,655 Whoo! 1138 00:46:59,658 --> 00:47:00,659 Oh! 1139 00:47:01,368 --> 00:47:02,369 Come on! 1140 00:47:02,786 --> 00:47:05,122 You guys! This is the best night! 1141 00:47:05,289 --> 00:47:08,125 I am so drunk, super high 1142 00:47:08,292 --> 00:47:11,920 and Connor has a little something-something that I feel 1143 00:47:12,087 --> 00:47:13,171 I need to go check out. 1144 00:47:13,338 --> 00:47:15,591 All right. (SIGHS) It's fuck o'clock. 1145 00:47:15,757 --> 00:47:17,551 JULIE: No way. You, too? SAM: Yep. 1146 00:47:19,261 --> 00:47:21,805 -These are macarons... -Ooh! 1147 00:47:21,889 --> 00:47:25,184 with a very special concoction of mine that I call Wavy Davy. 1148 00:47:25,350 --> 00:47:28,020 So it's DMT that I get from the dark web. 1149 00:47:28,187 --> 00:47:30,105 And then there's a little tiny bit of Xanax 1150 00:47:30,272 --> 00:47:32,816 to just kind of take the edge off, you know. It's pretty tight. 1151 00:47:32,983 --> 00:47:34,568 Sounds pretty tight. 1152 00:47:34,735 --> 00:47:36,278 And then I bake it into a white chocolate macaron 1153 00:47:36,445 --> 00:47:38,071 and it has, like, a raspberry filling 1154 00:47:38,238 --> 00:47:41,992 that's both light and fluffy but also very flavorful and satisfying. 1155 00:47:42,910 --> 00:47:43,952 Are you ready? 1156 00:47:44,036 --> 00:47:46,163 -Uh, yeah. Yeah. -Yeah, let's do it. 1157 00:47:46,330 --> 00:47:48,832 Okay. Let's go. 1158 00:47:50,876 --> 00:47:52,169 Mmm. 1159 00:47:52,252 --> 00:47:53,712 -It's yum. -(CHUCKLES) 1160 00:47:53,795 --> 00:47:54,838 Mmm. 1161 00:47:59,426 --> 00:48:00,719 So what do we do? We just walk in 1162 00:48:00,886 --> 00:48:02,429 and flick the lights on and off until the kids come? 1163 00:48:02,596 --> 00:48:05,474 LISA: Just act cool and young, and maybe we'll just slip in. 1164 00:48:05,599 --> 00:48:06,892 Mitchell, untuck your shirt. 1165 00:48:07,059 --> 00:48:08,977 No, it's not that kind of shirt. It looks stupid untucked. 1166 00:48:09,144 --> 00:48:11,230 Untuck your shirt. You look like a youth minister. 1167 00:48:11,396 --> 00:48:12,731 HUNTER: Untuck your fucking shirt, man. We're trying to look cool. 1168 00:48:12,898 --> 00:48:13,899 MITCHELL: All right! 1169 00:48:13,982 --> 00:48:15,943 Whoa. Oh, Sorry, bro! Sorry, guys. 1170 00:48:16,109 --> 00:48:18,028 Sorry. My friend's wasted. 1171 00:48:18,362 --> 00:48:19,363 Don't. 1172 00:48:19,446 --> 00:48:22,157 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey! No adults are getting into my house. 1173 00:48:22,324 --> 00:48:23,867 Not on prom night. Okay, not on prom. 1174 00:48:24,034 --> 00:48:26,787 We were just down the street at another party 1175 00:48:26,954 --> 00:48:29,039 and then we just decided to come up here 1176 00:48:29,206 --> 00:48:31,166 and hang with you guys. Uh... 1177 00:48:31,250 --> 00:48:32,292 No parents here, right? 1178 00:48:32,376 --> 00:48:33,377 Ah, thank God! 1179 00:48:33,460 --> 00:48:34,503 No, not except for you guys. No. 1180 00:48:35,170 --> 00:48:36,797 -We're not... We don't... -(CHUCKLES) 1181 00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:37,881 Yeah, no. 1182 00:48:37,965 --> 00:48:38,966 Okay, so you're cops. 1183 00:48:39,049 --> 00:48:41,844 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1184 00:48:41,927 --> 00:48:44,304 I got two DUIs last year. How could I be a cop? 1185 00:48:44,471 --> 00:48:45,681 MITCHELL: The police? 1186 00:48:45,848 --> 00:48:47,182 Look at my untucked shirt. 1187 00:48:47,349 --> 00:48:49,685 You're literally the cop-iest motherfucker I've ever seen. 1188 00:48:49,852 --> 00:48:52,437 You look like you got your hair cut in the back of a squad car. 1189 00:48:53,438 --> 00:48:55,816 -This is a regular men's haircut. -HUNTER: Okay. 1190 00:48:55,983 --> 00:48:57,359 This is ridiculous. 1191 00:48:57,526 --> 00:48:59,319 All right, you're minors, we're minors. 1192 00:48:59,486 --> 00:49:00,821 You're, like, 45 years old. 1193 00:49:00,988 --> 00:49:02,614 Fuck you. I was born in '77. 1194 00:49:02,698 --> 00:49:03,699 '87. 1195 00:49:03,782 --> 00:49:04,783 '94. 1196 00:49:05,450 --> 00:49:07,035 We're gonna drink with you guys. 1197 00:49:07,202 --> 00:49:09,997 Would cops drink with underage kids? No. 1198 00:49:10,163 --> 00:49:12,082 Okay. What about a little chugging contest? 1199 00:49:12,165 --> 00:49:13,458 Um... 1200 00:49:14,543 --> 00:49:16,211 Yeah. Bring it. 1201 00:49:17,462 --> 00:49:18,463 Okay, wait. 1202 00:49:18,547 --> 00:49:19,798 I gotta get the room ready. 1203 00:49:20,674 --> 00:49:21,758 (CHUCKLES) 1204 00:49:23,844 --> 00:49:24,970 Oh, wow! 1205 00:49:26,847 --> 00:49:28,182 You're really going for it, aren't ya? 1206 00:49:28,348 --> 00:49:31,643 I saw this in the romantic comedy, American Beauty. So good. 1207 00:49:32,477 --> 00:49:34,354 You watched the whole thing? 1208 00:49:34,438 --> 00:49:35,439 (CHUCKLES) 1209 00:49:39,067 --> 00:49:40,569 You know what this candle does to me. 1210 00:49:40,736 --> 00:49:41,862 Is that the one that gives you hives? 1211 00:49:42,029 --> 00:49:43,739 -No, it's the good one. -Oh, nice. 1212 00:49:47,618 --> 00:49:49,244 You look so hot right now. 1213 00:49:59,713 --> 00:50:01,381 Where are my chuggers at? You ready? 1214 00:50:01,548 --> 00:50:03,634 -Oh, right here. Let's go! -What, what! 1215 00:50:03,967 --> 00:50:04,968 KYLER: All right. 1216 00:50:05,052 --> 00:50:06,053 MITCHELL: Cool. 1217 00:50:06,136 --> 00:50:07,137 Drop 'em. 1218 00:50:07,221 --> 00:50:08,222 KYLER: Let's do it. 1219 00:50:10,182 --> 00:50:11,433 Wait, what? 1220 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,435 (CHUCKLES) Guys? We're just chugging, right? 1221 00:50:13,602 --> 00:50:14,686 Yeah, we're butt-chugging. 1222 00:50:14,853 --> 00:50:16,939 Yeah, you put the tube up your butt and you funnel the beer in. 1223 00:50:17,105 --> 00:50:19,525 It fucks you up way more, man, trust me. 1224 00:50:19,691 --> 00:50:21,109 -Guys, butt-chugging? -You got this. You got it. 1225 00:50:21,276 --> 00:50:22,528 No, I'm tagging out. You're in. 1226 00:50:22,694 --> 00:50:23,946 What? Why me? 1227 00:50:24,112 --> 00:50:25,364 You've had a baby. Everything's looser down there. 1228 00:50:26,114 --> 00:50:28,534 -I didn't have a baby out of my butt. -Even I know that. 1229 00:50:28,700 --> 00:50:29,701 Mitchell. 1230 00:50:30,118 --> 00:50:32,829 Okay, this isn't a common occurrence with me, 1231 00:50:32,996 --> 00:50:35,582 but I have had things up there before. 1232 00:50:35,749 --> 00:50:37,584 -Hmm? -It's just all about breathing. 1233 00:50:37,751 --> 00:50:41,004 So just breathe through it, and accept it in. 1234 00:50:41,547 --> 00:50:42,589 I can't do it. I can't do it. 1235 00:50:42,673 --> 00:50:44,591 Hey! She's up there right now with that dick-bag, Connor, 1236 00:50:44,758 --> 00:50:46,385 with his man bun and that stupid smirk. 1237 00:50:46,552 --> 00:50:48,011 Think about this. 1238 00:50:49,513 --> 00:50:51,056 Wait. Connor? 1239 00:50:51,223 --> 00:50:53,433 You know... You know Connor Aldrich, The Chef? 1240 00:50:54,309 --> 00:50:55,519 Why do they call him "The Chef"? 1241 00:50:55,686 --> 00:50:58,021 Oh. Maybe a big fan of South Park? 1242 00:50:58,188 --> 00:50:59,231 (IMITATES CHEF) "Hello, children." 1243 00:50:59,314 --> 00:51:01,316 No. No. He cooks drugs into everything. 1244 00:51:01,608 --> 00:51:05,237 Everything! One time he made me this, like, acid financier cake. 1245 00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,906 Oh! That shit was to die for, man! 1246 00:51:08,073 --> 00:51:09,908 Like, literally, I almost fucking died. 1247 00:51:10,075 --> 00:51:11,994 Yeah. Dude, if your daughter had anything like that cake, 1248 00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:13,662 she might not remember who you are tomorrow. 1249 00:51:15,330 --> 00:51:17,165 Give me the fucking tube. 1250 00:51:19,418 --> 00:51:20,419 Let's bone. 1251 00:51:20,502 --> 00:51:21,503 CHAD: Wait, what? 1252 00:51:21,587 --> 00:51:24,548 Oh! Are you sure that this is how you wanna do it? 1253 00:51:27,009 --> 00:51:29,720 Yes, Chad. This is always how I've imagined it. 1254 00:51:29,887 --> 00:51:32,181 Oh, you know, I'd rather leave my shirt on, if that's sexier. 1255 00:51:32,264 --> 00:51:35,100 (CHUCKLES) I need another drink. 1256 00:51:35,475 --> 00:51:36,476 Wait, wait, uh... 1257 00:51:38,937 --> 00:51:40,564 Can you lube it up with something first? 1258 00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:42,065 -Yeah, I'll just spit on it. -No! 1259 00:51:42,232 --> 00:51:44,401 Why? Because I'm a man? Get over yourself. 1260 00:51:44,568 --> 00:51:47,654 No, 'cause you're fucking gross and your fucking saliva's gross. 1261 00:51:47,821 --> 00:51:49,698 -I have lip gloss. -We got lip gloss. 1262 00:51:49,865 --> 00:51:51,033 Okay, fine. Shit. 1263 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:52,242 I don't have lip gloss. 1264 00:51:52,409 --> 00:51:53,911 JAYDEN: All right, guys, let's get those tubes in. 1265 00:51:54,077 --> 00:51:55,245 -All right, I got the lip gloss on there. -Okay. 1266 00:51:55,412 --> 00:51:57,206 Okay, okay. All right. 1267 00:51:57,372 --> 00:51:58,373 Okay, ready? 1268 00:51:58,957 --> 00:51:59,958 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 1269 00:52:00,042 --> 00:52:01,126 -It's not in yet. -MITCHELL: Okay. 1270 00:52:01,293 --> 00:52:02,294 HUNTER: Chill. 1271 00:52:02,377 --> 00:52:03,378 LISA: It's just gonna be on the count of three. 1272 00:52:03,462 --> 00:52:04,838 HUNTER: You got this, dawg. This is for your kid. 1273 00:52:05,005 --> 00:52:06,006 On three, okay. All right. 1274 00:52:06,089 --> 00:52:07,090 -On three. -Yeah. 1275 00:52:07,174 --> 00:52:08,467 -Okay, one... -MITCHELL: One. 1276 00:52:08,550 --> 00:52:09,760 (GROANS) 1277 00:52:09,843 --> 00:52:11,470 HUNTER: Are you okay? 1278 00:52:11,553 --> 00:52:12,554 Okay, get your 40s. 1279 00:52:12,638 --> 00:52:13,931 They got a lager or an IPA. 1280 00:52:14,097 --> 00:52:15,224 It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. 1281 00:52:15,390 --> 00:52:16,391 -LISA: Okay. -(EXHALES) 1282 00:52:16,475 --> 00:52:17,684 -MITCHELL: I don't know about this. -No, no, no, no. 1283 00:52:17,851 --> 00:52:18,852 It's too late. It's already in. 1284 00:52:18,936 --> 00:52:20,103 -Here you go. -It's in you. It's part of you now. 1285 00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:21,271 -Ready? -Yeah. 1286 00:52:21,355 --> 00:52:22,564 Set... 1287 00:52:22,731 --> 00:52:23,982 Chug! 1288 00:52:24,149 --> 00:52:25,526 Butt chug! Butt chug! 1289 00:52:25,692 --> 00:52:27,319 ALL: (CHANTING) Butt chug! Butt chug! 1290 00:52:27,486 --> 00:52:28,570 Wait. 1291 00:52:28,737 --> 00:52:30,405 -Hey, hey! -LISA: Loosen up! 1292 00:52:30,572 --> 00:52:32,199 -It's not working, dude. -I can't! 1293 00:52:32,366 --> 00:52:34,117 -You can hold my hand! -Okay. 1294 00:52:34,952 --> 00:52:36,912 -Ow! -HUNTER: You're hurting her. 1295 00:52:36,995 --> 00:52:37,996 -LISA: God! It really hurt! -I'm sorry! 1296 00:52:39,414 --> 00:52:41,708 Channel that energy into your butt hole. 1297 00:52:41,875 --> 00:52:43,252 MITCHELL: This changes everything I know! 1298 00:52:43,418 --> 00:52:46,255 HUNTER: Dude, if your daughter could see you now she'd be so proud of you. 1299 00:52:46,338 --> 00:52:48,048 (CHANTING CONTINUES) 1300 00:52:48,131 --> 00:52:49,258 Whoa... 1301 00:52:50,467 --> 00:52:53,595 I am... I am tripping so hard. 1302 00:52:53,762 --> 00:52:55,222 It's not working. It's not working, dude. 1303 00:52:55,389 --> 00:52:57,432 -Oh, it's terrible. -MITCHELL: It is. 1304 00:52:58,559 --> 00:52:59,560 Open up! 1305 00:52:59,643 --> 00:53:01,395 I'm sorry. I can't do it, man. 1306 00:53:01,562 --> 00:53:02,896 Focus! For your daughter. 1307 00:53:03,063 --> 00:53:04,565 Fuck, Mitch. Focus. 1308 00:53:04,731 --> 00:53:05,816 -You gotta breathe. -You gotta open up, dude. 1309 00:53:05,983 --> 00:53:08,151 -Relax! -I'm relaxed! I'm dilated. 1310 00:53:08,318 --> 00:53:10,737 I'm staring at your asshole. You're not dilating. 1311 00:53:10,904 --> 00:53:14,449 LISA: Mitchell, you're gonna lose to this punk bitch? 1312 00:53:14,616 --> 00:53:16,493 Breathe. Take it in! 1313 00:53:16,577 --> 00:53:18,579 (CHANTING CONTINUES) 1314 00:53:20,038 --> 00:53:21,039 LISA: There we go. 1315 00:53:21,415 --> 00:53:22,541 -Okay, good. -Oh! (LAUGHING) 1316 00:53:22,708 --> 00:53:24,293 -It's working! -It's working! Holy shit! 1317 00:53:24,459 --> 00:53:25,752 -Holy shit! -It's working! 1318 00:53:25,919 --> 00:53:27,588 We're almost halfway done. 1319 00:53:27,671 --> 00:53:29,965 -(SIREN BLARES) -Pos! Fucking run! 1320 00:53:30,174 --> 00:53:31,341 Cops? (GROANS) 1321 00:53:31,508 --> 00:53:32,676 What? Oh, no! 1322 00:53:32,759 --> 00:53:34,386 (PEOPLE CLAMORING) 1323 00:53:35,846 --> 00:53:37,848 Ass beer! (GAGGING) 1324 00:53:37,931 --> 00:53:41,018 Lisa, the foam went into my mouth! I have to go to the hospital! 1325 00:53:41,185 --> 00:53:43,020 -(BANGING ON DOOR) -GIRL: Hurry up! Get out of here! 1326 00:53:43,103 --> 00:53:45,022 (GASPING) Shit! 1327 00:53:45,189 --> 00:53:46,732 We gotta go. 1328 00:53:46,899 --> 00:53:48,817 I got ass beer, I should go to the hospital. 1329 00:53:48,984 --> 00:53:51,486 -(SIRENS WAIL) -MITCHELL: Shit! The fucking cops? 1330 00:53:51,653 --> 00:53:53,238 -The fucking cops are here? -Wait, wait, wait. 1331 00:53:53,405 --> 00:53:55,199 I can't get the tube out. Pull the tube out. 1332 00:53:55,365 --> 00:53:57,117 -Leese, pull it out. -No! I put it in! 1333 00:53:57,284 --> 00:53:59,077 -I had to spit on it! -What? You spit on it? 1334 00:53:59,161 --> 00:54:00,162 -No, it was my lip gloss. -What the fuck? 1335 00:54:00,245 --> 00:54:01,330 -It was lip gloss. -Pull it out! 1336 00:54:01,496 --> 00:54:03,081 Hey, man, be gentle. Be fucking gentle, all right? 1337 00:54:03,248 --> 00:54:04,625 I'm gonna be gentle, all right? Ready? 1338 00:54:04,791 --> 00:54:05,959 -All right, on three. -On three... 1339 00:54:06,126 --> 00:54:07,127 -One. -Ow! 1340 00:54:07,961 --> 00:54:09,046 (ULULATES) 1341 00:54:09,129 --> 00:54:10,964 (SCREAMS) 1342 00:54:11,048 --> 00:54:12,049 Come on. 1343 00:54:12,132 --> 00:54:13,800 Hey, guys! 1344 00:54:13,884 --> 00:54:14,885 Guys! 1345 00:54:15,010 --> 00:54:16,303 JULIE: Wait, wait. Sam. 1346 00:54:16,470 --> 00:54:17,471 Sam! 1347 00:54:17,971 --> 00:54:19,473 Sam, Sam! We're over here. 1348 00:54:19,556 --> 00:54:20,557 No! 1349 00:54:20,641 --> 00:54:21,642 No. No. 1350 00:54:21,725 --> 00:54:23,268 -The night is over. -No. 1351 00:54:23,435 --> 00:54:25,646 It's over. It's done. 1352 00:54:25,812 --> 00:54:27,523 The night is not over. 1353 00:54:28,273 --> 00:54:29,650 The night has just begun. 1354 00:54:34,363 --> 00:54:36,365 Jesus, Chad, use your legs. 1355 00:54:36,532 --> 00:54:38,700 I mean, I pretty much carried her, like, the whole way there. 1356 00:54:38,784 --> 00:54:40,786 (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING) 1357 00:54:45,290 --> 00:54:46,416 (GROANING) 1358 00:54:47,584 --> 00:54:49,586 Hustle, hustle, hustle! 1359 00:54:50,796 --> 00:54:51,797 Come on, Sam. 1360 00:54:51,964 --> 00:54:53,131 -Come with us! -I can't. 1361 00:54:53,298 --> 00:54:54,341 My car is here. 1362 00:54:54,508 --> 00:54:57,010 But all my friends are going to the hotel party. 1363 00:54:57,386 --> 00:54:58,428 Maybe I'll see you later. 1364 00:54:58,512 --> 00:55:00,514 (ETHEREAL MUSIC CONTINUES) 1365 00:55:03,725 --> 00:55:05,644 -Get in the car. Go, go, go, girl! -JULIE: Sam! 1366 00:55:05,811 --> 00:55:07,813 -You'll see her later! -Seriously, hurry up! 1367 00:55:07,896 --> 00:55:08,897 What are you doing? 1368 00:55:08,981 --> 00:55:10,732 Whoo, this night is not over, I swear to Christ! 1369 00:55:10,983 --> 00:55:12,317 Dukes of Hazzard! 1370 00:55:12,401 --> 00:55:14,236 (GRUNTS, GROANS) 1371 00:55:14,319 --> 00:55:15,612 Racist-ass show anyway. 1372 00:55:15,779 --> 00:55:16,822 I got the spins, man. 1373 00:55:16,905 --> 00:55:17,990 We gotta find our daughter, dawg. 1374 00:55:18,073 --> 00:55:19,199 I'm gonna sit down for a second. 1375 00:55:19,366 --> 00:55:20,450 Rudy! It's Rudy. 1376 00:55:21,410 --> 00:55:22,452 HUNTER: Rudy, Rudy, wait, wait! 1377 00:55:22,536 --> 00:55:24,663 MITCHELL: There he goes! Hit the clicker, open the door! 1378 00:55:25,831 --> 00:55:27,040 I got mine. 1379 00:55:27,124 --> 00:55:28,125 Seatbelts! 1380 00:55:28,208 --> 00:55:29,334 You'll get a big ticket. 1381 00:55:32,713 --> 00:55:33,714 HUNTER: That's them right there. 1382 00:55:33,797 --> 00:55:35,132 They're getting away. You gotta go faster. 1383 00:55:35,299 --> 00:55:37,759 -Okay. -Hey, you gotta be in it 110%. 1384 00:55:37,926 --> 00:55:39,386 -LISA: Okay. -You gotta be in it to win it! 1385 00:55:39,553 --> 00:55:41,263 How do you get more competitive when you're drunk? 1386 00:55:41,430 --> 00:55:44,308 Hey, man. I'm more of a winner when I'm drunk, all right? 1387 00:55:44,474 --> 00:55:47,060 And the question that I have for you, Leese... 1388 00:55:47,227 --> 00:55:49,646 Are you a winner? Are you in it to win it? 1389 00:55:49,813 --> 00:55:51,732 -Winning is my bitch! -All right! 1390 00:55:51,899 --> 00:55:53,192 -Strong. -Knock, knock! 1391 00:55:53,275 --> 00:55:54,276 Who's there? 1392 00:55:54,359 --> 00:55:56,236 -Me winning. -(LAUGHING) 1393 00:55:56,695 --> 00:55:58,197 (LAUGHING) 1394 00:55:58,280 --> 00:55:59,656 It's not... 1395 00:56:00,407 --> 00:56:01,491 It's not that good. 1396 00:56:01,575 --> 00:56:03,368 (BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING) 1397 00:56:03,452 --> 00:56:05,412 -Ow. Ow! -Lisa winning! 1398 00:56:05,579 --> 00:56:07,080 It's not that good! 1399 00:56:07,164 --> 00:56:10,125 Ow! Fuck! All right, it's good. It's fine. I like it. 1400 00:56:10,292 --> 00:56:11,501 Hey, you're losing him. Let's go. 1401 00:56:14,046 --> 00:56:16,173 Oh. Not on my watch. 1402 00:56:18,133 --> 00:56:19,551 (INCREASES VOLUME) 1403 00:56:19,635 --> 00:56:20,886 (ALL YELP) 1404 00:56:20,969 --> 00:56:23,889 Y'all think you gonna outrun Rudy the main motherfucking man Glover? 1405 00:56:24,056 --> 00:56:25,098 Hell, no. 1406 00:56:25,182 --> 00:56:26,600 -Are you all right? -No. 1407 00:56:26,767 --> 00:56:27,851 Come on. 1408 00:56:28,018 --> 00:56:29,853 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1409 00:56:29,937 --> 00:56:31,522 Hey, guys. 1410 00:56:32,189 --> 00:56:33,732 Hey, I don't... 1411 00:56:33,899 --> 00:56:36,568 I don't feel so... (RETCHING) 1412 00:56:36,652 --> 00:56:37,653 Oh, my God! 1413 00:56:39,029 --> 00:56:40,030 Oh, my God! 1414 00:56:40,656 --> 00:56:42,074 (SCREAMING) 1415 00:56:46,119 --> 00:56:47,204 HUNTER: All right, here's what we're gonna do. 1416 00:56:47,371 --> 00:56:50,374 Lisa, I have seen every single Fast and the Furious movie, okay? 1417 00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:52,834 All of them, dozens of times. Have you seen any of them? 1418 00:56:53,001 --> 00:56:55,963 I saw the Tokyo one, and I saw the one where The Rock punches the torpedo. 1419 00:56:56,129 --> 00:56:57,381 Those are the best two to see. 1420 00:56:57,548 --> 00:57:00,717 Okay, in times like this, I ask myself one question. 1421 00:57:00,884 --> 00:57:03,303 "W-W-V-D-D." You know what that means? 1422 00:57:03,470 --> 00:57:04,638 "What would Vin Diesel do?" 1423 00:57:04,805 --> 00:57:06,265 Holy shit! 1424 00:57:06,431 --> 00:57:07,933 No one's ever fucking gotten that before. Okay. 1425 00:57:09,476 --> 00:57:10,477 (RETCHING) 1426 00:57:10,561 --> 00:57:12,062 (SCREAMING) 1427 00:57:12,980 --> 00:57:14,940 -(CHAD SCREAMING) -Oh, man, it smells like... 1428 00:57:16,275 --> 00:57:17,985 What we're gonna do, we're gonna kiss the bumper. 1429 00:57:18,151 --> 00:57:20,654 You give it a little tap, and then they're gonna spin and stop 1430 00:57:20,821 --> 00:57:22,197 and we're gonna spin and stop the other way 1431 00:57:22,364 --> 00:57:24,199 and we're gonna look at each other, and we're gonna go, 1432 00:57:24,366 --> 00:57:25,784 "It's all about the family." 1433 00:57:25,951 --> 00:57:28,245 Wait. I don't feel comfortable running the kids off the road. 1434 00:57:28,412 --> 00:57:32,249 This slow and un-furious attitude is not helping us. You have to believe! 1435 00:57:32,416 --> 00:57:33,542 Okay. I'm gonna kiss it. 1436 00:57:33,709 --> 00:57:35,210 HUNTER: Here we go! 1437 00:57:36,670 --> 00:57:38,505 -MITCHELL: What's that? -(GRUNTS) Did I do it? 1438 00:57:38,672 --> 00:57:41,258 No, you didn't even kiss it. You gotta kiss it. 1439 00:57:41,425 --> 00:57:43,552 (IMITATES VIN DIESEL) Kiss it for the family! 1440 00:57:44,052 --> 00:57:45,721 BOTH: Is that Sam? 1441 00:57:47,848 --> 00:57:49,516 LISA: She barfed on us! 1442 00:57:49,683 --> 00:57:51,310 -HUNTER: Oh, my God! -(TIRES SCREECHING) 1443 00:57:51,393 --> 00:57:53,061 (ALL SCREAMING) 1444 00:57:59,985 --> 00:58:01,403 (METAL CREAKING) 1445 00:58:02,696 --> 00:58:03,822 (WHIMPERS) 1446 00:58:07,201 --> 00:58:08,869 (QUIETLY) Okay. 1447 00:58:09,161 --> 00:58:10,746 Are we in heaven? 1448 00:58:10,913 --> 00:58:12,789 Okay. Listen, I know how to do this. 1449 00:58:12,956 --> 00:58:15,167 Everyone lean backwards. 1450 00:58:15,334 --> 00:58:18,712 If we all lean backwards on three, the car will roll back. Ready? 1451 00:58:18,879 --> 00:58:20,214 -Okay. -One, 1452 00:58:21,173 --> 00:58:22,674 two, three. 1453 00:58:23,675 --> 00:58:27,304 Oh, fuck! 1454 00:58:27,387 --> 00:58:29,681 -Ahhh! -(THUDS) 1455 00:58:30,516 --> 00:58:33,310 (TRICKLING) 1456 00:58:33,393 --> 00:58:36,855 Well, that's the last of the ass beer. 1457 00:58:37,105 --> 00:58:38,899 Jesus! That's it. 1458 00:58:39,066 --> 00:58:40,609 Are you okay? Are you bleeding? 1459 00:58:40,692 --> 00:58:42,110 You might have internal blood injuries. 1460 00:58:42,277 --> 00:58:43,403 I'm all right, I'm all right. 1461 00:58:43,487 --> 00:58:44,488 Here's the problem. 1462 00:58:44,571 --> 00:58:47,157 The Fast and The Furious movies are not realistic. 1463 00:58:47,324 --> 00:58:49,493 Where are we? Shit! 1464 00:58:50,494 --> 00:58:51,495 Fuck! 1465 00:58:51,578 --> 00:58:52,913 (STRAINING) 1466 00:58:52,996 --> 00:58:54,331 What are you doing? 1467 00:58:54,498 --> 00:58:56,917 I heard that in times of crisis, parents have superhuman strength. 1468 00:58:57,084 --> 00:58:59,253 No offense, there's no scientific way you're gonna flip that car over. 1469 00:58:59,419 --> 00:59:00,420 I couldn't even do that. 1470 00:59:00,504 --> 00:59:01,505 Yeah, I couldn't do it, either. 1471 00:59:01,588 --> 00:59:04,424 Do not tell me what I can and can't do. (PANTING) 1472 00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:08,262 (STRAINING) 1473 00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:10,055 Kayla's not answering again. 1474 00:59:10,222 --> 00:59:11,223 -God damn it! -We lost 'em, guys. 1475 00:59:11,390 --> 00:59:13,851 We are fucked! Or maybe not. 1476 00:59:18,063 --> 00:59:19,064 What are you doing? 1477 00:59:19,147 --> 00:59:20,983 Trying to telepathically communicate with Kayla. 1478 00:59:21,441 --> 00:59:22,568 I'm with the X-Men of parents. 1479 00:59:22,734 --> 00:59:23,902 You know what my secret power is? 1480 00:59:24,069 --> 00:59:27,406 I'm super fucking annoyed right now and I hurt my love handle. 1481 00:59:33,203 --> 00:59:34,204 All right. 1482 00:59:34,705 --> 00:59:36,832 You guys think my new clothes go with my fedora? 1483 00:59:36,999 --> 00:59:39,001 I'm just kidding, I know they do. (CHUCKLES) 1484 00:59:44,506 --> 00:59:45,507 Hey. 1485 00:59:47,759 --> 00:59:49,219 Have you talked to your mom? 1486 00:59:49,303 --> 00:59:50,304 No. 1487 00:59:50,387 --> 00:59:52,055 So my parents were just texting me 1488 00:59:52,222 --> 00:59:54,933 and they were having sex and your mom showed up looking for you. 1489 00:59:56,894 --> 00:59:58,270 Oh, my God. I'm sorry. 1490 00:59:58,437 --> 01:00:00,981 -It's okay. They have sex all the time. -(SIGHS) 1491 01:00:01,064 --> 01:00:02,149 (CELL PHONE VIBRATTING) 1492 01:00:02,232 --> 01:00:04,401 Oh, my God, she... The texts. 1493 01:00:04,610 --> 01:00:06,195 So many texts. 1494 01:00:06,737 --> 01:00:07,905 She's mad. 1495 01:00:08,113 --> 01:00:10,073 I need to handle this. 1496 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:11,700 Good news. A Lyft is on its way. 1497 01:00:11,867 --> 01:00:13,702 Oh, wait, no, I know this guy. He sucks. 1498 01:00:13,869 --> 01:00:15,329 -(CELL PHONE VIBRATING) -Oh, shit. It's Julie. 1499 01:00:15,704 --> 01:00:17,122 Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. 1500 01:00:17,289 --> 01:00:18,290 Be quiet. Okay. 1501 01:00:18,373 --> 01:00:19,499 JULIE: (ON PHONE) Hey, Mom! 1502 01:00:19,666 --> 01:00:20,667 I just got all your texts 1503 01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:22,419 and I just wanted to let you know that we're all good. 1504 01:00:22,586 --> 01:00:23,795 LISA: Cool. Cool. Okay. 1505 01:00:24,630 --> 01:00:27,007 Um... Are you at the prom? 1506 01:00:27,257 --> 01:00:30,594 Yeah. Yeah, just nonstop magical moments. 1507 01:00:30,761 --> 01:00:32,095 Huh. You are lying to me. 1508 01:00:32,262 --> 01:00:33,722 Where are you right now? Where are you? 1509 01:00:33,889 --> 01:00:34,932 Why are you freaking out? 1510 01:00:35,098 --> 01:00:38,560 I'm freaking out because I know what you're up to. 1511 01:00:38,727 --> 01:00:40,020 And I know that you and your friends 1512 01:00:40,187 --> 01:00:44,024 are planning some kind of little sex pact or whatever. 1513 01:00:44,107 --> 01:00:45,108 What did you say? 1514 01:00:45,192 --> 01:00:46,193 You heard me. 1515 01:00:46,610 --> 01:00:48,820 How could you possibly know? 1516 01:00:48,987 --> 01:00:51,698 Because I am your mother and I know you. 1517 01:00:51,865 --> 01:00:54,451 And I know you better than you know yourself. 1518 01:00:54,618 --> 01:00:58,914 And I also know that you're planning on going to UCLA 1519 01:00:59,081 --> 01:01:01,291 and that you're following Austin. 1520 01:01:01,458 --> 01:01:02,751 Yeah. (LAUGHS) 1521 01:01:03,752 --> 01:01:07,422 I know everything. 1522 01:01:08,632 --> 01:01:12,010 Oh, my God, you know nothing! 1523 01:01:12,177 --> 01:01:14,596 Why do you even assume that it's me following Austin? 1524 01:01:14,721 --> 01:01:18,183 Huh? You're not worried about me, Mom. 1525 01:01:18,350 --> 01:01:19,643 You're worried about you. 1526 01:01:19,810 --> 01:01:22,312 You're afraid of losing me. You're afraid of being alone. 1527 01:01:22,479 --> 01:01:26,191 I am not scared of being alone. (LAUGHS) 1528 01:01:26,275 --> 01:01:28,026 This is not about me. 1529 01:01:28,193 --> 01:01:32,614 I have not thought about myself for the last 18 years. 1530 01:01:32,781 --> 01:01:34,157 This is about you. 1531 01:01:34,324 --> 01:01:36,076 And as a single mother, 1532 01:01:36,243 --> 01:01:40,163 I am trying to stop you from making a life-ruining decision. 1533 01:01:41,832 --> 01:01:43,959 So I was "a life-ruining decision"? 1534 01:01:44,126 --> 01:01:45,168 No. No! 1535 01:01:45,252 --> 01:01:46,920 No, that is not what I meant. 1536 01:01:47,087 --> 01:01:48,130 No, that is not what I meant. 1537 01:01:48,213 --> 01:01:49,548 You know what, Mom? 1538 01:01:49,631 --> 01:01:52,259 I'm not going to UCLA because of some boy, okay? 1539 01:01:52,426 --> 01:01:56,471 I'm going to UCLA because it's the furthest I can get from you. 1540 01:01:58,390 --> 01:01:59,766 Well... 1541 01:01:59,933 --> 01:02:01,351 Hello? 1542 01:02:03,353 --> 01:02:05,856 Nanaru is on his way. 1543 01:02:06,023 --> 01:02:07,149 Forty-six minutes. 1544 01:02:09,026 --> 01:02:10,277 Well... 1545 01:02:10,569 --> 01:02:12,487 So, she hates me. (SNIFFLES) 1546 01:02:14,740 --> 01:02:16,617 She doesn't hate you. 1547 01:02:17,159 --> 01:02:20,454 Kayla's ignoring me. She's bringing it to a whole new level of spite. 1548 01:02:20,704 --> 01:02:22,122 Yeah. 1549 01:02:22,289 --> 01:02:23,874 -That's a new level of pain. -(SIGHS) 1550 01:02:24,041 --> 01:02:25,876 Yeah. I know. 1551 01:02:26,043 --> 01:02:29,379 It's just different for me because I gave birth to her 1552 01:02:29,546 --> 01:02:31,256 and I just feel very connected. 1553 01:02:31,423 --> 01:02:32,966 She was living in my body. 1554 01:02:33,133 --> 01:02:34,426 Kayla grew in me. 1555 01:02:34,593 --> 01:02:35,886 She grew in me. She did. 1556 01:02:36,053 --> 01:02:38,680 She grew from my balls and I shot her into Marcie. 1557 01:02:38,847 --> 01:02:41,141 This is the same for you and me. 1558 01:02:42,434 --> 01:02:43,769 Not exactly. 1559 01:02:43,936 --> 01:02:46,688 I mean, you have daily love in your life 1560 01:02:46,855 --> 01:02:49,858 and I'm probably gonna die alone 1561 01:02:50,025 --> 01:02:52,361 and won't be found for a really long time. 1562 01:02:52,945 --> 01:02:55,113 Until one day, someone will be walking by 1563 01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:56,657 with their golden retriever, 1564 01:02:56,823 --> 01:02:58,700 and the dog is just gonna lose its shit. 1565 01:02:58,867 --> 01:03:00,118 And then they're gonna call the police 1566 01:03:00,285 --> 01:03:04,331 and then they're gonna come in and find me draped over the tub 1567 01:03:04,498 --> 01:03:08,293 with my feral cats eating away at my hair. 1568 01:03:08,460 --> 01:03:09,670 'Cause cats do that. 1569 01:03:10,337 --> 01:03:13,173 The fuck is wrong with you? That is some dark shit! 1570 01:03:13,340 --> 01:03:14,550 You're gonna die alone? 1571 01:03:14,716 --> 01:03:17,636 -Whoa, whoa. My man! Come on! -Where the hell did you get that idea? 1572 01:03:17,803 --> 01:03:19,054 I call you all the time. 1573 01:03:19,221 --> 01:03:20,764 You ever return my calls? No. 1574 01:03:20,931 --> 01:03:22,766 Because we're not really friends, you and me. 1575 01:03:23,308 --> 01:03:24,309 We're not friends? 1576 01:03:24,393 --> 01:03:25,936 I don't mean it at that... 1577 01:03:26,395 --> 01:03:27,729 You know what you are? 1578 01:03:27,896 --> 01:03:31,400 You are like the thing that pops up on Facebook... 1579 01:03:31,775 --> 01:03:37,322 And then it's, like, this beautiful picture of your grandma who's dead. 1580 01:03:37,489 --> 01:03:41,034 And you're, like, "Fuck you, Facebook, for reminding me of my loss." 1581 01:03:41,201 --> 01:03:43,829 That's why you're avoiding me? Because I remind you of loss? 1582 01:03:43,996 --> 01:03:48,667 Yes! I don't wanna be reminded of sweet, young Julie and our kids 1583 01:03:48,834 --> 01:03:50,961 and that beautiful time in our lives is over. 1584 01:03:51,128 --> 01:03:54,339 Oh, God! Boo-fucking-hoo with you two! 1585 01:03:54,506 --> 01:03:57,217 You guys completely ignore me. Always. 1586 01:03:57,301 --> 01:03:58,302 Yeah, no shit, cheater. 1587 01:03:58,385 --> 01:04:00,053 Oh, "Cheater"? That's my designation? 1588 01:04:00,220 --> 01:04:02,097 That's what I am? I'm the cheater? 1589 01:04:02,264 --> 01:04:03,348 Fuck that shit. 1590 01:04:03,515 --> 01:04:05,976 Did you guys ever once call me when that went down 1591 01:04:06,143 --> 01:04:08,395 and ask me my side of the story? 1592 01:04:08,562 --> 01:04:09,813 You didn't. 1593 01:04:09,980 --> 01:04:11,023 I would've told you the truth. 1594 01:04:11,190 --> 01:04:13,692 I would've told you that Brenda had stopped talking to me 1595 01:04:13,859 --> 01:04:15,736 months before that happened. 1596 01:04:15,903 --> 01:04:19,406 Do you know she hooked up with her boss at a company retreat in Wisconsin? 1597 01:04:19,573 --> 01:04:20,657 Do you know she beat me up? 1598 01:04:20,824 --> 01:04:24,786 She fucking beat me up at a Romano's fucking Macaroni Grill! 1599 01:04:24,953 --> 01:04:27,206 She fucking slapped me in front of the fucking maître'd! 1600 01:04:27,372 --> 01:04:28,582 -I didn't know that. -I'm sorry, man. 1601 01:04:28,749 --> 01:04:30,250 And I fucking embarrassed myself 1602 01:04:30,417 --> 01:04:32,878 and I embarrassed myself in front of my daughter. 1603 01:04:33,045 --> 01:04:35,714 And I thought, "You know, I should pull back a little bit," 1604 01:04:35,881 --> 01:04:36,965 and fucking Frank showed up. 1605 01:04:37,466 --> 01:04:38,717 And I pulled back more 1606 01:04:38,884 --> 01:04:40,594 and I thought, "One day I'm gonna fix it. 1607 01:04:40,761 --> 01:04:42,387 "One day I'm gonna fucking fix it." 1608 01:04:42,554 --> 01:04:47,309 And then I thought if I gave her something awesome like a great night... 1609 01:04:49,478 --> 01:04:52,856 I could get close with her again, but I can't. 1610 01:04:55,108 --> 01:04:56,652 (SNIFFLES) 1611 01:04:56,735 --> 01:04:59,154 'Cause she's gone. They're just... 1612 01:04:59,488 --> 01:05:00,489 (SIGHS) The kids, 1613 01:05:01,073 --> 01:05:02,074 -they just leave. -Oh, shit! 1614 01:05:02,241 --> 01:05:04,284 I know how we can find 'em. 1615 01:05:04,451 --> 01:05:05,702 Go to Cathy and Ron's. 1616 01:05:05,869 --> 01:05:07,329 Austin's been texting them all night. 1617 01:05:08,080 --> 01:05:09,331 Did you hear anything I said just now? 1618 01:05:09,498 --> 01:05:10,499 That's a great idea. 1619 01:05:10,749 --> 01:05:12,459 (SIGHS) Fuck it. It's just good to say it out loud. 1620 01:05:12,626 --> 01:05:13,877 Let's go flip that car. 1621 01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:15,045 Hell... 1622 01:05:15,921 --> 01:05:18,006 Jesus Christ! 1623 01:05:19,091 --> 01:05:21,760 Oh, my fucking God! 1624 01:05:23,303 --> 01:05:24,555 Shit! 1625 01:05:25,097 --> 01:05:27,224 My car just exploded. 1626 01:05:30,143 --> 01:05:34,231 Nanaru is 26 minutes away. So that's good. 1627 01:05:34,398 --> 01:05:35,482 I thought I canceled him. 1628 01:05:35,649 --> 01:05:36,817 Thanks, Nanaru. 1629 01:05:36,984 --> 01:05:39,862 So Austin's parents aren't gonna just tell us where they are. 1630 01:05:40,028 --> 01:05:42,030 So we need to get Ron's phone, 1631 01:05:42,197 --> 01:05:44,992 read the texts, and find our kids. Okay? 1632 01:05:45,158 --> 01:05:47,035 Hunter, it's not gonna be you. 1633 01:05:47,202 --> 01:05:48,537 So, Mitchell, it's you. 1634 01:05:48,704 --> 01:05:50,914 No. That's breaking and entering. That is... 1635 01:05:51,081 --> 01:05:52,457 I'm uncomfortable with that. 1636 01:05:52,624 --> 01:05:54,209 Are you a team player, or aren't you? 1637 01:05:54,376 --> 01:05:55,377 Am I a team player? 1638 01:05:55,544 --> 01:05:57,838 I just chugged a 40 with my asshole. I'm a team player. 1639 01:05:58,005 --> 01:05:59,464 Then get your head in the game. 1640 01:05:59,631 --> 01:06:01,133 It's the bottom of the third. 1641 01:06:01,300 --> 01:06:04,595 We are down by one and there is not a lot of game left. 1642 01:06:06,013 --> 01:06:07,139 There is a lot of game left though. 1643 01:06:07,347 --> 01:06:11,768 Listen. You have one pass left. One. One pass. 1644 01:06:12,686 --> 01:06:13,770 -(STAMMERS) -Is it rugby? Is it 1645 01:06:13,854 --> 01:06:14,897 -Australian rules football? -They don't put a limit on passing. 1646 01:06:15,063 --> 01:06:16,398 If it was the third, then I'd have the fourth. 1647 01:06:16,565 --> 01:06:17,858 You know what? You know what's happening right now? 1648 01:06:18,025 --> 01:06:19,443 Let me tell you what's happening right now, 1649 01:06:19,610 --> 01:06:22,070 is Kayla and Connor are sliding into bed. 1650 01:06:22,237 --> 01:06:23,322 He's grabbing a condom 1651 01:06:23,488 --> 01:06:25,532 and then he's flicking it to the side 1652 01:06:25,699 --> 01:06:27,326 with a smirk on his face. 1653 01:06:27,576 --> 01:06:30,329 That fucking smirk. No way. 1654 01:06:30,495 --> 01:06:33,290 We need a Hail Mary pass. Are you up for that, son? 1655 01:06:33,457 --> 01:06:34,750 -Yes, Coach. -Well, I can't hear you. 1656 01:06:34,917 --> 01:06:36,501 -Yes, Coach. I'm in it! -I can't hear you. 1657 01:06:36,668 --> 01:06:38,003 I can fucking do this! Let's go! 1658 01:06:38,170 --> 01:06:39,379 HUNTER: We gotta be quiet. 1659 01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:45,677 HUNTER: (WHISPERS) Careful. 1660 01:06:49,973 --> 01:06:51,266 (EXHALES) 1661 01:06:51,350 --> 01:06:52,434 All right, go. 1662 01:06:52,935 --> 01:06:53,936 Go. 1663 01:07:20,170 --> 01:07:21,338 Did you... 1664 01:07:29,513 --> 01:07:31,807 (WHISPERING) Go. There's a person! 1665 01:07:31,974 --> 01:07:33,517 (MOUTHING) What? Fuck you. 1666 01:07:35,060 --> 01:07:36,687 Jesus Christ. 1667 01:07:49,241 --> 01:07:52,160 RON: I'm gonna get you! 1668 01:07:52,661 --> 01:07:56,456 (CHUCKLES) Not if I get you first. 1669 01:07:56,540 --> 01:07:59,042 (CATHY IMITATES MONKEY) 1670 01:08:03,797 --> 01:08:04,798 Get away from here. 1671 01:08:04,882 --> 01:08:05,883 I'm fucking out! 1672 01:08:05,966 --> 01:08:07,426 -Mitchell, in! -Get in. (GASPS) 1673 01:08:09,344 --> 01:08:10,345 Cath? 1674 01:08:10,429 --> 01:08:11,680 CATHY: Ron, no talking. 1675 01:08:11,972 --> 01:08:12,973 Come on, we had a deal. 1676 01:08:13,140 --> 01:08:16,350 We have to find each other by sensing each other's musks. 1677 01:08:16,518 --> 01:08:17,935 Can't use our voices. 1678 01:08:18,895 --> 01:08:20,898 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1679 01:08:23,483 --> 01:08:26,194 (THUDDING) 1680 01:08:33,368 --> 01:08:35,037 (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) 1681 01:08:35,120 --> 01:08:37,206 (CATHY IMITATES MONKEY) 1682 01:08:37,288 --> 01:08:38,582 Here, kitty, kitty. 1683 01:08:38,748 --> 01:08:40,417 I can smell that musk. 1684 01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:42,502 -(HISSING) -(CATHY PURRING) 1685 01:08:47,049 --> 01:08:48,342 -(CATHY YELPS) -(RON CHUCKLES) 1686 01:08:48,425 --> 01:08:49,426 -(MOUTHS) -RON: Yeah! 1687 01:08:49,510 --> 01:08:52,429 Yeah! Yeah! I like the sound of that! 1688 01:08:52,513 --> 01:08:53,805 CATHY: Oh! 1689 01:08:54,056 --> 01:08:55,724 RON: Oh! Hey! 1690 01:08:55,806 --> 01:08:58,476 You wanna touch first, that works for Ronnie! 1691 01:08:58,644 --> 01:08:59,685 You want me to touch you? 1692 01:08:59,853 --> 01:09:01,104 -Help yourself. Yes. -You want me to touch you? 1693 01:09:01,270 --> 01:09:03,482 I'm gonna touch you. Hard. 1694 01:09:03,565 --> 01:09:04,608 -Do it. -How about I touch you... 1695 01:09:04,690 --> 01:09:06,275 -Do it. -...with my nails, baby? 1696 01:09:06,359 --> 01:09:08,487 -Let's have it! -Oh! 1697 01:09:08,569 --> 01:09:11,573 -CATHY: Your hair is so sexy, babe. -Oh, your grip is unbelievable. 1698 01:09:11,739 --> 01:09:14,493 I want you to touch me where I like. 1699 01:09:14,659 --> 01:09:16,578 My balls. You know? 1700 01:09:16,703 --> 01:09:17,828 (BOTH MOUTHING) 1701 01:09:31,260 --> 01:09:33,929 -RON: I want it bad. Do it, come on! -Really? How bad? 1702 01:09:42,895 --> 01:09:45,357 RON: Let's go. Come on. Come on, do it! 1703 01:09:45,524 --> 01:09:47,317 -You there? -What, this isn't hard enough? 1704 01:09:47,484 --> 01:09:48,609 RON: Let's go. Come on. 1705 01:09:48,777 --> 01:09:50,319 -CATHY: Harder? -RON: Come on, do it. 1706 01:09:50,487 --> 01:09:51,488 Do it, I'm waiting. 1707 01:09:51,654 --> 01:09:52,656 Okeydoke. 1708 01:09:53,364 --> 01:09:55,158 CATHY: Oh, yeah, you like that? 1709 01:09:55,242 --> 01:09:57,536 Hey, man, I don't judge people's sex shit. 1710 01:09:57,828 --> 01:09:59,246 But that was ridiculous and stupid. 1711 01:09:59,413 --> 01:10:00,581 Way to take one for the team, guys. 1712 01:10:00,747 --> 01:10:02,374 Hold on, hold on, hold on. Here it is. 1713 01:10:02,541 --> 01:10:04,209 "The police came to the lake house. 1714 01:10:04,376 --> 01:10:06,587 "Almost lost my flower but didn't quite work out." 1715 01:10:06,670 --> 01:10:07,671 ALL: "Flower"? 1716 01:10:07,754 --> 01:10:08,755 He said that? He's a boy. 1717 01:10:08,839 --> 01:10:11,175 LISA: Buh, buh, buh... "Heading to the Park West Hotel. 1718 01:10:11,341 --> 01:10:12,718 "We've got the Grand Lux Suite. 1719 01:10:12,885 --> 01:10:15,345 "Looks like the little boy is becoming a man." 1720 01:10:15,429 --> 01:10:16,430 Fucking dork. 1721 01:10:16,513 --> 01:10:17,514 Okay, so that was 10 minutes ago. 1722 01:10:17,681 --> 01:10:18,682 So they haven't had sex yet. 1723 01:10:18,765 --> 01:10:19,766 We can still catch them. 1724 01:10:19,850 --> 01:10:21,643 Okay, let's do this. 1725 01:11:06,855 --> 01:11:07,856 Hey. 1726 01:11:07,940 --> 01:11:09,274 -Hey. -Hey. 1727 01:11:09,441 --> 01:11:11,026 How's she doing? Is she okay? 1728 01:11:11,193 --> 01:11:12,945 No, she's not doing okay. She's bummed. 1729 01:11:13,111 --> 01:11:15,447 She doesn't even wanna kiss. And I love kissing. 1730 01:11:17,491 --> 01:11:19,159 Give me your room key. 1731 01:11:19,326 --> 01:11:20,369 -What? Why? -Yeah. 1732 01:11:20,452 --> 01:11:23,872 Give me your room key and then bring her up in, like, 15 minutes. 1733 01:11:24,289 --> 01:11:25,791 Uh, okay. 1734 01:11:25,874 --> 01:11:28,794 Yes. Thanks. You're the man. Thank you for this. 1735 01:11:29,378 --> 01:11:30,504 (SIGHS) 1736 01:11:36,051 --> 01:11:38,679 How we supposed to find them in this place? It's got, like, 20 rooms. 1737 01:11:38,846 --> 01:11:41,765 HUNTER: I'm sorry, what the fuck are you talking about? 1738 01:11:41,932 --> 01:11:44,935 "Twenty"? It's got, like, 200! What? Twenty? 1739 01:11:45,102 --> 01:11:47,229 Grand Lux Suite is on the top floor. 1740 01:11:47,396 --> 01:11:48,605 HUNTER: Go, go, go! Move! 1741 01:11:48,772 --> 01:11:49,773 Hurry, Lisa! 1742 01:11:50,232 --> 01:11:52,943 (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) 1743 01:12:50,751 --> 01:12:52,127 (SIGHS) 1744 01:12:52,211 --> 01:12:54,213 What am I doing here? 1745 01:13:08,268 --> 01:13:09,603 (DOOR OPENS) 1746 01:13:11,271 --> 01:13:12,356 (DOOR CLOSES) 1747 01:13:13,273 --> 01:13:14,816 Oh, my God! (GASPS) 1748 01:13:14,983 --> 01:13:16,860 Oh, my God, my favorite! 1749 01:13:17,611 --> 01:13:19,321 That's so sweet. (GASPS) 1750 01:13:19,404 --> 01:13:21,990 Oh, my God! This is a dream! (GASPS) 1751 01:13:22,157 --> 01:13:25,619 It's, like, perfect! That is so nice! You're so sweet. 1752 01:13:25,786 --> 01:13:28,830 It actually wasn't me. It was Kayla. 1753 01:13:28,997 --> 01:13:30,457 She wanted you to have the perfect night. 1754 01:13:30,624 --> 01:13:31,667 That's why it looks so good. 1755 01:13:31,833 --> 01:13:33,043 Well, 1756 01:13:33,210 --> 01:13:34,545 why do you look so good? 1757 01:13:34,628 --> 01:13:36,463 (CHUCKLES) You're such a dork. 1758 01:13:36,630 --> 01:13:38,215 I know. 1759 01:13:40,843 --> 01:13:42,094 Oh, my God! (GASPS) 1760 01:13:44,805 --> 01:13:45,848 (GIGGLES) 1761 01:13:46,932 --> 01:13:48,642 Not as smooth as I could have. 1762 01:13:53,063 --> 01:13:54,356 Let me get my shoes. 1763 01:13:58,610 --> 01:13:59,695 Kayla? 1764 01:13:59,778 --> 01:14:01,029 (CHEERING AND LAUGHTER STOPS) 1765 01:14:05,951 --> 01:14:07,411 Nobody move, where's Kayla? 1766 01:14:07,578 --> 01:14:08,579 Kayla? 1767 01:14:08,871 --> 01:14:09,872 Kayla? 1768 01:14:10,873 --> 01:14:12,958 Get that outta here. 1769 01:14:13,125 --> 01:14:14,501 -Um, how's this work? -No, just leave it. 1770 01:14:14,668 --> 01:14:16,211 -Okay, cool. Mmm-hmm. -It's difficult. 1771 01:14:19,339 --> 01:14:21,049 Play sports! 1772 01:14:27,806 --> 01:14:28,807 And that's that. 1773 01:14:28,891 --> 01:14:29,975 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 1774 01:14:30,058 --> 01:14:32,019 So, you sure you wanna do this? 1775 01:14:32,186 --> 01:14:33,187 Yeah. 1776 01:14:33,353 --> 01:14:34,730 Yes! Fuck, yeah. 1777 01:14:34,897 --> 01:14:36,648 You're gonna penis me. 1778 01:14:36,732 --> 01:14:37,733 Yeah. 1779 01:14:37,816 --> 01:14:39,359 First I'm gonna... 1780 01:14:39,526 --> 01:14:40,736 I'm just gonna touch it. 1781 01:14:40,903 --> 01:14:42,404 You wanna touch it? Yeah, you can touch it. 1782 01:14:42,571 --> 01:14:44,364 -Yeah, yeah, go for it. -Okay, just, like... 1783 01:14:44,656 --> 01:14:46,325 Oh! Wow! 1784 01:14:46,408 --> 01:14:50,454 Okay. That is like the greatest feeling I've ever had in my entire life. 1785 01:14:50,621 --> 01:14:51,955 -(SHUDDERS) -Really? 1786 01:14:52,331 --> 01:14:56,168 It doesn't just feel like a super-dry hand of a friend? 1787 01:14:56,335 --> 01:14:57,878 No. Nope. 1788 01:14:59,213 --> 01:15:00,756 Okay. So, 1789 01:15:01,548 --> 01:15:03,008 do you wanna 1790 01:15:04,510 --> 01:15:05,511 put it in? 1791 01:15:08,972 --> 01:15:09,973 No. 1792 01:15:10,474 --> 01:15:11,475 Okay. 1793 01:15:11,558 --> 01:15:12,893 -I can't. I'm sorry. -You know what? 1794 01:15:13,310 --> 01:15:15,437 Look, we don't... (SHOUTING) 1795 01:15:15,604 --> 01:15:17,105 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 1796 01:15:17,272 --> 01:15:18,857 -Holy shit! -Look at all of it. 1797 01:15:19,024 --> 01:15:20,901 Oh, my gosh! I gotta get over. 1798 01:15:21,401 --> 01:15:24,738 -Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -(LAUGHING) 1799 01:15:24,905 --> 01:15:27,449 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I just... 1800 01:15:27,616 --> 01:15:28,825 -It's okay. -I was thinking about it 1801 01:15:28,992 --> 01:15:30,744 and you, and then it just... 1802 01:15:30,911 --> 01:15:31,954 I'm sorry. 1803 01:15:32,037 --> 01:15:33,956 -(PANTING) -(CHUCKLES) 1804 01:15:35,624 --> 01:15:36,625 You're amazing. 1805 01:15:37,167 --> 01:15:38,669 I know we're still virgins, 1806 01:15:39,127 --> 01:15:41,213 but I feel different. You know? 1807 01:15:41,380 --> 01:15:42,422 Yeah. 1808 01:15:44,216 --> 01:15:45,717 I know. (SIGHS) 1809 01:15:48,220 --> 01:15:50,848 You ready to, uh, do this? 1810 01:15:52,057 --> 01:15:53,058 Wait. 1811 01:15:53,141 --> 01:15:54,560 Wait. Um... 1812 01:15:55,769 --> 01:15:58,230 Ah, shit. 1813 01:15:58,397 --> 01:15:59,565 Shit. 1814 01:16:02,109 --> 01:16:04,027 Maybe Julie was right. 1815 01:16:04,361 --> 01:16:05,571 Like, maybe 1816 01:16:05,737 --> 01:16:09,199 losing your virginity doesn't have to be perfect, but... 1817 01:16:09,366 --> 01:16:12,953 I feel like it should just be, like, a little bit more special than this. 1818 01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:14,621 -Yeah. -Like, not cheesy, but... 1819 01:16:15,163 --> 01:16:17,040 Like, if I was hard-pressed right now, 1820 01:16:17,207 --> 01:16:19,710 I don't think I could remember your last name. 1821 01:16:19,877 --> 01:16:20,878 -It's Aldrich. -Aldrich! 1822 01:16:21,461 --> 01:16:22,754 I thought it was Ostrich. 1823 01:16:22,921 --> 01:16:26,300 I didn't realize that you're a virgin. You know? 1824 01:16:26,466 --> 01:16:27,467 Yeah. 1825 01:16:27,968 --> 01:16:31,388 Um, but, like, I'd still be down to do it 1826 01:16:31,555 --> 01:16:32,931 but maybe, like, you know, 1827 01:16:33,098 --> 01:16:34,725 when we get to know each other a little more. 1828 01:16:34,892 --> 01:16:37,269 Like, maybe Monday or something? 1829 01:16:37,352 --> 01:16:38,353 Yeah. 1830 01:16:38,437 --> 01:16:39,438 Not to, like, plan it and be weird. 1831 01:16:39,605 --> 01:16:41,690 No, no, I can look at my schedule and see if it's... 1832 01:16:41,773 --> 01:16:42,774 -Okay. -(BOTH LAUGHING) 1833 01:16:42,858 --> 01:16:44,359 Pencil it in. 1834 01:16:45,277 --> 01:16:46,945 -Um, yeah, that's cool. -Okay, cool. 1835 01:16:47,112 --> 01:16:50,157 Let's just relax. We could do some light journaling or something. 1836 01:16:50,365 --> 01:16:53,452 Yeah, yeah, we could do that. 1837 01:16:54,203 --> 01:16:58,540 Or we could do, like, other stuff. 1838 01:16:58,707 --> 01:17:00,042 Yeah, like what? 1839 01:17:00,209 --> 01:17:01,710 Like... 1840 01:17:02,419 --> 01:17:04,630 Not sex, but... (SIGHS) 1841 01:17:06,006 --> 01:17:09,468 I'm still down for pleasure. 1842 01:17:09,551 --> 01:17:10,802 (CHUCKLES) 1843 01:17:16,558 --> 01:17:17,976 You got this. 1844 01:17:18,143 --> 01:17:20,646 Hey, guys, what's up? Anyone seen Sam? 1845 01:17:20,812 --> 01:17:22,397 Anyone seen Sam? 1846 01:17:27,694 --> 01:17:28,820 Chad! 1847 01:17:34,159 --> 01:17:35,244 (GROANS) 1848 01:17:35,327 --> 01:17:36,370 Oh, Jesus! 1849 01:17:36,453 --> 01:17:37,871 (BOTH GROANING) 1850 01:17:38,497 --> 01:17:39,957 What the... 1851 01:17:40,040 --> 01:17:41,041 You again? 1852 01:17:41,124 --> 01:17:42,292 -You? -What the fuck? 1853 01:17:42,459 --> 01:17:43,794 What's your beef with me, dude? 1854 01:17:43,961 --> 01:17:45,128 I don't know who the fuck you are! 1855 01:17:45,295 --> 01:17:47,130 I'm Jake motherfucking Donahue! 1856 01:17:47,297 --> 01:17:49,132 That name means nothing to me! 1857 01:17:49,299 --> 01:17:52,678 Do you know what it's like to be humiliated in front of everyone you know 1858 01:17:52,845 --> 01:17:54,638 and have to seek redemption for that? 1859 01:17:56,181 --> 01:17:57,724 Actually, yes, I do! 1860 01:17:57,891 --> 01:17:59,309 Kayla? 1861 01:17:59,476 --> 01:18:00,894 Kayla? 1862 01:18:01,061 --> 01:18:02,521 Kayla? 1863 01:18:02,688 --> 01:18:04,898 Get the hell away from my daughter, you little piece of shit! 1864 01:18:05,065 --> 01:18:06,441 -Dad, what the... -(SHRIEKING) 1865 01:18:07,276 --> 01:18:08,277 KAYLA: Oh, my God! 1866 01:18:08,360 --> 01:18:09,862 Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he? 1867 01:18:10,028 --> 01:18:11,363 What? No, he didn't hurt me. 1868 01:18:11,530 --> 01:18:13,407 Holy shit! Connor? 1869 01:18:13,574 --> 01:18:15,158 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 1870 01:18:15,325 --> 01:18:16,785 I'm actually totally fine. 1871 01:18:17,327 --> 01:18:18,328 Connor, I'm so sorry. 1872 01:18:18,412 --> 01:18:20,622 -Are you okay, though? Are you sure? -Yeah. 1873 01:18:21,248 --> 01:18:22,624 Dad! What the... 1874 01:18:22,791 --> 01:18:23,792 What are you doing here? 1875 01:18:23,876 --> 01:18:25,210 I've been following you around all night! 1876 01:18:25,294 --> 01:18:26,295 Are you ser... Oh, my God! 1877 01:18:26,378 --> 01:18:27,504 You've been following me? 1878 01:18:27,671 --> 01:18:29,173 -Are you crazy? -You gave me no choice! 1879 01:18:29,339 --> 01:18:30,465 You're in over your head with this kid. 1880 01:18:30,632 --> 01:18:33,260 I am not some pathetic damsel in distress that needs saving. 1881 01:18:33,427 --> 01:18:34,595 -I can handle myself. -No, you can't. 1882 01:18:34,761 --> 01:18:36,263 -Yes, I can! -No, you can't! 1883 01:18:36,430 --> 01:18:37,806 -Yes, I can! -Kayla, 1884 01:18:38,182 --> 01:18:41,101 you can't. And that's why I'm here. 1885 01:18:41,310 --> 01:18:42,311 It's my job. 1886 01:18:44,104 --> 01:18:45,189 Oh. 1887 01:18:45,814 --> 01:18:50,360 Yeah, so you just don't think I can make my own decisions and handle myself. 1888 01:18:51,737 --> 01:18:53,697 That really fucking sucks. 1889 01:18:56,825 --> 01:18:58,952 (SIGHS) Kayla... 1890 01:18:59,995 --> 01:19:02,623 Kayla, I'm just trying to figure this thing out. 1891 01:19:03,373 --> 01:19:05,667 God! Why is sex even bad? 1892 01:19:05,751 --> 01:19:06,835 (SIGHS) 1893 01:19:08,503 --> 01:19:10,005 (SIGHS) 1894 01:19:10,797 --> 01:19:12,549 I don't know. I don't know. It's not... You know, it's... 1895 01:19:15,093 --> 01:19:16,595 I don't know. 1896 01:19:17,596 --> 01:19:18,931 I'm... 1897 01:19:19,848 --> 01:19:22,434 I'm just trying to be the best dad I can be. 1898 01:19:22,601 --> 01:19:25,020 Well, you are. 1899 01:19:25,896 --> 01:19:28,190 You taught me everything. 1900 01:19:28,440 --> 01:19:31,026 You built me up. 1901 01:19:31,193 --> 01:19:33,487 Made me strong. 1902 01:19:33,654 --> 01:19:36,615 You made me into who I am. Like, that's... 1903 01:19:36,698 --> 01:19:37,950 (CHUCKLES) 1904 01:19:38,116 --> 01:19:41,119 You did not have to save me tonight, Dad. 1905 01:19:41,286 --> 01:19:44,748 You taught me how to do that a long time ago. 1906 01:19:46,750 --> 01:19:48,085 And I love you for it. 1907 01:19:50,546 --> 01:19:52,548 You're the best coach ever. (CHUCKLES) 1908 01:19:57,886 --> 01:20:00,013 Thank you. (SNIFFLING) Thank you. 1909 01:20:00,597 --> 01:20:02,099 Oh, Dad, come on. 1910 01:20:03,308 --> 01:20:04,852 Come on, toughen up. 1911 01:20:06,562 --> 01:20:08,146 It was just really nice, what you said. 1912 01:20:09,189 --> 01:20:11,191 -It's good. It's good. -I mean it. 1913 01:20:12,025 --> 01:20:13,777 Thanks, I feel like... 1914 01:20:13,944 --> 01:20:17,990 Like Phil Jackson when he was coaching the Bulls... 1915 01:20:18,156 --> 01:20:21,785 And then they were so good. 1916 01:20:21,869 --> 01:20:23,370 -(CHUCKLES) -(SNIFFLES) 1917 01:20:23,453 --> 01:20:24,997 -That's how I feel right now. -Yeah. 1918 01:20:25,747 --> 01:20:27,833 AUSTIN: Uh, I should've taken my socks off first. 1919 01:20:28,083 --> 01:20:29,543 (KIDS LAUGHING) 1920 01:20:31,086 --> 01:20:34,006 I'm just warning you, I've practiced a few times but this might not go that well. 1921 01:20:34,173 --> 01:20:35,215 That doesn't look right. 1922 01:20:35,382 --> 01:20:36,633 -Yeah, all right. -I think you need another one. 1923 01:20:36,758 --> 01:20:37,759 AUSTIN: I think we need another one, too. 1924 01:20:37,843 --> 01:20:38,886 JULIE: Wait, wait. 1925 01:20:39,052 --> 01:20:40,554 We have to do our dance. 1926 01:20:40,721 --> 01:20:42,347 -We have to... Yeah, yeah. -What, now? 1927 01:20:42,431 --> 01:20:43,432 Naked? 1928 01:20:43,515 --> 01:20:45,434 No, get me one of those, um, hotel robes. 1929 01:20:45,601 --> 01:20:46,768 I wanna feel fabulous. 1930 01:20:46,935 --> 01:20:47,936 (LAUGHS) Okay. 1931 01:20:48,312 --> 01:20:49,479 Coming right up, my lady. 1932 01:20:53,358 --> 01:20:55,319 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS) 1933 01:21:01,200 --> 01:21:02,534 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 1934 01:21:05,204 --> 01:21:07,956 AUSTIN: We're gonna christen every corner of this room. 1935 01:21:08,123 --> 01:21:09,124 And when we're done, 1936 01:21:09,708 --> 01:21:11,043 let's FaceTime my parents. 1937 01:21:11,210 --> 01:21:14,880 JULIE: Okay, but right now, I want you to stare into my eyes. 1938 01:21:15,047 --> 01:21:16,089 AUSTIN: What? 1939 01:21:16,465 --> 01:21:19,635 JULIE: Mmm-hmm. I just want, like, a real connection. 1940 01:21:19,801 --> 01:21:21,637 AUSTIN: So you just want me to look straight into your eyes 1941 01:21:21,803 --> 01:21:23,472 for the next three minutes and 37 seconds? 1942 01:21:23,555 --> 01:21:24,556 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 1943 01:21:33,649 --> 01:21:34,650 Look at me. 1944 01:21:47,496 --> 01:21:49,623 -(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -(THUDS) 1945 01:21:54,795 --> 01:21:56,547 -(CRACKLING) -(MOANS) 1946 01:21:57,965 --> 01:21:59,132 (GASPS) 1947 01:22:37,838 --> 01:22:38,922 (SIGHS) 1948 01:22:49,099 --> 01:22:50,475 (KNOCKS ON DOOR) 1949 01:22:51,351 --> 01:22:52,352 -(EXCLAIMS) Dad? -Where is he? 1950 01:22:52,436 --> 01:22:53,437 What are you doing here? 1951 01:22:53,520 --> 01:22:54,563 Chad? 1952 01:22:54,646 --> 01:22:56,190 Hey, Chad, you motherfucker. 1953 01:22:56,356 --> 01:22:58,483 Oh, my God, are you kidding me? 1954 01:22:58,650 --> 01:23:00,068 Did he make you do something you don’t wanna do? 1955 01:23:00,235 --> 01:23:02,654 'Cause I don’t care if he's the fucking coolest kid in school. 1956 01:23:02,821 --> 01:23:06,575 I'm gonna shove his fedora so far up his ass, it'll be a hat. 1957 01:23:06,742 --> 01:23:09,411 No, Dad, we didn't do it. 1958 01:23:09,578 --> 01:23:13,957 All right? And even if we did, it would be none of your business. 1959 01:23:17,753 --> 01:23:20,464 It's just, I was worried about you. (SIGHS) 1960 01:23:20,797 --> 01:23:21,840 Well, that's a first. 1961 01:23:23,258 --> 01:23:24,259 I deserve that. 1962 01:23:25,594 --> 01:23:27,846 (SIGHS) Sam, I gotta tell you something and I'm just gonna say it. 1963 01:23:31,642 --> 01:23:32,893 (SIGHS) 1964 01:23:34,686 --> 01:23:35,854 (SIGHS) 1965 01:23:37,648 --> 01:23:40,234 Sam, I have realized 1966 01:23:40,442 --> 01:23:42,778 over the last few years 1967 01:23:44,196 --> 01:23:46,240 that I've made a big mistake in my life. 1968 01:23:47,199 --> 01:23:48,534 What, like cheating on my mom? 1969 01:23:49,743 --> 01:23:51,495 Well, no. Marrying your mom. 1970 01:23:51,787 --> 01:23:53,872 But, no, that wasn't a mistake, 1971 01:23:54,039 --> 01:23:56,166 because then I wouldn't have had you. Uh... 1972 01:23:57,376 --> 01:24:01,505 I've made lots of mistakes, but the big mistake 1973 01:24:03,131 --> 01:24:07,761 is that I let what happened between your mom and I 1974 01:24:08,804 --> 01:24:11,390 get in the way of our relationship. 1975 01:24:15,727 --> 01:24:16,728 I'm sorry. 1976 01:24:18,146 --> 01:24:19,439 And I hope that 1977 01:24:19,606 --> 01:24:21,650 we can start over and 1978 01:24:22,818 --> 01:24:25,320 build up our relationship again because 1979 01:24:26,280 --> 01:24:28,448 you're my only kid. 1980 01:24:29,992 --> 01:24:31,159 And I'm your only dad. 1981 01:24:31,702 --> 01:24:33,829 -Well, Frank is... -Fuck Frank. 1982 01:24:33,912 --> 01:24:35,330 (CHUCKLES) 1983 01:24:38,041 --> 01:24:39,459 Frank's fine. 1984 01:24:40,252 --> 01:24:41,837 Dad, 1985 01:24:42,212 --> 01:24:43,422 can I tell you something now? 1986 01:24:43,589 --> 01:24:45,924 Yes. Yes, yes, yes, anything. 1987 01:24:46,800 --> 01:24:48,010 I'm a lesbian. 1988 01:24:58,145 --> 01:24:59,521 What does your mom think? 1989 01:24:59,688 --> 01:25:00,731 She doesn't know. 1990 01:25:05,944 --> 01:25:07,487 You told me before you told your mom? 1991 01:25:07,654 --> 01:25:08,697 Yeah. 1992 01:25:08,864 --> 01:25:09,948 (VOICE BREAKING) That's big news. 1993 01:25:10,407 --> 01:25:11,783 She doesn’t know? 1994 01:25:12,659 --> 01:25:14,244 -You didn’t tell Frank? -No. 1995 01:25:14,411 --> 01:25:16,622 (SOBBING) 1996 01:25:24,213 --> 01:25:25,964 Ah. (SNIFFLES) 1997 01:25:26,089 --> 01:25:28,509 Okay. Over. Crying is over. 1998 01:25:29,801 --> 01:25:30,886 What do your girlfriends think? 1999 01:25:31,053 --> 01:25:32,804 No, I'm too nervous, I can't tell them. 2000 01:25:33,096 --> 01:25:35,474 You're nervous to tell Kayla and Julie? 2001 01:25:36,391 --> 01:25:38,268 I don’t wanna lose my two best friends. 2002 01:25:38,435 --> 01:25:40,562 This is the stuff you tell the people you care about. 2003 01:25:41,104 --> 01:25:43,565 You think they're not gonna support you because you're gay? 2004 01:25:43,732 --> 01:25:46,944 They would support you if you were a vampire. 2005 01:25:47,110 --> 01:25:49,154 They would support you more. 2006 01:25:49,238 --> 01:25:51,073 -With all the Twilight shit. -(GIGGLING) 2007 01:25:51,156 --> 01:25:52,491 Do we still like Twilight? 2008 01:25:52,658 --> 01:25:53,659 Definitely not. 2009 01:25:53,742 --> 01:25:54,993 No, no. 2010 01:25:55,077 --> 01:25:56,537 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 2011 01:25:56,620 --> 01:25:57,621 Oh, God. 2012 01:25:59,164 --> 01:26:00,791 Thanks for showing up. 2013 01:26:01,667 --> 01:26:04,795 Really. But you should probably leave 2014 01:26:04,962 --> 01:26:08,841 because it's insane that you even came here in the first place. 2015 01:26:10,467 --> 01:26:11,844 I'd love to get a picture with you. 2016 01:26:12,344 --> 01:26:13,470 Yeah. 2017 01:26:13,637 --> 01:26:15,305 Great. Okay. 2018 01:26:15,764 --> 01:26:16,974 Just gonna stand on this. 2019 01:26:17,140 --> 01:26:19,184 Yeah, you know the drill. Come on. 2020 01:26:19,351 --> 01:26:21,144 Come on. Here we go. 2021 01:26:21,436 --> 01:26:23,730 Gotta turn it around here. 2022 01:26:26,859 --> 01:26:29,111 Dad, you're not taking it. 2023 01:26:31,613 --> 01:26:33,031 What? 2024 01:26:34,116 --> 01:26:36,451 I'll remember this. 2025 01:26:36,910 --> 01:26:38,078 Come on. 2026 01:26:38,245 --> 01:26:39,746 Oh, my God! 2027 01:26:40,414 --> 01:26:41,456 What's up, dawg? 2028 01:26:41,540 --> 01:26:46,295 So, I just, uh, parented the shit outta Sam. 2029 01:26:46,962 --> 01:26:48,088 And I feel, uh... 2030 01:26:48,714 --> 01:26:50,424 Oh, God, like, uh, 2031 01:26:50,757 --> 01:26:52,509 -pride, I think? -That's it. 2032 01:26:52,676 --> 01:26:53,677 It's new. 2033 01:26:54,428 --> 01:26:55,929 -Good for you, man. -Thanks. 2034 01:26:56,096 --> 01:26:57,347 -Well done, my friend. -Thank you. 2035 01:26:57,472 --> 01:26:58,473 Well done. 2036 01:26:58,557 --> 01:27:00,017 How'd it go with Kayla? 2037 01:27:00,684 --> 01:27:01,685 Put Connor through a wall. 2038 01:27:02,436 --> 01:27:03,478 Are you serious? 2039 01:27:03,562 --> 01:27:05,147 (LAUGHS) Yeah. He's okay. 2040 01:27:05,314 --> 01:27:07,191 Yeah, he's lighter than I thought. 2041 01:27:08,066 --> 01:27:09,443 Hey. 2042 01:27:09,610 --> 01:27:10,611 Hi. 2043 01:27:10,777 --> 01:27:12,321 So, Julie's, um... 2044 01:27:13,113 --> 01:27:14,740 Julie's having sex right now. 2045 01:27:14,907 --> 01:27:17,159 -Okay. And sit down. -Wowee. 2046 01:27:17,326 --> 01:27:18,577 Yeah. 2047 01:27:18,744 --> 01:27:19,745 But it's good. 2048 01:27:19,912 --> 01:27:22,539 It's fine, right? I mean, you have to do that eventually. 2049 01:27:22,706 --> 01:27:23,707 Right? 2050 01:27:23,790 --> 01:27:25,209 -Are you good? -Yeah. 2051 01:27:25,375 --> 01:27:28,629 They seem like they really like each other and that's nice. That's a good thing, 2052 01:27:28,795 --> 01:27:31,340 but it's just a little, you know, scary, 2053 01:27:31,507 --> 01:27:35,385 because what if he doesn’t know how to do it right? You know, like, 2054 01:27:35,552 --> 01:27:37,221 what if he doesn’t know where to put it. 2055 01:27:37,387 --> 01:27:39,014 But he knows, right? Should I go back up there? 2056 01:27:39,181 --> 01:27:40,849 -No! No, no, no, no. -No, he'll figure it out. 2057 01:27:41,016 --> 01:27:42,017 It's one or the other. 2058 01:27:42,351 --> 01:27:43,894 Nope. Stay right here. 2059 01:27:44,937 --> 01:27:46,480 Do you wanna have a drink right now? 2060 01:27:48,148 --> 01:27:49,441 Like, hang out? 2061 01:27:49,608 --> 01:27:50,609 Yeah. 2062 01:27:51,360 --> 01:27:52,736 Yes, I do. 2063 01:27:52,903 --> 01:27:54,947 I'm in. I'm definitely in. 2064 01:27:55,656 --> 01:27:57,658 Um, we will be having some shots of alcohol, please. 2065 01:27:57,741 --> 01:27:58,742 Yes, we will. 2066 01:27:58,825 --> 01:27:59,952 This is crazy. 2067 01:28:00,035 --> 01:28:01,537 (ALL LAUGHING) 2068 01:28:01,620 --> 01:28:02,746 Well, I'm gonna, uh... 2069 01:28:03,664 --> 01:28:06,583 I'll let you guys have your fun, and I will, uh... 2070 01:28:07,084 --> 01:28:09,127 I'm... I'm gonna see you guys around. 2071 01:28:14,633 --> 01:28:15,634 Hey! 2072 01:28:17,719 --> 01:28:18,720 You, too. 2073 01:28:20,722 --> 01:28:21,723 Yeah. 2074 01:28:22,474 --> 01:28:23,767 Right! 2075 01:28:23,934 --> 01:28:25,269 Fuck, yeah! 2076 01:28:25,435 --> 01:28:26,645 Piña colada. 2077 01:28:26,812 --> 01:28:28,313 -(LAUGHS) -Just get him a shot. 2078 01:28:30,023 --> 01:28:31,400 Cheers! 2079 01:28:31,483 --> 01:28:32,484 What a night, guys. 2080 01:28:32,568 --> 01:28:33,777 That's beautiful. 2081 01:28:36,905 --> 01:28:41,451 So, I don't think the kid at the lake house was actually butt-chugging. 2082 01:28:41,618 --> 01:28:42,619 -Definitely. -Yeah. 2083 01:28:42,786 --> 01:28:43,996 -What? -Yeah. 2084 01:28:44,162 --> 01:28:46,540 And so he threw me through a table... 2085 01:28:46,707 --> 01:28:48,917 KAYLA: I'm so sorry. CONNOR: No, it was cool. 2086 01:28:49,084 --> 01:28:50,836 -I kinda feel fine. It's cool. -All right, see you. 2087 01:28:51,003 --> 01:28:52,045 See you. 2088 01:28:52,129 --> 01:28:53,130 CONNOR: Hey, guys. 2089 01:28:53,213 --> 01:28:55,591 -Austin, uh, let's go get a drink, man. -AUSTIN: Yeah, sure. 2090 01:28:55,924 --> 01:28:56,925 KAYLA: Want a fry? 2091 01:28:57,009 --> 01:28:58,260 So badly. (LAUGHS) 2092 01:29:00,596 --> 01:29:02,306 Can I have a fry, too? 2093 01:29:02,723 --> 01:29:04,266 -Yeah! -Yes. (LAUGHS) 2094 01:29:05,267 --> 01:29:06,602 So? 2095 01:29:07,644 --> 01:29:09,438 I couldn't go through with it. 2096 01:29:09,605 --> 01:29:12,316 Yeah, I didn't. No. 2097 01:29:13,358 --> 01:29:15,569 -(SAM GASPS) -(GIGGLING) 2098 01:29:16,111 --> 01:29:17,571 Holy shit. 2099 01:29:17,738 --> 01:29:18,989 You're a woman amongst girls. 2100 01:29:19,156 --> 01:29:20,949 -Julie! -Congratu-fuck-ulations. 2101 01:29:21,116 --> 01:29:22,159 -Thank you. -How was it? 2102 01:29:22,242 --> 01:29:23,243 Honestly, 2103 01:29:23,327 --> 01:29:26,705 it was a little painful, kinda fast, and kinda awkward... 2104 01:29:27,247 --> 01:29:28,332 But absolutely perfect. 2105 01:29:28,665 --> 01:29:29,791 (GIGGLES) Aw! 2106 01:29:29,875 --> 01:29:31,084 (GIRLS LAUGHING) 2107 01:29:31,168 --> 01:29:34,004 You guys, so much went down tonight. 2108 01:29:34,171 --> 01:29:35,172 -SAM: I know. -Including... 2109 01:29:36,131 --> 01:29:37,132 Connor! 2110 01:29:37,299 --> 01:29:39,218 -No! -Let's just say... 2111 01:29:39,301 --> 01:29:43,055 -The Chef went out to eat my pussy. -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 2112 01:29:43,138 --> 01:29:44,306 (GIRLS GIGGLING) 2113 01:29:44,389 --> 01:29:45,682 It was good. 2114 01:29:45,766 --> 01:29:49,061 -CHAD: (IMITATES PARTY HORN) DJ Chad. -Is that Chad? 2115 01:29:49,228 --> 01:29:50,354 -That's Chad. -That's Chad. 2116 01:29:50,521 --> 01:29:51,813 Chad! 2117 01:29:51,980 --> 01:29:53,690 -CHAD: (SINGING) Scream my name -Yes, Chad! 2118 01:29:53,774 --> 01:29:54,816 Fuck yeah, Chad! 2119 01:29:54,900 --> 01:29:55,943 I love me 2120 01:29:56,109 --> 01:29:58,946 Gonna love myself No, I don't need anybody else 2121 01:29:59,029 --> 01:30:00,030 Hey 2122 01:30:00,113 --> 01:30:02,533 Gonna love myself No, I don't need anybody else 2123 01:30:02,616 --> 01:30:03,659 I love me... 2124 01:30:04,952 --> 01:30:07,287 (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING) 2125 01:30:10,749 --> 01:30:12,000 Guys, I gotta tell you something. 2126 01:30:12,167 --> 01:30:13,168 Okay. 2127 01:30:13,335 --> 01:30:15,379 (WHISPERING INAUDIBLY) 2128 01:30:17,339 --> 01:30:18,340 Really? 2129 01:30:18,423 --> 01:30:19,591 -Yeah. -Wait, you are? 2130 01:30:20,217 --> 01:30:21,385 Yeah. 2131 01:30:22,010 --> 01:30:24,012 I love you. Forever. 2132 01:30:25,097 --> 01:30:26,265 And you, too. 2133 01:30:26,473 --> 01:30:28,016 Oh, my God! 2134 01:30:28,141 --> 01:30:29,142 I love you. 2135 01:30:29,226 --> 01:30:30,227 KAYLA: Sam! 2136 01:30:30,310 --> 01:30:31,436 Excuse me. 2137 01:30:31,603 --> 01:30:32,729 I can’t believe you didn't tell us! 2138 01:30:32,896 --> 01:30:34,106 -Yay! -(GASPS) 2139 01:30:34,189 --> 01:30:35,357 -Ta-da-da-da! -Aw. 2140 01:30:38,569 --> 01:30:39,570 -Oh, hey! -Hey. 2141 01:30:39,736 --> 01:30:41,071 -Hey! -Hi. 2142 01:30:41,864 --> 01:30:42,906 Oh. 2143 01:30:42,990 --> 01:30:45,868 Uh, Julie, I think we got something over here. 2144 01:30:48,036 --> 01:30:49,162 Dope cape. 2145 01:30:52,165 --> 01:30:55,919 I'm not misreading things. 2146 01:31:20,611 --> 01:31:22,946 So you'll call me every day till you get to L.A., right? 2147 01:31:23,113 --> 01:31:24,823 Yeah, and then, like, every day after that. 2148 01:31:24,990 --> 01:31:27,034 -Okay. -I'm gonna miss you so much. 2149 01:31:27,367 --> 01:31:28,911 You're gonna be okay, though. 2150 01:31:29,286 --> 01:31:30,287 Are you gonna be okay? 2151 01:31:30,370 --> 01:31:33,790 Yeah, I'm fine. It's the weirdest thing because 2152 01:31:33,957 --> 01:31:38,629 I have been worried about this day for 18 years. 2153 01:31:38,795 --> 01:31:40,297 And then 2154 01:31:40,464 --> 01:31:44,218 I wake up this morning and... (EXHALES) Nothing. 2155 01:31:44,384 --> 01:31:48,096 Like, I don't feel emotional at all. I just feel like... 2156 01:31:48,263 --> 01:31:51,558 It's so bizarre. What is that? 2157 01:31:51,725 --> 01:31:53,477 -It's, like, splashing on me. -I know. 2158 01:31:53,644 --> 01:31:55,437 -Isn't that so strange? -Yeah. 2159 01:31:57,105 --> 01:31:58,357 (CHUCKLES) 2160 01:31:58,440 --> 01:31:59,566 I love you, Mom. 2161 01:32:00,359 --> 01:32:01,652 I love you. 2162 01:32:03,028 --> 01:32:04,071 (EXCLAIMS) 2163 01:32:04,154 --> 01:32:05,531 No, I have money. Like... 2164 01:32:05,697 --> 01:32:07,574 Lisa, tell him I can afford... Mmm. 2165 01:32:08,075 --> 01:32:09,826 Sorry, sorry. 2166 01:32:09,993 --> 01:32:11,870 -KAYLA: All right, come on. -(HORN HONKING) 2167 01:32:12,037 --> 01:32:14,164 -Let's get this road trip started! -(BOTH CHEERING) 2168 01:32:14,331 --> 01:32:15,374 I love you. 2169 01:32:16,750 --> 01:32:17,834 Okay. 2170 01:32:18,001 --> 01:32:20,003 Hold on. Let me take a video. 2171 01:32:24,091 --> 01:32:25,759 (SHRIEKS, GIGGLES) 2172 01:32:30,389 --> 01:32:32,266 -I love you. -LISA: I love you. 2173 01:32:32,432 --> 01:32:33,976 Bye, Mom. 2174 01:32:34,852 --> 01:32:36,061 -HUNTER: I love you. Muah. -SAM: Okay, bye. 2175 01:32:36,144 --> 01:32:38,105 -KAYLA: See ya. -Drop Julie off in Cali 2176 01:32:38,272 --> 01:32:40,107 and then you and Kayla come right back home, and text, please. 2177 01:32:40,274 --> 01:32:41,817 -That's a big maybe. -HUNTER: Please. 2178 01:32:41,984 --> 01:32:43,610 Hey, take care of my mom, you two. Okay? 2179 01:32:43,777 --> 01:32:45,070 HUNTER: We will. All right. CONNOR: Later, big guy. 2180 01:32:45,153 --> 01:32:46,154 I'm going to college! 2181 01:32:46,238 --> 01:32:48,365 HUNTER: Drive careful, young man. That's precious cargo. 2182 01:32:48,448 --> 01:32:50,325 -(GIRLS SHRIEKING) -SAM: I love you! 2183 01:32:51,535 --> 01:32:52,536 Aww. 2184 01:32:52,619 --> 01:32:53,620 -Come on. -Guys. 2185 01:32:53,704 --> 01:32:55,205 -Come on. We did it. -LISA: We did it. 2186 01:32:56,248 --> 01:32:57,958 -We did it. We parented. -(BOTH SIGHING) 2187 01:32:58,125 --> 01:32:59,793 -We did it. -We did it. 2188 01:33:01,211 --> 01:33:02,421 (PHONE CHIMING) 2189 01:33:02,713 --> 01:33:04,548 Oop! It's Julie. 2190 01:33:04,715 --> 01:33:08,510 Oh, I must have been accidentally added to the group conversation. 2191 01:33:08,677 --> 01:33:10,345 Oh, well, should probably leave. 2192 01:33:10,512 --> 01:33:12,306 "Can't believe we're on our own now." (LAUGHS) 2193 01:33:12,389 --> 01:33:13,599 -Aw, that's sweet. -Yeah. 2194 01:33:13,682 --> 01:33:15,225 "We're gonna get lit af." 2195 01:33:16,018 --> 01:33:18,729 "Lit AF." That's not great. 2196 01:33:18,896 --> 01:33:21,481 No, that's... They're gonna get literature. African literature. 2197 01:33:21,648 --> 01:33:22,774 You think that's what "lit AF" means? You think 2198 01:33:22,858 --> 01:33:23,859 -they're talking to each other about... -Lit AF. 2199 01:33:23,942 --> 01:33:25,861 "Can The Chef get us..." 2200 01:33:26,195 --> 01:33:27,196 MITCHELL: Trees? What the hell's trees? 2201 01:33:27,362 --> 01:33:29,323 HUNTER: Trees mean weed, I told you that. Mushrooms. Pills. 2202 01:33:29,489 --> 01:33:31,658 No, the pills are Kayla's allergy. That's Claritin. 2203 01:33:31,825 --> 01:33:33,952 It's not Claritin. Look, snowflakes. That's blow. 2204 01:33:34,119 --> 01:33:36,747 "Hashtag, no parents, no rules. Hashtag, mad drugs. 2205 01:33:36,914 --> 01:33:39,458 (EXCLAIMS) "Hashtag, no condoms"? 2206 01:33:39,750 --> 01:33:40,918 Why would they hashtag that? 2207 01:33:41,084 --> 01:33:43,170 Wait, is that a needle and an eggplant? 2208 01:33:43,670 --> 01:33:46,423 What, are they gonna inject heroin into some guy's dick? 2209 01:33:46,507 --> 01:33:47,508 -Let's go. -Let's get in the car. 2210 01:33:47,591 --> 01:33:49,009 -I'll drive. -I'm sitting behind you. 2211 01:33:49,092 --> 01:33:50,969 -(PHONE CHIMING) -Wait, wait, wait! 2212 01:33:51,136 --> 01:33:53,138 VOICE: (HIGH-PITCHED) We're just messing with you! Ha-ha! 2213 01:33:54,515 --> 01:33:56,433 "We love you guys, don't worry." 2214 01:33:56,517 --> 01:33:57,726 (ALL LAUGHING) 2215 01:33:57,809 --> 01:34:00,812 You guys were so pranked! I was in on it. 2216 01:34:00,896 --> 01:34:01,897 You didn't know. 2217 01:34:01,980 --> 01:34:03,065 No, no, I did. I didn't know it was coming right now. 2218 01:34:03,232 --> 01:34:04,274 That's why I kinda sold it so well. 2219 01:34:04,441 --> 01:34:06,151 But it doesn't matter. You guys were like... 2220 01:34:06,318 --> 01:34:07,778 "Holy shit!" 2221 01:34:08,195 --> 01:34:09,488 -Yeah. -(SIGHS) 2222 01:34:21,583 --> 01:34:23,794 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS) 2223 01:34:27,798 --> 01:34:29,091 Damn it, Mitchell! 2224 01:34:29,633 --> 01:34:30,634 Marco? 2225 01:34:32,010 --> 01:34:33,011 Polo. 2226 01:34:34,638 --> 01:34:36,640 Mitchell, are you getting a snack? 2227 01:34:38,433 --> 01:34:41,478 I'm so glad we can do stuff like this now that Kayla's in college. 2228 01:34:41,645 --> 01:34:43,856 (LAUGHS) I have no idea where you are. 2229 01:34:44,064 --> 01:34:46,859 I'm gonna do so much stuff to you when I find you. 2230 01:34:46,942 --> 01:34:48,402 Oh. Oh. 2231 01:34:48,485 --> 01:34:49,570 -Marco. -Polo. 2232 01:34:49,862 --> 01:34:50,988 -Ah! Ah! (EXCLAIMS) -Polo! 2233 01:34:51,154 --> 01:34:52,447 I can't believe it, it took you forever! 2234 01:34:52,614 --> 01:34:54,449 I spent so much time on the stairs! 2235 01:34:54,616 --> 01:34:56,368 -We're doing this. I know. -We're, like, totally doing it. 2236 01:34:56,535 --> 01:34:58,287 -Let's just get crazy. I don't know! -It's hot. Whoo! 2237 01:34:58,704 --> 01:35:01,790 I want you to grab my balls, like Ron likes it, like hard. 2238 01:35:01,874 --> 01:35:02,916 (SHRIEKS) 2239 01:35:03,000 --> 01:35:04,543 (BOTH SHRIEKING)