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- [Pop music playing]
- [Chatter]
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00:00:13,570 --> 00:00:15,620
- [Knocking on door]
- Holy shit.
3
00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:17,530
- Uh...
- What the fuck is that?
4
00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:20,740
Uh, that is Jared Dunn.
5
00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:25,160
He works for Gavin Belson.
6
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Hey. Sorry if I scared you.
7
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I know I have somewhat ghost-like features.
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My Uncle used to say,
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00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:34,759
"You look like someone
starved a virgin to death."
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It's... yeah. I can see it.
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[Both mumble]
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I heard you were having a launch party.
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- Yeah.
- Am I early?
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No.
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Well then, a gift of congratulations.
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Now, if Gavin sent you here,
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you should know that I've turned him down.
18
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I'm going with Peter Gregory.
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I'm actually picking up my check tomorrow.
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So I've made my decision.
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That's not why I'm here.
It's just... [sighs]
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Watching you say no to ten million
dollars to build your own thing,
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there's just something
very exciting about that.
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Whoa. Whoa, whoa! What is he doing here?
25
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Hey, this is a private party, buddy.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
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- Oh, I didn't mean to...
- You know, in the state of California
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you can kill a man for entering
your house without permission.
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Ok. I understand. Uh, thank you.
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Richard, I just wanna say, I really
respect what you're doing here.
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And if you could ever use someone with
my business development skill set,
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I would love to be a part of this.
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The fuck you will be.
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We'll call you when we want pleated khakis.
34
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You know this is a fucking domestic?
35
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,620
Why... why were you so mean to him?
36
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He wasn't spying on us.
He just said he likes us.
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- He wants to join the company.
- Of course he does, Richard.
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Let me explain something to you.
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Your whole life you've been an ugly chick
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but now suddenly you're a hot chick,
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with big tits and small nipples.
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So guys like that are
gonna keep coming around.
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Don't be a slut, Richard.
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- I don't...
- [Doorbell rings]
45
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Now speaking of such things,
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Dinesh, change the lighting
to something erotic
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because it's about to get
pretty fucking erotic in here.
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License to kill-9. IB action-dot-erotica.
49
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,690
Wha... what... What's going on?
50
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:22,690
- What's happening?
- Gentlemen, I present to you...
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Mochacino.
52
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Not this guy.
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Mochacino.
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She's my gift to you.
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You wanna smoke weed?
56
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[Sighs]
57
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Hey.
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00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:50,050
Can somebody play something
with a beat, please?
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I'll go make a playlist.
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Yeah. I actually have some...
some water, uh, cooking, I think.
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[Speaks foreign language]
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Yeah, I don't pay for it. So...
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Barking up the wrong tree here.
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God, I hate Palo Alto.
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[Hip hop music plays]
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☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
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[Sniffs, clears throat]
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Hello again.
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00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,590
You know, I don't actually
have a ton of dance music
70
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but I turned the bass way up.
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Baby...
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you're getting a private show.
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[Exhales] Hey.
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What the fuck?
75
00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:40,740
Ok. There's the butt time.
76
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,449
Hey, should we have left
him in there by himself?
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I mean, should we go back in there?
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No interest. I entice the
flesh, I don't pay for it.
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Plus, Tara's coming into
town in a couple weeks.
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I'm saving up all my humors for her.
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You know what I mean?
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- What's your excuse?
- I didn't even shake
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00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,290
a woman's hand until I was 17-years-old.
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The idea of getting an erection
around men I live and work with,
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it's just not something I can handle.
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00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,960
The idea that I have a
boner and you have a boner
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and he has a boner and
we're all sitting there
88
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with boners in our pants...
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I wonder if he's ok in there.
90
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:13,020
So what do you guys do here?
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00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:17,770
Oh, we're mostly working on a
lossless compression algorithm.
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- A what?
- It makes files smaller.
93
00:04:19,490 --> 00:04:21,110
Doesn't matter. Uh, it's called Pied Piper.
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It's gonna be famous.
You'll know it, eventually.
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Who was this woman that you shook
hands with for the first time?
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00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:29,400
The postman lady.
97
00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:31,470
- What?
- A woman that was a man?
98
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,540
Not a post-man lady.
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- A lady who was a post...
- Let me ask you another question.
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00:04:35,970 --> 00:04:37,990
Who was the second woman
you shook hands with?
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00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,170
[Big Head] I didn't even
know you were coming.
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- [Mochacino] Stop. [Yells] Doug!
- Oh, boy.
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- Stop.
- I don't think I'm the one...
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Someone is paying me. Ok. I didn't come
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just to dance on your
boner all night for free.
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I was not erect. I... that
was... I was only being polite.
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So you were being polite when
you said that you loved me?
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First off, I said you seemed like
someone I could fall in love with.
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And, yes, also politeness.
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Richie, pay the lady.
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What? Why... Why should I pay her?
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I didn't hire her. I didn't
even get a lap dance.
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This is a company party and you're the CEO.
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- So pony up.
- No.
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If anyone should pay her it should be you.
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Doug, help the CEO find his money.
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No. No, no. We don't... I don't need help.
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I know where it is. It's here.
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- [Mochacino] Mm-hmm.
- It's all here.
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Do you... I don't know...
Do you accept amex?
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- You damn right I do.
- Put a hundred on there for yourself, Mocha.
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00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:24,140
- Well, that's an expensive boner.
- Not a boner.
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- [Sighs]
- Thanks for coming in, guys.
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We have a lot to do, so,
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let's get started.
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Sounds great.
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Me? Ok.
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00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,060
Uhh...
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00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:50,409
Well, we're just really excited
to get going, Mr. Gregory.
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Yes. Who's "we"?
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Myself, him, uh,
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- the guys back at the house.
- Guys?
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What guys?
134
00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:03,080
Who is this?
135
00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:05,120
Erlich Bachman. I'm an entrepreneur,
136
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:08,050
much like yourself. Uh...
137
00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:11,050
Richard actually developed Pied Piper
138
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:12,470
while residing in my Incubator,
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00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,080
so as per our agreement, I own
ten percent of the company.
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00:06:16,090 --> 00:06:18,439
I'm paying you $200,000 for five percent
141
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,480
yet you're giving this man...
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00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:23,930
twice that in exchange for... a futon?
143
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:26,570
And some sandwiches?
144
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:29,320
Actually, sir, my tenants
provide their own food...
145
00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:30,890
What other percentages
have you apportioned?
146
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:35,360
[Sighs] Can I see your cap
table, investment deck,
147
00:06:35,370 --> 00:06:38,280
business plan or any
other relevant paperwork
148
00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,620
you may have prepared?
149
00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:43,720
I... I just was under the
impression that, uh...
150
00:06:43,730 --> 00:06:46,670
we would just be coming by
and saying "hi", you know,
151
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:49,040
uh, to pick up the check.
152
00:06:49,050 --> 00:06:52,010
And, uh, I just didn't know that
any of that stuff was due yet.
153
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:56,380
- "Due"?
- [Sighs]
154
00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:58,180
This is not college, Richard.
155
00:06:58,190 --> 00:07:01,270
I am not going to be giving
you a course syllabus.
156
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,770
You turned down ten million dollars
157
00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,319
to keep Pied Piper.
158
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:10,200
What did you give up that money
for? What is this company?
159
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:11,480
What did I buy?
160
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:15,400
- You bought the algorithm, which...
- No.
161
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:18,960
The algorithm is the
product of the company.
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00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:19,999
I know that.
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00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,499
What I'm asking about
is the company itself.
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00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,330
Who is it? What do they do?
165
00:07:25,340 --> 00:07:27,080
Are they essential?
166
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:35,720
Or do you just throw a percentage
at them like you did with this...
167
00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:39,640
This all must be worked out.
168
00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:42,689
Now.
169
00:07:42,690 --> 00:07:45,320
When you said you'd guide us
170
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:47,570
through some of the stuff
I thought that this was
171
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,240
the stuff you'd be guiding us through.
172
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:54,270
I cannot guide you until you give me...
173
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,660
something to guide.
174
00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,330
This is going very poorly.
175
00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:01,721
[Whispers] I know that.
176
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:03,720
He doesn't seem to know what he's doing.
177
00:08:04,930 --> 00:08:08,549
[Slurps]
178
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:11,790
Did you just take a sip from an empty cup?
179
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,219
Yes.
180
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:15,630
Why did you do that?
181
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,850
- Just something to do.
- Come back in 48 hours
182
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:20,559
with an airtight business plan,
183
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,600
a clear go-to-market strategy
184
00:08:23,610 --> 00:08:31,640
and three year summary P&I
or there will be no check.
185
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:33,239
That's it.
186
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:37,650
[Monica] Well, thanks for coming in, guys.
187
00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:41,240
Um... are there any water
fountains in your offices?
188
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:43,090
I assume.
189
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,919
I own ten percent of an app that
locates all nearby water fountains.
190
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,210
I'd be happy to discuss it with you.
191
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:51,089
Good day, gentlemen.
192
00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:57,420
You smoke weed?
193
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:58,920
You really embarrassed me in there.
194
00:08:58,930 --> 00:09:01,310
You didn't say shit about any
business plan before today.
195
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,090
And neither did he. And he was kind
of being an asshole back there.
196
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,260
Yeah, that's why he's a billionaire. 'Cause
he knows how and when to be an asshole.
197
00:09:07,270 --> 00:09:08,400
That's what you need to be like.
198
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:10,439
- You do, Richard.
- Whatever.
199
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,940
If you continue to mismanage this
company giving ten percent to whoever...
200
00:09:13,950 --> 00:09:16,610
Obviously, you know, we
can't go back on my shares.
201
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,940
That ship has sailed but from here on out.
202
00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:20,530
Now you're being an asshole.
203
00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:22,510
You say that like it's a bad thing.
204
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,600
Richard, if you're not an
asshole, it creates this kind of
205
00:09:24,610 --> 00:09:29,250
asshole vacuum and that void is
filled by other assholes, like Jared.
206
00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:31,420
I mean, you almost gave him shares.
207
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:34,010
You need to completely
change who you are, Richard.
208
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:36,590
A complete teutonic shift has to happen.
209
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,630
Tectonic.
210
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,054
What?
211
00:09:40,055 --> 00:09:43,359
A "tectonic" shift is the
earth's crust moving around.
212
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,640
"Teutonic", which is what you just said,
213
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:49,520
is an ancient Germanic tribe
that fought the Romans.
214
00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:50,980
They were originally from Scandinavia...
215
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,980
Stop it! Stop it.
216
00:09:52,990 --> 00:09:56,200
You're being a complete tool right now.
217
00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:59,030
I need you to be a complete asshole.
218
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,370
Do you understand the difference?
219
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:02,620
If you're not an asshole,
this company dies.
220
00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:04,450
Erlich, I have 48 hours.
221
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:06,760
Are you going to help me with
this business plan or not?
222
00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:14,830
I believe in you, Richard.
That's why I'm not.
223
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:18,220
"Business plans that are created
in support of new ventures
224
00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:23,349
are to implement profound
changes in existing venture."
225
00:10:23,350 --> 00:10:31,930
Uh...
226
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:34,180
[Line ringing]
227
00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:36,850
Hi, this is Richard Hendricks.
228
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:39,740
Is now a good time?
229
00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:45,660
Uh, I need some help.
230
00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:47,830
Who's Chevy Volt is that out front?
231
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,420
Uh, Jared Dunn's.
232
00:10:49,430 --> 00:10:51,450
What? Why? Why is he here?
233
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:55,540
Well, because as you know, I need
some advice on the business plan.
234
00:10:55,550 --> 00:11:01,590
- You're cutting him in?
- Um...
235
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,389
Good morning. Whoops, that was weird.
236
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,229
I don't know why I did that.
237
00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:10,720
You kind of have a... Like
a king-ish feeling to you.
238
00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:13,520
You're like a... Like a
Norse hero from Valhalla.
239
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:14,690
Don't pander to me.
240
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,480
Peter Gregory said
specifically to trim the fat.
241
00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:21,950
They actually tried to diagnose me with a
wasting disease because of my slender frame.
242
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:26,570
So, um, I ironed out our
customer acquisition strategy,
243
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:30,919
and I wrapped our financials,
I did a DCF valuation.
244
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,580
Most VC's can't even do that math, but
something tells me Peter is different.
245
00:11:34,590 --> 00:11:37,710
I think we can jump into the
one-on-ones with each team member
246
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,130
- to see if I can defend our cap table.
- Ok.
247
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:43,470
Um, but first, if you don't mind,
I'd like to use the restroom.
248
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,420
Yeah. You don't have to
ask permission to do that.
249
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:48,220
Why, have you not gone
since you've been here?
250
00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:51,939
I have not.
251
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:55,820
Well... well, go. I mean, go.
252
00:11:55,830 --> 00:12:01,850
Denpok, I know you were in Aspen, thank
you for coming. Please, have a seat.
253
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:04,440
I'm not sitting this summer.
254
00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:10,950
Of course. Incredible.
255
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,420
What's weighing on you, Gavin?
256
00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:15,840
Jared Dunn quit today to join Pied Piper.
257
00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:21,340
I hate Richard Hendricks,
that little Pied Piper prick.
258
00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:23,430
Is... is that wrong?
259
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:27,460
In the hands of a lesser person, perhaps.
260
00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:33,390
But in the hands of the enlightened,
hate can be a tool for great change.
261
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,479
You're right once again.
262
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,162
[Inhales and exhales deeply]
263
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:44,730
Audious, play John Lennon's "Imagine."
264
00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:45,185
[Beeping]
265
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:49,450
[Audious] Cueing, John Wayne
in a mansion. Not found.
266
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,160
- Fuck! Fuck!
- [Audious] Invalid command.
267
00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:58,750
Use the anger, chela. Use it.
268
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,250
[Exhales deeply]
269
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:03,806
Uh, thanks for sitting
down like this, Gilfoyle.
270
00:13:03,807 --> 00:13:06,729
We know it's kind of a little weird.
271
00:13:06,730 --> 00:13:11,810
So, um... can you kind of catch me up on
what you see as your role in the company?
272
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:12,780
What do you do?
273
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:16,850
What do I do?
274
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:20,100
System architecture.
Networking and security.
275
00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:23,199
No one in this house can touch me on that.
276
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,190
Ok, that's good to know.
277
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,660
But does anyone appreciate that?
278
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:29,860
While you were busy
minoring in gender studies
279
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,690
and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence,
280
00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:34,500
I was gaining root access to NSA servers.
281
00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:38,040
I was one click away from starting
a second Iranian revolution.
282
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,540
I actually went to Vassar.
283
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:43,100
I prevent cross-site scripting,
I monitor for DDoS attacks,
284
00:13:43,220 --> 00:13:47,010
emergency database rollbacks,
and faulty transaction handlings.
285
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,960
The Internet... heard of it?
286
00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:51,100
Transfers half a petabyte
of data every minute.
287
00:13:51,110 --> 00:13:53,770
Do you have any idea how that happens?
288
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:56,470
All those YouPorn ones and
zeroes streaming directly
289
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,970
to your shitty, little
smart phone day after day?
290
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,390
Every dipshit who shits
his pants if he can't get
291
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,739
the new dubstep Skrillex
remix in under 12 seconds?
292
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:08,650
It's not magic, it's talent and sweat.
People like me, ensuring your packets
293
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:12,030
get delivered, un-sniffed. So what do I do?
294
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,950
I make sure that one bad
config on one key component
295
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,210
doesn't bankrupt the
entire fucking company.
296
00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:20,160
That's what the fuck I do.
297
00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:22,080
That's basically what I told him.
298
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:25,550
Listen, wherever we end up here...
299
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,830
I just wanna say that I feel
300
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,680
I should get more equity than Dinesh.
301
00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:32,810
I know Gilfoyle probably came in here
and puked out a bunch of tech specs,
302
00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:35,460
three-fourths of which
are total horse-shit.
303
00:14:35,470 --> 00:14:38,010
Did he bring up the
Iranian revolution thing?
304
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:40,350
Yeah, those words mean nothing.
305
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:44,650
But here's a fact: I'm the only one
of these clowns that can code in Java.
306
00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:47,690
And I write sleek performant
low-overhead scala code
307
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:50,779
with higher order functions
that will run on anything.
308
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:56,350
Period. End of sentence. So basically,
I think whatever equity I get,
309
00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:01,200
it should reflect that I
contribute more than Gilfoyle.
310
00:15:01,210 --> 00:15:04,130
- This is weird.
- [Chuckles] I know, right? It's...
311
00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:06,670
- Everybody's been doing it.
- Gilfoyle did this?
312
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,299
It's just a formality, to get me caught up.
313
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,260
So what makes you of value
to the Pied Piper team?
314
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:15,620
Um... programming.
315
00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:21,050
I guess... pretty good at code,
develop algorithms... So forth.
316
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:23,940
Different from the type of
algorithm Richard created?
317
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:27,560
Well, yeah. Like, not as good.
318
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,560
Richard's a 10x-er, I'm,
like, barely an x-er.
319
00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:32,530
- [Both chuckling]
- I kinda suck.
320
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,220
Smoked you. And now...
321
00:15:34,230 --> 00:15:37,490
- Don't be a dick.
- Mushroom stamp!
322
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:40,820
- You're being a dick.
- There you go. Show that to your mom.
323
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:44,790
Mushroom stamp! That's great.
324
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,550
Hey, what do you guys think about
this Jared? He's shit, right?
325
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,009
No, he's pretty sharp.
326
00:15:50,010 --> 00:15:52,300
Yeah, he does shit that no
one else in the house can do.
327
00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:55,220
Yeah, but he's a know it all. I don't
think there's room in here for him.
328
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:57,519
Well, there will be after
Richard gets rid of Big Head.
329
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,560
Wait, Richard's getting
rid of Big Head? Why?
330
00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:01,230
Listen, we all love Big Head.
331
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,680
But, the truth is he's not
as good of a coder as I am,
332
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:05,980
not as good at system
architecture as Gilfoyle,
333
00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:08,430
not as good at being a
prick as you, no offense.
334
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,640
He's a lightweight at everything.
Brings nothing to the table.
335
00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:15,030
Him getting points would be a
big "fuck you" to all of us.
336
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,250
- But he's a great guy.
- Great guy. But useless.
337
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:24,330
Yeah, he is a great guy.
Not like that Jared.
338
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:27,850
[Scoffs] At least we can all agree on that.
339
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:29,260
Yeah, I don't know.
340
00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:32,510
Me and Richard have just always
been in this together, you know?
341
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:36,980
Together, right. But to be clear, Richard
created the algorithm on his own, yes?
342
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:40,270
Oh, yeah, I had nothing to do with that.
343
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,850
- He's my best friend.
- That's true.
344
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:46,060
Yes. The camaraderie is quite apparent.
345
00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:51,480
But Peter Gregory demanded a
lean, ruthless business plan.
346
00:16:51,490 --> 00:16:55,310
And I don't think that the CEO of
Microsoft has a paid best friend.
347
00:16:55,320 --> 00:17:01,150
- Sergey Brin does. [Chuckles] Larry doesn't do shit.
- See?
348
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,210
What if Big Head is sort of like
349
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:07,490
a floating utility player?
Like a jack of all trades.
350
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:12,050
But by his own admission, he's
really more like a master of none.
351
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:13,929
That's true. That is true.
352
00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:18,050
Which is not something you'd generally reward
with several points in what may some day be
353
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:20,310
a multi-billion dollar company.
354
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,610
This will never fly with Peter Gregory.
355
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:27,350
I would not want to be Richard right now.
356
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:30,020
Having to tell Big Head that he's out.
357
00:17:30,030 --> 00:17:33,100
This is gonna sound super mean, but
the other night he was sleeping,
358
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:34,440
I was just staring at his face.
359
00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:37,779
All I could think was,
"He's utterly useless."
360
00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:40,080
Big Head is a man with zero purpose.
361
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,500
[Jared clears throat]
362
00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:46,220
- Oh, hi. Hi, Big Head.
- Hey.
363
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:47,170
How's it going?
364
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:51,120
It's... super good... Right now.
365
00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:53,969
Um, I'm just going to maybe
go for a bike ride real fast
366
00:17:53,970 --> 00:17:57,760
and clear my... head.
367
00:17:57,770 --> 00:17:59,430
I'll see... you.
368
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,350
- Bike safe.
- Yeah, enjoy it.
369
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:04,100
That was nice, guys. He heard everything.
370
00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:05,430
That doesn't make it not true.
371
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,810
I mean, come on, Richard. As
far as Pied Piper is concerned,
372
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,190
he's as pointless as Mass
Effect 3's multiple endings.
373
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:16,489
I mean, he's a completely useless
appendage and we all know it.
374
00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:22,990
- Oh, hey, man.
- Forgot my water bottle.
375
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:29,490
Just gonna grab it, and then probably
walk right back through one more time.
376
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:33,580
I mean, Mass Effect 3? Harsh.
377
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,410
I didn't mean for him to
hear it but it was true.
378
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:39,970
I mean, we all called him a great guy
but he didn't overhear any of that.
379
00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:42,270
It's been 12 hours.
380
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,310
Goddamn. He's still not answering.
381
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,180
[Stammering] I'm actually
kind of worried about him.
382
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:51,689
You know, if he's gone,
like, really truly gone,
383
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:54,730
in a way that kind of solves your problem.
384
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:56,690
I mean, like, if he's dead...
385
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,740
Are you trying to say that
Big Head might be dead?
386
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,529
That doesn't help at
all. How is that helping?
387
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:03,780
I'm just saying that that's a possible
thing that could've happened to him.
388
00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:08,450
It could happen to anybody. And in this
case, at least something good came out of it.
389
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:09,780
What's the good part?
390
00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:11,709
You don't have to have
an awkward conversation.
391
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:14,040
That's scary. Should we go look for him?
392
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:18,210
I mean, I agree with these guys.
Jared's just not working out.
393
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:21,260
- What?
- Um, Richard...
394
00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:23,760
I, uh, don't wanna be too assertive here
395
00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:26,600
but I could use your input on a
few things for the business plan.
396
00:19:26,610 --> 00:19:30,520
Richie, you tried your best just call
him, leave a message, say he's out.
397
00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:32,140
No, that's an asshole move.
398
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:36,110
Yeah, remember? You need to be an asshole.
399
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:39,239
I feel bad about saying that
thing about him being dead.
400
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,909
That's not who I am.
401
00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:43,570
[Alarm blaring]
402
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:47,370
- Wait, what is that?
- That's impossible.
403
00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:48,740
NipAlert isn't live yet.
404
00:19:48,750 --> 00:19:52,880
Maybe he's demoing it for someone.
405
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:53,890
"Mochacino."
406
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,410
He rode his bike to San Jose?
407
00:19:56,420 --> 00:19:57,660
Jared, can I borrow your car?
408
00:19:57,670 --> 00:19:59,550
- Sure.
- I have a car.
409
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,550
What... What's wrong with my car?
410
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,090
I just have... I don't know.
411
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:07,769
All right, well, remember to be an asshole.
412
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:16,650
A real asshole.
413
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:20,490
Hi, I'm Richard Hendricks. You did
a dance... The dancing at my house.
414
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,240
Your ride's here.
415
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:23,660
Oh, hey, man.
416
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:25,830
- Hey.
- Mushroom stamp!
417
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:30,500
No, come on, dude, not...
418
00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:32,950
I just wanted to work with
computers and get paid for it.
419
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,540
I didn't want end up fighting with
my roommates over percentage points.
420
00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:37,920
So you're just gonna give up?
421
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:40,629
On what? This isn't home.
422
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,969
As much as I've tried, it's just not.
423
00:20:42,970 --> 00:20:46,639
I mean, what would've I have even done
if I didn't have Mochacino's card?
424
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,600
Where would I have gone?
It's fucking pathetic.
425
00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:53,790
Well, Mochacino seemed to like you.
She let you into her apartment.
426
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,979
I had to give her my bike. She's just
like everyone else in this goddamn Valley.
427
00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:01,230
Watching the bottom line.
Fuck it, dude. I'm done here.
428
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,489
What about NipAlert?
429
00:21:03,490 --> 00:21:08,320
Mochacino shows her tits for a living
and even she was uncomfortable using it.
430
00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:12,540
She said it was sexist. She's
right. It's actually perverted.
431
00:21:12,550 --> 00:21:18,160
I made a perverted, sexist, useless thing.
432
00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:20,630
And, you know, everybody's right, man,
433
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,970
there's nothing for me to do on Pied Piper.
434
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:26,590
I think over time, maybe we
could redefine your role.
435
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:31,010
Come on, dude. Unless you can tell me
right now what I can do for Pied Piper
436
00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:37,400
that no one else can, I'm gone.
437
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:38,810
Yeah.
438
00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:42,070
I'm going to go get the
stuff out of my cube at Hooli
439
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:48,190
and then I'm getting the
hell out of this town.
440
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:52,440
So this is goodbye then?
441
00:21:52,450 --> 00:21:56,670
I mean, I'll see you back at the house,
man. I gotta, like, pack and stuff.
442
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,209
Totally.
443
00:21:58,210 --> 00:22:01,170
I'm going to take the train I
think, just... Do some thinking...
444
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:04,960
Ok, all right, see ya.
445
00:22:04,970 --> 00:22:07,930
- The train is this way... I just...
- Oh. I was gonna say.
446
00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:10,380
Big Head...
447
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:14,600
Whatever shit you're about to dump on my head,
you can save it, ok? I'm not in the mood.
448
00:22:14,610 --> 00:22:17,970
Dude, I just wanted to tell you that Gavin
Belson wants to talk to you about something.
449
00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:21,720
- Oh, ok. Fuck you.
- No. Seriously.
450
00:22:21,730 --> 00:22:25,190
Gavin Belson said he wants
to speak to Nelson Bighetti?
451
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:29,030
Yeah, that's what I just said.
452
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,030
Come on.
453
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:39,290
Ok.
454
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:41,910
I'm awake! I'm awake.
455
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,380
- What?
- No, no, I wasn't.
456
00:22:44,390 --> 00:22:48,800
I was sleeping. I'm sorry for
sleeping and for lying about it.
457
00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:51,099
For both. No good.
458
00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:54,420
What happened? Did you fire Big Head?
459
00:22:54,430 --> 00:22:57,090
Uh, no. Not yet. I don't know. Sort of.
460
00:22:57,100 --> 00:23:01,260
So do I include him in the cap table
or not? It's basically good to go.
461
00:23:01,270 --> 00:23:05,730
Uh... no, he's out. Uh,
wait... I don't know.
462
00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:08,770
Actually, I just need to close
my eyes for a little bit. Ok?
463
00:23:08,780 --> 00:23:11,940
Richard, it's t-minus four
hours until presentation time.
464
00:23:11,950 --> 00:23:13,530
Are you gonna fire Big Head or not?
465
00:23:13,540 --> 00:23:17,289
I don't know. Uh... I'm just very tired.
466
00:23:17,290 --> 00:23:20,030
Ok? I'm just gonna go get some water...
467
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:24,040
Richard, stop being a fucking
pussy and start being an asshole.
468
00:23:24,050 --> 00:23:31,040
[Door opens]
469
00:23:31,050 --> 00:23:35,130
Fine! You want me to be an
asshole, I'll be an asshole.
470
00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:39,809
I'll be an asshole to you and you and
you and you and Peter-fucking-Gregory!
471
00:23:39,810 --> 00:23:42,810
Ok? Fuck all of you. Big Head stays!
472
00:23:42,820 --> 00:23:46,030
You know, if I wanted to be a sell
out I'd have done that already.
473
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,890
I'd be on a beach somewhere with
ten million dollars in my pocket.
474
00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:52,050
Not in my pocket, in a bank account.
475
00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:56,150
Ok? This is my company. It was
my idea and we do what I say.
476
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,160
And what I say is, Jared, put
Big Head in the business plan.
477
00:23:59,170 --> 00:24:00,910
He gets the same amount of
shares as everybody else.
478
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,960
Big Head, you're not going home, man.
479
00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:05,990
You're right. I'm not.
480
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,160
Gavin Belson just offered
me a huge promotion
481
00:24:09,170 --> 00:24:12,700
for 600 grand a year to
steal me away from you guys.
482
00:24:12,710 --> 00:24:16,590
- What?
- Yeah. For revenge. Because you took Jared.
483
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,810
So you're like the V.P. of spite?
484
00:24:18,820 --> 00:24:20,849
But you have to do me a favor, Richard,
485
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:24,510
if you run into Gavin ever you have to
act really upset about it, you know?
486
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,400
Oh, but I am upset.
487
00:24:27,410 --> 00:24:31,820
Ok? What the fuck? I kind of just
went out on a limb for you here, man.
488
00:24:31,830 --> 00:24:34,770
Sorry, man, but this is huge for me.
489
00:24:34,780 --> 00:24:37,030
I'm going to move out, get my own place.
490
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,610
In light of this new information,
who gets Big Head's equity?
491
00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:43,670
Should I get half of his shares...?
492
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,950
I do. I get it.
493
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,510
Ok? I get all of it!
494
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,840
Big Head, man, congratulations
on the job, really.
495
00:24:52,850 --> 00:24:57,360
But if you'll excuse me, I have to go
lock down a motherfucking business plan.
496
00:24:57,370 --> 00:25:03,520
Jared, you're with me.
497
00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:13,700
- What an asshole.
- Yeah. What an asshole.
498
00:25:13,710 --> 00:25:15,909
Next.
499
00:25:15,910 --> 00:25:23,570
- Hi. Deposit?
- Mmm-hmm.
500
00:25:23,580 --> 00:25:27,040
Two hundred thousand
dollars from Peter Gregory?
501
00:25:27,050 --> 00:25:28,910
Mmm-hmm.
502
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:33,420
- Wow.
- [Phone ringing]
503
00:25:33,430 --> 00:25:36,920
Sorry.
504
00:25:36,930 --> 00:25:37,929
Hello?
505
00:25:37,930 --> 00:25:40,220
Dude, they're taking your code apart.
506
00:25:40,230 --> 00:25:42,090
What?
507
00:25:42,100 --> 00:25:45,510
Did you give those brogrammer guys
access to a player download or something?
508
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:50,680
Oh shit. They probably hacked the prototype
and decompiled the compression library...
509
00:25:50,690 --> 00:25:53,070
Well, they've got it now, man.
510
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,449
They're gonna reverse-engineer a version
as close as they can without getting sued.
511
00:25:57,450 --> 00:25:59,160
[Richard] Wait, wait,
are you sure about this?
512
00:25:59,170 --> 00:26:01,530
[Big Head] Yeah, dude, Gavin
wants to beat you to market.
513
00:26:01,540 --> 00:26:04,660
He wants to make sure no other investor
in the Valley offers you a dime.
514
00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:06,000
[Exhales] That is not good.
515
00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:09,450
They're calling it Nucleus,
whatever the fuck that means.
516
00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:13,710
Shit. Sorry, dude, I can't be
talking to you like this. Later.
517
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,799
Yeah.
518
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,590
"Nucleus"?
519
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:22,100
Excuse me. This check is made
out to "Pied Piper Incorporated."
520
00:26:22,110 --> 00:26:23,430
Do you have an SS-4?
521
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:24,770
A what?
522
00:26:24,780 --> 00:26:27,770
Is "Pied Piper" a corporation
registered with the IRS?
523
00:26:27,780 --> 00:26:29,690
I can't deposit that
into a personal account.
524
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:31,970
[Stammering] I don't know.
525
00:26:31,980 --> 00:26:34,730
Um... is that something
maybe you could help me with?
526
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:38,150
No, sir.
527
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,570
Buddy, come on.
528
00:26:40,580 --> 00:26:42,820
Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.
529
00:26:42,830 --> 00:26:46,660
- Thank you.
- Sorry. Ok.
530
00:26:46,670 --> 00:26:55,260
Next.
531
00:26:55,270 --> 00:26:58,179
[Hip hop music plays]
532
00:26:58,180 --> 00:27:08,180
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