1
00:00:06,527 --> 00:00:10,750
Kidney function, liver function,
testosterone... I don't know how you did it,
2
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,379
but you have essentially aged 40
years in the last seven weeks.
3
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,000
Wow. Really?
4
00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:17,790
We had a meth addict in here this morning
5
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,840
who was biologically younger
than you are, and he's 58.
6
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,220
MySpace guy.
7
00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:25,380
So what is going on?
8
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:29,080
Uh... It's this cloud
service configuration,
9
00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:32,440
- I've been stuck on it for over a week.
- Wow.
10
00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:34,899
I'm a good programmer. I mean,
it's the only thing I am good at.
11
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,720
I mean, last year, I threw a
Frisbee and it chipped my tooth.
12
00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,190
That's more of a dental issue.
13
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,690
Yup, OK, I...
14
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:43,280
The point is, I learned Ruby on
Rails over a weekend when I was 17.
15
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,900
I should be able to learn cloud, I have to.
16
00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:49,290
Can I give you my professional
opinion, as your doctor?
17
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,740
You should have taken that ten
million dollars from Gavin Belson, OK?
18
00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:55,880
But regrets will kill ya
so try not to dwell on it.
19
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,540
I tried to tell you.
20
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:08,000
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
21
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,930
Outside help? No, we're not
getting any outside help.
22
00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:14,760
It's a week until TechCrunch,
Richard. We can't wait any longer.
23
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,609
Richard, look at the board.
24
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:21,650
OK, cloud architecture is just a giant
turd that is clogging up our pipes.
25
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:23,850
We have to call in a plumber to fix it.
26
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:26,990
OK, I hate that metaphor,
but Erlich is right.
27
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,949
Gilfoyle and I finished the
distribution services days ago
28
00:01:29,950 --> 00:01:31,780
and we're just sitting
around waiting for you.
29
00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:35,080
- I can solve it.
- Richard, you're a fucking rock star, OK?
30
00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,950
You just don't know cloud,
31
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,500
this tiny, little, shitty area,
32
00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:41,710
which is becoming super important,
33
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,880
and in many ways is the
future of computing.
34
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,010
That sort of went south on me, but
you understand what I'm saying.
35
00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:52,139
I've already talked to Peter Gregory
about insourcing a consultant.
36
00:01:52,140 --> 00:01:54,809
I've made contact with a
programmer whose cloud architecture
37
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:58,310
is supposed to be insane.
They call him The Carver.
38
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,480
The Carver? That Black Hat guy who
apparently hacked into the Bank of America
39
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,730
and took down their entire
system, that The Carver?
40
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:06,159
We should get him if we can.
41
00:02:08,790 --> 00:02:11,210
OK, we can talk to the guy,
42
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:14,410
but, I mean, he's really
gonna have to sell me.
43
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:25,000
Six months ago, these guys had 35
million and Series B Financing.
44
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:27,880
Now The Carver's here doing teardown.
45
00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:30,420
He's basically moving
their carcass to the cloud.
46
00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:33,570
Don't touch anything.
Failure is contagious.
47
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,980
I think that's him.
48
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:45,900
Excuse me, Mr. Carver?
49
00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:50,520
Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver,
50
00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,410
but no one actually calls me that,
it's what people call a screen name.
51
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:56,750
You know. I'm Kevin.
52
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:01,000
OK, Kevin, um, we're from
Pied Piper, we spoke earlier.
53
00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:03,500
- Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh?
- No. No, we're not fucked.
54
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,210
Yes, we are totally fucked.
55
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,460
We have a live demo in one week
and our cloud is in the shitter.
56
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:09,790
- That's accurate.
- Wait, are you Richard?
57
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,930
Yes, I am.
58
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:16,350
Yeah, your algorithm is solid.
It's a really good schema.
59
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,060
OK, thanks.
60
00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:21,560
I did think you'd be
younger. What are you, 25?
61
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:22,610
Twenty-six.
62
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,120
Yikes.
63
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:28,650
Uh, so I have a Model U.N. thing on Monday,
64
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:31,310
but maybe I could burn through
your gig over the weekend.
65
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:35,650
Mmm. You think you can do
our whole job in two days?
66
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,290
I know I can do it in two days.
67
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:41,620
I pound Mello Yello, Oreos and Adderall
and I don't sleep until I'm done.
68
00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:43,960
OK.
69
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:47,080
But you know what? I also have an offer to
do some migration at Gittawonk this weekend.
70
00:03:47,090 --> 00:03:49,180
It's... It's kind of chill,
71
00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:51,550
and frankly, their
tech's a little stronger.
72
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,050
Whoa. What? What?
73
00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:56,099
You think Gittawonk's tech
is stronger than ours?
74
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:58,890
I'm sorry, I don't remember
reading in PandoDaily
75
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:02,180
that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory
were fighting over Gittawonk.
76
00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:05,480
No one offered ten million
dollars to acquire Gittawonk.
77
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:08,020
Yeah, I agree with Richard,
you should come work for us.
78
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:10,770
- What... No...
- What's it gonna take, a blow-job?
79
00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:13,770
Because Richard will suck the
dick right off of your pelvis.
80
00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:20,880
Now you make me laugh, shaggy man.
81
00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:22,370
All right, I'm in.
82
00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:23,630
I'll see you guys Friday.
83
00:04:25,710 --> 00:04:27,540
OK.
84
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:29,430
- Well done.
- Yeah.
85
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:36,260
Excuse me. Hi, um, would
you guys be interested
86
00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:39,139
in buying some candy so you can
send my church group to camp?
87
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:42,050
Nope.
88
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,890
Hundred bucks says there's no church.
89
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,810
Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags.
90
00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,360
They're just children.
91
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,610
Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady
Satanist are back from the airport.
92
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,860
Can you imagine what kind of
shit-show this one's gonna be?
93
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,200
He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe.
94
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:57,750
What does that mean? All
tatted-up and nowhere to go.
95
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,370
- Hooked on OxyContin?
- Decomposing?
96
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:03,280
Oh. Oh, OK, that was dark.
97
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:08,830
Gentlemen, this is Tara.
98
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,670
- Hi.
- Tara, this is the fellas:
99
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,670
Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard.
100
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,480
- It's Erlich.
- It's great to finally meet you guys.
101
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,420
Hi.
102
00:05:18,430 --> 00:05:20,430
All right.
103
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:25,760
Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from?
104
00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:30,230
I mean, I'd have sex with that if
you hose the Gilfoyle off of her.
105
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:34,160
It's weird having a girl in the
house. There's a very strange energy.
106
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,750
Hm.
107
00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:47,280
Hello... Kevin.
108
00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:51,170
OK, Richard, I just need
you to approve Kevin's fee.
109
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:54,680
I got Erlich to sign and
you sign right there.
110
00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:57,430
Twenty thousand dollars for two days.
111
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,380
You know who else thought my
price was too high? Bitraptor.
112
00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:03,020
Who?
113
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,090
Exactly.
114
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:10,610
Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out
of town so I'm gonna hustle out there
115
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,400
and get him to co-sign these and the
check and I'll be back as soon as I can.
116
00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:16,740
Thank you.
117
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:21,490
You OK over there? You
have any questions...?
118
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,990
Yeah, one question.
119
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,370
Cool. Shoot.
120
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,180
Why do you keep your lips pressed so
tight together when you're not talking?
121
00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:31,910
'Cause they're like white.
122
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,880
It looks uncomfortable.
123
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,520
Hey, guys.
124
00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:54,570
Hey, Kevin, um,
125
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,520
so how did you bypass Bank of
America's network security?
126
00:06:58,530 --> 00:06:59,780
I want details.
127
00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:04,440
My lawyers told me I'm
not allowed to discuss it.
128
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:06,460
Totally get it. That's baller.
129
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:27,470
- Hey, babe?
- Hmm.
130
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,690
You're up.
131
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:41,290
- All right, I'm gonna go have a shower.
- Mm-hm.
132
00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:47,400
- Uh, what was that?
- What?
133
00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:51,160
Tara just whispered something to you and
then she looked at me in a weird way.
134
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,740
No, she didn't.
135
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,500
Yeah, she did.
136
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,019
What's up?
137
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,519
Do you know what compersion is?
138
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,480
It's when someone takes pleasure
in seeing their loved one gratified
139
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,620
by another person.
140
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,070
Sexually. It's the opposite of jealousy.
141
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,750
It sounds like it's the opposite of normal.
Why are you telling me about this thing?
142
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,500
As shocking as this is...
143
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,970
Tara is attracted to you.
144
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,140
Come again?
145
00:08:35,150 --> 00:08:38,470
Yeah, freaked me out too, at first.
146
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,680
I don't like the "at first" part at all.
147
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,090
What are you saying?
148
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,010
Since I abide by the maxim,
149
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:48,720
"Do what thou wilt, that
is the whole of the law"...
150
00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:50,430
if you want to fuck my
girlfriend, I'm OK with it.
151
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,060
Jesus Christ, man, I could barely stand
next to you when you're in your towel.
152
00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:56,110
I don't want to have a threesome with you.
153
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,060
I'm not talking about a threesome.
154
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,610
Listen, I don't even
have to be in the room,
155
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,030
unless that's better for you.
156
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,240
OK, no, I don't...
157
00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:08,570
Right, so we're all settled then.
158
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,820
- Yep.
- Do you need parking validation?
159
00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,490
No, I used Lyft.
160
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,880
So I'll Lyft it back.
161
00:09:14,890 --> 00:09:16,660
Why don't I have Peter's car take you home.
162
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:18,830
He's not using it, we're
shipping off to Arallon tomorrow.
163
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,010
- Arallon?
- Yeah, the island Peter's building.
164
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,670
What's the... the red line?
165
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,060
That's the International Date Line.
166
00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:30,590
The island's built right on it
167
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,390
so the western half can celebrate
the first new years on Earth,
168
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,600
then the next day, they walk
over to the eastern half
169
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:37,400
and celebrate the last new years on Earth.
170
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,150
But if you can walk, why does
he need the car on the island?
171
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,660
Peter's not really big on walking.
172
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,020
So I'll just have the guys
pull it up front for you.
173
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:48,080
Great.
174
00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:03,800
Driverless car.
175
00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,710
Select destination.
176
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:15,309
Hi. Um... I'm going to 5230
177
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,690
Newell Road, Palo Alto...
178
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:22,210
Route guidance calibrated.
179
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,730
four point six miles. Buckle up, please.
180
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,160
OK.
181
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,290
Enjoy your ride.
182
00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:34,700
You?
183
00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:37,960
Tara wants to have sex with you? You sure?
184
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,210
Yeah, Gilfoyle just told me, to my face.
185
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:43,509
He told you that Tara wants to
copulate with someone else in the house
186
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,880
other than him and that
someone is you, Dinesh?
187
00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:48,550
Yeah, that's...
188
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,260
You know, you seem confused by this
but for a different reason than I am.
189
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:55,019
Don't you think it's weird
that Tara wants some strange
190
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,980
and she chooses you over me,
191
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,150
the logical person in the house?
192
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,189
OK, I see where we are ending up
on this. Thank you for your time.
193
00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:06,240
Wait, are you sure that
she didn't ask Gilfoyle
194
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:09,520
for a danish and maybe you misheard her?
195
00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:12,190
You're probably right, she
just wanted to fuck a danish.
196
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,830
Wait, you just built all
the indexes on the fly?
197
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,209
Yeah, of course.
198
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:20,200
OK, well... Well, then what's that?
199
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:23,209
The key value store.
200
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,450
Tuples.
201
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,870
Speak English.
202
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,880
You're kind of doing that
lip thing again there, buddy.
203
00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:35,770
No, I'm not.
204
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:42,580
Stop looking at my lips.
205
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,510
Destination override. New destination.
206
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,930
One Gregory Drive. Arallon.
207
00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:55,560
4,126 miles.
208
00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:57,310
Enjoy your ride.
209
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,160
Um, what's happening?
210
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:06,250
I'm sorry, what... Mr. Car?
211
00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:13,660
Hey. Tara and I are going to a
Satanic baptism. You wanna come?
212
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:16,030
Stu Burns decided to walk
the left-hand path with us.
213
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,790
The database administrator for
Yahoo is becoming a Satanist?
214
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,170
We're everywhere.
215
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:24,170
Hey, Erlich, are you coming? Dinesh is.
216
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:25,640
He is?
217
00:12:27,270 --> 00:12:29,130
This is Monica.
218
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,680
Hi Monica, it's Jared.
Uh, quick question...
219
00:12:31,690 --> 00:12:33,050
Jared, I can't talk right now.
220
00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:35,140
One of our assistants has
been confusing the eastern,
221
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:37,770
western time zones of
Arallon on work orders.
222
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:40,190
Now a bunch of important things
are happening a day early.
223
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,030
Peter is going to be
furious when he finds out.
224
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,419
He's going to make that noise.
225
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:48,131
Oh, shit, that's him on
the other line. I gotta go.
226
00:12:48,132 --> 00:12:50,130
- Oh wait Monica. It just...
- Hi, Peter.
227
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,520
Hello, Monica?
228
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:58,180
Um, car? Mr. Car?
229
00:12:58,190 --> 00:12:59,800
Uh, excuse me.
230
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,800
Arallon is an island, so how are we...?
231
00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,479
Oh, no, no! No.
232
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,380
Stop. Let me out.
233
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:10,700
Mmm. Um... Uh, that's not good.
234
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,560
Oh, no! No!
235
00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,290
Excuse me please!
236
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,230
Please honk. Please honk.
237
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,200
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
238
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:23,540
No, no. Please. Please.
239
00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:25,800
Oh, no, that's not good.
240
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:28,260
OK, Donald, stay calm.
241
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,500
103 hours to destination.
Entering sleep mode.
242
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:39,590
- What? No!
- Enjoy your ride.
243
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,250
OK, stay calm. Stay calm.
244
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:42,840
Wait, my phone.
245
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:46,519
No bars. No bars. No bars. No bars.
246
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,869
We bring thy garden, o mighty Lucifer,
247
00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:04,869
the fragrances which abound
therein, vapors of...
248
00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:06,780
What the fuck are we doing here?
249
00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:08,709
Look at these fucking people.
250
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:13,540
Through this, the black flame
of Satan thou walkest in Hell.
251
00:14:13,550 --> 00:14:15,840
The gates are flung wide
252
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:19,130
and thy passage is heralded
by the deathless cries
253
00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:21,350
of his guardian beasts.
254
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,600
Breathe of his breath,
o brother of the night
255
00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,270
and nourish his waning brain.
256
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,220
- From the despair...
- I just figured it out. It all makes sense.
257
00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:31,390
Figured what out?
258
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,480
Why Tara might be in to you more than me.
259
00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:37,060
She's attracted to ugliness.
260
00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:39,530
- Oh, fuck you.
- No, think about it.
261
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:43,450
This is the life that she chooses, right?
She's attracted to unattractiveness.
262
00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:46,290
Look at all these ugly people
and Gilfoyle and now you.
263
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,290
That's ridiculous. I'm way
more attractive than you are.
264
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,919
- No, you're not.
- Way better looking.
265
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,290
By no metric could you possibly be
considered more attractive than me.
266
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:57,500
You're saying that every
woman in the entire world
267
00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:59,580
would think you're more
attractive than I am?
268
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:02,550
Yes. Unless they're completely fucked up.
269
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,600
Damn it.
270
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,850
You doing OK there?
271
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,939
Yep, yeah.
272
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,320
Fine, just, you know,
273
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:19,020
it's big orchestration
stuff, a lot of moving parts.
274
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:22,270
Nothing you need to worry about.
You just focus on the cloud.
275
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,780
I'm here if you need me.
276
00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:44,540
You know what? Uh...
277
00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:46,260
I know it's not what we hired you for,
278
00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:48,139
but I am actually having a little trouble
279
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:50,690
with the data replication
in the persistence layer.
280
00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:52,800
Move over.
281
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:55,980
Uh-huh.
282
00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:59,750
Oh, Christ.
283
00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:02,489
I'm much more handsome than you are.
284
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,280
No, my face is completely symmetrical.
285
00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:05,950
You know what my nickname
was when I was a kid?
286
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,980
- What?
- Pakistani Denzel.
287
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:09,200
You look nothing like him.
288
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:11,790
Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile.
289
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:12,990
You look ridiculous.
290
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,080
Hail Satan, it is done.
291
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:17,790
- Hail Satan.
- Hail Satan, it is...
292
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,140
it's done.
293
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,000
Well, thanks for coming, everyone.
294
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:30,310
Brother Jason was kind enough
to furnish this week's food.
295
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,349
It's Chick-fil-A.
296
00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:34,900
I know, they're on the Christian right,
297
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:38,020
but darned if that chicken isn't good.
298
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,350
I think the Dark Lord would understand.
299
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,240
Also... a reminder.
300
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,210
If you parked in the Sav-On parking lot,
301
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:48,830
they do tow.
302
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:52,830
Well, I didn't know if you wanted
original Oreos or Double Stuf
303
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,330
so I went a little nutty and I got both.
304
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,539
How's it, um...
305
00:16:56,540 --> 00:17:00,350
- Fuck. Fuck.
- Kevin?
306
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:03,300
Hello?
307
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,380
Fuck.
308
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:08,280
What are you doing down here?
309
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:11,780
I did it again, I did it again.
310
00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:13,530
- Did what?
- I did it again.
311
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,399
No.
312
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,110
What is this?
313
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:22,860
Did you overwrite the data schema?
314
00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:25,030
Why would you do this?
You don't ever do this!
315
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,730
That's exactly what they said
when I was working at BofA.
316
00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:31,240
Working at BofA? I thought you hacked in.
317
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,320
No.
318
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,660
I was a consultant at the
retail banking services.
319
00:17:36,670 --> 00:17:38,580
I crashed their entire system.
320
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,380
It took a team of seven
engineers more than a week
321
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:43,800
to comb through all the
code and find my mistake.
322
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:45,929
And the only way that I
ever avoided being sued
323
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:49,400
was by agreeing to never tell
anyone that I worked there.
324
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:52,769
Oh, fuck.
325
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:53,769
Oh, fuck, what?!
326
00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:57,590
I just told you. Now I
could get in trouble.
327
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,150
Trouble?
328
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,770
You just skull-fucked my whole system.
329
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,520
I am going to punch you in the fucking...
330
00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:05,949
We don't like sacrifice goats or anything.
331
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:08,360
We're not like the Order of
the Golden Dawners, you know.
332
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:10,690
Yeah.
333
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,410
Richard, are you OK?
334
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:14,280
Um... Mmm...
335
00:18:14,290 --> 00:18:18,110
Dinesh, uh, we may have a slight problem.
336
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:21,790
The Carver just carved
up our entire platform.
337
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,129
What the fuck?
338
00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:26,010
Yeah, the database layers,
the application layers,
339
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,799
even the chef scripts are fucked.
340
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,040
The little fucker must have hacked into
the DDL tables like he did with BofA.
341
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:34,630
He didn't hack into BofA's. He
was consulting there at the time,
342
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,020
when he took down the system by accident.
343
00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:39,309
- Oh, you told them too?
- What the fuck?
344
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:42,979
Richard, why would you let that
little fetus access the DDL?
345
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:46,730
Because I thought that
fetus was better than me
346
00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,280
and so did you and everybody
347
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,810
and you just, you pressured
me into hiring him...
348
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:53,320
Yes, Richard, for the
cloud, to deploy the cloud.
349
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:54,950
So that you could do what you do best
350
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,820
and concentrate on everything else
which the fetus just fucked up.
351
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,499
You need to drag this little shit stain...
352
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:01,710
You hear that?
353
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,290
Out from under this table
and have him go through
354
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,300
every single line of code with you
355
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,380
to unfuck it while it's still unfuckable.
356
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:11,510
I should not have eaten all
of that Satanist chicken.
357
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,680
OK, and with this one
here, did you delete it
358
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:21,010
or just move it?
359
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:23,510
Hello? Kevin.
360
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,150
Maybe. I don't know.
361
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,150
What? What does that mean?
What's wrong with you, man?
362
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,080
I can't focus. I'm out of Adderall.
363
00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:34,699
Where's that Jared guy?
He was getting my refill.
364
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,660
That's actually a really good question.
365
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,080
I don't know where he is.
366
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,590
The Carver's Adderall prescription.
367
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,810
I hope that's not a problem.
368
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,260
Dead battery. That's a problem.
369
00:19:57,270 --> 00:19:58,800
I need to lay down.
370
00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:00,229
What? No!
371
00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:03,720
You said you could code for 48 hours
straight. That's like your thing.
372
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:06,270
Yeah, how the fuck do you
think I do that? Adderall.
373
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,190
Well, we don't have any.
374
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,069
It's really bright in here.
375
00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:13,310
Who takes Adderall anymore.
376
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,080
Half the kids in Palo Alto.
377
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,710
Hey.
378
00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:24,490
Any of you guys currently on Adderall
379
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:28,640
and, uh, you know, want to make 50 dollars?
380
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,660
Oh, boy.
381
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,110
What do you mean, it's not
Adderall? It's Adderall!
382
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:01,450
I know what Adderall looks
like. It's not Adderall.
383
00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:10,620
Uh, excuse me. Caleb?
384
00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:13,920
There's been some kind of mistake.
385
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:17,810
What you sold me was not actually Adderall.
386
00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:21,180
So maybe we could... Do you think
you could get me some real Adderall?
387
00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:23,480
Yeah, yeah, of course. Um...
388
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,600
I could do that or, um,
389
00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:28,270
I can give you some of this.
390
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,270
Ow!
391
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:31,860
OK, I'm gonna...
392
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:34,650
You're gonna do what,
bitch? Call the cops on me?
393
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,400
Tell them you got the wrong
illegal drugs from a kid?
394
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:40,450
You dumb piece of shit.
Get the fuck out of here.
395
00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:41,990
- Uh, you...
- Run!
396
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,460
- All right, I'm running.
- Mm-hm. Keep running!
397
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,870
Stupid...
398
00:22:27,670 --> 00:22:29,540
Richard, what's wrong?
399
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,870
Have you been crying?
400
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,670
Hey! Which one was it?
401
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,460
It was church candy, wasn't it?
402
00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:40,340
You just brought piss to a
shit fight, you little cunt!
403
00:22:40,350 --> 00:22:43,389
Ow!
404
00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:45,130
No, no, no!
405
00:22:45,140 --> 00:22:48,430
Now you get in your fucking house
and you get me five Adderall
406
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,800
or I'll slit your fucking
throat! You understand?
407
00:22:50,810 --> 00:22:53,140
I'll kill your mother!
I'll rape your father!
408
00:22:53,150 --> 00:22:55,569
I'll curb-stomp that little face so hard
409
00:22:55,570 --> 00:22:58,239
that your teeth will go
flying, you little shit!
410
00:22:58,240 --> 00:22:59,739
Now go! Go! Go! Go!
411
00:22:59,740 --> 00:23:01,790
- Get me five Adderall, right now!
- OK! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
412
00:23:15,810 --> 00:23:17,460
- Hi.
- Tara.
413
00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:21,800
- Hello.
- Hi.
414
00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:24,050
First of all...
415
00:23:24,060 --> 00:23:26,400
So, um...
416
00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:31,930
I have thought about it. A lot.
417
00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:35,320
To be honest, elements of this arrangement
418
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,780
still trouble me.
419
00:23:38,330 --> 00:23:43,310
However, I have not had a
lot of sexual experiences.
420
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,420
So I feel it may be
foolish to turn this down.
421
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:53,780
So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room
422
00:23:53,790 --> 00:23:58,130
and I can verify that the door is locked...
423
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:01,930
then I have concluded that...
424
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,639
yes...
425
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:10,730
I would love to have sexual
relations with you...
426
00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:13,150
Tara.
427
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,390
Yeah.
428
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,420
Uh, what are you talking about?
429
00:24:19,990 --> 00:24:22,560
Gilfoyle told me.
430
00:24:22,570 --> 00:24:25,159
I know you want to have sex with me.
431
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,870
Gilfoyle?
432
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,990
Would you come in here for a second?
433
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,570
Um...
434
00:24:30,580 --> 00:24:32,790
- Hm?
- Um...
435
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,700
Did you tell Dinesh that I
want to have sex with him?
436
00:24:38,470 --> 00:24:39,720
No.
437
00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:43,880
Oh, wait, yeah, I totally
did. I forgot about that.
438
00:24:43,890 --> 00:24:46,000
I was really high. I was
just fucking with him.
439
00:24:46,010 --> 00:24:47,090
Did he believe me?
440
00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:49,010
Uh...
441
00:24:49,020 --> 00:24:51,310
Did you just present yourself to my woman?
442
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,590
Uh...
443
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,600
Oh, this is outstanding.
444
00:24:56,610 --> 00:25:00,070
Oh, my God, that is so mean of you!
445
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,240
Look at how cute he is.
446
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:04,100
He's adorable. You're adorable.
447
00:25:04,110 --> 00:25:08,170
Don't call me ador...
It's very emasculating.
448
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,790
What kind of fucking idiot listens
to what Gilfoyle has to say?
449
00:25:14,090 --> 00:25:16,280
OK, Tara, here's what it is.
450
00:25:16,290 --> 00:25:18,200
If you can tell me to my face
451
00:25:18,210 --> 00:25:21,170
that you seriously find Dinesh
more attractive than me,
452
00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:24,600
then and only then will I concede defeat.
453
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,670
What?
454
00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:39,020
And our regression test is... done.
455
00:25:39,030 --> 00:25:42,730
Yes. It's clear, we all test out.
456
00:25:42,740 --> 00:25:44,440
The system's stable again.
457
00:25:44,450 --> 00:25:48,239
Thank God. Now we can move on to the next
module and I can forget you ever existed.
458
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,660
Can you do me a favor?
459
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,450
Don't tell anyone I cratered this bad.
460
00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:57,620
I won't tell anyone I hired you if
you won't tell anyone you worked here.
461
00:25:57,630 --> 00:25:59,249
Oh, the BofA deal.
462
00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:02,050
Got it.
463
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:04,130
Well, I'm gonna call my mom
and have her pick me up.
464
00:26:04,140 --> 00:26:05,580
Your mom?
465
00:26:05,590 --> 00:26:08,220
Oh, by the way, you owe
me 20 thousand dollars.
466
00:26:08,230 --> 00:26:11,030
What a dick.
467
00:26:12,150 --> 00:26:14,400
You have to talk to Jared about that.
468
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,630
Where is Jared?
469
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:36,960
Excuse me. Can you help me?
470
00:26:38,890 --> 00:26:41,420
Obstacle averted. Resuming operations.
471
00:26:41,430 --> 00:26:43,130
Please be careful.
472
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,310
Please be careful. Please be careful.
473
00:27:20,030 --> 00:27:26,030
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