1 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,093 Richard: Okay, here's another one. 2 00:00:09,302 --> 00:00:13,347 Techcrunch says, "Laurie bream spotted lunching at the rosewood 3 00:00:13,431 --> 00:00:15,892 "with yet another rising tech star, Sam herron. 4 00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:19,562 "Could this finally be the new ceo of pied Piper?" 5 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,856 Maybe she's just fucking them all. 6 00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:24,192 It's been 10 days. You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:27,778 If I found out what Laurie wanted to do with my company from her 8 00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,238 instead of the fucking Internet. 9 00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,950 Richard, the accountants finally agreed to release our books. 10 00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:34,952 Okay. 11 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,707 Hey, Richard. Is there anything we should be doing? 12 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,084 I don't know. Why are you asking me? I'm not the ceo. 13 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,294 There is no ceo. 14 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,297 Because, apparently, Jack's empty fucking chair 15 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,715 is a better choice than I am. 16 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,635 So, maybe ask the chair, see what it thinks. 17 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,113 Say what you will about the chair, 18 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:56,015 but at least it never told me to build a fucking box. 19 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,559 Dinesh: True. Compared to Richard, it's a lot sturdier. 20 00:00:58,643 --> 00:01:01,646 And it has a lot less of barker's ass rubbed all over it. 21 00:01:13,366 --> 00:01:14,367 Are you serious? 22 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,245 On top of Jack's ridiculous severance package, 23 00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:20,164 we spent $1,000 on each one of your fucking monitors? 24 00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:23,626 We did? Huh. That's very pricey. 25 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,921 So what? Raviga funded us for $5 million. 26 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,674 There's no way we burned through all that. 27 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,677 Do you have any idea how these deals work? That money's tranched. 28 00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:35,763 - What's that? - Well, from the old French for "slice." 29 00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:38,015 Yeah, try to keep up, dinesh. 30 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:39,767 We get our money in stages. 31 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,478 Right? We get $2 million upfront to get us going, 32 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,105 to design and build the product, 33 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:47,733 but we don't get the next three million until we take a product to market. 34 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:49,544 Richard: And Jack was okay with hemorrhaging money, 35 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,487 because he thought we were launching the box 36 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:54,198 and then getting the next three million in the next few weeks. 37 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,701 But the platform will take way longer to launch than that. 38 00:01:56,826 --> 00:02:00,454 Yes. So we are effectively a $250 million company 39 00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:02,707 who just took $5 million in funding, 40 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,792 and now we're dead-ass broke. 41 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,794 Our burn rate is astronomical, 42 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:09,255 and every day we sit in limbo like this... 43 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,343 What if we don't? 44 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,221 What if we don't sit in limbo? 45 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,015 Like, fuck limbo, right? 46 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:24,603 I mean, right now, let's fire all these fucking sales assholes, 47 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,167 and break the lease on this place and get the fuck out of here. 48 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:30,276 Can we do that? There's no ceo here to approve any of that. 49 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:33,988 Yeah. There's also no ceo here to tell me not to do it, right? 50 00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:37,575 That's right. You're the CTO. Technically, you're the ranking officer. 51 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:38,951 Fucking a. 52 00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:42,204 Look, when, or if, a new ceo comes to take over the company, 53 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:46,208 we will do what they say to the best of our abilities. 54 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,627 But there is a very real possibility 55 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:51,088 that there won't be a company for them to take over 56 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:53,299 if we don't do something about it now. 57 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:56,344 - So, no more surprise waffles. - What? 58 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:57,887 - No more chef Amy. - No. 59 00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,181 And no more of these stupid offices, okay? 60 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,824 We're going to move back to the hostel. 61 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,518 - Fuck. - Dinesh, we need to out every corner, 62 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:09,106 save every penny, and plow it into engineers to build the platform. Okay? 63 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:10,334 Then we will be back on track. 64 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:13,611 So gilfoyle, dinesh, pack up those gold-plated monitors 65 00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,780 because we are selling them. 66 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,199 Jared, come on. Let's do this. 67 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,451 Hmm. Well, that sucks. 68 00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:26,624 Jesus. 69 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:34,173 Okay, guys. Can I have your attention, please? 70 00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:35,716 Yeah, next goal wins. 71 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,303 No. Now. Sorry, it's got to be now. 72 00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:42,056 And so, bring it in, dang, 73 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:45,017 chef Amy, jan the man, Keith, northeast regional. 74 00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:46,453 And do you still have your shadow? 75 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:47,797 - Yo. - Richard: Hey, there he is. 76 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,605 Okay, uh, circle up. 77 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,899 All right, I have some news for you. 78 00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:53,651 Is this about the new ceo? 79 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,574 Recode is saying that it could be Reid Hoffman. 80 00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:58,406 No. I don't know anything about that. 81 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:02,159 No, no. There's no new ceo. There's no new employees of any kind. 82 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:06,247 There's actually... it's more about you guys becoming former employees. 83 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:10,543 So, look, we're heading in a different direction. 84 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,254 And what that means is, if I haven't taken you aside 85 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:16,799 and spoken to you privately about staying on, that does mean that you are 86 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,342 terminated immediately. 87 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:22,596 So, dang, chef Amy, jan the man, all of sales, 88 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,640 I am really sorry about all this. 89 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,435 Are you sure that you can fire us, like, legally? 90 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,104 Yeah. Yes, absolutely. 91 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,357 I'm CTO. I'm the highest ranking officer, so yes, answer. 92 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,527 You're still CTO? Laurie hasn't fired you yet? 93 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,488 No, she has... why would she fire me? 94 00:04:39,572 --> 00:04:41,657 Well, code/rag said that your tech is mediocre 95 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,701 and that's why no one will take the ceo job. 96 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,952 - What? - Yeah. 97 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,755 That's why I assumed that you'd been fired. 98 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,540 Uh, maybe she's waiting till Friday to fire him. 99 00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:52,018 - Oh, that makes sense. - Richard: No, it doesn't make sense. 100 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,627 That's not what's happening, okay? 101 00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,463 I'm not getting fired. That's crazy. 102 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,673 I haven't read this article. Okay, maybe I'm too busy 103 00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,342 making the tech awesome, because it's not mediocre. 104 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:02,928 It's actually... Turns out, it's fucking revolutionary. 105 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:05,097 So, I guess that's the truth. 106 00:05:05,181 --> 00:05:08,100 And also, I'm not fired, these guys aren't fired, you all are fired. 107 00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:11,228 Everyone from this wall is fired. So, enjoy being fired. 108 00:05:18,903 --> 00:05:20,404 Jesus. This is a good apple. 109 00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,740 - Where did you get this? - Oh, I have a fruit guy. 110 00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:24,700 Fantastic. 111 00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:26,744 Read me back what we have so far. 112 00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:30,331 Uh, "bachman and bighetti shall each include in this venture 113 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,666 "any and all portfolio companies. 114 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,544 "The exception shall be for pied Piper." 115 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,714 Hey, how come pied Piper is not a part of it? 116 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,675 'Cause, you know, I actually used to work there, so maybe it should be? 117 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:45,137 Big head, pied Piper is no longer an incubating entity. 118 00:05:45,221 --> 00:05:47,681 It would be unfair to you, and to me, and to them 119 00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:50,184 for me to relinquish any of my shares in their company. 120 00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:55,231 And besides, like you, I'm giving up everything else I have of value, 121 00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,900 shares, options, cash, liquid assets. 122 00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,028 Wait. So all my assets? 123 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,863 That seems like kind of a lot. 124 00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:06,158 It is a lot, big head. We're both giving up a lot. 125 00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:08,369 We're both gaining a lot also. 126 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:11,121 And that's what every successful partnership is about. 127 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,792 Committing fully, blindly, and without concern of the consequences, 128 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,961 - like marriage. - Right. 129 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,129 Oh, here. Get this down. 130 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:23,676 In the event of a tie vote, any disagreement shall be settled 131 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:27,805 with a toss of a coin of Mr. Bachman's choosing. 132 00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:31,368 What the fuck are you doing in here? 133 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,872 Can't you see we're having a meeting? 134 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,021 Go ahead, big head, read that back to me. 135 00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:39,149 Oh, um, "in the event of a tie..." 136 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,569 The fucking juicer's broken. 137 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,487 This is the second one in two days! 138 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:49,910 C.j. Cantwell of code/rag writes, and I quote, 139 00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:52,454 "having met this many candidates without closing one, 140 00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:56,458 "one can't help wonder why pied Piper can't land a man. 141 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,753 "Could the vaunted tech of founder Richard Hendricks, 142 00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:03,090 "whom I once called the next Mark Zuckerberg, 143 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:08,178 "be turning pied Piper from a unicorn into a donkey wearing a party hat?" 144 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:11,765 - And? - And she's slandering my tech. 145 00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:13,689 It's the one thing that's working around here. 146 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,938 Look, I think if I just talk to her, I can get her to change it. 147 00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:21,609 No. I do not want you to engage with a muckraker like c.J. Cantwell 148 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,819 simply to salve your male ego. 149 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,113 My male ego has nothing to do with this, Laurie. 150 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:30,492 Look, good coders won't want to work for a company they think has shitty tech. 151 00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:33,704 I need to get ahead of this now. And if I don't, we're done. 152 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,833 Richard, whether you appreciate this or not, I do actually have a plan here. 153 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,836 You can meet with everyone in palo alto to replace me as ceo. 154 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,564 I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. 155 00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:45,507 Okay, but I need to do something about this, now. 156 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:47,968 She's calling us the next clinkle. 157 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,928 Clinkle, Laurie. Clinkle. 158 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:52,014 You do know what happened to clinkle, right? 159 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,618 - Do you want us to be clinkle? - Please, just stop saying "clinkle." 160 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,018 Itjars the ear. 161 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:59,605 Fine. I will have my office set up an interview. 162 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,483 But I want you to present yourself well, Richard. 163 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,568 Be showered, groomed, well-dressed. 164 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,489 And you will need to sit down with our head of PR beforehand to go over talking points. 165 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:12,242 Because you are in an emotional state, 166 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:15,746 and when you are emotional, you become highly inarticulate. 167 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,998 Well, I don't say that's true. 168 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:22,961 Okay. Yes. Fine. Sure. 169 00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:25,756 And thank you, Laurie. 170 00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:33,972 Before you ask, the answer is yes, I did blow all these hard drives clean. 171 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,600 - So... - Gilfoyle: You really are a moron. 172 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,687 The only way to really blow the hard drives clean 173 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,414 is to take a drill and punch a hole through it. 174 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:45,025 All right, calm down, snowden. I zeroed them all out, we're fine. 175 00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,985 Jared: Welcome, welcome. 176 00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:50,239 Uh, we have lost our lease, so everything must go. 177 00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:54,076 The chairs are arranged in ascending order of lumbar support. 178 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,828 So, have a gander. 179 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,540 Oh, uh, word to the wise, 180 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,626 the haworths are like a spa day for the buttocks. 181 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,795 Yeah, and I have a fragile posterior. 182 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,423 My aunt used to call me "glasshole." 183 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,460 So, you can take it from me. 184 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,135 Look at these fucking maggots. 185 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:16,014 Crawling all over our garbage, leaving their slime of mediocrity. 186 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,174 Ah, I thought you'd feel right at home in a marketplace, 187 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,228 haggling, selling your monkey paws, 188 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,022 looking for Indiana Jones in a wicker basket. 189 00:09:24,148 --> 00:09:26,275 Okay. Marion was in the wicker basket, 190 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:29,236 Indiana Jones was tipping them over, you fucking idiot. 191 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,924 Let me know if you have any questions. 192 00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:36,368 Well, how about that? I made my first sale. 193 00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:40,247 I've organized a lot of estate sales, so this is kind of my wheelhouse. 194 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,370 - Gilfoyle: What? - I have a lot of elderly friends. 195 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:43,834 Oh, that is a fun item. 196 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,378 That's a hardware fan. 197 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:50,674 You've got the yellow hoodie on today. 198 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,634 Oh, yeah. 199 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,428 Wait a second. 200 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,221 None of these are signed. 201 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,975 Oh, yeah. Um, it's just my business manager had some questions 202 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,478 about the way some of this stuff was being arranged. 203 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,814 Like, he said something about how it's not a corporation. 204 00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:09,276 It's just a general partnership or something. 205 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,421 I mean, he told me I didn't understand, which is true, 206 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,006 so he wanted to maybe talk to you about it. 207 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,532 So you want to lawyer up? Is that what we're doing? 208 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,618 I don't think he has a law degree. 209 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:21,955 Big head, I would hope that a handshake deal would be good enough for you. 210 00:10:22,498 --> 00:10:24,018 Because we're headed down a long road, 211 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,877 and that road must be paved with trust. Blind trust. 212 00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:30,756 And you bringing in these so-called "experts" 213 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,776 really gives me pause, 214 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,468 And it insults my honor. 215 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:38,639 Huh. Uh, sorry, hold on. I got to take this. I'll be right back. 216 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,557 Sorry. Hello? 217 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,393 Hey. Uh, how do I look? 218 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,396 If I'm being honest, like a ventriloquist dummy. 219 00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:52,653 Uh, okay. Well, you know, that's actually kind of fitting, 220 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,322 because I'm on my way to raviga right now 221 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,367 to meet with a PR person to tell me exactly what to say 222 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,369 to a reporter and how to say it. 223 00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:01,578 Well, that does make sense. 224 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,414 You do tend to babble on when you're under pressure. 225 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,501 Why does this thing people say? 226 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,839 Why indeed? 227 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,257 That was weird. 228 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:16,134 I just got a call from Laurie bream's office at raviga, 229 00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:19,513 asking if I'd want to interview for the job of ceo at pied Piper. 230 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,724 What? Are you fucking kidding me? 231 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,184 That's exactly what I said. 232 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:27,187 Then I said no, and then we both hung up. 233 00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:30,983 I mean, I assume they hung up. I had already hung up, so... 234 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,402 Wow. Wow. 235 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:37,197 Okay. Okay. Yeah, great. Big head. 236 00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:38,907 Big head? Fucking kidding me? 237 00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:40,468 What the fuck is going on? 238 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,287 Big head, you can insult me all you want 239 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,539 by involving your self-described shylocks, 240 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,500 but to insult Richard and humiliate him, 241 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:50,984 that's like kicking a child who's done nothing to deserve it. 242 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,171 I may not be able to finish my ramen. 243 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,465 I told them no. 244 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,428 Hi there. Richard Hendricks here to see dawn Simon, PR. 245 00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,805 Sure, she'll be meeting you in the small conference room. 246 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,308 - Um, do you need me... - No, no. I, uh, I know where it is. 247 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,227 It turns out, I actually know something. 248 00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:08,562 I'm not a fucking idiot. 249 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,294 - Richard Hendricks. Hi. - Before we get any further, 250 00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,629 I just want you to know that I'm not going to be yelling at you, 251 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,933 but I probably am going to yell. 252 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,115 - Okay. - Okay. Uh... 253 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,910 Because this is bullshit. 254 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,412 Honestly, I mean, I get it. This is your job. You're in PR. 255 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:28,248 Your job is to pretty much tell me what I can't say. 256 00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:30,560 I mean, when I talk to this reporter, I probably can't say 257 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:34,379 how fucked up it is that Laurie bream fired me 258 00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:36,798 and then replaced me with action Jack barker. 259 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:39,509 I probably can't say how the only action he took 260 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:42,473 was to essentially pick the wrong product and then bleed the company dry. 261 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,600 And I probably can't say how fucking pissed off I am 262 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,395 that Laurie bream is out there gallivanting around the valley, 263 00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:56,026 interviewing every dickhole on earth for my job, including big head, 264 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,444 a man that I fired, by the way. 265 00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,047 And no offense, I like him. I do actually. 266 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,965 He's a close friend of mine, been that way for years. 267 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,468 But he is a bit of a simpleton, and his name's fucking big head. 268 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:04,868 But, okay, look. 269 00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:09,790 I want to be ceo of pied Piper, okay? 270 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:13,919 It is my company. I worked my ass off to build this company, okay? 271 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,629 That's my job. I deserve it. 272 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,131 And it fucking kills me that Laurie is out there 273 00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:20,968 trying to give it to someone else, anyone but me. 274 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,428 But I probably can't say that, can I? 275 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,774 You can say anything you want to say to me. 276 00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,516 All right. 277 00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,866 Laurie: Thank you for meeting me, Monica. 278 00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,982 You are from... 279 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,733 Baltimore. 280 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,364 H.I. Mencken hails from Baltimore. 281 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,032 Who? 282 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:45,784 Widely perceived as a racist, 283 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,663 but his work on the English language is comprehensive, 284 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:54,251 and his perspicacious skewering of Evangelicals is laudable. 285 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:59,089 Monica, my mission here is not merely to have fun. 286 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,675 That's okay. 287 00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:05,220 When I voted against you at the board meeting, I just want... 288 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:08,515 Monica, this is not about you, for once. 289 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,268 I brought you here to say 290 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,272 - I am sorry. - For... 291 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,166 Ah, yes, of course. You are going to make me say it. 292 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,316 Why am I not surprised? 293 00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,778 I made a mistake with Richard Hendricks. 294 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,947 And out I went, right on my ass. 295 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:28,827 And then Laurie put thatjackhole barker in to bankrupt the company. 296 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,579 But does she cop to that? No, no, no. 297 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,831 Because the Laurie-tron 6,000 298 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,954 isn't programmed to admit when she's made a mistake. 299 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,127 I made an error. 300 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,839 Wow, um, that's really big of you to admit. 301 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,550 I should not have removed him as ceo, 302 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:47,095 and installing Jack barker in his place only compounded that error. 303 00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:50,807 But if that's true, then why are you meeting with so many other ceo candidates? 304 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:54,644 I am meeting publically with a number of high-value candidates 305 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,854 I know to be unavailable, 306 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:59,399 as well as with a number of less-qualified candidates 307 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,693 with whom Richard compares favorably. 308 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,570 That's why you called big head. 309 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:09,117 Yes. You see, Richard must not be perceived as being the most expedient candidate. 310 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:12,871 He must be seen as the correct candidate. 311 00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,749 This is very exciting for Richard. 312 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,795 I have been impressed by his conduct in a tough situation. 313 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,756 - He's shown mettle. - Mmm-hmm. Definitely. 314 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,759 Therefore, I will call for a vote at the next board meeting 315 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:26,843 to offer him the job. 316 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:31,181 That is, of course, assuming he continues to demonstrate an air of professionalism. 317 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,061 Hi, dawn. Are you waiting for someone? 318 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,271 Yes. I'm supposed to be meeting with Richard Hendricks 319 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:40,232 before he sits down with a code/rag reporter. 320 00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:43,777 Oh, that's weird. I saw him earlier. 321 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,070 And that is why... 322 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,073 I'm just being honest here. 323 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,869 I think that Peter Gregory is better off where he is. 324 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:57,124 Just saying, because if he knew what Laurie was doing to his company, 325 00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,607 he probably would want to take a gun and blow his brains out. 326 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,462 Uh, okay. 327 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:05,340 We should probably start talking about the things that I can say. 328 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,801 Um... 329 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,053 Richard. Richard Hendricks? 330 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,557 Yes. Who are you? 331 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,642 Dawn Simon, raviga's publicity director. 332 00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:22,816 So that would make you... 333 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,735 C.j. Cantwell, code/rag. 334 00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:28,488 Thank you, I think I have everything I need. 335 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,246 Please tell me that went well. 336 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,709 Yep. No, yeah. 337 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:43,938 It, uh... it was gone great. 338 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,965 Yep. It had gone. 339 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,051 It was great. 340 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:51,803 Uh, she's a great guy. 341 00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,681 Really. Girl. She's cool. She's a cool one. 342 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:58,435 Cool. I can just... I can get out here? 343 00:16:58,602 --> 00:16:59,871 - Just 'cause I got another thing. - Dawn: Yeah. 344 00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,564 Slow down. Listen to me. Look, in my defense, 345 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,691 I said those were all the things I can't say, okay? 346 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,335 So it's kind of like I didn't even say them. 347 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,029 But you did say them, at a meeting you scheduled with a reporter. 348 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,299 Reporter? Come on, you're a tech blogger. 349 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:13,950 Oh, really. Hard to see why Laurie insisted on a PR rep for you. 350 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,915 Look, uh, just... Tell me what I can do to kill this? 351 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,393 - You want me to spike the story? - Yes, please. 352 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:26,129 Give me something better. I don't know, go on a drunken racist Twitter rant, 353 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,506 or get in your car, run over Elon Musk, 354 00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,967 and give me an exclusive from jail. Yeah. 355 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,945 Othennise, I'm posting this at noon tomorrow, so... 356 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,305 No, no, no, no. Look. Look. 357 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,669 If you want to leave, you're going to have to run me over! 358 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,818 These offices were nice. 359 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,988 Now everything looks so bare. 360 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:55,992 Yeah. There is a certain sad vulnerability to it. 361 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,371 Have you ever seen a naked dead person? 362 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,790 No. No. No. 363 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,625 Hmm. 364 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,419 Well, the good news is, we cleared 365 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:09,923 almost $70,000 from selling all this stuff. 366 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,676 That's not enough to afford all the coders we need. 367 00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,469 We need at least a dozen. 368 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,638 Where would we even put them now? 369 00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:18,848 Shall we? 370 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,273 Wait. Where's my hard drive? 371 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:27,941 What did it look like? 372 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,860 It just looked like a normal standard hard drive. 373 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,114 - You sure it was in your bag? - Yeah, it was in my bag. 374 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:40,370 Could it maybe have slid out and was next to your bag, 375 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,580 which was next to all the hard drives we got rid of? 376 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:47,669 Did you sell my personal hard drive? 377 00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,255 You didn't happen to wipe that one clean, too, did you? 378 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,842 - My personal hard drive? - Yeah. 379 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,511 No! Fuck! 380 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,222 So it had our confidential ip on it? 381 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:03,977 Yes. All the work we did on the platform, the box, everything. 382 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,856 Okay, well, what's gone is not necessarily lost. 383 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:10,108 Okay, we just need to find it. 384 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,235 I found my retainer in the school dumpster. 385 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:15,363 I found my biological father in a militia up in the ozarks. 386 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:16,531 This should be no problem. 387 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,450 Don't worry, dinesh, we'll find it. 388 00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,962 Does he not know we're moving out? 389 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,539 Gilfoyle: Should we tell him? 390 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:37,135 No. Jack paid him in full up front, 391 00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,430 and he seems so at peace. 392 00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,391 - All right. - All right. 393 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,359 Richard: I am such an idiot. 394 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,860 You've got no choice, Richard. 395 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,821 You need to go in to Laurie and just tell her what happened. 396 00:19:57,072 --> 00:20:01,117 What? It's bad enough she's going to find out what I said after this piece posts online. 397 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,953 You want me to go in and tell her right to her face? 398 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,038 No fucking way. 399 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,540 You could spin it. Tell her you're sorry. 400 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:11,294 I had it. I had my old ceo job back, and I fucked it up. 401 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,155 I'll get it. 402 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,344 Ah. The super angel premium deluxe. 403 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:21,596 In the flesh. 404 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:26,142 Yeah, I had to drive to San Mateo to get one that has auto-reverse. 405 00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,709 Why didn't you send your assistant? 406 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,771 She was on the phone, so... 407 00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:34,734 Well, big head, it takes a brave man to admit his mistakes, 408 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:39,364 and with this token of apology, you've officially righted your wrong. 409 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,866 Consider the matter resolved. 410 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,035 Cool. 411 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,455 Traditionally, the offender shakes the offendee's hand, 412 00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,082 so you would come to me. 413 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,669 That's an honest Thomas. 414 00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:58,383 Gentlemen, Monica, from the ashes of whatever happens here 415 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,679 will rise the Phoenix that shall be known as bachmanity. 416 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,432 That's what you're gonna call your company? 417 00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:08,268 Yeah, well, before it was gonna be bachman capital. 418 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:11,855 Because I provide the bachman, and he provides the capital. 419 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,276 Yeah, but then, we compromised, and made it bachmanity, 420 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:20,363 'cause it's bachman from him and then the "etti" from me. 421 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:22,073 So it's two syllables each. 422 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:26,077 Very much into keeping score, this one. Have a seat. 423 00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:28,329 I'll go fetch the documents and my montblanc. 424 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:29,914 Jared: Psst! 425 00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:37,755 So, slight hiccup. I tracked down the woman who bought the drive, 426 00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:40,133 but she wasn't interested in selling it back. 427 00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:43,470 Apparently, she's already given it to her elderly father 428 00:21:43,553 --> 00:21:46,222 and booked the geek squad to set it up for him this afternoon. 429 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,225 What about my drive? All our stuff is on there. 430 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,060 I think we're fine. 431 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,898 She said he mostly uses the computer to download photos of old ships. 432 00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:57,984 I don't think he'll be able to find our files even if he wanted to. 433 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:01,488 Well, I mean, hopefully. But still... 434 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,990 Dinesh is right, this is sloppy. 435 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:05,783 Where does this guy live? 436 00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,620 Shit, Richard, I'm sorry, man. 437 00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:10,413 Erlich: Initial here and here. 438 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:14,292 No. It's okay. I deserve it. It's my own fault. 439 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,127 And you're gonna wanna sign here. 440 00:22:16,211 --> 00:22:18,630 Still, man, that just really sucks. 441 00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:21,508 You know, I bet you wish you could just scrub the whole Internet, 442 00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:23,551 like Gavin belson does, right? 443 00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:25,261 Whoa, weird. 444 00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:28,515 Every single one of my signatures looks totally different. 445 00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:30,558 - Wait. What? - Yeah, look. 446 00:22:30,642 --> 00:22:33,520 This one's in cursive, this one'sjust printed, and then I... 447 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,956 One I just wrote "big head," but that's not going to hold up. 448 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:39,692 No, no, no. Did you just say Gavin belson scrubbed the Internet? 449 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:41,271 Oh, yeah. 450 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:45,532 Yeah, and then they told me to my face, 451 00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:47,492 that after nucleus was shut down, 452 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,619 Gavin had one of his execs order them to scrub 453 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:52,789 all negative mentions of nucleus off of hooli search. 454 00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:56,501 Wow. Okay, when exactly did this happen? 455 00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,962 No, no. Actually... 456 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:02,549 You told me that you would spike my story if I give you something better. 457 00:23:02,632 --> 00:23:03,633 This is better, right? 458 00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:05,927 Yeah. Light-years better, actually. 459 00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:07,554 Your story's spiked. Great, okay. 460 00:23:07,637 --> 00:23:10,848 As long as we're trading apples for comparable apples, 461 00:23:10,932 --> 00:23:13,518 I've got a fresh and juicy that's ripe for the picking. 462 00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:19,065 Ms. Cantwell, what say you to an exclusive on the launch of a future financial behemoth? 463 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,150 How about we just stick with Gavin? 464 00:23:21,693 --> 00:23:23,736 Gavin for Richard? Deal? 465 00:23:23,945 --> 00:23:24,946 Done. 466 00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:28,700 Monica, do you really need to be here? 467 00:23:36,499 --> 00:23:39,085 - Geek squad. - The computer's right here. 468 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:42,839 You're not wearing the shirt. 469 00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:45,550 I spilled coffee on it. 470 00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:47,343 I'm a nerd. 471 00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:10,241 All right. We're all set here. 472 00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:19,083 Yes. 473 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:20,251 Can I have my hard drive? 474 00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:26,132 Oh, no. You fucking dick. 475 00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:29,677 Shit. 476 00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:35,975 You're gonna be replacing it. 477 00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:44,901 You're back. How did the board meeting go? 478 00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:46,611 Well, um... 479 00:24:46,694 --> 00:24:53,034 You're looking at the past, present, and possibly future ceo of pied Piper. 480 00:24:54,952 --> 00:24:56,579 Oh, that is... 481 00:24:57,497 --> 00:24:59,123 Oh, congratulations! 482 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:00,708 - Jared... - My captain. 483 00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:04,212 "0 captain! My captain! Rise up and hear the bells 484 00:25:04,545 --> 00:25:08,257 "rise up-for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills." 485 00:25:08,466 --> 00:25:09,634 All right. Dismissed. 486 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:15,556 Well, uh, just to remind you, pied Piper is still a sinking ship, so... 487 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,183 Enough with the maritime metaphors. 488 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,520 This is honestly, like, the best birthday gift that I ever could've asked for. 489 00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,495 - It's your birthday? - Uh, I don't know. 490 00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:25,108 The cps worker couldn't find my birth certificate, 491 00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:27,944 but maybe now it is. 492 00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:33,032 And in other good news, we've managed to fill out our engineering team. 493 00:25:33,658 --> 00:25:35,418 Did you tell them that my fage's off-limits? 494 00:25:35,618 --> 00:25:37,453 Oh, that won't be a worry. 495 00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:38,538 Come meet them. 496 00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:41,457 All right, guys, who wants to start work on the fragment uploader? 497 00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,793 Uh, gleb, why don't you and Sanjay take it? 498 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,461 Jared: Richard, say hi. 499 00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:50,341 Yes. Hello, I am, um, Richard Hendricks, the ceo of pied Piper. 500 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,069 - Welcome aboard. - Engineers: Hi. 501 00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:53,278 What the fuck is going on here? 502 00:25:53,302 --> 00:25:55,304 We got a little creative. 503 00:25:55,847 --> 00:25:58,349 Um, I read that the woman who started pegg'd 504 00:25:58,433 --> 00:26:02,395 built her entire app using a team of coders from India she never met in person. 505 00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:04,647 And it only cost $15,000. 506 00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:08,568 Yeah, so we figured why limit ourselves to a few expensive people in the valley, 507 00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:12,071 when we could afford a full complement if we outsourced? 508 00:26:12,155 --> 00:26:15,366 Um, Richard, I know we said that we sold everything in the offices 509 00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:19,495 to pay for these guys, but that was not exactly true. 510 00:26:20,163 --> 00:26:21,998 Um, we kept one thing. 511 00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:23,833 Okay. 512 00:26:27,545 --> 00:26:29,025 Richard: Oh, wow. It's the ceo chair. 513 00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:34,260 Ah. 514 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:35,553 Have a seat. 515 00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:37,680 Okay. 516 00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:42,602 Okay, uh... 517 00:26:43,311 --> 00:26:44,979 Well, why don't we 518 00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:48,691 go around the room, or screens, or whatever, and introduce ourselves? 519 00:26:50,026 --> 00:26:53,279 Hello, my name is gleb, I am in Bulgaria. 520 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,950 Hello, I am Sanjay. I am here in Mumbai, India. 521 00:26:58,034 --> 00:26:59,410 - You having trouble? - No. 522 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:02,580 Hello. I am elisabet. I am speaking to you from Estonia. 523 00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:05,291 Uh, thank you for the... 524 00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:07,960 Whoa! 525 00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:09,480 Richard: It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 526 00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:11,756 - It's fine. I got it. I got it. - Dude. 527 00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:14,443 - Richard: I got it. I got it. - You're making a great first impression. 528 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:16,587 Sorry. Can we go to the... Do the names one more time?