1 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,760 From bloomberg west in San Francisco, I'm Emily Chang. 2 00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:13,514 General Keith Alexander is here to tackle tech's role in counter-terrorism, 3 00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:16,350 but first, a quick glimpse with Richard Hendricks, 4 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:20,188 founder and ceo of the hot, new compression platform pied Piper, 5 00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:22,857 and erlich bachman, chief visionary. 6 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:28,279 Oh, Emily Chang, it is just splendid to be here with you at historical pier 3, 7 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,697 with a breathtaking view 8 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,616 (in Spanish accent) Of the embarcadero center 9 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,367 and the flag of San Francisco. 10 00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:34,619 Now, Richard... 11 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:38,080 (Normal accent) Richard actually developed this technology in my Incubator. 12 00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:39,707 I am listed... 13 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:44,795 I was originally listed under the white pages as "erlich blachman", with an "", I 14 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,599 a typo that apparently couldn't be changed, 15 00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:49,217 and then Google indexed it, so I've been dealing with that. 16 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:54,222 Richard, pied Piper has taken off like a rocket. 17 00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:57,350 More than 100,000 installs in just 10 days. 18 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,476 Is that right? 19 00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:00,770 Uh... uh, yes. 20 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:01,896 Pretty amazing. 21 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:05,858 And you have a last-minute invite to the vanity fair summit dinner tonight. 22 00:01:05,942 --> 00:01:07,944 Quite an honor for such a young company. 23 00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:09,630 Richard, maybe you could comment on this one? 24 00:01:09,654 --> 00:01:13,074 Yeah, we are finally the belles of the balls. (Laughs) 25 00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,159 I mean, uh, ball. 26 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:20,248 Now, some people are calling you the next unicorn. 27 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,999 Have you guys thought about that? 28 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,460 You could have a billion-dollar company. 29 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:28,506 Erlich, you could own 5% of $1 billion. 30 00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:29,924 Uh, ten, actually. 31 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,068 Erlich: Richard, this is boring. 32 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,260 - Shit. - Richard: No, no, no. 33 00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,928 He was an early investor. 34 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,264 Again, it's erlich bachman, 35 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:39,642 if you Google that, it'll say, "did you mean erlich blachman?" 36 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:43,896 You can click on that link, it'll give you the correct results for erlich bachman. 37 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,357 Should we take some calls? 38 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,441 We don't do that here. 39 00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:50,611 I just know what I saw, Richard. 40 00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:54,323 No, come on. Look, she's married, she just had another baby. 41 00:01:54,407 --> 00:01:57,785 If you pushed a little harder, you could have scored right there on camera. 42 00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,628 - You should get her phone number. - Shut up. 43 00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:00,705 (Cell phone rings) 44 00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:04,959 Oh. This is actually, uh, jian-Yang pranking me. 45 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,043 I should take it. 46 00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:11,966 Yes, of course I have frog's legs. Why do you ask? 47 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:16,012 Are you serious? Have you honestly still not told him that you sold your shares? 48 00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,680 You can't keep lying to him like this. 49 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,348 It's not technically a lie. 50 00:02:19,432 --> 00:02:21,868 My shares don't transfer to raviga until the next board meeting. 51 00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:24,270 - Come on, it's been 10 days. - I know, lknow. 52 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,940 But, you know, the techcrunch thing came up and then there was the Reddit ama 53 00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:30,318 and, you know, now this bloomberg thing. 54 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,819 And besides, let's be honest, 55 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,697 Richard shouldn't be in the public eye without me along to help. 56 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,050 Did you just see the skeeved-out look on Emily Chang's face? 57 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,593 I thought she was going to walk off set. 58 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,411 Erlich, you're lying to him, 59 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,289 and you made me a part of it, so now I'm lying to him, too. 60 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,333 The longer you wait, the worse this is gonna get. 61 00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:47,668 - All right, fine, fine. I'll tell him. - When? 62 00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,564 After the vanity fair thing tonight. I mean, did you see the guest list? 63 00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,006 Monica, throw me a bone here. 64 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,425 Twenty-four hours, then I'm telling him. 65 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,486 - Fine, I'll tell him. I'll tell Richard. - Monica: I'm serious. 66 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,190 - Tell me what? - Monica: I'm not joking... 67 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,681 It was, uh, jian-Yang. 68 00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:03,225 He said to tell you that Phillip mccrevis left word. 69 00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:05,603 Oh. Who's Phillip... oh. (Chuckles) 70 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,230 (Theme music playing) 71 00:03:18,074 --> 00:03:21,911 Richard, we'd better get our asses in first fucking gear 72 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,997 if we want to make it to this verge photoshoot. 73 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:26,874 Oh, shit. That's today? 74 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,637 Yes, I assume that's why you're still wearing your bloomberg makeup. 75 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:33,130 No. No, I was just... I kind of like the way it... 76 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:36,092 Uh... can we just push this to next week, please? 77 00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:38,344 They don't really do that. 78 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,971 Okay, well, can you go? 79 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,431 Please? I just have a ton of work, 80 00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:46,394 and honestly I would be really happy if I never had to do any of this ever again 81 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,080 and then you were just the face of the company. 82 00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:50,022 You know what I mean? Oh, shit. 83 00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:52,024 What time is this vanity fair thing? 84 00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:54,527 It's tonight. I figure we're wheels up by 6:00, 85 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,613 then we can check into the hotel, shit, shave, and shit again. 86 00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,532 - Get a cocktail. - What hotel? 87 00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:01,409 Eavesdropping. Well, if you must know, 88 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:04,578 we got a suite at the Fairmont, and they're sending a car. 89 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:07,302 I think Richard deserves it. And then I figured tomorrow in the am, 90 00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,583 we would sleep in and have a nice brunch. 91 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,044 I don't have time for a brunch. I have to be back here. 92 00:04:12,128 --> 00:04:16,132 Come on, eggs Benny, a little spinach tartar, you'll flirt with the waitress. 93 00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:19,844 Killer. And, uh, we'll have a nice talk. 94 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,762 "Talk"? What about? 95 00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:25,057 You know, things, all sorts of themes. 96 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,811 So tomorrow, you, me, brunch, 97 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:32,273 and, uh, one word. Frittata. 98 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,736 Hey, fellas, is it me, or is it a bit chilly in here? 99 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,864 (Chuckles) 100 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,284 What in god's name is that? 101 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,828 What do you think it is? It's a jacket! 102 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:46,912 (Uaredlaughs) 103 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,457 Now, I only ordered one as a sample, 104 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,168 but once I have your sizes, we can all have them. 105 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:55,004 Why would we all want them? One is already too many. 106 00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,548 I don't mean in the house. I mean, like, in the world. 107 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,635 Now gilfoyle, I have you at about a 40 long? Am I right? 108 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:03,929 If my mother was naked and dead in the street, 109 00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:06,640 I would not cover her body with that jacket. 110 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:08,517 (Laughs) Gilf. 111 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,103 Jared, now that you're here, 112 00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:13,772 - we need two new tables in the game room. - Yeah? 113 00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:17,401 Okay. Well, maybe against the doors? 114 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,778 Oh, hold on, there's more. 115 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,239 (Reading) 116 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:27,203 And you guys give me shit for a tiny gold chain? 117 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:31,457 I regret nothing. I'm going to get coffee. 118 00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:36,545 Hey, brownie, you coming? 119 00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,549 I was thinking we'd hit the philz on middlefield. 120 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:41,217 No, let's drive to the one on forest Avenue. 121 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,135 It's further from that jacket. 122 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,180 Claude, you're on pager duty until we get back. 123 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,476 Jared, can I borrow thatjacket? 124 00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,854 I sense you're doing something ironic with it, 125 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:55,314 but I'm okay with that, 126 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:59,818 because however unattractive this jacket may seem to you, 127 00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:02,988 once you slip it on, everything will change. 128 00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:08,327 It'll shake out its hair and take off its glasses, and before you know it, you'll be in love. 129 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,247 Jared, it's really fucking ugly. 130 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,252 Gavin: Consider the tortoise. 131 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,003 As the fable teaches us, 132 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,214 it may appear that he is losing in his race 133 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,759 against his Nemesis, the insolent and cocksure hare. 134 00:06:25,678 --> 00:06:27,513 But appearances can be deceiving. 135 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,765 Gavin, the tortoise. Is it endframe? 136 00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:32,851 Yes. But there's more. 137 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:36,063 - The hare is pied Piper. - Indeed it is. Someone's read their aesop. 138 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,815 We've also read the financials, Gavin. 139 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,316 Between nucleus and endframe, 140 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,027 you've burned through three-quarters of $1 billion, 141 00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:44,029 with virtually nothing to show for it. 142 00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:45,239 Two weeks ago, 143 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:49,410 on the heels of powering down the entire hooli campus for seemingly no reason, 144 00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:52,913 you lost all of endframe's senior engineers. 145 00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:56,041 I Grant you, we've stumbled on offense of late, 146 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,127 - but the best offense is a good defense. - (Sighs) 147 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,588 We've taken a page out of apple's playbook 148 00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:03,882 and are currently "reviewing" the pied Piper app for sale 149 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:07,595 in our hooli store at a pace one might call "tortoise-like." 150 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,263 Don't. They hate that. 151 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:11,932 In any case, I have it on good authority 152 00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:16,937 that it may be some time before pied Piper is available on hooli os devices. 153 00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,689 We're making it available immediately. 154 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:19,940 Sorry? 155 00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:23,027 You're fighting a war that's already ended, Gavin. Pied Piper won. 156 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,029 We called this board meeting to inform you 157 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:28,324 that it's time for hooli to let go and move on without you at the wheel. 158 00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:32,202 I'm sorry, without me? (Chuckles) Are you firing me? 159 00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,954 Our intention is simply to transition you 160 00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:36,540 into a more appropriate role within the company, 161 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,376 one with less oversight of day-to-day operations. 162 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,797 You're putting me on the fucking roof? 163 00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:46,967 You could always choose to move on, Gavin. Up to you. 164 00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:51,722 I built this company with my bare hands in my fucking garage. 165 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,599 Where were you when I was doing that? 166 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:55,809 Gavin? 167 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,228 These animals? 168 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,451 Fuck. 169 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:18,040 Well, uh, you are certainly more than qualified to be our new head of PR. 170 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,375 Laurie thinks you're great. 171 00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,086 Um, to be honest, we could use the help. 172 00:08:22,378 --> 00:08:26,131 All the media stuff has been pretty ovennhelming, especially lately. 173 00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,884 - If Marissa Mayer can do it, so can you. - Richard: Oh. (Chuckles) 174 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,929 And you're available immediately? 175 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,682 I am. I do have one question for you guys. 176 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:38,268 Is everything here cool? 177 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,314 Is it cool? 178 00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:44,149 Uh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm cool. 179 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,734 - Yeah, he is cool. - Uh-huh. 180 00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:50,114 Clearly, but is there anything you guys want to tell me about the company? 181 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:52,366 What, like, uh... 182 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,034 All right, look, this is weird, 183 00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:56,704 but when I was in Laurie's office yesterday, 184 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:59,248 I saw a piece of paper on her desk. 185 00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,709 Well, she can be a bit untidy. 186 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:04,420 It was a sale of a big block of pied Piper stock. 187 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,130 Is someone on the inside 188 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,465 - dumping shares right as you're launching? - What? 189 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,677 No. No, absolutely not. 190 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,738 'Cause that would be a pretty severe signaling risk. 191 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,180 I mean, you don't have to be in PR 192 00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:17,141 to know that insiders only dump stock like that 193 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,642 when they know something is wrong. 194 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,228 The bulk of my compensation here would be options, 195 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,231 and if those aren't going to be worth anything... 196 00:09:23,439 --> 00:09:25,858 Yeah. No. No, no, no. 197 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:29,236 That is not happening, okay? Nothing is going on here. 198 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,822 - Yeah, except excellence. - Okay. 199 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:37,828 Well, you let me know what you want to do and I'll think about it. 200 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,998 Okay. Oh. 201 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,500 Um, well, thanks for coming. 202 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,088 (Door closes) 203 00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,590 What the hell was that? 204 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,509 Maybe it was a negotiating tactic? 205 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,429 Monica. 206 00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:57,973 It's Monica. 207 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,725 Well, let's not jump to conclusions. 208 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,811 I mean, she's the only one who's bought a jacket. 209 00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:05,939 Jared, she's the only one who hates the platform. 210 00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:09,610 There's no other explanation for this. Okay? Monica fucked us. 211 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,113 She pulled down our pants and fucked us in front of our parents. 212 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:17,159 Did some... Richard, did somebody do that to you? 213 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,322 No. No, I don't know why... 214 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:24,792 Oh, boy, it is chilly. 215 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,796 Good thing I brought this sweetjiz-acket. 216 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:32,090 Hey, friend? We came here together. 217 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,427 I know what you're doing. 218 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,639 You think you're embarrassing me, 219 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:41,391 but that's only the secondary effect of that shitty jacket. 220 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,143 The primary effect is 221 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,815 that you look like a douchebag. 222 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,817 Let me put this in terms you'll understand. 223 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,820 I'm like a suicide bomber of humiliation. 224 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:55,948 I'm happy to go out as long as I take you with me. 225 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:59,409 Your shame is my paradise. 226 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:01,662 (Clears throat) 227 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,080 'Sup, ladies? 228 00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:06,291 What you noshing on? Cranberry scone? 229 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:11,255 My friend dinesh here has a little crush on you. He's shy. 230 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,090 I don't know him. 231 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,843 Oh, he plays coy. 232 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,386 I don't know why he's so shy. 233 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,805 Excuse me. I noticed yourjacket. 234 00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,223 Do you work for pied Piper? 235 00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:24,393 - Yeah. - Dude, your app is killin' it. 236 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,186 Everyone I know is installing it. 237 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,438 Do you, seriously? I just downloaded it last night. 238 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,066 - Yeah? - Do you mind if we get a picture? 239 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,527 - With me? - Woman: Yeah. Everybody get in. 240 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,028 Gilfoyle: If you want it. 241 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,989 (Cameras clicking) 242 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,574 - Thanks. - Man: Thanks, bro. 243 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:41,201 Hey, man, did you remember to put money in the meter? 244 00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:43,745 Hi, I'm dinesh. Iwork at pied Piper. 245 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,497 Excuse me, do I know you? 246 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:48,083 Gilfoyle. 247 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,544 He's a fuckin' dick, but I love him, though. 248 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,379 You have me confused with someone else. 249 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:56,633 My name's clearly Jared, and if you would excuse us, you were interrupting. 250 00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,012 No, he's lying. His name is gilfoyle. Show them your driver's license. 251 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:03,432 Jared asked you nicely to step back, so step the fuck back. 252 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,893 You're being a dick, and you're cutting in line. 253 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,186 You heard him. You're being a dick. 254 00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:09,313 (Mouthing) 255 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,567 - Boy, some people. - Woman: What a creep. 256 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,410 Man: Sorry you had to deal with that, Jared. 257 00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,404 Gilfoyle: You and me both, friend. 258 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,698 - (Rings) - This is Monica. 259 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:23,285 Is it? Because apparently everything else that comes out of your mouth is a lie. 260 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:24,995 Shit. 261 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:28,498 Look, Richard, itotally understand if you're pissed at me, 262 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:32,002 but please know that I tried as hard as I could to get him to tell you. 263 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,004 Oh, really? Well, that's not what he said. 264 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,089 Oh, really? What exactly did he say? 265 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:39,384 He said that he found it on a piece of paper in Laurie's office. 266 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:43,096 What? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Who's the "he" that you're talking about? 267 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,514 You know who. David. 268 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,141 My brother? 269 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,350 What? 270 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,227 Who the fuck... I don't know. (Laughs) 271 00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:51,271 No, David, the fucking PR guy 272 00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:53,416 who's not going to take a job with us because of what you did. 273 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,194 Richard, I am totally lost. What exactly do you think I did? 274 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,630 You can play dumb all you want to. 275 00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:01,323 It won't change the one thing that both you and I know is true. 276 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,116 You dumped your stock. 277 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,621 What? No. I didn't dump a single share of my pied Piper stock. 278 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,539 - I swear. - Well, then who the fuck did? 279 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,018 - (Upbeat music playing) - And make sure that the money reads. 280 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,127 I mean, pied Piper is a billion-dollar company. 281 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,420 It's not just a unicorn. 282 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,297 All right, let's do some rearing. 283 00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:18,632 There we go. 284 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,551 Now, let's let the horns sort of look like my dick. 285 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,428 - Perfect. - (Scoffs) 286 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,472 Are you fucking kidding me? 287 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:26,723 Richard. 288 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:30,185 Um, can we take a soft five? 289 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,664 I was going to tell you. That's what tomorrow's brunch was for. 290 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:36,441 Brunch? You had 10 fucking days and you didn't say a thing. 291 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,568 Fine. You want to know why I didn't tell you? 292 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,987 Because it's fucking humiliating. 293 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,270 - I'm broke, Richard. - (Sighs) 294 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,240 Did you hear me? I'm broke. 295 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,202 Erlich bachman, the name that used to be synonymous with success, 296 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,454 went broke and was forced to sell. 297 00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,832 - I got royally fucked, Richard. - You got fucked? 298 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:55,085 You're the one who threw a million-dollar party. 299 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,230 - Yeah, but it was a great party. - No one forced you to do that. 300 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,880 Admit it, you fucked yourself. 301 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,924 But I'm not gonna let you fuck my company. 302 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,094 I'm going to have to issue a press release explaining what you did and why. 303 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,637 No, no, come on. This isn't out. 304 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:08,515 - It's one PR guy. - That we know of, erlich. 305 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,684 How many other people saw that piece of paper? 306 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,186 How many people has this guy talked to? 307 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:16,606 This is silicon valley. Rumors spread like light speed here. 308 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:20,694 How are we gonna get good people to work for us 309 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,280 if they think something funky is going on with our stock? 310 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,408 How are we going to scale? This is gonna kill us. 311 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,036 Richard, do you know what happens if this goes public? 312 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:31,204 - I'm Ron Wayne. - Who? 313 00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:35,584 Ron Wayne, the guy that owned 10% of apple and sold it in 1976. 314 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,753 No one in this town will work with me ever again. 315 00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:41,381 You want me to risk the entire future of pied Piper, 316 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,592 everything that I've worked for, 317 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:48,555 just to protect you from your own fucking incompetence? 318 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:52,684 Richard, there's a 3% to 4% chance that this is going to get out on its own, 319 00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,728 but there is 100% chance 320 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:59,274 that if you issue a press release no one will ever take me seriously again. 321 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,027 My dignity is in your hands, Richard. 322 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,321 Do with it what you will. 323 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,664 Gavin? Is that you? 324 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,084 Jack barker. Nice plane. 325 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,627 Yours, too. Where are you headed? 326 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:21,296 I just needed to take a walk and clear my head. 327 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:24,299 There's this great little hiking trail near my lodge in Jackson hole. 328 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:28,095 Get out of here. I'm on my way up to j hole myself. 329 00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:29,805 Is that right? I thought you sold. 330 00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,723 No, I just never go there. 331 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,308 So how long you going for? 332 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,810 Coming back tomorrow afternoon. 333 00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:37,354 - Me, too. (Laughs) - Oh, come on. Come on. 334 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:42,442 Seriously, we need to find a couple hours, get together, catch up. 335 00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:43,878 I could tell you some war stories. 336 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,028 Well, I'd love that. 337 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,364 - I could tell you a few of my own. - (Laughs) 338 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:50,117 - Well, be well. - You, too. 339 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,035 - Take care, Jack. - Yeah. See you. 340 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,371 Gavin? 341 00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,081 Wait. 342 00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:59,209 Uh, what are we doing here? (Chuckles) 343 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:02,754 I mean, you're on your way to Jackson hole, I'm going to Jackson hole. 344 00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:05,715 You seem like you could use some company. 345 00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,844 - You play chess? - I do. Indeed. 346 00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,262 Fantastic. 347 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,807 I tell you, when we get up to altitude and the Wi-Fi kicks in, 348 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,269 I'm actionjb62 on hooli chat. 349 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:18,728 - Find me. - I will. 350 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,897 - I'm glad we bumped into each other. - Me, too. 351 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,358 - Really is a small world. - It's crazy. 352 00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:24,442 (Both laugh) 353 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,657 (Sighs) Okay, well, uh, I think it reads well. 354 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:34,327 And it's all in there. This will definitely set the record straight. 355 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,872 Then again, you're basically lighting erlich on fire. 356 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,416 So what? He fucked the company. 357 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,877 He potentially fucked the company. 358 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,629 Are you kidding me? Gilfoyle, back me up here. 359 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:45,881 This is thorny. 360 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,632 How is this even a question for you guys? 361 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:50,111 Honestly. I mean, it's not like he's going to be out on the street. 362 00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:54,431 He just sold 10% of a company that's valued at least $50 million, 363 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,142 and now, suddenly, we're giving him the benefit of the doubt? 364 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,936 Well, it sounds mighty Christian of you, gilfoyle. 365 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,355 There's no reason for hate speech, Richard. 366 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:13,200 I can see by the sour, pinched expressions on all your faces 367 00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:17,120 that Richard has filled you in regarding the unfortunate circumstances 368 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:21,124 that have forced me to relinquish my stake in your fair company. 369 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:26,046 Erlich, you should know that I have written a press release. 370 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,340 - Oh? - I'm not going to release it yet, 371 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,635 but if I hear wind of these rumors spreading out of control, 372 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:35,597 I'm going to send it to every tech publication and blog on the face of the earth. 373 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,765 Do you understand? 374 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:39,059 - Even uproxx? - Yes, even them. 375 00:17:39,935 --> 00:17:41,144 Also, uh... 376 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:47,692 This is the check for next month's use of the house as our office, 377 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,736 but we'll be out by the end of the month. 378 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,696 Richard, it doesn't have to be like this. 379 00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:55,408 From this point fonnard, you will have nothing to do with this company whatsoever. 380 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:59,162 I'm replacing you on the board, and I'm giving your seat to Jared. 381 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,123 - So that's it then. - Yes. 382 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,377 So I guess we better get ready for that vanity fair event. 383 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:06,962 What? 384 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,298 Did you not listen to a word I just said? 385 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:13,677 I heard thousands of words about rumors and the need to contain them. 386 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,614 What do you think would happen if I didn't show up to this vanity fair event? 387 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,056 I've already rsvp'd 388 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:21,726 and given them a list of phony dietary restrictions just to cause a scene. 389 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,812 I told them I was pesca-pescatarian. 390 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:28,108 Which is one who eats solely fish who eat other fish. 391 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,193 I think my absence would be noted. 392 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,779 - Erlich brings up a good point. - It's true. 393 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,447 Let us not forget meinertzhagen's... 394 00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,283 Yes, yes, meinertzhagen's haversack. 395 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,368 We all remember his sack. 396 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,830 (Sighs) Okay, fine. Yeah. 397 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,873 Sure. You can come. I can't stop you. 398 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:48,670 Uh, I'll be taking the car and the hotel room and you're going to have to drive yourself. 399 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,088 Consider it my farewell dinner. 400 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,382 See you at the event. 401 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:58,888 (Door closes) 402 00:18:58,972 --> 00:18:59,973 (Gasping) 403 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,518 - Jared, are you okay? - It's just so many emotions. 404 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:08,023 The board seat. I feel regret and a glee that you would choose to honor me, 405 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:11,860 and terror at not living up to your expectations, 406 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:14,529 and compassion for erlich's loss. 407 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:19,034 Oh, Donald, you've come undone. (Chuckles sadly) 408 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,648 You still want him on the board? 409 00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:27,000 Hi, there. Checking in. Richard Hendricks. 410 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,418 Fuck me. Hey, Richie. 411 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,961 Oh, god. Hey, Russ. 412 00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:31,564 What's up, boy genius? You here fucking? 413 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,840 Huh? No. No, no, no fucking. 414 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,468 Just here for the vanity fair dinner. 415 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:37,778 Oh, yeah, I know that stupid dinner. 416 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,804 Bunch of vc douchebags jerking each other off. 417 00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,556 Speaking of, I got this girl at the bar, 418 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,159 I'm trying to take her up to the presidential suite 419 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,827 before her fucking bridesmaids ruin the whole thing, 420 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,353 but they're telling me it's booked. 421 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,522 Who is it? Is it Gore? Fuck that guy. 422 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,316 - Oh, god. - I saw pied Piper launched. 423 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,719 Haven't tried it, probably won't. 424 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:56,446 I don't even want to think about how fucked I got missing out on erlich's shares. Fuck. 425 00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,033 Wait, he tried to sell you his shares? 426 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,702 Well, half of them. He was pretty desperate to stay on the team. 427 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,788 Well, he didn't mention anything about this to me. 428 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,600 Of course not. Why would he? It's fucking humiliating losing all your money. 429 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:10,770 You think when I dropped below $1 billion I walked around telling everybody? Fuck no. 430 00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:11,896 You guys were the only ones who knew, 431 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,105 and I actually thought about having you killed. 432 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,369 - I'm sorry, what? - So erlich and I, like two weeks ago, 433 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:16,549 we had a contract ready. 434 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,553 Five mil I was gonna pay him for half his shares. 435 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,970 It was a win-win. Then that robot, Laurie bream, 436 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,847 sweeps in and cockblocks the whole thing. 437 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:25,725 She forces him to sell her all his shares. You think she's gay? 438 00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:29,896 Maybe. It hasn't come up. I... so wait, she outbid you? 439 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,940 Outbid me? No, she didn't have to. 440 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,418 You don't even know how your own fucking company works? (Laughs) 441 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:37,487 All right, Mr. Hendricks, we have you staying one night in a deluxe double. 442 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,714 Okay, do you have a tub in that room? 443 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,840 Does he have a tub in that room? 444 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:40,966 I don't know. There's no way of telling. 445 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,076 You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna take her to the w. 446 00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,879 She's so drunk she won't know the difference. See you around, Richie. 447 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,087 (Cell phone chimes) 448 00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,592 Cj: (On voicemail) Hey, it's c.J. 449 00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:03,680 Listen, I'm hearing a rumor about some serious ugliness going on at pied Piper. 450 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,642 I've heard it from three different people now. You need to call me. 451 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:10,353 Fuck. 452 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:14,607 Laurie: What in god's name is the reason to get a higher education? 453 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,526 You can just buy a megafreeze for 35 cents. 454 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,087 Laurie, can I talk to you for a second? 455 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,780 Yes, uh, Richard Hendricks, do you know Mark pincus? 456 00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:21,865 Hello. Big fan. 457 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,908 Oh, okay. Yes. Um... 458 00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:25,910 - Sorry, just one second. - Yes. All right. 459 00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:30,081 I'm sorry to cutaway like this. We can continue discussing this. 460 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:36,921 Okay, uh, look, I know erlich sold you all of his shares. 461 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,966 I'm just wondering exactly how that happened. 462 00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:42,469 Ah, yes. It was one of my finer moments. 463 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:46,431 Erlich came to me with an outside offer to sell half of his pied Piper shares. 464 00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:49,434 To Russ hanneman for $5 million. Yes, I know. 465 00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:52,645 But somehow you ended up with all of his shares. How? 466 00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:56,024 Oh, well, as you know, the same onerous terms you accepted 467 00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:57,817 when you took Russ hanneman's money, 468 00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,701 they transferred to me when I bought him out. 469 00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:01,839 These included the right to block any transfer of stocks 470 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,240 with a majority vote of the board. A board which I control. 471 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,327 - I don't understand. - Of course you do. 472 00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:11,915 If I have approval of any buyer, and I am the only buyer I approve, 473 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,750 then I can set my own price. 474 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:18,004 So I asked Mr. Bachman for a thorough accounting of his debts, 475 00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:20,840 which ran to approximately $713,000. 476 00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:22,634 And how much did you give him? 477 00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:24,594 $713,000. 478 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,181 Jesus. So, he walked away with nothing. 479 00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:32,685 Oh, yes. And so as I said, you're the one who accepted these terms, 480 00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,705 so you're the one who enabled this action on my part. 481 00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,773 All credit goes to you, Richard. Excuse me. 482 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,816 Dick. Dick costolo. One moment. 483 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:39,984 I need to speak with you. 484 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:41,861 (Indistinct talking) 485 00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:47,283 Man: It's expensive to replant. 486 00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:50,787 No. The vines are bad. The soil is bad. 487 00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:03,258 Excuse me, what is that? 488 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:04,801 Waiter: That's pesca-pescatarian. 489 00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:08,221 - It's fish that... - Actually, just bring me one of those. 490 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,949 - Me, too. - Yeah, waiter, I'll take one, too. 491 00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:11,853 - I want one. - Man 1: I want one of those also. 492 00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:13,905 Man 2: Wait, hey, hey, I'd like that also. 493 00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:16,247 Man 3: Excuse me, if he's having one, I want one. 494 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,391 Man 4: You're getting that, I want it, too. Excuse me! 495 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,403 Hey, I thought you were at the dinner. 496 00:23:23,486 --> 00:23:24,737 I left. 497 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:27,824 Erlich never showed. Is he here? 498 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:30,076 Yeah. He's hiding in the backyard. 499 00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:34,080 Have you not seen the article? 500 00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,673 "Is erlich bachman the dumbest man in tech"? 501 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,217 What the hell is this? I never sent anything out. 502 00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:48,511 - Who did they talk to? - Erlich. 503 00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:52,348 This is c.J.'S blog. He outed himself to protect pied Piper. 504 00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:54,684 Yeah, this is way harsher than anything you ever wrote. 505 00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,854 Plus, there's the visual component. 506 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:02,025 Speaking of... where's yourjacket, Jared? 507 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:09,324 (Clears throat) That was quite a piece. 508 00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:11,951 Informative. Thorough. 509 00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,162 You certainly know how to make an impact. 510 00:24:15,747 --> 00:24:18,666 And I guess I don't have to worry about any rumors coming out. 511 00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,043 Those are handled. 512 00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:26,174 You know, erlich, uh, pied Piper still needs a head of PR. 513 00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,970 You seem to be well-versed in media outreach. 514 00:24:31,387 --> 00:24:35,850 And by your own admission in that article, your head is, uh, what did you say, 515 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:39,228 so far up your own ass you can see the future. (Chuckles) 516 00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:41,314 And that could be useful. 517 00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:45,735 If we need a pre-cog... (Stammers) 518 00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:48,112 In away. 519 00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:50,990 Uh, I don't know if you're available, so... 520 00:24:51,074 --> 00:24:53,409 Are you offering me a job? 521 00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:55,411 Well, we have a good option package. 522 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:59,791 It won't be quite what you had, but it's something. 523 00:25:01,918 --> 00:25:03,252 That's very generous. 524 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,964 So things could go back to the way they were before. 525 00:25:07,048 --> 00:25:10,009 Well, no. No. Not exactly the way they were. 526 00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:14,764 No, no. Uh, well, this would be an actual job and you would have responsibilities. 527 00:25:14,931 --> 00:25:17,183 Would this job have a title? 528 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:21,104 Something, say, chief evangelism officer? 529 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:22,897 So, "ceo"? 530 00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:25,358 - Jared: Oh, my goodness! - What the fuck was that? 531 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:28,528 (Panting) Richard. 532 00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:31,239 The pied Piper app just got accepted into the hooli store. 533 00:25:31,322 --> 00:25:34,033 What? (Chuckles) Holy shit. 534 00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:39,038 Gavin belson just presented us with his bare buttocks in submission. 535 00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:41,416 We beat him. I don't hug. No. 536 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:45,461 Um, okay, hey, look, time to issue your first press release, right? 537 00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:48,881 It's very late, Richard, and I'm very high. 538 00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:50,049 Erlich, I don't care. 539 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:52,051 You have to do it, okay? Now. 540 00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:54,387 - It's your job. - Okay. 541 00:25:54,470 --> 00:25:55,680 All right. 542 00:25:56,055 --> 00:25:57,098 (Jared laughing) 543 00:25:57,932 --> 00:25:58,933 (Door closes) 544 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:01,936 C.j. Cantwell. 545 00:26:02,019 --> 00:26:03,938 Erlich bachman. The reason I'm calling 546 00:26:04,021 --> 00:26:08,901 has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with the fact that I own half of your blog 547 00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:10,737 and everything to do with the fact 548 00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:15,032 that I was just named chief evangelism officer of pied Piper. 549 00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:19,078 Feel free to abbreviate that, whatever acronym is most economical. 550 00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:20,204 And I have a story. 551 00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:22,915 Well, if it's anything like this last one, I am all for it. 552 00:26:22,999 --> 00:26:25,585 I am getting so many paid views on your tell-all. 553 00:26:25,668 --> 00:26:27,503 Everyone in the valley is reading it. 554 00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:30,840 Well, that's good. For you. 555 00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,425 At my expense, I guess. 556 00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,428 Anyway, I had no choice. 557 00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,448 As you said, it was going to come out one way or another. 558 00:26:37,472 --> 00:26:39,932 Why? No one knew about any of it until you told me. 559 00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,935 What do you mean? You said that you had heard from a bunch of people 560 00:26:43,019 --> 00:26:46,105 that there are all these rumors about ugly shit going down at pied Piper. 561 00:26:46,189 --> 00:26:48,775 That's literally the only reason that I told you any of this. 562 00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:53,279 What? Oh, yeah, three different people told me 563 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:55,740 that pied Piper had the ugliestjackets they'd ever seen. 564 00:26:55,823 --> 00:26:56,823 Jackets? 565 00:26:56,866 --> 00:26:59,052 I was going to do, like, a whole swag fail thing, you know? 566 00:26:59,076 --> 00:27:00,495 That could have been cool, no? 567 00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:02,663 Who the fuck cares about jackets? 568 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,291 - (Music playing) - Dinesh: (Singing) Hey, come on, babe 569 00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:07,126 follow me 570 00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:09,420 I'm the pied Piper 571 00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:13,216 follow me, I'm the pied Piper 572 00:27:13,299 --> 00:27:17,136 and I'll show you where it's at 573 00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:18,971 come on, babe 574 00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:20,264 can't you see? 575 00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:24,185 I'm the pied Piper, trust in me 576 00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:26,479 I'm the pied Piper 577 00:27:26,562 --> 00:27:31,234 and I'll show you where it's at 578 00:27:32,902 --> 00:27:36,364 girl, don't be scared to move 579 00:27:36,447 --> 00:27:40,201 hey, babe, what are you tryin' to prove 580 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:44,205 it ain't true that your life has kicked you 581 00:27:44,288 --> 00:27:49,585 it's your mind and that's all that's trickin' you 582 00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:54,340 so step in line 583 00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:58,511 hey, come on, babe, follow me 584 00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:02,473 I'm the pied Piper, follow me 585 00:28:02,557 --> 00:28:05,017 I'm the pied Piper 586 00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:09,730 and I'll show you where it's at 587 00:28:10,565 --> 00:28:12,483 come on, babe 588 00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:14,068 can't you see? 589 00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:17,905 Come on, babe, follow me 590 00:28:17,989 --> 00:28:21,117 I'm the pied Piper