1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,927
At this point I could stand to
be a little perverted.
2
00:00:01,928 --> 00:00:03,878
Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted.
3
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:07,381
We'll be profitable and
up 5X inside three years.
4
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,551
You've got three months.
5
00:00:10,982 --> 00:00:13,133
- What is this?
- My resignation letter.
6
00:00:13,134 --> 00:00:14,468
Laurie, what are you doing here?
7
00:00:14,469 --> 00:00:16,845
I've made myself the CEO of the OwlNet.
8
00:00:16,846 --> 00:00:18,271
This is who you're walking away for?
9
00:00:18,272 --> 00:00:20,349
- This... George R. R....
- No, no, no. No!
10
00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:22,686
- Oh my god!
- You did this, Richard!
11
00:00:23,728 --> 00:00:25,854
Cheers to our future endeavors together.
12
00:00:25,855 --> 00:00:29,942
We will not mine user data.
13
00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:31,193
I was very clear about that.
14
00:00:31,194 --> 00:00:33,195
If you do not take my money, Richard...
15
00:00:33,196 --> 00:00:36,282
it will be very bad for you.
16
00:00:37,126 --> 00:00:42,126
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
17
00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:54,133
- A billion dollars?
- Yes.
18
00:00:54,134 --> 00:00:59,471
A man offered us a billion dollars,
19
00:00:59,472 --> 00:01:01,682
and you said no?
20
00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:03,717
A very bad man, and
he would've turned us
21
00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:05,552
into the worst possible
version of ourselves.
22
00:01:05,553 --> 00:01:07,271
I mean, you can't put a price on ethics.
23
00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:09,356
But it seems you just did.
24
00:01:09,357 --> 00:01:11,442
One billion dollars.
25
00:01:11,443 --> 00:01:14,571
Monica... you were okay with this?
26
00:01:15,655 --> 00:01:16,781
Y-Yes?
27
00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:19,366
Richard,
28
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:20,947
do you remember when you turned down
29
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,686
$10 million from Gavin Belson?
30
00:01:22,687 --> 00:01:26,331
Did that start some sick
addiction to turning down money?
31
00:01:26,332 --> 00:01:30,586
Are you just chasing that
dragon, you sick junkie fuck?!
32
00:01:30,587 --> 00:01:33,638
Now, Dinesh, look, if
I'd taken that 10 million,
33
00:01:33,639 --> 00:01:35,317
you wouldn't own two and a half percent
34
00:01:35,318 --> 00:01:36,500
of everything we've built here!
35
00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:39,997
Two and a half percent of a
billion dollars is $25 million!
36
00:01:39,998 --> 00:01:42,661
Yes, but, actually, the billion dollars
37
00:01:42,662 --> 00:01:44,663
was to own ten percent of the company.
38
00:01:44,664 --> 00:01:47,458
So, not to split hairs,
you would, uh, technically,
39
00:01:47,459 --> 00:01:49,585
be worth... 250 million.
40
00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:51,031
- Fuck!
- Huh.
41
00:01:51,032 --> 00:01:53,422
At an interest rate of 3.65 percent,
42
00:01:53,423 --> 00:01:55,799
leaving a billion dollars
in the bank would get you
43
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,676
$36.5 million a year.
44
00:01:57,677 --> 00:01:59,970
That's a hundred grand a day. That's...
45
00:01:59,971 --> 00:02:02,932
- Sixty-nine dollars a minute.
- Sixty-nine dollars a minute!
46
00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:05,059
Think about all the gold chain
47
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,644
you could've bought with that money.
48
00:02:06,645 --> 00:02:08,145
I actually don't think...
49
00:02:08,146 --> 00:02:10,898
that interest rate
is accurate because...
50
00:02:10,899 --> 00:02:13,651
- even a 30-year T-bill is only...
- Two-point-nine percent.
51
00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:15,277
- Two-point-nine.
- All your blathering
52
00:02:15,278 --> 00:02:17,404
just now would've made us $2.32.
53
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,365
Again, I-I don't think
that's right because,
54
00:02:19,366 --> 00:02:22,910
assuming an APR of three, I
cost us well under two dollars,
55
00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:26,205
so it's not even...
56
00:02:26,206 --> 00:02:28,333
Um, sorry, uh...
57
00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:32,461
- Hello?
- Richard!
58
00:02:32,462 --> 00:02:34,004
It's Maximo.
59
00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:35,965
We are on the phone. How are you?
60
00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:37,800
Yeah, I know. I'm fine.
61
00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:40,219
We were just talking about
you, myself and Colin.
62
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,762
- Colin?
- Oh, yes.
63
00:02:41,763 --> 00:02:43,597
Colin is here.
64
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,516
He is making the peace sign to you.
65
00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:47,976
Now, you remember how you
refused to take my money?
66
00:02:47,977 --> 00:02:50,896
Well, Colin, he did take my money. So,
67
00:02:50,897 --> 00:02:52,356
now he is leaving your network.
68
00:02:52,357 --> 00:02:53,774
Wait, to go where?
69
00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:56,110
Oh, to the network run by
new friend, Laurie Bream.
70
00:02:56,111 --> 00:02:58,696
Now, you remember when I said
if you did not take my money,
71
00:02:58,697 --> 00:03:00,823
it would be very bad for you?
72
00:03:00,824 --> 00:03:04,076
Well, let me tell you what is
going to happen to you next.
73
00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:06,203
Which was too, too, too much for her,
74
00:03:06,204 --> 00:03:09,206
so she went down 51st
Street to see Dr. X,
75
00:03:09,207 --> 00:03:11,542
who gave her eight
pills, which left her...
76
00:03:11,543 --> 00:03:13,085
Boobless.
77
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:23,073
♪ Silicon Valley 6x03 ♪
Hooli Smokes!
78
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:29,727
- So, Colin's out.
- Yes.
79
00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:32,004
So, our profits are... zero.
80
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:33,114
It's worse than that.
81
00:03:33,115 --> 00:03:35,816
Maximo has bought all of
Laurie's Pied Piper shares,
82
00:03:35,817 --> 00:03:38,444
as well as all the
shares of Big Head's dad.
83
00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:40,320
He now owns 30 percent of the company.
84
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,406
So, the only way we can
raise money to stay alive
85
00:03:42,407 --> 00:03:44,533
is by selling shares, but
the second we do that...
86
00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:45,743
Maximo buys them.
87
00:03:45,744 --> 00:03:47,745
Yeah, and when he gets a majority stake,
88
00:03:47,746 --> 00:03:50,080
he can do whatever he wants.
89
00:03:50,081 --> 00:03:52,249
Shut us down, fire all of us,
90
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,315
take our IP to Laurie
to use on her network.
91
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:55,394
He's starving us out.
92
00:03:55,395 --> 00:03:58,005
- How long can we survive?
- Well,
93
00:03:58,006 --> 00:04:02,138
the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years.
94
00:04:02,139 --> 00:04:04,599
Oh. Well, that's something.
95
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,685
It ended in 1669,
96
00:04:06,686 --> 00:04:08,979
when the Ottoman soldiers
were infected with plague
97
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,730
after being attacked with the liquid
98
00:04:10,731 --> 00:04:13,233
from the spleens and buboes of the dead.
99
00:04:13,234 --> 00:04:14,401
What's a bubo?
100
00:04:14,402 --> 00:04:16,778
Plague-infested lymph nodes.
101
00:04:16,779 --> 00:04:19,489
So, they would, like, scoop them
out and throw them at people?
102
00:04:19,490 --> 00:04:22,534
Fuck! Fuck.
103
00:04:22,535 --> 00:04:26,413
Richard, did you just try
to punch the wall and miss?
104
00:04:26,414 --> 00:04:28,581
Nope. I clipped it. I got it.
105
00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:30,458
Sort of like that.
106
00:04:30,459 --> 00:04:31,751
I see. So,
107
00:04:31,752 --> 00:04:34,045
until a Richard Hendricks
reports an assault,
108
00:04:34,046 --> 00:04:36,047
I-I technically can't
turn myself in for it?
109
00:04:36,048 --> 00:04:37,465
That is correct.
110
00:04:37,466 --> 00:04:39,050
And what about a restraining order?
111
00:04:39,051 --> 00:04:41,886
Can I-I take one out
against myself on his behalf?
112
00:04:41,887 --> 00:04:43,346
No.
113
00:04:43,347 --> 00:04:46,392
What if I threaten you
guys? Just hear me out...
114
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:51,229
Fucking pigs. I-I hope that you
get cheated out of your overtime.
115
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:53,064
How about that, dickless?
116
00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:55,026
Maybe you could just
try calling the guy?
117
00:04:56,902 --> 00:04:58,903
Why were you talking to the police?
118
00:04:58,904 --> 00:05:01,073
Oh, it was just a personal issue.
119
00:05:01,574 --> 00:05:03,242
You should not bring them here.
120
00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:06,245
Fuck the police.
121
00:05:06,746 --> 00:05:10,249
Jian-Yang, you're not doing
anything illegal here, are you?
122
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,585
Yes.
123
00:05:15,337 --> 00:05:16,963
Where is everyone?
124
00:05:27,099 --> 00:05:30,101
Jared is bringing chaos to the house,
125
00:05:30,102 --> 00:05:32,479
and chaos is bad for our business.
126
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,316
Yeah. What is our business?
127
00:05:35,983 --> 00:05:40,278
I told you, it's a better for
both of us if you do not know.
128
00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:41,781
Oh, right. Yeah.
129
00:05:42,406 --> 00:05:44,199
We need to get rid of Gwart.
130
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,576
It's the only way to get rid of Jared.
131
00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:48,453
Gwart.
132
00:05:48,454 --> 00:05:49,662
Yes.
133
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,294
Richard?
134
00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:59,255
- Gavin.
- You look like shit.
135
00:05:59,256 --> 00:06:00,965
So do you.
136
00:06:00,966 --> 00:06:02,927
What happened to your hand?
137
00:06:03,552 --> 00:06:04,970
I punched a wall.
138
00:06:05,721 --> 00:06:07,180
Cool.
139
00:06:07,181 --> 00:06:08,807
Want a drink?
140
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:10,725
Don't you think it's a little early...
141
00:06:10,726 --> 00:06:13,478
It's kombucha with ginseng
and lemongrass, Richard.
142
00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:15,147
I'm not a fucking hobo.
143
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,608
All I wanted to do was
be a golden millionaire.
144
00:06:18,609 --> 00:06:19,818
Is that too much to ask?
145
00:06:19,819 --> 00:06:22,779
A millionaire that gets peed on?
146
00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:24,572
I could see you making half that happen.
147
00:06:24,573 --> 00:06:27,617
No, you have as many
millions as your age.
148
00:06:27,618 --> 00:06:31,162
I mean, everyone in the
Valley is swimming in money.
149
00:06:31,163 --> 00:06:32,705
Why not me?
150
00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:35,500
I believe your people
have a concept for it.
151
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:37,085
- Karma.
- Firstly,
152
00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:39,462
I am Muslim from Pakistan,
you fucking racist.
153
00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,631
Secondly, karma does not exist.
154
00:06:41,632 --> 00:06:43,174
Otherwise, it would mean that bad things
155
00:06:43,175 --> 00:06:44,843
happen to me because I'm a bad person.
156
00:06:44,844 --> 00:06:47,303
Check... and check.
157
00:06:47,304 --> 00:06:49,180
Oh, I'm a bad person?
158
00:06:49,181 --> 00:06:51,683
Says the guy who
literally worships Satan.
159
00:06:51,684 --> 00:06:53,142
I am a great guy.
160
00:06:53,143 --> 00:06:55,520
In my youth, I would've
argued that life is just
161
00:06:55,521 --> 00:06:59,065
a series of random events,
devoid of any meaning.
162
00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:02,485
But as a data scientist,
I have to recognize
163
00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:06,407
that sometimes, patterns emerge.
164
00:07:07,324 --> 00:07:09,159
Undeniable patterns.
165
00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:13,329
Get right with the universe.
166
00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,164
Dinesh?
167
00:07:15,165 --> 00:07:16,666
- Yo!
- Hey.
168
00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:19,294
What is up, my cousin?
169
00:07:19,295 --> 00:07:20,837
- Oh!
- Hey, uh, Gilfoyle,
170
00:07:20,838 --> 00:07:23,381
- you remember my cousin, Wajeed?
- Yes.
171
00:07:23,382 --> 00:07:25,842
Coz, I have been meaning to call you.
172
00:07:25,843 --> 00:07:27,468
Remember last year
when you wanted to sell
173
00:07:27,469 --> 00:07:29,888
all those shares of Bro that I gave you?
174
00:07:29,889 --> 00:07:31,890
And I was like, don't sell those shares!
175
00:07:31,891 --> 00:07:33,850
And you were like, "I need the money
176
00:07:33,851 --> 00:07:36,356
to buy floor mats for my
Tesla, so I can make a guy
177
00:07:36,357 --> 00:07:38,112
named Danny in the office feel bad".
178
00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,355
Good memory. Um,
179
00:07:39,356 --> 00:07:42,233
but, you know, Bro was
basically out of business.
180
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:43,735
It was.
181
00:07:43,736 --> 00:07:46,112
But so wild!
182
00:07:46,113 --> 00:07:49,032
After you sold those shares,
I sold Bro to MoveShack
183
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:53,202
for basically nothing, and yesterday,
184
00:07:53,203 --> 00:07:55,121
MoveShack got "acquired"
185
00:07:55,122 --> 00:07:59,752
by Snapchat, and, uh... we crushed it!
186
00:08:00,669 --> 00:08:03,755
- How much did you make?
- Oh, you won't believe this...
187
00:08:03,756 --> 00:08:07,725
_
188
00:08:09,261 --> 00:08:11,211
Sixty million dollars?
189
00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:13,097
Yes, 60 million dollars!
190
00:08:13,098 --> 00:08:15,850
I'm a golden millionaire!
191
00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:17,435
Times two!
192
00:08:17,436 --> 00:08:20,271
So, Dinesh sold his shares,
193
00:08:20,272 --> 00:08:24,525
and then your fortunes
turned around. Is that right?
194
00:08:24,526 --> 00:08:27,862
Huh. Weird. It's just like that time.
195
00:08:27,863 --> 00:08:31,032
Remember, you, me, and Ali, we
went down to play by the river...
196
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:33,993
- Oh... Boring story.
- ... and then, and then Dinesh,
197
00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:36,704
you snuck home so that you
could get Ali's jump rope
198
00:08:36,705 --> 00:08:38,176
and play with it by yourself,
199
00:08:38,177 --> 00:08:40,124
without telling him,
200
00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:43,419
and then Ali and I found a giant...
201
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,130
giant box of British candy.
202
00:08:46,131 --> 00:08:47,173
You love candy.
203
00:08:47,174 --> 00:08:48,800
Oh, it was the best.
204
00:08:48,801 --> 00:08:51,135
Anyway, I'm a golden millionaire.
205
00:08:51,136 --> 00:08:53,305
How about I buy drinks, yeah?
206
00:08:54,682 --> 00:08:56,683
- Karma's a...
- You're a bitch.
207
00:08:56,684 --> 00:08:58,518
Anyway, the fucking US government
208
00:08:58,519 --> 00:09:00,436
blocked the entire thing.
Can you believe that?
209
00:09:00,437 --> 00:09:02,022
I pay taxes.
210
00:09:02,982 --> 00:09:04,817
- I mean, I don't, but...
- Yeah.
211
00:09:05,401 --> 00:09:07,026
But look, I mean, I think
212
00:09:07,027 --> 00:09:08,653
we're even more fucked than you are.
213
00:09:08,654 --> 00:09:10,613
We're quite a pair, aren't we?
214
00:09:10,614 --> 00:09:13,783
To us. To the men in the arena,
215
00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:17,328
living or dying under the
watchful gaze of Caesar.
216
00:09:17,329 --> 00:09:19,497
Are you not entertained?
217
00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:25,224
_
218
00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:29,674
It's, uh, from Jared Dunn.
Do you remember him?
219
00:09:29,675 --> 00:09:31,551
Of course. How's he doing?
220
00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:33,553
Actually, uh, funny enough,
221
00:09:33,554 --> 00:09:37,056
he just bailed on me
to go work for some...
222
00:09:37,057 --> 00:09:39,225
sexy new startup back
at my old hacker hostel.
223
00:09:39,226 --> 00:09:43,271
Ironic. Exactly the same
way he left me, for you.
224
00:09:43,272 --> 00:09:45,357
Jared always had an eye for talent.
225
00:09:47,276 --> 00:09:49,110
Thanks, I guess.
226
00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:51,362
So, what was the munition
227
00:09:51,363 --> 00:09:53,406
that CIFIUS got on your case for?
228
00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:55,074
Some kind of...
229
00:09:55,075 --> 00:09:57,452
- illegal hacking tool?
- You wanna hear the worst part?
230
00:09:57,453 --> 00:10:00,580
It's a fucking dating
app called Foxhole.
231
00:10:00,581 --> 00:10:02,206
- An app?
- Yep!
232
00:10:02,207 --> 00:10:04,667
I can't shut it down because my
investors will lose their shit,
233
00:10:04,668 --> 00:10:06,586
and I can't sell it because
who the fuck wants something
234
00:10:06,587 --> 00:10:09,339
- with all those restrictions on it?
- Right.
235
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:10,841
Anyway...
236
00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:14,469
Here's to us,
237
00:10:14,470 --> 00:10:15,803
the Shackletons,
238
00:10:15,804 --> 00:10:18,890
- betrayed by nature's cruelest whims...
- Wait.
239
00:10:18,891 --> 00:10:20,957
- ... her wants...
- Sorry, just...
240
00:10:20,958 --> 00:10:23,269
If I owned Foxhole,
241
00:10:23,270 --> 00:10:24,896
wouldn't that prevent this Chilean guy
242
00:10:24,897 --> 00:10:27,106
from buying more of my shares?
243
00:10:27,107 --> 00:10:28,649
Actually, it would go even further.
244
00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:30,902
He'd have to sell all the
shares he already owns.
245
00:10:30,903 --> 00:10:32,320
Okay, so, um,
246
00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:34,989
if you sell me Foxhole,
I mean, that would
247
00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:36,949
certainly save my ass, obviously,
248
00:10:36,950 --> 00:10:39,660
but it would also save yours
249
00:10:39,661 --> 00:10:42,872
because then you could move your
operations wherever you wanted.
250
00:10:42,873 --> 00:10:44,916
I mean, it's kind of perfect, right?
251
00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:47,877
It would benefit us both, equally.
252
00:10:47,878 --> 00:10:49,462
- Holy shit.
- Yeah.
253
00:10:49,463 --> 00:10:53,257
Um, look, Gavin, I know we
always haven't seen eye-to-eye,
254
00:10:53,258 --> 00:10:55,760
we're not the best of friends, but...
255
00:10:55,761 --> 00:10:58,471
this may be a chance to actually
256
00:10:58,472 --> 00:11:01,099
help each other out, right?
257
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,934
What do you say?
258
00:11:02,935 --> 00:11:05,729
I mean... isn't it obvious?
259
00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:09,149
I say... no!
260
00:11:10,359 --> 00:11:12,026
- What?
- No!
261
00:11:12,027 --> 00:11:13,778
Fuck no, Richard!
262
00:11:13,779 --> 00:11:16,030
I can't make a move
that would benefit you.
263
00:11:16,031 --> 00:11:17,865
You're my competition. Help no rival.
264
00:11:17,866 --> 00:11:20,034
It's one of the basic
principles of business.
265
00:11:20,035 --> 00:11:22,595
We just spent the last
hour bonding about how
266
00:11:22,596 --> 00:11:25,021
this business is comprised of
backstabbers and cutthroats.
267
00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:27,542
Yes, exactly! That's what this is.
268
00:11:28,627 --> 00:11:30,336
It's a little weird you don't get it.
269
00:11:30,337 --> 00:11:31,796
I could help you, Gavin.
270
00:11:31,797 --> 00:11:33,589
You already have, Richard!
271
00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:35,466
I mean, I was sitting up here feeling
272
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:38,177
totally just impotent,
and then you came along
273
00:11:38,178 --> 00:11:41,013
and exposed your underbelly,
and practically begged me
274
00:11:41,014 --> 00:11:43,641
to plunge the knife in! I
mean, I still have a deep hole
275
00:11:43,642 --> 00:11:46,770
to crawl out of, but this
is a fucking great start.
276
00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:49,147
Look at that.
277
00:11:49,148 --> 00:11:51,482
It barely hurts anymore.
278
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:52,984
Well, if you'll excuse me,
279
00:11:52,985 --> 00:11:54,527
I have a triathlon to train for,
280
00:11:54,528 --> 00:11:57,156
and I'm suddenly feeling
a wellspring of energy.
281
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,992
Look, Richie,
282
00:12:00,617 --> 00:12:02,452
you're basically outta options.
283
00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:04,495
So, what are you saying? That...
284
00:12:04,496 --> 00:12:06,373
I just lay down and die?
285
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:10,710
I take issue with your
definition of die, my dude.
286
00:12:10,711 --> 00:12:13,588
I can get that Chilean cat on the
phone right now and get you paid.
287
00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:15,107
There's no shame in it.
288
00:12:15,108 --> 00:12:19,255
Musk built PayPal and sold.
Hoffman built LinkedIn and sold.
289
00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:20,636
You seen those guys lately?
290
00:12:20,637 --> 00:12:24,348
I don't care about the money,
that's not why I got into this.
291
00:12:24,349 --> 00:12:27,435
Richie, can I be honest
with you for once?
292
00:12:27,436 --> 00:12:30,189
For once? You're my attorney.
293
00:12:32,983 --> 00:12:37,320
You remember the end of
Thelma and Louise?
294
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,489
How they drove that car off the cliff?
295
00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:43,951
Why? That was a mint '66 T-Bird.
296
00:12:43,952 --> 00:12:46,140
They didn't need that car
to get over the cliff.
297
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,360
Why'd that car have to die?
298
00:12:47,361 --> 00:12:49,832
I-I think it had
something to do with, um,
299
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,001
- women's rights or something?
- Important stuff.
300
00:12:52,002 --> 00:12:54,253
But... sorry, what's your point?
301
00:12:54,254 --> 00:12:55,922
My point, Richie,
302
00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,841
is you wanna go over the
cliff, Thelma, that's fine.
303
00:12:58,842 --> 00:13:00,384
All right? You do you.
304
00:13:00,385 --> 00:13:03,554
But you gotta remember
there are 500 other people
305
00:13:03,555 --> 00:13:07,433
in the trunk that are gonna
burst into flames with you.
306
00:13:07,434 --> 00:13:09,310
And for what?
307
00:13:09,311 --> 00:13:11,187
Computers?
308
00:13:11,188 --> 00:13:13,481
That's Jared. He's
been calling me all day.
309
00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:16,067
Uh, hey, can I call you back?
I'm in the middle of something.
310
00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:18,444
Did you talk to Gavin
Belson about Gwart's company,
311
00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:19,946
and call her sexy?
312
00:13:19,947 --> 00:13:21,572
Uh, what? No.
313
00:13:21,573 --> 00:13:23,908
I mean, yes, but I barely mentioned it.
314
00:13:23,909 --> 00:13:27,119
Did you call her sexy? Yes or no?
315
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,830
I think I was more
talking about her tech.
316
00:13:29,831 --> 00:13:31,374
So, you told Gavin Belson,
317
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,043
a lion in repose,
318
00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,212
that Gwart was a potential threat,
319
00:13:36,213 --> 00:13:38,923
and now Jian-Yang is selling
us to him for pocket change.
320
00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:40,591
- Jian-Yang can do that?
- Yeah.
321
00:13:40,592 --> 00:13:43,678
He owns 60 percent of the company.
He can do whatever he wants.
322
00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:45,888
Gavin is shutting us down, Richard.
323
00:13:45,889 --> 00:13:48,226
Gwart is so mad, she
won't even look at me.
324
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,434
- Aah, fuck.
- You know, if you want revenge
325
00:13:50,435 --> 00:13:52,228
on me, that's fine.
326
00:13:52,229 --> 00:13:53,729
But to go after Gwart?
327
00:13:53,730 --> 00:13:55,273
She doesn't have
328
00:13:55,274 --> 00:13:57,942
your savvy or your
ruthlessness, Richard.
329
00:13:57,943 --> 00:13:59,902
Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes
330
00:13:59,903 --> 00:14:01,487
because the forest is too loud.
331
00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:04,073
Look, I was only talking
to Gavin to save Pied Piper.
332
00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:05,199
I-I had no idea he was...
333
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,659
A monster? Of course you did!
334
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:09,120
That's all you talked about for years!
335
00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:10,288
"Gavin is a monster.
336
00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:12,790
Poor Pied Piper. I'm Richard Hendricks".
337
00:14:12,791 --> 00:14:14,083
I don't think my voice is that deep.
338
00:14:14,084 --> 00:14:16,210
I mean, who is the buddy-fucker now?
339
00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:18,838
You are the buddy-fucker.
340
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,248
So, we gonna save that T-Bird,
341
00:14:22,249 --> 00:14:24,493
or are we gonna take her
right over the cliff?
342
00:14:27,472 --> 00:14:28,807
So, uh,
343
00:14:29,308 --> 00:14:31,892
look, I-I know it's
not a billion dollars,
344
00:14:31,893 --> 00:14:34,604
but, um, given the situation...
345
00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:37,273
it's actually a very good deal.
346
00:14:37,274 --> 00:14:39,108
Do you want to sell the company?
347
00:14:39,109 --> 00:14:40,415
No, I don't.
348
00:14:40,416 --> 00:14:42,653
Dinesh, I don't, but...
349
00:14:42,654 --> 00:14:44,947
Ron is right.
350
00:14:44,948 --> 00:14:46,867
Maximo is getting it no matter what.
351
00:14:47,951 --> 00:14:49,660
Why just give it away?
352
00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:51,746
Right. Yeah.
353
00:14:51,747 --> 00:14:54,790
Look, anyway, you guys have done...
354
00:14:54,791 --> 00:14:58,336
everything I've asked for,
so, uh, you all deserve this.
355
00:14:58,337 --> 00:15:00,671
Well, we can take the money
and still be good people, right?
356
00:15:00,672 --> 00:15:02,423
Plus, Richard is the CEO,
357
00:15:02,424 --> 00:15:03,674
so I have to follow his orders.
358
00:15:03,675 --> 00:15:05,051
I mean, no one's ever been a bad person
359
00:15:05,052 --> 00:15:07,053
'cause they followed orders, right?
360
00:15:07,054 --> 00:15:08,846
You guys, there's
really no other option.
361
00:15:08,847 --> 00:15:10,848
- Yes, there is.
- What? No.
362
00:15:10,849 --> 00:15:14,061
Okay, if Hooli won't sell us Foxhole...
363
00:15:14,686 --> 00:15:16,812
we could just buy Hooli.
364
00:15:16,813 --> 00:15:18,314
Right. Yeah.
365
00:15:18,315 --> 00:15:20,858
The-the same way we can buy
America and everything in it.
366
00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:23,736
No, I-I'm serious. We just
found out how much Hooli's worth,
367
00:15:23,737 --> 00:15:25,395
and it's not that much.
368
00:15:25,396 --> 00:15:27,699
Sorry, how do we know
how much Hooli's worth?
369
00:15:34,539 --> 00:15:37,416
Gavin bought Gwart's
company using Hooli stock?
370
00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:41,045
Mm-hmm. And when he
did, he tipped his hand.
371
00:15:41,046 --> 00:15:42,963
He really ran it into the ground.
372
00:15:42,964 --> 00:15:44,882
Yeah, and Maximo's offer's so strong
373
00:15:44,883 --> 00:15:46,635
that our price just shot up.
374
00:15:47,219 --> 00:15:49,888
Holy shit. We're worth more than Hooli.
375
00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,891
Uh, hey Jared, uh,
376
00:15:53,892 --> 00:15:56,435
- thank you for...
- Save it.
377
00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:59,438
I'm not doing this for
you. I'm doing it for Gwart.
378
00:15:59,439 --> 00:16:01,399
The second you own Hooli, you release us
379
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,735
to become independent, non-negotiable.
380
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,738
Of course. Sure, yeah.
381
00:16:07,322 --> 00:16:09,241
If that's what you want. Cool.
382
00:16:09,908 --> 00:16:11,742
So, guys...
383
00:16:11,743 --> 00:16:13,787
are we really doing this?
384
00:16:16,297 --> 00:16:18,207
Fuck it. Yeah.
385
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,583
I think we have to.
386
00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,585
We have to sleep on it.
387
00:16:21,586 --> 00:16:22,754
Okay.
388
00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:25,840
We're gonna buy Hooli.
389
00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:27,508
Big question,
390
00:16:27,509 --> 00:16:29,260
- how do we buy Hooli?
- Well,
391
00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:32,096
in order to get the cash,
we have to sell a chunk
392
00:16:32,097 --> 00:16:34,557
of our shares to someone
other than Maximo,
393
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,267
and, I mean,
394
00:16:36,268 --> 00:16:38,477
whoever we rope into that
is gonna lose a fortune.
395
00:16:38,478 --> 00:16:40,563
- Because... ?
- Well, we'd be selling to them
396
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:42,064
at our current high price.
397
00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,233
And when we acquire Hooli and Foxhole,
398
00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:46,777
CIFIUS will force Maximo
to dump all his shares,
399
00:16:46,778 --> 00:16:48,404
and our valuation will plummet.
400
00:16:48,405 --> 00:16:50,197
And I couldn't do that to anyone.
401
00:16:50,198 --> 00:16:52,492
Oh? Couldn't you?
402
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,619
Yeah, I-I'm not sure
I could do it either.
403
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:56,996
Okay! Deal breaker then, right?
404
00:16:56,997 --> 00:16:58,831
'Cause there's no one I
could do that to either.
405
00:16:58,832 --> 00:17:00,959
Oh, isn't there...
406
00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:03,128
bro?
407
00:17:03,795 --> 00:17:05,337
Oh, God damn it.
408
00:17:05,338 --> 00:17:08,507
You want me to be an
investor in your company?
409
00:17:08,508 --> 00:17:09,800
- I do.
- Wow,
410
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,635
that-that is so cool.
411
00:17:11,636 --> 00:17:13,929
But I don't know why
I'm surprised because
412
00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:17,142
you're literally the
greatest guy that I know.
413
00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,602
- What?
- Yeah! I mean,
414
00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:22,104
literally last week, Farooq
was calling me, and he was like,
415
00:17:22,105 --> 00:17:23,898
"Hey, you know who's a good guy?"
416
00:17:23,899 --> 00:17:25,649
And I was like, "My cousin Dinesh!"
417
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:28,861
And he was like, "Yes. Yes, your cousin,
418
00:17:28,862 --> 00:17:30,488
- Dinesh".
- That's me.
419
00:17:30,489 --> 00:17:31,680
It's hard for me to say,
420
00:17:31,681 --> 00:17:33,949
but I-I think we should
hang out more, okay?
421
00:17:33,950 --> 00:17:36,577
And that's my fault, and I
promise that I will call you
422
00:17:36,578 --> 00:17:38,496
as soon as me and my friends get back.
423
00:17:38,497 --> 00:17:39,789
Where you guys going?
424
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:41,832
Oh, we're just gonna go
down to the North Shore
425
00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:43,209
because...
426
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:46,962
... I bought 80 acres in Hawaii, bro!
427
00:17:46,963 --> 00:17:49,590
And the beach is, like,
pretty private or whatever,
428
00:17:49,591 --> 00:17:51,675
but there's, like, fashion
shoots and supermodels...
429
00:17:51,676 --> 00:17:54,011
Just sign it.
430
00:17:54,012 --> 00:17:55,930
Thank you, triathletes,
for being here today
431
00:17:55,931 --> 00:17:59,683
to support a wonderful
cause, HooliCares.
432
00:17:59,684 --> 00:18:02,478
Hooli cares.
433
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:03,938
Do you?
434
00:18:05,899 --> 00:18:07,359
Take your marks.
435
00:18:30,048 --> 00:18:31,382
He's in the water.
436
00:18:31,383 --> 00:18:32,842
You sure?
437
00:18:32,843 --> 00:18:35,010
I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch.
438
00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:36,303
Don't ask me how I did it.
439
00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,305
I've got real-time GPS location,
440
00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:40,808
blood pressure, body
temperature, heart rate.
441
00:18:40,809 --> 00:18:42,935
I can even see where he
is in his menstrual cycle.
442
00:18:42,936 --> 00:18:44,770
Looks like a good day to fuck him.
443
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:48,399
So, I guess we're
gonna talk all damn day?
444
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,069
- That the play?
- Uh, no. No.
445
00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:54,405
We're calling him, okay? So...
446
00:18:54,406 --> 00:18:57,408
- let's do this.
- Okay. 'Cause it just seemed like...
447
00:18:57,409 --> 00:19:01,120
Lex Skelton. Hey, uh,
it's, um, Richard Hendricks.
448
00:19:01,121 --> 00:19:04,331
I'd like to ask for you to call
449
00:19:04,332 --> 00:19:07,126
an emergency meeting of the
Hooli board of directors.
450
00:19:13,258 --> 00:19:16,051
Flank that little
fucker in the black cap!
451
00:19:16,052 --> 00:19:17,970
Uh, we've tried to, uh,
452
00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,097
contact Gavin Belson,
453
00:19:20,098 --> 00:19:23,017
but, uh, he hasn't responded.
454
00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:25,978
We do, however, have a quorum.
455
00:19:25,979 --> 00:19:27,104
Let's proceed.
456
00:19:27,105 --> 00:19:29,678
Great. Well, I would like to present you
457
00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:32,651
with an offer, and, uh, judging
by the current state of Hooli,
458
00:19:32,652 --> 00:19:35,571
I think you'll find it very interesting.
459
00:19:43,496 --> 00:19:45,723
All right, according
to the company charter,
460
00:19:45,724 --> 00:19:49,335
Gavin Belson does have two
hours to formally object.
461
00:19:49,336 --> 00:19:52,421
Right. Yeah, two hours,
462
00:19:52,422 --> 00:19:54,048
so...
463
00:19:54,049 --> 00:19:55,758
That's no problem at all.
464
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,551
You've seen my offer,
465
00:19:57,552 --> 00:20:00,346
but unless everyone agrees to sell,
466
00:20:00,347 --> 00:20:02,681
there's no deal because I need
467
00:20:02,682 --> 00:20:04,350
total control of the company.
468
00:20:04,351 --> 00:20:06,894
- So, who's in?
- Richard,
469
00:20:06,895 --> 00:20:10,314
I expect a lot of us
are on the fence here.
470
00:20:10,315 --> 00:20:13,442
Personally, I've been with
Gavin for a lot of years,
471
00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:15,277
and believe...
472
00:20:15,278 --> 00:20:17,071
Oh.
473
00:20:17,072 --> 00:20:18,656
Everyone?
474
00:20:18,657 --> 00:20:21,993
All right. I suppose I
won't stand in the way then.
475
00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:24,662
Okay!
476
00:20:24,663 --> 00:20:26,872
Good, yeah. I'll just email you
477
00:20:26,873 --> 00:20:29,038
the long form, and you can just eSign...
478
00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:31,835
eSign? No!
479
00:20:31,836 --> 00:20:34,004
We don't do that.
480
00:20:34,005 --> 00:20:36,131
- What?
- Never have, never will.
481
00:20:36,132 --> 00:20:37,591
You want this deal to close,
482
00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:41,443
you bring us the forms, get
everyone's hard signature,
483
00:20:41,444 --> 00:20:45,015
and then bring them
to me to countersign.
484
00:20:45,016 --> 00:20:46,393
Is that a problem?
485
00:20:47,018 --> 00:20:48,352
No.
486
00:20:48,353 --> 00:20:50,479
More push, more push, more push!
487
00:21:00,073 --> 00:21:01,532
Whoa, he just sped up!
488
00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:03,826
There's been some lag, but
I think he's on the bike.
489
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:05,870
- Okay, we gotta hustle, guys.
- I'm aware.
490
00:21:07,372 --> 00:21:09,623
All right, everybody
know where they're going?
491
00:21:09,624 --> 00:21:11,125
You go, you get the signatures,
492
00:21:11,126 --> 00:21:12,910
- we meet at Lex's offices, yeah?
- Yeah.
493
00:21:12,911 --> 00:21:14,086
Okay. Quick, quick.
494
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,006
Come on, come on, come on!
495
00:21:26,349 --> 00:21:27,641
Go, go, go!
496
00:21:27,642 --> 00:21:28,809
One down.
497
00:21:28,810 --> 00:21:30,394
The next one's up on Market.
498
00:21:30,395 --> 00:21:32,479
Just up this block and take a right.
499
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,399
Is that what the GPS says?
500
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,152
- N-no, I...
- Okay, do you wanna drive?
501
00:21:38,153 --> 00:21:40,576
- No, Jared. Look...
- I'm Terry Gross.
502
00:21:40,577 --> 00:21:41,905
- Look, should we maybe talk about...
- My guest is
503
00:21:41,906 --> 00:21:43,985
a medical bioethicist who learned about
504
00:21:43,986 --> 00:21:47,411
opioid dependence the hard way.
505
00:21:47,412 --> 00:21:50,330
You know, I really ought
to consult with my wife
506
00:21:50,331 --> 00:21:53,084
before I make such a
big financial decision.
507
00:21:54,419 --> 00:21:57,756
You're really gonna let a
woman tell you what to do?
508
00:22:01,634 --> 00:22:03,177
Over here!
509
00:22:06,097 --> 00:22:09,141
Oh, thank you.
510
00:22:09,142 --> 00:22:11,643
Almost done here.
511
00:22:11,644 --> 00:22:13,037
Gavin's just starting the run.
512
00:22:13,038 --> 00:22:15,188
His blood O2 is dog shit.
513
00:22:20,195 --> 00:22:22,279
- Plan J, sir?
- Plan J!
514
00:22:25,605 --> 00:22:27,439
Jay!
515
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,900
You are my spitting image.
516
00:22:29,901 --> 00:22:32,194
I'll meet you a quarter
mile from the finish line.
517
00:22:32,195 --> 00:22:33,737
Go, go, go, go, go!
518
00:22:39,244 --> 00:22:41,328
I still got it, Hoover.
519
00:22:41,329 --> 00:22:42,538
I know you do, sir.
520
00:22:42,539 --> 00:22:44,623
As long as Jay doesn't fuck up,
521
00:22:44,624 --> 00:22:46,333
I'm gonna beat my personal record.
522
00:22:46,334 --> 00:22:48,544
Let's see, we started at 10:00,
523
00:22:48,545 --> 00:22:50,213
and now it's...
524
00:22:52,007 --> 00:22:54,550
I gave Jay my watch.
525
00:22:57,721 --> 00:22:59,930
The fuck?!
526
00:22:59,931 --> 00:23:02,391
Turn around! Turn around, Hoover!
527
00:23:02,392 --> 00:23:03,600
Yes, sir.
528
00:23:03,601 --> 00:23:05,310
Mother fuck!
529
00:23:05,311 --> 00:23:08,689
- So, you've got them all signed, have you?
- Yeah.
530
00:23:08,690 --> 00:23:11,233
And you can just, uh,
countersign all that, and-and,
531
00:23:11,234 --> 00:23:13,068
your form to sign is at the end there.
532
00:23:13,069 --> 00:23:14,653
Do that, and we'll be out of your way.
533
00:23:23,413 --> 00:23:25,081
Fresca.
534
00:23:34,424 --> 00:23:36,259
Ah.
535
00:23:39,846 --> 00:23:41,931
Let's have a look-see, huh?
536
00:23:44,559 --> 00:23:47,228
"To whom it may...
537
00:23:48,605 --> 00:23:49,938
concern".
538
00:23:49,939 --> 00:23:52,441
Okay, and actually,
the signature page...
539
00:23:52,442 --> 00:23:55,152
- I've done these things before!
- Yep.
540
00:23:55,153 --> 00:23:56,945
No, I know. I know.
541
00:23:56,946 --> 00:23:59,114
What do you mean not to be disturbed?
542
00:23:59,115 --> 00:24:00,948
I just got a million
texts that he's about
543
00:24:00,949 --> 00:24:03,285
to sign away my whole fucking company!
544
00:24:03,286 --> 00:24:06,581
It's Gavin fucking Belson,
you clattering magpie!
545
00:24:08,333 --> 00:24:09,333
Hello?
546
00:24:09,334 --> 00:24:10,793
Fuck!
547
00:24:10,794 --> 00:24:12,753
We need to get to Lex's. Now!
548
00:24:12,754 --> 00:24:14,713
All right. Seven down,
549
00:24:14,714 --> 00:24:16,465
one to go!
550
00:24:16,466 --> 00:24:18,050
Yep. Yeah, just finish signing
551
00:24:18,051 --> 00:24:19,384
that form there, and we will...
552
00:24:19,385 --> 00:24:21,470
Stop! Lex, stop!
553
00:24:21,471 --> 00:24:22,639
Gavin?
554
00:24:24,307 --> 00:24:26,433
- Huh?
- I thought he was in the race.
555
00:24:26,434 --> 00:24:28,060
- Gavin.
- Yeah, he is.
556
00:24:28,061 --> 00:24:30,479
Looks like he's waiting about
a mile from the finish line.
557
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,731
Oh.
558
00:24:32,732 --> 00:24:35,984
You are a sneaky little
gladiator, aren't you, Richard?
559
00:24:35,985 --> 00:24:38,237
But the Hooli charter, which I wrote,
560
00:24:38,238 --> 00:24:40,572
gives me the right to
block this transaction.
561
00:24:40,573 --> 00:24:42,794
Uh, no. It doesn't.
562
00:24:42,795 --> 00:24:44,423
Yeah, that's right. You, uh,
563
00:24:44,424 --> 00:24:46,954
you had two hours, which lapsed...
564
00:24:46,955 --> 00:24:48,331
Seven minutes ago.
565
00:24:50,667 --> 00:24:52,751
I'm afraid they're right.
566
00:24:52,752 --> 00:24:54,002
Shit.
567
00:24:54,003 --> 00:24:56,171
Okay, fine! I can't block it!
568
00:24:56,172 --> 00:24:59,341
But come on, Lex! We
have a history together!
569
00:24:59,342 --> 00:25:01,677
You wrote the very first check to Hooli.
570
00:25:01,678 --> 00:25:04,012
You're not gonna turn
your back on 30 years
571
00:25:04,013 --> 00:25:05,802
of making money together, are you?
572
00:25:05,803 --> 00:25:08,445
I know we're not in the
strongest position right now,
573
00:25:08,446 --> 00:25:11,103
but I will fight my way
back, that's what I do.
574
00:25:11,104 --> 00:25:14,391
I-I kick and I scrap and I-I play dirty.
575
00:25:14,392 --> 00:25:16,400
Anything to win! I-I-I could've
576
00:25:16,401 --> 00:25:19,361
bailed Richard out, but
I didn't! I fucked him!
577
00:25:19,362 --> 00:25:21,238
And then, I fucked over...
578
00:25:21,239 --> 00:25:22,698
"world poker tour" there!
579
00:25:22,699 --> 00:25:24,783
Just for the spite of
it, just because I could!
580
00:25:24,784 --> 00:25:27,035
Look, forget all the bullshit about
581
00:25:27,036 --> 00:25:28,537
making the world a better place.
582
00:25:28,538 --> 00:25:31,415
The most valuable
companies in this valley
583
00:25:31,416 --> 00:25:34,751
were built and run by-by savages,
584
00:25:34,752 --> 00:25:37,921
who cheat to win. Zuckerberg, and Jobs,
585
00:25:37,922 --> 00:25:40,924
and me, Gavin Belson.
586
00:25:40,925 --> 00:25:45,220
So please, Lex, put the pen down.
587
00:25:45,221 --> 00:25:46,889
Leave your money where it is.
588
00:25:46,890 --> 00:25:48,473
If this is a competition
589
00:25:48,474 --> 00:25:51,560
to find out who the shittier person is,
590
00:25:51,561 --> 00:25:54,230
I'm not sure it's something
that I can add to.
591
00:25:54,981 --> 00:25:56,608
I can.
592
00:25:57,901 --> 00:26:00,069
- Dinesh?
- This must be said.
593
00:26:01,070 --> 00:26:03,405
Gavin, you think you're the
most spiteful guy in town,
594
00:26:03,406 --> 00:26:06,325
but you're not even the most
spiteful guy in this room.
595
00:26:06,326 --> 00:26:08,493
The truth is...
596
00:26:08,494 --> 00:26:10,245
I'm a bad person.
597
00:26:10,246 --> 00:26:12,831
How do you think we got
the money for this deal?
598
00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:15,584
I lied to my cousin's face.
599
00:26:15,585 --> 00:26:19,421
He is going to lose $40
million, give or take,
600
00:26:19,422 --> 00:26:22,341
plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope.
601
00:26:22,342 --> 00:26:25,220
See?! I suck!
602
00:26:25,221 --> 00:26:27,455
Did you know that instead
of breaking up with a girl
603
00:26:27,456 --> 00:26:30,265
that scared me, I called the
FBI and sent her to prison?
604
00:26:30,266 --> 00:26:32,560
- The Teslas.
- Right.
605
00:26:33,102 --> 00:26:34,603
I pressured my direct reports
606
00:26:34,604 --> 00:26:36,278
to buy Teslas that they could not afford
607
00:26:36,279 --> 00:26:38,907
because I wanted better
wheels than a guy named Danny.
608
00:26:39,484 --> 00:26:41,360
And I was eight years old,
609
00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:43,195
I stole my friend Ali's jump rope
610
00:26:43,196 --> 00:26:46,573
and tied it to the back
of a truck that drove away,
611
00:26:46,574 --> 00:26:49,242
and then I told him I had
no idea what happened to it.
612
00:26:49,243 --> 00:26:50,953
And when he cried himself to sleep,
613
00:26:50,954 --> 00:26:53,080
I ate his British candy and told him
614
00:26:53,081 --> 00:26:54,831
God took it because he hated him.
615
00:26:54,832 --> 00:26:56,750
- Jesus!
- So,
616
00:26:56,751 --> 00:26:58,405
if this decision is going to come down
617
00:26:58,406 --> 00:27:00,921
to who is the most spiteful,
then, respectfully, sir...
618
00:27:00,922 --> 00:27:02,923
- Stop! Stop!
- ... I would argue...
619
00:27:02,924 --> 00:27:05,092
Just stop talking!
620
00:27:05,093 --> 00:27:07,963
I don't wanna be in business
with any of you people.
621
00:27:07,964 --> 00:27:10,597
I don't even wanna be in
the same room with you!
622
00:27:10,598 --> 00:27:13,642
I'm gonna sign this
and take my money out.
623
00:27:13,643 --> 00:27:16,144
Oop! Gonna miss my bus.
624
00:27:16,145 --> 00:27:17,854
Ugh...
625
00:27:17,855 --> 00:27:21,149
Excuse me. Excuse me.
626
00:27:21,150 --> 00:27:22,694
Excuse me.
627
00:27:23,653 --> 00:27:25,487
Think you won?
628
00:27:25,488 --> 00:27:27,364
Fuck you, Richard Hendricks.
629
00:27:27,365 --> 00:27:29,866
The Valley is small
and the road is long.
630
00:27:29,867 --> 00:27:32,328
Just keep looking over your shoulder.
631
00:27:33,287 --> 00:27:34,998
Gentlemen.
632
00:27:35,665 --> 00:27:37,833
And lady... Ow!
633
00:27:37,834 --> 00:27:40,502
Hoover! Help!
634
00:27:43,339 --> 00:27:45,007
Guys...
635
00:27:45,008 --> 00:27:46,883
Did we...
636
00:27:46,884 --> 00:27:49,012
Just buy Hooli?
637
00:27:49,554 --> 00:27:51,138
Yeah, we did.
638
00:27:51,139 --> 00:27:53,016
Holy shit.
639
00:27:53,766 --> 00:27:55,727
Feels pretty good!
640
00:27:57,186 --> 00:27:58,855
Wajeed is gonna be so pissed at me.
641
00:27:59,647 --> 00:28:01,274
And mom's gonna kill me.
642
00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:05,069
So, I guess, uh, everyone
got what they want.
643
00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:07,655
Well, actually, uh, Jared.
644
00:28:08,698 --> 00:28:09,948
Hey, uh...
645
00:28:09,949 --> 00:28:12,325
I just wanna say, like...
646
00:28:12,326 --> 00:28:15,454
I'm really sorry about everything,
647
00:28:15,455 --> 00:28:18,623
and, uh, well,
648
00:28:18,624 --> 00:28:21,084
of course, I'd be happy
649
00:28:21,085 --> 00:28:23,837
to give you and Gwart your company back.
650
00:28:23,838 --> 00:28:26,673
That's obvious. And also, if you...
651
00:28:26,674 --> 00:28:28,925
needed office space,
652
00:28:28,926 --> 00:28:32,429
we'd be happy to have you. Um...
653
00:28:32,430 --> 00:28:35,558
I guess, I don't know,
I just... I miss you, man.
654
00:28:36,684 --> 00:28:38,519
Whatever, I don't care.
655
00:28:41,731 --> 00:28:43,565
Jesus.
656
00:28:43,566 --> 00:28:45,777
Yeah, it's sort of his thing.
657
00:28:46,444 --> 00:28:47,903
All right,
658
00:28:47,904 --> 00:28:49,995
well, everybody's gathered out there,
659
00:28:49,996 --> 00:28:52,699
- so you should probably say something.
- Okay.
660
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:55,160
Be gracious and don't expect too much.
661
00:28:55,161 --> 00:28:56,995
What are you talking about? I mean,
662
00:28:56,996 --> 00:28:59,790
won't they be happy? I
freed them from Gavin.
663
00:28:59,791 --> 00:29:02,459
I mean, that's one way of looking at it.
664
00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:04,503
Or, your company just swallowed theirs,
665
00:29:04,504 --> 00:29:07,089
and you fired their founder and CEO.
666
00:29:07,090 --> 00:29:09,328
They're probably a little
freaked out. They wanna know
667
00:29:09,329 --> 00:29:11,259
that they're gonna keep their jobs.
668
00:29:11,260 --> 00:29:14,262
But we don't know if they will.
669
00:29:14,263 --> 00:29:16,098
- Right.
- Yeah.
670
00:29:16,099 --> 00:29:18,893
Well, you'll think of
something. Just be yours...
671
00:29:19,977 --> 00:29:22,437
- Keep it short. Keep it short.
- Yeah.
672
00:29:22,438 --> 00:29:26,191
Okay... Okay.
673
00:30:38,345 --> 00:30:42,017
This is a video called
Maximizing Alphaness.
674
00:30:42,018 --> 00:30:44,352
You just gotta subconsciously absorb it.
675
00:30:44,353 --> 00:30:46,688
This is the dumbest
thing I've ever seen.
676
00:30:46,689 --> 00:30:47,856
Fuck yeah.
677
00:30:47,857 --> 00:30:50,358
It turns out my real parents are alive.
678
00:30:50,359 --> 00:30:53,028
So you gave me up to simplify
your first class air travel?
679
00:30:53,029 --> 00:30:56,656
That's a clear row
across. A, B, C, and D.
680
00:30:56,657 --> 00:30:59,534
Do we think this
photo of Richard is funny?
681
00:30:59,535 --> 00:31:02,954
He was acting like your boss.
You need to assert dominance.
682
00:31:02,955 --> 00:31:05,332
Ah!
683
00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:09,211
It's complicated. You're
the only one who got hurt.