1 00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,937 - * MTV * 2 00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:09,277 - Don't you enjoy how confident your SPANX 3 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,911 make you feel in the office? 4 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:11,979 Aren't they the best? 5 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,881 - [sighs] Yes. 6 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,549 - Giving you a hug under your clothes 7 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,551 that would be too tight if they weren't holding 8 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,787 all your mistakes and poor choices together? 9 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,021 - Sure do. 10 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,790 - But what about when you get home? 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,792 - Oh, well, that's the best part. 12 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,127 [sighs] [chuckles] 13 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,596 I can finally breathe. [chuckles] 14 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:29,963 - Sure, you can! 15 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,732 Your tubby torso is free at last, 16 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,602 thank God Almighty. 17 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,670 Like this, right? 18 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,172 [pops] - Oh. 19 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,808 - Gross! Is that what you think your man wants to see? 20 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,877 Just because you're home, doesn't mean it's okay for you 21 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,080 to be a fat fatty. 22 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,449 But don't make plans to die alone just yet. 23 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,918 I'm here to save your lard ass yet again 24 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:54,355 with Home SPANX, the SPANX you wear at home! 25 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,490 Just because you're in the comfort of your own home, 26 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,859 doesn't mean you should stop hating yourself. 27 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,729 Home SPANX, SPANX for home. 28 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,964 - They just look like SPANX but with a picture-- 29 00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,533 - With a picture of a home on 'em. 30 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,868 That's right, Einstein-- so you know to wear them 31 00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,438 in the safety of your own fat home. 32 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,940 [jolly music] 33 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,509 - Wow, so skinny. God. 34 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,479 Yeah, now you look only 20 pounds overweight. 35 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:19,713 I'm hard as a rock. 36 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,414 Thanks a lot, Home SPANX. 37 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,418 - You're welcome, under-five boyfriend. 38 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,953 - Me? - Shh. 39 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,922 [eerie hip-hop beat] 40 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:34,027 * * 41 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,699 - I hear you. I just didn't think 42 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,568 it was a good movie. Like, I thought the acting 43 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,670 was terrible, and it just wasn't very funny, 44 00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:43,871 you know. 45 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,440 [jazz music] 46 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:47,608 - [farts] - Yeah, I don't know. 47 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,443 Wait, hold on. Can I call you back? 48 00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,944 * * 49 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,280 What? 50 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,215 Excuse me. 51 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,417 - Yep? - Hi, um, what is this? 52 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,251 - What's what? 53 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,719 - It says "Fart Park." 54 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,088 - Oh, yeah. It's part of this city-wide initiative. 55 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,656 You know, judgment-free zones 56 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,425 where people can go fart. 57 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:07,328 It's outside, COVID-friendly. It's pretty great. 58 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,430 - [farts] - So that's what's going on 59 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,964 in there, everybody's just farting? 60 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,033 - I mean, hopefully. But, 61 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:16,304 we've seen some accidents. - [farts] 62 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,505 - Huh. 63 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,973 [all farting] 64 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:27,014 * * 65 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,656 - 'Scuse me! - Sorry. 66 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,591 * * 67 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,394 - Close the gate, please! 68 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,131 - First time at Fart Park? - [chuckles] Yeah, 69 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,433 is it that obvious? 70 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,335 - That's just Harry, one of our regulars. 71 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,969 He's annoying, but he's harmless. 72 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,170 - [farts] - All fart and no bite 73 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,539 as we like to say around here. 74 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,006 [both laugh] 75 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,475 I'm Josh, by the way. 76 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,009 - Amy. 77 00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:58,045 Hi. - Hi. 78 00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:59,947 [farts] Oh. - Uh-- 79 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,148 - Sorry. - Yeah. 80 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,082 - Yeah, well, I'll leave you to it. 81 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,751 - Okay. [chuckles] 82 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,320 [romantic music] 83 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,456 - Farting is such sweet sorrow. 84 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,491 - [laughs] 85 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,727 * * 86 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,529 [farts] 87 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:19,333 [jazz music] 88 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,001 - Yeah, I just felt this connection 89 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,637 you wouldn't believe, just as soon as we shook hands. 90 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,772 Josh. 91 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,173 Yeah, he just seemed so sweet. 92 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,776 I'll let you know if I see him again today. 93 00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:30,944 Can I call you back? 94 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,046 Oh, my God. What happened? 95 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,748 - There was a murder at Fart Park. 96 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,718 [suspenseful jazz music] 97 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,388 * * 98 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,389 - [farts] 99 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:43,424 - Josh... 100 00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,192 Oh... 101 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,995 [crying] I would know that fart anywhere. 102 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,131 - He was such a kind man. 103 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,000 - That's the guy! - This dude? 104 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,135 - No. No, no, no! 105 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,437 He should've closed the gate! 106 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,439 How many times could I ask? 107 00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,708 He should've closed the gate! He should've closed the gate! 108 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,143 - Josh! 109 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,545 [somber jazz music] 110 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:08,549 But as I watched the now lifeless body being loaded 111 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:12,686 into the back of that cold, soulless coroner's van, 112 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,656 I knew that Josh would have become my husband. 113 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,892 I just knew. I could feel it in my bones. 114 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,495 And though the thought of living the rest of my life 115 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:25,366 without Josh completely broke my heart. 116 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:30,203 I knew he would forever hold a place in the depths 117 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,739 of my fart. 118 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,742 [applause] 119 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:39,413 * * 120 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:44,084 The two words "fart park" occurred to me. 121 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,919 Like, I don't know what this idea is, 122 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:50,123 but I knew that the name was gonna be Fart Park. 123 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,359 - Right away, I remember thinking like, 124 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,826 "There should be a murder at Fart Park," 125 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,227 just super-dramatic. 126 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,663 Thought that would be funny. 127 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,164 - And then I had a moment where I was like, 128 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,400 "I don't know if it should be a murder." 129 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,535 Like, I don't think we need a murder at Fart Park, 130 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,571 and everybody was like, "You're an idiot, Amy. 131 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,073 There has to be a murder at Fart Park." 132 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,307 - We've got really good actors-- 133 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,509 people that, you know, 134 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:11,178 went to Yale and studied very hard, 135 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,646 and then they're gonna have on their résumé-- 136 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:13,781 "Fart Park." 137 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,418 [eerie hip-hop beat] 138 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:22,623 - Now that he's gotten used to seeing you 139 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,191 in Home SPANX all the time, 140 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,293 are you tired of your boyfriend being disappointed 141 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,262 by your blubberous, naked body during sex? 142 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,366 Well, be tired no more, and free his willy! 143 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:35,102 Here comes Sex SPANX! 144 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,004 - Are these affiliated with SPANX? 145 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,506 - No, don't touch me, pig. 146 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,509 [romantic music] 147 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,010 * * 148 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,913 - Oh, yeah, you look acceptable. 149 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,115 - [laughs] - You mind if I still turn down 150 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,883 the lights so it's basically fully dark? 151 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,152 - Always. - Mm. 152 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:55,589 - And we didn't stop there. There's actually no occasion 153 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,892 when anybody should have to experience your real, 154 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,094 vile tank of a body. 155 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,731 That's why we've also made... 156 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,766 Shower SPANX! - [screams] 157 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:06,867 - Put these on! 158 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,870 [upbeat music] 159 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,540 * * 160 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,709 [hip-hop beat] 161 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,344 - Oh, hi. 162 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,779 [chuckles] I'm Amy. 163 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,280 [muffled] You need to put on the headphones-- 164 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,882 [clearly] so you can hear what I'm saying. 165 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,551 - Headphones? - Yeah, but can you hear me? 166 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,453 - Yeah, do I sit here? - Yeah, take a seat there. 167 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:26,987 - Oh, my gosh. Is this a studi-- 168 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,923 this is a studio. - It sure is, Amy S. 169 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,192 I'm a little starstruck, off the record. 170 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,061 You're my favorite. I thought you should've won. 171 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,529 - Oh, that's so nice. 172 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,130 No, but I'm--you know, there's only one rose. 173 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,166 I'm glad things went the way they were supposed to, 174 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,568 you know? I feel like I was myself 175 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:41,735 the whole time. 176 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,003 - Totally. Yeah. - You know? 177 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,137 And so I'm really proud of how it went. 178 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,039 But--and I'm so happy for Colby. 179 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,242 - Yeah, totally. So today, pretty easy really. 180 00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:50,844 Not too hard, what we have to do today. 181 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,613 We just have to rerecord some of the things you said 182 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,947 on the show. 183 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,449 Sometimes the mics don't pick things up great, 184 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,417 and we just have to get 'em again. 185 00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:58,586 Yeah, it shouldn't be too hard. 186 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,053 The lines are right there. 187 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,288 - These are my lines here? - Yeah, that's right. 188 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,222 - Okay. - Those are the lines we need 189 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,691 to pick back up. - Okay. 190 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,992 - Yeah, you see 'em? - Oh, I wish I had a script 191 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,426 on the show. Maybe I would've won. 192 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,896 [laughs] - Hey, look, you were great. 193 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,330 Colby's loss, that's what I say. 194 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:12,365 - Aw, thank you for saying that. 195 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,668 And I'm so excited to watch the episodes with my family 196 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:17,538 and my grandma is coming. She's 100. 197 00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,840 She's gonna be 100. - Great, really cool. 198 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,542 Okay, so you're gonna hear three beeps 199 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,244 and a lesser signal to say the line, okay? 200 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,647 - Okay, three beeps, right? Okay, got it. 201 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:30,283 - First up-- well, it sounds like you said 202 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,352 "I'm so nervous my pits are sweating." 203 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:36,356 - Oh, God. [chuckles] That's so embarrassing. 204 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,258 I said that? Ugh. - Okay, so three beeps. 205 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,459 After the beeps. - Okay. 206 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,061 [beeping] 207 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,964 I'm so nervous my pits are...sweating. 208 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,332 Oh, sorry. I messed that up. 209 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:47,668 - Don't worry. That's fine. That's fine. 210 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,002 We can work around it. 211 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,170 We can--we can work around it. - Really? 212 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,238 Okay. - Totally fine. 213 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,372 You're a natural. You got this. 214 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,874 You're doing great. Okay, next line. 215 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,276 [pages rustling] - Um... 216 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,012 Oh. I-I have to say this? 217 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,714 - Yup, yup. So just wait for the beeps. 218 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,116 Here they come. [beeping] 219 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,619 - I can't believe this garbage whore thinks 220 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,688 she can talk to Colby again. 221 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,557 I just started talking to Colby. 222 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,091 What a dumb garbage whore. 223 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,426 Okay, "garbage whore" isn't gonna make me very popular. 224 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,429 Is there any way we could just cut that out? 225 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,166 - We're-we're picture locked, I'm afraid. 226 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,034 So, yeah, we have to match it exactly. 227 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,703 Let's keep rolling. Let's keep going, Amy. 228 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,772 You're doing great. [beeping] 229 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,675 - I hope she gets COVID. The long kind. 230 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,443 I might have COVID. I'm not feeling that well. 231 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,011 I'm gonna make sure to breathe on her a lot 232 00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,347 at the cocktail party so she gets it. 233 00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:37,049 Hopefully she's not vaxxed and she goes home and dies. 234 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,352 Okay, is there any way we can just cut that out? 235 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:42,422 I-I-I'm really not feeling too proud of that moment. 236 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,456 - No, as I said, 237 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,659 we-we are picture locked now, so-- 238 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,928 - I didn't know that people were necessarily recording 239 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,197 or--was that definitely me saying it? 240 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,299 'Cause I know microphones can pick up on other people 241 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,466 and it can-- 242 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,002 people can kind of throw their voices. 243 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,537 - No, this line in particular you were pretty-- 244 00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:00,774 like, you said, "Can I go in the confessional booth now? 245 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,409 I've got something to get off my chest." 246 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,911 So you actually kind of initiated-- 247 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,245 - It's me saying it? 248 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,114 - Definitely you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 249 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,583 So the next--the next line after the beeps. 250 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,051 - [sighs] Oh, God. 251 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,552 Oh, okay. 252 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,121 This one isn't bad. [chuckles] 253 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,756 Phew! - [chuckles] 254 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,125 - Okay. [beeping] 255 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,527 I'm so excited for my one-on-one with Colby. 256 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:24,064 [pages rustling] I think I'm gonna suck him off 257 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,199 behind the candle display in the hallway. 258 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,567 Let's see Kaitlin S. do that. 259 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,469 Come on, I-I-- did I definitely say that? 260 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,171 I-I really--I-I've-- 261 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,273 I don't think I've ever said those words in my life. 262 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,342 - Oh, hundo percento. 263 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,010 - Just, I'm not that kind of person, you know? 264 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,712 I'm a--I'm a teacher. 265 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,881 - Yeah, that's why this is so great, 266 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,149 'cause, like, imagine your teacher 267 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,784 saying these things on TV. 268 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,786 These kids are gonna go nuts. 269 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,655 Their parents are gonna go crazy. 270 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,222 You're gonna be famous. 271 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,523 Or infamous. I can't remember 272 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,125 which one is, like, the negative one. 273 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,328 But people are gonna know your name, Amy S. 274 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,396 - Okay. Next line. 275 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,565 - Okay, next line. [beeping] 276 00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:01,034 You know the Jews are trying to replace us, right? 277 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,503 I-I really-- I don't feel great about this. 278 00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:05,305 - Actually, sorry Amy, could you do those again? 279 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,406 'Cause when you said them on the show, 280 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,008 like, you were really hammered. 281 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,343 So could you, like, kind of slur the speech? 282 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,080 And maybe add like a little kind of, like, dr-- 283 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,948 'cause you were drooling on the show 284 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,383 when you said these things. 285 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,818 So if you could add kind of, like, a drool-y 286 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:20,153 kind of wet sound. [beeping] 287 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,354 - [slurring] You know the Jews are trying 288 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:22,690 to replace us, right? 289 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,524 You know what? I think I might have to take off. 290 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,760 I-I think I should call, like, a lawyer. 291 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,228 - Don't worry, that's actually the last line. 292 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,698 - Oh, okay. - You did great. 293 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,300 Now we just need to get some wild crying sounds. 294 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,669 You just--a bunch of... both: Crying noises. 295 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:36,670 - Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 296 00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:37,871 'Cause you did that a lot. 297 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,139 You did a lot of crying. - Fuck. 298 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,507 - This is when you were in the limo. 299 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,509 Do you remember? And you were going home 300 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,011 earlier than you thought you would be. 301 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,146 And you're just kind of sobbing and sad and pathetic. 302 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:49,582 - [whimpers] 303 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,318 - Very good. Great. And so can we pick it up 304 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,820 to kind of, like, scream-crying? 305 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,223 So this is when Kaitlin R. borrows Colby for a sec. 306 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,792 - Yes. I hated when she did that. 307 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,093 That was totally uncool 308 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,395 because she'd already spent time with him. 309 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,663 - Yeah, you were really upset about that. 310 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:04,865 - So mad, yeah. 311 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,034 [sobbing] 312 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,769 - Yeah, nice. 313 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,538 Yeah, okay, but we really need it sloppy, though, Amy, like-- 314 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,640 Yeah, that's it. Ugly. 315 00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,176 That's right. So sadness and rage. 316 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,278 Yeah, all over your face. Yeah, great. 317 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,780 Bit of horniness and, like, regret. 318 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,782 - Oh, okay. - Yeah, that one was good. 319 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,150 Okay, we're gonna keep going. 320 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,384 And now this is when you started vomiting 321 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,518 while you were scream-crying. 322 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,722 - [retches, sobs] - Beautiful. 323 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,458 Be vomiting, crying, screaming, 324 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,793 a little bit of farting. - [mimics fart noise] 325 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,494 - You started farting a little bit. 326 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,429 Farting, crying, screaming. 327 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,131 You're so sad. You're so pathetic. 328 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,632 - [sobs] I really-- 329 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,934 - Beautiful. Bit more farts. 330 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,270 Couple of farts. Oh, Amy. 331 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,205 That was--that was amazing. 332 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,673 I'm in the presence of greatness. 333 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,809 That was perfect. Your friends, your family, 334 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,177 the millions of people who watch "The Bachelor," 335 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,712 they're gonna be blown away. 336 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,915 - Really? - Yeah. 337 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,383 I think--I think you're gonna be real happy 338 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,885 with this, Amy. - Okay. 339 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,419 Thank-thank you. That's it? 340 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,520 - No, thank you. That's you-- 341 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:01,889 that's you done. You're done. 342 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:02,956 You're done. - Cut. 343 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,124 [chuckles] - Yeah. Great. 344 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,325 Thanks, Amy. You're a star. 345 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,459 You should have won. 346 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,761 You should have won. - Okay. 347 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:08,929 Are you single? 348 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:10,964 - I--I'm asexual, actually. 349 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,565 - Okay. - Thank you, though. 350 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,470 - You know the Jews are trying to replace us, right? 351 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,006 [sighs] 352 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,742 Reality dating shows are bad for women. 353 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,078 They're bad for men. 354 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,280 And I will watch them all until I die. 355 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:30,450 [hip-hop music] 356 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,220 [ominous music] 357 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,322 - That thing is still out there. 358 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,657 - Governor Babbit, what do we do? 359 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,359 - I guess one of us is gonna have to go out there 360 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,794 and try and stop it. 361 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,363 - Babbit's the one who didn't fix the electrical grid. 362 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,731 So now the power's going out. 363 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,900 - [bangs desk] I told you I had that trip to Mexico 364 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,102 planned months ago. - Boys, we don't settle 365 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,303 disputes by yelling. 366 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,604 This is Texas. 367 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,906 We draw guns. 368 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,508 [thumping] - [sighs] 369 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,310 - No matter what happens out there, 370 00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,913 we'll defend this room like it's the Alamo. 371 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,883 [dramatic music] 372 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:09,622 * * 373 00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:12,893 [thunder booms] 374 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:19,900 * * 375 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,879 [toilet flushing] 376 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,584 - No! 377 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,557 [grunts] [urine splashing] 378 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,460 Oh, my God. 379 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,198 [door slams] 380 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,533 - This is the girls room. 381 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,703 Fuckin' Texas. 382 00:13:56,769 --> 00:14:00,007 - We wanted to do a horror movie scene. 383 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,909 And I think we figured out 384 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,611 what scares Texas politicians more than anything. 385 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,048 - The runners up were hurricanes, power outages, 386 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,983 uh, and the border. 387 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,186 [hip-hop music] 388 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,091 - Anyway, here it is. 389 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,727 This is your brand new office. 390 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,495 - What? [chuckles] - Yeah. 391 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,596 - This is mine? 392 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,631 Oh, my God. - Yep. 393 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,299 - Is that a plant? - Uh, no. 394 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,935 Or, actually, yeah, I guess-guess it is. 395 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,136 Look at that, huh? 396 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,470 [chuckles] - Yeah. 397 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,139 I don't know why I smelled it. - Not bad, right? 398 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,507 - It's amazing. I really love it. 399 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,309 Thank you so much, Mr. Riley. 400 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,078 - Oh, just call me Boss. 401 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,947 - [chuckles weakly] - And no thanks necessary. 402 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,614 You earned it. Anyway, have a seat. 403 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,150 Make yourself at home. Get comfy. 404 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,952 - Okay. I really wanted to. 405 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,587 [chuckles] Oh, my gosh. - Take it for a test drive. 406 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,122 [phone rings] - [chuckles] 407 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,991 - Uh, so a few things to go over. 408 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,359 We're gonna get you a keycard. 409 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,061 There's a private bathroom just for the execs. 410 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,964 Uh, mini fridge gets stocked every... 411 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,698 - Hello? - Monday. 412 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,334 And then every now and then a little bit of poison leaks 413 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,835 into this office. 414 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,171 - What? - Um, what else? 415 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,239 Oh, Clara's setting you up with an assistant. 416 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,308 Uh, if you have a preference on race, just let her know. 417 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,510 - I'm sorry, I just-- it sounded like you said 418 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,446 that this office leaks a little bit of poison? 419 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,983 - Uh, yeah, just a few times a day. 420 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,384 Just, you know, a little bit. 421 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,154 - Like-- [sighs] Poison, poison? 422 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,289 - Yeah, it's an aerosol poison. 423 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,991 It comes right out of the vents. 424 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,994 - Um-- Is that a problem? 425 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,164 - I mean, you know, no. 426 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,332 If it--if the other partners-- 427 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,933 if it leaks in everybody's office, 428 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,236 then I'll go down with the ship. 429 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,470 [chuckles] - Well, it doesn't. 430 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,771 Yeah, it's just this office. 431 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:42,142 - So it's not good for me? 432 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,111 - Look, Amy, I'm sensing a little hesitation. 433 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,578 Why don't you talk to me, child. 434 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:48,315 What's up? Are you feeling a little bit overwhelmed? 435 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,717 You're the first female partner we've had here, right? 436 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,420 Is that a little bit of pressure? 437 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,322 You gonna start bleeding on that chair? 438 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,357 - No, I don't even get my period 439 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,859 for another ten days so-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 440 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,662 TMI-ay-ay! 441 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,797 Ew, boy - Sorry. 442 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,833 Okay. - Eww, boy! 443 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,535 - Okay. I won't talk about that anymore 444 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,470 if you don't. I do just want to kind of 445 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:14,074 circle back to this poison thing. 446 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,909 - Amy, um, yeah, I gotta tell ya, 447 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:22,182 I'm proud that we made you a partner. 448 00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,084 I really feel like a move like that 449 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,386 can really just pull us into the 20th century. 450 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:28,288 - Yeah, me too. I'm just-- 451 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,324 I am kind of wondering, though, 452 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,793 you know, if maybe we could turn the poison off 453 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,328 if it's just from right here? 454 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,098 Like, maybe we can cover it up or something? 455 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,665 - No, 'cause that gets rid of the ventilation. 456 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,568 Then everyone gets COVID. 457 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,403 So the answer to that is no. 458 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,737 See the couch? 459 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:45,905 You haven't even said anything about it yet. 460 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,107 What do you think of this design? 461 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,308 Not bad, right? 462 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,742 I had them cover it with newspaper 463 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:50,877 so you don't have to worry 464 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,312 about your monthly drippy drips. 465 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,215 - I'm sorry, I-I don't mean to be annoying, but the-- 466 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,949 regarding the poison-- 467 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,451 - What is the obsession with the poison? 468 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,487 There was a sign on the front door. 469 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:04,191 It said "Do not enter. Bad poison. Will die." 470 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,259 I un-taped that for you. 471 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,395 - It said "Will die"? 472 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,097 - You know what, Amy? I'm sorry but it just feels 473 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,830 like you're being very ungrateful right now. 474 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:13,633 I went to bat for you. 475 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,403 I said, "Hey, fellas, it seems like a tampon company 476 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,838 should have at least one woman on the board." 477 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,839 I did that. For you. 478 00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:21,973 And now this. 479 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,210 [sighs] 480 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,577 All right, I guess this is not good enough. 481 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,912 - No, no, no, no. - I guess my design... 482 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,280 - No, no, no. - That I laid out is 483 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:30,049 just no good. - No. No, it is. 484 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,452 It's good. It's good. It's good. 485 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:35,188 - You know what? I think they were right. 486 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,990 Maybe you should never mentor a woman. 487 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,759 Or a person of color. 488 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,861 Or all the different types of gays. 489 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,896 - No. No, no, no. 490 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,498 I disrespected you. 491 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,000 I did. And I am so sorry for that. 492 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,836 You have to forgive me. 493 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,406 I think I'm probably ovulating. 494 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,075 And that is probably why I'm so emotional. 495 00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:57,410 - That's what I was gonna say. - Yeah. 496 00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:58,878 - But I didn't know what the word was. 497 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,748 - No, it's--there's-- yeah, just women, you know... 498 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:05,252 [sighs] A week before, ten days before their eggs drop-- 499 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,254 - That's the period? - No. It's-- 500 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,621 - Are there eggs? - That's the lining 501 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,523 of your uterus. That's--it drops out of your-- 502 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,058 out of your-- - But there's-- 503 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,794 are there eggs in the blood? - No, there's eggs--[sighs] 504 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,629 There's eggs in your ovaries. 505 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,030 But I'm--I disrespected you 506 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,300 and I should just be saying "Thank you." 507 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,269 You've been so generous to me. 508 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,905 And let's just forget about all of this, Boss. 509 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:30,109 - All right. Well, you're welcome. 510 00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:31,411 And welcome aboard. 511 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,779 - [chuckles] - Congratulations. 512 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,547 - [chuckles] [air hisses] 513 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,048 - Holy fuck, the poison! 514 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,719 - I don't even smell anything. 515 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,021 [sniffs] Oh, boy. 516 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,157 [newspapers crinkle] 517 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,894 [hip-hop music] 518 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,431 [organ playing funeral dirge] 519 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,402 - Golly, she looks svelte. 520 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,370 - Bet she's wearing Casket SPANX. 521 00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,806 - Nope! Casket SPANX went out of business. 522 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,708 Don't ever say that name again. - I just meant-- 523 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,876 - But just because Casket SPANX got sued 524 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:07,247 into oblivion, doesn't mean you couldn't be svelter. 525 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,982 You shouldn't have to wait for your body to decompose 526 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,318 to be skin and bones. 527 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,052 That's why we're here to help, 528 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,755 you Roald Dahl-looking bitch. 529 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,123 - Us or her? 530 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,091 - You, you fat piece of shit. 531 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,328 What if once you start to decay 532 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,430 you're hit with the devastating fact 533 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,199 that like everyone in middle school suspected, 534 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,634 you are big-boned? 535 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,670 Well, don't worry. We have your fat back... 536 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,138 [saw buzzing] 537 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:35,742 With Skinny Girl Coffins. 538 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:39,111 - Skinny Girl Coffins. It's so easy. 539 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,248 - Skinny Girl Coffins are the only way 540 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:44,517 today's deceased hotties can rest in peace... 541 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,118 of ass. 542 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:50,257 Skinny Girl Coffins by me, Bethenny Frankel. 543 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,759 Once again, Ron Weiner. 544 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:57,264 - * Never buy napkins * 545 00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,766 * It is real, it's a thing * 546 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,334 * It's my thing * 547 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:04,937 * Never buy napkins * 548 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:09,208 * You can go anywhere and they're there * 549 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:12,312 * There's a lot of money you can save * 550 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:17,350 * When you look around and see the world around you * 551 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:21,521 * Everything got a price tag on it * 552 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,790 * But we can take napkins back * 553 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:27,093 * That would make you feel better, won't it? * 554 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:30,530 * Never buy napkins * 555 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,099 * It's a vibe, it's a scene * 556 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,867 * Cool for teens * 557 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,370 * Never buy napkins * 558 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,373 * At your dinner party you could have * 559 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,909 * Napkins from Chipotle * 560 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,478 * It will be too late inside your grave * 561 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,614 * So you, so you * 562 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:52,819 * So you should look around and see the world around you * 563 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:56,689 * Everything got a half-life don't it? * 564 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,025 * But we can take napkins back * 565 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,362 * That would make you feel better, won't it? * 566 00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,738 - But as I watched the na-- 567 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,806 [laughs] 568 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,008 - I just did a gravel ride. 569 00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,978 It's a combination. It's, like, road bike frame. 570 00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:22,382 It's not mountain biking, but it's off-road biking. 571 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,783 And I just did--it's-- you know, you're working 572 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,619 different muscles. So you could ride five miles 573 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,421 and you could be as tired as riding 50, 574 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:29,989 'cause you're doing a lot of hills. 575 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,224 - All right, I can act like a dumb bitch 576 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,893 on "The Bachelor." No problem. - [chuckles] 577 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,595 - Like this, right? 578 00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,498 * * 579 00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:40,500 Like this, right? - What's happening? 580 00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,001 - I think you have to hit it-- - Fucking hell. 581 00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:43,269 - I think you have to hit it on the--against the couch. 582 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,637 [muffled thumping] 583 00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,673 Wait, I need to make sure you can see my vagina. 584 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,408 - We have to see the-- - I definitely see it. 585 00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:51,444 [slurping] 586 00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,913 - I like to put seltzer in my water bottle. 587 00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,314 [laughter] 588 00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:06,125 * * 589 00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:22,842 - It's so easy.