1 00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:06,789 - ♪ MTV ♪ 2 00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:07,964 [soft sad music] 3 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,010 - I have psoriasis, 4 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,969 and it's tough. 5 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:16,320 It leaves me struggling to do the things I love. 6 00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:19,454 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:20,542 [uplifting music] 8 00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:22,196 So I talked to my doctor, 9 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:25,329 and he prescribed Flatuda. 10 00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,027 Flatuda is clinically proven 11 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,855 to control moderate to severe psoriasis, 12 00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:33,163 so I can get back to doing what I love. 13 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,557 ♪ ♪ 14 00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:36,993 For you. 15 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,083 I made that. - Oh. 16 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,998 Oh, wow. 17 00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,304 Thank you, hon. 18 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:46,611 - You like it? 19 00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:48,048 - I love it. 20 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:49,527 - In clinical studies, 21 00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:51,529 Flatuda was proven to reduce psoriasis 22 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,315 twice as fast as the leading medication. 23 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,189 You know, I've been thinking about quitting being a judge 24 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,322 and opening a pottery shop. 25 00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,803 - Yeah. 26 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,458 - Flatuda let me get back to living my life 27 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:10,592 so I can focus on what matters. 28 00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,159 Morning, honey. - Morning. 29 00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,551 - [clears throat] 30 00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:18,164 Did you already have your coffee today? 31 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,470 - Yeah. 32 00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:21,777 - What did you drink it out of? 33 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:22,995 - Hmm? - What did you drink 34 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,214 your coffee out of? 35 00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,434 - Oh, I, uh, I don't remember. 36 00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:29,306 - Did you drink it out of this? 37 00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:30,307 - Uh, yeah, I guess so. 38 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,003 - You guess so? Okay. 39 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,268 And, uh... 40 00:01:34,354 --> 00:01:35,660 what about this? 41 00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:39,142 - Hmm? - Were you planning 42 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,362 on using the mug that I made you? 43 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,233 - Yes, of course. - When? 44 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,408 - Soon. - How soon? 45 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,541 - Tomorrow, if not later today. 46 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,108 Your skin looks great. 47 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,283 - So lemme just see if I have this right, Michael. 48 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:51,720 You woke up this morning, came down, 49 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,983 made a big pot of hot coffee. 50 00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:57,420 And instead of using this mug your wife made you, 51 00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:59,249 which is right next to the coffee maker, 52 00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:00,511 you walked all the way down 53 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,383 to the other side of the kitchen 54 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:05,777 and went in the cabinet to get to the mugs all the way there? 55 00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:07,562 Am I following? - Yeah, I guess so. 56 00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,128 I don't know. It was early. I'm tired. 57 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:11,348 - It was 1:30 p.m. 58 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,046 - Amy, I love the mug you gave me. 59 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,004 - What do you love about it? 60 00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,484 - What--what do you mean? 61 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:17,963 - What do you mean, "What do I mean?" 62 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:22,228 What do you love about it? 63 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,665 - Mom! - Cool it, Hannah. 64 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:27,538 - Well, I love all of the little bumps 65 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:30,933 and I love that it's shiny in some parts 66 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,065 and then not in others. 67 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,503 I think that's cool. 68 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:36,460 And I like that. - [mockingly] Yeah? 69 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,027 You like that, Mike? 70 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,203 - Mom, look. 71 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,292 I drew a picture of our family. 72 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,425 Happy. - Oh, honey. 73 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,209 That is so good. 74 00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:47,776 - I'm really not seeing it. 75 00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:49,125 - What? - Looks nothing like us. 76 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,344 You don't even have that hat. 77 00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:51,258 And we're not wearing any clothes. 78 00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:52,259 That's disgusting. 79 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,086 It sucks. Do it again. 80 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,610 - Mom, you're scaring me. 81 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:58,743 - Shut the fuck up, Hannah. - Okay, look. 82 00:02:58,829 --> 00:03:00,702 Having a beautiful, lovely drink 83 00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,356 out of this wonderful mug! 84 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,574 - Good! - Mmm. 85 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:04,880 Wow, that's so nice... - Isn't it? 86 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,273 - The way it sort of hits my lip. 87 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,361 - I'm so glad you like it. - Feels so good 88 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,579 to drink out of. - Yeah! If you-- 89 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:11,016 - Are you fucking happy? - Yeah, yeah! 90 00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:12,975 I'm so fucking happy now! 91 00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,368 - [screams] 92 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,850 - Go get my Flatuda. 93 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:22,853 ♪ ♪ 94 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,552 I'm sorry I yelled. - I'm sorry. 95 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:25,814 both: I love you so much. I love you. 96 00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,773 - Talk to your doctor about Flatuda today. 97 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:32,212 May cause delusions about artistic ability. 98 00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:35,127 [upbeat spacey music] 99 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:40,263 ♪ ♪ 100 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,615 - [indistinct] 101 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:47,879 - So this mug is the prop from that scene, 102 00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,491 which is the most exciting prop I've ever held. 103 00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:55,626 And it sort of looks like if vomit got run over by a car. 104 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,541 It feels awful to hold. 105 00:03:57,628 --> 00:04:01,937 ♪ ♪ 106 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,026 The only thing my therapist said I'm lacking is empathy. 107 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,375 - Oh, well, same. 108 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:06,594 - Yeah, yeah. - Same. 109 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:09,379 - Mmm, guys, I actually love the rain. 110 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,033 - Mm-hmm. - It's so nice 111 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,601 to sometimes just be, like, inside, warm and cozy, 112 00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,516 you know? - Oh, my God, exactly. 113 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,082 And can we just stop and acknowledge 114 00:04:17,168 --> 00:04:19,606 how incredible it is that we're all here together, 115 00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:22,740 just be here, be present, breathe, gratitude? 116 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,394 - Oh, did I not tell you? 117 00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:25,700 I'm always really present now. 118 00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,876 I started about six months ago, so... 119 00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,965 - Wow. - Good for you. 120 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,793 - [laughs] all: Gratitude. 121 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,142 - Brianna, can I just say, 122 00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,318 your skin looks amazing. 123 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,277 - Aww, that's because it is. 124 00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:38,669 Thank you for my skin. 125 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:40,236 Thank you for my voice. 126 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,194 [laughs] Oh, here I go. 127 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,979 - Well, you give that gratitude, girl. 128 00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,633 It feels so good, right? 129 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:46,938 - It does. - Yeah. 130 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,766 But really, have you changed products 131 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,855 or maybe a little something else? 132 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,292 If you know what I mean. [laughs] 133 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,555 I mean, I would never get anything done, 134 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:55,991 but, you know, like, no judgments. 135 00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:57,558 - I mean, this is a safe space. 136 00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:58,994 Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Mm-hmm, yes. 137 00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,778 - You can tell us. - You can. 138 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,563 - I'm not gonna touch anything on my God-given face or body, 139 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,695 but you do you, girl. 140 00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,654 - Guys, no way. Honestly, no way. 141 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:09,526 I am au naturel and filled to the brim with gratitude. 142 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:10,701 Truly. That's what you see. 143 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,007 It's just gratitude. 144 00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,835 - Oh, bubbling over with nonstop, 145 00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,053 balls-to-the-wall gratitude. 146 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,141 No question. Yes. 147 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,187 - Same. Like, gratitude. 148 00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:19,493 - Yes! Yes. - Same. 149 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:20,842 - Exactly, so I got something 150 00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,409 called the See-through Smart Laser. 151 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,715 It just burns off the very top layer of the dermis. 152 00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,369 It's, like, not even a legal laser 153 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,805 because it's so light. 154 00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,764 'Cause, like, I'm just gonna gracefully rock 155 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,679 into my old age with God's plan up there. 156 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,376 Like, whoever she is, 157 00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:34,246 I'm sticking with it, you know? 158 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,900 - Same. Same. 159 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,641 - Honestly, same. - Literally same. 160 00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,034 - That's why I felt so comfortable 161 00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:40,905 getting these eyelash and hair extensions, 162 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,125 because I'm not changing Goddess' work at all. 163 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:44,300 I'm just adding to it. 164 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,909 Like, I love me. 165 00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:49,610 I just wanted to add more of me to me, you know? 166 00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,307 - Yes, and that is the exact reason 167 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:52,830 I got my calf implants. 168 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,397 Gratitude! - Grat. 169 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,572 - Grats. - Gratitude, gratitude, 170 00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:56,704 gratitude. - Gra-tat-tat. 171 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:59,097 - And your calves look sick. 172 00:05:59,183 --> 00:06:01,317 - What? - Have you been getting steps? 173 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:02,710 - [laughs] Oh, my God, no. 174 00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:03,754 - Yes! - Actually, I didn't tell you? 175 00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:05,277 - No. - Oh, my God. Did I tell you? 176 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,322 - No! - Did I tell you? 177 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:07,497 - No. - Okay, well, I've found 178 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,586 that for me and listening to my body 179 00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:12,937 that walking wasn't right, and I can only be fully present 180 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:15,592 and fully in gratitude if I'm completely still. 181 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:16,637 - [gasps] - Which is also why 182 00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:17,725 it was so easy for me 183 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:19,770 to start getting Coldform. 184 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,816 - Wait, that's when they blast your fat 185 00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,383 with a big MRI-machine-looking thing, 186 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,515 right, until your body gets frostbitten and dies? 187 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,299 - Correct. 188 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,605 Yes, and on my pets' lives, 189 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:31,913 I would never get any work done. 190 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,523 - No, thank you. - But that wasn't something 191 00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:34,742 that I was willing to miss. 192 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,134 Gratitude. - Gratitude. 193 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:37,266 Well, I would get that done too. 194 00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,050 I mean, you look great. - Aww. 195 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,530 - But you know, I just feel like if I start, 196 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:41,966 I'm not gonna stop. 197 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:44,795 [laughter] 198 00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:46,318 both: Same. - Samesies. 199 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,711 - Same, you guys. - Same. 200 00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:48,799 - Same? - Same. 201 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:49,931 - Same? - Same. 202 00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,367 - Same. - Same, same, same, same. 203 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,282 both: Same, same, same. - Same, same, same. 204 00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,023 - So for me, it's, you know, no work. 205 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:58,243 I'm just really grateful for the gifts I've been given. 206 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,202 - Like, the same. - So what I got was called 207 00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,551 Fat Suck, Fat Blow. 208 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,161 It's where they take your own fat 209 00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:04,989 from unwanted places, 210 00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:08,079 and they stick it back in to places where it should be. 211 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:11,387 I just thought, "I am giving me back to me. 212 00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,128 And that--that's gratitude." 213 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,564 - Yes, it is. - Gratitude. 214 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:15,913 - Yes, it is. - I'd be jealous 215 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,262 if I wasn't so grateful. - You look amazing. 216 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,003 - And what about you, Court? What have you been doin'? 217 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,049 - Yes, bitch. - Meditation? 218 00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:23,181 [thunder rumbles] 219 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,487 [dark music] 220 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:25,749 - Well... - Courtney, it doesn't actually 221 00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:27,795 sound like you're in gratitude right now. 222 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,885 - No, no, no. I--I am. I am. 223 00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,582 - That's just not what it's really seeming like, Courtney. 224 00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:33,888 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. 225 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,455 - Really? - Courtney, I don't wanna pile 226 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,195 on, but I don't even think you're present right now. 227 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,067 - You guys, come on. 228 00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:40,634 - Really? - You guys know I'm present. 229 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,462 - Really? - I'm present, you guys. 230 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:45,116 - Courtney? - I am fucking present, Amy. 231 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:45,900 Fuck you. 232 00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:49,469 [low tense music] 233 00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,034 both: Okay. - Well, good! 234 00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,254 - Gratitude to the sky. - Gratitude! 235 00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:54,343 - Good! Gratitude. - 100P grat. 236 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,084 - Hey, do you guys wanna go to Haiti this weekend 237 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,216 on my private jet and get our faces and bodies made 238 00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:01,045 into Lily Collins' face and body? 239 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,482 - Um, yes. 240 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:03,657 - [laughing] Okay. - Yeah. 241 00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:04,658 - Gratitude. - Gratitude! 242 00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:05,833 both: Gratitude. 243 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,095 [laughs] [lightning cracks] 244 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,143 - Yeah, Amy wanted me in that scene, 245 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,537 but I told her a Black woman ain't that stupid. 246 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:17,627 [upbeat spacey music] 247 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,242 [bright festive music] 248 00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:27,289 - Noelle Christensen is a big-city bigwig. 249 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,725 - And this year, profits are... 250 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:32,337 - With the career she always wanted. 251 00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:35,818 But sometimes, life gets in the way. 252 00:08:35,905 --> 00:08:38,822 [phone buzzing] 253 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,607 - [groans] 254 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:42,913 Hey, Amy. 255 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,742 - Hey, big shot workaholic little sis. 256 00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,570 [laughs] We can't wait to see you this weekend 257 00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:50,704 at the town's holiday festival that we do every year. 258 00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:53,358 - Yeah, about that-- listen, we are so... 259 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,795 - Slammed at the office 260 00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,274 because of end-of-year accounts? 261 00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,363 - [sighs] - You tried that last year, 262 00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:00,627 okay, and the year before. 263 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:03,020 Look, Noelle, 264 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:05,675 I know our hometown has never been your thing, 265 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:09,549 but it's Christmastime, and everyone's looking forward 266 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,726 to seeing workaholic big-city Noelle, 267 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,031 my little sister who's younger than me, 268 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,206 that's you. 269 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:18,558 Christmas, girl! It's Christmas! 270 00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:21,212 [upbeat festive music] 271 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:28,437 ♪ ♪ 272 00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:33,355 - Watch it, lady. - Hey, you big jerk. 273 00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,661 [sweet orchestral music] 274 00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,184 - Noelle? 275 00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,055 - Finley? 276 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,927 - Last time I saw you, you were breaking up with me 277 00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:41,537 at graduation to move to the big city 278 00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,713 to become a skyscraper jockey. 279 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,890 - If you mean managing a Fortune 200 hedge fund, 280 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:49,545 then yes, I did. 281 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:53,027 And you sell Christmas trees? 282 00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,245 - Is something wrong with that, Broadway? 283 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,421 - No, I just... 284 00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,032 I remember you saying you wanted 285 00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,860 to become a talented painter. 286 00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,426 - Yeah, well. 287 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:04,212 Garlandton ain't a place where dreams come true, is it? 288 00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:08,042 My dad's brother's friend got sick and we lost the farm. 289 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,304 - [sighs] 290 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,698 - Anyway, enjoy your cell phone. 291 00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:14,614 [cheery festive music] 292 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:17,965 ♪ ♪ 293 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:20,576 - [sighs] Lil sis, 294 00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:22,970 can you please peel yourself from your spreadsheets 295 00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,320 and help me with these baking sheets? 296 00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,148 [laughs] You used to love making 297 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,932 our special Christmas cookies. 298 00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:30,238 Right? 299 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:32,762 Uh-oh. 300 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,983 This calls for--I think you need a little flour. 301 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,941 Uh, uh, uh. 302 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:40,901 [both grunting] 303 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:48,778 - Oh! [both laugh] 304 00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,171 Ah! 305 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:53,130 [doorbell chimes] 306 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:57,265 Finley, come in. 307 00:10:57,352 --> 00:11:02,313 ♪ ♪ 308 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,228 - I felt bad about before. - [laughs] 309 00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,404 - And I know this place's old heater ain't so great, 310 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,799 so I thought I'd drop off some firewood. 311 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,627 Or have you been in the city too long 312 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,107 to remember how to get a fire going? 313 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:14,369 - [laughs] - You got an app for that, 314 00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,849 city slicker? 315 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,459 - An app for what? 316 00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,113 [laughs] Okay. 317 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,419 Well, okay, I'm gonna leave my workaholic 318 00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:23,944 lil sis to have some privacy 319 00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:27,469 with her hot capable ex from high school 320 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:29,601 that may have been the one that got away. 321 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,428 [laughs] 322 00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:32,822 [dreamy music] 323 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:36,086 - You know, I still paint a little. 324 00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,306 [laughs] 325 00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:41,091 Mostly landscapes around Garlandton. 326 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:46,009 It's a special place if you really look at it. 327 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:49,230 - I'm beginning to see that more and more. 328 00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:56,324 ♪ ♪ 329 00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:59,240 [emotional Christmas music] 330 00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:04,941 ♪ ♪ 331 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,204 - This Christmas... 332 00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:10,381 - Noelle. 333 00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:12,514 I thought you were heading back to your big city. 334 00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:15,386 - You know, I was, but this town 335 00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:18,607 is just so magical, especially during the holidays. 336 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:21,088 - Hallmark presents... 337 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:24,482 - It makes me remember what really matters. 338 00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,006 - Like all lives. - You know, I'm not sure 339 00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:28,312 why I ever lef-- 340 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,705 I'm sorry. What did you say? 341 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:32,273 - All lives matter. 342 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,276 [ominous music] 343 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:38,409 ♪ ♪ 344 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,281 - Lock her up, lock her up. 345 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,239 Christmas! 346 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,546 [dramatic musical sting] - And that's why I left. 347 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,461 All right, I'm out. 348 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,158 - But my artwork. 349 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,290 - I'm good. 350 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:50,595 - "The Last Noelle." 351 00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:51,901 - It's Trump! 352 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,555 - You left... - He's the best. 353 00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,731 - For a reason. 354 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,821 - Christmas! 355 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,519 - I had to take so many showers after shooting this, 356 00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,347 and I've played a lot of pieces of shit 357 00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,654 on this show over the years. 358 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:08,700 [upbeat spacey music] 359 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,094 [mellow guitar music] - Colorado. 360 00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:12,748 Come for the fresh air, 361 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:15,185 the perfect mountains' majesty, 362 00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:19,407 a magical night under a magical sky. 363 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,713 Whatever kind of experience you're looking for, 364 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,847 you can find it here in Colorado. 365 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:27,067 But we're more than just beautiful wilderness. 366 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,460 We also have bustling town centers 367 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:35,249 and access to all the services you may need. 368 00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:37,381 Mmm, all as legal 369 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:40,776 as a fresh mug of hot cocoa is refreshing. 370 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:41,821 - Visiting here was on our bucket list 371 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,345 of things to do before we die, 372 00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,652 which honestly, I might have 373 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:50,003 if I hadn't been able to visit Colorado. 374 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:52,222 - Not that you need some big dramatic reason 375 00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:54,485 to come to Colorado. 376 00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:57,097 No one should have to justify a trip to Colorado. 377 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,447 Maybe you just wanna do with your own body 378 00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:00,840 what you wanna do with your own body. 379 00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,711 [laughs] And if that's-- come to Colorado. 380 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,018 That's all right by us. 381 00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:07,542 - My employer actually paid for my trip to Colorado. 382 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:10,414 They covered travel and time off. 383 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:13,026 I mean, I did have to get HR involved in my personal life, 384 00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:16,464 which is obviously not ideal and they didn't cover childcare 385 00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,683 while I was out of town, but still. 386 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:21,686 I'm grateful for access to Colorado. 387 00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:25,038 - Colorado is more centrally located than you think, 388 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,562 especially if you're coming from, say, Utah, 389 00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:32,610 Arizona, Wyoming, Nebraska, or Oklahoma. 390 00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:33,873 Actually, if you're coming from Missouri, 391 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,049 or Nebraska, or even Iowa, 392 00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,529 don't forget, Illinois is another great option. 393 00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:42,316 But we'd prefer you come see us in Colorado. 394 00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:44,927 But seriously, do what you need to do, girl. 395 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:48,539 - I came to Colorado from Texas. 396 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:51,412 As a last resort, I could have gone to a city in Texas 397 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:55,111 that has a super chill DA, if you know what I mean. 398 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,765 But why risk it? 399 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:59,507 - So why not? Come say hi to Colorado. 400 00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,639 There are even organizations that will help you get 401 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:04,294 to Colorado and experience Colorado 402 00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:08,429 and recover from Colorado as discreetly as you please. 403 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,170 For more information, open your browser, 404 00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:11,998 click Private Browsing, or better yet, 405 00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,087 subscribe to an encrypted VPN internet provider 406 00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:15,436 and check out these sites, 407 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:16,524 before deleting your search history, 408 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,178 just to be sure. 409 00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,615 Heads-up, these offers may be for a limited time only 410 00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:24,532 because holy fucking shit! 411 00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:28,014 Colorado! 412 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,930 [upbeat spacey music] 413 00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,283 - What? - I know. 414 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,415 - Okay, baby Tigers! 415 00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,288 I am so psyched to welcome you 416 00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,811 to the Midwest State University, 417 00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:44,856 but particularly to the third floor 418 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,815 of Harrison House Dorm! 419 00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,904 [cheers and applause] 420 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:51,602 Yes, as your orientation guide 421 00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:54,518 and resident advisor, I'll be your go-to Tiger. 422 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:55,998 I'll help you in any way I can, 423 00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,652 even if it's just French braiding your hair 424 00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:59,219 while you cry about missing your family dog. 425 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,526 - Can you do a fishtail braid? - Maybe. 426 00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,659 Did Midwest State give us a bunch of free swag 427 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:05,616 to give out? 428 00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,618 Grab a bag, y'all! 429 00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:11,535 Let's see. We've got some Tigers T-shirts, 430 00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:14,277 a water bottle for definitely just water, 431 00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:15,626 not diet White Claw, wink wink. 432 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,585 [laughter] Your meal card, 433 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,066 a pre-charged portable phone charger, mace. 434 00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,851 What else? - I'm sorry. Did you say mace? 435 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,244 - Is there something wrong with that? 436 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:25,593 What, are you, like, macist or something? 437 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,811 [laughter] 438 00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:28,291 [whistle trills] 439 00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,250 All aboard the Don't Rape Me Train. 440 00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:31,686 Let me hear you blow. 441 00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,949 Check those bags for these, honey. 442 00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,690 [whistles trilling] 443 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,867 That's the sound of a woman in trouble. 444 00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:40,738 Though notice no one from the university 445 00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:42,305 coming to check out that noise because the school 446 00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:43,828 doesn't actually do squat. [laughs] 447 00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:46,701 [gasps] Ooh, a cute lanyard for your dorm keys. 448 00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:49,399 We all know how to hold our keys, right, right? 449 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:53,925 Check out my little Wolverines. Amazing. 450 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,623 - Is anyone else scared? 451 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,842 - Can you do a braid that wraps around your head 452 00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,627 like a Victorian maid? 453 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,542 - Maybe no more braid questions? 454 00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:04,284 Oh, okay. Ooh! Another extra phone charger. 455 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:09,897 Keep your fucking phone charged and the charger charged. 456 00:17:09,984 --> 00:17:11,464 I am not kidding. 457 00:17:11,551 --> 00:17:13,118 You need to make sure you have evidence. 458 00:17:13,205 --> 00:17:15,034 - Of what? - Here's a brochure 459 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,209 for our women's services, 460 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:17,732 where the only thing they actually do 461 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,429 is make you take a pregnancy test. 462 00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:21,257 - Inside the brochure is just a coupon 463 00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:22,954 for one free karate lesson? 464 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,217 - [laughs] I love karate. 465 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,480 Hi-ya. Like Miss Piggy. Girlboss. 466 00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:28,917 [laughter] Which reminds me, 467 00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,181 we all know the importance of a safeword, right? Yeah? 468 00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,358 At Midwest State University, the safeword is "Go, Tigers." 469 00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:38,144 Let me hear you say it. all: Go, Tigers! 470 00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,623 - Anyway, that's just your starter safeword. 471 00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:40,842 Feel free to change it. 472 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:43,323 Your safeword can be anything you want 473 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:45,542 as long as you realize you're not actually safe here 474 00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,196 or at most colleges. 475 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:48,545 Gum? - I wanna go home. 476 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:51,157 - And I know that y'all know 477 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:54,334 that you're more likely to know your attacker, 478 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:55,857 so maybe just don't know anyone. 479 00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,380 And if you do insist on dating, 480 00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:59,252 I'd find someone who isn't good at sports 481 00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:01,993 or connected to wealth or power or friends or parents. 482 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,517 - Okay, cool. What's this? 483 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:04,909 Like, a list of course recommendations? 484 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,737 - Oh, yeah, those are courses to avoid 485 00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,131 because the professors are all ped-- 486 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,438 did you gals try the gum yet? 487 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:13,483 It tastes like Gatorade, right? 488 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,268 - It's so good, yeah. - So good. 489 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,966 Yeah, it's sugar-free because your body is a temple, 490 00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:19,707 but also a target. 491 00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:21,448 Look, I know you're probably like, 492 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,753 "Why do we have to do all this? 493 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:23,667 "Why can't the school just teach guys 494 00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:25,104 not to assault?" 495 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,410 [laughs] Sorry, sorry. 496 00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:30,152 "Or hold 'em responsible when they do?" 497 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,936 [laughs] 498 00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,634 [nervous laughter] 499 00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:36,637 I could not get through that with a straight face. 500 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,421 - Oh, my God. - I'm gonna call my mom. 501 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:39,944 - Ooh, a gift certificate. 502 00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:41,250 - Oh, yeah! Okay. 503 00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:42,425 That is redeemable for three textbooks 504 00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:45,820 at the bookstore or a bus ticket 505 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,257 to the closest state where abortions are legal. 506 00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,563 - [gasps] Can you do cornrows? 507 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,391 [whistle trills] 508 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:52,609 - God damn it. [dramatic music] 509 00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,698 Every woman for themselves! 510 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:58,702 ♪ ♪ 511 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:00,313 Check your bags! 512 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:07,494 ♪ ♪ 513 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,887 - That scene is a huge bummer. 514 00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:12,281 I pitched it to Sascha, who's still in college, 515 00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,457 so it must be an even bigger bummer to her. 516 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,894 - College orientation is basically just 517 00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:18,940 "Welcome to college. You're about to be assaulted." 518 00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,246 It's really dark. 519 00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:23,945 [upbeat spacey music] 520 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,077 - I met our writer Ron Weiner 521 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,428 when I was on an episode of "30 Rock" he wrote 522 00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:31,213 a million years ago that I was mostly cut out of. 523 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,128 - Yeah, Amy actually kind of got herself cut out 524 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,738 because she ad-libbed a lot of lines, 525 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,697 which got me really furious, actually. 526 00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:39,003 But later on, we became friends, 527 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,745 and I ended up emailing her these MP3s 528 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,660 of these really kind of, like, dorky comedy songs 529 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:45,009 that I used to write. 530 00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:47,055 - I love Ron's songs, and I wanted them 531 00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:49,884 to be on our show, so here's Ron. 532 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,321 [birds chirping] 533 00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:54,454 - ♪ McDonald's pizza, have you heard of it? ♪ 534 00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,282 ♪ It really existed ♪ 535 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,936 ♪ It's real, it's real, it's real ♪ 536 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,503 ♪ It's so real ♪ 537 00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:01,939 Would you like fries with that pizza? 538 00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:03,463 ♪ It's so ♪ 539 00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:06,161 - I'd like the Happy Meal with pizza. 540 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,903 - ♪ It's so real ♪ 541 00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:11,253 ♪ And Pac-Man cereal was killer, man ♪ 542 00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,037 ♪ It really existed ♪ 543 00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:15,214 ♪ How does that make you feel? ♪ 544 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:19,130 ♪ And E.T. cereal was cereal that really existed ♪ 545 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,307 ♪ C3PO's were real ♪ 546 00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:23,526 ♪ And in Hawaii at McDonald's ♪ 547 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,311 ♪ They have Portuguese sausage ♪ 548 00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:27,965 ♪ They also do in Guam ♪ 549 00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,489 ♪ It's so real ♪ 550 00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:31,665 Life's amazing, all around you. 551 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,406 ♪ It's so real ♪ 552 00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:35,059 Normal items, hidden secrets. 553 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,844 ♪ It's so real ♪ 554 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,802 - Keep alive your childish wonder. 555 00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:40,935 - ♪ It's so real ♪ 556 00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:43,154 ♪ The world is full of wondrous secrets ♪ 557 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,114 ♪ If you're looking it's the only way you know them ♪ 558 00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:48,464 ♪ The world is full of hidden music ♪ 559 00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:51,467 ♪ If you listen, it's the only way they show them ♪ 560 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,121 ♪ Science is magical ♪ 561 00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,123 ♪ Love is everywhere ♪ 562 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,648 ♪ Kiss your alchemist at the Ren faire ♪ 563 00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:02,913 ♪ World is wonderful, wonderful world ♪ 564 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,917 ♪ World of wonders, it's a wonderful world ♪ 565 00:21:07,004 --> 00:21:09,659 ♪ McDonald's pizza and Pac-Man cereal ♪ 566 00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:15,796 ♪ C3PO's ♪ 567 00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:17,101 - I swear, whenever we're about to roll, 568 00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:17,972 my vagina itches. 569 00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:19,190 - [laughs] 570 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,453 - I don't know what that is. 571 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:21,584 - It's chlamydia. 572 00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:23,804 - Oh. I need a stretcher. 573 00:21:23,891 --> 00:21:25,240 - Here we go. Cameras set? - Yep. 574 00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:28,199 - And tomorrow for Friday we got everybody-- 575 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,158 we got a drug truck for the crew. 576 00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:32,029 [cheers and applause] Yeah, you're welcome. 577 00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:33,901 - [shouts] 578 00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:36,643 - Stop doing your Chihuahua noise. 579 00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:38,297 Go to your room! 580 00:21:38,384 --> 00:21:40,081 Wait, go to my room and get my Flatuda. 581 00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:41,778 - Go to your mom's room. 582 00:21:41,865 --> 00:21:43,476 - [shouts] - [laughs] 583 00:22:09,589 --> 00:22:11,286 - It's so easy.