1 00:00:02,529 --> 00:00:07,838 - ♪ MTV ♪ 2 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,927 - Coach Stefanski said we're a shoe-in to win district, 3 00:00:10,015 --> 00:00:13,714 as long as no one gets COVID or an STD. 4 00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:15,150 - Honey, I just finished that off. 5 00:00:15,237 --> 00:00:17,848 Is there more? 6 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:19,285 Shelly? Shelly? 7 00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:22,201 - Oh, yes, of course. 8 00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:24,377 - Feeling overwhelmed, 9 00:00:24,464 --> 00:00:27,902 like you just need a little help to get through the day? 10 00:00:27,989 --> 00:00:29,425 [soft music] 11 00:00:29,512 --> 00:00:30,992 - Hey, I heard pills. 12 00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:33,473 Everything okay? 13 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,042 - When your pill habit gets in the way of your regular life, 14 00:00:37,129 --> 00:00:39,957 isn't it time to say enough? 15 00:00:40,045 --> 00:00:41,089 [pills rattling] 16 00:00:41,176 --> 00:00:42,656 - [grunts] 17 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:43,961 What's going on? 18 00:00:44,049 --> 00:00:45,528 Pills? 19 00:00:45,615 --> 00:00:47,791 - No, just watching a Brené Brown Ted Talk 20 00:00:47,878 --> 00:00:49,228 and masturbating. 21 00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:50,838 - Mom, you're scaring me. 22 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,796 - It doesn't have to be this way. 23 00:00:52,883 --> 00:00:55,060 There's help. 24 00:00:55,147 --> 00:00:57,714 The abuse of prescription drugs has grown exponentially 25 00:00:57,801 --> 00:01:01,066 the past few years, particularly among women 26 00:01:01,153 --> 00:01:03,894 because of the pandemic and "Euphoria." 27 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:07,289 But now there's Silent Release, 28 00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:10,597 a prescription bottle made entirely of felt. 29 00:01:10,684 --> 00:01:11,859 And not only is the bottle quiet, 30 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,209 the pills are coated in marshmallow. 31 00:01:14,296 --> 00:01:16,298 So there are no telltale noises to give away 32 00:01:16,385 --> 00:01:18,518 your precious, sacred secret. 33 00:01:18,605 --> 00:01:21,912 You take lots of loud-ass pills. 34 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,523 Soft on the outside, 35 00:01:23,610 --> 00:01:25,742 so you can feel soft on the inside 36 00:01:25,829 --> 00:01:27,614 of your brain. 37 00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:31,052 You deserve to feel exactly how you need to feel 38 00:01:31,139 --> 00:01:32,923 just to get through this endless crawl 39 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,317 of a day and pointless garbage existence 40 00:01:35,404 --> 00:01:37,232 that's wasted on you. 41 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,365 Silent Release, 42 00:01:39,452 --> 00:01:41,280 if a pill falls in a felt bottle 43 00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:44,370 and you don't hear it, were you ever sad? 44 00:01:44,457 --> 00:01:47,938 ♪ ♪ 45 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:50,984 - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 46 00:01:51,072 --> 00:01:52,552 - Ma'am? - [laughs] 47 00:01:52,639 --> 00:01:55,250 - Ma'am, you doing okay? 48 00:01:55,337 --> 00:01:57,121 - I'm in a commercial. 49 00:01:57,209 --> 00:01:58,601 - Oh. - [laughs] 50 00:01:58,688 --> 00:02:00,864 - You taken anything today? 51 00:02:00,951 --> 00:02:03,911 - I'll never tell. 52 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,304 - Who are you talking to? 53 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:07,871 - Get in this ball pit, girl. [laughs] 54 00:02:07,958 --> 00:02:09,482 - Okay, thank you, oh. 55 00:02:09,569 --> 00:02:12,441 [upbeat spacey music] 56 00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:17,707 ♪ ♪ 57 00:02:20,754 --> 00:02:23,017 - Big pharma has made billions getting Americans 58 00:02:23,104 --> 00:02:25,715 hooked on opioids, and hopefully, 59 00:02:25,802 --> 00:02:28,022 one of them sees this and is like, oh, cool. 60 00:02:28,108 --> 00:02:30,720 Here's a way we can make even more money. 61 00:02:30,807 --> 00:02:36,465 ♪ ♪ 62 00:02:36,552 --> 00:02:41,644 - Tonight on "Married a Monster," 63 00:02:41,731 --> 00:02:44,212 it was a storybook romance 64 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,389 that turned into a MacBook nightmare. 65 00:02:47,476 --> 00:02:48,608 - I wish I would have done more. 66 00:02:48,695 --> 00:02:51,132 I wish I would have said more. 67 00:02:51,219 --> 00:02:54,266 - Little did Amy know that her seemingly perfect husband, 68 00:02:54,353 --> 00:02:56,659 Jeff, was harboring a dark secret. 69 00:02:56,746 --> 00:02:58,487 - I heard about this happening to other women, 70 00:02:58,574 --> 00:03:00,446 and I thought they were pathetic. 71 00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:02,230 Like, that could never happen to me. 72 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,103 - I came home from work early because it 73 00:03:06,191 --> 00:03:08,541 was someone's birthday at the office, 74 00:03:08,628 --> 00:03:10,934 and those make me uncomfortable. 75 00:03:11,021 --> 00:03:13,459 And I caught him red-handed at his laptop. 76 00:03:13,546 --> 00:03:15,722 He just looked up at me and said, 77 00:03:15,809 --> 00:03:17,158 like it was nothing... 78 00:03:17,245 --> 00:03:18,812 - Hey, babe. 79 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:21,118 Bitcoin is up 4%. 80 00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:23,033 - And that was the moment my whole world fell apart. 81 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,600 - Oh, God, oh, no. 82 00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:28,604 - And I knew that he was into crypto. 83 00:03:28,691 --> 00:03:31,084 - Every day, thousands of women across the globe 84 00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:34,435 find out their husband is, like, really into crypto. 85 00:03:34,523 --> 00:03:36,221 Just, like, way too into it. 86 00:03:36,308 --> 00:03:38,266 Amy found herself just another part 87 00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:39,789 of this gruesome statistic. 88 00:03:39,876 --> 00:03:41,617 - At first, it wasn't so bad. 89 00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:44,272 He would just find ways to wedge Dogecoin 90 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,926 into the conversation. 91 00:03:46,013 --> 00:03:47,884 But then pretty soon, he was saying things like, 92 00:03:47,971 --> 00:03:53,629 be your own bank, or when Lambo, or TLT. 93 00:03:55,631 --> 00:03:59,721 - Think long-term. 94 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,248 - I mean, I always suspected Jeff was a bit off. 95 00:04:03,335 --> 00:04:06,425 On their first date, he took her to see 21 Pilots. 96 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,165 But never in a million years did 97 00:04:08,253 --> 00:04:09,906 I think he would subject her to a rant about the blockchain 98 00:04:09,993 --> 00:04:11,778 every ten minutes. 99 00:04:11,865 --> 00:04:13,954 - Things finally came to a head on date night. 100 00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,869 - Ethereum actually has a lot more utility 101 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,697 than Bitcoin, which is just a store of value. 102 00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,308 But Ethereum does face some real competition 103 00:04:20,395 --> 00:04:22,702 from Cardano, Tezos, Solana. 104 00:04:22,789 --> 00:04:24,225 And what that means is... 105 00:04:24,312 --> 00:04:27,228 - By the time he used DeFi 106 00:04:27,315 --> 00:04:29,578 as an abbreviation for decentralized finance, 107 00:04:29,665 --> 00:04:32,188 I knew that I had married a monster. 108 00:04:32,277 --> 00:04:34,148 - Hey, babe. Have you seen my Nano? 109 00:04:34,235 --> 00:04:36,672 My cowallet? 110 00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:37,847 Candlesticks are going crazy right now, 111 00:04:37,934 --> 00:04:40,633 and my MetaMask is offline, so-- 112 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,765 - No. - Oh, shit. 113 00:04:42,852 --> 00:04:45,289 Cardano is going to the moon. 114 00:04:45,377 --> 00:04:47,640 HODL! [laughs] 115 00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:49,250 I don't see what the big deal is. 116 00:04:49,337 --> 00:04:50,860 Crypto paid for this house. 117 00:04:50,947 --> 00:04:53,080 - But at what cost, Jeff? 118 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,603 At what cost? 119 00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:58,999 - About 7,100 tron, which is a total shit coin, 120 00:04:59,086 --> 00:05:00,914 but that was just a degen play, 121 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,350 and I only sold it because of FUD. 122 00:05:04,047 --> 00:05:06,528 - Fear, uncertainty, and doubt. 123 00:05:06,615 --> 00:05:10,097 - Help me. 124 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,099 - The final straw came when Amy went into the attic 125 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:14,362 to find her November pants and found something 126 00:05:14,449 --> 00:05:18,453 that will haunt her nightmares forever, 127 00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:21,935 a homemade server farm for mining crypto coin. 128 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:26,331 - No, no, no! 129 00:05:26,418 --> 00:05:28,289 - I'm just grateful we never had kids. 130 00:05:28,376 --> 00:05:29,725 - We have two kids. 131 00:05:29,812 --> 00:05:31,814 - Mommy! - Mommy, Mommy! 132 00:05:31,901 --> 00:05:33,163 - I'm thinking about putting their college fund 133 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,384 into some NFTs, maybe a few CryptoPunks. 134 00:05:36,471 --> 00:05:37,951 both: Mommy, Mommy! 135 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,780 - [wails] 136 00:05:40,867 --> 00:05:42,999 - Next time on "Married a Monster"... 137 00:05:43,086 --> 00:05:44,914 - I walked up the stairs to our bedroom, 138 00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:46,916 and he was there doing it. 139 00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:51,573 He was reading Elon Musk's autobiography. 140 00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,358 - My good friend, Rachel Feinstein, 141 00:05:53,445 --> 00:05:55,316 is married to a firefighter. 142 00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:58,450 - All firefighters love crypto and "kesh." 143 00:05:58,537 --> 00:05:59,755 That's how they pronounce cash. 144 00:05:59,842 --> 00:06:01,888 And for some reason, they only trust 145 00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:04,325 the most visible and invisible forms of money. 146 00:06:04,412 --> 00:06:07,676 [upbeat spacy music] 147 00:06:12,681 --> 00:06:13,900 - Well, Amy, thanks for coming in. 148 00:06:13,987 --> 00:06:15,336 You know, since your mom and dad's estate 149 00:06:15,423 --> 00:06:17,991 passed control of their large stock portfolio over to you, 150 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,558 I thought we could walk through it together. 151 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:21,560 - Yeah, absolutely. 152 00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,779 And if I could, I just want to preface this. 153 00:06:23,866 --> 00:06:26,782 I would love to just say that my parents 154 00:06:26,869 --> 00:06:28,480 were a little old-school. 155 00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:29,655 - Mm. 156 00:06:29,742 --> 00:06:31,308 - You know, I just-- and I don't want 157 00:06:31,396 --> 00:06:32,527 to say anything bad about anyone 158 00:06:32,614 --> 00:06:34,573 who just died in a fire. 159 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:38,577 But we just didn't really see the world in the same way. 160 00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:41,101 So yeah, as I said in my email, I just-- 161 00:06:41,188 --> 00:06:43,103 I would love to invest in companies 162 00:06:43,190 --> 00:06:45,671 that are a little more ethical, sustainable, you know? 163 00:06:45,758 --> 00:06:47,150 - Mm-hmm. 164 00:06:47,237 --> 00:06:48,717 - And I just have to say that I would 165 00:06:48,804 --> 00:06:51,285 love if my parents' money could be a force for good. 166 00:06:51,372 --> 00:06:52,721 - Absolutely, absolutely. 167 00:06:52,808 --> 00:06:54,506 We can divest from those industries. 168 00:06:54,593 --> 00:06:56,246 - Good, great. - No problem. 169 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,597 - I can sleep at night. - Yeah. 170 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,468 Of course, doing so will be less profitable. 171 00:07:00,555 --> 00:07:02,165 - Oh my gosh, I get that. Of course. 172 00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:03,776 Yeah, but you can't really put a price 173 00:07:03,863 --> 00:07:05,168 on doing the right thing. 174 00:07:05,255 --> 00:07:06,605 - Mm-hmm. - You know? 175 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,041 It's like the future of humanity 176 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,216 is literally in the balance, so... 177 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:12,219 - Mm. - Yeah. 178 00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:14,047 Mm. 179 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:20,923 But when you say less profitable, like, 180 00:07:21,010 --> 00:07:24,274 how much less profitable are we talking about? 181 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:27,495 - Well, the portfolio was set up to support you comfortably 182 00:07:27,582 --> 00:07:28,844 into the foreseeable future. 183 00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,411 - Yeah. 184 00:07:30,498 --> 00:07:32,282 - So if we cut out the traditional industries 185 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,719 and go heavy into renewables, 186 00:07:33,806 --> 00:07:35,416 you may have to supplement the income. 187 00:07:35,503 --> 00:07:38,027 - Of course, and what do you mean by supplement? 188 00:07:38,114 --> 00:07:40,116 Like, supplement how? 189 00:07:40,203 --> 00:07:42,554 - Well, presumably by getting a job. 190 00:07:44,643 --> 00:07:46,253 - Yeah. 191 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:47,167 Me getting a job? 192 00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:48,951 - Well, yeah, you. 193 00:07:50,823 --> 00:07:55,087 - Okay, okay, yeah. 194 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,306 - You got it? 195 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,570 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 196 00:07:59,832 --> 00:08:01,311 You know what? 197 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,749 I feel like maybe I was being a little harsh. 198 00:08:03,836 --> 00:08:06,708 I came in here on my high horse. 199 00:08:06,795 --> 00:08:11,931 Maybe I should just kind of settle down a little bit. 200 00:08:12,018 --> 00:08:14,281 Let me just look at the list of the things 201 00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,979 that I said I wanted to get out of because I don't even-- 202 00:08:17,066 --> 00:08:18,851 fracking. 203 00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:20,809 I know I said I don't want to invest in fracking, 204 00:08:20,896 --> 00:08:23,333 but what even is-- what even is fracking really? 205 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,944 What is it? - Right. 206 00:08:25,031 --> 00:08:27,773 Fracking is the process where oil companies extract oil 207 00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:29,426 and gas by injecting liquid at high pressure 208 00:08:29,514 --> 00:08:30,993 into subterranean rock. 209 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,039 - Yeah, you know what? Enough said, I'm sold. 210 00:08:33,126 --> 00:08:35,520 So take fracking off the shit list 211 00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:37,434 because I'd like to frack. 212 00:08:37,522 --> 00:08:38,610 I'd like to frack on. 213 00:08:38,697 --> 00:08:40,481 - Very well. 214 00:08:40,568 --> 00:08:42,265 - And so does that sort of get me back to a place 215 00:08:42,352 --> 00:08:44,920 where I wouldn't have to work? 216 00:08:45,007 --> 00:08:47,183 - No, not even close. 217 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,058 - Okay, opioids. 218 00:08:52,145 --> 00:08:54,843 I know I said I wanted to move away from opioids, 219 00:08:54,930 --> 00:08:56,192 but you know what, I feel like, you know, 220 00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,107 the Sacklers apologized, right? 221 00:08:58,194 --> 00:08:59,892 If we're looking at this in a glass half-full kind of way, 222 00:08:59,979 --> 00:09:01,763 they said they were sorry. 223 00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:05,288 They took their names off of libraries and all that. 224 00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:07,203 So it's like they're kind of back on the right side 225 00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:08,596 of history, right? 226 00:09:08,683 --> 00:09:09,989 So opioids are probably... [clicks tongue] 227 00:09:10,076 --> 00:09:11,947 Okay? - Mm-hmm. 228 00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,427 So it feels like, maybe take a beat, 229 00:09:13,514 --> 00:09:14,428 leave things as is. 230 00:09:14,515 --> 00:09:15,995 - Yeah, but you know what? 231 00:09:16,082 --> 00:09:17,779 Now that we're really getting into this, 232 00:09:17,866 --> 00:09:20,173 I feel like maybe my parents didn't go far enough. 233 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:24,699 Like, they were pretty, you know, conservative. 234 00:09:24,786 --> 00:09:27,093 I mean, what did they really even know? 235 00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:30,749 It's like they died in that fire that I didn't start. 236 00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:34,709 So I think that we should try to make 237 00:09:34,795 --> 00:09:37,320 as much money as possible as quickly as possible. 238 00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:40,323 You know, so I can, like, live, you know, and not have to be, 239 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:43,370 like, working or whatever you mentioned 240 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,591 because I really can't, really can't. 241 00:09:46,678 --> 00:09:48,244 - Well, yeah, there's high risk, 242 00:09:48,331 --> 00:09:50,029 high reward companies that we could definitely look at. 243 00:09:50,116 --> 00:09:51,508 - Yes, this is what I'm talking about, 244 00:09:51,596 --> 00:09:53,946 like Elon Musk's, like, the monkey thing 245 00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:57,036 where they "Terminator" your brain or whatever. 246 00:09:57,123 --> 00:09:59,081 - Neuralink, yeah, I mean, that's a moonshot, for sure, 247 00:09:59,168 --> 00:10:00,909 giving the human brain a digital interface. 248 00:10:00,996 --> 00:10:03,999 And he's definitely a high-growth guy. 249 00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:06,219 But I don't know how comfortable you are. 250 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,091 There have been allegations of harassment. 251 00:10:09,178 --> 00:10:11,877 - But you know, you don't get to Mars 252 00:10:11,964 --> 00:10:13,792 by being everybody's friend, right? 253 00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:17,970 You know, there's no rapists or racists on Pluto. 254 00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:19,145 So let's go there. 255 00:10:19,232 --> 00:10:20,973 - [laughs] 256 00:10:21,060 --> 00:10:22,365 Nobody's going to Pluto, but I get your point 257 00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:23,540 about the space rape. 258 00:10:23,628 --> 00:10:25,455 - Okay, now what's the thing where-- 259 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,588 where's the place where the women are all, like, 260 00:10:27,675 --> 00:10:29,764 superhot, and they're, like, really good at vodka? 261 00:10:32,245 --> 00:10:34,900 - Are you talking about Russia? - Yes, Russia. 262 00:10:34,987 --> 00:10:36,075 I'd like to get involved 263 00:10:36,162 --> 00:10:38,251 in those state-sponsored troll farms. 264 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,556 Is that something that we could maybe 265 00:10:39,644 --> 00:10:40,775 get our foot in the door, you know? 266 00:10:40,862 --> 00:10:42,995 - Those aren't really businesses. 267 00:10:43,082 --> 00:10:46,215 That's a disinformation campaign largely aimed 268 00:10:46,302 --> 00:10:47,826 at Western democracies. 269 00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:51,394 So aiding that would be criminal at best 270 00:10:51,481 --> 00:10:53,919 and most likely treasonous. 271 00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:56,573 - I feel like you're giving me a yellow light on this one. 272 00:10:56,661 --> 00:10:57,792 - No, no, no. - Yeah! 273 00:10:57,879 --> 00:10:59,011 - No, no, no. - You are! 274 00:10:59,098 --> 00:11:01,013 Let's just keep our eye on it, you know? 275 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,623 Let's be open to that, all right? 276 00:11:02,710 --> 00:11:05,408 Let's not, you know, be like my parents, 277 00:11:05,495 --> 00:11:08,324 burned to a crisp, making conservative decisions. 278 00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:10,283 I like that. - Done. 279 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:14,896 - And just slide into my DMs with any sort of ideas 280 00:11:14,983 --> 00:11:18,857 about how I can be my generation's Mother Teresa, 281 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:22,512 you know, other than the ways I'm already doing it. 282 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,167 So well, I think we got a plan. 283 00:11:25,254 --> 00:11:27,779 If you need anything, I'll be at H&H. 284 00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:32,305 That last scene was just documentary footage 285 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,698 from my life. 286 00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:36,178 - We just put a camera in the room with Amy 287 00:11:36,265 --> 00:11:38,311 and her portfolio manager, and we left. 288 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,792 I'm seeing this for the first time just like you. 289 00:11:40,879 --> 00:11:44,839 [upbeat spacey music] 290 00:11:44,926 --> 00:11:46,058 - Welcome, Kloopr shareholders, 291 00:11:46,145 --> 00:11:48,016 to our annual meeting. 292 00:11:48,103 --> 00:11:53,326 Please welcome Kloopr CEO, Jason Kirk! 293 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,284 - Good afternoon, and thank you for joining us 294 00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:58,244 after what can only be called another banner year 295 00:11:58,331 --> 00:11:59,593 for Kloopr! 296 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,508 [cheers and applause] 297 00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,336 What a year. 298 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:07,253 I want to start by addressing the elephant in the room, 299 00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:09,603 recent comments made on the Kloopr platform 300 00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:13,476 by Ron "Raw Dog" McQuaid. 301 00:12:13,563 --> 00:12:15,348 Let me be clear. 302 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:19,744 Kloopr has a zero-tolerance policy for hate speech. 303 00:12:19,831 --> 00:12:23,573 On the other hand, it is important that we stand back 304 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:28,404 and stand by free thinkers like McQuaid, especially when-- 305 00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:30,667 and this is important-- 306 00:12:30,755 --> 00:12:34,628 they make us so much money. 307 00:12:34,715 --> 00:12:37,457 I mean, that's--yeah. 308 00:12:37,544 --> 00:12:39,981 Now to all of those who were offended by McQuaid's 309 00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:43,376 hurtful, hilarious remarks, we want to assure you 310 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:47,032 that Kloopr does not support or stand by any comments, 311 00:12:47,119 --> 00:12:50,818 jokes, haikus, or single-frame cartoons 312 00:12:50,905 --> 00:12:53,212 that disparage the LGBTQ community, 313 00:12:53,299 --> 00:12:56,258 the disabled community, the BDSM community, 314 00:12:56,345 --> 00:12:58,652 and whatever this is. 315 00:12:58,739 --> 00:13:00,959 Everyone--am I right? 316 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:04,789 Everyone, everyone deserves respect. 317 00:13:04,876 --> 00:13:06,878 Having said that, 318 00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:11,273 we also ask that everyone respect the fuck tons 319 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,494 of cash that Raw Dog McQuaid and his program, 320 00:13:14,581 --> 00:13:18,367 69% Raw, make for this company. 321 00:13:18,454 --> 00:13:21,936 And I'm talking, like, Scrooge McDuck swimming 322 00:13:22,023 --> 00:13:25,244 in his building sized vault of oversized gold coins 323 00:13:25,331 --> 00:13:27,420 fuck tons. 324 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,161 Wait. 325 00:13:29,248 --> 00:13:31,119 That is not to say that we don't have standards. 326 00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:33,992 No, if you say something offensive, 327 00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:36,690 and you don't make us money, we will be picking apart 328 00:13:36,777 --> 00:13:40,302 those words like they're late-night texts 329 00:13:40,389 --> 00:13:42,783 from the hottest boy in high school. 330 00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:45,438 If you generate a million in revenue, 331 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,266 we will bravely defend your right 332 00:13:47,353 --> 00:13:50,530 to say vaccines cause sterility against the rabid 333 00:13:50,617 --> 00:13:53,576 Sarah Lawrence women's studies woke mob witch hunters 334 00:13:53,663 --> 00:13:56,275 that are trying to dismantle the notion of freedom itself. 335 00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:59,321 If you're anywhere in between, it depends on what else 336 00:13:59,408 --> 00:14:01,410 is happening that day. 337 00:14:01,497 --> 00:14:05,501 Having two sets of standards, double if you will, 338 00:14:05,588 --> 00:14:07,503 that is the kind of forward thinking 339 00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:10,593 that sets Kloopr apart. 340 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,335 Let's be honest. Let's just be honest. 341 00:14:13,422 --> 00:14:15,424 Look, we live in complicated times. 342 00:14:15,511 --> 00:14:20,516 It is hard to satisfy everyone who can give us money, 343 00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:24,607 but I think that we have come up 344 00:14:24,694 --> 00:14:28,176 with a common ground solution. 345 00:14:28,263 --> 00:14:34,139 I am happy to introduce Kloopr Canceled. 346 00:14:34,226 --> 00:14:35,836 Oh, that's right. 347 00:14:35,923 --> 00:14:38,578 Kloopr will now bundle all of our most problematic voices 348 00:14:38,665 --> 00:14:40,841 into a premium subscription service 349 00:14:40,928 --> 00:14:43,539 that allows us to fully monetize 350 00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:45,802 their problematic-ness while, 351 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:49,458 at the same time, signaling our virtues. 352 00:14:49,545 --> 00:14:51,112 Now, listen to this. 353 00:14:51,199 --> 00:14:54,681 Canceled will include content from ethno cartoonist 354 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:58,250 Jalen Stump, dirty limericist Torv Cuspule, 355 00:14:58,337 --> 00:15:01,949 border enthusiast Dirk Cumley, Teflon rapist Shep Honky, 356 00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:04,430 frank masturbater Dorvin Clink, 357 00:15:04,517 --> 00:15:06,736 and, of course, our golden goose himself, 358 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,478 Ron "Raw Dog" McQuaid. 359 00:15:09,565 --> 00:15:12,438 God bless his soul. 360 00:15:12,525 --> 00:15:14,483 Thank you for supporting Kloopr. 361 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:17,225 In summation, money, good. 362 00:15:17,312 --> 00:15:19,184 No money, bad. 363 00:15:19,271 --> 00:15:22,535 Hurt people? Okay, if money. 364 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,538 Thank you, and money. 365 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,496 [cheers and applause] 366 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,455 Thank you. 367 00:15:31,283 --> 00:15:33,676 - Obviously, none of that scene applies 368 00:15:33,763 --> 00:15:36,418 in any way to the current CEO of Paramount+, 369 00:15:36,505 --> 00:15:37,985 whoever that is. 370 00:15:38,072 --> 00:15:40,161 - Basically, if you're a CEO that has ever paid us 371 00:15:40,248 --> 00:15:43,643 or ever will pay us, this scene was not about you. 372 00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:46,167 [upbeat spacey music] 373 00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:51,999 - Okay, let's begin. 374 00:15:52,086 --> 00:15:56,612 Who can tell me what 90% of gynecology is all about? 375 00:15:56,699 --> 00:15:58,701 Paul? - Looking at vaginas. 376 00:15:58,788 --> 00:16:00,616 - You'd think so, but no. 377 00:16:00,703 --> 00:16:03,445 Lacey? - Making the patient feel safe. 378 00:16:03,532 --> 00:16:05,491 - Nope. Jo, you want to take a stab? 379 00:16:05,578 --> 00:16:09,147 - Yes, prescribing cranberry juice to me for my UTIs. 380 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,583 - Also no. 381 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,585 All right, you may want to write this down 382 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,066 because if you don't get this, you may as well toss 383 00:16:15,153 --> 00:16:17,677 your speculums right now, okay? 384 00:16:17,764 --> 00:16:20,462 90% of being a gynecologist is knowing how long 385 00:16:20,549 --> 00:16:23,422 to wait before entering an exam room 386 00:16:23,509 --> 00:16:26,207 after you told the patient to undress. 387 00:16:26,294 --> 00:16:28,079 What do I mean? 388 00:16:28,166 --> 00:16:29,689 Well, you're about to find out. 389 00:16:29,776 --> 00:16:32,866 In these exam rooms, I've left a few women waiting 390 00:16:32,953 --> 00:16:34,824 for varying amounts of time. 391 00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,870 Who wants to get their hands dirty? 392 00:16:36,957 --> 00:16:38,002 - I'll try. 393 00:16:38,089 --> 00:16:40,395 - Lacey, let's go. 394 00:16:42,093 --> 00:16:44,269 - Ms. Humphrey, hi, I'm Lacey, and I-- 395 00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:46,010 - Oh, I--sorry. Shoot, fuck. 396 00:16:46,097 --> 00:16:47,837 Just one second. 397 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,057 - Oh! 398 00:16:50,144 --> 00:16:52,886 I'll come back. 399 00:16:52,973 --> 00:16:55,497 I don't know what happened. - It's okay. 400 00:16:55,584 --> 00:16:57,064 Can anyone tell me what went wrong here? 401 00:16:57,151 --> 00:16:59,501 - We didn't look at the vagina. 402 00:16:59,588 --> 00:17:01,764 - Close, but completely off. 403 00:17:01,851 --> 00:17:04,071 We told the patient to undress, and then we entered 404 00:17:04,158 --> 00:17:05,725 the exam room too soon. 405 00:17:05,812 --> 00:17:07,466 - [sighs] 406 00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:09,033 - You see, when you come into the room too soon, 407 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,686 it doesn't afford the patient enough time 408 00:17:10,773 --> 00:17:12,906 to undress and hide their underwear 409 00:17:12,993 --> 00:17:15,082 between their pants and shirt for some reason, 410 00:17:15,169 --> 00:17:17,911 and then to either text their best girlfriend, 411 00:17:17,997 --> 00:17:20,826 "At gyno, FML," or to quickly Google, 412 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,264 "Can the gynecologist tell that I masturbated last night?" 413 00:17:23,351 --> 00:17:24,786 - Ah. 414 00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:26,527 - You see, affording time to the patient for things 415 00:17:26,614 --> 00:17:28,617 like this is a critical aspect of gynecology. 416 00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:30,097 Who wants to go next? 417 00:17:30,184 --> 00:17:31,707 - Fuck it. I'll go. 418 00:17:31,794 --> 00:17:33,405 - All right. 419 00:17:33,492 --> 00:17:37,191 [soft music] 420 00:17:37,278 --> 00:17:39,498 - All right, Miss Carson. 421 00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:42,109 Let's see that vagina. 422 00:17:42,196 --> 00:17:44,546 - I have 900 IUDs in my pussy. 423 00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:48,289 I took all the shots. I took all the shots! 424 00:17:48,376 --> 00:17:50,944 I took all the shots! 425 00:17:51,031 --> 00:17:53,686 - Oh, my God, what the hell? That wasn't hot. 426 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:54,948 That wasn't hot at all. 427 00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:56,428 I went through medical-- 428 00:17:56,515 --> 00:17:58,604 - You bet your fat, dumb dick that wasn't hot 429 00:17:58,691 --> 00:18:01,172 because we let too much time pass between telling her 430 00:18:01,259 --> 00:18:04,044 to get naked and coming back into the exam room. 431 00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:07,526 When you leave a patient alone in a gynecological exam room 432 00:18:07,613 --> 00:18:10,572 for too long in a flimsy paper nightgown 433 00:18:10,659 --> 00:18:11,878 that feels like it's gonna disintegrate, 434 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,836 they get bored and antsy. 435 00:18:13,923 --> 00:18:15,186 They'll start going through your things. 436 00:18:15,273 --> 00:18:16,796 They'll eat your snacks. 437 00:18:16,883 --> 00:18:18,276 - That's why she was holding those potatoes. 438 00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:19,755 - Exactly. 439 00:18:19,842 --> 00:18:22,062 I like to eat a whole raw potato as a snack. 440 00:18:22,149 --> 00:18:23,672 And obviously, she found it. 441 00:18:23,759 --> 00:18:25,152 Good work, Lacey. 442 00:18:25,239 --> 00:18:26,501 - Thanks. - Jo, you're up. 443 00:18:29,156 --> 00:18:31,115 - [sighs] 444 00:18:31,202 --> 00:18:34,118 [tense music] 445 00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:36,859 ♪ ♪ 446 00:18:36,946 --> 00:18:38,383 No, I can't do this. I can't do this. 447 00:18:38,470 --> 00:18:39,601 - Come here. - I don't want-- 448 00:18:39,688 --> 00:18:41,168 I don't want-- - You've got this, okay? 449 00:18:41,255 --> 00:18:43,301 - No, no, can I just throw some cranberry juice 450 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:44,954 in the room and call it a day? 451 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,261 - No, look at me. 452 00:18:47,348 --> 00:18:50,134 Look at me. - Okay. 453 00:18:50,221 --> 00:18:53,049 - That woman in there needs you to look at and into her vagina 454 00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:55,313 with the most uncomfortable tools possible. 455 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,010 - Okay. 456 00:18:57,097 --> 00:18:58,316 - And sure, none of us want to do this. 457 00:18:58,403 --> 00:18:59,708 - I do. 458 00:18:59,795 --> 00:19:02,015 - Except Paul, but, you know, 459 00:19:02,102 --> 00:19:04,670 straight male gynecologists are weird. 460 00:19:04,757 --> 00:19:07,934 I'm gay, so I find it just as troubling as you. 461 00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:11,764 Now, Jo, that woman has been in there for nine minutes. 462 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:15,768 I want you to go into that room when your head, 463 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:21,513 your heart, and your vagina tells you it's time. 464 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:28,476 ♪ ♪ 465 00:19:31,914 --> 00:19:34,439 - [mouthing] 466 00:19:44,623 --> 00:19:46,451 - Ms. Wilson, hi. 467 00:19:46,538 --> 00:19:49,976 I'm Dr. Reese, and I will be performing your exam today. 468 00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,717 - Wonderful. 469 00:19:53,371 --> 00:19:55,286 - I knew you could do it. 470 00:19:55,373 --> 00:19:57,592 - [sighs] Thank you, Doctor. 471 00:19:57,679 --> 00:20:00,639 - No, no, no. Go finish your exam, Doctor. 472 00:20:00,726 --> 00:20:02,380 - Right. 473 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:05,818 Oh, how do I insert the speculum? 474 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,820 - Oh, it doesn't matter. Just shove it in. 475 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,865 It's gonna suck regardless. 476 00:20:09,952 --> 00:20:13,086 Bye. 477 00:20:13,173 --> 00:20:15,697 - I know I have a tiny part in this scene, 478 00:20:15,784 --> 00:20:18,570 but Tim Meadows is the funniest person 479 00:20:18,657 --> 00:20:21,529 who was ever on "SNL," I believe. 480 00:20:21,616 --> 00:20:23,314 And I needed him to be this doctor. 481 00:20:23,401 --> 00:20:24,837 - She was so right. 482 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,795 Tim was way better than she would have ever been. 483 00:20:26,882 --> 00:20:28,797 Thanks, Amy. 484 00:20:28,884 --> 00:20:32,192 [upbeat spacey music] 485 00:20:32,279 --> 00:20:36,022 - Here's another song from, you guessed it, Ron. 486 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,459 Ron. 487 00:20:38,546 --> 00:20:42,028 [upbeat music] 488 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:45,292 - ♪ My wife buys me clothes, and I wear them ♪ 489 00:20:45,379 --> 00:20:48,774 ♪ My wife buys me clothes, and I wear them ♪ 490 00:20:48,861 --> 00:20:50,515 ♪ My wife buys me clothes ♪ 491 00:20:50,602 --> 00:20:52,430 ♪ And I wear them ♪ 492 00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:55,824 ♪ My wife buys me clothes ♪ 493 00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:59,175 ♪ We make a good team with our wardrobe ♪ 494 00:20:59,263 --> 00:21:02,657 ♪ My wife buys me clothes, and I wear them ♪ 495 00:21:02,744 --> 00:21:05,878 ♪ My wife buys her clothes, and she wears them ♪ 496 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:09,925 ♪ My wife also buys all the kids' clothes ♪ 497 00:21:10,012 --> 00:21:13,320 ♪ My wife also does all the scheduling ♪ 498 00:21:13,407 --> 00:21:16,671 ♪ And earns a lot of money running her own business ♪ 499 00:21:16,758 --> 00:21:19,892 ♪ I'm in a men's league for kickball ♪ 500 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:24,331 ♪ My wife buys me clothes ♪ 501 00:21:24,418 --> 00:21:28,379 ♪ Check out my clothes ♪ 502 00:21:28,466 --> 00:21:31,077 Oh, hey, so I just texted you a list of some stuff 503 00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:33,732 that I need for the wedding that we're going to in Hawaii 504 00:21:33,819 --> 00:21:35,516 or wherever, like, because I spilled 505 00:21:35,603 --> 00:21:37,213 some maple syrup and waffles 506 00:21:37,301 --> 00:21:38,954 on those expensive pants that you bought me. 507 00:21:39,041 --> 00:21:41,043 - I'm slammed. 508 00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,959 Can you handle it? 509 00:21:44,046 --> 00:21:45,396 - What? 510 00:21:45,483 --> 00:21:47,615 - Did you really not hear me? 511 00:21:47,702 --> 00:21:51,358 - Oh, no, it's cool. I can do it, yeah. 512 00:21:51,445 --> 00:21:53,795 ♪ Me buy me clothes ♪ 513 00:21:53,882 --> 00:21:57,103 ♪ Uh, Amazon, me buy me clothes ♪ 514 00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,583 What size am I? 515 00:21:58,670 --> 00:22:00,367 ♪ Me buy me clothes ♪ 516 00:22:00,454 --> 00:22:03,936 UK something, size five? 517 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:07,766 ♪ Me buy me clothes ♪ 518 00:22:07,853 --> 00:22:12,988 ♪ Me buy me clothes ♪ 519 00:22:13,075 --> 00:22:17,384 ♪ Me buy me clothes ♪ 520 00:22:19,995 --> 00:22:23,303 - I don't know what happened. Oh, fuck. 521 00:22:23,390 --> 00:22:25,392 - Let's take a--fuck. 522 00:22:25,479 --> 00:22:28,047 - I took all the shots! 523 00:22:28,134 --> 00:22:29,483 - That was nice 524 00:22:29,570 --> 00:22:30,789 - Thank you. I'm a mom. 525 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,970 [soft music] 526 00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:44,933 ♪ ♪ 527 00:22:57,076 --> 00:22:58,991 - It's so easy.