1 00:00:23,301 --> 00:00:24,781 There's a bike here, Derek. 2 00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:27,501 It's in good nick. 3 00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:31,621 - You can ride it home, mate. - I can't. 4 00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:33,581 - Why not? - I can't ride a bike. 5 00:00:33,661 --> 00:00:35,141 What do you mean you can't ride a bike? 6 00:00:35,221 --> 00:00:36,501 I never learned when I was little. 7 00:00:36,581 --> 00:00:38,621 - No one taught me. - Well, I'll teach you. 8 00:00:38,701 --> 00:00:41,261 - Will you? - Yeah, 'course I will. 9 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,981 Sit on it. 10 00:00:44,381 --> 00:00:46,341 Feet on the pedals. 11 00:00:50,021 --> 00:00:51,141 Pure trust. 12 00:00:52,061 --> 00:00:53,541 Well, get up then. 13 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,341 - Get up? - Yeah, always get up, mate. 14 00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,061 - Always get up. - Always get up. 15 00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:58,141 First rule. 16 00:00:58,221 --> 00:01:00,261 - First rule, always get up. - Always get up. 17 00:01:00,341 --> 00:01:01,501 Feet on the pedals. 18 00:01:01,581 --> 00:01:03,021 But this time... 19 00:01:03,101 --> 00:01:04,261 He's done it again. 20 00:01:04,341 --> 00:01:05,621 I was gonna say, push down on the-- 21 00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:08,021 Doesn't matter, we can do it next time. So, get up. 22 00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,981 - Get up. - Yeah, always get up, mate, remember? 23 00:01:10,061 --> 00:01:11,461 - Yeah. - That's it. 24 00:01:12,861 --> 00:01:14,181 There we go. 25 00:01:14,261 --> 00:01:15,581 - Back on again. - Yeah. 26 00:01:15,661 --> 00:01:17,501 This is gonna be a long day. 27 00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:31,781 I never had a dad when I was little, 28 00:01:31,861 --> 00:01:33,821 so no one taught me to ride a bike. 29 00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:37,341 My mum didn't want me to learn, because she didn't want me to fall off. 30 00:01:39,261 --> 00:01:40,461 {\an8}She had a point. 31 00:01:42,181 --> 00:01:45,861 That's the difference between mums and dads. 32 00:01:45,941 --> 00:01:48,261 Mums never want you to fall off. 33 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,701 Dads want you to fall off straightaway, 34 00:01:50,781 --> 00:01:52,461 so you know what it feels like, 35 00:01:52,541 --> 00:01:56,181 and if you get hurt, you won't fall off again. 36 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,581 Sorry I wasn't there to teach you, Derek. 37 00:02:01,661 --> 00:02:03,621 It's all right. It wouldn't have made a difference. 38 00:02:03,701 --> 00:02:05,621 I can't ride it now, so I couldn't have rided it then. 39 00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:06,941 I'm useless. 40 00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:11,101 That's the last thing you are, boy. You'll be riding in no time at all. 41 00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,021 Will you still be alive to see me riding it? 42 00:02:13,101 --> 00:02:15,141 Well, if you hurry up, I might. 43 00:02:16,661 --> 00:02:18,981 If not, you can ride it to the funeral. 44 00:02:23,701 --> 00:02:26,581 - You can do your own tweets. - Is that for me? 45 00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:28,981 Yes, it's a present, 46 00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,901 and Vicky has got it all set up and running. 47 00:02:33,661 --> 00:02:34,901 Look. 48 00:02:34,981 --> 00:02:36,621 What's that? 49 00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:38,381 Is that one of them what you ask it questions? 50 00:02:38,461 --> 00:02:40,021 Yes. 51 00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,861 What would win out of a gorilla and a morangutang? 52 00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:45,501 Here's a recipe for grilled meringues. 53 00:02:45,581 --> 00:02:46,581 What? 54 00:02:46,661 --> 00:02:48,901 Look, I got me own phone. 55 00:02:48,981 --> 00:02:50,141 I know. 56 00:02:50,221 --> 00:02:51,821 - It's brilliant, isn't it? - Yeah. 57 00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:53,581 - I've got another surprise for you. - What? 58 00:02:53,661 --> 00:02:54,661 You got a date. 59 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,621 - What, off the website? - Yeah. 60 00:02:58,181 --> 00:02:59,901 I can't really go though, can I? 'Cause I'm... 61 00:02:59,981 --> 00:03:01,861 Is she a nice little filly? 62 00:03:01,941 --> 00:03:04,261 - Yeah, she looks lovely, Derek. - Does she? 63 00:03:04,341 --> 00:03:07,021 - Go on, son, get stuck in. - Stuck in. 64 00:03:07,101 --> 00:03:10,981 What if she thinks I'm awful? Like, I'm pathetic or something? 65 00:03:11,061 --> 00:03:13,261 She chose you, Derek! 66 00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:14,781 Shall I book a restaurant? 67 00:03:16,621 --> 00:03:17,661 - Yeah? - Yeah. 68 00:03:17,741 --> 00:03:19,541 - Yeah? - Yeah. 69 00:03:19,621 --> 00:03:21,141 Excellent. 70 00:03:23,421 --> 00:03:26,581 - Going on a date. - That's right. 71 00:03:30,941 --> 00:03:33,021 You just gotta relax and be yourself, Derek. 72 00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:34,101 Yeah. 73 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,221 They're helping me work out what things to say on the date, 74 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,261 'cause I've never been on one before, I don't know what to say. 75 00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,621 - What shall I say? - Well, ask her what she likes. 76 00:03:41,701 --> 00:03:42,821 What, just say... 77 00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:44,381 - "What things do you like?" - Yeah. 78 00:03:44,461 --> 00:03:46,901 - Yeah, "What things do you like?" - I know what she'd like. 79 00:03:46,981 --> 00:03:50,661 Uh, ask her what she does, and where she's from-- 80 00:03:50,741 --> 00:03:51,741 "What do you do?" "Where you from?" 81 00:03:51,821 --> 00:03:53,701 Yeah, and, you know, things she wants to talk about. 82 00:03:53,781 --> 00:03:54,781 "What do you want to talk about?" 83 00:03:54,861 --> 00:03:56,581 - Yeah. - Is she up for it? 84 00:03:57,581 --> 00:03:58,621 Oh, shut up. 85 00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,021 "Oh, shut..." This is bollocks. 86 00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:02,021 Put your pen and pad down, mate. Simple. 87 00:04:02,101 --> 00:04:04,301 Easy. Number one. 88 00:04:04,381 --> 00:04:05,981 Stop gurning like a goldfish. 89 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,581 All that business. 90 00:04:08,661 --> 00:04:11,621 Number two, stop combing your hair forward like an old monk. 91 00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:13,901 And number three, stop doing that. 92 00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:15,661 Like pincers. 93 00:04:15,741 --> 00:04:17,341 Like a lobster, or a crab. 94 00:04:17,421 --> 00:04:18,621 What would win out of a lobster and a crab? 95 00:04:18,701 --> 00:04:19,941 And that's gotta stop, also. 96 00:04:20,021 --> 00:04:21,221 All the, "What would win? What would win?" 97 00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,141 I don't want questions, I want answers. 98 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,621 What would win out of answers and questions? 99 00:04:24,701 --> 00:04:25,941 Fuckin' hell. 100 00:04:26,021 --> 00:04:28,421 Can't believe you're going on a date when your dad's ill. 101 00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:30,621 Should I not go? 102 00:04:30,701 --> 00:04:32,661 Of course you should go, Derek. 103 00:04:32,741 --> 00:04:34,501 - Geoff, could you do me a favor? - Yeah. 104 00:04:34,581 --> 00:04:35,741 Shut the fuck up. 105 00:04:35,821 --> 00:04:37,181 Sorry. 106 00:04:38,501 --> 00:04:39,581 Careful. 107 00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:45,141 A 50-year-old man gets a date. Wow. 108 00:04:45,221 --> 00:04:46,981 Call the paparazzi. 109 00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:49,261 Stop the press, you know? 110 00:04:52,141 --> 00:04:53,981 Why is he getting all the attention? 111 00:05:11,301 --> 00:05:14,181 Come on, Derek, we gotta go. It's nearly time to go. 112 00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:17,461 - You gotta get ready for your date. - He's doing really well. 113 00:05:18,661 --> 00:05:20,501 Trust me, that was him doing well. 114 00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:22,981 Come on. 115 00:05:25,821 --> 00:05:27,901 He's so excited. Is he? 116 00:05:27,981 --> 00:05:30,141 I just wish I could come and see what they're talking about. 117 00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:31,541 - She seemed really lovely. - Yeah, she looked nice. 118 00:05:31,621 --> 00:05:33,541 - Here he is. - Oh, look at him! 119 00:05:33,621 --> 00:05:34,901 Wow. You look gorgeous, Derek. 120 00:05:34,981 --> 00:05:36,141 Thank you. 121 00:05:36,221 --> 00:05:37,821 Look, real shoes, real trousers. 122 00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:38,901 You look so smart. 123 00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:40,341 Here you are, Derek. I got you a drink. 124 00:05:40,421 --> 00:05:42,661 Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. 125 00:05:42,741 --> 00:05:44,621 - She's a lucky girl, ain't she? - Yeah. Yeah. 126 00:05:44,701 --> 00:05:47,381 - What the fuck? What the fuck? - Oh! What did you do that for? 127 00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:49,661 - Prat! - Let me check it. 128 00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:50,981 What? You can see he's dressed up. 129 00:05:51,061 --> 00:05:52,261 I'm all right. You're a bully, mate. 130 00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:53,661 - Yeah? - Yeah, you're a bully. 131 00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:55,021 What are you gonna do about it, mate? 132 00:05:55,101 --> 00:05:56,421 - Yeah, fuck off. - What the fuck? 133 00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:58,261 What did you-- What are you doing? Derek! 134 00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,141 Let him go, Derek, you're gonna get in trouble! 135 00:06:00,221 --> 00:06:01,901 - Is Kev all right? - Yes, he's fine! 136 00:06:01,981 --> 00:06:03,181 Sorry. 137 00:06:03,261 --> 00:06:04,701 He's fine. Kev, are you okay? 138 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,301 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 139 00:06:06,381 --> 00:06:07,461 Are you okay, Kev? 140 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,581 You've hurt yourself. 141 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,341 Where's my drink? Don't worry about your drink. 142 00:06:12,421 --> 00:06:13,861 - Are you okay, Derek? - Yeah. 143 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,501 - Is Geoff... Geoff wasn't hurt, was he? - Don't worry about Geoff. 144 00:06:16,581 --> 00:06:17,741 - You all right, Kev? - Yeah. 145 00:06:21,861 --> 00:06:24,141 - Cheers, Kevin. - Stupid prick. 146 00:06:24,221 --> 00:06:28,301 - Shall I still go on the date? - Of course you've got to go on the date. 147 00:06:28,381 --> 00:06:29,781 - Here. - Oh, cheers. 148 00:06:29,861 --> 00:06:32,581 - See you later, Kev. - Good luck, mate. 149 00:06:32,661 --> 00:06:33,981 See you, cheers. 150 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,221 - Have fun, Derek, yeah? - Yeah. 151 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,581 - Come on. - You'll be great, mate. 152 00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:43,021 Thank you. 153 00:06:50,181 --> 00:06:52,181 You don't need to run, Derek. 154 00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,621 Geoff. 155 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,581 Sorry. 156 00:06:55,661 --> 00:06:58,781 No, look, I'm sorry. It was my fault. I was a total idiot, Derek. 157 00:06:58,861 --> 00:07:00,701 - Don't worry. - I'm sorry. 158 00:07:00,781 --> 00:07:01,981 - Thank you. - Have a good time, yeah? 159 00:07:02,061 --> 00:07:03,541 - Thank you. - Enjoy yourself. 160 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,741 Right, well... 161 00:07:06,821 --> 00:07:08,741 That's another job I'll have to leave, then. 162 00:07:08,821 --> 00:07:10,341 No, you haven't got to leave. 163 00:07:11,301 --> 00:07:13,381 Look, can I give you a bit of advice, Geoff? 164 00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:15,061 Yeah. 165 00:07:15,141 --> 00:07:21,341 Do you think that you could try and not be an asshole all of the time? 166 00:07:23,661 --> 00:07:24,661 - Yeah. - Yeah? 167 00:07:24,741 --> 00:07:26,061 - Okay, yeah. - Well, you'll be all right then. 168 00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:29,781 - Thanks. - See you later. 169 00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:42,421 - Is that it? - Yeah. 170 00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:44,261 - Looks nice. - Yeah. 171 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,661 - Good evening, sir. - Sir. 172 00:07:56,741 --> 00:07:58,821 Do you have a reservation? 173 00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:00,101 I've got a date. 174 00:08:00,181 --> 00:08:01,421 Right, what's your name? 175 00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:03,101 - Derek. - Derek who? 176 00:08:03,181 --> 00:08:04,181 Derek Noakes. 177 00:08:05,781 --> 00:08:06,941 Uh... 178 00:08:07,021 --> 00:08:10,101 Oh, yes. Yeah. Your guest's already at the table. 179 00:08:12,061 --> 00:08:14,221 - What are they? - Mints. 180 00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:15,781 Are they free? 181 00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:18,301 - Yes. - Can I have one, please? 182 00:08:19,301 --> 00:08:23,021 Uh... they're normally for after the meal. 183 00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:24,341 Can I have one now? 184 00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:27,941 - Uh... yep. - Thank you. 185 00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:32,021 Free mints up there. 186 00:08:32,101 --> 00:08:33,101 I'm Derek. 187 00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:35,261 - I'm Tracey. - Hello. 188 00:08:35,341 --> 00:08:36,341 Waiter. 189 00:08:36,421 --> 00:08:38,221 A drink to start? 190 00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:39,381 Uh... 191 00:08:39,461 --> 00:08:42,581 - A Diet Coke, please. - I's Diet Coke. 192 00:08:42,661 --> 00:08:44,861 - Two Diet Cokes, no problem. - Yeah. 193 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:45,981 Two straws. 194 00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:48,941 - Sure. The menu, there for you. - Thank you. 195 00:09:11,421 --> 00:09:12,981 - What are you doing? - Have you got the list? 196 00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:15,221 - No. - I left it back at the home, then. 197 00:09:15,301 --> 00:09:16,661 Have you just left her sitting there? 198 00:09:16,741 --> 00:09:17,781 I need the list. 199 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:20,261 You don't need the list, Derek. 200 00:09:20,341 --> 00:09:22,701 You just have to talk about yourself. And her. 201 00:09:24,861 --> 00:09:26,221 Thank you. 202 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,421 I forgot the list... of questions what to ask. 203 00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,781 - Do you want to borrow mine? - Yes, please. 204 00:09:43,781 --> 00:09:44,781 Oh, yeah. 205 00:09:44,861 --> 00:09:47,381 What things do you like? 206 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,901 Oh, I don't know, I only made a list of questions, not answers. 207 00:09:53,141 --> 00:09:54,821 Ask me them, then. 208 00:09:54,901 --> 00:09:57,501 What things do you like? 209 00:09:57,581 --> 00:09:59,461 Susan Boyle, cats, Hannah, 210 00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,381 old people, Robbie Williams, 211 00:10:01,461 --> 00:10:03,301 Britain's Got Talent, Miranda, 212 00:10:03,381 --> 00:10:04,981 monkeys, piglets, 213 00:10:05,061 --> 00:10:07,461 Mrs. Brown Boys. 214 00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:10,501 Brilliant. I like burping. 215 00:10:10,581 --> 00:10:11,861 I loves burping. 216 00:10:24,061 --> 00:10:25,741 That sounded like a camel. 217 00:10:28,181 --> 00:10:29,861 - Can you burp? - Pardon? 218 00:10:29,941 --> 00:10:32,621 - Can you burp? - No. 219 00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:34,341 Thank you. 220 00:10:34,421 --> 00:10:36,101 We loves burping, don't we? 221 00:10:36,181 --> 00:10:37,981 You have chosen your food? 222 00:10:38,061 --> 00:10:39,781 No. 223 00:10:39,861 --> 00:10:43,181 What's... 224 00:10:43,261 --> 00:10:44,861 - Cuisses de grenouille? - Yeah. 225 00:10:44,941 --> 00:10:48,021 It's a starter. It's... frog's legs. 226 00:10:48,101 --> 00:10:49,101 What? 227 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:52,421 - Frog's legs. The legs of a frog. - The legs off a... 228 00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:53,501 What, a real frog? 229 00:10:53,581 --> 00:10:54,581 Sure. 230 00:10:54,661 --> 00:10:57,741 There's about seven or eight in the portion. 231 00:10:57,821 --> 00:10:59,501 What about the frogs what legs you took off? 232 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:00,581 Are they disabled now? 233 00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:04,901 No. No, the... the frog is dead. 234 00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:08,141 Obviously, we only eat the leg. 235 00:11:08,221 --> 00:11:11,181 It's a delicacy. Tastes... a little bit like chicken. 236 00:11:11,261 --> 00:11:12,461 Have you got any chicken? 237 00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:13,621 The poulet. 238 00:11:13,701 --> 00:11:15,341 - What is the chicken. - Yeah, so... 239 00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:18,741 Why you eating frogs before the chicken's run out? 240 00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:20,981 No, it's two different dishes. 241 00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:23,301 What's that one? L'escargot. 242 00:11:23,381 --> 00:11:25,821 Escargot is snails. 243 00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:26,901 What? 244 00:11:26,981 --> 00:11:28,181 - Snails. - Snails? 245 00:11:28,261 --> 00:11:30,181 Garlic, herb butter, on... 246 00:11:30,261 --> 00:11:32,341 Sure, snails. It's a-- 247 00:11:32,421 --> 00:11:33,581 What? Real snails? 248 00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:34,901 Mmm-hmm. Cooked, of course. 249 00:11:35,981 --> 00:11:38,181 Of course. Could you eat a slug? 250 00:11:38,261 --> 00:11:39,901 No. 251 00:11:39,981 --> 00:11:41,861 But you eats a snail and a frog. 252 00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:44,661 You can... Probably best just go for the chicken. 253 00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:45,941 - I'll have the chicken, please. - Sure. 254 00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:47,781 - I'll have chicken. - Okay. 255 00:12:23,141 --> 00:12:24,901 Does anyone want a cup of tea? 256 00:12:24,981 --> 00:12:26,421 No, thanks. 257 00:12:27,461 --> 00:12:28,901 Sheila? 258 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,461 Do you want a cup of tea, Sheila? 259 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,861 - Yes, please. - Yeah? 260 00:12:33,901 --> 00:12:35,261 How... How do you have it? 261 00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:36,821 Milk and one sugar. 262 00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:38,741 Milk and one, right. 263 00:12:39,781 --> 00:12:40,901 Do you want one, Vicky? 264 00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:43,621 Yeah. Yeah, go on, then. I'll have the same as Sheila. 265 00:12:43,701 --> 00:12:44,781 Yeah? Right. 266 00:12:44,861 --> 00:12:46,101 Two, milk-and-one, okay. 267 00:12:46,181 --> 00:12:47,261 Give you a hand? 268 00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:49,621 Yeah. Yeah, go on then. That'd be good. 269 00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:05,021 Don't worry about it. 270 00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,821 I used to be a dickhead. 271 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:11,581 Okay. 272 00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:14,461 Yeah, come on. Don't leave Sheila waiting. 273 00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:16,341 - Yeah. - Make sure you make it strong, though. 274 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,381 - She likes it strong. - Right. 275 00:13:18,461 --> 00:13:19,461 All right. 276 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,501 - Deux coq au vin. - What? 277 00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:28,901 Coq au vin. 278 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:32,661 Mainly chicken though, innit? 279 00:13:33,741 --> 00:13:34,741 Yes. 280 00:13:36,621 --> 00:13:37,781 Bon appétit. 281 00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:43,221 - Just gonna leave that bit. - Just in case? 282 00:13:43,301 --> 00:13:45,141 - Yeah. - That a good idea? 283 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,421 I liked that. It was tasty, wasn't it? 284 00:13:57,501 --> 00:13:59,061 Lovely. 285 00:13:59,141 --> 00:14:01,101 - Have you ever triple spudded? - What's that? 286 00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:04,381 Once I had mashed potato, roast potato, and some chips. 287 00:14:04,461 --> 00:14:06,221 - Triple spudded. - Oh. 288 00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:08,181 - Finished? - Thank you. 289 00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:09,861 - You're welcome. - That was brilliant. 290 00:14:10,861 --> 00:14:11,861 Thanks. 291 00:14:11,941 --> 00:14:13,461 - What's your favorite animal? - Horse. 292 00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:16,141 I loves horses. Do you like the little ones like that? 293 00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:17,941 You mean dogs? 294 00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:19,381 No. 295 00:14:20,461 --> 00:14:21,701 No, just the tiny-- 296 00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,221 Those little miniature horses you can get. 297 00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:24,821 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 298 00:14:24,901 --> 00:14:26,701 You're funny. You looks like your picture. 299 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:28,741 - So do you. - Yeah. 300 00:14:28,821 --> 00:14:30,381 - Have you been on a horse? - No. 301 00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:31,861 I fed a horse. 302 00:14:31,941 --> 00:14:33,341 Do you know why you got to do it like that? 303 00:14:33,421 --> 00:14:35,461 So, um... it does that, 304 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,621 and doesn't bite your fingers, like that. 305 00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:38,741 Did you feel its tongue? 306 00:14:38,821 --> 00:14:40,621 No, just its lips. 307 00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,261 Do horses got tongues? Do they lick things, horses? 308 00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:43,821 - Think so. Dogs do. - Dogs licks things. 309 00:14:43,901 --> 00:14:46,661 That's why you're not allowed to kiss a dog, because it's been licking things. 310 00:14:46,741 --> 00:14:48,701 Right, and a cat's tongue, it heals you, doesn't it? 311 00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:50,021 'Cause it's got a rough tongue. 312 00:14:50,101 --> 00:14:52,621 You know, a dog's nose is wet, but a cat's nose is dry? 313 00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:54,141 - Hello. - Dessert for you? 314 00:14:54,221 --> 00:14:55,781 Thank you. 315 00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:59,461 - Did anyone eat frogs here tonight? - Nobody ordered the frog tonight. 316 00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:02,861 I licked a toad once. 317 00:15:02,941 --> 00:15:03,941 It was horrible. 318 00:15:07,661 --> 00:15:09,021 Yeah. 319 00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:10,941 He's doing really well. 320 00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,661 It looks like he's having a nice time. 321 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,101 I'm sure he'll tell me all about it. 322 00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:20,901 Okay. 323 00:15:20,981 --> 00:15:23,341 All right, well, I'll see you later. 324 00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:24,901 Yeah, me too. 325 00:15:24,981 --> 00:15:26,501 Okay, bye. 326 00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:32,621 Mmm. I like that. 327 00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:35,461 - I like the crunchy bits. - Yeah. Crème brûlée. Thank you. 328 00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:37,621 Brilliant. Have you seen, um... 329 00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:40,261 Dormouse Snoring on YouTube? 330 00:15:40,341 --> 00:15:41,981 It's the best thing what I've ever seen. 331 00:15:42,061 --> 00:15:44,541 It's as good as Baby Monkey Riding Backwards On a Pig, 332 00:15:44,621 --> 00:15:48,101 or Hamster On a Piano Eating Popcorn, or even Shopping Penguin. 333 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,301 It's the magic towel. 334 00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:51,301 That's good. Yeah, fine. Right. 335 00:15:53,181 --> 00:15:55,541 You'll love it. You look it up. 336 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,821 Thank you. 337 00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,621 Oh, sir, no, that's the towels. 338 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,021 They looks just like the mints. 339 00:16:07,981 --> 00:16:08,981 Thank you. 340 00:16:09,941 --> 00:16:10,981 Just... 341 00:16:16,221 --> 00:16:18,021 French food is funny, innit? 342 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,501 - That's my friend, Hannah. - Oh, that's me dad. 343 00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:31,501 - Bye, then. - Bye. 344 00:16:46,301 --> 00:16:47,981 - Did you have a good time? - Yeah. 345 00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:49,821 - I had pudding. Yeah. - Did you? 346 00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:52,021 - Have you ever heard of crème brûlée? - I've heard of it. 347 00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:53,941 - It's French. - Oh, right. Is it nice? 348 00:16:54,021 --> 00:16:55,581 - It's like a pudding. - Nice! 349 00:16:55,661 --> 00:16:58,541 But with a crusty bit on top what's burnt, but it's like toffee. 350 00:17:11,341 --> 00:17:12,781 Dad. Hello. 351 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,501 Hello. I've just been on my date. 352 00:17:17,941 --> 00:17:20,261 Jesus, you're back early. 353 00:17:20,341 --> 00:17:21,981 Yeah. 354 00:17:22,061 --> 00:17:26,181 I said I had to get back... to see you, I couldn't stay that long, 355 00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:29,341 so I said goodbye to her, and come down. 356 00:17:30,781 --> 00:17:33,101 Always choose the girl, boy. 357 00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:48,901 - Do you want whiskey? - No, thanks. 358 00:17:52,261 --> 00:17:53,701 Do you mind if I have one? 359 00:18:11,621 --> 00:18:13,141 I loves being alive. 360 00:18:13,221 --> 00:18:15,301 It's my favoritest thing. 361 00:18:15,381 --> 00:18:17,981 I loves every day. I don't want it to end. 362 00:18:18,061 --> 00:18:20,581 But, I looks forward to the next day starting. 363 00:18:20,661 --> 00:18:23,741 I even like sleeping, 'cause I likes dreaming, 364 00:18:23,821 --> 00:18:24,981 'cause, um... 365 00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:29,021 my dreams are just as good as my real life. 366 00:18:29,101 --> 00:18:30,501 They're sort of the same, really. 367 00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:33,621 I basically dreams about what's happened that day, except, 368 00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:37,461 I can fly sometimes, and animals talks to me. 369 00:18:37,541 --> 00:18:39,541 Animals what I've helped. 370 00:18:39,621 --> 00:18:41,861 'Cause they can't say "thank you" in real life, 371 00:18:41,941 --> 00:18:43,301 but they says "thank you" in my dreams. 372 00:18:43,381 --> 00:18:46,301 'Cause I think that's what they would say if they could. 373 00:18:47,261 --> 00:18:48,981 I sometimes knows I'm dreaming. 374 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,981 Do you know what I mean? Do you do that? 375 00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:53,661 I knows I'm dreaming, and I says, 376 00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:57,021 "Oh, I gotta wake up now... bye." 377 00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,301 Then my mum says, 378 00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:03,861 "Bye, Derek, see you tomorrow night, have a nice day." 379 00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:06,901 So I do. 380 00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:22,181 Derek? 381 00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:27,461 He's dead. 382 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,701 Oh, darling. 383 00:19:30,381 --> 00:19:31,701 It's all right. 384 00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:34,421 I'm happy. 385 00:19:35,501 --> 00:19:36,941 'Cause he was happy. 386 00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:40,061 'Cause I knew him. 387 00:19:40,141 --> 00:19:42,021 I had a dad, and he had a son. 388 00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:46,061 And he loved me. He said so. He told me. 389 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,181 He was smiling, and then he just... 390 00:19:48,261 --> 00:19:50,021 fell to sleep, and he was dead, 391 00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:51,221 smiling. 392 00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:54,701 So, that's why I'm smiling. 393 00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:56,381 Perfect ending. 394 00:19:58,141 --> 00:19:59,741 So, is he in heaven now? 395 00:19:59,821 --> 00:20:01,621 What do you think? 396 00:20:02,781 --> 00:20:04,461 I don't know if there is heaven. 397 00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:05,661 I'm suspicious. 398 00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:09,741 But if heaven is for people what did good, then he would be in heaven. 399 00:20:09,821 --> 00:20:11,141 Definitely. 400 00:20:13,701 --> 00:20:14,781 Good. 401 00:20:16,061 --> 00:20:19,381 I'm gonna go sort things out now. I'll be back soon, okay? 402 00:20:19,461 --> 00:20:21,181 - Yeah. - Yeah. 403 00:20:25,701 --> 00:20:27,021 Thank you. 404 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,941 {\an8} 405 00:20:36,021 --> 00:20:37,821 {\an8}- Is my dad in heaven? 406 00:20:37,901 --> 00:20:40,581 {\an8} I'm sorry, I don't know where that is. 407 00:20:43,341 --> 00:20:44,981 I see people out of life. 408 00:20:45,061 --> 00:20:46,661 You know? Somebody sees you in, 409 00:20:46,741 --> 00:20:48,301 like a midwife, 410 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,181 and I see people out. 411 00:20:51,181 --> 00:20:52,581 I make sure... 412 00:20:52,661 --> 00:20:55,381 that they can go at peace, 413 00:20:55,461 --> 00:20:57,141 with everything in order. 414 00:20:58,781 --> 00:21:01,221 I've been with a lot of people as they die. 415 00:21:02,981 --> 00:21:04,501 It's been a privilege. 416 00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:07,061 I'm not scared of it. 417 00:21:09,821 --> 00:21:11,421 When he wasn't around, 418 00:21:11,501 --> 00:21:13,541 I just told myself he didn't love me, 419 00:21:13,621 --> 00:21:14,781 and that was fine, 420 00:21:14,861 --> 00:21:17,021 'cause I thought maybe he was happy. 421 00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,741 And then when I met him, I was happy, 422 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:20,941 but then I was sad, 423 00:21:21,021 --> 00:21:23,501 'cause I found out he had been missing me. 424 00:21:23,581 --> 00:21:25,141 I didn't want him to feel bad. 425 00:21:26,421 --> 00:21:29,181 But then we made it all okay. 426 00:21:29,261 --> 00:21:32,261 That's the amazing thing about life, you can just start again. 427 00:21:32,341 --> 00:21:34,461 Just rub it out, like a blackboard, 428 00:21:34,541 --> 00:21:36,301 and start again. 429 00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:37,821 You know, I nearly didn't. 430 00:21:37,901 --> 00:21:39,221 I nearly didn't, 431 00:21:39,301 --> 00:21:43,101 but just in those last few months what I've known him, 432 00:21:43,181 --> 00:21:45,541 we made a whole life okay. 433 00:21:48,061 --> 00:21:50,221 It's what you do from now. 434 00:21:50,301 --> 00:21:53,781 So, if you has an argument with someone, just say, "sorry." 435 00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:59,781 If you haven't spoken to someone for a long time, call 'em up now. 436 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,741 If you haven't spoken to your mum, call her up. 437 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,341 It's never too late. 438 00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:04,901 Until it is. 439 00:22:30,061 --> 00:22:31,141 Kev! 440 00:22:36,261 --> 00:22:37,701 Go on, boy!