1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,839 SLIDE IN ON YOUR BUTT, FRONT KNEE BENT, HANDS UP. 2 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,176 YEAH, SO WHEN WE TEACH YOU TO POP UP, YOU CAN COME UP, 3 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,045 HIT 'EM RIGHT IN THE MOUTH WITH A GOOD ELBOW, ALL RIGHT? 4 00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:13,881 NO. NO. IT'S TO PROTECT YOUR HANDS. 5 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:14,882 [ WHIRRING ] 6 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:17,918 [ ALL MURMURING ] 7 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,992 I WANT TO HAVE ONE. 8 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,027 HEY! HEY! HEADS OUT OF YOUR BUTTS. LET'S GO. 9 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:31,532 COME ON, MAN. THIS GAME IS ABOUT COMMITMENT AND FOCUS. 10 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,733 COMMITTED! YOU KNOW WHO'S COMMITTED? 11 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,168 THE CHINESE. THEY'RE COMMITTED. 12 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,869 AND ONE DAY, THEY'RE GONNA COME 13 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,072 SCREAMING UP THAT BEACH IN SANTA MONICA, 14 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,673 AND THEY'RE GONNA LOP YOUR HEADS OFF 15 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:43,077 AND SEND THEM TO YOUR MOTHERS IN A LITTLE WHITE TO-GO BOX! 16 00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:46,013 RIGHT? NOW, LET'S GO SLIDING. 17 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,681 AND FOR NOW, COME IN SPIKES HIGH! 18 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,583 [ WHIRRING ] COME ON! 19 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,225 OW! 20 00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:00,628 HELP! HELP! OW! 21 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,542 Terry Jr.: ALL RIGHT. GOOD STUFF. 22 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,210 WHAT? THAT WAS GOOD STUFF? 23 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,045 IT'S A DISGRACE. [ WHIRRING ] 24 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,048 TED WILLIAMS' HEAD WOULD ROLL OVER IN ITS FREEZER. 25 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,416 [ ALL MURMUR ] 26 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,955 BLACK HAWK IS GOING DOWN. 27 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,557 WOW. HE IS IN RARE FORM TODAY. 28 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:33,127 WHY HAS HE BEEN SO MAD AT US FOR THE PAST WEEK? 29 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,562 THIS IS A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF MEAN. 30 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,930 HIS FOREHEAD VEINS WERE GIVING ME THE FINGER. 31 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,300 MY DAD GETS MAD LIKE THAT WHEN MY MOM'S AWAY. 32 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,435 MY BROTHER SAYS IT'S BECAUSE HE'S PENT UP. 33 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,137 WHAT'S PENT UP? 34 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,972 WHEN HE NEEDS TO GET SOME. 35 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,575 SOME WHAT? YOU KNOW, THE GOOD STUFF. 36 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,776 [ CHUCKLES ] 37 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,944 MOM, DOES THE CANNON NEED SOME OF THE GOOD STUFF? 38 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,748 [ SIGHS ] 39 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,751 THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF. 40 00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,454 * BUM-BUM-BUM-BYE-UH 41 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:03,791 WELL, MAYBE SOME COMPANIONSHIP WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM. 42 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,626 [ WHIRRING ] 43 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,761 * HERE WE GO 44 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,096 [ GRUNTS ] WHOA. 45 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,864 [ ALL MURMUR ] 46 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,502 YOU THINK? DEFINITELY. 47 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,804 * I'M BACK 48 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,480 * I'M BACK 49 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,119 MAN, WATCHING HER PACK UP 50 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,523 IS WAY HOTTER THAN WATCHING COACH DAVE. 51 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,960 IF HE WERE A DEEJAY, HE'D BE WOLFMAN BACK. 52 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,829 HE'S LIKE ZZ BOTTOM. 53 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,964 COME ON, GUYS. IT'S GENETIC. 54 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,334 THERE'S NOTHING A MAN CAN DO ABOUT HIS BODY HAIR. 55 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,035 SHUT UP, STAN. HEY, ROOKIE! 56 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,505 COME OVER HERE. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC. 57 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,509 OR I CAN COME TO YOU. THAT'S FINE. 58 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,814 CHECK IT OUT. 59 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,883 IT'S MY CONDOM SUPPLY FOR THE MONTH. 60 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,385 [ CHUCKLES ] I'M KIDDING. 61 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,486 CLASSY, DICK. 62 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,654 SO I'VE BEEN TOLD. 63 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,156 BY STAN? THAT'S FUNNY. 64 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,825 LOOK, AS THE ROOKIE COACH, YOU GET THE CRAPPIEST JOB. 65 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,661 YOU GOT TO RUN THE CHOCOLATE-BAR FUNDRAISER. 66 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,028 BUY IT. SELL IT. 67 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,029 IF YOU WANT TO GET KINKY, 68 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,398 MELT IT DOWN AND TAKE A BATH IN IT. 69 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,999 BUT THEN BE SURE TO TAKE A REAL BATH AFTER, 70 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,034 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL... 71 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,837 YOU KNOW...CHOCOLATY. 72 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,005 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 73 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,173 THERE NEEDS TO BE EIGHT HUNDY IN THIS CASH BOX 74 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,009 BY THE END OF THE WEEK, OR IT'S YOUR ASS. 75 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,011 UNLESS YOU'RE NOT UP FOR IT. I CAN FIND ANOTHER COACH. 76 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,380 THAT WON'T BE A PROBLEM. OH, PLEASE. 77 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,847 I'M GONNA SELL SO MUCH CHOCOLATE, 78 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,849 IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU CRY LIKE A BITCH, BITCH. 79 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,719 THAT'S DIRTY TALK, AND I LIKE IT. 80 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:39,920 I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY. 81 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,723 PULL YOUR PANTS UP, DAVE! 82 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,058 Terry Sr.: HEY! 83 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,527 SPEED IT UP, OR I'M GONNA GET MY CAR 84 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,695 AND CHASE YOU AROUND WITH IT! 85 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,698 BRAKES ARE SHOT! 86 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:54,134 DONG, WHERE IS YOUR PRIDE, MAN? 87 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,606 WHAT A BUM. 88 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,240 [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] 89 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:03,210 HEY, DANNY. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT DAVID AND VANESSA? NO. 90 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,580 OH, THEY HAD A GINORMOUS FIGHT IN THE CAFETERIA. 91 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,782 TATER TOTS WERE THROWN, TEARS WERE SHED. 92 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,117 IT WAS KARDASHIAN CRAZY. 93 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,118 SO? 94 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,120 "SO?" YOU LIKE HER! 95 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,222 THIS IS YOUR WINDOW TO GET IN THERE WITH HER. 96 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,891 FIND YOUR INNER ANGELINA AND TAKE OUT ANISTON. 97 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,728 [ GASPS ] O-M-G! THERE SHE IS! 98 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:24,932 * ORANGE SKIES 99 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:29,937 * CARNIVALS AND COTTON CANDY AND YOU * 100 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,605 * AND I LOVE YOU, TOO 101 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,976 HEY, REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE AT THE BANK THE OTHER DAY 102 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,779 AND YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH THAT TALL, SKINNY TELLER? 103 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,081 OH, KAREN, YEAH. KAREN. YEAH. 104 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,249 YOU KNOW, IF I WAS 10 YEARS YOUNGER, 105 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,084 I'D TRY TO BUST INTO THAT VAULT. 106 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,285 SO, YOU LIKE TALL WOMEN? 107 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,587 TALL, SHORT, I DON'T CARE. 108 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,490 IT'S ALL THE SAME DOWN AT THE "Y," YOU KNOW? 109 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,758 SO LET'S TALK AGE, HMM? 110 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,827 LET'S SAY A WOMAN WHO WAS, UH, 60? 111 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:55,863 50? 112 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,467 40?! OH, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR. NO, NO, NO, NO. 113 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,969 I AM NOT KNOCKING BOOTS WITH SOME BLUE HAIR, OKAY? 114 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,771 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS MACHINE, ANYWAY? 115 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,973 IT IS A SENIORS DATING SITE. 116 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,441 I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE 117 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,142 IF YOU FOUND SOMEONE YOU ENJOYED SPENDING SOME TIME WITH. 118 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,979 YOU KNOW, LIKE A "FROM HERE TO ETERNITY" MOMENT. 119 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,847 THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF. YEAH. 120 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,149 SO JUST ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, OKAY? 121 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,619 YOU'RE KIDDING. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE? 122 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:19,653 BRAZILIAN. 123 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:20,654 ON HER HEAD, DAD! 124 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,022 UH... 125 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,457 IT'S GOT TO BE LONG. 126 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:26,794 NONE OF THAT, UM, TENNIS LADY HAIR. 127 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,128 YOU KNOW ME. 128 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,665 JUST A NICE GAL WHO'LL WATCH A BALLGAME WITH ME ON TV, 129 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:33,333 UH, AFTER WE BOFF. 130 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,303 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] CAN I SAY "MAKE LOVE"? 131 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,139 THAT WOULD BE "BOFF." TYPE IT. TWO F's. 132 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,140 "BOFF." 133 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,308 YOU ARE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY. 134 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,211 YOU GOT IT, SHERLOCK. I AM NOT DOING THIS. 135 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,981 [ KEYBOARD CLACKING ] "MAKE...LOVE." 136 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:51,151 BO-O-FF. [ GRUNTS ] 137 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,520 [ BLENDER WHIRS ] 138 00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,993 OKAY, YOU EACH NEED TO SELL 20 BARS, OKAY? 139 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:03,063 SMILE AND BE CHARMING. HEY, DUDLEY, NO SNACKING. 140 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,164 NEXT TIME. 141 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,599 [ BOX THUDS ] OKAY, SELL! 142 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,171 SO, DID YOU GET ANY REPLIES TO THE CANNON'S PROFILE? 143 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,707 OH, ONE. YEAH. A GUY WHO CALLS HIMSELF "DIAPER DUDE" 144 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,876 WHO LIKES GETTING PUNCHED BY OLD MEN. 145 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,045 POINT IS, HE IS NOT AN EASY SELL. 146 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:21,882 LAST NIGHT, I SAW HIM DRINKING THE JUICE FROM A CAN OF CLAMS. 147 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,083 I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST GO TO THE STORE 148 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,051 AND BUY HIM A GIRLFRIEND. 149 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,687 [ THE STRANGLERS' "PEACHES" PLAYS ] 150 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,088 WELL, ACTUALLY, MAYBE YOU CAN. 151 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,757 HMM? 152 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,926 * STROLLING ALONG, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS * 153 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,362 OH, LULU. 154 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,030 I LOVE YOU. 155 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,699 CIRCLE UP, BOYS! NEW PLAN! 156 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,434 HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! 157 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:42,069 OKAY, VERY IMPORTANT, ALL RIGHT? 158 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,237 IF YOU WANT THE CANNON TO STOP YELLING AT YOU, 159 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,039 HELP ME FIND HIM A LADY FRIEND. 160 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,876 OKAY? THIS PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH POTENTIAL WOMEN. 161 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,045 45-60 IS OUR TARGET AGE. SHORT, TALL, BIG, SMALL. 162 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,414 IF THERE'S A RING ON HER LEFT HAND, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME. 163 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,417 IF THERE'S A TAN LINE, SHE'S SHADY AND READY TO PARTY. 164 00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:01,288 OKAY! LET'S DO THIS! ANGLES! 1, 2, 3! 165 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,289 All: ANGLES! 166 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,757 WHOO! WHOO! 167 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,761 HIS NAME'S THE CANNON, 168 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,563 AND HE USED TO PLAY PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL. 169 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,298 ALL ORIGINAL HAIR. ORIGINAL TEETH. 170 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,100 SMELLS LIKE BEER, BUT IN A FUN WAY. 171 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,802 Angel: HOLA, SEÑORA. 172 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,574 Boy: HEY, BABY! 173 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,942 YOU INTERESTED IN AN AMERICAN GUY 174 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,778 WITH AN UNLIMITED ACCESS TO TOILET PAPER? 175 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,748 * WHOO, WHOO, OOH-OOH 176 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,916 * AHH 177 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,585 HEY, THERE, GORGEOUS. ARE YOU SINGLE? 178 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,586 * MMM 179 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,588 HEY. DANNY, MICHAEL. 180 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,156 HEY, VANESSA. 181 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,792 YOU KNOW MY MOM? UM... 182 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:41,128 OH, MY GOSH! DON'T YOU LOVE THAT ICED TEA? 183 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,931 TOTALLY. I LIKE THE RANDOM FACTS ON THE BOTTLE CAPS. 184 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,433 "KANGAROOS CAN'T WALK BACKWARDS." 185 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,101 DANNY LIKES SOMETHING, TOO. 186 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,770 RIGHT, DANNY? 187 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:50,971 UH, D-- UM, 188 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:54,441 K-- UH, B-BABY K-KANGAROOS. 189 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,176 AWESOME. YOU SHOULD SEND THAT IN. 190 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,946 I GOT TO GO CATCH UP WITH MY MOM. 191 00:07:58,979 --> 00:07:59,980 UH, SEE YA. 192 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,982 SOUNDS GOOD. ALL RIGHT. 193 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,116 [ HORN HONKS ] 194 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,654 COACH TERRY, I BELIEVE WE HAVE FOUND OUR LADY. 195 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,989 HI, I'M DOTTY. HI. 196 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:12,693 WELL, YOU DIDN'T RUN OR CALL THE COPS, SO THAT'S A GOOD SIGN. [ CHUCKLES ] 197 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,628 UNLESS SHE'S HOMELESS. ARE YOU HOMELESS, DARLING? 198 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:15,696 'CAUSE YOU ARE VERY TANNED. 199 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:17,130 OH, NO. NO. NO. I HAVE A BEACH HOUSE. 200 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,866 I LIKE TO GET MY HAMMOCK ON. 201 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,301 THE BOYS TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR DAD. 202 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,004 KIND OF A CRAZY WAY TO MEET A GUY, BUT WHAT THE HELL? 203 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,305 I LIKE 'EM ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES. 204 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,708 WHAT ABOUT HAIRY AROUND THE EDGES? I CAN WORK WITH THAT. 205 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,844 AND CHECK THIS OUT -- INFIELD FLY RULE. GO. 206 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,647 OH, IF A BATTER POPS UP AND THERE'S LESS THAN TWO OUTS 207 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,983 AND A FORCE ON THIRD, IT'S AN AUTOMATIC OUT, 208 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,851 REGARDLESS IF THE BALL IS CAUGHT. 209 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,655 I USED TO SELL BEER AT DODGER STADIUM. 210 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:45,225 ARE YOU FREE TONIGHT AT 8:00? 211 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,828 OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. JUST COME MEET DOTTY FOR 20 MINUTES, PLEASE? 212 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,062 BAGGIN' ON THAT. 213 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:50,831 KERSHAW'S PITCHING, AND I GOT TO GET THROUGH 214 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,033 THIS SALMON JERKY BEFORE IT EXPIRES. 215 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,704 HMM. 216 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,239 IS THAT A TOOTHPICK NECKLACE? 217 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,340 HAD IT MADE SPECIAL. 218 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,376 IT SAVES ME A TON OF MONEY ON TOOTHPICKS. 219 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,845 DO YOU EVER WASH IT? 220 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,179 WHAT, AM I GONNA CATCH SOMETHING FROM MYSELF? 221 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,181 WHY DON'T YOU THINK BEFORE YOU TALK? 222 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,017 HEY, I BUSTED MY ASS TO FIND SOMEONE FOR YOU! 223 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,552 THE ENTIRE INTERNET TURNED YOU DOWN. 224 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:13,921 I FOUND HER IN A PARKING LOT, ALL RIGHT? 225 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,522 YOU ARE GOING ON THIS DATE. 226 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,024 LET ME TELL YOU, IF THIS HOUSE WAS ON FIRE, 227 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,627 I WOULD SIT HERE AND BURN LIKE A MONK. 228 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,730 Announcer: HE THROWS THE FASTBALL. 229 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,398 IT'S A HARD HIT. [ BEEP ] 230 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,200 HEY, GIVE ME THAT. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 231 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,268 WHAT DID YOU PRESS? COME ON. 232 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,236 HMM? 233 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,904 COME ON. GET RID OF THE SNOW. 234 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:33,073 YEAH, TRY THAT ONE. 235 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,708 "HD" MIGHT -- OH, COME ON! 236 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:35,909 OH, THAT DIDN'T WORK? 237 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:36,910 OH, NO. 238 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,946 FIX THIS. OH, I'LL FIX IT... 239 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:41,381 IF YOU GO ON THIS DATE. 240 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,283 PICK THAT OUT OF YOUR TEETH. 241 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,385 [ BEEPING ] 242 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,721 YOU GOT TO GO TO M.I.T. FOR THIS STUPID... 243 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,758 WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! 244 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,125 PIECE OF CRAP! 245 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:55,128 DAD, THIS IS DOTTY SANCHEZ. SHE IS DIVORCED. 246 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,130 HER SON LIVES IN CHICAGO. MM-HMM. 247 00:09:57,164 --> 00:10:00,300 AND SHE HAS A BASSET HOUND NAMED KEVIN KLINE. 248 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,935 YEAH, WELL, WHEN HE WAS A PUPPY, 249 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,937 HIS CUTE LITTLE FACE REMINDED ME OF KEVIN KLINE. 250 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:04,972 [ CHUCKLES ] 251 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,139 AND...GOODBYE. 252 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,777 THINK OF THE TV. 253 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,578 IT'S GONNA BE SNOWING EVERY DAMN DAY 254 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,080 OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE. 255 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,415 HMM, YEAH. 256 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,917 ANYWAY, FOUND YOU IN A PARKING LOT, 257 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,919 HE ALMOST KILLED A GUY IN A PARKING LOT. 258 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,121 DISCUSS. HAVE FUN. 259 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,592 Dick: HEY. LOOK WHO'S HERE. 260 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,460 HOW'S THE CHOCOLATE SALE COMING, TERRY? 261 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,596 DID YOU, UH... DID YOU TAKE THAT BATH YET? 262 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,099 JUST DROPPING OFF MY DAD. HE'S ON A DATE, THANKS TO ME. 263 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,667 WHERE'S YOUR DATE? WHERE'S YOUR DATE? 264 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,502 YEAH, WHERE'S YOUR DATE? WHERE'S YOUR DATE? 265 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,470 UH, WELL, JUST GOT HER NUMBER. 266 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,940 SO THAT DEAL IS CLOSED... LIKE CIRCUIT CITY. 267 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:40,941 [ CHUCKLES ] 268 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,175 [ WHISTLES ] ANYWAY, LOOK. 269 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,945 SAY NO MORE, ROOKIE, 'CAUSE I GOT YOU ALL FIGURED OUT. 270 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,279 OH, REALLY? YEAH. 271 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,115 YOUR EX WRECKED YOU, AND YOU'RE SCARED TO START DATING AGAIN. 272 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,617 SO, WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU TAKE YOUR DAD OUT TO TEST THE WATERS. 273 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,185 YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 274 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,955 [ LAUGHS ] STRUCK A NERVE, HUH? 275 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,123 THAT'S KIND OF HOT. 276 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,791 NO. NOT EVERYTHING IS HOT. 277 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,159 LIKE THAT RIGHT THERE YOU JUST DID? IT'S HOT. 278 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,994 NO! STOP GETTING AROUSED BY MY ANGER! 279 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,029 I'M WALKING AWAY NOW. 280 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,296 I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT, 281 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,966 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE... SO HOT. 282 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:06,967 OH, MY GOD. 283 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,335 AND... 284 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,970 I'M RIGHT. 285 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,138 MM-HMM. 286 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,573 [ CLARENCE CARTER'S "STROKIN'" PLAYS ] 287 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,177 * WHEN I START MAKING LOVE * 288 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,012 * I DON'T JUST MAKE LOVE * 289 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,048 * I STROKE IT TO THE EAST * 290 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,383 * AND I STROKE IT TO THE WEST * 291 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:26,987 * AND I STROKE IT TO THE WOMAN THAT I LOVE THE BEST * 292 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,189 * I BE STROKIN' * 293 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,993 * I STROKE IT TO THE -- * [ CLICK ] 294 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,162 * STROKIN' 295 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,732 HEY. WHY DID YOU TURN OFF MY HI-FI? I'M STROKIN' OVER HERE. 296 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:41,234 WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? YOU ARE NEVER HAPPY. 297 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,502 [ COFFEE POT THUDS ] 298 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,371 WAIT. 299 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,373 TWO CUPS OF COFFEE. 300 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,908 OH, MY GOD! SHE'S HERE, ISN'T SHE?! 301 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,542 SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, LOUDMOUTH. 302 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,844 SHE'S JUST GETTING UP. 303 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,580 WE, UH, HAD KIND OF A LONG NIGHT, YOU KNOW? 304 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,882 [ LAUGHS ] 305 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,884 THAT IS COMPLETELY DISGUSTING. YEAH. 306 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,052 BUT GOOD FOR YOU! 307 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,354 THERE'S MY BARREL-CHESTED DREAMBOAT. 308 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,691 HEY, HEY. HI, BABE. [ CHUCKLES ] 309 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,859 [ SNORTS ] 310 00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,260 [ SNORTS, CHUCKLES ] 311 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,530 HEY, UH, THIS IS, UH, MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER, TERRY. 312 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,532 THIS IS BARB. HI, HON. 313 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,067 AFTER I GET SOME NICOTINE IN ME, 314 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,103 WE'LL TAKE A SHOWER AND GET CLEANED UP FOR ROUND TWO. 315 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,070 [ SNORTS ] 316 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,873 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 317 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:23,911 [ HACKING ] 318 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:24,912 W-WHAT IS THAT?! 319 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,447 OH, YOU SEE, UH, DOTTY, SHE'S REALLY SWEET, 320 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,449 BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, WE JUST DIDN'T CLICK. 321 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:33,086 SO I WALKED OVER TO THIS DIVE BAR, AND I MET BARB. 322 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,256 AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, SHE IS TERRIFIC. 323 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,058 SO, TO BE HONEST, 324 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,894 I THINK I'M GONNA SPEND SOME TIME WITH THIS ONE. 325 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,898 [ BARB HACKING IN DISTANCE ] 326 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,433 IS SHE OKAY? 327 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,902 IT SOUNDS LIKE HER LUNGS ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE. 328 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,938 HEY, NOTHING WRONG WITH THOSE LUNGS. 329 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,739 SHE HELD HER BREATH LIKE A DOLPHIN. 330 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,941 [ HACKING CONTINUES ] 331 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:54,975 YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU, 332 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,777 IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU PUSHING ME THE WAY YOU DID, 333 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,913 I'D HAVE NEVER MET, UH, BARB HERE. 334 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,481 AND SO THANK YOU. 335 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,782 [ CHUCKLES ] 336 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:03,951 IS THERE A POOL IN THIS HOUSE? 337 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,752 [ LAUGHS ] 338 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,989 OH, THAT'S NOT A CLEAN THING. 339 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,424 [ LAUGHS ] IS SHE TERRIFIC, OR WHAT? 340 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,093 [ WHIMPERS ] 341 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,935 CANNON, I JUST PASSED BARB. SHE'S TURNING BLUE. 342 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,136 [ BARB HACKING ] 343 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:26,306 OH, IT'S A TOUCH OF EMPHYSEMA. SHE'LL SHAKE IT. 344 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,507 [ PLASTIC THUDDING ] 345 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,776 WHY DO THEY MAKE THESE THINGS CHILDPROOF 346 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,111 IF THEY'RE FOR CHILDREN?! 347 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,646 WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, BUDDY? 348 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,115 NOTHING. 349 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,516 GIRLS. 350 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,151 HOW DID YOU GET BARB TO LIKE YOU? 351 00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,153 OH, WELL... 352 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:43,957 UH, WE SAT DOWN AND WE TALKED FOR A WHILE. 353 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,658 I GOT HER LOADED AND ASKED HER NICELY 354 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:46,960 TO JOIN ME IN THE MEN'S ROOM. 355 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,696 EVERY SINGLE PART OF THAT SENTENCE WOULD GET ME EXPELLED. 356 00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:51,364 YOU GOT YOUR EYE ON A GIRL? 357 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,632 I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 358 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,467 LOOK, IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU IN PRACTICE, RIGHT? 359 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,969 YOU GOT TO COMMIT. 360 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,138 YOU JUST GO UP AND TELL 'EM HOW YOU FEEL. 361 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,472 NOW, IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU BACK, 362 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,141 SHE'S A BUM AND YOU DON'T WANT HER ANYWAY. 363 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,509 SO, I JUST WALK UP AND TELL HER? 364 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,211 I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A REAL IMPRESSION, RIGHT, 365 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:07,747 THEN, UH, JUST DO SOMETHING, UH, YOU KNOW, THOUGHTFUL. 366 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:13,020 YOU KNOW, GIRLS, THEY, UH -- THEY EAT THAT CRAP UP. 367 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,221 THERE YOU GO. 368 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,523 TAKE A HIKE. 369 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,158 HEY. I BROUGHT DINNER. 370 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,659 MY NOSE NEVER LIES. 371 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:23,997 I SMELL PIZZA AND BRAKE FLUID LIKE SHARKS SMELL BLOOD. 372 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,665 BARB. [ COUGHS ] 373 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,667 NOW WEARING MY CLOTHES. 374 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,669 Terry Sr.: YEAH, SHE, UH -- SHE FIXED THE TV. 375 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,004 SHE'S A WIZ AT ELECTRICS. 376 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,405 I WAS GONNA BE AN ASTRONAUT. 377 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,507 BUT AFTER APOLLO 13, 378 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,676 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SMOKE ON A ROCKET SHIP. 379 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,045 SO THERE GOES THAT DREAM! 380 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,346 [ LAUGHS ] 381 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,847 [ CHUCKLES ] 382 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,049 [ HACKING ] 383 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,855 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? 384 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,223 LOOK, THE POOR THING, SHE'S IN BETWEEN PLACES, YOU KNOW? 385 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,692 SO, UH, I TOLD HER SHE COULD BUNK HERE FOR A WHILE. 386 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,726 "A WHILE"? 387 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,195 I LEFT IT OPEN-ENDED. 388 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,863 WE CAN'T LIVE WITH THAT WOMAN. 389 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,865 SHE WASHED HER FLIP FLOPS IN THE DISHWASHER. 390 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,033 NOW WE NEED NEW DISHES! 391 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:03,403 GEE, THAT'S, UH... I MEAN, THAT'S TOO BAD. 392 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,038 'CAUSE, I MEAN, ME AND BARB ARE KIND OF CONNECTED. 393 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,906 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED, ISN'T IT? 394 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,275 YES. WHEN THIS BEGAN, THAT'S WHAT I WANTED. 395 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,043 I WANTED YOU HAPPY AND NICER TO THE KIDS. 396 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,078 BOOM! IT WORKED. 397 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,545 BUT NOW I'M MISERABLE! 398 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,382 I CAN'T TAKE IT, AND I WANT "MUCUS MARY" OUT OF THIS HOUSE. 399 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,052 LUNG BUTTER CHURNED, DADDY! 400 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,989 OH, THAT IS ONE OF DANNY'S SOCKS! 401 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,759 YEAH, DAIRY'S REALLY GONNA HELP THAT WHOLE SITUATION. MM-HMM. 402 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,062 MMM, IT'S DELICIOUS. 403 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:33,133 THE NEXT KID TO DROP A BALL IS RUNNING BASES TILL HE'S 16! 404 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,268 HEY! START RUNNING, GOVERNOR CHRISTIE! 405 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,237 WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, LADY? 406 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,273 HEY, RIGHT NOW! GO! FIVE LAPS! ALL OF YOU! 407 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,308 NOW! 408 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,144 MOM, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? 409 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,912 YOU SEEM JUST PENT UP LIKE THE CANNON. 410 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,448 IT'S THAT BARB. SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. 411 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,450 THIS MORNING, I CAUGHT HER USING A HAIR DRYER 412 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,119 TO WARM UP AN EGG SANDWICH. 413 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,920 THERE WAS BURNT CHEESE ALL OVER THE NOZZLE, 414 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,257 WHICH ENDED UP BEING DELICIOUS, BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! 415 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,758 WELL, THE CANNON SEEMS HAPPIER. 416 00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,926 YEAH, BUT NOW I'M A MESS. 417 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,428 Dick: A HOT MESS. 418 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,096 OY. 419 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,264 HEY, TERRY, JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER, 420 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,600 I'M GONNA NEED THAT CHOCOLATE MONEY IN TWO-ZERO DAYS. 421 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,969 20 DAYS? ZERO-TWO. DARN. 422 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:12,005 LOOK, DON'T TRY TO PUT ME DOWN 423 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,606 JUST 'CAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAID THE OTHER NIGHT. 424 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,143 YOU REMEMBER, DR. DICK'S DATING DIAGNOSIS. 425 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,944 OKAY, FIRST OFF, IF THERE'S AN "M.D." IN YOUR NAME, 426 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,446 IT STANDS FOR "MASSIVE DOUCHE." 427 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,613 SECONDLY, I HAVE EVERY RIGHT 428 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,350 TO BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS ABOUT DATING. 429 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,484 OH, HEY, I GET THAT. 430 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,685 I MEAN, AFTER MY WIFE AND I SPLIT UP, 431 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,120 I FIGURED THE NEXT PERSON I MEET 432 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,489 WAS JUST GONNA STOMP ALL OVER MY HEART. 433 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,359 IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET BACK OUT THERE. 434 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,462 LOOK, IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS, 435 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,665 THIS GUY IS REALLY GOOD. 436 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,534 CALL HIM. I PROMISE YOU HE WILL HELP, AND I NEED THAT MONEY, OKAY? 437 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,203 CALL HIM. 438 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,971 THANKS. 439 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,374 YOU'RE WELCOME. 440 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,810 THIS IS YOUR NUMBER, DICK! 441 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,011 I KNOW! 442 00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,646 MOM? HMM? 443 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,048 OKAY, SO, TODAY, AFTER SCHOOL, 444 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:56,216 I BROUGHT MY CHOCOLATES BY THE GYM 445 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,651 WHERE THE BIG PEOPLE HANG OUT -- YOU KNOW, TUBBY'S. 446 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,387 AND I JUST OPENED THE BOX AND GOT OUT OF THE WAY. 447 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:04,857 PAYDAY! WELL PLAYED! 448 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,060 THAT BRINGS US TO $800, BUDDY! WE DID IT! 449 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,529 WHERE'S ALL THE MONEY?! WHERE'S ALL THE MONEY?! 450 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,531 [ BARB HACKING ] [ CASH BOX SLAMS ] 451 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,500 BARB! 452 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,034 WATCH MY SKIN THERE. 453 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:18,171 THAT PHLEGMY HAG STOLE MY MONEY! 454 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,839 WATCH YOUR MOUTH, BARBIE! 455 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,675 I'M NOT THAT PHLEGMY, AND I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY. 456 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,744 FROM THIS BOX? THE MONEY FROM THE CHOCOLATE SALE? 457 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,414 OH, TH MONEY. THAT'S LONG GONE. WELL, GET IT BACK! 458 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:31,551 THE GUYS WHO HAVE IT DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU ASK FOR IT BACK. 459 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,020 GET ME MY MONEY BACK, OR SO HELP ME, 460 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,022 I WILL SMASH YOUR APNEA MASK! 461 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,257 NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE! 462 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,759 UH, RELAX, LADIES. JUST RELAX. 463 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,928 BARB, YOU, UH... YOU WERE A CHAMP. 464 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:45,064 WE DID GREAT, UH, BUT YOU CAN HIT THE BRICKS NOW, OKAY? 465 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,099 PERFECT! [ CHUCKLES ] 466 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:49,068 IT'S STILL HAPPY HOUR AT THE AIRPORT RADISSON. 467 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:49,936 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 468 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,205 [ SNORTS ] 469 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,941 OKAY, UH, WHERE'S SHE GOING? WHERE IS MY MONEY? 470 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,043 AND WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! 471 00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,046 BARB, UM... NOT REALLY MY GIRLFRIEND. 472 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,048 SHE'S JUST SOME LUSH FROM MY BAR. 473 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,416 I-I'VE KNOWN HER FOR A WHILE. 474 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:07,120 SO I PAID HER TO HANG OUT HERE AND TO DRIVE YOU NUTS. 475 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,588 THAT'S CRAZY! 476 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:12,225 I-I-I HEARD YOU TWO HAVING NASTY, OLD-PEOPLE SEX. 477 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,393 SHE WAS HERE. 478 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,794 WHAT?! 479 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,229 WAIT. 480 00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:19,232 YOU BROUGHT BARB HERE TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE 481 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,567 FOR SENDING YOU ON A DATE, 482 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,969 AND THEN YOU PAID HER OFF WITH MY CHOCOLATE MONEY? 483 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,404 BINGO. [ CHUCKLES ] 484 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,806 I CAN COME UP WITH THAT CRAZY KIND OF CRAP ALL DAY LONG. 485 00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,075 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE MEDDLED. 486 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,244 I WASN'T MEDDLING, YOU IDIOT! 487 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,745 I WORRY ABOUT YOU, OKAY? 488 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,947 I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! 489 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:38,785 BUT YOU HAD TO GO BREAK MY TV, AND THAT'S WAR. 490 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,953 OH, YOU ARE A MENTAL PATIENT! 491 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,021 THAT IS COMMITMENT. 492 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:46,593 AND HERETH ENDETH THE LESSON. 493 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,960 [ GROANING ] 494 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,962 [ THE FLIRTATIONS' "NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE" PLAYS ] 495 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:57,003 * NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE EVERY DAY * 496 00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,805 * NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE 497 00:18:58,838 --> 00:18:59,972 * NOTHING BUT A TEAR DROP ALL OF THE WAY * 498 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,974 WHATEVER YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY TO VANESSA, DON'T. 499 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,844 SHE AND DAVID ARE TOTES BACK TOGETHER. 500 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,113 * LOVING A BAD GUY IS SUCH A SIN, YEAH * 501 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:13,653 * HE'S GOT ME, OH, WHY CAN'T I GET HIM? * 502 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,691 * NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE EVERY DAY, YEAH * 503 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:19,959 * NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE 504 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,963 * NOTHING BUT A TEAR DROP ALL OF THE WAY * 505 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:28,134 * IT'S ONE SITUATION THAT I JUST CAN'T WIN, YEAH * 506 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:35,174 * HE'S GOT ME, OH, WHY CAN'T I GET HIM? * 507 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,011 * HEARTACHE THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF. 508 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:46,152 WHY DO YOU LOOK NICE? 509 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,520 NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 510 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:48,588 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 511 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,891 HEY. HI, CANNON. 512 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,660 HEY, DOT. 513 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,328 LISTEN, UH, WOULD YOU MIND TERRIBLY 514 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:58,265 JUST WAITING IN THE CAR FOR ONE MINUTE? OH, SURE. 515 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,701 YEAH. 516 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,336 UH, AFTER SHE STOPPED YAPPING 517 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,338 ABOUT THAT SILLY DOG AND EVERYTHING, 518 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,674 WE HAD A PRETTY NICE TIME, YOU KNOW. 519 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,876 SHE WORKED AT DODGER STADIUM, AND, UH, 520 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:13,079 SHE MADE IT WITH STEVE GARVEY, A GOOD BALLPLAYER. 521 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,347 SO... YEAH. 522 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,348 I FIGURED I'D TAKE HER OUT 523 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,850 FOR A...A LEGITIMATE DINNER, YOU KNOW? 524 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,419 GOOD FOR YOU. 525 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:23,690 ANYWAY, UM, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT CARING ABOUT ME 526 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,892 AND BEING LONELY AND EVERYTHING? 527 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,196 WELL, I -- I -- I WANT THE SAME FOR YOU. 528 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,065 I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU FIND SOMEBODY, YOU KNOW, 529 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,068 REALLY GREAT, SOMEBODY REALLY WONDERFUL. 530 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,037 [ CHUCKLES ] REALLY? 531 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,940 NO. I'LL KILL HIM. 532 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:44,243 ANYWAY, UH... 533 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,246 [ SIGHS ] 534 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,081 DON'T WAIT UP. 535 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,252 WHATEVER I GET IN MY TEETH TONIGHT, I'M KEEPING IT. 536 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,721 [ CHUCKLES ] HMM. 537 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:58,725 AND RIGHT BACK TO DISGUSTING. [ DOOR CLOSES ] 538 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:14,574 TERRY! 539 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,108 YES? 540 00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,110 WHERE'S MY TELEVISION SET? 541 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:19,111 OH! 542 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,580 UH, I SOLD IT IN ORDER 543 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,950 TO GET BACK THE CHOCOLATE MONEY THAT YOU GAVE TO BARB. 544 00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:26,919 NOW THE LESSON HAS ENDETH. 545 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,321 HMM. 546 00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:32,859 THAT'S MY GIRL.