WEBVTT

1
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:06,528
What exactly
do we know about this guy?

2
00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:09,139
That he has a vintage jukebox
and wants to sell it to me.

3
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,141
Well, that's just
what he said online.

4
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:14,101
What if we drove all the way
to Reno and it's a total scam?

5
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,365
What exactly
would the scam be?

6
00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:19,932
To get a couple to drive
three hours for no reason?

7
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,978
"Ha, ha, I've stolen
your time."

8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,589
You are so innocent.

9
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,417
It's like I'm in a relationship
with a baby.

10
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:28,724
We get there,
they bring out the jukebox,

11
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,073
you give them a bag of money,

12
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,596
they say,
"We'll box it up for you,"

13
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,598
they load it in the van,
we get home,

14
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:35,513
the box is full of bricks
and sand.

15
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,080
[chuckles]:
Who would do that?

16
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,082
It... Oh, no.Yeah.

17
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,084
I did it with stereo speakers.

18
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,694
Sold the same pair 78 times.

19
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:45,523
And where are they now?
In our living room.

20
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,309
You scare me. I'm marrying
someone who scares me.[chuckles]

21
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,833
Every couple needs
at least one scary person.

22
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,748
The neighborhood Mormons
are afraid to knock on our door.

23
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,141
You're welcome.

24
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:57,796
Speaking of
getting married...

25
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,320
I wasn't.

26
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,670
Well, I am.

27
00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:03,498
I don't think you're allowed to
bring something up and then say,

28
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,500
"Hey, speaking of that thing
I just brought up."

29
00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:08,111
Okay, how about this?

30
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:09,634
Entirely new subject:

31
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:11,854
I've been wondering
when we might get married.

32
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,682
Well, why are you
wondering that? What's wrong?

33
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,640
N-Nothing's wrong.
We postponed the wedding

34
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:18,426
because the bar was struggling,
but now I can afford a jukebox.

35
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:19,688
And...Or bricks and sand.

36
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,256
My point is...

37
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,736
no reason not
to set a date.

38
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,391
Unless you have a reason.

39
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:31,352
Wow. Are you accusing me
of not wanting to get married?

40
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,354
Well, I wasn't,
but I'm starting to worry.

41
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,357
Stop worrying. I will absolutely
marry you at some point.

42
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,923
See, "at some point"

43
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,838
sounds like that you
don't want to get married.

44
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:42,145
So you are accusing me
of not wanting to get married.

45
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,712
Well, you don't seem
very excited about it.

46
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:44,713
Oh, you want excited?

47
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,976
[whoops]
Let's get married!

48
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,804
Is that better?

49
00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:51,981
I mean, a little bit.
It didn't feel totally real.

50
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:54,810
For crying out loud, I'd marry
you any time, any place.

51
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:56,333
If we weren't busy
getting scammed

52
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,335
buying a vintage jukebox,
I'd marry you today.

53
00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,163
You're so full of it.I am not.

54
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,470
Well, we keep passing all
these quickie wedding chapels.

55
00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:04,689
How about I just pull
over at the next one?

56
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:06,691
Great. That...
Right up here. Pull in.

57
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:08,911
I'm putting on the blinker.Blink away.

58
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,478
Oh, perfect.

59
00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:12,219
I've always wanted to get
married next to an Arby's.

60
00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,046
See, there it is--
that-that's the flimsy excuse

61
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,700
you're gonna use to
try to get out of it.

62
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,224
I'm not getting
out of anything, Bozo.

63
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,443
Okay, big talker,
are we doing this?

64
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:20,705
Screw it, let's get married!

65
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,753
♪

66
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,296
Hey, how's it going, Tam?

67
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,124
Not good.

68
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,735
I woke up in a pleasant mood,
but then I walk into the kitchen

69
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,216
and there's one of
Marjorie's little notes.

70
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,523
"Don't forget to put the
milk away. X-O, Marjorie."

71
00:02:55,566 --> 00:02:57,525
She doesn't mean the X,
she doesn't mean the O.

72
00:02:57,568 --> 00:02:59,179
And who else is the
note gonna be from?

73
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,963
The cats can't write.

74
00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:03,966
And they would never
want the milk put away.

75
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:06,534
I mean, if you have a problem
with me, just talk to me.

76
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:09,014
Don't write me a note.
I'm not scary, am I?

77
00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:10,973
No, ma'am.

78
00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:13,018
Oh, look.
There's the birthday girl.

79
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,716
Got to go give her a hug
'cause it's her birthday.

80
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:17,109
Happy sober birthday!

81
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,894
Aw, thanks. [chuckles]

82
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:22,158
Six whole years of me waking up
where I thought I would.

83
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,986
I remember your first meeting
like it was yesterday.

84
00:03:24,029 --> 00:03:25,814
You walked in...

85
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:27,816
Please don't tell the
"vomit in my purse" story.

86
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:30,471
It's a tradition.
People love it.

87
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:33,213
Always makes me
feel better about myself.

88
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,953
Ooh, save it for the party.

89
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:37,739
So you're gonna take
a cake today, right?

90
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,219
No, I'm gonna wait.

91
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,785
My mom's in Reno with Adam.

92
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,135
Feels too important
to do it without her.

93
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:46,138
Well, that's progress. You used
to only want your mom here

94
00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,315
so you could angrily
share at her.

95
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:52,275
The trick was to always share
after her so she couldn't rebut.

96
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:55,974
She'd try to bribe me with
Tic Tacs not to call on you.

97
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,976
I did it once for orange.

98
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,677
How's it going, Tammy?Not good. Marjorie...

99
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,069
Did you wake up today?

100
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,593
Yeah, but...Are you sober?

101
00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:08,073
Yeah, but...Do you have a bed,
a job and friends?

102
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:10,989
Yeah.Then the answer is "amazing."

103
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:14,079
I guess it is. I'm amazing.

104
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,517
See, now why isn't
that on a Post-it?

105
00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,043
Hey, Nora.

106
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,871
This is for you.

107
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,742
Why are you giving me a card
on your birthday?

108
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:26,396
'Cause I just want you to know
that I couldn't have made it

109
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,181
through the last year
without you as my sponsor,

110
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:32,402
and my sobriety is better
because you're a part of it.

111
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,099
And now you know
what my card says.

112
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:36,624
Well, congratulations.

113
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:39,061
And now you know
what mycard says.

114
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:40,454
You know, we could
just keep these

115
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:41,759
and give them to
each other next year.

116
00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:45,110
What?

117
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,330
Come sit with me for a minute.

118
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,332
No. No, no, no.

119
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,507
I am not sitting down.

120
00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:52,292
Sitting down means bad news.

121
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,510
Well, you can stand
if you want to,

122
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:55,338
I'm still moving to Minneapolis.

123
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:58,036
What? You're not serious.

124
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,952
I got an amazing opportunity.

125
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,954
I'm going to be the new
Channel 5 meteorologist

126
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:05,261
for the Land of 10,000 Lakes

127
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,263
and a teeny, tiny
part of Canada.

128
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,613
You can't go
there, I'm here.

129
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:12,181
I'm sorry I'm telling you this
on your birthday,

130
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,400
but they need me right now.

131
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,227
It's better pay,
a bigger market,

132
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:18,274
and the-the weather
is insane there.

133
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,624
They have eight different kinds
of precipitation.

134
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,670
Eight.

135
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:27,152
But what am I gonna
do without you?

136
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:30,112
Your sobriety

137
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,157
does not depend on one person.

138
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,985
You're gonna be fine.

139
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:36,379
[hums]

140
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:39,251
You're gonna be better
than fine. Give me a hug.

141
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:40,427
You don't do hugs.

142
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,342
I'm making an exception.

143
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,084
Come on.

144
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,394
This makes it so much worse.

145
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,399
Bonnie, do you promise
to love, honor and cherish Adam

146
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,314
for as long
as you both shall live?

147
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,315
Yeah, whatever.

148
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,709
And do you, Adam,
promise to love,

149
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:04,451
honor and cherish
Bonnie...Yep. We done?

150
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:06,888
Um, you haven't
exchanged rings.

151
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,150
What else?

152
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,370
Just the kiss.

153
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:14,243
Aw. That, right there--
that's why we do this.

154
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,115
I'm having trouble

155
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:18,943
getting you both in.
Could you ju...Take it!

156
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,512
Told you I'd marry you.

157
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:25,036
Yep, you really showed me.

158
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,260
I was so excited when I got
the call, within two hours,

159
00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:33,828
I had quit my job and
packed up half the house.

160
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,960
Then Ralph comes home and
he's like, "What's going on?"

161
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,963
I realized I had told the kids,
and had not told the husband.

162
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,967
Luckily, he's an "up and coming"
mystery novelist,

163
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:45,187
so he pretty much
has to do whatever I say.

164
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:49,017
CHRISTY:
♪ Happy birthday to me♪

165
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:52,455
♪ Everyone, feel sorry for me♪

166
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:56,241
♪ Everybody leaves me,
everybody leaves me♪

167
00:06:56,285 --> 00:07:00,115
♪ Everybody leaves Christy.♪

168
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:04,162
Finally, I just said,
"Ralph, all you do all day

169
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:07,296
is write at Starbucks, and they
got those in Minneapolis, too."

170
00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:08,689
Anyway,

171
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:11,300
I'm gonna miss
each and every one of you.

172
00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:12,823
CHRISTY:
But one of you
more than others.

173
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,695
That's all I got.
Thank you.

174
00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:17,393
Come on!

175
00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:20,788
Let's hear it for Nora.

176
00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:28,752
How are you enjoying
the reception?

177
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:32,364
This is exactly
how I pictured it.

178
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:35,150
[chuckles]

179
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,849
You know, it's possible
I was just hungry earlier.

180
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,678
So we got married
'cause you were hangry?

181
00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:44,986
Oh. There were five
turning points in my life

182
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:47,467
where a sandwich
would've changed everything.

183
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:48,946
But then
I wouldn't have Christy.

184
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:51,514
At least I'm in good company.Mm.

185
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:56,345
Oh, my God.
[chuckles]

186
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,520
I'm married.

187
00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,348
You're married.

188
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:02,656
Everyone in this car is married.

189
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:05,223
This day really took a turn...[whoops softly]

190
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,225
...but I'm happy.

191
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,967
I'm happy, too.

192
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:12,492
Look at us,
being happily married.

193
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,016
Dude, we are crushing this.

194
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:18,280
We could run a marriage seminar.
Ooh, like a weekend retreat.

195
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,238
Those are big moneymakers.

196
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,501
Charge couples 400 bucks
to get in,

197
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,024
and then they have
to buy my book.

198
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,242
You haven't written a book.

199
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:25,635
Well, how hard could it be?

200
00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:27,419
Just knock out a sassy forward

201
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:30,466
and then steal from a bunch
of church pamphlets.

202
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,904
My wife is so scary.

203
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,732
All I heard is "my wife."

204
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,477
I mean, I'm glad it's
your sober birthday and all,

205
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,088
but why couldn't we go to
the bistro where the food's hot

206
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,700
and it's not all lasagna?

207
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,267
I told you I was
bringing my lasagna.

208
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:52,096
I told you I was
bringing mylasagna.

209
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,358
Seems like a thing
that could've been handled

210
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,622
through a series
of Post-it notes.

211
00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:58,668
I only remind
people of things

212
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,540
they need reminding of.

213
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:03,760
Oh, I canceled
a massage for this.

214
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,762
Christy, quick,
change the subject.

215
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,329
I hate myself.

216
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,810
Okay.

217
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:12,334
Maybe Bjorn's still available.

218
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,815
I just handled things
with Nora so badly.

219
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:17,513
I can't believe that
after six years of sobriety,

220
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,559
I can still
take someone's good news

221
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,909
and only focus on how
it negatively affects me.

222
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,519
The Germans call that
gluckschmerz.

223
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,260
Bad feelings
over someone's good luck.

224
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,958
It's the opposite
of schadenfreude.

225
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,396
I guess you had a lot of time
to read in prison.

226
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,095
No, my cellmate was German.
Hildé.

227
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,968
Good communicator,
never left notes.

228
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:42,277
I want to be happy for Nora,
but I'm so much better

229
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,409
at feeling sad for myself.

230
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:47,630
I get it. Worst part
about being in beauty pageants

231
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,719
was when someone else won,
and I had to stand there smiling

232
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,460
and clapping
like I was happy for them,

233
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,027
but the whole time,
I'm thinking,

234
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,464
"Well, what the hell did I sleep
with that judge for?"

235
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,773
Christy, it's okay to be upset,

236
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:02,384
just don't rain on
someone else's parade.

237
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,386
You've got to act
better than you feel.

238
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:08,477
Like I did when Marjorie
betrayed me with her lasagna.

239
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,218
Yeah, no matter how much
you're dying inside,

240
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:13,221
you got to flash that
big old Vaseline smile.

241
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:14,788
Vaseline?

242
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,051
Yeah. You put it on your teeth
so your lips don't stick.

243
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,270
And hemorrhoid cream
tightens up your eyes.

244
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,272
Once, when I was drunk,
I switched them.

245
00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:24,275
My face was shiny
and my lips were tiny.

246
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:26,626
Hi.Hey.

247
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:27,757
ALL: Hey...

248
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:28,889
Sorry we're late.

249
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,326
Yeah, we stopped
and got married!

250
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,675
What?

251
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:35,504
Yeah, we did it in Reno
in a quickie chapel.

252
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:36,897
Oh... But wait--

253
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,290
what about the wedding
you guys were planning

254
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:41,118
that we've been
talking about forever?

255
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,772
Eh, skipping it.I love my wife.

256
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,687
I love my husband.Mm...

257
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,298
Chris, you got a little

258
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,517
gluckschmerzon your face.

259
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:03,140
I forgot what these look like
when they're not covered

260
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,664
in Post-it Notes.

261
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:08,624
"Don't forget to rinse me.
Being dirty makes me sad."

262
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,192
Why don't we get 'em an
Insta-Pot and be done with it?

263
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:14,021
Too nice. People who didn't
invite us to their wedding

264
00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:16,066
Don't deserve tender,
fall-off-the-bone meat

265
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,851
in less than an hour.

266
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,331
Yeah, I bought an outfit for
this wedding a long time ago,

267
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,855
and now I'm never gonna
get to wear it.

268
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,770
Nobody else I know
is ever getting married.

269
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:27,687
I see you there.

270
00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:33,431
There goes my chance to
shove cake in Adam's face.

271
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,042
That's the bride.

272
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:38,349
I know who's who!

273
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:42,049
She told me I was gonna be
the one to give her away.

274
00:11:42,092 --> 00:11:45,095
Do you know how long I have been
waiting to give her away?

275
00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:48,446
That's it.

276
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,579
I'm gonna get her these thingies

277
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,276
you put on snack bags.

278
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,713
They're called "chip clips."

279
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,150
I'm not showing off,
it's just...

280
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:58,369
you need them
when you live alone.

281
00:11:58,413 --> 00:12:00,502
I thought this was supposed
to be a group gift.

282
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,069
It is.

283
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,114
You each owe me 75 cents.

284
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,073
Oh, come on, ladies,
we're not gonna

285
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:08,075
punish Bonnie
with her wedding gift.

286
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,730
Even though we should,
because they literally

287
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,296
wouldn't be together
if it weren't for me.

288
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,863
Ooh, everybody grab your phones.

289
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,778
It's a rare sighting
of Mad Marge.

290
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,780
How many times did I
talk her off the ledge

291
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,956
when she was ready to
blow everything up with Adam?

292
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,350
I deserve to be
a bridesmaid.

293
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:25,309
At the very least,
recite a poem.

294
00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:27,398
What happened to
"act better than you feel"?

295
00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,184
Trust me, I am.

296
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:32,273
Well, now that we're getting
things off our chest,

297
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,797
where the hell are the
free samples around here?

298
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,277
I smell apple cider.

299
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,018
Where is it?!

300
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:42,892
♪ Happy birthday to you

301
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:46,200
♪ Keep coming back.

302
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,245
[cheering]

303
00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:56,253
[sighs]

304
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,385
Christy. Alcoholic.

305
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,126
ALL:
Hi, Christy.

306
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:02,216
I want to thank the women
who gave me my cake.

307
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,653
If it wasn't for
your love and support,

308
00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:06,089
I wouldn't be standing here.

309
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,438
Or anywhere.

310
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:11,181
And that goes double
for my mom, who...

311
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:16,883
You know...

312
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:20,408
I was gonna take this cake
the other night,

313
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,933
but I didn't, 'cause
my mom wasn't here.

314
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,935
I didn't want her to miss

315
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:28,372
a big event in my life.

316
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:31,941
Silly me--

317
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,900
I thought it might
hurt her feelings

318
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,380
to be left out of something
so important.

319
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,776
That's why I waited
until she was here--

320
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,169
so she could enjoy

321
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:45,215
how friggin' far I've come.

322
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,304
I've come really far.

323
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:51,265
Got that, Mom?
Really far.

324
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,788
And you already shared,
so suck it!

325
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:57,575
Yep, that's how I'm ending it.

326
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,365
Do you believe this?

327
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,846
Wait'll you hear mine.

328
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:19,162
Look, I am using and enjoying

329
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,338
my chip clips.

330
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:27,083
I know they were
a gift of spite,

331
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,433
but I'm gonna
go ahead and say it:

332
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,871
game changer.

333
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:35,918
Listen...

334
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,920
I need to say something.

335
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:42,577
I am sorry for the way
I shared today.

336
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,710
It was not very
"six years sober" of me.

337
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,843
Well, there was some chatter
about it at the cookie table,

338
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,366
mostly from me.

339
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:54,067
The truth is...

340
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,938
I'm just really hurt.

341
00:14:57,853 --> 00:15:00,682
We have been through such
horrible stuff together,

342
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,467
and finally, something
wonderful happened

343
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,817
and you didn't let me
be a part of it.

344
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,821
[sighs]

345
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:12,607
This may... come as a surprise,

346
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,870
given my delightful
narcissism...

347
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,831
...but deep down,
I always assume that what I do

348
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,529
doesn't matter to people.

349
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,966
You know, it-it just
didn't occur to me

350
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,750
that anyone would care.

351
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,362
Well, that's stupid.

352
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,974
I cared a lot.

353
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,410
And it's not just me.

354
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:35,369
Everybody's upset
they missed it.

355
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,458
I heard Marjorie share,
I know.

356
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:41,114
Strange as it may seem,

357
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,420
people want to be
a part of your life

358
00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:45,205
because they love you.

359
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:50,079
Honey, I am so sorry.

360
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:57,391
If I ever get married again,
I promise you'll be there.

361
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,091
Mom?Yeah?

362
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:06,661
Can I please be the next one
to get married?

363
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,624
Everyone's mad at me.

364
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:16,236
I'll need more context.

365
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,021
Turns out I'm beloved.

366
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,154
There was, like, a
Royal Wedding level of interest

367
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:22,329
in seeing me get married.

368
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,026
You mean seeing usget married.

369
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,941
I don't remember anyone
mentioning you, but maybe.

370
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,640
Our wedding was
a gigantic mistake.

371
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,991
Well, that didn't take long.No...

372
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,297
I am serious.
You really screwed us this time.

373
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,691
Me?Yeah. Pressuring me
to get married.

374
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,127
And then tempting me
with Arby's.

375
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:40,564
I mean, how could you forget
I have a daughter?

376
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,349
You forget all the time.

377
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,699
Well, she's devastated.

378
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,309
And what about my friends?

379
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:47,702
You certainly didn't think
about them.

380
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:50,400
You robbed those people
of a moment of joy,

381
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:53,360
and they have so little
to look forward to.

382
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,797
So what do you want to do--
have another wedding?

383
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,712
Oh, like you'd do that.Of course I'd do that.
I'd marry you

384
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,409
at the bar tomorrow
in front of everyone

385
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:01,063
if it'd get you to shut up.

386
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,457
Well, I'll never shut up.
See you at 2:00.

387
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,807
Fine!And fix that crazy hair.

388
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,599
Thank you for asking me
to officiate.

389
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,645
Oh, let's face it-- we
wouldn't still be together

390
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:18,646
if it wasn't for you.

391
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:22,432
Oh, that's a wild
exaggeration.

392
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,306
Are you nervous?

393
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,568
It's my second wedding
in three days.

394
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:30,266
I'm getting the hang of it.

395
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:33,008
Oh, you look beautiful.

396
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,575
Are you ready?

397
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:37,534
I can't believe I ever
did this without you.

398
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,275
I'm so glad you're here.

399
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,711
Me too.

400
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,239
Wendy?

401
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,067
[playing "The Wedding March"]

402
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:57,424
Now I've got something old,
something new,

403
00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:00,079
something borrowed
and something weird.

404
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,347
[sighs]
She's all yours.

405
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,653
No give-backs.

406
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,743
Oh, God, I forgot my tissue.

407
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,963
No, Marjorie left me
a note to remember them.

408
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:17,879
She's the best.

409
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,972
Friends, we are here today

410
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:26,366
to witness a miracle.

411
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,117
Two lasagnas-- seriously?

412
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,427
It's my signature dish.

413
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:45,776
It's mysignature dish.

414
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,650
Ladies and gentlemen,

415
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,217
may I present

416
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,523
Mr. and Mrs. Adam and Bonnie

417
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,438
Plunkett-Janikowski!

418
00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:57,571
[cheering]

419
00:18:57,614 --> 00:18:59,616
[playing "When the Saints
Go Marching In"]

420
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,011
[playing off-key]

421
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,450
Wendy, as beautiful as that is,

422
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,843
we've already picked out a song.

423
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,367
Well, I'm here if you need me.Uh-huh.

424
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,804
Christy, C-7.

425
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,415
♪

426
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:19,332
May I have this dance,
Mrs. Janikowski?

427
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,203
You may.
[chuckles]

428
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,858
♪ Fly me to the moon...

429
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:26,426
But we're gonna have to
talk about that name.

430
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:28,645
♪ Among the stars...

431
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:32,562
Are you feeling good
or just acting like it?

432
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:35,565
I am genuinely happy
for them.

433
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:38,438
It's a very unfamiliar
feeling.[chuckles]

434
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,222
Here's hoping you
get used to it.

435
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:42,964
♪ Hold my hand

436
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:45,096
Hey, I've been thinking.Mm?

437
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:48,099
I owe so much
of my six years to you.

438
00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:49,797
I... I was wondering if there's

439
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,408
any chance...I would love to be
your sponsor again.

440
00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:56,238
Really?Of course.

441
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:59,415
You've gotten a lot less
needy than you used to be.

442
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:01,678
Oh, God,
I was hoping you'd notice.

443
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,290
♪ You are all I long for...

444
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,770
Damn it! Got lasagna
on my outfit.

445
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:09,425
Whose lasagna?Whose lasagna?

446
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,995
I'm enjoying this.

447
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,431
Me too.

448
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:17,912
Where do you want
our third wedding to be?

449
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,697
Can a gal cut in?

450
00:20:20,741 --> 00:20:22,525
Oh, I'll check back.
I'm sorry.

451
00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:27,051
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

452
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:29,228
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

453
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,317
and TOYOTA.

454
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,362
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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