1
00:00:03,303 --> 00:00:06,474
(laughing)

2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,476
I was just fixing
Beverly's disposal.

3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,511
She told me the
funniest joke.

4
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,512
Studying.

5
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:12,646
What's the difference

6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,981
between a golf ball
and a G-spot?

7
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,017
A man will never stop looking
for a golf ball.

8
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,019
Hilarious, right?

9
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:21,121
Men are oafs.

10
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:23,691
Mom, please,
I've got my LSATs next week.

11
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:24,992
I've really got to study.

12
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,528
I get it.
Once again, the LSATs are...?

13
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,463
Law School Admissions Test.

14
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,500
Oh, sure, L-S-A-T.

15
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,668
Oh, that's an easy way
to remember it.

16
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,370
Mom!
Sorry, sorry,

17
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,738
I'll just grab a bite
and leave you to it.

18
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,141
(rustling)

19
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:42,510
Can I just say one thing?

20
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,111
I doubt it.

21
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,879
I am so proud of you.

22
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,648
Thanks.
I mean,
look how far you've come,

23
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,049
from pregnant
high school dropout

24
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,885
to wannabe law school student
in just 22 short years.

25
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,021
23 if you don't shut up.

26
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,856
Sorry.

27
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,725
Quiet as a mouse.

28
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,996
Hey.

29
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,398
It's a carrot.

30
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,599
I can still hear it.

31
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:13,040
Sorry.

32
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,409
(coughs)

33
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,077
Oh, for God's sake,
just finish it.

34
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,655
Ta-da!

35
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,725
(phone camera clicking)

36
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,428
Now what are you doing?

37
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,063
Capturing a precious memory--

38
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:40,033
my amazing daughter studying
for... some test.

39
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:42,035
LSAT. LSAT.

40
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:43,637
Right, LSAT.
I'm leaving now,

41
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:46,640
but if you need anything,
let me know.

42
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,908
So proud.

43
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,643
(groans)

44
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:51,178
Didn't support me for 40 years.

45
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:54,081
All of a sudden,
we're the Gilmore Girls.

46
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,650
I have to take these again.
You look really angry.

47
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,088
♪♪

48
00:02:22,811 --> 00:02:23,845
Back!

49
00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:26,447
I didn't make a sound.

50
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,449
I can smell
your mustache bleach.

51
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,184
But I'm thirsty.

52
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,820
Get in the shower
and open your mouth.

53
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,523
(knock on door)
But first, get the door.

54
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:39,060
So tiny and so mean.

55
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,798
Like a Chihuahua.

56
00:02:43,832 --> 00:02:44,833
Hey, baby.

57
00:02:44,866 --> 00:02:46,167
Nope!

58
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,939
Adam's back early!
Stall him for a minute.

59
00:02:50,972 --> 00:02:53,241
A minute?
Have you seen yourself?

60
00:02:56,945 --> 00:02:58,847
Hey, Adam,
when'd you get back?

61
00:02:58,880 --> 00:02:59,914
This morning.

62
00:02:59,948 --> 00:03:01,415
What was I just looking at?

63
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:05,386
Yeah... you never want to see
how the sausage is made.

64
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,420
(laughs)

65
00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,322
So, how was your job?

66
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,892
Ah, the movie's a piece of
crap, but the check cleared,

67
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:14,262
and I got a picture of The
Rock carrying me like a baby.

68
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,165
Why are both your shirts off?

69
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,901
I don't know, it all
happened so fast.

70
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:23,304
Uh, listen, there's something
else I wanted to...

71
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,439
Adam, I wish I could talk,
but I'm cramming

72
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:26,574
for the LSAT
on Thursday.

73
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,343
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

74
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,280
You're making a huge mistake,
but, oh, my God!

75
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,514
You think she'll like it?

76
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,049
Yes, it's beautiful.

77
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:36,484
I can't believe
you're doing this.

78
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,152
I can't, either.

79
00:03:38,186 --> 00:03:40,321
But six weeks away from your
mother felt like six months.

80
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,957
Turns out I wasn't just saying
"I love you" to get laid.

81
00:03:42,991 --> 00:03:45,259
I am so happy for you guys!
Oh. (laughs)

82
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,161
So, how you gonna ask her?

83
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:49,063
I thought I'd take her
to the burger shack

84
00:03:49,097 --> 00:03:50,464
where we had our
first official date.

85
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:54,202
A shack? You are going
to propose to her at a shack?

86
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,504
Uh... "shack"
is misleading.

87
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,506
It's more like a hut.
It's a permanent structure.

88
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:04,278
Look, this is her first and
hopefully last proposal ever.

89
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,547
This is a moment
she will remember always.

90
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,116
You're starting to
freak me out a little.

91
00:04:08,149 --> 00:04:09,550
Here's what you're gonna do.

92
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,152
There's this restaurant
Spetrino's.

93
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:12,887
We can't afford it, you can.

94
00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:14,022
You want a table

95
00:04:14,055 --> 00:04:15,556
in the room
with the twinkle lights.

96
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,226
After she finishes the
osso buco, you signal the waiter

97
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,961
to bring over
the Grand Marnier soufflé.

98
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,629
Yeah, but doesn't that...?
The alcohol burns off.

99
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,197
Anyway,

100
00:04:23,231 --> 00:04:25,666
the ring is already hidden
in the soufflé,

101
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:30,371
and as he comes up to the table,
you get down on one...

102
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,274
You sit where you are
and pop the question.

103
00:04:35,043 --> 00:04:37,645
That's a lot of detail
off the top of your head.

104
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:40,514
I am loaning you my dream.
Don't mess it up.

105
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,516
BONNIE:
Adam?!

106
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,685
I didn't know you were here.

107
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,320
Enjoy your sausage.

108
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:49,423
That's a little forward,
but I intend to.

109
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,327
Come on, tell us.

110
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:54,695
Not until Jill gets here.

111
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,231
But trust me, this is big.

112
00:04:57,265 --> 00:04:58,666
Bonnie and Adam
are getting married.

113
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,235
No. Not even close.

114
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,705
Actually,
before Jill gets here,

115
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,575
I really want to say something
not nice about her,

116
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,343
but it's only 'cause I care.

117
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,212
I think I want to say
the same not-nice thing,

118
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,580
but it's only
'cause I care, too.

119
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,416
Ladies, she's had a
rough couple of months,

120
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:20,288
and it's not for us to judge
how she is or isn't handling it.

121
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,124
Well, I'm her friend and, damn
it, I'm gonna say something.

122
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,026
Shh, shh. Here she comes.

123
00:05:26,094 --> 00:05:27,928
Hey!

124
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:33,267
Can I get a strawberry milkshake
over here with one straw?

125
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:37,071
(sighs)
Scootch over, Wendy.

126
00:05:37,105 --> 00:05:40,374
I thought I did.

127
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,276
So what'd I miss?

128
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,251
Christy?

129
00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:55,489
Well, Jill... as your friend,

130
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:59,227
um, I think I should
tell you that...

131
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,470
...Adam is proposing
to my mother tonight!

132
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,439
Oh, my God!
MARJORIE:
Wonderful!

133
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,773
Hey, I guessed that!

134
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,342
You want a prize,
go to a carnival.

135
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,346
Bonnie, how you
doing up there?

136
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,581
Our reservation's
at 8:00.

137
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,217
BONNIE:
Relax. It's only 8:15.

138
00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:26,987
So that's what pacing
is for you.

139
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,661
I'm a little nervous.

140
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:37,131
Just close your eyes and pretend
The Rock is cradling you.

141
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,137
That actually helps.

142
00:06:45,373 --> 00:06:47,641
Hey, why are we schlepping
all the way across town to eat?

143
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,378
Because I heard
Spetrino's is amazing.

144
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:52,446
Yeah, but we're already late--
nobody's fault--

145
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,516
but, you know, why don't we just
go grab a burger?

146
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:58,086
A burger?
Christy, she
wants a burger.

147
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:02,056
Nope, no, no, no.
There will be no burgers.

148
00:07:02,090 --> 00:07:03,357
This wonderful man

149
00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:05,126
was thoughtful enough
to invite you

150
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:06,794
to a beautiful,
romantic restaurant.

151
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,663
Millions of women would trade
places with you in a minute,

152
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,799
so you are going
to get out there

153
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,068
and have the best damn
night of your life!

154
00:07:14,102 --> 00:07:16,570
Okay, relax.
If it means that much to you.

155
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,541
And while we're out,
may I recommend you

156
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,110
(quietly):
masturbate?

157
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,186
No, I really should study.

158
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:37,825
(knock on door)

159
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,127
NATASHA:
Christy, open up.

160
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,394
Your mom told me
you're home.

161
00:07:40,428 --> 00:07:42,596
Another reason to hate her.

162
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,135
Natasha, I really
can't talk right now.

163
00:07:47,168 --> 00:07:48,669
And you're in.

164
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,738
I need your help.
My caseworker told me

165
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,874
I can't get my daughter out of
foster care until I get a job.

166
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,576
What the hell am I gonna do?

167
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,145
Get a job?

168
00:07:57,178 --> 00:07:58,212
Doing what?!

169
00:07:58,246 --> 00:07:59,613
And now you're sitting.

170
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,183
Okay, let's see.

171
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:03,851
What have you done
besides stripping?

172
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,319
I was a coke dealer.

173
00:08:05,353 --> 00:08:07,421
So, sales experience.

174
00:08:07,455 --> 00:08:09,723
My job in rehab was
to clean the toilets.

175
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,460
Maintenance.
But I bribed
other people to do it for me.

176
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:13,794
Management.

177
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,863
See? You're
gonna be fine.

178
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,098
Now I really
need to study.

179
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,269
Did you see me stand up there?

180
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,905
Well, maybe I can just
go back to stripping.

181
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,907
That club near the
airport is hiring.

182
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,542
Not the nice one.

183
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,145
All right, I will help you
find a job tomorrow.

184
00:08:31,179 --> 00:08:33,147
Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you!

185
00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:34,582
(groans)

186
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,384
I really should've
gone upstairs.

187
00:08:40,606 --> 00:08:42,808
I hope you saved
room for dessert.

188
00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:45,511
I'm eight feet tall;
there's always room.

189
00:08:45,544 --> 00:08:47,213
But first I got to freshen up.

190
00:08:47,246 --> 00:08:48,514
Uh, can't it wait?

191
00:08:48,547 --> 00:08:50,549
FYI, "freshen up" is lady talk
for "tinkle,"

192
00:08:50,582 --> 00:08:52,584
which is baby talk
for "take a whiz."

193
00:08:52,618 --> 00:08:54,453
(chuckles):
Fine, go. It's...

194
00:08:57,389 --> 00:09:00,292
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

195
00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:10,769
What the hell is going on?

196
00:09:10,802 --> 00:09:12,838
I think someone put
a ring in the dessert

197
00:09:12,871 --> 00:09:15,507
so he could ask the woman
he loves to marry him.

198
00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:16,842
(laughs)

199
00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:18,544
I think someone is lame.

200
00:09:21,613 --> 00:09:24,483
Oh, my God,
you're the lame guy.

201
00:09:26,618 --> 00:09:29,355
Bonnie Plunkett,
will you marry me?

202
00:09:29,388 --> 00:09:32,291
(laughs)
Yes, Adam, I will marry you.

203
00:09:33,892 --> 00:09:35,861
Excuse me, uh,

204
00:09:35,894 --> 00:09:38,730
I could get you another one,
but it'll take 45 minutes.

205
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:41,733
No! I want to see the ring.

206
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:44,336
I'm so sorry
I screwed this up.

207
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,372
Are you kidding? You-you
took a romantic moment

208
00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:48,207
and turned it into
a fire hazard,

209
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,641
and that's why
I love you.

210
00:09:49,675 --> 00:09:51,643
Got it.

211
00:09:55,447 --> 00:09:57,583
Another reason
I love you.

212
00:09:57,616 --> 00:10:00,519
Adam, it's... it's beautiful.

213
00:10:02,254 --> 00:10:04,790
Excuse me. I'm over 50,

214
00:10:04,823 --> 00:10:07,125
and a man is putting a ring
on my finger. Nothing?

215
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,796
(both laughing)

216
00:10:10,829 --> 00:10:14,200
I am gonna make you
the best wife.

217
00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:16,335
(laughs)
I mean, I'm gonna try.

218
00:10:17,803 --> 00:10:19,805
I think I can do it.

219
00:10:19,838 --> 00:10:21,640
I want to do it.

220
00:10:21,673 --> 00:10:23,175
Can I do it?

221
00:10:23,209 --> 00:10:24,643
Of course you can.

222
00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:26,178
Yeah, you're right,
you're right, I can do it.

223
00:10:26,212 --> 00:10:27,846
I mean, if I can do sober,
I can do marriage.

224
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,415
(both laugh)

225
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:31,617
Of course I have to go
to meetings to stay sober.

226
00:10:31,650 --> 00:10:33,519
There's no, you know,
marriage meetings,

227
00:10:33,552 --> 00:10:35,254
unless you're
in counseling, and...

228
00:10:35,287 --> 00:10:36,922
Uh-oh, I guess
we're gonna need counseling.

229
00:10:36,955 --> 00:10:38,324
(laughs)

230
00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:39,791
And between drunkie
and the wheelchair,

231
00:10:39,825 --> 00:10:42,328
I think we know who
the shrink's gonna side with.

232
00:10:42,361 --> 00:10:43,629
What's happening?

233
00:10:43,662 --> 00:10:45,831
What's happening is
this ring comes with

234
00:10:45,864 --> 00:10:48,200
expectations
and responsibilities.

235
00:10:48,234 --> 00:10:51,203
And if history teaches us
anything, that's not my bag!

236
00:10:51,237 --> 00:10:53,272
I mean, one night, you're
gonna come home for meat loaf,

237
00:10:53,305 --> 00:10:54,506
'cause Tuesday's
meat loaf night.

238
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:55,707
Instead, you're gonna
find me face down

239
00:10:55,741 --> 00:10:57,976
on the linoleum
with a needle in my arm!

240
00:10:58,009 --> 00:10:59,378
Bonnie, breathe.

241
00:10:59,411 --> 00:11:00,812
I can't.

242
00:11:00,846 --> 00:11:03,282
(grunts)
Can't breathe.

243
00:11:03,315 --> 00:11:06,685
Can't make meat loaf.

244
00:11:06,718 --> 00:11:09,255
Can't... do this.

245
00:11:09,288 --> 00:11:10,789
Still got to pee.

246
00:11:10,822 --> 00:11:12,458
(grunts)

247
00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:16,194
Looks like you dodged
a bullet there.

248
00:11:23,269 --> 00:11:25,337
I mean, he's the best thing
that ever happened to me,

249
00:11:25,371 --> 00:11:27,506
but all these fears
just came out of nowhere.

250
00:11:27,539 --> 00:11:29,375
It just took me by surprise.

251
00:11:29,408 --> 00:11:30,442
I mean...

252
00:11:32,043 --> 00:11:33,479
Are you sleeping?

253
00:11:33,512 --> 00:11:34,713
Trying!

254
00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:35,981
Hey, you know,
part of this is on you.

255
00:11:36,014 --> 00:11:37,483
You knew he was gonna propose.

256
00:11:37,516 --> 00:11:38,884
You could've given me
a heads-up.

257
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,986
You're right, I'm to blame.
Good night.

258
00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:42,854
(scoffs)
So that's it?

259
00:11:42,888 --> 00:11:44,990
You're just gonna abandon me
in my hour of need.

260
00:11:45,023 --> 00:11:48,294
And you abandoned me
when I was seven; we're even.

261
00:11:48,327 --> 00:11:50,429
Hey. You were an honorary
fireman for a weekend.

262
00:11:50,462 --> 00:11:51,997
Not all kids get that.

263
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:53,932
Mom, do you want
to marry Adam?

264
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,534
Of course I do.

265
00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:56,902
So call him and apologize.

266
00:11:56,935 --> 00:11:58,604
(sighs)
Gee, I don't know.

267
00:11:58,637 --> 00:12:00,439
Then we start the marriage
with me in the hole.

268
00:12:00,472 --> 00:12:02,541
Good night.

269
00:12:02,574 --> 00:12:05,010
Good night.

270
00:12:05,043 --> 00:12:07,045
By the way, was that
restaurant your idea?
Yeah.

271
00:12:07,078 --> 00:12:08,447
It was pretty good.
Uh-huh.

272
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,015
If you ever go,
try the osso buco.

273
00:12:10,048 --> 00:12:11,950
They give you this tiny little
fork, you can dig the marrow...

274
00:12:11,983 --> 00:12:14,453
I don't care!
I got to get some sleep!

275
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:17,523
Sorry. It's not like you have
anyone to take you.

276
00:12:20,359 --> 00:12:22,428
Thank you so much for
coming with me today.

277
00:12:22,461 --> 00:12:23,895
Happy to do it.

278
00:12:23,929 --> 00:12:25,431
I'm supposed to be
studying for a test

279
00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:26,632
that will determine
the rest of my life,

280
00:12:26,665 --> 00:12:27,833
but I'm happy to do it.

281
00:12:30,101 --> 00:12:32,304
Oh, my God. Do I even
want to work here?

282
00:12:32,338 --> 00:12:33,772
I mean, look what
I got to wear.

283
00:12:33,805 --> 00:12:35,507
Brown polyester
and grandma shoes.

284
00:12:35,541 --> 00:12:38,910
Hey, don't knock
comfortable footwear.

285
00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:40,479
If I could've stripped
in these babies,

286
00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:41,980
I would've lasted
five more years.

287
00:12:43,515 --> 00:12:45,050
Stop eating sugar.

288
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:46,084
But I need it.

289
00:12:46,117 --> 00:12:47,986
No, you don't.

290
00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:51,523
Look, it's perfectly natural
to feel scared right now.

291
00:12:51,557 --> 00:12:52,824
I'm not scared.

292
00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:54,726
You should be.

293
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,628
40 is in your rearview mirror,

294
00:12:56,662 --> 00:12:58,664
your kid's in foster care
but you can't get her back

295
00:12:58,697 --> 00:13:00,098
until you get a legit job,

296
00:13:00,131 --> 00:13:02,067
and you're only qualified
to sell cocaine

297
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,069
and ruin some guy's pants.

298
00:13:04,102 --> 00:13:06,972
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

299
00:13:07,005 --> 00:13:08,740
Oh, my God.
I can't do this.
No, no, no.

300
00:13:08,774 --> 00:13:10,809
Nobody likes a sad waitress.
Trust me, I know.

301
00:13:10,842 --> 00:13:12,077
Have some sugar.

302
00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:13,445
(crying):
No.
Sweet'N Low?

303
00:13:13,479 --> 00:13:14,446
No.
Grape jelly?

304
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:15,614
What-what's the point?

305
00:13:15,647 --> 00:13:16,748
I've screwed my
life up so much

306
00:13:16,782 --> 00:13:18,450
I'll never get it
back together.

307
00:13:18,484 --> 00:13:19,818
(sobbing)

308
00:13:19,851 --> 00:13:21,787
Uh, I'm supposed to interview
Natasha?

309
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,423
And here she is.

310
00:13:24,456 --> 00:13:27,626
Your new waitress, hostess
or bus person.

311
00:13:27,659 --> 00:13:29,561
Is everything okay?

312
00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:31,863
Yeah. She's just
a little overwhelmed.

313
00:13:31,897 --> 00:13:33,765
But let me
tell you, Kenny,

314
00:13:33,799 --> 00:13:37,769
uh, it has always been
a dream of hers to work here.

315
00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:40,372
(sobbing):
Hi, Kenny.

316
00:13:40,406 --> 00:13:42,374
In fact, she and I
were just talking about

317
00:13:42,408 --> 00:13:44,109
how places like Uncle Freddy's

318
00:13:44,142 --> 00:13:46,878
have always been the backbone
of American family life.

319
00:13:46,912 --> 00:13:50,416
Well, we do pride ourselves
on big portions for big people.

320
00:13:50,449 --> 00:13:52,584
I just want to die, Kenny.

321
00:13:52,618 --> 00:13:54,019
(sobbing)

322
00:13:54,052 --> 00:13:55,554
Look at that hustle.

323
00:13:55,587 --> 00:13:57,456
Imagine when she has
the right shoes.

324
00:13:57,489 --> 00:14:01,560
Okay, Kenny. We, uh, we look
forward to hearing from you.

325
00:14:01,593 --> 00:14:04,029
Wait, Natasha!
That's not my car!

326
00:14:06,565 --> 00:14:09,000
(knocking on door)

327
00:14:09,034 --> 00:14:10,669
Adam, I...

328
00:14:10,702 --> 00:14:12,137
Nope.

329
00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:16,174
Okay. That answers the question
"Are you still mad?"

330
00:14:16,207 --> 00:14:19,978
Fortunately, I have a
key for such occasions.

331
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:25,415
(sighs)
I am so sorry.

332
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,120
You just caught me off guard.

333
00:14:27,153 --> 00:14:29,055
Please, ask me again.

334
00:14:29,088 --> 00:14:30,322
Bonnie, it's okay.

335
00:14:30,356 --> 00:14:32,158
We don't have to get married.

336
00:14:32,191 --> 00:14:34,460
You can humiliate me
as my girlfriend.

337
00:14:34,493 --> 00:14:36,062
No. I love you,

338
00:14:36,095 --> 00:14:38,364
and I want to humiliate you
as your wife.

339
00:14:39,932 --> 00:14:43,770
(sighs) Honey, I swear,
if I had a time machine,

340
00:14:43,803 --> 00:14:45,938
I would go back
and make it right.

341
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,307
Really? That's what you'd use
a time machine for?

342
00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:51,077
I might also make
a few sports bets.

343
00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:52,912
Maybe the Cubs.

344
00:14:52,945 --> 00:14:54,914
You wouldn't prevent this?

345
00:14:54,947 --> 00:14:57,249
Look, if and when I get
the time machine,

346
00:14:57,283 --> 00:14:58,951
we can make a list.

347
00:15:00,252 --> 00:15:03,189
Please, ask me
to marry you again.

348
00:15:03,222 --> 00:15:04,991
(chuckles)

349
00:15:05,024 --> 00:15:06,425
All right, fine.
Bonnie, will you marry...

350
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:07,827
No, no.

351
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:10,396
The long version
with all the nice stuff.

352
00:15:12,264 --> 00:15:14,366
(sighs)

353
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,436
Bonnie, I love you.

354
00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:18,871
I love you, too.

355
00:15:18,905 --> 00:15:21,207
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.

356
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,109
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you, too.

357
00:15:23,142 --> 00:15:24,410
Will you marry me?
No.

358
00:15:27,146 --> 00:15:30,282
I told my mouth to say yes,
but "no" just came flying out.

359
00:15:30,316 --> 00:15:31,217
What did Adam do?

360
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:34,086
He rolled over my foot.

361
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,188
And you know what?
I deserved it.

362
00:15:36,222 --> 00:15:38,257
I am the worst
person in the world.

363
00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:39,826
Well, you do tend to...
Well, to be fair...

364
00:15:39,859 --> 00:15:40,927
Bup, bup, bup,
bup, bup, bup, bup.

365
00:15:42,228 --> 00:15:44,230
No, you're not.

366
00:15:44,263 --> 00:15:46,365
What did Christy say?
She doesn't know.

367
00:15:46,398 --> 00:15:48,300
She's out helping
Natasha find a job.

368
00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:49,902
Oh.

369
00:15:49,936 --> 00:15:51,871
Isn't that great?

370
00:15:51,904 --> 00:15:54,106
She gets a job,
gets her kid back,

371
00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:57,443
and I'm stuck all alone
in an empty house again.

372
00:15:59,611 --> 00:16:04,216
Everybody gets a fairy tale
ending except for me.

373
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:05,885
I want a fairy
tale ending.

374
00:16:05,918 --> 00:16:08,420
(sighs)
Are you sure about that?

375
00:16:08,454 --> 00:16:10,289
Maybe you keep saying no

376
00:16:10,322 --> 00:16:13,092
because you've been
a horrible person for so long

377
00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:14,894
you think you're not
good enough for Adam.

378
00:16:14,927 --> 00:16:19,331
Well, that would explain why
I've been sabotaging myself.

379
00:16:19,365 --> 00:16:22,034
You should tell Adam that.

380
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,436
Is he still
speaking to you?

381
00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:26,405
Oh, hell no.

382
00:16:26,438 --> 00:16:29,208
But, uh, I might
have a work-around.

383
00:16:32,544 --> 00:16:34,480
(panting)

384
00:16:34,513 --> 00:16:36,415
Apology accepted.

385
00:16:36,448 --> 00:16:38,985
But wait, there's more.

386
00:16:39,018 --> 00:16:40,887
(panting)

387
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,455
Was that the tenth one?
Do I get the next one free?

388
00:16:43,489 --> 00:16:47,927
You are gonna be getting it free
for a lifetime.

389
00:16:49,495 --> 00:16:53,099
Adam Ulysses Janikowski.
Not my middle name.

390
00:16:53,132 --> 00:16:55,467
See? There's still things we get
to learn about each other.

391
00:16:56,903 --> 00:16:58,637
All I know is that I love you

392
00:16:58,670 --> 00:17:02,174
more than anything in the world,
so please marry me.

393
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:05,077
Ah, you are a piece
of work, but yes.

394
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,946
Yes, I will marry you.
(laughs)

395
00:17:09,048 --> 00:17:11,350
(both sigh)

396
00:17:11,383 --> 00:17:14,120
(chuckles) Oh, my God.
We're really doing this.

397
00:17:14,153 --> 00:17:16,322
Together forever.

398
00:17:16,355 --> 00:17:18,324
(sighs)

399
00:17:18,357 --> 00:17:20,026
Yay.

400
00:17:25,932 --> 00:17:27,566
(door closes)

401
00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:31,470
You are looking at
the biggest idiot on the planet.

402
00:17:31,503 --> 00:17:32,939
Yep, there you are.

403
00:17:32,972 --> 00:17:35,174
Look what I did.

404
00:17:35,207 --> 00:17:36,475
You said yes?

405
00:17:36,508 --> 00:17:38,510
Don't make me relive it.

406
00:17:38,544 --> 00:17:40,412
Okay.

407
00:17:40,446 --> 00:17:42,048
I love him so much.

408
00:17:42,081 --> 00:17:43,515
Why don't I want
to marry him?

409
00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:46,152
(sighs)
Because deep down inside

410
00:17:46,185 --> 00:17:47,920
you think
you're not good enough?

411
00:17:47,954 --> 00:17:49,155
Nah, that's what
Marjorie said.

412
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:50,689
(blows raspberries)

413
00:17:50,722 --> 00:17:52,391
Mom, what are you afraid of?

414
00:17:52,424 --> 00:17:54,093
Evil clowns.

415
00:17:54,126 --> 00:17:56,929
Scratch that--
all clowns.

416
00:17:56,963 --> 00:17:59,665
Being married to the same guy
for the rest of my life.

417
00:17:59,698 --> 00:18:02,434
Why don't you approach marriage
like you do staying sober?

418
00:18:02,468 --> 00:18:04,436
You know? One day at a time.

419
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:07,940
Wow. That's not bad.

420
00:18:07,974 --> 00:18:09,508
Have you guys
set a date?
No.

421
00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:11,243
Then what are you worried about?

422
00:18:11,277 --> 00:18:13,679
You can keep this engagement up
for years.

423
00:18:13,712 --> 00:18:16,115
Say more.

424
00:18:17,216 --> 00:18:18,584
Think about it.

425
00:18:18,617 --> 00:18:21,553
When has a man ever pushed
for a wedding date?

426
00:18:21,587 --> 00:18:24,456
It's like a woman
initiating butt stuff.

427
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:29,695
If you don't bring it up,
then he won't.

428
00:18:29,728 --> 00:18:31,397
That's brilliant.
Mm-hmm.

429
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:33,232
I'm also gaining
a little insight

430
00:18:33,265 --> 00:18:35,234
as to why you're
still single.

431
00:18:35,267 --> 00:18:37,636
And I'm gaining insight

432
00:18:37,669 --> 00:18:39,738
as to why Adam
proposed three times.

433
00:18:39,771 --> 00:18:41,974
(chuckles)

434
00:18:42,008 --> 00:18:43,442
Bottom line...
Bad choice.

435
00:18:43,475 --> 00:18:45,544
In conclusion...

436
00:18:45,577 --> 00:18:47,646
you're saying I could
just buy bridal magazines,

437
00:18:47,679 --> 00:18:49,982
wear my pretty ring
and run the clock out?

438
00:18:50,016 --> 00:18:51,483
Congratulations.

439
00:18:51,517 --> 00:18:53,219
You're never getting married!

440
00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:00,826
Oh, Bonnie, it's beautiful.

441
00:19:00,859 --> 00:19:05,097
Two carat solitaire,
a bit cloudy.

442
00:19:05,131 --> 00:19:07,433
This might not be from a mall.

443
00:19:07,466 --> 00:19:08,734
I'm so jealous.

444
00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:09,835
Mission accomplished.

445
00:19:09,868 --> 00:19:12,838
So when's the big day?

446
00:19:12,871 --> 00:19:14,540
June 19th.
Mm.

447
00:19:14,573 --> 00:19:16,074
Year to be determined.

448
00:19:19,545 --> 00:19:22,448
Ah! Guys, you'll never
believe it.

449
00:19:22,481 --> 00:19:24,616
Guess who got an average score
on her LSAT?

450
00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:25,751
(all cheering)

451
00:19:25,784 --> 00:19:27,686
So congratulations
are in order?

452
00:19:27,719 --> 00:19:30,856
Yes. Now I can get into the best
of the low level law schools.

453
00:19:30,889 --> 00:19:33,459
Oh. I'm so proud of you.

454
00:19:33,492 --> 00:19:35,461
I always knew you
could barely do it.

455
00:19:35,494 --> 00:19:38,096
Aw, thanks, Mom. You were
always barely there for me.

456
00:19:39,631 --> 00:19:43,369
Well, isn't this all
balloons and confetti?

457
00:19:44,503 --> 00:19:46,305
You got a big career
ahead of you,

458
00:19:46,338 --> 00:19:48,774
you have a fiancé,
you got a husband.

459
00:19:50,242 --> 00:19:52,411
What do I have?

460
00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:55,147
Oh, quit your bitching,
you selfish, pampered princess.

461
00:19:55,181 --> 00:19:58,317
What?
You got a purse that costs
more than my car.

462
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,619
You sleep till noon
because you don't have to work.

463
00:20:00,652 --> 00:20:02,921
On top of that, you got
your hairdresser, manicurist,

464
00:20:02,954 --> 00:20:05,357
masseuse, all coming
to your house.

465
00:20:05,391 --> 00:20:07,759
You know who comes
to my house, Jill? Nobody.

466
00:20:09,361 --> 00:20:12,164
Not even the delivery boy
from Golden Dragon.

467
00:20:12,198 --> 00:20:14,266
I got to walk down
four flights of stairs

468
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,468
to get my kung pao
freakin' chicken!

469
00:20:17,669 --> 00:20:18,770
So the next time I hear you

470
00:20:18,804 --> 00:20:20,206
feeling sorry for yourself,

471
00:20:20,239 --> 00:20:22,241
I'm gonna smack you so hard

472
00:20:22,274 --> 00:20:24,276
your lip filler's
gonna come out your ear!

473
00:20:30,682 --> 00:20:32,484
You want some pie?

474
00:20:35,287 --> 00:20:36,788
You all finished here?

475
00:20:36,822 --> 00:20:38,957
I think we need a minute.

476
00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:41,960
Well, hurry up.
My feet are killing me.

477
00:20:41,993 --> 00:20:43,829
Oh, I forgot
to tell you.

478
00:20:43,862 --> 00:20:45,531
I got Natasha a job.

479
00:20:45,564 --> 00:20:47,566
Oh, that's so nice.