1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,605 I thought we'd work in here 'cause, uh, 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,276 well, it's the only room with a table. 3 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,511 Huh. You don't have a dedicated workspace? 4 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,647 I don't have a dedicated bathroom. 5 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:16,184 Can I get you something to drink? 6 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,751 Uh, you have Coke? 7 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,121 I have cola. 8 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,255 You have Smartwater? 9 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:23,424 I have sink water. 10 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,527 I'll take the cola. 11 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,330 It's kind of awkward when the professor pairs you up 12 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,798 with someone you don't know. 13 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,266 Totally. 14 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,567 Well, at least 15 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,503 neither of us got "Throat Clearing Guy." 16 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,306 Oh, I actually got Throat Clearing Guy 17 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,640 on the last project. 18 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,309 It did not go so... 19 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,144 (clears throat) ...well. 20 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:47,781 Anyway, I, uh, figured we'd do this on my laptop. 21 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,317 Oh. 22 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,853 I mean, unless you have N-voke. 23 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,488 That depends. 24 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,490 What is it? 25 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,692 Presentation software. 26 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:02,363 Like Powerpoint, only not, because it doesn't suck. 27 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:06,734 I have pirated Word '97. 28 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,637 And I used it to write up the first seven precepts 29 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,705 of conflict resolution as it pertains to... Yeah. 30 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,408 Relax. I got this. 31 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,676 Oh, really? 32 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,345 And what do I got? 33 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:18,746 I can go for some chips. 34 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,614 Whoa. 35 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,383 Not your waitress, Skippy. 36 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,353 Cooper. 37 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,755 I'm sticking with Skippy. 38 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:31,159 Are we gonna have a problem here? 39 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:34,528 Are we? 40 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,539 Good call, Skippy. 41 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,278 Oh, crap. My screen's frozen. 42 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,516 Christy told me you were looking for an apartment, and I thought, 43 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,251 sure, you could drive all over Napa, 44 00:01:57,285 --> 00:02:01,889 or... I could save you the hassle and show you 45 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,692 this little slice of paradise. 46 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,928 What's going on with the ceiling here? 47 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,398 That's what you call an architectural element. 48 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,732 Ooh, fancy. Mm. 49 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,267 What's this all about? 50 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,569 That's drainage from your neighbor's toilet. 51 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:18,739 Really? Don't worry. Little guy. Doesn't eat much. 52 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,644 So what do you think? You in? 53 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,680 'Cause I got a polygamist looking for a sister house. 54 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,682 Well, the sooner I have my own place, 55 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,384 the sooner I can get Emily back. 56 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,686 I just don't have first and last month's rent. 57 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,688 Hmm, predicament. 58 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,691 What to do, what to do... 59 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,827 Here's an idea. 60 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,396 You pay me in cash, I'll overlook the deposit, 61 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,466 and even throw in some furniture I got in the basement. 62 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,736 Sounds great. 63 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,338 Maybe a fresh coat of paint? 64 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,639 Whoa. 65 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,741 Stand down, Melania. 66 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,346 * 67 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,628 Hang on. I'll get you a clean fork. 68 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,897 Just gonna walk in a circle and bring you the same one. 69 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,868 I still can't believe you moved her into your building. 70 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,336 MARJORIE: Oh, come on, Jill. 71 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,738 You've been a great foster mother, 72 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,640 but Emily belongs with Natasha. 73 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:29,377 I agree. I just think there's a double standard afoot. 74 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,645 I mean, before I could foster Emily, 75 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,681 I had to be questioned, fingerprinted 76 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716 and baby-proof my whole house. 77 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,652 I still can't get into my pool. 78 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,854 Slap her in that dump with her birth mother, 79 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,656 and everything's hunky-dory. 80 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,458 That dump is where we live. 81 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,260 I know. I've been there. 82 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,596 She's just out of rehab. 83 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,997 How can she afford her own place? 84 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,366 She can't. She's paying me under the table. 85 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,868 What? You didn't tell me that. 86 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,305 That's what "under the table" means. 87 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,540 What are they teaching you at that college? 88 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,913 You realize that if you get caught, 89 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,416 we're gonna be looking for a new apartment, too. 90 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,950 Well, Little Black Cloud, 91 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:13,053 the only way I'd get caught is if someone ratted me out. 92 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,857 Well, then, somebody better give me a little taste of the action. 93 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,860 Oh, you want to wet your beak, do you? 94 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,429 Why are they talking like that? 95 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,031 Never ask me about my business, Wendy. 96 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,839 Tell you what I'm gonna do. 97 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,892 Pleasure doing business with you. 98 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,964 So, I was thinking, I should do the oral presentation, 99 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,699 and you should manage the visuals. 100 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,067 And wear something pretty. 101 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,772 Right, something low-cut so we can get a good grade. 102 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,906 Exactly. 103 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,908 And you know what you can wear? 104 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,677 My foot in your ass. 105 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,879 Hey, 106 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,047 I'm just trying to play to our strengths. 107 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,649 You do what you do, 108 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,718 and I'm super comfortable speaking in public. 109 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,387 I was in two high school plays, 110 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,054 and I have my own YouTube channel. 111 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,957 Slow your roll, Miss Saigon. 112 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,727 Several times a week, I stand 113 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,530 in front of a room full of drunks and drug addicts 114 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,131 and share my most painful experiences. 115 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:35,403 And P.S., my friend's cat has her own YouTube channel. 116 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,672 Tell you what. How about we both do the presentation, 117 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,541 and I wear something pretty? 118 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,809 Thank you. 119 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,644 And show a little cleavage. 120 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,945 We do want the "A." 121 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,482 Hey, I'm a little hungry. 122 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,684 You want to get some wings or something? 123 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,686 With you? 124 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,822 Don't worry. We'll split the bill. 125 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:59,860 Dude, you're kind of a sexist, hipster douche. 126 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,463 Wings are on you. 127 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,869 You sure nobody's gonna miss this stuff? 128 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,972 Nah, this was all left behind by tenants who moved out. 129 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,441 (grunting softly) 130 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,443 Couple of 'em feet first. 131 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,010 Really? 132 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,648 Choked on a chicken bone, 133 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,182 pulmonary embolism. 134 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,619 That guy moved to Fresno, 135 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,187 which is the same thing as dying. 136 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,423 Come on, give me a hand. 137 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,191 I don't know how to thank you, Bonnie. 138 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,827 You just make sure I get those Benjamins every month. 139 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,763 Oh, and do not give them to Christy. 140 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,598 She lives in moral twilight. 141 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:38,966 (knocking at door) 142 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,668 Oh, my God, that's Emily. 143 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,470 My pits are drippin'. 144 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,505 Relax. You have a lovely apartment 145 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,906 with a permanent Christmas tree 146 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,809 and a picture of a seafaring ancestor. 147 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,612 Hey, honey. 148 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,747 Hi, Mom. Oh. 149 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,518 Wow! 150 00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,721 When you said "back of the building," you weren't kidding. 151 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,091 Hey, Jill. Hey. 152 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,726 So, what do you think? 153 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,027 I like it. 154 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,897 You do? You do? 155 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,499 Come on, I'll show you your room. 156 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,666 I got you a Harry Styles pillow 157 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,067 so you can practice your kissing. 158 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,504 Unless you want a Katy Perry pillow. 159 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,607 Whatever you're into, I'm cool with that. 160 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,510 I like green. 161 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,815 Bonnie, where are we? 162 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,216 What are you talking about? 163 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,084 I mean, I was braced for your apartment, 164 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,720 but this looks like a place 165 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,588 where they take Turkish people for questioning. 166 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,624 Hey, it's a beginning, Jill. 167 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,925 Back off. 168 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,093 I'm sorry. 169 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,496 I'm just worried about Emily. 170 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:43,797 She's a teenager. 171 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,266 All she cares about is a place to charge her phone. 172 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,570 And that concludes the grand tour. 173 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,171 Cool. 174 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,873 Is there a place I can charge my phone? 175 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,877 Right here by the Christmas pole. 176 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,847 Let me do it. I got a little shock here earlier. 177 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:05,152 Okay, well, I guess it's time for me to be on my way. 178 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,755 Thanks for everything, Jill. 179 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,958 I'm really gonna miss you. 180 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:11,959 (electrical buzz) 181 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,293 Ow! 182 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,228 I'm all right. 183 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,665 I'm gonna miss you, too. 184 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,833 But we'll still see each other. 185 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,743 Okay, Jill. Time to go. 186 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,545 Okeydokey. 187 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,846 Mm-hmm. 188 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,215 Here I go. 189 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,062 (sighs) 190 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:52,700 Okay, feelings, I hear ya. 191 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,304 (lively crowd chatter) 192 00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,674 Sprite for you, Irish Sprite for me. 193 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,342 Cheers. 194 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:07,347 Mm. So you have no problem being in a bar? 195 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,816 No, it's fun. 196 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,283 Actually, I play this little game. Mm. 197 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,185 I look around the room and try to figure out 198 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,722 who I'm gonna be seeing in a meeting down the road. 199 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,990 Oh, really? Who do you like? 200 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:20,093 I got my eye on the guy who finished his date's drink 201 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,662 when she went to the bathroom. 202 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:24,031 Well, maybe she has the problem, 203 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,766 and he's trying to save her. 204 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:29,670 Nope. He just threw up in his hand. 205 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,004 Nah. 206 00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,239 Hmm. Ah. 207 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,007 Oh, God. 208 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,610 Please don't tell me they're setting up for karaoke. 209 00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,012 No, then I'd be throwing up in my hand. 210 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,347 It's trivia night. 211 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,616 Oh, I am awesome at trivia. 212 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,217 I was raised by a television. 213 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,319 And I had no friends except books! 214 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,657 We are gonna crush this! 215 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,327 Your home theater, ma'am. 216 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,099 Courtesy of the late Mrs. Farraday. 217 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,268 Oh, my God, you're a lifesaver. 218 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,070 Well... if I were a lifesaver, 219 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,874 I would have known how to Heimlich Mrs. Farraday. 220 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:10,143 I thought this might lure Emily out of her room. 221 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,779 (electrical crackle) Ow! 222 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,115 I'm okay. God, someone should fix that. 223 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,017 Why would I say that out loud? 224 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,352 She's been in there since dinner. 225 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,055 Well... I hope Emily loves Falcon Crest 226 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,024 as much as Christy did. 227 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,225 Good luck. 228 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,694 Oh, no. Please stay. 229 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,361 This is not going well. 230 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,263 She's barely talking to me. 231 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,999 Well, give it time. When I got sober 232 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,334 and reconnected with Christy, there were long stretches 233 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,169 of cold, angry silence. 234 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,404 What finally broke the ice? 235 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,206 She punched me in the back of the head. 236 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,708 Yeah. 237 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,110 (chuckles): We laugh about it now. 238 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,947 Can you please just... just stay till bedtime? 239 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,348 (groans softly) 240 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,683 20 minutes. 241 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,084 I'm a busy woman. 242 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:52,986 I am not wasting my night here. 243 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,723 Ooh, The A-Team. You got me for an hour. 244 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,058 Emily! Television! 245 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,428 NEWSMAN: We'll have the rest of your weather 246 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,196 and all the top news at 11:00. 247 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:06,133 Next up, The A-Team. 248 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,835 * 249 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,839 Which Hogwarts professor was the head of Gryffindor House? 250 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,775 Who is Professor Minerva McGonagall! 251 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:17,845 Okay, again, we're not playing Jeopardy!, but yes, 252 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,913 point for Team Demi/Ashton! 253 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,481 Oh! 254 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,917 In your face, suckahs! 255 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:27,220 Okay. Name all five members 256 00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,756 of New Kids on the Block. 257 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,390 Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Joey, Jon. 258 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,425 Right again! Ha! 259 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,461 I still love you, Donnie! 260 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,497 Normally, this is where I add up the scores, 261 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,366 but I think we can all agree that the glory 262 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,435 and the free bloomin' onion go to Team Demi/Ashton! 263 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,905 (cheering) 264 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,907 We won an onion! We won an onion! 265 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,910 Damn, girl, you own the '90s! 266 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:53,446 Oh! That's 'cause I'm the only one here who wasn't born in them. 267 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,447 You can pick up your prize at the bar. 268 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,916 Ooh-ooh. Let me. 269 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,417 I've never won an appetizer before. 270 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,352 Well, raise it high like the Stanley Cup. 271 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,189 What's that? Just go. 272 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,191 Thank you. 273 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,193 I never won an appetizer before. 274 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,096 You guys killed it. Ah. That's 'cause I watch a lot of TV 275 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,798 and he didn't have any friends. 276 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,800 You're such a cute couple. 277 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,334 Oh. We're not a couple. 278 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,204 He's just a guy I'm doing a school project with. 279 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,471 I'm actually 40. 280 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,473 No way. 281 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,342 Way. 282 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,543 Thank you. 283 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,045 Hey, uh, if you're interested, 284 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,214 give me a minute, and I'll set you up. 285 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,482 Awesome. (giggles) 286 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,251 I won you. 287 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,821 Ta-da! 288 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,188 And, as a bonus, 289 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,791 I was just talking to this girl over there... 290 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,829 You're mean! 291 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,164 I'm so sorry. 292 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,272 We ended up making out in his car for about an hour. 293 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:55,275 Look at me-- I have millennial scruff-burn. 294 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,111 Oh, good. I thought you just did 295 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:01,281 that thing kids do where they lick their mouth too much. 296 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,919 How old is this fella? 297 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,387 Old enough to know what he's doing 298 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,123 and young enough to be just the right side of wrong. 299 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,192 Are you gonna see him again? 300 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,862 Oh, yeah. 301 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,997 We're going out tonight. 302 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,432 Gymboree or Build-A-Bear? 303 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,869 I think you're jealous. 304 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:25,238 I pity the fool who's jealous! 305 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:28,008 Mr. T. What, do you live in a cave? 306 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,577 The weird thing is, when I first met him, 307 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,245 I thought he was a total dick. 308 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,848 Oh, Christy, they all start out as total dicks. 309 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,183 And they end as total dicks, 310 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:37,951 but there's that sweet spot in the middle. 311 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,854 That's where I am-- between two dicks. 312 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,257 That's where I need to be. 313 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,963 (TV playing indistinctly) 314 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,201 (mutes TV) Excuse me, young lady. 315 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,469 Where do you think you're headed on a school night? 316 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,605 Ha-ha. 317 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:01,608 Oh, come on, I was hammered the whole time you were dating 318 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,476 in high school-- let me have this moment. 319 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,948 Okay, Mommy, I'll play along. 320 00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,217 Come. Sit. 321 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,990 Now, I know you really like this boy, 322 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,258 but remember, 323 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,260 you don't have to do things 324 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,362 just because he wants to. 325 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,966 But what if I want him to like me? 326 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,102 He should like you for who you are. 327 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,640 But what if I want him to really like me? 328 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,110 Then you got to bang his brains out. 329 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,546 We always go one step too far, don't we? 330 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,648 Yeah. We sure do, kitten. 331 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,916 Have fun. 332 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,017 Bye. 333 00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,252 (door opens, closes) 334 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:48,055 (sighs): Oh. They grow up so fast. 335 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,929 (knocking at door) 336 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,164 Hey. 337 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,566 Bonnie, I'm a total failure as a mom. 338 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:02,035 So am I. Big deal. 339 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,536 I mean it. I can't do it. 340 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,006 All right, what happened? Well, I bought a bunch of food, 341 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,307 and then I made this nice dinner, 342 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,442 and then Emily texts me she's spending the night 343 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,178 over at someone named Ashley's house. 344 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,346 Kids do that. In fact, my daughter's having 345 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:16,183 a sleepover tonight with her little school friend Cooper. 346 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,185 But it's our second night together, 347 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:19,652 and she didn't want to come home. 348 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,188 And can you blame her? 349 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,456 I wouldn't want to come home to me, either. 350 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,160 God, I want a drink. 351 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,628 Okay. Okay. 352 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,197 I got this. 353 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,464 (snaps fingers) 354 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,400 Have a seat. 355 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,534 Wow, you sat fast. 356 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:39,372 Uh... I thought that was gonna buy me a little more time. 357 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,274 Oh. I know. 358 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,410 Let's think through the drink. 359 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,545 What does that mean? Well, let's say you have that drink. 360 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,015 We both know that means you're gonna have ten more. 361 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,182 At least. 362 00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,517 You lose your sobriety, 363 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,551 you lose your job, 364 00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,187 I am definitely kicking you out of that apartment, 365 00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:55,455 and most important, you lose Emily. 366 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:59,292 So you try to get your act together, 367 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,727 but it's harder than you thought, 368 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,695 and before you know it, you've blown through three years, 369 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,664 and you haven't been there for your kid at all, 370 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,367 and by that point, she probably doesn't even care anymore. 371 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,470 So what'll it be? 372 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:11,571 Gin, vodka, 373 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,740 or one of those candy-ass microbrews 374 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,708 I never got a chance to try? 375 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,677 Okay, I got it. 376 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,112 Do you? 377 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,647 I'm just scared. 378 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,015 Well, you should be scared. 379 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:23,416 You've got a lot riding on this. 380 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,418 I got Christy back when she was 34, 381 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,188 and I spend every single day trying to make up for it. 382 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,291 It's a lot of work-- trust me, it's actually easier 383 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,426 to just not drink. 384 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,698 Thank you. That really helps. 385 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,601 Thank God. 386 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,571 It's still early-- how about we catch a meeting? 387 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,406 I would like that. 388 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,344 Christy's really lucky to have you. 389 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,314 Natasha, let's get something straight. 390 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,117 Everybody's lucky to have me. 391 00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,719 * 392 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,466 Morning. 393 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,168 Hi. 394 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,605 So... you think everyone in class 395 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,507 will know we're sleeping together? 396 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,343 They will when I tell them. 397 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,345 WOMAN: Hey, Coop. 398 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,547 I'm doing a load of laundry-- got anything? 399 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,182 Mom, seriously? 400 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,484 Mom? 401 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,254 Sorry. Didn't know you had company. 402 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,855 I put the sock on the door. 403 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,558 Oh, it fell off-- I thought it was laundry. 404 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:41,094 (sighs) Hi. I'm Lorraine. 405 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,695 Christy. 406 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,798 I'd stand up, but my underwear's on the lamp. 407 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,637 Well, I am doing a load-- happy to toss it in. 408 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,406 That's okay. 409 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,242 Y-You know, I should get going. 410 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,378 You sure? Mom makes great pancakes. 411 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,718 I do like pancakes. 412 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,688 Can you believe it? 413 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,557 She made me breakfast and did my laundry. 414 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,759 First time in my life I came home from a date 415 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,894 and my clothes were cleaner than when I left. 416 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,130 So, how was the sex? 417 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,698 It's not bad. 418 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,533 But these pancakes... 419 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,736 I'm telling you, she puts a little vanilla in it, oh... 420 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,672 God, I really felt loved. 421 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,574 Okay, I get it. 422 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,176 I wasn't there for you. 423 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,311 Oh, that wasn't even a dig. 424 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:32,745 But good. 425 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,915 Okay, so, there's two Ashleys. 426 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,717 There's nerdy Ashley-- she's a doll. 427 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,452 Tall Ashley doesn't believe in bras, 428 00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,254 and she flirts with all the dads. 429 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,555 No sleepovers with her. 430 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:43,723 Got it. 431 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,858 The password for Emily's phone is 4535. 432 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:49,162 But heads up, she will text some hurtful things about you. 433 00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,531 I don't know what made me a "foster monster," 434 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,600 but it still stings. 435 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,867 I just wish there was someone 436 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,703 who could tell me I was doing it right. 437 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:58,838 Well... 438 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,341 for what it's worth, Emily texted me 439 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,676 how happy she is to be back with you. 440 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,747 Oh, my God, I don't believe it. 441 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,583 Hmm. Look, if you have any problems with her, 442 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,352 don't hesitate to call me. 443 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,953 We can double-team her. 444 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,688 Good cop, hot cop. 445 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,491 Thank you. 446 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:23,796 Aw. Somebody else doesn't believe in bras, either. 447 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,536 (exhausted groans) 448 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,638 (panting) 449 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,673 (exhales) 450 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:37,844 Wow. I've never celebrated getting an "A" like that. 451 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,247 If I had this kind of motivation in high school, 452 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,181 I wouldn't have dropped out. 453 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,553 You done with the sheets? I'm doing whites. 454 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,854 Mom! Are you kidding me? 455 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,956 You must be Cooper. I'm Mrs. Plunkett. 456 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,658 Hi. Is that 457 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,993 your Ford Fusion out front? I hear they get good mileage. 458 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,328 Not bad. 459 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,364 Okay, now you've seen him. Go. 460 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,831 Yeah, yeah, I'm going. 461 00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,866 Hey, Mom? 462 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,569 Mind making us pancakes? 463 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,904 Pancakes? I'm not even really doing laundry.