1
00:00:03,236 --> 00:00:05,372
Can I just say

2
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,708
what a miracle
duct tape is?

3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:10,110
It is literally holding
this building together.

4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,081
Why do you even bother
with that toolbox?

5
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:16,684
Well, 'cause I need scissors
to cut the tape.

6
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,119
What are you doing?

7
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,321
Filling out law school
applications.

8
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,957
Stanford? Oh, honey.

9
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,358
This is you thinking
you had a shot

10
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,728
with Matt Dillon
all over again.

11
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:31,131
Hey, we had some serious
eye contact at the supermarket.

12
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,901
He was memorizing your face
for the police report.

13
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,872
Well, I'm not actually
applying to Stanford.

14
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,708
I just picked up the brochure

15
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,976
to make the other applications
nervous.

16
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,712
Well, why not send it in?

17
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,013
Maybe they have a quota

18
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,115
for bitter, lonely,
middle-aged alcoholics.

19
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:50,684
We can hope.

20
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,989
But meanwhile, each application
ends up costing like $200.

21
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:58,458
And everyone applies to at least
three or four schools.

22
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:00,789
Oh.
"Oh"?

23
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,030
What's that supposed to mean?
I shouldn't apply to law school?

24
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,098
I'm not gonna get anywhere,
so why even bother?

25
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,501
All I said was, "Oh."

26
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:08,936
Sometimes I forget
how much craziness

27
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,871
you're lugging around
in that coconut.

28
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,773
Ugh.

29
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,141
(sighs)

30
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,976
I'm sorry.

31
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,210
This is stressful.

32
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:20,514
Maybe I should just pick one
school and pray I get accepted.

33
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,549
Oh, come on.

34
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,650
This is your future.

35
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:23,951
Don't cheap out.

36
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,119
We'll just cut back
on some extravagances.

37
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,288
What extravagances?

38
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:32,593
Yesterday I had to sew a poorly
located hole in my underwear.

39
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,094
Well...

40
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,597
okay, how about those
fancy crackers you buy?

41
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:40,668
Again, Ritz Crackers
are not fancy.

42
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,903
You're just fooled by the name.

43
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,773
Well, there's got
to be something.

44
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,040
What's our biggest bill?

45
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,777
Probably cable and Internet.

46
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,580
We're not stealing cable?
What has happened to us?

47
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:56,116
We became better people
and that's very expensive.

48
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,787
Okay, well, let's give up cable
and Internet for a few months.

49
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,321
Really?

50
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:04,858
You'd do that for me?

51
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,260
Thanks.

52
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,196
Now I can apply
to all of them.

53
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,330
Oh.

54
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,565
Even Stanford?

55
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,966
Ugh. I don't think so.

56
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,569
Why set myself up
for getting my heart broken?

57
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,638
(sighs) Well, if
you change your mind

58
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,306
and your heart does break,

59
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:22,175
duct tape.

60
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,745
♪♪

61
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,361
I'm just saying,
I've now given up pot,

62
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,895
pills, cocaine, alcohol

63
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,365
and most illegal activities,

64
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:47,868
but nothing has kicked my ass
like quitting the Internet.

65
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,603
No Facebook. No Twitter.

66
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:50,704
Ugh.

67
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,807
My 36 followers are
probably worried sick about me.

68
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:57,678
But que sera.

69
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,447
I'm doing this
for my daughter

70
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,549
because sobriety
has transformed me

71
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:04,084
into a thoughtful, generous,
deeply empathic being.

72
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,719
Not to mention humble.

73
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:08,356
I was too humble to say it,
so thank you.

74
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,658
Thank you all.

75
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,928
Would anyone else
like to share?

76
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,464
I'll go.

77
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,965
Hi, I'm Natasha and
I'm an alcoholic.

78
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,533
ALL:
Hi, Natasha.

79
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,935
I got to tell you guys,
since I started

80
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:25,473
taking sobriety seriously,
great things keep happening.

81
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,807
I got a job.

82
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,842
I got an apartment.

83
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,711
I got my daughter back.

84
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,780
And then last night,
I met this guy,

85
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,982
and I told him I'm a songwriter,
and guess what.

86
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,951
It turns out he's a big deal
in the music business

87
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,019
and wants to help me.

88
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,588
How unbelievable is that?

89
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,524
Entirely unbelievable.

90
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,426
Anyway, he says he's gonna
listen to my demo

91
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,427
and get right back to me.

92
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,895
She can't be this naive.

93
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,598
And if he likes it,
he's gonna fly me down to L.A.

94
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,099
for the weekend
to lay down some tracks.

95
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,702
Something's gonna get laid
down, but it ain't tracks.

96
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,571
I get it.
You're skeptical.

97
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,074
Without Internet,
it's like

98
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,944
I'm much more aware
of the people around me

99
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,112
and I must say,

100
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,448
I don't like it.

101
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:12,986
On behalf of the people around
you, right back at you.

102
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:16,089
I'm worried about Jill.

103
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,691
Has anyone heard from her?

104
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,027
I texted her to see if she was
going to the meeting today,

105
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,429
but she said she was busy.

106
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,496
She blew me off, too.

107
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,697
Well, that doesn't
prove anything.

108
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,600
Ever since Emily moved back
with Natasha,

109
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,968
Jill hasn't been herself.

110
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:31,839
Are you referring to the
800 pounds she's packed on?

111
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:32,806
Don't be mean.

112
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,843
It's not mean when I
say it behind her back.

113
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,711
Wendy, would you rather
I say horrible things

114
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:38,946
to you or behind your back?

115
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,014
I'd rather you didn't
say anything.

116
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:44,184
Come on. Pick one, stupid.

117
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,653
Behind my back.

118
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,721
MARJORIE:
Ladies.

119
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,824
A friend of ours is
in a tough situation

120
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:54,562
and we have to be patient,
caring and supportive.

121
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,631
Oh, dear Lord.

122
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:05,105
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis
has entered the building.

123
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,974
Hey, hey.
(laughs)

124
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,509
What do you think?

125
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:12,045
(all groaning nervously)

126
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,914
Very striking.

127
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:14,815
Thank you.

128
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,150
Is this why you couldn't
make the meeting?

129
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,919
Yeah, but it's okay.

130
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,521
All the stuff I would've said
in the meeting,

131
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,590
I said to my stylist.

132
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,224
It's not the same thing.

133
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,593
Tell me about it.

134
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,794
Weird to talk about yourself

135
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,730
and no one claps
when you're done.

136
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,699
Jill, you need to keep
going to meetings.

137
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,067
I know, but I thought
since I got sober,

138
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,136
my life's supposed
to get bigger and bigger.

139
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,138
Don't.

140
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,777
(sighs)

141
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,514
You know, I can't
remember the last time

142
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,716
I read something
printed on paper.

143
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,217
It's weird, right?
Yeah.

144
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,553
I keep trying to make it bigger,
but nothing happens.

145
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,523
Well, I'm enjoying
being unplugged.

146
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,090
No more friends on Facebook

147
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,593
rubbing my nose in
their fancy vacations.

148
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:00,828
Oh, I know.

149
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,029
Then you think about
driving to their house,

150
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,997
breaking in and
stealing all their stuff.

151
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,201
No?

152
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,603
No.

153
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:13,607
Ooh, be right back.

154
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,809
Holy crap.

155
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,246
She's the one who stole my iPod
when I went to Reno.

156
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,181
Oh, hey there,
Beverly.

157
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,517
No chitchat till my hall
light stops flickering.

158
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,918
Consider it done.

159
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:26,954
Hey, while I got you, I need
to update tenant information

160
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,789
for the building owners.
What do you need?

161
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,057
Oh, the usual, you know.

162
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,792
Your mother's maiden name,
street you grew up on,

163
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,627
name of your first pet,
stuff like that.

164
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,062
Why would they need that?

165
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,297
Why do they need first
and last month's rent?

166
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,732
It's all nonsense to me.

167
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,101
I get it.

168
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,036
You're trying to crack
my Wi-Fi password.

169
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,672
(laughing)

170
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,710
Beverly, you were probably
the funniest kid

171
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,880
in your elementary school,
which was...?

172
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,115
Fine. You want to
play this game?

173
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,618
My mother's maiden
name is Bautista;

174
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,319
I grew up on Front Street,

175
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,555
and my cat was named Rascal.

176
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,123
You still won't
figure it out.

177
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,958
Oh, come on.

178
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,226
Beverly, you're acting crazy.

179
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,897
(under breath): Bautista, Front,
Rascal, Bautista, Front, Rascal.

180
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:15,869
"In closing, as the neglected
child of a transgender woman,

181
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:19,306
"I think I can bring
a unique perspective

182
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:22,075
to the University of Idaho."

183
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,678
Ah, that ought to put me
on top of the pile.

184
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:25,946
(knock on door)

185
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,048
Hey, you got a minute?

186
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,719
Not really, but we both know
you're coming in anyway.

187
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,287
Okay. So, the guy I met,

188
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,689
his name is Teddy Blumenthal,

189
00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:36,990
but everybody calls him Dr. Ted

190
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,358
'cause he's a big deal
in the music business

191
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,661
and he played a doctor
on a soap opera once.

192
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,295
Anyway,

193
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:44,798
he really liked my demo and
he wants to fly me down to L.A.

194
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,000
Stop.
What?

195
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,235
Sit.

196
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,906
Natasha, I'm
the last person

197
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,742
who wants to crush
anybody's dreams,

198
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:59,212
but this "Dr. Ted" isn't
who you think he is.

199
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,181
Most likely he just
wants to sleep with you.

200
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,984
No, no, I specifically asked him
about that.

201
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,953
He said he didn't.

202
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,155
Yeah, they say that.

203
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,222
Next thing you know,

204
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,091
he's got his hand
down your pants

205
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,628
in the bathroom
at a Chili's.

206
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,196
Why is it so hard for you

207
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,798
to believe that
I'm a good songwriter

208
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,966
and this guy
just wants to help me?

209
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,034
Because men don't
just help women.

210
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,970
Have you never
watched Dateline?

211
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,639
I should've known
you were gonna be like this.

212
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:28,408
You don't want anybody to
succeed 'cause your life sucks.

213
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,110
Hey.

214
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:33,080
I am one step away from
getting into law school

215
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,183
at the University of
the Yucatán Peninsula.

216
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,985
And if you didn't want
my honest opinion,

217
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,352
why'd you come over here?

218
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,155
'Cause I'm terrified and I
thought my friend and sponsor

219
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,924
might give me
a little support.

220
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,258
And I need to borrow
a roller bag.

221
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,360
Yeah, well, I don't
have a roller bag.

222
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,163
Of course you don't 'cause
you ain't going nowhere.

223
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,402
Oh, God.

224
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,405
Why am I tormented
by these giant women?

225
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,214
Hey, what are
we watching?

226
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,252
Dancing with the Stars.

227
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,687
Oh, good.

228
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:18,358
Wish they could open
their curtains a little more.

229
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,828
Who is that dancing?

230
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,663
I think it's
Greta Van Susteren.

231
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,100
Maybe Owen Wilson?

232
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,172
You think I'm being
too hard on Natasha?

233
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,142
Let me think
about it. Yes.

234
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:37,110
I didn't mean
to discourage her.

235
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,412
I just don't want her
to get hurt.
I get it.

236
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,281
But you got to remember,

237
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:44,051
pain and suffering is what
makes people interesting.

238
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:47,888
(cell phone chimes)

239
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,723
Well...

240
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,024
Oh.

241
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,425
Speaking of which...
What?

242
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,295
Jill is having a meltdown
at Neiman Marcus.

243
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,998
See? Everything about
that's interesting.

244
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,000
I'll get the keys.

245
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,272
Hey, what do you know?
It wasn't Greta or Owen.

246
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:08,008
It was the kid from Hanson.

247
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,444
Oh, hi.

248
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:14,882
Uh, we're looking
for our friend, Jill Kendall.

249
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,149
She shops here a lot.

250
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:18,218
A lot of women shop here a lot.

251
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,753
Big girl,
might be weeping.

252
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,088
Room four.

253
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,460
Jill, you in there?

254
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,929
JILL:
Yeah.

255
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,363
Can we come in?

256
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:31,398
Okay.

257
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,402
(crying)

258
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,242
What's going on?

259
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,244
I've been shopping here
for 20 years,

260
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,813
and now nothing fits.

261
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:50,217
Well, maybe you just need
a bigger size.

262
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,220
There are no bigger sizes.

263
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,555
Even the socks
are a little snug.

264
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,124
(crying)

265
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,794
Jill, there are other stores
we could take you to.

266
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,029
Yeah, how about Target?

267
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,264
Target?

268
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:07,000
Why do you hate me?

269
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,402
We don't hate you,
we love you.

270
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:12,272
If you loved me,
you would've said something

271
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:15,809
before I turned into... this.

272
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,511
We assumed you knew.

273
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,814
Yeah, and we thought
you were okay with it.

274
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:21,982
You were always bragging about

275
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,550
how you were picking up
all these guys.

276
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,853
I lied.

277
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:30,023
The only men in my life were
Little Caesar and Papa John.

278
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,591
(knock on door)

279
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,193
SALESWOMAN: Ladies,
everything okay in there?

280
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,828
Can I get you
some champagne?

281
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,831
We can't have any champagne
because we love our sobriety

282
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,834
and our lives are
finally on track!

283
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,306
Jill, honey,

284
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,276
the program isn't just about
meetings and bad coffee.

285
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,178
You also have to
do the work.

286
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,446
You know, you
have to dig down,

287
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,879
try to discover the reasons
you do what you do.

288
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,986
I know.

289
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,855
I just don't want to.

290
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:06,326
You guys know she's got
a soft serve machine back there?

291
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,557
Nothing like soft serve
to make you happy.

292
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,564
Mom, please, not the time.

293
00:12:10,598 --> 00:12:12,199
Sorry. Want a lick?

294
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,867
A quick one.

295
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,238
Jill, you've got
a hole inside.

296
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,608
You've had it
your entire life.

297
00:12:20,641 --> 00:12:24,878
You tried to fill it with
drugs and alcohol, sex...

298
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,980
And an ice cream machine.

299
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,116
What? It had to
have played a role.

300
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,920
But there's nothing

301
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,188
that you can buy or
eat or sleep with

302
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:38,258
that's gonna fix
the real problem.

303
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:42,863
Well, all I know is
I got to do something different

304
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,265
because what I've been doing
sure ain't working.

305
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,234
That's a good start.

306
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,872
I think I'm gonna get me
one of those.

307
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,575
The middle handle
makes it a swirly.

308
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,544
I worked
at a Dairy Queen.

309
00:12:58,646 --> 00:13:00,514
Odd thing to be smug about.

310
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,458
Hey.
Hey.

311
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,526
I brought you
an apology pizza.

312
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,396
My mom took a slice
when I wasn't looking,

313
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,132
so I guess
two apologies.

314
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,935
Come on in.

315
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,605
So, how'd it go in L.A.?

316
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,907
The truth?

317
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,241
Bring it.

318
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,178
It was fantastic!
You were so wrong.

319
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,380
Really?

320
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,983
Completely, totally,
embarrassingly wrong.

321
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:40,353
Here, look, Dr. Ted
sold one of my songs.

322
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,122
This is an advance.

323
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,258
He told me my
prognosis was famous.

324
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,428
This is just
for one song?

325
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,932
And you weren't
at any point naked?

326
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,034
Ooh, that's another thing
you were wrong about.

327
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,502
Dr. Ted, super gay.

328
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,338
Like, "lots of young guys
around his pool" gay.

329
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,540
You sure he wasn't just
pretending to be gay

330
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,209
so he could
get you into bed?

331
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,944
Oh, that doesn't
work on me anymore.

332
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,115
So it all worked out?

333
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,150
It did, and Emily
loved it there.

334
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,286
I mean, she got an epic sunburn
and looks like a Jolly Rancher,

335
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,223
but she's excited about moving.

336
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,291
Wait, you're moving?

337
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,928
Yeah, we're gonna
give L.A. a try.

338
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:24,431
Uh, Natasha, that...

339
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,367
that's wonderful.

340
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,402
Your dreams are
really coming true.

341
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,371
Well, isn't that why
you have dreams?

342
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,043
(sighs)
Damn it.

343
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,010
What?

344
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:40,247
Thanks to you,
I have to apply to Stanford.

345
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:43,683
Stanford?

346
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,153
That's a really hard school
to get into, isn't it?

347
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,955
What are you saying?

348
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,657
Well, I just don't want
your feelings to get hurt

349
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,226
if they don't--
Oh, my God, I get it!

350
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,694
That's what you
were doing to me.

351
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,965
You only seem like a bitch
'cause you love me.

352
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,700
Yeah, well, that's all
I was trying to...

353
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,671
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
My creative juices are flowing.

354
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,507
♪ You only seem like
a bitch 'cause you love me  ♪

355
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,044
♪  You only seem like
a bitch 'cause you care ♪

356
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:14,581
♪ You only seem like
a bitch 'cause you love me  ♪

357
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,018
♪ With your big eyes and
your stringy blonde hair. ♪

358
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,989
Don't worry, that's
not about you.

359
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,993
Ooh, I got to
write that down.

360
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:32,432
(laughing)

361
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,735
She gonna join us
at some point?

362
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,405
Not as long as
the Wi-Fi here works.

363
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,607
Give her a Ziploc full of
Cheerios and a juice box,

364
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,309
she's a happy
three-year-old.

365
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,178
Damn it.
What?

366
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:48,415
Jill's Skyping during
my Game of Thrones binge.

367
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,284
You're laughing out loud
at Game of Thrones?

368
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:54,254
Yeah, reminds me of high school.

369
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,323
Oh, good, you're all there.

370
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,424
Where are you?

371
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,160
I'm in a limousine just outside
of Tucson, Arizona.

372
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:05,465
Oh, I love Arizona. They sell
fireworks in grocery stores.

373
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,534
So, the other night,
after y'all left,

374
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,003
I did something
Marjorie told me to do.

375
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,672
I sat quietly and I tried
to meditate.

376
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,774
Next thing I knew,
I was sobbing.

377
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,744
I'm talking
uncontrollable sobbing.

378
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,147
I don't know if that's
a normal part of meditating,

379
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,415
but it caught me by surprise.

380
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,284
Why didn't you
call one of us?

381
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,753
Oh, 'cause it was a good thing.

382
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,557
Feel like I cried over all the
stuff I've done to hurt myself.

383
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,526
All the drinking,
all the men, all the drugs.

384
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,096
Now it's food.

385
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:40,367
All 'cause I don't want
to face my feelings.

386
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,469
(distorted):
It's time for me to do...

387
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,505
No, no, no.
Don't freeze. Don't freeze.

388
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,474
What are you doing?
It's not an Etch A Sketch.

389
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,178
That's what I'm gonna do.
What do you think?

390
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,049
Terrific.
Great!
Proud of you.

391
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:59,186
So, I'm hoping
while I'm at the spa,

392
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,521
I can fix that hole in myself.

393
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,490
They do classes
on mindfulness and stuff

394
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:07,094
to open up your chakras.
It's real spiritual.

395
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,130
On the last day,
you get to talk to a horse.

396
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,801
Anyway, the next time
you see me,

397
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,403
(distorted):
I'm gonna be...

398
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:20,240
You'll be what?
A redhead? A juggler?

399
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,209
Married to the horse?

400
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,111
Maybe just smile and wave.

401
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,245
Bye, Jill.

402
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,580
Bring back
some Roman candles.

403
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,784
Sounds like she'll
be gone a while.

404
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,087
Well, I'm glad she's
taking care of herself.

405
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,122
Yeah.

406
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,857
Hey, you remember
the security code for her house?

407
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,760
I do.
You thinking what I'm thinking?

408
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,695
Soft serve and a dip
in the pool?

409
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,066
Check, please.

410
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,538
Oh, God, Jill's not here.
Who's gonna pay?

411
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,819
Impressive.
How'd you do that?

412
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,556
I hate to admit it, but Wendy
showed me some tricks.

413
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,225
You look sad.

414
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,693
I kind of am.

415
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,663
See? You're in pain,
and now I'm interested.

416
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:19,299
What's going on?

417
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,502
I feel like applying to Stanford
was a huge mistake.

418
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,237
Why?
(sighs)

419
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,774
Now I'll be tortured for months
waiting to find out if I got in.

420
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,743
If I didn't, I'll be crushed.

421
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,479
And if I did, holy crap.

422
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,147
I'll have to go to Stanford.

423
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:37,917
Can... can we pause a second
and compare your life today

424
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,387
to where you were
five years ago?

425
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,854
Your biggest problem used to be

426
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:45,692
how to give a satisfying
lap dance to a fat guy.

427
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,863
And now, you know,
here you are worried

428
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,600
about getting into one of
the best schools in the country.

429
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,535
You're right.

430
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,704
Look at me with
my classy problems.

431
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:02,375
Whatever happens, I'm just
proud of you for applying.

432
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,578
Thanks, Mom.

433
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:09,182
(laughing)

434
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:09,816
What?

435
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,151
(laughing):
Nothing.

436
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,755
Just you going to Stanford.

437
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,825
It's funny.

438
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,794
Hey, why don't you apply
to Harvard while you're at it?

439
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,930
(mocking laughter)

440
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:24,931
Oh...

441
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:28,396
Oh, uh, hey, could I see that
for a second?

442
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,070
Yeah.
Thanks.

443
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,605
Oh!

444
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,378
Looks like a job for duct tape!