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Previously on Mom...
I was thinking I could stay
2
00:00:03,805 --> 00:00:06,775
an extra night for the express
purpose of taking you out.
3
00:00:06,808 --> 00:00:08,276
I'd really like that.
Oh, great.
4
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,945
Are you kidding me? You can't
go out with Adam's brother.
5
00:00:10,979 --> 00:00:13,948
And yet I've got my good bra on
and I'm headed out the door.
6
00:00:13,982 --> 00:00:16,050
Yeah, but I actually
have to get back home tomorrow.
7
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,852
I'm gonna miss you.
8
00:00:17,886 --> 00:00:21,122
You think we should try
the long-distance thing?
9
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,024
I'm game.
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:27,361
But while I've got you here...
(chuckles)
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You ready for
your coffee, babe?
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No, thanks.
13
00:00:34,803 --> 00:00:36,470
Starting today,
I am giving it up.
14
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,072
Seriously?
15
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Coffee is your only
source of water.
16
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,944
When did water
become such a big thing?
17
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,014
Isn't it enough
that I bathe in it?
18
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,049
Where did all this come from?
19
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I read it on Facebook.
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"Five Things You Should Give Up
for a Happier Life."
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Was number one Facebook?
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(groans) Hey, how come you guys
didn't wake me up for school?
23
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'Cause you're not seven.
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I wish I was.
I liked living alone.
25
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,532
You want a bagel?
26
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,901
Thanks, but all I need
is coffee.
27
00:01:06,935 --> 00:01:09,938
How sad to be so dependent.
I remember those days.
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She gave up coffee
30 seconds ago.
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Good for you.
30
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You're a dead man.
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(chuckles):
She's just kidding.
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Help me.
33
00:01:20,849 --> 00:01:21,950
(phone chimes)
34
00:01:21,983 --> 00:01:23,584
Oh, damn.
35
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,987
I just missed another
phone call from Patrick.
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00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:28,923
How does this happen? I was
holding my phone in my hand.
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Why do you hate love?
38
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Why don't you stop
playing phone tag
39
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and just drive down
to Santa Cruz to see him?
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When? We have
totally opposite schedules.
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00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,368
Relationships are torture.
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Like waterboarding with sex.
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That's the sort of comment
that used to bother me
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when I was under the thumb
of the brown god.
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This long-distance thing
is just so frustrating.
46
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,953
I'm not sure Patrick and I
can make it work.
47
00:01:58,987 --> 00:02:02,190
For what it's worth,
I hope you guys figure it out.
48
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,391
(phone chimes)
49
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,895
Oh, my God,
I just missed his call again!
50
00:02:06,928 --> 00:02:08,529
How, how, how?!
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00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,064
(groans)
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I'll see ya later.
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00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,936
Boy, I do not miss dating,
you know what I mean?
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Take a sip of your coffee
and kiss me.
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00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,880
Hey, Patrick, sorry I missed
your call, yet again.
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00:02:25,914 --> 00:02:27,148
I dropped my phone
in the fountain
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in front of the library.
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00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,118
I was making a wish.
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00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,153
Actually, I was wishing
you would call me.
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00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,587
Ironic, right?
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00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,189
Is it ironic?
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00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,058
That's a word I should
probably stay away from
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until I figure out
what it really means.
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00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:43,064
Anyway, my phone
still works, so...
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00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:46,234
hit me back, as the kids say.
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00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,969
Yikes.
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00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:51,072
Oh, by the way, this is Christy.
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00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:53,441
(groans) Who should've stopped
at "Sorry I missed your call."
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00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:56,510
Excuse me.
70
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,247
Don't I know you from
that time we slept together?
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00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,049
Hi, Cooper.
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Sorry, I've been meaning
to catch up with you.
73
00:03:03,084 --> 00:03:05,253
Oh, now's your chance.
You mind if I sit?
74
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:08,289
Kind of a bad time;
I-I really got to study.
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Got it. I won't say a word.
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(clears throat)
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Mm.
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Mm.
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(French accent):
"Bonjour.
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You are the hottest girl
in the student center."
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00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,449
Cooper, seriously?
82
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:38,186
(normal voice): It's not me.
He has a mind of his own.
83
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,221
(French accent): "And I cannot
get you off of it."
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00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,056
Very funny.
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00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:45,193
"I am not trying to be funny,
I am trying to be sexy.
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00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,394
(chuckles):
Hon, hon, hon."
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00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,229
By being lame?
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"Oh, that depends.
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00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:52,133
Is it working,
mon petit ketchup packet?"
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(panting)
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"That was fantastique."
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It worked; knock it off.
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♪♪
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Hey.
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00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,375
Oh, geez, you scared me!
96
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,444
I thought you gave up coffee.
97
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My head is pounding,
my colon's in gridlock,
98
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:43,384
and I winged a butter plate at
Adam, so I'm back on the bean.
99
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,019
Yeah, yeah, good for you.
100
00:04:45,053 --> 00:04:46,454
I had sex with Cooper.
101
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,257
I'm sorry, what?
102
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I know. I feel so guilty.
103
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,360
Why?
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Because I'm seeing someone.
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00:04:54,162 --> 00:04:57,165
Patrick? Oh, come on,
you haven't even slept with him.
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Believe me, I want to,
107
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:01,903
but our genitals are never
in the same ZIP Code.
108
00:05:01,936 --> 00:05:04,105
And that's not gonna change
anytime soon,
109
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,940
so you're free to do
whatever you want.
110
00:05:05,974 --> 00:05:09,110
It's like prison.
Nobody's married, nobody's gay.
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00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,082
Whoa, Mom.
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You actually made me
feel better.
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Thank you.
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You act like it's the first--
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You're welcome.
116
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Ugh, please
don't tell Adam.
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00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,928
Why would I tell him
you're cheating on his brother?
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00:05:26,961 --> 00:05:29,563
He would see it that way.
I don't. Keep hugging.
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(sighs):
Ah...
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You never know how much you love
something until you give it up.
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You realize you're talking
to a table full of addicts?
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I don't see the connection.
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So, Christy,
I'm confused.
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At your age,
it's only gonna get worse.
125
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:54,989
Are you and Cooper dating again?
126
00:05:55,023 --> 00:05:58,326
No. It was just
a one-time thing.
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00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:01,162
Well, a two-time thing.
128
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I swung by on the way over here.
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00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,233
Oh, look at you having it all.
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If you get a bladder infection,
I'm gonna be so proud.
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So you like this boy.
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00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:13,374
No, I like Patrick.
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00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,243
I'm just having fun with Cooper.
134
00:06:15,276 --> 00:06:18,512
Be careful, with your bladder
and your heart.
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(blows raspberries)
136
00:06:22,984 --> 00:06:24,185
I'm fine.
137
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,587
Guys do this stuff all the time.
Why can't I?
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Because you can't be intimate
without getting attached.
139
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Just 'cause I'm sober?
140
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,494
No, because you're you.
141
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,496
I can do it, Bonnie can do it...
142
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:39,067
Can do it blindfolded, and have.
143
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,069
I'm doing it right now.
144
00:06:41,102 --> 00:06:44,372
He's an anesthesiologist.
I feel nothing.
145
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,274
I'm sure
he doesn't either.
146
00:06:48,977 --> 00:06:52,280
(TV playing quietly)
147
00:06:52,313 --> 00:06:53,347
(turns off TV)
148
00:06:53,381 --> 00:06:55,416
Where you headed?
Cooper's.
149
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,517
Dressed like that?
150
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,619
That's the beauty
of this thing.
151
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,323
It requires
virtually no effort.
152
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:03,691
I text two words:
"You up?"
153
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,227
And bam, it's on.
154
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:10,264
One time it auto-corrected to
"Soup?" but it still happened.
155
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,667
Hey, where you off to?
156
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:17,305
Uh... to the store.
157
00:07:17,338 --> 00:07:20,174
Not the close one, the one
across town with the olive bar.
158
00:07:20,208 --> 00:07:21,475
God, I love olives.
159
00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:24,712
Anyway, I might be a while.
160
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,981
Would you mind
picking up some coffee?
161
00:07:27,015 --> 00:07:29,217
Your mom's blowing through
a bag a day.
162
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Sure.
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00:07:32,353 --> 00:07:33,621
BONNIE:
Well, as long as
164
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you're going... to the store...
165
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,061
...could you pick up some soup?
166
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:46,034
Everybody loves
a nice, hot, sexy bowl of soup.
167
00:07:47,368 --> 00:07:49,203
Yeah, soup would be great.
168
00:07:49,237 --> 00:07:52,406
Got it.
169
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,475
Coffee and soup.
170
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,177
She's the best.
171
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:58,412
My brother does
not deserve her.
172
00:07:58,446 --> 00:07:59,380
Aw, that's sweet.
173
00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:01,082
You should've told her that
before she left.
174
00:08:05,153 --> 00:08:08,289
(both panting)
175
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,424
Oh, my God, it gets better
every time.
176
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:12,793
(sighs) Sure does.
177
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,362
I got to go.
178
00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:15,663
Wait. Wait.
179
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:18,299
Why are you always in
such a hurry to leave?
180
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:21,435
Well, I'm busy, you're busy.
181
00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:23,037
Busy, busy, busy.
182
00:08:23,071 --> 00:08:25,473
Yeah, but this is
working, right?
183
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,475
Works for me.
184
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,110
I'm free Tuesday at 5:00,
185
00:08:29,143 --> 00:08:31,412
as long as I'm back
in my car by 20 after.
186
00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,414
Christy, come on.
187
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:36,217
This isn't just
hooking up anymore.
188
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,119
It isn't?
189
00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:39,420
No.
190
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:43,057
I am totally falling
in love with you.
191
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,469
Yup.
192
00:08:55,503 --> 00:08:59,573
♪ Falling in
love with you. ♪
193
00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:03,844
But you're
a 24-year-old guy.
194
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,447
24-year-old guys
don't fall in love.
195
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,717
My mom says
I'm an old soul.
196
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:13,254
Well, I am
a much older soul.
197
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:15,789
And I have a lot of baggage.
198
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,658
Lots and lots of baggage.
199
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,161
Then let me help
you carry it.
200
00:09:20,194 --> 00:09:22,196
Holy cow.
201
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:30,204
Cooper, look, I just don't have
the same feelings for you.
202
00:09:30,238 --> 00:09:33,441
Oh.
203
00:09:33,474 --> 00:09:35,176
Well, now I'm a
little embarrassed.
204
00:09:35,209 --> 00:09:37,811
I booped your nose
and everything.
205
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,648
I thought we were just
gonna keep it casual,
206
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,650
you know,
having a good time.
207
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:45,153
You mean just sex?
208
00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:46,854
Exactly.
209
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,257
I assumed we were
on the same page.
210
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:52,693
Well, we were not.
211
00:09:57,498 --> 00:10:01,702
So, just to be clear,
Tuesday at 5:00 not happening?
212
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,776
Bonnie, Bonnie,
wake up. Bonnie.
213
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,611
It's sleepy time.
214
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,446
I'll throw you one
in the morning.
215
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,648
Bonnie. Bonnie.
216
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,551
Okay, fine, but it's not
gonna be the Fourth of July.
217
00:10:17,585 --> 00:10:19,320
I don't want to have sex.
218
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,622
Why not?
What's wrong with me?
219
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,258
I'm worried about Christy; she
never came home from the store.
220
00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:25,559
Oh.
221
00:10:25,593 --> 00:10:26,627
Yeah.
222
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,630
Well, she takes forever.
223
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:33,301
She walks down every aisle,
she talks to people,
224
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,336
then she has to find
someone tall
225
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:37,305
to get stuff off the top shelf.
It's a circus.
226
00:10:37,338 --> 00:10:40,574
Why am I more worried
about your kid than you are?
227
00:10:40,608 --> 00:10:44,578
God, now you sound like
the lady from Child Services.
228
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:47,348
What if she got in an accident?
I think you're overreacting.
229
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,317
I think you're underreacting.
I'm gonna call the police.
230
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,751
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
231
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,887
Plunkett family rule number one:
no cops, ever.
232
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,856
What is wrong with you?
233
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,292
You know what? You're right.
234
00:10:58,326 --> 00:11:00,494
I'm gonna text her.
235
00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:02,363
Oh. (chuckles)
She actually texted me.
236
00:11:04,632 --> 00:11:07,735
Uh, "Ran into Wendy.
She's having a crisis.
237
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,903
What else is new?
Be home late."
238
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,940
Huh. Well, that made me horny.
How 'bout you?
239
00:11:15,243 --> 00:11:17,245
(sportscast playing over TV)
240
00:11:19,313 --> 00:11:22,683
Oh, hey, you're still up.
241
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,785
Yeah. How's Wendy?
(turns TV off)
242
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,320
Wendy?
243
00:11:26,354 --> 00:11:28,356
Yeah, your mom said
she was having a crisis.
244
00:11:28,389 --> 00:11:31,592
Oh, yes. Wendy's crisis.
245
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,262
(sighs) So bad.
246
00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:37,698
We ate your soup
and drank your coffee.
247
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:43,671
Sorry to hear that.
What's wrong?
248
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,939
Ugh, I can't really
talk about it.
249
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,342
It's an A.A. thing.
It's a lady thing.
250
00:11:48,376 --> 00:11:50,244
It's an A.A. lady thing.
251
00:11:50,278 --> 00:11:51,712
Got it.
252
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,714
Well, glad you
made it home safe.
253
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,316
I was a little worried.
254
00:11:55,349 --> 00:11:57,851
Oh.
255
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,453
Thanks.
256
00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:00,854
Night.
257
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,323
Night.
258
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,858
(turns TV on)
259
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,360
(whispers):
Oh, damn it.
260
00:12:06,394 --> 00:12:08,829
(turns TV off)
261
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,966
Adam, I lied.
262
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,636
I wasn't with Wendy.
263
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:17,305
I was with a guy.
264
00:12:17,338 --> 00:12:19,440
A guy?
265
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:21,875
A guy who isn't your brother.
266
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:25,279
Oh.
267
00:12:27,315 --> 00:12:29,450
Yeah, I've been seeing Patrick,
268
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:32,453
but I've also been
doing this other thing, and...
269
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,791
...I guess
I'm kind of embarrassed.
270
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,395
Okay.
271
00:12:41,429 --> 00:12:46,334
Well, um, not proud of it,
but...
272
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,503
there's a part of me that's...
273
00:12:49,537 --> 00:12:51,939
kind of laughing at my brother
right now.
274
00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:56,744
Tempted to call him up
and rub his nose in it. (laughs)
275
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,346
You can't.
276
00:12:58,379 --> 00:12:59,380
I won't. I-I won't.
277
00:12:59,413 --> 00:13:01,749
Good, 'cause I really like him.
278
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,852
(sighs)
279
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,554
I made a mess, didn't I?
280
00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:09,390
Like a dog after he ate
a can of chili.
281
00:13:09,423 --> 00:13:11,392
My dog did that once.
282
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:13,427
We had to burn
the carpet...
283
00:13:17,565 --> 00:13:19,900
I hope you don't think
less of me.
284
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:25,406
Christy, your life is your life,
but I got to tell you,
285
00:13:25,439 --> 00:13:27,575
all this lying and
sneaking around,
286
00:13:27,608 --> 00:13:29,076
it doesn't
sound like you.
287
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,611
Sounds more
like your mom.
288
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:34,615
Oh, my God, that's the
worst thing you could say.
289
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:37,751
I'm sorry. I just mean
you're better than she is.
290
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,489
She knows. I told her.
291
00:13:41,522 --> 00:13:44,858
So...
292
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:47,928
who is this guy
who's not my brother?
293
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:51,665
Just someone
from school.
294
00:13:51,699 --> 00:13:54,302
It was supposed
to be casual.
295
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:56,304
My attempt
at being a dude.
296
00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:59,440
But then he went and screwed it
up by having feelings for me.
297
00:13:59,473 --> 00:14:01,942
Hold on. Did you set
up the ground rules?
298
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,512
No, I just assumed
we were on the same page.
299
00:14:04,545 --> 00:14:06,280
Ooh, rookie mistake.
300
00:14:06,314 --> 00:14:08,716
Listen, if you're
gonna act like a dude,
301
00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,551
you got to set
up the rules.
302
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:13,587
You got to say things like "I'm
not looking for a relationship,
303
00:14:13,621 --> 00:14:15,389
"I'm not built for
a relationship,
304
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:18,626
I'm not a relationship kind of
guy," that type of nonsense.
305
00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:21,729
Oh, you're right.
306
00:14:21,762 --> 00:14:23,931
Guys do say that.
307
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,300
Guess I never really heard it
because at that point
308
00:14:26,334 --> 00:14:27,868
I'm always thinking,
"I can change you,
309
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,665
I can change you,
I can change you."
310
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:33,507
When will women learn
they can't change men?
311
00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:37,711
Says the man who put a ring
on my mom's finger
312
00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,580
and now listens to Adele.
313
00:14:41,649 --> 00:14:43,384
Son of a bitch.
314
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,822
Okay, how does
this sound?
315
00:14:48,856 --> 00:14:50,324
"Dear Cooper..."
316
00:14:50,358 --> 00:14:51,492
BONNIE:
Bad.
317
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,861
It's a text,
not a letter from camp.
318
00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:56,630
Don't send anything.
319
00:14:56,664 --> 00:14:58,932
But I need him to forgive me.
320
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:01,735
How many times have
you apologized?
321
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:03,237
Four...
322
00:15:03,271 --> 00:15:05,706
teen.
323
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,608
Did you try an
Edible Arrangement?
324
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:11,512
She's apologizing for
an "edible arrangement."
325
00:15:13,281 --> 00:15:16,784
I am wasted
on all of you.
326
00:15:16,817 --> 00:15:18,719
It's horrible.
327
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,721
I can't eat, can't sleep.
328
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,790
This is what I was
worried about.
329
00:15:22,823 --> 00:15:24,258
You developed feelings.
330
00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:25,793
WENDY:
Oh, I get it.
331
00:15:25,826 --> 00:15:28,196
"Edible."
332
00:15:28,229 --> 00:15:31,365
Cooper developed
the stupid feelings.
333
00:15:31,399 --> 00:15:32,866
I was the dude.
334
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,702
If you were really the dude,
you wouldn't care.
335
00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:36,337
You would ride off
on your motorcycle
336
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,905
and go shoot pool,
maybe a bear.
337
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:41,409
I'm not even listening
to her anymore.
338
00:15:41,442 --> 00:15:43,511
Honey, you're just gonna
have to live with the fact
339
00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:45,813
that there's somebody out there
who doesn't like you.
340
00:15:45,846 --> 00:15:48,282
"Doesn't like you"?
He hates her guts.
341
00:15:48,316 --> 00:15:49,817
And FYI, he's not alone.
342
00:15:49,850 --> 00:15:51,819
MARJORIE:
I'm just saying
343
00:15:51,852 --> 00:15:54,522
that it's not fair for you
to continue hurting him
344
00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:56,257
just to make yourself
feel better.
345
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,260
She's so wise.
346
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:01,629
And yet she thought
a purple velour tracksuit
347
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:03,264
was a good idea.
348
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,333
Fine.
349
00:16:05,366 --> 00:16:06,967
I'll leave Cooper alone.
350
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,236
Good.
351
00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:10,671
Now, who else hates me?
352
00:16:10,704 --> 00:16:12,506
Greg at
the Thursday night meeting.
353
00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:14,975
Who's Greg?
354
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,677
The guy you always call Scott.
355
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:20,314
Oh, my God, Scott hates me?
356
00:16:43,704 --> 00:16:45,273
Hi.
357
00:16:45,306 --> 00:16:47,641
Oh, God, when do you graduate?
358
00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:53,314
Look, I know I already said
I was sorry,
359
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:57,318
but I just need you to know
that I'm really, really sorry.
360
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,653
I just don't get it, Christy.
361
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:02,490
I mean, it would be one thing
if there was another guy.
362
00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:04,325
Ooh, there is!
363
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,160
There's totally another guy.
364
00:17:07,228 --> 00:17:08,061
Does that help?
365
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,698
(clicks tongue)
Not as much as I hoped.
366
00:17:10,731 --> 00:17:14,668
What I mean is if I was
able to actually see him,
367
00:17:14,702 --> 00:17:17,705
I wouldn't have needed you.
368
00:17:17,738 --> 00:17:19,540
Oops, that came out
a little harsh.
369
00:17:19,573 --> 00:17:22,276
Everything you say
comes out a little harsh.
370
00:17:22,310 --> 00:17:25,679
I just mean that
it's a long-distance thing,
371
00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,948
and I was frustrated
because it was so complicated
372
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,483
and you were so easy.
373
00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:31,652
Your apology is making me
want to kill myself.
374
00:17:31,685 --> 00:17:34,855
That's not what I want.
375
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,857
Okay, then what do you want?
376
00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:41,229
I guess I want to be
with the other guy.
377
00:17:41,262 --> 00:17:42,396
Then go.
378
00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:48,302
(French accent): "Okay. Well,
perhaps you will take comfort
379
00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:51,205
"in the fact that I will die
long before you.
380
00:17:53,241 --> 00:17:54,375
Au revoir."
381
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,124
Marjorie said moderation is key,
382
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:14,862
so I'm just gonna have
one cup of coffee a day.
383
00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:16,263
I can live with that.
384
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,900
You must have been a fun drunk.
385
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:23,871
I had a small but fervent
cult following.
386
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,007
(phone chimes)
387
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,942
(sighs)
388
00:18:28,976 --> 00:18:32,045
Wow. Christy's driving down
to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.
389
00:18:32,079 --> 00:18:35,115
She said she's either gonna make
it work or get her heart broken.
390
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,350
I can't believe she's that
crazy about my brother.
391
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:39,286
He's kind of a tool.
392
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,254
We are so lucky
to have each other.
393
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,223
Yeah, we are.
And, hey, you don't ever
394
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,225
have to worry about
me cheating on you.
395
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,494
I wasn't, but go on.
396
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,262
I mean, juggling girlfriends,
397
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:52,065
trying to remember which lie
you told who, sneaking around.
398
00:18:52,099 --> 00:18:54,234
Being with you is
so much less trouble.
399
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,004
Look at you,
writing your vows already.
400
00:18:57,037 --> 00:18:58,638
No, no, you know
what I meant.
401
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,941
I do. And you know
if you ever did cheat on me,
402
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,309
I would take the wheels
off your chair
403
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,343
and leave you in the woods.
404
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,978
I do.
405
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,617
It's just kind of wonderful
that Christy's racing
406
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:15,288
down the highway, wind in her
hair, all in the name of love.
407
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:18,025
♪ I'm so excited
408
00:19:18,058 --> 00:19:20,894
♪ And I just can't hide it
409
00:19:20,928 --> 00:19:21,861
(horns honking)
410
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:24,197
♪ I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know ♪
411
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:27,400
♪ I want you, I want you.