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Previously on Mom...
Santa Cruz is only

2
00:00:04,006 --> 00:00:05,673
a three hour
and 12 minute drive.

3
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,576
Do you think we should try
the long-distance thing?

4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,044
I'm game.

5
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,513
Don't I know you from that time
we slept together?

6
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:15,216
It's kind of a bad time.
I-I really got to study.

7
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,152
(panting)
(sighs)

8
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,955
This isn't just
hooking up anymore.

9
00:00:20,989 --> 00:00:26,027
Cooper, look... I just don't
have the same feelings for you.

10
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,428
I just don't get it, Christy.

11
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,098
I mean, it would be one thing
if there was another guy.

12
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Oh! There is.

13
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,367
There's totally another guy.

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I guess I want to be
with the other guy.

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00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:41,509
Wow, Christy's driving down
to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.

16
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,112
♪ I'm so excited

17
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:47,148
♪ And I just can't hide it

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♪ I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know I want you ♪

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00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,287
♪ I want you.

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Come on, Bonnie!

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This wedding starts at 3:00.

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00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,427
You ready?
Unfortunately,

23
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,629
yes.

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00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,332
Wow. You look...

25
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,201
I know.
"Ho, ho, ho, Green Giant."

26
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How'd you get roped into this?

27
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,505
I made the mistake
of being nice.

28
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,108
Judy's in our meeting. One time
I told her to hang in there.

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Next thing I know,
I'm her emergency contact

30
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,545
and a bridesmaid.

31
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,514
Wait a minute. I put on a tie
for a woman you barely know?

32
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,216
You want to trade?

33
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,153
How did Christy get out of this?

34
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,487
Judy hates her.

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00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,721
They shared the coffee
commitment once,

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and it almost
led to a fistfight.

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Stupid Marjorie broke it up.

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Have you seen my pearl earrings?

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I've never noticed earrings
in my entire life.

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Except for the guy
at my Starbucks.

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00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,370
He's got, like, a piece
of driftwood in there.

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00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,174
(ringtone playing)

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00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,808
Hey, Mom.

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00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,777
Hi. Do you know
where my pearl earrings are?

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00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,479
No idea.

46
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,114
And again, they're not pearls.

47
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,583
They're just
white plastic beads.

48
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,486
Yeah, well, now I have no
earrings to wear to the wedding.

49
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,721
I've seen that dress.
You don't need earrings.

50
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,391
You need a rim of salt
around your head.

51
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,194
How's it going with Patrick?

52
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:09,230
It's not. I've been stuck
in traffic for hours.

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I'm close to peeing
in my Big Gulp.

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00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,702
If you do, make sure
you dump it out the window.

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I had a bad experience once.

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00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:22,176
After all this, I just hope
he's home when I get there.

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00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,811
You didn't call first?

58
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,380
No! You don't call ahead

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00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:28,716
when you're about to make
a big romantic gesture.

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Have you never seen
a Sandra Bullock movie?

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Not willingly, no.

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00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:38,359
You don't call before you run to
the airport to stop the plane,

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or bang on the church window,

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or go back in time
to make sure your parents kiss.

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You just do it.

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Mom? Did I lose you?

67
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,706
Damn it.

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00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,109
If you're there,
I can't hear you.

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00:02:55,143 --> 00:02:56,510
Mom?

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00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,179
I'm pretending
I can't hear her.

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It drives her crazy.

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Mom?
<i> </i>

73
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,119
Mom!

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00:03:05,153 --> 00:03:06,454
Mom?!
<i> </i>

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00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:08,789
(laughs)
Mom?!

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Oh, my God, he isn't here?

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Oh, my God,
what have I done?

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(sighs)

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Oh, Lucy. Lucy girl.

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Christy?

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Hi.

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00:03:39,187 --> 00:03:40,588
(laughs):
Hi.

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00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,390
Uh... what are you doing?

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00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,892
Making a big romantic gesture.

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00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,728
On my roses?

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00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,430
(laughs)

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00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:50,864
Patrick, I want to be with you.

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00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,700
Well, I want
to be with you, too.

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Great.
I'll tell you what.

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00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,337
Um, when you're done,
come on inside.

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We'll have a little snack,

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00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,674
and we'll erase
the security video together.

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(dog barking)

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00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,179
I don't think your dog likes me.

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00:04:05,213 --> 00:04:07,181
Well, you are on her spot.

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00:04:07,215 --> 00:04:09,783
Come on, Lucy.

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00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,819
♪♪

98
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,905
Have you looked
at this schedule?

99
00:04:30,939 --> 00:04:33,507
The service is
an hour and a half.

100
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:36,577
It's a full Mass with Communion,
a "Blessing of the People."

101
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What the hell is that?

102
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:41,382
It's when I whisper "Hail,
Satan" under my breath.

103
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,217
This is gonna be torture.

104
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Oh, relax. We'll just
make out in the back row.

105
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Sweetheart,
you're in the ceremony.

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Didn't you go to the rehearsal?

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00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:52,526
Rehearsal?
I'm not hosting SNL.

108
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,263
Hey, when we finally do this,
I say we knock it out

109
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:56,630
at City Hall, grab some Chinese,

110
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,632
and we're on a plane to Hawaii
by sundown.

111
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See, that is why
I am marrying you.

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(clicks tongue)

113
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Some day.

114
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Aw, geez, after the ceremony,

115
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there's a 45-minute drive
to the reception?

116
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This better be an open bar.

117
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Yeah, about that...

118
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Hmm, it's a dry wedding.

119
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No alcohol?
Why didn't you tell me?

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Same reason
you don't tell a baby

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he's about to be circumcised.

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(moaning softly)

123
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Does she always do that?

124
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Uh, well,
it's been a long time

125
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,009
since she's seen me
kissing anyone but her.

126
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:47,148
I have been waiting so
long to do this with you.

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00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,050
And by "this,"
I mean...

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more than this.

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Like a naked
version of this.

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Ooh, that sounds fun.

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Maybe without
Big Eyes.
Lucy,

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squirrel in the back
of the house!

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There's no squirrels.

134
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,503
Mmm.
Oh. Mmm.

135
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,172
Mmm.
Oh.

136
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,441
I can't go back
any farther.

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There's, like, nine
pillows behind me.

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00:06:16,044 --> 00:06:18,612
Uh, yeah, well, uh,
my ex-wife is a decorator,

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00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:21,249
and she's really
into throw pillows.

140
00:06:21,282 --> 00:06:22,616
And art and furniture.

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00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:26,020
Pretty much everything
in the house that's not me.

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00:06:26,054 --> 00:06:27,755
Mmm.

143
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:33,461
So, what you're saying is your
ex-wife is kind of everywhere.

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00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,729
(sighs)

145
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:39,433
Yeah. I never really
thought about that.

146
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:42,403
It's just that
it's our first time,

147
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and I want it
to be perfect.

148
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You know what?

149
00:06:46,207 --> 00:06:48,342
I got a surprise
for y now.

150
00:06:48,376 --> 00:06:52,246
How about you and me find
a really nice hotel room?

151
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,448
Oh, my God, hotel sex?

152
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,784
That's the best kind
of sex there is.

153
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I know.
Such a beautiful service.

154
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So moving.

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I'll see you at the reception.
(both chuckle)

156
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:08,696
Oh, my God, that
was endless.

157
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:12,066
The standing up,
the sitting down.

158
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,435
That guy walking around
throwing smoke at people.

159
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,071
And if I have to wait
in line for a cracker,

160
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would it kill 'em to spray
a little cheese on it?

161
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,642
I don't know. I thought

162
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,377
the children's choir
was kind of nice.

163
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Really? 'Cause I was hoping

164
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,714
a bigger choir would come
and beat 'em up.

165
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Come on. They were singing
about love in Italian.

166
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,652
Oh, they could have been
singing about linguine.

167
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You don't know.

168
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,124
Are your eyes red?

169
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,393
Please tell me
you weren't crying.

170
00:07:39,427 --> 00:07:42,096
No. Just...
the whole thing got to me

171
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:43,631
a little more
than I thought it would.

172
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,434
When they took
their two little candles

173
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:49,803
and lit the one big candle.

174
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:53,607
They're the one big candle now.

175
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,676
Sorry, I didn't notice.

176
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,445
At that point, I was trying

177
00:07:57,478 --> 00:08:01,449
to slice my Spanx open
with a nail clipper.

178
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816
Hey, would it be so terrible

179
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,752
if we did the candle thing
at our wedding?

180
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,520
Maybe we even get married
in a church.

181
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,222
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

182
00:08:08,256 --> 00:08:10,624
What happened to City Hall,
Chinese food, Hawaii?

183
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,861
I don't know. Maybe we should
do something more traditional.

184
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:18,432
The only reason I am not
driving head-on into traffic

185
00:08:18,466 --> 00:08:20,768
is I don't want to
die in this dress.

186
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,807
So this room's
working for you.

187
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Oh, yeah.

188
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,444
(chuckles softly)

189
00:08:30,478 --> 00:08:32,880
(woman moans loudly)

190
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,583
Was that you?

191
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,386
Not yet. (chuckles)

192
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,889
MAN (moaning):
Oh, God, yes.

193
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,760
Still not me.
(rhythmic thudding)

194
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,829
You know what? I think
we've got some neighbors.

195
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,299
(laughs softly)
Why don't we try
to tune 'em out?

196
00:08:51,332 --> 00:08:52,600
(chuckles)

197
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:55,135
(thudding continues,
bed squeaking rhythmically)

198
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,239
WOMAN (moaning):
Oh!

199
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,274
(man moaning)

200
00:09:00,308 --> 00:09:01,609
(woman moans)

201
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,344
(moaning stops)

202
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,447
(laughs softly)

203
00:09:08,516 --> 00:09:11,185
(loud, rapid thudding)

204
00:09:11,219 --> 00:09:12,553
(woman moans)

205
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,522
(man moans)

206
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,658
(both moaning)
Well, that guy has
a gear I don't have.

207
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,560
(man moaning)

208
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,395
I'm really sorry.

209
00:09:21,429 --> 00:09:23,931
No, no, no, no, no.
I get it. I get it.

210
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:26,500
That second girl
got pretty loud.

211
00:09:28,236 --> 00:09:29,703
So where to now?

212
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:33,374
Well, I'm gonna take us
to my favorite beach.

213
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,644
It's really secluded
and very romantic.

214
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:40,281
Oh. The beach.

215
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,983
I think you mean,
"Oh, the beach!"

216
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,652
No, I-I love the beach.

217
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,355
I just don't love
the beach naked.
Ah.

218
00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,823
Women are kind of
like English muffins.

219
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,393
We have a lot
of nooks and crannies.

220
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,498
What's going on?

221
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,570
(sighs) Well,
Christy, um...

222
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,538
I just got to ask.

223
00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:06,707
Are you having
second thoughts about this?

224
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,442
What? No.
No, no, no.

225
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:10,644
It-it's okay,
because i-if you're not

226
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,980
feeling right about it,
then we can wait.

227
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,782
No, I don't want to wait.

228
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,517
I just want to look
back on tonight

229
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:21,021
and be like,
"aw," not "meh."

230
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,991
Well, nobody's looking
for "meh."

231
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,760
It's just that if the
first time isn't great,

232
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,996
then the next time you're
worried it won't be good again,

233
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,764
and then you're all
messed up in your head,

234
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,933
and then the
pressure's really on.

235
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:36,804
I never thought of it
that way.

236
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,273
But I am now.

237
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,876
You know what?
I'm being ridiculous.

238
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,478
Of course it's gonna
be perfect,

239
00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:45,713
because it's you and me.

240
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,382
Yeah.

241
00:10:48,416 --> 00:10:50,351
You know what?

242
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:51,952
Let's do it
right here, right now.

243
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,987
Oh. (chuckles)

244
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,857
Ha. Well, you're-you're-you're
putting a lot of pressure

245
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,559
on the next six minutes.

246
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:01,495
Let's take this party
to the back.

247
00:11:01,529 --> 00:11:02,963
(whoops)
Phew.

248
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,998
(grunts)

249
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,803
You got to be back here
for the party.

250
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,973
Yes, I know how sex
works. (chuckles)

251
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,476
Are you all right?

252
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:18,045
Well, I was until you started
talking about all that stuff.

253
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,647
How can it be perfect?

254
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:20,848
I've never been perfect.

255
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,816
I've been very good at best.

256
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,084
It's okay, Patrick.

257
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,553
No, it's not
okay. It's not.

258
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:27,054
I-I-I can't breathe.

259
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,056
I-I need some air.

260
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,291
(exhales)

261
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:33,827
I changed my mind!

262
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,863
I'd be perfectly happy
with "meh."

263
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,042
How you feeling,
Patrick?

264
00:11:48,076 --> 00:11:51,779
Ah, pretty embarrassed, Christy.

265
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,414
Can I come over and visit?

266
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,250
Okay.

267
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,787
(SUV door closes)

268
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:08,829
This is my fault.

269
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,665
I made tonight into
a way bigger deal

270
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:13,534
than it needed to be.
No.

271
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,104
I-It's not you.
It's not you.

272
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:17,771
Look, I was married
for 30 years

273
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,408
and the last five, we
didn't touch each other.

274
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:21,842
And all that talk
about being perfect

275
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,845
triggered what
WebMD diagnosed

276
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:28,216
as a mild-to-moderate
panic attack.

277
00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:30,184
That's not sexy.

278
00:12:30,218 --> 00:12:33,287
I think you're very sexy.

279
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,191
So, you're still interested

280
00:12:37,225 --> 00:12:39,327
in a middle-aged neurotic

281
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,795
with only one-and-a-half
notches on his belt?

282
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:45,065
Very interested.

283
00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:48,869
(sighs)

284
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,638
How 'bout this?

285
00:12:50,671 --> 00:12:52,873
We go back to your place,
go to sleep--

286
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,842
and I mean actual sleep--

287
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:57,178
and start fresh
in the morning.

288
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,079
I love that idea.

289
00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:08,189
So I'm curious.

290
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:11,392
What counts as half a notch?

291
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,430
I'm holding firm on my stance.

292
00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:18,199
You're not supposed
to take that.

293
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,334
They ran out of centerpieces.

294
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:24,272
And I deserve a takeaway

295
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:26,307
for the pain and
suffering of this dress.

296
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:28,609
Pretty sure
that's hotel property.

297
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:29,743
No, they expect you to take 'em.

298
00:13:29,777 --> 00:13:31,279
It's like robes and televisions.

299
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,683
How amazing was that reception?

300
00:13:35,716 --> 00:13:37,185
What was so great about it?

301
00:13:37,218 --> 00:13:39,920
Did you not see
the mountain of gifts?

302
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,655
They wiped out Pottery Barn.

303
00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,123
Now it's just a barn.

304
00:13:44,592 --> 00:13:46,460
You really think they need
all that junk?

305
00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:48,529
Of course not.
They're at the store tomorrow,

306
00:13:48,562 --> 00:13:50,898
returning all that stuff
for cold, hard cash.

307
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,933
And how 'bout the dollar dance?

308
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,469
You pin money on the bride
to dance with her?

309
00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:58,206
What genius
came up with that idea?

310
00:13:58,239 --> 00:14:00,641
Probably the first stripper
to get married.

311
00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,678
Well, I am definitely doing that
at our wedding.

312
00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,347
And I'll make more money,

313
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:09,417
because I've six feet
of pinnable area.

314
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:10,818
You're incredible.

315
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,486
(snaps fingers)
You know what else we could do?

316
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,188
Corporate sponsors.

317
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,758
"Do you, Bonnie, take Adam
to be your husband?"

318
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:19,893
"I sure do, especially
after driving here

319
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:22,530
on Firestone tires."

320
00:14:24,665 --> 00:14:28,469
Honey, our wedding
could be a real cash cow.

321
00:14:28,502 --> 00:14:30,771
Wow.

322
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:33,741
I tell you how moved I was
by this beautiful ceremony,

323
00:14:33,774 --> 00:14:35,443
and you crap all over it.

324
00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:37,711
And then you see a pile
of toaster ovens

325
00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,847
and a woman with 20s
taped to her ass,

326
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,582
and you can't get enough.

327
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:44,352
Oh, so you're allowed
to change your mind

328
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:46,387
about what kind of wedding
you want, but I'm not?

329
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:47,621
No, it's bigger than
our wedding, Bonnie.

330
00:14:47,655 --> 00:14:49,290
It's about what we want in life.

331
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:57,231
I want a fiancé who's
not a Catholic schoolgirl.

332
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:07,808
Oh. Oh.

333
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:08,909
Good morning.

334
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,978
(groans)
Lucy, off.

335
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,381
Oh. No, no, no, no, no.
It's-it's okay.

336
00:15:13,414 --> 00:15:15,616
No, it's not okay.
She's on the boys.

337
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:16,917
Lucy, off.
Come on. Come on.

338
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,786
Attagirl. (groans)

339
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:20,921
Phew. Hey.
(chuckles)

340
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,390
How'd you sleep?

341
00:15:22,423 --> 00:15:23,724
Ah.
Huh.

342
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,593
Great. You?

343
00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:27,561
Excellent.

344
00:15:27,595 --> 00:15:29,963
I think we got this part
of the relationship down.

345
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:33,634
Yes, we have
nailed sleeping.
All right.

346
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:34,735
Well, you know what?
(grunts)

347
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,270
That settles it then.

348
00:15:36,304 --> 00:15:38,439
We'll be one of those
weird couples who sleeps

349
00:15:38,472 --> 00:15:40,741
in the same room
and never has sex.
(grunts)

350
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,975
Like Bert and Ernie.

351
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,978
Oh, those guys are
totally doing it.

352
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,415
Well, then,
maybe we should.

353
00:15:47,448 --> 00:15:49,450
(both chuckle)

354
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:58,426
Oh, boy, I'm so glad
we didn't give up on this.

355
00:15:58,459 --> 00:15:59,627
Me, too.

356
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,396
I mean, the-the
long-distance thing

357
00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:05,599
could have been a lot
for other people, you know?

358
00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:09,303
I mean, we could've just
started seeing someone else.

359
00:16:09,337 --> 00:16:12,473
I'm really happy we didn't.

360
00:16:14,742 --> 00:16:16,477
We didn't, right?

361
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,515
Well...

362
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,918
Why on Earth would
you tell Patrick

363
00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,620
you slept with
another guy

364
00:16:26,654 --> 00:16:28,956
right before you were about
to sleep with Patrick?

365
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,491
It just came up.

366
00:16:30,524 --> 00:16:32,760
How?
I brought it up.

367
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:35,896
Cold SpaghettiOs?

368
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,598
That says self-loathing.

369
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:41,769
Yeah, and I'm using the spoon
that snags your lip.

370
00:16:41,802 --> 00:16:44,472
Ow.

371
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,474
I deserve that.

372
00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:47,975
So why did you tell him?

373
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:51,111
I didn't want to start the
relationship off with a lie.

374
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:54,448
That's fine, but you got to
bang their brains out first.

375
00:16:54,482 --> 00:16:56,750
Then you can be honest.

376
00:16:56,784 --> 00:16:58,486
I do it with Adam
all the time.

377
00:16:58,519 --> 00:16:59,620
It's the main
reason we have sex.

378
00:16:59,653 --> 00:17:01,889
Oh, it is not.

379
00:17:02,990 --> 00:17:04,992
You and Adam are great together.

380
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,094
I'd give anything
for what you have.

381
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,797
Not today. We had
a huge fight.

382
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:12,533
All of a sudden he wants a
traditional church wedding.

383
00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:15,636
Doesn't he know that if you walk
into a church wearing white,

384
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:17,705
you'll burst into flames?

385
00:17:18,706 --> 00:17:20,608
Thank you.

386
00:17:28,816 --> 00:17:31,885
Mom? Adam?

387
00:17:31,919 --> 00:17:34,788
Are you somewhere in here
having sex?

388
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:37,991
Boy, I hope not.

389
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,395
Patrick.

390
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,098
This is for me?

391
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,868
Well, you're not the only one

392
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,738
who can make
a big romantic gesture.

393
00:17:51,772 --> 00:17:54,942
♪ Slow ride

394
00:17:54,975 --> 00:17:56,043
♪ Take it easy...

395
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,812
Sorry, uh, wrong song!

396
00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:00,681
I-I work out to that.

397
00:18:00,714 --> 00:18:01,849
Okay.

398
00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:03,083
That's supposed to be Seal.

399
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,586
And, uh, oh, sorry.
(music stops)

400
00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:07,187
Oh, I-I-I can't find it.

401
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,623
Uh, look,
j-just try to imagine

402
00:18:09,657 --> 00:18:11,925
"Kiss From a Rose"
playing in the back...

403
00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:19,433
I love that you
did all this.

404
00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:22,703
I'm-I'm so sorry
I overreacted.

405
00:18:22,736 --> 00:18:24,472
You easily could have lied
and I never

406
00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:25,573
would have known.
I forgive you.

407
00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:26,640
Bedroom's this way.

408
00:18:26,674 --> 00:18:27,908
Uh...

409
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,544
Oh, damn it.
What?

410
00:18:30,578 --> 00:18:31,845
I forgot condoms.

411
00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:33,647
Oh, I got
a ton of 'em.

412
00:18:33,681 --> 00:18:35,015
Don't think about it.

413
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:36,884
Just get up here.

414
00:18:50,531 --> 00:18:51,800
Hey.

415
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,167
Thanks for coming over.

416
00:18:53,201 --> 00:18:55,203
I don't like the way
we left things the other day.

417
00:18:57,038 --> 00:18:59,040
(laughs):
Wow, Bonnie.

418
00:18:59,073 --> 00:19:00,942
You didn't have
to do all this.

419
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:02,811
Oh, no, I...

420
00:19:02,844 --> 00:19:05,413
Yes, yes, I did.

421
00:19:05,446 --> 00:19:08,116
I absolutely did.

422
00:19:08,149 --> 00:19:11,219
Because I love you.

423
00:19:16,057 --> 00:19:18,927
I love you, too. Mmm.

424
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,095
Look, I don't want to fight
about wedding stuff.

425
00:19:21,129 --> 00:19:23,297
I don't either. Let's just
kick the can down the road.

426
00:19:23,331 --> 00:19:24,833
Or, I've been thinking,
why don't we throw out

427
00:19:24,866 --> 00:19:26,134
the can altogether?

428
00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:27,802
What does that mean?

429
00:19:27,836 --> 00:19:29,370
Let's just keep things
the way they are

430
00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:31,305
and stay engaged forever.

431
00:19:31,339 --> 00:19:33,407
But I want to marry you.

432
00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:35,409
(laughs)

433
00:19:35,443 --> 00:19:39,113
Well, I asked you six months ago
and you won't set a date.

434
00:19:39,147 --> 00:19:42,183
You know, clearly, you don't
want to be the big candle.

435
00:19:42,216 --> 00:19:44,318
I do. I do want to
be the big candle.

436
00:19:44,352 --> 00:19:46,420
Let's just be happy
with what we have.

437
00:19:48,456 --> 00:19:50,291
(sighs)

438
00:19:50,324 --> 00:19:51,993
No.

439
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:53,828
Next year.

440
00:19:53,862 --> 00:19:55,964
First weekend in June. Done.
Bonnie, Bonnie.

441
00:19:55,997 --> 00:19:57,098
We're doing it.
I just did it.
Bonnie, we don't...

442
00:19:57,131 --> 00:19:59,000
Deal with it.
Order the doves.

443
00:19:59,033 --> 00:20:00,301
Esp...
Watch this.

444
00:20:00,334 --> 00:20:01,936
I'm gonna put it
in the calendar.

445
00:20:03,304 --> 00:20:05,974
Adam Barnabus Janikowski,

446
00:20:06,007 --> 00:20:07,475
did I just get played?

447
00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:09,477
Still not my middle name.

448
00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:11,212
And that depends.

449
00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:12,847
Should I open this card

450
00:20:12,881 --> 00:20:14,348
that's sitting in "my" flowers?

451
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,452
June it is.