1
00:00:04,634 --> 00:00:06,318
(moans softly)

2
00:00:07,470 --> 00:00:09,638
- Hello?
- Are you awake?

3
00:00:11,208 --> 00:00:15,227
At 2:30 in the morning?
You betcha.

4
00:00:15,229 --> 00:00:17,327
I think I'm pregnant.

5
00:00:17,949 --> 00:00:21,367
Oh, God, can I not be awake?

6
00:00:22,752 --> 00:00:24,453
How is that even possible?

7
00:00:24,455 --> 00:00:26,505
What kind of question is that?

8
00:00:26,507 --> 00:00:29,792
I happen to be in
the bloom of my life.

9
00:00:31,378 --> 00:00:32,928
Half the men in Napa Valley

10
00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:35,264
have been in
the bloom of your life.

11
00:00:36,099 --> 00:00:38,717
- What?
- Nothing.

12
00:00:38,719 --> 00:00:40,052
Did you take a test?

13
00:00:40,054 --> 00:00:43,639
I don't need to.
I've got all the signs.

14
00:00:43,641 --> 00:00:45,024
I missed my period, I'm moody,

15
00:00:45,026 --> 00:00:47,175
my nipples are
incredibly angry.

16
00:00:48,144 --> 00:00:50,563
Trust me, there's fruit
in these loins.

17
00:00:53,466 --> 00:00:54,516
No, no, no.

18
00:00:54,518 --> 00:00:56,118
<i>My daughter and my mother</i>

19
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,520
<i>cannot be pregnant
at the same time.</i>

20
00:00:58,522 --> 00:01:00,339
I don't have the strength.

21
00:01:00,341 --> 00:01:03,125
Please don't make
this about you.

22
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,362
Okay, look, maybe we're
worrying for no reason.

23
00:01:07,364 --> 00:01:08,914
First thing tomorrow morning,

24
00:01:08,916 --> 00:01:11,217
we'll get you a doctor's
appointment just to be sure.

25
00:01:11,219 --> 00:01:13,836
Oh, God, why is
this happening to me?

26
00:01:13,838 --> 00:01:15,254
Honestly?

27
00:01:16,039 --> 00:01:18,857
Do we need to have
the talk again?

28
00:01:19,876 --> 00:01:23,345
I devoted the best years of my life
to loving and nurturing a child.

29
00:01:23,347 --> 00:01:25,714
This was supposed
to be my time.

30
00:01:26,683 --> 00:01:29,652
Boy, I would love
to meet that child.

31
00:01:31,238 --> 00:01:33,022
Look, I gotta go back to sleep.

32
00:01:33,024 --> 00:01:34,406
But what am I supposed to do?

33
00:01:34,408 --> 00:01:35,441
I don't know.

34
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:39,428
Grab your calendar and see if you
can figure out who the father is.

35
00:01:40,197 --> 00:01:41,664
Oh...

36
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,949
(crying loudly)

37
00:01:43,951 --> 00:01:47,069
<i>Are you freakin' kidding me?!</i>

38
00:01:47,071 --> 00:01:50,055
<i>You're a lying son of a bitch!</i>

39
00:01:50,057 --> 00:01:53,509
<i>You shouldn't even be allowed
to practice in this country!</i>

40
00:01:53,511 --> 00:01:56,262
Menopause, my ass.

41
00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:02,635
Hate to be her daughter.

42
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:14,200
Sync by YesCool, corrections by Zac
Resync for WEB-DL by Junniper

43
00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:22,558
(sighs)

44
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,544
- What are you doing?
- I'm hot.

45
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:29,014
Get back in the car.
You look like a Labradoodle.

46
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,649
Ugh...

47
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,185
I think I just ate a bug.

48
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,453
(gags)

49
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,905
You know, menopause
isn't the end of the world.

50
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,124
Easy for you to say.

51
00:02:38,126 --> 00:02:40,292
You can still provide
a king with an heir.

52
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,710
Oh, get real.

53
00:02:41,712 --> 00:02:43,095
The only king
you've got a shot with

54
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,746
is the King of Big Screens.

55
00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:48,801
All I am saying is what
if I were to meet someone?

56
00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:50,919
Maybe a young guy
who wants a family.

57
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,388
You have a family.

58
00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:54,640
That doesn't mean I can't try
for a better one.

59
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,927
Want to know what I have
to look forward to?

60
00:02:58,929 --> 00:02:59,928
Ah...

61
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:04,783
Hot flashes, weight gain,
decreased sex drive, incontinence.

62
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:08,270
What kind of man is gonna want
a piece of that action?

63
00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,655
I'm sure there's a web site

64
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,074
for guys who are into fat,
sweaty bed-wetters.

65
00:03:13,743 --> 00:03:16,212
Oh, I'm sorry,
is this fun for you?

66
00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:19,081
Oh, come on, I'm just
trying to lighten the mood.

67
00:03:19,083 --> 00:03:20,549
And yes.

68
00:03:20,551 --> 00:03:22,551
Oh, look.

69
00:03:22,553 --> 00:03:25,638
A tester tube
of vaginal lubricant.

70
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,724
Why don't they just put
a gun in here?

71
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:31,977
Instead of focusing
on all the cons,

72
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,795
why don't we try
to make a list of the pros?

73
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:34,930
Like...

74
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:36,565
no more birth
control worries.

75
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:38,184
Right. If I were worried

76
00:03:38,186 --> 00:03:40,236
about birth control,
you wouldn't exist.

77
00:03:40,238 --> 00:03:43,989
Okay, pro: no more PMS.

78
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,859
So now when I'm a bitch
I'm just a bitch?

79
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,478
All right.

80
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,863
Pro...

81
00:03:50,865 --> 00:03:52,831
you're entering
the time in your life

82
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,701
when you give back
to loved ones and community.

83
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:58,454
Oh, please, now you're
just making stuff up.

84
00:03:58,456 --> 00:04:02,041
Oh, God,
where did the years go?

85
00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:03,125
You wasted 'em.

86
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,178
I mean...
it's gonna be okay.

87
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,496
(sobbing)

88
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:10,266
No, it's never
gonna be okay again.

89
00:04:10,268 --> 00:04:12,468
(sobbing)

90
00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:18,140
Mom. Three o'clock.

91
00:04:23,446 --> 00:04:26,832
- Are you okay?
- No, not really.

92
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,850
Would a ride cheer you up?

93
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,353
Don't you dare.

94
00:04:32,455 --> 00:04:33,622
I deserve this.

95
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,243
Yeah, I think it would.

96
00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:40,462
All right. Hop on.

97
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,998
I'll call you later.

98
00:04:44,301 --> 00:04:47,336
Stop, you're making
a terrible mistake!

99
00:04:47,338 --> 00:04:50,339
Don't worry about me.
Worry about him.

100
00:04:50,341 --> 00:04:52,541
I was talking to him!

101
00:04:56,346 --> 00:04:57,496
Hey.

102
00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:00,048
Mom, do you like
circumcised men?

103
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:04,436
Um, can I put my purse down

104
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,106
before we have
this conversation?

105
00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:08,490
Well, if we have a boy,

106
00:05:08,492 --> 00:05:10,075
Luke wants to get
the baby snipped.

107
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,278
Not snipped, streamlined.

108
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,247
Tell him it's not necessary.

109
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:16,615
Oh, God.

110
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:17,866
Luke, why don't you
have this conversation

111
00:05:17,868 --> 00:05:19,368
with your own parents?

112
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:21,403
'Cause his parents
don't know I'm pregnant.

113
00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:23,172
Wait, what?

114
00:05:23,174 --> 00:05:26,408
You told me they were thrilled
and totally supportive.

115
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,044
Yeah, well...

116
00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:33,199
that was sort of a...
you know, lie.

117
00:05:35,051 --> 00:05:36,685
Luke, why didn't you tell them?

118
00:05:36,687 --> 00:05:38,771
- He's scared of 'em.
- No, I'm not scared.

119
00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:41,940
It's just... complicated.
They're not cool like you.

120
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,977
- My mother's not cool.
- Hang on.

121
00:05:44,979 --> 00:05:47,229
Let the boy talk.

122
00:05:47,231 --> 00:05:49,481
I was just waiting
for the right time.

123
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:50,783
Which would be when?

124
00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:53,736
I don't know.

125
00:05:53,738 --> 00:05:55,454
They're old,
they could die soon.

126
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,272
Problem solved.

127
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,108
Oh, sweetie, don't
wish for that.

128
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,994
Besides, it doesn't work.

129
00:06:01,996 --> 00:06:03,829
If anything,
the parent lives longer.

130
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:06,765
You need to tell your folks

131
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,034
and you need to do it immediately.
(moans)

132
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,202
Oh, sack up.

133
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,204
Did they snip off
all of your penis?

134
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,339
Violet, be nice.

135
00:06:16,010 --> 00:06:19,978
Go ahead.
You can do it.

136
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,299
Would you maybe come with me?

137
00:06:26,236 --> 00:06:28,671
This is something
you have to do yourself.

138
00:06:28,673 --> 00:06:30,606
Encourage him.

139
00:06:30,608 --> 00:06:32,191
Oh, be a man.

140
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,829
Seriously?

141
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:42,868
The chef is especially happy
with the catch of the day,

142
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,003
which is a Copper River
salmon, and...

143
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:49,041
Psst.
Need to talk.

144
00:06:49,043 --> 00:06:50,826
Sorry. Uh...

145
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,127
the salmon is pan-seared

146
00:06:52,129 --> 00:06:54,496
with fingerling potatoes
and savoy spinach.

147
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,965
<i>Fingerling...</i>

148
00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:59,601
Uh, the other specials
are heritage pork chop,

149
00:06:59,603 --> 00:07:03,338
Kobe beef and Maine lobster,
which is flown in daily from...

150
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,023
Anyone? Anyone?

151
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,842
(imitates buzzer) Maine.

152
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,394
Okay, uh, I'll be right back.

153
00:07:08,396 --> 00:07:10,946
Mom!

154
00:07:10,948 --> 00:07:14,433
- What's going on?
- My vagina is dead.

155
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,787
What the hell are
you talking about?

156
00:07:18,789 --> 00:07:20,038
That motorcycle guy.

157
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,357
I took him back to my place,
stripped off his clothes,

158
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,376
ran my tongue up and down
his gorgeous body

159
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:25,694
and felt nothing.

160
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,413
It was like I was
licking a rock.

161
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:30,215
I'm confused.

162
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,383
Did you sleep with him or not?

163
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,419
Not. I mean, I tried,

164
00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:35,421
but it was like
I-I couldn't get it up.

165
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,709
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was
Take Your Mother to Work Day.

166
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,761
Yeah, it comes right after

167
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:46,014
Sleep with Your
Married Boss Week.

168
00:07:46,016 --> 00:07:48,267
Carry on.

169
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,438
Well, well.

170
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,223
Who's this beautiful,
wounded bird?

171
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:59,027
Don't waste your time.
I'm numb from the neck down.

172
00:07:59,029 --> 00:08:00,562
Hmm.

173
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,831
So the head's still in play?

174
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:10,806
(frantic knocking,
doorbell ringing wildly)

175
00:08:10,808 --> 00:08:13,675
Hold your horses, I'm coming.

176
00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:15,711
Ta-da!

177
00:08:19,182 --> 00:08:20,516
I figured it out.

178
00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:21,917
I'm not giving up.

179
00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:24,136
If I'm gonna go down,
I'm gonna go down fighting.

180
00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:27,389
If it stands up to pee,
I'm banging it.

181
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,609
Glad to hear it.

182
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,312
Let me introduce you
to Luke's parents.

183
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,766
Nathan and Mary,
this is my mother, Bonnie.

184
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,370
How do you do?

185
00:08:52,172 --> 00:08:53,506
I just want to thank
both of you

186
00:08:53,508 --> 00:08:56,443
for coming over so we can
discuss the, uh...

187
00:08:56,445 --> 00:08:59,813
Child conceived in sin?
(sobbing)

188
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,685
You're right,
I am the cool parent.

189
00:09:06,804 --> 00:09:11,658
Luke, did you learn nothing
from your father's Bible class?

190
00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:13,693
I'm sorry, what?

191
00:09:13,695 --> 00:09:15,194
- Bible class?
- Yes.

192
00:09:15,196 --> 00:09:16,730
Nathan is the head pastor

193
00:09:16,732 --> 00:09:18,465
at the Baptist Church
in Santa Rosa.

194
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:22,385
(laughing):
Oh, that's just hilarious.

195
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,920
(laughing):
Right?

196
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:27,090
I'm so sorry, father.

197
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,560
All right, I just want to say

198
00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:32,812
that we've all really
come to love your son

199
00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:34,881
and I know that my daughter
is crazy about him,

200
00:09:34,883 --> 00:09:38,051
so I'm sure there's a happy
ending in here somewhere.

201
00:09:38,053 --> 00:09:39,736
If Violet just gave him
a happy ending, we...

202
00:09:39,738 --> 00:09:41,938
Mom!

203
00:09:44,241 --> 00:09:48,411
I'm sorry, I-I'm about
a quart low on the estrogen.

204
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,596
Ah.

205
00:09:49,598 --> 00:09:51,414
You know what
I'm talking about, right?

206
00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:56,002
Look...
here's what's going to happen.

207
00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,971
All of this nonsense
about these two kids

208
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,923
getting married after high
school is just that, nonsense.

209
00:10:00,925 --> 00:10:02,208
It is not going to happen.

210
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,477
Now, as far as
the child is concerned,

211
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,012
Luke will provide
financial support,

212
00:10:06,014 --> 00:10:07,847
if in fact it turns
out to be his.

213
00:10:07,849 --> 00:10:09,148
What?

214
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:12,101
Violet, I got this.
What?

215
00:10:12,103 --> 00:10:15,438
We don't know for sure
that our son is the only boy

216
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,190
your little temptress
has been with.

217
00:10:17,192 --> 00:10:19,192
Okay, buddy.

218
00:10:19,194 --> 00:10:20,559
Let's get something clear...

219
00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:23,079
Christy, I got this.

220
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,865
Here's all you need to know
about this family.

221
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:29,235
With every generation,
we are getting better.

222
00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:30,903
That's right.

223
00:10:32,956 --> 00:10:36,592
So, I may have been
a drunken slut...

224
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,928
She was.

225
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,080
And my daughter may have been
a drunken slut...

226
00:10:41,082 --> 00:10:43,132
- Hang on a second.
- What?

227
00:10:43,134 --> 00:10:45,101
Never mind.
Go on.

228
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:48,805
But my granddaughter,
this tender angel,

229
00:10:48,807 --> 00:10:51,441
she was pure as the driven snow

230
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,726
until she smoked your son's
weed, drank his tequila,

231
00:10:53,728 --> 00:10:57,146
and then made passionate love
with him for about two minutes.

232
00:10:59,266 --> 00:11:01,100
Am I telling it right, honey?

233
00:11:01,102 --> 00:11:02,368
Yeah, sorta.

234
00:11:03,437 --> 00:11:05,988
So don't you take the
high road with us, Pastor.

235
00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:09,775
I know your type. I have
bedded my share of clergy.

236
00:11:09,777 --> 00:11:11,077
(clicks tongue)

237
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:18,051
Mary, Luke, let's go.

238
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:22,455
No, I love Violet and I'm gonna stick
by her for as long as she'll have me.

239
00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:25,458
- Get in the car.
- I'll call you later.

240
00:11:26,626 --> 00:11:28,561
Hey, Pastor?

241
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:32,098
I just want you to know, we're
gonna raise the baby Jewish.

242
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,769
And we're not Jews!

243
00:11:38,805 --> 00:11:40,773
Shalom, bitch!

244
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,050
(knocking)

245
00:11:51,052 --> 00:11:52,919
Um, it-it's open.

246
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:57,223
How ya doin'?

247
00:11:58,020 --> 00:11:59,142
Okay.

248
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:02,896
I'm sorry about all that.

249
00:12:02,898 --> 00:12:04,597
I guess you can see

250
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,414
why we don't do a lot
of entertaining.

251
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,152
There's nothing
to be sorry about.

252
00:12:09,154 --> 00:12:11,020
You and Grandma
were great today.

253
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,188
You think?

254
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,923
Yeah. For the first time
in my life

255
00:12:13,925 --> 00:12:16,025
I felt like we were
the normal family.

256
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:19,162
Me, too! It's so weird.

257
00:12:19,164 --> 00:12:20,496
(sighs)

258
00:12:20,498 --> 00:12:22,215
So, are you in touch with Luke?

259
00:12:22,217 --> 00:12:23,483
No.

260
00:12:23,485 --> 00:12:25,552
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

261
00:12:25,554 --> 00:12:27,587
I know what
you're going through.

262
00:12:27,589 --> 00:12:29,539
When I was your age,
I had a boyfriend

263
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,574
whose parents
just hated my guts.

264
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,209
- Really?
- Yeah.

265
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,628
To be fair,
we were on pretty good terms

266
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:39,215
until I got drunk and burned
their garage down.

267
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,750
They were really judgey
about it.

268
00:12:40,752 --> 00:12:42,051
(giggles)

269
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,670
Luke's parents were always
really nice to me,

270
00:12:44,672 --> 00:12:46,005
I mean, until today.

271
00:12:46,007 --> 00:12:50,443
Well, until today, you were
his high school sweetheart.

272
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:53,229
Now you're his
white trash baby mama.

273
00:12:55,482 --> 00:12:58,484
Guess it doesn't matter anyway
'cause I think we should break up.

274
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,638
I'm gonna tell Luke to start
dating other people.

275
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,041
Oh, honey, are you sure
that's a good idea?

276
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:08,795
I mean, he is the baby's father,

277
00:13:08,797 --> 00:13:11,297
and more importantly,
he thinks I'm cool.

278
00:13:11,299 --> 00:13:16,202
<i>Christy! Call 911!
I'm having a heart attack!</i>

279
00:13:16,204 --> 00:13:18,441
No, you're not.

280
00:13:19,908 --> 00:13:23,092
<i>It might be a stroke!
I smell toast!</i>

281
00:13:24,812 --> 00:13:27,430
- I'm here if you need me.
- Thanks.

282
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,682
<i>Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!</i>

283
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,167
Shouldn't you hurry?

284
00:13:31,169 --> 00:13:34,053
<i>False alarm, just gas!</i>

285
00:13:37,341 --> 00:13:38,908
There you go.

286
00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:42,078
A good night's sleep
gonna make all the difference.

287
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,112
Thanks.

288
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,965
Am I pretty?

289
00:13:47,935 --> 00:13:49,535
What?

290
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,622
Yes, of course.
You're beautiful.

291
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,140
I don't feel beautiful.

292
00:13:54,142 --> 00:13:58,177
I feel like a man trapped
in a man's body.

293
00:13:58,179 --> 00:14:00,546
Stop it.

294
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,182
All the stuff you're
worrying about is in your head.

295
00:14:03,184 --> 00:14:05,986
- It's not really happening.
- Are you saying I'm crazy?

296
00:14:05,988 --> 00:14:09,972
No. I mean,
not in this context.

297
00:14:11,692 --> 00:14:13,443
Is Violet mad at me?

298
00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:16,362
Quite the contrary,
she's actually proud of you.

299
00:14:16,364 --> 00:14:17,930
- Really?
- Yeah!

300
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:20,316
She thought you were awesome
with Luke's dad.

301
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:23,636
And get this, she called us
the normal family.

302
00:14:23,638 --> 00:14:27,824
- Shut up!
- Yeah, that's a first.

303
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,109
Oh. (Chuckles)

304
00:14:30,111 --> 00:14:32,111
Okay, let's get some
shut-eye.

305
00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:34,247
I'm sure everything will look
better in the morning.

306
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,581
I hope so.

307
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,616
I'll tell you one thing
I'm not imagining.

308
00:14:37,618 --> 00:14:39,118
I am losing my hair.

309
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,971
Oh, Mom, please,
don't be ridiculous.

310
00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,639
Your hair is amazing.

311
00:14:43,641 --> 00:14:45,675
Now go to sleep.

312
00:14:55,469 --> 00:14:57,153
Sweet dreams.

313
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:04,110
Mom.

314
00:15:04,677 --> 00:15:05,762
What?

315
00:15:05,764 --> 00:15:07,764
Something's wrong with Grandma.

316
00:15:08,665 --> 00:15:11,584
You're late to the party, dude.

317
00:15:17,624 --> 00:15:18,791
Mom?

318
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,094
Good morning, loved ones.

319
00:15:22,246 --> 00:15:25,598
See?

320
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,801
- You... feeling okay?
- Never better.

321
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,269
Come, sit, enjoy.

322
00:15:30,271 --> 00:15:34,006
I've made scrambled eggs, pancakes,
bacon, hash browns, toast, oatmeal.

323
00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:38,561
All sprinkled with a healthy
dollop of Grandmama's love.

324
00:15:42,282 --> 00:15:43,733
Mom, let go of his cheek.

325
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:46,402
Oh, sorry, he's
just so pinchable

326
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:51,610
and so, mmm, kissable
and so, ooh, squeezable.

327
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,127
Help me.

328
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:57,246
Yeah, yeah-yeah,
we all love him.

329
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,132
Come on. Sit down.

330
00:15:59,134 --> 00:16:03,419
Wow, this is
really quite a spread.

331
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,471
What brought this on?

332
00:16:05,473 --> 00:16:08,007
Well, I woke up in
the middle of the night

333
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,642
and realized, since I'm
clearly no longer

334
00:16:09,644 --> 00:16:12,378
a sexual being, I needed
to find a new identity.

335
00:16:13,695 --> 00:16:16,232
Okay, I get that.

336
00:16:16,234 --> 00:16:19,235
So...

337
00:16:19,237 --> 00:16:20,903
what'd you settle on?

338
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,991
Well, isn't it obvious?
I'm the mother.

339
00:16:24,993 --> 00:16:28,060
The-the caregiver.
The nurturing crone.

340
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,500
- Who's got your nose?!
- Put the nose down, Mom.

341
00:16:34,502 --> 00:16:35,568
(knocking)

342
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:36,669
I'll get it.

343
00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:41,340
- I'm scared.
- You should be.

344
00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:45,545
Where's my son?

345
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:48,865
(Southern accent):
I haven't the faintest clue.

346
00:16:50,017 --> 00:16:51,267
Are you mocking me?

347
00:16:51,269 --> 00:16:53,419
Well, whatever do
you mean, sir?

348
00:16:53,937 --> 00:16:56,556
Mom, please.
What's going on?

349
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:59,108
Luke has disappeared.
I assumed he'd be here.

350
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:01,694
- Well, he's not.
- Would you mind checking?

351
00:17:01,696 --> 00:17:04,096
Sure.

352
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:14,740
♪ The only one who could
ever teach me ♪

353
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,826
♪ Was the son of
a preacher man ♪

354
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:21,330
♪ Yes, he was, yes, he was ♪

355
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,616
♪ Oh, yes, he was

356
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,469
♪ Being good isn't... ♪

357
00:17:26,471 --> 00:17:27,887
Violet's gone, too.

358
00:17:27,889 --> 00:17:30,806
Luke told me he was going
to end the relationship.

359
00:17:30,808 --> 00:17:33,809
- She told me the same thing.
- It appears they've run off.

360
00:17:33,811 --> 00:17:35,344
You think?

361
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,263
Stop!

362
00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:45,238
I suppose both of us
bear some responsibility

363
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,439
for this turn of events.

364
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,074
I don't think so.

365
00:17:48,076 --> 00:17:50,526
Those kids were loved and
accepted in my house!

366
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,661
You drove them away!

367
00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:54,280
I was trying to keep my son
from ruining his life.

368
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,750
Okay, do you see how
that's a little offensive

369
00:17:57,752 --> 00:18:00,586
when the thing ruining his
life is my daughter?!

370
00:18:00,588 --> 00:18:02,988
That's not what I meant.

371
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:06,993
- Could you help me out here?
- Sorry, I'm the crazy one.

372
00:18:10,264 --> 00:18:12,548
Look, I'm not thrilled
about this pregnancy either,

373
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:13,966
but that doesn't really matter.

374
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,970
All we can do at this point
is keep loving them,

375
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:20,533
even though they
make it so hard!

376
00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:26,594
All right, perhaps I haven't
handled this very well.

377
00:18:26,629 --> 00:18:29,315
Haven't handled it well?
You screwed the pooch, Pastor.

378
00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:33,286
The question is,
what are we gonna do now?

379
00:18:34,441 --> 00:18:36,021
What do you suggest?

380
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:40,859
I suggest we come
together as adults

381
00:18:40,861 --> 00:18:43,913
and help these kids
who love each other

382
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,632
do whatever the hell it is
they're gonna do!

383
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,036
Well, I think that's very wise.

384
00:18:51,038 --> 00:18:53,506
Welcome to the dark side.

385
00:18:55,809 --> 00:18:57,876
Ooh, Virginia's alive!

386
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:04,900
<i>What kind of idiot changes
his Facebook status to single?!</i>

387
00:19:04,902 --> 00:19:07,903
<i>Hey, it was your idea we
should start seeing other people!</i>

388
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,522
That was just to trick
our parents

389
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,774
so we could run away
to Vegas and get married!

390
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,943
Well, you should've
made that clear!

391
00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:16,362
Well, I shouldn't have to!

392
00:19:21,485 --> 00:19:24,036
So, as you may have heard,
change of plans.

393
00:19:32,031 --> 00:19:36,201
This is nice, all of us
having dinner together.

394
00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:38,152
- It is nice.
- Mm-hmm.

395
00:19:38,154 --> 00:19:40,255
(text alert sounds)

396
00:19:40,257 --> 00:19:43,658
- Do you need to answer that?
- No, it's just a text from Luke.

397
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:46,794
So, what's going on
with you two?

398
00:19:46,796 --> 00:19:48,546
He wants us
to get back together.

399
00:19:48,548 --> 00:19:50,831
(text alert sounds)
And he loves me.

400
00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:52,850
(text alert) A lot.

401
00:19:52,852 --> 00:19:57,272
- Shouldn't you text him back?
- No, not yet.

402
00:19:57,274 --> 00:19:58,890
Let him sweat for awhile.

403
00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:01,276
Speaking of which,
guess who stopped sweating?

404
00:20:01,278 --> 00:20:04,362
The estrogen patch is helping?

405
00:20:04,364 --> 00:20:06,531
I am happy to report
that I'm dry

406
00:20:06,533 --> 00:20:08,366
- in all the right places now.
- Good.

407
00:20:08,368 --> 00:20:11,069
- And conversely...
- Got it.

408
00:20:12,609 --> 00:20:13,988
How about the mood swings?

409
00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:16,857
Much improved,
thanks to hormone therapy.

410
00:20:17,859 --> 00:20:20,044
Ugh, I don't really like
these vegetables.

411
00:20:20,046 --> 00:20:21,329
No problem.

412
00:20:21,331 --> 00:20:23,381
(plate shatters)

413
00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:29,053
We're still working
on the dosage.

414
00:20:29,055 --> 00:20:30,805
(text alert sounds)

415
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:42,500
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