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I guess my favorite childhood
memory would be the year my Mom
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- and I lived in Mexico.
- Really? You lived there?
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Well, not on purpose.
It was more of a...
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border crossing situation.
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- Did you lose your passport?
- No, we had plenty of passports.
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Our luggage was the problem.
Anyway, eventually,
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we made it back into
the States. At night.
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- In a row boat.
- Wow.
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Yeah. Wow.Heck of a way to
spend your fifth birthday.
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Also the night I learned to swim.
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- Anyway, what's your favorite childhood memory?
- Um...
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Oh, you know what? Got to meet Bo Jackson.
I didn't...
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didn't really meet him.
Uh, my Dad and I were invited
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to stand on the sidelines at a raider
game. And Bo got chased out of bounds
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and ran right into me.
Broke my collarbone.
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- Nice.
- I like to call it "a football injury"
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- Don't you like your dinner?
- Oh, yeah, it's fine.
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- I'm not much of an eater.
- Ah. So, listen, um...
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my college roommate is getting
married next month in Big Sur. And...
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I was thinking maybe
you'd like to go with me.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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So, like... Kind of a...
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- overnight sort of deal?
- Yeah, yeah. It would be a weekend.
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- At a hotel.
- I know we're trying to take this slow,
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but, um... I don't think I can
get them to postpone the wedding
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- and I'd really like to go with you.
- No, no, no.
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It sounds nice.
Kind of a... romantic getaway.
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- Uh... so is that a yes?
- Yeah, sure. I'd love to.
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- Great.
- You going to eat that salmon?
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Thanks.
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1x08 - Big Sur and Strawberry Lube
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
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- Thanks for dinner.
- Oh, you're welcome.
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So, I'm going to RSVP for the
wedding. Adam Henchy, plus One-derful.
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- I bet you regret that.
- The second it came out of my mouth.
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So, any food allergies I
should let them know about?
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Uh, just penicillin and vodka.
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- Thank you for being so patient with me.
- Oh, don't be silly.
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I'm glad we didn't jump into bed
right away, he lied.
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- One month.
- Right.
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Wait, I should say
that to him. One month.
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Yippee!
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- Good night.
- Good night.
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Oh, damn, my penis just said "yippee."
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00:03:19,596 --> 00:03:22,739
- Roscoe do his homework?
- Yep. How was your date?
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- You really have to ask? It's 20 after 9:00.
- It was very nice.
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In fact... Adam asked me to go to
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a wedding with him
next month in Big Sur.
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- Would you like me to get you a spoon?
- No, I just wanted a taste.
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- I can't believe you haven't slept with this guy yet.
- Mom, please, not in front of Violet.
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Oh, I'm sorry. Did I offend
the delicate sensibilities of my
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- pregnant granddaughter?
- I'm good.
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- Well, if you must know...
- We must.
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I'm sticking to the plan.
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I'm not going to have sex
with him until we know each
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other really well.
Until we have a foundation of trust
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- and respect to build on.
- [Blows raspberry] You're such a girl.
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I'm a lady. Kiss my ass.
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[classic music]
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00:04:19,710 --> 00:04:24,637
- Hey, look who's eating here on his day off.
- Christy. I, uh...
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00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,455
- I thought this was Richard's table.
- Richard called in sick.
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And his name is David.
I'll be your server.
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- Oh... isn't that great.
- Sorry, I'm late.
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The new masseuse at the club
has no idea what she's doing.
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- Christy, you remember my wife.
- Of course.
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- Hello, Claudia.
- It's "Clowdia."
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Right, sorry. My mouth doesn't
like to make that shape.
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"Clowdia."
It's a lot of work.
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Um, okay, well, I will give
you a minute with the menus.
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Clowdia...
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A penny for your thoughts?
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A thousand dollars for your tushy.
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00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:18,967
- What?
- Twelve hundred.
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00:05:21,786 --> 00:05:25,061
You really need to go to the
sexual harassment workshop.
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If I go, will you sleep with me?
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I am so sorry.
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- Not as sorry as I am.
- If it'll help, I'll move us to another table.
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Oh, no, no... you are going
to stay right where you are.
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And I am going to serve dinner to your
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wife and you are gonna
tip me 40 percent.
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00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:46,763
- That sounds fair.
- And a month from now you are going
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to give me the weekend off so
I can go away with my new boyfriend.
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00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:55,250
- You're seeing someone? Is it serious?
- You're married! Is it serious?!
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Sorry.
FYI, we don't have any water or bread yet.
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Take your time.
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[music]
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[Woman crying]
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Uh, hello? You okay in there?
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- [Whimpering] No.
- Well...
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You gonna be long? 'Cause I'm
fighting a losing battle here.
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- Hold on. [Toilet flushes]
- Oh. Claudia.
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00:06:35,931 --> 00:06:38,815
- Clowdia.
- I'm sorry.
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00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:43,268
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine, thank you.
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00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:47,294
Can I tell you a secret?
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00:06:47,845 --> 00:06:51,896
That you drink $800 bottles
of wine on the toilet?
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00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:58,080
- My husband's cheating on me.
- Wow.
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00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:04,442
That is a secret.
[Crying] Here.
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00:07:07,631 --> 00:07:11,479
And the worst part is, he's
just doing it to get back at me.
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00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:15,058
- What'd you do?
- Oh, I slept with his step-father.
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- You're kidding.
- Once... I was drunk, he was tall.
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- Drunk and tall, I've made that mistake.
- I just can't for the life of
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me understand what kind
of loser would allow herself
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- to be violated by my husband.
- Probably some dumb whore.
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- Right?
- The important thing is...
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as long as you love your husband,
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you can still make your marriage work.
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00:07:51,315 --> 00:07:56,539
- You're really sweet, Christy.
- Thank you.
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00:07:57,221 --> 00:08:01,236
Don't forget to wash your
hands before you touch my food.
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Son of a bitch!
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[music]
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I just have to say, ever
since I stopped drinking, I look
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better, I have more energy,
I sleep better, I've lost weight,
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I'm making more money and best
of all, I have this wonderful,
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deep sense that every day is a miracle
and I am a blessed child of god.
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Anybody buying this crap?
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Anybody? All right, you're up.
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Thank you, Bonnie.
Hi, I'm Christy. I'm an alcoholic.
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00:08:36,424 --> 00:08:37,813
All: Hi, Christy.
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00:08:38,332 --> 00:08:41,063
Um, I just want to say that it's
really nice being at a women's
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meeting where I can talk about
what's going on in my life
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without feeling judged. Or hit on.
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I mean, for the most part.
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Anyway, I'm six months sober.
Feeling pretty good in general.
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Still struggling with the
whole relationship thing.
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Um, I've been dating this really
great guy. And...
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you know, taking my sponsor's advice...
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going slow, not jumping
into bed with him right away.
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00:09:17,197 --> 00:09:22,355
But the problem is, the longer I don't
sleep with him, the more nervous I am
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00:09:22,383 --> 00:09:25,702
about sleeping with him. And I just
agreed to go away with him for the weekend,
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[muffled] and I know we're going to do it
and I'm kind of freaking out because
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I don't think I've ever had
sex with anybody I care about
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without being at least partially
drunk and/or high.
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And I might be using
food as a substitute.
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[music]
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- How about this for the wedding?
- Nah. Doesn't fit.
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- I don't know what happened.
- I have a clue.
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00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:02,292
All right, let's forget
about the event ensemble
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00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:06,976
for a moment and talk
about the event ensemble.
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00:10:07,035 --> 00:10:09,196
- What about it?
- What's the plan? You going to wear
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00:10:09,236 --> 00:10:10,823
some lingerie or just throw
your dress up over your head
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- and say, "have at it?"
- I don't know, Mom. It's a nice hotel,
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I just thought I'd throw on one of their robes.
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Seriously? You make the guy wait
three months to open the present
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and you're going wrap it in terry cloth?
He's gonna feel like
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- he's doing it with a hand towel.
- Okay. Here. Teddy, nightie,
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00:10:29,904 --> 00:10:36,917
- thong, thong, thong. Happy?
- Forgive me for trying to help.
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00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:41,219
Sorry, I'm just... a little
freaked out about this trip.
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00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:45,516
Oh, sweetie, listen. If this
is too much for you, remember...
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it's not too late to call him,
cancel, break his heart and die alone.
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I do enjoy our talks, Mother.
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Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you a little something.
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- Strawberry lube?
- Sorry, they were out of ham flavored.
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00:11:09,513 --> 00:11:12,448
- Thanks.
- Do not eat it in the car.
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Thanks for taking care
of Roscoe for the weekend.
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00:11:18,975 --> 00:11:20,303
No problem.
We're going to have
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- a lot of fun.
- Come here, give me a hug.
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- Be a good boy.
- I will.
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00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:31,051
Listen to your dad. Unless it's
against your better judgment.
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- Okay. - I love you.
- I love you, too.
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Go wait in the car, I'll be right out.
Thanks for letting me
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00:11:38,369 --> 00:11:42,201
- have this time with him.
- Oh, happy to do it. Just don't feed him
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- A lot of crap.
- I won't.
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- No scary movies.
- Of course not.
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- I don't want him around your friends.
- Got it.
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- Okay, have fun.
- How?!
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Anything happens to Roscoe, I'm
going to hunt you down and kill you.
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Could have just said "bye."
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Oh, hey. You must be "Big Sur."
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00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,766
- Uh, yeah, I guess.
- All right. Up top.
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- We're tunnel buddies.
- "Tunnel buddies"?
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00:12:10,422 --> 00:12:15,036
Yeah, I'm Christy's ex.
Makes us... tunnel buddies.
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00:12:17,099 --> 00:12:20,822
Oh. Oh.
No, I see. Actually, we're not
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"buddies" just yet.
She and I are taking it slow.
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Wow. Really?
I hit that the first night.
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- Well, it was so nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
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00:12:38,294 --> 00:12:43,471
Oh, Big Sur... when it does
happen, you're going to love it.
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Love. It.
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[Knocking]
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00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:55,912
- Christy: Could somebody get the door?
- Bonnie: Hang on!
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00:13:00,294 --> 00:13:02,521
- Hello.
- Oh, look at you.
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00:13:02,523 --> 00:13:07,357
Like a puppy.
Come on in. Come on.
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00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:12,182
- I'm Bonnie, Christy's mom.
- Oh, pleasure to meet you.
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00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:14,037
- Adam Henchy.
- I know. Christy, he's here,
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00:13:14,078 --> 00:13:17,026
he's adorable,
I can't believe you waited.
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00:13:17,237 --> 00:13:19,785
- I'm almost done packing I'll be right there.
- Oh, no hurry.
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00:13:19,879 --> 00:13:22,806
You're talking to my mother...
Believe me there's a hurry.
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00:13:23,227 --> 00:13:25,934
- Let me introduce you to the rest
of the family. - Yes.
188
00:13:25,868 --> 00:13:29,619
- This is Christy's daughter, Violet.
- Violet, yes. Finally.
189
00:13:29,659 --> 00:13:32,113
- I've heard so much about you.
- Hey.
190
00:13:32,584 --> 00:13:34,785
Don't take it personal.
She's not very nice.
191
00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:37,666
- And this is her boyfriend, Luke.
- Hi.
192
00:13:37,694 --> 00:13:42,211
Oh, good luck This weekend.
I am pulling for you.
193
00:13:43,628 --> 00:13:48,797
Don't stand too close, he'll impregnate you.
So, Adam, big trip, huh?
194
00:13:49,355 --> 00:13:51,505
Uh, yeah.
My college roommate's getting married.
195
00:13:51,807 --> 00:13:55,845
- That's not what I'm talking about.
- What are you talking about?
196
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,492
You know what I'm talking about.
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00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:02,011
I don't want to talk about
what you want to talk about.
198
00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:07,102
She's going to tell me everything
when she gets back anyway.
199
00:14:07,103 --> 00:14:08,682
Christy, help!
200
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:11,050
- Whatever she said, I'm sorry.
- It was nice to meet you.
201
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,174
- Just keep walking.
- Okay.
202
00:14:13,544 --> 00:14:15,776
Ladies first.
203
00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:17,886
[music]
204
00:14:19,703 --> 00:14:24,148
- You bring your bathing suit?
- Huh? What? No.
205
00:14:31,157 --> 00:14:33,960
- Oh, damn, I'm nervous.
- About what?
206
00:14:33,995 --> 00:14:36,774
Really? You're going
to make me say it?
207
00:14:36,828 --> 00:14:41,726
- No. I'm just as nervous.
- Well, I find that if
208
00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:44,688
you talk about your fears,
you take away their power.
209
00:14:44,731 --> 00:14:46,836
- Yeah, I find that, too.
- All right, well, then,
210
00:14:46,938 --> 00:14:49,790
let's just put everything on the
table, yeah? We've been seeing each
211
00:14:49,864 --> 00:14:52,531
other for three months,
and sometime tonight,
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00:14:52,532 --> 00:14:55,198
we are going to have sex
for the very first time.
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00:14:55,199 --> 00:14:57,371
Woo! There. I said it.
214
00:14:58,151 --> 00:15:02,605
- I feel better. How about you?
- Oh, yeah.
215
00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:07,533
[music]
216
00:15:09,287 --> 00:15:13,208
- Beautiful wedding, huh?
- Yeah. - You know, they met
217
00:15:13,237 --> 00:15:15,523
- on a dating website.
- No kidding.
218
00:15:15,878 --> 00:15:18,395
Yep. First date, they fell into bed with
219
00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:21,489
each other and they've been
all over each other ever since.
220
00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:25,452
That explains why she
grabbed his ass at the altar.
221
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:30,614
- Right.
- So, what do you feel like doing?
222
00:15:32,649 --> 00:15:36,698
Really?
You're going to make me say it?
223
00:15:42,134 --> 00:15:45,309
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
224
00:15:51,429 --> 00:15:55,187
- My friends really liked you.
- I liked them, too.
225
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:57,931
Yeah?
Uh, what'd you think of the band?
226
00:15:57,966 --> 00:16:00,724
- They were okay.
- Where'd you learn
227
00:16:00,743 --> 00:16:04,579
To dance like that?
- Oh, believe it or not... boy scout camp.
228
00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:06,914
- Really?
- That's right, yeah. One of my scout leaders
229
00:16:06,984 --> 00:16:11,167
Used to dance on broadway.
He taught us guys everything.
230
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:14,234
The waltz, the salsa, the tango.
231
00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:16,516
Some of the parents
actually got really upset.
232
00:16:16,806 --> 00:16:21,366
Kind of like footloose.
233
00:16:23,319 --> 00:16:26,579
How you-how you doing in there?
234
00:16:26,614 --> 00:16:28,939
- Almost.
- Oh, you know.
235
00:16:29,035 --> 00:16:33,559
I think there's a full
moon tonight. [Shrieks]
236
00:16:35,793 --> 00:16:38,823
- Christy!
- Oh. Hey.
237
00:16:39,523 --> 00:16:41,825
What are you doing?
238
00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:45,988
- Um... I'm running away.
- Why?
239
00:16:46,078 --> 00:16:52,954
- I'm just not ready to have sex with you.
- Get in here.
240
00:16:53,018 --> 00:16:57,801
- Are you out of your mind?
- Uh, maybe. Yeah.
241
00:16:57,832 --> 00:17:03,278
- Why didn't you just say something?
- Oh, I thought it'd be easier to just...
242
00:17:03,337 --> 00:17:09,561
crawl through the bathroom
window, shimmy down a drainpipe
243
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:13,848
- and take a bus home.
- You thought that'd be easier?
244
00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:16,323
Oh, come on, don't make me defend it.
245
00:17:16,324 --> 00:17:18,758
All right, fine.
Just tell me the truth.
246
00:17:18,812 --> 00:17:22,383
Is the problem me? Is it that
you just don't want to be with me?
247
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:28,594
No, you're terrific. The
problem is me. I'm just too scared.
248
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:34,033
Oh, Christy. Come here.
There's nothing to be scared of.
249
00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:37,569
- Yeah, there is.
- Name three things.
250
00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:43,049
Number one... you see me
naked and there's a couple of
251
00:17:43,107 --> 00:17:47,198
tattoos that will need
explaining. Number two...
252
00:17:47,470 --> 00:17:50,781
Should we start out simple,
guy on top, or do we go straight
253
00:17:50,844 --> 00:17:54,962
for Cirque du Soleil? Number three...
sounds. Should they be real,
254
00:17:55,077 --> 00:17:58,152
or should they be, "ooh, baby,
ooh, baby"? Number four...
255
00:17:58,183 --> 00:18:01,310
- Oh-oh, that's fine. Just wanted three.
- No, no, no, no.
256
00:18:01,327 --> 00:18:04,888
I'm just getting started.
Ooh, here's a good one... what if you can't do it?
257
00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:07,546
Who ends up crying in
the shower, me or you?
258
00:18:08,635 --> 00:18:10,748
Probably me.
259
00:18:11,396 --> 00:18:15,447
- I'm telling you, we're doomed.
- Wow.
260
00:18:16,358 --> 00:18:18,919
I've disappointed a few women
in my life, but this is my first
261
00:18:18,994 --> 00:18:23,162
- Doomsday scenario.
- Listen.
262
00:18:25,336 --> 00:18:27,729
The reason I'm not ready
to have sex with you
263
00:18:28,072 --> 00:18:32,991
is because I'm still figuring
out who I am, and until I do...
264
00:18:33,303 --> 00:18:40,654
- I don't think I can be in a relationship.
- So, what does that mean?
265
00:18:42,898 --> 00:18:46,376
It means we take a break.
[Sighs]
266
00:18:46,378 --> 00:18:52,240
- So, what, we'll just be, like, friends?
- Yeah. Friends.
267
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:59,031
Oh, god. How do I always wind up being
friends with hot chicks? Unbelievable.
268
00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:07,313
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
269
00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:11,901
[Breathes deeply] All right,
friend. What do you say,
270
00:19:11,903 --> 00:19:16,071
you hungry? Want to
get some room service?
271
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:22,560
- No, actually, I'm not hungry at all.
- Yeah, well, I'm starving.
272
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:26,142
Hi, could you connect me
with room service, please?
273
00:19:26,405 --> 00:19:32,314
Oh, Adam, don't use food
to cover up your feelings.
274
00:19:32,703 --> 00:19:34,939
Shut up.
275
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,863
[music]
276
00:19:41,673 --> 00:19:43,803
[Knocking]
277
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:54,624
- Hello, Christy.
- Oh, hi. What a surprise.
278
00:19:54,659 --> 00:19:58,233
- We need to talk.
- We do?
279
00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:03,340
- Yes, we do. May I come in?
- Yeah, sure.
280
00:20:03,908 --> 00:20:07,013
Bonnie: I was wrong. I'd like
to have sex in a hotel bathrobe.
281
00:20:10,048 --> 00:20:14,754
Mom, this is "Clowdia."
Gabriel's wife.
282
00:20:14,811 --> 00:20:20,768
Oh, well.
Isn't it, uh, nice to meet you.
283
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:26,141
- Hello.
- Got your back.
284
00:20:30,672 --> 00:20:35,808
- So... what's up?
- I confronted Gabriel about the affair.
285
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:42,474
- Really? What did he say?
- He denied it. He said it was
286
00:20:42,536 --> 00:20:46,638
all in my imagination because
I have a drinking problem.
287
00:20:46,718 --> 00:20:50,389
And... do you believe him?
288
00:20:51,871 --> 00:20:56,237
- I do, I'm a mess.
- Yes, you are!
289
00:20:57,349 --> 00:20:59,858
- Can you help me?
- Yes, I can!
290
00:21:00,543 --> 00:21:03,587
- Wait, why me?
- Gabriel said you're a huge alcoholic
291
00:21:03,665 --> 00:21:07,454
- and it wrecked your life.
- He's right again!
292
00:21:08,070 --> 00:21:09,508
Bring it on in, sloppy.
293
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,216
O.M.G.! Yeah!
294
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:14,500
Bonnie: Aw, I wanted to hit her.
295
00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:19,009
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