1
00:00:00,344 --> 00:00:03,389
- Hi, Christy, alcoholic.
- Hi, Christy.

2
00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:05,343
I know I've shared about this before...

3
00:00:05,368 --> 00:00:07,250
Yeah, yeah, I was a crappy mom.

4
00:00:07,318 --> 00:00:08,718
Let it go.

5
00:00:09,171 --> 00:00:11,288
I'm talking about being lonely.

6
00:00:11,355 --> 00:00:13,148
Oh, great, carry on.

7
00:00:14,843 --> 00:00:17,727
So, anyway, there's this
cute guy at my school,

8
00:00:17,795 --> 00:00:20,997
and we'd been doing
the smiley, flirty thing

9
00:00:21,065 --> 00:00:22,365
for a couple of weeks,

10
00:00:22,433 --> 00:00:25,209
and one day I just got tired of waiting

11
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,270
for him to make a move
and I gave him my number.

12
00:00:27,338 --> 00:00:29,072
He seemed really excited,

13
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:33,031
said he was gonna call, so,
crazy me, I believed him.

14
00:00:33,377 --> 00:00:35,476
I mean, he drives a Prius.

15
00:00:35,947 --> 00:00:38,815
Prius equals sincere,
everybody knows that.

16
00:00:39,268 --> 00:00:42,752
Except Brad... that's
his name... never called.

17
00:00:43,057 --> 00:00:45,393
So I give him the benefit of the doubt.

18
00:00:45,418 --> 00:00:47,679
Maybe a parent died, maybe he died.

19
00:00:47,704 --> 00:00:49,038
I was hoping he died.

20
00:00:49,594 --> 00:00:50,927
And then this morning

21
00:00:50,995 --> 00:00:52,262
there he was,

22
00:00:52,330 --> 00:00:55,253
walking across campus, so not dead.

23
00:00:56,695 --> 00:00:58,062
And that's when it hit me,

24
00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:00,003
I'm gonna be alone forever.

25
00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:05,342
I have been sober for almost four years,

26
00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:06,877
and, yes, my life is better for it,

27
00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:09,312
but nobody told me that
leading a clean life

28
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,392
meant putting my vagina up on blocks.

29
00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:18,238
Would the owner of the phone
or vibrator please turn it off?

30
00:01:20,037 --> 00:01:21,170
It's your phone.

31
00:01:21,402 --> 00:01:22,669
What?

32
00:01:23,361 --> 00:01:24,728
Oh.

33
00:01:24,795 --> 00:01:25,795
Sorry.

34
00:01:26,181 --> 00:01:28,031
But it is something you would do.

35
00:01:29,734 --> 00:01:32,435
I'm just saying that
when it comes to love,

36
00:01:32,503 --> 00:01:34,571
sobriety isn't doing me any good at all.

37
00:01:34,639 --> 00:01:36,139
I may as well be a...

38
00:01:36,207 --> 00:01:37,517
Oh, my God,

39
00:01:38,243 --> 00:01:39,476
it's a text from Brad.

40
00:01:40,032 --> 00:01:42,078
He lost his phone, he just found it,

41
00:01:42,146 --> 00:01:45,048
he's really sorry, and he
wants to take me to dinner.

42
00:01:45,116 --> 00:01:46,783
Aw.

43
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:50,321
Anyway, sobriety's amazing, thanks.

44
00:01:56,470 --> 00:02:00,479
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

45
00:02:07,321 --> 00:02:10,087
Okay, babe, I'm gonna head home.

46
00:02:11,189 --> 00:02:12,946
You really need to drag
all that back and forth

47
00:02:12,971 --> 00:02:14,540
every time you spend the night?

48
00:02:14,565 --> 00:02:16,556
Oh, you poor, simple man.

49
00:02:18,337 --> 00:02:21,009
You think this just magically happens?

50
00:02:22,341 --> 00:02:24,542
This requires equipment.

51
00:02:24,566 --> 00:02:25,743
Such as?

52
00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:28,789
Forgetting about
clothing, underwear, shoes,

53
00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:32,118
lingerie for before,
sweatpants for after,

54
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,519
there's also body lotion,

55
00:02:34,586 --> 00:02:36,554
face lotion, exfoliant, night repair,

56
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,548
eye cream, makeup, which
is a whole subcategory.

57
00:02:40,548 --> 00:02:42,237
Then you've got your
curling iron, blow dryer,

58
00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:43,528
shampoo, conditioner...

59
00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:45,263
Which by the way, is
two separate things,

60
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,165
no matter what it says on that big jug

61
00:02:47,232 --> 00:02:48,800
of industrial crap you use.

62
00:02:49,968 --> 00:02:51,302
I have a blow dryer.

63
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:54,071
Aw, you're so cute.

64
00:02:54,235 --> 00:02:56,195
You have a boy blow dryer.

65
00:02:56,220 --> 00:02:58,438
It's only good for drying your balls.

66
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,548
- You saw me?
- Unfortunately.

67
00:03:04,095 --> 00:03:06,056
Why don't you just leave
all that stuff here?

68
00:03:06,081 --> 00:03:08,096
Because then I wouldn't
have my stuff at home.

69
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,124
I can't afford to
double up on everything.

70
00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:12,288
Well, maybe all this going
back and forth isn't working.

71
00:03:12,313 --> 00:03:14,703
Maybe we need to... make a change.

72
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,862
Are we breaking up?

73
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,196
'Cause I should warn you,

74
00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:19,456
I've been getting a lot
of hits on Farmers Only.

75
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,690
- Have you now?
- Yeah, you want to know why?

76
00:03:22,715 --> 00:03:24,860
'Cause city folk just don't get it.

77
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,640
What I'm trying to say is...

78
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,892
... maybe you'd consider...
moving in with me.

79
00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:35,785
Oh.

80
00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:38,493
Wow.

81
00:03:43,405 --> 00:03:45,239
It'd be a hell of a lot more practical.

82
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,056
Practical.

83
00:03:47,081 --> 00:03:49,228
Be still my beating heart.

84
00:03:50,048 --> 00:03:51,615
You don't have to answer now.

85
00:03:51,683 --> 00:03:53,017
I'm just putting it out there.

86
00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:55,753
Okay, well...

87
00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:57,596
thanks for asking.

88
00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:05,129
I'm gonna need some time to get quiet

89
00:04:05,197 --> 00:04:08,299
and... give it some thought.

90
00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:09,519
Cool.

91
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,685
- Let me know what Marjorie says.
- I will.

92
00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:19,176
All right, so I'm gonna ask the
question that's on everyone's mind,

93
00:04:19,244 --> 00:04:20,910
how bad was your date last night?

94
00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,135
It was actually really good.

95
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,814
- So, did you guys... ?
- No, he was a gentleman.

96
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,685
Eh, well, I just tuned out.

97
00:04:28,261 --> 00:04:30,688
It was weird... He asked
me all these questions

98
00:04:30,755 --> 00:04:32,156
and listened to the answers

99
00:04:32,224 --> 00:04:34,492
and then remembered them
and mentioned them later.

100
00:04:34,517 --> 00:04:35,651
Gay alert.

101
00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:39,129
- So where'd he take you?
- A vegan restaurant

102
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:40,965
called The Sprouted Flute.

103
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,269
Did he bring his husband?

104
00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:45,769
Marjorie, make her stop.

105
00:04:45,837 --> 00:04:47,582
Ignore her, go on.

106
00:04:47,949 --> 00:04:50,307
The food was actually great.

107
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,718
Brad says that the human body

108
00:04:51,743 --> 00:04:53,878
isn't really designed to consume meat.

109
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,913
If the good Lord didn't
want us to eat meat,

110
00:04:55,981 --> 00:04:57,571
why'd he invent veal?

111
00:04:59,551 --> 00:05:02,663
He knows so much about
the environment and food

112
00:05:02,688 --> 00:05:05,147
and politics. Did you know that,
in some parts of the world...

113
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,393
Big news, Adam has asked
me to move in with him.

114
00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:08,760
What do you guys think?

115
00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:11,717
- Well, I think it's a really...
- If you don't mind, Marjorie?

116
00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:14,173
It's a big step, Bonnie.

117
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:16,448
That's what I was gonna say.

118
00:05:17,463 --> 00:05:19,245
Here's what has me worried.

119
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,268
We're getting along great now, but,

120
00:05:21,336 --> 00:05:23,481
you know, it's like cocaine...
The first couple of lines,

121
00:05:23,505 --> 00:05:25,016
everything's good, next thing you know,

122
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,840
you're robbing a
Laundromat with no septum.

123
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,512
- So you're not gonna do it?
- Hang on, Wendy. Marjorie?

124
00:05:31,579 --> 00:05:34,348
Well, Bonnie, I think
it's a personal decision

125
00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:36,397
- and you need to pray on it...
- Hey!

126
00:05:37,311 --> 00:05:39,153
I was in the middle of saying something

127
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:40,554
when you walked in.

128
00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:44,327
- Sorry, finish.
- Thank you.

129
00:05:45,288 --> 00:05:47,936
Brad told me that, in
certain parts of the world,

130
00:05:47,961 --> 00:05:51,358
people are dying because they
don't have clean drinking water.

131
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:56,944
And?

132
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,718
That's it. It's just really messed up.

133
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,405
So what do you think? Should
I move in with Hot Wheels?

134
00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:08,515
Okay, now add a slice of eggplant

135
00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:11,318
and hit that with another
scoop of cashew cheese.

136
00:06:11,386 --> 00:06:14,021
I just keep picturing
tiny little farmers

137
00:06:14,089 --> 00:06:15,989
trying to milk cashews.

138
00:06:16,057 --> 00:06:17,788
You know, before I became a vegan,

139
00:06:17,813 --> 00:06:20,296
my favorite meal in the world
was a bacon cheeseburger.

140
00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:22,342
And then I realized I
was tired all the time.

141
00:06:22,367 --> 00:06:23,811
I'm tired all the time.

142
00:06:23,836 --> 00:06:25,809
- And I couldn't focus.
- I can't focus.

143
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:28,561
- I was moody.
- I'm super moody.

144
00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:30,584
So you get it.

145
00:06:31,106 --> 00:06:32,538
Not really.

146
00:06:32,865 --> 00:06:34,065
Close your eyes.

147
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:35,424
I want you to taste something.

148
00:06:35,944 --> 00:06:38,145
Okay, but just so you know,

149
00:06:38,213 --> 00:06:41,381
I once had a bad experience
with this exact scenario.

150
00:06:42,238 --> 00:06:43,584
Trust me.

151
00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:45,506
Yeah, he said that, too.

152
00:06:51,086 --> 00:06:52,662
Pretty great, huh?

153
00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:57,380
I really want to say yes.

154
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,194
Give me another bite.

155
00:07:03,761 --> 00:07:05,729
Now this I like.

156
00:07:06,398 --> 00:07:07,531
Oops.

157
00:07:07,556 --> 00:07:09,223
Oh, sorry, uh...

158
00:07:09,248 --> 00:07:11,816
For kissing her? She's in
a serious slump; get at it.

159
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,717
Brad, this is Bonnie, my mom.

160
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:17,918
Bonnie, Brad.

161
00:07:17,943 --> 00:07:19,643
Captain Prius, nice to meet you.

162
00:07:21,344 --> 00:07:24,525
- Brad and I are making dinner.
- Oh, what are you cooking?

163
00:07:24,826 --> 00:07:26,970
Actually, nothing.

164
00:07:27,868 --> 00:07:29,463
Brad is showing me

165
00:07:29,531 --> 00:07:32,332
how to prepare a raw, vegan lasagna.

166
00:07:33,001 --> 00:07:34,181
Why?

167
00:07:34,402 --> 00:07:35,335
Um...

168
00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:37,004
why are we doing this again?

169
00:07:37,071 --> 00:07:39,139
Eating raw food is how human beings

170
00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:40,626
have thrived for millions of years.

171
00:07:40,651 --> 00:07:43,946
Thrived? Those guys died at 18
and walked around like monkeys.

172
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:47,587
- All right, off you go.
- See you.

173
00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:51,071
Shall we eat?

174
00:07:51,319 --> 00:07:54,421
I eat all the time. Kiss me.

175
00:07:58,648 --> 00:08:01,207
- Hey.
- Hey.

176
00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:03,149
Ooh, that smells great.

177
00:08:03,174 --> 00:08:06,407
- Yeah, couple of bone-in rib eyes.
- Nice.

178
00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:09,587
You have no idea what's
going on back at my place.

179
00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:12,146
Christy's vegan boyfriend
is preparing a feast

180
00:08:12,171 --> 00:08:13,972
fit for a gerbil.

181
00:08:14,409 --> 00:08:16,043
Oh, no, not one of those guys.

182
00:08:16,110 --> 00:08:17,778
Did he try to sell you on it?

183
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,246
Oh, yeah, vegans and Mormons,

184
00:08:19,314 --> 00:08:20,647
always looking to turn you.

185
00:08:21,883 --> 00:08:24,356
Hey, come here. I want
to show you something.

186
00:08:24,613 --> 00:08:27,340
I've seen it before, but I'm
always happy to take a peek.

187
00:08:30,838 --> 00:08:32,372
Ta-da.

188
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,743
Oh, my God, what did you do?

189
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,838
I thought I could make it easier
for you to spend the night.

190
00:08:40,524 --> 00:08:42,592
You thought of everything.

191
00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:45,339
Lot of loofahs.

192
00:08:45,406 --> 00:08:46,740
How many you think I needed?

193
00:08:46,808 --> 00:08:48,442
I figured it was like sandpaper,

194
00:08:48,509 --> 00:08:50,444
you get it for different kinds of wood.

195
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:53,570
Oh, Adam.

196
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,242
I did good?

197
00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,369
You did really good.

198
00:09:01,945 --> 00:09:03,390
I love you.

199
00:09:03,415 --> 00:09:05,516
I love you, too.

200
00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:10,101
I want to move in with you.

201
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:12,148
- Really?
- Yeah.

202
00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:17,101
Oh, damaged women are so easy to please.

203
00:09:18,239 --> 00:09:21,265
- We really are.
- I know.

204
00:09:22,843 --> 00:09:24,334
So, with me out of the way,

205
00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:26,521
you and Captain Prius will
have the run of the place.

206
00:09:26,546 --> 00:09:30,122
- Stop calling him that.
- Okay, how about King Kale?

207
00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:33,592
You already used that one, it
wasn't funny the first time.

208
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:34,793
All right, here's a new one:

209
00:09:34,861 --> 00:09:36,728
Jolly Green Average Height.

210
00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:40,365
Say what you want, I really like Brad.

211
00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:42,601
Ooh, ooh! Tofu Gigio.

212
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,503
Yeah, hilarious.

213
00:09:44,571 --> 00:09:49,141
In the meantime, last night he
introduced me to Tantric sex.

214
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:51,791
Ugh, is that the sex
where you don't finish?

215
00:09:51,816 --> 00:09:54,379
- Have you ever tried it?
- Not on purpose.

216
00:09:54,644 --> 00:09:57,449
The point of it is
learning self-control.

217
00:09:57,517 --> 00:09:59,251
Brad says that if
you're not thinking about

218
00:09:59,319 --> 00:10:01,887
where you're going, you get to
be present for where you are.

219
00:10:01,955 --> 00:10:04,890
Sounds like where you are
would be chafed and frustrated.

220
00:10:05,214 --> 00:10:07,244
I wouldn't expect you to get it.

221
00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:09,561
Clearly you didn't get it either.

222
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:11,350
Come on, grab a box, let's go.

223
00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:14,797
Brad says the orgasm
is greatly overrated.

224
00:10:19,439 --> 00:10:21,342
All right, enough.

225
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,609
Oh, sorry.

226
00:10:23,676 --> 00:10:25,711
I think that's all of it.

227
00:10:27,347 --> 00:10:28,647
Wow.

228
00:10:29,402 --> 00:10:31,850
It's gonna be weird
around here without you.

229
00:10:31,918 --> 00:10:34,878
Yeah, but you know,
if you think about it,

230
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,027
it's actually kind of cool.

231
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,597
You and I came together
when we needed each other,

232
00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:42,699
we healed, and now
we're ready to move on.

233
00:10:46,932 --> 00:10:49,175
Why'd you have to say that?

234
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:52,911
I don't know, it just came out.

235
00:10:52,936 --> 00:10:54,604
But it's true.

236
00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,206
So true.

237
00:11:01,303 --> 00:11:03,371
What is that smell?

238
00:11:03,573 --> 00:11:05,976
Brad hooked me up with
some natural deodorant.

239
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:07,507
Well, it ain't working.

240
00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:09,781
I know.

241
00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,687
That's okay. I still love you.

242
00:11:13,712 --> 00:11:15,880
I love you, too.

243
00:11:17,867 --> 00:11:19,843
And I really hope with all my heart

244
00:11:19,868 --> 00:11:22,015
that this works out for you.

245
00:11:22,363 --> 00:11:23,563
Thanks, babe.

246
00:11:24,038 --> 00:11:26,806
I guess this is good-bye.

247
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:29,388
Yup. This is it.

248
00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:31,490
Okay.

249
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,795
I'll see you at the meeting tonight.

250
00:11:46,592 --> 00:11:48,059
Babe?

251
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,150
Hey. Where'd you go?

252
00:11:55,487 --> 00:11:57,040
To the bathroom.

253
00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:00,157
In the hallway?

254
00:12:00,825 --> 00:12:02,993
At my neighbor's.

255
00:12:03,366 --> 00:12:06,111
I don't understand, why
didn't you just use this one?

256
00:12:06,136 --> 00:12:08,767
Because somebody was
in there for 58 minutes.

257
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,393
Hon, you sound like Christy.

258
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:12,861
I wasn't in there that long.

259
00:12:12,909 --> 00:12:15,330
Price Is Right started and ended.

260
00:12:15,355 --> 00:12:18,730
The guy won a Toyota, and
I almost soiled my chair.

261
00:12:19,534 --> 00:12:21,730
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.

262
00:12:21,763 --> 00:12:23,862
- Why didn't you say something?
- I banged on the door,

263
00:12:23,887 --> 00:12:26,456
but your jet-engine hair
dryer drowned me out.

264
00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:31,761
Wow, okay, can we file this
one under "lesson learned"?

265
00:12:31,786 --> 00:12:32,986
Yeah, sure.

266
00:12:33,909 --> 00:12:37,032
I don't even know my neighbor.

267
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,601
Now I owe a favor
to a 43-year-old man

268
00:12:39,755 --> 00:12:42,737
who uses one-ply paper
and collects troll dolls.

269
00:12:44,228 --> 00:12:46,502
- Again, I'm sorry.
- Forget it.

270
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:49,510
We just probably need to work out

271
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,659
some kind of... schedule.

272
00:12:51,684 --> 00:12:53,218
Yeah, we'll find our rhythm.

273
00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:54,636
What happened to my...

274
00:12:57,274 --> 00:12:58,341
Problem?

275
00:12:58,628 --> 00:13:00,195
No, it's just...

276
00:13:02,134 --> 00:13:04,602
... that's my Kennedy Space Center mug.

277
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:08,152
I didn't know it was special.

278
00:13:08,177 --> 00:13:10,512
Did you get it on a field trip?

279
00:13:11,766 --> 00:13:12,933
My dad gave it to me.

280
00:13:13,603 --> 00:13:16,209
Well, would you like to have it?

281
00:13:16,234 --> 00:13:18,061
No, no, it's fine.

282
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:19,750
I'll just use one that doesn't remind me

283
00:13:19,775 --> 00:13:21,543
of my late father.

284
00:13:23,376 --> 00:13:24,959
Whatever.

285
00:13:28,484 --> 00:13:29,951
Okay, how about this?

286
00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:31,909
Why don't we go through all the mugs,

287
00:13:31,934 --> 00:13:34,774
- and you can tell me what's what?
- You know, don't make this a thing.

288
00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:35,938
Oh, it's already a thing.

289
00:13:35,963 --> 00:13:37,730
Okay, Westfield Dry Cleaners.

290
00:13:37,755 --> 00:13:39,022
Can I drink out of this,

291
00:13:39,047 --> 00:13:41,134
or did they sponsor
your Little League team?

292
00:13:41,159 --> 00:13:43,266
Actually, an old
girlfriend left that here.

293
00:13:43,291 --> 00:13:44,657
Good to know.

294
00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:50,770
Next up, ooh, who's the
slut you took to Lake Tahoe?

295
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,060
- Thanks again for making dinner.
- My pleasure.

296
00:13:57,229 --> 00:13:59,330
Mung bean pizza tastes much better than

297
00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:00,688
regular pizza... am I right?

298
00:14:00,809 --> 00:14:03,143
It certainly takes longer to chew.

299
00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:06,734
Trust me, your colon's gonna thank you.

300
00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:09,514
Well, the old girl's
trying to say something.

301
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:12,444
Okay, let's get started.

302
00:14:12,710 --> 00:14:13,910
Now close your eyes.

303
00:14:14,835 --> 00:14:16,732
You gonna kiss me again?

304
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,389
No, we're gonna meditate.

305
00:14:18,414 --> 00:14:19,952
Just as good.

306
00:14:20,237 --> 00:14:22,137
Take a deep, cleansing breath.

307
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,397
Inhale... Exhale...

308
00:14:30,589 --> 00:14:34,002
- Sorry. Mung beans.
- Perfectly natural.

309
00:14:34,921 --> 00:14:37,589
And once again, deep, centering breath.

310
00:14:37,682 --> 00:14:39,291
Peace in...

311
00:14:40,132 --> 00:14:41,643
fear out.

312
00:14:46,546 --> 00:14:49,311
Wow, that one cracked a rib.

313
00:14:50,928 --> 00:14:54,186
Don't judge it. Observe it.

314
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,696
Observe it? I can taste it.

315
00:15:04,424 --> 00:15:07,226
- Hey.
- Hey.

316
00:15:14,374 --> 00:15:17,049
- What you doing?
- Just going through the mail.

317
00:15:17,074 --> 00:15:18,939
You mean going through my mail?

318
00:15:19,932 --> 00:15:23,405
I think you mean, "Thanks
for bringing it in."

319
00:15:23,928 --> 00:15:26,366
Whatever, sure, thanks.

320
00:15:31,374 --> 00:15:33,944
It's just you've only
been here a couple of days.

321
00:15:34,065 --> 00:15:36,982
It's not likely that there's
anything there for you.

322
00:15:37,007 --> 00:15:39,092
What's the big deal?
Were you expecting something

323
00:15:39,117 --> 00:15:40,802
from the Kennedy Space Center?

324
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:49,102
You're right. You're right. Forget it.

325
00:16:05,078 --> 00:16:06,245
Bon?

326
00:16:07,429 --> 00:16:08,966
Yeah?

327
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,654
Jacket.

328
00:16:16,668 --> 00:16:18,469
Yeah.

329
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:22,736
- Love you.
- Yep!

330
00:16:24,297 --> 00:16:27,633
Whoa! That was close.

331
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:34,570
Really? We're doing the
Tantric thing every time?

332
00:16:34,599 --> 00:16:36,500
Yeah, what'd you think?

333
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,555
I don't know, one on, one off?

334
00:16:40,731 --> 00:16:42,274
You're so funny.

335
00:16:45,314 --> 00:16:47,249
I'm gonna go floss.

336
00:16:53,989 --> 00:16:55,723
Oh, shut up.

337
00:17:06,161 --> 00:17:07,862
This was a good idea, Mom.

338
00:17:07,887 --> 00:17:10,348
Right? I hardly ever get to see you,

339
00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:12,417
and this dinner gives us a
chance to get to know Brad.

340
00:17:12,558 --> 00:17:15,227
And also miss a crucial playoff game.

341
00:17:16,594 --> 00:17:18,595
I told you to record it.

342
00:17:18,781 --> 00:17:21,218
A game like that you need to watch live.

343
00:17:21,243 --> 00:17:22,604
Am I right, Brad?

344
00:17:22,944 --> 00:17:24,940
I wouldn't know, I don't watch sports.

345
00:17:25,388 --> 00:17:28,151
Really? What, were you raised by women?

346
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,948
Yes.

347
00:17:32,445 --> 00:17:34,814
Brad's more of an outdoorsy guy.

348
00:17:34,839 --> 00:17:37,032
This morning, we took a nature walk,

349
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:39,302
picked up litter, and saw a fox.

350
00:17:39,766 --> 00:17:41,903
Well, Brad saw it.

351
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:45,036
I was trying to spear
a condom with a stick.

352
00:17:47,325 --> 00:17:49,559
I hope you don't mind that
we brought our own food.

353
00:17:49,584 --> 00:17:51,036
I try not to be one of "those people"

354
00:17:51,061 --> 00:17:52,929
who imposes their lifestyle on others.

355
00:17:52,954 --> 00:17:54,450
You hear that? Brad doesn't impose

356
00:17:54,475 --> 00:17:55,807
his lifestyle on others.

357
00:17:55,832 --> 00:17:58,042
Is this about the towels again?

358
00:17:58,067 --> 00:17:59,968
I told you, I like 'em folded in thirds.

359
00:17:59,993 --> 00:18:01,876
You didn't tell me, you lectured me.

360
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:04,339
Well, that's 'cause when I said
it nicely, you laughed at me.

361
00:18:04,364 --> 00:18:06,599
I thought you were kidding.

362
00:18:09,128 --> 00:18:10,737
Speaking of towels,

363
00:18:10,762 --> 00:18:12,296
Brad and I have been sharing one

364
00:18:12,321 --> 00:18:13,964
to cut down on our water footprint.

365
00:18:14,084 --> 00:18:16,519
I've also turned her
on to mindful flushing.

366
00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:19,823
Yep. If it's yellow, let it mellow.

367
00:18:20,151 --> 00:18:22,872
Or you could just cop a
squat at the neighbor's.

368
00:18:24,841 --> 00:18:27,675
How many times do I
have to say I'm sorry?

369
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:34,144
These quinoa cakes came
out pretty good, huh?

370
00:18:34,169 --> 00:18:36,472
Quinoa, quin-wow!

371
00:18:38,177 --> 00:18:40,245
Christy, you sure you
don't want some ribs?

372
00:18:43,151 --> 00:18:44,484
They do look good.

373
00:18:46,573 --> 00:18:49,730
But I'm trying to
make healthier choices.

374
00:18:50,282 --> 00:18:51,944
It's not just for our own sake.

375
00:18:51,969 --> 00:18:54,678
You do know that the livestock industry
is destroying our planet.

376
00:18:54,703 --> 00:18:56,569
No, Brad, I do not know that.

377
00:18:58,394 --> 00:19:01,021
Why don't you tell
them about your podcast?

378
00:19:01,046 --> 00:19:02,880
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. It's called

379
00:19:02,905 --> 00:19:05,303
"Giving Up with Brad Partridge."

380
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,788
So it's about assisted suicide?

381
00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:13,809
<i>No. This is assisted suicide.</i>

382
00:19:16,091 --> 00:19:19,856
Brad teaches that happiness
is not about getting stuff,

383
00:19:19,881 --> 00:19:21,482
it's about giving stuff up.

384
00:19:21,569 --> 00:19:23,638
See, our culture has it all wrong.

385
00:19:23,706 --> 00:19:25,640
We spend our entire
lives accumulating things

386
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,351
when, really, we should
be giving them up.

387
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:28,937
Like a cabinet full of coffee mugs

388
00:19:28,962 --> 00:19:30,124
you think chronicle your life?

389
00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:32,514
Or a Ziploc Baggie full
of old hair extensions?

390
00:19:32,581 --> 00:19:34,984
You said that was my drawer.
Why are you looking in my drawer?

391
00:19:34,985 --> 00:19:35,935
Why are you looking at my mail?

392
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,835
- Maybe we should go...
- ... gonna be so freakin' weird...

393
00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,104
I'm not weird about things.

394
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,456
- I'm specific.
- Oh, please.

395
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,718
You're so anal, your ass
is folded into thirds.

396
00:19:42,743 --> 00:19:44,878
Aw, been nice knowing you.

397
00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:53,410
You have no idea how happy I am
to be in bed with you.

398
00:19:53,435 --> 00:19:55,365
Right back at you.

399
00:19:56,466 --> 00:19:59,660
Mmm... this is the closest I've come

400
00:19:59,685 --> 00:20:01,771
to an orgasm in weeks.

401
00:20:02,646 --> 00:20:04,811
What did you see in that guy, anyway?

402
00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:08,246
Come on, Mom, he stood for something.

403
00:20:08,302 --> 00:20:11,107
He wanted to make the
world a better place and...

404
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:14,988
Oh, who am I kidding? He liked me.

405
00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:16,641
Are you that desperate?

406
00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:18,409
Yes, said the girl eating ribs

407
00:20:18,477 --> 00:20:19,811
in bed with her mother.

408
00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:22,523
Hey, can I get in on that?

409
00:20:22,548 --> 00:20:24,334
Adam wouldn't let me eat in bed.

410
00:20:25,618 --> 00:20:28,052
- Are you guys gonna be okay?
- Oh, yeah.

411
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,187
We love each other,

412
00:20:29,255 --> 00:20:31,856
but three nights a week
is our magic number.

413
00:20:31,924 --> 00:20:34,355
My magic number with Brad is minus nine,

414
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:35,995
considering how many
times I went to sleep

415
00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:38,474
with a bag of frozen
peas between my legs.

416
00:20:40,474 --> 00:20:41,699
Mmm.

417
00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:44,068
<i>They're the problem, right?</i>

418
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:45,894
Absolutely.

419
00:20:46,951 --> 00:20:50,709
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --