1 00:00:00,552 --> 00:00:02,120 Previously on Mom... 2 00:00:02,121 --> 00:00:04,430 This is Christy Plunkett, Roscoe's mom. 3 00:00:04,431 --> 00:00:06,391 I'm gonna be keeping him home today. 4 00:00:06,392 --> 00:00:09,190 No, no, no, um, not sick. 5 00:00:09,191 --> 00:00:11,092 He lost his grandpa. 6 00:00:11,093 --> 00:00:14,863 - I spoke to Alvin's ex-wife this morning. - Yeah? 7 00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:17,831 She doesn't want us to come to the funeral. 8 00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:22,070 Alvin and I had our problems, but just before he died, 9 00:00:22,071 --> 00:00:25,640 he came to me and begged me to take him back. 10 00:00:25,641 --> 00:00:26,674 I can't listen to this. 11 00:00:26,675 --> 00:00:27,675 Get your... 12 00:00:27,676 --> 00:00:29,376 Stay. 13 00:00:30,812 --> 00:00:32,780 He admitted he'd made some mistakes. 14 00:00:32,781 --> 00:00:34,915 Two of them are here today. 15 00:00:36,651 --> 00:00:37,885 Okay, that's it. 16 00:00:37,886 --> 00:00:39,953 Hold my new purse. 17 00:00:40,521 --> 00:00:42,641 I should have just let her drink. 18 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:46,728 Hey, guys. 19 00:00:46,729 --> 00:00:49,496 Well, look who finally showed up for work. 20 00:00:50,765 --> 00:00:54,335 I mean, so sorry to hear your father passed away. 21 00:00:54,336 --> 00:00:55,536 Thanks. 22 00:00:55,537 --> 00:00:57,904 Really wish I'd gotten to meet... 23 00:00:58,506 --> 00:01:00,707 ...Abner. 24 00:01:01,676 --> 00:01:02,910 His name was Alvin. 25 00:01:02,911 --> 00:01:04,544 And you did meet him. 26 00:01:05,713 --> 00:01:07,348 You've been in this country 30 years. 27 00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:09,415 When are you gonna lose the accent? 28 00:01:10,318 --> 00:01:11,452 Hey, Gabriel. 29 00:01:11,453 --> 00:01:12,952 Hey, you. 30 00:01:13,587 --> 00:01:15,122 Welcome back. 31 00:01:15,123 --> 00:01:16,290 Thanks. 32 00:01:16,291 --> 00:01:17,491 Ah, this must be hard. 33 00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:18,426 Is it hard? 34 00:01:18,427 --> 00:01:20,361 It seems like it would be hard. 35 00:01:20,362 --> 00:01:22,630 No, I'm doing okay. 36 00:01:22,631 --> 00:01:25,766 I think work will help keep my mind off it. 37 00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:28,235 Really? 'Cause if you need a few days, you can take them. 38 00:01:28,236 --> 00:01:29,336 No, I'm good. 39 00:01:29,337 --> 00:01:30,837 Thanks. 40 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:33,441 Hi. 41 00:01:33,442 --> 00:01:35,109 Any questions about the menu? 42 00:01:35,110 --> 00:01:36,510 Is your risotto vegan? 43 00:01:36,511 --> 00:01:38,312 No, it's made with chicken stock. 44 00:01:38,313 --> 00:01:40,548 Ugh, could my day get any worse? 45 00:01:40,549 --> 00:01:43,049 Yeah, your father could die! 46 00:01:43,651 --> 00:01:46,085 Okay, I might need a few more days. 47 00:01:53,151 --> 00:02:00,073 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 48 00:02:08,442 --> 00:02:10,111 Bill, bill, bill. 49 00:02:10,112 --> 00:02:12,113 Ugh, I am so screwed. 50 00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:17,118 Bank of America wants to give me a new credit card. 51 00:02:17,119 --> 00:02:19,820 Those idiots. 52 00:02:19,821 --> 00:02:22,256 You have no right to take his stuff! 53 00:02:22,257 --> 00:02:24,025 Yes, I do, he was my husband. 54 00:02:24,026 --> 00:02:25,393 What's going on? 55 00:02:25,394 --> 00:02:28,396 Maleficent here is stealing all your dad's things. 56 00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:31,699 It is not stealing... he left everything to me. 57 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,834 Hey, my daughter and I are in that will, too. 58 00:02:33,835 --> 00:02:35,336 Not according to my lawyer. 59 00:02:35,337 --> 00:02:38,172 I guess you didn't mean as much to him as you thought you did. 60 00:02:38,173 --> 00:02:40,107 Keep telling yourself that; he loved me. 61 00:02:40,108 --> 00:02:42,076 Don't talk about love. 62 00:02:42,077 --> 00:02:44,945 Alvin and I were together for 30 years. 63 00:02:44,946 --> 00:02:47,281 And from what he told me, so were your legs. 64 00:02:47,282 --> 00:02:49,549 That's right, you heard me. 65 00:02:50,751 --> 00:02:52,219 Okay, time to go inside. 66 00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:53,354 Let's go inside. 67 00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:54,421 You're disgusting. 68 00:02:54,422 --> 00:02:55,723 Alvin didn't think so. 69 00:02:55,724 --> 00:02:57,423 I was his last meal. 70 00:02:58,125 --> 00:03:00,961 Then he must have died of food poisoning. 71 00:03:00,962 --> 00:03:05,631 When his soul left his body, it migrated to my hoo-ha. 72 00:03:06,633 --> 00:03:08,268 You're a sick woman. 73 00:03:08,269 --> 00:03:09,604 "Lorraine, it's Alvin! 74 00:03:09,605 --> 00:03:11,504 Give 'em my stuff!" 75 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:13,974 Okay, that's enough. 76 00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:16,810 "Also, you're a hose-bag!" 77 00:03:16,811 --> 00:03:19,246 Okay... 78 00:03:19,247 --> 00:03:20,914 I'm only gonna say this once: 79 00:03:20,915 --> 00:03:24,685 The whole dead dad-vagina bit... never want to see it again. 80 00:03:24,686 --> 00:03:27,720 "Oh, lighten up!" 81 00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:32,626 Before we start, I just want to express my condolences 82 00:03:32,627 --> 00:03:34,094 - for your loss. - Thank you. 83 00:03:34,095 --> 00:03:36,096 I would also want to take the opportunity to say 84 00:03:36,097 --> 00:03:37,731 what a delight it is to have your daughter 85 00:03:37,732 --> 00:03:39,466 helping me out at my office. 86 00:03:39,467 --> 00:03:41,368 She's a hard worker, she's very sharp... 87 00:03:41,369 --> 00:03:44,538 Yeah, she's a gem. How much is this gonna cost me? 88 00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:47,474 Don't worry, Mom, Steve's helping us for free. 89 00:03:47,475 --> 00:03:52,012 Or, as we call it in the legal profession, pro Bono. 90 00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:54,080 Anyway, went down to the courthouse, 91 00:03:54,081 --> 00:03:55,415 spoke to the court clerk. 92 00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:58,084 The "court clerk" is basically a secretary for the court. 93 00:03:58,085 --> 00:03:59,052 Okay. 94 00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:00,020 And while I was there, 95 00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:01,481 I petitioned for a copy of the will. 96 00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:03,156 A "petition" is a formal request. 97 00:04:03,157 --> 00:04:04,357 Right. 98 00:04:04,358 --> 00:04:06,960 So we could find out if you were named beneficiaries. 99 00:04:06,961 --> 00:04:08,895 A "beneficiary" is one who benefits... 100 00:04:08,896 --> 00:04:11,630 Oh, my God, stop. 101 00:04:12,232 --> 00:04:14,167 All right, give me the bottom line. 102 00:04:14,168 --> 00:04:18,171 The will that's on file with the court is from 15 years ago. 103 00:04:18,172 --> 00:04:20,239 It doesn't mention you or Christy. 104 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,874 Yeah, but what about the new will? 105 00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:25,211 He told my mom that he had a new one made that took care of us. 106 00:04:25,212 --> 00:04:26,746 He did, but according to his lawyer, 107 00:04:26,747 --> 00:04:28,247 he never got around to signing it. 108 00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:29,549 - Are you kidding me? - Oh, my God. 109 00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,150 And of course that's not gonna happen 110 00:04:31,151 --> 00:04:33,152 now that he's, you know, dead. 111 00:04:33,153 --> 00:04:35,421 How much was it gonna be? 112 00:04:35,422 --> 00:04:37,223 You don't want to know... you'll just get upset. 113 00:04:37,224 --> 00:04:38,591 Tell me. 114 00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:39,726 Yeah, let's hear it. 115 00:04:39,727 --> 00:04:40,726 A hundred grand. 116 00:04:40,727 --> 00:04:42,807 - Son of a bitch! - Just kill me. 117 00:04:44,263 --> 00:04:48,568 Okay, what if I were to tell you that there was a third will, 118 00:04:48,569 --> 00:04:50,436 - that he did sign? - Is there? 119 00:04:50,437 --> 00:04:51,936 There could be. 120 00:04:52,505 --> 00:04:54,507 - Mom... - What? 121 00:04:54,508 --> 00:04:55,808 I've got that bogus notary stamp. 122 00:04:55,809 --> 00:04:57,777 All I need is a sample of his handwriting. 123 00:04:57,778 --> 00:04:59,878 - Mom! - Work with me! 124 00:05:05,051 --> 00:05:06,085 - Hey. - Hi. 125 00:05:06,086 --> 00:05:07,686 Oh, good, you made it. 126 00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:08,687 Mind moving over? 127 00:05:08,688 --> 00:05:10,689 Just sit here. 128 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:11,657 No, that's my seat. 129 00:05:11,658 --> 00:05:12,625 Come on, scooch. 130 00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:14,260 Mom, there's plenty of other spots. 131 00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:17,396 No, everybody knows on Tuesday nights, I sit there. 132 00:05:17,397 --> 00:05:19,064 Well, why don't you shake it up tonight? 133 00:05:19,065 --> 00:05:20,199 Sit here. 134 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,968 I don't want to sit there, I want to sit there 135 00:05:22,969 --> 00:05:24,336 'cause that's my seat. 136 00:05:24,337 --> 00:05:25,571 Mom, let it go. 137 00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:26,639 No. 138 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:27,673 Move. 139 00:05:27,674 --> 00:05:29,008 Okay, I'm not rewarding this behavior. 140 00:05:29,009 --> 00:05:30,342 Find another seat. 141 00:05:30,343 --> 00:05:32,244 Come on, it's just a chair. 142 00:05:32,245 --> 00:05:34,246 It's not just a chair! 143 00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:36,148 It's my whole damn life! 144 00:05:36,149 --> 00:05:38,484 Things I love keep getting taken away! 145 00:05:38,485 --> 00:05:42,521 My childhood, my home, my drugs and alcohol, 146 00:05:42,522 --> 00:05:43,822 and now Alvin! 147 00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:45,824 So you listen to me, old woman! 148 00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:47,826 I am drawing a line in the sand, 149 00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,828 and the sand is that chair! 150 00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:52,129 Now move your ass! 151 00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:00,404 Thank you. 152 00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:08,345 Ah, damn it, now I have to go to the bathroom. 153 00:06:18,957 --> 00:06:22,092 So, how you doing? 154 00:06:25,664 --> 00:06:27,632 Here we go. 155 00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:30,035 Thanks again for seeing me. 156 00:06:30,036 --> 00:06:31,570 It's very kind of you. 157 00:06:31,571 --> 00:06:33,371 Yes, it is. 158 00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:35,340 Is this Alvin? 159 00:06:35,341 --> 00:06:36,942 Yes. 160 00:06:36,943 --> 00:06:39,577 I didn't know he wanted to be cremated. 161 00:06:39,578 --> 00:06:41,058 He didn't. 162 00:06:43,882 --> 00:06:45,483 Now, what can I do for you? 163 00:06:45,484 --> 00:06:47,552 Well, first of all, 164 00:06:47,553 --> 00:06:50,488 I want to apologize for my mom's behavior. 165 00:06:50,489 --> 00:06:52,690 Bet you've been doing that your whole life. 166 00:06:52,691 --> 00:06:54,392 Pretty much, yeah. 167 00:06:54,393 --> 00:06:57,095 But in her defense... 168 00:06:57,096 --> 00:06:58,795 Yeah...? 169 00:06:59,497 --> 00:07:01,031 The point is... 170 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:06,604 ...she's just as devastated as you are by Alvin's death. 171 00:07:06,605 --> 00:07:09,907 Are you really comparing my loss to your mother's? 172 00:07:09,908 --> 00:07:12,276 No, of course not. 173 00:07:12,277 --> 00:07:14,278 I'm not here for her, 174 00:07:14,279 --> 00:07:17,115 I'm here for my kids. 175 00:07:17,116 --> 00:07:19,217 I'm sure you know that Alvin wrote a second will. 176 00:07:19,218 --> 00:07:22,319 Which he never signed or filed, what a shame, go on. 177 00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:25,556 Right. 178 00:07:25,557 --> 00:07:29,560 Um, what you may not know is, um, the money he set aside 179 00:07:29,561 --> 00:07:32,863 for me and my kids would be a real life-changer. 180 00:07:32,864 --> 00:07:36,534 You know what was a real life-changer for me? 181 00:07:36,535 --> 00:07:39,870 Finding out my husband had a daughter he never told me about. 182 00:07:39,871 --> 00:07:41,272 Yeah. 183 00:07:41,273 --> 00:07:44,208 That's got to be rough. 184 00:07:44,209 --> 00:07:45,910 But on the plus side, 185 00:07:45,911 --> 00:07:48,611 I hear she's a great gal. 186 00:07:51,015 --> 00:07:54,819 So all that stuff about you being a pole dancer 187 00:07:54,820 --> 00:07:56,687 and a drunk isn't true? 188 00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:59,055 Anymore. 189 00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:04,929 Well, you've given me a lot to think about. 190 00:08:04,930 --> 00:08:08,999 I understand this is difficult, so take all the time you need. 191 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,833 No. 192 00:08:12,469 --> 00:08:15,172 No, you don't need a lot of time? 193 00:08:15,173 --> 00:08:17,840 No, you're not getting a penny. 194 00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:23,279 I'm standing, do you know what that means? 195 00:08:26,517 --> 00:08:29,553 Okay, well... 196 00:08:29,554 --> 00:08:32,314 I guess there's nothing left to say. 197 00:08:33,023 --> 00:08:34,824 I'll let myself out. 198 00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:42,099 You know, if I wasn't such a great gal, 199 00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,834 I would tell you to go screw yourself. 200 00:08:45,435 --> 00:08:48,271 So instead I will say, 201 00:08:48,272 --> 00:08:50,506 "Good day." 202 00:08:53,844 --> 00:08:55,245 She had him cremated?! 203 00:08:55,246 --> 00:08:56,346 Yeah. 204 00:08:56,347 --> 00:08:58,748 That vindictive bitch! 205 00:08:58,749 --> 00:09:01,518 Come on, Mom, what difference does it make? 206 00:09:01,519 --> 00:09:03,186 I'll tell you what difference it makes. 207 00:09:03,187 --> 00:09:04,621 Now I can never visit him. 208 00:09:04,622 --> 00:09:06,790 If there was a grave, I could go visit. 209 00:09:06,791 --> 00:09:07,824 You know what? 210 00:09:07,825 --> 00:09:09,659 You can visit him in your heart. 211 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,895 No such place. 212 00:09:11,896 --> 00:09:14,864 Please, you need to let this go. 213 00:09:14,865 --> 00:09:17,500 Yeah, I'll let it go right after I... 214 00:09:17,501 --> 00:09:18,501 You know what? 215 00:09:18,502 --> 00:09:19,982 Never mind. 216 00:09:21,504 --> 00:09:22,539 No, n-no! No! 217 00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:23,506 I mind! 218 00:09:23,507 --> 00:09:25,508 Right after you what? 219 00:09:25,509 --> 00:09:27,510 Not important! 220 00:09:27,511 --> 00:09:29,179 Why are you putting your shoes on? 221 00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:31,314 Here, put this shirt in the laundry for me. 222 00:09:31,315 --> 00:09:33,216 - Mom... - Never forget, I love you. 223 00:09:33,217 --> 00:09:35,218 Okay, you're really freaking me out now. 224 00:09:35,219 --> 00:09:37,186 I'll see you later. 225 00:09:37,187 --> 00:09:38,721 This doesn't feel like you're letting it go. 226 00:09:38,722 --> 00:09:40,023 Hey, my pajamas are in the bathroom, 227 00:09:40,024 --> 00:09:41,524 will you toss those in, too? 228 00:09:41,525 --> 00:09:43,926 I'm sorry, but until you tell me what's going on, 229 00:09:43,927 --> 00:09:45,962 I am not letting you leave this house. 230 00:09:45,963 --> 00:09:47,963 Hey! 231 00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:52,993 Christy, wake up. 232 00:09:56,773 --> 00:09:58,173 Hiya. 233 00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:03,179 Where have you been? 234 00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:04,547 Righting a wrong. 235 00:10:04,548 --> 00:10:06,949 Oh, God. 236 00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:08,484 What'd you do? 237 00:10:08,485 --> 00:10:10,887 Lorraine might have the money, 238 00:10:10,888 --> 00:10:12,620 but I have Alvin. 239 00:10:14,957 --> 00:10:17,325 And a sandwich? 240 00:10:24,899 --> 00:10:29,070 So, what, you broke in and stole his ashes? 241 00:10:29,071 --> 00:10:30,405 Yes. 242 00:10:30,406 --> 00:10:32,807 But I left the urn. 243 00:10:32,808 --> 00:10:33,742 That's the genius. 244 00:10:33,743 --> 00:10:35,475 Lorraine will never know. 245 00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:37,579 Oh, Mom... 246 00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:39,569 She'll just be talking to an empty urn, 247 00:10:39,570 --> 00:10:41,149 but we'll be talking to the real guy. 248 00:10:41,150 --> 00:10:43,485 Right, honey? 249 00:10:43,486 --> 00:10:44,719 Oh, Mom! 250 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,654 Do we have any Tupperware to put him in 251 00:10:46,655 --> 00:10:48,722 until I find something nice? 252 00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:52,527 We have to take him back. 253 00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:54,696 Oh, no, no! That's crazy! 254 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,931 Yeah, now, see, you're not allowed 255 00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:59,067 to use that word anymore. 256 00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,835 You think he'll fit in here? 257 00:11:00,836 --> 00:11:03,237 You can't put him in Roscoe's thermos! 258 00:11:03,238 --> 00:11:04,405 Well, why not? 259 00:11:04,406 --> 00:11:06,574 It'll keep him cool. 260 00:11:06,575 --> 00:11:08,074 Or warm. 261 00:11:09,677 --> 00:11:11,579 Cra-zy. 262 00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:13,648 Here, hold your father. 263 00:11:13,649 --> 00:11:14,981 I'll get a funnel. 264 00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:18,019 I get that she's grieving, 265 00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:19,186 but I'm at my wit's end. 266 00:11:19,187 --> 00:11:20,721 I don't know what to do. 267 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,290 How 'bout nothing? 268 00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:23,391 What?! 269 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:26,294 My mother broke into this woman's house 270 00:11:26,295 --> 00:11:28,195 and stole my father's ashes. 271 00:11:28,196 --> 00:11:29,830 Yeah, but the woman doesn't know. 272 00:11:29,831 --> 00:11:31,265 She'll never know. 273 00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:33,300 I thought part of being sober 274 00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:34,835 was being rigorously honest. 275 00:11:34,836 --> 00:11:37,603 Eh... let's say rigor-ish. 276 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:42,076 No, I can't live with this. 277 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:44,311 Maybe I could return him to his sons, 278 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,347 so it doesn't become a whole thing. 279 00:11:46,348 --> 00:11:49,650 Well, switching out his ashes worked once. 280 00:11:49,651 --> 00:11:51,350 Why wouldn't it work again? 281 00:11:52,519 --> 00:11:54,120 That's good. 282 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,858 But I need something, you know, to put in the thermos. 283 00:11:57,859 --> 00:11:58,992 For heft. 284 00:11:58,993 --> 00:12:00,960 How 'bout kitty litter? 285 00:12:01,628 --> 00:12:03,796 How 'bout I love you? 286 00:12:05,799 --> 00:12:08,202 The only problem is getting the thermos away from her. 287 00:12:08,203 --> 00:12:11,371 She takes his ashes around with her? 288 00:12:11,372 --> 00:12:14,874 This morning, they went to the DMV. 289 00:12:34,027 --> 00:12:34,995 Hey. 290 00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:36,463 What are you doing up? 291 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,397 Thirsty. 292 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,167 Is that kitty litter? 293 00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,472 Yes, it is. 294 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,007 Are we getting a cat? 295 00:12:47,008 --> 00:12:48,074 No. 296 00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:50,644 I'm allergic to cats. 297 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,411 Then what are you doing? 298 00:12:54,347 --> 00:12:55,848 We're getting a cat. 299 00:13:40,493 --> 00:13:42,395 Christy? 300 00:13:42,396 --> 00:13:43,729 Yeah? 301 00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:46,431 Close the window, there's a breeze. 302 00:13:49,068 --> 00:13:51,469 Yeah, you got it. 303 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,348 Thank you. 304 00:14:02,349 --> 00:14:04,749 Sweet dreams, Mom. 305 00:14:06,952 --> 00:14:08,432 Christy? 306 00:14:09,221 --> 00:14:10,323 Yeah? 307 00:14:10,324 --> 00:14:11,924 I'm sorry, it's a little stuffy. 308 00:14:11,925 --> 00:14:14,325 Open the window? 309 00:14:27,206 --> 00:14:30,042 So, long story short, 310 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,744 I just wanted to return my dad. 311 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,111 Your dad. Our dad. 312 00:14:35,314 --> 00:14:36,815 You don't have to weigh him, 313 00:14:36,816 --> 00:14:38,851 he's all there. 314 00:14:38,852 --> 00:14:41,286 Wait a minute... i-if this is him, 315 00:14:41,287 --> 00:14:43,022 then what's in the urn at our house? 316 00:14:43,023 --> 00:14:46,190 According to my mom, Grape-Nuts. 317 00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:48,760 Then what does your mother have in her urn? 318 00:14:48,761 --> 00:14:50,262 I went with kitty litter. 319 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:52,530 Scoopable. Unscented. 320 00:14:54,099 --> 00:14:55,467 Okay, fine, 321 00:14:55,468 --> 00:14:57,169 but why aren't you returning this to our mother? 322 00:14:57,170 --> 00:15:00,772 I was actually hoping we could keep this between us 323 00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:04,576 and you could just switch out the Grape-Nuts with... 324 00:15:04,577 --> 00:15:06,377 Toasted Daddy-O's. 325 00:15:08,714 --> 00:15:10,882 It is kind of funny, if you think about it. 326 00:15:10,883 --> 00:15:13,652 Mom's been yelling at part of a balanced breakfast. 327 00:15:13,653 --> 00:15:15,320 This isn't a joke. 328 00:15:15,321 --> 00:15:17,689 Her mom stole Dad's ashes 329 00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:19,176 because she couldn't steal his money. 330 00:15:19,177 --> 00:15:20,025 Excuse me, 331 00:15:20,026 --> 00:15:22,527 she was not trying to steal his money. 332 00:15:22,528 --> 00:15:25,863 Alvin wanted to leave us something, but... 333 00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:30,268 You know what, that's, um, not why I'm here. 334 00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:32,370 I just wanted to return him. 335 00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:34,005 I'm sorry I dragged you into this. 336 00:15:34,006 --> 00:15:35,040 Your mom's crazy. 337 00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:37,441 Yes, she is. 338 00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:41,345 But she also really loved your father. 339 00:15:42,647 --> 00:15:45,317 So did I. 340 00:15:45,318 --> 00:15:46,584 This is crap. 341 00:15:46,585 --> 00:15:48,051 I-I've got a business to run. 342 00:15:52,424 --> 00:15:53,725 Sorry about him. 343 00:15:53,726 --> 00:15:54,926 I wish I could say 344 00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:56,435 he's been kind of a douche since Dad died, 345 00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:57,262 but the truth is, 346 00:15:57,263 --> 00:16:00,164 he has always been kind of a douche. 347 00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:01,645 Please. 348 00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:03,668 It's cool. 349 00:16:03,669 --> 00:16:05,103 We've all been through a lot. 350 00:16:05,104 --> 00:16:07,105 Yeah, I haven't been sleeping so good. 351 00:16:07,106 --> 00:16:08,406 Neither have I. 352 00:16:08,407 --> 00:16:11,174 Thank God for weed, huh? 353 00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:14,278 Yeah, I can't do that anymore, 354 00:16:14,279 --> 00:16:16,014 'cause I'm... sober. 355 00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:18,082 Oh, right. 356 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:20,718 How's that working out for you? 357 00:16:20,719 --> 00:16:23,187 Well, pretty good. 358 00:16:23,188 --> 00:16:25,923 Except when your dad dies, of course. 359 00:16:25,924 --> 00:16:27,391 And then you feel sad, 360 00:16:27,392 --> 00:16:29,427 but you can't drink anything to make you not feel sad, 361 00:16:29,428 --> 00:16:31,429 so you just feel sad 362 00:16:31,430 --> 00:16:33,131 and, as you know, 363 00:16:33,132 --> 00:16:36,734 feeling sad is... sad. 364 00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:39,337 I'd like to say I know what you're talking about, 365 00:16:39,338 --> 00:16:41,272 but I've been so baked since the funeral 366 00:16:41,273 --> 00:16:43,473 I can barely see you. 367 00:16:47,779 --> 00:16:50,180 Ooh, Ice Road Truckers. 368 00:16:51,048 --> 00:16:52,650 Are you serious? 369 00:16:52,651 --> 00:16:55,219 What? Your father loves that show. 370 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,054 Come on, Mom. 371 00:16:57,055 --> 00:16:59,390 You get that he's not really here. 372 00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:00,357 I know that. 373 00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:02,026 But it comforts me, okay? 374 00:17:02,027 --> 00:17:03,793 Okay. 375 00:17:07,064 --> 00:17:09,432 There you go. 376 00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:14,630 You two sit. I got it. 377 00:17:17,641 --> 00:17:19,894 Hi. 378 00:17:19,895 --> 00:17:21,121 - How's it going? - Hey. 379 00:17:21,122 --> 00:17:22,579 This is a surprise. 380 00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:23,580 Come on in. 381 00:17:23,581 --> 00:17:25,082 Sure. 382 00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:26,689 You remember my mom. 383 00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:27,756 - Hi. - Hi. 384 00:17:27,757 --> 00:17:29,124 Did she send you? 385 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,493 No, she doesn't know we're here. 386 00:17:31,494 --> 00:17:33,228 And she doesn't know about this, either. 387 00:17:33,229 --> 00:17:34,430 I don't understand. 388 00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:36,697 Open it. 389 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,235 Oh, my God, that's a lot of money. 390 00:17:40,236 --> 00:17:41,637 Yeah, I'm generally the good brother, 391 00:17:41,638 --> 00:17:44,239 but it was actually his idea. 392 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:45,707 Why? 393 00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:47,575 It was what Dad wanted. 394 00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,645 And I'm not always a douche. 395 00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:56,318 Douglas, uh, went through the books at the body shop 396 00:17:56,319 --> 00:17:58,687 and "discovered" that you have been working there 397 00:17:58,688 --> 00:18:00,956 for almost two years without being paid. 398 00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:02,491 If it makes you feel any better, 399 00:18:02,492 --> 00:18:04,191 you're Employee of the Month. 400 00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:07,529 Mom, look at this. 401 00:18:07,530 --> 00:18:11,433 Did I, maybe, work at the body shop, too? 402 00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,267 No, you did not. 403 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:17,439 You guys, this is... so generous. 404 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,507 Nah. 405 00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:20,941 - Oh. - Thank you. 406 00:18:22,378 --> 00:18:24,179 I hate not having Alvin around, 407 00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,315 but I sure do like having brothers. 408 00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:28,650 It's nice havin' a sister. 409 00:18:28,651 --> 00:18:30,818 Yeah. 410 00:18:32,053 --> 00:18:33,688 Okay, well, um... 411 00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:35,523 I guess we'll be seeing you around. 412 00:18:35,524 --> 00:18:37,644 - Bye. - Wait. 413 00:18:38,093 --> 00:18:40,028 There's something I have tell you. 414 00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:41,830 I have your father. 415 00:18:41,831 --> 00:18:44,064 What's that, now? 416 00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:46,768 Here. 417 00:18:46,769 --> 00:18:48,102 He-he should be with you. 418 00:18:48,103 --> 00:18:51,072 Uh, well, I don't understand. 419 00:18:51,073 --> 00:18:52,108 Your mother has an urn 420 00:18:52,109 --> 00:18:54,643 filled with high-fiber cereal on her mantle. 421 00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:56,243 This is your father. 422 00:19:00,282 --> 00:19:04,085 Okay, um... well, I... I'm surprised. 423 00:19:05,655 --> 00:19:08,657 Douglas? 424 00:19:09,492 --> 00:19:11,927 Shocked and dismayed. 425 00:19:12,996 --> 00:19:15,832 I'm really sorry. 426 00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:17,599 Nicely done. 427 00:19:18,234 --> 00:19:19,911 Do you guys want to hang out for a while? 428 00:19:19,912 --> 00:19:20,770 Have a cup of coffee? 429 00:19:20,771 --> 00:19:22,638 - Yeah, I'd-I'd like that. - Sounds good. 430 00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,007 You know what? 431 00:19:24,008 --> 00:19:26,509 This is a moment we should remember. 432 00:19:26,510 --> 00:19:28,878 Let's take a picture, all right? 433 00:19:28,879 --> 00:19:30,613 Okay. 434 00:19:30,614 --> 00:19:31,714 Ready? 435 00:19:31,715 --> 00:19:34,115 And... cheese! 436 00:19:42,692 --> 00:19:45,093 That bitch. 437 00:19:57,375 --> 00:19:59,677 It's so beautiful here, Alvin. 438 00:19:59,678 --> 00:20:01,212 I thought you might like it. 439 00:20:01,213 --> 00:20:02,847 Oh, it's perfect. 440 00:20:02,848 --> 00:20:04,748 Like you. 441 00:20:10,655 --> 00:20:14,325 Hey, do you remember that scene in From Here to Eternity 442 00:20:14,326 --> 00:20:16,494 with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr 443 00:20:16,495 --> 00:20:18,195 when they make love on the sand 444 00:20:18,196 --> 00:20:19,629 with the surf washing over 'em? 445 00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,698 Oh, that was so hot. 446 00:20:21,699 --> 00:20:22,833 Do you want to try it? 447 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:24,233 Really? Why don't we 448 00:20:24,234 --> 00:20:26,994 just wrap your penis in sandpaper? 449 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:28,871 Come on, 450 00:20:28,872 --> 00:20:31,073 anybody can have sex in a bed. 451 00:20:31,074 --> 00:20:34,109 All right, but just so we're clear, 452 00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:36,879 I'm Burt, you're Deborah. 453 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,880 Deal. 454 00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,886 Hey. 455 00:20:43,887 --> 00:20:46,777 He'll always be mine, you'll never have... 456 00:20:47,473 --> 00:20:55,536 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.