1
00:00:01,573 --> 00:00:03,902
- Hi. Tammy, alcoholic.
- Hi, Tammy.

2
00:00:03,927 --> 00:00:06,090
Whew. I'm still a little
rattled. (chuckles)

3
00:00:06,115 --> 00:00:09,043
I'm standing in line
at the salad bar today,

4
00:00:09,068 --> 00:00:11,451
and there's this cop behind me.

5
00:00:11,476 --> 00:00:14,227
So, of course, fresh out
of jail, I get paranoid.

6
00:00:14,252 --> 00:00:18,168
My hands start shaking,
chickpeas rolling off the plate.

7
00:00:18,504 --> 00:00:21,551
(sighs) Freaked me out so
much, I left without getting

8
00:00:21,576 --> 00:00:23,125
any of those itty-bitty corncobs,

9
00:00:23,150 --> 00:00:24,849
which is the whole reason I went.

10
00:00:26,512 --> 00:00:28,475
I mean, am I gonna
spend the rest of my life

11
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,301
looking over my shoulder, afraid
they're gonna lock me up again?

12
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:33,699
I can't go back to jail.

13
00:00:33,891 --> 00:00:35,973
There's no tiny corn there.

14
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,707
And people stab you.

15
00:00:40,489 --> 00:00:42,572
Anyway, thanks.

16
00:00:44,656 --> 00:00:46,230
Would anyone else like to share?

17
00:00:46,555 --> 00:00:48,628
Hi. Christy, alcoholic.

18
00:00:48,653 --> 00:00:49,985
GROUP: Hi, Christy.

19
00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:52,953
I was so not planning on
coming to the meeting today.

20
00:00:52,978 --> 00:00:55,935
I mean, I had no school, no work,

21
00:00:56,032 --> 00:00:58,365
and all I wanted to
do was lie on the couch

22
00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:00,031
and binge-watch Chopped.

23
00:01:00,629 --> 00:01:03,179
P.S. I would be great on that show.

24
00:01:03,218 --> 00:01:05,648
I can't tell you how many
times I've opened up the fridge

25
00:01:05,673 --> 00:01:08,982
and all I had was gummy
bears, tortillas and mustard.

26
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:11,609
That was a challenging Thanksgiving.

27
00:01:12,054 --> 00:01:16,139
(sighs) But next thing I knew,
I was putting my shoes on,

28
00:01:16,164 --> 00:01:18,681
getting in the car and
driving here. (chuckles)

29
00:01:18,706 --> 00:01:21,561
I can't believe it; I have sober feet.

30
00:01:21,586 --> 00:01:22,968
(chuckling)

31
00:01:22,993 --> 00:01:24,542
They know where I'm supposed to be,

32
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,266
even when I don't want to be there.

33
00:01:27,611 --> 00:01:28,977
Sober feet.

34
00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,860
Anyway, that's all.

35
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,125
Really glad to be here. (chuckles)

36
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:36,983
(applause)

37
00:01:37,008 --> 00:01:38,501
- Anyone else?
- I'll go.

38
00:01:38,526 --> 00:01:40,720
- Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.
- GROUP: Hi, Bonnie.

39
00:01:40,745 --> 00:01:44,311
Well, my fiancé's bar has
finally turned a corner.

40
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,970
So, with Adam busy, I have
a lot of time to myself,

41
00:01:46,995 --> 00:01:48,555
which, when I drank, could be dangerous,

42
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:49,900
but now is kind of nice.

43
00:01:49,925 --> 00:01:53,093
I can eat what I want,
see any movie I want.

44
00:01:53,118 --> 00:01:55,715
By golly, for the first time in my life,

45
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,406
I get to be a little selfish.

46
00:01:57,570 --> 00:01:59,486
Too easy.

47
00:02:02,025 --> 00:02:04,320
Come on. "Sober feet."

48
00:02:04,406 --> 00:02:06,665
That's recovery gold right there.

49
00:02:06,902 --> 00:02:09,269
But I look over at Nora, I get nothing.

50
00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:12,005
Not a smile, not a wink,
not even a finger gun.

51
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:13,580
(clicks tongue)

52
00:02:13,605 --> 00:02:16,743
You know, sweetie, needy's
not a good color on you.

53
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,680
It's not needy to want an "attaboy"

54
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:21,504
from my sponsor once in a while.

55
00:02:21,529 --> 00:02:24,113
I always give my sponsees
my full attention.

56
00:02:24,138 --> 00:02:27,376
Oh, please. You slept through
my entire share last week.

57
00:02:27,743 --> 00:02:29,512
I was meditating.

58
00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:32,743
Is your secret mantra,
(snorts) "I'm awake"?

59
00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:35,953
Spot-on, Big Sauce.
She does the same thing

60
00:02:35,978 --> 00:02:37,644
when we're at home watching Blue Bloods.

61
00:02:37,669 --> 00:02:40,086
Well, it's the only way I
can get you to stop talking.

62
00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:43,142
I do get chatty when
Donnie Wahlberg's on camera.

63
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:46,720
I just have a feeling
he's a fascinating person.

64
00:02:49,472 --> 00:02:52,423
All right, coffee pot is
clean. I'm out of here.

65
00:02:52,448 --> 00:02:54,454
Hey, Nora!

66
00:02:56,571 --> 00:02:58,458
Awesome share.

67
00:02:58,493 --> 00:03:01,376
I always get so much out
of what you have to say.

68
00:03:01,401 --> 00:03:02,950
Thanks.

69
00:03:03,165 --> 00:03:04,631
(mouthing)

70
00:03:04,666 --> 00:03:06,716
Well, that was hard to watch.

71
00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,323
She knows how it works.

72
00:03:08,348 --> 00:03:09,797
"Hey, I liked your share."

73
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:11,538
"Thanks. I liked your share, too."

74
00:03:11,563 --> 00:03:13,312
Well, I liked your share today.

75
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:15,707
Thank you, Wendy. I
liked your share, too.

76
00:03:15,732 --> 00:03:16,948
I didn't share.

77
00:03:17,121 --> 00:03:18,603
Oh.

78
00:03:19,381 --> 00:03:21,715
Attaboy. (clicks tongue)

79
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,771
♪♪

80
00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:45,029
(suspenseful music playing
over TV, woman screams, crunch)

81
00:03:45,852 --> 00:03:48,288
Oh! (laughs)

82
00:03:48,313 --> 00:03:50,351
What's the body count so far?

83
00:03:50,376 --> 00:03:52,759
Well, assuming that cheerleader
can't sew her head back on,

84
00:03:52,784 --> 00:03:54,655
- we're up to five.
- (chuckles): Yeah.

85
00:03:54,945 --> 00:03:58,626
Her head's on the floor, but her
hands still think she's alive.

86
00:03:58,651 --> 00:03:59,967
CHRISTY: Is it safe to look now?

87
00:04:00,052 --> 00:04:01,375
Hang on.

88
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,531
All clear.

89
00:04:03,922 --> 00:04:05,303
(sharp blow lands, man screams)

90
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,034
- (both laugh)
- (screams)

91
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,702
You guys suck!

92
00:04:08,727 --> 00:04:11,361
The-the jock gets it in the jockstrap.

93
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,468
- (phone chimes)
- Now, that's good writing.

94
00:04:13,493 --> 00:04:14,459
Mm.

95
00:04:14,484 --> 00:04:16,250
- Unbelievable.
- What?

96
00:04:16,275 --> 00:04:19,403
I texted Nora an hour ago,
and she still hasn't responded.

97
00:04:19,428 --> 00:04:20,811
So I paused the movie

98
00:04:20,836 --> 00:04:22,147
for something that
didn't actually happen?

99
00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:23,338
Yeah.

100
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,496
Why are you so obsessed
with Nora's approval?

101
00:04:25,521 --> 00:04:27,242
I mean, is it 'cause
she's famous or something?

102
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,899
She's not famous; she does
the weather for the local news.

103
00:04:29,924 --> 00:04:33,445
And co-hosts the Napa Valley
Thanksgiving Day Parade.

104
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,863
It's on two channels.

105
00:04:35,888 --> 00:04:37,899
Christy's always been
an approval junkie.

106
00:04:37,924 --> 00:04:40,070
In high school, if there
was one person in her class

107
00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:42,345
that didn't like her, that's
who she'd have sex with.

108
00:04:42,645 --> 00:04:44,312
Hey, it worked.

109
00:04:44,337 --> 00:04:46,420
You should take a page
from the Book of Bonnie.

110
00:04:46,445 --> 00:04:47,756
She never cares what people think.

111
00:04:47,851 --> 00:04:48,816
She should.

112
00:04:48,852 --> 00:04:51,313
See, you say that; don't care.

113
00:04:51,652 --> 00:04:54,445
(ringtone playing)

114
00:04:54,470 --> 00:04:56,634
Oh, look, it's Nora.

115
00:04:56,659 --> 00:04:59,016
- She called you?
- Relax. It's Jill.

116
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,005
What's up?

117
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,938
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

118
00:05:04,078 --> 00:05:06,344
- Are you okay?
- What happened?

119
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:08,786
Someone broke into her
house. Uh, we're on our way.

120
00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:12,290
Okay, listen, if the
police ask any questions,

121
00:05:12,315 --> 00:05:14,449
I was here with you all
night watching movies.

122
00:05:14,544 --> 00:05:16,377
You were watching a movie with us.

123
00:05:16,402 --> 00:05:18,319
Oh, good, say it just like that.

124
00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:24,268
I just keep thinking, if I'd
gotten home ten minutes earlier,

125
00:05:24,293 --> 00:05:25,959
maybe they still would've been in here.

126
00:05:25,984 --> 00:05:28,034
I could be lying on the floor dead.

127
00:05:28,059 --> 00:05:31,281
But your hands don't know it
yet, so they're still twitching.

128
00:05:31,985 --> 00:05:33,037
Quit it.

129
00:05:33,062 --> 00:05:34,896
(mouthing)

130
00:05:34,921 --> 00:05:37,672
We're just glad you're
okay. What'd they get?

131
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:40,117
Oh, all the jewelry
that wasn't in the safe

132
00:05:40,142 --> 00:05:42,342
and everything from the loose cash bowl.

133
00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:44,349
- The what?
- You know how you have

134
00:05:44,374 --> 00:05:45,923
a bowl with loose
pennies and buttons in it?

135
00:05:45,948 --> 00:05:47,886
Jill does that with 20s and 50s.

136
00:05:47,911 --> 00:05:51,829
It's for tips,
trick-or-treaters or Mormons.

137
00:05:53,383 --> 00:05:54,749
How much was in there?

138
00:05:55,134 --> 00:05:58,165
I don't know, couple of inches?

139
00:05:58,486 --> 00:05:59,724
I can't find the milk.

140
00:05:59,749 --> 00:06:02,200
Oh, my God, those
bastards took the milk.

141
00:06:02,335 --> 00:06:03,868
MAN (in distance): Ms. Kendall?

142
00:06:03,893 --> 00:06:05,368
In the kitchen!

143
00:06:05,393 --> 00:06:07,026
MAN: Big house. Doesn't help.

144
00:06:07,051 --> 00:06:10,564
Follow my voice, follow
my voice, follow my voice!

145
00:06:11,995 --> 00:06:14,662
All right, checked the
whole property. It's clear.

146
00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:15,996
Thank you, Officer.

147
00:06:16,106 --> 00:06:17,488
No problem.

148
00:06:17,513 --> 00:06:19,479
Sir, just so you know, I'm on parole.

149
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,719
But I have an alibi; I was with them

150
00:06:21,744 --> 00:06:23,327
watching slasher movies all night.

151
00:06:23,352 --> 00:06:25,602
Oh. Yeah, those are fun,

152
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:27,642
till you walk in on a real crime scene.

153
00:06:28,319 --> 00:06:30,728
I bet you've seen some messed-up stuff.

154
00:06:30,753 --> 00:06:33,743
I don't like to talk about it, but no.

155
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:35,840
This is Napa Valley.

156
00:06:35,865 --> 00:06:38,712
People call 911 when they
get a bad wedge of brie.

157
00:06:38,737 --> 00:06:40,319
Oh, I love brie.

158
00:06:40,853 --> 00:06:42,460
All right, here's my card.

159
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,595
Give me a call tomorrow with
a list of what's gone missing,

160
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:45,536
you know, for your insurance.

161
00:06:45,561 --> 00:06:46,811
Thank you.

162
00:06:46,836 --> 00:06:49,783
Oh, and, uh, I, uh...

163
00:06:50,807 --> 00:06:52,273
I just got one more question for you.

164
00:06:52,774 --> 00:06:54,876
Um, is that a Kalamazoo
grill in the backyard?

165
00:06:55,144 --> 00:06:56,876
I don't know. My ex-husband put it in.

166
00:06:56,901 --> 00:06:58,150
I don't touch the thing.

167
00:06:58,579 --> 00:07:00,648
(chuckles softly) How can...

168
00:07:02,717 --> 00:07:04,430
How can you not...

169
00:07:05,164 --> 00:07:07,465
I'm sorry. It's just, when
I buy a lottery ticket,

170
00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:09,540
that grill is what I'm dreaming of.

171
00:07:09,565 --> 00:07:12,204
You can burn wood,
charcoal, gas, or-or...

172
00:07:12,578 --> 00:07:14,328
you can go infrared.

173
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:18,337
Infrared.

174
00:07:19,714 --> 00:07:21,191
You're getting a little
worked up here, Officer.

175
00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:22,799
It's just sitting there!

176
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,159
Well, good thing they didn't steal that.

177
00:07:25,184 --> 00:07:26,800
(chuckles) Okay.

178
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,559
You can't steal it; it's built-in.

179
00:07:28,594 --> 00:07:29,560
I'm sorry.

180
00:07:29,585 --> 00:07:31,502
You ladies, have a, have a good night.

181
00:07:34,212 --> 00:07:36,141
It's a left, two rights and a left.

182
00:07:36,173 --> 00:07:37,532
Copy that.

183
00:07:38,915 --> 00:07:42,406
Well, thanks again for coming,
but I think I'm okay now.

184
00:07:42,431 --> 00:07:43,964
Yeah. Unless they come back. (chuckles)

185
00:07:43,989 --> 00:07:45,155
What?

186
00:07:45,361 --> 00:07:46,661
Why would you say that?

187
00:07:46,696 --> 00:07:48,029
It happens all the time.

188
00:07:48,054 --> 00:07:49,582
I mean, now that the
guy knows the layout,

189
00:07:49,607 --> 00:07:50,634
he could get a couple
buddies, come back,

190
00:07:50,659 --> 00:07:53,149
- toss this place like a Caesar salad.
- Tammy!

191
00:07:53,174 --> 00:07:55,985
I'm sorry! You're right.
It could be a chick.

192
00:07:58,366 --> 00:08:01,284
I really appreciate you
guys spending the night.

193
00:08:03,841 --> 00:08:06,392
I still think you could've
made room for me up there.

194
00:08:06,417 --> 00:08:09,141
I still think, while you're
down there, you can rub my feet.

195
00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:13,186
Bonnie, would you please
check the windows again?

196
00:08:13,687 --> 00:08:14,987
(sighs) Sure.

197
00:08:17,740 --> 00:08:19,399
- Back.
- Damn it.

198
00:08:20,747 --> 00:08:22,224
You know, we can't
sleep here every night.

199
00:08:22,249 --> 00:08:23,749
Speak for yourself.

200
00:08:23,774 --> 00:08:26,735
This mattress is taking
on the shape of my ass.

201
00:08:27,915 --> 00:08:31,377
- It's memory foam.
- Well, I want to marry it.

202
00:08:31,537 --> 00:08:33,370
Maybe you should hire
some security, you know,

203
00:08:33,395 --> 00:08:35,688
someone to stay here till
you get over the yips.

204
00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:37,012
How 'bout that cop?

205
00:08:37,037 --> 00:08:38,787
A lot of those guys do off-duty work.

206
00:08:38,812 --> 00:08:40,278
Mm, I don't know.

207
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:42,720
He wouldn't shut up about my barbecue.

208
00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:45,495
I mean, what man
notices that and not me?

209
00:08:45,773 --> 00:08:48,323
You're right, don't call
a cop. Call a Hells Angel.

210
00:08:48,348 --> 00:08:51,985
They know how to crack heads
and appreciate a pretty lady.

211
00:08:52,838 --> 00:08:56,089
Shh, shh, shh! Did you just hear that?

212
00:08:56,114 --> 00:08:58,555
Jill, the alarm's on,
you're surrounded by us,

213
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,858
and Christy's closest to the
door... they'll get her first.

214
00:09:02,485 --> 00:09:03,984
The hell they will!

215
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,927
(grunting)

216
00:09:07,025 --> 00:09:09,943
Geez, shave your legs once in a while!

217
00:09:12,031 --> 00:09:13,998
Okay, if this is gonna work,

218
00:09:14,023 --> 00:09:15,990
everybody has to sleep on their side.

219
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,714
- Flip the dolphin, Tam.
- Oh, sure, sure.

220
00:09:31,073 --> 00:09:32,313
What's this?

221
00:09:33,582 --> 00:09:35,415
Warm brown food?

222
00:09:35,988 --> 00:09:37,477
I'm in.

223
00:09:39,692 --> 00:09:42,076
Appears to be some sort of chili.

224
00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:46,093
Yep, chili.

225
00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:50,140
Hey! What are you doing, you big moose?!

226
00:09:50,812 --> 00:09:51,902
You just walk in

227
00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:53,571
and eat anything that's
cooking on the stove?

228
00:09:53,596 --> 00:09:55,479
It's kept me alive so far.

229
00:09:55,504 --> 00:09:57,754
Well, it's not for you. It's for Nora.

230
00:09:57,779 --> 00:09:59,863
I did a little snooping
around on Instagram;

231
00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:01,304
found out it's her favorite thing.

232
00:10:01,329 --> 00:10:03,579
Oh, my God, you're making chili for Nora

233
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,937
just so she'll like you.

234
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:06,719
Hey, I used to make you screwdrivers

235
00:10:06,744 --> 00:10:08,244
to get you to like me.

236
00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:12,343
You did have a good firm
pour for an eight-year-old.

237
00:10:12,990 --> 00:10:14,990
I really think this is gonna work.

238
00:10:15,139 --> 00:10:17,272
I can almost feel her loving me already.

239
00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:19,398
You're really quite
pathetic, do you know that?

240
00:10:20,016 --> 00:10:21,982
I've never denied it.

241
00:10:27,244 --> 00:10:29,194
Excuse me.

242
00:10:29,770 --> 00:10:32,270
I'm paying you to protect
me, not to sit here watching

243
00:10:32,295 --> 00:10:36,023
six tiny black-and-white
movies at the same time.

244
00:10:37,979 --> 00:10:40,419
You figured out those are the
security cameras I set up, yeah?

245
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:42,155
Halfway through.

246
00:10:44,123 --> 00:10:46,569
What's going on there?
Those squirrels fighting?

247
00:10:47,218 --> 00:10:49,135
Oh. Oh.

248
00:10:51,714 --> 00:10:53,827
Yeah, they've been going
at it hot and heavy.

249
00:10:53,852 --> 00:10:55,068
Definitely not married.

250
00:10:55,093 --> 00:10:56,709
(both chuckle)

251
00:10:58,722 --> 00:11:00,972
You know, you don't have to
keep bringing your own food.

252
00:11:00,997 --> 00:11:02,459
You're welcome to
anything in the fridge.

253
00:11:02,484 --> 00:11:05,837
Oh. Thanks, but years
of police work tell me

254
00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:07,662
there's probably less
than a thousand calories

255
00:11:07,687 --> 00:11:08,802
in this entire house.

256
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:11,163
Oh, really?

257
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,390
I got to ask you a
question, Ms. Kendall.

258
00:11:18,459 --> 00:11:21,594
Oh, you've seen me without
makeup; call me Jill.

259
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,639
You've seen me without
makeup; call me Andy.

260
00:11:24,664 --> 00:11:26,881
(chuckles) Great, Andy. Ask away.

261
00:11:27,835 --> 00:11:30,885
This is a huge house, and
you're just one person.

262
00:11:30,910 --> 00:11:33,294
Don't you think you'd feel
safer in a smaller place?

263
00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,069
Maybe.

264
00:11:36,509 --> 00:11:40,171
But I've just been here so long,
I guess I'm kind of used to it.

265
00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:43,324
And my ex wanted it in the divorce,

266
00:11:43,349 --> 00:11:45,649
so I cried until the
judge said I could have it.

267
00:11:45,674 --> 00:11:47,423
Mm.

268
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:50,513
Yeah, my ex did the same
thing with my Raiders tickets.

269
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:53,521
And she doesn't even go.

270
00:11:55,091 --> 00:11:56,554
It's painful enough trying
to watch a Raiders game.

271
00:11:56,579 --> 00:11:58,495
Now I got to turn it on and see

272
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,208
those two empty seats in the end zone.

273
00:12:01,098 --> 00:12:04,183
Oh, that's nothing.

274
00:12:04,208 --> 00:12:06,425
Does your ex have a beautiful young wife

275
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:08,366
and an okay-looking child?

276
00:12:09,122 --> 00:12:11,375
No. She's dating another bald cop

277
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,911
who could stand to lose 20 pounds.

278
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:16,646
What was wrong with me?

279
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,387
I'm done being on Team Sad.

280
00:12:20,412 --> 00:12:23,079
I been through all
four stages of grief...

281
00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:25,736
eating, crying, drinking, snorting.

282
00:12:26,055 --> 00:12:28,377
I been down that path.

283
00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:31,312
Got stuck on eating.

284
00:12:32,982 --> 00:12:34,531
Want a bite?

285
00:12:35,174 --> 00:12:36,486
Nah.

286
00:12:36,511 --> 00:12:39,295
I'm not eating bread,
cheese or meat right now.

287
00:12:39,412 --> 00:12:41,079
- Watch your fingers.
- Oh.

288
00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:47,494
(game show music playing over TV)

289
00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:49,296
- (channel changes)
- Hey, what are you doing?

290
00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:51,788
I was watching... whatever that was.

291
00:12:52,268 --> 00:12:53,811
I want to watch the weather.

292
00:12:53,836 --> 00:12:55,302
We live in California.

293
00:12:55,338 --> 00:12:58,103
Here's your five-day forecast... Nice.

294
00:12:58,766 --> 00:13:01,736
Oh, wait. You want to watch
Nora so you can tell her

295
00:13:01,761 --> 00:13:03,894
how much you love the
way she points at things.

296
00:13:05,164 --> 00:13:06,697
Suck-up.

297
00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:08,522
Am not.

298
00:13:08,547 --> 00:13:11,275
Did I get a text saying
how much she loved my chili?

299
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,716
Yes, I did.

300
00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:14,374
She even asked how my day was going.

301
00:13:14,399 --> 00:13:16,316
Is that the sound of
the ice queen cracking?

302
00:13:16,341 --> 00:13:18,008
I think so.

303
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,744
Are you gonna ask questions
and also answer them?

304
00:13:20,769 --> 00:13:22,101
Is that your new thing?

305
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,713
Is it? I don't know.

306
00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:26,867
Shh, shh! My new bestie's on.

307
00:13:26,892 --> 00:13:28,025
NORA: Ah, thanks, Rob!

308
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:30,000
And I agree, that is some tie.

309
00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:31,491
(Nora and Rob laugh)

310
00:13:31,516 --> 00:13:32,932
Well, looks like we might need

311
00:13:32,957 --> 00:13:34,339
to break out the sweaters, folks.

312
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:36,134
Temperatures will be
cooling down this week

313
00:13:36,258 --> 00:13:38,058
thanks to winds coming in from the west.

314
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:39,833
(farts)

315
00:13:44,836 --> 00:13:48,080
Hey, you and your chili
just got a shout-out.

316
00:13:54,826 --> 00:13:57,903
(auto-tuned): ♪ Winds coming
in from the west ♪ (farts)

317
00:13:57,928 --> 00:14:00,128
♪ Winds coming in
from the west ♪ (farts)

318
00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:01,987
♪ Winds coming in from
the west... ♪ (farts)

319
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,242
600,000 views!

320
00:14:04,267 --> 00:14:06,935
The minute I saw this, I said,
"Let's make a YouTube video."

321
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:10,305
And Christy's all, "No, we
can't humiliate my sponsor."

322
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:12,961
Once again, my daughter
holds me back from greatness!

323
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:13,952
(laughs)

324
00:14:13,977 --> 00:14:15,360
I feel sorry for her.

325
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:17,089
Okay, when did you let one rip?

326
00:14:17,114 --> 00:14:18,613
High school talent show.

327
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,543
I was playing the flute,
but not nearly loud enough.

328
00:14:21,568 --> 00:14:22,734
(laughs)

329
00:14:22,819 --> 00:14:24,202
Move over, sex with Abe Lincoln.

330
00:14:24,287 --> 00:14:26,287
That is now number one
on my time machine list.

331
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:28,323
(laughter) Man, poor Nora.

332
00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:30,059
Let's watch it again.

333
00:14:31,922 --> 00:14:35,474
Seriously, there's a 5% chance
they're laughing at Wendy.

334
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:37,716
We both know who they're laughing at.

335
00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,182
Here's your Tupperware.

336
00:14:39,207 --> 00:14:40,239
I'm so sorry.

337
00:14:40,264 --> 00:14:41,647
Well, don't be.

338
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,222
Am I feeling a little
embarrassed? Absolutely.

339
00:14:44,529 --> 00:14:47,486
I'm human and I frickin' farted on TV.

340
00:14:47,912 --> 00:14:50,395
- And do you want to talk about that?
- Not with you.

341
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,480
I'll bring it to my
sponsor, who, by the way,

342
00:14:52,505 --> 00:14:54,588
I'm also not buddies with.

343
00:14:54,975 --> 00:14:56,941
Thank you for the coffee. I got to go.

344
00:14:56,966 --> 00:14:58,941
Right. Well, maybe we should...

345
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:01,133
Okay. All right. Bye!

346
00:15:01,158 --> 00:15:03,240
Marjorie, give me my phone back.

347
00:15:04,444 --> 00:15:06,828
How did you get from
farts to cat videos?

348
00:15:08,536 --> 00:15:09,731
How's Nora?

349
00:15:09,756 --> 00:15:12,207
Our friendship is dead, and
here's the murder weapon.

350
00:15:12,293 --> 00:15:14,176
I just don't get what the big deal is.

351
00:15:14,201 --> 00:15:16,902
We all do it. We burp, we
fart, we pee when we laugh,

352
00:15:16,927 --> 00:15:19,122
which only makes us laugh
more, which makes us pee more.

353
00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:20,847
- Circle of life.
- (phone chimes)

354
00:15:20,872 --> 00:15:23,172
Ooh, motion sensor alert.

355
00:15:23,377 --> 00:15:26,711
Aw, look. Andy's bringing in my mail.

356
00:15:26,747 --> 00:15:28,797
How long you gonna keep him around?

357
00:15:28,882 --> 00:15:31,299
I don't know. He makes me feel safe.

358
00:15:31,385 --> 00:15:33,134
And he's a lot of fun.

359
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:34,825
We stayed up all night just gabbing.

360
00:15:34,922 --> 00:15:37,005
He told me stories about being a Marine.

361
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:39,090
He really knows how to
take care of business.

362
00:15:39,115 --> 00:15:41,701
Yeah? Did he take care of your business?

363
00:15:41,929 --> 00:15:43,428
While you were gabbing all night?

364
00:15:43,453 --> 00:15:44,703
Uh-huh.

365
00:15:44,728 --> 00:15:46,365
Girl!

366
00:15:47,245 --> 00:15:50,379
(scoffs) He's a great guy, but
you met him; he's not my type.

367
00:15:50,404 --> 00:15:52,437
I don't know. He brought in your mail.

368
00:15:52,522 --> 00:15:53,855
Yeah, he did.

369
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,846
Girl!

370
00:15:56,004 --> 00:15:57,920
Wendy, it's not working.

371
00:15:57,945 --> 00:15:59,123
I know.

372
00:16:01,009 --> 00:16:03,592
Okay, here are the
keys to your new locks.

373
00:16:03,617 --> 00:16:05,500
Motion detectors are
up, cameras are working,

374
00:16:05,525 --> 00:16:06,953
and I think the squirrels got married.

375
00:16:07,974 --> 00:16:08,991
How can you tell?

376
00:16:09,016 --> 00:16:11,516
They're just eating in
silence next to each other.

377
00:16:11,541 --> 00:16:13,591
(laughs)

378
00:16:13,627 --> 00:16:16,511
(sighs) You sure you
can't stay one more night?

379
00:16:16,656 --> 00:16:19,858
At this point, I'd just be
taking your money. You're safe.

380
00:16:19,883 --> 00:16:21,433
I don't know how to thank you.

381
00:16:21,468 --> 00:16:22,767
Promise me one thing.

382
00:16:22,803 --> 00:16:25,437
I know, I know. I got to
use that big fancy grill.

383
00:16:25,472 --> 00:16:28,473
I was gonna say please be sure
to set your alarm, but, yeah,

384
00:16:28,618 --> 00:16:30,535
I will sleep better at
night knowing you finally

385
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,865
tossed a rib eye on
that magnificent bastard.

386
00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:37,615
- Bye.
- Bye.

387
00:16:39,112 --> 00:16:41,830
BOTH: Girl!

388
00:16:42,304 --> 00:16:43,999
Oh, stop.

389
00:16:44,024 --> 00:16:45,607
Let's just start watching the movie.

390
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:47,336
- I think we just watched one.
- Mm-hmm.

391
00:16:47,361 --> 00:16:48,693
A little romantic comedy

392
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:50,612
about the lonely rich
girl and her bodyguard.

393
00:16:52,399 --> 00:16:56,320
♪ And I-ee-I... ♪

394
00:16:56,345 --> 00:17:00,241
♪ Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ♪

395
00:17:01,074 --> 00:17:02,791
All right, knock it off.

396
00:17:04,378 --> 00:17:06,127
I told you, he's not my type.

397
00:17:06,213 --> 00:17:08,330
You're right. You only
date super handsome,

398
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:10,188
emotionally unavailable jerks.

399
00:17:10,213 --> 00:17:13,848
Mmm. Just hearing that turns me on.

400
00:17:14,115 --> 00:17:16,258
Maybe it's time for a change.

401
00:17:16,283 --> 00:17:17,649
No one's gonna judge you.

402
00:17:17,674 --> 00:17:19,234
And if they do, who cares? You're happy.

403
00:17:19,259 --> 00:17:20,592
Yeah. Hey, I had a type, too,

404
00:17:20,677 --> 00:17:22,260
and it wasn't a guy in a wheelchair.

405
00:17:22,312 --> 00:17:24,337
- Yeah, but Adam's hot.
- So hot.

406
00:17:24,362 --> 00:17:26,662
And taken. Taken.

407
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,234
We'll see.

408
00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:36,691
The point is that cop made you smile

409
00:17:36,716 --> 00:17:39,133
like I haven't seen in a long time.

410
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:40,756
You guys are really underestimating

411
00:17:40,781 --> 00:17:42,530
how shallow I am.

412
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,838
Knockity-knock.

413
00:17:49,863 --> 00:17:51,730
Hey. What are you doing here?

414
00:17:51,755 --> 00:17:55,773
I just came by to bring you
this tiny cactus for luck.

415
00:17:57,130 --> 00:18:02,109
I know it's your first day
back since the... incident.

416
00:18:02,609 --> 00:18:04,529
"Incident." I like that.

417
00:18:04,554 --> 00:18:08,390
Around here, they just call
it "that time I farted on TV."

418
00:18:08,809 --> 00:18:11,248
I hope you're not mad
at me over all of this.

419
00:18:11,273 --> 00:18:14,122
Okay, we got to nip this in the bud.

420
00:18:14,257 --> 00:18:15,874
Remember when I first
started sponsoring you

421
00:18:15,913 --> 00:18:17,983
and I asked you to do a fear inventory?

422
00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:19,878
Yeah. Maybe it's time for you to do

423
00:18:19,903 --> 00:18:21,931
another one, because I don't
remember you writing down,

424
00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:23,955
"I'm terrified that
people won't like me."

425
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,301
- I didn't write that down.
- Why not?

426
00:18:26,326 --> 00:18:28,877
I was afraid it would
make you not like me.

427
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,139
Do you see what you're doing here?

428
00:18:31,164 --> 00:18:32,998
Yeah, yeah.

429
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:36,210
No.

430
00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:39,971
If you always seek the
validation of other people,

431
00:18:39,996 --> 00:18:41,578
you will never be content,

432
00:18:41,735 --> 00:18:43,785
because you're making
them your higher power.

433
00:18:43,871 --> 00:18:45,454
You're doing it with me.

434
00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:48,680
And at the end of the day,
I'm just another drunk.

435
00:18:48,826 --> 00:18:51,491
Oh. One who is 60 seconds
away from doing the weather.

436
00:18:51,516 --> 00:18:52,516
Walk with me.

437
00:18:52,804 --> 00:18:55,011
Ooh, we're gonna do the weather?

438
00:18:55,036 --> 00:18:56,452
Mm-hmm.

439
00:18:58,006 --> 00:19:00,306
- Nora, I just want to...
- Watch the cables.

440
00:19:01,695 --> 00:19:04,968
Oh, my God, that's
Sports with Kane Stevens!

441
00:19:06,259 --> 00:19:08,143
And you don't need
him to like you either.

442
00:19:08,168 --> 00:19:09,417
Yes, I do. No, you don't.

443
00:19:09,442 --> 00:19:11,953
Look, I didn't have a lot
going for me growing up,

444
00:19:11,978 --> 00:19:14,316
but winning people over
was one of my strong suits.

445
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:18,020
And I'm sure it served you,
but you don't need it anymore.

446
00:19:18,045 --> 00:19:20,345
Let me ask you something.
Do you like yourself?

447
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,991
'Cause that's the only person
you should be concerned about.

448
00:19:23,077 --> 00:19:24,326
Now, off my set.

449
00:19:24,351 --> 00:19:29,637
STAGE MANAGER: All right.
In five, four, three, two...

450
00:19:29,662 --> 00:19:31,366
Look who's back.

451
00:19:31,632 --> 00:19:34,002
All right, before I
get to the five-day,

452
00:19:34,027 --> 00:19:36,811
let me acknowledge something
that got away from me last week.

453
00:19:36,836 --> 00:19:38,752
- (Rob laughs)
- (chuckles) Laugh it up, Rob.

454
00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:41,484
We all know you're not
wearing pants behind that desk.

455
00:19:42,569 --> 00:19:44,786
Point is, we're all human.

456
00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:47,799
We have our sunny days and rainy days.

457
00:19:47,885 --> 00:19:50,352
It's how you dust yourself off

458
00:19:50,377 --> 00:19:52,718
to get to the next day that matters.

459
00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:54,356
So, looking ahead at...

460
00:19:54,381 --> 00:19:56,984
Oh, my God, she winked at me.

461
00:19:57,250 --> 00:20:00,874
Which is not a big
deal... beginning now.

462
00:20:26,336 --> 00:20:28,169
(glass crashes)

463
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,811
(alarm wailing)

464
00:20:34,265 --> 00:20:36,928
Andy! I was sleeping, and
the alarm started going off.

465
00:20:36,953 --> 00:20:39,037
I think somebody's breaking in.

466
00:20:39,062 --> 00:20:40,171
You will?

467
00:20:40,196 --> 00:20:43,147
(sighs) You're the best. See you soon.

468
00:20:43,172 --> 00:20:45,089
(alarm continues wailing)

469
00:20:54,781 --> 00:20:56,591
Girl.