1 00:00:00,907 --> 00:00:02,142 Previously on Mom... 2 00:00:02,166 --> 00:00:04,066 I'm getting a lot of complaints. 3 00:00:04,068 --> 00:00:06,133 [Crying] Really? About what? 4 00:00:07,766 --> 00:00:11,801 Well, apparently, one of my waitresses is having a nervous breakdown. 5 00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:13,936 Is it Jennifer? 6 00:00:14,804 --> 00:00:16,986 - You're making this about me? - No, it's okay. 7 00:00:17,002 --> 00:00:17,972 I have come to understand 8 00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:19,497 that you were the best daughter you could be. 9 00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:22,132 My job is to forgive you, which I do. 10 00:00:23,297 --> 00:00:24,728 Oh, my God! 11 00:00:24,848 --> 00:00:25,641 Mom, 12 00:00:25,761 --> 00:00:27,669 I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs 13 00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:29,123 out of a shag carpet. 14 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,807 It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear. 15 00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:37,819 I got pregnant with you when I was a teenager, 16 00:00:37,835 --> 00:00:40,518 and please don't take this the wrong way... 17 00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,309 it ruined my life. 18 00:00:43,975 --> 00:00:45,445 Sleeping with your boss... 19 00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:47,080 - who does that? - [Chuckles] 20 00:00:47,783 --> 00:00:49,034 Roscoe: Mom? 21 00:00:51,795 --> 00:00:54,681 Christy, you know my, uh, wife? 22 00:00:55,963 --> 00:00:59,483 Yeah. Hi, Claudia. Nice to see you again. 23 00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:01,117 It's "Clowdia." 24 00:01:02,431 --> 00:01:04,660 FYI, the ladies' room needs some attention. I don't... 25 00:01:04,699 --> 00:01:06,326 know if that's you, Christy? 26 00:01:06,881 --> 00:01:09,540 It's not, and it's "Christ-y". 27 00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:13,224 Oh, I almost forgot, your daughter thinks she might be pregnant. 28 00:01:13,255 --> 00:01:15,109 Call me if you need me. 29 00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:16,641 [Door closes] 30 00:01:17,181 --> 00:01:20,278 "Remove the test stick from the foil wrapper 31 00:01:20,294 --> 00:01:22,804 and take off the over-cap." 32 00:01:22,924 --> 00:01:24,696 "Holding the test by the thumb grip, 33 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,981 place the absorbent tip in urine stream." 34 00:01:28,638 --> 00:01:30,319 You got to tinkle on it. 35 00:01:31,907 --> 00:01:34,550 It's not the first time I've done a pregnancy test, mom. 36 00:01:35,247 --> 00:01:36,904 Really? 37 00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:39,547 Then why'd you make me read all those instructions? 38 00:01:41,213 --> 00:01:42,887 Not important. 39 00:01:43,007 --> 00:01:44,259 Let it rip. 40 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:48,103 Can I have some privacy, please? 41 00:01:48,595 --> 00:01:49,761 Sure. 42 00:01:50,097 --> 00:01:51,458 [Clears throat] 43 00:01:55,939 --> 00:01:58,629 Violet, I just want you to know that 44 00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:00,482 if it turns out you are pregnant, 45 00:02:00,490 --> 00:02:03,376 I will support you no matter what you decide to do. 46 00:02:03,496 --> 00:02:04,635 Thank you. 47 00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:09,593 What do you think you're gonna do? 48 00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,032 What? 49 00:02:11,152 --> 00:02:13,464 You know, which way you leanin'? 50 00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,912 - I don't know. Get out. - Okay, sorry. 51 00:02:19,728 --> 00:02:22,020 You know, when I found out I was pregnant with you, 52 00:02:22,051 --> 00:02:24,397 a home pregnancy test took about 20 minutes. 53 00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:25,351 Uh-huh. 54 00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,322 Now it's two minutes. 55 00:02:27,352 --> 00:02:28,886 That's progress. 56 00:02:29,707 --> 00:02:31,318 Yay, science. 57 00:02:32,311 --> 00:02:33,586 I guess. 58 00:02:33,594 --> 00:02:34,853 I mean, it's good news for you 59 00:02:34,892 --> 00:02:36,769 because the nervous waiting time is less. 60 00:02:36,785 --> 00:02:39,131 Mom, I can't do this if you're talking to me. 61 00:02:39,251 --> 00:02:40,360 All right, sure. 62 00:02:40,376 --> 00:02:42,839 - Pee-shy runs in the family. - Mom! 63 00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:44,231 Sorry. 64 00:02:45,269 --> 00:02:46,649 - [Trickling] - Oh, good girl! 65 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,216 Be quiet! 66 00:02:48,573 --> 00:02:50,214 [Knocking] 67 00:02:50,334 --> 00:02:52,748 - Hello? - Hi. 68 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,071 What's the word? 69 00:02:54,345 --> 00:02:56,354 She's doing the test now. 70 00:02:56,362 --> 00:02:57,825 We'll know in a couple minutes. 71 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,428 Wow. Gulp. 72 00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:02,243 Yeah. 73 00:03:02,251 --> 00:03:03,417 When I was pregnant with you, 74 00:03:03,432 --> 00:03:06,311 - those home kits took, like, two hours. - Really? 75 00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:08,407 It was a long wait in a gas station bathroom. 76 00:03:09,517 --> 00:03:11,379 - Bonnie, is that you? - Yeah, honey. 77 00:03:11,418 --> 00:03:13,560 - Can you come in? - Of course. 78 00:03:16,009 --> 00:03:18,378 Why does your grandmother get to go in and I don't? 79 00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:20,302 Because she won't lecture me. 80 00:03:20,756 --> 00:03:23,578 I... I don't lecture. I... 81 00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:26,864 share my experiences in the hope that you'll have a better life 82 00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:28,248 than I had, and frankly, 83 00:03:28,248 --> 00:03:29,922 I think you could be a little more grateful. 84 00:03:29,922 --> 00:03:31,251 Oh, screw it, I'm coming in. 85 00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:34,309 - What's it say? What's it say? - Nothing yet. 86 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,686 Oh, God, oh, God. 87 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:37,304 I know, it's so exciting. 88 00:03:37,312 --> 00:03:39,064 I'm glad you're excited. 89 00:03:39,184 --> 00:03:40,253 I'm scared to death. 90 00:03:40,284 --> 00:03:41,308 Hey, don't you worry. 91 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,601 I'm gonna be here for you whenever you need me, 24-7. 92 00:03:44,632 --> 00:03:46,588 Thanks, Bonnie. 93 00:03:48,449 --> 00:03:50,443 I'm gonna be here for you, too. 94 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,587 That's your job, mom. 95 00:03:53,385 --> 00:03:55,426 Ooh. Here we go, showtime. 96 00:03:59,805 --> 00:04:01,126 Okay. 97 00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,754 Wow. 98 00:04:04,489 --> 00:04:05,779 You doing all right? 99 00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:09,072 I... don't know. 100 00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:11,214 Excuse me. 101 00:04:15,977 --> 00:04:17,971 - I can't believe this. - Hey, 102 00:04:17,979 --> 00:04:20,966 you have to take some of the responsibility for this pregnancy. 103 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,563 Are you kidding? We had the talk. 104 00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:26,409 I told her about abstinence, condoms, everything. 105 00:04:26,529 --> 00:04:28,450 Did you mention oral sex as a work-around? 106 00:04:30,632 --> 00:04:32,696 Oh, my God, it is my fault. 107 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,000 synced and corrected by chamallow Resync for WEB-DL by Junniper 108 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,165 When are you gonna stop with the bangs? 109 00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:04,098 What? 110 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,992 I just... I understood it when you had a forehead 111 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,612 full of pimples, but now you're just hiding a pretty face. 112 00:05:11,098 --> 00:05:12,959 This is the look now. 113 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,671 The first lady wears her hair like this. 114 00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:16,564 Well, I don't think it works on her, either. 115 00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:19,449 Noted. 116 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,382 [Sighs] 117 00:05:22,914 --> 00:05:24,064 What are we gonna do about Violet? 118 00:05:24,072 --> 00:05:25,331 I love her hair. 119 00:05:26,801 --> 00:05:28,717 No, the pregnancy. 120 00:05:28,837 --> 00:05:30,664 I don't want her to wind up like us. 121 00:05:30,703 --> 00:05:31,986 What's the matter with us? 122 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:36,155 The fact that you don't know speaks volumes. 123 00:05:38,493 --> 00:05:40,714 She has options. 124 00:05:40,754 --> 00:05:41,958 I know. 125 00:05:43,639 --> 00:05:44,531 [Sighs] 126 00:05:44,538 --> 00:05:46,009 Did I ever tell you how close I came 127 00:05:46,048 --> 00:05:47,604 to giving you up for adoption? 128 00:05:48,754 --> 00:05:49,981 What? 129 00:05:50,435 --> 00:05:54,087 Lovely Jewish couple from San Francisco, the Lowensteins. 130 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,857 She played cello for the philharmonic, 131 00:05:57,896 --> 00:05:59,507 he was a cardiologist. 132 00:05:59,538 --> 00:06:01,494 - You never told me this. - Oh, yeah. 133 00:06:01,548 --> 00:06:03,652 They offered me $25,000 for you. 134 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:06,108 Why didn't you take it? 135 00:06:06,155 --> 00:06:07,641 They sound fantastic. 136 00:06:08,978 --> 00:06:12,208 Well, they were, but you were my baby girl. I loved you. 137 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:16,822 If you really loved me, you would've sold me to the Lowensteins. 138 00:06:18,973 --> 00:06:20,725 Maybe if they'd gone to 30. 139 00:06:23,118 --> 00:06:25,027 I've made a decision. 140 00:06:27,693 --> 00:06:29,194 I'm gonna be a mom. 141 00:06:31,728 --> 00:06:32,932 Eek. 142 00:06:34,778 --> 00:06:36,389 Okay. 143 00:06:37,633 --> 00:06:39,189 Well, then, 144 00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:42,223 congratulations. 145 00:06:43,256 --> 00:06:44,875 We're having a baby. 146 00:06:45,157 --> 00:06:47,135 I'm so happy for you, Violet. 147 00:06:47,182 --> 00:06:48,386 Thanks. 148 00:06:48,418 --> 00:06:50,279 And the great thing about having a baby so young 149 00:06:50,303 --> 00:06:53,063 is after a few years, you can tell people the kid's your sibling. 150 00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:56,505 Right, sis? 151 00:06:59,242 --> 00:07:01,870 That's not as cute as you think it is. 152 00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:08,118 Uh, couple of questions. 153 00:07:08,399 --> 00:07:10,370 What about high school? 154 00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:11,356 What about it? 155 00:07:11,476 --> 00:07:13,124 The baby won't be born till after I graduate, 156 00:07:13,131 --> 00:07:14,453 so it shouldn't be a problem. 157 00:07:16,088 --> 00:07:17,269 Eek. 158 00:07:19,693 --> 00:07:21,891 I guess the next thing to do is call Luke. 159 00:07:22,011 --> 00:07:24,917 - You think he's the father? - I know he's the father. 160 00:07:24,956 --> 00:07:26,693 How about that? Old-school. 161 00:07:28,687 --> 00:07:30,854 - Grandma! - Ah, ah, ah. 162 00:07:30,974 --> 00:07:33,755 Aunt Bonnie. There's my boy. 163 00:07:34,701 --> 00:07:36,406 Why do you have glitter on your shirt? 164 00:07:36,437 --> 00:07:38,244 Dad took me to his girlfriend's apartment. 165 00:07:38,364 --> 00:07:40,027 I learned how to swing on a pole. 166 00:07:41,153 --> 00:07:42,412 He's a natural. 167 00:07:45,814 --> 00:07:48,285 I thought your girlfriend worked at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 168 00:07:48,309 --> 00:07:50,006 Doesn't mean she can't dream. 169 00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:52,047 Okay. 170 00:07:52,094 --> 00:07:54,995 Go wash the sad lady off your hands. 171 00:07:56,801 --> 00:07:58,076 [Sighs] 172 00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:00,000 Thanks for taking him this afternoon. 173 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,465 Hey, I'm his dad. If I can't spend two hours a week with him, who can? 174 00:08:04,747 --> 00:08:07,868 It's not always great knowing who the father is. 175 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,837 Why is my son pregnant? 176 00:08:24,189 --> 00:08:26,848 Well, that's a window into a dark room. 177 00:08:28,693 --> 00:08:30,946 - Sorry. - You okay? 178 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,800 - I'm fine. - Come on. 179 00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:36,881 Okay. Well, 180 00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:39,697 I just found out my teenage daughter is pregnant. 181 00:08:39,817 --> 00:08:41,753 Really? Wow. 182 00:08:43,098 --> 00:08:45,554 She's not a cheerleader with an overbite, is she? 183 00:08:48,072 --> 00:08:50,340 - No. Why? - No reason. 184 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,071 Okay. 185 00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:56,831 Nice talking to you, Chef Rudy. 186 00:08:56,831 --> 00:08:59,185 Stay strong, waitress whose name I do not know. 187 00:09:02,446 --> 00:09:03,713 Thank God. 188 00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:08,359 - Here we are. - Oh. 189 00:09:08,479 --> 00:09:10,900 [Clears throat] How is the Chardonnay? 190 00:09:10,932 --> 00:09:13,043 It is delicious. Good choice. 191 00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:14,287 Oh, yeah, 192 00:09:14,671 --> 00:09:17,564 back in the day, I could get lost in a bottle of this stuff. 193 00:09:18,503 --> 00:09:21,240 One time, I woke up in a Best Western hotel 194 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,688 with two of the roadies from Counting Crows. 195 00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:27,699 But I'm sure that won't happen to you. 196 00:09:33,784 --> 00:09:36,381 - Hey. - Hey. 197 00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:39,679 I miss you. 198 00:09:39,799 --> 00:09:41,527 Oh, thanks. 199 00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:46,196 You miss me? 200 00:09:46,477 --> 00:09:47,937 Yeah, sure, I guess. 201 00:09:48,784 --> 00:09:50,794 That's not very encouraging. 202 00:09:51,122 --> 00:09:53,860 I'm sorry. I got a lot on my mind. 203 00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:55,932 Well, I'm a good listener. 204 00:09:56,222 --> 00:09:57,817 A penny for your thoughts? 205 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,361 Okay, fine. How's this? 206 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:05,903 I'm working my ass off so I can take care of my children, 207 00:10:05,943 --> 00:10:07,976 I just found out I'm gonna be a freaking grandma, 208 00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:09,360 and the man that I'm sleeping with 209 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,519 only has time for me when his wife is out of town, 210 00:10:11,558 --> 00:10:13,044 and I desperately want to run away 211 00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:14,460 from it all with a bottle of this 212 00:10:14,491 --> 00:10:16,571 but I can't because my name is Christy and I'm an alcoholic. 213 00:10:16,573 --> 00:10:18,396 Ola, Christy. 214 00:10:21,936 --> 00:10:25,205 Man [Over stereo]: In this moment, my life is perfect. 215 00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:27,934 In this moment, 216 00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:30,171 my life is perfect. 217 00:10:30,291 --> 00:10:31,837 I breathe in love. 218 00:10:31,957 --> 00:10:33,870 I breathe out fear. 219 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,365 I breathe in love. 220 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,507 - I breathe out fear. - [Knocking] 221 00:10:38,523 --> 00:10:40,306 [Screams, horn honks] 222 00:10:42,628 --> 00:10:44,263 Ah, I... 223 00:10:44,474 --> 00:10:46,406 Didn't see you there, Luke. 224 00:10:46,453 --> 00:10:48,955 I could tell. How's it going? 225 00:10:48,963 --> 00:10:51,341 Pretty good. Um, Violet texted me that we needed to talk, 226 00:10:51,372 --> 00:10:53,914 so I came right over after work, and I brought sliders. 227 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,601 Yum. 228 00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,441 They give us the ones that smell iffy. 229 00:10:58,935 --> 00:11:00,483 Double yum. 230 00:11:00,686 --> 00:11:03,017 Yeah, it's a pretty sweet perk. 231 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,604 So how was your day? 232 00:11:05,089 --> 00:11:07,530 - Not great. - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 233 00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:08,703 Mine's been awesome. 234 00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,221 I got promoted to shift manager 235 00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:12,559 and found five dollars in the men's room. 236 00:11:12,614 --> 00:11:13,984 It wasn't even that wet. 237 00:11:15,797 --> 00:11:17,955 - You're on fire. - Right? 238 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,999 Come on in. 239 00:11:22,046 --> 00:11:23,876 Let's see what the rest of your life looks like. 240 00:11:26,262 --> 00:11:28,076 - Hey, Vi. - Hi, Luke. 241 00:11:28,196 --> 00:11:29,515 Um, I'd kiss you, but 242 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,838 I don't want your mom to get the wrong idea about me. 243 00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:35,083 [Quietly] Has that ship sailed. 244 00:11:36,194 --> 00:11:37,391 So, what's going on? 245 00:11:37,511 --> 00:11:41,113 - Well, I got some kind of big news. - Cool. What? 246 00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:44,234 Okay, um... Violet, wait. 247 00:11:45,258 --> 00:11:47,057 Luke, can you give us a minute? 248 00:11:47,177 --> 00:11:49,982 Sure. I'll nuke these bad boys so we don't get the squirts. 249 00:11:53,110 --> 00:11:55,073 Isn't he amazing? 250 00:11:55,385 --> 00:11:56,676 Yeah. 251 00:11:58,866 --> 00:12:01,204 I just think it's important that you understand 252 00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:04,724 he might not have the maturity to deal with this situation. 253 00:12:04,747 --> 00:12:07,320 I'm just gonna hit the popcorn button and see what happens. 254 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,154 Luke loves me. I love him. 255 00:12:13,342 --> 00:12:14,977 We're gonna make this work. 256 00:12:15,290 --> 00:12:17,793 Honey, I just don't want you to get hurt. 257 00:12:17,832 --> 00:12:19,943 Young guys spook real easy, 258 00:12:19,982 --> 00:12:22,203 and you can't count on them sticking around. 259 00:12:22,563 --> 00:12:23,617 Whoa. 260 00:12:24,284 --> 00:12:26,497 I think I know what you wanted to tell me. 261 00:12:27,411 --> 00:12:28,397 You do? 262 00:12:28,436 --> 00:12:29,601 Yeah. 263 00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:32,933 You're having a baby. 264 00:12:36,045 --> 00:12:37,257 So close. 265 00:12:40,495 --> 00:12:41,574 Violet? 266 00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:45,609 Luke, I'm having a baby. 267 00:12:47,063 --> 00:12:48,377 Wait. 268 00:12:48,839 --> 00:12:50,670 So you're both pregnant? 269 00:12:54,494 --> 00:12:56,418 No, just me. 270 00:12:56,935 --> 00:12:58,030 Oh. 271 00:13:00,657 --> 00:13:01,995 Well, that's... 272 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,467 so cool! 273 00:13:05,945 --> 00:13:07,681 There's still time for you. 274 00:13:08,376 --> 00:13:10,370 Not much, but keep at it. 275 00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:12,881 Thank you. 276 00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:17,777 So you're not gonna get scared and run off? 277 00:13:17,808 --> 00:13:19,521 Why would I run off? 278 00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:23,079 I love you, and I'm gonna love your baby. 279 00:13:23,634 --> 00:13:26,199 Um, it's our baby. 280 00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:27,615 What? 281 00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:35,249 Even better! 282 00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,840 That's why I get so frustrated with the people at work. 283 00:13:48,630 --> 00:13:50,568 [Quietly] I slept with that guy. 284 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,743 Really? 285 00:13:54,252 --> 00:13:56,574 He cries when he finishes. 286 00:13:58,060 --> 00:13:59,257 What do you mean? 287 00:13:59,377 --> 00:14:01,227 - Like a happy cry? - No. 288 00:14:01,485 --> 00:14:02,713 More like a... 289 00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:05,427 [Sobs in low voice] 290 00:14:08,196 --> 00:14:11,067 And that tiny dude over there in the red shirt? 291 00:14:11,122 --> 00:14:13,116 Did you sleep with him, too? 292 00:14:13,382 --> 00:14:16,354 Well, I wasn't going to at first because of our height disparity, 293 00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:18,755 and then I decided to do it anyway as, like, a good deed. 294 00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:22,834 That's how you get into heaven. 295 00:14:22,954 --> 00:14:25,183 Letting a little guy go up on you. 296 00:14:26,622 --> 00:14:30,274 I wish. All he wanted to do was spank me. 297 00:14:30,962 --> 00:14:34,388 Well, no good deed goes unpunished. 298 00:14:35,412 --> 00:14:36,922 I had to sit on my hip for a week. 299 00:14:38,955 --> 00:14:40,926 So how many men at this meeting have you slept with? 300 00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:42,968 Oh, please, this is a sacred space 301 00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:45,353 dedicated to recovery and healing. 302 00:14:45,473 --> 00:14:46,683 Six. 303 00:14:50,491 --> 00:14:52,024 Woman: Anyone else like to share? 304 00:14:52,071 --> 00:14:53,705 Oh, me. 305 00:14:55,191 --> 00:14:56,935 Haven't you shared enough? 306 00:14:57,936 --> 00:14:59,704 Hi. I'm Bonnie, and I'm an alcoholic. 307 00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:02,097 - All: Hi, Bonnie. - I just want to start by saying 308 00:15:02,097 --> 00:15:03,982 how grateful I am to this program. 309 00:15:03,998 --> 00:15:07,447 Not only am I happily sober, but so is my daughter. 310 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:10,106 And let me tell you, she was a hot mess. 311 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:11,654 Come on. Stand up, honey. 312 00:15:11,670 --> 00:15:13,633 Let everybody see how pretty you are now. 313 00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:17,707 Imagine her without the bangs. 314 00:15:20,546 --> 00:15:22,767 P.S. She's single, fellas. 315 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,043 Not for you, Spanky. 316 00:15:26,263 --> 00:15:29,071 Anyhow, it's just a real gift to have her back in my life. 317 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,988 And, uh, I know I wasn't the world's 318 00:15:31,027 --> 00:15:32,395 greatest mom when she was growing up, 319 00:15:32,419 --> 00:15:33,740 what with all my drinking and 320 00:15:33,756 --> 00:15:35,031 drugging and dealing and 321 00:15:35,039 --> 00:15:36,892 managing an international escort service 322 00:15:36,898 --> 00:15:38,737 with ties to the Russian mob, but... 323 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:42,641 you know, it's hard to have a career and be a mom. 324 00:15:42,673 --> 00:15:44,155 Am I right, ladies? 325 00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:48,529 I remember this one time, she was five years old. 326 00:15:48,978 --> 00:15:50,481 Maybe she was 11. 327 00:15:50,531 --> 00:15:51,895 The point is she was little. 328 00:15:52,258 --> 00:15:54,154 And I pulled her out of school, 329 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,493 moved us up to Manitoba 330 00:15:55,518 --> 00:15:56,838 where I opened up a daycare center 331 00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:59,027 that was a front for an ecstasy distribution hub. 332 00:15:59,846 --> 00:16:01,310 It worked out really well 333 00:16:01,323 --> 00:16:04,494 until one mountie had to be a freaking hero. 334 00:16:06,734 --> 00:16:08,874 You are so lucky to have her for a mother. 335 00:16:09,164 --> 00:16:10,399 You don't have to tell me. 336 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,650 - She's a... - I mean it! 337 00:16:11,733 --> 00:16:13,829 You don't have to tell me. 338 00:16:15,768 --> 00:16:17,495 Don't get me wrong. I love Canada. 339 00:16:17,514 --> 00:16:19,310 Hey, remember Canadian beer? 340 00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:21,155 Wasn't that great? 341 00:16:26,255 --> 00:16:27,569 Hello? 342 00:16:28,633 --> 00:16:29,790 Violet? 343 00:16:33,801 --> 00:16:35,440 - Did you finish your homework? - Yep. 344 00:16:35,503 --> 00:16:36,591 Did you brush your teeth? 345 00:16:36,711 --> 00:16:37,611 I think so. 346 00:16:37,611 --> 00:16:40,208 Mmm, what do you mean, you "think so"? 347 00:16:40,264 --> 00:16:41,472 My brain is full. 348 00:16:41,509 --> 00:16:43,142 I'm worried about the Middle East. 349 00:16:44,844 --> 00:16:47,359 Violet: All right, you'll brush twice as long in the morning. 350 00:16:47,402 --> 00:16:48,546 Get in there. 351 00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:50,480 Middle East. 352 00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:57,719 Want to know a secret? 353 00:16:58,026 --> 00:16:58,971 Sure. 354 00:16:59,091 --> 00:17:00,634 You're gonna be an Uncle. 355 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:01,691 Cool. 356 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,199 Do you know what that means? 357 00:17:03,575 --> 00:17:04,242 Yeah. 358 00:17:04,243 --> 00:17:06,424 I'm your boyfriend and I get to sleep over. 359 00:17:07,923 --> 00:17:09,925 No, that's a different kind of Uncle. 360 00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:13,023 It means that I'm gonna have a baby. 361 00:17:13,623 --> 00:17:14,756 Really? 362 00:17:15,438 --> 00:17:16,871 A human baby? 363 00:17:19,993 --> 00:17:21,394 I hope so. 364 00:17:23,515 --> 00:17:25,218 But I'm gonna need your help. 365 00:17:25,424 --> 00:17:27,820 - With what? - Taking care of the baby. 366 00:17:28,065 --> 00:17:29,172 Oh, sure. 367 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,938 I'll take good care of it like you take good care of me. 368 00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:34,885 You're gonna be a great Uncle. 369 00:17:35,279 --> 00:17:37,694 - Roscoe: I have a secret, too. - Violet: What's that? 370 00:17:38,045 --> 00:17:40,466 I haven't brushed my teeth in three days. 371 00:17:41,154 --> 00:17:43,319 You little stinker! 372 00:17:47,454 --> 00:17:48,605 Mom? 373 00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,382 - [Sobbing softly] - What's wrong? 374 00:17:54,142 --> 00:17:56,576 You're a better mother than I am. 375 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,380 I know. 376 00:18:07,174 --> 00:18:09,045 You're gonna love my gynecologist. 377 00:18:09,052 --> 00:18:11,291 He's got very small hands. 378 00:18:11,754 --> 00:18:14,019 Like an Asian raccoon. 379 00:18:14,782 --> 00:18:16,328 Mom, please! 380 00:18:20,401 --> 00:18:21,958 I'm gonna be an Uncle. 381 00:18:22,078 --> 00:18:24,186 Unless it's a girl. Then I'll be an aunt. 382 00:18:25,958 --> 00:18:28,021 I respect your open-mindedness. 383 00:18:30,649 --> 00:18:33,371 Gotta give this kid Luke points for showing up. 384 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,279 He claims he loves her. 385 00:18:35,399 --> 00:18:36,505 Well, we'll see. 386 00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:38,320 I had three significant relationships 387 00:18:38,332 --> 00:18:40,272 end while I was pregnant with you, so... 388 00:18:44,871 --> 00:18:45,834 Christy? 389 00:18:46,285 --> 00:18:48,769 - Carla? - Hi. 390 00:18:49,007 --> 00:18:52,598 - I haven't seen you since high school. - Yeah, hi! 391 00:18:52,817 --> 00:18:54,844 Wow! Look at you. 392 00:18:54,907 --> 00:18:57,084 Yeah, finally getting around to starting a family. 393 00:18:57,088 --> 00:18:58,064 And you? 394 00:18:58,322 --> 00:18:59,536 I, uh... 395 00:19:00,738 --> 00:19:03,166 I'm fighting a nasty yeast infection. 396 00:19:04,749 --> 00:19:07,426 And with the support of her entire family, 397 00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:09,185 she will win this battle. 398 00:19:16,817 --> 00:19:17,899 Am I right? 399 00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:21,421 Oh, come on. 400 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:24,356 And there is your baby. 401 00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:28,002 Wow. 402 00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:31,462 Luke, look what we made. 403 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,502 Unreal. 404 00:19:33,877 --> 00:19:35,160 I can't wait for it to grow feet 405 00:19:35,191 --> 00:19:36,905 so I can make moccasins for it. 406 00:19:38,031 --> 00:19:40,159 Mom, come here. 407 00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:43,807 I'm gonna need your help. 408 00:19:44,864 --> 00:19:46,084 I'll be here. 409 00:19:50,501 --> 00:19:51,903 Mom? 410 00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:56,439 I'm gonna need your help. 411 00:19:57,515 --> 00:19:58,992 I'm not going anywhere. 412 00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:03,391 "Clitoris." 413 00:20:18,872 --> 00:20:19,938 [Humming] 414 00:20:19,995 --> 00:20:21,536 Well, someone's in a good mood. 415 00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:22,551 You know, 416 00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:23,677 I am. 417 00:20:24,239 --> 00:20:25,075 I am just... 418 00:20:25,588 --> 00:20:27,544 - loving my life right now. - Mmm. 419 00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:28,700 Cocaine? 420 00:20:30,795 --> 00:20:31,734 Family. 421 00:20:33,173 --> 00:20:33,865 Family. 422 00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:36,677 That stuff will kill you. 423 00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:45,400 On the next episode of Mom... 424 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,000 www.addic7ed.com