I had all these plans about becoming a lawyer...
and I was doing so good...
then last night I went online
and... and...
and...
Oh, for God's sake, you're like a cat trying to cough up a hairball!
And what?!
Then I found out how much it's gonna cost!
For two more years of college
and three years of law school, I need two... h...
- two... two... - Two what?!
$200,000!
Poor thing. No wonder she's crying.
All night. I had to make her sleep downstairs.
Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
I'm a waitress.
People are gonna have to leave me thousand-dollar tips.
And I'm not that good a waitress!
She's really not.
Anyway, I know I'm supposed to end...
on an up note, so, um...
I'm grateful to be sober...
and...
... and...
Clap. Put her out of her misery.
Thank you.
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --
How's the peach pie? Is it worth it?
I think so. You want some?
Just a nibble.
Oh! So worth it.
Christy.
Would you pass me the sweetener?
Ladies, can we please show a little compassion for our friend?
Hey, I showed compassion for 22 hours.
Right now this is just white noise.
Sweetie, how much is it gonna cost
for just one semester of college?
$8,423...
plus books.
Okay, then you don't need $200,000,
you just need that.
Yeah, I guess.
You have to start looking for scholarships, student loans,
anything you can get your hands on
to help you pay for the first semester.
Okay. I could do that.
There you go.
One step at a time.
Thanks, Marjorie.
You always know how to calm me down.
And didn't you tell me you had some money set aside?
$4,000. But I spent it on my daughter's wedding dress,
and now she's not getting married!
Nice. She's sleeping at your house tonight.
♪ ♪
- Feeling better? - Yeah.
Marjorie's right.
I just got to take this one step at a time,
roll with the punches.
Oh, hey, you're home early.
Are you kidding me?!
Oh!
What's her problem?
Seriously?
Think about it.
For how long?
♪ ♪
You did this to me.
What did I do?
I'm talking to the dress.
Ah. It's not talking back, is it?
How can she afford pot?
How can she afford anything?
I just told her, if she's gonna live here, she has to get a job.
Great. She can be the bud-tender at the pot store.
Actually, uh, that's not an entry level job.
You know I'm gonna have to pay for her school, too.
- Says who? - Says me. What kind of mother
would I be if I didn't help my daughter get an education?
I didn't help you... Does that make me a bad mother?
It's one of the things, yeah.
Okay, let's try this another way.
How much more money are we talking about
for her to go to school?
Same as me, I guess.
Eight, nine grand a semester.
All right, so what's the first thing you need to do?
There's only one thing I can do.
♪ ♪
Psst.
Hey. Size two, gettin' married?
Come here.
Let me show you something.
Never been worn.
Pay cash, and I'll throw in the shoes.
♪ ♪
Hello?
In here.
What's up?
Just doing as I was told, trying to find scholarship money
anywhere I can. Question:
do we have any Native American blood in our family?
Ah. I did have a Paiute boyfriend
right around the time you were born.
Close enough.
One-eighteenth Paiute.
The Beer Distributors of America give out a scholarship?
Yes. And if anybody deserves it, I do.
"Napa Valley Trial Lawyers Association."
Yeah, that's a good one.
But I got to go to a banquet and give a speech
on why I want to practice law.
Really? Let's hear what you wrote.
- Yeah? - Sure.
Great.
"Good evening and thank you.
"Ever since I was a little girl,
I've wanted to help people in trouble."
Oh, screw you!
Oh. Almost forgot.
The Bonnie Plunkett Scholarship...
No boring speech necessary.
Oh, my God. Where'd this come from?
You're not selling fake ecstasy again, are you?
No. But for the record, I never called it ecstasy,
I just walked around Coachella
and offered people $20 gummy bears.
That money's from Violet's wedding dress.
You sold the gown of shame?
Not only did I sell it, I got invited to the wedding.
You could be my plus-one.
How much is here? ‭$500.
That dress cost me four grand.
Yeah, and I sold it for a thousand dollars.
So wait, you're keeping half?
You got a problem with that?
Yeah! I'm trying to go to college!
Well, you should take a business class
and learn how the world works.
Mom!
Oh, for God's sake.
- Thank you. - Not so fast. Tell me you love me.
I love you.
Like you mean it.
I love you.
Now, was that so hard?
I'm such a whore.
♪ ♪
All right, folks,
this is the part of the evening that always tugs
at my recently scraped-out heartstrings...
where we offer a helping hand to one deserving student
who's seeking a career in the law.
Now, this year we have three
outstanding young candidates who will say a few words
about why they want to be an attorney.
And we'll begin with Christy Plunkay.
Thank you.
It's actually Plunkett.
But I kind of like the sound of Plunkay.
It's more... funkay.
All right, then, not fun-nay.
Ever since I was a little girl,
I dreamed of being a lawyer
because I wanted to make a difference.
I wanted to help people
like Atticus Finch did in the inspiring novel,
"To Kill a Mockingbird."
I believe that the real superheroes in our society
are lawyers.
Especially trial lawyers.
Um...
you know what?
This is all crap.
Let me tell you why I'm really here.
I wasted a lot of my life using drugs and alcohol.
I was a complete and total mess.
But... three years ago, I got sober,
got my GED, finished two years of community college
with a 3.8 grade average...
... all while I was working as a waitress and legal secretary.
At the same time, I was raising my son and daughter,
and caring for my mentally-challenged mother.
So, the answer to why I want to be a lawyer is simple:
I know first-hand what it's like to fall through the cracks.
And I also know
what it's like to be given a second chance.
If you decide to help me out,
your money won't be wasted,
'cause I have lived enough to appreciate how precious
an opportunity like this is.
Thank you.
Also, I never read To Kill a Mockingbird,
I just saw the movie.
- Where's Christy? - Who knows.
Elks Club, Lions Club, Moose Lodge.
Every night she's out begging a different animal
for scholarship money.
Good for her.
She's in the solution, not the problem.
You know,
whenever you burp up one of those clichés,
I get a pain right behind my eye.
I know.
I got this.
I'm sorry, what's happening?
It's my treat.
Yeah, I just don't understand.
I came into a little extra money selling Violet's wedding dress,
and I want to buy my friends, and Marjorie,
coffee and dessert.
She loves you, she just doesn't know how to express it.
Didn't Christy buy that dress?
Yes.
Then shouldn't she get all the money?
She thinks she did, that's close enough.
Anyway, I'm looking for other stuff to sell,
you guys got anything you want to get rid of?
I have a Bowflex, a Thighmaster, and an Ab Rocker.
Still in their boxes, I'm guessing.
That is so mean.
And yes.
I'll take it all. Anybody else?
Oh hell, I got a garage full of stuff.
You'd be doing me a huge favor by clearing it out.
A huge favor?
Then why don't you pay the bill?
Well, Freaky Friday's over.
Hey.
How'd it go?
Kind of a disaster.
Where were you?
Elks, Beavers, Woodchucks?
The Shriners.
When I told them I was sober, they started to boo.
Aw.
Where's Violet?
She's sleeping.
At 9:00?
Apparently the good parties don't start till 11:00.
Did she even bother looking for a job today?
Who knows.
I don't have the energy to fight with her anymore.
Well, lucky for you, I'm sitting on a lot of anger,
and I need to squirt it at somebody.
Wake up!
What the hell? Give me back my blanket.
It's my blanket, buck-o.
Now here's how this is gonna go,
no more parties, no more laying around here
smoking reefer.
What's "reefer?"
Shut up.
You have got till the end of the week to get a job.
Why are you being so mean to me?
My whole life is falling apart.
Don't let her play you.
Your life is falling apart
'cause you're stupid!
Yes!
You need to move
out of the problem, and into the solution.
Ow.
What's that mean?
It means stop
feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your life.
- Mom. - What?
I love you so much right now.
Oh, okay, thanks, I love you, too.
For your information, I don't feel sorry for myself.
Get back in there!
Okay, that's it, you're getting a hug.
So, what do you think?
Oh...
my God!
I know, it's a mess.
Can't even park my Range Rover in here
'cause of these damn Jet Skis.
Since when do you play drums?
My ex-husband took lessons.
- Really? - Yeah.
He had no rhythm in bed,
I don't know why he thought he could play the drums.
What is that? A hang glider?
Yeah, he was into all kinds of extreme sports.
Hmm, explains why he married an alcoholic.
- So all this stuff is his? - Yep.
And he doesn't want it?
Oh, he wants it.
So how soon can you get it all out of here?
I don't know, Marjorie, I did everything you said.
I applied for, like, ten scholarships and got nowhere.
Yeah, I could apply for a student loan,
but I'll never get out from under it.
Yes, I'm staying positive.
Yes, I know it's all in God's hands.
Behind you.
I got to go, my mother has a canoe.
It's a kayak.
Open 1A.
What's happening?
Hang on, let me put this down.
Where did you get that thing?
Jill's garage.
She gave it to me to sell.
I got stuff from everyone.
Does Mrs. Hathaway know you're using her apartment for storage?
Mrs. Hathaway is in the hospital in critical condition.
She does not need the stress of hearing from me.
Then I guess you're in business.
I even came up with a slogan,
"Don't junk it, Plunkett."
How about,
"Don't throw it away, Plunkay."
What's "Plunkay?"
Never mind. I got to get to work.
Is Violet here? I could use some help with the Jet Skis.
Believe it or not, she and a bunch of her girlfriends
- went to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. - What?
I told her to find a job.
And I told her to do the laundry,
and I'm still wearing yesterday's pants.
Hey, ask around at the restaurant,
see if anybody wants to buy a guitar
autographed by Sammy Hagar.
Working on scholarships?
No.
Trying to find out if the government breaks your legs
when you can't pay back your student loans.
Why do you assume you won't be able to pay them back?
After you graduate, you're gonna be a rich attorney.
I was never doing this to become a rich attorney.
I want to help people who are in trouble, you know?
The downtrodden.
Oh honey, when are you gonna figure it out?
We are the downtrodden.
Make a lot of money so we can be the "up-trodden."
Hello?
Oh, crap. In here!
You want me to take this?
No, she's my fault.
Oh.
Hey.
- Hey, how was your weekend? - It was great.
I won $38 at the casino.
Look at that, Christy, your money problems are over.
Yeah, turns out I'm really good at slot machines.
Anyway, the best part is I got a job.
Really? Where?
At Harrah's. I'm gonna be a blackjack dealer.
Wait a minute, you're moving to Lake Tahoe?
Yeah, my friend Lindsay's dad is a pit-boss and he hooked us up.
We're gonna share an apartment and go to dealer school.
It'll be a blast.
But what about finishing college,
making something of your life?
money.
When people win at blackjack, they give you a tip.
So I figure, all I got to do is make sure that they win.
Oh, God, she'll be stripping in a month.
May I step in?
Have at it.
That sounds like a terrific plan, Violet.
Good luck.
That's how you step in? Step out.
What? She's an adult.
Maybe college isn't the right thing for her now.
So you'd rather have her deal blackjack?
No, it's a terrible idea,
but let her find out for herself that she's an idiot.
Thanks, Grandma.
Anyway, I'm gonna go lie down for a little while.
I'm going out later to celebrate.
I can't believe this.
Hey, look at the bright side,
you now have one less tuition to worry about.
I don't care about the money anymore,
I just want her to be safe.
Hey, I happen to remember another cute, young blonde
who left home early to find her way in the world,
and she turned out just fine.
I wound up addicted to drugs, alcohol, with a police record
and two children.
Maybe I wasn't talking about you.
Oh, my God.
I got the scholarship from the trial lawyers.
Oh, honey, that's great!
It's like Marjorie says,
"When God closes a door, he opens a window."
Ow.
♪ Happy birthday, dear Christy ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Keep coming back. ♪
Three years sober, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks, Marjorie.
I don't know what's more impressive,
three years without a drink or a whole week without crying.
I just want to thank you guys.
I couldn't have made it through this year without you.
I'd like to say that you're all my family,
but that word has such ugly connotations.
How's it going with the college tuition?
Almost there.
If I get the tax refund I'm hoping for,
grab some extra shifts at the restaurant,
and perform my own root canal, I might just make it.
Or...
you could have a mother who wants to make amends
for not being there the first time
you tried to get an education.
What's this?
I sold Jill's Jet Skis for...
how much did I tell you?
$5,000
Right, five grand.
Anyway, that's my cut and...
and now it's yours.
Good luck at school.
Oh, Mom, thank you.
Don't count it in front of Jill.
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --