1
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,344
(vocalizing)

2
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,215
(Southern accent):
Oh, my!

3
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:17,283
(chuckles) A handsome interloper

4
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,620
has happened upon
my impromptu picnic.

5
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:38,138
Allow me to cool my décolletage
with an icy glass of sweet tea.

6
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,641
You need to come with me.

7
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,611
(regular voice): Are you not
seeing what's happening here?

8
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,417
(Southern accent):
You're a traveling salesman,

9
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,819
and my daddy has gone to town
for seeds.

10
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,655
We had a swarm of locusts.

11
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,757
Hey.

12
00:00:57,824 --> 00:01:00,126
You really need to come with me.

13
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,729
But... But, well, now I'm stuck
with all this sweet tea

14
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,231
and whipped cream
and this accent.

15
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:11,638
(regular voice): Deserted
highway, jittery husband.

16
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:13,573
If I knew
you were gonna kill me,

17
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,442
I would've worn sweats.

18
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,442
(sighs)

19
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:18,578
Okay. Look at the billboard.

20
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,147
"Mr. Naughty's."

21
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,282
A strip club?

22
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:25,618
Naked picnic Monday isn't
good enough for you anymore?

23
00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:27,620
Look again.

24
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:29,522
What? It's some poor stripper
looking confused and...

25
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,459
Oh, my God,
that's my daughter!

26
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,528
♪ ♪

27
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,288
It's Christy!

28
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,524
Yeah, we know it's Christy.

29
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:05,859
I knew her eyes were big,

30
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:08,695
but now they're,
like, six feet tall.

31
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:11,264
And I think they're
following me.

32
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,501
She hung up her tassels
ages ago.

33
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,503
Has that thing been up there
for 20 years?

34
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,872
Judging by all the
bird poop, yes.

35
00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:22,475
Why couldn't they have
pooped on her face?

36
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,544
Poop on her face!

37
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:25,879
At least it'll be dark soon

38
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,914
and people won't be able
to see it.

39
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:31,150
(lights click and buzz)

40
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,620
Poop on the lights!

41
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,192
So,

42
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:42,295
a giant, half-naked Christy
has been up there for decades,

43
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:44,230
and we had no idea.

44
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,432
You know, I always pictured
a boyish figure

45
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,867
under all those hoodies,
and, to be honest,

46
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:50,236
I preferred it that way.

47
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,371
Do you think she knows?

48
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,305
Of course not.

49
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,740
I posted a picture of
her on her birthday.

50
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,508
She made me take it down
'cause she didn't like

51
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:56,809
how her ears looked.

52
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,612
Upside, you don't notice
her ears on the billboard.

53
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,649
I mean, we've all heard
about her stripper days,

54
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,251
but somehow, seeing
her 80 feet wide

55
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,587
makes it very real.

56
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,423
Yeah. I mean, I know Marjorie
lived in a cardboard box,

57
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:12,625
but if I saw it on a billboard,
that would be a bummer.

58
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,528
What would that
billboard be for?

59
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:18,464
Dave's Cardboard
Box Emporium?

60
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,432
Well, living in a box

61
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,267
was one of the least
embarrassing things I did.

62
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,836
Thank God social media didn't
exist when I was drinking.

63
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,405
Oh, I'm not so lucky.

64
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:27,840
If you google "drunk
socialite moons Wimbledon,"

65
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,742
hello.

66
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:32,745
I'd be mortified if you guys
ever saw my episode of Cops.

67
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:36,249
I get arrested, make bail,
then get arrested again.

68
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,686
Never jaywalk with a goat
if you're trying to lay low.

69
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:42,855
Well, my daughter
has come too far

70
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:45,525
for her hoo-ha
to be a roadside attraction.

71
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,694
Christy's gonna lose it
when she finds out.

72
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,629
No, she won't, 'cause none of us
are telling her.

73
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:50,964
I'm gonna handle it.

74
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,799
Okay, just...

75
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,635
I'm gonna handle it.

76
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:58,905
This is the best burger
I've ever had.

77
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,474
Just mayo and cheese.
I'm in heaven!

78
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,410
But mostly I feel bad
about Christy.

79
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,381
Operator.

80
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,917
Customer service.

81
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,252
Live person!

82
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,622
What's going on?

83
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,622
I'm trying to get through
to the strip club,

84
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,290
but they have
this whole long menu

85
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:20,493
about VIP rooms, strip clubs,
lost wedding rings.

86
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,463
What number do I push
to save my daughter's dignity?!

87
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,298
Did you try eight?

88
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,568
Oh, there's Rod. Don't look.

89
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:29,636
Don't look.

90
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,641
Did you all just see that?

91
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,476
No, 'cause you told us
not to look.

92
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,711
(sighs)
He completely ignored me.

93
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,348
This is why I say dating people
from the rooms can get messy.

94
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,617
Marjorie, we're alcoholics.
When you say "messy,"

95
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:47,587
we hear, "Sounds like fun.
Where do I sign up?"

96
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,555
God, why did I hook up with him?

97
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,424
He's so not my type.

98
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,660
He's arrogant and vain
and self-centered,

99
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,962
and why hasn't he called me?

100
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,430
Why don't you call him?

101
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,499
Ugh, I don't want
anything to do with him.

102
00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:01,000
It's just awkward.

103
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,969
I mean,
we've seen each other naked.

104
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,938
Well, I was naked.
He kept his boots on.

105
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,542
You know, for traction.

106
00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:13,746
So, Rod took his boots off,
then took his pants off,

107
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,748
then put his boots back on?

108
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,784
No. Boots stayed on
the whole time.

109
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,553
It was like
some weird, sexy magic trick.

110
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:23,456
All right, ladies,
let's take our seats.

111
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,432
Did he look?

112
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,432
Nope.

113
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,500
Damn it, what a child!

114
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,538
So, how you doing?

115
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:39,772
You still freaked out
about that billboard?

116
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,507
Let me tell you something.

117
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,076
When I first saw it,

118
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,044
I was just a guy
driving down a road,

119
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:47,580
happy to see some advertising
that didn't involve

120
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,850
personal injury attorneys
or eczema.

121
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,619
I started at the feet.
All systems go.

122
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,422
Worked my way up the legs.
Life is good.

123
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,458
Torso did not disappoint.

124
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,626
And wham! It's my stepdaughter.

125
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:03,629
I mean,
I nearly drove off the road.

126
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:06,466
So, this strip club--

127
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,035
where exactly is it located?

128
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,971
I haven't had glitter
on the old trousers in a while.

129
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,706
Come on, man.

130
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,375
We're in a bar. Isn't this where
men can speak from our hearts?

131
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:18,044
That's not where
you're speaking from.

132
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,546
I am awash in shame.

133
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,648
I'm sorry.
It's just this whole thing

134
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,851
made me realize that every woman
I've ever checked out

135
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,519
is somebody's daughter.

136
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,054
Yeah, but if we all
thought that way,

137
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,689
no one
would ever have sex again.

138
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,924
The human species
would go extinct.

139
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,093
You know, men objectifying women

140
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,996
is what's keeping civilization
alive. We're heroes.

141
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,798
We're pigs!

142
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,798
No, we're not.

143
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,434
We open the doors,
we kill the spiders,

144
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:42,668
we buy the jewelry.

145
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:43,936
We have to be better.

146
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,039
Do we?

147
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,676
Yes! That's a person up there
on that billboard.

148
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:54,147
With real feelings
and a heart and a soul

149
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:55,915
and a way of eating lasagna
from the middle

150
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,750
that's very endearing.

151
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,420
Well, now you're making me
feel bad about myself.

152
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:02,655
Well, you should.

153
00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:06,559
Truth be told,
I have been dragging

154
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:09,562
a little sexual toilet paper
around on my shoe lately.

155
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,063
Let me guess. Jill?

156
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,131
Oh, you heard.

157
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,666
Bonnie told me.

158
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:14,600
When you're married,

159
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,836
other people's adventures
are a big deal.

160
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:20,840
Yeah. I've been avoiding her
since we had sex,

161
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:25,745
and perhaps
that doesn't feel good to her?

162
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,849
I don't think women
appreciate that the way we do.

163
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:32,451
You know what?
I'm gonna give her a ring

164
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:33,653
and invite her down here,

165
00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,555
and we can sort it out
like two adults.

166
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,789
Good for you.

167
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,724
You know, I-I've told myself
over and over again

168
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,927
not to fool around
with women from meetings,

169
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:43,129
but then I get this incredibly
compelling counterargument

170
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,797
from my penis.

171
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,866
They are convincing.

172
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,703
(electronic music
playing in distance)

173
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:02,114
Whoops! Sorry. Oh! Carry on.

174
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,185
God, Tuesday afternoon.
What is wrong with men?

175
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,490
HANK:
It's open.

176
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,827
Oh. Hello.

177
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,529
Are you the manager?

178
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,731
Yep.
You're too old to work here.

179
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:21,133
What?

180
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,102
Hey, I could totally work here.

181
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:26,806
All right. Show me what you got.

182
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:31,077
Wait, no. That's not why I came.

183
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:32,745
Let me guess. (sniffs)

184
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,247
Your husband is in there,

185
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:37,783
and you need me to go remind him
how great his life is back home.

186
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:41,554
No, my husband knows
how great his life is.

187
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,289
Great. 'Cause lately,
I've been struggling

188
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,092
to come off as sincere.

189
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:47,526
May I?

190
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,095
Take your chances.

191
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,804
Many years ago, there was a...

192
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,873
there was a girl-- a lost girl.

193
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,942
But it wasn't the girl's fault.

194
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,311
Her-her mother never gave
her the road map she needed

195
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,013
to succeed in life.

196
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,013
Mm.

197
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:09,782
Actually, no one ever gave
her mother the road map, either.

198
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,117
It's a vicious cycle.

199
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,952
Yeah, I'm familiar with it.

200
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:18,691
Anyway, uh, this girl spent
some of her formative years

201
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,693
in this very establishment.

202
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,596
Yeah, see, formative years.
Now, that's what I hire.

203
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,668
Uh-huh. But how many of those
end up at Georgetown Law school?

204
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:32,705
They don't tend to keep in touch
after they leave.

205
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,341
Well, my daughter
made that journey,

206
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,977
and yet she's still up
on your billboard

207
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,578
on Route 29.

208
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,214
You're Christy's mom?

209
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,150
You remember her?

210
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,718
Well, yeah! (chuckles)

211
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,787
Well, I used to be
the DJ back then.

212
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,722
Hey, I'm the one who told her

213
00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,357
she should work
to "Tiny Dancer."

214
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,625
Right? You get it?

215
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,961
'Cause she-she's very small.

216
00:09:56,996 --> 00:10:00,066
Well, you-you both
made something of yourselves.

217
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:03,636
Yeah, I never dreamed
I'd have my own office.

218
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,771
So Christy's still alive, huh?

219
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,907
Wow. That's great.

220
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,877
You know, I knew
her heart wasn't in the pole.

221
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,380
It's not for everyone.

222
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,247
Well, I'm glad you understand

223
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:17,717
because it leads me
to why I'm here.

224
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,885
I feel that billboard
might have a negative impact

225
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,620
on her legal career.

226
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,789
I mean, she may be
on the Supreme Court one day,

227
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,624
but not
with that thing up there.

228
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:28,060
Mm, I'm sorry.
That billboard's money.

229
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,029
But it's more than 20 years old.

230
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,098
You know,
people like the vintage.

231
00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,734
Reminds them of a simpler time.

232
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,868
1998?

233
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,169
(chuckles):
Wow.

234
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,938
This crazy blue marble, huh?

235
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,706
Just keeps spinning, don't it?

236
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,410
Look, my daughter worked so
hard to get where she is.

237
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,046
She shouldn't have to drag her
past behind her for eternity.

238
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,081
That's... that's not right.

239
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:53,853
Neither is smoking indoors,
but here we are.

240
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,889
That billboard
needs to come down,

241
00:10:56,956 --> 00:11:00,760
and I am not leaving
until you change your mind.

242
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,728
(sighs)

243
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,865
Tony, Bruno,
I'd like you to consider

244
00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:07,433
what your mothers
think of you right now!

245
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,140
The manager wasn't
a terrible guy.

246
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,042
He did give me two
coupons to the buffet.

247
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,277
Ooh, I love a good
strip club buffet.

248
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:21,080
Yeah. I only got a quick look
as I was rudely shown the door,

249
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,248
but there were silver
dollar pancakes

250
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:24,917
and what looked to be
an ambrosia salad.

251
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,753
Maybe when we're done
vandalizing, we can drop by.

252
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,289
No? Okay.

253
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,926
Now, this little baby
takes no prisoners.

254
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:37,763
Two strokes, and it's bye-bye,
Christy's questionable choices.

255
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:40,466
What's going on?

256
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,967
Could ask you
the same thing.

257
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,169
What are you doing with
that poor creature?

258
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:45,071
Oh, the vet says
he's pre-diabetic,

259
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,306
so twice a day,
we got to walk the hill.

260
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,142
So, it looks like
you two have a project.

261
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,311
The strip club wouldn't take
down Christy's billboard,

262
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,313
so I'm taking matters
into my own hands.

263
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,083
Aha. So you're planning
to deface it?

264
00:11:57,149 --> 00:12:00,352
De-face. De-body.
De-whole thing.

265
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:03,956
Hold on. Let's make sure
we look before we leap.

266
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,257
Great. Now we're
gonna get wisdom

267
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,793
from a woman who's
walking her cat.

268
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,829
I think what we need here
is a meeting,

269
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,865
because your alcoholic brain is
running a little wild right now,

270
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,434
and Tammy's getting caught up
in the riptide.

271
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,503
I am impressionable.

272
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:21,974
Maybe I could do a
ladies only night.

273
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,342
That way, they won't even
have to deal with men.

274
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,344
You know, make the bar
kind of a safe haven.

275
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,113
You mean like a lesbian bar?

276
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:30,082
News flash:
not necessarily a safe haven.

277
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:34,220
All right, let's try
a Sparkly Pony.

278
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,523
Ooh, it has pineapple in it.
I'm mildly allergic.

279
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,458
Finally, a little danger!

280
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,060
(chuckles)

281
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:43,395
(clears throat) Jill's here.

282
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,403
This is gonna be harder
than I thought.

283
00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:56,008
Hello.

284
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,042
Uh, thanks for coming.

285
00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,312
Mm, no problem. I was
in the neighborhood, and...

286
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:03,115
(clears throat)
already dressed like this.

287
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:04,216
What can I get for you, Jill?

288
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,285
I'm about to ride
a Sparkly Pony.

289
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,387
Oh, I'll have
one of those, extra sparkle.

290
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,789
Jill, if you had
to judge my bar as a whole,

291
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,224
would you say
that it respects women?

292
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,392
What?

293
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,161
Never mind. (stammers)

294
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,265
So, you're the one
that called me,

295
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:22,134
'cause I certainly had no
intentions of ever calling you.

296
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:23,335
I even deleted your contact,

297
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,137
so when you called,
it was just a number.

298
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,540
I didn't know who it was,
so I picked up, and it was you.

299
00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:29,508
Right. Yes.

300
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:30,976
Uh, can I get you a drink?

301
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:32,311
We just did that.

302
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:35,080
Great. Phase one complete,
only minor injuries.

303
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,149
(laughs)

304
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,820
I asked you here because
I wanted to own up

305
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:44,356
to my recent aloofness.

306
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:45,991
Oh, I didn't even notice.

307
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,326
I mean, you're not even
in my phone,

308
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,328
but I'm still in yours,
so who's aloof now?

309
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,098
Anyway, even if you
didn't notice...

310
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,098
I didn't.

311
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,901
Well, I did, and
I didn't treat you

312
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,971
with the respect
that you deserve.

313
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,907
And I'm sorry.

314
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,310
Mm. Thank you.

315
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,214
Look, we're two adults

316
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,115
who had consensual sex
in a vacant apartment.

317
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,383
(chuckles)

318
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:13,519
God, that was hard
to say out loud.

319
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,321
(clears throat)

320
00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:18,324
Just so you know,
that's not the kind of behavior

321
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,392
I usually indulge in.

322
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:24,296
Well, it's exactly the kind of
behavior I usually indulge in.

323
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,365
And then I leave town.

324
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:30,436
Only, uh, nowhere to go
and no money to get there.

325
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,939
I didn't think
this one through.

326
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,941
Yeah, I didn't, either.

327
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,311
Can-can we just reset

328
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,347
and try being clothes-on,

329
00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:43,949
wave-to-each-other-
across-the-room friends?

330
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:45,884
I can do that.

331
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:49,088
So, uh, tell me
about yourself.

332
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,422
What's your last name?

333
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,594
Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.

334
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,096
ALL:
Hi, Bonnie.

335
00:14:57,162 --> 00:15:01,200
This is my first time
at the 5:45 meeting.

336
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:04,270
Not to quibble,
but what's the deal?

337
00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:07,106
Can't commit to 5:30?
Can't commit to 6:00?

338
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,475
I mean, when do you have dinner?
When do you finish work?

339
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:12,211
Came in handy for us today,
though, so thumbs up.

340
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,180
I've been known to do
a lot of crazy things

341
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,915
'cause, you know, alcoholic.

342
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,651
And where this brain goes,
the body follows.

343
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:21,053
Sometimes the body goes
and the brain just stays behind.

344
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,388
(chuckles)

345
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:24,590
Right now, I'm dealing
with a thing where, um,

346
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,925
I'm worried
my kid is gonna be embarrassed

347
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:31,163
or hurt or exploited or exposed

348
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,499
to the kind of people
who use secondary highways.

349
00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:37,436
She means that literally.
It's not a metaphor.

350
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:41,940
I keep questioning
if my reaction is alcoholic.

351
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,709
Actually, other people

352
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,078
keep questioning it,

353
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,379
but, yeah, screw that.

354
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:50,215
Sometimes it's not about
being an alcoholic.

355
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,451
Sometimes it's just about
being a mom.

356
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,054
A mom who wants
to protect her kid.

357
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,490
You know what? The more
I talk about it, the more I...

358
00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,958
I can't be here.

359
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:03,962
Should we follow her?

360
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,731
No worries.
She's not going anywhere.

361
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,733
I got my keys right...

362
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,168
Son of a bitch!

363
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,140
(both panting)

364
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:16,442
How far away is your place?

365
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:18,177
Ten minutes, but my
housekeeper's there.

366
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:21,347
How about you?

367
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:21,347
Seven minutes,
but my mum's there.

368
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:22,681
Hit recline.

369
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:22,681
Yeah.

370
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,316
(seats whirring)

371
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,517
(exhales)

372
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:28,687
This is going very slowly,
but it's only making it hotter.

373
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,058
(phone chiming)

374
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,527
Oh. Seriously?

375
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,230
Oh, hey, Marjorie.

376
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:40,466
Oh. Okay.

377
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:41,667
I'll be right there.

378
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,470
You have to go.

379
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:47,639
Just gonna need a moment
before I can zip up again.

380
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,247
This is fun.

381
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,050
You guys have never
been in my car.

382
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:01,420
I bought it off a volunteer
fireman, so it has a siren.

383
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,057
Well, we appreciate the ride.

384
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,493
Even though
I can't feel my feet.

385
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:09,628
I offered you shotgun.

386
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,030
But I couldn't
because you're super old,

387
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,032
and I'm inherently kind.

388
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,169
(siren blaring)

389
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,271
I just had
to show you.

390
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,576
Come on, Bonnie!
You're gonna get hurt!

391
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:27,613
I don't care!
This is my daughter!

392
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:32,184
Damn it, Wendy. Was that you
behind me with the siren?

393
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,621
Bonnie, get down from there!

394
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:37,656
I'm pretty sure
you're trespassing.

395
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,324
What?

396
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,526
She said you're
trespassing!

397
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,728
Come on. Use your
outside voice.

398
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,299
You're gonna end up in jail!

399
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:49,535
Are you really telling me

400
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,671
that if your son was up there
in a thong and high heels,

401
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,474
you wouldn't do everything
in your power to fix it?

402
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:56,842
She has a point.

403
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,312
You are the mama of all bears
when it comes to your son.

404
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:01,747
Well, as your sponsor,

405
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,650
I think there's another way
to handle this.

406
00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:09,254
As a mother, I'm coming up!

407
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,563
This is actually fun.

408
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:20,098
Hey, maybe I should paint
one of my houses.

409
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:21,567
Is that a hickey on your neck?

410
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:24,236
What? Shh!

411
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,372
Ladies, thank you
for dropping whatever

412
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,742
or whoever you were doing
to come here and help me.

413
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:34,213
Tammy, did you
give her a tail?

414
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,281
I'm gonna paint over it.

415
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,385
Remember, don't look down.

416
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,887
Why? What's
wrong with it?

417
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,856
(screaming)

418
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,659
(ringtone playing)

419
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:51,530
Sorry, Christy.
Cannot FaceTime with you now.

420
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,607
(grunts) All right, Boz.

421
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:04,877
We have been through this.
You got to exercise.

422
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,681
You heard what the doctor said.

423
00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,583
He was very clear.

424
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,585
Okay.

425
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:16,622
Do you want to be
on the low-calorie dry food

426
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,824
when everyone else
gets the good stuff?

427
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,728
I'm not giving in.

428
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:25,697
I googled the side effects
of feline diabetes,

429
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,466
and they're very upsetting.

430
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,236
Yeah, just a heads-up.

431
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:41,313
Looks like we're gonna be late
to the meeting again.

432
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,814
Captioning sponsored by
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433
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,316
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434
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,751
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435
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:54,793
Captioned by
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